01! DJLLAR PES ANNUM, INVARIABLY IN ADVANCE.
TOWANDA :
gdinrsbar) Rlotmnn, 'April 30, 1557.
poctrn.
LINES.
My -out thy sucrcil image keeps.
My midnight dreams are ail of Ihce ;
For nature then in silence sleeps.
And silence broods o'er land and sea ;
oh, in that still, mysterious hour,
How oft from waking dreams I start,
To lind thee hut a fancy flower.
Thou cherished idol of my heart.
Thou hast each dream and thought of mine-
Have I in turn one thought of thine Y
Forever thine my dreams will he,
Whate'er may he my fortune here ;
I ask not love—l claim from thee
Only one boon, a gentle tear ;
May e or blest visions from above
May brightly round thy happy heart,
And may the beams of peace and love
Ne'er from thy glowing soul depart.
Farewell.' my dreams are still with thee,
Hast thou one tender thought of me I
My joys like summer birds may fly,
My hopes like summer blooms depart,
But there's one flower that cannot die—
The holy memory in my heart ;
No dews that flower's cup may fill,
No sunlight to its leaves he given,
But it will live and flourish still.
As deathless as a thing of heaven.
My soul greets thine, unasked, unsought—
Hast thou for me one gentle thought ?
''arewell! farewell! my far-offtriend!
Between us broad, blue rivers flow,
And forests wave and plains extend,
And mountains in the sunlight gl >w :
The wind that br nAh's upon thy brow
Is not the wind that breathes on mine,
The star-beams shining on tlue now
Are not the beams that on me shine ;
Bat memory's spell is with me yet—
e'an'st thou the holy pu.-t forget ?
The bitter tears that thou and 1
May shed wh* 1 no'er by anguish bowed,
Exhaled into the noontide sky.
May meet and mingle in the cloud ;
And thus, my much beloved friend, though wc
Far, far apart must live and move.
Our souls when God shall >et them free,
''an mingle in the world of love.
This was an ecstacy to me—
Say—would it be a joy to thee ?
Miscellaneous.
AUNT HANNAH TRIPE IN COURT.
BY CLARA AUGUSTA.
Hid you ever go a courtin', niccc, or to
court? One's about the same as t'other
There ain't but preshus little to choose at ween
the two, any how you can fix it. In one vou
have to be asked a powerful site of impudent
•jii-stions, and in t'other you have to ask lie
i; 1 ; - 'ions ycrself. So there ain't much differ
t ;.<•(• in 'em, and if you try both, you'll say just
a- I do.
About the matter of two years ago, John
Smith's cow broke into Sam Jones' field, and
laurelled jest as straight as her four legs could
• irrv her right into Lis turnip patch, and eat
tip two turnips, tops ami all. Jones he seed
i '-r, and sot his yellow dog on her, and the
i]"g he's a savage critter,) bit a hole through
tli" d;in of her hind leg, anil got his brain.-
kicked out to pay for it. So fur Jones and
Smith were square, but there was them tur
nips—Jones vowed he wouldn't plant turnips
for a well able-bodied man's cow to eat up, and
sed if Smith didn't walk right over to Ins house
and settle the damage, he'd prosecute him
with writ.
As it happened, 1 was out agoin' to the
bonferens meetiu' when the cow jumped into
the field, so I ?°cd the hull performnns. Jones
lm seed me, and knowed that I seed t lie scrape,
so he jest gin me a little kind of scrip of blue
paper, with sound Inn' writ orful scrawliu' on
it. Cicero read it, and luffed enough to kill
himself.
" What upon airth is it, Cicero ?"'sez I. "It
ain't a luv letter, is it ?" sez I, for old Beacon
J'.une (lost his wife about a year afore,) had
looked orful sharp at me the day before, to
afternoon flieetim.
" No, it ain't a luv letter," sez he, "but a
eourlin' letter from Sam Jones."
" A courtin' letter from Sam Jones ?" sez I;
"why Sam Jones is a married man with ten
children atid a baby ! What does he want of
more family, I wonder ?"
