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'pis tacos §arbo.
JAMES
A TTOILNET-AT4.
TOW AN I/A, I'A.
MEM
OVERTON & SANDERSON,
A TTOIIN ET-AT-LAW,
TOWANDA, PA.
E. OVERTON, JR
\.l - 1. M. I'ECK,
__ or o c i ArrooNEY-AT-LAW,
0, ee over Bynum] ti 11111'n tuoat maSkeL—'
Towhala, .tan. 15, 1579.
F,: J.J.
ATTOR NET-AT-LAW,
\ TOWANDA, PA.
V F. GOFF,
E.
ATTOTINF.Y.AT-LAW,
Main itrrot (4 (louri north of Warts noose). To
wanda, Pa. (A3,r11 12, 1677.
PATRICK S FOYLE,
- ATTOiI . Nr7S-AT-LAVr,
• TOW.% NDA, FA. '•
01Ere, In Movenra lltloci,
We IL.
kT 1.
I% ° ' YA 1 1. 1 : 8O .1 NGNA AT
TURN
tu T ,
1 0 11
t ri t
c E n T d
t•All inisniess entrusted to his can In Bradford,
Su!lratt and Wyoming Counties. Office With Esq.
porter. . \ quor 19-74,
MASON AL HEAD,
ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW,
Towanda, Pa. Officiover Bartlett & Tracy, Main-et.
lIIIME
6. F.3IAsoN
E LSBREE R. SON,
ATT - 91!
IIEW A N DA, r 4
N. C. ELsnRE.E.
MEM
ATTouir E V. AT-i. A mr.
Ornce—Roorns forivrrly occupied by V. M. C. A
T mcpuEnsoN,
•
ATTokf:FLY-AT.LAW,
TOWAr)A,
Pint Atry Brad. Co
• • . •
WIN W. MB
A rol:NnY-AT-L AW Ain U. S. CO.II ISSION
TAtWANDA, PA.
cl e. Public iquare,
D AVIES A CARNOCII- A N;
Arroi:NET, , , , r-LAW,
SOVVI SI ttF I I) 1101'SF...
Dec 23-0. TOwANDA, rA,
AND RE W WILT,
tl
U.
rani Nky-AT-L
ili Store, Iwo doora north of
Stevelo..../ holm. I'a. May be cOnhulted
ertnan.
T•
YOUNG,
;:
ITto 1:N 1:Y•ATI. ANC,
TOWN'S DA.
dour s•,uth .uf the Flr,t.
11..uk Nlatti St., up btatr,.
WILLIAMS' 4 ANGLE,
A TV , 11 7<" T -L ANV
F V I(' E.—F urine r:y (tempted lty Wnt. WatkluF,
E.:ti.
wILLIAMs, (net. (7, '77) I. J. ANGLt
\\TM. MA X W.l.
.XTTMIN EY-AT-LAW
TOWA ?"; DA, PA.
oftlee mu' Dayitors Store
April 12, 11.1'S
- 1' L. LAMB,
ATTOEN EY-AT-LAW,
WILKVS-1110:PE,
c.`,••llections promptly attended to.
IvEttToN & mERcuR,.
ATTalt N F:1" • , -AT-T.A4,
•
TOW A ND A ,
(Ifficp nror Ninntanyes Store.- frnavnS
j. iiVER'EPN. RoDNEY A.IIP:L'CUIc
AD I ILL & CALIFF,
ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW,
ToWANDA, l'A.
bri,fff In Wooet's Mock, first door sout:i of the First
Nr,:hmalh,mkoip-siairs.
H. J. MADILL. jaivi-731”. . J. N. CALIFF.
lIIIAS.\I.hALL,
,
A TTORN EY-AT-L A W AND irSTICE OF PLACE
Ti)WANDA. PA.
t,ce. tN nl-LIABLE CoMPA7iIES
=9
[AR. M. 'WOODBURN, Physi
1_ clan 311,1 Surgeon. 01 Tice over O. A. Black`r
('n. Xery
T'Pwanda, May 1, li , 7111y•.
\\T. E
r N . T Tow
I ST. r — m
a, Pa.
In•vrt,r ott WO,l, I,ll.ner, and, Al
ur,,,tum Teeth extracted a Ith,ntit
•
p PA YNE,
Ao
I=
I , ltstey Mott taT yett • Store. tMlee hours from 10
t.. 12. A. M.. and -from r. M. Special attention
en to ithea.es of the F . V, and Far.-4)et.19.`76-tf.
i • W. RY AN, •
i•
=
f 7.1., day !AO Satnr dac ofir , 3ol month. ciTer Turner
i; orth or , I'l tut Store, Towanda, Pa.
,r 4 ..:1111.ir1:311fi0 7..). 1,74
1 111 s . rEET,
T CII /: It OF PIA ti 0 7/1 . SI C,
TEL:MS.-1001.er ter:lig,-
' I 1:• , ..1 , 1,•ttce 1111 rd street, I:4 ward.)
T -v. 31013, 14 •714-13%
el - S. RUSSELL'S
ENER AL
INSURANCE AGENCY
M r , 2,7(k1e. TOW4DA, PA.
N RAN C E AGENCY.
The following
RELIABLE, AND FIRE TRIED
Conipantes trpresented;
TO. N : CSII llt NI X,IiOIIE.II ERUIt A NTS,
Wit h 1G.'74 e U. le. BLACK.-
pAINTINGS
PORTRAITS AND LANDSCAPES-I
r'atn!,l to order at any price from $5 to =SOO.
• i Pa!ntings Kr-rnintetl, lie-Touched, or changes
made as fles!red.
A:1 c.,.,rk done to the I, Ight•st stile of the Art.
JOII ANN F. BENDER
Towanda,' Pa., April li, tn7B.
UT •
H. JESSUP,
ATTORNEY ANT, COUNSELLOR-AT-LAW,
MONTRIAE„ PA.
:11.ge. aeasup•having resumed the practlcent tbo
13,, in Northern Pentllcatila. will attend to any
bn.tne•tx Intrusted to him in Bradford county.
I*-r , os uklang to consult. hlm..can call on H.
... Towanda, Pa., wQe•n an appointment
be male
lIENRY STREETER,
ATTVIINEY AND CtiI'NfiELLOIL-AT-LAW,
TOWA NI)A, I'A
FII . IST NATIONAL BANK,
TOW ASIA, PA
r%I.ITAL rmi) IN
SURPLUS FUND..
This Rank Wren unusual factlltlas teethe trans
a,tlun of azeneral banking business.
JOS. POWELL, President
COODRICHA HITCHCOCK. Publishers,
VOLIBE 3C-X.XTX..
Long years ago, Old Time, •tie said, .
While Wilding his weary way, .
