Bradford reporter. (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, April 18, 1861, Image 1

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    OHE DOLLAR PER ANNUM invariably in advance.
Thursday Morning. April 18, 1861.
jsdedeb Doctrj.
Bo fair, *nJ yet so desolate ;
So wan, and yet so yonng ;
Ob ! there ia grief too deep for loirs,
Too seai'd for tell-tale tongue !
With a faded flower in her hand,
l'oor little hand so white !
And dim hlne eye. from her casement high
.She looks upon the night.
Only a little rosebud—
Only a simple (lower—
Hut it bloomed no more as it seemed to Uoom
Through many a lone, lone hour ;
As they tlow'd from her fever'd touch away,
The petals withered and brown.
All toe hopes she dcem'd too bright to be ihtam a
Sink trembling and fluttering down.
It needs no hush of the Present
To call back the sweet calm Past;
The lightest summer murmuring
May hi: heard through the winter? ;
And the wind is rough with sob and with cough,
To-r.ight upon gable and tree,
TRi the hare elms wail like spectres pale,
And the pines '.ike a passionate sea. she thinks of a dreary twilight
tin the garden walk below,
Of the laurels whispering in their sleep,
And the white rose iu full blow.
p n'ly moon ba.l sunk away,
Like some pale queen, to die ;
la tl.e costly .-hroud ot an opal cloud.
To the June air's tremulous sigh.
1' All,all too freshly real,
The silt subdued eclipse ;
J!a..J in hand, aud heart iu heart.
Aud tl.e thrill of the wedded lips.
Those tender memories, how they flush
Pale cheek and brow again ;
Though heart be changed, and lip estranged,
That sworo such loving then !
I 'Tis but the old story,
Su:i£ if j often iu Vuis \
Pur man all the fieedotn of passion,
F"r woman the calm and the pain.
Tell it the soul v. uor.e grief is read,
In the pour, pale suffering face ;
I', will still cling >a t> a ioe that is g'.no
With the Warmth of .is lirst embrace.
OL, 'tis well for the currie-s spent,
To weave the wt-b of ryme ;
And oris u tin- nib- intm-'r:. s
That float on the breach of time.
If it better fir my heart,
If evei it n.iglit be so.
To t.' tto fe „•the light that has set,
And tl.e dream of I nig
I —■— ■ i.. J.. ....
I |ft istcllait cou s.
I Tho Way of the World.
m i
■ ' ie a pleasant harvest breeze from over
■ * ny fit-hl oi new mown bay, comes a prct
'j love story from Ireland—Neptune's
ral Emerald. Travelers know that Cu
.i- f -rev. r "pi ay is:' bis tricks" with the
Ir coileet.s and broths of hoys appertaining
to tbe G -in of llu? Sea ; but it's seldom bis
I •* there involve enough c implications or
I onlrtitmps to make good newspaper romances.
Then your " houid lad of K.illarney" falls in
ire tvith a bit of a girl, be axes her will slm
• are him, without a sum of a blush ; mi l if
•lie says she will, tbe affair is decide, (French
sounds nicely in an Irish storv, you know.)
Should iter, "ouid man" see tit to interfere,
I'addy just tips him over the head with Bis
nillelali, and marries the girl before lie can
k'.-t on his feet again. As for the maiden, she
I.ever associates tears or thoughts of suicide
lith the wedding- encasement, but sings from
Itlietime of her betrothal :
B •' My heart is a* light as a feather,
■ I hope it may never be sad ;
I'm going t-i be married to-morrow,
And won't you have me, pretty lad ?
