TKUMS OP PI BLICATIOK. The Reporter is published EV cry Thursday Horn by E. O. Goodrich, at i' 2 per annum, in ad i iinee. ADVERTISEMENTS exceeding fifteen lines are ~ ted id ten cr nts per line for first insertion, . j eive cents per line for subsequent insertions. \ liberal discount is made to persons advertising , v tiie quarter, half-year or year. Special notices , r r, d one-half more than regular advertise uts. Ad resolutions of Associations; communi '■'itii'iis ol limited or individual interest, and no . of Marriages and Deaths exceeding five lines, V, charged ten cents ar line. 1 Year. 6 mo. 3 mo. ihie Column. SSO $35 S2O •• 30 25 15 Due Square, 10 7J 5 [V.ray, Caution, Lost and Found, and oth , r advertisements, not exceeding 15 lines, three weeks, or less, $1 50 ij. linistrator's and Executor's Notices.. .2 00 editor's Notices 2 50 js'l-iacs Cards, five lines, (per year) 500 q... hints and others, advertising their business ; , charged sls. They will be entitled to 4 rauin. confined exclusively to their business, with . ; ,ilege of change. ■ft- Advertising in all eases exclusive of sub . dption to the paper. JOB PRINTING of every kind in Plain and Fa n' is. done with neatness and dispatch. Hand- Blanks, Cards, Pamphlets, Ac., of every va ... am ) style, printed at the shortest notice. The r; t piii.xKi: Office has just been re-fitted with Power ;• < ;c<. and every thing in the Printing line can , v ented in the most artistic manner and at the rate-. TERMS INVARIABLY CASH. .. NOW I LAV ME DOWN TO SLEEP." fa the quiet nursery chambers. Snowy pillows yet unpressed, vthe forms of little children, Kneeling, white-robed, for their rest, Ail in quiet nursery chambers, While the dusky shadows creep, Hear the voices of the children, — Xow I lay me down to sleep." In the meadow and the mountain Calmly shine the winter stars, But across the glist'niug lowlands Slants the moonlight's silver bars. In the silence and the darkness, Darkness growing still more deep, Listen to the little children Praying God their souls to keep. •If we die"—so pray the children, And the mother's head drops low : <)ne from her fold is sleeping Deep beneath this winter's snow.) Take our souls and past the casement Flits a gleam of crystal light ; Like the trailing of his garments Walking evermore in white. Little souls that stand expectant Listening at the gates of life, Hearing, faraway, the murmur Of the tumult and the strife ; We, who fight beneath those banners, Meeting ranks of foemen there, Find a deeper broader meaning In your simple vesper prayer. When your hands shall grasp this standard, Which to-day, you watch from far, Wlu n your deeds shall shape the conflict In this universal war, l'rav to Him, the God of Battles, Whose strong eye can never sleep, la the warring of temptation, Firm and true your soul to keep. When the combat ends, and slowly Clear.-, the smoke from out the skies, Wi., n far down the purple distance, Aii the noise of battle dies, a the last night's solemn shadows, Settle down on you and me, May tin love that never faileth, Take our souls eternally. pisrcll mmms. THE WAR OF 1812. One flay during the lust war, opposite Portsmouth harbor and about three It's from ttic shore, lay a black frigate at ■ :iof, and the continual motion on its ■ cks, as seen with the aid of a glass from 'Tie 1, betokened that some event of unusual j Merest was soon to occur. Although it ' - .owed no colors, it required an eye of but ittle experience in naval matters to decide hat it was English. \\ hat could he its ob ct was a mystery. Its wooden walls ef tuully concealed it from the shore, and j ■■viien, during the day, it was joined by an- { c-i vessel of the same class, and a heavy ; .iit-'if-war, not a little excitement was ited among those who lived near the j i iward Portsmouth the enemy had often ' t longing glances. It was the key to Nt-w Hampshire and the western part of . ■ cm, and possessing one of the finest • ts in the world, where a navy, with ■ 1 sing a spar, might ride out a tem- P - , it held in their eyes a place of no I •' in importance. "fat tin- iron teeth that grinned on the > at the mouth of the Piscataqua had crto been an effectual check upon their ::r:t ge. Besides, several thousand well j ■ i ned soldiers had been collected there,in | J ' 'ipation of an attack, and whole com-; of volunteers were daily arriving ! ■ 'in- northern parts of the State, and '•■•a from the Green Mountains, panting a desire for the conflict. Portsmouth o under martial law. Its rope-walks,! ■'-houses and churches were crowded * - Pie hone and muscle of New England, riiiined to defend the place to the extremity. The shore was walked for I "ight and day, by a corps of senti- j * and every precaution taken to guard j a.Mfast surprise. '■" lice of the approach of the warships ! 'aehed the town. The tall Hag staff' Tad been placed near the mouth of the i and was watched from the steeples, j ° to have boen inclined toward the ! w lnch was the signal of dangeragreed j And when the sun went down, not I ■'•fag how imminent it might be, the ex- j '"'tit that filled the place was trcmen •" 1 here was mounting in hot haste, ' • '"oursers dashed through the streets I wind Every cart and carriage I;s y iii removing the women and val-1 ('" a station of security, and the sol- i irnished their arms and renewed the j - r, s in their pieces, and were ready at , <!' ol the drum or the blast of the bu rring to their defence, night gathered dark and chilly. The "" !ls 'looked watery and filled with; ' ■ mist, A double watch was set ■■■'' outposts, and the soldiers lay; . ' t( ' dream of their homes, or battle for x. r I ,j * ' 'tier had the darkness settled on - '!