DIE DOLLAR PER ANNUM INVARIABLY IN ADVANCE.
T 0 AV_A_NID,9_ :
Thursday Morning, iuly 19, 1860.
seltti6 V ottrg,
GRAY H AIRS
BY L. U. siooraNey
liSll . hair. ! —I marvel why they strike
Styli ocTor and dismay;
N mail; ut wickedness or shame
lir ked ,:isgraee are they.
.t. si;ent as when infant dreams
Steal o'er the cradle-down,
The n care their sparkling silver threads
lu tut, the Clack, or brown.
t,:ay hair 6 ! —the waniug beauty shrieks
Itoure her mirror's face,
.1• I forth th' unblessed invader flits
I prouted from its place.
Oil, lady, stay that lily hand.
If one such guest should fall,
They say at ,I,Lcn inure will come
Tu attend the funeral.
Gray the Queen of France
Array ,1 in regal State,
tine elite of the land,
"Ile titled and Cie great.
.11, , t oLae her *,:clity and grace
vt every tongue,
, t; kite t ingict-t o'er her brow
hung
' -w}:en eprinkled be aft 4 thy!!
wlii,ker3 you,
cnd cuniMence
youttful hue ;
. dze of 'llan kind tcn
of ri yu, thought
!9re at t h ocdelinivehchool
sage vxperielwe
,ray hair, !—I thick there beautfut
Around the ancient face;
,11 , t1VSthnt fetid
rie Wintry lamasrape glace;
found-in Wiedoin'ft way tiroy crows
store, -
-,••• to :hit home uf joy
.110.1 . e ate :1 nu mute
(l': . bucationat :,T,lrpartnnut.
Tg School Directors.
r...tll,)titti ft. 1 1 ,1.4. lalwrer.; in the cause of
to have a few moments
u.th you•about the subject in which
n:1 ititt-rested. You have seen fit to
of itinelf to take citarge of the
( , 1111111 F'',(>ll6 of tiliti County ag ai n f or three:
if God shall so long give me
. 1 ;ea lll. 1 r this renewed mark of esteem and
~.tn only say that I am truly grate
ott, c.nttn...7 as . it dots after a teint of one term
of serv“v-- ;s peculiarly ratifying, and plc
cc m.,1,r renewed obligation to exert my-
Lc more useful in your service. ;My
inrwever, will be vaiu without youi aid,
fruitless, for good ; unless seconded
I; yqur good will and prompttissistance j allow
L. :nen, 1 repeat, to address you frankly, and
t all plainness. As we must work togeth
,-. it is all important that we know and un
rstand each other's views, and plans, and
Loti‘es. I hope therefore that you will at
times freely and frankly commthicate with
me. Our objects are, cr should be, the eleva
Liaa Of tile schouls of the county —their im
provement iu all respects, as to the houses,
yards, furniture, and the teachers, and in shots
every thing that is' required to make a good
sv:tool.
11 . 11:!e I have generally bad the co-opera
tion of directors and proprietors, there are
sae tbil:q, which I respectfully, but most
Parncs t 4 r request you to take into coasidera
t,m, and tee if it would not be better for the
I•chools to have adopted. I might embrace all
that is accessary to say, perhaps in the simple
, lire up to the spirit of the law aed
•cae. deci,;uns and instructions of the State Sn
pr.r.h.on,d,ut But I will be more explicit.—
would be avoided by hiring the
. t{,44 btt , ` , ,r your respective districts at a meet-
i; , eoi* the board held for that purpose, at
whßli ineetintr, the citizens of the neighbor
hoed should be invited to be present. Teach
ers are frequently found in the schools, who
tare never seen one of the directors, and in
fact the directors do net know that sect per
sons are teaching in the township.
If the. persons desirous of teaching, could
know before-hand at what time the instructors
for a cere.ath district are to be hired,' t would
be less trouule for them to attend all at one
true and place, than it would for Bach_ teacher
to go and look up a school for himself, and
theu hunt up a director to employ him. Di
rectors would at least know who were teaching
their schools. Lc•t all the teachers be employ
•at• the same time, by the whole board, and
have a written contract, and at least no small
share of the troubles in oar schools would be
•
ted.
