'TERNS OF PVBLICATION.
The BRADFORD REPORTER is published every
Thursday morning by 000DEICItlirreneoew,
at One Dollar and Fifty Cents per annum, in ad-
Tanen. •
air Advertising in all cages exclusive of sub
scription to the paper. •
SPECIAL NOTICES Inserted at TEN CENTS per
line for first Insertion, and ' , Mac ESTS per line for
each subsequent insertion, but no notice inserted
for less than tiny cents.
YEARLY ADVERTISEMENTS will be insert
ed at reasonable rates.
Administrator's and Executor's Notices, fit;
A u tltor's Not ICes,r-S0 ; !Witness Cards, Avenues.
(per year) fis, additional lines4i each. • "
Yearly advertisers are. entitled to quarterly
changes. Transient advertisements must he paid
for in advance.
All resolutions of associations: communications
of limited or individual Interest, and notices of
Marriages or deaths, exceeding five lines are.citarg
r t TR CENTS per line, but Simple notices of mar
riages and de dimwit! Ix, published without ehafge:
The ntrouTtu baying a larger circulation than
any other pper lu the • county, makes it the hest
advertising medium in Northern Tennsylvanii,
JOB PRI NTI NO of every kind, In plain and
fancy colors, done with neatness and dispatch.
Handbills, Wanks, Cards, Pamphlets, Billheads,
Statements, &e., of every variety and style; printed
at the shortest notice. The REPOUTEII office is
well supplied a Ith power presses, a good assort
ment of new type. and everything In the minting
line can be executed In the • mwst artistic manner
aid at the lowest rates. TERMS INVARIABLY
1-)\ •
Vitsiness.4atbs.
JAMES. WOOD,
ATTORNEY-AT-LAW,
TOWANDA. PA.
Incha-76
OVERTON k SANDERSON
A TTOHN ET-AT-LAW,
TOWANDA, PA.
I=
=I
M. PECK;
ATTOIIM EV-A r -LAW,
(Mee over Itraund & hill's /neat market,
Towanda, Jan. 15, 1b79.
L. HILLIS,
E .
A TTORN FY-AT-LAW,
. TOWANDA, PA.
E. F. GUFF;
' ATTORN EY-AT-LAW,
M. tin Street (4 doors north of War , l House), To:
Wanda, Pa. (AprD V 2,1877.
PATRICK tic FOYLE,
AT101.N1 , 7-AT•LAer,
TOWANDA, VA.
Otllco, in Merom's Block
11. TIIONIPSON, ArregNEl
V • AT LAW, WY A Lts Ft NG, Will attent'
t ail tinniness ontriwtett to ids care in linultord.
Mi!lirati and Wyoming Cut:Mies. Wilco with Esq.
Porter. ,; a tiwwls-74.
m.k§o - M h HEAD,
A Fro': NEYS-AT-LA W,
Towanda, Pa. i)flic:.• over Bartlett & Tracy, If:an-M..
G. F.:11 A SON. r.t..1 . 771 . A It E.AD.
IILSBBEE St, SON,
4
_A
A TT.III N EYS-AT-LAW,
TO A.N.DA, PA.
121MIZIE
D..KINNEY,
ArronxEY-AT•l..kw.
Office—l:wins fonnerly pceninekl ITN. V. C. A
I:ending lientn. [Jan.:WM
j McPHERSON,
T.
'ATTOWs7EV-AT-LAW,
NV N DA, PA.
Diet .4117 y L'ra,l..C.
W.,MIX,
ATTORNEY-AT-LAW AND U. S. CONIMVSSIOSER
'TOWANDA, PA. •
Ofl3ce—North Side Public Squire.
DAI'I} . 3S & CARNOCHAN,
ATTOI:NEYS-AT-LAW,
5 , !17T!1 5119.: OF W. 1.1 D 110L - SE
Dec
ANDREW WILT,
J
ATTOtt XSY-AT-LAW
iwtice over Cross' Book Stork', two doors north of
Stevens 31 Long. Towanda, 1.3. May be consulted
in Gorman. 1:4 '76..1
W. .1. YOUNG,
TTolt N EY-AT-T.
TOIV'ANI)A, PA
'fne-••Cel , n , l, 'Or - of the FIFA Na:' , lla.
Back Main Si., up
NIS & AMJLE,
ATTORNEYs-AT-LAW.
r e r! . y occuplvd 1 , 3. Wm. Wapiti's,
vr: LLI 0wt..17,77) - E I
AVM. MAXWELL,
A.Tim:NLY-AT-I.Aw
, TOW AN DA, PA.
("Rice over Dayton's Store.
prll 12, IS7b.
fl. L. LAMB,
•
A TTORN F- AT
NY I:Lk ES-11A Illt E. l'A
Alections promptly attended to.
- 1 July ::,•76
O'EFON & MERCUR,
AT TOI:N
TOWA N D A ,
()Mee over lybmtanyes Store. rmay67s
D' A. OVERTON. RODNEY A. MERCUIL
I\IADILI I R. CALIFF,
ATTOUNETS•AT-LAW,
11)W ANDA, VA.
Wire In Wootl's Meek, first dciur seut:t of the Firs)
National bank, up-stairs. .
fans-7313.3:--- J. N. CAIAFF
CIJAS. M. HALL,
ATTORNEY-AT-LAW AND JCSTICE OF rLACE
IWANDA,'VA.
Vita: INstatAwer. IN IIF:LIAIILE COMDANIF.S.
0.1:c.• oTt.i I )ayt.cfit's harness store.. Nov. !!.I. '7B.
...t
1
I )11. 1 . S
. . N
n S. d
Surgeon.
. I
N 00 0
g r co li i
N
ver O .IP
A.iPc es k i s;
Crock-ry store.
Towanda, May 1. 187111y*.
--!.-
ly- P• KEt t sLY, DFNTIST.—Otrice
• over M."l , ..thosettfield's, Towanda. Pa.
Teißli inserted tat Gold. Silvcr, itulther, and Al
111111ritnn hasp. Teeth extracted Without pain.
P PAYNE, M. p.,
1J•
PHYSICIAN AND Stint:EON.
(111100 over Montanyes• Store, triooluntrS from 10
to 12, 4. St. , and from 2 to 4, . Special attention
gIV,fIII. dieram, of the Eye and gar.-04.1.19,1 G-q.
R Y AN,
CC)L'NTT SrI.4:III,CTENDENT
(tr - ..ce .lay la' t Saturday of each month. over T Linter
& 6,mlotk's Dfug Store, Towanda, Pa.
Towanda. Jun.' 20 . "7S• - •
MItS. 11. PEET,
T r: A lc F MUSIC,
• TERMS.-410 per teft.r.
(ltesidence Third street, ISt ward.)
.J n. 13:79-Iy.
C S. RUSSELL'S
G F.' IC ERAL
1 - N . SURANCE AGENCY
9 . 2.14-70 t f.
fCSITI:ANCE- AGENCY.
The following
RELIABLE FIRE TRIED
Ccmpaules represented;
NeSIIIREiriOENIN,Iiimr.3IEIICTIANTS,
March Ifl, 11 , 0, A. BL ACK.
pAINTING
P6RTRAIT3 AND LANDSCAPES
Painted to order,at a ky price f r(.ur-e5 to 000.
th: Paint t ngB Re-rainted Re-Touched, or charrgea
made as desired.
it work done to the hlkhost sfyle of the Art.