■' , ' ian 'mats, just observable through . "ght, were seen passing between : '■' iiiy s vessels, and evidently bearing •r* | '"" n 'me to the other, maturing H-.J /'"l" 9 ' Through the opened port , ~ 'ts could be seen flying in all di- j '•hi. Sl . lS ' <lll( ' were none who saw 't. who did not feel that the ortsmouth would be decided be- i K. O. GOODRICH, I^ufoliNliei-. VOLUME XXVI. fore morning. All along the coast and on every eminence commanding a view of the vessels, were collected little companies of speculative watches. On a little hillock, a few rods from tfte shore, on the east side of the river, were gathered ten or twelve men, noting every motion that was visible and listening to every sound that came from the water. "Is it not possible to know what is the object of those water coffins ?" said an old gentleman, while he strained his eyes as the darkness drew deeper. It might be done," said a young man whose face had been bronzed by familiarity with the ocean ; "It is nearly dark euough. G'onte, llill, what say you ? there won't be so much light as comes from a cat's eye in an hour ; shall we take a boat there and slip alongside ?" Hill, as a stout fellow of thirty was called, could not permit that a younger man than himself should propose a deed he would shrink from executing, im mediately signified his willingness to join in the almost reckless enterprise. The night was cloudy, the darkness had settled thick and heavy, the waves looked like a black, undulated pall, and as though to increase the awfulness of their condi tion, the British had extinguished their lights. Soon after the adventurers had launched their boat,and not an object could be traced, in the almost palpable blackness, the boat's length distant. They rowed in silence for some time, and had gone two thirds of the distance before either spoke. " Are you sure this is the right course, Ned ?" at length said Bill, as they rested on their oars. " Hush, speak lower. No, lam uot cer tain, but we cannot be far front them. If but one star would look out it would be better than this eternal gloont. I cannot see the lights on shore through this fog. What a murky night we are out in 1 Gloomy as a grave-vard." " Hang, the British, I had rather meet a legion of them by daylight," whispered Bill, moodily.— " But hark ! there they lay, dead ahead, and getting ready to make a port, too," he continued, as he heard the low gratings of a cable, as it was slowly and cautiously drawn up. Lightly as the swallow's wing the oars dipped into the brine, silently as a shark the boat cut the water, and, directed by the sound, ere the anchot swung at the bow they glided unseen under the very stern of the large vessel. But the humming voices, out of which nothing distinct could be gath ered, was mingled with*the winds sighing through the rigging, and the dashing of the dashing of the waves against the huge fab ric. With their patience nearly worn out, Ned at length whispered : "Bill, if you can keep your hold I will go aboard and get a full report of these villains' business." The latter was about to reply when they heard hurried motions on the deck ; a large boat was let down, and a dozen men, all of whom by the faiut light of a lantern they discov ered to be armed, pushed off toward the shore that lies south of the Piscataqua.— Scarcely had they gone when Ned, with the assistance of a rope that dragged into the water, climbed to the deck. The watch was grouped beside a gun carriage, and Ned, as confidently as though he had been one of the crew, walked by, and reaching the hatchway, descended to the lower deck. Here he found himself among several hun dred men, a part of whom were in their hammocks, but others, although it was as a dungeon, appeared to be arranging their clothes and preparing for some desperate enterprise. Almost lost in confusion,he stood motion less at the bottom of the steps ; but he had been there but a moment when, heating some one approaching, he stepped aside hastily, and uot knowing where he might be, held out his hands to grope his way.— As chance would have it, he went directly toward the head of a sailor who was tryiug to catch an hour's sleep before his night's work should commence. Ned, quickening his pace as the step came nearer, suddenly plunged his fingers into the locks of the sleeper, and with such force that his head received in no considerable wrench. The old tar leapt to his feet in a twinkling, and Ned darted off like a chicken chased by a hawk, leaving the angry sailor daring the whole ship's company to try to take his scalp off. He soon learned that it was the intention to make an attempt to effect an entrance to the harbor that night, and the boat he had seen leave the ship was gone to examine the chains which had been thrown across the main channel, and if possible saw them. This was all he could learn. It was enough, and he felt tjacre was urgent necessity of giving instant warning of the danger. But when he reached the hatchway he found the passage entirely closed by two old veterans half intoxicated,who had settled themselves to have a quiet time in lauding old Englaud and cursing the Yankees. Ned stood en tirely invisible, but necessarily hearing every word. It was nearly an hour that he stood waiting for them to rise, and listen ing to their outbreaks of passion concern ing the Americans. " Their men are no bolder than our wo men, and their guns are no better than tin horns," said one gruffly. " No, Jack," said the other, "and do you know that once on a time about twenty of our gals on the coast of Cornwell, dressed like sailors, put off in a gun-boat and took a Yankee seventy-four with no other arms than old swords ?" Ned, boiling with rage,could not