Bradford reporter. (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, October 01, 1853, Image 1

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    , To r, ifaetobet . 1, 1950.
N aa seek for empty joys,
g all. or concert, vout.or play ;
to , f a t from fashion s idle
. noise,
o r plied domes, and trapp ings gay,
the wintery eve away—
,rot beak end lute, the }lours divide ;
-re' bow I e'er could stray
own Fireside
Tose simple wo
10 hid the sweetes h t dreams arise; rds
non (Klieg's tenderes k t chords,
~1611 with tears ofjos my eyes !
,s there my wild heart can prize,
it doth not in thy sphere abide,
'of my homebred sympathies,
osn—my own Fireside !
Lae form is near me now;
small white hand is clasped in thine;
upon her placid brow,
lad ask what joys can equal thine
babt ,
whose beauty's half
la deep ho mothe-'s eyes doth hide;
ire may love seek a fitter shrine,
lean thou—my own Fireside I
at care I for the sullen roar
Of srinils without, that ravage earth ;
! , 3.3th but bid me prize the more
The shelter of th) hallowed hearth—
',thoughts of quiet bliss give birth:
Then let the churlish tempest chide,
t cannot check the blameless mirth
That glads my own Firesiee I
refuge ever from the .d orm
Of Ott: world's passion, strife and care ;
!vue,h ihumlerrelomis the sky deform,
Their fury cannot reach me there.
here all I: cheertltt, rem and fair,
It rash, Malice. Envy, 6trtfe, or Pride,
ithnet er made its hated lair,
Br thee—my oar Fireside!
Preciact4 are a charmed ling,
carte no harsh feeling dares intrude ;
ne vexations lose their sti n g ;
k!..•ve even grief t, half s , ibdued ;
Peace, the halcyon. loves to brood.
Th'fa, let the pampered fool deride,
IP: ply my debt of gratitude
Jo thee—my own Fireside !
cr,iteormy household deities!
FE7 scene of my home's unsullietneys!
l'Aeti tnr burthened :Tim flies.
Wnen fortune frowns,or care a.inoys:
is the bliss that never cloys;
Pi uncle whose truth bath oft been tried;
Itit.then, are this world's tinsel toys
To hee —my own Fireside?
' the yearning:, font! and sweet,
bid mV• thoughts be all of thee,
%serer guide my wandering feet
',thy heart soothing sanctuary !
ruler my future years may be ;•
Lespy or grief my fate betide;
kott an Edrn bright to me,
lb nit owe FIRESIDE !
dttt aity
4tt teats ago, says the Sunday Times, there
11 that, popular perialical. the Dublin
tir Nlagazine, a narrative of the singular
,:teiot llardress Fitzgerald, an eminent Irish
'swzio rontrtred to elude the strictest Search
rtlTP'sort Mier the battle of the Boyne had all
tritittlated hie party. The narrative from
zl' Tr ropose to make a short extract, purports
.t , ten by the hero himself, and commences
':L amusing account of his living indisguise in
li then proceeds to state that, becoming,
,join the wreck of the Kim, James' for•
lmetick, he ventured on travelling across
try as a pedlar ; how, while on the way,
' l, in interview with General Sarsfield, and re.
from him certain papers to convey to the
— py ; after which , on pursuing ...his
4e had the m isforturie to tall into the hands
tosPoldtets and was brought befotecaptain
ler.a leader in the ranks of his opponents At
•'ootnt we shall allow him to tell his storyin his
P p' l r• which give one a featftrt idea of the
.-4,leis committed at that disastrous period in,lre
Chbockle }Oar pack fellow," exclaimed the
Unbuckle your pack, and show your
-Ito the cap'ain—he re where you are."
!proceed e d to present my merchandise to the
'lng contemplation of the officers, who
hod me, sub a strong light, horn an opposite
Arnh- Ai continnedto traffic with:these gen
hkierved with no email anxiety, the eyes
'C qahl Oliver frequently fixed upon me, with a
' of dubious and inquiring gaze.
