1 BUMS OF PUBLICATION. KEPO BTER is published every Thursday Morn ' by E 0. GOODRICH, at $2 per annum, in ad- exceeding fifteen lines are 1 , lt TFN - < i.sTs per line for first insertion, " ■ \R. CENTS per line for subsequent insertions ' ,1 notices inserted before Marriages anil *' ■ w qi i, c charged FIFTEEN CENT, per line # for ' msertiou All resolutions of Associations : , nl ieatious of limited or individual interest, ..jees of Marriages anil Deaths exceeding five ' IIV chare' J TEN CENTS r line. PllcS. •" 1 Year. 0 mo. 3 mo. i clunni 875 $4O $3O (lu . 40 25 15 ,i T Siuare . .10 7J "....,v. Caution, Lost and round, and oth • advertisements, not exceeding 15lines, l!live weeks, or less, •;! 50 , iV inistrator's and Executor's Notices ..2 00 editors Notices 2 50 : SS Cards, five lines, (per year) 5 00 I ..bains and others, advertising their business charged -2". They will be entitled to J j, couiiinal exclusively to their bnsiness, with ivilege of change. *-Advertising in all cases exclusive of sub -ij.tion to 'he paper. Ml) PRINTING of every kind in Plain andFan done with neatiu ss and dispatch. Hand- Bianks. Cards. Pamphlets, 4c., of every va aul style, printed at the shortest notice. The T): FICE has just been re-fitted with Power 1 Mrs. and every thing in the Printing line can ; wilted in the most artistic manner and at the j :s . TEEMS INVARIABLY CASH. frlnlfd jfflftnj. WIVTER. I. mi -! Ihe tardy winter comes ; I ln-ar l is foot-step through the nights ! 1 li-.u his vanguard from the heights M, j.-u through the pin 1 with muffled drums! Hi- i.akcd feet arc on the mead : fLe grass blades stiffen in his path, y fear for child of earth he hath ! \" | jty for her tender seed fl., are oaks shudder at his breath : \ uioiiitnt by the stream he stays it, melody is mute ! A glaze I ~TK o'er its dimples, as of death ! ' I ui lettered stream and .dackened moor, TLe city's walls he silent nears ; The mansion of the rich he fears : ii -torms the cabins of the poor! , ataiia d concli, the glowing hearth, !frost-rimmed Graybeanl's power defy : Ik curses as he hurries by i stnk> s the luggar, dead, to earth! I'm every gleaming hall lie spares, \ hundred lieurtl -s hovels hold, Hi art pulseless, crisp with ice and cold, VI • '..1 • hundred glim Despairs! |i a .rests oi. wby His command Who saith 'II' lendeth to the Lord Who givetli to the poor!" Your hoard Is iiis ! Ve stewards of the land ! II e y..sir mi.--iou! Yc who feed V> "V I. xisL tin -! Not far, i •at your doors, your Heathen are! ' 1-i 01 your creditors—take lreed! I:, j .tk is long to Pagan shores : TL>.ir -kits are sunny ; God o'er all! I'h- winter's deadly harvests fall .'...lvoiC Deal your Master's stores! pisfdimuTO. R ECON STRI'CTION. SPEECH OF RON. THAD. STEVENS, OI PENNSYLVANIA, IMivrittl in (IK- limztc of Ht prcsv nini nber I*, hori, Mr - \i x-. A candid examination of wer and proper principles of recon- '■ utiuii can be offensive to no one, and y | -si: !y be profitable by exciting in y "in: id' the suggestions of the rnes- j - win ii we are now considering has il reference to this. Perhaps it is the must interesting to the people at - time. The President assumes, what doubts, that the late rebel States ve ! -t their constitutional relations to 1 nion, and are incapable of represent •u in ( ongress, except by permission of' Government. It mutters but little,with 1 - admission,whether you call thein States : t of the 1 nion, and now conquered Ter ovies, or assert that because theUoiistitu m forbids them to do what they did do, H they are therefore only dead as to all tioriiil A Ml] political action,and will remain until the Government shall breathe into na the breath of life anew and permit in to occupy their former position. In 1 words, that they are not out of the J n. hut are only dead carcasses lying | ' a the I nion. In either case, it is very " ti,at 11 requires the action of ('ongress - enable them to form a State government ml representatives to Congress. • N "inly, I believe, pretends that with i j constitutions and frames of gov : : t they can he permitted to claim their , ■-i ts under the Constitution. They h "in tueir constitutional States into . | i, and built on their foundations fab- J • : a totally different character. Dead ' 1 a iii"t raise themselves Bead States 1 VM'" I '' t ' ,( ' ll ' own existence "as it; 1 ' w hose especial duty is it to do it ?I 1 in dees the Constitution place the 1 Aot ill the judicial branch of Gov ■"'t, tor it only adjudicates and does •"- libe laws. Not in the Executive, "jy executes and cannot make laws, j l " c 1 iiiniai der-in-Chief of the ar- 1 1 he can only liold them under mili the sovereign legislative : j r ■ 'he conqueror shall give them f rtunatcly. 110 difficulty is solv- 1 '• |Ui>t:oii. lln re are two provisions 'solution, under one of which the i , hdl. The fourth article says : utcs may be admitted by Con- | " ;!| to this Union." i'ldgment this is the controlling 1 ;■ " this case. I uless the law ol - a dead letter the late war be-j 1 * acknowledged belligerents sev- ( ""ginal compacts, and broke all , 'Mil bound them together. The fu- < c 'J 1 '' 11 the conquered power de ' will of the conqueror. They j 1,1 m >mw States or remain as . Provinces. Congress—the Sen- R"iise nt Representatives, with " urn i,ce of the President—is I "w that can act in the matter. 