O<E D3LLAR PES ANNUM INVARIABLY IN ADVANCE.
TOWANDA:
Thursday Rloraing, July 19, 1860.
Selcrteb |)oetrn.
GRAY HAIRS.
BY L. U. SIOOCRXBY.
HK *V hair- ' I marvel why they strike
Si'.'-'h terror and dismay,
N'.i maik ot wickedness or shame
or foal disgrace are they.
silent as when infant dream*
Steal o'er the cradle-down.
They weave their sparkling silver threads
In with the Hack, or brown.
<G:ay hairs!—the waning beauty shrieks
lleforc her mirror's face,
V ! forth tli' unblessed invader Hits
Uprooted from its place.
Oh. lady, stay that lily hand,
If one such guest should fall.
They -ay a d >zeu more will come
To attend the fuueral.
VI rav hairs ! I saw the Queen of France
Arrayed in regal state,
Receive tire elite of the land.
The tilled and the great.
A ad while her dignity and grace
Wvic praised by every tongue,
r \oa". white ringlets o'er Iter brow
iu leatleS;, clusters hung.
< • -when sprinkled here sMel there
hi iit-.iJ and whiskers too,
ia-pire P.-MC L end cotilklcnce
Mire than the youthful hue ;
. . . . a! Jgc of mankind they tell,
i'i uutice of serious thought,
A: (I lore at the expensive school
Of sage experience taught.
V,ray hairs'.—l think them leauX.fu*
Around the ancient face ;
1 ' pure unsullied snows that lend
The Wintry landscape grace ;
When found ill wisdom way they crows
With wealth's exhauotless store,
A prehnh- to that home of joy
Where age is known no more.
ifinititiional Department.
Ti> School Directors.
lY.ends and fellow laborers in the cause of
wuiioa, permit me to have a few moments
■. talk with you about the subject iu which
ice .rc nil interested. Von have seen lit to
i-.at-j ••:.*- !•' of myself to take charge of the
<■ can schools of this Cntuty again for three
v.rstoi uo, if God shall so long give me
hea 'h. t r this renewed mark of esteem and
i, . eel ,m only say that lam truly grate
|.'bl,c tfie ii dues after a'.rial of one term
'of M-rrh-t— i: s jwculiarly gratifying, ud pla
ce- f :." c.r renewed obligation to exert mv
'to 11 more useful in your service. My
J. r!-. however, will be vain without your aid,
. . sours fruitless, tor good, unless seconded
rour good will ami pr<:.?pt'assistance } allow
then, 1 repeat, Vo address you frankly, and
i all plainness. As we must work togeth
it is all important that we know and un
crstand each other's views, and plans, and
lotives. 1 hope therefor# that you will at
, times freely and frankly communicate with
ie. Oar objects are, er should be, the eleva
on of the schools of the county —their iui
ruvement iu all respects, as to the houses,
arcs, furniture, and the teachers, and iu shoit
very thing that, is required to make a good
eh no I.
While I have generally had the co-opcra
.ion of directors and proprietors, there arc
tome tlii: gs which I respectfully, but most
i .r.ies'.ly request you to take into cousidera
v. in, aud sec if it would not lie better for the
-hois to have adopted. I might embrace all
that is necessary to say, perhaps iu the simple
i r :v. iu, live up to the spirit of the law aud
I ;• i- :is and instructions of the State Su-
I per...-endeiit Rut I will be more explicit.—
IMr ... .Me would be avoided by hiring the
[ ' -i-i.ert r vour respective districts at a racet
? ' the board held for that purpose, at
w ' . meeting, the citizens of the neighbor
ed should be invited to be present. Teach
es are frequently found in the schools, who
' t"e never seen one of the directors, and in
the directors do net know that such per
sons are teaching in the township.
If the persons desirous of teaching, could
'■JOIV before hand at what time the instructors
- a cer-ota district are to be hired, it would
-e less treuulo for tliam to atleud all at one
' ue aud i .ace, than it would for each teacher
ogoai d look up a school for himself, and
theu boat up & director to employ him. Di
c'.or< would at ! -ast know who were teaching
• r schools. L.t all the teachers be employ
' - it the same time, by the whole board, and
1 ive a written contract, and at least no small
-hxre of the troubles in our schools would be
Aviated.
