TERMS OF PUBLICATION. THE RHPOBTEB is published every Thurs day Morning, by E O. GOODRICH, at $2 per annum, in advance. ADVERTISEMENTS, exceeding fifteen lines are inserted at TEN CENTS per line for first insertion, and FIVE CENTS per line for subsequent insertions. Special notices in serted before Marriage* and Deaths, will be charged FIFTEEN CENTS per line for each insertion. Ail resolutions of Associations ; communications of limited or individual interest, notices of Marriages or Deaths exceeding five lines, are charged TEN CENTS JI.T line. 1 Year. S mo. 3 mo. One 'Jolumn, $75 $4O $3O Half " 4"' 25 15 hie Square, 10 7j 5 t_-tray,Caution, Lost and Found, and other advertisements, not exceeding 10 Uuec, three weeks, or less, $1 50 Administrator's & Executor's Notices. .2 00 Auditor's Notices 2 50 Business Cards, five lines, (per year). .5 00 Merchants and others, advertising their business, will be charged $2O. They will be entitled to 4 column, confined exclusive ly to their business, with privilege of change. ,dif~ Advertising in all cases exclusive of subscription to the paper. JOB PRINTING of every kind, in Plain and Fancy colors, done with neatness and dispatch. Handbills, Blanks, Cards, Pam phlets, <Sc., of every variety and style, prin ted at the shortest notice. The REPOBTEB OrncE has just been re-fitted with Power Presses, and every thing in th§ Printing line can be executed in the most artistic manner and at the lowest rati *. TERMS INVARIABLY CASH. <Saviio. rpHOMAS .T. INGHAM, ATTOB.- X SKY AT I.AW, i.APORTE. Sullivan County, Pa. I 1 EORGE i). MONTANYE, AT VT TORNEY A T LA F—Office in Union Block, formerly occupied by JAMACFAKLANK. \\T T. DA VIES, Attorney at Law, Y • Towanda,Pa. Office with Win. Wat sins, Esq. Particular attention paid to Or phans' Coui! business and settlement oi dece dents estates. MERCUR & MORROW, Attorney* at Lair, Towanda, Penn'a, The undersigned having associated themselves together in the practice of Law, offer their pro fessional services to the puUlie. ( LYSSES MERCCR, P. D. MORROW, March 9, 1860. I3ATRICK & PECK, ATTORNEYS AT X LAW. Offices :—ln Union Block, Towanda, Pa.. lormerly occupied by Hon. Wm. Eiwell.aud in Patrick's block, Athens, Pa. They may be consulted at either place. 1!. W. PATRICK, apll3 W. A. PACK. ÜB. McKEAN, ATTORNEY & • COUNSELLOR A T LAW, Towan da, Pa. Particular attention paid to business in the Orphans' Court. July 20, 1866. HENRY PEET, Attorney at I.aw, Towania.Pa. jun27, 66. W H. CARNOCHAN, ATTOR -11 • NEY AT LA ll', Troy, Pa. Special attention given to collecting claims against the Government for Bounty, Back Pay and Pensions. Office with E. B. Parsons. Esq. June 12,1865. DR. H. WESTON, DENTIST Office in Patton's Block, over Gore's Deng and Chemical St ors. Ijan66 LMiWARD OVERTON Jr., Altor- JLJney ul Lau\ Towanda, Pa. Office in Mon s nyes Bl'i' k, over Frost's Store July 13,1865. JOHN V CALIFF, ATTORNEY tJ AT L.I If. Towanda, Pa. Also, Govern ment Agent for the collection ot Pensions. Back Pay and Bounty. *i- No charge unless successful. Office over 1 the Post Office and News Room. Dec. 1,1864. 0 1). STILES, M. D., Physician and • Snrgeon, would announce to the people ol | Rom- Borough and vicinity, that he has perma- 1 nentiy locate ' at the place" tormerly occupied hy i Dr. G. W. Stone, for the practice ol his p otes- j sion. Particular attention given to the treat- i ment of women and children, as also to the prac tice of operative and minor surgery. Oct. 2,'66. DR. PRATT has removed, to State j street, (first above B. S. Rnsse!! St Co's j BaDk). Persons irom a distance desirous I con sulting him.wiil be most likely to find him on 1 Saturday of each week. Especial attention will ; be given to surgical cases, and the extraction of ! teeth. Gas or Ether administered when desired. July Is, 1866. D. S. PRATT, M. P. DOCTOR OHAS. F. PAINS.— Of! fice in GORE'S Drug Store, Towanda, Pa. Calls promptly attended to at all hours. Towanda, Noveral>er 2s, DDWD MEEKS—AUCTIONEER. JU All letters addressed to him at Sugar Run, Bradford Co. Pa., will receive prompt attention. f FRANCIS E. POST, Painter, Tow anticPa, with 10 years experience, is con fident he can give the best satislaction in Paint ing, Graining, Staining, Glazing, Papering, &c. asr Particular attention paid to Jobbing in the country. April 9, 1966. J .1 NEWE LL , COUNTY SURVEYOR, Orwell, Bradford Co., Pa,, will promptly attend to all business in his line. Particular attention given to running and establishing old or dispu -1 ed lines. Also to surveying of all unpattented lands as soon as warrants are obtained, myl" 117 HERSEY WATKINS, Notary it • Publir is prepared to take Depo-i -ons. Acknowledge 'he Execution of Deeds, Mortgages, Power ot attorney, and all other instruments. Affidavits and othei pipers may be sworn to before me. Office opposite the Banking House of 8.3. ! Kussell & Ci., a few doors north of the Ward i House. Towanda. Pa., Jan. 14, 1867. I J) D. KNAPP, Watch MaKt-i and Dealer in Gents aud Ladies j Watches Chains and Finger Kings, Clocks, Jew I dry, Gold r'ens, Spectacles, Silver ware, Plat r-i ware, Hollow ware, Thimbles, Sewing Ma chines, aud other goods belonging to a Jewel ry Store. Perticular attention paid to Kepairing, at hi? old place near the Post Office, Waverly, X. V. Dec. 3.1866.—tf. WARD HOUSE, TOW VNDA, PA. On Main Street, near the (.'our* House. C. T. sM ITH, Proprietor. Oct. 8. 1866 M ERICAS HOTEL, T O W A XD A , P A Having purchased this well known Hotel on i Bridge Street, I hare refurnished and refitted i it with every convenience for the aceomtnoda- I •ion of ail who may patronize me. No pains will j be spared to make all pleasant and agreeable. j May 3,'66.