" 1
t hink. my honest fellow," he said at last,
iha; (have seen, you somewhere before this.—
Ire you often dealt with the
bare traded, said I, " with the soldiery
a t ime, and always been honotably tteated•
your worship please'to buy a pair of ruffles--
!heap, your worship ?"
'by do y on wear your hair so much over your
lit' said Oliver, without noticing my "g
-an " I promise you I think no rod of You—
back your hair, anct let me see you -plainly.
and look straight at me;
k your Karr,-sir."
:eh that all chance of\sscape wasat an end, and
PPihk forward as near as the table would allow
Yo him, I raised my head, threw back Any hair,
l' my eyes ineptly and his face.
ti m h e k new , me instantly, for hui.uouttte
' turned as pate as ashes with surprise -and
, he started up; placing bit band instinctively
at sword bill, =dilated-at me with a stook:
'yr that I -thought *amp moment 'ht* would ,
Ikaweed•ituo my heart. .11e-said - in* kitidl
,•••• --.....
ith Vottri.
n•!' LK.g. br!,- :Z.117 OW r.--0 1241 Nwif:s7 1111
.1111.1111 r. a;
rr Hardrest Fitzgerald !"
" Yes," sold l'boldly, for the excitement of the
scene had effectually stirred up'my blood, " Hard
resit Fitzgerald is befoie you. I know you well,
Captain Oliver. 1-know 1101 , you hate me—l know
how you thirst for my blood; bat in a good cause,
and in the bands of God, I dely cu."
I , You are a desperate villain, sir, soid Capt. Oh
vet, " a rebel and a murderer! Hallo there guard,
seize him!"-4
As the soldiers entered, I threw my eye hastily
round the room, and observing& glowing fire upon
the hearth, I suddenly drew General Sarsfield's
packet from my bosom, and casting it upon the em
bers, I planted my loot upon it. " Secure the pa.
pars !" shouted the captain and almost instantly I
was laid prostrate and senseless Ligon the floor by
a blow horn the butt-end of a carbine.
I cannot say how long-I continued in a slate of
torpor: but at length, having very slowly recovered
my senses, I found myself lying firmly hand-cuffed
upon the floor of a small chamber, through a small
loop-hole in one of whose walls the evening sun
was shining. I was chilled with cold and damp,
and drenched in blood, which had flowed in large
quantities from the wound on my head. By a
strong effort I shook off the sick drowsiness which
still hung on me, and weak and giddy, I rose with
pain and difficulty to my feet. The chamber, or
rather cell in which I stood was about six feet
square, and.of a height very disproportioned to its
other dimensions—its altitude from the floor to the
ceiling being not less than twelve or loorteen teat.
A. narrow slit, placed high in the wall, admitted a
scanty light, but sufficient to assure me that my
prison contained nothing to render the sojourn of
its oegupant a whit less comfortless than my worst
enemy could have wished. My first impulse was
naturally to examine the security of the door, the
loop-hole which I have mentioned being too high
and too narrow to afford a chance of escape. I
tened attentively, to ascertain if possible, whether
or not a guard had been placed on the outside.—
Not a sound was to be heard. I now placed my
shoulder to the door, and sought with all my com
bined strength and weight to force it open ; it how.
ever resisted all my eflorts; thus baffled in my ap
peafto mere animal power, exhausted and disheart
ened, I cast myself on the ground. It was not in
my nature, however, long to submit to the apathy
of despair, and in a lew minutes I was on my feet
again. With patient scrutiny, I endeavored to as
certain the Lature of the fastenings which secured
the door. The planks fortunately having been nail
ed together fresh, had shrunk considerably, so as to
leave wide chir.ks between each and its neighbor.
By means of those aperture! I saw that mfdungeon
was secured not by a lock, as I had feared, but by
a strong wooden bar running horizontally armee the
door, about midway upon the outside of it.
Contnving to, make an opening, he reaches the
doors of the sppartments where he had been seized,
and overhears an order given by Oliver for his exe
cution, which he declared should take place in the
evening ere the moon arose.