Chanced on a stream Whichswiftly Pried,
And to 'crust It did vain may. . .
"Help!" cried he, "Consider my years!
Will none of you aid me? Alas,
Good friends, I entreat you with tears,
Hither, and help Old Time to pass
None heeded his cry, till wafted where
Some damsels in Idleness rove,
On further side.' To bring filth there,
Spee . they a skiff,PmpOled by Lore.
Others, more staid, were fain check,
And warningly chanted this rhyme:
"Ah, mani , a life has made shipwreck
lloseektog thus to pass Ohl Time."
JOHN F.
Young Lore Made gaily for the shore,
Whereon the old wanderer wept; „
Proudly turned to ferry him o'er,
Puil strong though the dark current swept
Plying his oars, the radiant boy
Gaily sang and resang this rhyme:
"See, see, ilear girls, behold with Joy,
How Young Lore carries off Old Time r
[n0r11.75
Vain-boast Soon spent, down droops his bead
('Twas ever his way, lam told);
.t.):d Time takes tiWthe oars Instead ;
Tired so soon, yet erewhilt; so bold?
Poor child, how feebly formed ttiou art
Rest, then, now whilst I slug my rhyme— .
An old refrain from broken he.irt—
• Love is Carried away-4 Tline.l"
11y17.73
A sllv'ry sound of Mirth above •
Ripples downward over the tide ;-
One passing fair, In sylvan grove,
Dotli3O;(1 Time and Young Love deride.
" - Hold !" erh , !ditihe sage, with voice severe ;
• "Who laugh thus at Love and my rhyme?"
"True Frlendshill., who has naught to fear;
I yield not to Love nor to Time :" •
—From the triiich J Svur.
AI[TIWIt linen
This casket with the choice lilies spread,
Contains a mortal doubly
\ Ile tiled in the esteem of men.
•
And yesterday he died Pgaill.
lightly bold thy gp.ll.Land gem! ' •
SOT° one at fiAt will ears for them.:
litttceep thy r i:11110 lii thine own trust,
And vcith thy deeds perfume thy (Inst.
• —l-I , cher Bates in Congregationalist
tcsratlCE
0701as:eons.
LEFT OUTqT THE COLD.
[fell.ll9
. .
It was a winter \ cvening and the
snot ig fell dreamily ` , Rutside, Alown,
down, over the earth \like a white
. \
man* of charity. s,
04e of those soft, midwinter
nighs, when to stand at thl. window
and 400 k out is a luxury—alseemsso white and peaceful—when puts
~
out the hand and feel the cold snow
flakes touch.-- it and melt thrills oae
with a refreshing sense of life arril
vigor, but to be obliged to go out,
alone and on foot, is not so delightful
a prospect.
And inside, on this night, were
warmth and light, the odor of 'now :
ers, and the elegant appointments
which betOken wealth and taste—if-,
si , le this pleasant home-mansism on
W. avenue,' Chicago.
OMR
A young girl stood at the window
of her Boudoir, and . throwing back
the shutters, leaned out a , little way
into the night and down:falling
snow.
SLie raised her face, beyntiful as a
day lily, and th 6 snowflakes kissed it
lovingly—the:face, the brown, braid
ed hair, and the richly bioidered
sack.
,It was a beautiful piCiture she
make from tlfe,, outside. 'darkness,
standing
standing there in the halfiopen win
dow, light and beauty gleaming be
hind her, and snowdrops like a feath
ery veil falling between her andthe
chilly night.
So thought the little, dark-robed
girl opposite, tripping along through
the snow, on the side street, and
looking up at the picture, framed
in the dusk and shadow of the even-
3 to) 27, -7r
The little, girl's name #ras Bernice
Floyd, and her grandmamma, among
the old New England hills, had been
wont to call ,her Brownie, and she
was certainly brown enough, with
her daile, curling hair, great brown
eyes, and rounded brown face, with
a flush of red at the lips and cheeks,
like autumn stains on forest leaves
They had lived in Boston in those
former days, and had been wealthy,
herßrownie's mamma had .dressed .
her always in soft raiment, warm col
ors, that brought forth the beauty
and brightness of the dark fee 4.
then came other dayS„ when misfor 7
tune . stopped at the door, and they
had come west to the : great city, and
prospered well ;` but the darkest days
of . all came with the fires o - f"-71, which
swept pettily all they had away, and
Mr. Floyd had contracted a cold.
from which `he never fully recovered.
EZEINIE
:Ile had never been able to do much
but hail obtained a small clerkship,
and they had lived in a very unpre
tentious way—alnast shabby—com
pared to the old life.'
Mr. Floyd hail one friend—James
Busscll- 7 who lived in Boston, and
who had come to them once_since
their trouble, when Bernice was four
teen years old, and had been pleased
with her dark beauty and' biight,
youthful vivacity.
lie had Wished to help his friends,
but Floyd ivas - proud and would not
allow it, and indeed
.they seemed to
be getting on better then, but at lass
he had prevailed upon him to - accept,
as a gift to his -little daughter, the
price of her musical instruction. for
one mote year, and a beautifuliAano.
Then he hail abroad, and they
had scarcely heard from him since,
not even when Mrs. Floyd wrote to
him or the d6ath `of her husband.
And so, in those long dull days Ber
nice had her music to console her.
It was her especial delight and she
studied it with application and ardor.
So wheil her, father died and left
them with but little; to battle against
a world of voverty, hunger and cold,
she had taken, the burden upon her
little, strong slionldS, -aud taught
music to a small class of pupils,
while her mother dill: braiding and
embroidery .for Mada l me L.'s estab
lishment.
• Then . they gotman - quite comforta
bly in their small way, and lived "in
rooms," but they were bright and
cozy, with the piano, a few flowers
and a bird in the • south - window,
which was white--draped by deft
fingers.
• Bernice often ran. errands for
Madame L.; for even her lessons and
practice did not 'occupy all her time,
Feb t 7, 79
5125.000
50.000
N. BETTS, Cashier
,--' Feb. 14, 1878.
foehy.
Lon AND TIME.
UNDER THE LILIES
and she liked to do it, for it was a
change for her, with a glimpse of the
old _life, which seemed to her now
like a dream - of the dead past never
to be hers any moreond she accept
ed her fate hopefully, and' spent:'no
time
,of her busy life in -useless-re
grets 'or bitter envyings of those
girls whose days were gladder, or
whose future seemed more rosy than
hers. She was' naturally Sctive, - and
her sort of life suited the enetgetic
ulsings of the braVe little heart. i
Madame L. was . an impulsive
French woman, superficial like
,her
race, brilliant and a trifle.graspmg,
but there were color, bright
ness and a certain majestic presence
to the little Brownie, that reminded
her of her own early youth, an.l ,it
refreshed her and made her glad:to
have the youtig lady about her.
to
she' w s an attractive feature
to the establisnment, was swift and
trusty, never any - mistakes in
delivering the dainty parcels of nee
dlework and 'always remembered
what alterations were needed, if-any,
for all of which Madame paid her
well.
