Bradford reporter. (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, November 16, 1865, Image 1

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The Reporter is published EV cry Thursday Horn
by E. O. Goodrich, at i' 2 per annum, in ad
i iinee.
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uts. Ad resolutions of Associations; communi
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V, charged ten cents ar line.
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, r advertisements, not exceeding 15 lines,
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ij. linistrator's and Executor's Notices.. .2 00
editor's Notices 2 50
js'l-iacs Cards, five lines, (per year) 500
q... hints and others, advertising their business
; , charged sls. They will be entitled to 4
rauin. confined exclusively to their business, with
. ; ,ilege of change.
■ft- Advertising in all eases exclusive of sub
. dption to the paper.
JOB PRINTING of every kind in Plain and Fa
n' is. done with neatness and dispatch. Hand-
Blanks, Cards, Pamphlets, Ac., of every va
... am ) style, printed at the shortest notice. The
r; t piii.xKi: Office has just been re-fitted with Power
;• < ;c<. and every thing in the Printing line can
, v ented in the most artistic manner and at the
fa the quiet nursery chambers.
Snowy pillows yet unpressed,
vthe forms of little children,
Kneeling, white-robed, for their rest,
Ail in quiet nursery chambers,
While the dusky shadows creep,
Hear the voices of the children, —
Xow I lay me down to sleep."
In the meadow and the mountain
Calmly shine the winter stars,
But across the glist'niug lowlands
Slants the moonlight's silver bars.
In the silence and the darkness,
Darkness growing still more deep,
Listen to the little children
Praying God their souls to keep.
•If we die"—so pray the children,
And the mother's head drops low :
<)ne from her fold is sleeping
Deep beneath this winter's snow.)
Take our souls and past the casement
Flits a gleam of crystal light ;
Like the trailing of his garments
Walking evermore in white.
Little souls that stand expectant
Listening at the gates of life,
Hearing, faraway, the murmur
Of the tumult and the strife ;
We, who fight beneath those banners,
Meeting ranks of foemen there,
Find a deeper broader meaning
In your simple vesper prayer.
When your hands shall grasp this standard,
Which to-day, you watch from far,
Wlu n your deeds shall shape the conflict
In this universal war,
l'rav to Him, the God of Battles,
Whose strong eye can never sleep,
la the warring of temptation,
Firm and true your soul to keep.
When the combat ends, and slowly
Clear.-, the smoke from out the skies,
Wi., n far down the purple distance,
Aii the noise of battle dies,
a the last night's solemn shadows,
Settle down on you and me,
May tin love that never faileth,
Take our souls eternally.
pisrcll mmms.
THE WAR OF 1812.
One flay during the lust war, opposite
Portsmouth harbor and about three
It's from ttic shore, lay a black frigate at
■ :iof, and the continual motion on its
■ cks, as seen with the aid of a glass from
'Tie 1, betokened that some event of unusual j
Merest was soon to occur. Although it '
- .owed no colors, it required an eye of but
ittle experience in naval matters to decide
hat it was English. \\ hat could he its ob
ct was a mystery. Its wooden walls ef
tuully concealed it from the shore, and j
■■viien, during the day, it was joined by an- {
c-i vessel of the same class, and a heavy ;
.iit-'if-war, not a little excitement was
ited among those who lived near the j
i iward Portsmouth the enemy had often '
t longing glances. It was the key to
Nt-w Hampshire and the western part of .
■ cm, and possessing one of the finest
• ts in the world, where a navy, with
■ 1 sing a spar, might ride out a tem-
P - , it held in their eyes a place of no I
•' in importance.
"fat tin- iron teeth that grinned on the
> at the mouth of the Piscataqua had
crto been an effectual check upon their
::r:t ge. Besides, several thousand well j
■ i ned soldiers had been collected there,in |
J ' 'ipation of an attack, and whole com-;
of volunteers were daily arriving !
■ 'in- northern parts of the State, and
'•■•a from the Green Mountains, panting
a desire for the conflict. Portsmouth
o under martial law. Its rope-walks,!
■'-houses and churches were crowded
* - Pie hone and muscle of New England,
riiiined to defend the place to the
extremity. The shore was walked for I
"ight and day, by a corps of senti- j
* and every precaution taken to guard j
a.Mfast surprise.
'■" lice of the approach of the warships !
'aehed the town. The tall Hag staff'
Tad been placed near the mouth of the i
and was watched from the steeples, j
° to have boen inclined toward the !