0011 NiV!. F. 11E.';i1)ER.
T ,, waMla, Pa, April 18, 18 B.
1V • JESSUP,
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELT.t.
MONTROSF., PA.
Judge Jessup ha% log resumed the raetlee of the
lat: to Northern Pennsylvania, will ttend to auy
I buslnera Intrusted toilful In Brajltrlcounty.
ba l ing to consult "him, cali •all nit H.
St . eet Cr. Esq., Towanda, Pa...- - 1% hen aria? Intnient
cat IT male.
HENRY STREETER,
, .
ATTORNEi' AN4 c.'..!INSELLoutr-LAW,
TOWANDA, PA.
FIRST NATIONAL ' BANK,
TOWANDA, rA.
C kPITAL PAID IN
bURPI.U§ FUND..
Tbl. Rank offeri'uniisual facilities -forth. trans
actn•n of a general banking business. •
.1( )S. POW ELL, Treslilent
GOODRICH & HITCHCOCK. Publishers.
VOLUME IKXXT3C,
r to a - I-hand to have Were one, my dear,
•
You wo be sitting now .
With not a eari , ott your tender heart, .
.. Kota wrtuiele upon lour brow ; ..
The clockof time would go back with' you . i
All the years you have been my wife,
Till the goldemliands ha: pointed out
The happiest hour of Your life;.
1
I would stop them at that immortal trim;
The clock should no longer run; •
You could not be pad and sick and old—
It to wl.itt and to have were one.
You are not here In then Inter; tnylove,
The snow is not whirling down;
You are in the heart of the 4 spinnier woods,
In your dear old rea•side town ;.
A patter of little feet in the leaven,
•
A beaullial lioy at your side.;
to gathering flowers in the shady nooks,
It was but a dream that he died
Keep hold of bin hauls, aild slog Whim ;
No mother under the run
itas such a seraphic yit ! as yours=
If to wish and to have were oue.
Ennrll.76
Methinks lam ssith you there, dcar•wife, •
In that ohl house by the sea ;
I have flown to you as thm bluebird fifes
To his us ,te tu the popular tree.
A sailor's hammock hangs at the door,
You swing to it, laxtk ill hand ;
A. boat is standing In for the beasih, • ,
Its keel grates on the sand ;
Your brothers are coming—two manly men,
Whose ilsns it sve only te•gun ; .
Their days will be lung its the sand, dear heart,
If to wish and to have are le.
jlyl7-71.
If to wish and to bawl mere one, ah, me!
I would not be old and poor.
But a young and proip.trous gntleman,
With never a dun at the dab
'
There woWd be no past to bear, toy
There would no no future to dread ;
Tour brothers would ho live inemagaln,.
Audrey !nays would not be dead. •
Perhaps It will coine all right at laat;
It may he when'all Is done,
IVe shall be tovtlier In some good world,
Where to vrbli and to have are mine. -
L. ELSTIREV.
(ti:b.l":9
. ,
,
" H t ow 'would. it suit you to spend a
fcaniglit' or so at the sea-shore,
i fr
Milly ? • . .
Mr; 4: s speaks in a matter-of
fact wz , but Milly raises her head
with a little jerk of astonishment and
stares at him.'
Jan. 1, 1875
"At the sea-shore? Are you era•
43;4 John? What do you mean by
puffing, such ideas into my bead?"
TOWANDA, PA
Mrs. Gaines is a little dot of a wo
man, : with a fair, soft skin like a ba
by's, with. wide-open, appealing blue
eyes, with soft 'fluffy, golden curls
:tering,'-around a shapely littli‘
head.... Small and soft and fair as she
looks, there are springs of steel in
that delicate, little body, and the
pluck of a giant in thattender little
heart as John 'Gaines well knoVs.
" You little 'Yankee !" he says,
laughing. ." Is itimpossnde for you
to answer one iitietion without ask
ing another? PleaSe . give me a plain
answer—yes or no. Would you or
Would you not like to go to the sea
shore ? "_
" No more a Yankee than yourself,
John Gaines, and not a bit ashamed
of it either," is the slightly illogical
reply. "Would :I like it? '.,Why, of
course I should ; but what isthe use
of asking? I think I should like a
trip to the moon while I am about
it," says dilly Gaines, with a little
ME
"As much chance of the one as'of
the other, you think," says John
Gaines, smiling.
," Not quite, little
Woman. - As regards the moon, 1 am
afraid I can't gratify you; but the
sea-shore is quite feasible, 'if you
choose. I saw Mr. BateA my em
ployer, to-day you remember him ?"
" A dried-up old bachelor,'. who
caine to our weitlding and sent me a
silver fiSlilltnife ?—such a useful pres
ent for a poor book-keeper's wite,in
the room of a second-rate _boarding
house ! Oh, yes. I remember him
well enough. What of it? "
"This of it," replies - John Gaines.
" Mr. Bates owns a house at the sea
shore—a queer old place, but veriy
cheery and comfortable. He has not
been able to obtain a tenant for it,
and offers it to us for a fortnight or
so, rent free, if we will take it.
Moreover, he will consider it a favor
it: we will occupy it, because—"
" But John, what an extraordinary
thing!" cries Milly, whose eyes have
been growing larger and. larger dur
ing John's speech. " Delightful, of
course; but so strange! .What,can
induce him ? "
"if you had let tile finish my sen
tence, my dear, you, would know by
this time. The simjle fact is that he
can't get a tenant because the house
is haunted, and nobody will stay in
it more than one night. He propo
ses that we should go there and—"
"Exorcise the ghost . " asks Milky.
"`Find out what it is, at all events,"
,ays John; "I think it would be de
gdedly, a good plan- to accept his of
fer, unless, indeed; you are afraid."
"Afraid I" dries Milly, scornfully,
piqued, *John knew she Would-be,
by the. suggestion. " You know,
John Gainek, that 1 was - brought up
to be afraid Of nothing bOsin. And
ghosts! DO . - you mean fto say that
any one in the Present day: really be
lieves in ghosts r',' • •
"My dear," says John; " because
you don't believe irt,things; it by no
means follows that you DP not afraid
of them; But if y ly think
you cant stand it, I c alieve we
can dO better than t Nly Nees,
tinri comes in very _hano.,, 'We can
give up our room here, and the house
is ready 'furnished, sb the scionet we
are off the better."
TOIVANDA, PA
Boma
: A queer old house as John Gaines
had said; but pleasant and even pret
ty in its way, swathed - as, it is from
top to bottom with great masses pf
creeping vines wisteria, honeysuck
le,- Virginia. creeper, climbing roses,
and trumpet creeper—from the midst
or which. the small-paned windows
deer out .coyly and coquettishly.
\red. tres,'sway' sloily above it,
1 sift; the sunlight through them,
- ding walls and roof with shifting
, s of light'.dnd shade.. Flocks
e ke ipigeons- wheel 'and whirl
driftinras - lightly as: the
overhead as they fly to
.cote in the -neighboring
MEMO
au d-apSt
mas s
1. 1
of_wh tk
around se
aloud rah - s
their dov\ c
- -
9123,0°0
_50,000
N. N. I:F.TTS, Cashier
14, 1878
Soft.