It makes ,any girl happy., to know
she is pretty and admired, and:
Brownie never went into the street
without meeting admiring glances
from almost.every one she saw.
Old ladies and' gentlemen smiled
to see such a bit of sunshine pass
them; passe beauties .envied her,
Young men wondered who she was,
and even grave business tueu, per
plexed with the cares of the day,.
turned to look again' at the sunny.
face, with its tiny rings of. brown
hair, clear, laughing eyes. and red
cheeks.. And to crown all this,
Brownie had a lover. '
llow could it have been other
wise? And this is how 'it came
about:
In her music class was one Mollie
Eaton, who grew passionately fond
of Bernice, and always had her own
way in the 'Ouse, so Whenshe invi
ted die • music teacher to dinner, as
she often did, no one objected, 4,d it
became quite the usual thing for her
to stay an hour or so. ailer . le i lsons,
as this• was ° the last place . -o her
round of instruction. • And when
Mollie's' brother Charlie carte home,
it had been as natural as could be
for Bernice to play waltzes and pol
kas for the two to•dance after..-Then . ,
short days
. of winter, it 'came dark
almost before they knew it, and Char
lie would walk with her to the street
car, and once, one n'ala night, when
the car was crowd, he had walked
home with her, to those-bright little
roonis, where the monthly rose and
he mignininette blossomed .in the
.Window, and he held her hand just for
an instant at the door:
Oi\e f ourse it was not • at all- the
thing r him to, do, considering the
difference' in their social standing,
\
nit somehow he couldn't exactly
help it.
This had en the year before, but
during the mi \ mer months she had
not seeff him a' all; and' later they
had again met, and in some way life
looked rosier, perhPs-because Mol-•
lie had once said : " CharlieAthinks
the world of you,- Mis Floyd. lie's
forever holding you up. s a model of
,behavior; says you hav(, a certain
style about you that•would take .you
anywhere." \
Perhaps it was I),2cause last night
they had such a livelyevening iIII to
gether,
singing and (lancing, with a
merry little dinner all to themselve .
Perhaps it, was because of the com
pliments he had paid her ; telling
her she . had cheeks like roses and
eyes like stars; and bad snatched the
little, jewelless hand from oil' the pia
no, in a moment when Mollie's hack
was turned, and kissed it, laughing
at, her blushes and petulant rebuke:
But I rather think it was because
he had taken her home, with his
shining bays, arid driven up toward
the armory building, to give her a
longer sleigh ride, and bent his hand
some head down toward the bright;
uplifted face and said, " Brownie, I
love you.".
You know girls arc just foolish
enough to allow such tlungto'add
something trytheir lives. "
Then Bernice had nut answered
that she lovtd him ton, but' had
smiled back to him itiThertlad, child
ish way, for she was. so , small and
swift and fairy of motion, that she
seemed - . only a childi although she
.was eighteen years old, which s.ein ,
ed very .ancient to the little girl who
had so long borne the heavy burden
of life. -
And . this night of which we write
she way carrying home from Madame
L.'s to—the house on W. avenue. a
beauf.iful dress for its fair yOung
mistiOs, Alice Herrick, she who had
stood at the window and watched•the
snowflakes falling,, and whom Ber
nice had looked up tt', and ad:aired
as•a beautiful picture.
Alice had stood but, a moment and
then turned back into the soft-light
ed luxurious - room, to wait- for the
dress 7 she -was to wear that nig,ht,
and which had been sent back for a
slight altertition, making it a trifle
late.
Bernice bad been Clore before, but
Miss Alice had not:happened to,see
her.
It was getting late, the hairdresser
had been there and she was all ready
to don the dress Wheu it should conic
and was getting impatier.t when lit
tle Vrownie: was admitted.
Miss Ilerrit4i. gave one swift, star
tled glance at the brown face, bright
With ou'.-door 'air and the con
stant kissing of the snowdrops.
" Whom am I to thank for bringing
my robe 2" she asked, after a mo
ment's silence, in which she had. not
looked at the dress, but straight into
the face of the girl befo-e her,
It was as Charles Eaton had said
Bernice had a certain style about her
which would take her;anywhere, and
Miss Ilrrick, who was used to think
of Madame's girls as at least very or
dinary, could only speak to her as
one. lady speaks to another, but her
agitation had not originated entirely
In surprise at the beauty of Bernice
Floyd. It was this—she had seen
her face before. Yes scarcely a.mo
ment since she had this girl's-picture
in her hand and had been studying
it for a day or two.
"My -name . is Bernice Floyd. I
do errands sometimes for Madame L.
TOWANDA, BRADFORD COUNTY, FL, TIIIIRSPAY MORNING, APRIL 3, 1379.
when I have leisure. Will you look at
the dress, please? I fear it is getting
late."
"Oh? pardon me, yes; only your
face looks familiar—like that of—of
some one I offre knew. I am sure
the dress will suit now," as she
glanced hastily over the havy silk;
".but won't you sit doirn? You
must be tired."
BerniCe smiled in her.cateless way
and s a id .she • was not tired, and. bid
ding the lady good' evening, turned
to go.
But Miss Herrick called. to her and
laying her white hand :on the little
little girl's i3hontler, looked down at.
her, searchingly, and said," Do your
friends sometimes call you Brownie ?"
In surprise Bernice answered yes;
Then the other added, hurriedly,
"I have no' time to tam with you
now, but, can
..you not come to me
soon ? - I want to speak with you."
Stupefied' by Wonder, Brownie'
promised to come on Wednesday,
and went away trying to conjecture
what this lovely girl . could want of
her.
" HoW strange she acted," she so
liloquized. Perhaps .1 remind her
of some -pne who was dear to her,
and is now .dead ; but
. how did she
know they cants.' me Brownie Y "
Then, in thoughts of her lover, she
forgot the fair Miss . Herrick and her
words.
Alice Herrick was engaged to a;
man she deemed worthy :lifetime of
affection.
She had known him alon g time,
and 'a few evenings before this he had
been showing her some photographi,
and accidentally left his little pekei.
case at the house, and in the morn
ing she found it in the parlor, and
not dreaming there were any he
would• care to conceal from her, she
had looked at them again, and Among
them discovered one he had not
shown her, the face of this little beau
ty from Madame L.'s, and on the
•back, in her future husband's writing
were the. word's "My Own Little
Brownie."
Her betrothed was Charles Eaton.