There was a kind of glee in Oliver's manner and
expression which chilled mj very heart.
He shall be first shot like a dog and then hang
ed like a dog—shut to-night and hung to-morrow—
hong at the bridge-head—hung until his bones drop
asunder !"
It is impossible to describe the exulta ion with
which he seemed to dwell upon, and to particular
ize, the fate which be iniensled for me. A chill,
sick horror crept over me as they retired, and l lelt
for the tnoment upon.the brink of swooning. This
feeling however speedily gave place to a sensation
still more terrible-,a state of excitement so intense
and tremendous as to border upon literal madness,
supervened; my brain reeled and throbbed as if it
would burst: thoughts the wildest and most hideous
flashed through my mind with a spontaneous rapi
dity that scared my very soul; while all the time,
I felt a strange and a frightful impulse, to burst into
uncontrolled laughter. Gradually this fearful parox
ysm passed away. I kneeled anti prayed fervent
ly and felt comforted and assured; but still I could
not view the slow approach to certain death with
out an agitation little short of agony.
I returned again to the closet in which I had found
myself on recovering from the swoon.
The evening sun and twilight were fast melting
into darkness, when I heard the outer doot, that
which communicated with the guard room in which
the cancers had been amusing themselves, oiened
and locked attain upon the inside. A measured
step then approached, and the door of the cell .n
which I lay being rudely pushed open, a soldier
entered, who carried something in his hand, but
owing to the obscurity of the place I could not see
what it was.
" Art thou awake, fellow V' said he in a gruff
voice, " Stir thyself—get upon thy legs." Has or.
tiers were enforced by no very gentle application
of his hard military boot."
" Friend," said 1, rising with difficulty, -" You
need not insult a dying man You have - come
hither to conduct me to death. Lead on! My trust
is in God that he will forgive me my sins, and
receive my soul, redeemed by the blood of his
Here intervenetl a pause of some considerable
length, ut the end of which the soldier said ►n the
same gruff voice in a lower key—
" Look ye, comrade, it will be your own fault it
you die this night. On one condition I promise to
u,el you out of this hobble with a whole skin; but if
you go to any of your gammon, before two hours
are passed, you will have as many holes in your
carcass ae a target."
" Name your conditions," said I, and if they con
slat with honor, I will never balk at the offer:"
rr Here ibey' are ; you are to be shot to night by
Capt. Oliver's orders. The carbines are cleaned for
the job, and the cartridges served out to the men. I
tell you therirath.4
At this I needed not_much persuasion, and inti
mated to the man my cone iMon that be Spoke the
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It Well then," he contifined; . how forlhe'reeans
of avoiding this ugly business; Captain Oliver
rides this night,to Weed guano:et ) 'with the papers
which you carried: Before he start!, he . 'Will pity
you a visit, to Bah what he an our id you,
tfie fine promises he can make. Rumor him a lit.
de, and when you can get an .oppoWimity stab him
in the throat above the onfrass.'s
A feasible plan, surely,' said 1 raising my sheet
led hands, " for a man thus completely crippled,
and without any weapons."
"I will manage all that presently for you," said
the soldier. " When you have dealt with him, take
his cloak, and hat, and so forth ; and put them on;
the papers you will find in the pocket of his vest in
a red leather case. Walk boldly out, lam appoint•
ed to ride with Captain Oliver, and you 'will find
me holding his horse and my own by, the door,
mount on quickly, and I will do the same, and then
we will ride for our lives across the bridge. You
will find the holster pistols loaded in case of pur
suit, and with the devil's help we shall reach Lim
erick without a hair being hurt. My only condition
is that when you strike Oliver, you strike home,
and again and again until he is finished—and I
trust to your honor to remember me after we reach
the town."
I cannot say whether I rosolved right or wrong,
out I thought of my situation, and the conduct of
Captain Oliver, warranted me in acceding to the
conditions propounded by my visitant, with alacri
ty"! told him so, and desised him to give me the
power, as he had promised to do, of executing them.
With speed and promptitude, he drew a small key
from his 2ocket and in an lumen' the manic lea were
removedlrom my hands. How my heandid bound
Within me as my wrists were released from the iron
grasp of the shackles! The first step towards free
dom was made—my self reliance remitted, and I
felt sure of success.
Now for the weapons " said I.
" I tear me you will and it rather clumsy," said
he, " but if well handled, it will do as well as the
beet Toledo. It is the only thing that I could get,
hut I sharpened it myself. It has an edge like a
lie placed in my hand the steel bead of a hal
berd, and with a low savage laugh, left me to my
reflections. Having examined and arranged the
weapon, I carefully bound the end of the cravat with
which I had secured the cross part of the .spear
head, firmly Around my wrist, so that in case of a
struale, it might not easily be forced from my
hand; and having tnade,these.precantionaty dispo
sitions, I sat down uporylae.gmund with my back
against the wall, and my hands together under")
coat awaiting my visitor. The time WOl6 slowly
on. The dusk became dimmer and dimmer, until
it nearly bordered on total darkness.
" How's this," said I, inwardly. " Capt, Oliver,
you said I should no see the moon rise to-night;
methinks you are somewhat tardy in fulfilling your
As I made this reflection, a noise at the outer
door a-nounced a
. visitant.
.1 knew that the deci
sive moment had come, and letting my head sink
upon my breast, and assuring myself that my hands
were ccncealed, I awaited, in the attitude of deep
dejection, the approach of my foe and betrayer. As'
I hail expected, Capt. Oliver entered the room where
I lay. He was equipped for instant duty, as far as
the imperfect twilight would allow me to see ; the
long sword clanked on the floor, as he made his
way through the lobbies which led to my place of
confinement; his ample military cloak bung upon
his arm, his cocked hat was upon his head, and in
all points he was prepared for the road. This tal.
lied exactly with what my strange informant had
told me. I felt my heart swell, and my breath come
thick, as the awful moment which was to witness:
the death struggle of one or both of us approached.
Capt Oliver stood within a yard or two of the place
where I sat, or rather lay, and told mg his arms, he
remained silent fur a minute or two, as il arrang
ing in his mind how he should address rue.
"liar - dress Flizg,erahl," be began ai length,
"are you awake! Stand up if you wish in hear
of mailers nearly touching your life. Get up, I
I arose doggedly, and affecting the awkward
movement of one whose bands were bound
"Well," said I, " what would you have of me ?
Is it not enough that I am thus imprisoned without
a cause, and about as I suspect, to suffer a most un
justand violent sentence, but must 1 also be dui
!tubed during the few moments left me Ipt reflec
tion and repentance, by the presence of my perse
cutor. Whin do you want of me ?"
" As to your punishment, air," said he, your own
deserts have no doubt suggested the likelihood of
it to your own mind; but I now am with you toilet
you know that whatever mitigation of your sentence
you may look fat must be earned by your campli•
once with my orders. You must frankly and fully
explain the contents of the packet which you en
deavored to destroy; and further, you must tell all
that you do know of the designs of the popish re
" And it 1 do this, 1 am to expect a mitigation of
my .punishment—is it not so? Oliver bowed.—
Well sir, before I make the desired communica
tion, I have one question more to put. What is to
befall me in case that 1, remembering the honorlf
a soldier and a gentleman, reject your infamous
ielms, scorn your mitigation, and dely your utmost
power "
" to that case," replied he cooly, " before half an
hour you shall be a corpse!"
4 , Then God hale mercy on , your soul !" said I,
and springing forward I dashed the Weapon which
I held at his throat. I missed my arm, but I struck
him in the mouth with such force that some of the
front teeth were dislodged, and the' (Joint of the
wear head passed out under his jaw, at the ear.—
y onset wee so sudden and unexpected that he
reek(' back to the wall and lid not recover his
eqeilibrium in time to prevent my dealing a *wend
•blivar; Which did =with all mrforee. 'The •yoltit
ittneltlthe - Came, twit the oeth; and
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.1 . ! , - 4. 2..4...!..i . , .; c:s 'f'-i,'
seiwitkixas. or DXNUNCIATION nognairiQtruawar`t.:'
glancing aside ifirallitted Antis dish wolnd, tear
ing the skin and tendons. on theihroat 4 Ifieinrw
IPPlged lwith ItftristanlWlD PARing
ang cry of. alarm. Being eatey powerful ;name
if anything rather heavier and stroinier built than I,
he'socCeededin drawing me with him to the ground,
We fell together with sr beavyilloth7 taegineand
straining in what we were both wwt . 'ono was a
mortal struggle. At length I suocedid in /eking
over him, and tartlet him , twice , more. The Wes:
pun which I wielded had lighted upon the eye, and
the pobit'penetrated therbrain. The hody;iniver
ed under me, the deadly grasp,
lay upon the ground,.a corm. -As f . arcipLird
took the weapon and bloody cloth from my hand,
the moon, which he had foretold I should never
see rise, shone bright and broad into the room,and
disclosed with ghutly distinctness Iliss mangled
features of the dead soldier. It 111 hard to-sarerith .
what feelings I looked upon the unsightly pu s,
which had so lately been a living add comely man.
I had not any thee however, to spse for reflection;
the deed was done—the responsibility - was on me,
and all was registered in the book of that God who
judges rightly.
With eager haste T removed from the body such
of the military accoutrements as were necessary for
the purpose of my disguise. I buckled on the sword,
drew off the military hoots and donned tnem my.
self, placed the brigadier wig and cocked hat upon
my head, threw on the cloak, and drew it up about
my face, and proceeded with the papers, which I
had bound as the soldier had 10, 0;0 1 d , map and the
key of the cute' lobby to the door of the guard
room. This I opened, and with a Wm, and vapid
tread walked thlough the officers, who rose as I
I entered, and passed on without question or intdr.
'option to the street door. Here I was met by the
grim looking corpotal, Hewson, who saluting me,
said, •
" How soon, Captain, shall the file be drawn out
and prisonet dispatched?"
" In half an boor," I replied, vrithommaiaing my
The man again saluted, and in twostepa I reach
ed the soldier whu held the two horses, as he had
", Is all right I" said he, eagerly.
"Ay," said I. " Which horse am Ito mount!"
He satisfied me upon this point, and I threw my.
self into the saddle; the soldier mounted his horse,
and dashing the spore into the flanks of the animal
which 1 rode we !hindered along the narrow bridge,
At the far extremity, a sentinel, am we approach•
ed, called out, is Who goes there!—stand, and give
the word !" Heedless of the interruption, with my
heart bounding with excitement, I dashed on, so
did the soldier who accompanied me. The genii.
nel fired.
" Hurrah," I shouted, " try it again my boy,"
and away we went at a gallop that bade fair to dis-
tance everything like pursuit. Never .was spur
more needed however, for soon the clatter of homes
hoots in full speed crossing the bridge, came sharp
and dear through the stillness of the night. One
mile was passed, another nearly completed. The
moon now shone forth, and turning in the saddle,
I looked back upon the road we had passed. One
trooker had headed the rest, and was within a hon.
doed yards of ns. I saw the fellow throw himself
from his horse to the ground. I knew his object
and said to my comrade—
". Lower your body—lie flat to the saddle. The
fellow is gointr to fire !"
I had hardly spoken when the
_report of carbine
startled the echoes, and the ball, striking the hind
legs of my companion', horse, the poor animal fell
headlong upon the ground, throwing his rider head
foremost over the saddle. My first impulse was
to stop awl ignite whatever tate might await my
comrade, but my second and wiser one was to spu r
on and save myself and my despatch. I roue on
at a gallop. Turning to observe my companions
fate I saw his pursuer, having remounted, ride rap
idly op to him, and on reaching the spot where ilia
man end horse lay, rein in and dismount. He was
hardly upon the ground when my companion shot
him with one'of his holster pistols which he had
taken from the pipe, and leaping nimbly over the
ditch at the side of the road, he was soon lost
among the diches and the thorn bushes which.cor
ered that part of the country. Another mile being
passed, I hid the satisfaction to perceive that the
pursuit was given over, and in an hour more, I
crossed Thormond Bridge, and slept that nigh in
the fortress:Limerick, having delivered the packet,
the result of whose safe arrival was the destruction
of William's great train of artillery, then upon its
way to the •besiegers.
Years after this adventure, I met in France a
young officer, who I ftiond had served in Captain
Oliver's mimeo!, and he explained, what I never
Wore understood—the motives of the man who had
wrought my deliverance. Strange to say, he was
the foster-brother ofOliver, whom he thus devoted i
to death, in revenge for the most grieveous wrong I
which one man can inflict upon another !
Ott- If a woman wishes to be a general favorite
with tier female acquaintencesothe has only to per
mit them toout•drees her. The more intent they are
on gewgaws and decoration, the more profound will
be the respect (or her who totally disregards them .
Let any one look amongst his or her friends, and
see if she who is most beloved, is not one of less
pretension to holey than those around her.
One of our exchanges tells of a lazy Beni.
us yp his way, who being asked, as be lay sun
ning himself on the grass, what was the height of
his ambition, he replied, " to marry a ricb !blow
Ahat's got a cough."
Smaucsa Puorowsuos.—A writer in the New.
ark Intelligence' communicates a conom incident.
A tilde girl wasstanding eta window, before which
- was a young maple tree. After a brilliant flash' of
lightning idoomplete image ether trim -*as found
infpritikitfontin bay. 'This eat theist ins and
'el the kind.
" Anecdotes of Geo. 'Jackson.
. ,
*We recently Lard the following anecdotes of thif%'
venerated hero and: sage, well authenticated, and
9 -awe do , not reccdlectto hi*. met them t in print,
we have concluded to ielate them bete.;Lien ivy
A revelation in Poland occurred about the
that Jackson was waging st war with the United
.Stitellank in ibis country. , The Ert peror N:chol,
**greeted the onfortunapt Poles with extraordinary
severity, and was terribly Ind justly scored for it
by the press of this country ; About the same time
the Whig press was heaping all sorts of abase uPiIL
Gen. Jackson, for opposing the re-charter of Uniq,
States Bank. The Russian Minister, then at Wash}
inglon, was greatly annoyed by the 'thugs of hie
Emperor and maser. •He deter Mined to appeal to
the Government to.have the evil remedied and col
tested from the miscellaneous press a• numerous`
array of articles bearing down very strongly on
Nicholas, showed them to the Secretary of State,
and demanded that this abuse should cease, or he
would hold the Government_ responsible, and the
peaceful relations of the two nations would he in•
terrupted. The Secretary of State in vain attempt
ed to explain to him the, Freedrim of the Press,.
and that the American Government had no more
power over it upon such subjects, than Nicholas
himself. The Russian Minister regarded this as a
mere sotberluge, and grew very angry. He finally
concluded to appeal to Gen. Jackson himself upon
the subject, and producing his collection of news
paper denunciations, laid his grievances before the
old hero. Gen. Jackson heard him patiently, and
after he was through, pleasantly complimented him
on his industry in searching the papers; but said
he, " Look over them again, and if you do not find
that I am called tyrant, rascal, fool and all sorts of
foal names, ten times for every mention of, Nacho
las' name, I will have the thing stopped at once"
This sort of reasoning threw a new flood of light
upon the mind of the Russian Minister. He then
comprehended what the Freedom rd the Press
meant in this country, and readily perceived that
Jackson could not be ,expected to stop the press
from abusing Nicholas, when it was every clay
boldly assailing himself. He acco.dingly (hopped
the subject.
The other anecdote describes a thing that hap
pened very rarely ; it is stated how Gen. Jackson
got frightened
This occurred soon after the attempt to assassin
ate him, an event which naturally aroused the fears
of his friends for his safety, and they all recom
nretided to him the utmost eautiodagainst exposing
himself to any more such attacks. One afternoon
he was reclining in a Democratic sort of a way, on
sofa in one of the rooms in the White House, alone
smoking his pipe. About this period a new foreign
Minister, from Portugsl, we think, unaccustomed
to republic simplicity, had arrived, and went to the
White House to pay the General a visit. He was
attired in toll Court costume, all bedizened with
gold lace, &c., and wearing a sword. No one hap
pened to be there to introduce him, and he found
Ins way unannounced into the room in which Gen.
Jackson was lazily ruminating upon his recent nar
row escape from the pistol of an assassin. The sud
den appearance of the Minister aroused the old man
hom his reveries, and gazed: at the intruder
astonishment, not altogether unmingled with fear,
as he proceeded to bow and grimace at a desperate
rate. Gen. Jackson could stand it no.longer, but
seized a chair, brandished it before him, and in a
stentorian voice cried nut, '• In the name of God,
who and what are you?" The Portuguese Minis
ter soon managed to give him art idea of who and
what he was, when Gen. Jackson sent down to the
kitchen for a French cook he had, to act as inierpe
ter, and in this way they managed to have a satis
factory interview.
A RANDOM Dtsbocce. —ln the town of N—, in
New Hampshire, , tiverf old farmer I" who had
the misfortune halve very deaf. On his fsrm, and
close by the road, there stood a very large tree, and
some thirty leer from the ground, on this tree, was
a very large knot.
As farmer P— was passing by one day, he
thought he would cut it down to make a mill-post.
He had been at work a short time, when he thought
some stranger would come along and ask the fol
lowing questions, and he would make the follow
nag answers:—
" What is that tree for ?"
" A mill-post "
" How long are you going to cut it ?"
el Up to that knot "
" How much do you ask for it ?"
" Five dollars."
" I won't give it."
"Well, if you don't, somebody else will."
M old farmer P-- wask
woi_uvg away, sure
enough a stranger did come along, who asked the
following questions and received following answer.
" Good morning, sir."
" Mill-post,"
' u How fat is it down to the corner !"
" Up to that knot."
"You don't utiderstanJ me—how far is it down
the corner?"
" Five dollars "
" Yon old scamp, I have a goof notion to give
you a whipping:.
" Well, if you don't somebody else will:'
r Dan Marble, speaking of a young gentle:
wan with moustaches, said : " lie is a °tailor that
wears hair on his upper lip to keep theapiders horn
crawling into his hollow squash."
Oral Taus."—Ths following toast was given
at a railroad dinner at Detroit, lately
a•Ednors.—tieddars on which politicians 'clitsta
to pawan.ietoneers in sit great enterprise-00'0n.
1y atria whoa. labor is i's own tswaid-the hardest
worked, the poomp:patd, mop eilt•eiciiftioing
and atmesid of ill the tziotegge6" " '
The Congress 0f.9.76.
We iiike from the Knivkeabocker aniinterestiof
mature of the o:d congtem of 'TB. , •
" In the President's Chair sits Hancock, ererted
with a deineanor graceful and splendid, like the
" blazing Hyperion on his.robed throne." .Psomi.
nest in the heroic band, and oldest of theirdruntin
a he who at the earner time snatched the tgfititkigt
from the skies and the acepjre horn the opposer's
band, There too is Morris, the fihaltier of the
revolution, %%hose generous aid, Ideate's% on his
own credit, paved the way for die victores et Tren
ton and Pi ineetort, awl in the gloomiest bout can
ed the American eagle to soar aloft towards heaven .
More retired but not less interested, is that old Pur
itan, Samuel Adams", his front engravensthzught
and publiti,care. He was among the first to excitor
popular rebellimi against wrong and he is here to
aid the_progress and pray for the consummation.--
Of tew words, but abounding in great and beneficial
deeds, hitits in council grave and tacitti;n, lika
grey-haired Saturn * quiet as a stone, his soul firm
as granite, and unbending before the storm. His
more oratorical namesake, John Adams, with ere
and ear scanning the proceeding, while every look
betrays his read-toss to exemplify his favorite max
im, " I would rather be in the wrong with Plato,
than in the right with Epicurip " Lee, wherterin
imitable assiduity arid elaborate greet, moves in
chi wait ou. majesty of the -scene.JW itherspoon, the
divine, " via:bly written blessed in his looks" is
there with meekness Of a minister of Jesus Christ,
but with a firmness that never quailed in the„pres
mice of his counlry'a foe. In ~,the alternative be
tween the sacrifice of freedom or the loss of lite,
like the Spartan mother, he would rather see his
son brought home a corpse upon his shield,than dis
honored by its loss. Arid Rutledge, the youngest of
the patriots, comes forward to illustrate in his own
person, the ancient apologue of the youthful Hercu
les, in the pride and strengih of beauty surrender.
ing his entire soul to the the worship of exalted vir
tue. But is needless any former to specify ; all,
as one man, are really to exclaim our mother is
America, our battles are for freedom, purity of pur
pose is our breastplate, and the favor of heaven is
out -shield!"
painter's bill, presented to the Vestry for work done
in our church :
To filling up a chink in the Red sea, and repair
ing the damages of Pharoh's host.
To a new pair of hands for Daniel in the lion's
den, and a new set of teeth for the lioness.
To cleaning a whale's belly, ‘arnishing Jonah's
face, and mending his lett arm.
To a new skin for Joseph's garment
To a sheet anchor, a jury mast, a long boat tor
Noah's ark.
To giving a bluvh to the cheek of Eve, on pre
senting the apple to ,Jam.
To painting a new city to the lacr.l of Nod.
To cleaning the garden of Eden after Adam's ex
pulsion. P
To making a bridle for the Samaritan's horse and
mending one of its legs.
To tiiung 11 new handle to Moses' basket, and
binding the bulrushes.
To adding more fuel to rye lire of I\ebuchednet•
zee:. furnace.
Received payment, Sept. 9, 1807
0::7-.% man who marries now-a daystnarries a
great deal. He not only weds himself to a woman,
but a laboratory of prepared chalk, a quintal of
whalebone, eight coffee bags, part of a bale of cot
ton, half a silk store, four baskets of novels, one
poodle dog, and a lot of weak nerves that will keep
lour servant girls, three doctors, a tyrannical nurse,
and my dear ma," around the house the whole
blessed time. Whether the fun pays for the pow.
der requites a mighty deal of nice consideration.'
az:7- Make sure, first, and principally, of that
knowledge which is necessary fur you, as a man
a member of society. Next, of what is necessary
in your particular way of life. Afierwaris improve
yourself in all useful and ornamental knowledge as
far as your capacity, leisure and fortune will allow.
Kr Pope in his old age said much COM
pang as I have kept, and as I love reading better,
would mike' be employed in reading than in the
most agreeable coucersatron.''
WRAI a true philosopher who said—Pe
cliceifid—happiliess is older than misery. Adam
dwell to l'aiadase and clover alinust a week before
the devil came along.
Or 4 ' Jones, what an the world put matrimony
'filo your . head?"
44 Wen, the fact is, Joe, I was gelling short of
chime '
Kr A wag recently appended to the lief of fief.
ket regulations in Cincinnati, "No whistling, near
ie bausage goalie."
Kr A good minister prayed fervedtly for those
of the congregation who were too proud to kneel
and too lazy to stand.
lry Red palm!, which is an impa t vetnenl to the
'colts of old walk, is generally' supposed to be an
t)jory to the cheeks of young ladies.
(r.r. Trust bun hula who praises all ; him leas
who censures all; and him less who is indifferent
to all.
(I;;r A man beinkasked why he talkcd to him
pelf, candidly annealed, " because 1 like to 0011-
verse with a man arsenal."
Q4r It its an extraordinary fact, ant those who
a to high words gutturally use low language,.
Writ is wire u6tio seidi a aeottst and honest no t
to re veal it.
, 1
- struarrat