WISHING ND RAVING.
11 TOD D.?. III)
*kart, T'lle
I'
•
From IlarporN Bazar
A HAUNTED HOUSE.
.. •
farm. It stands nearer to the shore
than . any house of the..l ttle village,
yet it is full three-quartor;of a mile
away. The winds have a rick of be
im* boisterous in these rep
s us, espe
cially in winter, and prod nt build
emdo not care to trust t o confi
dently to the mercies "rude
Boreas." .
" What a dear old place P cried
Milky-, as she looks. up at it with
sparkling .eyes. "To think o our
'Ring in an old revolutionary p ace
like this, and 'having a ghost—actu
ally a ghost of our own I I alvid's
had a Ireplcness for ghosts, but I
-never felt that I
.really owned on
before. ' Oh, John, if. it were only a
family ghost ! It would be, quite
equal to a patent of nobility.- Only,
in : that case, I-never could have the
heart to find it out and . exorcise it,
which is what we are expected to do.
Poor old ghost ! . I hate the idea of
turning him but in the cold; anyhoW.
He may be a ghost in reduced. cir
cumstances, John—a sort of a ghost
tramp; you know, who has been turn
ed out of place after place, until he
is nearly in' despair. And to think
that we should be the ones to -hound
him out of
,hislast reffige! Do you
know, John, I really don't thh I
can do it? "says Mily, looking up
into John's face vtith soft, pitiful
eyes, .at the sight of .which John
'roars; and the driver, who. has
brought them and their belongings
up from the station, grins widely.
"Afraid of driving him to com
mit suicide?" says John. "Ho*
would a ghost manage that, I won-
ier ? "
•'• More likely he'll turn you out,"
said Iliram the driver,,sLill grinning.
" You ain't the first folks-17y a long
shot—that hez come up here bold as
brass at night, an' ler the neg'morn
in' lookin"S of they'd been caught
stealin' sheep."
" Do you think we shall look as if
we had beef► caught stealing sheep
to-morrow" morning, John'!" asks
Hilly, demurely.
John's laugh is his Sole reply, but
the driver looks at her admiringly.
"Clear grit she is, an' no Mistake,"
he says. • ‘'Wn'al,.lll look in tognor
rtiw mornin' to see et so be ye want
any chores done. I'd kind like to
know how . ye git through, an' - wheth-.
er you're pin' to stick it out more'n
one night." .
And so, having deposited their
trunks within the house, he - remounts
his Wagon, touches up his hotie, and
departs.
"The first thing to be done, John,
is to . inspect the Louse ," says Milly ;
" to look out for trapdoors and that
sort thing you know. And, oh,
John, do you happen to know how
the ghost makes himself manifest?
Does he dank chains ' or ply pall
with the furniture, or what? "
Really,l cannot tell you," sitys
John. a lt might have been %;e . ll if
had inquired, but I quite. forgdt to
Rio so. 'No doubt we shall find put
for ourselves .to-night; in the mean.
time, keep' your eyes open for any
thing suspicious."
•Nothing suspicious meets their
gaze, however; as they explore the
old house. The rooms arc furnished
plainly, but comfortably, with old
fashioned furniture. A broad hall.
with a door at each end, and two .
good sized `Noms on each side of it,
constitutes the ground floor. Up
stairs the arrangement is much the
same,'and this, with the kitchen built
.in 3 wing, and a large, dusky garret,
cunhtitutes the whole house. All is .
plain, comfortable, and unsuggestive
-in the extreme.
Ilumn beings might - be extreme
ly comfortable here," says Mill}-, as
they finished their tour; " but I
should think it the last place on
earth for a ghost to take a fancy 'to.
Everything is so eminently prActical
and matter.of-fact."
" Must be a ghost in reduced cir
cumstances, as you suggested," says
John. "Turned out of his ancestral
_ .
abode; 'most likely, and not squearu-:,
ish abbot his surroundings."
Islo 'Servant can he induced to set;
foot in the houSe by night or day;
they 'have been warned of this before
hand, and have prepared their minds
rmr a fortnight's perking. It is &
frolic for them to light the lire andi
get the toy wash up the
dishes and set them away in their
places afterward. What` , is knot
frolic when you are gay and happy'
and healthy and young, and.especial
ly when you have. nos been - married
quite a year? Then they sit down
upon the porA before the door and
watch the light as it slotvly fades
from the. twilight skies,:and inhale
' the scent of the brine in the air, and
listen to the soft chant 'of wind and
,wave, as they build up vague, fanciful
legends of the haunted house. •
FERI
"John! John ! " •It is Milly's
voice • which wakes John from. his
first sleeP, Milly's voice in- quick, low
tones.. "John Tawake up! there's
somebody in the Louse!" _ • .
" Oh, nonsense ! " grumbles John
sleepily_; " it's only the ghost."
"The ghost! Oh to be.sure ; I
forgot all about him: • But what a'
row he makes 1" says 3lilly, after
teiting a moment. Poor fellow, he
must have something aiiful on his .
mind, to go on like that. It would
be quite a charity, after all, to find
him out.and let unloose himself,
and then be dead peaceably; Listen
John Did you ever hear anything .
like it?"
John listens' There is indeed 'a
fearful row, as Milly has said. There'
arc subdued rustlings and groans and
moanings—moans as of a 'soul •in
deepest agony ; and the sounds (there
is no doubt about it) arc in the same
room with them—almost, it would
sees(;, under the very bed..
",Who's there?" says John,
aloud; but there is no reply. Only
a Own, deeßand awful, answers him
and a sound of something stirring
uneasily, and a. faint wheezing noise,
followed by • another groan deeper
and louder than the first.
" Good gracious! " cries Milly,
" what can ail the poor fellow ?
Ghosts don't have toothache, do
'they, John ? It must be his mind.
What a pity they didn't dissect him,
'and take out his conscience before
they buried him I -Suppose you get
up and see what it's all about John.
TOWANDA, BRADFORD,, COUNTY, P.A., THURSDAY MORNING, MAKS 20, 1879.
It snunds . as if he were hiding imde
tho bed, and was afraid to come out."
John gets. up and !Wm, and lights
the candle and- explores very closet
and corner, and even crawls under
the bed . andCxamines eery inch of
space but thcio Is nothing found
which Can explain the mystery. Not
even a stray cat: is. there to account
for the terrible ECninds.
- Must be cloven stairs," sayslohn,
and, candle in hand, proceeds down
Stairs, leaving. matt. in darkness
above:
"Did'you find him, John ? I sup
pose .n it; though, for lie's been at it
again up here all the time you were
gone. The minute you left the room
he began again, and has been- going
pa like, a lunatic ever sir*. lea cer:
4inly very queer." •
\ " Frightened, .Milly ? " queries .