1 j.' j ''"'ne dreaming theorists > > *t these States have never been -'"ii, but have only destroyed . •v';eminent.-; so :ts to be inca- I . c mieal aetiou ; then the fourth 1 'a' fourth article applies, which : r y s t f,rguarantee to 1 v.- ,'" ' "i"n a republican form ; nmient." ' ( " : . v : ii.'it ,1 "'o ' 1 ' N, ot t,le J 11 " -'-: , W) r vctudeiit ; but the sover- i f >.. Dr ,. ' ("'''pie, exercised through i "r'-iuv ' ,I,UIVI ' H hi (Jongress, with the • i Hitical ( ' x,:c,lt ive. It means i "'^eriunent—the concurrent 1 i E. <). GOODRICH, Publisher. VOLUME XXVI. action of both branches of Congress and the Executive. The separate action of each amounts to nothing,either in admitting new States or guaranteeing republican govern ments to lapsed or outlawed States. Whence springs the preposterous idea that either the President, or the Senate, or the House oi Representatives, acting seperately can determine the right of States to send mem bers 01 Senators to the Congress of the 1 nion ? To prove that they are and for four years have been out of the Uniofl forall legal pur | poses, and being now conquered, subject i to the absolute disposal of Congress, 1 will suggest a few ideas and adduce a few au tlioiities. 11 the so-called "Confederate i States of America" were an independent belligerent, and were so acknowledged by the I nilcd States and by Europe, or bad as sumed and maintained an attitude which entitled them to be considered and treated as a belligerent, then, during such time, they were precisely in the condition of a foreign nation with whom we were at war: nor need their independence as a nation be acknowledged by us to produce that effect In the able opinion delivered by that ac complished and loyal jurist, Mr. Justice Greir, in the prize cases, all the law 011 these points is collected and clearly btated (2 Black, page 66.) Speaking of civil wars, and following Yattel, he says : "When the party in rebellion occupy and hold in a hostile manner a certain portion ol tei 1 itoiy ; ha\e declared their indepen dence ; have east oil their allegiance; have organized armies ; have commenced hostil ities against their former sovereign, the world acknowledges them as belligerents, and the contest a war." And " The parties belligerent in a public war are independent nations. Hut it is not nec essaiy, to constitute war, that both parties shouid be acknowledged as independent nations or foreign States. A war may ex ist where one oi the belligerents claim sov ereign rights as against the other." The idea that the States could not and did not mfike war because the Constitution forbids it, and that this must lie treated as a war oi individuals, is a very injurious and groundless fallacy. Individuals can not make war. They may commit murder, but that is no war. Communities, societies States make war. Philliinoresays, volume •!, page t>B : " War between private individuals who are members of a society cannot exist. The use ol force in such a case is trespass and not war." Ilut why appeal to reason to prove that the seceded States made war as States, when the conclusive opinion of the Supreme Court is at hand? In the prize cases al ready cited, the Supreme Court say : " Hence, in organizing this rebellion,they have acted as States claiming to be sover eign over all persons and property within ! their respective limits,and asserting a right to absolve their citizens from their allegi ance to the federal Government Several of these States have combined to form a new confederacy ; claiming to be acknowl j edged by the world as a sovereign State.— Their right to do so is now being decided by wager of battle, l'be ports and territory of each of these States are held in hostility |to the General Government. It is 110 loose unorganized insurrection, having no defined boundary or possession. It has a boundary marked by lines of bayonets, and which can be crossed only by force. South of this line is enemies' territory, because it is claimed and held in possession byanorgon ized hostile and belligerent power." Again, the Court say, what I have been astonished that anyone should doubt : " The proclamation of blockade is itself official and conclusive evidence to the Court that a state of war existed." Now, what was tiie legal result of such war ? "The conventions, the treaties made with a nation are broken or annulled by a war arising between the contracting parties." Vath'l, 872 : HalU'ck , 871, section 23. 11 gentlemen suppose that this doctrine applies only to national and not to civil wars, I beg leave to refer them to Yattel, page 428. He says : "A civil war breaks the bands of society and government, or at least suspends their force and effect ; it produces in the nation two independent parties,who consider each other as enemies, and acknowledge 110 com mon judge These two parties must there lore be considered as thenceforward consti tuting, at least for a time, two separate bodies ; two distinct societies. They stand, therefore, in precisely the same predica ment as two nations who engage m a con test, and being unable to come to an agree ment, have recourse to arms." At page 427 : "And when a nation becomes divided in to two parties absolutely independent, and no longer acknowledge a common superior, tlie state is dissolved, and the war between the two parties stands 011 the same ground, in every respect, as a public