Ile was a good enough fellow, in
the Main, - but pre-eminently weak.
He had been pleased with Alice
Herrick. She belonged to his set,
sang, played . and'daneed well, beside
being an only child of
. a father worth
something more than two hundred
thouglinedollars.
Comparo with Bernice Floyd, she
was like 'Pale dawn to noonday, in
splendor, and the more he saw of this
flash of sunshine, the less he admired
his affianced.
He' had not really meant to make
love to the music teacher in the ster
eotyped way, but her wit, beauty and
lively good humor,
won him quite
away from himself, and alter that
night, when - he told her that_ he loved
her, he had serious intentions of ask
ing a release from the other entangle
ment-, and marrying her.
Yes, for fully two days he carried
about with him this decision, to give"
up,Mfss .11c:thick's money and posi
tion, and "Marry Brownie for love,"
for that was the name by which 11
designated the sentiment with 'which
he honored Miss Floyd.
After ghat he became more vtion
al, laughed at his folly,-cursed his
fate and comforted himself/ remem
bering he bad not really committed
himself to Bernice.
, On W , ednesday MisOlerrick and 1
Brownie were together a long time.
T i lley parted . firm =Friends and have
remained-so ever-,,ince. .
What Passed / betwee4, them only
tl einsOves eve z r' knew.
haute Eaton received from Alice
a no c releaSing him from the en
gagen
/
cnt,/and :the diaffiond she had
worn tO \ 'femind her of his true and
lasting / love.
Shezwould not even see him when
he called four explanation.
,She was a woman of principle and
her idol was fallefi.
When Eaton \again saw Bernice,
"she - was the same of old, only her
blushes did not com "quite so quick
•ly at his bidding, bu she laughed
and . chatted - with him, was just as
witty, bright and - berditiV -
but when he _took her,
night, for another 'sleigh
the I3oulevard, and ben
handsome head to the-
face besitle him, and said
. _
est; sweetest tones: • ". Be: .
you. Will you be my wife ? " she'
answered Mtn, "No."
,Aml the "sweet bells jangled" nn
musically in the ears of a man who
had been twice rejected in one. week,
and once by a music teacher,
too.
If he has arty conceit left, I'm sure
it isn't the fault of circumstance.
One night. soon after, he saw. both
these girls at the opera, and together,
accompanied by a distinguished look
ing, gentleman. For the first . tame
he WOndered if he hadn't been "aw
fully- given away," as he expressed it.
. The gentleman was James Russell,
who, had come from abroad, and be
inir• t'or a couple of weeks in Chieago,
had .bethought him' of the 'little girl
for whose musical instruction he hail
provided four years ago, and sought
her out.
lie was more pleased than ever
With her fresh, bright beauty 'and
freedom from affectatikm and. the
usual "isms" of young ladies, and
she was always grateful to him for
his kindueSs to her father's daughter,
and . 'in all those years she rarely
touched the Piano, that' she had not
breathed blessings on tlieziTer. .
Before he went home he asked for
the hand of little. Bernice, but she
was strangely intuitional suppose
the life offselt - -relianee had made her
so), and she seemed to feel that for
some reason he not lust what
-611 C required in a husband, and lie
had gone back alone.
_ .What strange . fate led him, it . year
later, to marry Alice tlertick
But he did on New• Year's night,
and she sometimes says to her best
friend, Miss Floyd, "You st,le a lov
er from me, and gave me alusband
a thousand tines' more worthy," for
she knows of au:sselPs former -pen
chant for Brownie.
Madame L. took Bernice to Paris
last,sUmmer, and it is said she-is go
ing to marry a prominent and wealthy
physician of Baltimore soon, but she
is in no hurry.
• Meanwhile Charlie Eaton :.finds
hims'elf left out in the cold:
IL
V
REGARDLESS OF DENTINCIATION ‘ FRia ANY QUARTER.
EACII OP ITS DAYS A SUMMIM, EACU Of
ITS NIGHTS A WINTER-;-VOLCANIO
ORANGES APPARENTLY OCCUR
RING.
Philadelphia Record.
The benefits derived from-the s3li.
tary attendant of the earth are three
fold.
First. As the principal cause of
the tides so essential to the-purity of
thelluid which covers two-thirds of
the surface - of the planet around
which it revolves.
Second. By the light which it af
fords and the influence of, that light '
on the growth of plXnts and the' ri
pening of , fruits.
Third. The aid which' it furnishes
to the navigator in -determining his
position on the trackless deep.
By means of the tides the moon
serves as a mighty broom, which dai
ly sweeps the shores of rivers, bays
and oceans,
and removes impurities
which would be the sources of di
sease, pestilence and death. It also
promotes evaporation by the constant
agitation which it causes, especially
of the bodies of water exposed to_ a
tropical sun. Rain is consequently
more frequent, and countries" are
thereby made habitable which other
wise would be only parched deserts.
The cheering light of the moon
has been the solace and the guide of
the benighted traveler in every age,
and the poets from Homer to the
present have sung the praises of' the
"Queen of the Night." Savage na
tions, in particplar, welcome the new
moon . with :Naive offerings and re
joicing, whliceven civilized commu
nities watch with iinterest and pleas
urethe daily incrOase of its illumina
ted surface. Thsise • engaged in hus
bandry and gairdenifig well know
that the rays of the moon hastentthe
ripening of grain and .. fruits, and
cause substances liable to putrefac
tion to undergo decomposition more
.readily. .
..
By the aid which it, affords' the
navigator in directing his course
across the ocean the moon has been
an efficient means of enlarging com
merce and of extending civilization!
Beincr b apparently the swiftest' m -
lug body in the heavens, and pasmg
like the hand •of a clock over
the stars as fixed and gli tering
z s
points on the dial of the ,/ aky, this
planet enables the mariner to esti
mate hiS distance east or from a
pre-arranged raCridian I:)f.' twelve
o'nlock time. So much/of importance
have commercial naprons attached to
the determination pf the moon's dis
tance from certaintbright stars which
lie along its path, that large sums
have been offered at different times
by the Dutch, French and English
G-overnments for tables Which:would
indicate the exact position in - the
heavensPf the satellite of the earth
at any/desired moment. •
The phases of the moon were un
doubtedly the first measures of time,
and the interval between the same
/ppearance of the surface of that
body was equivalent in early ages to
the present reckoning by years. The
American Indians still speak of
events which happened many 'peons
ago, and it is altogether likely hat
the ong reigns of one hundred y.a
rs
and upward, recorded in Chinese nd
Egyptian annals, were only so many
'periods from new moon to new moon
1 or from the time when it was full till
.a return of the same appearance.