—tt. J. S. PATTERSON, Prop. I DER HOUSE, a four story brick U7 edifice ueai the depot,witb large airy rooms, j elegant rarlors newly furnished, has a recess in 1 new addition lor Ladies use, and is the most convenient and only first class hotel at Waverly. ' X. Y. It is the principal office tor stages south j and express. Also for sale of We-tern Tickets, snd in Cauada. on Grand Trunk Rail-way. Fare to Detroit from Buffalo. $4, is cheaper than any 1 other route. Apply for tickets .s above to C. WARFORD. <r stabling and care of Horses at reasonable rates. Waverly N. Y . 0ct.26.1866.-3m. C. W. HOTEL, SMITHBORO. X. Y Haviug rented and Refitted this well known Hotel. I am ready to accommodate ail who may tavor me with a cali. 1 have a large Hall at '-ached, suitable for lectures, dances. Ac. Pass engers carried to any point by applying at the Hotel. Xo pains will be spared to make Qyery thing agreeable and comfortable lor the t ravel ing public. J. B. VANWINKLE. Jan. 10 1867. Proprietor. E W ARRAXG EME N T T AT TH£ NEWS ROOM AND BOOK STORE. The undersigned having purchased the BOOK STORE AND NEWS ROOM of J. J. Griffiths, respectfully invite the old patrons of the estab lishment and the public generally, to call and ex amine oar stock. ALVORD i BARBER. ' w, aivonri. F r, babaxs K. <). (JOODBICH, Publisher. VOLUME XXVII. ©riginal ftoetrij. II \PPINKSS. Happiness, thou misused theme, ■ Ol ignorance and love alike the dream ; ! How plaiu thy law, and quaint thy dress, i How few enjoy thy loveliness ? I Love is happiness in all its range, i Happiness is not, where love is strange. 1 am happy to love my race, . Happy to love mv' God and grace, Happy to love the beautiful , Happy to love the dntifnl, ; Happy, if in love, Truth maintain. Happy, if in love, Right sustain, Happy, if in love, kindness bring, Happy all, if love tunes the string : And as from love I go estray, , I'iom Happiness I take my way. Am always happy in my love. The more I love, the happier I prove, | ft this one rule I keep in view, 1 Only to love the Right and True. E. G., Highland, I'a. §ttoUAWotts. THE FRONTIER WEDDING. ONE day in early winter my Ims 1 band received a summons to Burke's ! settlement, to unite a coup'e in the j bonds of wedlock. It was especially requested that his wife should accom pany him, as we should be expected to remain all night and partake of the festivities. It was twenty miles to the settle i ment, and we reached the log house i of Mr. Burke, the lather of the ex j pecaut bride, about noon. A dozen tow-haired children were at the door, waiting our arrival. They telegraph i ed the news instantly. " Maim ! Marm ! here's the elder I and his woman ! They're nothing but folks ! She's got a man's hat on, and a turkey wing in frout of it; his nose is just like dad's—crooked as a cow horn squash." Alas for Mr. Morrison's aquiline nose, of which he was a little vain ! " Sam!" cried a shrill, female voice from the interior of the cabin, " run out and grab the rooster, and I'll clap him into the pot 1 Sal, you quit that churn and sweep the floor. Kick that corn-dodger under the bed. Bill, you wipe the tallow out of that cheer for the minister's wife and be spry about it." Furtncr remaiks were cut short by our entrance. Mrs. Burke, in calico sbort gown, blue petticoat and bare feet, came forward,wiping her lace on her apron. " llow do you do, elder ? Ilow d'ye do maim Must excuse my head— haiu't had chance to comb it since last week Work must be did, you know Powerful sharp air, hain't it? Shoo there ! Bill drive that turkey out ol the bread-trough. Sal, take the lady's things. Set right up to the fire marm. Hands cold ? Well, just run 'em in Bill's hair—we keep it loug a purpose." Bill presented his shaggy head, but I declined with an involuntary shudder. " Laws, if she ain't actually a shiv ering !" cried Mrs. Burke. " Bring in some more wood. Here, marm, take this hot corn-dodger inter yer lap —it's as good as a soap-stone." A fearful squall announced the ex ecution of the rooster and shortly aft erwards he was bouncing about in a fonr quart kettle, hung over the fire. Sal, returned to her churn ; but the extraordinary visitor must have have made her careless, for she upset the concern, and buttermiik went swim ming over the floor. "Grab the ladle, Bill, cried Mrs. Burke, " and help dip it up. Take keer —-don't put that suarl of hair in. Strauge how folks will be so nasty. Dick, do keep your feet out of the buttermilk ; it won't be fit for the pigs when the butter's gathered.— Drive that hen out ; quick : she's picked up a pound already There, Sal, do try and chum a little more keerful. If you are a gwine to be spliced ter-morrow, you needn't run crazy about it." " I advise you to dry up 1" remark ed the bride elect, thumping away at the churn. By the time I bad warmed, diuuer was ready, and you may be sure I did not injure myself by over eating. Nigbt came on early, and after a social chat about the events of the morrow, I signified my desire to re tire. Sal lighted a pitch-kuot, aud begau climbing a ladder in one corner of the room : I hesitated. "Come on," said she; "don't be afraid Sam aud Bill, and Dick, all the rest of ye, duck your heads while the elder's wife goes up. Look out for the loose boards, marm ; and mind or you'll smash your brains out against the beam. Take keer of tte hole where the chimney comes through. Her warning came too late I caught my foot iu Ihe end of a board, stumbled, and fell headlong through what appeared to be interminable space, but it was only to the room 1 had just left, where 1 was saved from destruction