The president of each school board, has to
teEtify under oath, that till the teachers em
piled during the year, had a Valid certificate
froin the County guperinteudeut. How can
be safely do this unless he knows that fact
urga personal knowledge? ' If any body and
every body hires the teacheis, and!' the direct
(cl, know nothing about them, how can the
President i,wea: that all have certificates ?
Monti' not then Directors know that thou
who they employ as teachers are thus legally
qualifi b i
would call your attentioucto the resolu
tion passed almost unanimously at the conven
tlatiheld on ith of May, relative to grading
the 'Price by thegrim% of the certificate' and
the experience of the applicant,—takings' into
account of course the size of the schools--
And I hope that Directors in the several-dis
tricts will carry it out. „If persons, whose lit
entry qualifications are of so low a grade that
itey can 'barely obtain a certificate of any
LA, are to receive the same amount of wa
fes per month, as those who are entitled to
cznificates of the first grade,—or if a young
P. 1 .930, of no experience, is to have. as'u3uch
. . .
, . .
'.. .)t.. ', !,.. ..1,.. ' s ‘.. ,'. , ' ‘ . C ,' . - I:- I 4 i
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, ~.• ,1-• ~ :.-: e , ,,. . 4 ',l4** *l s '" e t ''. ,".; ' ;'' ' ' '
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0
as one who has taught for years— I say, if
this is to be done, it is difficult to see what
encouragement there can be for young persons
to incur expenses, from year to year, to quali
fy themselves more fully fdr the discharge of
their duties. Most certainly our. schools will
not make Ote advance under such circumstan
ces, that the friends of the system have a
right to expect. Many times entire strangers
are employed, and Directors do not see their
certificates, if they have any. How can they
then know which schools such individuals are
competent to teach. All teachers cannot be
expected to be equal in literary ability,and the
schools doinot require that they should be.—
In some, a good grammarian is needed, while
in others grammar may not be required at all.
In one or more schools of the district there
may be pupils well advanced in
_arithmetic,
while in others the arithmeticians are but be
ginners. Can Directors properly select teach
ers for these several schools without the least
knowledge of their attainments, other than
the fact that they have a certificate of some
kind.
One of the greatest hindrances to s the pro
gress of - the schools is the multiplicity of text
books. In some schools I have found three,
four and even five kinds of Geographies, as
many kinds of Arithmetics and Grammars.—
In such cases teachers are obliged to have such
a number of classes that it is impossible to do
well by the schools. Frequently there are
four classes in Geography, whereas but one
would be required if all had the same.kind of
books. It is not deemed advisable - perhaps
to make a radical change of books at once,
but it is very desirable that Directors take
hold of this subject and do something to pre
,
veut ally and every person who may come
along, from introducing new text books into
the schools. The law puts this whole matter
in the hands of the Directors,just where it
should be, anil requires them to act in the
premises, and if they would act prudently,and
fudicicusly but promptly, much loss of time to
teachers and pupils, and expense to parents
might be saved I have enuiherated some
subjects to which I invite your special atten
tion. 7 hope and trust that you will tinier
stand this plain talk as coming from a fellow
taborer, who has the good of the cause of ed
ucation in view, the improvement . of the
schools, the mental, physical, and moral well
being of the children and youth of this coun
ty at heart,—who has no desire to dictate or
attempt to control, er exercise authority, but
rather to compel with those with whom he is
to labor for the promotion of these objects.
E. 0. Goootacn, Editor have though
that perhaps a word fom Illinois might be cf
some interest to your readers,- especially to
my friends and arvitmiutances in Bradford coun
ty and vicinity, and the Republicans generally
throughout the old Keystone State.
1 started from Overton, Bradford county,
Pa., on the 27th day of September-1858, and
after passing some two weeks on the road and
in visits by the way. I landed at Moamequa,
Illinois, at which place I resided till last Feb
ruary, where I removed to this village, and
expect to remain here, at least several years.