hear such slan der, and regardless of consequences, roared out, "That's a lie, you old dog I" Both sailors shook as though the magazine had exploded, plunged toward him, and, awak ened to a sense of his situation by his own voice, Ned sprang out of their reach, and, as soon as the uproar had in some degree subsided, made his way on deck—but here an unexpected event occurred. The boat which had just returned,and the crew,when he stepped on deck, where in the act of lift ing up a prisioner. Determined, if possible, to know who he was, he elbowed his way with admirable coolness, aud succeeded in taking the arm of the prisoner. While notice of their success was passed below Ned found an opportunity to whisper a word of encouragement in the poor fellow's ear, and, when the orders were given that he should be conducted to the cabin, Ned stole aft and dropped into the boat. The prisoner found the cabin furnished in an elegant and even sumptuous style. So fas, bookcases, and tables of the costiliest wood, rested on a carpet that trod like vel- TO WAND A, BRADFORD COUNTY, PA., NOVEMBER 16, 1865. f vet. Mirrors, of enormous dimensions, re flected the occupants at full length on every side. A lamp hung above a rack that look ed like a dazzling pyramid, so rich were the polished sword blades and jewelled hilts, the silver scabbards, the varnished pistols, the steel sabers and the guns,touch ed wirh the highest finish that skill could give them. Flower vases, fil ed with beau tiful exotics, where fastened to a stand, diffusing an agreeable odor through the cabin. An old man, with snow-white hair and thoughtful brow, Rat in an antique chair of carved oak, fashioned after such a luxurious pattern that one might have lounged his life out in it, and never grow weary. A girl, the daughter of the old man, with such a sweet countenance as can only belong to a pure mind, and with lips as tempting as her own rose-buds, was reading when he entered. The prisoner was brought before the hard-featured veteran, and the officers arranged themselves about a respectful distance. " Young man," said the old commander, with a severe frown and penetrating look, "remember it is the truth of what you shall say on which your life depends ; anj at tempt at deception in my presence will cause you to be hung immediately to the yard-arm. Who are you 1" " A soldier of the American army." " And what duty were you performing on shore ?" " That of sentinel, to watch for the ap proach of the murdering British." " Bridle your insolence, young man ; you did not perform your duty so well that you can boast of your occupation." "Ask your servant which was the hard est, his head or my gun-stock. I could not dissolve the night, but I swept away the cobwebs that clouded the stars before his eyes." " Sir," said the veteran, in a voice hoarse with anger, which he strove to conceal, "what is the force assembled this night in Portsmouth, and if you deceive me you shall die at day-break." "This morning it was proclaimed that it numbered thirty thousand, and they have five hundred cannon in town, ready to blow your old hulks out of the water, like cockle shells, if you are so fortunate as to float after the forts have the sifting of you." The old commander clenched his fist, his face grew white as his cravat,and he would have ordered the fearless soldier to instant punishment for his bold reply had not his daughter, who had stolen to his side, press ed his arm, and breaking into tears, whis pered mercy. An angel's tears will melt iron, or at all events an iron soul, and his countenance lost its sternness as he gent ly put her aside, directed that the soldier should be secured and guarded on deck for the night. As he left the cabin, the girl, unseen by her father threw her arms about the soldier's shoulders, and he, touched by such unlook ed for kindness, murmured a fervent bless ing on her young heart. The night grew darker as the minutes glided by. The mist was so dense that it was impossible to distinguish even the out lines of an object six feet distant, and it seemed as if the clouds rested on the waves and enveloped the ship. The hands and feet of the prisoner wore then ironed, and he was lashed by a rope to a guuearriage. The watch that was set ov ir him walked the length of the deck, momentarily passing and repassing, thus rendered escape by his unaided efforts im possible. Ned, liaviug again climbed on board, had observed them fasten the prison er, and waited a fit time to spring and res cue rtim ; and it was when the sentinel passed him to go to the bow that he glided to the prisoner—with a thrust with a knife he severed the cords that bound hint to the gun, lifting him in his arms as though he was au infant, hastened to the stern and swung him into the boat. As for life,they plied their oars, but they had scarcely left the ship when they heard the alarm given upon deck. Calls for lights, and shouts that the prisoner had escaped, followed. Lanterns flew through the ship, aud all was confusion. The bold fellows, in the boat saw all, and felt in that deep darkness that it was impossible for the British to overtake them ; and, althouh within a pistol shot, they were unable to restrain their joy, but, with that fearlesßiiess that characterizes American soldiers, rested on their oars and gave three hearty cheers. Scarcely had the last hurrah left their lips when a stream of fire shot out from the ship, and the deep boom of the cannon awakened them to their folly. Though fired at random, they heard the ball whistle by very near them. The boatswain's shrill call to quarters rose on the night, and the sailors, expecting i n at tack every moment rushed to defend the deck. Our heroes reached the shore safely, and the sentinel, released of his shackles, was ready to resume his arms and his duty. The night passed heavily and in suspense, and the sun rose front its bed looking cold as an icicle. The sea was blue but calm, and every ship was gone, and not a spsck dotted it front the shore to the horizon. The British had given over all attempts on Portsmouth, but whether refrained by the crafty story of the sentinel, or the valiant cheering of the men in the boat, will per haps ever be a point in dispute. THK SECRET. —"I noticed," says Dr Frank lin, "a mechanic among others, at work on a house erecting but a little way from my office, who always appeared to be in a mer ry humor, who had a kind word and cheer ful smile, for every one he met. Let the day be ever so cold, gloomy or sunless, a happy smile danced like a sunbeam 011 his cheerful countenance. Meeting him, one morning, I asked him to tell me the secret of his happy flow of spirits. 'My secret, doctor' he replied, 'is that I have got one of the best wives, and when I go to work she always has a king word of encourage ment for me, and when I go home she meets me with a smile and a kiss, and then tea is sure to be ready, and she has done so many little things through the day to please me, that I cannot find in my heart to speak an unkind word to anybody.' What an influ ence, then, hath woman over the heart of man, to soften it and make it the fountain of cheerful and pure emotions ! Speak gent ly, then ; a happy smile and a kind word of greeting, after the toils of the day are I over, cost nothing, and go far towards ' making a home happy and peaceful " REGARDLESS OF DENUNCIATION FROM ANY QUARTER. HOW PELT HATS ARE MADE | Although tens of thousands of felt hats are worn by the male sex—old and young i —but few of the wearers have any idea of I how these useful and ornamental head-cov j erings are made. A visit to the large es | tablishmeni of P. Ilerst & C0.,N0. 308 Cher : ry street, New York, will give all the infor | matioii that could he desired ; but, as only few of the many have the time to inspect its various apartments, we have saved them the trouble by a personal inspection, and will endeavor to interest and iustruct by a short description of how felt hats of all shapes and sizes are made. The fur generally used is that of the French Cony, the Scotch Cony, the Russian Hare, and the South American Nutria, but that of the Beaver. Otter, Muskrat, and Am erican Rabbit is also used. The French fin is worth about $2.50 a pound in gold, the Russian from $2.50 to $4.50 ; the Scotch $3.65 ; the Nutria front $5.50 to sls, and Beaver from $8 to $lO in currency. The foreign fur is brought to this country neat ly done up in white paper or in brown pa per bags, and by the adoption of the nec essary preventatives there is rarely any in jury detected upon examination by the pur chasers iu this country. When required by the workman a suffici- j ent quantity of the fur is emptied from the paper packages into a large box, from whence it is removed and placed iu a small machine, through which it gradually passes, becoming well shaken and mixed during its progress. It is then taken to'oue of the large and unwieldly-looking pieces of me chanism, known as " Blanchard's blowing i machine," wherein the hair and dirt is sep- j arated from the fur, the latter for the first j time acquiring any combined consistency ' and texture, and passing between a series i ol rollers, coils itself up into a box prepar ed for its reception. It then is divided up j into lots, each lot being the quantity re- j quired for a single hat, arid weighing from j two ounces (sufficient for a small slouch)to | live and one-half ounces, the weight of the ! army regulation hat, and is then ready to i be formed. This "forming" process is the ! most remarkable connected with this par- i ticular branch of manufactures. A lad, who ' is always at his post during working hours, places in a curious-looking machine the quantity of fur necessary to make a hat.— Immediately at the other end of the machine stands a man with a perforated copper cone, some two-and-a-half feet h'gli aud j three feet in circumference at the bottom. ! This cone is dampened, and the machinery | being placed in motion the fur passes thro' l the machine, and is torn into a thousand i flakes, which being ejected rapidly from the j funnelled-shaped outlet, by suction scatter and fasten themselves upon the revolving J cone, soon covering it with a smooth and j compact surface. This cone is then cover ed with damp cloths, and after immersion in boiling water the fur covering is remov ed, aud for the first time presents the ap-1 pearauce of a hat body, although, of course, I of huge dimensions. It is then pressed in j a blanket, and is by this means "hardened." | It is then taken into the basement of a I three-story brick building in the rear of the j main structure,on Cherry street. Here are j some seventy or eighty men, with their | shirt sleeves rolled up, surrounding ten i large kettles, or " batteries," us they are i termed, each kettle being filled with hot water. Each man then takes four hat bod ies as they are received from the hardener, and, placing them together, by continued rolling and dampening for an hour or an hour and a quarter, shrinks them to a size a little larger than that required for the hats he is ordered to make. From the sizing kettle it is taken to the shaver, an individ ual who, seated on a low stool, dexterously cnts with a large knife the roughness from the surface. From the shaver it is taken back to the sizer, who again dampens and rolls it for some twenty minutes, when it becomes shrunkengto the dimensions Josh ed. It is then taken to the upper part of the building, into the drying-room, where it is kept with some three thousand other hat bodies, for ten or twelve hours, with the thermometer denoting about 130 degrees. When it is well dried, the uncouth and con ical shaped body is taken into another apartment, and the lower portion is first dipped into a composition of gum shellac, and then passed between rollers until the stiffening lias become properly distributed. Up to this time there is no appearance of a brim, but as soon as it is stiffened the body is taken to the sizer, who stretches it over a block,and,by frequent manipulations, gives the lower portion a resemblance of that important part of a head covering. The coloring is the next process. This is accomplished by means of large kettles in each of which thirty-six dozen hats are colored at a time. The principal colors given are black, nutria, pearl, beaver and mouse. The bodies are then again blocked and dried. Notwithstanding the care of the shaver, the hat, even after coloring, presents a very rongh appearance,its smoothness and beau ty being marred by outcroppings of hair, and to the "pouncer" is entrusted the duty of giving it what is known as a cloth sur face. The operation is accomplished by means of pummice stone and sand paper, and emory paper of different grades of fine ness, each in its turn being rubbed around the hat body. After being thus smoothed, it is taken to the third story of the main building, where, in a large room extending along the entire front and through to the rear, stand some forty or fifty men at their benches "finishing" hats. With the aid of a little emory and a hot iron, a competent and rapid hand is able to place in proper shape from twenty-five to thirty hats a day. When the fiuisher has performed his duty, the services of the "trimmer" are called into requisition. The trimmers are some forty or fifty young ladies, who, with their needles, manage (luring each day to line nearly fifty dozen hats The binding and the fancy colored cord which joins the lin ing of the side with the centre piece, on which the mark or name of the manufactur er is stamped, are each stitched by a sew ing machine, but all the other sewing and stitching is done by hand. The hats are then again ironed,and put together in nests of six each, with narrow strips of tissu* paper crossing from rim to cro n, for the purpose of protection. Each nest is then placed in a pasteboard box, and when j twelve of these are placed in a wooden ! box, nothing more is to be done except to have it properly marked and sent off to its destination. In the packing-room we noticed several employes at work making what is known as the "Resorte" hat,which is nothing more than one of the ordinary slouches with the rim surrounded by a rim of steel wire sim ilar to that used for hoop-skirts, and which is so tightly clamped that the brim has all the firmness and durability of that of the stiff' felt hat, while the band has the flexi bility of the soft slouch. This invention haß almost entirely superseded the stiff brim. FUN, FACTS AND FACETL2E. " (JAN you read smoke, ma ?" " What do you mean, child?" "Why, I've heard some men talk about a volume of smoke, and I thought you could read any volume." A LADY at Terra Haute, Indiaua,)lost her ' 'waterfall" in the street, and a little Scotch terrier seized it and shook it viciously. He probably smelt a "rat" in it. THE damsel who was accused of breaking a young man's heart, has been bound over in the bonds of matrimony to keep the pieces. IT is stated as a singular fact, that the smaller ladies' bonnets grow, the more they cost. WHEN you offer oats to a horse he may say "neigh" but he don't mean it. WJIAT is joy ?—To count your money and find it a hundred pounds more than you expected. "Illustrated with cuts!" said a mischie ous young urchin, as he drew his knife across the leaves of his grammar. " Illustrated with cuts!" repeated the schoolmaster as he drew his rattan across the back of a mischievous urchin. AN exchange says that a divine out west is trying to pursuade the girls to forego marriage. He say i he succeeded so far as to pursuade one, and she was about sixty years of age. A WOMAN out West, describing her run away husband, says, " Daniel may be kn iwn by a scar on bis nose—where I scratched him." We think Daniel did well to run away. IT is very strange that the most garrulous speakers, no matter whether in public or in private, are invariably those who are "unaccustomed to public speaking." " I MOURN for my bleeding country," said a certain army contractor to General Sheridan.— "So you ought, you scoundrel," replied Sheridan, "for nobody has bled her more than you have." A MARRIED man who was out at a whist party when he proposed going home was urged to stay a little longer. "Well," he replied, "perhaps I may as well—my wife probably is already as mad as she can be." THE bellman of Waterloo, announcing a teetotal meeting, said it would be addressed by six females who had never spoken jefore. THE orator who " carried away his audi ence is earnestly requested to bring it back, by persons who had friends present. \\ HY cannot a gentleman legally possess a short walking stick ?-—Because it can never be long to him. AT a Printer's festival lately, the follow ing toast was offered : " Woman—second only to the press in the dissemination of news !" MR. HEN liasstarted anew paper in lowa. He says he hopes by hard scratching to make a living for himself and little chickens. A CORRESPONDENT persciibes the following recipe to banish rats—catch them one by one anil flatten their heads with a lemon squeezer. "Aw ! how do you like my moustache, Mith Maura ?" lisped a dandy to a merry girl. "O, very much. It looks like the fuzz on the back of a caterpillar!" A COUNTRYMAN was sowing his ground when two smart fellows riding that way,one of them called to him with an insolent air, "well, honest fellow," said he, tis your business to sow, but we reap the fruits of your labor." To which the coun try man replied, ""Tis very likely you may. for I am sowing hemp." AN old Dutch tavern keeper bad his third wife, and being asked his views of matrimony, re plied ' 'Yel den, you see, de first time I marries for lov J —dat was goot: den I marries for beauty— dat was goot too, but dis time I marries for monish— and dis is petter as both." BRIGGS has a great facility for getting things cheap. The other day he had a beautiful set of teeth inserted for next to nothing. He had kicked a dog. SWEARING begins in anger ; it ends by mingling itself with ordinary conversation. WITH the exception, perhaps, of anger, fear is far more injurious of the human passions. "THE rich," said a poor Jew,"eat venison because it is deer; I cat mutton because it is sheep." RIGHT AND WRONG. —A girl who was mak ing a dress put the sleeves in wrong. She was un able to change them, as she could not determine whether she had got the right sleeve in the wrong place, or the wrong sleeve in the right place. MURPHY was asked how it was so very difficult to waken him in the morning. " Indeed, master, it's because of ta ing your own advice, al- I ways to attend to what I'm about ; so whenever I sleeps I pays attintiou to it." A I.ADY passing along the street, ono morning last winter, noticed a little boy scattering salt upon the sidewalk, fop the urpose of clearing the ice. "Well, I'm sure," said the lady, "that's real benevolence." "No, it ain't, ma'am," replied the boy, "it's salt." A PHILOSOPHICAL cabman thus speaks of the section over which his wheels make their tracks: "If you run over a youngster down here," said he, "the folks don't say nothin'—kase they have got more children than wittles for em but you jist run over a goat or a kid, or a pig, and blest if a mob ain't arter yon in two minutes. MR GREEN sued a lady for breach of pro mise. Her friends offered to settle it for two hun dred dollars : "What?" cried Mr. Green, "two hundred dollars for ruined hopes, a shattered mind, a blasted life, and a bleeding heart! Two hundred dollars lor all this! Never! never! never! Make it three hundred<tml it's a bargain!" "1 SAY old fellow,what are your politics?" said one friend quizzing another. "Conservative ; my father was a conservative." "And what is your religion?" continued another. "Protestant."— " And why are you a bachelor?" said the other, "Because my father was a—O, confound it don't bother me with your stupid questions." A CERTAIN minister going to visit one of his parishioners, asked how he had rested during the night. "Oh, wondrous ill, sir," replied he, "for mine eyes have not come together these three nights." " What is the reason of that!" said the ; other. "Alas! sir," said he, because my nose is i betwixt fhein." ; _ iwo centuries ago, not one iu a hundred I wore stockings. Fifty years ago, not one boy in a j thousand was allowed to run at large at night.— Fifty years ago not one girl in a thousand made a waiting maid of her mother. Wonderful improve ment in this age. A STRANGER in a printing office asked the devil what liis rule of punctuation was. "I set up I as long as I can hold uw breath, then I pat in a ; comma, when I gap, P insert a semicolon ; and when 1 w ant a chew of tobacco, I make a para graph. ' J " WHAT ugly, carroty-headed little brat is that madam ? Do you know his name ?" "Why —yes—that is nivyoungest son!" "You don't say | so—indeed—why, what a dear little dove-eyed | cherul >he is, to be sure!" This is the fashionable, | scientific way of backing "right square out." per A Tiiinui, in Advance. REFINING OIL. The process of refining oil lias become so extensive that it may be interesting to many who have never been inside of an oil refinery to know a little concerning it. The crude petroleum as it is received from the wells, being first introduced into the tanks or reservoirs for receiving, it is then conducted into the stills holding about 1,000 or 1,500 gallons each. The stills arc made of boiler plate iron, which are found to be better than cast iron, which is liable to warp and crack from the effects of the heat. The carbonacious particles form an incrustation on the inside which ought to be removed by a pick or sharp instrument for the purpose, at the end of each distilla tion ; otherwise the bottom of the still soon burns out. The contents of the still are wished off in about 24 hours, the temperature gradu ally raising up to 60t) or 800 deg. Far.— From the head of the stilly the vapors pass through the worm of the condenser, which in the latter part of the distillation is not allowed to cool down sufficiently for the paraffine to condense in it ; as this might, by causing obstruction, endanger the ex plosion of the still. By the proper regula tion of the temperature of the water sur rounding the worm, however, a steady flow of oil will go on from the end of the worm. The quantity obtained is about iff) per cent, of that introduced into the stills, but al though freed of this amount of impurity, the oil is still of aigreenish hue,and retains more or less of its peculiar odor. The next process is the chemical treat ment with sulphuric acid. This is called the cold process. The oil is transferred to large wrought iron cylindrical vessels called agitators,probably containing 3,000 gallons each, and for each barrel of oil is added one-half gallon of sulphuric acid. The mixture is violently agitated, by the inser tion of 2-inch pipe, through which is forced a current of compressed air, [which keeps the whole in a state of violent ebullition.