if 03LLW PtR INVARIABLY IN ADVANCE. T( )>VA N DA : ftireftin fHormnn. Jaamup 29 'S37. ?cltttti) THE LAST FOOTFALL. T' ■- .-I'''ion -aJness in the toue, Vn.l aw >:-ture in the eye. Mid .1 tß'mldiujt sorrow in the voice. W lien we bid ;i last good-bye. li..t -ad.Ar fur than this. 1 wren. (i -adder far th in all. |. the heart-throb with which we straiu Te catch the la-t footiall. The la-t pre*- of a •- 4 ing hand. Will <-ai;se i tin ill of pain. V hen we think. " Oh. should it prove that we never meet again, c a- iinperingly the hand- unclasp, Tin li'it. quick drop- will tail : Pet 1 tu rt r are the tear- we .-lied Vi .teu we hear the la.-t foot lull. iv,. rcver felt how dear to us W"a- tin -omid we 1 ived lull well, We i ever knew now musical, Til u- la-t echo Ml ; \ ] t .l wo heard it pass away Fur. '•' U'i'ond recall, u< never th- ughl what grief 'twould he \ :, ar that la*t footfall. vid the voir- and days that long are passed. \ v.< -, eues. that -KFXF.H forgot, -U tl r -ugh the m ad like wetcoi-light nv ,xi2t ronl ho *pot : \ til, lli a.- that were a- nought. i! -. aow .11 be our all. i to us like an echo low .' ■ i-t. the ia-t footlal!! (I'i>r ihe Bradford lU*p"rUT.] COM MON SCI LOOLS. M 1! :*!Tor : Sin e the excitement ot the ticul eampaigu is over, anil knowing . y interest yon feel in the cause o! popu ition, I thought a few words on the of Common Schools might be deemed -i v A notice. Their importance as the : medium through which the masses re •st met ion, makes this subject oac that . - a large of anv country are enlightened, in l; i rtion will that nation pro-pir aim ie in greatness. ttspcctablitT ami paw r. A - ni ■" in a lie put c where the afiairs .lent are in the hands of tunpeo p t become doubly necessary, I'rut " . .!. too. without which no nation can - sh, is a twiu-sister of education. The and the s> tool bouse, arc. as it vt re, i - •1 v side. A? the tn isses arc enl _ l \ i so tbc comm.ssion of crime beonwi loss ... >nt. :vi.l public safety greatly enhanced, .oerauce and v.ce ot al! d s.r.pt.ons flee • the onward march of GOCBCC. \ ice. a* its a* ode :a uarkne-s, u sapjK'ars a> : cf Ki.-.-w !•. <:_e t ur: upon .". a;; ; • to the dark places of iguorave aud stit a which are BMN congenial to its ' * Hat ;t :> usch ss to sjvak ot ta t-tnt'ji's .■ >n. Arguments to establish u itioni ■ • ■. use. The best tin of pmm c. ise of education, is, therefore, a • •: more imjwirtance. I it a reform is necessary in our common ■ 1- a fact too obvious to IK* denied. If •T person doubts this, let him take a tour .. own town auJ visit the several • • * i his own observations will convince . . ' •> truthfulness. 1* < I ,v are our schools so badly conduct i' k BO lototeiy to a very great extent • ; a want of competent teacher. Ou :y Superintendents teli us that from e --■ntj they are otojtd to iietau many to to* a: rs if t'.e voung wo are totally Kit to wcupv that impounihta j*ositiou. be- UK • n > uot enough to flit all the schools 1 Hut why is this scare, ty of . hers . It is not because there C' : , ; at-.-d jxrsons enough : we find • v. ry hand : but they arc not teaeh- I. y uie. us thev >ay. found better bu *-rss V usiuess of teaching has always b regard ias 000 to which neither honor I: w. i attached ; and hence nor.e, or *■' - m ill et gage in it only as a '' r . v * ipioymeut. And even though a :. e tea hing with a view tomak b' -. vioii. he soou finds a more iu i:t. and atando i> ;t forever. | k *;r?r useful he was destined to become. I M Oewtor sliall see 5t to change the | •***-'■ we ntav not expect to find per , fifiigh of the aerific;;g l to teach for half the pecuniary reward ' and more pleasing occupntiMW af \'\ i "PUT le USI it i< MUMB,) the busiucss \ g .'aid be made ay ■ *V. im- Au t I hojw* yet to see the day. • t t'.; - large and comntodioa- school ■ ' r etc i a neat cottage for the I*"*—as ;he custom with some churches rtbeiK puutUN at the present day. * * teaching take the place that it I g the pkfofessioas. until it becomes - 4- ,i\- When the teacher ?halt THE BRADFORD REPORTER. receive a just recompense for his wearisome la bors ami find employment the whole school year, then will there no longer be difficulty in procuring a