The president of each school board, has to
under oath, that all the teachers em
D-Jvu. during the year, hud a valid certificate
" T'ounty Superintendent. How can
Jo this unless he knows that fact
""T '•""goal knowledge? If any body and
"■ • v hires the teachers, aud the direct
■ H' nothing about them, how can the
•Vfilfiu kivear that all have certificates ?
' u ' not tLen Directors know tbut those
fj em P'°7 as teachers are thus legally
|, J *°uW call your attention-to the resolu
* ai ®ost unanimously at the conven
i . i on 7th of May, relative to grading
L, / Ihe grade of the certificate and
•; !.et.ee of the applicant,—taking into
And i"i ' a>urso l ' ie 6 '- e of the schools.—
I tl,at Uirecto ™ in the several dis
will wry it out. If persons, whose lit
iitv r U r U , ODS are of 80 lcw a B ra <ie that
. - van uurelv obtaiu a certificate of any
• , a.e to receive the same amount of wa
' month as those who are entitled to
™. s °f first grade, --or if a young
' 0 uo experience, is to bayc as much
THE BRADFORD REPORTER.
as one who has taught for years— I say, if
this is to be done, it is difficult to see what
encouragement there can be for young persons
to incur expenses, from year to year, to quali
fy themselves more fully for the discharge of
their duties. Most certainly our schools will
uot make the advance under such circumstan
ces, that the friends of the system have a
right to expect. Many times entire strangers
are employed, and Directors do not see their
certificates, if they have any. llow can they
then know which schools such individuals are
competeut to teach. All teachers cannot be
expected to he equal in literary ability,and the
schools do not require that they should be.—
In some, a good grammarian is needed, while
in others grammar may not be required at all.
Iu one or more schools of the district there
inuy be pupils well advanced in arithmetic,
while in others the arithmeticians are but be
ginners. Can Directors properly select teach
ers for these several schools without the least
knowledge of their attainments, other than
the (act that they have a certificate of some
kind.
One of the greatest hindrances to the pro
gress of the schools is the multiplicity of text
books. Iu some schools I have found three,
four and evcu live kinds of Geographies, as
. many kinds of Arithmetics and Grammars.—
; In such eases teachers are obliged to have such
•a number of classes that it is impossible to do
well by the schools. Frequently there are
: four classes in Geography, whereas but one
would be required if uil had the same kiud of
buoks. It is not deemed advisable perhaps
to make a radical charge of books at once,
but tt is very desirable that Directors take
bold of this subject and do something to pre
vent any and every person who may come
along, from introducing new text books into
the schools. The law puts this whole matter
iu the hands of the Directors,—just where it
j shoold be, and requires them to net in the
premises, and if they would act prudently,and
judiciously but promptly, much loss of time to
teachers and pupils, and expense to parents
might be saved I have enumerated some
subjects to which I invite your special atten
tion. I hope and trust that von will under
stand this piain talk as coming from a fellow
laborer, who has the good of the cause of ed
ucation in view, the improvement of the
schools, the mental, physical, and moral well
being of the children and youth of this eoun
; tv at heart,—who has no desire to dictate or
attempt to control, cr exercise authority, but
rather to counsel with those with whom he is
to labor for the promotion of these objects.
C. K COBURX.
LETTER FROM ILLINOIS.
BF.MK.VT, (Illinois) July 10, IsCO.
K. O. GOODRICH, Kelttor F have thought
that perhaps a word font Illinois might be <.f
some i.iteret to your readers, especially to
my friends and acquaintances in Bradford coun
ty and vicinity, and the Republicans generally
throughout the old Keystone State.
1 started from Overton, Bradford county,
I'a., on the 27th day of September 1858, and
after passing some two weeks on the road and
in visits by the way. I landed at Moamequa,
Illinois, at which place I resided till last Feb
ruary, where I removed to this village, and
expect to remain here, at least several years.
Dement is situated on the Great Western
Railroad, and boasts of about 500 inhabitants,
six stores, an excellent school Louse, a grist
mill (recently burned down) and some two or
three churches are being built the present
year. Our neighbors are composed of people
from every part of the Vuion. But the peo
ple here are mostly from Pennsylvania, A'ew
York and Ohio, aud are pretty generally well
suckerized. The soil is very productive and
vields abundant crops of grain and all sorts of
produce the farmer sees fit to cultivate. Fruit
is not much cultivated here yet - but notwith
standing thi^deficiency, we have fruit in great
wltcindance, and at very reasonable prices,
through the Railroad facilities which ure so
complete, that within a few hours time these
luxuries are brought in from the south, east
and west iu large quantities. Dement is loca
ted in about the geegraphieal centre of the
state.
We have mauy transient people among ns,
who are continually removing from one locali
ty to another and arc always discontented.—
They are geuera!!v eastern people, who imbibe
these roving and unsteady habits after they
immigrate to this country, which is caused by
an entire misunderstanding of the general con
dition of the west, with regard to the mauuer
and custom of the people, the expense of
horse hire, cost of provision and fuel.
You are undoubtedly aware that many per
sons iu the eastern states seem to thiuk that
people in the west can live in luxury and idle
ness, whether they have any money or uot, —
hence they give their little all to defray the un
avoidable" expense incurred iu removing to this
country. Now let me say to those persons
who entertain these opinions, that they are
sadly mistaken. If they have not money
enough to purchase a team of horses and the
necessary farmiug utensils, they had better
stay where they Gre. A common laborer can
do better there than here, because in the east
he can get employment the whole year, where
as in the west he can get employment about
nine months ouly in each year. Now let me
just kindly say to those of ycur readers who
contemplate immigrating west, it' you are not
wealthy, do by all means come out and see the
country'first, take a peep at tho facilities and
the general modus operandi by which the com
munity here are governed, and then you can
tafco due notice and govern yourself accord
ingly. If you do not take these preliminary
steps, you will perhaps, like some others who
I have known, "eat the bread of sorrow
for many years!" Ido not here wish to
be understood to reflect unfavorably on tho
productiveness of the soil, not at all, but to
the contrary. It may well be said " that this
is the Edeu of America." Tho boil is im
mensely rich, and yields abundant crops, if,
yes if the weeds are kept down, and this re
quires labor Speculation runs altogether too
PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY AT TOWANDA, BRADFORD COUNTY, PA., BY E. O'MEARA GOODRICH.
"REGARDLESS OF DENUNCIATION FROM ANY QUARTER."
high here, which has very nearly rained cer
tain portions of Illinois. The land-sharks
very much retard the growth and development
of this state. Tbcy are a great detriment to
" the great west," and will continue to be so
many years hence.
Perhaps it may be of some interest to vonr
readers to know how we feel in regard to the
nomination and election of " Honest Old
Abe." Let me say, rigbt here, that his nom
ination was received with " great joy," and we
consider it almost, if not quite, a literal fulfil
ment of an ancient promise, which declared
that iu " Abraham shall all the families of
the earth be blessed." The Republicans are
wild with enthusiasm and the Fillmore men
throughout the state are not far in the rear.
They are nearly all in for " Old Abe." The
Republicans here are sure they can carry this
state by at least 15,000 majority, and some are
evcu willing to bet on 20,000 majority for the
" rail splitter.
It is a fact, couceded by some Douglas men,
that LINCOLN will carry this state. We are
confident of success iu Illinois.. Will the Re
publicans do their'.duty in Pennsylvania, llow
do yuu feel brethren, —what are your pros
pects. KAPPA.
Premiums for the Annual Exhibition
OF THE
Bradford Co. Agricultural Society,
Tor 1860.
CATTLE DEPARTMENT — Durham Bulls.
lit premium. .'ld pre.
Three years old, and upwards, $4 00 $3 00
Two jrs. old and under three, 300 200
One year old atid under two, 2 00 1 50
Under.one year old, 150 100
Durham Cotes and llcifers.
Three years old, and upwards, $3 00 $2 00
Two years old and under three, 2 00 1 50
One year old and under two, 2 00 1 50
Under one year old, 1 50 t 00
Like premiums will be awarded to Devons
and other full blooded cattle.
Grade Bulls.
Three years old and upwards, 300• 200
One year old and under three, 200 150
Uuder oue year old, 2 00 1 00
Grade Cotes and lleifers.
Three years old and upwards, 300 200
One year uld and uuder three, 200 150
Uuder one year old, 2 00 1 00
Lite premiums will be awarded to natives
Working Catlk in Yoke.
Five years old and upwards, 3 00 2 00
Three years old and under five, 3 00 2 00
Two years old and uuder three, 2 00 1 00
One year old, 2 00 1 00
Milch Cows.
200 1 00
Fat Cattle.
Fat Ox or Steer, 2 00 1 00
Cow or lleifer, 2 00 1 U0
HOUSES AND MILE DEPARTMENT.
Stallions fur Heavy Diaft.
Four years old and upwards, 4 GO 3 GO
Two years old and under four, 300 200
Stallions for all L'ses.
Four years old and upwards, 4 00 3 00
Two years old and uuder three, 3 00 2 00
Brood Marcs.
Four years old, _ 3 00 2 00
Carriage Horses and Mares.
Geldings, matched, 3 00 2 00
Mares, matched, 3 00 2 00
Single Carriage, gelding or
Saddle, gelding or mare, 2 00 1 00
L>raft horses, 3 00 2UO
Colts.
Three years old, 2 00 1 00
Two years old, 2 00 1 00
One year old, 2 GO 1 00
Sucking colts, 2 00 1 00
Jacks, Jennets and Mules.
Jacks, 3 00 2 00
Jennets, 2 00 1 00
Mules, pair, 2 00 I 00
SHEEP DEPARTMENT. Bucks.
Fine wool, 3 00 2 00
Lamb fine wool, 2 00 1 00
Mixed and crossed, 2OG 1 00
Lamb, mixed aud crossed, i 50 1 00
Long wool mutton, 2 00 1 00
Lambs, long wool mutton, 1 50 1 00
Ewes.
Fine wool, 3in number, 2 00 1 50
Lambs, 3in number, 1 50 1 00
Mixed and crossed, 1 50 1 00
Lambs, mixed and crossed, 1 50 1 00
Long wool mutton, 1 50 1 00
Lambs, long wool mutton, I 50 1 00
SWINE DEPARTMENT. — Boars.
One year old and npwards, 2 00 1 00
Six months and under oue year, 2 00
Sous.
One year old and upwards, 2 00 1 00
Six mouths and under oue year, 2 00 1 00
Sow and pigs, 2 00 1 00
POlLruy DEPARTMENT.
Largest and best lot of fowls, 150 100
Pair, cock aud heu, 77 50
Pair Turkies, 75 50
Pair Geese, 75 50
Pair Ducks, 75 50
FIELD CROP DEPARTMENT.
3 acres Winter Wheat, 4 00 3 00
3 acres Spring XVheat, 3 00 2 00
3 acres Corn, 3 00 2 00
3 acres Rye, 300 2 00
3 acres Oats, 3 00 2 00
2 acres Barley, 2 00 1 50
3 acres Timothy Hay, 2 00 1 50
3 acres Clover Hay, 2 00 1 50
3 acres Buckwheat, 2 00 1 50
1-2 acre Potatoes, 2 00 1 60
1-2 acre Turnips, 2 00 1 50
1 4 acre Field Beets, 2 00 1 60
1-2 acre Peas, 1 50 1 00
1-4 acre Beans, 1 50 1 00
1-5 acre Carrots, 2 00 1 60
3 acres Fuwfkia:, 1 50 1 CO J
SEED DEPARTMENT.
lit premium. .2d pre.
Specimen (1 bush.) clover seed, 1 00 72
Specimen do Timothy, I 00 75
Specimen of Flax, 1 00 75
GARDEN VEGKTADLE DEPARTMENT.
Largest and best variety, 1 00 75
Dozen Beets, 50 25
Dozen beads Cabbage, 50 25
3 heads Cauliflowers, 50 25
1-2 dozen stalks Celery, 50 25
Specimen Lima Beans, 50 25
Specimen Kgg Plant, 50 25
Specimen Winter Squash, 50 25
Specimen Onions, 50 25
Specimen of Parsnips, 50 25
Specimen Tomatoes, 50 25
Specimen sweet Corn, 50 25
FRUIT AND HORTICULTURAL DEPARTMENT.
Largest and best variety Apples, I 50 1 00
Specimen single variety, 1 dor. 75 50
Largest and best variety Pears, 1 00 75
Single specimen, 1 dozen, 75 50
Largest and best variety Peaches, 1 00 75
Single specimen, 4 dozen, 75 50
Largest and best variety Grapes, 1 00 75 .
Siugle specimen, 75 50'
Specimen of Quinces, 1 dozen, 75 50
Specimen of Water Mellons, 50 25
Specimen of Musk Mellon, 50 25
Largest best variety dried fruit, i 00 75
Specimen of dried apples, 5 lbs. 50
Largest best specimen dried berries 50 25
FLOWERS AND GREEN HOUSE H ANTS.
Largest and best variety flowers, I 00 75
Basket boquet, 75 50
Hand boquet, 50 *24
Best floral design, 1 50 1 00
EXOTICS AND OTHER PLANTS.
Largest and finest display, I 50 1 00
Specimens, 3or more pot 3or boxes 50 25
DAIRY AND HONEY AND SUGAR DEPARTMENT.
liutter.
Specimen, Firkin or Tub, 25 lbs. 3 00 2 01)
Specimen fresh roll G lbs or over 2 00 1 UO
Chrtst.
Speciiucu 20 lbs or over, 2 00 1 01
lluHty and Sugar.
; Specimen Honey, 5 lbs or over, 1 00 75
Specimen Maple sugar, 10 lbs, 1 00 75
FLOUR AND MEAL DEPARTMENT.
Barrel Wheat Flour, 2 00 I 50
Sack Rye Flour, 1 00 75
Sack Buckwheat, 1 00 75
Sack Corn meal, 1 00 75
FARMING IMPLEMENTS DEFARVMENT.
Reaper and Mower, 4 00 200
Threshing Machine, 4 00 2 00
Two horse plough, 1 50 1 00
Side hill plough, I 50 I 00
Subsoil plongh, 1 50 1 00
Fanning Mill, 1 50 1 00
Horse Power, 8 00 I 50
; Hay and Straw cutter, 200 lUO
StuoiD Machiue, 200 1 50
Corn Sheller, 2 00 1 00
Horse hay and straw forks, 1 50 1 00
Grain Drill, 2 00 1 00
Cultivator, 1 50 1 00
j Cider Mill, 2 00 1 00
! Gruiu Cradles, 1 00 75
Farm or road scraper, 1 50 1 00
Harrow, 1 50 1 00
i Roller, 1 50 1 1.0
Horse Rake, 1 2jj I 00
, Cora Stalk Cutter, t 00 1 00
1 Cheese Press, 1 50 I 00
Dog or sheep power, • 2 00 1 00
Cart for farm purposes, 2 .00 1 00
: Six Hay rakes, 1 50 1 00
Root Cutter, 2 00 1 00
, Ox yoke complete, i 00 75
I Churn for power, 1 50
Hand ehuru, 1 50 I 00
j Circular saw, 2 00 1 00
Furnace aud boiler for boats, 2 00 1 00
Largest and best display of farm
ing implemeuts not enumerated
iu this list, 3 00 2 00
MECHANICAL MANUFACTURES DEPARTMENT.
Specimen finishing, iron or brass, 1 50 1 0C
Specimen of iron castiugs, 1 50 1 00
Two horse carriage, 3 00 2 00
Single carriage, 3 00 2 00
Two horse wagon for road, 3 00 2 00
Two horse carriage harness, 2 00 1 00
Siugle carriage harness, 2 00 1 00
Harness for draft, 200 1 00
| Cooking stove, 200 1 00
Parlor stove, 2 00 1 00
Coal stove, 200 1 00
Lot of Cabinet Ware, 3 00 2 00
, Speciiucu Shoemaker's work, 2 00 1 00
i Specimen of leather, 200 1 00
Specimeu of window blinds, sash,2 00 1 50
I Specimen of Cooper's ware, 150 1 00
Specimen of Joiners work, 1 50 I 00
; Specimen of Tiu Ware, 1 50 I 00
! Specimen marble, stone cutting, 2 00 I 00
Manufactured cloth, 1 40 1 00
HORSE AND OX SHOEING.
Specimen of horse shoeing, 2 00 1 00
Specimen of Ox Shoeing, 2 00 I 00
SLAUGHTERED MEATS, HAMS, DRIED AND SMOKED
MEATS.
Specimen of Boef, 1 50 I 00
Specimen Mutton, 1 00 75
Specimen Ham, 1 50 I 00
Specimen dried or smoked meat, 1 00 75
DOMESTIC DEPARTMENT.— Manufadurts Li
Class.
Woolen Carpet, I 50 50
Rag Carpet, 75 50
Linen, (10 yards) 75 50
Flannel, 75 50
Bed Quilt, 1 00 50
Counterpane, 1 00 50
Specimen woolen yarn, 60 25
Specimen iinen thread, 50 25
Woolen socka or stockings, 50 25
Linen bote, 50 25
Woolen mittens or gloves, 50 25
Woolen Blanket, 75 50
Manufadurts —2nd Class.
Shirt, 50 25
Set UtderHcoYcs, 50 )5
lit premium. .'ld pre.
Infants Dress, 50 25
Cap or Collar, 50 25
Specimen Millinery Work, 1 00 50
Specimen Mantaumakers work, 100 50
Manufadurts —3rd Class.
Worsted table cover, 75 50
Lamp Mat. worsted, 50 25
Worsted Flowers, vase, 50 25
Specimen worsted embroidery, 75 50
Specimen silk embroidery, 75 50
Specimen ornamented work, chair, 50 25
Specimen Embroidery, slipjiers, 50 25
Largest best rarietv crotchet workl 00 75
Lot Tidies, " 50 25
Specimen fancy kuitting, 50 25
Manufadurts —Ith Class.
Specimen of Leather Work, 50 25
Specimen Wax Work, 50 25
Ornamented Box or Case, 50 25 j
Largest best variety fancy articles, 100 75 j
Domestics Productions.—sth Class.
Wheat bread, one loaf, 75 50 j
Rye Bread, do 75 50
Sponge Bake, do 15 50
Pound Cake, do 75 50
Fruit Cake, do 75 50 1
Variety of Preserved Fruiti, 75 50
Variety of Jellies, 75 50
Variety of Pickles, 50 25 i
Specimeu domestic wine, Gaape, 50
do do . Currant, 50
Variety of wines—3 kinds, 75 50
Washing Soap, 50 25
Largest and best collection of ar
ticles in this class not cuumer
-1 ated, 100 75
Paintings, Drawings, Books, fc.
[ Painting in Oil Colors, Diploma 50
Paiuting iu Water Colors, Diploma GO
Monochromatic Paintings, Diploma 50
, Specimen of Photographs, Diploma 50
Specimen Daguereotypes, Diploma 50
Largest best collection paintings, 1 00- 75
Pencil Drawings, * Diplotna 50
Specimen Bookbinding, D'ma- 1 00
T DIPLOMAS AND CERTIFICATES OF MERIT will
be awarded upon the recomincndatiqa of the
Judging Committees, to any article on exhibi
tion not embraced iu the foregoing iUt.
Competitors for premiums or grain and all
other field crops will observe the following
rules :
Ist. The quantity of land specified for each
crop, must be measured iu oue piece,
j 2>J. When grain, the entire crop upon the
land specified, must be measured, and one
. bushel weighed and exhibited at the fair.
When Root crops, the entire crop must be
1 measured, and at least five bushels of each,
(a greater quantity preferred) of an average
quality, must be exhibited at the fair.
3d. The foregoing must be certified to by
three resectable disinterested persons iu writ
ing.
Competitors for premiums on milch cows
will observe the following rules :
Ist. The time of the trial to be the first ten
of August, aud the first ten days of Septem
! ber.
i 2d. A statement to be made, and certified
to iu writing by one disinterested person, con
versant with the facts, of the age and breed of
| the cow, the time of calving ; the quantity of
' milk iu weight and also of butler made during
each period of ten days.
Early publication will be made of the gen
era! rules of the Fair, and the time of holding
the same.
It is believed that our coining exhibition,
will be the largest and most interesting ever
held by the Society. Extensive preparations
will be made for exhibiting every article
knowa to the productive industry of our
Country. It is hoped and believed that the
friends of the Society throughout the County,
j will exert themselves iu preparing and urging
\ others to prepare, for this great annual Festi
, val of our farmers and mechanics,
j By order of the Executive Committee.
W. C. BOG ART, Sec.
A 11 UM or.cus INCIDENT. —A laughable inci
dent occurred recently, not mauv miles from
j Dansvillc, the circumstances of which are re
\ lated by the Daily Herald of that village, as
j follows : An old gentleman farmer, who had
two haudsome daughters, was so cautious of
; his charge that he would not permit them tc
| keep the company of young tueu. However,
1 they adopted the following expedient to enjoy
i the company of their lovers. After the old
! man had retired to rest, the girls would hang
' a sheet out of the window, and the beaux
i would seize hold of it and with the assistance
|of bis lady love who tugged lustily above
i would thus gain entrance. It so happeued
; that one evening the girls hung out the sheet
I too early, for the old gentleman, by sotuc ill
j wiud, was accidentally around the corner, and
! spying the sheet, could not conjecture the
meaning of its being there. So he caught hold
and endeavored to pull it down ; the girls sup
posing it to be oue of their fellows began to
j hoist, and did not the mistake uuti!
: the old man's head was level with the window
sill, when oue of them exclaimed, " Oh, Lord
it's dad !" and, letting go the sheet, down came
the old gentleman ou the ground, dislocating
one shoulder, which convinced him that to
make old maids of his daughters was a matter
not so easily accomplished ; and withdrew all
farther opposition to their keeping company,
and he was soon a father-in law.
MASTER EOR ONCE.— An unfortunate marri
ed man was very ill-used by his Xantippc—he
was even treated with an occasional thrashing.
Uis frieDds rallied him npon this, and at last
spurred him ou the declare that be would make
an effort to be master. One day net long after
his better half was so furious that ho found
himself com;ieiled to seek shelter uoder the
table. Just at this momeut tbe voices of bis
friends were heard in the passage. " Come
oat—come out!" cried tbe wife, fearfnl of an
exposure. " Xo—no !'' cried the husband, in
triumph ; "come out—indeed—cot I I'!!:ho'v
for occe that I ac: cxr.'sr ."
VOX,. XXI. —NO. 7.
[From the LaSalle (111.) Press.]
A Short Sermon to " Douglas Worship
pers/'
BY WHANG DOODLE.
And devout men carried Stephen to his burial, and
made great lamentation ov-r him.—Acta viil. 2.
My dear Douglas brethren : I intend to
talk to yon at this time, about the folly and
sinfulness of worshipping mau. The heathen
bow to images of wood and stone, and some
worship unclean beasts. But we of this gen
eration have been guilty of the meanest idol
atry of all in worshipping a little lump of cor
rupt tiesh aud blood, called Stephen, now de
funct. A few weeks ago, when we ladened
our vessels with rum and whisky for oar breth
ren. who were sent as missionaries to the port
of Charleston, in the foreign land tf South
Carolina, to preach the gospel of Dred Scott
and Popular Sovereignty and gave them gold
and silver wherewith to buy their bread and
meat, our departed friend was full of promise,
aud high uplifted as the god of Democracy,
and all who would fall dowu and worship him
should have their reward. But, alas 1 our
brethren have returned to us with nothing but
his unseemly carcass. " And devout men car
ried Stephen to his burial, and made great lam
entation over Aim ''
And it came to pass, when our chief priests
and elders were gathered together iu conven
tion at Charleston, that many of iho heathen
of that region would not fall down aud wor
ship our golden calf. And we said uuto them
they were wrong ; that the go'.dca calf would
grant them many indulgences ; he would give
them Bourbon whisky, apple jack and red eye
as beverages, and had promised nine hundred
and ninety thousand foreign missions, post
offices and custom houses nnd take five hun
dred old fogies into his cabinet. But all this
would not avail. X iry a bowel of compassion
j could be moved within them, and therefore our
brethren returned unto us " And devout men
carried Stephen to his burial, and made great
lamentation over kirn."
i Aud the disciples of Stephen spake auto
them, saying, that they did not cars whether
nigger j were voted upside do wn, or downside
up, it made no difference. But they were re
bellious,'and declared that we must get the
nigger oat of the fence' and protect them la
'.he Territories w here there are no fences : but
we couldn't do it. We referred them to Free
port, where Stephen spake of " unfriendly leg
gislation," but they didn't care a red lor the
Police Magistrate of the Territories, but would
, pasture their niggers there, on Uncle Sum'*
farm. Tiiey wouldn't let us put a fence of un
friendly legislation around them r.ad because
we wouldn't give the niggers pasture, they
waxed with wrath, and Stephen gave np the
l ghost. " And devout men carried Stephen to
his burial, atul made great lamentation over
| hint
In vain- our brethren promised to erect a
false bottomed platform, to delude the heathen
with tricks of legeidemain. Oh, the " irre
pressible con diet!" It squeezed our poor lit
tle Stephen so hard, that gout nor influenza
need trouble him more. They cast rocks upon
him. The lions roared at him. The eagle
" quivered his tail at him in proud defiance.*'
Old Buck shook his horn at him. The niggers
.-hook their wool and laughed at him, because
the Kail-mauler" received more votes from
j. Suckers than he did. Aud our one hundred
and fifiv-to ar.tf a half brethren stood by and
saw him crushed out, and bewailed their
empty pockets, and the loss of the good things
promised them. " And devout men carried
Stephen to his burial, cud made great lamenta
tion over him.* 1
And now, in conclusion', my dear Douglas
brethren, I know it is hard for us to believe
that Stephen is suuffed up. Wo canuot real
ize it. But it is even so. We never shall be
hold his coat tail dragging on the ground anv
more, Its beautiful folds have been wiapped
around his wounded seat of honor, aud he has
been lain at rest. The " irrepressible conflict"
has dealt him a smasher on the i.ob, and his
voice will no longer charm us with the beauti
ful song of Popular Sove c'gaty. Therefore
cease year blubbering of Stephen. There is
yet hope of salvation for u. There is a plank,
still left for us poor shipwrecked sinners to
cling to. Oar brethren north and south
already stand upon it. Though the heathen
have denounced it s a relic of barbarism, yet
our elders in the great council of the nation
say it is a good one. We will go to that land
of blessed -dints in Utah, where it is fenced in
and shout for oid .Mrs. Tolly Gamy. There,
reposing on her bosom, we will bury all our
sorrows for the immaculate Stephen, who was
so shamefully martyred at Charleston Let hita
rot in peace.
Farewell, then, to poor old Stephen,
The famous < 'har!e-tn martyr :
For he lied so, we couldn't believe Uiia,
Aud we won't go tumbling after.
Thus, you see, 1 have quoted the Dutch
poet, and he will close with the words of the
text, 11 Aud devout men carried Stephen to his
burial, and made great lamentation over him." 1
Amen.
The choir will [.lease siug that good old
soekdology, of " Possum up a gum tree,"while
a collection is beiug taken up for the benefit
of our late missionaries to Charleston
CaS"* The young lady who saw a baby with
out kissiDg it has acknowledged that ber
friend's bonnet is handsomer than her own.
Said Tom : " Since I have been aboard
I have eaten so much veal that T am ashamed
to look a calf iu the face !'' " I s'pose then,"
said a wag, who was present, " you shave
without a glass !"
Sfcjr " Mr. C. has spekeu ill of you," said a
gossip to his friend, a mau who thoroughly un
derstood the world. " That astonishes ine.'"
was his reply : " I have never rendered hint
any service.''
8®" A couple of wild girls have been
rested in C' for lodnigingin tbeatnuser
of breaking tbeir neighbors' window#. T
doubt thcugbt with Pope— 1 ' lis wor
to eate sns of bin ptntzd'