Hurroo 1"
■•'"ir renders will perceive that Irish ronrt-
I' -iocs rmt preaent icanv attractions for the
lunation" reporter, save when some Eng-
I 1 adventiner tries lo earry off some pietty
v\ when there is Hpt to be a row and a
Ijtrai'd dramatic jig. At last, however, Old
Ji>-aud lias produced quite a nice little liyiue
■ Dial romance, iu which uli the figurants are
■ri'-yof th e turf, and we hasten to lay it be-
I'Dfe our readers :
N"*ar the nneient and scrupulously rcspecta
' °'" l of NeiiHgli, dwelt a fair and frolic
' young apotheosis of eighteen summers,
|[ -e natural beauty was materially cncliane-
J the vi-ry becoming mellow light reflect
>_■ !;om some hundreds of golden accessories.
w parsimonious but pious parents had saved
- s tempting assortment of lucre for her
I'-vriagi- dower ; and so distinctly did its au
■ .>jaigle find an echo in public sentiment
: ' fc heiress had at least one sighing suit-
D' UT every pound slie possessed. To all she
a -amiable and expensive; but there was
I Rinong them whose superior qualifications
e way of good family and a bank account
I "e i.iin a decided advantage in the grand
• '.ice for ln-r hand This lucky itidivid
„l. no time in gaining the consent of the
(, . unp> 'o his suit ; and such strong influ-
I *' re '"ought to bear upon the pretty
.iiut die filially consented to become Mrs.
I "red not inform our readers that
I, 1 nnijit ant swain nearly swooned in tha
I of bis joy, and forthwith drove his
Ij '* <o< he very verge of distraction, by or
Btulj M '"" ! l ' le " ' o,l( F'st" vosts and iuez
P* ' '-vs that ever eleclrified the eve-corpor
■'c-a' e^u ' lie indulged in neck
■ , 1 rter,; positively deafening, and put so
If,. | tce!l, ed oil on his ambrosial locks that
he resembled a person who
■' 1 "ed head-foremost into the stomach
■ s P"ra wha| e .
He .'rL) ',h'P7 day was appointed, " invites"
br da' robes purchased, tbe riug
procured, ai d everything made ready for that
interesting ceremony by which woman's pow
er of deluding mankind is made to appear
positively sublime. Friday was to be the day.
On Thursday evening the bride elect left her
paternul home for the ostensible purpose of
purchasing a trousseau in town.
" She went like the light at event Li*,
tVben the day's white beard is shorn ;
And when the day was a cnild again,
She came back " iu a horn.'"
In fact, " it may be as well to observe, in
this connection," as the papers say, that the
pretty heiress did not come back at ail. In
stead of buying a trousseau, she "sold" her
accepted suitor, and heartlessly eloped with
a " bonld soger boy," to whom her heart had
been given for weeks previous. By appoint
ment, this irrepressible lover met her ut a cer
tain point on the road to Nenagli, handed her
into a chuise, cracked the whip, aud
•'' Now gallop ray palfrey gray,' he said,
' Now gallop and gallop away;
Tor we must be twenty leagues from this
Before the break u' day. "
When Friday morning arrived without bring
ing home the bride, there went a cry through
all Nenagh and its suburbs—the cry of a des
olate young man in white gloves and fancy
vest pattern, who would not be comforted.—
The rage of the bereaved paternal and ma
ternal. and of all the relations and friends who
had been invited to " shake a foot ut the mar
tying," was in all respects " tiemen jn-ous and
fierce to behold nut tiie birds find flown,
and the fowler skillful enough to entrap them
was uot to be found. We will carry our story
no further. L:-t the reader imagine the last
tableau of the comedy to be : a badly muss
ed up young man, with the barrel of a horse
pistol in each car, and nothing in the barrels ;
two afflicted parents telling each other that
they knew all along it would be so—oeli hone!
group of afflicted relatives and friends estab
lishing tiie fact that "the fly creature will
never coiue to any good ; " wheels heard iu
the distance. Curtain falls to ttio pathetic
air of " I'op goes the Question."
Beacon Grum.
Deacon Grum is a truly pious man. It can
not be doubted, lie loves God and loves good
things, and is on his way to heaven. But tern
peravwnt is a great thing. A shrewd observer
once said, " It is temperament that makes a
great man." It certainly makes some little
ones, and withal, some very queer ones.—
Deacon Grum is consrituticnally gloomy and
desponding lie was dipped in nature's bluest
dye. Aud ihc tinge, as is apt to be the case,
piss dto his religion. lie lias no bump of
hope. Where it ought to be, there may cer
tainly be found, if phrenology has a shred of
truth in it, a deep depression. It is hard for
him to hope, even as a Christian.
While the present is very dark for him, the
future is still darker. All things, lie fancies,
are going lo ruin. Thcic was something 01
piety in the days gone by. There was some
residum at it in his own earlier days. He bill
eves in tiie revivals and the good men of
twenty <>r thirty years ago. lie especi illy re
curs to the times of 111 wards and BraiutrJ, end
tiie holy Baxter, times not colored by the ut
rabiliary of his own nature. Bat many a Jar
emiade docs he pour forth over the worldii
ness or inefficiency of the modern Church.—
He know s not what things will come to. He
trembles as lie thinks r.f posterity.
Deacon Grum is slow to enter into any mea
sures for the ad auceinerit of religion. He
sees difficulties that others do not see. He
calculates nicely all the possibilities of evil.—
lie sees all the wrong principles that may lie
involved, lie is fearful about motives, lie
has his did!-cities with all the plans suggest
ed. They are too narrow, or they are too
broad. They are too tiinid or they are too
bold. They are too slow, or. more likely,they
are too fast lie is afraid of running before
he is sent; of going before the Spirit, instead
of following; of having too much human agency
and then, again, of having 100 little. Propose
as you will, he shakes his head doubtfullv.—
He is always in a position to say, if a plan
does not succeed "I told you so."
Deacon Grum never sees at.y token of good
in the church to which he belongs. Wluit
others regard as a star o.' promise is to him
only a meteoric ll isli—a phosphoric gleam—
or perhaps a pure fancy. If few attend meet
ings, that, of course, is bau most unpromis
ing. If many go, he does not think much of
it. It may le a mere matter of form. He
fears it is. It is the heart God wants. It is
no great tiling to go to meeting. If there is
manifest feeling in the church, lie takes no en
couragement from it. It may be only anizal
feeling. It is not that deep feeling, lie is sure
that opens the windows of heaven—such as
they bud in the good old times. If lie hears
of conversions, he says, with a despairing look
and peculiar inflection, that he hopes Lbey are
sound ones lie 10-pes they will hoi 1 out. If
he talks with converts, they are uot apt to
satisfy liim. Tiiev arc not like those of the
days of Nettleton. •
It is in a time of declension that you hear
from Deacon Grum. He talks in meet
ing then. He is eloquent then. He has a
iliemc, then, suited to his peculiar mood, lie
expatiates upon it making his darkness shine,
so that men listening to liiin begin to think ail
good persons hypocrites, and religion a phan
tom. But, in time of revival, lie is compara
tively silent; that, sunny, glad occasion, seems
not to suit his idiosyncrucy. It touches not
the chords of his mournful lyre.
Be patient with Deacon Urnm. Do not
wait for him. Go onward in the way of all
duty. But deal gently with him. When
weary with his lamentations, objurgations, and
vaticinations, think of the "humor which his
mother gave him " As I said, he is on his
way lo lieavf n. True, it lias been conjectured
that he will find something out of joint even
there; something in the foundation gates, key
note, etc., etc. But, no ! grace will have pur
rifietJ Lim Beauty rf He limes
A Call to the Ministry.
Somebody is always tcllincr stories about
the •' Hard shell Baptists." Wags have the
run on them, and they may as well be content
and bear it. Here follows a tale told of them
not long since. My informant locates it in the
mountains of North Carolina, where the Hard
shells are quite numerous, und where they be
lieve pretty strongly in dreams and voices. In
the important matter of a call to the ministry
a dream or a voice is almost indispensable.
Now, it came to pass that a man by the
name of Walker felt himself considerably mov
ed to " hold forth," and keep " spreading the
fleece," Gideon like, to ascertain his duty in
the important premises. To assist him in his
pious investigations, he called at a still house
one evening to get some of the "good critter."
After refreshment, the story runs, lie left for
hotne, and on tiie way he felt "moved" to go
into the grove a few hundred yards from the
road, "that- to wrastle on the subject." While
he was "wrastlin" most earnestly, scarcely out
done by the patriarch, some one passed the
road with a long-eared animal, poiitely called
a John Donkey, and John let off, as his race
is wont to do sometimes, in a most moving and
thrilling manner.
Walker's imagination, by his earnest "wrast
lin," was wrought up to great intensity, and
he converted Major John's discordant music,
which, to mo.-t men, resembles ihe filing of a
saw mill saw, into a call Iroui Heaven, urging
him to preach the Gospel. No time was to be
lost, lie rose from his knees duly commission
ed, went to his church,and demanded a license
whin tiic pastor interrogated him thus :
Pastor. Do you believe, Brother Walker,
that you are called of God to preach, "as was
Aaron ?'
Walker. Most sartinly I does.
Pastor. Give the Church,that is, the breth
ren, the proof.
Walker. I was mightily uiffikilted, and
I was determined to go iuto the woods wrastle
it out.
l'a<tor. That's it, Brother Walker.
Walker. Aud while there wrastlin', Jacob
like. I heurn one ov the curiousest voices I
uvr-r hearu in all my burned days.
Pastor. You are on the right, track, Broth
er Walker. Go on with your aeration.
Walker. I couldn't tell, for the life ov me,
whether the voice was up in the air or down
in the sky, it sounded so curious.
Pastor. Poor erector! how he was uffikii
led. Go on to norate, Brother Walker. How it rppear to sound unto you ?
Walker. Why, this a-way; " Waw waw
ker—waw-waw ker ! Go preach, go preach,go
preach, go preaeh-ee, go preach ah, go preaeh
uu. go preach ah ee-uti ah-ce.
Pastor. Brut he-ring and sister, that's the
right sort of a call Enough said, Brother
Walker. That's not one ov ytr college calU,nor
money c.rils. No doctor ov divinity uvcr got
s'cii a cail as that. Brother Waiker must
have license fur sartin and fui sure.
The license was granted, tlie story goes, and
Walker is now doubtless making the mounta
ins ring with his stentorian lungs.
A Hunter after QSce Trsed.
As the time for the new Administration ap
proached, the crowds who thronged Wash
ington increased. Those who make them are
not altogether disintersted. Some are on office
bent. Curious ways some of them have of
finding out where best to drive their stakes—
that'sso; what post would best suit their gen
ius. It iias even come to this; that some have
gone so far as to iook into the different De
partments in advance, and to make inquiry of
ine incumbent clerk as to the probable time,
Ac, of his decease as such. An instance of
this kind happened the other day at the
Patent Office. A long, slabsided, rickety, car
ioty-toppcd individual from 'Netcw England,"
with tiie richest Yankee patois, walked into
the library of the Patent Office, presided over
by Professor Jillson.late of Columbian College
an urbane gentleman, line scholar, no politician
but wi'ii a sense of humor.
" Wa'al, stranger, kin I look't books here ?
'spose there public proptcrv ?
"Certainly," said the Professor. "What
book would you desire."
And the Professor marched toward the
cases of heavy French and German tomes
which he has to silt for the benefit of our in
" Wa'al, I'd like to see the book they call
the 'Bleue Book."
"Ah, sir, I'm sorry we bav'nt it here. You
are at liberty to read any of the books which
we have."
" Fact is, I want to find out the best hearth
I can; expectiu' Mr. Linkiu to put me in when
he comes into power. I ravther like this
bearth, stranger; 'spose you don't 'sped to
stay, hey ? What's the salary! Couldu't you
let me know as to Ihe dooties ?"
" I am sorry, friend, to say the salary hard
ly pays for tlie duties. It is only what you
would earn by close labor on a cornfield out
" Never mind that; what's the dooties?—
Think I kin doo 'cm ?"
" I am not well enough acquainted with
your acquirements to answer. First, I have
to keep uti eye to all the books here."
" Wa'al, that's not so hard; guess could do
that ns well as any."
"Next, have to make indexes and read
proof of patent reports.
"That would come,l guess, by a little prac
" Then," said the Professor, with a merry
twinkle, " I have to translate, for the use of
the office, from these books, most of which I
have to commit to memory; and from the var
ious ancient and modern languages, including
SauscHit, Hebrtw, Hindoo, Swedish, Freucb,
German, Chocktaw, Kickapoo "
Bafore the suave Professor had finished his
inventory, his office-seeking interlocutor had
his hat oivand precipitated himself iuto tbe
corridor, with a hasty—
• That'll do. ftrangsr Good day"
Checking Perspiration.
A Boston merchant, in " lending a Land "
on board of one of iiis ships, on a windy day,
found himself, at the end of an hour and a
half, pretty well exhauJted and perspiring free
ly. lie sat down to rest. The coo! wind from
the sea was delightful, aud engaging in con
versation, time passed faster than he was aware
of. Iu attempting to rise, he found he was
unable to do so, without assistance. He was
taken home aud put to bed, where he remain
ed two years, and for a long time afterwards
could only hobble about with the aid of a
crutch. Less exposures than this have, in
constitutions not so vigorous, resulted in in
flammation of the lungs, "pneumouia," ending
in death in less than a week, or causing tedi
ous rheumatisms, to be a source of torture for
a lifetime. Multitudes of lives wculd be saved
every year, and an incalculable amount of hu
man suffering would be prevented, if parents
would begin to explain to their children at the
age of three or four years, the danger which
attends cooling off too quickly after exercise,
and the importance of not standing still after
exercise, or work, or play, or of remaining ex
posed to a wind, or of sitting at an open win
dow or door, or of pulling off any garment,even
the hat or bonnet, while in a heat It should
be remembered by all,that a eoid never comes
without a cause, and tbat in four times out of
Ave, it is the result of leaving off exercise too
suddenly, or of remaining still in the wind, or
in a cooler atmospliere than that iu which the
exercise has been taken.
The eoider the weather, the more need is
there, in coming into the house, to keep on all
tiie clothing, except India rubbers or damp
shoes for several minutes afterwards. Very
few rooms are heated higher than sixty live
degrees when the thermometer is within twenty
degrees of zero, while tho temperature of the
body is always at ninety-eight in health; so
that if a man comes into a room which B thirty
degrees coider than hG body, lie wjll rapidly
cool off, too much so, often, if the external
clothing is not removed.
It is not necessary that the perspiration be
visible; any exercise which excites the circu
lation beyond what is natural, causes a propor
tional increase of perspiration, the sudden
checking of which induces dangerous diseases,
and certain death, every day. —Jt iii's Journal
of Health.
The above is true and important. We will
add that the danger of cooling off too rapidly
is as great in hot weather and in tropica! cli
mates, r.s it is in winter, and iu cool latitudes.
The fatal fc-vci s of hot climates, are chic-fly
owing to this cause. We learned this, in the
East Indies, more than forty years ago. Tne
average temperature at Batavia, or Java, we
found to be upwards of ninety degrees. Aud
then, for the first time, we learned the necessi
ty of wearing flannel next to '.he skin, to pre
vent checking perspiration too suddenly. No
European or Amerie:.n resident there,can dis
pense with them. No one walks iu the suu
hhine. AU ride in carriages, rnd raise an um
brella on alighting, before entering their hotels.
And then the lirst tiling is to put on a thick
coat, worn at no otner time, and vvaii; the
room moderately for some minutes, to prevent
100 sudden a check to the perspiration. —
Strangers neglecting this precaution commonly
fall into a fever, and often die in less than
two davs.— Editor Princivii.
Demoralizing Influence of Debt,
Debt is an inexhaustible fountain of Dis
honesty. The Royal Preacher tells us; The
borrower is servant lo the lender. Debt is a
rigorous servitude. The debtor learns the
cunning tricks, delays, concealments,and frauds
by which dishonest servants evade or cheat
their master. He is tempted to make ambi
guous statements; pledges, with secret pas
sages of escape; lying extracts, with fraudu
lent constructions; lying excuses, and more
mendacious promises. Ho is templed to elude
responsibility; to delay settlement; to prevar
icate upon the terms; to resist equity, and de
vise specious fraud. When the eager creditor
would restrain such vagrancy by law, the
debtor then thinks himself released from moral
obligation, and brought to a legal game, in
which it is lawful for the best player to win.