But, independent of its benefits, the
moon presents much that is both cur
ious and interesting. As this planet
is connected by indissoluble' hands
with the earth, it is - not uncommon
to regard it as agreeing in its physi
cal aspect, in the intervals of day and
night and in the changes in its land
scape, withthose that are observed .
on the earth.' Such, however, is far
from being the case. The moon re
volves on its axes in the same time
that its makes a revolution around
-the earth, and its day is therefore.
equal to about fourteen days and
nights on this planet, and the night
is of• the same length. During half
of each lunation, or the period from
new moon to new moon, the surface
- is continually exposed to the rays - of
the sun, which- giverise to a tempera
ture unknown in the hottest regions
of the earth, while the equally long
night must be ploductiVe of a degree
of cold never experienced by man.
The inhabitants of the moon, then, if
there are any, must be . subjected to
ektremes of temperature, a summer
and\a winter, during their long days
and nights, beyond the endurance of
sentien beings upon the earth.
It is tru that a lunarian., by travel
ing at the ate of ten_ miles an hour,
might keep n perpetual sunlight and
owing to theliminished attraction
of gravity, a and here weighing
but two - and a alf ounces there,
'might walk that di tance without ex
periencing more Mus.cular energy
that would be required for a journey
on foot,of three milesn the. earth.
lint such a treadmill cone ' lion of ex
istence
cannot be supposes to have
been assigned to the inbabi nts of
the planet, nor is it possible to 'mag
ine any - progress in eivilizatio in
the arts or sciences, in regions wh re,
such extremes of temperature pr
vaih The surface of the moon, how
ever, exhibits but a rugged, barren
waste, and is entirely unfitted. fof the r i
residence of - beings analogous to
those on the earth. -
In it there are no proofs of an-at-
.mosphete, no appearance of- water,
no clouds float in the sky, and no
twilight blends light and • darkness.
The rainboW's majestic jareh, the
lightning's flash and the r9seat hues
Of evening are never seen.' Immense
craters, including an . area greater
than is contained in many. European
kingdoms, are relieved by mountains
relatively higher than any
~ont t he
earth. • 1
At the moon the earth . appears as
a moon . thirteen- times as large :as
that body does- to the inhabitants of
this. globe -and undergoing similar
changes, but always seen -in nearly
the fame part of the heavens, and.
unlike. the satelite of the earth;pre
senting sometimes a bright and at
others a clouded disc. But, as the
same side of the moon is constantly,
turned toward the earthi the lune
rians in its opposite hemisPhere must
travel hundreds- of miles to :beheld
the
. gorgeous luminary which diastr,-
THE MOON.
pates tbo darkness of the long night.
There are" but twelve of its days in
the lunar year, which is the same as
a year.. on- the earth ; its seasons are
therefore , each but three days long, if
what areprciperlyialled seasons can
occur on .a planet where there is
neither vegitation, , wind, rain or
snow.
Astronomers have usually regarded
the surface. of the moon as in a con
dition of 'entire rest, and that the
volcanic action which caused its rug
ged appearance has long since ceased.
This, however, may be a 'premature
conclusion. The elder Herschel be
lieved that he saw volcanoes in a
state of eruption. The , late Profes
sor Virinlock, of Cambridge Observa
tory, Massachusetts, hi 1869 watched
for two nights • whit seemed to be a
volcanic action on the moon. Dr.
'Klein, of Cologne, in May, 187 Z, posi
tively asserted that a crater two miles
wide had appeared near the centre of
the planet where none previously ex
isted, and within the last few monthS
an amateur astronomer in lowa has
announced with great, confidence the
observation of ehanges taking place
on the lunar surface.
While the occasional eruptions of
Xtna, Vesuvius, Hecla and other
volcanic mountains and the cart
quakes which nearly destroyed J. s
bon, Aleppo and sonie of the citicS of
South America show that the p fit-up
gases which -upheay.Cd the m untaifi
chains of the. earth are sti capable
of producing great than , analogy
leads to the conclusion t t the forces
which have covered tl moan with
elevations and depres ions may have
grown - weaker, bu
,have neither
ceased to exist no 'become entirely
inactive.
•
1 • Ze.-
Y CIDER
A Norsv . h alarl put up twelve bot
tles of eh er against the no license
law thi • season, and when II:: went
down cellar; to get a bottle for a
frien , he found that five of them
ha burst. Ile picked
,up a sound
o se, and returned above stairs. Ile
ield the bottle at, an angle of sixty
two and one half, cldgr, ces north lati
tude, between his knees,- and cut the
wires that girt the cork. There
was a flash. and a report, , and the
cork struck the northern brink of his.
wife's left ear, while the entire pint
of cider, making nearly as good time
.as the cork, struck the expectant
friend full in .the month. Never hav
ing accustomed himself to drinking
cider in this *ay—that is, on the fly
—he reminded the dejected possess
or of ,the bottle that he had been able
only to get a smell of the liquor, and
advised him to open another bottle.
The request was complied with, and
the host . brought up-another bottle;
and, in order to . avoid accidents, and
also sac the cider, lie - turned the
neck of the bottle into a pitcher be
fore he cut the wires. Then he sev;
erect the cords'in the presence of a
highly appt i ciative au Hence. • -
The Seco d manoeuvre,
as far as
getting tliefeider out of the bottle:
and into the pitcher was
,concerned,
was a complete success; but the idea
that it might refuse to stay there
does not appear to have struck him
half so .forcibly as did the cider,
when, with unimpaired agility :and
strength, it slnit forth and raked him
from the bottom button of his vest
to the back part of Ilia, hair. About
a thimbleful of the liguid remained
in the bottom of the! pitcher,
,and
this was drank in solemn silence by
the guest, who pronounced - it to be
exceedingly good, but nervously
muttered something l about setting
the children a bad 4 . ample of ex
travagance and waste'when the open
ing of a third bottle was suggested.
—Norwich Bulletin.
WEIGHT OP PEOPLE.