w lnch was the signal of dangeragreed j
And when the sun went down, not I
■'•fag how imminent it might be, the ex- j
'"'tit that filled the place was trcmen
•" 1 here was mounting in hot haste,
' • '"oursers dashed through the streets
I wind Every cart and carriage
I;s y iii removing the women and val-1
('" a station of security, and the sol- i
irnished their arms and renewed the j
- r, s in their pieces, and were ready at ,
<!' ol the drum or the blast of the bu
rring to their defence,
night gathered dark and chilly. The
"" !ls 'looked watery and filled with;
' ■ mist, A double watch was set
■■■'' outposts, and the soldiers lay;
. ' t( ' dream of their homes, or battle for
x. r I
,j * ' 'tier had the darkness settled on
- '!■' , ' ian 'mats, just observable through
. "ght, were seen passing between :
'■' iiiy s vessels, and evidently bearing
•r* | '"" n 'me to the other, maturing
H-.J /'"l" 9 ' Through the opened port
, ~ 'ts could be seen flying in all di- j
'•hi. Sl . lS ' <lll( ' were none who saw
't. who did not feel that the
ortsmouth would be decided be- i
K. O. GOODRICH, I^ufoliNliei-.
fore morning. All along the coast and on
every eminence commanding a view of the
vessels, were collected little companies of
speculative watches. On a little hillock, a
few rods from tfte shore, on the east side of
the river, were gathered ten or twelve men,
noting every motion that was visible and
listening to every sound that came from the
"Is it not possible to know what is the
object of those water coffins ?" said an old
gentleman, while he strained his eyes as
the darkness drew deeper.
It might be done," said a young man
whose face had been bronzed by familiarity
with the ocean ; "It is nearly dark euough.
G'onte, llill, what say you ? there won't be
so much light as comes from a cat's eye in
an hour ; shall we take a boat there and
slip alongside ?" Hill, as a stout fellow of
thirty was called, could not permit that a
younger man than himself should propose
a deed he would shrink from executing, im
mediately signified his willingness to join
in the almost reckless enterprise.
The night was cloudy, the darkness had
settled thick and heavy, the waves looked
like a black, undulated pall, and as though
to increase the awfulness of their condi
tion, the British had extinguished their
lights. Soon after the adventurers had
launched their boat,and not an object could
be traced, in the almost palpable blackness,
the boat's length distant. They rowed in
silence for some time, and had gone two
thirds of the distance before either spoke.
" Are you sure this is the right course,
Ned ?" at length said Bill, as they rested
on their oars.
" Hush, speak lower. No, lam uot cer
tain, but we cannot be far front them. If
but one star would look out it would be
better than this eternal gloont. I cannot
see the lights on shore through this fog.
What a murky night we are out in 1
Gloomy as a grave-vard." " Hang, the
British, I had rather meet a legion of them
by daylight," whispered Bill, moodily.—
" But hark ! there they lay, dead ahead,
and getting ready to make a port, too," he
continued, as he heard the low gratings of
a cable, as it was slowly and cautiously
drawn up.
Lightly as the swallow's wing the oars
dipped into the brine, silently as a shark
the boat cut the water, and, directed by the
sound, ere the anchot swung at the bow
they glided unseen under the very stern of
the large vessel. But the humming voices,
out of which nothing distinct could be gath
ered, was mingled with*the winds sighing
through the rigging, and the dashing of the
dashing of the waves against the huge fab
With their patience nearly worn out,
Ned at length whispered : "Bill, if you can
keep your hold I will go aboard and get a
full report of these villains' business." The
latter was about to reply when they heard
hurried motions on the deck ; a large boat
was let down, and a dozen men, all of whom
by the faiut light of a lantern they discov
ered to be armed, pushed off toward the
shore that lies south of the Piscataqua.—
Scarcely had they gone when Ned, with
the assistance of a rope that dragged into
the water, climbed to the deck. The watch
was grouped beside a gun carriage, and
Ned, as confidently as though he had been
one of the crew, walked by, and reaching
the hatchway, descended to the lower deck.
Here he found himself among several hun
dred men, a part of whom were in their
hammocks, but others, although it was as
a dungeon, appeared to be arranging their
clothes and preparing for some desperate
Almost lost in confusion,he stood motion
less at the bottom of the steps ; but he had
been there but a moment when, heating
some one approaching, he stepped aside
hastily, and uot knowing where he might
be, held out his hands to grope his way.—
As chance would have it, he went directly
toward the head of a sailor who was tryiug
to catch an hour's sleep before his night's
work should commence. Ned, quickening
his pace as the step came nearer, suddenly
plunged his fingers into the locks of the
sleeper, and with such force that his head
received in no considerable wrench. The
old tar leapt to his feet in a twinkling, and
Ned darted off like a chicken chased by a
hawk, leaving the angry sailor daring the
whole ship's company to try to take his
scalp off.
He soon learned that it was the intention
to make an attempt to effect an entrance to
the harbor that night, and the boat he had
seen leave the ship was gone to examine
the chains which had been thrown across
the main channel, and if possible saw them.
This was all he could learn. It was enough,
and he felt tjacre was urgent necessity of
giving instant warning of the danger. But
when he reached the hatchway he found the
passage entirely closed by two old veterans
half intoxicated,who had settled themselves
to have a quiet time in lauding old Englaud
and cursing the Yankees. Ned stood en
tirely invisible, but necessarily hearing
every word. It was nearly an hour that he
stood waiting for them to rise, and listen
ing to their outbreaks of passion concern
ing the Americans.