Jelin ; but `silly spurns The idea. •
I '' ng Only, you See;" she says, "if my
fees are to. he wrought upoa to
this extent every night I won't an
swer for the consequences. I don't
wond r that the other .peophi : ran
away ;\ but we'll stick it out, won't
we, John ?" 1
John \rather thought they would ;
and, annbuncing his intention ofin
stituting. a thorough search for un
suspected' \traviloors or knotholes;
fell asleep, reckless of the sufferings
of the poor sprite, whose mulled
groans and, Theezeizi mrung poor Mil
ly's heart with sympathy until - the
first rays of • dylight shone int 9, the
eastern windo .. i Then the ghosi be
came quiet fAfte the manner of ghosts
whether" in fact of fiction, and in the .
C a
tumultuous silen e of the early morn
ing, _hilly, too, 1 psed softly - a'way
into dreamland.
..
•
Iv\
A vigorous search is prosecuted
the next .morning, But without re
sult. liYery article of furniture is
moved, and the carpet is taken up;
but in vain. No trap is found, - ,not
even a knot-hole through which the
wind 'might pipe in ghostly cadences.
The. mystery remains 3 mystefy,
which - all their searching, as yet fails
to unravel.
-"Ready to go home yit ?\". calls. a
cheery voice, and their drive\ of the
niaht ht. fore saunters up to 41pOrch
where John mid '.hilly are rest lig af
ter their labors r'
. "Ready to ~o home
e i\
yit? I'm ready to take ye, ifyd \ be."
"Ready to go home!" cries Milly,
in a surprised little voice. 4 ‘ W iy,
of course not. We' came for t*o
weeks; and two •weeks we are going
to stay. Two weeks froM yesterday
you can bring your wagon up to the
door, and you'll find us ready, but
not before."
, 'The man looks at her with a Sur
prised and thoughtful air.
" Heven't found the ghost yit, hey
ye? " he says, slowly. " Mebbe ye
didn't light on the right room lust
off? I'll show ye, if 'ye like."
"We 'lit on the...right room,' thank
you," says Milly, laughing.,"We found
—no, w•e didn't find the ghost; that's
just the trouble. We mean to find
him yet - before we leave, though."
•' Hear any noises ?" says the man,
peering At her curiously.
"Plenty," says John laconically,
- declining to satisfy' curiosity fur
ther.
But M illy, less reticent, cries, "Can
you, oh! can you la us the story 'of
the haunted house? The ghost is all
very nice and interesting ; but who
was he -before he was a ghost, and
what did he (1o? Did he kill any
body, or was he killed himself? Did
he die of a broken heart, or what-?
There must have been something to
make him keep up such a howling as
he does, but. what is it ? There must
ba some story." -
" Stories a-plenty," - says 'Hiram,
- curtly, " an' one's as good as . another
far's I see. There's some says a mi
ser that lived here once keeps a
inoanin' round 'bout the way his
heirs squandered ' his money. Oth
ers think there was a murder done
here fifty years. ago—a man murder
ed his wife out or jealousy: If that's
so, it must 'a tuk him consid'able
time to come to ..his senses, fur the
house hain't been haunted above ten
years.. Folks lived in it quiet and l i
easy enough afore that."
" But the people who lived here
last, who were_ they ? " asks Minh
eagerly. '
The last that lived here, 'fore the
ghost•come," says Hiram," was Witt
der • dickens an' her daughter. No
chance for ghosts there; as plain a
strait-goin' couple ever you see.
The daughter got married, an' 'went
to live with her folks a ways back in_
the • country, an' thbit the house was
abet up. for a spell. Then 'some city
*folks tuk it for the summer; but,
gosh ! they cleared out like all pos
sessed the very next day, an' sp has
everybody that's tried it Bence. Ef
you're goin' to stay- out your two
week's ' yon'llhe the. :lust that's ever
had pluck enough to do it. An' now
of you'll show me what chores' you
want done, I'll go an' doiem, an'
then be gitten" along home, time fur
dinner."
"Do you know, Milly," says John,
taking his pipe out of his mouth, i as
Ilira.n g oes off, after the 'chores' arc
finished—" do you know that you
tali as if you thoroughly:believed in
the ghost? What do you mean by
it, madam ? Are you becoming. de
moralized at yoUr time of life, or
What? "• • •
• "Believe In it? " says MillY, open
ing ber innocent eyes. "Why, bow
can I tellibelieVing him, pour fellow,
after the way he went on last night?
I only wish" could do something to
help him Out of his misery." -
" Mrs. Gaines," says John solemn
ly; "look me in the face and answer
me one question : Do you or do you
not believe that disembodied spirits
are in the habit of conll44AVk to
this world for the purpose of-ltrub
bing under floors and making
'
selves generally diSagreeable?...d:' You
used to be a woman of tommon
sense. Have you or have - you not
taken leave of that character.?"
Milly paused and meditated a mo
ment; then answered, very slowly:
" John, I really don't know. I Believe
in ghosts? No; I suppose not. Oh,
of course not. lt's quite too absurd.
. But then, you see, there's something
there, that's-certainsomething that
howls and wails and beraOans
What we heard last night was no
REGARDLESS OF DENUNCIATION PEON ANY QUARTER.
fancy ; you know that as well as,l
do, John ; and whateVer 'it is, ghost
or not; I'm sorry for it. That's all . I
can say."
John laughs, - and -his blue eyes
twinkle through the clouds of smoke
which curl upward from his meer
schaum and melt slowly away in the
golden sunshine. He knows well his
little wife's tender heart, as well as
he knows her indomitable pluck and
utter incapacity for logic, and this
new development ~ o f the three traits
appeals forcibly to his sense of hu
mor. Hilly sees, the laugh, an 4,
knowing its cause, jumps -up with a
pretty pout and :goes off about her
household business, while John
smokes on dreamily, and watches the
flock of. pigeons from the neighbor
ing farm, which peck and`Poo and
flutter about the door-yard.
The two weeks have nearly passed.
Two weeks of constant search they
have been, - but with no result. Ev
ery night the groans have been heard,
deep, agonizing, blood-curdling. Ev-.
every night has, John risen to renew
the search, and the instant his foot
touches the Door the groans have
ceased, only to be renewed as soon
as he leaves the room, or; weary of
the fruitless searchogiven it up -and
gone back to bed. He has proposed
that Milly should take another room
leaving him alone to his ghostly vig
ils, but this :dilly had stoutly Tefused .
to do.
" Leaving you and the poor fellow
alone to torment each other all night?
Not a bit of it. John Gaines. 1 am
fairly in for it, and I'm going to see
the whole thing out, and be 'in at the
death,'—the death of the mystery
and the unearthing of . the ghost, you
know. It's sure' to come, sooner or
later, and I must see that you're not
too hard upon the poor fellow for
disturbing your slumbers and harrits•
slug. your mind as he has done." . • =
".Are you.afraid of my cowhiding,
a ghost? " asks John, dryly. But
he yi.ilds the point, as Filly knew he
would.
.11.
Da after day Hiram has presen
ted himself at the gate. to see if they
are as yet ready to depart, and day
after day his grin has grown wider
and his look of admiration deeper as
he hears Miily's ,spirited denial of
anything like fear or even annoy
ance: People are shy of :- entering
the "haunted house," and they have
.made few acquaintances among their
neighbors i thotighthey can well guess
at the buzz of wonder, conjecture;
admiration, or censure which goes
on around them. It troubles them
but little, - this commotion of which
\hey are the half-unconscious centre.