What is the average- ''iweight of
man ? At what age -doe& he attain
his greatest weight? How much
heavier arc men than women ? What
would be the weight of fat people?
and whkt would be the weight of
very fat p2ople ? M. Quetelet of Brus
sels some years ago deemed such
questions quite within the scope of
his extensive series of researches on
Man. He got hold of everything lie
could, every where, and weighed theni
all. He weighed the babies; .he
Weighed the boys and girls ; he
weighed the youths and maidens; he
weighed men and women; he weigh
ed collegians, soldiers, .factory-peo
ple, and pensioners; and, as be had
no particular theory to disturb hiS
facts, helionestly set down such re-•
sults as. he met with. All the -infants
in the Foundling Hospital in Brus
sels for a considerable period were
weighed, and the
,results were coin
pared, with others obtained, at simi,
lar establishments in Paris and Mos
cow. The average returns show that
a citizen of the world on the first day
:of his appearance in public - weighs
about six pounds and a half—a boy
baby a little more, a girl-baby a lit
tle less. Some very modest . babies
hardly turn; the scale with two pounds
and a halt, while other pretentious
•oungsters boast of :ten. and eleven
Iponnds. M. Quetelet grouped , his
;thousands of people _according to
I , ' , Ts, and found that the young men
lb twenty g t reraged one hundred and
foy-three pounds each, while . the
'womb -of twenty have an' average of
'one ndred and twenty ,pounds.
is men cached their heaviest bulk
at thirty- ve, when their average
weight was ne hundred and rdy
two.pounds ; ut the , women . slowly
grew on until fi -,then their average
weight was one h mdred and twenty
nine pounds. Men and women to
gether, the weight\ait full growth
averaged almost exact one hundred
and fitly pounds.
• A Locx of-President Washiu_ ton's hair
has just been presentcd to Lodg No. ' , I,
A. F. and A.M., of Itichmond—th: Lodge
in which the Father of his Couutr was
initiated, passed and raised. 'lt is • sti
mated that not mom than 1,506 locks
Washington's Itairare now in existence,
and the report, therefore, -that a New-
York religious weekly proposes to sire a
lock ot his hair to each new subscriber is
not founded on fact.—Boston CononerVut
Bulletin.
"WHAT is the 'name of your cat, sir?"
inquired a visitor:. "His name was Wil
liam," said the host, " until ho had fits,
and since then wo have called. him . Fitz-
William."—lnter- Ocean.
_ .
•IV ULi • -
\V
+ .-
:
Br%tit - shines the sun„ but brighter after rain ;
The clouds that darken make the sky more clear
So rest is sweeter when It follows We lt r
And the sad parting makes our friends ?more
I '
'TM well It should be thus : oar Father knows
The things that work together for our good ;
We draw a sweetness from our bitter woes—
We would not have all sunablne if we could.
The daps with all their beauty and their light
Come from the dark and Into the dark return :
Day speaks of earth, but heaven shines through
the night,
Where in the blue a thousand star-fires burn.
fio runs the law, the law of reeompense,
That binds our life on earth and heaven In ono ;
Faith can not live lk eight and sexist,
But faith can live and sing when these are gone.
We grieve and murmur, fur we can but see
The single thread that tiles in silence by; .
When If we only saw thetbings to be, .
/
Our Bps would bre Hait a song and not a eigh.
- 1 , antt edge the darkening'clond•
g t goldt 'at Hope can atways lendt
/
ou art with sorrow bowed,
t •ruorruw and thy grief shall end !
And whe we reach the limit of our days,
Beyo the react, of shadows and of night,
Then p ail our every look and voice be praise •
T/ Him who shines' our everlasting light. •
—Sunday Magazine. .
Watt;-then, my ism
,With the brig)/
And If today
Walt till tr
Detroit Free Press.
Up to three evenings agq such a
thing as a checker-board was never
known in Mr. Grattan's house. He
and his aged partner have managed
to pass the_ ong evenings very pleas
antly, and he supposed ; they were
happy enough Until a friend from
the East paid them a flying visit and
asserted over and over again that the
game of checkers was not only all
the rage there, but that it served to
quicken the perceptive faculties,-en
large the mind and render-the brain
More actrye. After giving the sub
ject due thought, Mr. Grattan walked
down town and purchased a checker-,
hoard, and when evening came he•
surprised his good wife by bringing.
it in from the woodshed and saying:
"Well, Maria, we'll have a game
or two before,we go to the social: I,
expect to beat you all to hinders, but
you won't care."
" Of course not, and if I beat you
Why you won't care," she replied. °.
They sat doWnoud he claimed the
first move. She at once objected,
but when he . begaa to grow red inthe
face she yielded' . and he led. off. At
the fourth move she took a man,
chuckling as she raked him in.
"I don't see anything to grin at,'r
lie sneezed, as he'moved a man . back-,
ward:
" Here, you can't move that way,"
she called out. •
"I can't, 'eh ? Perhaps I never
played checkers, before • you . .were,
bora! "
She saw .a chance to jump two,
more . men 'and gaVe in the point;
but as she moved he cried out : •
~" Put them men right back there!
I've concluded not to move back- -
wards, even if Hoyle does permit it !"
She gave in again, but when he
jumped a man her nose grew. red and
- she cried oiit:
"I didn't mean to move there, I
was thinking of the'sOcial ! "
"Can't help the.social, Maria—we
moat 'go, by Hoyle."
In about two minutes she - jumped
two men and went into the king-rot . ;
shouting:
" Crown him crown. him! I've got
a king!"
"One would think by your child
ish actions that you never played i a
game before! " he. growled out.
"I know enough to beat you!'
'• " You do, ;eh ? Some folk are
awful smart."
" And some folks ain't ! " she snap,
ped, as her king captured another
man. •
" What in thunder are you jump
ing that-way for? "
"A king can jump-any way ! "
" No he can't! "
" Yes he can ! " .
-" Don't talk . back to me,. Maria
Grattan! I was playing checkers
When your were in your cradle !
4 I don't care 1 I can jump two men
whichever way you move!"
He looked down on the hoard, saw
tliat such was. 'the case, and roared
Out
-" You've moved twice to my once !"
"I haven't:"
" take my oath you have ' I
can't-play against ! any such 'black-leg
'practices l"
" Who's a black:leg ? You not
only cheated,.but you tried to lie out
of it 1 "
Board and checkers fell between
them. Ile could gap . n.-his hat quick
er than she could Ind her bonnet,
and that was the only reason why he
notout of the house. first. A Wood
ward. avenue ;;corer foUnd him sit
ting on a basket of cranberries at the
door as he was closing up for the
night, and asked him if he was Wait
ing for his wife to come along.,
"Well, not exactly; stopped
here to feel in my pocket for the key
of the barb. 'I shall sleep on 'the
hay to-night and see if it won-'t cure
this cold in my head ! • .
Not . long ago, in a neighborhing
city, one of the belles of society ac 7
cepted the matrimonial proposition
of a worthy .young gentleman, and.
was asked by !him to namethe happy
day. - She consulted her parents, who
had previously. given their consent to
the match, and a family council was :
held. The decision reached was Cu
rious, as well as characteristic of our
country and age. The father and
mother agreed that the social position
of their daughter required a grand .
'wedding.: The father, hoWever, an
nounced-that misfortunes in l.usiness
bad brought him to the verge of bank
ruptcy ; that he was, in fact, prepar
ing to make an assignment for the,
benefit of his creditors. ,To this the,
mother replied that, - the grand wed=
ding being of primary importances it
must of course take precedenCe of
the assignment, fig pecuniary'ri;asoriS
silt' understood ;. and it Was so
\
or erect. The Marriage occurred
mai a blaze oti glory, duly chronic
led,ill i the newspapers-;.and a few
a rward . Mr: Smith's paper
Went - to rotest, and his creditors
took posse -ion - of his limited assets:
In another e - , considerably nearer
THE GOLD OP HOPE.
BY lIIINRY BURTON.
THAT CHECKER-BOARD.
FASHIONABLE HONESTY.
$1.50 per Annum In Advance.
home, a, fond husband informed his
loving wife that his financial affairs
were in that condition -which • indi
cates a speedy and disastrous col
lapse. The wife said little, but
thought much. The result of her
meditation was that the pest day she
went' down-town and bought a seal
Shesacque and a set of diamonds.
told a female neighbor who knew
of the impending calama, that the
sacque and diamonds woid last her
a lifetime; that if she: did not get
them now she never would ; and so
she got them. The colapse came iu
due season; and it is hardly neces
saay to remark that the furrier and
jeweler are whistling for their money.
CHINESE DENTISTRY.
It is well-known that the Chinese
attribute toothache •to the gnawing
of worms, and that their dentists
profess to take these worms from
decayed teeth. But hoii they per.
form this trick, and SO artfully con
cealed in the hurry of daily business,
.was a secret, only recently qolyed, by
an. European inquirer. After some
difficult and delicate negotiations an
intelligent-looking native practition- .
er was induced to hand over the im
plement of his trade, togetherwith - a
number of the worms , and to give' in
structions in the method of proced
ure: When a patient with toothache
.applies':for relief, if the tooth is solid
ly fixed hi the sockets„- the gum is
separated from it with .sharp instru
ments, and made to bleed. During
,this, operation the .cheek is held On
one 'side by a bamboo *spatula, both
ends of which are, alike, and on
the end held in the ° band some
minute worms are concealed
Under ° thin paper pasted to the spa
tula. When all. -is ready this is ad
roitly turned . and inserted in .the
mouth, and, • the paper becoming
moistened, is very easily torn-with
the sharp instrument used for cut--
ling the gum. The worms Mix with
the saliva, and the dentist of course
picks them out with a pair of for
.ceps. The patient having • ocular
demonstraton that- the cause of dis
ease has been remoVed, -has good
reason . to expe - .rt relief) which in
many- cases would naturally Tollow_
the bleeding of the gnm. . When the
pain returns, the same operation . is
performed. over again, and a fresh
Supply of worms, fully accounts - for
the recurring trouble. These worms
are manufactured in qnantities to
I snit the trade; and they are very
cleverly done. . Still, to carry on the
delusion fully; the dentists are oblig
ed to
.keep on hand a few live worms
to show their 'patients, explaining
' that most of these worms Oaken from
'the tooth are killed 'either,by a pow
der which-is often appliecr, or by the
process of removing them with the
_forceps. The-practice just described
it may be addedils restorted to when
.the tooth is firmly set in the jaw.
ONE OF WASHINGTON I S STRONG
POINTS
He is a great-man who can occupy
the first. place in a nation and at the
same time prei-cnt his Weakness from
being known. The thing most neces
sary is ,not how to - . be perfect—for
that is impossible—but how to seem
so. In this Washington succeeded.
If he ever did anything wrong he
was probably sorry for it, but his first
step was to lay the blame on some
person who could support it betted-
than he. If- he complained' that the
coffee was muddy, he did it niostly by
substitute. If he threiv the morning
butter in a .fit of impatience, against
the wall, it was done to.test the stay
ing qUalities of the colors of the wall
paper. If he sometimes slipped up
on the ice and was momentarily un
dignified Ji . e held it • to - his little
hatchet and . the - lookers-on forgot to
smile. Once he put on another man's
hat in a moment of 'absentminded
ness,•and the hat descended to his
shoulders. "This," lie said, with the
utmost sobriety, 4 ' is the hat of .Mar
tha's first husband. I. regret to per
ceive that he was a swell-head," And
' thus was he not only relieved from
.the embarrassment of the' moment,
put he made a point. against the per
son who was first in the heart of his
amiable partner: •
4 TOUCHING INCIDENT.-A lady in
the'-street met a: little•-girl betWeeii"
two. and three years :old; evidently
lost, and crying bitterly. -The lady
took the baby's hand and asked
where she was going.. •
" Down lOwn, to find my papa,'
was the sobbing reply.
••" What is your papa's name ?" ask
edHie lady.
• His name is papa."
" But *hat is his other name ?
What does your mamma Call him ?"
" She calls himpapa," persisted the
little creature;
The lady then tried to" lead her
along, sayiig: « You had better
come with me. I guess you came
from this way."
"'Yes; but I don't want to go back.
I want to find my papa," replied tile
little girl, crying afresh as hen
heart would break.- • /
" What do you want of your'papa ?"
asked the lady.
/ - .
"I want to kiss him.2' / •
Just at this . time
,51, sister of the
child, who had ben,/searching for
her, came along rut / took possession
of
.the little runaway. From inquiry
it appeared that/the little one, ) % papa,
whom she was / Fo earnestly seeking,
had recently/died, and she, tired of
waiting for/him to come home, liad
gone out to And hins: - •
A .:LtAirqr.e•clergyman iii -the State
of Main was. accosted ..,in the follow
ing Manner by an illiterate preacher
.vhci despised education: "Sir, you
have been to college I suppose ? "
"Tea, .sir," was the reply.. " I sm
ils\
thankful," rejoined the finer, "that
the Lord opened my moue to preach
without any learning." " 1 similar
event," replied the clergyman, " took
place in CalaanVs time ;' but such•
things are of rare occurrence at the
preseet day. : .
IN a late severe gale a lady aksed a
neighbor if he was not afraid his house
would blow away. "Oh, no," was the
answer; "the mortgage on it is so heavy
as to make that impossible." .
Tradition tells many stokes of
showers which were not showers of
rain. It is . stated by an old - writer
that' in Lapland and in England,
about - a century ago, mice of a par
ticular kind were known to fall from
the skies; and that such an event
was sure to he followed by - a, good
year for foxes. A shower Of frogs
fell near Tonlottse in 1827. On one
occasion; in Norway, the' peasants
were - astonished , at - finding a shoWer'
of rats pelting down on their heads. .
Showers of fishes have been numer
ous. At San stead; in Kent, in 1866,
a pasture field was found one -morn
ing plentifully covered with fish, al
though there is neither , sea nor river,
•
lake nor fish-pond near. In. several
other places , these showers, of fish .
have occurred, and can generally be
explained by well-understood - causes.
