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"THE PITTSBT7KG DISPATCH, SATURDAY, OCTOBER 24, 1891
StfiEraKSS
INTERVIEWS
WITH BRAINY MEN
OX VITAL TO PICS
IN TO-MORROW'S DISPATCH.
John Russell Young Talks With
Hamilton Fish.
Frank G. Carpenter Chats With
Taliuage.
Colonel Frank A. Burr Converses
With Jay Cooke.
Statesmanship,
Theology,
Business.
READING THAT IS INSTRUCTIVE
WILL EE FOUND
On
Every Page of To-Morrow's
BIG DISPATCH.
NEW FEATURES ARE COMING.
ESTABLISHED FEBRUARY
1S46.
Vol. 4R. No.2S. fnterert at 1'lttsbnrg rostotnee,
November IssT, ns second-class matter.
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PITTSBURG. SATURDAY, OCT. 24, 1891.
TWELEPAGES
AN INJURIOUS G 113.'.
There are indications of an idea among
Republican leaders and orga us that any
tliinq that ill delay tin; proceeding
against McCamant and Boyer in the
Senate etra session is a gain to their
party. The time consumed in reading
testimony yesterday was insisted on by
tlie Republican Senators, and is openly
exulted ever as "putting the administra
tion in a hole," while the complaint about
tome constables in York county is magni
fied for no evident reason except the same
purpose.
There could not be a worse mistake than
o suppose that such a course aids the
Republican side. Its effect is the most
ilaniaging possible. If it is a gain for the
Republicans to delay and obstruct pro
ceedings, what becomes of the professed
determination to investigate and punish
promptly? There could not be a- more
emphatic disproof of the insincerity of
such professions than a readiness to seize
upon and cherish any pretex for delaying
or obstructing the final action. If such
things continue the Senate will demon
strate to the people that it is trying to
evade rather than expose the matter.
As to the York county misdeeds, if there
is evidence of dereliction of duty among
the officers coming under the Constitu
tional provision it is the duty of the Senate,
upon presentation of the proof, to make
an address to the Governor. But if the
case of aldermen and constables in York
county is used to block the case against
State officials having millions of State
funds in their charge thrf Senate will place
a heavy burden on tlie: shoulders of the
Republican party.
The Republican Senators should under
stand that the only way of separating their
party from the Treasury scandals is by
prompt investigation and unequivocal con
demnation. Delay or whitewash will only
make matters worse instead of better.
ATTITUDE OF BUSINESS INTERESTS.
In giving out a list of Pittsburg manu
facturers who contributed to a fund to aid
Major McKinley in his Ohio campaign, the
Democratic Committee at Columbus is
simply furnishing the country with an
other proof that business interests are
upon the side of tariff. We do not hear
of business men making up a fund for
Governor Campbell's success. The manu
facturers of Pittsburg cannot prosper
unless all the interests concerned with
"hem prosper also; they cannot be pinched
by adversity unless the workingmen are
also pinched. When our industries prosper,
trade is lively with our merchants, and
vice versa. This holds good of Pennsyl
vania, and it is as true ot Ohio. The inter
ests of one are the interests of all.
Instead, therefore, of the Democratic
Committee being able to make a card in
their own favor out of the circumstance of
Pittsburg manufacturers helping McKin
ley, they are simply advertising through
the country that substantial business in
terests are liound up with the tariff. Tlie
s-onncr the Democratic leaders come to un
derstand the above fact, the sooner they
will turn their backs upon
the doctrinaire preaching of Mills,
Watterson, and Carlisle, and in
quire of themselves whether there is any
Rood reason is hy they should continue a
stupid policy of hostility to the policy
which has done so much to build up
American industries.
1 HE NEW STREET DRESS.
The ladies of Boston who have been
waking for the first rainy Saturday in
October to exhibit their new mudle'ss
gowns have been disappointed by the
obstinacy of the weather in refusing to
furnish any raiuy Saturdays. One ener
getic lady concluded that, as she had her
new suit on hand, and as the weather was
rainy on Tuesday, it w?s just as good a
day for wearing clothes that would not be
nn accumulator of filth. She accordingly
donned her dress and set out upon her
business.
Tlie costume turns out to be a very
modest and not especially noticeable
method of avoiding faults which make
the ordinary street dress a nuisance. Those
Ije Btaf rJj.
who were expecting a startling display of
short skirts are disappointed, as the dress
comes but five inches above the ground.
It is of light waterproof material and is
worn with wrinkled-top boots, such as are
used in the fashionable riding costumes,
and a hat and cloak to match the gown.
Such a dress is manifestly convenient
and attractive, with the testhetic value of
being appropriate to the purpose. If
sense and reason governed the female
costume its adoption or that of its equiva
lent would be a foregone conclusion. But
the long standing superiority of feminine
fashion to any such considerations as fit
ness and sense makes it a doubtful matter
that these sensible outdoor costumes will
be generally adopted.
OUR COMING TRADE BALANCE.
Estimates of the wheat crop of the
Uuited States have now got up to the
magnificent total of (550,000,000 bushels.
Possibly this unprecedented estimate may
undergo a little shrinkage when subjected
to the unenthusiastic process of actual
measurement. But there is no doubt that
the yield is the most magnificent ever
known and that we shall have an ex
portable surplus as great, if not greater,
than our total home consumption.
The effect of this and the other items of
plenitude on our foreign exchanges is a
little difficult for the imagination to
grasp. In the present condition of the
European market there is a practical
certainty that our entire surplus of bread
stuffs can be exported at good prices. On
the basis of the total above quoted this
means that on the single staple of wheat
alone we will sell to foreign countries
5255,000,000 more than we did last year,
and will thus have that sum in addition to
our credit. If wc take the estimates made
on all our grain crops the increase in the
value of our exports for the coming year
would be 554G,000,000.
It is hard to grasp the picture afforded
by the possible increase of our trade bal
ance by that figure and its settlement in
gold. Of course the taking of $500,000,000
in gold from Europe to the United States
would convulse foreign money markets
and make rcadv money a drug in the
United States. That will not be done. It
has already been said that England will
pay the balance largely by the return of
American securities held abroad. That
will be a mode of payment which as
sending us investments instead of money
to stimulate speculation and make it eas
ier for the nation to save than to inflate
will actually be more favorable to us than
the gold settlement. There is no doubt
that in addition the gold importations will
be large enough to settle a part of this
balance; and, finally, with such immense
sales abroad, it is to be expected that our
increased purchases of foreign goods even
to the grade of luxuries will offset a part
of our sales to Europe.
Indeed it is in the last two item3 of
balancing our exports that the future
danger is foreshadowed. The country is
assured of commercial activity, of an in
flow of specie to mafcj money easj', and of
general prosperity, all as the leading feat
ures of the coming year. The peril is that
with the immense resources furnished by
our unprecedented production the activity
will reach the stag3 of inflation, the pros
perity will grow into speculation, and the
abundance of means will generate ex
travagance. If these exaggerations of our
prosperity are permitted to rule the situa
tion a year hence of course there will
have at some future period to be a liquida
tion and accounting.
A boom in commercial matters is a prac
tical certainty for next year; but we
should be on our guard against letting it
grow in bubbles.
POST FACTO VIGOR.
The statement of a Kew York Repub
lican organ that the Administration has
decided to resent theinsults of the Chilean
mob to the sailors of our squadron, and to
make immediate demands for satisfaction,
is contradicted from Washington. We
may hope that the denial is correct, for
the reported attitude looks like Bob
Acres' characteristic of showing pugnacity
after ascertaining that the other fellow
won't fight. The telegrams from Chile
have already stated that the Chilean Gov
ernmert is ready to do all in its power to
give satisfaction. Indemnity to those in
jured has been promised, and our own
stand in the New Orleans matter has been
put to the blush by a pledge that the ring
leaders of the Chilean mob shall be
brought to justice. Under these circum
stances diplomatic proceedings can be
carried on without bluster, if necessary.
It might be said of such an announce
ment that it is pardonable on account of
the unfortunate condition of the Govern
ment in receiving its advices from Chile
some days later than the rest of the
country gets the news. The nation
learned of the riot a week ago to-day, and
heard through the newspapers on Tuesday
or Wednesday what the Chilean Govern
ment has voluntarily offered to do in the
way of reparation. The Administration
appears to have learned of the riot on
Thursday from official sources. If it is as
pugnacious as the report indicates we
can hope that it will hear to-day or to
morrow from the same agencies that
reparation has been voluntarily offered.
Of course the United States must insist
on protection for its citizens and sailors in
foreign ports, notwithstanding its conten
tion in the New Orleans case. But if the
Chilean Government has voluntarily
shown its willingness to give satisfaction
for the acts of the mob, blustering over
that street fight would be doing exactly
what Rudini did, without as grave provo
cation. OUTSIDERS AND WAUL STREET.
Referring to the remark of The Dis
patch the other day, that it was the ex
perience as to the ease with which Wall
street magnates can cut the throat of the
ordinary investor, that keeps the outside
public out of Wall street, the Xew York
Telegram thinks it "can give the outside
public advice that will be worth some
thing." It makes thatgood by starting off
with the counsel: "Stay outside." This
is good advice, for The Dispatch has
given it frequently. It is the one abso
lutely sure way of defeating all the de
vices of stock manipulation, watering, in
side contracts and deals, for the purpose
of transferring the money of the ordinary
public to the pockets of the Wall street
magnate.
It is a pity that the esteemed Telegram
did not rest content with that succinct and
specific advice; but to do so would be pre
judicial to the vested interests of Wall
street Consequently it goes on to say
that if the reader is bound to take a share
in "the nation's assured prosperity" he
must "beware of properties that are in the
hands of known corporation wreckers, of
men whose interests in stock jobbing
transcend their interests in the develop
ment and the safe conduct of the enter
prises with which their names are indenti
fied." This is held up as not difficult,
because "managers of American railways
are as a rule honest and competent " "
The literal accuracy of the last assertion
need hardly be discussed in view of one
feature which the esteemed Telegram
overlooks. That is that while the out
sider may buy stock in a corporation hon
estly managed at the time of purchase he
has no means of assuring himself what
the character of the management will be
next year or the year after. It is just
about a year ago that the country had a
striking illustration of the stock and
money manipulations by which the finan
cial freebooters can first depress and then
buy up a transcontinental line at a time.
Under such a regime the ordinary investor
has no means of telling whether or not this
chosen corporation will be the next one to
be gobbled. The most demoralizing effect
of this on corporate management is in the
fact that it is by such means as this that
corporate managers and 17311 street in
vestors wax rich and powerful.
There is only one cure for such things,
and that is for the outside public to refuse
to be shorn by letting Wall street stocks
severely alone. During the last fifteen or
twenty years honesty has not been the
best policy for the accumulation of wealth
in corporate management. When the
small investors refuse' to be juggled with
any longer the Wall street kings may
learn that their favorite abuses have the
inevitable penalty.
NOT MUCH PEACE IN IT.
news that a "League of Peace"
The
has been formed m Europe to consist ot
Russia, Servia, Montenegro, Greece,
Sweden, Denmark and Prance will strike
the outside and impartial observer as most
extraordinary in its name. It is avowedly
a counter force to the Triple Alliance, but
the pacific purposes of its leading mem
bers are most conspicuous by their ab
sence. What Denmark and Sweden should be
doing in such a league unless to play the
part of catspaw is not clear; but the hopes
of all the others from war are notorious.
Greece, Servia and Montenegro are hoping
that Russia will give them some rich pick
ings from the partition of Turkey. The
inspiration of Prance is revenge for 1870.
The so-called "League of Peace" would
be a modern realization of the Scriptural
phrase about crying "Peace! when there
is no peace.
The Triple Alliance is the organization
which really wishes to keep the peace, not
from any greater philanthropy than the
other Powers, but on Bismarck's principle
of "Beati Possidentes." Having got all it
wants Germany is in favor of peace and
will fight for it. But the pacific tendency
of both sides in Europe turns constantly
to thoughts of Kxupp guns, iron-clads and
smokeless powder.
It is interesting to learn that Mr. Egan
has "confirmed" the icport of the sailors'
stieetflght in Valparaiso. It seems to be
the fate of this official to "confirm" import
ant news from that part of the world several
days after more enterprising agencies havo
informed the whole world of thin.
The crack in England's 110-ton gun on
the Victoria may not be a vital matter, but
it selves notice on the United States that a
slavish imitation of European ideas in naval
construction may prove to bo a wasted ex
pense. Me. Theodore Roosevelt continues to
hold the banner of civil service reform aloft
when the greater political powers have de
serted It. He takes a bold whack at one of
the discreditable features of this year's poli
tics by a public announcement that "no em
ploye of the Government need fear to suffer
in any way by refusing to make campaign
contributions." This- is refreshing; but the
cautious office-holder might like to know the
nature of theguarantee -which Sir. Roosevelt
can give him. The announcement would
be more convincing if it came from some
higher authority. Such a statement would
be especially pertinent from Secretary Fos
ter, Mr. Wananiaker, or, best of all, from
President Harrison.
Or 9,858 criminals who have answered the
question sent out by a statistician 6,779 were
unmarried. If matrimony is so active in
suppressing crime as these figures indicate,
why not try the experiment of sentencing
early offenders with a tendency toward in
corrigibility to matrimony for life?
Bardsley and Livsey have not defined
their position on the tree coinage question.
By their politics they are opposed to free
tiade; and by their actions they do not wish
anything to do with free speech.
THE success of the Liberal party in the
Chilean elections is a little confusing to
those who have not kept track of the in
volved course of Chilean politics. Balma
ceda was elected as a Liberal ; but when ho
sot out on the course that resulted in Mar
the majority of the Liberal party was ar
rayed against him. On the other hand, the
Clerical party was also divided in the late
conflict. The fight with Balmaceda having
for the time being mixed up the parties, the
old. lines have been restored in the recent
election and thomoro progressive party has
won.
Gas from the coke ovens has long been
an evident field for the utilization of an im
mense waste problem. The man who has
solved it and told how it shall be done con
fers a vast benefit on the public and de
serves the wealth that his invention should
bring him.
The Senate goes one better than the old
Presbyterian elder. It is open to convic
tion; but it does not want to have anything
to do with the men who can convince it.
Concerning the recent storms which
have been raging in England, it seems as if
the elements havo been at their worst latelv.
But that idea is minimized by the reflection
that such storms have always been familiar
enough, but that they were not heard of be
fore tho tclcgrapn. The agencies which toll
of the cyclone and earthquakes all over tho
world inspire awe at the forces of nature;
but there is little reason tobelievo that they
are any worse now than they always have
been.
Judge Lynch, of Luzerne county, has
been renominated to the bench for n full
term of ten years. Out West they do not
take the trouble to nominate Judge Lynch;
but, then, tho term of service required from
him is generally about half an hour.
Spkeckels selling sugar at four cents at
the refinery! And two or three years ago
the Trust people were telling the public that
trusts do not advance prices.
Some days ago, in commenting on a
cotemporary's view of what it seemed to
consider justifiable suicide. The Dispatch
pointed out that the same logic would justify
the killing of old and helpless people. That
view of the situation seems to have im
pressed an old woman who imagined she had
become a burden to her family and she cut
her throat. Thus the doctrine of euthanasia
brings us back to that stage of savagery in
which the aged and infirm can be economi
cally disposed of by killing them off.
The Chicago newspapers which assert
that the opium smuggling ring includes two
United States Senators and five members ot"
the House should name the names and pro
duce the evidence when called for. This is a
good year for taking tho lid off.
Turkey can give thanks this year that
she still escapes the fate of furnishing the
Thanksgiving feast for tho greedy Powers of
Europe.
The Sultan promises the Russian Hebrews
protection in Turkey provided they accept
the responsibilities of subjerts. This recalls
the fact that in the days of the Plantagcncts
the Moslem powers gave the Hebrew race
protection which was denied them in
Christendom, and suggests the quostion how
far advanced some parts of the worltt havo
got beyond the mediaeval stage.
SNAP SHOTS IN SEASON.
The old Puritanical statutes are called
the Blue Laws because they are moldy.
"Vulgarity in long clothes is more
shocking than immodesty in short skirts.
Tjie confidence of the political leaders
equals their gall.
OUR mothers worked the spinning wheels
To give the fam'ly yarn;
On wheels our sisters wear out heels
And give Ma holes to darn.
The majority in the Senate are laughing,
but the people are doing the thinking.
When you are roasting somebody re
member that somebody is roasting you.
The dog is to be envied,
havo to stretch his pants.
He doesn't
People who have a cast in their eye
must have iron in their blood.
The wages of sin are regulated by
backsliding scale.
Some of the fellows figuring in politics
now will be mere ciphers after tho 3d of
November.
Break, break, break on thy ragged
shores, O, sea.
The meal that I lost the last time
I crossed will never come back to me.
When people lose their tempers what a
blessing it would be if they could never find
them again.
The buncoed man dreads the stranger.
Love may be blind, but it always man
ages to see the size of the dot.
If parties took as much trouble to defend
their principles as they take to defend their
friends, politics would be cleaner, purer,
healthier.
The Church is all right, but some congre
gations are all wrong.
This is a free country, but the woods are
full of slaves to circumstances.
Open the custom house gates of Europe
and the pig will do the rest.
OX THE TOP RUNG.
Prof. HonsroRD, of Cambridge, has dis
coveied that the Northmen wero the first to
land in Cape Cod.
Even the actors get in occasionally on
real estate deal. Stuart Robson has just
cleai ed $20,000 on a city lot in Denver.
Vice President Morton earned his
first dollar in a village drygoods store.
History don't say how he earned the last.
Secretary Foster has announced that
he is going to favor Boston's Board of Trade
with hi opinion on restricted immigration.
General E. Burd Grubb, the Minister
to Spain, is going to try married life again.
He w ill wed Miss Sopwith at South Kensing
ton on November 3.
Sidney Dillon is an example for errand
boys to point to with pride. Ho was one
when young and now he is President of tho
Union Pacific Railway.
Foreign princes are now going on the
lecture platform. Princa Krapotkin, the
noted Nihilist, will visit America this winter
and lecture on socialism.
Surgeon General Walter Wyjian,
of the Marine Hospital service, has left
Washington on a tour of inspection ot the
marine hospital stations in the Wet.
Miss Cornwall's West lies 45 new
pairs of driving gloves. Her fiancee,
Prince Pless, has given them to her to in
duce her to become the best "whip" of Lon
don. Austin Corbin is going to say "Bless;
you my children" when his daughter, Annie,
mames. His words will be rendered more
impressive by the accompaniment of a check
for $1,000,000.
Colonel Marshall M. Donald,
United State3 Commissioner of Fisheries,
has left Washington for Texas, where he
will establish a fish culture station. After
that he will go to various Western points on
the same errand.
AUSTRALIAN BALLOTING.
It Will Do Away With Carelessness Amonr;
the Voters.
Chicago News. 1
One of the striking proofs of tho benefits
to be derived from the Australian system of
voting at elections is the effort that is
deemed necessary to be put forth in teach
ing voters how to fix their ballots. That a
very large proportion of tho votes cast at
elections under the old system were de
posited under "Instructions" is very evident.
Henceforth evory voter will be required to
give some thought to the important work in
hand when he enters the polling booth.
The "vest-pocket" plan of voting did much
to encourage the intelligent casting of bal
lots, but tho Australian method, as is already
evident, will bring about another great ad
vance in intelligence and independence at
elections.
The voter alone with his conscience and a
blanket ballot is likely to prove a better man
than the man with a ward worker looking
over his shoulder. It is to be expected that
the persuasive voice of tho "straight ticket"
lanatic w ill be unheeded in that moment of
good impulses, and that the best candidates
will be singled out by expressive crones
placed opposite their names. It is impossi
ble for a man to vote a ticket under the Aus
tralian system and at the same time to think
of something elso or of nothing at all. That
careless voting has been amazingly common
cannot bo doubted by those who view the
piesent laborious efforts ot the politicians to
teach men or good understanding how to
make crosses with a pencil opposite the
names of theirchojen candidates. The neces
sity of voting and thinking at the same time
is distinctly beneficial.
TALK OP THE TIMES.
The next industry of the rain producor
will be to make the rain dear. Baltimore
American. Alter that he will be called upon
to supply rain-beaux.
The November election will be a frost for
Governor Campbell's Presidental boom.
This is confidential. Columbus Journal. The
New Yorkers want to know it the same frost
will bo hard enough in their State to kill tho
flowers.
Mn. Flower's speech at Harlem last night
told in plain woids how the city of New
York was cheated out of $3,000,000,000 bvthe
Republican party. Xew York iun. Tod bad!
Too bad! New York has the cominiser
tion of the community in her affliction.
The support.of the Mugwumps has never
helped the Democratic party in'the slightest
desree, but has hurt it in various ways. At
lanta Constitution. What about the election
of Mr. Cleveland? It is pretty generally un
derstood that the Mugwumps helped him
into office.
As regards the rresidental candidato for
the National Democracy In 1S92 nearly every
Democrat in the South is a political agnostic
Florida Times Union. There is nothing
strange in this. It was always believed that
Southern Democrats had no knowledge of
political leaders.
The campaign orators in 'New York are
telling the voters there that the eyes of the
country aro focused on the Empire State.
The New York orators shouldn't be so ex
clusive. Boston Herald. The eyes of some
aro fixed on Ohio. Others again think that
New York isn't the earth.
If it is to be conceded that ultimately,
when tho reforms demanded by it are
achieved the third party will disband, as
other third parties have, it stands to reason
that its members will affiliate with that one
or the old parties which is closest in touch
with their views. Omaha Herald. If this be
the case tbenthe third party must bo dis
banding now. Its'membersare reported to
havo joined tho'old parties already.
' CURB AND CORRIDOR.
Fittsbarg- Surprises Some PhUadelphiani.
Among recent visitors to Pittsburg have
been Mr. J. L. Currier, agent for the Ladies'
Branch of the Philadelphia Society for the
Prevention of Cruelty or Auimnls, and Mr.
William C. Royal, an honorary representa
tive of the same society. About ten days
ago these gentlemen gave some time to ex
amining the accommodation at the East
Liberty stock yard, and after that going to
Chicago with a similar purpose, since which
they returned by this route. While here
both united in saying that the treatment of
live stock at East Liberty was much better
tlian at Philadelphia. They found the ar
rangements for feeding and watering and
re-shipping much better than they had ex
pected. They hoped to be able to make a
report when they got home which would be
highly interesting to the Philadelphia so
ciety. Eikeagood many other Eastern folk un
familiar with the energy and enteiprise
west of the mountains, they were amazed at
tho development of Pittsburg. ChiefBige
low for one will be glad to hear that these
visitors pronounced Pittsburg streets far
ahead of tho-e at Philadelphia. Theyweie
also impressed by the better care taken of
hor-esm this city. During 24 hours stay
they did not see a single case of nn unfit
horse at work. Onr street cars, they say,
leave those of Philadelphia far enough be
hind; and if Schenlev Park does not contain
as many acres as Fairinount, what there is
of it is in their opinion much more pict
uresque. Bardsley Making Pepper Boxes.
"I saw Bardsley, tho cause of all the pres
ent political unpleasantness, when I was in
Philadelphia the other day," said Immigra
tion Inspector Robert D. Layton yesterday.
"Official business took me to the Eastern
Penitentiary, and while I was there I
thought I might as well take a look at
'Honest' John. He was locked up in a cell
by himself, for they have no workshops in
the Eastern Penitentiary, and when I looked
in upon him he was absorbed in the whole
some occupation of making tin pepner
boxes. I had no conversation with him, but
a keeper fold me that he was a well-behaved
prisoner and easy to handle. The prison life
apparently agrees with him for ho has
gained 20 pounds since he entered the peni
tentiary. "As I had never bad the honor of
his acquaintance before his incarceration I
could not determine whether ho nad im
proved in appearance as well as in weight.
They try to make even-thing the prisoners'
uso in the penitentiary, and Bardsley's
work for the present will "be making popper
boxes: and it seems appropiiato work for
one who has succeeded in seasoning State
politics so highly.
"Incidentally while in Philadelphia I felt
the political pulse of the people where I
could, and I tonnd among artisans and in
telligent workingmen generally of the Re
publican stripe a disposition to condemn
the Democratic effort to make party capital
of the Bardsley defalcation Bardsley never
wan the real choice of the Republican party
in Philadelphia, but a candidate thrust upon
tho Republicans by tho 'unco guid' and 'holier-than-thou'
clement, and Republicans, as
a body, naturally refuse to accept' the 16
sponsibility lor his misconduct. I do not
thin k the Republicans -n ill lose many votes
in Philadelphia, although it is fortunate at
this juncture that the candidates are such
men as Morrison and Gregg, for there is an
undoubted distrust everywhere throuzhout
the State in politicians pure and simple."
Next Tear to He a Hummer.
"Thoiecovery in the iron business," said
one of Pittsburg's most prominent manufac
turer yesterday, "is somewhat Mow There
is nothing wanting, appaiently, in condi
tions favorable to a greatly augmented de
mand for iron and steel manufactures, and
what is more essential to tho prospeiity of
Pittsburg, to higher prices. But only the
promise of these improvements has made it
self manifest as vet. Tho future, as far as I
can see, is undoubtedly bright for Pitts
burg's industries. Tho effect of the immense
harvests will certainly stimulate our trade
before long, and next year ought to be as
good as any rittsburg has ever known, if
not better."
Not the Right Word to Use.
"Tho word 'electrocution' should never be
used," said an electric railway man yester
day. "It is ont of place, means nothing, and
has no excuse for appearance in the diction
ary of the future." "What would you sug
gestasaname forthenew way of putting
murderers out of harm's way," asked a by
stander. " 'Elexcution' and 'elexecutc' "
came the reply. "They are better words and
surely there can be no objection to the
change. Just write the two ways and see
which von prefer." A lengthy debato then
followed on the merits of the different pro
posed terms.
Preparing for Hallowe'en.
It is yet a week to Hallowe'en, but the evi
dences of its coming are everywhere in the
air. The windows of groceries are filled
with mixed nuts in great heaps, in pretty
boxes with fancy nut crackers and nut picks
and in baskets and buckets. The small boy
is already practicing on the tin horn, and
even, on the sly, inspecting gates and cellar
doors, to see just which ones they can lift off
and carry away the most readily. Cider is
plenty and the bakers are preparing big
stocks of eingerbread, The girls are read
ing up all the legends and stories of the day
they can get hold of, and altogether, it
doesn't appear as if the occasion is to be
forgotten this year.
Purchasing Souvenirs of Pittsburg.
Many of the departing delegates and other
street railway men put in yesterday almost
exclusively purchasing souvenirs of Pitts
burg to take home with them. Smithfield
street and Fifth avenue were lined with
such shoppers all day yesterday. The jew
elers and lancv goods dealers caught most of
the trade, bat there weie many more sub
stantial remembrances of the lion City than
co'ild he there obtained taken away. The
trunk stores were well patronized So many
trinkets were bought that the visitors had
to procure something in which to cany
their purchases home. Pittsburg fared well
at the hands of these conventionists, and
the general cry is "Let them come again."
A Street Railway Magnate.
"Sco that well-fed, truly nldermanic figure
at the corner, there?" asked Mayor Haines,
of Newark, N. J., yesterday, addressing a
Dispatch xeporter. "It belongs to Alderman
Roedel, of Newark. He is a living example
of what rapid transit can do for a man if he
goes nt it in tho right way. About 14 years
ago he bought the street railway lines of
Newark for $33,000. He has kept the plant up
to the times ever since. It is now a complete
and mpdel series of electric lines. His in
vestment has not only permitted all those
improvements, but it has cleared $1,500,000
for him, and not long since he refused $1,400,.
000 for his little mint. Pretty good sort of
thing, isn't it?"
Some Laundries at War.
A well dressed young Pittsburger re
marked yesterday that he is saving his
Christmas money in a novel way. He re
cently ascertained that there is a rate war
on between several local laundries, and now,
instead of payiiis; 2 cents each for having
his collars and cuffs washed and ironed, ho
gets them done for 15 cents a dozen. He
formerly paid 10 to 12 cents each for laun
dering shirts. Now he is taxed but 8 cents.
The quality of the woik, ho claims, has not
deteriorated. He also added the informa
tion that lace curtains can now he cleaned
for 10 to 25 cents a pair, instead of 50 cents,
the price charged less than a year ago.
AN0THEB STEP F0BWABD.
A Proposed Change In the Civil Service Ex
aminations. Philadelphia Public Ledger.
Civil service reform, liko all important
movements for the improvement of political
or social institutions, progresses slowly,
though none the less surely. During many
years public interest with regard to it con
tinued to be of the most lukewarm character,
but eventually the concern ot the few earn
est, public-spirited men who had so per
sistently supported it was participated m by
the general public, as well as by some of the
wisest and most patriotic of those in high
official positions, who came to the front and
neipeu it aiuug.
The retorm of the civil service is still far
from the goal of consummation, but each
new step forward counts, and those inter
ested in the movement will be gratified to
learn that President Harrison proposes to
aid its progress by effecting a desirablo
change in the forms of the examinations.
The theory which justifies the system of
competitive examinations for the purpose of
determining the qualifications of candidates
for official positions is that by the operation
of such a system only those most competent
will bo chosen. The theory is in itself ex
cellent, but as tho President thinks, and ns
many other friends of the reform think, it is
defective in its application, the examina
tions being too academic and not sufficiently
practical.
OUR MAIC POUCH. '
Lincoln's Name Not Effaced.
To the Editor ofThe Dispatch:
An item appears in this morning's Dis
patch stating-that the Boardof School JMrec
torsof the Third ward had chiseled off the
namo of Lincoln and substituted the name
of Superintendent Hamilton. It is always
good policy to be sure you are speaking the
truth before rushing into print with a tre
mendous hurrah. Tho false assertion of an
"old soldier," will mislead no one in this
immediate vicinity, but it may mislead
thoso who are not in a position to know the
facts which are: Mr.'Lincoln's name never
was on the school house. The namo chipped
off was "third ward," and Hamilton sub
district -nas substituted. So the "old sol
dier" mav rest easy and feel assured that
the Grand Army men and "old soldiers" too,
will see that the honored name of Lincoln
will never be desecrated.
Another Old Soldier.
Braddock, October 23.
A. Taxation Story Denied.
To the Editor or The Dispatch:
Mr. Beinhauer, of the Southslde, at a
meeting of citizens held Thursday evening
is reported to have asset ted that Senator
William Flinn at the last triennial assess
ment was valued upon Highland avenue
property at a rate one-thtrd less than that
put upon Mr. Louis Iloerr, of the Twenty
seventh ward. Examination shows that the
tax assessed upon Mr. Flinn for his High
land avenue property was $323 99. That
against Mr. Hoerr $100 04.
Fraxk P. Case.
Pittsbcrg, October 23. Chief Assessor.
THE CHINESE TEOTJBLES.
The Danger to Foreign Residents Said to
Be Remote at Present,
Chicago Tribune.
R. Simpson Shaw, manager of the Char
tered Bank of Shanghai, China, was at the
Richelieu yesterday, and talked of the
recent troubles in the Celestial Kingdom.
"There will be no further trouble over
there," he said, "as the European powers
have awakened to the danger, and are pre
pared to teach China a lesson should there be
further outrages to foreigners. In those
already committed the perpetrators wero
not prompted at all by hatred ot foreigners,
in my opinion. Of course missionaries were
generally the victims, or at least persons
about the missionary stations, which aie
located on points on the Yang-tse-Kiang
river, w here there are no more than a dozen
or a score of foreigners. In Shanghai, with
a population of 300,000 Chinese and 5,000
foreigners, every one of the latter is as sale
as if ho were in Chicago. But we were pre
pared for trouble. The Municipal Council,
composed of French, English, American,
and other citizens, had a duty assigned to
every man in tho event of trouble. Then
there were gunboats of all the powers ready
to give protection.
"The real cause of the trouble comes about
in this way: Tho Viceroy is Hunan, or a
Northern China man. The army is com
posed of the northern and southern sections
and the two are constantly at loggerheads.
In distributing favors and pationage the
Viceroy discriminated in favor of the Hunan
braves, or Northern soldiers, which only
increased the feeling between tho two
sections. When a large portion of the
Hunan armv was disbanded it made many
idlers and some of them congregated in the
country where the outrages on the mission
aries were perpetrated. Without particular
malice toward tho missionaries they killed
and robbed in tho hope of embroiling China
intiouble with some foreign power. The
rowdy element would then find opportunity
to loot and burn and at the same time per
haps overthrow the present dynasty. That
clement simply wanted to bring about a
war."
"What kind of an army has China?"
'Their drill and discipline would appear
curious to us, but the army has the best of
modern weapons, and, with European lead
ers, the armv would appear formidable on
account of its numerical strength. With a
population of 500,000,000 an awful big army
could be equipped. And they would fight,
too. While Chinamen are not patriotic as
we understand the word, they do love their
land. They reverence it because it holds
the bones of their ancestors. But I think
the danger of a war is- passed."
TONE OF THE STATE PEESS.
The simple question in the Pennsylvania
election is whether the eighth command
ment is to be indorsed or repudiated by the;
people. UniontoumfDemocrat IDem.).
Let voters keep the fact in mind and insist
that the protective policy shall still govern
in this country. The best way to insuro
such a result is to work faithfully for a Re
publican triumph in Pennsylvania at this
time. Norristown Herald Rep.).
Republicans cannotafford to trust to luck.
They must do their utmost to got ont the
vote in every district of tno State if they
want to insure the election of their State
ticket. Republican indifference is much
more to be feared than Democratic activity.
Alloona Tribune (Rep.).
The Prohibitionists of the State are be
coming much concerned for rear they will
not poll the requisite number of votes to
keep them in line as a party. They must
have upward of 23,000 votes, an increase of
80 per cent over last year to gain their point.
Potter Count; Journal (.Rep.)
This is a batt year lor w atres. The "ac
tivity" and "liberality" of the Republicans
who have been squeezed heretofore is not
being exhibited, and the disgrace of Bards
ley, McCamant, Boyer, et al." has knocked
all the enthusiasm out of the average Repub
lican voter. Mercer Press (Dem.).
Upright, honorable, patriotic citizenship
implies a mnch graver responsibility than
fidelity to any political organization, and to
the Democratic party the people appeal to
fill this highest measure of public duty.
Honest Republicans expect it, the condition
of State affairs demands it. Chambersburg
Spirit (Dem.).
Last fall Pattison received almost 7,000
votes in Crawford county nearly 1,000 more
than Delamater. Every man who supported
the Governor in 1S90 should turn out next
Tuesday week and vote for Wright and
Tilden, in order to enable Pattison to turn
tho rascals out of tho State Treasury. Mead
ville Messenger (Dem.).
If there ever wns a time when Pennsyl- 1
van la farmers ought to go to the polls and
express their approval of tho Republican
party and its principles, it is at the approach
ing election. The McKinley bill has done
more for the agriculturists in one brief year
than the Democratic party has done during
its entiro existence. Lancaster Era (Rep.).
Business and Politics.
Philadelphia Ledger.'
Is it not presumptuous to suppose that as
tho South increases in industrial wealth,
and as its interests become moro generally
identified with and dependent upon the
policy of protection, its political solidity,
which is all of one kind, will disappear.
There is no sentiment, political or other
wise, in business. Hard, practical, common
sense controls the operations of trade.
Give Him Another Chance.
Chicago Times.
Ex-Senator Ingalls thinks "McKinley is a
possibility and Blaine is ont of tho ques
tion." The ex-Senator would better think
again.
GIRLS, GIRLS.
maid of summer.
Here's to the summer girl, just gone ont,
Gone for a season, beyond a doubt.
Love was her portion while skies were bright,
Nowllke that love, she Is out of sight.
THE AUTUMN MAID.
Then comes the autumn girl, prlnccs9 of fall;
Sad are the chestnuts that come to her share.
Frosty the lovers that she may enthrall.
Still, without felling, sbe always gets there.
THE WINTER LASSIE.
Next comes the winter girl, fearless of storm
Cold though her season, her kisses are warm;
When there Is sleighing she's first to begin it;
When there's affecUon she ever is in it.
THE GIBL OF SPRING.
The girl of the spring, when dear Nature, awaken
ing. Revives the fair flowers that the warm sun sets
free.
Of each varied charm Is her Deauty partaking.
And none will deny that a daisy is the.
THE ALL-ROUND GIRL.
And last Is the girl who all season may claim.
The rual girl, the true girl, enduring her fame 1
To her we're Indebted for passable lives.
From her ranks arc recited our mothers and
wlves.-
Keto Tork Herald,
GOSSIP OF SOCIETY.
Homer Moore Pleasantly Entertains the
. Pittsburg Art Society at Its First Recep
tion of the Season New Ideas on Music
Social Chatter.
The one hundred and sixty-eighth recep
tion of the Art Society, and the first one
this season, held last night, might bo termed
an evening with Mr. Homer Moore. The
audience filled the parlor comfortably. Mr.
Moore explained briefly his motive in ar
ranging the programme. He said lie wished
to explain and illustrate tho means of ob
taining emphasis In singing slow and fast
tempo, loud and soft tones and the different
qualities of tone. This List, said Mr. Moore,
was much the more difficult, and little
understood even by many eminent vocal
ists. The native indolence of tho mind prefer
red to obtain an effect apparently similar by
the more mechanical first two means. With
these few remarks as a prologue the speaker
illustrated them by singing selections from
notable writers of music. He sang first
"Telramund's Accusation," from "Lohen
grin," Miss Adelo Rehard accom
panying him upon the piano. a
dnty which she performed most pleasingly
and sympathetically through all of Mr.
Moore's singing. This selection was an ex
ample of recitation singing, and the various
styles of emotion. In a few concise remarks
the emotions of each piece were analyzed
before illustration. The next was an exam
ple or the former light and artificial Italian
style, where technique (mus, trills, etc.,)
was everything nnd language or emotion
neglected. An aria from Mercadante served
the singer-lecturer's turn. In '-There is a
Green Hill far nway" religions emotion
was exemplified. Some pleasant amusement
was caused by seveial tellhm truths that
were laid bare. The too prevalent "Gospel
hymn" style of church and Sunday school
music was handled without gloves. Mr.
Moore thinks that this evil is at the root of
the American yonthful irreverence of all
sacreu things. 'The next was a burlesque on
the uncultivated style and voice. It wns
cleverly done and produced laughter. In
"The Evening Star,' fiom Tannhaeuser.the,
singer illustrated the higher intellectual
qualities of expression of emotion by the
open somber tone, the bright clear tone,
and the mingling of them. Siegmund's
"Love Song" illustrated v.hat is sometimes
contradicted, that Wagner could write mel
ody. With this Mr. Moore concluded.
Social Chatter.
The charter of the Hospital for Children
in Oakland seems to stand in the way of the
institution's success. Mis Holmes gave tho
monej' w hich really formed the corner-stone
ot the hospital under conditious that charity
Eatients only should be acceptedand treated
y the hospital. Wero it not that the gift
was so saddled the hospital would long ago
have been a tar greater success. People who
requireaid will not accept it, and those who
would pay are not permitted to do so. For
the dilatory first class there seems to be no
remedy, lor the last they go around the
matter by making a donation upon leaving,
which more than covers the expenses en
tailed. It is not often that a whollv chari
table institution has to struggle with the
odds of a big house and few patients, as is
the case with the Oakland hospital to-day.
This afternoon and evening an agreeable
fair and supper will be held by the Whatso
ever Circle of the King's Daughters of tho
Oakland M. E. Church. Already The Dis
tatci! has published the names of those in
charge, which comprise a great many of the
pretty girls in Oakland, whose force
has been augmented by a number
ot young married women. They
have all worked unceasingly that
it shonld be successful. The object is a good
one the aid of the Oakland Day Nursery
Some one says kindly of these King's Daught
ers that thev are determined to be the king's
heiresses. Theirgood deeds will not stop
with this fair, for a bazaar tor the nursery is
to be given in November bv Mrs. Harry By
ram's circle in Mr. William Van Kirk"'s
house.
When the Amateur Athletic Association
goes to Cleveland this day week they -vill
be accompanied by some of their friends.
Several of the members expect to take their
wives with them so that the trip will have,
a more than usual flavor of sociability about
it. Among others who expect to be present
at the games in Cleveland are Percy Pres
ton, rhilip Lloyd, William J. Patton. Joseph
P. Beggs, C. C. Reymer, W. H. Childs, Mr.
and Mrs. Harry Vandegrift, Mr. and Mrs.
O. D. Thompson Harry Schoen and Mr. and
Mrs. E. II. Brainard.
The managers of the bazaar held last
week at Old City Hall desire to express
thanks to the friends who kindlv assisted in
making it so successful. Tho net proceeds
Srobably will approximate $1,0C0. The
aznar was for the building fund of the
Ninth United Presbyterian Church, Alle
gheny, of which the Rev. J. R. I. Milligan is
pastor.
The fashionable world is interested in the
coming house-warming to be held when the
Pittsburg Clubhouse is ready for visitors.
It either will be given in addition to, or as
one of the two assemblies that aro held every
winter, one in the holiday season and the
other somewhere before Lent.
Mrs. Thomas D. Chantler, of Oakland
Square, has issued invitations for a recep
tion in honor of Mr. and Mrs. Strcan, who
are in Pittsburg on their way South. Mrs.
Strean was a Mrs. Thomas and is Mrs. Chant-
ler's sister.
Miss Helen Schmid, daughter of Francis
Schmid, of Curry University.will be married
to J. Robert Wright, son ot Joshua Wright,
a banker of Washington, Pa.. October 29, in
Emanuel Church, Allegheny City.
Miss Blanche Wertheijier will have a
coming-out party on Monday evening at the
Monongahela House. The invitations are
issued by her mother, Mrs. I. Wertheimer, of
Sheffield street, Allegheny.
Mr. W. A. Foster, of the Auditing De
partment of the Union Line, leaves to-day
for an extended tour of the West.
Mrs. Josiah Cohen gives a theater party at
the Duquesne Club on Monday evening to
seo Minnie Hauk in "Carmen."
Mr. and Mrs. Himmelrick celebrate their
tin wedding on Monday evening.
WESTEBK -WATERWAYS
The Grandest Commercial Problem of the
Present Age.
New Orleans Picayune.
The Waterways Convention, which has
just been held at Evansville. Ind., has done
good work. The convention recognized and
acted on the great principle that the entiro
system of tne Western waterways should re
ceivo all tho attention and fostering care
which a common interest involves. It is all
one system, and should be treated as such.
We who live at the ocean gateway of the
vast Interior valley have moro than a local
interest in river improvement. Wc are con
cerned not merely that the lower Mississippi
shonld be maintained at its best, or that the
Louisiana streams bo deepened and kept
serviceable. We are just as much interested
in having deep water to St. Louis and a good
boating stage in the Ohio and in the Mis
souri. We reach out to the headwaters of
the Ohio for coal and to the Upper Missouri
for grain. We need the coal barges from
Pittsburg. and we want barges loaded with
wheat and corn and hog products from Sioux
City, from Omaha and trom Kansas City.
Then let us send back in those same barges
to the people of the Allegheny sIodo on the
one hand and to the people of the Rocky
Mountain slope on the other our sugar nnd
rice and coffee and other imported mechan
dise. But this is not all. We want to see
the Upper Slississippi improved to St. An
thony's Falls, and wo are greatly interested
in having a navigable free waterway be
tween Lake Michigan and the Mississippi
river. Let the Tennessee and Cumberland
rivers be made as good water routes as na
ture will permit and science avail: so also or
the White, the Arkansas and the Red. If a
serviceable canal can be made from the
Ohio river to Lake Erie, wo are in favor of
that The vast network of rivers and canals
will unite the Northern lakes wltn tncuulf
of Mexico and place tho great heart of the
continent in fn o communication with the
extremities of a vast region richer in the
fertility of its soil, richer in the extent and
excellence of its mineral treasures, richer
in tho magnitude and magnificence of it3
timber forests, than is anv other country on
the globe, and all bound together by tho
most wonderful network of waterwavs in
the world. It is for all this that the Water
wavs Convention has been working and it
wrought well. It embraces the grandest
commercial problem evet conceived.
A Tall to Cleveland's Kite.
Chicago Intcr-Occan.1
Governor Campbell begins to see that he
stands a small chance of being even a tall
piece to tho Cleveland kite in 189i He
would have been wiser to have stuck to his
original proposition and "chanced the silver
question." Ho would at least have tho
silver advocates behind him. As the matter
now rests he has no standing with either
faction.
Evidence to tho Contrary.
Chicago Globe.
A story comes from Patten, Me., about a
turtle wluch makes a journey of 60 miles
every year to deposit her eigs in a certain
place. And yet they say that prohibition
prohibits.
CURIOUS CONDENSATIONS.
Missouri has 10,000 school districts.
Neptune was discovered 45 years ago. "".
Kansas City people consume 50 dozen
frogs every day.
Freyburg (Me.) has a plow that has
been in use for 115 years.
There is an average of 22J acres for
every person living on the earth.
A devil fish C feet across was captured
at Newport, Ore., a few days ago.
Wheeling has on exhibition two pump,
kins, one weighing J25 pounds and the other
133 pounds.
From the American aloe tree is mads
thread, rones, cables, paper, clothing, soap,
sugar and brandy.
In a Michigan tree, 60 feet above tha
ground, a human bone has been found im
bedded in tho wood.
A sand bar has been formed in front of
the town of Rocheport on the Missouri river.
The river used to flow by the town; now ' it
is a mile away.
The force of the steam engines in use in
the United States is 7,500,000 horse power, in
England, 7,000,000: in Germany, 4.500.000; in
France, 3,00,0C0, and in Austria, 1,500,0001
It is said that between Madagascar and
the coast of India there are 16,000 islands,
only 600 of which are inhabited. A man can
support a family in luxury without working
more than 25 days in a year, nature does so
much.
The cow tree of South America yields a
lacteal flnid which in color, taste and nutri
tive property closely resembles the offerings
of your milkman. It forms large forests in
some districts of Venezuela, and is much
prized for its product.
Singapore is at last getting rid of tha
plaugue of dogs. Sundry inspectors havo
been appointed, and all dogs which aro not
duly registered are killed. Up to the 18th of
August 11,474 dogs had come to a prematura
end, while 1,542 had been duly registered.
The paper tree of the South Seas is a
species of the mulberry. Its innerbark is so
delicate that a soft and pleasant feeling
cloth is made from it which the natives use
in making their "best suits." It is also used
in the manufacture of a very flue grade of
paper.
One of the strangest of trees is the Ita
palm, found abundantly on the banks of the
Amazon and other South American rivers.
In tho swampy regions, which cover im
mense areas, the Ita palm furnishes food,
drink, clothing and comfortable homes for
the natives.
The two leading counties of California,
Los Angeles and San Diego, shipped last
year, as near as can be learned from the re
ports of railroad companies and steamship
lines, upward of 5,000,000 pounds of honey,
while the entire output of the State did not
fall short of at least 6,500,000 pounds.
The tallow tree of China is so called
from the fact that it produces a substance
resembling tallow and which is used for
similar purposes. The frait is inclosed with
in a pod. A white pulp is found within and
this substance the Chinese use in making
candles, mixing a little oil with it to make it
softer and more pliable.
The total number of beehives inCaliforaia
last year is given as 53,043, of an aggreagate
valuation of $65,214. SanDiegocountycomes
first, with 14,947 hives; Los Angeles is
second, with 13,871; Ventura third, with
9.311; San Bernardino fourth, with 5,140;
Fresno fifth, with 4,110, and Santa Barbara
sixth, with 3,115. Inyo has 1,453, Kern 1,230
and Tu'are 1.176. Jffhe valuation varies from
50 cents to $3 a hive.
It is stated, on apparently good au
thority, that the Rothschilds have during
the last 75 years furnished to the various
governments, mostly in Europe, a total of
about $2,750,000,000, apportioned substan
tially as follows: Great Britain. $1 000,000,000;
France, $500,000,000: Italy, $3C0 000.000; Austria,
$250,000,000; Prussia. $200,000,000; Russia, $125,
000,000: Brazil, $70,000,000; other States, $230,
000. What the volume of private loans by
the Rothschilds may have been nobody can
tell.
There is an African tree called the bao
bab, which lives to be thousands of years
old. Humboldt called it "the oldest organic
monument on our planet." One specimen
of it that was carefully examined by an En
glish botanist proved to be 5150 years old.
At least that was the result of the usual
tests for determining the lives of trees.
This particular tree1 was 30 feet indiame ter,
and tho spread of the branches was enormous-
The bread-fruit tree flourishes in many of
the islands of the South Pacific ocean, and
also in some of the islands of the East
Indies. It is a comparatively large tree,
averaging, perhaps, one foot in diameter.
The fruit is as large as a child's head. It is
covered with a thin skin and has a relatively
small core. It Is snowy white and about the
consistency of newly baked bread. In order
to prepare it for iood it is cut into largo
slices and roasted.
The Wilderness of Koolan, in the Sand
wich Islands, contains a forest of native
wild applo trees, countless in numDer,
stretching from the sea far up the mountain
sides. Tho trees vary from 40 to 50 feet in
heightyand in tho harvest season, from July
to September, are loaded down with fruit,
some white, but mostly red. A person
standing in the midst of this orchard can
look around him for miles.up the monn tains
and toward the road, and the only thing in
view will be one vast grove of apple trees
literally red with ripe and ripening fruit,
the branches of the trees bending to tho
ground with the bounteons harvest. The
crop of this extensive apjile orchard which
nature planted In the solitary waste would
fill a fleet of 100 steamers. The orchard
stretches over- a country from 5 to 10 mileS
wide by 20 miles long, and many of ,tha
larger trees bear at least 50 barrels apiece.
JOKELETS FROM JUDGE.
"What has become of that rain-producer
who was hanging around here last week?"
'Oh. he's In anotl'er branch of the same busi
ness. He's pushing clouds."
"What do you mean?"
' 'He got gored by a bull last Thursday."
Mr. Dolly Miss Scadds, allow me to pre
sent Mr. Bartlett.
Miss Scadds (graciously) I am happy to meet
you. Mr. Bartlett. There Is a fine crop of your
celebrated pears this year.
As opera-nights are drawing near
Mark what the girls are at
From shop to shop the darlings go
To find the largest bat.
Mr. Sudbang I did n' see yo' at chu'eh
JarstSabbuf, BrerWorbat.
Mr. Worbat Nosslr! I doan' go no mo' ferter
git 'suited.
Mr.Sudbang Whar d' whad d wort 'suited
yo chile?
3Ir. V orbat Jess when I come in d' doah yo
yells out I rum d pulprlt 'Whad am dls yer cuss dal
has cum upon us?
"My friend," said the grave old man,
"liquor makes misery and water"
Makes cranks." replied the other, turning
away.
Tongh I tried the bunko game on a Kan
sas fanner yesterday.
Another Tough-How did you eome out?
Tough He got my dollar and a half.
Gazzam Lite is easily destroyed. I knew
a strong man who died after having a tooth pulled.
Maddox How long after?
Gazzam About ten years.
A thief prigging pantaloons, caught . ,'-
By a cop, the old s.Tgeant appalls
By saying, "Put It your report:
I'm one of that cop's over-hauls."
That thief in the cooler he plants.
Preceding the act by n pun
"Yon copper run after the pants; "
The culprit pants after the run."
"What's the matter?" asked a tabby cat
of her oldest kitten, who was mewing plteously. ' .
We aro shamefully misused. I heard a man
say a cat may look at a king, and there 13 no king
here for us to look at," .
Gummcy English regiments have tfiifr
right to bear arms, haven't they? 'r
lilanders-Ofcourse. .
Gumniej But it Is different with Scotch-regl-
ments. - .'
Glanders-How Is that? "-,
Gummey-They ha e the right to bare legs'.'
Though Strang?, I can but think it right ?f
I find it ciuse for laughter
The man who's spoiling for a fight r
Finds out he's more spoilt after.
Mother AVhy, Rosalie, I thought you
were going driving with Mr.de RIche. What aro
you wearing black for?
Rosalie You know the poor fellow Is in mourn
ing for his wife, and I want to show my sympathy.
Mrs. Gazley A great many balloon ac
cidents are happening.
Gazley Yes; a large number of people ara being
parashot.
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HHsSSs!