'hey ignore the stares, shy or•auda
ms, which are - directed et them,
an laugh at the gossip which Hiram
rep vas to them in - his - quaintly hu
mor, us way. The tile is a pleasant
one i i its perfect freedom and uncon
strain . • If their nights.. are distor
oed, II ve they not the whole day in
which o make up their lost slum
bers? nd running through it all is
II vein s f interest and adventure
which prevents the monotony from
•pallinr,:,.up a n them.
" Really, I said Milly; "I . half
dread the jay when we shall. solve
the mystery, and find some
.utterly
prosaic vxpla ation at the bottom of
it all. Our ghost will turn out an
Arrant imposter, and I shrink from
the knowledge. \ Yet it would be too
humiliating to g back and say that
we have failed in ur quest."
John Aloes not answer. He has
risen and sauntere a few steps-from
the - porch on whi h they .had been
sitt i ing. The west i • all golden with
\
the setting sun, and the distant mur
mur of the restless 'surf upon the
_beach comes faintly to their ears.
blocks of - white dove Wheel and
whirl, flashing through the golden
sunlight on their way to their home.
Lait of all comes a belat d wander
er, not swilVy and caged • like the'
rest, but laVbrinfr along we rely with
clumsy wing. ''John's eye follows
him mechaically in his High . Sud
denly he calls . to Milk : "Milly,
come here for a moment."
Wonderingly :Billy obeys the\
mons and wonders still more -.al
says:
Chi
)SI
•
O
Si
reN
)al
'll
- "Look at those pigeons fly'ng
home for the night. Cau you s e
one which is slower and heavier tha
the rest, which lingers behind, as .ic
his flight had - been too long for him?"
_hilly shades her eyes with - her
hand as she follows their flight. • No
she can - see nothing of • the kind:
The laggard has fallen - out of the
ranks, that is plain, but where has
he gone ? .John says nothing, but
scans- thoughtfully. ' the • receding
flock. Then he goes up to the house
and examines the mass-of vines. which
mantles its sides ' • -shakos. them with
a vigorous hand, but to no purpose;
walks around the house, and scrute
nizes it carefully, smoking vigorous—
ly the 'while, with never a word of
reply to Milly!s curiouS, eager ques
tions. . .
The noises are . bad that night,-
woree than they have been yet, Milly•
declares; but to all that
: she says
John turns a deaf ear, refusing posi
tively, to get up and go off on his us-,
nal tour of investigation. Thorough
ly perplexed and mystified, :Milly
gives up her efforts at last, and drops
off to sleep herself, in spite or the
groans and wails of the invisible
sprite.,.
"Rake up. M illy wake up ! " .says
John, in what, to Milly's_bewildered
senses, seems, the middle of the
.night. The sun shining into the
Eastern window, however 'and John
already dressed, is „standing beside
her s holding in his liands a soft . maSs
of ruffled: white feathers. .Two red
eyes blink uneasily froin the midst of
_the feathers ; two pink feet - lack and
struggle • .a hoarse, defiant note
swells the throat of the captive as he,'
pecks viciously at the confining
hands.
Wake up, Milly, and be 'intro;
duced to your ghost," says John, mil
dilly stares up ,in sleepy wonder.
" Our' quest has succeeded at, last.
The ghoiit, is lArought to light, and
here he is," a#d as he speaks, he
gives the pigeOri, a little shake.
" But what,?—where?—how—? "
cried What does it all
mean ? . Where is the ghost—poor
fellow I— -and _what ailed him? Oh,
John! why didn't you .watt for me?"
" What is the ghost ? " says John.
"Why, here, in my hands, 'the cap
tive of my bow and spear.' What
ailed him ? Well, asthma, I should
say, to judge from his -wheezy and
sepulchral croakings. Why didn't I
wait for )ou ? Only because I wan
ted to prove to you 'that I could be
trusted to deal gently with. a spectre,
even if you were not , - by. The tact"
is, however," says John, hastily, as
he meets the look of reproach in
Milly's eyes,"" the fact is that I only
had an inkling of an idea on the sub
jectr last night, and laid not want
to speak about it until I was. sure.
You remember my ' watching j the
flight of those pigeons,_ last . night,
and thinking that I had missed - one
which I had specially noticed? Well,
the more I thought of it, the more
firmly I was convinced that he had
disappeared somewhere among the
mass of trumpet-creepers which cov
ers the wall below this window. I
looked last evening, but. could see no
trace of anything suspicious . , and it
was too late to search very thorough
ly.'" This morning I was up blight
and early, found.a ladder, and pro
ceeded to investigate.; You may be
lieve that I was rewarded for my
trouble when I found the place where
a board had slipped aside, leaving an
opening which is hidden by the vines.
I listened awhile and heard our sepul
chral groans, which. easily resolved
themselves now into a hoarse and
rather asthmaticat coo. Evidently
the gentleman ,had taken up his
abode 'under the floor of this room,
and, as far as I could- judge, directly
under the bed. I couldn't get at him
without tearing down the house, so,I
simply sat still on the la4der and
waited until he put his head out:
Then I brought .him' :here to you,
and now I am going our to nail up
the hole." - ,
dilly ba r l. •taken the bird - while
John talks,. and is stroking his head
tenderly, while he flutters and nestles
between her hands. -
" Poor fellow !"'. she says. "It
seems too bad that he should have
beek.turned out of his behriitage—"
" Not so bad as that hump beings
should be turned out of their dwell
ings' interrupted John. •
perhaps not;". says ;
"but still it. is sad. What did he go
there for, .do you suppose, - John ?
Was it a case of blighted affections,
or is he only a misanthrope—not.
misanthrope• exactly,. but a mis.—.
W hat is the Greek for pigeon, John?"
"'You absurd little woman ! " says
John laughing.. " You'd better-take
him home with you ,and make a pet
of him. A caged .ghost would be
quite a novel arid unique alLir."'
•
"Just what I mean to do," 'says
Milly, quietly. ." After depriving
the poor fellow of his last refuge,
the least'we can do is to provide him .
with • another home. After all, we
owe him a debt of gratitude!.for,.but
for him, we should have missed'one
of the pleasantest and most exciting
fortnights that I, at least, have ever,
spent.” . .
" Found the ghost, hey ye ? "'says•
Hiram, with one of his broadest
grins. "Blamed ef 'taint Farmer
Green's old pigeon . that's made all .
this rumpus, after all! Eighteen
years ctld, ef he's a day, that bird is,
and all but dead ; with azmy. To
think of his cuttin' tip .sech a shine
as this his time o' life ! Gosh!
yell he.v plenty o'l company 4rter
this. Folks hez. been kind o' scary
o'comin' to the old house 1 5 long's
there was a ghost in' it, but there'll
plenty come now ye'll
,see." •
No doubt John and Milly would
have seen, but their time was up, and
they left the next day, carrying with
'them the "ghost," which Farmer
Green had Willingly bestowed - upon
them, . They had earned for them
selves the reputation of heroism in
the neighborhood, and also the re
spect and friendship of Mr. Bates.
The latter manifested itself in a sub
stantial foim—in the raising of
John's salary to such an extent that
country quarters in the summer be
came thereafter quite feasible with
out the necessity of sharing then"
with ghosts.