" He don't want any more family as I knows
of," sez Cicero, "but he wants you to go to
the Falls, next Thursday to court, and tell
what you seed John Smith's briudle cow do in
Lis turnip field."
" (), my gracious massy !" sez I, half sheer
ed at the idea of goin' to court. " I can't go
it's my ironing day, and I ought to make
my apple sass that day, too. 1 can't go—you
just go over and tell nabor Jones that I'd lie
glad to obieege him, but I can't without a deal
of oiiconvenience."
" But, inarm," sez Cicero, foldin' up the
paper, "this is a sheriff's or lawyer's summons,
writ out of a big law b ok, and you'll either
have to go or be kerried to jail. That's the
way they sarve folks who don't mind the
law."
" To jail ? Hannah Tripe, to jail !" sez I, as
indignant as I could be ; "I'll larn tliein better
works than to kerry an innocent woman to jail.
1 d lay the broomstick over 'em if they come
a-ncar me."
" It's no use talkin, inarm," says Cicero. —
"Hull have to go, and you might as well be
consigned to the levees of unalterable fate !
'he laws of yer country must be minded !
Me glorious country that the Pilgrim Fathers
ut and bled for ! You must respect her com
mands !" And Cicero riz hisself, and sot up
a / s eyes and hands, jest as I've seen Parson
do when lie's a giving out the uia
wdictioi).
M ell, I thought the matter over, and eon
eluded I'd better go to court ; so I ironed
Tuesday, and made my apple sass Wednesday.
Thursday, nabor Jones come over airly, and
took me into his smart new buggy to kerry me
to the Falls. We had a site of talk about the
cow and the dog and the turnips wliilc Ve *vas
agoin, and by the time we'd driv up to the
court room, Jones had made up his mind that
lied beatin Smith for sartin.
I went into the great square room a leetle
frustrated, I'll own ; for there was the sightest
of folks there, blue eyes, grey eyes, green eyes,
biaek eyes, all fi.xt on Jones and 1 as we
marched up in front of the judge.
" Good inoruiu' Squire," sez I, bowing to a
little, old, dried-up nosed feller with a yaller
wig on. " I hope your honorable health is
good !"
" Keep quiet, Mrs. Tripe" sez nabor Jones,
nudging my elbow, "it ain't proper to speak to
his honor, 'tliout he asks ye questions."
They took me to a little platform built up
on one side of the room, and sed I might sit
down if I was a mind to—so down I sot. My
goodness ! what funny actions they did have !
J alkin all sorts of langwidgcs that nobody on
earth could onderstand, ail mixed up with
"constitution," "revised statutes," "civil laws,"
and nobody knows what. I declare 1 actilly
thought, one spell, that I'd been kerriell
clean back ages and ages, to the time when
folks talked in Hebrew and whispered in I'ad
ilv. I've heern Parscn cfcrapeWell tell about
it.
By me-by, arter I'd begun to feclhungrv and
want my ({inner, a tall scraggy man, with green
specs on his nose, riz up and sez he :
" Mrs. Hannah Tripe, stand up in vour
seat."
" Lord !" sez I, "you don't wont me to climb
up in a cheer afore all these fVlks, do ye ?"
"We wan't none of your low jests here."
sez lie, coloring up till lie looked like a red
flannel night-gown ; "rise up and stand !"
" yes,,' sez I, I'd as lives get up as not
—lor my back begins to ache, I've sot so long."
So 1 histcd up, and looked round on the or
dinance
" Raise your right hand," sez the tali man,
solemnly.
"if you've no objc tions," sez I, "I'd ra
ther hist up my left one ; niv right hand gloVe
has got a stariu big hole rite on the palm of
it!"
Every body sot up a great la if at this, and
the tall man turned into a red night-gown
agin.
" Order, order, gentlemen !" sez a pert little
fellow with a buckle on his lint and a big bile
on the end of his red nose. "You will oecom
mitted for contempt," sez lie, speaking low to
inc.
" Thank you sir, for teiiin' me," sez I, "hut
your a little mistook. I hain't got the eon
tempt, nor never had it, that I know of, but
I've had the inflttenzy bad enuff, so bad "
" .Mr. Attorney examine that woman with
despatch—the Court waits !" sez the Judge,
tryin' hard to keep on his long face.