Bement is situated on the Great Western
Railroad, and boasts of about 500 inhabitants,
six stores, au excellent school house, a grist
mill (recently burned down) and some two or
three chnrcbes are being built the present
year. Our neighbors are composed of people
from every part of the Union: But the peo
ple here are mostly from Pennsylvania, .New
York and Ohio, and are pretty generally well
suekerized. The soil is very productive and
yields abundant crops of grain and all sorts of
produce the farmer sees fit to cultivate. Fruit
is not much cultivated here yet ; but ootivith
standing thigdeficiency, we have fruit in great
abundance; and at very reasonable prices,
through the Railroad facilities which are so
complete, that within a few hours time these
luxuries are brought in from the south, east
and west, i 0 large quantities. Bement is loca
ted in about the geographical- centre of the
state. •
We have many transient people among us,
who are continually removing from one locali
ty to another and are always-discontented--
They are generally eastern people, who imbibe
these roving and unsteady habits_ after they
immigrate to this country, wlzieli is caused by
an entire misunderstanding of the general con
dition of the west,ifith regard to the manner
and custom Of the people, the expense of
horse hire, cost of provision and fuel.
Yon are undoubtedly aware that many per
sons ini the eastern states seem to think that
people in the west can live in luxury and idle
ness, whether they have any money or not,—
hence they give their little all to defray the un
avoidable expense incurred in removing to this
country. Now let me say to those persons
who entertain these opinions, that they are
sadly mistaken. If they have not money
enough to purchase a team of horses and the
necessary farming utensils, they bad better
stay where they aro. A common laborer can
do better there than here, because io the east
he can get employment. the whole year, where
as in the west he can get employment about
nine months only in each year. Now let me
just kindly say to those of yew' readers who
contemplate immigrating west, if you are not
wealthy, do by all means come out and seethe
country first, take a peep at the facilities and
the general 'sodas operandi by which the cow.
munity here are governed, and then you can
take due notice and govedi yourself accord!
ingly. If you ticit not take these preliminary
steps, you will perhaps, like some others who
I have known, "eat -the bread of sorrow
for many yews!" I do- not here' wislti'to
be undentood , to reflect; unfavorably „on the
productiveness of the soil, not at all, bqt to
the contrary. It may well be said'" that tbiti
is the *Eden of America." The soil id hn.
mensely rich, and yields &Wichita crops,-
Yee if OP weds 5r...601'4m, • and this, re/
quires labor.
_§peculatimi rues 41t scaler too
PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY AT TOWANDA, BRADFORD COUNTY, PA., BY E. O'MEARA GOODRICH.
C. R. COBURN
LETTER FROM
BF.3IF.NT, July 10, luoo
" EEDAILDLESS OP DENUNCIATION PEON ANT QUARTER."
high here, which has very nearly ruined cer
tain portions of Illinois. The land•sharks
very much retard the growth and development
of this state. They are a great detriment to
" the great west," and will continue to be so
many years hence.
Perhaps it may be of some interest to your
renders to know how we feel in regard to the
nomination and election of " Honest Old
Abe." Let me say, right here, that his nom
',nation' was received with "great joy," and we
consider it almost, if not quite, a literal fulfil
ment of an ancient promise, which declared
that in " Abraham shall all the families of
the earth be blessed." The Republicans are
wild with enthusiasm and the Fillmore men
throughout the state are not far in the rear.
They are nearly all in for " Old Abe." The
Republicans here are sure they can carry this
state by at least 15,000 majority, and some are
even willing to bet on 20,000 majority for the
" rail splitter.
It is a fact, conceded by some Douglas men,
that LINCOLN will carry this state. We are
confident of success in Illinois.. Will the Re
publicans do their:duty in Pennsylvania. How
do you feel brethren,—what are your pros
pects. KAPPA.
Premiums for the Annual Exhibition
OF ntE
Bradford Co. Agricultural Society,
For 1860.
CAME DEPARTMENT—Durham Bulls.
let premium. 2d pre.
Three years old, and upwards, $4 00 $3 00
Two yrs. old and under three, 300 200
One year old and under two, 200 1 50
I:nder.one year old, 1 50 1 00
Der/tam Cows and Heifers.
Three years old, and upwards, $3. 00 $2 00
Two years old and under three, 2 00 1 50
One year old and under two, 2 00 1 50
Under one year old, 1 50 1 00
Like premiums will be awarded to Decons
and other full blooded cattle.
Grade Balls.
Three years old and upwards, 300• 2 00
One year old and under three, 200 150
L nder one year old, 2 00 1 00
Grade Cows and Heifers.
Three years old and upwards, 300 200
One year uld and under three, 200 150
Under one year ohl, 2 00 1 00
Like premiums will be awarded to natives
Working Cattle in Yoke.
Five years uld and upwards, 3 00 2 00
Three years old and under live, 3 00 2 00
Two years old and under three, 2 00 1 00
One year old, 2 00 1 00
3fi/ch Cows
b'at Calllt
Fat Ox or Steer,
Cow or Heifer,
lIORSE9 AND MULE DEPARTSIENT.
Stallions for Heavy D, aft.
Four years old and upwards, 4 00 3 00
Two years old and under four, 300 200
Stallions for all Uses.
Four years old and upwards, 4 00 3 00
Two years old and under three, 3 00 2 00
Brood Mares.
Four years old, 3 00 2 00
Carriage Horses and Mares.
Geldings, matched, 3 00 2 00
Mares, matched, 3 00 2 00
Single Carriage, gelding or mare,2 00 1 00
Saddle, gelding or mare, 2 00 1 00
Draft horses, l 3 00 200
WM
Three years old,
Two years old,
One year old,
Sucking colts,
Jacks, Jcnnels aw.d Mules
Jacks,
Jennets,
Mules, pair,
SHEEP DEPART3IENT.—BUCia.
Fine wool, 3 00 2 00
Lamb fine wool,
Mixed-and crossed,
mixed and crossed,
Long wool mutton, 2 00 1 00
Lambs, long wool mutton, 1 50 1 00
QM
Fine wool, 3 in number,
Lambs, 3 in number,
Mixed and crossed, 1 50 1 00
Lambs, mixed and crossed, 1 50 1 00
Long wool mutton,
Lambs, long wool mutton,
SWINE DEFAME Boa rs. NT.—
One year old and upwards, 2 00 1 00
Six months and under one year, 3 00
Sows.
One year old and upwards, 2 00 1 00
Six months and under one year, 2 00 1 00
Sow and pigs,
rouyiny DKPLRTMENT
Largest,Aod best lot of fowls, 150 100
Pair, co& and two, 77 50
Pair Porkies, 75 50
Pair Geese, 75 50
Pair nicks, 15 50
FIELD CROP DEPARTMENT
3 acres Winter Wheat, 4 00 3 00
3 acres Spring Wheat, 3 00 2 00
3 acres Corn, li 00 2 00
3 acres Rye,
3 acres Oats,
2 acres Barley., 200 1 50
8. acres Tistothy Flay, 2 00 1 50
8 licrea,Clarer gay, 2 00 1, 50
3-acres Buckwheat; 200 1 50
1-2.aera.Potatoes.: .. 2 00 .1 be
1-2 acre.Taralps;• • , - -2 00 1-.50
1 - 4-icreliald Beata, , .: • '-2 - 00 140
14 acre Pen; ' . 1:50 1 00
I-4'l'o.ol4*M . ' - 1 so-. 100
I‘s'aircakiida, • . - - -4 2 00' ' . l - 5t3
. . ... , _ . ~ .. „ .
1 - itorp:ragaikirte ' 150 1 'Ott
let presdeme..2d pre.
Specimen (1 bush.) clover seed, 1 00 72
Specimen do Timothy, 100 75
Specimen of Flax, -_ 100 75
GARDEN VEGETABLE DEPARTMENT.
Largest and best variety,
Dozen Beets,
Dozen heads Cabbage,
3 heads Cauliflowers,
1-2 dozen stalks Celery, 50 25
Specimen Lima Beans, . 50 25
Specimen Egg Plant, 50 25
Specimen Winter Squad!, 50 25
Specimen Onions, 50 25
Specimen of Parsnips, 50 25
Specimen Tomatoes, 50 25
Specimen sweet Corn, 50 25
FRUIT AND EIORTICULTURAL DLPARTMENT.
Largest and best variety Apples, 1 50 1 00
Specimen single variety, 1 dos. 75 50
Largest and best variety Pears, 1 00 75
Single specimen, 1 dozen, 75 50
Largest and best variety Peaches,l 00 75
Single specimen, 4 dozen, 75 50
Largest and best variety Grapes,l 00 75
Single specimen, 75 50
Specimen of Quinces, 1 dozen, 75 50
Specimen of Water Mellon, 50 25
Specimen of Musk Mellon, 50 25
Largest best variety dried fruit, 1 00 75
Specimen of dried apples, 5 lbs. 50
Largest best specimen dried berries 50 25
FLOWERS AND GREEN ROUSE PLANTS.
Largest and best variety towers, 1 00 73
Basket boquet, 75 50
Hand boquet, 50 24
Best floral design, 1 50 1 00
EXOTICS AND OTHER PLANTS.
Largest and finest display, l 50 1 00
Specimens, 3or more pota of boxes 50 25
DAIRY AND HONEY AND SCGAR DEPARTMENT.
Specimen, Firkin or Tub, 25 lbs. 3 'OO 2 00
Specimen fresh roll 6 lbs or over 2 00 1 00
Speeimeu 20 lbs or over, 2 00 1 01
Hoary and Sugar.
Specimen Honey, 5 lbs or over, 1 00 75
Specimen Maple sugar, 10 lbs, 100 75
noun AND MEAL DEPARTMENT
Barrel Wheat Flour, 2 00 1 50
Sack Rye Flour, 1 00 75
Sack Buckwheat, 1 00 75
Sack Corn meal, 1 00 75
FARMING IMPLEMENTS TIEPAMTMENT.
Reaper and Mower, 4 00 200
Threshing Machine, 4 00 2 00
Two horse plough, 1 50 1 00
Side hill plough, 1 50 1 00
Subsoil plough, 1 50 1 00
Fanning Mill, 1 50 1 00
Horse Power, 3 00 1 50
hay and Straw cutter, 2 00 1 00
Stump Machine, 2 00 1 50
Corn Sheller, 2 00 1 00
Horse hay and straw forks, 1 50 1 00
Grain Drill, 2 00 1 00
Cultivator, 1 50 1 00
Cider Mill, 2 00 1 00
Grain Cradles, • 1 00 75
Farm or road scraper, 1 50 1 00
Harrow, 1 50 1 00
Roller, 1 50 1 CO
Horse Rake, 1 29 1 00
Corn Stalk Cutter, 2 00 1 00
Cheese Press, 1 50 1 00
Dog or sheep power, 2 00 1 00
Cart for farm purposes, 200 1 00
Six Hay rake; 1 50 1 00
Root Cutter, 2 00 1 00
Ox yoke complete, - 100 75
Churn for power, 1 50
Hand chirp, 1 50 1 00
Circular saw, 2 00 1 00
Furnace and boiler for boats, 200 100
Largest and best display of farm
ing implements not enumerated
in this list, 3 00 2 00
MECHANICAL MANUFACTURES DEPARTMENT.
Specimen finishing, iron or brass, 1 50 1 OC
Specimen of iron casting, 1 50 1 00
Two horse carriage, 3 00 2 00
Single carriage, 3 00 2 00
Two horse wagon for road, 3 00 2 00
Two horse carriage harness, 2 00 1 00
Single carriage harness, 2 00 1 00
Harness for draft, 2 00 1 00
Cooking stove, 2 00 1 00
Parlor stove, 200 1 00
Coal stove, 200 1 00
Lot of Cabinet Ware, 3 00 2 00
Specimen Shoemaker's work, 2 00 100
Specimen of leather. 200 1 00
Specimen of window blinds, sash,2 00 1 50
Specimen of Cooper's ware, 1 50 1 00
Specimen of Joiners work, 1 50 1 00
Specimen of Tin Ware, 1 50 1 00
Specimen marble, stone cutting, 200 1 00
Manufactured cloth, 1 40 1 00
HORSE AND OX SHOEING.
°OO 100
2 00 1 00
2 00 1 00
2 00 1 00
2 00 1 00
200 1 00
2 00 1 00
304, 2 00
200 1 00
2 00 1 00
2 00 1 00
200 100
1 50 1 00
2 00 1 50
1 50 1 00
1 50 1 00
1 50 1 00
Specimen of horse shoeing, 2 00 1 00
Specimen of az Shoeing, 2 00 1 00
SLAUGHTERED MATS, MUMS, DRIED AND SMOKED
2 00 1 00
Specimen of Beef, 1 50 1 00
Specimen Mutton, 100 15
Specimen Ham 1 50 1 00
Specimen dried or emoked meat, 100 7,5
Domkaric DsrarrNENT.---Manqactures Iss
Class.
Woolen Carpet, 1 50 s 60
Bag Carpet, 'l5 60
Linen, (10 yards) 16 50
Flannel, 'l5 50
Bed Quilt, 100 50
Counterpane, 100 50
Specimen woolen yarn, 00 25
Specimen linen 1404- 50 25
Woolen maim or at.i4Mip, 50 25 .
Linen tAliew • , .60 26
Wookm inittanaor glom. 60 25
Woolen Blanket, 76 60
3 00 2 00
800 200
• ilkinuidesures-41taT , Cos;
Shirt. _ _ ' 4:43; ts
q!! . 17111 le 1111/
SEED DEPARTMENT.
1 00 75
50 25
50 25
50 25
Butter
Cluese
=2
6- 5
Infants Dress,
Cap or Collar, 50 25
Specimen Millinery Work, 1 00 ' 50
Specimen Mantaumakera work, 100 50
Manufadares-3rd Class.
Worsted 'table cover,
Lamp Mat, worsted,
Worsted Flowers, vase,
Specimen worsted embroidery, 75 50
Specimen silk embroidery, 75 50
Specimen ornamented work, chair, 50 26
Specimen Embroidery, slippers, 50 25
Largest best variety crotchet workl 00 75
Lot Tidies, - 50 25
Specimen fancy knitting, 50 25
Manufactures -4th Class.
Specimen of Leather Work,• ; 50 25
Specimen Wax Work, 'I 50 25
Ornamented Box or Case, 50 25
Largest best variety fancy articles,l 00 75
Domestics Productions.-sth Class.
Wbeat bread, one loaf, 75 50
Rye Bread, do 75 50
Sponge Bake, do 75 50
Pound Cake, do 75 50
Fruit Cake, do 75 50
Variety of Preserved Fruits, 75 50
Variety of Jellies, 75 50
Variety of Pickle; 50 25
Specimen domestic wine, Gaape, 50
do do Currant, 50
Variety of wines-3 kinds, 75 50
Washing Soap, 50
Largest and best collection of ar-
tides in this class not enumer
ated, 1 00 7 5
Paintings, Draitings, Books, 4-c.
Painting in Oil Colors, Diploma 50
Painting iu Water Colors, Diploma 60
Monochromatic Paintings, 4 .„ Diploma' 50
Specimen of Photograph; Diploma 50
Specimen Daguereotypes, Diploma 50
Largest best collection paintings, 1 00• 75
Pencil Drawings, • Diploma 50
Specimen Bookbinding, Dina- 1 00
DIPLOIII3 AND CERTIIICirES OF MEI:Fr will
be awarded upon the recommendation of the
Judging Committees, to any article on exhibi
tion not embraced iu the foregoing. list.
Competitors for premiums or grain and all
other field crops will observe the following
rules :
Ist. The quantity of land specified for each
crop, must be measured in one piece.
2d. When grain, the entire crop upon the
land- specified, must be measured, an one
i t.
bushel weighed and exhibited at the fair
When Root crops, the entire crop ma he
measured, and at least fire bushels of each,
(a greater quantity preferred) of an average
quality, must be exhibited at the fair.
3d. The foregoing mast be certified to by
three respectable disinterested . persons in writ
ing. . .
Competitors for premiums on mach cows
will observe the following rules :
Ist. The time of the trial to be the first ten
of August, and the first ten days of Septem
ber.
2d. A statement to be made, and certified
to iu writing by one disinterested person, con
versant with the facts, of the age and breed of
the cow, the time of calving ; the quantity of
milk iu weight and also of butter made during
each period of ten days.
Early publication will be made of the gen
eral rules of the Fair, and the time of holding
the same.
It is believed that our coming exhibition
will be the largest and most interesting ever
held by the Society. Extensive prepaiations
will be made for exhibiting every article
knows to the productive industry of our
Country. It is hoped and believed that the
friends of the Society throughout tha County,
will exert themselves in preparing and urging
others to prepare, for this great ; annual Festi
val of our farmers and mechanics.
By order of the Executive Committee.
W. C. BOGART, Sec
A Ilmotous INCWESr.—A laughable inci
dent occurred recently, not many miles from
Dansvillc, the circumstances of which are re
lated by the Daily Herald of that vii age, as
follows An old gentleman farmer, who had
two handsome daughters, was so cautions of
his charge that he would not permit them to
keep the company of young men. , However,
they adopted the following expedient to enjoy
the company of their lovers. After the old
man bad retired to rest, the girls would hang
a sheet out of the windoW, and the beaux
would seize bold of it and with the assistance
of his lady love who tugged lustily above ;
would thus gain entrance. It so tappened
that one evening the girls hung out the sheet
too early, for the old gentleman, by some ill
wind, was accidentally around the corner, and
spying the sheet, could not conjecture the
meaning of its being there. So he caught hold
and endeavored to pull it down ; the girls sup
posing it to be one of their fellows began to
hoist, and did not discover the mistake until
the old man's head was level with the window
sill, when one of them exclaimed, " Oh, Lord
it's dad 1" and, letting go the sheet, down came
the old gentleman on the ground, , dislocating
one shoulder, which convinced him that to
make old maids of his daughters was a matter
not so easily accomplished ; and withdrew all
further opposition to their keeping company,
and he was soon a lather-in-law.
MASTER TOR ONCE.—An unfortunate marri
ed man was very ill-used by his Xantippe ! -he
vu even treated with an occasional thrashing.
His friends sallied .him uppn this, and at ..last
varied him - on dui declare that he would mike
an effort to be muter. One day not longafter
his better Half whit to' inliOns that' bb fouid
himaelleotopelled to seek • ihelta nadir the
t4ble-plaat et thictooakeat Abu voice of his
f rIFO. IverP hellZd in , the
wife nil
"Come
out..- co me oat I" cried the wife, feaol of au
maitre: " the husband; 11
itetritittito.gadeettrAlit rffebvii
for vgGettbat.iskulussietr :
[From the laSalle (1114 Press.]
A Short Sermon to " Douglas Worship•
pers.”
Ist premium.. 2ti pre.
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And devout mei carried Stephen to hie burial. and
made great lamentation ov .r him.—Acts viii. 2.
T 5 50
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My dear Douglas brethren : I intend to
talk to you at this time, about the folly sod
sinfulness of worshipping man. The heathers
bow to images of wood and stone, and some
worship unclean beasts. But we of this gen
eration have been guilty of the meanest-Idol
atry of all in'•worshipping a little lump of cor
rupt flesh and blood, called Stephen, now de
funct. A few weeks ago, when we ladenedr
our vessels with rum and whisky for our breth
ren, who were sent as missionaries to the port
of Charleston, in the foreign land cf South
Carolina, to preadh the gospel of Dred Scott
and Popular Sovereignty and gave them gold
and silver wherewith to buy their bread and
meat, our departed friend was full of promise,
and high uplifted as the god of Democracy,
and all who would fall down and worship him
should have their reward. But, alas I our
brethren have returned to us with nothing but
his unseemly carcass. " And devout men ca+•
ried Stephen to his burial, and nkide great lam
entation orer him"
And it came to pass, when oar chief priests
and elders were gathered together in conven
tion at Charleston, that many of the heathen
of that region would not fall PcOn and woe- •
ship our golden calf. And we said unto theta
they were wrong ; that the golden calf would
grant them many indulgences ; he would give
them Bourbon whisky, apple jack and red-eye
as beverages, and had promised nine hundred
and ninety thousand foreign missions, post
offices and custom houses and take five hun
dred old fogies into his cabinet. But all Ibis
would not avail. Nary a bowel of compassion
could be moved within them, and therefore oar
brethren returned unto us " And devout men
carried Stephen to his &aria!, and made great
lantentation urtr /0171."
And the disciples of Stephen spate pate
them, saying, that they did not care whethee
niggeri were voted upside down, or downside
np, it made no difference. But they were re
belliou.a:and declared that we must get the
nigger out of the fence' and protect them in
the Territories where there are no fences ; but
we couldn't do it. We referred them to Free
port, where Stephen Fpake of " unfriendly leg
visiation," but they didn't care a red for the
Police Magistrate of the Territories, but would
pasture their niggers there, on Uncle Saaei
faro. They. wouldn't let us put a fence of un
friendly legi.:lation around them and because
vre wouldn't give the niggers pasture, they
waxed with wrath, and Stephen gave op the
ghost. " And devout men carried Stop/ten to
his barial, arid mace great lamentation over
him."
In vain- our brethren promised to erect •
false-bottomed platform, to delude the heathen'
with tricks of legerdemain. Oh, the "
pressible conflict 1" It squeezed our poor lit
tle Stephen so hard, that gout nor influenza
need trouble him more. They cast rocks upon
him. The lions roared at him. The eagle
" quivered his tail at him in proud defiance."
Old Buck shook •his horn at him. The niggers
shook their wool and laughed at him, because
the " Rail-mauler'' received more votes from
Suckers than he did. And our one hundred
and fifty-two and's half brethren stood by and
saw him crushed out, and bewailed their
empty pockets, and the loss of the good things
promised them. " deroct men carries
Stephen to his burial, cad made great lamenta
lica over him."
And now,. in conclusion, my dear Douglas
brethren, I know it is hard for us to believe
that Stephen is snuffed up. We cannot real
ize it. But it is even so. Wo never sbaU be
hold kis coat tail dragging on the ground any
more, Its beautiful folds have been wrapped
around his wounded seat of honor, and he has
been lain at rest. The "irrepressible conflict"
has dealt him a smasher on the Lob, and his
voice will no longer charm us with the beauti
ful song of Popular Sove - elnty. Therefore
cease your blubbering of Stephen. There "is
yet hope of salvation for us. There is a plank
atilt left for us poor shipwrecked sinners to
cling to. Our brethren north and south
already stand upon it. Though the heathen
have denounced it as a relic of barbarism, yet
our elders in the great council of the nation
say It is a good one. We will go to that land
of blessed saints in Utah . , where it is; fenced in
and shout for old Mrs. Polly Gamy. There,
reposing on her bosom, we will bury all our
sorrows for the immaculate Stephen, who was
so shamefully martyred at Charleston. Let him
rot in peace.
Thus, you se; I have quoted the Dutch
poet, and he will close with the words of the
text, " Azul devout men carried Stephen to his
burial, and made great lamentation over him."
The choir will please siug that good old
sockdology, of " Possum up a gum tree,"while
a collection is being taken up for the benefit
of our late missionaries to Charleston.
Stir The young lady who saw a baby with
out kissing it has acknowledged that he
friend's bonnet is handsomer than her owe.
air Said Tom : " Since I have been aboard
I have eaten so much veal that I am ashanie&
to look a calf in the face 1" " I s'pose than."
said a wag, who was present, - " you shave
without a glass !"
Be- "Mr. C. his spoken ill of yon,".said
gossip to his friono; a man who thoroughly un
derstood the world. " That astonishes am."
was his reply : " -hlive never rendered blo t
apy ( service." (
ouple of wild girls have been
ar
rested.in: itidnlging in the enaceementa
of breaking their nelgOore windows. 'they eft
det4thdagtit woseateeparS
to ease =ez of bis -
VOL. XXI.-NO. 7.
ay IVEIANG DOODLE
Farewell, then, to poor old Stephen.
The famous Charleston martyr
For he lied so, we couldn't believe kim,
And we won't go tumbling after. ,
Amen