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They will be entitled to I column, confined exclusive ly to their business, with privilege of change. Advertising in all cases exclusive of subscription to the paper. JOB PRINTING of every kind, in Plain and Fancy colors, done with neatness and dispatch. Handbills, Blanks, Cards, Pam phlets, Ac., of every variety and style, prin ted at the shortest notice. The REPORTER OFFICE has jnst been re-fltted with Power Presses, and every thing in the Printing line can be executed in the most artistic manner and at the lowest rates. TERMS INVARIABLY CASH. ®art)s. rTHOMAS J. INGHAM, ATTOR -L NEY AT I.AW, I.APORTE, Sullivan County, Pa. pEORGE D. MONTANYETAT VX TORNEY AT LA IF—Office in Union Block, formerly occupied by JAMACFARLANE.*£ WT. DAYIES, Attorney at Law, • Towanda, Pa. Office with Wm. Wat kins, Esq. Particular attention paid to Or phans' Court business and settlement of dece dents estates. MERCUR & MORROW, Attorneys at Law. Towanda, Penn'a, The undersigned having associated themselves together in the practice of Law, offer their pro fessional services to the public. ULYSSES MERCUR, P. D. MORROW. March 9,1865. OATRICK & PECK, ATTORNEYS AT _L LAW. Offices :—ln Union Block, Towaada, Pa., formerly occupied by Hon. Wm. Elwell.and in Patrick's block, Athens, Pa. They may be consulted at either place. H. W. PATKICK, apU3 W. A. PECK. Uli McKEAN, ATTORNEY e but a passing guest, the good lady troubled little about my belongings, but when the snow beat ing against the windows told that it was likely to render my early depart ure, however desirable, an impossi f bility, the careful mother began skil- I fully to investigate the character of the stranger thus suddenly thrown upon her hospitality for an indefinite period. I' was not long before she had a fair knowledge of my family connections, business, and general mode of life ; and then, apparently satisfied, she began to talk on indif ferent subjects until bedtime. With many sage reflections on the course of the day's events, some kindly thoughts of poor Bob passing the night in charge of his train and its troublesome company, and some by no means unkindly ones of the bright eyed, brave-hearted cause of my de tention at Borton Green, I fell asleep, to be awakened at intervals by the fearful howling of the wind and the beating of the still falling snow. All the next day, and the next, and the next, the roads were impassible, and Borton Green was no nearer to Uextou, for any useful purpose, than it would have been at the antipodes. Meantime 1 did my best to be agree able. The boys,confined to the house, were delighted to have an older boy than themselves to share in such amusements as could be enjoyed in doors, whilst Polly, with frank sim plicity, admitted the pleasure she felt at returning the obligation my servi ces had, as she said, imposed upon her. At length, however, the farm ers of the neighborhood, being seri ously inconvenienced for want of communication with their market town, set their laborers to work to clear the Hextou road,by which means my captivity was terminated, and I was able to depart. As I looked back on the events of the past few days, and reflected on the strange chance that had thus introduced me so unex pectedly to new and pleasant associ ations, I could not help wondering whether it was all to end here. Was Ito go away and be forgotten by Polly, and her mother, and the boys, and the cheerful group with whose pursuits and home-life I had been so closely, though bi iefly identified ? Of this, at least, I was sure, that my discreet hostess would cry quits when I was once fairly uuder weigh again, and that I need look for no renewal of our friendship on her in vitation. But it seemed that to her good nature the debt for services rendered was not yet fully paid. My sister must accept vicariously the payment of the obligation to me,— she must visit Borton Green in the spring, and allow them to show their gratitude for my kindness to Pollv. Need I say that, as soon as I reached London, I wrote to my sister a full, true, and particular account of the whole affair, or that Jenny enter ed with a girl's love jot romance into the spirit of the adventure, —> that she accepted the invitation, was charmed with Polly, with Polly's mamma, and everybody at Borton Green ; and, shall 1 say it, most art fully contrived to be invited again at Christmas, when, of course, after Pol ly's experience, an escort was neces sary, and what escort so suitable as her brother ? So the ice once broken, the two families were placed on terms of friendship, and I paid many a visit to Borton Green, till its kind and hos- j pitable mistress left that part of the ; country ; and then—" " But who was the young lady, pa pa? what was her name? what be came of her ?" asks my eldest girl, to whom I have been telling the sto ry ; " where is she now, papa ?" " Ask mamma, Polly." f&~ A New Britain (C't.) woman got tenibly mad with her husband the other day, and to spite him, rush, ed out of doors and sat in a snowbank till she was nearly frozen. Her hus band urged her in vain to return to the house,until the drowsiness began to come over her from the effects of the cold, when he succeeded in remov ing her and thawing her out. From the Toledo Blade. NASBY. Mr. Nasby is Dispatched by the Presi dent and Secretary Seward upon an Important Mission, Similar in its Nature to that of Mr. McCraclcen. His POST OFFIS CONFEDBIT X ROADS, I (wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky,) J- January '2Bth, 1867. ) It wuz a crooel necessity, after all, wich druv me into servis uv His Eggsleucy A. Johnson. Crooel, I say, for whenever he hez a pertikel ery mean piece uv work to perform, suthin so inexpressibly sneakin that Seward nor Randall won't undertake it, they alluz send for me. Welles is alluz willin, but while he hez the dis position to do anythin in that line, he lacks the ability. The others, how ever, hev the ability to do anythin and the disposition to do most things, and therefore I hev bin employed in only extreme cases. The success wich attended Mc- G'racken's mission, endin ez it did in the resinin uv Motley, stimulated Seward to prosecute similar research es into the actooal opinions uv the home crop uv offisers regardin him and his, and my sooprerior, A. John son. Randall wuz applied too to take a tour among Post Masters and sich. Declined the mission indignant ly, with the remark, " Is thy servant a dog or a son uv a dog, that he shood do this thing?" And ez Well es isn't trusted out of Washinton any more, I wuz sent for. The biznis required uv me wuz statid by Seward in his yoosual {u cid stile. It wuz merely to cirklate incognito (wich is Latin for sneakiu) among the recently appinted offis holders and assertaiu ther views up on general politikle topics, but more especially ther feelins toward the President and Sekretary uv State. Jest ez I wuz startin, not at all pleased with the mission, Welles put in his oar. He wuz agoiu to give me instrucshuns ez to wat 1 wuz to do. Welles is a lunatik I never cood abide, and I felt it my dooty to with er him. Transiixin the venerable Sekretary with one uv my most pier cenist gazes, I remarked : " Sir ! in imitashen uv the man who inflicted yoo upon this country, wich wuz not the last uv his acts for wich the country cusses him, 1 propose relatin a little anecdote. Ther wuz wunst a man who wuz inebriatid, aud that he might present hisself in a state ap proximating sobriety to the pardner uv his buzzum, he wuz essayiu to vomit, tryiu thus to relieve his stum ick uv the cause uv the oupleasant nis therein, but he coodent do it. He heaved and heaved but ther wuz no result. At this critikle period another man approached, who re marked kindly that, ef he desired to vomit, his best holt would be to run his finger down his throat. The drunk individooal looked up indig nant at this unwarranted interfer ence with his constooshnel rites.— " Blast yoor eyes, sir," sed he "are yoo or me bossin this yer puke." "This, Sekretary Welles, is the anecdote ; I respek the posishun yoo hold, and dislike sayin anythin disa greeable, but, sir, this is a puke, and 1 propose to boss it myself." 