by Bill who caught me in his arms, and set me on my feet re marking coolly— " What made you come that way ? We generally use the ladder." I was duly commisserated, and at last got to bed. The less said about that night the better. Bill and Dick and four others slept in the same room with us, and made the air vo cal with their snoring. I fell asleep and dreamed I was just beiug shot from the muzzle of a columbiad, aud was awakened by Mr. Morrison, who informed me that it was morning. The marriage was to take place be i fore breakfast, and Sail}* was already i clad in her bridal robes when I de ! sceuded the ladder. She wa-: magnificent, in a green calico, over a crinoline full four inch- I'd larger than the rest of her appar el, a white apron with red airings, blue stockings, a yellow neck ribbon, and white cotton gloves. Her red dish hair was fastened in pug behind, and well adorned with the tail-feath ers ol the defunct rooster before men tioned. When it was announced that Lein. Lord, the groom, was coming, Sally dived behind a coverlet, which hung across one corner ol the rooru to con ceal sundry pots and kettles, and re fused to come forth. Mr. Lord lifted one corner of the curtain and peeped in, but quickly retreated with a fw sharp words from Sally advisiug him to mmd his own business. 1 Lemuel was dr* sscd in tilu< with i bright buttons. The entire suit had ] been made for his grandfather on a similar occasion. His hair was well greased with tallow, and his huge feet encased in skin pump . Very soon the company began to gather, and the room was well filled. "Now,elder," cried the bridegroom, " drive ahead ! T want it done up nice ; I am able to pay lor the job ; do you hear ? Come, father Burke, trot out your gal 1" But Sally refused to be trotted.— She would be married where she was or uot at all. We argued and coax ed, but she was firm ; and it was fi -1 ually concluded to let her have her ' own way. Mr. Morrison stood up ; the happy ! couple joined hands through a rent, in the coverlet, and the ceremouy proceeded. .lust as Mr. Morrison was asking Lemuel, " Will you have this woman ?" etc., down came the cover let, enveloping both minister and bridegroom and filling the house with dust. Dick had been up in the loft and cut the strings which held it.— Mr. Morrison crawled out looking de cidedly sheepish, and Sally was ob liged to be married openly. To the momentous question Lemuel respond ed, "To be sure ; what else did I come here for ?" and Sally replied, " Yaas, if you must know." "Salute your bride," said Mr. Mor rison, when all was over. " I'm ready to do anything, elder," said Lemuel, " but skin me if I know about that, sir. Just show me how, aud I'll do it if it kills me." My husband drew back nervously, but Sally advanced, thiew her arms around his neck, and gave him a kiss that made the very windows clatter. " I vutu, if I don't do ditto !" cried Lemuel, and hastily taking a huge bite from a piece of maple sugar which he drew from his pocket, he made a dash at me—smashed my col lar, broke my watcbguard into a doz en pieces, tore my hair down, aud succeeded in planting a kiss on my nose, greatly to the delight of the company. Then he turned to my husband. " Now, elder, what is the damage ? Don't be afraid to Bpeak. " Whatever you plese," said Mr. Morrison. Lemuel produced a piece of fur. " There, elder," said he, " there's a muskrat's skin, and out in the shed is two heads of cabbage, and you're welcome to the whole of it." My husband bowed his thanks, the young people went dancing, Mrs. Burke went to getting breakfast ; at my earnest request Mr. Morrison got our horse, and we bade them them adieu. 1 never could have lived through another meal in that house. I have since heard that Mr. Lord said if he had seen the elder's wife before she was married, Sallie might have gone to the dickens. "Alas, it might have been !" HARD TIMES. —The cry of "hard times" is heard on all sides Every newspaper contains it—every busi ness man echoes it. It is the uni versal complaint all over the country. We fear that before the year of 1867 is past we will see "hard times" in all the poverty and wretchednes which lack of employment, stagna tion of business and general pros tration of industry, cause. Thirty years ago this year our country ex perienced a terrible financial crash, and it is said there has Leeu one every thirty years since the formation of the Government. Financial crash es have occurred every ten years, though not so disastrous in their gen eral results as those which occur every thirty years. Already the cry of starvatiou comes up from the des olated South. Those of our citizens who can afford it should contribute liberally, for they know not how soon they may be in the same plight —not through a scarcity of food, but from a lack of means to purchase it. Remember the scriptural assurance, "He tuat giveth to the poor lendeth to the Lord." VVLOAR PEOPLE. Those are not vulgar people," says Dante, " merely because they live in small cottages, low places, but those are not vulgar who by their thoughts and deeds strive to shut out any view of beau ty. There are vulgar rich men as well as vulgar poor men. Being poor, is not of itself a disqualification for being a gentleman. To be a gen tleman, is to be elevated above oth ers in sentiment rather than situa tion ; and the poor man with an en larged and pure mind may be happi er, too, than his rich neighbor with out tbis elevation, bet the former only look at nature with an enlight ened mind, " a mind that can see and adore the Creator in his works, can consider them as demonstrations of his power, his