— This having been kept up for some "time, and the mixture being left some time in re pose, and considerable portion of the im purities settle with the acid to the bottom, from which they are drawn off, leaving the partially purified oil in the cisterns with some acids and impurities still adhering to it. These are mostly removed by agitating again with water,and again, after a repose of some hours, drawing off the matter which has collected in the bottom. After this a strong ley of soda is iutro- j ductal into the oil in the agitator, 'and it j undergoes the same process of agitation as with the acid. The sediments being drawn ' off the operation is again repeated, when j the oil is then submitted to the fire test.— I The fire test is simply the temperature at j which the oil will iguite. The best illumi-' nating oil should not ignite over a temper ature of 115 deg. to 12 deg.'Far.,otherwise it burns with a dull light. If it ignites at 100 deg. it contains too much benzine, and j is liable to explode. After the whole pro- i cess is completed, the residuum is sold here i for s?> per bbl. for lubricating purposes, ex- j cepting about £ per cent., which goes to ' waste. In some refineries the oil undergoes a second distillation, the first product of which is very light oil, which, if at first : somewhat discolored, is soon succeeded by a limpid oil that continues with very little | variation, except that it gradually becomes heavier, and includes all that distillate he low the gravity of 0. 820. The products' which succeeded this are the heavy oils ! for lubricating, which pass into the last product of dark colored heavy oils, which may be made to give up a considerable part of their paraffine by leaving the liquid in tanks exposed to a temperature as cold as may be. The paraffine condenses in light silvery scales, and is recovered by drawing off the i oil, and then subjecting it to hydrostatic 1 pressure. It is purified by successive ap plications of sulphuric acid, hot water and i alkalies. The illuminating oils may he almost en tirely freed from the odor and color they i possess, by standing several days over al- j kaline solutions in shallow vessels. This, ; however, is not supposed to improve the quality of the oil. SHORT AND SWEET. Why, you see when i my man come courtin' me," said Mrs. Dob-: son " I hadn't the least thought of what he ! was after—not I. .Jobie came to our house one night after dark, mid rapped at the ' door. I opened it, and there sure enough stood Jobie right before my face and eyes. ! " Gome in," says I, "and take a cheer." " No, Lizzie," sez. he, "I've come on an errant, and I always do my errants fust." " But you'd better come in and take a j cheer. What is your errant ?" " Gourtin' business My wife's been dead | these three weeks, and everything's going < to rack and ruin right straight along. Now, Lizzie, if you've a mind to hevme, and take ! care of my home an' children, an' my things, ' tell me, and I'll come in and take a cheer ; ■ if not, I'll get some one else tu." " Why, 1 was skeered, and said : " It you've come on the courtin' business, j come in. I must think of it a little." " No, I can't till my errant's done." " I should like to think about it a day or two." "You needn't, Lizzie." "Well, Jobie, if I must, so here's to vou, then." "So he came in. Then he went after the j squire ; and he married us right off, an' I | went home that very night. I tell you j what it is,these long courtin's don't amount to nothing at all. Just as well do it in a hurry." WE saw a boy the other day borrow a stick of candy from a comrade to show him that he could pull it out of his ear. He swallowed it, and then twisted himself in various ways to extract it, but at length informed his companion that he had forgot ten that part of the trick. \\ E see it recorded that a 6oap pedler was recently caught at sea during a violent storm, when he saved his life by taking a cake of his soap aid washing himself ashore. This soap, or the story, must have been made from very strong LIE. KINDNESS and cheerfulness can remove more than half the wrinkles out of the fore head of age. THOUGHTS ON RELIGION Many years ago, the poet W hit tier penti ed the following beautiful thoughts on Re ligion, which best show the deep, devotion al nature of the writer's mind, aud will not fail to gratify and benefit tlie souls id ah who read them again. " We pity the man,' said he, " who has no religion in ids heart —no high and irresistible yearning alter a better and holier existence; who is conten ted with the sensuality and grossness of earth ; whose spirit never revolts at tin' darkness of its prison-house, nor exults at thoughts of its final emancipation. We pity him, for he affords no evidence of high ori gin, no manifestations of that high prerog ative, which renders him the delegated lord of the visible creation. He can rank no higher than the animal nature ; the spiritual soul never stoops so lowly. To seek for beastly excitement to minister with a bountiful hand to de praved and strong appetites —arc attributes of the animal alone. To limit our hopes and aspirations to this world is like remain ing forever in the place of our birth, with out ever lilting the veil of the vis ble hori zon which bent over our infancy. NUMBER 25. There is religion in everything around us ; a calm and holy religion in the 'in breathing things of nature, which men would do well to imitate. It is a meek and blessed influence, stealing in, as it were, unawares upon the heart. It has no terror —no gloom in its approach. It does not rouse the