1 startid to wunst,and found things in a highly mixed condition. The folio win is compiled from my reports: In Noo York the Postmasters gener ally are sound. The crops were poor last year, and all kinds uv biz nis bein dull, the Postmasters are generally anxious to hold on. They are, therefore, outspoken in their sup port uv the coz. Them ez wuz men uv good standin and religiously en cliued, before the rupcher between the President and the party wich re doost him, say but very little in pub lic, aud that little they don't say very long. They generally can't see that ther is any partickeler diff erence between the President's plan and the plan uv Congres, aud ther bein so little Congress ought to yield for the sake uv peace. The Dimo crats huldin sich places are loud enough in support uv the Adminis trashen, but good Heaven ! the en dorsement uv sich men is to heavy a load for any party to bear. Now, that I think uv it, I hev at last solv ed the mystery uv our wide-spread defeat last fall. In some Deestricts the Dirnocracy found Johnson too heavy a load to carry, and in the bal ance the Johnson men found the Dirn ocracy too heavy a load to carry. In Ohio, the first place I stopped at wuz Oberlin, the place where the nigger college is located at. I regret to say that the Postmas ter at that pint is a rantin Ablishuist, and in the two hours I wuz there, I coodent find a Conservative Republi can who wood take it. I got one nearly persuaded, but jist as he wuz about to consent, his wife fell a weep in upon his buzzum, and with tetch- < in pathos wanted to know ef he wuz willin, for sich small pay, to leave sich a taruisht name to the four chil dren now born to em and the wun wich wuz expectid ? He repentid and refused. I didn't investigate ez fully ez I might, for ther aint a drop uv likker sold there, and ez my flask give out,l felt that doo considerashen for my health woodent permit my stayiu anothei hour. I recommend the abolitiou uv the offis, or the es tablishment uv a grosery, with a bar in the back room, ez a nucleus around wich the Diraocrisy kin rally. The next place I come to I found ! the Postmaster a suspishus caracter j —very suspishus. Whenever he is i drunk he speaks very highly uv the ' Sekretary uv State, but when sober he avoids politikle matters. I sejest | a raise in the salary uv the offis,that; he kin afford to keep drunk all the l time. At the next pint I interdoost my self ez a English nobleman in disgise, studyin American manners and cus- #3 per Annum, in Advance. turns, and meushuud carebssly that I hed bin to Wasiiinton, and bed bin preseutid to the President and Sekre tary uv State. The Postmaster wuz visably affectid. Glauciu furtively around to see that no one wuz look in, he remarked in a low tone : "My deer sir, don't I beg uv yoo, form yoor idea uv the public men uv Amer iky from them specimens. Don't I beg. The first, sir, is an accident— sich a man cood never hev bin made on purpose. The Second wuz suthin, in his earlier years, but now, sir, now—he's a degraded old man," and he bustid into tears. "Bein deter mined to hold onto his place, he tried at fust to bring the President, by ac cident, up to his level; but that be in impossible, he deliberately let his eelf down to the level uv the Presi dent, and the distance, sir, wuz so great, the Sekretary bein suthin, that the shock, sir, undoubtedly klmct his intelleck out uv him, for he aiut dis played any since. He literally fell among thieves. May the Lord for give Willyum H. Seward for the wreck he made uv his reputashen, for " At this pint the poor man stopt. I happened to pul! out my Lanker cher, and in doiu so dropt upon the floor a piece uv paper wich he seed. It read: "Petroleum V. Nasby, Dr. To G. BaBComb. To drinks dooriu the month uv January at 10 cents per drink $30,00 He looked at my face, and seein that the bill reely belonged to me, fell faiutiu onto the floor, shreekin " I'm McCrackened." I leave the case iu the hands uv the Cabinet. Its aggravatin. Another man openly defied me. He wanted me to take the offis off uv his hands. His children,he sed, wuz made mouths at and skoffed at, at skool, becoz their father wich bed bin a Re publikin, held a Federal ofiis, and his wife wuz defeeted for Presidedt uv the Sewin Society,a posisheu she hed alluz held, on the same akkount. He hed stood it long enuff. Ef he eood ent git it off his hands he'd commit sooicide, and by thus puttin hisself out uv the way make his abuzed fam ily the only reparashen in his power. I sejest he be removed. Sich talk may be safely set down ez incendi iary. Another hed the highest possible I opinion uv the President, and wor shiped the Sekretary. He consider ed his plan uv reconstruction the best wich cood hev bin devised by mortal wisdom. He hed vainly striven to git a nominasheu for an offis from the Republikin party for years, but failed owm to a lack uv confidence. He hev jined the Democracy, but ez they wuz hopelessly in the minority, it woodent hev helped him. He consid ered Johnson's noshuu of fillin the of fisis with Republikius bully, ther be in so few uv that persuasion who'd take em, and he didn't want any ac cessions to the party. Ther wuz now jist enuff to hold the offisis iu the con trol uv the President, and them wuz all the offisis they cood git anyhow. He isn't discreet, but we can't expect all the virchoos at so small a price. None uv us is perfeck— I spose I hev my failins. I shell continyoo my investigashens tho it is dreadful tryin labor. Goin ez I do, thro Abolishen sections, I hev to carry my own whisky, and ez sad experience hez demonstrated, quart flasks won't do. Sometimes 1 hev to lay iu one uv them towns for three hours. I respeckfully submit, that arrangements be made for the transportashen uv a keg uv suste nance to accompany me, otherwise, I shel peremptorily resine. At my time uv life regeler supplies are necessary. PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. M. (Wich is Postmaster), and likewise Profes sor uv Biblikle Politicks in the Southern Classikle & Military Institoot. DANGER OF RAISING A FAST HORSE.— The Rural Nero Yorker states the fol lowing case,to enforce some sensible advice to farmers, suggested, we pre sume, by the "display of horses," which is fast becoming the most at tractive feature of our agricultural shows : A well-to-do farmer of our acquain tance had the misfortune to rear a really fine horse. The action of the animal gave him great delight, and nothing would do but an exhibition of him among the professionals. He put up his money and won. This gave a higher flight to his ambition, and in duced a bolder operation. Success rewarded his ventures. He neglect ted his farm, imperceptibly acquired habits to which he had before been a strauger.and spurred on by past suc cess aud the machinations of the craf ty,^whose aim it is to fleece the green and unwary, placed his farm in jeop ardy for the purpose of raising money to stake on the result of a race in which his pet horse was to contend for the prize ai.d mastery. The pro fessionals had now got the over-con fident farmer in the precise position desired, and the result was,what they intended it should be, the defeat of the farmer's horse aud the ruin of his owner, The animal changed hands and so did the farm. It was all down hill with the farmer after this. His family was broken up and dispersed, while he, reckless and maddened by disappointment and remorse, found premature grave. THE President of a Western railway advertises for a "conductor who does not know how to steal." No applications. IT is very true that one swallow does not make a summer, hut several of them have been known to produce a fall. WHY do young ladies confess that ritualistic curates are a desirable specula tioh ? Because they are pretty in-vestments. A codfish breakfast aud an india rubber coat will keep a man dry all day. THE world stands by every old lil till it is found untenable, and opposes every new truth till it proves irresistible. COMMON SENSE AND PRESENCE OF MIND. If a man faint away, instead of yelling like a savage or running to him to lift him up, lay him at full length on his back on the floor,loosen the clothing, push the crowd away so as to allow the air to reach him, and let him alone. Dashing water over a person in a simple fainting fit is barbarity. The philosophy of a fainting fit is, that the heart fails to send the proper supply of blood to the brain ; if the person is erect, that blood lias to be throwb up bill, bat if ljing down it has to be pro jected horizontally, which requires less power, as is apparent. If a person swallow poison deliber ately, or by chance, instead of break ing out into multitudinous and inco herent exclamations, despatch some one for the doctor. Meanwhile run to the kitchen, get half a glass of water in anything that is handy, put into it a teaspoonful of salt and as much mustard, stir it in an instant, catch a firm hold of the person's nose, the mouth will soon fly open, then down with the mixture, and in a sec ond or two up will come the poison. This will answer better in a large number of cases than any other. If by this time the physician has not arrived, make the patient swallow the white of an egg, followed by a cap of strong coffee (because these nullify a large number of poisons than any other accessible articles)as antidotes for any poison that re mains in the stomach. If a limb or other part of the body is severely cut, and the blood comes out by spirts or jerks, be iu a hurry or the man will be dead in five minutes ; there is no time to talk or send for a physician ; say nothing, out with your handkerchief, throw it around the limb, tie the two ends together, put a stick through them, twist it around, tighter and tighter, until the blood ceases to flow. But stop, it does no good. Why ? Be cause only a severed artery throws out blood in jets, and the arteries get their blood from the heart; hence, to stop the flow, the remedy must be applied between the heart and the wounded spot—in other words,above the wound. If a vein had been sev ered, the blood would have flowed in a regular stream, and on the other hand, the tie should be applied be low the wound, or on the other side of the wound from the heart: be cause the bloocUn the veins flows towards the heart, and there is no need of so great a hurry. JUST I.IE THERE AND COOL.—I went to the Legislature last year, said a Georgian. Well, I went to Augusta and took dinner at a tavern. Right beside me at the table sat a member from one of the back towns that had never taken dinner before at a tavern in his life. Before his plate was a dish of peppers, and he kept looking at them. Finally, as the waiters were very slow bringing on things, he up with his fork, and in less than no time soused one into his mouth.- As he brought his grinders down on it, the tears came into his eyes At i last,spitting the pepper into his hand | he laid it down by the side of his | plate, and with a voice that set the I whole table in a roar, exclaimed, "Just lie there and cool." WHO'S THE FOOL ?—Some merchants went to an Eastern sovereign and ex hibited for sale several very fine hor : sea. The king admired them and I bought them ; he moreover gave the ' merchants a lac of rupees to purchase more horses for him. The king one day in a sportive humor ordered the vizier to make out a list of all the fools in his dominions. lie did so, and put his Majesty's name at the head of them. The king asked why. He replied, "Because you entrusted a lac of rupees to men you don't know, and who will never come back." "Ay but suppose they should come back ?" "Then 1 shall erase your name and in sert theirs." I FUN, FACTS, AND FACETIAE. A "seedy" institution—the Agri cultural Bureau. THE last place to look for the milk of human kindness is in the pale of civiliza tion. A little five-year old heai ing tin text given out at church, "And the child waxed strong" asked, "Father how did they wax him ?" "PRAY, excuse a bit of sarcasm," said Smith to Jones, "but you are an infa mous liar and scoundrel." "Pray, pardon a touch of irony," replied Jones, as h > knocked him down with tin poker. A compromise with sin is a sun. n der to the devil. lIE who pretends to reason with the dead is deaf to reason. AN impenitent sinner has no lUO,V right to sin than a saint. "PADDY, why don't you get youi ears cropped V They are entirely too" long for a man." "And yours," replied Pat. "ought to he lengthened ; they are too short for a mule.' LOOKING glasses won't lie, but they tell some awful plain truths now and then. "Will you let me drill you ?" said the crowbar to the rock. "I'll he blasted if I do," was the hardy reply. "SAMMY, my son, how many weeks belong to this year V" "Forty-six, sir." "Why, Sammy, how do you make that out?" "Ihe other six are Lent.'' NEITHER purity, virtue nor liberty can long flourish where education is neg lected. THE tongue is an instrument on which human thoughts are played. HE who has to deal with a block head hath need of much brains. HE who hath good health is young, and he is rich who owes nothing. WHY is a letter like a flock of sheep ? Because it is penned and folded. To Adam and Eve, Paradise was home; to the good among their descend ants, home is Paradise. DEBOW, the statiatican, has been pardoned, so we may not expect to apply to him the words of the old negro melody, "Hang up de fiddle and Deßow." WHAT song does a hasty eater re mind you of? "When the swallows homeward fly.' WHY is a bald head like Heaven ? Because there is no more dying or parting there. "You are quite welcome" as the empty purse said to the shilling. IF you would look "spruce" in your old age, don't "pine'' in your youth. NUMBER 41.