war between two different nations." Hut must the belligerent be acknowledg ed as an independent nation, as some con tend ? That is answered in the case refer red to in 2 Hlack, as follows : " It is not the less a eivil war, with bel ligerent parties in hostile 'array, because it may be called an ' insurrection' by one side, and the insurgents be considered as rebels or traitors. It is not necessary that the independence of the revolted province or State be acknowledged in order to con stitute it a party belligerent in a war, ac cording to the law of nations." This doctrine, so clearly established by publicists, and so distinctly stated by Mr. Justice Grier, lias been frequently reitera ted since by the Supreme Court of the I niled States. In Mr. Alexander's case, 2 Wallace, 41the present able Chief Jus tice, delivering the opinion of the Court, says: " We must be governed by the principle of public law so often announced from this bench as applicable to civil and interna tional wars, that all the people of each State or district in insurrection against the I'nitcd States must be regarded as enemies until by the action of the Legislature and Executive, or otherwise, that relation is thoroughly and permanently changed." After such clear and repeated decisions it is something worse than ridiculous to hear men of respectable standing attempt ing to nullify the law of nations, and de clare the Supreme Court of the United States in error, because, as the Constitution TOWASP A, BRADFORD COUNTY, PA., JANUARY 4, 1866. forbids it, the States could not go out of the 1 nion in fact. A respectable gentle man was lately reciting this argument, when he suddenly stopped, and said : "hid you hear ol that atrocious murder commit ted in outUowu? A rebel deliberately mur dered a government official." The person addressed said: "I think you are mistaken."' "How so? 1 saw it myself." "You are wiong ; no murder was or couid he commit ed ; for the law forbids it." 1 he theory that the rebel States, for four years a separate power and without a rep resentation in Congress, were ail the time here in the 1 nion, is a good ileal less ingen ious and respectable than the metaphysics of Berkeley, which proved that neither the World nor any human being was in exist ence. II this theory were simply ridicu lous it could be forgiven ; but its effect is deeply injurious to the stability of the na tion. Ica mot doubt that the late Confed erate States are out of the Union to all in tents and purposes for which the conqueror may choose to so consider them. But on the ground of estoppel, the United States have the clear right to elect, to ad judge them out of the Union. They are estopped both by matter of record and m;it ter in One of the first resolutions passed by seceded South Carolina in Jan uary, 1861, is as follows : •• Ilcsolmtl, iptanimoitsty, That the seperation of South Carolinia from the Federal Union is final, and she has no further interest in the Constitution oi the LJI ted States ; and that the only appropri ate negotiations between her and the Federal Gov ernment are as to their mutual relations as foreign States." Similar resolutions appear upon all their Statu and Confederate Government records, 'ihe speeches of their members of Congress their generals and executive officers, and the answers of their Government to our shameiul sueings for peace, went upon the defiant ground that no terms would be of fered or received except upon the prior ac knowledgment of the entire and permanent independence of the Confederate States. After this, to deny that we have a right to treat them as a conquered belligerent, sev ered from the I nion in fact,is not argument but mockery. Whether it be our interest to do so is tin; only question hereafter and more deliberately to he considered. But suppose tin's powerful but now sub dued belligerent, instead of beiug uut of the I nion, is merely destroyed, and isf now lying about a dead corpse, < necessarily despotic,and ought not to exist longer than is absolutely nec essary. As there are no symptoms that the people of these provinces will be prepared to participate in constitutional government for some years, I know of no arrangement so proper for them as territorial govern ments. There they eau learn the principles of freedom and eat the fruit of foul rebel lion. I'mler such governments,while elect ing members to the territorial legislatures, they will necessarily mingle with those to whom Congress shall extend the right of suffrage. In Territories Congress lixes the qualifications of electors ; and 1 know of no better place nor better occasion for the conquered rebels than the conqueror to prac tise justice to all men, and accustom them selves to make and to obey equal laws. As these fallen rebels cannot at their opt ion re-enter the heaven which they have disturbed, the garden of Eden which they have deserted, and darning swords are set at the gates to secure their exclusion, it be comes important to the welfare of the na tion to inquire when the door shall be re opened for their admission. According to my judgment they ought never to be recognized as capable of act ing in the T'nion, or of being counted as valid States, until the Constitution shall have been so amended as to make it what its framers intended : and so as to secure RRGAADLBSS OF DENUNCIATION FROM ANY QI'ARTKR. perpetual ascendency to the party of the ! I nion ; and so as to render our republican | Government firm anil stable forever. The lirst of those amendments is to change the 1 intsis of representation among the States from Federal numbers to actual voters.