Stray wind blo - wn from sea or river, •
a water-spout licking up the fish out _
of the water, a whirlwind sending
them, hither and thither—all these
are intelligible. The rat shower in
Norway was an extraordinary' one.
Thousands of rats were taking their
annual excursion from a 'hilly region
to the lowlands, when, a whirlwind
took them up and deposited them in
a field at some distance—doubtless .
inuch_to the astonishment of such of
the rats as-came down alive. Natur
alists have proved that the showers
of blood are connected with some
phenomena of insect life.
I=
NUMB ER 44
1. UNNATURAL ROWELS.
FUN, FACT AIM FACETLY.
ENGLAND'S latest prize
THE cat.o'-nine tails catches no mice.
A FRENCH dancing-master is known by
his brogan.
MEN walking against time should carry
a hurricane. ; •• _
EVEN a dry goods dealer occasionally.
wets his whistle.
To many a rash "woman kerosene is the i
last earthly scene.;
.IN most cases, the milk of human kinds -
ness is Skilll-IHilk.
A CAT playing with a mouse down in a
cellar is a kind of low-comedy.
TriE great cities grate the- angles and_
queer knobs off,of countrymen.
EVEN the greediest grabber will heal
tate before seizing on a. disease.
THE Boston dip should, invariably bo
danced by the light of other days._
WHEN rents Sall they never fall - far
enough to'hurt themselves seriously;
31,viiv a young man's heart .is pierced
through and through with the Lamers.
• Tut boy who stole for the first time af
terwards concluded to steal for himself.
PEOPLE who do-- not know- one - card - 1
from another are fond of going t6-tho
play. •
SOME men are noted 'for their inn-abili
ity, and yet they go right on keeping a
hotel. • •
BENEATH the rule of bar-keepers en
tirely great, the chalk is mightier than
the cheese. -
A IVE:ITEICIs: woman has lost two hus
bands by lightning. She ought to marry
a conductor.
.311ssoutit's new United States Senator,
Vest, aid his level best to have the Union
pulled; down.
TIT% reason you always find a German .
such an excellent cornetist is that ho was
born a Teuton.
•
POOREST of all !hikers are the gorgeous
blossoms of the- ice-plant. They aro. en
tirely scentless. j
MANY a boy who' handles a'billiard cue
with consummate skillfcan't get the hang
of a snow sluivel.
To s,it down severely on' an
way beggar, is an •etTective• way of sup
pressing mendicancy. - • -
" TAKEN prisoner
.and hand-ctiffed,?'
said the boy when he was apprehended
and had his ears boxed:
There is no.pse in grunibling about the
temperature. ;You must pelt! up with- it,
weather you like-it or not.:. . - _
Wiicx shivering bulls chew the frozen'
cud, they may be ruminating' over their
sufferings in the last fly-time. .
ANtu.so the hosts of men who are loom
ing Up for the Presidential nomination in
1S:,0 there is not a single weaver.
IT. is a mistake to suppose that tho
wearing of French heels gives the young
ladles wearing them a Parisian accent.
"DID he bringthose, chickens td your
house in a secret way ?" queried defend...
- ant's attorney. "_'No, he brung 'em in a
bag.'?
• " HANG that gate!" - yelled old - Hiekon
ry, as he scraped his shins against it in
the dark.Aud.after supper he went .out
i
and hung t. '
WHILE a war is brewing, the nations
with an irreconcilable -
difference on their
hands try to makfLout what - it really is
that ails-them.
DRY goods men take more interest in
the. inarket for-prints than do typograph
ers.• And printers take more pains with
•
cuts•than do butchers..
"3lorrtrai-of-pearl ornaments are now
so exquisite as to be dearer than g01d."...
Then grandmother-of-pearl emameuti,
must be worth more than diamonds.
Wirax for the third time a sighing "
swain tells his tale of love to the idol .of
hiS affections while she is-strumming the ,
piano, it is-a clear case of piano recital. z i
‘.‘ A VAN in Illinois has found a-way to
make Food limber. out of_ corapressedi
straw." Provin g that every farmer hai •
an undeveloped lumber-yard in hi barn.
ItiuF-N the Marquis of Lome gazed_on--
Niagara Falls; be ejaculated: "Wolf Teo
high-necked ! Won't do for myvice-regal '
court ! Good 4. enough for the / Plebeian'
Yankeet-!"
,
'UNQUESTIONABLY potatoes'have eyes
but no - one has ever intimated having
seen or heard of short-sighted potatoes,
or of potatoes atllicted z witirstrabjsmus or
ophthalmia.
, „ • --
COTEMPORARY / gra /. vezy tens us that
all true humorists poets. Which
counts for the teaching poems of Josh
Billings and the' stirring,epics of-Petrole
um Nasby./
TILE Detroit' Press says statistics
prove that blue e yed -women commit the
Most murders. We.. thought it was _the
green-eyed' monster that stood at the
head of the class. - .
":iIIRELY you must be tired, aunty. I
can't,think how it is you are able to work
so long:" "Lawks bless you-, my dear,
When I onst sets down tb it like, I'm just
'too lazy to leave off."
" WORCESTEU, Mass.,
- has. a dog that.
sa - ved a boy's life." And the enraged
Coroner of Worcester poisoned the dog.
Popular verdict : Served the deg right.
He-bad no business - to interfere with the
business of an honest and upright public
Outt Indians are not cannibals. Yet
they constantly go to war because the
agents ontbe reservations refuse to give
them a squawr meal. This is the worst
fun yet manufactured, and it is said that
its author is dead.
IF clubs are a sign of high civilization,
the aboriginees of America must be class
ed with the civilized and enlightened peo
ylei•of the earth, for every able-bodied
Indian hai a club of his own; Oh ! let us
swing the Indian clubs ! •
TILE last American who had the Grand
Cross of the Legion of- Honor conferred
Upon him says he could not help -it. He
did his best to dodge the durn'd thing •,
but, being projected by experienced.
hands, it hit him fair and square ou the
left lappel oC his best`apilte-tail 'coat.
So many people are shot where the
doctors are unable to find the ball, that it
is suggested that a thread be attached to
the bullets, with a spool in the rear of •.1
cylinder of the revolver, so that the doctor
can take hold of the and pull the
bullet out.. Many valuable lives would
be saved that way.—Milwankis Suet -
FAMILIARITY breedi contempt. Rail
road brakemen smile scornfully at the
mention of breaking hearts, and say that
Alfred Tennyson, the divine poet-laure
ate, is a putty-headed old duffer, because
no wrote Break ! break break at the
foot of thy cold, gray rock; oh Seh !" As
if the sea could work brakes-!
,and as if
any mau_couhl down-brakoa on a rook
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