" Their men are no bolder than our wo
men, and their guns are no better than tin
horns," said one gruffly. " No, Jack," said
the other, "and do you know that once on a
time about twenty of our gals on the coast
of Cornwell, dressed like sailors, put off in
a gun-boat and took a Yankee seventy-four
with no other arms than old swords ?" Ned,
boiling with rage,could not hear such slan
der, and regardless of consequences, roared
out, "That's a lie, you old dog I" Both
sailors shook as though the magazine had
exploded, plunged toward him, and, awak
ened to a sense of his situation by his own
voice, Ned sprang out of their reach, and,
as soon as the uproar had in some degree
subsided, made his way on deck—but here
an unexpected event occurred. The boat
which had just returned,and the crew,when
he stepped on deck, where in the act of lift
ing up a prisioner. Determined, if possible,
to know who he was, he elbowed his way
with admirable coolness, aud succeeded in
taking the arm of the prisoner. While
notice of their success was passed below
Ned found an opportunity to whisper a
word of encouragement in the poor fellow's
ear, and, when the orders were given that
he should be conducted to the cabin, Ned
stole aft and dropped into the boat.
The prisoner found the cabin furnished in
an elegant and even sumptuous style. So
fas, bookcases, and tables of the costiliest
wood, rested on a carpet that trod like vel-
f vet. Mirrors, of enormous dimensions, re
flected the occupants at full length on every
side. A lamp hung above a rack that look
ed like a dazzling pyramid, so rich were
the polished sword blades and jewelled
hilts, the silver scabbards, the varnished
pistols, the steel sabers and the guns,touch
ed wirh the highest finish that skill could
give them. Flower vases, fil ed with beau
tiful exotics, where fastened to a stand,
diffusing an agreeable odor through the
cabin. An old man, with snow-white hair
and thoughtful brow, Rat in an antique
chair of carved oak, fashioned after such a
luxurious pattern that one might have
lounged his life out in it, and never grow
weary. A girl, the daughter of the old
man, with such a sweet countenance as can
only belong to a pure mind, and with lips
as tempting as her own rose-buds, was
reading when he entered. The prisoner was
brought before the hard-featured veteran,
and the officers arranged themselves about
a respectful distance.
" Young man," said the old commander,
with a severe frown and penetrating look,
"remember it is the truth of what you shall
say on which your life depends ; anj at
tempt at deception in my presence will
cause you to be hung immediately to the
yard-arm. Who are you 1"
" A soldier of the American army."
" And what duty were you performing on
shore ?"
" That of sentinel, to watch for the ap
proach of the murdering British."
" Bridle your insolence, young man ; you
did not perform your duty so well that you
can boast of your occupation."
"Ask your servant which was the hard
est, his head or my gun-stock. I could not
dissolve the night, but I swept away the
cobwebs that clouded the stars before his
" Sir," said the veteran, in a voice hoarse
with anger, which he strove to conceal,
"what is the force assembled this night in
Portsmouth, and if you deceive me you
shall die at day-break."
"This morning it was proclaimed that it
numbered thirty thousand, and they have
five hundred cannon in town, ready to blow
your old hulks out of the water, like cockle
shells, if you are so fortunate as to float
after the forts have the sifting of you."
The old commander clenched his fist, his
face grew white as his cravat,and he would
have ordered the fearless soldier to instant
punishment for his bold reply had not his
daughter, who had stolen to his side, press
ed his arm, and breaking into tears, whis
pered mercy. An angel's tears will melt
iron, or at all events an iron soul, and his
countenance lost its sternness as he gent
ly put her aside, directed that the soldier
should be secured and guarded on deck
for the night.
As he left the cabin, the girl, unseen by
her father threw her arms about the soldier's
shoulders, and he, touched by such unlook
ed for kindness, murmured a fervent bless
ing on her young heart.
The night grew darker as the minutes
glided by. The mist was so dense that it
was impossible to distinguish even the out
lines of an object six feet distant, and it
seemed as if the clouds rested on the waves
and enveloped the ship.
The hands and feet of the prisoner wore
then ironed, and he was lashed by a rope
to a guuearriage. The watch that was set
ov ir him walked the length of the deck,
momentarily passing and repassing, thus
rendered escape by his unaided efforts im
possible. Ned, liaviug again climbed on
board, had observed them fasten the prison
er, and waited a fit time to spring and res
cue rtim ; and it was when the sentinel
passed him to go to the bow that he glided
to the prisoner—with a thrust with a knife
he severed the cords that bound hint to the
gun, lifting him in his arms as though he
was au infant, hastened to the stern and
swung him into the boat. As for life,they
plied their oars, but they had scarcely left
the ship when they heard the alarm given
upon deck. Calls for lights, and shouts
that the prisoner had escaped, followed.
Lanterns flew through the ship, aud all was
confusion. The bold fellows, in the boat
saw all, and felt in that deep darkness that
it was impossible for the British to overtake
them ; and, althouh within a pistol shot,
they were unable to restrain their joy, but,
with that fearlesßiiess that characterizes
American soldiers, rested on their oars and
gave three hearty cheers. Scarcely had
the last hurrah left their lips when a stream
of fire shot out from the ship, and the deep
boom of the cannon awakened them to their
folly. Though fired at random, they heard
the ball whistle by very near them. The
boatswain's shrill call to quarters rose on
the night, and the sailors, expecting i n at
tack every moment rushed to defend the
Our heroes reached the shore safely, and
the sentinel, released of his shackles, was
ready to resume his arms and his duty.