passions, it is untrammeled by creeds, and unshadowed by the supersti tions of men. It is fresh from the hands of the author, and glowing from the immedi ate presence of the Great Spirit, which per vades and quickens it. It is written on the arched sky. It looks out from every star. It is on the sailing cloud, and in the invisi ble wind. It is among the hills and the valleys—where the shrubless mountain tops pierce the thin atmosphere of eternal winter, with its dark waves of green foli age. It is spread out like a legible lan guage upon the broad face of the unsleep ing ocean. It is the poetry of nature. It is this which uplifts the spirit within us, until it is tall enough to overlook the shad ows of our place of probation ; which breaks, link after link, the chain which binds us to materiality ; and which opens to our imagination a world of spiritual beauty aud holiness." HOW JONES POPPED THE QUESTION Too bashful to " pop the question" in the usual way, Major Jones persuades his sweet-heart to put up a stocking, which will hold a couple of bushels, on the night that Santa Glaus pays his visits, receiving her promise to keep for ever what he gave her. In this the gallant and lovelorn Maj. contrives to introduce himself at the "witch ing hour of night." But we will let the Major speak for himself : I remained up till midnight, and when they were all gone to bed I softly went in to the back gate and went up to the porch, and thar, shure enuff, was a great big meal bag hanging to the jice It was monstrous unhandy to get to it, but I was determined not to back out. So I set some chairs on the top of the bench and got hold of the rope and let myself down in the bag ; but just as I was getting in, the bag swung against the chairs, and down they went with a terrible racket. But no body didn't wake up but Miss Stalliness'grate !>ig dog, and here he cum ripin' and tarin' through the yard like rath, and round and round he went, tryin' to find out what was the mat ter. I sot down in the bag and didn't breathe louder than a kitten, for fear he'd find me out. The wind began to blow 'boui iuable cold, and the old bag kept turning around, swinging so as to make me sea sick as the mischief. 1 was afraid to move for fear the rope would break and let me fall, and thar 1 sot with mv teeth rattlin' like 1 had the ager. It seemed it would never come daylight, and I do believe if I didn't love Miss Man so powerful, I would have froze to death : for my heart was the only spot that felt warm, and it didn't beat more an two licks a minit, only when I thought how she would be surprised in the mornin', and then it went on a canter. Bimeby, the cussed old dog came on the porch, began to smell about the bag, and then lie barked like In thought he'd treed soinethin'. " Bow, wow wow !" sez he. " Begone you abominable fool," sez. I, and I felt ail over in one spot, for I 'spected he'd nip me ; and what madt it worse. I didn't know whereabouts In M take hold. " Bow, wow, wow !" Thou 1 tried coaxing. "Gome here, good feller," sez I, and 1 whistled a little to him ; but it was no use. There he stood and kept up his eternal whinin' and barkin" all the night. 1 couldn't tell when daylight was brcakiu'. only by the chickens erowiu,' and I was monstrous glad to hear 'em, for if I'd had to stay one hour more, 1 don't believe I'd ever got out of that bag alive." They got him in the morning, covered with meal and almost frozen. But Miss Mary does not refuse his present. And he says, " I tell you what it was worth hang ing in a bag from one Ghristmas to another to feel as happy as I have ever since.' FAST YOUNG LAIHES.— Iu order to be a fast young lady, it is necessary to lay aside aii reserve and refinement- -everything that savors of womanly weakness ; to have tin troublesome scruples, but to be ready to accord an appreciating smile to the broad est joke. There must be no feeling of de pendence on the stronger sex ; but. by adopting, as far as decency permits, mas culine attire, masculine habits, and mascu line modes of expression, accompanied by a thorough knowledge of slang, and a fluency of using it, these ladies show themselves t • be above all narrow-minded prejudices. There must be no thinking about other peo ple's feelings ; if people will be thin skinned, let them keep out of their way at all events. Should "mama" raise her voice in a feeble remonstrance, the fast young | lady impresses upon her that " she is 110 | judge of these matters. In her old school days, everything and every one were slow; but it is quite changed now." In short, to sum up, to be a fast young lady, modesty, delicacy, refinement, respect for superiors, : consideration for aged, must all be set ; aside ; boldness, independence, irrever ! ence, brusqneness, and, we fear, too often heartlessness, must take their place. A GOOD CHARACTER.— A good character is to a young man what a firm foundation is j to the artist who proposes to erect a build ing ou it ; he can well build with safety, and all who behold it with confidence in its solidity—a helping hand will never be want ed ; but let a siugle part of this be defect ' ive and you go on a hazard, amidst doubt ' ing and distrust, and ten to one it will tum ble down at last, and mingle all that was j built on it in ruin Without a good char- I acter poverty is a curse ; with it, scarcely an evil. Happiness can not exist where good character is not. All that is bright ; in the hope of youth, all that is calm and blissful in the sober scenes of life, all that is soothing in the vale of years, centres in and is derived from a good character.— j Therefore acquire this as the first and moat valuable good.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers