Bradford reporter. (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, December 08, 1859, Image 1

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Thursday Morning, December 8,1859.
I live for those that love me,
Whose hearts are kind and true ;
For the heaven that smiles above me,
And awaits my spirit too.—
For all human ties that bind me—
For the task by God assigned intf—
For the bright hopes left behind mc,
And the good that I can do.
I live to learn their story,
Who've suffered for my sake—
To emulate their glory,
And follow in their wake.
Hards, patriots, martyrs, sages,
The noble of all ages,
Whose deeds crowd history's pages,
And Time's great volume make.
I live to hold communion
With all that is divine,—
To feel there is a union
'Twixt Nature's heart and mine-
To profit by affliction,
Read truths from fields of fiction,
Grow wiser from conviction,
And fulfill each great design.
I live to hail that season
Hy gifted minds foretold ;
When men shall live by reason,
And not alone by gold—
When man to man united,
And every wrong be righted,
The whole world shall be lighted
As Eden was ol old.
I live for those who love me ;
For those who know me true—
For the heaven that smiles above me,
And awaits ray spirit too—
For the cause that lacks assistance,
For the wrong that needs resistance,
For the future in the distance,
Aud the good that I can do.
i s 1111 anca n s.
Luke Blair's Encounter with a Pack of
" God have mercy upon us ? " This excla
mation was not more sudden than startingly
uttered, and sent the chills creeping from the
leaping heart in pricking sensations over the
It was the first time I had ever uotieed such
a tremor in the old scjuatter's tones, or a
manner which indicated that he ever felt fear.
It was something unusual, and with my own
young pulse quickened, I watched the old man
by the dim light of the tire.
I had known Luke Blair—"Old Luke," as
he was called—for ten years, and yet knew
nothing of his history. There was a mystery
about him which none ever penetrated, an
eccentricity of manner which gave his move
ments a peculiar interest to bis rough but true
hearted comrades, lie spent his time iu the
woods, and never brought in any thing but
wolves' scalps. There was a fierce burning
look in his eye as he flung them upon the
ground, aud he would sit for hours after one
of his excursions with his head bowed between
bis hands.
As unsocial as was the squatter, he was re
spected by all who had come in contact with
him. He was brave to madness, aud yet as
cool in danger as iu his camp. Nor was there
anything rough in his manners ; 011 the con
trary, there was an easy bearing, which—
almost elegance—bespoke a day of education
and refinement. And when he did speak his
language was well chosen.
Blair had other qualifications which won the
respect of the hardy spirits around him. He
was six feet iu height, broad shouldered, full
chested, and form erect, and his limbs were
models of symmetry and strength ; hair aud
beard bad grown uushoru since we had known
him, and were thickly spriukled with gray.—
but the fore head, though darkly bionzed and
deeply seamed, was almost massive, and the
head of faultless mould. The eye was dark,
lustrous, and iu excitement, of peculiar and
fascinating power. Around bis neck was some
sacred token, which no eye had seen,and which
be guarded with a jealous care.
There was something about the old man—
bis commanding presence, his bravery, and his
lonely habits and sad manner—which won my
young heart, and I watched even opportunity
of manifesting my regard. I had engaged him
to guide me to the Mississippi, byway of
For several days we threaded the dense
forests which intervened, and under great difli
culties. The snow had fallen to an unusual
depth, the cold was intense, and rendered more
intolerable by the fierce wind from the prairie
waste. We were warmly dressed, but there
Were times when the weary frame begau to
feel the dreamy influence of the sleep which
steals so fatally over the senses.
On the night in question we had turned aside
to seek the shelter of a grove of small timber,
And to find fuel for our-fire. We had faced
the blinding storm all day, and could hardly
keep sufficiently awake to kindle the fire and
secure wood for the night. We had just ac
complished this when the hunter made the
exclamation at the head of our story. I was
awakb at ouee, and blood tinged through my
chilled veins, for I knew that Luke Blair would
not so speak without cause.
> "Hark?"
The word was but a whisper, but had a ter
rible'alistinctness. His hand had involuntarily
sought his rifle.and his head turned towards the
woods. I heard nothing but the wild roar of
the storm as it swept by.
"There'tis again I The devils are on our
track 1" and he clutched his knife handle with
a steady grasp, aud breathed hardly between
his thiu nostrils.
I heard the noise this time, which bad at
tracted his attention before swelling, as the
. ■■ ' " "•$ ■ ~ ~~ *
storm lulled an instant, into a wild, protracted
howl, us from a thousand famished throats,
clear, dismal, and wailing with that fearful
tone which startles the boldest, even at their
firesides, Bleir turned, aud as our eyes met
he slowly whispered.
mercy upon us ! "
A sickeuing sensation went like a flash to
the heart, and then came burning thoughts of
home, and again the chills, as I thought of the
shelterless prairie and blinding snow.
" .Again 1 the black devils are on our
tracks 1" As lllair spoke he laid his hand
upon my arm, and with an expression of sad
ness which 1 never shall forget, looked me
steadily in the eye. There was a tremor of
the lip which I had never seen before. It
was not fear—l knew that—but some terrible
remembrance or presentment which came over
him with irresistable jwwer.
"The hour has come ! I knew it would—
have felt it for days. Ido not fear death, but
it is horrible to be hunted down in such a spot
as this, and be torn by infernal devils."
His breath came thick and hissing through
his clenched teeth, aud his chest heaved with
iuteuse emotion.
" Here," said he,lifting the soiled string over
his head, and taking a locket attached to it in
his hand, "is the shadow of one yon never
knew, but the origiual was once the light of
my young life, and came with me to this ter
ritory when the world was bright with hope.
I left her in the cabin oue day, and went to
my work as usual. She crossed the valley
aud came where I was working. Wishing to
fell the tree I was at work upon, I urged her
to cross the log over the creek before dark,
and I would immediately follow her. She had
not been gone but a little time, when there
burst up between me and our cabin that loug,
freezing sound, the howl of a wolf. It was
answered as if from a thousand throats up
and down the valley, until one wild, startling,
unearthly howl swelled on the still evening air.
God, how that howl went to the soul ! 1
reeled iu utter weakness a moment, but soon
rallied, and with the speed aud energy of des
pair, rushed dowu the path. I had reached
the stream, and was upon the old trunk thrown
across, when another and a different sound
reached my ears. It seemed that uiv brain
would burn into ashes under the fiery heat, and
my heart burst from my bosom. That was
the cry of my wife, a clear wailing shriek of
mental agony."
Blair dropped his head and thrust his fin
gers into his ears, as if that terrible scund was
again ringing through tiie forest. A momcut,
aud he hurriedly resumed :
" I remember no more until the morning
broke, and the sun smiled through the trees
upon the terrible scene. It was horrible!
The ground was torn and stained with dark
spots where pools of blood had sunk away
Seven long black bodies lay around gashed by
the axe, some of them glaring fiercely as they
fell, their tongues thrust out, and the white
fangs gleaming fearfully in their open jaws.
The axe itself lay witliiu reach, red with blood
its entire Icugth. My own arms were ul>o
stained, and still damp. But, God of mercy!
a worse sight thau all this met my gaze of re
turning consciousness. Tightly in my arms I
was holding the head of my wife, her form
bare and limbs torn into shreds
The old man sobbed convulsively, and wrung
his hands until it seemed that the blood would
start from his fingers.
*' Coming!"
Again, and nearer than before, the dismal
howl iQse above the storm. The camp tire
burned dimly in the blinding storm of snow,
and a sense of loneliness and terror came over
the spirit darker than the sky overhead.
" Here, take this," said Blair, as he handed
me the locket, " aud if you survive, carry it
to , New York, and I will thank you.
Boy, lam not afraid to die. Death will lie
rest, and I shall see Maria. We must take
to the tree. It is freeze, or death by the
wolves. Quick boy ! Good bye."
I felt the hot tears drop on my hand as the
old man pressed his quivering lips upou it,
and then pushed on towards the tree.
We had need to be quick, for we had hardly
reached the branches when a score of long,
gloomy shadows shot out of the surrounding
darkness, and sent up a yell which went to tiie
heart colder than the breath of the wintry
blast. They paid but little attention to the
dim fire; and scenting their prey gathered in
a shadowy circle beneath ns.
" Lash yourself fast, bov, and commend
your sonl to God, for you will freeze, and bet
ter to rot on the oak than to be torn by the
I devils."
" It's no nse," he continued, as I suggested
that the sound of onr guns might reach the
inmates of the cabin, "they would not hear
'em iu the storm, and besides, I swear by the
living God that I will send some of them to
h —ll before I die."
Blair commenced his deadly work, a: d as
one of the wolves fell the others fought and
snarled, and gnashed their teeth over the hor
rid feast. Their teeth sounded like the stuit
iug of steel upon steel. Still they howled
more fiercely as the slaughter went on.
"My gun is wet, and w ill not go," I heard
Blair matter with a curse. " Damn 'em, I'll
try them with the axe."
My wildly uttered warning was too late,
for, as it swelled above the sounds below,
with unnatural strength Blair leaped down
with a shont of rage and defiance, and with
his axe and knife fought the pack face to face.
I grew sick at heart as I watched with
burning eye-balls the struggle through the
darkness. I could see the black forms swarm
ing around the trunk, where Blair had hacked
up. Alter the first howl of joy, as it seemed
to me, when Blair jumped down, the wolves
were less noisy, and apparently more wary, for
they seemed to realize that they had an enemy
to deal with. I madly called to biin.and mut
tered curses, as I tried to untie the thongs
with which I had lashed myself to the trunk.
"Ha, ha! glorious sport here, boy ; another
devil the less !" sod his maniac langh and
shout came up scarcely less startling than
those of the wolves around him. I knew that
he was mad.
I could hear the vice-like jaws close con
stantly around Blair, and now and then his
uxe sinks with a heavy, crunching sound into
some skull, and then all grew dim ; a delicious
feeling of happiness crept over me ; the sounds
of the strife below died out, and sweet dreams
stole over me like the summer's breath. The
report of our rifles had reached the cabin,
which, as I afterwards learned, was not twenty
rods from where we camped. The inmates,
numbering some fourteen by the addition of
emigrauts w ho had stopped iu the storin, came
out with dogs and guns, and reached the spot
but a moment too late. Blair had lodged his
axe so deeply in the head of a wolf that the
corners remained fast, and the others tore him
dowu. They were literally shot down with
their fangs holding to the torn flesh, and his
warm blood jetted over their shaggy skins.
The mangled body was snatched from them,
and I cut down from the tree aud carried to
the cabin.
1 was ull winter recovering from mv injuries. 1
The awakening from that, dream of death was |
a terrible awakening, and I suffered more than
pen can describe.
Blair was buried on the edge of the prairie,
and when I left in the spriug the early flowers ,
were already springing upon bis grave. The
old mat. rests sweetly under the wide shadow i
of the old oak.
I carried the locket to its distillation. The j
sister clutched it eagerly, and thanked me, |
though heart a!iuot broke under the stroke.
I remained in New York through the summer,
and in the autumn the sister returned with me
to Prairie, and we built our cabin with
iu sight of the brother's grave. The oak is
uow dead and splintered, und the spot where
he died densely covered with an undergrowth,
whose vines shut out the light of day, and
guard it even from the footfall of man or beast.
Last week our dog brought out a skull, with
the wide gash of an axe hit through the top.
Quietly, and without the knowledge of my
wife, I went and tossed the memento into the
thickest growth of the place.—- Daily Wiscon
tions that when the KgyDtiaus went abroad in
the wars, they brought home with great
lamentation, dead cats and hawks to be buried
iu Egypt. There was mourning in whatever
house a cat or dog happened to die ; for the
former the inmates shaved their eyebrows, and
for the latter the whole body. Whenever a
tire happened, the great anxiety of the Egyp
tians was lest any cat should perish iu the
flames, and they -took more care to prevent
such a calamity than to save their houses.
The punishment was death to kill a sacred an
imal,, designedly, but if undesignedly the pun
ishment was referred to the discretion of the
priests. But if a person killed a cat or an
ibis, no distinction of intention was made ; the
enraged multitude hurried away the unfortun
ate person to his death. Diodorus, also re
lates that .-ome 1 tomans being iu that country,
for the purpose of concluding a treaty with
the king, the people, who were much inter
ested in the result, aud held the I'umaii pow
er in great fear, treated the .strangers with the
utmost attention and civility. But one of
them happening undesignedly,to kill a cut, the
enraged mob hastened to his lodging, and
neither the interference of the king nor the
dread of the Romans could deter them from
putting him to death.
Herodotus states that the Egyptians wor
shipped cows with more profound reverence
thau they did any other cattle. The ox was
sacrificed, but not the cow, which was sacred
to lsis. On this account he says, no Egyp
tian, male or female, would kiss a Greek on
j the mouth, or use his cleaver, his .-pit, or his
j di.-h : and they have carried their scruples so
for as to abstain from lawful meat that had
been cut with a Grecian knife. This is almost
precisely the state of thiugs.iu India at the
present day.
CORRECT SPEAKING. —We advise all young
people to acquire in early life, ihe habit of
. using good language, both in speaking and
writing, and to abandon, as early as possible
any use of slang phrases. The longer they
live, the more difficult the acquisition of cor
i rect lauguagc will be ; and if the gulden age
! of youth, the proper season for the acquisition
; of* language, lie passed in its abuses, the un
fortunate victim of neglected education is,
very properly, doomed to talk slang for life.
Money is not necessary to procure this educa
tion. Every man has it iu his power. He
has merely to use the language which he reads,
instead of the slang which he hears ; to form
his taste from the best speakers and poets of
the country ; to treasure up choice phrases in
his memory, and habituate himself to their
use—avoiding at the same time, that pedantic
1 precision and bombast, which shows rather the
weakness of a vain ambition thau the polish of
an educated mind.
A book about England hns just been
| published in Germany, in which the author
mentions, among other equally interesting facts
! that thieves are so scarce in that country,
that a reward is often offered for the discov
ery of one.
WILL YOU REMEMBER THlS? —Life is short
ened by indulgence in anger, ill-will, anxiety,
envy, grief, sorrow, and excessive eare. The
vital powers are wasted by excessive bodily
exercise in some cases, aud wunt of a due por
tiou iu others.
©■ay Oh, the precious time that, is buried in
the grave of murmuring ! When the mut
murer should be praying, he is murmuring
against the Lord ; wbeu he should be hear
ing, he is murmuring against diviue provi
dence ; when he should be reading, he is mur
muring against instruments ; aud iu these
and a thousand other ways do murninres ex
pend that precious time which some would re
deem with a world.
Our. Meerschaum and How it'paid.
We have got a meerschaum ; not a sham,
hut a genuine "sea foam." not an imitative
clay bowl, stuffed with tallow, from Israelitish
shops, but the genuine magnesian hydrate,soft
and creamy from Natolian beds smooth and
polished from its waxen bakery. It is of snowy
whiteness iu color dashed with streaks of pale
vellow ; its orifice is tipped with silver, its stem
of cherry, terminating iu ebony and pearl,with
a mouth piece of pure, golden trausparont am
With that meerschaum we purchased a pur
pose. We were 110 longer without an aim.—
Time no longer wold hang heavily upon our
hand. That purpose, that aim, was to color
our meerschaum.
To further that great aim, we had our meer
schaum tenderly bound in buckskin, that no
unlucky scratch might mar its fair exterior.
We commenced boldly, fully impressed with
the largeness of our undertaking, and cogni
zant thau eternal vigilance was the price of
coloring meerschaum.
Armed with the enduring principles of meer
schaum right, we commenced our labor of
love about a week ago. The first day our
landlady vigorously refused to have her car
pets anil curtains scented with smoke from
" that old pipe."
We never flinched.
Our landlady raised the price of board sulfi
cient to pay, during the year for the furniture.
From our meerschaum diary we gather the
week's progress as follows :
Second Day. —Landlady throwing out con
tinual hints about the impoliteness of smoking.
Interesting young lady boarder tells at the
dinner table looking steadily at me, an affect
ing story of a youngjmau of early promise, w ho
once died. Doctors carved him up aud found
large quantities of tobacco soot iu his head.—
Still firm. No signs of color.
Third Jay. — Found Bridget, the kitchen
girl iu my room trying to tear off the buckskin
from pipe. " Faith she wanted to see the i
dhudeeu." Delivered a brief lecture on pre
rogatives, with apparent effect. At four
o'clock, bit the amber mouth piece in two. —
Bowl grows black in-ide. No signs of color.
Fourth <ln y. —Calculated the economy Pipe,
£2O, stem, $8,50 ; silver rim, $5 ; two pounds
of tobacco pel' week, Turkish, $8 ; buckskin
and covering, $1 ; breakage ; oOe. Totai .-■'>2
—not estimating anxiety, responsibility, time,
hints, lectures. Ac. Same per year, including
ri-c on board, £-10 ! Five cigars per day, at
five cents each,per year s9l 25. Is meerschaum
smoking cheaper than cigars? No color yet.
Fifth Jan. —Two hours puffing ]>cr day. In
teresting young lady at dinner table noticed
in a sympathetic voice that 1 was crowing
thin ; thought I looked pale, talked of pre
mature decay ; mentioned, with a congrega
tion of tears in her eves, a youth who died in
his twentieth summer; marble tombstone : [
beautiful epitaph ; handsomest laying o a she
ever saw. Grew uuxious ; weighed myself:
had lost two pounds ; more anxious, but still
firm and no color.
Sixth J)ay —Think lam growing dyspep
tic ; strange feelings in the alimentary canal,
feel as if there was an elephant on the tow
path trying to pull a canal-boat too heavy for
him ; a doctor aud an undertaker warmly
greeted me this morning ; suspiciously sepul
chral ; perceptible decrease iu weight ; inter', sl
ing voung ladv ottered to lead me " Alicia.-
Alarm landlady remarked that she had seen
five funerals during the day. Not quite so
firm and no color.
S, rcu'k rlt.y. —Landlady's youngest child, of
an inquisitive turn of mind, whittled off a
large piece of the "sea foam, to see what it
was made of; smoked a week and think lin
weaker ; 10-: money and lost flesh ; troubled
with symptoms and overrun with female steeds
at night ; examined the pipe ; no color; re
flected ; did it ; told the interesting young
lady ; said I reminded her of Lazarus.
Any one wishing to coiora meerschaum can
have ours cheap. A liberal discount to any oue
wishing to procure a good family pipe.
God's special present to the working man, and
one of its chief object is to prolong lc.s iit'e, and
preserve efficient his working tone. In the
vita! system it acts like a compensation pond :
it replenishes the spirits, the elasticity, and
vigor, which the last six have drained away,
and supplies the force which is to fill the six
duyßsucceeding ; and, in the economy of ex
istence, it answers the same purpose as, in
the economy of income, is answered by a
saving bank. The frugal man puts away u
pound to-day, and another pound next month;
aud who, in a quiet way, is pulling by his
stated pound from time to time, w hen lie grows
old and frail, gets not only the same pound
back again but a good many pounds besides.
And the conscientious man, who husbands one
day of existence every week, who, instead of
i allowing the Sabbath to be trampled and torn
in the hurry and scramble of life, treasures it
devoutly up, the Lord of the Sabbath keeps
it for him, and, in the length of days, the hale
old age gives it back with usury. The savings
bank of human existence is the weekly Sab
fieirAuy paper can publish the appoint
ments after the coming of a new administration
but what juiper iu the world is laige enough
two publish the disappointments ?
()Qe day Jerrold was asking about tin
talent of a young painter, when his con.pan
ion declared that the youth was mediocre,
" The very worst ochre an artist can set Jo
work with," was the quiet reply.
Every man is as the objects are with
which he converses. A man may better know
what he is by eyeing the objects with which
his soul does uiostely converse, than by ob
serving his most glorious and pompous services.
" I would do anything, goto the end of the
world, to please you," said a fervent lover to
the object of his affections. "Go there," she
said, " aud stay, aud I shall be p'eased."
The Labor of Making Hcops,
A correspondent of the Hartford Times
gives the following curious facts respecting the
manufacture of steel hoops for ladies' >kirts, at
the mill of Henry S. Washburn, of Worcester,
Massachusetts :
Air. Henry S. Washburn makes some of the
finest wire in the world. He show ed us "a
specimen of No. t>2 iron wire, finer than a hair.
It weighed only seven ounces, and was 08,900
feet, or thirteen miles, fifteen rods, twelve feet
and six inches iu length ! It was drawn cold
from a piece of iron one fourth of an inch in
Mr. Washburn manufactures twenty thous
and yards a day of steel crinoline, or Hat wire, '
which is here tempered and covered, all ready
for the ladies' skirts. The manufacture of this
kind of wire (or boons) is immense. Mr.
Washburn estimates thai at least five thous
and tons of steel and iron are used annually
iu this w ay for the ladi-V of the United States,
South America, and Mexico. It is sold, when
covered, at wholesale, at about fifty cents a
pound, and about three quarters of a pound is j
required for each skirt. Indeed, we suppose j
that his estimate of five thousand tons of hoops
a year is quite too low. There are, undoub
tely, ten millions of females in this country
and the South American states who wear
hoops. Many of them wear out a half a dozen j
skirts a year ; suppose the average to be three
a year to each, and the it on of each weighs
only half a pound—we have fifteen millions of
pounds of steel and iron hoops used up by the
ladies of the United States and South Amer
ican states every year or seven thousand five
hundred and fifty-five tons, costing seven and
a half millions of dollars.
Now imagine the amount of labor, of money,
and of skill brought into active service by this
fashion of spreading the skirts by hoops. See
the dusky miners cutting their way into the
bowels of the earth to bring up the thousands
of tons of iron ore necessary to make these
hoops ; the long train of mules necessary to
draw- it to the furnaces where it is melted into
" pigs" ; the many men and boys employed to
plant, hoe, mow, rake ami pitch, to produce
food for the mules and the miners, the pud
dlers and smelters, the iron-workers and the
iron-drawer* ; and the machinery, too necessary i
to bring the wire into flattened shape und !
comely form, to temper it, and to cover it.
Think of the wear of brani and the test of j
genius, to produce these results—of the amount
of coal (and here conies in the miners, and the
mules, ar.d the producers again; to keep the
boilers steaming and the machinery running
for making this wire ! And then again, think
of the force directly employed in this skirt hoop
manufacture !
Mr Washburn alone employs sixty-seven
men aud boys and thirty-three females in
straightening, flattening, tempering, covering
and packing these hoops Aud then we must
not lose sight of the fact that these, too, must
be fed and clothed—keeping tLe tailors, and
milliners, and shoemakers in motion to. cover
them, and the butchers and millers as well as
farmers to produce, and the Bridgets in the
kitchen to cook for them. And this is not the
half of it ! Like the hoop itself, round and
round does this estimate go, never ending, but
always puffing and swelling up, drawing into
its folds miners, ironmongers, mechanic's, ttr
lisaus, inventors, farmers, grocer-', dry-goods
nc n, and the mills that supply them, doctors,
hostlers, cooks, waiters and milliners—all, all
in aid of this little thin iron hoop that runs
round and round the skirts of our wives aud
daughters, puffing them out of proportion, aud
making it inconvenient for them to ride in stage
j coaches and -it in church pews. And what is
the product ol the hoop per se ? Its influence
; not upon the hearts, but upon the muscle of
I mankind, is great, and sets astir a large mini
i ber of the industrial classes and the men of
genius. But what does it produce? Why,
! merely the geand climacteric of the puff and
, bloat of fa-hion —that's all. But how odd
and dreary it would be to see the ladies i ow
n-days without hoops. We should, a'l of us,
involuntarily shudder at the sight, .-o firmly
does Fashion thrust and twist her long fingers
iu our hair, turning and turning the grip till
our eves start out and turn up, seeing nothing
save beautiful mists and shadows, variegated,
; forming into shapes and imaginary substances
before our admiring gaze. Indeed, now that
we have become used to the hoops, it would
|be shocking enough to part with them. So
goon Mr. Washburn—von and others in the
same work—go on with your furnaces, your
i trip hammers, your cog w heels, ponderous mu
! clnnery, your his-ing boilers and groaning en
gines—go on, fill up your coal bunkers, keep
the mills running and the employees busy
turn out your seven and a half millions of dol
lars worth annually—the ladies w ill take them
I promptly, the husbands and fathers w ill pay,
and you and your employees will prosper. Let
Ino man say that there can never any good
J vofnc out of the hooped skirts. They swell —
| the prosperity of the country.
A Goon SELL. — .V miserable old miser who
, owned a farm, found it impossible to do his
1 work without assistance, and accordingly of
j fered any man food for performing the requis
ite labor. A half-starved man, hearing of the
terms, accepted them. Before going into Ihe
fields in the morning, he invited his help to
breakfast ; alter finishing the morning meal,
the old skin-flint thought it a saving of time if
they should place the dinner upon the break
fast. This was readily agreed to by the tin'
; satisfied stranger, and the dinner was soon
J dispatched. " Suppose now," said the frugal
farmer, "we take supper ; it will save time
and trouble, you know." "Just as you like
it," said the eager eater, and at it they went.
" Now we'll go to work," said the delighted
employer. " Thank you," said the laborer,
" i never work after supper."
A friend of ours placed an egg-plant
under a goose the other day, and batched out
twelve Shanghais and a topknot. Whether
this will lead to any revolution iu the poultry
murket is yet to be seeu.
Jokes from an English Paper.
A wee laddie was brought before the Glas
gow bailies, who asked, " Where did you learn
so much wickedness ?" "Do you ken the
pump in Glassford street ?" " No," said the
j bailie. " Weel, then, do you keu the pump
in the BriggateP' "Ves, 6ure," was the reply.
I " Weel, then, gang there and putup as long as
ye like, for I'm hanged if ye pump me ?"
SAY. —We {Border Advertiser) ODce beard an
Englishman givinghis ostler orders as follows:
• " Enry, take the arness hoff the orse, slip th
alter hover his end, haud give birn sttnie ay
j and some boats."
FOUL IS FAIR.— An unmarried miserable on
the Wansbeck is suspected of haring written
the following pithy poem on the ladies {
I Lazy, if tall ; If handsome, Vain ;
Cross-grained, if small; Shocking, if plain.
One day a beggar man, who had long been
known as the do-no-good of the place where
t he lived, met another laden with two panniers,
On asking what was in them, and being told
tliut they contained rags and bones, he ex
claimed, " Well, then, toss me in, for I'm nowt
! Two countrymen went into a hatter's to buy
a hat. They were delighted with one, inside
' the crown of which was Inserted a looking
j glass. " What's the glass for ?" said one of
! the men. The other impatient at such a dis
: play of rural ignorance, exclaimed, " What
for ? Why, for the man who buys the hat to
see how it fits him, stupid."
—Johu lluss is represented with a goose, and
Luther with a sir an • and the explanation giv
en in Lutheran churches, where the represen
tation occurs, is, that John Huss (whose name
in Bohemian signified goose) used to say,
" Though they kill this goose, a swan shall
come alter me."— Notes and Queries.
WHICH END OF TROLDLK. —Not long ago a
bridegroom returning Lome from his wedding,
| was met by a filend, who thus addressed him.
" Well, Jack, I'm glad to see thee in thy hap
| py position, thou'st seen the end of thy trouble
| now." "Thank thee, lad," was Jack's an
swer, " I hope I have." About a month af-
I terwards the two friends again met, when Jack
speaking rather warmly, exclaimed, " Bill
i thou telled me a lie that morning I got wed !
Didn't thou say I'd seen th' end of my trouble ?"
1 " 1 did," said lidl ; " But I didn't tell thee
| which end."— Brnzer's Magazine.
A green sprig from the Emerald Isle enter
! Ed a boot and shoe shop to purchase a pair of
brogans. After overhauling his stock in trade
without being able to suit his customer, the
shopkeeper hinted that he would make him a
pair to order. " An' what'll ye ax to make a
good pair of 'ciu ?" was the query. The price
was named, the Irishman demurred, but after
a " bating down " the thing was a trade.—
Paddy was about leavinir, when the other call
id after liirn, n-king, " But what size shall I
make them, sir?" " Och," cried Paddy,
promptly, " I don't mind about the size at all
make them as large as ye convauieutly can
i for the money."
' " Elder, will you hare a drink of cider?"'
' said a farmer to an old temperance man who
was spending an evening at his house. "Ah !
hum—no—thank yc," said the old man.—
L "I never drink any liquor of any kind—'special
ly eider ; but if you call it apple juice, I think
' I'll take a drop."'
A popular writer says that " of all the trees
of our island the oak bears the palm." Doesn't
. he forget the palm tree ?
We know an old medical practitioner, one
fourth physician and three-fourths quack, who
1 publishes that " his great object in life is to
. exalt his profession.'' The only way iu which
i he can serve it is to quit it.
An Irish coachman, driving past some har
vest tk-ld- during the past week, addressing a
' : smart girl engaged iu shearing, exclaimed,
Arrah, tnv darling, 1 wish I was iu jail for
stealing ye 1"
An IrL-hruan, on enlisting, was asked by
, the recruiting ufl'n-er, "When you get into
5 battle, Paddy, will yuii fight or ran V " Ah,
f iit Itreplied Put, with a comical twist of his
countenance, " I'll lie after Join', yer honor, as
the majority of ve does."
An Irishman who had lain sick a long
time, was one day met by tlie parish priest,
when the following conversation took place
, " Well, Patrick, I am triad you have recover*
—hut were you not afraid to meet your God?
" Oeh, no, your reference, it was the oth
chap 1 was afraid uv," replied Pat.
Qafr- A New Yorker from the country whose
wife had eloped and carried off a feather bed,
was recently in St. Louis in search of them—
not that he eared anything for his wife but
the featlurs—"them's worth sixty-eight cents
a pound."
HAPI-INKSS —There are two things which
will make us happy in this life, if we attend
to thein. The first is never to vex ourselves
about what we can help ; and the second is
never to vcxourselvcs about whatweeau help.
WTIKRF. WUKKD CAIN* cori.n Go. —" Yes,"
said a kind mother, helping her little son to
learn his Sunday School le.-son. "Cain was a
fugitive and a vagabond on the earth ; he was
so bad that he thought every man would slay
him. Where could wicked Cain go?"
" Why, mother," replied thoughtful Johnny
" Cain could Itave gone to New Jcr-cy."'
fkjt Jones had been out to a champagne
1 pary and returned home at a late, or rather
early Lour. He had hardly got into the house
when the clock struck four. "One—oue—-
one—oue !" hiccupped Jones. " I say, Mrs.
Jones, this clock is out of order, it hu struck
one four times,''
—NO. 27.