The night passed heavily and in suspense,
and the sun rose front its bed looking cold
as an icicle. The sea was blue but calm,
and every ship was gone, and not a spsck
dotted it front the shore to the horizon.
The British had given over all attempts on
Portsmouth, but whether refrained by the
crafty story of the sentinel, or the valiant
cheering of the men in the boat, will per
haps ever be a point in dispute.
THK SECRET. —"I noticed," says Dr Frank
lin, "a mechanic among others, at work on
a house erecting but a little way from my
office, who always appeared to be in a mer
ry humor, who had a kind word and cheer
ful smile, for every one he met. Let the
day be ever so cold, gloomy or sunless, a
happy smile danced like a sunbeam 011 his
cheerful countenance. Meeting him, one
morning, I asked him to tell me the secret
of his happy flow of spirits. 'My secret,
doctor' he replied, 'is that I have got one
of the best wives, and when I go to work
she always has a king word of encourage
ment for me, and when I go home she meets
me with a smile and a kiss, and then tea is
sure to be ready, and she has done so many
little things through the day to please me,
that I cannot find in my heart to speak an
unkind word to anybody.' What an influ
ence, then, hath woman over the heart of
man, to soften it and make it the fountain
of cheerful and pure emotions ! Speak gent
ly, then ; a happy smile and a kind word
of greeting, after the toils of the day are
I over, cost nothing, and go far towards
' making a home happy and peaceful "
| Although tens of thousands of felt hats
are worn by the male sex—old and young
i —but few of the wearers have any idea of
I how these useful and ornamental head-cov
j erings are made. A visit to the large es
| tablishmeni of P. Ilerst & C0.,N0. 308 Cher
: ry street, New York, will give all the infor
| matioii that could he desired ; but, as only
few of the many have the time to inspect
its various apartments, we have saved them
the trouble by a personal inspection, and
will endeavor to interest and iustruct by a
short description of how felt hats of all
shapes and sizes are made.
The fur generally used is that of the
French Cony, the Scotch Cony, the Russian
Hare, and the South American Nutria, but
that of the Beaver. Otter, Muskrat, and Am
erican Rabbit is also used. The French fin
is worth about $2.50 a pound in gold, the
Russian from $2.50 to $4.50 ; the Scotch
$3.65 ; the Nutria front $5.50 to sls, and
Beaver from $8 to $lO in currency. The
foreign fur is brought to this country neat
ly done up in white paper or in brown pa
per bags, and by the adoption of the nec
essary preventatives there is rarely any in
jury detected upon examination by the pur
chasers iu this country.
When required by the workman a suffici- j
ent quantity of the fur is emptied from the
paper packages into a large box, from
whence it is removed and placed iu a small
machine, through which it gradually passes,
becoming well shaken and mixed during its
progress. It is then taken to'oue of the
large and unwieldly-looking pieces of me
chanism, known as " Blanchard's blowing i
machine," wherein the hair and dirt is sep- j
arated from the fur, the latter for the first j
time acquiring any combined consistency '
and texture, and passing between a series i
ol rollers, coils itself up into a box prepar
ed for its reception. It then is divided up j
into lots, each lot being the quantity re- j
quired for a single hat, arid weighing from j
two ounces (sufficient for a small slouch)to |
live and one-half ounces, the weight of the !
army regulation hat, and is then ready to i
be formed. This "forming" process is the !
most remarkable connected with this par- i
ticular branch of manufactures. A lad, who '
is always at his post during working hours,
places in a curious-looking machine the
quantity of fur necessary to make a hat.—
Immediately at the other end of the machine
stands a man with a perforated copper
cone, some two-and-a-half feet h'gli aud j
three feet in circumference at the bottom. !
This cone is dampened, and the machinery |
being placed in motion the fur passes thro' l
the machine, and is torn into a thousand i
flakes, which being ejected rapidly from the j
funnelled-shaped outlet, by suction scatter
and fasten themselves upon the revolving J
cone, soon covering it with a smooth and j
compact surface. This cone is then cover
ed with damp cloths, and after immersion
in boiling water the fur covering is remov
ed, aud for the first time presents the ap-1
pearauce of a hat body, although, of course, I
of huge dimensions. It is then pressed in j
a blanket, and is by this means "hardened." |
It is then taken into the basement of a I
three-story brick building in the rear of the j
main structure,on Cherry street. Here are j
some seventy or eighty men, with their |
shirt sleeves rolled up, surrounding ten i
large kettles, or " batteries," us they are i
termed, each kettle being filled with hot
water. Each man then takes four hat bod
ies as they are received from the hardener,
and, placing them together, by continued
rolling and dampening for an hour or an
hour and a quarter, shrinks them to a size
a little larger than that required for the hats
he is ordered to make. From the sizing
kettle it is taken to the shaver, an individ
ual who, seated on a low stool, dexterously
cnts with a large knife the roughness from
the surface. From the shaver it is taken
back to the sizer, who again dampens and
rolls it for some twenty minutes, when it
becomes shrunkengto the dimensions Josh
ed. It is then taken to the upper part of
the building, into the drying-room, where it
is kept with some three thousand other hat
bodies, for ten or twelve hours, with the
thermometer denoting about 130 degrees.
When it is well dried, the uncouth and con
ical shaped body is taken into another
apartment, and the lower portion is first
dipped into a composition of gum shellac,
and then passed between rollers until the
stiffening lias become properly distributed.
Up to this time there is no appearance of
a brim, but as soon as it is stiffened the
body is taken to the sizer, who stretches it
over a block,and,by frequent manipulations,
gives the lower portion a resemblance of
that important part of a head covering.
The coloring is the next process. This
is accomplished by means of large kettles
in each of which thirty-six dozen hats are
colored at a time. The principal colors
given are black, nutria, pearl, beaver and
mouse. The bodies are then again blocked
and dried.
Notwithstanding the care of the shaver,
the hat, even after coloring, presents a very
rongh appearance,its smoothness and beau
ty being marred by outcroppings of hair,
and to the "pouncer" is entrusted the duty
of giving it what is known as a cloth sur
face. The operation is accomplished by
means of pummice stone and sand paper,
and emory paper of different grades of fine
ness, each in its turn being rubbed around
the hat body. After being thus smoothed,
it is taken to the third story of the main
building, where, in a large room extending
along the entire front and through to the
rear, stand some forty or fifty men at their
benches "finishing" hats. With the aid of
a little emory and a hot iron, a competent
and rapid hand is able to place in proper
shape from twenty-five to thirty hats a day.
When the fiuisher has performed his duty,
the services of the "trimmer" are called
into requisition. The trimmers are some
forty or fifty young ladies, who, with their
needles, manage (luring each day to line
nearly fifty dozen hats The binding and
the fancy colored cord which joins the lin
ing of the side with the centre piece, on
which the mark or name of the manufactur
er is stamped, are each stitched by a sew
ing machine, but all the other sewing and
stitching is done by hand. The hats are
then again ironed,and put together in nests
of six each, with narrow strips of tissu*
paper crossing from rim to cro n, for the
purpose of protection. Each nest is then
placed in a pasteboard box, and when
j twelve of these are placed in a wooden
! box, nothing more is to be done except to
have it properly marked and sent off to its
In the packing-room we noticed several
employes at work making what is known
as the "Resorte" hat,which is nothing more
than one of the ordinary slouches with the
rim surrounded by a rim of steel wire sim
ilar to that used for hoop-skirts, and which
is so tightly clamped that the brim has all
the firmness and durability of that of the
stiff' felt hat, while the band has the flexi
bility of the soft slouch. This invention
haß almost entirely superseded the stiff
" (JAN you read smoke, ma ?" " What do
you mean, child?" "Why, I've heard some men
talk about a volume of smoke, and I thought you
could read any volume."
A LADY at Terra Haute, Indiaua,)lost her
' 'waterfall" in the street, and a little Scotch terrier
seized it and shook it viciously. He probably smelt
a "rat" in it.
THE damsel who was accused of breaking
a young man's heart, has been bound over in the
bonds of matrimony to keep the pieces.
IT is stated as a singular fact, that the
smaller ladies' bonnets grow, the more they cost.
WHEN you offer oats to a horse he may
say "neigh" but he don't mean it.
WJIAT is joy ?—To count your money and
find it a hundred pounds more than you expected.
"Illustrated with cuts!" said a mischie
ous young urchin, as he drew his knife across the
leaves of his grammar. " Illustrated with cuts!"
repeated the schoolmaster as he drew his rattan
across the back of a mischievous urchin.
AN exchange says that a divine out west
is trying to pursuade the girls to forego marriage.
He say i he succeeded so far as to pursuade one,
and she was about sixty years of age.
A WOMAN out West, describing her run
away husband, says, " Daniel may be kn iwn by a
scar on bis nose—where I scratched him." We
think Daniel did well to run away.
IT is very strange that the most garrulous
speakers, no matter whether in public or in private,
are invariably those who are "unaccustomed to
public speaking."
" I MOURN for my bleeding country," said
a certain army contractor to General Sheridan.—
"So you ought, you scoundrel," replied Sheridan,
"for nobody has bled her more than you have."
A MARRIED man who was out at a whist
party when he proposed going home was urged to
stay a little longer. "Well," he replied, "perhaps
I may as well—my wife probably is already as mad
as she can be."
THE bellman of Waterloo, announcing a
teetotal meeting, said it would be addressed by six
females who had never spoken jefore.
THE orator who " carried away his audi
ence is earnestly requested to bring it back, by
persons who had friends present.
\\ HY cannot a gentleman legally possess
a short walking stick ?-—Because it can never be
long to him.
AT a Printer's festival lately, the follow
ing toast was offered : " Woman—second only to
the press in the dissemination of news !"
MR. HEN liasstarted anew paper in lowa.
He says he hopes by hard scratching to make a
living for himself and little chickens.
A CORRESPONDENT persciibes the following
recipe to banish rats—catch them one by one anil
flatten their heads with a lemon squeezer.
"Aw ! how do you like my moustache,
Mith Maura ?" lisped a dandy to a merry girl. "O,
very much. It looks like the fuzz on the back of a
A COUNTRYMAN was sowing his ground
when two smart fellows riding that way,one of them
called to him with an insolent air, "well, honest
fellow," said he, tis your business to sow, but we
reap the fruits of your labor." To which the coun
try man replied, ""Tis very likely you may. for I
am sowing hemp."
AN old Dutch tavern keeper bad his third
wife, and being asked his views of matrimony, re
plied ' 'Yel den, you see, de first time I marries for
lov J —dat was goot: den I marries for beauty— dat
was goot too, but dis time I marries for monish—
and dis is petter as both."
BRIGGS has a great facility for getting
things cheap. The other day he had a beautiful
set of teeth inserted for next to nothing. He had
kicked a dog.
SWEARING begins in anger ; it ends by
mingling itself with ordinary conversation.
WITH the exception, perhaps, of anger,
fear is far more injurious of the human passions.
"THE rich," said a poor Jew,"eat venison
because it is deer; I cat mutton because it is sheep."
RIGHT AND WRONG. —A girl who was mak
ing a dress put the sleeves in wrong. She was un
able to change them, as she could not determine
whether she had got the right sleeve in the wrong
place, or the wrong sleeve in the right place.
MURPHY was asked how it was so very
difficult to waken him in the morning. " Indeed,
master, it's because of ta ing your own advice, al- I
ways to attend to what I'm about ; so whenever I
sleeps I pays attintiou to it."
A I.ADY passing along the street, ono
morning last winter, noticed a little boy scattering
salt upon the sidewalk, fop the urpose of clearing
the ice. "Well, I'm sure," said the lady, "that's
real benevolence." "No, it ain't, ma'am," replied
the boy, "it's salt."
A PHILOSOPHICAL cabman thus speaks of
the section over which his wheels make their tracks:
"If you run over a youngster down here," said he,
"the folks don't say nothin'—kase they have got
more children than wittles for em but you jist
run over a goat or a kid, or a pig, and blest if a
mob ain't arter yon in two minutes.
MR GREEN sued a lady for breach of pro
mise. Her friends offered to settle it for two hun
dred dollars : "What?" cried Mr. Green, "two
hundred dollars for ruined hopes, a shattered mind,
a blasted life, and a bleeding heart! Two hundred
dollars lor all this! Never! never! never! Make
it three hundred<tml it's a bargain!"
"1 SAY old fellow,what are your politics?"
said one friend quizzing another. "Conservative ;
my father was a conservative." "And what is your
religion?" continued another. "Protestant."—
" And why are you a bachelor?" said the other,
"Because my father was a—O, confound it don't
bother me with your stupid questions."
A CERTAIN minister going to visit one of
his parishioners, asked how he had rested during the
night. "Oh, wondrous ill, sir," replied he, "for
mine eyes have not come together these three
nights." " What is the reason of that!" said the
; other. "Alas! sir," said he, because my nose is
i betwixt fhein."
; _
iwo centuries ago, not one iu a hundred
I wore stockings. Fifty years ago, not one boy in a
j thousand was allowed to run at large at night.—
Fifty years ago not one girl in a thousand made a
waiting maid of her mother. Wonderful improve
ment in this age.
A STRANGER in a printing office asked the
devil what liis rule of punctuation was. "I set up
I as long as I can hold uw breath, then I pat in a
; comma, when I gap, P insert a semicolon ; and
when 1 w ant a chew of tobacco, I make a para
graph. '
J " WHAT ugly, carroty-headed little brat is
that madam ? Do you know his name ?" "Why
—yes—that is nivyoungest son!" "You don't say
| so—indeed—why, what a dear little dove-eyed
| cherul >he is, to be sure!" This is the fashionable,
| scientific way of backing "right square out."
per A Tiiinui, in Advance.
The process of refining oil lias become so
extensive that it may be interesting to
many who have never been inside of an
oil refinery to know a little concerning it.
The crude petroleum as it is received
from the wells, being first introduced into
the tanks or reservoirs for receiving, it is
then conducted into the stills holding about
1,000 or 1,500 gallons each. The stills arc
made of boiler plate iron, which are found
to be better than cast iron, which is liable
to warp and crack from the effects of the
heat. The carbonacious particles form an
incrustation on the inside which ought to
be removed by a pick or sharp instrument
for the purpose, at the end of each distilla
tion ; otherwise the bottom of the still soon
burns out.
The contents of the still are wished off
in about 24 hours, the temperature gradu
ally raising up to 60t) or 800 deg. Far.—
From the head of the stilly the vapors pass
through the worm of the condenser, which
in the latter part of the distillation is not
allowed to cool down sufficiently for the
paraffine to condense in it ; as this might,
by causing obstruction, endanger the ex
plosion of the still. By the proper regula
tion of the temperature of the water sur
rounding the worm, however, a steady flow
of oil will go on from the end of the worm.
The quantity obtained is about iff) per cent,
of that introduced into the stills, but al
though freed of this amount of impurity,
the oil is still of aigreenish hue,and retains
more or less of its peculiar odor.
The next process is the chemical treat
ment with sulphuric acid. This is called
the cold process. The oil is transferred to
large wrought iron cylindrical vessels called
agitators,probably containing 3,000 gallons
each, and for each barrel of oil is added
one-half gallon of sulphuric acid. The
mixture is violently agitated, by the inser
tion of 2-inch pipe, through which is forced
a current of compressed air, [which keeps
the whole in a state of violent ebullition.—
This having been kept up for some "time,
and the mixture being left some time in re
pose, and considerable portion of the im
purities settle with the acid to the bottom,
from which they are drawn off, leaving the
partially purified oil in the cisterns with
some acids and impurities still adhering to
it. These are mostly removed by agitating
again with water,and again, after a repose
of some hours, drawing off the matter
which has collected in the bottom.
After this a strong ley of soda is iutro- j
ductal into the oil in the agitator, 'and it j
undergoes the same process of agitation as
with the acid. The sediments being drawn '
off the operation is again repeated, when j
the oil is then submitted to the fire test.— I
The fire test is simply the temperature at j
which the oil will iguite. The best illumi-'
nating oil should not ignite over a temper
ature of 115 deg. to 12 deg.'Far.,otherwise
it burns with a dull light. If it ignites at
100 deg. it contains too much benzine, and j
is liable to explode. After the whole pro- i
cess is completed, the residuum is sold here i
for s?> per bbl. for lubricating purposes, ex- j
cepting about £ per cent., which goes to '
In some refineries the oil undergoes a
second distillation, the first product of
which is very light oil, which, if at first :
somewhat discolored, is soon succeeded by
a limpid oil that continues with very little |
variation, except that it gradually becomes
heavier, and includes all that distillate he
low the gravity of 0. 820. The products'
which succeeded this are the heavy oils !
for lubricating, which pass into the last
product of dark colored heavy oils, which
may be made to give up a considerable
part of their paraffine by leaving the liquid
in tanks exposed to a temperature as cold
as may be.
The paraffine condenses in light silvery
scales, and is recovered by drawing off the i
oil, and then subjecting it to hydrostatic 1
pressure. It is purified by successive ap
plications of sulphuric acid, hot water and i
The illuminating oils may he almost en
tirely freed from the odor and color they i
possess, by standing several days over al- j
kaline solutions in shallow vessels. This, ;
however, is not supposed to improve the
quality of the oil.
SHORT AND SWEET. Why, you see when i
my man come courtin' me," said Mrs. Dob-:
son " I hadn't the least thought of what he !
was after—not I. .Jobie came to our house
one night after dark, mid rapped at the '
door. I opened it, and there sure enough
stood Jobie right before my face and eyes. !
" Gome in," says I, "and take a cheer."
" No, Lizzie," sez. he, "I've come on an
errant, and I always do my errants fust."
" But you'd better come in and take a j
cheer. What is your errant ?"
" Gourtin' business My wife's been dead |
these three weeks, and everything's going <
to rack and ruin right straight along. Now,
Lizzie, if you've a mind to hevme, and take !
care of my home an' children, an' my things, '
tell me, and I'll come in and take a cheer ; ■
if not, I'll get some one else tu."
" Why, 1 was skeered, and said :
" It you've come on the courtin' business, j
come in. I must think of it a little."
" No, I can't till my errant's done."
" I should like to think about it a day or
"You needn't, Lizzie."
"Well, Jobie, if I must, so here's to vou,
"So he came in. Then he went after the j
squire ; and he married us right off, an' I |
went home that very night. I tell you j
what it is,these long courtin's don't amount
to nothing at all. Just as well do it in a
WE saw a boy the other day borrow a
stick of candy from a comrade to show him
that he could pull it out of his ear. He
swallowed it, and then twisted himself in
various ways to extract it, but at length
informed his companion that he had forgot
ten that part of the trick.
\\ E see it recorded that a 6oap pedler
was recently caught at sea during a violent
storm, when he saved his life by taking a
cake of his soap aid washing himself
ashore. This soap, or the story, must have
been made from very strong LIE.
KINDNESS and cheerfulness can remove
more than half the wrinkles out of the fore
head of age.
Many years ago, the poet W hit tier penti
ed the following beautiful thoughts on Re
ligion, which best show the deep, devotion
al nature of the writer's mind, aud will not
fail to gratify and benefit tlie souls id ah
who read them again. " We pity the man,'
said he, " who has no religion in ids heart
—no high and irresistible yearning alter a
better and holier existence; who is conten
ted with the sensuality and grossness of
earth ; whose spirit never revolts at tin'
darkness of its prison-house, nor exults at
thoughts of its final emancipation. We pity
him, for he affords no evidence of high ori
gin, no manifestations of that high prerog
ative, which renders him the delegated lord
of the visible creation.
He can rank no higher than the animal
nature ; the spiritual soul never stoops so
lowly. To seek for beastly excitement
to minister with a bountiful hand to de
praved and strong appetites —arc attributes
of the animal alone. To limit our hopes
and aspirations to this world is like remain
ing forever in the place of our birth, with
out ever lilting the veil of the vis ble hori
zon which bent over our infancy.
There is religion in everything around
us ; a calm and holy religion in the 'in
breathing things of nature, which men
would do well to imitate. It is a meek and
blessed influence, stealing in, as it were,
unawares upon the heart. It has no terror
—no gloom in its approach. It does not
rouse the passions, it is untrammeled by
creeds, and unshadowed by the supersti
tions of men. It is fresh from the hands of
the author, and glowing from the immedi
ate presence of the Great Spirit, which per
vades and quickens it. It is written on the
arched sky. It looks out from every star.
It is on the sailing cloud, and in the invisi
ble wind. It is among the hills and the
valleys—where the shrubless mountain
tops pierce the thin atmosphere of eternal
winter, with its dark waves of green foli
age. It is spread out like a legible lan
guage upon the broad face of the unsleep
ing ocean. It is the poetry of nature. It
is this which uplifts the spirit within us,
until it is tall enough to overlook the shad
ows of our place of probation ; which
breaks, link after link, the chain which
binds us to materiality ; and which opens
to our imagination a world of spiritual
beauty aud holiness."
Too bashful to " pop the question" in the
usual way, Major Jones persuades his
sweet-heart to put up a stocking, which
will hold a couple of bushels, on the night
that Santa Glaus pays his visits, receiving
her promise to keep for ever what he gave
her. In this the gallant and lovelorn Maj.
contrives to introduce himself at the "witch
ing hour of night." But we will let the
Major speak for himself :
I remained up till midnight, and when
they were all gone to bed I softly went in
to the back gate and went up to the porch,
and thar, shure enuff, was a great big meal
bag hanging to the jice It was monstrous
unhandy to get to it, but I was determined
not to back out. So I set some chairs on
the top of the bench and got hold of the
rope and let myself down in the bag ; but
just as I was getting in, the bag swung
against the chairs, and down they went
with a terrible racket. But no body didn't
wake up but Miss Stalliness'grate !>ig dog,
and here he cum ripin' and tarin' through
the yard like rath, and round and round he
went, tryin' to find out what was the mat
ter. I sot down in the bag and didn't
breathe louder than a kitten, for fear he'd
find me out. The wind began to blow 'boui
iuable cold, and the old bag kept turning
around, swinging so as to make me sea
sick as the mischief. 1 was afraid to move
for fear the rope would break and let me
fall, and thar 1 sot with mv teeth rattlin'
like 1 had the ager.
It seemed it would never come daylight,
and I do believe if I didn't love Miss Man
so powerful, I would have froze to death :
for my heart was the only spot that felt
warm, and it didn't beat more an two licks
a minit, only when I thought how she would
be surprised in the mornin', and then it
went on a canter. Bimeby, the cussed old
dog came on the porch, began to smell
about the bag, and then lie barked like In
thought he'd treed soinethin'. " Bow, wow
wow !" sez he. " Begone you abominable
fool," sez. I, and I felt ail over in one spot,
for I 'spected he'd nip me ; and what madt
it worse. I didn't know whereabouts In M
take hold. " Bow, wow, wow !" Thou 1
tried coaxing. "Gome here, good feller,"
sez I, and 1 whistled a little to him ; but it
was no use. There he stood and kept up
his eternal whinin' and barkin" all the night.
1 couldn't tell when daylight was brcakiu'.
only by the chickens erowiu,' and I was
monstrous glad to hear 'em, for if I'd had
to stay one hour more, 1 don't believe I'd
ever got out of that bag alive."
They got him in the morning, covered
with meal and almost frozen. But Miss
Mary does not refuse his present. And he
says, " I tell you what it was worth hang
ing in a bag from one Ghristmas to another
to feel as happy as I have ever since.'
FAST YOUNG LAIHES.— Iu order to be a fast
young lady, it is necessary to lay aside aii
reserve and refinement- -everything that
savors of womanly weakness ; to have tin
troublesome scruples, but to be ready to
accord an appreciating smile to the broad
est joke. There must be no feeling of de
pendence on the stronger sex ; but. by
adopting, as far as decency permits, mas
culine attire, masculine habits, and mascu
line modes of expression, accompanied by a
thorough knowledge of slang, and a fluency
of using it, these ladies show themselves t •
be above all narrow-minded prejudices.
There must be no thinking about other peo
ple's feelings ; if people will be thin
skinned, let them keep out of their way at
all events. Should "mama" raise her voice
in a feeble remonstrance, the fast young
| lady impresses upon her that " she is 110
| judge of these matters. In her old school
days, everything and every one were slow;
but it is quite changed now." In short, to
sum up, to be a fast young lady, modesty,
delicacy, refinement, respect for superiors,
: consideration for aged, must all be set
; aside ; boldness, independence, irrever
! ence, brusqneness, and, we fear, too often
heartlessness, must take their place.
A GOOD CHARACTER.— A good character is
to a young man what a firm foundation is
j to the artist who proposes to erect a build
ing ou it ; he can well build with safety,
and all who behold it with confidence in its
solidity—a helping hand will never be want
ed ; but let a siugle part of this be defect
' ive and you go on a hazard, amidst doubt
' ing and distrust, and ten to one it will tum
ble down at last, and mingle all that was
j built on it in ruin Without a good char-
I acter poverty is a curse ; with it, scarcely
an evil. Happiness can not exist where
good character is not. All that is bright
; in the hope of youth, all that is calm and
blissful in the sober scenes of life, all that
is soothing in the vale of years, centres in
and is derived from a good character.—
j Therefore acquire this as the first and moat
valuable good.