1‘
) t, 1 .
t t.
1 •
1 i
e
sum•
t he
;h
..
ave been journeying under Paris,'
partly by rail, partly by .boat, in the
main sewer. The traveling' conveni
nces are superior to many- above
round. The hand-cars for passengers
\
a e neatly made.and furnished with
ca e seats. You may sit ash' an Irish
jau ting car, facing either side. Of
the' wo other seats, one faces front,
the het rear. Each car or truck
has f ur lampS. The propelling.poW
er is en, fiver to a, truck. They roll
directly over the Sewer, the rails be
ing laid - on either side.. The sewer
in some places equals a good-sized
mining-ditch in dimension, with a
pretty rapid current. I cannoti give
the depth of water. I had nol4mbi . --'
tion to take soundings. One,;fivest;.
•• igating passenger tried ii, with. his
cane, but found .no bottOm. After
that I was..afraith . of ' his cane. The
air - throughout . averaged a good
strong smell. The men smoked; The
ladies held perfumed - handkerchiefs
to their noses. Many ladies-visit the
ER
PARIS 11.NDERonousn." To-day,.
writes a Paris correspondent, "
sewers. It is "the, thing" to do.
At the . Place de la Concorde we left
the cars and took the gondolas. _The
sewers and stream here are much
wider. Each - gondola, will hold about
20 persons. Our fleet numbered
about five or six gondolas. Each
.one carried a large glQbular lantern.
So we sailed along in the dim,' dark
passages. Save an occasionaly sta
tionary_ light,. it was dark ahead,
dark behind, dark below, damp and
obscure above. The barges rocked
a little, but not agreeably. The mo
tion wus not exciting. It seemed like
that which might come on a sea of
molasses in slight" agitation. An
hOur-and-a-quarter in the sewers of
Paris- is enough.- Yon can always
recollect the taste and smell after
ward; When we emerged from the
artiflell bowels or Paris to the earth
we doubly appreciated air and sun
light."
PROFF-QSOR--,P Mr. 11-, . what u arti you
eating !" Mr. 11—(feeling. in his pocket)
—"Very sorry, Professor, but that's all
I've got."-4tutiesl Pfe. „
A REVERIE.
preathed around me soft and law,
Old-time 'voices tome and go,
Whispering in melodious measures
'Memories of delightful pleasures,
Soothing every dreamy scum
In delicious indolence—
Liquid music whose'eweet flow
Wafts taiSback to long ago. , ,
Now I gaze In lovedlt eyes, -
Where a "'dreamy languor Iles;
Sea the silken lashes part, ,
Cstrtalni of the Impasslon'd heart ;
In love's sunlight o'er me cast,
Pasaton•flowers are springing fast,
And the founts of feeling
As they gush'd In years ago.
. Falling faintly on ray ear, '
Late-like Whisperings I hear;
While a hand so soft and white '
Thrills me with . lts pleasure slight;
- And a well-remembered face -
•Telis me thoughts no words may trace;
Youth or manhood, rest or strife, •
Love is still the soul of life.
Swett.
WEBTIMN OORRESPONDEME. •
WATERMAN, DE KALB CO..
*arch 5, 1879.
EDITOR REPORTER. :=lllinois is sit
tinted between the 10th and 14th de
grees of longitude, west from Wash
ington. It was originally a French
possession, and was first visited by
Marquette in 1673. It was colonized
by the French in' 16.79 under La
Salle, who came down from Canada
and made settlements at- Kaskaskia
and other towns.
After the French and Indian war,
the territory, including Illinois and
Canada, was ceded to reat Britain
by France, and came into the posses.
sion of the United States at the close
of the Revolution.. 1 -
Illinois was admitted to the Union
in 18IS,Tand since that time hiss rap ,
idly increased sin population. Ac-
cording to the census of 1890 its pop
ulation numbered 1,700,000. In 1870
it iiiimbered 2,500,090, and in all pro:
bability the census . of 1880 will make,
it above 3,000,000.
~ .
. The State presents . every facility
in the way of soil and climate - fOr
farming. The soil is of that cliarac
ter geologically termed diluvial, and
accordingly indicates•that the
_State
was at some early period the hed'of
an immense lake. • .
.Tho real bearing, producing soil;
is black, and is said to be in 'sume
place's from 35 tO 100 feet thick. On
an average, however, the tipper
soil does not exceed two feet in
depth. Below this is a dense water
impervious clay which prevents .the
moisture from leeching away. •
Among . the many advantages
might mention, is the entire freedom
Of soil from stone's and - rocks Which
so plentifully pervade the rich lauds
in Pennsylvania...
The State - in general is• level, hav
ing few hills and no mountains. The
prairies are not flat like 'those . of
Kansas, but gracefully undulatin,
and are in the summer covered with
beautiful wild flowers.
The climate is milder than the At
lantic States in the same latitnde,
but is often subject to cold sweeping
winds, owing to the absence of either.
forests or mountains as a- protection:
Many of the farmers have their
houses protected by .rows .of poplar
trees, which form something of a bar
rier against these winds. • In Illinois
farming is carried on with much pro
fit and financial success to those en
gaged therein.
Although prices of grain and -farm
prcilluce in general are. not so high
as in the Eastern and Middle States,
yet the excellent adaptatiOn of the
State to agriculture, renders it possi
ble to raise double .the amount of
produce with less expense and labor.
Corn is one of the most !important
products, the latest crop-returns
showing the amount. of that grain.
produced to be nearly douule that of
any other State.,
The follow . ing are the latest.statis
ties of the grain . yieht of. Illinois :
.Corn, 283;4E4,000 bushels; oats; 66.,-
519,(. , 00 bushels ; wheat, 25,329,000
bushels. The yield of all these grains
far exceeds that of any other State
in the Union.
. For the export of this vastamount
of farm produce ample facilities• ex
ist; for the State communicates with
the Atlantic. by the way of the great
lakes and St. Lawrence;. and with
: the Southern States anti Gulf of Mex
ico by way of the Mississippi:: •
• The natural scenery of Illinois can
not of course - compare with that. of
Bradford with its grand old moun,
tains and boundless forests, for•it Las
no forests except a few. timber spots
in the southern part; and its ",high
- daces" are confined to some lime
st,one bluffs along the Mississippi
and other rivers. In one of these
bluffs on the Ohio liver is a remark
able cave, which in pioneer times
was celebrated as the abode of rob
bers, who were the terror — of Ohio
boatmen.
The Illinois farmer is- the most in-
dependent of all farmers. lie ie in
dustrious and intelligent. He is wll
booked on the political, issues, and
prides-himself on hiS knowledge -of
Men and things.
The farmers. have it in their power
to defeat dr elect - a candidate for of
fice, and hence are the ruling class.
They live and many of them
have bedorne, and are becoming; im
mensely rich.
How A GREAT ESTATE VAsistriii..
—The (Treat estate - of the capitalist,
E. B. great
Detroit, seems to
have vanished. When he dropped
dead in the streets of that city in
1875 he was considered worth $lO,-
000,000—enough to provide for hiS
wife and all his children. But, as the
Detroit News says: 4' Inflation pro-
poses.and Hardpan disposes." The .