— Now all the colored freemen in the slave I Stales, and three-fifths of the slaves, are represented, though none of them have 1 votes. 1 lie States have nineteen repressnt ativi .> of colored slaves, if the slaves are now free then they can add, for the other ; two-fifths, thirteen more, making the slave representation thirty-two. I suppose the | free blacks in those States will give at least five more, making the representation ol 11011-voting people of color about thirty seven. The whole number of represcnta- I ti\es now from the slave States is seventy. Add the other two-fifths and it will be nine | ty-thrce. | If the amendment prevails, and those ; States withhold the right of suffrage from persons of color, it will deduct about thirty ftoven, leaving them but forty-five. With the basis unchanged, eighty-three Southern members, with the Democrats that will, in the best times, be elected from the North, will always give them a majority in Con- I gress and in the electoral college. They will, at the very first election, take posses sjou of the White House and the halls of (Jongress. I need not depict the ruin that would follow. Assumption of the rebel debt or repudiation of the Federal debt would be sure to follow. The oppression j of the frecdmcn ; the reamendinent of their State constitutions,and the re-establishment id slavery would be the inevitable result. I I hat they would scorn and disregard their 1 present constitutions, forced upon them in I the midst of martial law, would be both natural and just. No one who has anv re j gard for freedom ol elections can look upon those governments, forced upon them in i duress, with any favor. If they should grant the right of suffrage to persons of j color, I think their would always be Union white men enough in the South, aided by ; the blacks, to divide the representation,and 1 thus continue the Republican ascendency. If they should refuse to thus alter their election laws, it would reduce the represen tatives of the late slave States to about 45, and render them powerless for evil. It is plain that this amendment must be consummated before the defunct States are admitted to be capable of State action, or it never can be. The proposed amendment to allow Con gress to lay a duty on exports is precisely in the same situation. Its importance can not well be oversighted. It is very obvi ous that for many years the South will not pay much under our internal revenue laws. The only article on which we can raise any considerable amount is cotton It will be grown largely at once. With ten cents a pound export duty it would be furnished cheaper to foreign markets than they could obtain it from any other part of the world. The late war has shown that. Two million bales exported, at five hundred pounds to the bale, would yield $1(10,000,000. This seems to bo the chief revenue we shall ever derive from the South. Besides, it would be a protection to that amount to our do mestic manufactures. Other proposed am endments—to make all laws uniform ; to prohibit tlie assumption of the rebel debt —are of vital importance, and the only thing that can pn vent the combined forces of Copperheads and secessionists from leg islating against the interests of the Union whenever they may obtain an accidental majority. But this is not all that we ought to do before those inveterate rebels are invited to participate in our legislation. We have turned, or about to turn, loose four .million slaves without a hut to shelter them or a cent in their pockets. The infernal laws of slavery have prevented them from acquir ing an education, understanding the com mon laws of contract, or of managing the ordinary business of life. This Congress is bound to provide fur them until they can take care of themselves. If we do not furnish them with homesteads, and hedge them around with protective laws ; if we leave them to the legislation of their late masters, we had better left them in bond age. Their condition would be worse than that of our prisoners at Andersonville. If we fail in this great duty, when we have the power, we shall deserve and receive the exeraation of history and of all future ages. Two things are of vital importance 1. So to establish a principle that none of the rebel States shall be counted in any of the amendments of ilie Constitution un til they are duiy admitted into the family of States by the law-making' power of their conqueror. For more than six months the amendment of the Constitution abolishing slavery has been ratified by the Legisla tures of three-fourths of the States that acted on its passage by Congress, and which had Legislatures, or which were States capable of acting, or required to act. on the question. I take no account of the aggregation of white-washed rebels, who without any le gal authority have assembled in the capi tals of the late rebel States and simulated legislative bodies. Nor do 1 regard with any respect the cunning byplay into which they deluded the Secretary of State by fre quent telegraphic announcements that "South Carolina has adopted the amend ment "Alabama lias adopted the amend ment, being