"Raise ycur right hand and swear ''
" I never swear—it s wicked," sez J, givin'
liini a look of disgust. "I, a member of the
church, swear ! The good Lord for hid ?"
"Never min 1, my good woman," savs the
judge, "say yes to what the gentleman will
rad to you from the book—it will be sutf.-
cieiit, amply so."
Tlie tall man then took up a big book and
readout loud ever so long a lot of gibb. rish
that I didn't ouderstan 1 then, ami ean't re
in. tuber now, but it was to the faet that I
should tell everything J knowed and nothin
more, and swear it was all true.
" Dear sake !" sez I, "if I've got to tell
everything I know, it'll take me a month or
two, and J should like to have some dinner
afore I begin."
" \ ou're not to tell anything except the cir
cumstances connected with the turnip field of
my client," sez the tall man, pulling away at
his whiskers.
" I don't know anything about yer client,''
sez I. "I never seed it, to the best of niv
noledge ;it v. as Smith's cow that got in the
turnip p itch."
" D;d you see the defendant's cow make
forcible entrance into the plaintiff's enclosed
held / 'sez lie, lookiu' as grand as the king of
Independent Tartary.
' 1 seed John Smith's cow jump into Sam
Jones' turnip yard, if that's what you want to
get at," sez I.
" The same thing, inarm, the same thing,
only in different langividge. Where were you
standing at the time of the occurrence ?"
•'ln the yard, on my feet."
"What color was the animal that you saw
vault over the fence ! Could you identify her
from all others of the species ?"
" She was a brindle—a thread of red hair
and one of black,"sez I.
" Describe her more fully," sez he.
" She had a head ; two horns, two eyes,
one mouth, four legs and a tail," sez I.
" Did you see her with your own eyes de
vour two turnips in plaintiff's field ?"
" With my owu eyes? To lie sure! Whose
eyes did you think I'd borerred ?"
" Could you swear it was turnips that you
saw her masticating."
" I ain't gwine to swear anything about it.
She was eatin' sumthin white, but it might
have been white rocks, for anything that I
know."
" Mrs. Tripe, how old are you ?"
" None of your business I" sez I gettin out
and out mad. "I'm old enough for yon, any
way, and you look as if you were manufac
tured in the year of one, and eddicatcd iu the
ark ?"
The lawyer scratched his nose, and looked
like A red flannel again, for all the folks in the
room luffed enuff to split themselves
" Go on with the examination," sez the
judge.
"Do you know my client personally?" sez
the lawyer, piuting at Mr. Jones with his long
rakish finger.
" I should think I ought to," sez I, lafTin.—
"lie courted my cuzin, Tildv Drown, morc'n
two year, and got the mitten iu the eend "
PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY AT TOWANDA, BRADFORD COUNTY, PA., BY E. O'MEARA GOODRICH.
"REGARDLESS OF DENUNCIATION FROM ANY QUARTER."
There was a great laff agin, and calliu out
for "order, order," and that only made them
lafT louder. Just at this minit up jumped a
little humbly red-faced man, that had been
talking with John Smith ever so long in a
whisper, and stickin his thumbs into the arm
holes of Lis vest, sex he—"Allow nie to ask
the witness a few questions, your honor."
The judge bowed, and the red faced man
went on—
" Mrs. Tripe, you say you know Mr. Jones
—do you know my client, Mr. John Smith ?,'
" Yes sez I."
" What do you know of him?" sez he. -
"State the good you know of him, if vou
please."
" I don't know any good of him," sez I.—
"He robbed thy hen roost last spring, of the
best pullet and the haiisumett crower I had in
the flock. That's the most I know of him,
any way."
" The witness may sit down," sez the judge,
takin out his handkercher and preteiidin to
blow his nose, though it'm my opiuion he was
trying to keep from laflin.
A madder feller than John Smith you never
seed ; but they wouldn't let iiiin say a word,
and I was actilly afeerd he'd bust, he was so
full of bilin hot rage agin me.
There was a great deal of talkin and dis
putin in the room—and arter awhile the jury
sed they'd decided the case.
One of the jurymen stood up, and sed he
thought Smith s cow hadn't no bisuess to
jump into Jortes' yard and devour two of his
turnips.
Another of em got up and sed lie knowed
the cow hadn't ort to have jumped in, Hut the
turnips had no business to look so teniptin, and
for his part he thought the turnips was lull as
much to blame as she was.
Another of em sed that Jones ought to pay i
Smith for his cow's killin his dog, for the dog :
he said was the ugliest critter upon the face of |
the airth.
The judge sent cm all off inter another |
room to make up their minds what they'd do |
—and we sot as still as mice, waitin for em to j
cum back Byrne by the door opened and in j
they cum—twelve of em, two and two and sot ;
down.
" Gentlemen of the jury," soz the judge,
" have you arrived at a conclusion ?"'
All of cm bowed their heads sullnmly.—
"Who shall speak for you," sez he, lookiu as
iudignified as an owl on a holler tree.
" Our foreman, Mr. Antipodes," sez they,
with ona voice
Mr. Antipodes riz up, slowly and steady,
jest as you've seen em hist up rocks with a
derrick, as if he was afeered if lie sidled over a
might lm should sprawl hissclf on the floor— j
Antipodes is an or!til grate man, and his head j
is the biggest part of Mm—rather top-heavy, j
ye ste.
" May it please ycr honor, and the court at I
large," sez he, rollin his eyes round and round, j
till they looked like two great dirty snowballs ;
slidiu down a hill, "we have decided that John j
Smith give to .Mr. Sam. Jones the sum of two
turnips, as the amount of damage done the lat
ter by tie excursion of the former's cow into
the plaintiff s primises !"
There was considerable laflin in court arter
this ; arid one feller hollered "order !" so much
and so loud that they sed it was a fact he
couldn't speak out loud for a week arter
wards.
Mr. Jones giv me fifty ccnls for my services
and brought nie home safe.
Smith paid him the two turnips, and they
(not the turnips) are as good friends as ever.
Sense that ar scrape, if ever 1 see a cow
that looks as if she was agwine to jump in
any where, I jest turn my back to her and say
—"Go ahead !"
" A LADY." —She word " lady" is an abbre
viation of the saxon LnflJoy which sinifies
brcitl-girer. The mistress of manor, at a time
when affluent families resided constantly at
their country mansions, was accustomed; once
a week, or oftener, to distribute among the
poor a quantity of bread. She bestowed the
l oon with her own hand, and made the hearts
of the needy glad by the soft words and gen
tle annuities which accompanied her benevo
lence. The widow and orphan "rose up and
called her Messed" tlie destitute and the af
flicted recounted her praises—all classes of
the poor embalmed her in their affections as
the Luff day—the giver of bread and dispen
ser of comfort—a sort of ministering angel
in a world of sorrow. Who is a lady now?
Is it she who spends her days In self-indul
gcicc, and her nights in dissipation and folly ?
Is i she who rivals t! c gayety of the butterfly,
but hates the industroos hum of the "busy
bee?" Is it she who wastes ou gaudy finery
what would make many a widow's heart sing
with joy, and who, when the rags of the orphan
flutter about her in the wind, sighs for a place
of refuge, as if the pestilence were in the
breeze ? This may lie " a woman of fashion
she may be an admired and admiring follow T
er of the gay world."
A Quakeress, being jealous of her husband,
took occasion to watch his movements rather
closely, and one morning actually discovered
the truant hugging and kissing the pretty ser
vant, while seated on the sofa by her side.
Broadbrim was not long in discovering the
face of his wife, as she peeped through the half
open door, and raising wit Si all the coolneess
of a general, and thus addressed her :
" Betsy, my wife, thee liadst better quit
thy peeping, or thee will cause a disturbance
in the family."
The effect was electrical.
BSF" THE building committee of a church
called upon a wealthy member of tho congre
gation, soliciting a subscription toward a new
house of worship. The snin lie subscribed dis
appointed them, and they told him so, at the
same time intlmiting that Mr. Jinks had giv
en double the amount.
"So he should," said the wily gcntlman ;
"lie goes to church twice as much as 1 do."
A i Adventure with Itliinoccrosses.
Cliarlcs John Anderson, in his work, "Lake
Xgami, or explorations and Discoveries in
South-western Africa," recently published bv
Dix Edwards A Co., of New York, thus relates
one of his narrow escapes :
" While pondering over inv kite tvonderful
escape from an elephant, I observed, at a little
distance, a huge rhinoceros protrude his pon
derous and misshapeu head through the bushes,
and presently afterward he approached to with
in a dozen paces of my ambuscade. His broad
side was then fully exposed to view, and not
withstanding I still felt a little nervous fitful
my conflict with the elephant, 1 lost no time
in firing. The beast did not at once full to
the ground, but from appearance I had even
reason to believe he would not live long..
" Scarcely had I re-loaded when a black
rhinoceros, of the species Keitloa, (a female,
as it proved,) stood drinking at the water ;
but her position, as with the elephant in the
first instance, was unfavorable for a good shot.
As, however, she was very near me, 1 thought
I was pretty snre of breaking her leg, and
thereby disabling her ; and in this 1 succeeded.
My fire seemed to madden her ; she rushed
wildly forward on three legs, when I cave her
a second shot, though apparently with little or
no effect, i felt sorry at not being able to
end her sufferings at once ; but as I was too
well acquainted with the habits of the rhino-!
ecros to venture on pursuing her under the cir
cumstances, ' determined to wait patiently for
daylight, and then destroy her with the aid of
my dogs. Hut it was not to be.
" As no more elephants or other large game
appeared, I thought uTter a time it might be
as well to go in scare!' of the white rhinoceros
previously wounded : and 1 was not long in i
finding his carcass ; for my bull, as I supposed, i
had caused his most immediate death. j
"In heading back to my 'skarm,' I acci- j
dentally took a turn in the direction pursued
by the black rhinoceros, and by ill-lock, as the
event proved, at once encountered her. She
was still on her legs, but her position, as be- 1
fore, was unfavorable. Hoping, however, to >
make her change it for a better, and thus en- :
able mc to destroy her at once, I took up a
stone and hurled it at her with all my force ; i
when snorting horribly, erecting her tail, keep- i
iug her head close to the ground, and rais-j
ing clouds of dust by her feet, she rushed at '
me with fearful fury. I had only just time to
level my rifle and firjj before she was upon me :
aml Hie next instant, while instinctively- turn- j
iug round for the purpose of retreating, she |
laid me prostrate. The shock was so violent
as to send my rifle, powder-flask, and ball
pouch, as also my cap, spinning into the air ; j
the gun, indeed as afterwards ascertained, to
a distance of fully ten feet. Oil the beast
charging me, it crossed my mind that, unless
gored at at once by her horn, her speed would
be sueh(after knocking me down, which 1 took
for granted would be the case,) as to carry
her beyond mo, and thus I might be afforded
a chance of of escape. So, indeed it happen
ed ; for, having tumbled me over (in doing i
which her head and the fore part of her ho.iv, j
owing to the violence of the charge, was half i
hurried in the sand,) and trampled on me with
great violence, her fore-quarter passed over my
body. Struggling for life, 1 seized my oppor
tunity, and as she was recovering herself for a
renewal of the charge, I scrambled out from
between her hind legs.
" Hut the enraged beast had not yet done
with me ! Scarcely had I regained" my feet
before she struck lue down a second time, and
with her horn ripped up my right thigh (though
not very deeply,) from near the kmc to the
hip : with her fore-feet moreover, she hit me a
terrilfie blow upon the left shoulder, near the
back of the neck. My rilis bent under the !
enormous weight and pressure, and for a mo
ment 1 must, as I believe, have lost- all con- j
seiousness—l have, at least, very indistinct ;
notions of what took place afterwards. All 1
remember, is, that that when I raised my head 1
1 heard a furious snorting and plunging among
the neighboring bushes.
" I now arose, though with great difficulty,
and made my way in the best manner 1 was
able, toward a largo tree near at band, for
shelter ; but this precaution was needless ; the
beast, for the time at '.cast, showed no inclina
tion further to molest me. Either in the mrfre,
or owing to the confusion caused by her
wounds, she had lost sight of me, or she felt
satisfied with the revenge she had taken. He
that as it may, I escaped with my life, though
sadly wounded aud severely bruised, in which
disabled stale 1 had great difficulty iu getting
back to my "skarm."
"During the greater part of the conflict I
preserved my presence of mind ; but after the
danger was over, and when I had leisure to
collect my scattered and confused senses, 1 was
seized wit ha nervous affection, causing a violent
trembling. I have since killed many rhinoce
rorses, as well fr sport as food ; but several
weeks elapsed before I could attack those ani
mals with any coolness.
" About sunrise, Kamapyu, my half-caste
boy, whom I had left on the proceeding eve
ning, about a half a mile away, came to the
'skarm' to convey my guns and other things to
our encampment. In a few words 1 related to
him the mishap that had befallen me. lie
listened with seeming incredulity ; but the
sight of my gashed thigh soon convinced hint
I was not in joke.
" I afterward directed him to take one of
the guns and proceid in search of the wounded
rhinooceros, cautioning him to be careful in ap
proaching the beast, which I had reason to
believe was not yet dead. He had only been
absent a few minutes, when I heard a cry of
distress. Striking my hand against my fore
head, I exclaimed, "flood God ! the brute lias
attacked the lad also !"
" Seizing hold of my rifle, I scrambled
through the bushes as fast as my crippled con
dition would permit; and when I had proceed
ed two or three hundred yards, a scene sud
denly presented itself that I shall retain a vivid
remembrance of to the last days of my exis
tence. Among some bushes, and within n
couple of yards of each other, stood the rhi-
uoceros and the young savage ; the former
supporting herself on three legs, covered with
blood and froth, and snorting in the most fu
rious manner, the latter, petrified with fear—
spell-bound, as it were—andrivitcd to the spot.
Creeping, therefore, to the side of the rhinoeros,
opposite to that on which the boy was stand
ing, so as to draw her attention from him, 1
leveled and fired, on which the beast charged
wildly to and fro without any distinct object.
While she was thus occupied, I poured in shot
after shot, but thought she would never fall.
At length, however, she sank slowly to the
ground ; and imagining that she was in her
death agonies, and that all danger was over,
I unhesitatingly walked close up to her, and
was upon the point of placing the muzzle of
my gun to her ear to give her the cony Je grace,
when to my horror, she once more rose on her
legs. Taking a hurried aim, I pulled the trig
ger and instantly retreated, with the beast in
full pursuit. The race, however, was a short
one ; for, just as I threw myself into a bush
lor safety, she fell dead at my feet, so near ine,
indeed, that I could have touched her with
the muzzle of my rifle ! Another moment,
and I should probably have been impaled on
her murderous horn, which, though short, was
sharp as a razor "
TRYING IT oy.—Buchard, the revivalist, was
in the habit of addressing his congregation in
this manner : "I am now going to prav, and
I want all desire to be prayed for to send lip
their names on a piece of paper."
On the occasion to which we refer, there
was at ouee sent up to the desk quite a pile of
little slips of paper with the names on whose
behalf lie was to "wrestle," as he said, "with
the Almighty."
A pause ensued, when lie said—"Send 'cm
up ! I can pray for live thousand just as easy
as I can for a dozen. Send 'ein up. If you
haven't any paper, get up and name the friend
you would have prayed for."
At this stage of the proceeding, a stalwart
man of six feet and a half in his stockings, a
notorious*mbeliever, and a confirmed wag to
boot, rose in the midst ot the congregation, a
mark for all, and midst the winks and becks
and smiles of tho auditory, said : "Mr. Bu
chard, I want you to pray for Jim Thompson."
The reverend petitioner saw, from the ex
citement produced in the the audience, that
Oziel was a "hard case."
What is vour name, sir? And who is
Mr. Tl • omhßon ?*'
" It's Jim Thompson ; lie keeps a tavern
down in Thompsonville, and I keep public
bouse a little below him. He is an infernal
scoundrel, and I want you to give him a lift."
" But," said Air. Bachard, "have you any
faith in the efficacy of prayer? Do you be
lieve in the petition ?"
" That's n'iiher here nor there," responded
Oziel ; '*/ remit yon to try it on /urn.''
A little three vear old daughter of a long
time friend of ours, was, one afternoon play
ing with her many dolls, under the eye of her
mother, when some sage thoughts "seem to
have awakened her youthful curiosity. She,
looking up, asked her mother, first, who made
this doll, ami that doll and the other doll, and
getting satisfactory replies as to each, at last
bethought herself that she was her mother's
doll, and tho questioning all at once took a
persona! turn. " Mother," she said, " who made
me ?'' " God made you my child." " And did
you live in God's house when he made me?"
was the instant query. What the mother an
swered this time we are not advised.— C/ece-
Plain Dealer.
TOUGH. —A getiiue Down Faster was lately
essaying to appropriate a square of exceeding
ly tough beef at dinner in a Wisconsin hotel.
His convulsive efforts with a knife and fork
attracted the smile of the rest,in tlie same pri
d'cameiit as himself. At last Jonathan's
natienee vanished under his ill success, when
laying down his utensils, he bursted out with
the follow ing :
" Strangers, you needen't laff : if you hain't
got no regard tor the landlord's feelings von
ought to have some respect for the old bull."
This sally brought down the house.
"Doctor, kin you tell what's the matter
with niv child's nose? She keeps a pickin'
of it."
" Yes, mnrrn ; its probably an irritation of
thegnstic mucus membrane communicating a
sympathetic titillation to the eptlialiuui of the
echarian."
" There, now, that's just what I told Becky;
She 'lowed it wa worrums
A REMEDY. —An itinerant quack doctor in
Texas was applied to by one of Colonel Haves'
Rangers to extract the iron point of an Indian
arrow from his head ; where it had heeu lodged
for some time. " I cannot 'stract this, stran
ger," said the doctor, "because to do it would
go nigh killing you ; but I can give you a pili
that will melt it in your head."
USD The power of a horse is understood to
to be that which will elevate weight Jof 3,300
pounds the height of one foot in a minute of
time, equal to about DO pounds at the rate of
four miles an hour.
BsSy An Trish drummer, who now and then
indulged in a noggin of right good poteen, was
accosted by tlie reviewing general : " Pat,
what makes your nose so red ?"
" Please your honor," said Pat, " I always
blush when 1 spakes to an officer."
86sy Why is a rascal up stairs lieating his
wife, like an honorable man ? Because lie is
above doing a mean action.
Ssiy Why is a woman in love like a man of
profound knowledge ? Because she under
stauds the arts and sigh-enees.
A lie, though it be killed and dead,
can sling scuicliincs —like a dead wa p.
VOL. XVII. VO. 47.
A Swedish Tale.
TRANSLATED FROM THE GERMAN* OF HEREL.
: lii Falum, a mining town in Sweden, aliun
; dred years or more ago, a young miner kissed
I his fair bride and said to her :
| •' Ob St. f fueia's day our love will bo blessed
Iby the priest's hand. Then we shall be hut
band and wife, and will build us a little nest
of our own."
" And peace and love shall dwell in it," said
! flie beautiful bride with a sweet smile, "for
thou art ray all in all, and without thee I would
j choose to be in my grave."
Rut when the priest, in proclaiming their
| bans in the church for the second time before
I St. Lucia's day, pronounced the words, "If,
| now , any one can show reason why these per
{ sons should not be united in the bonds of mat
j rimony," Death was at hand. The young man
I as he passt-d her house next morning in his
black mining garb, already wore his shroud.
He rapped upon her window and said, good
morning—but never returned to bid her good
evening. He never came back from the mine,
and ail in vain she embroidered for him a black
cravat with a red border, for the wedding day.
This she laid carefully away, and never ceased
to mourn or weep for him."
Meanwhile, time passed on; the Seven
\ ears' war was fought ; the partition of Po
land took place : America became free ; the
J 4 rench Revolution and tlie long war began ;
Napoleon subdued Prussia, and the English
bombarded Copenhagen. The husbandman
sowed and reaped, the miller ground, and the
smith hammered, and the miners dug after the
veins of metal in their subterranean workshops.
As toe miners of balun. in the vcar eighteen
hundred and nine, a little before or after St.
John's day, were excavating an opening be
tween two shafts, full three hundred ells below
the ground, they dug from the rubbish and
\itrol water, the body of a young man, entirely
saturated with iron vitro!, but otherwise UlKlO
cayedland unaltered—so that one could dis
tinguish his features and age as well as if he
had died only an hour before, or had fulleu
asleep for a little while at his work.
hut w hen tlit'y bad brought him out to the
light of day, father and mother, friends and
acquaintances, had been long dead ; r.o one
could identify the sleeping youth, or tell any
thing of his misfortune, till she came who was
once the betrothed of that miner who had one
day gone to the mine and never returned.—
(' ray and shriveled, she came hobbling upon
crutch, and recognized her bridegroom, when
more in joyful ecstacy than pain, she sank
down upon the beloved form. As soon as she
had recovered her composure, she exclaimed,
' It is my betrothed, whom 1 have mourned
for fifty years, and whom God now permits me
to see once more before I die. A week before
the wedding time he went under the earth, and
never returned."
All the bystanders were moved to tears, as
they beheld the former bride, a wasted and
feeble old woman, and the bridegroom still in
the beauty of youth ; and how, after the lapse
of fifty years, her youthful love awoke again
But he never opened his mouth to smile, ° nor
his eyes to recognize ; and she, finally, as the
only one belonging to him, and having a right
to him, had him carried to her own little room,
till a grave could he prepared in the church
yard. The next day, when all was ready, and
the miners came to take him away, she opened
a little drawer, and taking out the black silk
cravat, tied it around his neck, then accom
panied him in her Sunday garb, as if it were
their wedding day and not the day of his
burial. As they laid him in the grave in the
churchyard, she said : "Sleep well now, for a
few days, in thy co.d bridal bed, and let not
the time seem long to thee. I have now but
little more to do, and will come soon, and then
it will be day again.*' As she was going away,
she looked back once more and said, "What
the earth lias once restored, it will not a sec
ond time withhold."—A*. 1". Evening Post.
ITK.AI.TH AND BF.AUTY IN WO MUX. —"At eigh
teen," said a foreigner, "a young American
woman is the prettiest in the world ; but at
thirty, men dicn, she is already old and ugly."
Though there was some of a Frenchman's ex
aggerations in the remark, there was also a
substance of truth. Why is it that the beauty
of our females fade so soon? Or, to go at
once to the real issue, for beauty is only per
inanent where there is health, why is it" that
our women, as compared with the women of
other temperate climates, are so delicate and
fragile ?
The answer may be made in a few words—
t' is be en use the i/ neglect air and exercise.
\\ eakness, lassitude and a fading complexion
as inevitably follow indolence and confinement
as the wilting of a plant results from its depri
vation of light It is a law of our existence,
that we must take daily exercise if we would
continue health. It is u fact in physiologv,
that a pure atmosphere is indispeusible to vig
orous vitality. All the refinement of civiliza
tion, all the resources of science have failed to
supply a substitute for fresh air and exercise.
The poor and rich stand on the same platform
in reference to this necessity of our nature.—
The lady in silks and satins can buy no cosmet
ic so efficacious as the sunshine and breeze
which are poured out at the very best door
step of her humble sister.
8*:?- ' An eclipse' said .lack tar profoundly,
' happens in this way—it's only the moon that
breaks adrift and gets athwart the sun. It's
all right by-and-by, for tlie old boy puts the
helm hard over, and then it's all plniu sailing.'
Woman, by the decree of nature, has smiles
like the kind heavens, for all creation ; and
when clouds intervene, and she is sad, her ve
ry tears like rain and dew are equally benefi
cial.
B&* Is NOT EVERY FACE beautiful ill OUT
eves which habitually turns towards us with
affectionate iMiiltlcss smile?.