Ward estate has been gradually re
suming specie payments until.lt :is
now Found- actually insufficient to.
Meet his liabilities. The property
. which, he had given to Mrs. Ward is
swallowed up and :his family, at all
times unnecessarily large, is left with
out proviSion for its comfort or even
maintenance. If Ward had lived he
might have brought at least.solvency
out of his chaos by giying some Value
to large blocks of iron mines and
rolling mill stocks which , is now en
tirely worthless. It would be. inter
esting by the way, to know how mint'
lawyers have already got rich trying
to find out exactly what this proper
' ts , is worth.
$1.50 per: Annum. In. Advance.;
AN MESH WEDDING.
Doubtless many of our reariers are
familiar'with thc,custorns and habits
of the religious sect, known as the
Omish, but it Is to be questioned
if many of them know how an OmiSh
wedding is conducted,. The Omish
differ from.:the Mennonites in their
simplicity of dress and being more
strict in their discipline. They also
hold their religious meetings in .pri.•
.vate • houses. Their .own ministers
perfoilm the marriage ceremony,
which is seldom the case with the
Mennbnites.
- - -
-A }wedding day among; Them is an
impoitant event. • All the relatives
and friends of the families assemble
at an early hour.- A stranger,-0 pass
. by su4l, see, the yellow carriages in
groups 'in a
.field adjacent to the
hoUse would be awe-stricken. Oktlie
arrival 'of the guests each one
hitches: from the carriage his dim
horse and secures for him a place in
the stable. - `The ceremony begins-Tat
S o'clock :The bride and grtiom
with their attendants occupy a room
and sit face to face, • the men. on one
side and the women on the other
'The. remaining. sit in other apart
meats .of the 'hoiise. The services
consist in singing and - preaching (all
in German), ancrwhen this is over,
which lasts till:12 o'clock, the - couple
to be married advance -to - the preqh-.
er and the wedding ceremony isrr
nounced;
Then followS the. dinner. - In, a.
short 'time the tables
.are fitted np
andibountifully supplied with roast
turkey, beef and vegetables. To this
all who can find moth sit down, after,
which the tables are again suppli
with cake and wine, at which the
young people congregate and spend
an hour in singing,- when they par
,take of the delicacies spread before
them The older persons then fol
low and enjoy the good things, whkii
consumes considerable time.. •
At 6 o'clock supper IS spread which
remains 1:m the table
_during , the
night. is at this hour (6 O'clock)
the festivitin begin. Alt repair to
the barn, which has_ been thorifiughly
cleaned for the occasion, and indulge
in the old-time plays. TheSe amuse
ments are kept up till after midnighl,
when all parties wend their .way
homeward. •
MOODINESS' IN WOMEN.
Moodiness in women may almos
'always be' traced. to an overtaxed
condition of the system, too much
Care and too long continued inonoto
nY in daily pursuits. A wife and
mother surrounded by !Wildly - cares
is acted and reacted upon by the
same sights, sounds and labors until
the -freshness and vivacity of
.. u the
..F:pirit'becomes worn out. We arOso
constituted that our natures deinalad
for their enjoyment of life and for he .
vigorous exercise of our powers - ,
change, variety arid relaxation:. For,
lack Of these the interest in life di
minishes, the mental horizon --nar
rows, life becomes contracted and
seems . not worth the' living.
,Then
come various -unhappy moods and
take possession the mind. To
learn to control and banish unhealthy
moods is -one of the tasks that must
be undertaken by 'every woman who
would lead a happy and useful life.
The first step to recognize their
existence and influence. Reason
-must be called to the aid to declare
that feelings of despondency, hope
lessness, complaint and discourage
went arc but the result of a -mood,
and therefore can- he- resolutely held
in check. If one earn only bring
:one's -self to make the frank - ac-
Inowledgement mentally,. I fed
mean, cross and, ugly to-day," and
then to restrain speech and action ac
cordingly, the' battle_ is half won.
But vigorous-. action must must be
resorted to in order to dispel the
-mood, and for_ thiSlnOthing is so'ef
feetive for women as to leave home,
even if but for an hour. Get away
where other influences will act Upon
the' mind and' - body. If d6sponden
cy acid a complaining mood are dom
inant, go to see sotrip fellow creatdre
Who is in real distress ; the remedyis almost a specific for'such a mood:
Above all things, moods need to be
deiilt with objectively, not subjec
tively. : Don't go_ to introspection ;
don't think about yourself; don't set
it down.to a sinful heart, or to any
religious or irreligious cause. The
cause of moods is a purely physical
one, and must be reached through
the physical. nature. Change of 'oc
cupations or suiroundings, of air and
exercise,'are the - remedies for moods.
A TALK A 11 . 01:T GLOVES..—In for
mer.times gloveS were very common
'as New. Year's gifts. For many hun
dreds of years after their introduction
into
they
in the tenth - century,
they were worn only by the most
opulent classes of society and hence
constituted 'a valuable pi.essint: They
are often named in'old records. Ex
change of gloves was at one period. a
mode of investure into possession of
property, as . aniong the ancient Jews
'was that of - a shoe or sandal ; and
"glove-money is to this day present-`
ed by high Sheriffs - to the officers', of,
their courts upon occasions of.--a
maiden assize or one in which no
cause is tried. Pins;• which at the
commencement of the sixteenth cen
tury. displaced 'the wooden skewers
previously in use became a present
Of similar conseqUerice ; and at their
first- introduction was considered of
,so much importance in fettale dress.
that " pin -money "gre* into tie de.;
nomination of_ dower, which, by the
caution of parents or justice of a con
sort, was settled upon a lady at her
marridwe. -
A OOD Bot.—A bright, ittle boy
played so. hard the other afternoon
that he fell asleep and was put to
bed without his
. supper: The nest
morning, he came down to breakfast,
, r
smilin - and happy.. " You were. a
good boy lSet night, Harry," said his
mother; "you
.went'to bed without
yotir supper." Harry looked up in
painful surpriSe, clouds gathered up
on his face,_ and he asked the nurse,
"Did I go to sleep without any -sup
per last night ?"• 'T-Yes,"
said the
.nurse.' "Well," said he , between his
tors, "I want ray last night's supper
.noir"—auir he - had it. •
NUMBER 42.
11111, I'AOT AND PAOEIIa
TIM pOrtILIA PLILICIII2.
. ,
It 'Mt a won,by *tor. •
Who ssw with grist 5ti4,4110
is congregation go to sleep, - •
Or—which was worso—olsowbOrt.
Ile pondered long an 4 deeply.
This wise aD4 plots man, .
And at last hit on a simple
And most effectual pun.
,Next gunday..of bre sermon
The text when be bad Mid.
Ile slipped Mown the pulpit steint
. And stood upon his bead. •
By tluxuands 'flocked the peopie . _ •
That preacher great to hear. . •
Add the trustees railed his salary ' •
To Ifty thousand a year. -
birthplace of Burns-The kerosene
can.
To get a furnace hot it mast ilways be i
coaled? •
PEOPLE who want everything, to bo in
apple-pie order are'apt to be crusty.
"RitocnarrtnaTans is thethltfof time."
Stole ' a watch probably.--BurTington
ilinckeye.
Tun Chicago News gives a Chicago
verdict ; " We find him guilty but not
very guilty."
WATERED silks are the most prominent
kind - of dry goods ; there is nothing in
that line moire antique. •
SAID the yopng man's ear to the young
man (quoting grafts), "Must 'I give way
and room to your . rash collar?"
WREN Mrs . Sardine gave birth to trip=
lets_the other day,, the old man remarked
that she was a regular " baby mine." -
;:
"This. sidewalk's handy, but not as
sandy-as I Wish it was,"said the man who
reached his length On the icy pavement.
IF women are really angels, why don't
they fly ovar a fence instead of making
such a fearfully awkward job of climb
.
ins-?
A CYNICAL rhapsodist wants to know":
" What is there - so elevating in genius?"
WhiSky, my friend, sometimes. Nero
York Mail. • - .
"BRILLIANT and impulsive people,"
safri an exchange, "have.black eyes."
Impusive people are only to apt• to get
black eyes.
TuE, French 'are acquiring a more staple
goierriment every year. Para - alone con
sumed 11,219 horses for food last year.
.Arorristoten Herald. -
BAYS a sententious writer : "No man is
bqin wise." Just so, if he- wore wise he
wouldn't care to be: born, probably.—
Boston Transcript. ,
A. Conlx4cricurr Man recently said :
" Lend me a' -My wife has left
me ; and I want to advertise that am
not responsible 'for her debts."—lnter-
Ocean.
THE trowel bayonet is one of the ugli
est weapons in creation, but when it en
ters an enemy's body he must feel as if a
cowcatcher were, feeling around hiS in
er consciousness.
THt late husband, when he finds that
somebody has stolen the keyhole out of
his door, and diffidently ringi the bell,
knows exactly who" Tho Coming Women"
is.—Sumervilti Journal.:
WtiEu. Laura said "See how.my heart •.
beats :” Tom vowed that his attention .•
was so distracted that he didn't notice the
right bower that captured the Jack of -
diamonds:—Utica Obeerper.
A WIFE having lost her husband was in,
consolable for his'death. "Leave me to
imp grief," she cried, sobbing; "yon -
know the extreme sensibility of my nerves;
,a mere nothing upsetwthem.
WHEN a lady, more'. beautiful in her
own eyes than in those of the world, was ..
boasting that she had had hundreds of
mewat her feet, a 'wit remarked in au
undertone, "Chiropodists?"
My DE.tHc," said a gentleman_ to his
wife, ."•our new - club is going to have all
the home comforts." "Indeed," sneered
the wife ; "and when, pray, is our home
going to haVe all the club comforts.
"TWENTY years - ago," says a colored
philosopher, "niggers was wuf a thou
sand dollars apiece. Now dey would be'
deal at 'two dollarS a dozen. It's 'stem
'shin' how do race am running' down."
Ltt.t4.• asks us : Would. a man smoke
'cigarS, , if he couldn't see the smoke?
would a girl chew gum if. she
couldn't see what she was chewing? Ask
us something with a bay Window to it.
A PROFESSION .&L street musician of this
city is of opinion that H. M.'s opera - mid
"-H. M. S. Pinafore " have utterly, ruined
the popular taste for-the higher class of
organ.grinding.-4 7 ew York Advertiser.
As our doe seated himself at the piano,
he tipped over a vase that stood upon it.
"Playing a knocked. urn, aro you ? said
one of, the - eompany. "No," said Joe ;
"that's only a jar gone."—Lynn Report- i
Cr.
A nINGIJAUTON lady having stepped
upon a tack; saved herself from lockjaw
by - sOaking the tack in water and burning
it in the stove. A remedy so simple as
this ought to be widely known.—Danbury
Fete*.
: IN the State of Alabama the negroes
chew the tassel of the fir-tree instead of
tobacco, and seem quite pleased with the
substitute. Well, does not the old ada"o
say, "Be Or-chewers and you 'will be
happy ?" •
"PAT,4Oe. . ought to be taken up for
cruelty to animals, driving such an old
screw as that." "Be gor, snr," was , the
reply,. "if I didn't dhrive that I'd be
taken up for—cruelty to a wife and sir.
children."
WHEN a paragrapher etc; hard pressed
for an item with a good point,he invariably.
recoilects that somebody lately sat 'down
upon an upturned carpet tack, a bent pin,
or the .business end of a bumble bee.—
Rome Sentinel. .
" THE Shah of Persia has ninety wives. '
When he comes in storming- about a bill
for winter hats, the entire ninety_ ex
claim with one voice, "Oh, Shah !" Then
ho gives two or three of them the sack -
and calls for his pipe.
A FAST young man stepped in a reian
rant the other day- and said : " What
have yod got ?' Almost everything,"
was the reply. " Well, give me a plate
of that," said be. "One plate of hasli
this way," yelled the waiter.
San," said one little urchin to an
other—" Sam, does your schoolmaster
ever give-you any rewards of merit?"
" I-s'pose he does," was the reply; "he
gives me a lickin' reg'lar every day, 'and
says I merit two."—lnter-Ocean.
II It lady meet a lady
Coming down the street t, .
Need 'a lady tell a lady
That she looks so sweet
For wellshe knows, before the gets
I Fairly out of -
ahe 11
turnaround and say out loud,
What a horrid fright r• •
Elmira Gazette.
;
"TEs," •said a, young lady who was
possessed of_a fine voice, " - I. am ofte4
asked to'appear in public, but—" "But
what?" observed a friend. "Well," she
replied, "I should never be able to sus
tain my; part. lam so easily decomposed." 7
Wiv did the paPer collar ? New York
Iferald. What did the neck tie?-Cam
den Post.-;=Wlio did the shirt cuff? How,
do the pantaltxms seam? When did the
chest . 'protector:? Who' leads .the waist
band? Whose pocket did tooth .pick?
WhOse , bell did - ear ring? Next.---Balti
ilwre Every Saturday.
A ar.i.NmaY sneer at a women all lie will
because she can't sharpen a lead-pencil,
bu: - sire has the smile on him when ho
stands holding an unoccupied suspender=
-button in his hand and wondering whether
it will hurt less to pull the needle out of
his thump the same way it went in or
push it on through.—Burdette.
THE Detroit Free Press recommends
its subscribers to select a turkey with a•
blonde eye. The subszriber should• also
be alrefub while puichasiiig his turkey
to have the money bandy. He might
happen to return home with a brunette
-eye. _
IT must .be gratifying to parents to
know that their -boys have so perfectly
acquired Latin that they are able to use
it in ordinary discourse. Two of them
were one day engaged to pummeling each
other, when a third cried out : " oe et
to um, llomeel"
"SHOW me a nem who votes the Dem
ocratic.ticket;"__said a witness before the
Teller Committee "and Twill show you
a hypocrite or a - fool." And he might
have added, "and also a man that will
steal chickens or a ham, .and isn't afraid
of a call pile at night." —Derrick.
DRILLING her class in poetry,the teach
er quoted from the familiar lines of . Ten
nyson.. "You must wake and c►ll -me
early, mother dear." "Now," she asked,
" why did the little girl want to be called
early ?" "Don't know," replied Tommy
Leach; "unless it was because that was
her name."