lie disputes true accounts; lie studies subter
fuges; extorts provocations delays; and har
bors in every nook, corner, and passage, of the
law's labyrinth. At length the measure is Ail
ed tin, and the malignant power of debt is
known. It lias opened in the heart every
fountain of iniquity; it has besoiled the consc-i
-pHce; it has tarnished the honor; it lias made
the inan a deliberate student of knavery; a
systematic)practitioner of fraud; it has dragged
him through all the sewers of petty passions,
—auger, hate, revenge, malicious folly, or
malignant shame. When a debtor is beaten
at every point, and the law will put her screws
upon him, there is no depth in the gulf of dis
honesty into which he will not boldly plunge.
Some men put their property to the flames,as
sassinate the detested creditor, and end the
frantic tragedy bv suicide, or tiie gallows.—
Others, in view of the catastrophe, have eon
verted all property to cash, and concealed it.
Tiie law's utmost skill, and the creditor s fury
are alike powerless now—the tree is green and
thrifty; its roots drawing a copious supply from
some hidden fountain.
Craft has another harbor of resort for the
piratical crew of dishonesty; viz: putting one's
property out of the. lute's reach by a fraudulent
conveyance. Whoever runs in debt, and con
sumes the equivalent of his indebtedness; who
ever is fairly liable to damage for broken con
tracts; whoever by folly, has incurred debts
and lost the benefit of his outlay; whoever is
legally obliged to pay for his maiiee or careless
ness; whoever by infidelity to public trusts
has made his property a just remuneration for
his defaults; whoever of all these, or whoever,
under any circumstances, puts out of his hands
property, morally or legally due to creditors,is
a. dishonest man. The crazy excuses which
men render to their consciences, are ouly such
as every villain makes, who is unwilling to look
upon tbe blaek face of bis crimes.
The London Times
An interesting sketch is given by a corres
pondent concerning the advertising rooms of
the great London " Thuuderer
Turn to the counter ; there is a wide space
beyond, and many clerks, writing, ulways
writing. Four favored, or unfavored ones
we know not how to deem it—sit on thrones
behind the counter, to lake the tribute of tiie
advertising suppliants; from these four we
may choose our oracle and judge, but it mat
ters little which we tuke. How very silent is
the room ! scarce any sonud, but the clink of
money and the low uttered Cats of these
throned arbiters of advertisers' lates.
Of no avail is remonstrance here ; the ad
vertisement has hardly reached their hands—
scarcely has time elapsed to skim it over—be
fore tbe quiet utterance of their judgment ; if
one should venture to remonstrate at the
charge, his lines ure given back and the next
comer served ; no words—they have no time
for words ; tiie first decision is the Cnal one ;
we mean, of course, in the busier portion of
the day—from 11 o'clock till 2. And how
" use doth breed a habit in a man ;" the per
emptory officers rarely or never err ; seldom
wiii the printed lines fail to bear out their
charge ; their practiced eye fathoms the mys
teries of every conceivable cbirography, and
like seers of the mighty press, a tieid of the
type ru-.hes back on their sight, soon as their
mild orb rests upon the scrawl.
And how the piles of advertisements grow
by their side ! As they take theui they give
a printed acknowledgment to the advertiser,
and he then beholds his composition impaled
with others which have proceeded, upon a
As we look at the business of 'his office, we
wonder where it is to end. Already, in the
London season, when the town is lull, the
Times issues, not unfrequently, ten pages of
closely printed advertisements, of six columns
each, and each column a long one. Yet there
is always enough on hand for several days to
come ; an advertiser cannot expect to see hia
lines in print for three days, sometimesa week,
from tiie period that he gives it in. We ask
ourselves why people will consent to wait so
long ; why p'afiiper still this overgrown favor
ite of fortune, paying duties to the Govern
ment, as it does, for advertisements ariu stamps
aud paper, aioue amounting to SoOO,OUO an
nually. beside giving a livelihood to so many,
many families?
IT'S ML.—Tiie following, 'rem the local
of a New York paper, has more true poetry
iu it than many a piece of sounding rhyme of
loftier pretensions and greater length :
Passing a neat little martin box of a house
last evening, we happened to see a man wait
ing at tiie door for admittance. At tiiis in
stant a green blind opened a little way, and
by the gas-light we caught a glimpse of a pair
of brilliant eyes, and a flutter of something
white, and a bird toued voice softly sail,
" Who's there ?"
" It's me," was the brief response.
The eyes end the flutter disappeared from
the window like stars in a cloud, and we al
most fancied, as we passed on, that we could
hear tiie patter of two little feet upoo the
floor, winged with welcome.
It was a trifle, it all happened iu au instant,
but it haunted us for an hour.
" It's uie." Amid the jar of a great city,
those words fell upon the iistening wife above,
and met a glad response.
"It's me I" And who was "me?" The
pride of a heart's iife, no doubt ; the tree a
sine was clinging to; the "Defender of the
Faithful," in the best sense iu the world !
"It's mc !" Many there are who would
give half their hearts, and more I ban half the
hope in them, for one such recognition iu this
" wide, wide world."
On Change, in the Directory, in tiie l'ost
Office, lie was known as A. B. C., Esq.,; but
on that threshold, and in those walls, " It's
me," and nothing more ; and what more is
there one would love to be !
Few of all the hearts that beat so wildly,
warmly, sadly, slowly, can realize a true sou!
amid the din aud darkness of tiie world, in
that simple but eloquent "It's me"—as if he
had said :
Now, I am nothing to all the world,
For I ant all the world to thee.
OVER-WORKED WOMEN.—An over-worked
woman is always a sad sight—sadder a great
deal than an over-worked man,because she is so
much more fertile iu capacities of suffering
than a man. She has so many varieties of
headache—sometimes as if Jael wese driving
the nail that killed Sisera into her temples—
sometimes letting her work with half of her
brains, while the other half throbs as if it
would go to pieces—sometimes tightening
round the brows as if her cap band were Luke's
iron crown—nnd then her neuralgias, and her
backaches, and her fits of depresion, in which
she thinks she is nothing, and less that noth
ing, and tho-e paroxysms which men speak
slightingly of as hysterical—convulsions ; that
is all, only not commonly fatal ones—so many
trials which belong to fine arid mobile struc
tures, that she is always entitled to pity, when
she is placed in conditions which develop her
nervous tendencies.
VERY LUCKY.—A lawyer on a circuit,
dropped a ten pound note under the card lable,
while playing cards at the inn. lie did not
discover the loss until he was going to bed,
but then returned immediately. On reaching
the room lie was met by the young waiter
who said.
" I know what you want, you have lost
" Yes, I have lost a ten ponnd note."
" Well, sir, I have foncd it, und here it is."
" Thanks, my good lad, here is a sovereigu
for yon."
" No, sir, I want no reward for being hon
est, bat," looking at him with a kuowing grin,
" wasnt it lucky that DODJ of the gentlemen
found it ?"
VOL. XXI. NO. 4.0
THE GRE AT MYSTERY. —The following beau
tiful passage is taken from Timothy Titcouib'a
"Preachings upon Popular Proverbs." which
the Springfield R-j>ub!ican is now giviug to
the world ;
"The body is to die : so much is certaio.—
What lies beyond? No one who passes the
charmed boundary eotues back to tell. Tbo
imagination visits the realm of shadows—sent
out from some window of the soul over life's
restless waters—but wings its way wearily
back with no olive leaf in its beak us a tokeu
of merging life beyond the closaiy bending hor
izou. The great sun comes and goes in hea
ven, yet breathes no secret of the ethereal
wilderness. The crescent moon cleaves her
nightly passage across the upper deep, but
to.-ses overboard no message and displays uo
signals. The sentinel stars challenge each
other as they walk their nightly rounds, but
we catch no syllable of the countersign which
gives passage to the heavenly camp. Shut in !
Siiut in ! Between this und the other life
there is a great gulf fixed, across which nei
ther eye nor foot can travel. The gentle
friend whoso eyes we closed iu their last sleep
long years ago, died with wonder in her rap
ture-stricken eyes, a smile of ineffable Joy up
on her lips, and her hands folded over a trium
phant heart : but her lips were past speech,
and intimated nothing of the vision that en
thralled her."
."TRIE FOR YOU." —" Father McOuire," of
Pittsburg, was inaDj years ago very popular,
both in Lis private and ministreial life. He
was a genial, warm-hearted old Irishman, fond
of a joke, and the following was one of sever
al good ones on himself, which he relished
very much in telling.
lie was riding out on the Butler road one
hot summer's day, when lie stoped at a houso
by the wayside to get a drink of water, and
rest a while. While in conversation with the
woman of the house, lie picked up a bible,
and n-ked her if she rend it often.
" Yes,"she replied, " I have read It through
" And do you understand all you read in it,
my good woman ?"
" Yes, I do," ss;d she.
" Well," said he, " I have read it all my
life, and I find a great deal iu it which I cau
not understand."
" Well," said she, "if you are a fool, ia
that any reason that I should be
Shure enough, what could Father McGuire
sr.y to that 'i
FUNNY. —The best joke of secession, if so
serious a mattes admits of a jest(though, for
that matter, secessionists themselves have
perpetrated it) is that the Mississippi Legisla
ture has authorized the governor to borrow
two million of dollars! This state lias repudi
ated aii honest debt, and her credit is a by
word Who will take her bond* 1' A friend
suggested that propably Fioyd, Itussel & Co.,
might, if an opportunity was afforded. Wo
doubt it. Tiiey have no use for worthless
bonds. Mississppi might leave her bonds out
in the street till night, and if she will place a
light near them, so that they can be read, we
very much doubt whether any of them would
he missing in the morning. Repudiate an
hone:>t debt, and ask credit for two million
Don't she wish she wisfi she could borrow it.—
Raleigh ( X.C.) Banner.
FAST NA.;S.—They teil a good story of an
old fellow up the country, named Peter Bates,
a keeper of a tavern, who was named to b
an excellent judge of horse fiesh. Once a
spirited young mare was led up to the hotel.
Quite a crowd soon gathered to see her.—
The owner spoke of her good points, boasted
of her speed and said she could trot a mile in
three minutes. Presently along came Uncie
Peter, and then removing his short pipe, said:
Boys,! d lu't see hut one reason why the niaro
can't trot u mile in three minutes." "What
is it ? Wat is it, Uncle Peter ?" asked the
young tyros, anxious to learn from one of
such acknowledged skill in such matter, 'why'
said he, " the distance is to great for so short
a time."
Advocate tells the following: "The propeller
Rocket, 011 a late trip dowu, was boarded, at
one of the small towns in Michigan, by an
old lady not posted in the modern improve
ments iu the lake steamers. When a few
hours out the old lady discovered two men
pumping up water to wash the decks, and tb®
captain being near by, she accosted him as
follows "Weil, Captain Rice, you've got &
well aboard, eh ?" "Ves, ma'am, alwars
carry one," says the polite Captain. "Well,
that's clever. I always did dislike the nasty
lake water, specially iu dog days "
A jolly chap at sea, having been seized
with sea sickness, was asked how he felt.—
" Feci J" said he, and there was an unmista
kable earnestness in his eye ; "Feel ! why I
feel as though I had but two objects iu life now.
One is to put my foot once more on terra firma,
and the other to find out and whip the fel
low who wrote " Life on the Ocean Wave !"
WANTED POPPING. —A lover, vainly to ex
plain some scientific theory to his fair iuamor
ata. said:
" The question is di&eult, and I don't see
what I can do to make it clear."
"Suppose you pop it," whispered the blush
ing damsel.
STANDARD WORSHIP. —Tnc Romans worship
ed their standards; and the Roraau standard
happened to be au eagle. Our standard is
only one tenth of an "eagle"—a dollar—bnt
we make all even by adoriug it with a tcufold
NART MORE.—" Boots ?" answered a sea
sick Frouchman from his berth, " Oui, oui—
you mar take zem; I ebail raat zea cary
more !''