supply of not only good, but ex cellent teachers. Let a school district in Bradford county who have been in the habit of paying their male teachers slt> per month, resolve to pay and they will sooti find no difficulty getting plenty who are capable of earning that money. No incompetent person will apply for a school in such a district, for he supposes from the salary they propose paying, that they expect to have a good tcuchrr, which he knows he is J not, and feeling his inability to meet their ex i pcctations, contents hituself to go where the ! " almighty dollar" is more worshiped, and the intellectual grow th of the rising generation less cared for. A majority of the teachers in Carbon and Schuylkill counties, are from Bradford and Susquehanna ; while in those as well as in ; other northern counties, I am informed, there is a great saircitji of teachers. \Y hy is tin.- ? Why is it that you educate teachers and allow them to go abroad to occupy distant fields wheu they are needed at home ? Why do you sow the seed, and allow others to reap the harvest ? The answer is straight forward and plain to be understood. Here, instead of $lO per month, aud the privilege of boarding "'round,'' tiny receive STS or £4O, aud seek a home where it be-t suits their convetiieueo, and where they may employ their leisure in improving their minds ; a tiling of no .-mull ac count with him who is striving for higher at tainments in his vocation. There, ten) a male teacher cannot get employment more than three or four mouths in the year, while here tb • | term of schools vary from five to ten months. 1 am fully aware that the day is not _\et come, though 1 hope it is not far distant) whcii the sv-tcm o! boarding is to be laiel aside ; in Bradford and the adjoining counties ; but if you must subject your teachers to such i: - • convenience and ! of time, you must ui-oiu creas • their salaries to make up the loss of -uch adva .tag -. before you can ex j vet t call home those who have found it to their inter est to seek more profitable situations by migra ting south. A not i.er t!it! g which would tei 1 great'v to . u-;] rove the condition of our schools, is li Aof | visiting them by parents. Soar, even the di re-vtors are seldom, if ever, seen within the trails of the school house, not withstanding the law makes it their duty Where -uch uttev 1 ueer.: rn is man.rested on rise j art of paren s IHI d rectors, it cannot but i>e expected that the teacher, in ansae erases, jnl In all t > some I extent, will imbibe the saw spirit and slacken his etT r:- to advai , e his pupils. Every teach : who has bevn farore-u with frequent vi-its . from the parent- ot his pup'!-, know full well j that they have a mo-t happy iff-.ct ou his ; school as well as on his own tniud. W. i you hire a man to work ou your farm, aud allow him to work on month alter month w.rhour ever examining his work to sen? if it be well done ? or whether it l>e dote at ail ? By no in.an-. i tie woik ot the teacher ot so • much less importauee that i: is not worthy of j even a pa--iug glance ? Sneh i- the inference jif we judge fro.a in- ;'s •/HS ! BMM are detenud from school-visiting from the fact that they fear they w .1 uot be a wel come guest at the school room. Tiiis -houid make no difference. If your teacher be of the i r.ghustump, your presence in hi- school will be a source of gratification to him ; aud should vc.j find your-eif con- -iered as an i tnu; r.aud p-.-rh An- receive a hint that com pa; y is a -oarce jof annoyance, yoj had better get rid of -uch a teacher as -ooa a- jtossible, for no one who I aoderstaads Ids buwmess is at'raid to work i i the presence of his employer. If vou wish to see the standard of education elevated in Bradford county, pay your teach er- such a salary a- the importance of their la bors demand ; provide couifortaiJe and pitas m places of instruct.on : show tnose uiuier whom you place your chiidrtu for inteUeetgal culture, that you feel interested in tiioir labors bv often visitiug titeir their school-, and im- I proveuient will Mnn begin to manifest itseif, the noxl v ffcct of which wiil not only le te.t bv the present, bat by succeeding geueratons throniiiioat all coming t iae. 11 .v M LIN Kid HI- S; i't Hill. Cart mi cr>-. I'a- A-•*■•• ■;.•< —T •• following is the latest ema ua'.'o.i from Terreii. t ;e inveterate {HJiister of of the Lafayette Ind Journal: A tattling corresfxeideiit of the New-Aork 11-r.i I, writing fr en Lancaster, pretends to give *he gu*.*ge of a drink he had witnessed the President elect tike, one fnxsty morning at the siiieixonrd at Wheatland, recently. He irrever oatty estimates it at " a coujke of inches and expresses the opinion that the depth of the " Sage's potations liAlf increases with his vears. There is nothing womierful :n :io. for ha-n't it passed into a jwoverb, " Tie UJrr • e Um - fixed on the water, wiuch I eoul I distinguish fr n time to tint, I waited. The time sensed long w hen I heard, ju-t in front of me. ou the ojv i }H>s;te side of the brook, a long, guttural moan. I raised my eyes in the direction of thu strange *uii*l, ate; pore,-., d the ey > i: tin I .on ' xe>. oo me, aud looking like two red-hot - ods.— The fixed lo k drove ba k all the I>!.h>l in my veins to my heart. A minute before I shud dered wit i rol l, now the perspiration stream el oil u.v forehrud Aay one who has not sen a fuii grow n *a i t wild state, :uay be liev-.' in the j>os-.bility of an arui -d man srrug glitig with it ; but any p rs >n wlio has seen oae. knows that a man Struggling with a lion is l.ke a mou-e in the claws of a eat. I have said that I had already k.lied two lion*, the ■ smallest of which weighed five hundred pounds. The latter, with one movement of his claw, had s'opped a ho.se at full gallop, ami l.a 1 k • i I init i hor-c anil man. Fro-n tiiat pcrii>l Iw is seftdeutiy weii ucqniiuted with tiieir severity : to know what I had to expect from leonine scratches. Accordingly. I have never looked upon a dagger a- a wvupou to be depended on. I*i ease a lion sLouid not fail beneath IUV dr>t or second bullet, . which i< pmrilih enough, 1 have dtltrui—d when he spri upon me ami I re-i-t the shock, to endeavor : to force my gu-i dowa his throat up to the ' atock : then, if ids powerful daws hove ueit icr turo.vu me to the grou i i nor jx-.r - d uje i k - a harp-oil, I must eit :rr ..track bin: iu th eyes or uear the heart, accenfiug to fhfj QWaint of action left me. If I fall at his attack, which .s more than probable, provided I have my two hands free. I suall feci for Ids heart with the left, and with the right deal the blow. If. j on the foiiowing day. two bodies be not found i entwined together, mine wa . not have left the ' field of honor, and the lion's will uot be far ; t'roui i . The dagger will tell the ltd I had tyasfc tli aw aay dagger from tha sheath, ami : placed it in the gro md withiu reach, when the c ml hto (fa downs towanis the tat auk. 1 to *k a mental farewell of the world, aud ma lc a vow to .i.e in a maim- rof witich those who were dear to me would be proud ; yet. w iaen i my finger moved -oft'y towards the trigger. I j was less agitated than the lion himself, who . was a'ut taking to the water. I hear i his j first step iu the stream, which ran aflwri ssly \ and rapidiy IK lore us. Ttos, ail was Blent. Wu> he standing s*..li ? Was ho eommg to | wards iae ? Th. so w re the MUftioiis I put to • myself, as I sugbt to pierce the oha.Bitty by ; which I was lamlnprd aa ail s,.ie-. u . ss sud , deihy 1 thougiit I heard, dosa ou my left, the j - >uud of bis stt-p in the am i He had indeed j ixune out of the brook, and was slowly a.-, i nig th; steps of the ford, wkua a movement I aap|x*iied to make causeil him to stop. He was four or five steps from m-*, arid might spring upon me at any moment. I: is u-elrs to look for the sights of your gun when you I can't even see the barrel, I fired .as best I con id. with my head erect and both eyes open. The dash euabkd UN to see aa euormou hairy mass of indistinct form. A fearful roar rent the air, the liou was levrsj de combat. The fir-t cry of paia followed by a series of dull, threat ening moans. I beard tae annual writhing in the mud ou the edge of the brock, but after a short time all was dlert. Tniokiag he was dead. I returuevi to the douar witn my guide. : who, froai what he had been able to hear, ai so concluded that the lion was now no more, jU! v.' tr:; I rvaiainol aw.k; al! n*gi * At daybreak we reached the ford : but no lion I We could only trace him by the blood a- fm as the stream. The day afterwards,"the Arab? of the district, who bore considerable ill will towards their nocturnal visitor, being convinc ed that he was dead, proposed'to me to go out and look for him. There were sixty of us, some ou foot and some on horseback. After several hours' fruitless search, I returned tc the dofhr and prepared to take my leave, when I heard several .-hots and cheers from the direction of the mountain. There was no room for doubt, they'had found my lion. I started off at a gallop, and soon convinced my self that this time, at all events, my hopes would be realized. The Arabs were tlyimr in all direction-, and shouting like demons. Some of tlieui had reached the other side of the brook ; the others, to the number of ten, em boldened by the fact that they were on horse back. and that the lion had only three legs at his disposal, had formed a party to finish him (as they said) ; they were commanded by the clieik. I had just passed the brook and was going to dismount, when I saw the horsemen with the clieik at their head, turn round and start off at full gallop. The lion was after them on his three legs, clearing tiie ro-ks and shrubs in a far better style than the men on horseback, and uttering roars, which so terri fied the horses that the riders had no longer any control over them. The horses were still galloping, but the lion had stopped within an space, in a haughty and threatening at titude. How grand he was with his jaws open, breathing menace- of death against all who were there ! Il >w grand he was, with his black mane standing ou end. and his tail beat, ing angrily against his sides ! He was about a hundred paces from the spot. I dismounted and called to one of the Aral)-, who had been keeping themselves at a safe di-tance, to take me horse. Several of them ran towards me. and I was obliged to leave my buruoa-in their their hands, in order to prevent them putting ine ou my horse again and carrying me away. A few of them followed me, in order to dis suade me from my project : but as by degrees I quickened my pace and drew nearer to the lion, tiieir number diminished. At la.-t one man only remained with me, and he was the gui le of the previous day. '* I received y>u under my tcut," lie -aid to me, " arid will an swer for you before (Tod and man. I will die with you." The lion hail left the opeu space aud hud buried liiui-elf in a in a-- of trees, wiiieh were elo-e by. Walking with caution, ready to fire at any moment, I tried in vain to find the animal's track. Tiie soil was rocky, and the lion's wounds had ceased to bleed. I had ju.-t searched the trees forming the group, one by one. w hen my guide, who hail remained a .-iiort di>tauce from ine, -aid—" Death wiil not accept you : you have passed close to the lion without being touched by him ; if your eves had only met his, you must have died without l>eiiig able to tire a shot. I to.d ioui to throw ,-oiiie stone- into the lion's place of retirement. One of the shrubs opened, and aftef looking oa all sid- s. out -prang the lion in the d reetion of myself. He was at ten - from m ■. hi- tail straight, hi- mane -find ing on eud, hi- neck extended. V* .tii hi- bro ken leg hanging back, and his claws turned inwards, he had alt .gether the apparan o' a dog pointing at game. A- sooa as he made Irs appearance, 1 seated my- if o.i t ie earth with the Aral) behind ru-*. shout-tig ine -sant lv, " F.re ! why don't you fire ?"—exclama tions which he mixed up with hi- prayers.— The lion made a boaad of four or fiv._- stepc towards me. and w as probably about to follow it tip with another, when he suddenly found hiiu-eif -truck with a bullet at about an inch a njve toe rigiit eye. He at once fell. My Arab was already returning thank- to God when the lion turned round and rai-.-l himseh on his hind le-g-, hke a horse rearing. An other bail, with a more fortunate result, foil mi the animal".- heart, and at ia-t stretched h;u dead oa the ground.— Lion Hunting in Algt ri.i. A? JUs (rtrard. Tt:V MABHASK FES. —The fate Dr. I'oyin ton ns once disputing with a firmer alx'Ut the ea-e with which a mini-tor earned hi? mo ney. " Now." says the fanner, " when you are celled u;>oti to marry a couple you never > x peet a less -am thaa three 1 Mars. and you - u times get ten dollars —this for a few uii nut "- serv " l\-oh 1" replied the doctor, " I would agree to j: re yor. half of my very nest marr.age fee for a iei-he! of jtotutoex. •• Vcrv weii." s i .l the farmer, " 111 take T' ur and send you the potatoes."* A few days afterwards, the doe tor was ca'l ed on to splice a loving couple at I>ogtow:.. a place about four tulles fiom where tie fired.— Wbea the ceremony was over, the bridegroom sa i to the worthy minister : Well, parson, i "{>oe I most fork over so m thui; f'r your trouble. Wu#t -ay you to uk.ng one of uiy terrier pups ? Tae lx-t breed. I tdl you in thrcoaatry. Shocking lice to hare in the hara. Worth fuM fire dollars, and I Vpose* tjgVTC two would do for the spi •.*, t u V The doctor took the pip with joy. Tie joke was too good : he hasteued to the sag. now. fneud, here i? my fee—how shail divide it ? T';e farmer relished the joke well, that he increased the potatoes to half-a-dozen ou shels. DOCRMU.XS I);.I Boirn.— Mrs. G coaldal >'erp on account of the terrible uort ve-ter which was blowing out of doors. " Horace, my love, how dreadfully the wind howls ; don't yoa hear it ? I can't sleep for it." " My dear." said her better-half, who was a ph'.iccojvber. ojen the vrimiow. arid pat a {leppenniut ioz enger outside.'' " Why r asked hp wife. **Be cause quoth he, " 'tis a good tiling to cure the wind." Skaf Th;re is a young woman in town so . ni'xk-st. that she had a young man turned out ' of door? f.-r -ay lag the wind had shifted Singular Theory of the Mississippi River. The Mississippi river is the greatest stream in the world. The total length is 4,000 miles. Ou looking over a volume recently issued, en titled " Lloyd's Steamboats and Railroad Di rectory," we find the following instructive ar ticle on the waste of the waters of the Missis sippi. It says : So experience will enable a person to anti cipate, with any degree of certainty, the eleva tion of the flood in any given year. Li some seasons, the waters do not rise above their channels ; in others, the entire lower valley of ■ the Missis-ippi is submerged. Embankments called leaves have been raised from five to ten ; feet high, on both sides of the stream, extend-; ing many miles above and below New Orl.aus. By this means the river i- restrained within its proper limits, except at the greatest freshets, j when the waters sometimes break over every-1 thing, causing great destruction to property, and sometimes loss of life. The average height of the flood from the Delta to the junction of tiie Missouri is obove lfi feet. At the mouth of the latter river it is twenty-five feet. Below the entrance of the Ohio river the rise is often tiftv five feet. At Natchez, it seldom exceeds thirty f--°t : j and at New Orleans aljout twelve feet. What goes with the water ? Itj- known that the difference between high and low water nuirk, as high up as White river, is about thirty-six feet, aud the current at high water mark runs uearly seveu miles per hour, and opposite to New Orleans the difference between high and low water mark is only twelve feet, and the current little over three mile- to the hour.— The width and depth of the river being the same, from which tve calculate that ucarly six times as much water pass- s by the mouth of White river as by New Orleans. What goes with the excess ? The only solut'.ou ever of fered. i- that it escapes by the bayous " I'ia quemine," *• Lafourche," and " Iberville," hut when vie calculate the width, depth and cur rent of these bayous, they fail vastly short of atfording a sufficient escapement. The true ex ! plana!ion can. we think, be given. At low water, throughout the w hole extent, we see a land structure exposed, underiyinig i the bank, or that the alluvial structure ou which the plantations are, is a structure ofde j posit made by the riivr above it.s low water ; maik, which, opjiositc to the mouth of White river, i- thirty feet thick. As you descend, j the river diminishes in volume as the difference i lietweea high and low water mark diminishes i and nearly corresponds to it. and wherever the ! bottom i-> exposed, it shows throughout the whole extent, that the bottom is pure ctntrsr • ml; exhibiting at many places the ccem <-L ig'r. through the siqierimpo-ed alluvial structure mixed with fine sand. The water |K?rcolat win such facility and rapi lity that tiie water in a well dug at a considerable di-- tance from the bank rises aud fail- with ' tii- ri-e and fall uf the river, uot varying an inch, and through the coarse-and and shingles J! the bottom, it passes a- rapidly a- through a common -ieve. By the accurate -urv. y- of several auoati ! lie engineers, it i- a-ccrtained thai the fail of the M.—ippi river is four inches to the tuiie. ; The distance from Xatdwz to N.-w Orlsaas of three hundred miles win give twelve hundred inches, or one hundred feet. The depth of the river is less than fifty feet at high watermark, i Tut- river deliouehes into tiie ocean from a pro i moatory made by itself. The surface of the I ocean, by neMumeat, below the Ixittom of the river, above New Orleans, corresponds with the low water mark below* New (}:leans.there fore the M -- s-ipp: rive* is HO lring T Trough its i own bottom into the ocean, the . ape im|H>sevi weigi.t giving lateral prt-.-ure to hurry the , subterranean current. If the reader has ever j stood upon a M -sissippi sand-bar, in a hard i rain, or Kta water ponrrd from a MM on the sand i ar. he has seen that neither can be d me iu -uJi Tent quantity to produce any cur j rent or accumulation on tiie snriace. The ri : ver is. therefore, from the time it comes below ! the limestone stratus of Ifliasouii ai l Ken tucky. wasting itself through it- own bottom lr tne M.--.-sippi river had to por-ae it i course, like the O.iio. over rix*ky -trata. walled ' in by rock and clay bank-, the high ! water mark at New Otkaws would reach owe . .-d'- d feet n ore it- jrev 'i u : but run I t ' ~ mug over coarse -and. wailed in by a dep->u • made of sand, ancient deiuviai d tritous and i vegetable mound, no move water r> abes h ■XVan tl.in the eXc-.-s >ver tiie amount that perm- at - tic- -urr ui -ii g -tru.dure and pa-.- - off in the prxvss of p-. reolatiou or tran-i-.-ra ti-io in A -ii-tterruneaii desxvnt to the ocean.— I'iv r.ver. without ar.y ot -r restraint from : rock or day in the bottom or bank, i? iet't fret to the gi-.crument of no other law tu .n the | law of hydrostatics. Tiie waddaw )>r w a-t ng , of the batik- cannot le prev ntcd, though the i"a\iHg ->r -itding of large j- rtious at oac time may be easy guarded agaui-t. m Crns ft. Hiccn: .h-—Many paper- are j pobii-titnsj u recipe to cure the hisi(wgh [staatlj. A srrowlinjr o!J doctor snob to a ' country jager the fcßcviag lui|H —mi iatfd i'-iT otssai or the money refir 1. He -tv, j" to are hie-iiie-bio-cups—turn your -ie sel: wro:ur side hie oat. & :A hie :Le lie does ikm mehtioa w.i.th ghai V j to he scraped. bat be prohaliy u..-aa the fir?t - a.. : } '.u e . .;e a : -• fczT W oman 1? less ia4qp(dkat than man ' in in i:.r r.-iocts. an! reqaves toexm Le more i- . -: s ari-i cuGfio.:. Mo-p- '.- r. she ia> not the initiative. I: is ea>y for a :ai.t to d - ri ie and offer, when be loves ; last a > ..at> I may love .tiioat hope of an iTf.-r. Whet. i mass chooKJ, be proposes; wheu wo;uau choose*, i she waits. Ine Spare m ;aeut- ar - I ke the i-da-* of tune. < h ail fortfors of our life, spare mo ments are the in >st fruitful iff or ev ' They arc the sajw through which ten.: tab- r* j find the easiest aetess to the tr*nk-u ft! ! sooL VOL. XVII. —NO. 34. Kiss OR FIUHT.—AII Exchange (ells a sto ry of a country party thus : A stalwart young rustic, who WHS known as a formidable opera tor in a " free tight," had just married a bloom ing and beautiful country girl o:i!y sixteen years of age, and the twain were at a party where u number of young folks of both sexes ; were enjoying themselves in the good old fusli | ioned, pawnplayiug style. Every girl in the i room was called out and kissed except Mrs. I>, the beautiful young bride aforesaid, and al though there was tot a youngster present who was not dying to taste her lips, they were re strained by the presence of her herculean hus band, who stood regarding the party with n look of sullen dissatisfaction. They mistook the cause of his anger, however, for suddenly rolling up Irs sleeves, lie stepped into the mid dle of the room, and, in a tone of voice that at once secured marked attention, said : " Gentlemen, I have been noticing how tilings have lieeu working here for some time, and I ain't half satUfied. I don't want to raise a fuss, but—" " What's the matter, John ?" inquired half a dozen voices. '* What do you mean ? Have we done anything to hurt your feelings ?" *' Yes, you have ; all of you have hurt my feelings, and I've got just this to say about it. Here's every gal in the room been ki-sed mighty nigh a dozen times apiece, and there's my wife who 1 consider as likely as any of 'em, has not had a single one to-night ; and I just tell you now, if she don't get as many kisses the balance of the time a® any gal in the room, the man that slights her has got metoliirht—that's all. Now go ahead with your plays !" If Mrs. B was slight ed during tlie balance of the evening we did not know it. As for ourselves, we know that John had no fault to find with us individually, for any neglect on our part." A CLEAR SELL. —A shrewd countryman was in New \ ork tiie other day, giwky, uncouth, and innocent enough in appearance, but in re ality, with bis eye teeth cut. PassingupChat huui street, through the clothes quarter he was continually encountered with importunities to buy. From almost every store some one rush ed out, in accordance *it b the annoying cus tom of that street, to seize upon and try to force him to purchas •. At last onedirty look ing fellow i aught him by the arm and clamor ously urged him to become a customt-r. " II ive you got any shirts ?"' inquired the countryman, with an innocent look. A splendid ass< . tiuent, >ir. Step 'ID, sir. Every price sir, and every style. The chtap e.-t in the -tret, sir." " Are they clean *• To be .-ure, sir. Step in, sir." '• Then," resumed the countryman, with {er feet gravity, " put on one, for you need it." The rage of the sho|>-keejK-r may be imag ine i. a> the e untrvmau, turning UJJU his heel, quietly pursued his way. EXPERIMENT-IN-, FOR SAFETY. — A man travel ing. entered a tavern, and seeing DO oue pre s-i>i but the landlord and a negro, seated hira .• if and entered into conversation with the n-Riro. Shortly, he asked Sambo if he was dry ? Sambo sail he was. Stranger told him to go to the bar and take something at hi* expense Nexro did go, and shortly left.— Landlord says to the stranger : " Are you ac quaintcd with that nigger ?" ** No. never saw him in-fore : but why do you ask " I wppwd co from your conver-irtg with hirn aid asking him to drink " u Oh," said the s uigcr, -■ I was only experimenting. Tim fact s I was dry my— If. and I thought if yoor l ; qnor 'lid not kill the negro, I would venture to t ik- 1 adr ik myself." Landlord's curiosity was fully satisfied. A Ban Ouv—Almost everybody has a bad cold aSjout now. Smith and Jones araong the r-t A street--or!ler dialogue between them, sound-d something I ke this : Smith —" How d'aye do. Jodes ?" J nr*—" I'wetty bwel!. ody I have a bad code. How are yoo, SUth ?" S§-rjh —" I have subtig of a code, too, bat its bw!! arid." J- nts —•• What Ivedici! did you take Smith —•* I fluffed up laadabub al bwa'er Do you take adythig V J i'-s —'• Dj, I ju-t grid ad bear if." DECENCY. —TiIIs ;s defined according to the : country yum y happen to be in. In Tjrkey a ai in w ih tight pants on is considered so rr- at a vulgarian that he is n.;t tolerate*! in resj- et ibie society. To spit in the presence of a:i Arab i.- to make the acquaintance of his cheese k afe. In II issia that man i ooud ier ed low who refu-. < a warm break fa cuasi-;- iug of fried can lies. A'XO - 1 iTHEn. — ' What am Ito do with you. sir—a hat am Ito do with you Do you : kr.osr if TOT continue your pr—ent c urvc of cruelty and cv.wurdi -. ya w ;I foruota . ir g bat a wafer of CoagnM ?" . M mm. —" Oh. don't say that lather !—• uoah. yu will Lam hate the >c ir." %--£~ We -e.- i; stated thai a piece of ear i die may ; e made to b:m all oiriit in a in a si k n>:t | '■ the breadth of fashion."