the twenty-seventh State," Ac. This was intended to delude the people and accustom Congress to hear repeated the names of these extinct States as if tlu-y were alive, when, in truth, they have how no more existence than the revolted cities of Latium, two thirds of whose people were colonized and their property confiscated.and their right of citizenship withdrawn by con quering and avenging Home. It is equally important to the stability of this Republic that it should now be solemn ly decided what power can revive, recreate, and reinstate these provinces into the fam ily of States, and invest them with the rights ol American citizens. It is time that Congress should assert its sovereignty, and assume something of a dignity of a Roman senate. It is lhrtuuatc that the President invites Congress to take this manly attitude. After slating witu gn at frankness in his able message his ihcu sider tenable, he refers the whole matter to the judgment of Congress. If Congress should fail, firmly and wisely, to discharge that high duty it is not the fault of the President. This Congress owes it to its own char acter to set the seal of reprobation upon a doctrine which is becoming too fashionable, and unless rebuked will be the recognized principle of our Government. Governor Perry and other provisional governors and orators proclaim that "this is the white man's Government." The whole Copper head party, pandering to the lowest preju dices of the ignorant, repeat the cuckoo cry, "This is the white man's Government." Demagogues of all parties, even some high in authority, gravely shout, "This is the white man's Government." What is impli ed by this ? That one race of men are to have the exclusive right forever to rule tnis nation, and to exercise all acts of sover cignty, while all other races and nations and colors are to be their subjects, and have no voice in making the laws and clioos ing the rulers by whom they are to be gov erned. W herein does this differ lroni slavery except in degree ? Does not this contra dict all the distinctive principles of the Declaration of Independence? When the great and good men promulgated that in strument, and pledged their lives and sa cred honor to defend it, it was supposed to form an epoch in civil government. Before that time it was held that the l ight to rule was vested in families, dynasties, or races, not because of superior intelligence or vir tue, but because of a divine right to < njoy exclusive privileges Our fathers repudiated the whole doctrine of the legal superiority of families or races, and proclaimed the equality of men before the law. Upon that they created a revolu tion and built the Republic. They were prevented hv slavery from perfecting the superstructure whose foundation they had thus broadly laid. For the sake of the Union they consented to wait, but never re linquished the idea of its final completion. The time to which they looked forward with anxiety has come. It is our duty to com plete their work. If this Republic is not now made to stauil on their great principles, it has no honest foundation, and the Father ol all men will still shake it to its centre. If we have not been sufficiently scourged for our national sin to teach us to do jusiice to all God's creatures, without distinction of race or color, we must expect the still more heavy vengeance of an offended Fa ther, still increasing his inflictions as he in creased the severity of the plagues of Egypt until the tyrant consented to do justice.— And when that tyrant repented of his re luctant consent,and attempted to re-enslave the people, as our Southern tyrants are at tempting to do now, he filled the Red Sea with broken chariots and drowned horses, and strewed the shore with dead carcasses. Mr Chairman, I trust that the Republi can party will not be alarmed at what I am saying. Ido not profess to speak their sentiments, nor must they beheld responsi ble for them. 1 speak for myself, and take the responsibility, and will settle with my intelligent constituents. 1 his is not a 'white man's Government," in the exclusive sense in which it is used. To say so is political blasphemy, for it vio lates the fundamental principles of our gos pel of liberty. This is man's Government; the Government of all men alike ; not that all men will have equal power and sway within it Accidental circumstances, nat ural and acquired endowment and ability, will vary their fortunes. But equal rights to all the privileges of the Government is innate in every immortal being, no matter what the shape or color of the tabernacle which it inhabits. If equal privileges were granted to all, 1 should not expect any but white men to be elected to office for long ages to come. The prejudice engendered by slavery would not soon permit merit to be preferred to color. But it would still be beneficial to the weak er races. 111 a country where political di visions will always exist, their power, join ed with just white men,would greatly mod ify, if it did not entirely prevent the injus tice of majorities. Without the right of' suffrage in the slave States,(l do not speak of the free States,) I believe the slave- had far better been left in bondage. I see it stated that very distinguished advocates of the right of sutlrage lately declared in this city that they do not expect to obtain it by congressional legislation, but only by ad ministrative action, because, as one gallant gentleman said,the States bad not been out of the Union. • Then they will never get it. The President is Jar 'sounder than they. He sees that administrative action has nothing to do with it. It it ever is to come, it must he constitutional amendments or congress ional action in the Territories, and in ena bling acts. How shameful that men of influence should mislead and miseducate the public mind ! I hey proclaim "This is the white man's Government," and the whole coil of copperheads echo the same sentiment, and upstart, jealous Republicans join the cry. Is it any wonder ignorant foreigners and illiterate natives should learn this doctrine, and be led to despise and maltreat a whole race of their fellow-men? Sir, this doctrine of a white man's FRIEND.— In a hos pital at Nashville, during' the war, a wound | etl hero was placed on the amputating I table, under the intluence of chloroform. 1 hey cut off his l ight arm and cast it, all ; bleeding, upon the pile of human limbs. : They then laid him gently upon his couch. ; lie woke from his stupor and missed his I arm. With his left arm he lifted the cloth, 1 and there was nothing but the gory stump! "Where's my arm?" he cried; "get my arm ; I want to see it once more—my strong right arm.'" They brought it to him. He took hold of the cold, clammy lingers, and looking steadfastly at the poor dead member, thus addressed it with tear ful earnestness : " Good-by, old arm. We have been a long time together. We must part now. Good-by, old arm. You'll nev er fire another carbine nor swing another saber for the Government." and the tears rolled down his cheeks. He then said to those standing by, "Understand, I don't i\gret its loss. It has been torn from my body that not one State should be torn from this glorious Union." It was by such I heroic devotion that the rebellion was fin -1 ally overpowered. per n Advance. fDN, FACTS AND FACETH. A .IrnoE, trying a case out West,had pro ceeded about two hours, when lie observed. ' 'Here are only eleven jurymen present ; where is the twelfth V" "Please your honor,- said one of the eleven, "he has gone away about some otho busi ness, but he has left his verdict with me!'" A confirmed bachelor uses the following argument against matrimony : Calico is a great prompter of laziness. If young men wish to ac complish any thing of moment, either of head or of hand, they must keep clear of the institution, entirely. A pair of sweet lips, n pink waist, swell ing chest, a pressure of two delicate hands, will do as much to unhinge a man as three fevers, the measles, a large sized whooping-cough, a pair of lock-jaws, several hydrophobias, and the doctor's bill. 1 UK local editor of the Richmond (Indi ana) Teles/mm recently passed a comfortable cor ner residence in that city, and from the open win dows of the parlor the notes from a piano come pouring forth, accompanied by the inevitable, "Oh, who will care for dear mother now V" Passing around the corner, his way led by the window of the kitchen, and over the steaming cooking-stove, and surrounded with all the appurtenances of cooking, he had the opportunity of witnessing "dear mother" caring for herself and all the family besides. His admiration tor the daughter's musi cal talents underwent a collapse. A BILL of fate at a Paris restaurant an nounces for the benefit of English patrons, that there can be obtained there : "Lobsters, with sauce of sharpness, according to bigness " —Soup, lean with sorrel '-—"Beefsteak, with tumbled pota toes' "Lamb's epigrarnmes, with small peace." JOHN BCNYAN, a costermonger, was sum moned before the Marylebone magistrate the other day, because lie would not "Move on." Mr. Yurd ly said he thought it very strange that a man bear ing the name of Bunyan should not "Progress," and advising luai to move on for the future when he was told, let him go for this time. "IT was ever my invariable custom in my youth,' says a celebrated Persian writer, "to raise from my sleep te watch, pray, and road the Koran. One night as I was thus engaged, my father, a man of practiced virtue, awoke. 'Behold,' said I to hira, 'thy other children are lost in irreligious slumber, while I alone am awake to praise God.' 'Son of my soul,'said he, 'it is better to sleep than to wake to remark the faults of thy brethren.' AN Irishman who had returned from Italy where he had been with liis master, was asked, in the kitchen. "Yea, then, Pat. what is the lava I hear the master talking about "Only a drop of the crater," was Pat's reply. MAKVKI.OCS CURE.—A young friend of ours who recently suffered lrom the presence of a sty in one of liis eyes derived considerable benefit from the application of cold pigs. HIBERNIAN WlT.— The Stockton Jnile)#n ihiit of Sept. IS says : Yesterday afternoon, as an Irishman was driving a mule toward the race-track he was accosted by a man on horseback.as follows: "Well, i 'adilv, I see yon have your brother along with yon. ' To which the witty Hibernian quickly replied: "Y'es, and be me sowl it's divilish glad we are to meet our father!" AN litisn PARADOX — 'I'ne Irish Fenians have committed a gross absurdity in their illegal drilling. The Fenian "circles" have been endeav oring to form themselves into squares. IT is said that there was never but .me man who wasn't spoiled by being lionized—lie was a Jew, and bis name was Daniel. SHERIDAN was walking in the suburbs of London one day arm in arm with a boon compan ion. A passer-by recognized liim. and remarked to his friend, "lie s a great yea - v. is that Slicridan." "That fellow lias nwrtfered the word." observed Sheridan's friend. "Ohno," replied Sheridan, "lie has only knocked an EVE out of it. A MAX coming Lome one night rather late, n little more than "half sea 3 over," feeling thirsty, procured a glass of water and drank it. In doing so he swallowed a small hall of silk that lay in the bottom of the tumbler, the end of the thread catching between his teeth. Feeling something in his mouth, and not knowing what it was, he began to pull at the end, and the little ball unwinding,he soon had several yards of thread in his hand, and still no end, apparently. Terrified, fie shouted at the top of his voice, "Wife! wife! I say. wife, come here. I am all unraveling." Ir is easy to say "Know thyself," hut who is to introduce you ? Most people go through life without making the advantageous acquaintance in question. Ax INGENIOUS RIDDLE.— Hear the Quebec ijuzetti 011 riddles : "It was done when it was be gan, it was done when it was has half done, and yet it wasn't done when it was finished. Now, what was it? Of course you can't guess. Will that doV—Timothy Johnson courts Susan Dunn. It was Dunn when it was began, it was Dunn when it was half done, and yet it wasn't Dunn when it was done—for it was Johnson. A LAWYER who was sometimes forgetful, i having been engaged to plead the case of an offend er. began by saying—"l know tlie prisoner at the ; bar, and be bears tbe character of being a most I consummate and impudent scoundrel." Here i somebody whispered to him that tbe prisoner was 1 lsis client, when he immediately continued :—"But ! what great and good man ever lived who was not calumniated by many of his eotemporaries." "How do you like the character of St. Paul'?" asked a parson of his landlady one day. j during a conversation abont the old saints and j apostles. "Ah! he was a good, clever old soul. I i know—for he once said, you know, that we must j eat what is set before lis and ask no questions, for I conscience sake. I always thought I should like him for a boarder!" THE other day several gentlemen were discussing the alarming prevalence of the crimes of wife desertions, women eloping with other men, Ac,, when a well known Teuton, who had been lis tening with great attention stepped up, and in an excited manner said : "If my vife runs away mit anoder man's vife. I vill shake him out of her preeches. if she he mine own fader, i vill." How long Eve, the first woman, lived,we do not know. It is a curious fact that, in sacred history, the age, death and burial of only one wo man. Sarah, the wife of Abraham, is distinctlv no ted. Woman's age ever since appears not to have been a subject for history or discussion. SOME cute vankoe has invented a palpi tating bosom for the ladies, which is set in motion by ft concealed spring. A well-spring of affection in the heart is a much older and more valuable in vention. It don't need winding up, except twice n year with a new bonnet. Mas. SMIKES says the reason why the chil dren of this generation are so lmd. is owing to the wearing of Balmoral boots instead of old fashioned slippers. Mothers it too much trouble to take off their boots to whip children, so thev go unpunish ed. AT a soiree the other evening one gentle man pointed out a dandified looking individual to his friend as a sculptor. "What," said his friend, "such a looking chap as that a sculptor? Surely you must be mistaken." "He may not be the kind of one you may mean," said the informant, "but I know lie rhr.-.M a tailor out of a suit of clothes last week." CHARI.ES LAUU, when a little boy, walking with his sister iu a church-yard, and reading the epitaphs, said to her : "Where are all the naughty people buried ?" LOOK at the pages bfyour own heart and you will see a dim reflection of what the recording angel lias written of you in his book. THE guilty man is doomed to carry and odge his fiercest accuser in bis own bosom LAY your hand upon your mouth when be rod of deserved chastisement is upon your ack. TE a man will play the loafer, he had bet ter do it in a coffee house than in ft church. NUMBER 32. MADAM SCANDAL. A long time ago, ir< the western pai l of England, there lived an aged couple, whose time had passed away, since early yonth in the every day round of farm life, and who had never been known to have the least ill feeling toward each other, since the time when old Parson Lferiot had uni ted them in the holy bonds of wedlock, twenty-five years before. So well was the fact of their conjugal happiness known that they were ppoken of far and near as the happiest pair in England. Now the Devil (excuse the abrupt mention of hie name) had been trying for twenty years to create what is called a " fuss in the family" between these old companions. But, much to his mortification, he had not been able to induce the old gentleman to grumble about breakfast being too late 01 the old woman to give a single curtain lec ture After repeated efforts, the devil became discouraged, and had he not been a person of great determination, he would doubtless have given the work up in despair. One day as he walked along in a very surly mood, after another attempt to get the old lady toijuarrel about the pigs getting into the yard, he met an old lady, a neighbor of the aged couple. As Mr. Devil and the neighbor were very particular friends, they must needs stop on tlie way and chat a lit tle. " Good morning, sir," said she, " and pray what on earth makes you look so bad this morning ? Isn't the controversy be tween the churches doing service ?" " Yes." " Isn't Deacon VY. making plenty of bad whisky ?" " Yes." '• Well, what is the matter, my highly honored master ?" " Everything is going on well enough," j replied the devil, " but (and he looked as sour as a monkey on a crab apple tree,) old Blueford and his wife over here are injur ing the cause terribly by their bad example; and after trying for years to induce them to do right, 1 must say I consider them hopeless." The hag stood a moment in deep thought, i " Are you sure that yon have tried every way ?" " Every way I can think of." i " Are you certain ?" " Yes." i " Well," replied she, "if you will prom ise to make me a present of a new pair of shoes, in case 1 succeed, 1 will make the attempt myself, and see if I can raise a ! quarrel between them." To this reasonable request the devil gladly assented. The old hag went her way to old Blueford's house, and found .Mrs. Blueford busily engaged in getting things ready for her husband's comfort on liis return from work. -Alter the usual compliments had passed, the following di alogue took place : " Well, friend 8., you and Mr. B. have lived a long time together ?" "Five and twenty years, come Novem ber," replied Mrs. B. "And all this time you have never had a quarrel ?" " Not one." " 1 ain truly glad-to hear it," continued the hag. " I consider it my duty to warn you though this is the case, you must not expect it to be always. Have you not ob served that of late Mr. B. has grown peev ish and sullen at times ?" " A very little so." observed Mrs. Blue ford. " i knew it," continued the hag ; " and let me warn you to be ou your guard." Mrs. B. did think she had better do so. and asked advice as to how she should man age the case " Have you not noticed," said the hag, " that your husband has a bunch of long, harsh hair a growing under the chin, side of his throat ?" " Yes." "These are the cause of the trouble, and as loug as they remain, you had better lookout. Now, as a friend, I would ad vise you to cut them off the first time you get a chance, and thus end the trouble, and as long as they remain, you had better look out." Soon after this the bag started for home, and made it convenient to meet Mr. B. on Slit; way. Much the same talk in relation to his domestic happiness passed between him and the old woman. " But, friend Blueford," said she, " 1 think it my duty as a christian to warn you to be on your guard, for I tell you your wife intends vour ruin." Old Mr. B. was very much astonished, yet he could not wholly discredit her words. When lie reached home lie threw himself on a htil in perplexity and feigning himself asleep, studied the matter over in his mind. His wife thinking this a good opportunity for cutting off the obnoxious hair, took her husband's razor and crept softly to his side. Now, the old lad} was much frightened at holding a iazor so close to her husband's neck, and her hand was not so steady as it once was ; so between the two, she went to work very awkwardly, and pulled the hairs, instead of cutting them off. Blue ford opened his eyes, and there stood his wife with a razor at his throat. After what had been told him and seeing this, he could nut doubt but that she intended to murder him. He sprang from the bed in horror, and no explanation or entreaty could con vince him to the contrary. So from that time there was jaw, jaw, quarreling and wrangling all the time. With delight the devil heard of the suc cess of the faithful emissary, and sent her word if she would meet him at the end of the lane, at a certain time, he would pay her the shoes. At the appointed time she repaired to the spot, and found the devil at the place, lie put the shoes on a pole, and standing on the opposite side of the feme, handed them over to her. She was much pleased with them—they were exactly the article. " But there is one thing', Mr. Devil, 1 would like to have explained ; that is, why you hand them to me 011 a stiek ?" " Very easy to explain," replied he, "any one who has the cunning and meanness to do as you have done, don't get nearer than twenty feet of iuv' So saying, he tied in terror. After a while the old woman died and when she applied for admission to the low er regions the devil would not let her in,for fear she might dethrone him, as she was so much his superior. So the old woman is yet condemned to wander over the world, creating quarrels and strife in peaceful families and neighborhoods. Would you know her name ? It is Madam Scandal. When she died the young Scandals were left orphans, but the devil, in consideration of past services done by* the mother, adopted them ; and so you see he is father to that respectable class called seam/al-mongerx. Reader, don't you know some of the fam ily ? "STITTERINUREX," who was toasting his shins, observing that the oil merchant was cheat ing a customer in some oil,called out to him, "Jim, I can tell you how to s-sell t-twice as much oil as you d-do now." "Well,how?" groaned Jim. "F-ftll vour measure."