wisdom, his goodness, and his truth ; this man is greater as well as happier in his poverty, than the oilier in his riches. The one is but a little higher than the beast, the other is but little lower than the angels " IN the voyage of life we should imitate the ancient mariners, who, without losing sight ot the earth trusted vo the heavenly sign* tor their guidance, REGARDLESS OF DENUNCIATION FROM ANY QUARTER. TOWANDA, BRADFORD COUNTY, PA., APRIL 18,1867. APRIL. I hear through all the solemn pine* The South wind's pleasant flow. And see the clouds, like happy thing*, O'er tields of azure go, While all the sorrow from the earth Seems melting with the snow. The robin and the bluebird sing O'er meadows brown and bare ; They cannot know what wondrous hloom Is softly budding there ; But all the joy their hearts outpour Seems pulsing in the air. And io will sing, though all our days Seem dark with pain and loss We know that Sorrow's furnace heat Consumes alone our dross; We know that our dear Father's love Gives both our crown and cross. Oh, while beneath the snow-drift buds The flower we love the beet, And on the wind-tossed bough the bird Still builds its happy nest, Praise God for all the good wo know, And trust him for the rest! AN INTERVIEW WITH SURRATT. The interest attaching to the pris ! oner, John H. Surratt, now in con finement in the Washington jail, i charged with complicity in the as | sassination of President Lincoln, in duced your correspondent to seek and obtain an interview aud conver sation with him. i Coiiirary to the current reports of the close confinement ami careful ob scurity in which the important pris oner is held, I found him >ecupying temporarily the watchman's lodge in the jail yard. The yard in which ; this rather loose prison is situated is i enclosed by a brick wall eighteen or I twenty feet in height, having two | gateways leading into other yards, surrounded by walls about ten or twelve feet high. I did not examine ; these gateways to see if they could jbe easily opened ; but they ap ! peared to be fastened simply by a j bar on the inside. If this was their j only fastening, and they could be | opened as easily as appearances in dicated, the security for prisoners was not very great, as the outer yards were filled with rubbish that i could quickly aid one desirous of scal ing the walls. The prisoner sat in a chair by en open window, reading a small vol ume, the character of which I did I not inquire. On my entrance he rose, and advancing toward me with exteuded hand, acknowledged an in troduction with a very friendly smile 1 and a courteous shake of the hand. Not expecting to meet so notorious a j character in such a place, 1 was i somewhat takeu by surprise when j the name was pronounced, and, after shaking bauds, ventured to iuquire j once again the name. "Surratt," re-1 plied my new acquaintance, with a j smile. "I think I have heard of you 1 before," I remarked ; to which he | quietly responded, "Very likely." In stature I should judge him to be five feet nine or ten inches high, rather slender in form —almost deli cate, perhaps—aud apparently twen ty-eight years old. His hair is a very light auburn, nicely cut and trimmed, parted behind and combed ! forward. He wears a moustache and goatee rather more positive in their | color than the hair on his head. The 1 rest of his face was carefully shaven, j Altogether his appearance was that of a well-dressed and very present able young man, and certainly the last one that would be selected from a crowd as a desperate character or a villain. He has a very pleasant voice, in conversation uses good lan guage, understands himself perfectly, usually wears a smile upon his face, which, however, suggests unpleasant thoughts when we consider his de | sertion of the woman that gave him birth a* ihe time of her sorest need. My conversation with this man was not so full and free as 1 could have wished. He evidently was in no mood to talk on the topics that were most prominent in my own mind, and the witness to the inter view precluded urn from making any efforts to get his confidence. After a few commonplace remarks, I ven tured to ask him a leading question in regard to his escape to and con cealment in Canada. Putting on one of his most effusive smiles, he re plied, " I have nothing to say about that." His manner of reply, more than his words, conveyed to my mind that he considered it "a good thing," something to boast of, a great secret, that would tend to make him famous hereafter—a mystery for the world on and with which to associate his name. "But," he added, "there was no secrecy about my leaving Canada. I went on board a steamer at mid-day, wholly without disguise, and with hundreds ol people on and about the wharf. The steamer had fully two hundred passengers, with whom I as sociated freely during the voyage. Nobody recognized iue, though there were those among the passengers! that I recognized." He would not say ; what steamer this was, nor from i what port it sailed, more thau that it was one of a regular liue leaviug a large city. He spoke of meeting St. Marie in France. He claims that he recog nized St. Marie first and that they travelled to Italy together. He mani fests no vindictivenese toward this witness for having discovered him to the authorities, but considers him a "treacherous" fellow, and thinks he was mistaken in his character. Sur ratt says that he had information of St. Marie's "treachery" before it was fully accomplished, and was kept ad vised from time to time of the steps taken to secure his arrest. Had the actual arrest been delayed one day longer, as Surratt had reason to ex ■ pect it would be, he would have been beyond the reach of his pursuers, his arrangements for desertion and flight being nearly perfected at the time of his arrest. He is careful to ab stain from saying what these ar rangements were, who were his ac complices aud informers, or where he was to find a place of refuge. All this he considers a part of the sacred mystery that is to enshrine his name in immortal fame. He tells it as an instance ot cuieness, deserving of great credit—one of the incidents in his career that is notable. Many poor prisoners, whose crimes | are scarcely worth mention in com -1 parison with the great crime associa ted with Surratt's name, would re -1 joice could their lifetime be spent as '■ comfortably as are the prison-hours | of this universally accused assassin. An entire corridor, fully thirty feet in length and eight in breadth, with three large cells, are placed entirely at his disposal. In this corridor he 1 is excluded from the common prison ers'and the curious visitors by a I tight door, closing within the usual door or iron grating, whenever it is I uot agreeable to him to seek the j open air of the prison court-yard. At j night < uly does he have occasion to ! feel the rigors of confinement, when Ihe is located in the ceutral of the three cells, a commodious apartment, lat least ten feet square. True, the furniture is scant, consisting merely of a stool and a mattress laid upon the stone floor, though amply provid ed with coverings. To while away the sometimes te dious hours of the day he is provided with a plentiful assortment of books, embracing the field of literature from the Divine truth to the smallest hu man trash. Comforts, and even lux uries lor tbi- toilet, art also abund ant. His cuisine seems to be care fully looked alter by outside frieeds, and no restrictions placed upon the amount or variety that is sent him. Instead of the brown loaf and boiled beef of ordinary prisoners, Surratt has the choicest domestic cookery, selected with the sole view of pleas ing his palate. Moreover, the comforts ot a home are provided for him in the frequent and protracted visits of his sister, who calls at least each alternate day, and spends the time with him, cheer ing him by her presence and minis tering to his comforts. True, on these occasions the veteran keeper before alluded to shares the apart ment with the brother and sister, but the surveillance In- exercises is mere ly a matter of form, and lor any res traint it exerts upon the intercourse of the brother and sister might as well be dispensed with.— Washington currett/tondence Philadelphia Ijedgn■ MAN S VANITY Women, when their sex is accused of vanity, will acknowledge "the solt impeachment." But men will round ly deny it, This doeß not, however, diminishiu women the conviction that the vanity exists,notwithstanding all disclaimers. Take the vanity of dress. That women should be careful to dress as well as others, i 3 often given as an instance of their vanity. Are there no men to whom the length or width of a coat, the placing of but tons,the set of a shirt front,the width and shape of a collar, the fashion of a necktie, are objects of unceasing anxiety. The time which women spend iu arraying themselves has of ten been made matter of reproach.— But it is withiug out knowledge that men will spend more than au hour in dressing for a dinner. If a woman spend much time in getting up, we have at least a work of art as the re sult of the pains taking ; but a man after all is but a creature in no wise distinguishable from all the others of the sex at any social gathering.— Closely connected with tue vanity of personal appearance. No women consult their glass with more anxiety than many men. Wrinkles and gray hairs are greviotis to them ; and the restorative arts of the beautifiers are not devoted exclusively to the service of the fair sex. Do not men grieve when they begin to lose their good figure ? Do they not subject them selves to tortures in the matter of boots ' Are ali those, beards and moustaches cultivated and kept in or der without thought : and is there no exultation wheu these appendages are abundant and of the desired color and texture? What pains must be taken that the line which divides men's "back hair" may be straight ! Double glasses and pairs of luusbes, contortions of body and much agony of mind, must be brought into requis ition before the desired effect is ac complished. Then there in the vanity ol influ ence over the other sex. As "iords of the cisatiou," they leel'they ought to have influence ; and we never met a man, however mean and insignifi cant, who was 110' firmly impressed with the notion that, if he so willed it, all the women of his acquaintance would be "at his feet." There is also the vanity <d opinion—perhaps we ought to say of the iufabdity of opin ion. Occasionally women dogmatize ; but they are in most cases ready to admit that there are subjects about which they do not know everything. But when men utter an opinion they seem to consider it final,and that any one who disagrees with them is eith a knave or a fool. They may not say so, but it is evident they think it A CELEBRATED French preacher, iu a sermon upon the duty oi wives, said : "I see in this congregation a woman who has been guilty of disobedience to her husband and in order to point her out. I will fling my breviary at her head." He lifted his book, and every female head instantly ducked. Ix a nobleman's park, abont ten miles from Hyde Park Corner, in England, the following notice is stuck up: "Ten Bhillingß reward. Any person found tres passing on these lands, or damaging these fences, on conviction will receive the above reward." THE UNITED STATES SUB-TREASU RY NINETY TONS OF 00IN IN SAFE. The vaults 01 the United States Sub-Treasury are said to exceed in size those of the Bank of England.— The strong and burglar-proof manner in which they are constructed excites the admiration of all beholders. There are two of these immense vaults, one at each corner of the Pine street end of the rotunda. The rooms are per haps twenty feet long by fifteen feet wide, aud ten or twelve feet high.— They contain no windows ; there is but one door opening into each, and gas-lights are kept burning inside. The internal appearance of these vaults has a striking resemblance to a fashionable tomb iu Greenwood Cemetery, rows of cases being ar ranged around the sides of the room, each about two feet square, with iron doors attached. There is one door for each case, and when the apart ment has been filled with bags of gold or bundles of greenbacks, the doors are closed. Each case will con tain half a million of dollars, put up in bags of five thousand dollars each. When a case is thus filled, the door is closed, and 1 -eal is affixed in the presence of 'be Naval Officer and the Surveyor ol the Port. It takes one hundred bags to hold half a mill ion of dollars. In the first vault en tered there were seventy-two com partments arranged round the room, which formed a tier somewhat higher than a man's head. Running over the top of these was a balcony with an iron railing in front; there was piled up in this bal cony, in one heap, six millions ol dol lars, in five and ten dollar bills ; one hall million of dollars in internal rev enue stamps, fifty thousand dollars in fractional currency,put up in large paper boxes, and five and one-halt millions in United States bonds. The floor of the vault rests on thir ty feet of solid masoury, from the ground up. On the top ol this gran- i ite there are two feet ot wrought iron, and between the iron plates a space filled up with bullets. If a rogue should succeed in boring through the granite and iron, the mo ment bis drill touched a bullet that would commence to revolve, and by the time he had penetrated it another ball would drop iu its place ; in this way he would soon find that he had an endless job before him aud the attempt to get into the vault would have to be abandoned. The sides and top ol the room ate composed of eight leet of granite and two ol iron arranged in the same manner as for the floor. This safe,as it is called, was invented by Mr. Isai ah Rogers. Mr. Rogers once remark ed that if the people at the Treasury building should happeu to get locked out of the safe it would take him a mouth to break into it. A night watch is kept to look alter these strong boxes, but they are eonsidered perfectly safe without him. There are four doors to be opened, one after the other, before we can enter the safe. Each one ol these doors weighs two tons and contains locks of different patterns. A lever is so arranged that alter the doors arc closed four large iron bolts are thrown across the doorway, resting in sockets which have been made in a pillar of wrought iron. If a thief should succeed in cutting the hinges of one of these doors, usually consid ered to be the most vulnerable point, the door would not drop down from its place, aud uothiug would be gain ed Like the deacon's celebrated one-horse shay, these doors are made as strong in one point as in another, and the hinges show no signs of weakuess It will take a fearful earthquake to shake them down. No good idea can be given to the reader of their operation, but a lew general remarks may be of interest. The first dour has one of Dobb's Eu reka locks ; there is no key hole for this, and the outside combination wheel is divided into the letters of the alphabet, tbe uine units, and frac tions of figures. The combinations which may be made by this arrange ment are endless, and no one can open the lock,shoving back the bolts, unless he knows the words, figures aud fractions which have been used in locking the door. Even if a person was so fortunate as to get from Mr. Birdsall the com bination, he must have an extensive acquaintance with the lock to know how to manipulate it correctly. The gecoud door contains an Ishain lock, which is altogether different from Dobb's lock. The third door has L. Gale's Monitor lock, and the fourth door contains Gale's double Treasu ry locks. From one of these doors, after it has been lasteued, a portion of the lock is taken off, and put un der lock and key in some secret place. Without this it would be use less to attempt to get into the safe. The second vault is much larger than the first one described, but just I as difficult to get into. There are one hundred and twenty cases in this room where gold can be put and sealed up. At the tinie we looked into the vault there were ninety tons,, or forty-live millions ol dollars in gold stowed in the room, and twenty millions in paper. The greenbacks, as they are paid into the Treasury, are put up in packages of one thou sand bills each, all of the same de nomination. A package ot one dol lar bills contains one thousaud dol lars ; of five dollar bills, live thou saud dollars ; of five hundred dollar bills, five hundred thousand dollars. In one small box we were shown six small packages, each of which contained one million <l dollars.— Money is handled in the Treasury building in a wholesale manner,pack ing trunks standing abont full of it, large willow baskets on wheels be ing used to carry it in, &c. The sight of it becomes so common that pei* Annum, in Advance. ; the clerks employed regard it with the utmost indifference, handling it i as they would so much brown paper. 1 The vestibule or the second vault is called the book vault, and contains the cancelled obligations of the Unit ed States, a ton or two of paymast er's checks. All these books and checks are carefully preserved.—2V. V. Gazette. A MENEGARLE OF DRUNKARDS. The most foolish predicament a man can get into is to get drank. In drunkenness a man shows his strong est and most ardent passion. There are six kinds of drunkenness, and if you will go into a city drinking place where there are a dozen men under the influence of liquor, you will be sure to find these six different an imals : The first is ape drunk,he leaps asid sings, and yells and dances, making all sorts of " monkey-shines " to ex cite the laughter of his fellows. Oh, terribly silly is the drunken clown. The second is tiger drank,he breaks the bottles, breaks the chairs, breaks the heads of his fellow carousers, and is full of blood and thunder. His eyes are fired with vengeance, and his soul raves with murderous fury. Of this sort are those who abuse their families. The third is hog drunk, he rolls in the dirt <> the floor, slobbers and grunts, and going into the street, makes his bed in the first ditch or filthy corner he may lall into. He is heavy, lumpish aud sleepy, and cries in a grunting way for a little mure to drink. The fourth is puppy drunk. He will weep for kindness, and whine his love, and hug you in his arms,and kiss you with his slobbery lips, and proclaim how much he loves you.— You are the best man he ever saw, and he will lay down his money or his life for yott. The fifth is owl drunk. He is wise in his own conceit. No man must differ from him, for his word is law. He is true in politics, and in all mat ters must be taken as authority. His arm is the strongest, his voice is the sweetest, his horse the fleetest, his turuips the largest, his town the fin est of all in the room or land. The sixth and last animal of our menagerie is the fox drunk man. He is crafty, ready to trade horses and cheat il he can. keen to strike a bargain, leering around with low cunning, peeping through cracks, listening under the eaves, watching for some suspicious thing, sly as a fox, sneaking as a wolf, he is the meanest drunkard of them all. CHINESE J CGOI.KRS. —Ibu B.tuta, an Arabian traveler, who spent the thir ty years between 1825 and 1855 in wanderings in the East, relates that one night he tell in with a Chinese Juggler. He says : "He took a wooden ball with sev eral holes in it, through which long thongs were passed, and laying hold of one of these slung it into the air. It went so high that we lost sight of it altogether. There now remained only a little of the end of a thong in the conjurer's hand, and he desired one of the boys who assisted him, to lay hold of it and mount. He did so, climbing by the thong and we lost sight of him also. The conjurer then called to him three times, but getting no answer, he snatched up a knife as if in a great rage, laid hold ot the thong and disappeared also. By and by he threw down one of the boy's hands, then a foot, then the other band and the other foot, then the trunk, and last of all the head. Then he came down himself, and ail puf fing and panting,and with his clothes all blood ; but presently he took the lad's limbs, laid them together in their plaeeo, and gave a kick when, presto ! there was the boy, who got up and stood before us. All this," adds, the veracious traveler, " aston ished nie beyond measure, and I had an attack of palpitation like that which overcame me once before in the presence of the Sultan of India, when he showed me something of the same kind." CURE KOR HYDROPHOBIA.— In order that our readers may be prepared for the dog days of 1887, we publish the following cure for hydrophobia. Cut it out and put in your receipt buok for future reference : " Take the root of elecampane one ounce and a-half, cut fine, then boil it into one pint of new milk down to a half pint ; take this three morn ings, fastiug, and eat no food until four o'clock in the afternoon. It should be taken every other morning; the last two doses must weigh two ounces each. This remedy will have the desired effect if taken at any time within twenty-four hours after the accident." YANKEE OOIRTSHIP. —One evening, as 1 was sitting by Hatty, and bad worked my sell np to the point of popping the question, sez 1 : " Hat ty, if a fellow was to ask you to mar ry him, what would you say ?" Then she laughed, and sez she : " That would depend on who asked me."— Then sez I, " suppose it was Xed Willis ?" Sez she : "I'd tell Ned Willis, but not you."' That kinder staggered me, but 1 was too cute to lose the opportunity, and so sez I ageu : "Suppose it was me V" And then you ought to see her pout her lips, and sez she "1 don't take no supposes !" Well, now, you see there was nothing for me to do but touch , the trigger and let the gun go off.— So bang it went. Sez I : "Lor, Hat j ty, it's me. Won't you say yes ?" aud then there was a liellabaloo in ' my head, 1 don't know 'zactly what tuk place, but 1 thought 1 heard a " Yes" whispering somewhere out of the skirmage. BILL SIMPSON'S LEGAL EXPE BIEHOE Many years ago the Legislature ot Tennessee passed an act to organiz* the county of McNairy. At that time the county embraced in the ii eii - <>! Snake, was occupied by a sturdy set of backwoodsmen, totally unacqirain ted with courts, jails, etc. The com. try assembled at the appointed sit. for the purpose of cutting logs, mal ing boards, etc. The only theme ot daily conversation, when the men were assembled, was the court. None of them had seen a court in session, as yet developed. Each oue would give what his idea of a court was None, however,were entirely sati-i factory until Bill Simpson was call on to give his ideas Ho said !. ■ knew ail about a court —that he had a lawsuit in North Carolina. On - >i his neighbors' hogs kept coming who ■ he fed his hogs until it got fat. Ou. morning he got so all-fired mad thai he shot the hog. lie thought it would not do to throw it away, so he clean ed and salted it. Shortly after, his neighbor and a man came to his house, examined the smoke-house,and took him to town and put him in a little office. About three mouths after that, this man caine and took him to a large room. A large man sat upon a high bench—a man was sitting at a desk—about a dozen fin. dressed men set in a place around.— The man put me in a pen just be hind them. He then called in twelve men ; they took seats in a box in front of the fine dressed men. The man that was writing gave the twelve men a book and said something about Bill Simpson and the State. Then one of the fine men read something about Bill Simpson and the hog, and he aud another of the fine dressed men had the biggest quarrel you ever heard I thought they would fight eveiy miu ute, but they didn't. It was Bill Simpson and the hog, and the hog and Bill Simpson, and sometimes Mr Simpson, but devilish seldom. After they had quit quarnelling, the big man talked awhile to the twelve men. and they went out and staid a short time and came back and said sorm thing to the man at the desk. Tie man on the bench said something to the man that put me in the office,and he took me out aud tied me to a per simmon tree aud commenced fighting me with a cowhide, and it made me so all-fired mad that I shook all li>- persimmons oft the tree. NUMBER 46. A YEAR'S WORK OF DRAM SELLING.— Carefully compiled statistics show that sixty thousand lives are annual ly destroyed by intemperance in the United States. One hundred thousand men and women are yearly sent to prison in consequence of strong drink. Twenty thousand children are VUdi - ly sent to the poor house for tin same reason. Three hnudred murders are auod. er of the v early fruits of in ternp< : auce. Four hundred suicides follow tl. fearful catalogues of miseries. Two hundred thousand orphans an bequeathed each year to private ami public charity. Two hundred million dollars are yearly expended to produce lies shocking am uut oi trine* and mist ery, and as much more is lost from the same cause. EASII.V SATISFIED. —We think ill following article reflects the feelings of ladies of a certain age in almost every city, town or village : A young woman had been couvei t ed at the camp meeting. The good minister told her that if she had faith the Lord would give her whatevci she would ask in prayer. Believing* implicitly in his words, site one even ing retired to a grove and fervently prayed the Lord to give her a man. It so happened that an owl sat tip ii one of the trees near by, and being disturbed,gave out a " whoo—o—o !"' She was overjoyed, and with tin greatest thankfulness of spirit, an swered back, "Anybody, Lord, so it's a nran !" CONSOLATION FOR THE DOOR. —Lord Byron said: "The mechanics ami workiugmen who can maintain theii families are, in my opinion, the hap piest body ol men. Poverty is wretch edness, but eveu poverty is, perhaps, to be preferred tu the heartless, tin meaning dissipation of higher life Another author says: "1 hive no propensity to envy any one, least oi all the great; but if 1 were disposed to this weakuess, the subject ol m\ envy would be a health}* young man in full possession of his strength and faculties, going forth in the morning to work for his wife and children, u bringing them home his wages e night," ADVERTISING.—A farmer near Man treal says no one need tell him that edvt t tising won't cause a big rush : for he adve. Used ten bushels of grapes for sale, and ii ■ next morning there was not one 1* ft- tin boys stole theiu all. "JOHN," said a careful father, "don't give Cousin William's horses to., many oats—you know they have bty. "Yes, sir." said John, moving tov rtl th barn. "And hulk ye. John : don't givi them too much h ty, you know they ha oats." "SF.\ENTY-KIEHR," New York lln r.i office, advertises for a "tall clerk who I handsome and a rapid pt uanm : salan $250. Address in'own handwriting." The gentleman evidently believes that " a thin: of beauty is a joy forever." A SICK man was telling his symp toms—which appeared to himself of . oui dreadful—to a medical friend, who at cacd i new item of disorder exclaimed, " Charm ing! Delightful' l'rny go on' and when he had finished, the doctor said with the utmost pleasure, "Do you know, uiy dear ! sir, }ou have got a complaint which 1)..s I been for some time supposed to he extinct* A FIRE-EATING Irishman challenged ; a barrister, who gratified him by an accept ance. The duelist being very lame, requeat led he might have a prop. " Suppose, j said he, " I lean against this mile-stoin ; '* With pleasure," replied the lawyer, •* on ! condition that 1 may lean against the nest , This joke settled the quarrel. J DEATH comes to a good uiau tu re* I live him ; it comes to a bad one to relieve ! Bociety. DON'T take too much interest in th.* ' affairs of youi neighbors. Seven per ret.i | will do. THE moat common things are the ! most useful; which shows both the wis < dom and goodness of the C.reat Father ot the family of the world. JONES called UU the man who " I_- stores oil paintings, and requested him to try to restore one stolen from his residence a yew ego.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers