swrosuMwraEi W rnmsm mesTPlJaPS ij. 4 sv. .K-. .!', a-r Tl ,Kf -k "?-. SKi THE PITTSBXJKG DISPATCH,1"' THURSDAY 'JANUARY 22, W , 1891 i A. u I Si n 4 igpaftjj. ESTABLISHED FEBRUARY S, IMS. Yol.,o.s. Eatrrod at nurture rottoffice, November 11. lvoT, as second-class matter. Business Office Corner Smithfleld and Diamond Streets. News Rooms and Publishing House 75, 77 and 79 Diamond Street FASTEKN AlVEirUSIJG OFFICE. BOOM 21, TIUJiUM: 15UII.DIXG, 1EW YORK, -where complete files tnitE DlbFATCHcan always be found. Foreign advertisers appreciate the con rcnlencc. Home advertiser and friends of THE DISPATCH, while In i.ew 'York, are also made welcome THE DISPATCH is rcgvlarlp on sale at Drcntono's. 5 Union Square. A'ew York, and 17 Are. de VOpera, Pans, France, where anyone vrho has been disappointed at a hotel news stand can obtain it. TERMS OF THE DISPATCH. TOSTAGE ntZE C THE CKTTED STATES. Daily DisrATCB, One Year I CO Daily DisrATCH, Per Quarter I 00 1UILT Dispatch. One Month.... TO Daily Dispatch, Including bnnday, 1 rear. io 00 Daily Dispatch, lnclndlnKbunday,3m'ths 2 50 Daily Dispatch, including fcundav, lm'th 90 hCNDAT Dispatch, One Year 550 A EKSXY DISPATCH, One Y'ear 1 S3 Tnx Daily DisrATCH Is deHTered by carriers at :. cents per week, or including Sunday edition, at T( cents per week. PITTSBURG, THURSDAY, JAN. 22, 1891. THK INTERESTS INVOLVED. There are numerous projects in which the money or credit of the United States could be used to advantage in aiding the construc tion of ship canals and water communica tion generally throughout the interior. But it happens that most, if not all, of them would create competition with certain pow erful corporations or otherwise interfere with plans of the monetary powers of the coun try. There is that Harlem River Ship Canal, for instance, which would shorten the dis tance and still more decrease the difficulty of passing from Iong Island Sound into the Hudson river. But the Harlem Ship Canal will interfere with the bridges of the New York Central Railroad, and is consequently looked upon with little favor. There is the project of deepening the Hudson rirer and Erie Canal so that trans portation from the lakes to the Atlantic would be vastly facilitated and gun boats could in case of war be sent from New Tork to the lakes. But this will increase the effectiveness of the water competition with the trunk line roads, which in some quarters is a vital objection. There is the project of connecting the Ohio with the lakes by the Lake Erie ship ranal, which would reduce the cost of ship ore and coal by fifty cents a ton and connect the Mississippi valley with the lower lakes in case of war. But this also would make an inroad upon the coal, ore and iron traffic which the railways have marked as their own at high freight charges. They do not care to look to benefits berond that There is the project of a canal from Chi cago to the Mississippi, which would per form the same function for the upper Mis sissippi and the upper lakes that the Lake Erie canal would for the Ohio and the lower likes. But this would also set up cheap water competition for the grain traffic of the northwestern roads. There is also the project of a trans-Allegheny canal from the head waters of the Ohio to Chesapeake Bay, which with im provement of the rivers on the scale de veloped in the series of articles now being published in THE Dispatch, would give -a continuous water route from all the localities reached bv the tributaries of the Mississippi to the lakes and the seaboard. But this would set up water competition with nearly nil of the through lines of railroad, and re duce the latter corporations from their pres- ent proud position as rulers of commerce to that oi its servants. A hundred million dollars of Govern ment appropriations, or the same loan oi Government credit, would go far toward realizing the leading features of these mag wificent and comprehensive projects oi water communication, connecting all parts or the country, and reaching the ocean by three different channels, lint when we re member the universal interest of the corpor ations in choking off such projects of cheap water transportation, it may be regarded as a natural sequence of this conflict of inter ests th it it should be proposed to sink $100, 000,000 of Government credit In the swamps of Nicaragua, for the benefit of promoters, and that the organs of corporate interests every where should agree that this is exactly what the Government ought to do. That seems to be the verdict of the present ruling classes; but it is likely to become a live question for the people to consider whether it is better to spend 5100,000,000 in this country for the benefit of this nation, or to spend $100,000,000 in Nicaragua in the interest of speculative promotors and for the protection of our own corporations. STATE MEDICAL BOARD. Medical practice is certainly a matter oi gravest concern to all, and any movement to raise the standard of qualification for the practitioner is likely to meet with popular approval. The proposition of the doctors of the State to have such qualifications passed upon by a board of medical examiners is in this line. The easy requirements of some medical colleges and the existence of bogus medical schools renders the mere possession of a diploma unreliable as a guide to fitness to practice medicine. But in creating an examining board great care is necessary. It will not do to allow one school to get control to the detriment of another. There are sev eral recognized schools of medicine, each with eminent and able physicians in its ranks, and all these should have equal standing before the board. A SYMPATHETIC VERDICT. The verdict of a Maryland jury in the matter or the sureties of State Treasurer Archer, who recently turned defaulter for a large amount, is a curious example of the the compromise verdict, which is dignified in this instance by the adjective "sympa thetic" The bondsmen of the Treasurer undertook to guarantee his fidelity in office, were therefore, on the face of the case, liable for the amount of his shortage. But negli gence was shown on the part of the State officials in the supervision of the Treasurer's accounts; and it was argued that without this negligence the defalcation could not have taken place, at least to the amount it actually reached. The sympathetic nature of the verdict took a singular phase. The jury was not sympathetic enough to let the bondsmen off scott free; but sympathy com pelled them to recognize the effect of the official negligence to the extent of cutting down the judgment against them to $60,000, or less than half the defalcation. Of course, such a verdict is utterly illogi cal. The official negligence must either hare been of a sort that absolved the bondsmen lrom liabilitv or a sort that did not. It the -former, the verdict took $00,000 from them WlieB thit does not belong to the State; if the lat ter, it failed to collect an even greater sum honestly due the State. In either case in justice is the result. It is true that the in justice it not of the Vital class inflicted by such compromise, verdicts as that in the Crohin case in Chicago, where either inno cent men were sent to the penitentiary, or cold-blooded and conspiring murderers were let ofl with a few years' imprisonment The genius of the jury system in turning out verdicts utterly irreconcilable with logi cal processes', is a feature that calls for at tention.'' PETROLEUM IN ALABAMA. There is no probability that the discovery of an alleged 25-barrel well in Alabama will depress the petroleum market. It is usual with these faraway discoveries to be of a superior grade of oil and also to be over rated as to production by about fifty per cent. In this particular case the declara tion that the oil comes from the Trenton rock tends to reflect against the superiority of the product, all of the Trenton rock oil known to commerce being of a very inferior grade. It may readily be believed that all of the oil-producing areas have not been discovered or developed yet, but the particu lars given of the Alabama find are not likely to depress the hopeful spirits of pro ducers in the old fields. CO-OPERATIVE HOUSEKEEPING. The sixty housekeepers of Evanston, 111., who essayed co-operative housekeeping, and discharged their cooks, are still struggling with difficulties which cause the unregen eratepartof societies to indulge in jeers. The main difficulty is stated by one of the ciitics as follows: There Is a dead cold void in the heart of the house, and they find the expense of a common kitchen greater tban they had anticipated. Then there are other drawbacks In spite of heated hampers the food is iften cold when It reaches them. The bill of fare, too. Is uniform, not individual. There are roast beef days, when the whole sixty families must eat roast beef. Roast chicken days, when, nolens tolcns, all must eat roast chicken. This statement makes it the reverse of strange that the attempt should fail. As to its bearing on co-operative housekeeping, the failure is of no moment, because the at tempt was not in the line of co-operative housekeeping at all. It is an adaptation of the plan of serving meals by caterers, which was tried in many cities years ago, and failed on account of its inconvenience, lack of economy and difficulty of keeping the food warm in transit. Another reason of failure is apparent in the expectation that the bill of fare is to be varied and profuse. Every private family much below the stan dard of the millionaire's has its roast beef days and chicken days; and the ordinary mass of mankind has its bash and stew day;!. That an experiment of this kind should fail where extravagant expectations are entertained is not singular, but natural. However, intelligent attempt at co-operative housekeeping' to organize and divide the domestic labor of several families is another thing. For the families in which housewives can afford to be kept in a purely ornamental position, the family hotel, or the apartment house with restaurant attached, furnishes a more economic and satisfactory resort. But for the great majority whose wives must do their share oi the work in keeping np the home, it remains a vital question whether the work of a number of families cannot be united and systematized so as to secure a very great advance over the present state ol affairs. Certainly there have been as yet no experiments of snch character as to impose a negative to the probabilities which reason shows in favor of such an idea. In nearly every department of masculine efforts'the organization and division of work has been successfully carried out with the results of far greater efficiency than other wise possible. One man will build houses, another sell groceries, another sell hardware, another pave the streets and so on, but the division does not stop there. In building a house, for example, one set of men will do the digging, another lay the foundations, a third lay the brickwork, a fourth do the carpenter work, a fifth the plastering, a sixth the painting, and bo on. The results are well known to be better not only because one man may naturally be better at carpentering, and another at stone work, but because if the capabilities are equal the man who gives all his attention to carpentering can learn to do better work than if he splits his efforts up among half a dozen trades. It is likelv that the failure to apply this same division of labor to household affairs is an inheritance from the agricultural life of the nation when the separation of homesteads made co operation impossible; but for communities where people live in close juxtaposition the parity of the case indicates that the co operative idea, supplying this division of labor, would yield as great an enhancement in results as it has in other work. Let us take the average family living in houses costing $2,500 apiece. Of a group of -ten housewives, it is certain their capacities for different kinds of housework will vary as one star differeth from another. Some will be better cooks than seamstresses; others will have an especial knack for dressmaking, and some will possess an especial art for ironing linen in the best style. The division can be pursued iurther; but the illustration indicates one of the great gains from in telligent organization and division of the labor of, say ten households. It is clear, too, that such a combination should develop other marked advantages. A large part of its supplies could be bought at wholesale. When tentative experiments had demon strated the practicability of the plan, a great economy could be secured by abolish ing the kitchen part of each dwelling house, and grouping the individual home about a central kitchen, storeroom, cellar and laundry. Of course the difficulty would be, first, in overcoming the prejudice in favor of the present state of affairs; and, second, in in ducing.women to adapt themselves to the work of organized household labor. Both of these difficulties are likely to be so great as to doom all early attempts to failure. The advantages must be demonstrated and 16arned step by step before the female half of society can understand how to work to gether as meS do. "Whether snch organiza tion will ever be possible or not we can rest assured that all attempts at co-operative housekeeping which try to make idle ladies of housewives will necessarily be economic failures. THE RIOT OF PARTISANSHIP. The political occupation of obstructing the business of the country in both branches of Congress went on with unchecked eclat yesterday. The vigor and interest with which the leaden of both parties proceeded to ignore everything beyond party strife it sufficient to convince the public that the last consideration is with them the first In the Senate the Democrats with great glee tangled up the Vice President and set him at the unpleasant task of confessing that as a parliamentary presiding officer he had yesterday done the things he ought not to have done and left undone the things he ought to have done. Bat whatever satis faction this may afford the Democrats is offset by the demonstration in the House that Speaker Reed is himself again in his old act of reducing the Democrats to.speech less rage by calmly ignoring them and their Dilatory motions together. All this is done while the business of the country is suffering because the Republicans are determined to carry out their great scheme of giving John L Davenport a posi tion for life in fixing up election returns with power to name hit successor; and be causelhe Democrats are bent on meeting that remarkable effort with obstructive tactics, instead of permitting their opponents, after due and impressive opposition has been manifested, to assume the crushing re sponsibility of such unrepublican legisla tion and thus break their necks beyond all hope of redemption. s It will not require many more Congresses of this sort to convince the people that there is a pressing need of a new party with in telligence enough among its leaders to prefer public welfare to partisan selfishness. WORLD'S FAIR VERSUS FORCE BILL. The refusal of the Tennessee Legislature to pass a bill appropriating money for a State exhibit at the Chicago "World's Fair until a vote has been taken on the elections bill in the Senate, calls forcible attention to the effect of the agitation of that measure. That the action indicates a narrow view of the interests of Tennessee and this whole country, on the part of the lawmakers of that Southern State, does not detract from the demonstration of the harmfulness of the force bill. The exhibition of partisan bigotry by the Tennessee Democrats is no worse than the partisan bigotry that led to the in troduction of the elections bill by Repub licans in Congress. The bill, become a law, would probably interfere more with the rights of qualified electors than any present practices, and the agitation of it is reopening all the old sectional prejudices. HIGHLY USEFUL IF "WELL TAUGHT. The Central Board of Education has done well in deciding to employ a supervisor for instruction in drawing at the public schools. There are few single studies more important than this, it it is well taught Skill and taste in drawing constitute one of the essen tial rudiments of that industrial and techni cal education toward which the most ad vanced minds are now tending. But that the time and attention bestowed upon this branch should be pf any value whatsoever, instruction in it should proceed under ex pert and thoroughly competent direction, in place of being left to the varied and un assisted talents of the regular teachers of the ward schools. However devoted these latter may be to their dnty, drawing is a specialty for which all cannot hope to be equally adapted. Much of the time and money formerly spent upon drawing in the public schools was lost because of want of the best methods. The Central Board should get a supervisor who can supervise. In the schools of Alle gheny much progress has been made in this branch recently. Pittsburg can get some points by looking across the river. CAMERON AND THE SILVER POOL. The statement of Mr. Vest that Senator Cameron, who has just been re-elected from Pennsylvania, admitted having been inter ested speculatively in the silver market, at a time when the silver question was before Congress for decision, will make a decided stir. Even the opponents pf Cameron when attackinghim for his apathy on the force bill, and for general want of the shining qualities which go to make a statesman of the period, had not supposed that he was liable to be tarred by this stick. .He was believed to possess means enough to raise him beyond the inducements of the specula tive markets, and to have had such memory of the mishaps of Congressmen in the early 70's, by becoming interested through their pockets in bills before Congress, that silver pools or other such speculative ventures would have no attraction for him. Mr. Canjeron's side of the case still remains, oi course, to be heard. Meanwhile, if the testimony of Senator "Vest had been given on Monday in place of "Wednesday, there is no doubt it would have been used for all it might have been worth, and perhaps effect ively, to prevent Cameron's re-election. The Senator's constituents can only wait until they hear what he has to say in de fense. He should lose no time in taking the floor. A befort of a difference of opinion be tween President Harrison and the Civil Service Commission represents the head of the admin istration as upbraiding the- commission because it is not satisfied with what it already possesses. "Instead of constantly reaching out into new fields." There have, been indications hereto fore that the President forgets his election on a platform which plodged the party and tbs administration to "the further extension of the reform system already established by law to all the grades of the civil service to which it is appli cable." But Mr. Harrison seems, according to this report, to place his oblivion of the Repub lican platform beyond all dispute. If Senator Vest's assertion that Senator Cameron was interested in the silver pool is to be corroborated, it will put the newly-elected Senator from Pennsylvania in a very uncom fortable attitude, the only mitigation of which, for him, will bo that the exposure did not occur, until after his election was safely secured. Ix is interesting to observe in the New York Press a notice of the American Cotton Oil Company in which it is remarked that the corporation Is a big one In the nature of a trust, "and yet it is probable that few New Yorkers ever heard of it." In view of the way in which the public was plucked by the manipulations of that trust a few years ago. and the interesting discovery that there was nothing in the organ ization of the combine to prevent the officers using its funds for speculation in its own stock, it was supposed that New Yorkers would be able to hold that big corporation in tender and sorrowful memory for a longer period than two years. It is now asserted that there are 335,000 heathen In New York City. This does not agree with the claim of New York: that the census total of 1,500,000 was 209,000 too small. It is reported from Minnesota that the Hon. Ignatius Donnelly is not disposed to rest in ingloriouB Inaction. "He makes and seconds every motion in the Senate," says the St. Paul Globe, "debates it decides it, appeals from the decision of the chair, debates that, moves to adjourn, suspends the rules, and debates the motion to adjourn, and so on until night." The esteemed Globe fails to perceive, however, that through all these manifestations of Donnelly's activity there runs a cipher which expresses the sentiment that Donnelly has his eye on the chance to exercise still greator ability to run things at the national capital. New bills for license commissions and measures to permit the collection of street improvement assessments are all the rage in legislative fashions at Harrisburg. Now it is discovered that the sockless Simpson of Kansas cannot be President of the United States, having been born under the rule of Queen Victoria, in Canada. This may decrease the opposition to Simpson on the part of certain politicians. It even presents the possible outcome of an alliance between that recently converted champion of the fanners. John James Ingalls. and bis unsocked antago nist, by which Ingalls will let Simpson go to the Senate and Simpson will make Ingalls the Alliance candiaate for President on the plat form of that' speech on silver and a great many other topics. The partisan fever has reached the point at which both parties are equally determined that no business shall be done at this session for the benefit of the people. The National Board of Trade has as sumed the duty of urging upon Congress the revision of the present census, and statistical legislation with a view to greater efficiency In the future. The need of greater efficiency is beyond question; but whether a permanent census office which is the distinctive feature of the new idea would secure it is a question that would depend very largely on the incumb ent of tbo office. Let us hope that the Powers of Europe will not inform Emperor William that be can lay his scheme for disarmament before the marines. , "One English lord has made himself ridiculous." remarks the Boston Iraveller, and proceeds to cito as an instance the fact that blr George Baden-Powell, says that the object of the McKlnley bill la to fores Canada into union with the United States. That is rather silly, but perhaps the English might think Jt no less ridiculous for an organ of Boston cul ture to refer to an English knight as an En glish lord. The Vice President who makes rulings one day that ho has to take back the next is likely to come to grief at last. The reference of Senator Ingalls to the fact that George Washington was the richest man of his day, but had after all a mere $$00,. 000 fortune, draws for the Imagination the har rowing picture presented by the thought that if the Father of his Country had lived to-day he could not have gained a recognition by the present millionaires as anything more tban a man of common fortune. MEN AND WOMEN. General Moltxe read Homer's "Iliad" In translation when a boy of 9. It has since re mained one of his favorites. It is said that Major George H. Bonebrake, of Los Angeles, will be United States Senator in the event of the death of Senator Hearst. Bishop Hare, of South Dakota, who has lived among the Indians for so many years, has acquired tho habit of smoking "klllikneck." Mrs. Schliemann, in addition to her other accomplishments, has a "ilent for tapestry that would have made her a fit companion for Pen' elope. MoNcrRE D. Conwat is engaged on a life of Thomas Paine, and desires the nse of letters and other material which may not be already at his disposal. George D. Burton, tho New Hampshire man who devised the "palace animal car," has been made an honorary correspondent of the Parisian Academy of Sciences and given a gold medal of honor. The book so long promised from George Vanderbilt is said finally to be in the publisher's hands. It is a romance, its scene being in the South, and the story is something of a war reminiscence. It is not stated whether the young millionaire will publish over bis own name or a nom de plnme. Walter Damrosoh is said to have asked $1,000 for conducting the Metropolitan Opera House orchestra at Mr. W. K. Vanderbilt's concert. Yet ten years ago he was willing to accept $10 foran evening's work. At that time he used to go out to Newark once a week to conduct a little choral club there, and was glad to receive 16 for bis evening's toil. "Uncle Dick" Oglesby, whom the Illinois Republicans have nominated to succeed Mr. Farwell in the United Stales Senate, is a pic turesque figure in Western politics. His hair is white as snow and his form is bent with the weight of more than 79 years, but there is still a great deal of youthful vigor in him. He combines the arts of the old-time politician with the tactics of the modern. He can set the backwoods afire with the eloquence of bis oratory when he warms up to an old-fashioned stump speech, and he can amuse a, district school audience with the strains of "Old? Dan Tucker" or the "Arkansaw Traveler," sawed from a wheezy fiddle. He has a stock of stories that delight the men around the grocery store stove, and he shines, when occasion requires, in a drawing room. He has been a farmer since he last sat in the Governor's chair of Illinois. GOVEBNOB PATTISOH'S INAUGURAL. New York World Dem.: Governor Paul son's inaugural message is an able, bold, states manlike document the work of an honest reformer and a true Democrat. It will attract attention throughout the country. Philadelphia Inqui) er. Rep. : Governor Pat tison's inaugural will be read because he bas not made the mistake of firing a broadside. Besides, it deserves attention for what there is in it. There Is a god deal of familiar talk about corruption and all that, but when boiled down the main points are found to be constitu tional enforcement, ballot reform, the equaliza tion of taxation, the better government of mu nicipalities and the safety ot public funds. Philadelphia Jforth American, Hep.: Gov ernor Pattlson scorns to bo very much in earn est in his advocacy of ballot reform. We agree with him as to its desirability, and hope the present Legislature will pass and present to tbo Governor for his approval as good an approxi mation to the Australian method as our organic law will sanction. The Governor thinks we cannot have compulsory personal registration and absolute secrecy without amending the Constitution. And we suppose he is right But it will reqnire abont three years to achieve ballot reform In that way. Philadelphia Press, Hep.; Governor Paul son's inaugural address has a familiar sound. Indeed, much of it Is taken word for word from his former messages. The confident, know-it-all air with which he addresses the Legisla ture is in strong contrast to the cautious, mod est tone which pervaded all of Governor Beaver's official utterances, and rather suggests the schoolmaster haranguing the boys after the long vacation than the inaugural address of the Governor of a great State. The Legisla ture might as well take notice that His Excel- lav. A. l..,ve 4nf n!. t nm.l, . ... 1....3...... .. M has vetoes alreadv in stock for most nf th measures It will try to enact Philadelphia Times, Dem.: A new adminis tration is judged not only by the professions of its chief, but also by its environment, and the people of Pennsylvania will closely scan the deliverance of Governor Pattlson in his inau gural, and as closely study the Cabinet chosen to constitute his official advisers. His frequent and distinct utterances during the late'contest, in which he developed into masterly leadership, prepared the public for the plain, straight forward, practical expressions of his inaugural address; and when it is said that these expres sions meet every just expectation, the highest encomium is passed upon them. Philadelphia Record, Dem.: His argument for the enforcement of the provisions of tho Constitution which ars dependent upon respon sive action of the Legislature is no less an appeal to the judgment than to the conscience ot representatives. Sixteen years of neglect have not weakened the authority of the organic law, nor served, to excuse the f allure-ot the representatives of the people to give them the benefit that would be derived from Its enforcement by appropriate legislation. The unreserved indorsement of ballot reform, and of such changes In the. election laws and in the Constitntion as wonld be necessary to make It entirely effective, folly redeems the pledges of the party to which Mr. Pattlson owes his election, and ought to satisfy bis opponents, who are also committed to this policy. , DEATHS OF A DAY. Major E. A. Ludington. i ItnCXAX. TEI.EOBAX TO TH DIBrATOH.1 Ukioktowk, Jan. 21. Major E. A. Ludrkgton died here this evening at the house of his sister, Mrs. H. V. Kankln. Malor Ludington had been In the service for 28 years, and Ave years ago he was placed on tho retired list. He was U years of aire, and previous to entenni; the army be had bun admitted to the Unlontonn tnr. Mrs. Julia C Havekotte.. Mrs. Julia a Havekotte, wire of Theo. Have kotte, died yesterday at her residence. No. SIS Liberty street. Mrs. Havekotte was Ss years old. Tlie funeral will taxe place to-morrow afternoon at the German Evangelical Church, Smlthneli street. SNAP SHOTS IN SEASON, The deaf and dumb are compelled to give a bond, because they cannot give their word. Abe you one of the IndispensablesT Among the hosts which make up the living foundation upon which society rests, a vast army of men could be recruited who really believe tbat the structure would come down with a crash Jf they withdrew their support. They are the India pensables, the You-can't-get-along-wlthont-Me's. Doubtless you have met some of them. They have impressed you with the idea tbat they formed a vital part of the gearing or the shafting which keeps tho complex ana huge machine called life running along surely and safely. If they wero displaced, or cracked, or laid off for repairs, the motor would wobble and groan and eventually collapse, so they imagine. The world would simply go to the dem nition bow wows. You meet the Indispensa bles on all the roads of life In the mills, the counting rooms, the shops, the laboratories, the factories, the schools, the cubby-boles where the pencils smoothly slide and the pens scratch in chill-Riving silence, on the sea and on the shore. They fill nichesin every grade ot all the callings. They ply and think and imagine that they nurse a secret and hold a key which no other being can learn or no other person turn. You have heard tbem talk, haven't you? And did you really become persuaded that they were indispensable? Surely not. Clever they may be ant, industrious, secretive, inventive, a vital portion of mechanism, but not, for all that, indispensable. They are merely the little cogs in the big wheel whose gearing grinds and grinds and sends the power along the big shaft to the broad belts which snap over tho polished pulleys in the social shop of the rumbling old world. "When an Indis pensable snaps under the pressure the cog can be replaced without even stopping the motor or jarring tho machinery. He drops out and some one else drops in. He Is not missed. Tbe grind goes on and on, the structure stands firm as ever, the work fails to show tho touch of less nimble fingers. What You and I have done Thee and Thine can do. So the shuttle will never cease to fly under the hands of the weavers, brlnginc ont the colors that will still be brightened by tbe dyers, who will handle yarns still to be furnished by the spinners after the Indispensable of to-day has been dispensed with and his memory only recalled by a bronze iu the public square or a white or gray shaft in tho meeting place of the rich and the poor. Mtbbh will harden tbe gums and gall will harden the cheek. When aro fishermen like cruel husbands? When they give their wives a smack, ot course. When Cleveland calls up Central now he shouts "Hill, OI" The lawyer who hoodwinks his client prac tices deceit. The promoters of New York's French ball can give the Yellow Dogs some valuable point ers on blackguardism. "When does a burglar resemble a pair of bel lows? "When he's a safe blower. Hogo bas been inaugurated Governor of Texas. If bo roots in the right place the other fellows will do the grunting. Love and Gold. I heard a brown-faced maiden, sad. Pinched witb hunger, thinly clad, Sing a sorry song; "While in the throng A dark-eyed, lissome lad -Begged for the wealth they had. She sang like a frightened bird A tear mellowed every word; Bat the coins that fell Broke the maid's sad spelt The music the sad singer heard ' The heart of the glad singer stirred. 1 heard that brown-faced maiden sing Gay as a lark in budding spring; She sang to that lad Of the love she had. Her voice bore a gladsome ring Love and gold. gave them everything. If you are not contented witn your lot now, you might as well bs occupying your lot in the cemetery. Individuals often escape the jaws of death by the skin of their teeth. Why are the bad Indians like sinners doing penance? Because they are forced to carry guns for Miles. It will sound strange in Europe to hear of a King dying In America. Kalakua was the first wearer of a crown to visit us and the first to die under the stripes and stars. Soke people are so lazy that they growl when forced to lift their eyes. The storm center bas shifted to Washington, where a Southern cyclone of great energy pre vails, with a tendency to move along Pennsyl vania avenue and break in the House wing of the CapitoL There- was a general rise in the mean temperature tbere.butthe force caused a low pressure area in the Senate end, with sta tionary indications. , The Soutbside women who have been ad vised to drink because their husbands do are playing with fire water, and may get scalded. They Are Not Cowards. Conductors who may with you fight Won't punch you unaware. And, whether in the wrong or right. Will try to knock down fare. Wht is a bookkeeper. like a snake? Because he's an adder. The man who married one of tbe Woodhull sisters is watching the force bill anxiously. He knows it will affect Tennle C. While Comstock's socloty was holding Its annual meeting and landing themselves on the work performed in the vice suppressing line. New YorK's upper crust were whirling in vicious frenzy at the French bait Sort of a vice versa state of affairs, wasn't it? Eveby time the murderer Bnaps his revolver be breaks the law. The politicians are inveterate policy players, but the people are tiring of their system. Why is a minister like a messenger boy? Be cause he is forced to answer a calt -The inflation of tbe Illinois air ship so far is confined to the stock. The psychical cranks are taking a spook census. K Porter was in charge be would count tbe tombstones and swear Jy them. AN Allegheny husband battered his wife be cause she couldn't cook to suit him. He has cooked his own broth, figuratively speaking. The Serpentine Walk. If your heart is full of sorrow Don't give up. Nor fleeting snnshine borrow From the cup W hlch cheers but makes yon shaky , In the morn, Or produces visions snaky Burets your born. If Europe indulges in a war this year the young German Emperor when he Teaches the Rhine will doubtless exclaim: "No cross, no crown." The ConffrMJfonal Record will Boon be unfit for publication. IT the kings keep on slipping their cables tbe foolish people who like royalty will soon be ruled by petticoats. Jail birds are never placed In golden cages, Otero, tbe Spanish dancer, after the cham pagne capers she indulged in at New York's nangbty ball, should be called Otaro. Why is a tugboat like a sprinter? Because it tows a line. ' - Missouri declines to pull down her Senator ial Vest. Chief Bioelow has some sweeping reforms in hUjalnW eye, YTpj-ns yum ' WHERE BEAUTY DWELT. Mrs. Wharton McKnight's Charming Enter tainment Yesterday Afternoon The Mansion Transformed Into a Conserva tory With Profusion of Flowers Many Ladlea'Present The tea given yesterday afternoon by Mrs. Wharton MoKnigbt was one ot tbe events of this very brilliant season. The McEnlght mansion on Beech street wai radiantly beauti ful with flowers of every description. The handsome drawing rooms were, metaphorically speaking, purity Itself with flowers of pare white relieved by delicate maiden-hair ferns. The illy hyacinth, rose and fuchsia were taste fully blended in banking the mantels and festooning the mirrors, blooming also with charming effect from costly roses and urns. In tbe dining room pink was the prevailing color of tbe decorations, fink carnations formed tbe pretty candelabra shades, so much in vogne at the present time, and were also massed in great profusion on tbe buffet and tables. Tbe affair was eiven In honor of Miss Flor ence McKnight, a sister of Mr. McKnlght, and Miss Malin. of Philadelphia. Tbe hostess and tbe two young ladles were attired In charming creations of tbe modiste's art Mrs. McKnight in a ligbt blue embroidered chiffon, Miss Mc Knight in a delicate green crepe and Miss Malin in a blue faille, trimmed with duchess lace. The guests numbered about 800 of the wealth and fashion of tbe city. The ladles who assisted in receiving were, Mrs. Harry Darlington, Mrs. Park Painter. Mrs, James H. Painter. Mrs. A. Laueblin, Mrs Walter McCord. Mrs. Dilwortb, Mrs. W. Sew ell, Mrs. Barr. Mrs. Dr. Flemming, Mrs. A. D Fell, Mrs. A. Lyon, Mrs. C. L Lyon, Mrs. Will Km Thaw, Mrs. William Park, Mrs. Cook, Mrs William Watson, Mrs. Christine C.Ihmsen: Mrs. James B. McFadden. Mrs. Lide Mc. Knight, of Sewickley; Mrs. S. Wharton, Miss Mabel Hnssey, the Misses Eleanor and Annie Cbalfant, tbe Misses Emallne and Florence McKnight, Miss Mary Reed. Miss MaxweU and Miss Carrie Hays. In the evening a laree dinner party, to which gentlemen were invited, crowned the festivi ties of the day. EHTEBTAIHING TOUHG FBIEHIJS. Master Roy Camp Will Play the Part of Host on Saturday to a Large Party. "Roy Camp wishes you to come and have a jolly good time with bim from 2 o'clock to 6 o'clock Saturday afternoon" run tbe cunning little invitations which Master Roy will issue to his numerous friends to-day. From the prospects a jolly good time will be enjoyed, for tbe appointments are to be of a high degree of perfection. And though Snanlsh dancers are not available in Pittsburg, to amuse, with their grace and rythmical motion, the yontbful merrymakers as they do in New York, arrangements have been made with Miss Kitty Hanna, tbe talented elocutionist, to bo present and give several recitations tended to please the little folks. Tbe older ones also will be pleased, as tbe respective mammas of tbe young guests will lend their presence to the gayety. TbeCamo mansion will be devoted to the youne folks. The billiard table will be removed from Its ac customed place, and the hall will become an assembly room for dancing. Kuhn's catering, Reymers' candy and exquisite little souvenirs are also a part of the programme, and should certainly satisfy any ordinary child. Master Roy is the young son of Mr. and Mrs. T. L. Camp, and resides in a magnificent home corner of Shady avenue and Marcband street in the East End. TOE THE BEW8B0YS' HOME. An Entertainment Will Be Given To-Night at Mrs. Charles Brown's House. Tbe entertainment to be given to-night at tbe charming home of Mrs. Charles Brown, on Meyran street, by the Ladies' Mitten Club, Is to be a very enjoyable affair, judging from the "attractions booked," as theatrical announce ments have it. Tbe Oakland Orchestra will be in attendance, and charm tbe silver out of the pockets of tbe guests bv its sweet strains. Miss Margaret A. Crouch will assist in.the good work, for tbe proceeds are to be devoted to the Newsboys' Home fund. Rblnehart Meyer, W. C. McCausland, Miss Nona Hill and Miss Lillian Burkbardt will also appear during tbe evening. Miss Sellers Is tbe directress, and the officers of this philanthropic club are Miss Eccles, President: Mrs. George B. More, Secre tary and Mrs. M. J. Backslace, Treasurer. This concert is but one feature of the good work undertaken by the club. FE0M HISS TO UBS. A Tonne Lady Who Changed Her Name and Yet Did Not. "Change the name and not 'tho letter, is a change'f or worse and not for better." is an old adage. Miss Sarah McElroy, however, defeated tho mystic potency of the saw by being a princi pal in a wedding ceremony last evening In which she simply changed her name trom Miss to Mrs. Tbe letters of her surname remain tbe same, and she is now Mrs. William Mc Elroy. The marriage took place at Mrs. Alexander's home at Copeland station. Tbe young couple are both former Allegbenians, and have numerous friends in the city. RECEIVED A LABGE CEOWD. The Ladies' Aid Society Entertain Church Folk In the East Street Lutheran Church. A happy scene was presented in tbe Memorial Evangelical Lutheran Church, on East street Allegheny, last evening. Tbe Ladies' Aid Soci ety were the hostesses to a decidedly large re ception of church folk. bupper was served from S o'clock to 10 p. jr. in the Sunday schoolroom, and the ciowds of people found everything tbat was delicious and appetising upon the bountifully spread tables. Humane Society Managers. In tho report of tbe Board of Managers elected by tbe Humane Society, one class was omitted. The board for the present year con sists of Messrs John H. McCreery, Joel Kerr, H. Lee Mason, Jr., James H. Lockhart, S. L. Fieishmann. Mrs. Samuel McKee. Mrs. Dr. Wallace. Mrs. H. Lee alasnn. Mr. E. M. Butz, Mrs. John Dnnlap. Mrs. Judge Magee. Mrs. S. S. Carrier. Mr. Peter Young. Mrs. E. J. Mc Fherson, Mrs. Judge Stowe, James JL. Cravens, Samuel W. Black and Mrs. A. C. Duncan. Social Chatter. The recular montly meeting of tbo Women's United Presbyterian Association will beheld to-morrow afternoon in tha Wylle Avenue U. P. Church. AMU3IOAL and literary entertainment will be given at the German Reformed Presbyterian Church to-night. If r. and Mrs. J. J. Porter hold their first at home" to-day at their residence, on Stock ton avenne. ' Mrs. Fahnestock, of North avenue, re ceives this afternoon. Mr. and Mrs. Cromluh, of Center avenue, will receive to-night THE recentlon at Mrs. R. G. Woods to-day. OVIDE MUSIN at Old City Hall to-night, A Fit of Post-Mortem Glee. Detroit Free Press, Tbat tbe cadaver which was recently found In an alley near the Michigan College of Medicine was not misused by any of tbe students of tbat Institution, but simply leaped from the window in a fit of post-mortem glee, will be pleasant news. It is always agreeable to be assured of the good behavior of students. PLAYS TO COKE, THE Kendals, who are to visit tbe BIJon next week, are the most notable actors England has sent us In recent years. Mrs. Kendal especially is a wonderful woman, and for 20 years almost has divided with Ellen Terry the bouorot being the best beloved and most dis tinguished actress in England. Their visit to this city promlsesto be a great success in every way, for the advance sale Is already very large. Tbe Kendals will be seen bere in "The Iron master" on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights, ."A Scrap of Paper" on lbursaay ana Friday nights, and on Saturday night "The Queen's Shilling." . AFTER a long and apparently triumphant tour of the country, George C. Jenks' "U. S. Mail" will return to this city next week, when it will be played attne Grand Opera House. At present It is playing to crowded houses at Hammersteln's Opera House, New York. The piece. It will be remembered, is a broad farce with no end ot musical ornaments and dancing galore one dance, by the way, being a new Spanish cachuca, in which Miss Georgia Parker shines brightly. Tbe comedy In tbe "U. S. Mail" is in the bands of excellent actors, and laugbterby the carload is virtually guaranteed. II ALLEN and Hart in tbe plotless absurdity, "Later On," are tbe attractions promised for the Duquesne Theater next week. Several good comedians and a bevy of bright and pretty girls are premised with' the farce, which has been making a bit at the Standard Theatar.- New York, from whence it cornea directly here. THE TOPICAL TALKER. Fair China Painters. China painting has been growing steadily and latterly very fast in this vicinity. For a long time I was puzzled to know what attracted young women, mostly in fashionable attire, to a rather dingy store in a by-street The show windows had generally nothing more seductive tban a few pieces of white cblna In them, but all tbe same irom morn till night a procession of fair customers passed in and out of the store. Recently I discovered tbat all these women were amateur painters of cblna who brought their work to the store to be burned. This gave me some clew to the largo proportions of the china-painting cult, it it may be so called, in these parts. 'Ten years ago, I am informed, one kiln was equal to all the china burnlngrequired here, and as a rule not more than one burning a week was necessary. Tbe bnslncss was easily monopolized by one man, and be did not seem likely to get rich on it. Now there are four or five china burning establishments and in addition proba bly a dozen private kilns operated by the china painters themselves. At the largest place in the two cities half a dozen kilns are kept going all tbe time, and as about fifty pieces on tho average can be burned in each of these kilns at one time, it can be realized what a mighty output of band-painted china there is in this county. On a sinele day just before Christmas over ttVo hundred cups and saucers were burned at a Pittsburg store. There is no way of finding out bow many amateur china painters there are to-day In the two cities, but there must be many hundreds of them. Under the term amateur I include those who sell their work, but wbo are not connected witb any factory or store. Some of these Inde pendent women hare built up a regular and ever-Increasing private trade in china ware of their painting, and I know of one artist who filled no less than 100 separate orders for deliv ery last Christmas. At present women have a real monopoly of the art outside ot the china making and decorating factories, and a very beantiful and, it is pleasant to add, profitable pursuit It is for tbem. It Is no longer an unu sual thing to find tbe entire stock of china decorated by tbe mistress of the bonse, and by tbe time tbe next generation of Pittsburgers is grown up hand-painted china will rather be the rule than the exception upon our tables. Put Down the Enemy. t An Irishman went into a restaurant in the Diamond the other dayto get dinner. As an ap petiser he ordered a glass ot whisky. Just as he was raising the glass to bis lips his parish priest touched him on the shoulder and said: "Tim, tbat the worst ememy you have." "Yes, your reverence," replied Tim, "but how often have yon told me to love my enemies," and the whisky disappeared. Good Carvers Are Scarce. "How do you account for the scarcity of good carvers?" I asked a matron yesterday. "Laziness of the men." she replied. But seriously, it Is a fact that a good carver is a rare bird in this latitude. .Not one man in ten can carve even a plain joint as It should be done, and when It comes to cutting up a turkey or smaller birds the percentage of failures, comparative and absolute, is even greater. Why is this? Our fathers were able to handle the carving knife with dexterity, and even a tough duck did not dannt them. It will never do for us to confess tbat we are not as goqd as, if not better than, our fathers, but it is clear nevertheless that the art of carvisg, the art mind you. Is dying out. I take it tbat our fathers are often responsible for this, because they keep on carving till death cuts them down, instead of handing over tbe head of the table with its carving responsibilities to their sons in succession. This seems to be the only explanation aside from the one foreigners are so prone to allege that Americans are so much given to abiding in hotels and boarding houses tbat they are more and more losing tbe accom plishments and graces which are born of and adom home life. And tbe peculiar disgrace of tbe masculine ineotness ltn tbe knife is tbat man's better half most ot the time can carve all around him, so to speak. A Fireman's Perils. "I haven't seen anything in the papers," said a well-known AUeghenlan yesterday, "about a little Incident of tbe. Federal-street fire last week which might have made tbat unfortunate event a disaster of far larger dimensions. I was "standing In the crowd watching the fire when I learned tbat a quantity of gunpowder was stored in McKnight's store. 1 lost uotime in telling tbe firemen and generally spreading the information among the spectators. The fire men and others located the powder and carried it out in safety, and the crowd kept a more re spectful distance while tbls dangerous work was being done. How much powder there was I don't know some say 500 pounds but too much for comfort anyhow.' At a fire in Jamestown. N. Y-, a few days ago a young clerk in a handware store acted heroic ally under very similar circumstances. Tbe fire was well underway and cartridges were pop ping about in a most unpleasant fashion, when tbe clerk remembered tbat a large keg ot powder was at tbe back of the store. He ran into the store and, through the smoke and fusillade of bullets, brought out the keg: This act averted a terrible explosion, and Charlie Fitch, the boy who did It, is ricntly called a hero. By the way, he has relations here. Pity the Fallen Millionaire I "Terrible thing the way the Biowtons have suffered since old Blowton failed," said a lady to me yesterday. "I haven't heard much about It," I replied, "except tbat the failure is a matter of millions. Are they in a hard way r" "Hard way? Well, I should say so. They've bad to sell their city mansion and the cottage at Newport, and tbe yacht and nearly every thing they had." "What are they going to do ?" "I hear they mean to buy a small house in the suburbs and economize. Bella tells me she expects to have to get along witb two servants, and do ber own marketing in town." Ohl that's too dreadful." x And then such harrowing details of fallen fortune were revealed as cannot be laid before an unfeeling world bere. It Is truly an awful thing to come down from a dozen millions to a beggarly pittance, say, of $5,000 a year. Very Cautious Indeed. Even at this late day natural gas Is a mystery to some people. A church visitor, in the course of her charita ble labors among the poor of this great town, found a woman who was in great distress be cause ber husband was out of work. Tbe visitor suggested tbat he should apply at the officoof a certain natural gas company where laborers wero wanted. "Sure an' I won't do no such thing," was the woman's reply: "do ye be thlnkin' that I want to lose me good man? Sure an' tbat natural gas is so dangerous I don't want him to be a-cir-ryin' it around, ma'amr" BAGGAGEMEN IN COUNCIL. They Meet to Discuss Matters Connected With Their Calling. New Orleans, Jan. 2t The tenth annual convention ot the National Association of Gen eral Baggage Agents met here this afternoon, and there were about 100 delegates present. The meetings will be held with closed doors. Officers will be elected for tbe ensuing year and tbe following matters discussed. first To seenre a uniformity of rates on ex cess baggage, to provide a method of handling ana caring for excess baggage, and tbe adop tion ni a uniform excess baggage and C. O. D. Second To provide a uniform method and a basis of settling claims for delay, damage and pilfering of baggage while en route. Third To adopt a telegraph code for the pur pose of abbreviating the telegraph messages from point to point, which are necessary in the business and which have now reached huge proportions. HEBBABKA PABMEBS CAUTIOUS. They Wish Other States to Co-Operate in Reducing Interest Rates. Lincoln, Jan. 2L A resolution was adopted by the House to-day that a committee ot three be appointed to correspond with the Legisla tures ot Kansas. Nortn and South Dakota, Minnesota and Colorado for the purpose of se curing an agreement by those States on a com mon rate of interest, as low as may be practica ble.' - . The reasons cited for this action are that it might be injurious for a single State to attempt a lower rate of interest without tbe concur rence of others, as the meney power would con centrate Itself upon that State, and bv with drawing loans make the law obnoxious and se cure Its repeat - CURIOUS C0NDESSAT102TS. - It costs 64 cents to run a train a mile in England. Telephones are now being introduced om board men-of-war. The daily surplus of births over deaths in tbe United'KIngdoni is 1,600. It costs the Government $250,000 a year to print the Congressional Record. Leather covered frames are now the favorite inclosures for photographs. At present nine American women are matrimonially engaged to titled foreigners. The largest peach orchard in the world is at Blownwood, Tex., which contains 11,0(X) trees. Cork, if sunk 20 feet in the ocean, will not rise, on account of the pressure ot the water. Manitoba flour is quoted at 2 per barrel higher In Washington State than tbe borne product. Mr. Theodore Calf and family have peti tioned the Kansas Lezislature to have their name changed. ' An Oswego man has bought 20,000 buhels of potatoes in Perth, Ont.. for the Philadelphia market Capitalists who have the. money pro pose to spend $60,000,000 in nnder-river and underground railroads in Gotham. The Michigan crop report states that wheat is in good condition generally, with but few frozen places for lack of snow. "Whisky labeled "shoepegs" has been seized in quantity on tbe premises of Bootseller W. R. Dye. at Parkersburg. W. Va. Ada Gray, of Cincinnati, is 'the only colored lady dentist" in the United States. She is said to be quite skilful in her profession. Mrs. Sarah E. TJrle pays JSOO.OOO to Mrs. Matthew Baird as the price of the Has tings property, at Spring Lake Beach, N. J. I. L. Purcell, a well-known .colored lawyer ot Palatka. Fla.. was admitted to the Supremo Court in Tallahassee on January 11. It is said a society has been formed in Southwestern Kansas by farmers for protec tion against loan and investment companies. L. G. Brooker, ofScotts Bluffs county, Neb., found a pair of Texas homs the other day, which measured 5 feet 9 inches from tip to tip. The late Dnke of Bedford's income was over 300.000 a year. He was the richest man in the peerage, except the Duke ot Westmin ster. The colored man, Prof. Carter, in charge of the Colored State Seminary at Tal lahassee, Fla, is the grandson of an African King. A cat owned by Farmer Dykeman, of Benton. Lackawanna county. Pa., attacked a fox and rode on Reynard's back for a dozen yards. After February 1 the "curfew" ordi nance will be enforced in Vancouver, Wash., and all boys on the street after 8 v. jl, will be arrested. There is great anxiety in Ottawa over the attitude Sir John Macdonaldis likely to take on the question of reciprocal trade with the United States. Friday morning some dastardly fiend put poison into Wert WIckham's welt near Battle Creek, Mich. Three horses drank and died an hour later. The St Petersburg Novot Vremya an nounces that Russia has Issued her last 4 per cent loan, and that in future Russian loans will be issued at 3 per cent. Spokane Falls has grown'rapidly since tbe fire of a year ago. Tbe population then was 18,000, and the recent census gives tbe town 32, 000. Seattle bas about M.OOOpeople. The smallpox scare in Savannah, Ga., is growing daily. Tho negroes are especially frightened. Everyone In town is anxious to be vaccinated and virus is at a premium. There were 937 buildings erected last year In Montreal, of a total value of $3,308,608, a falling off of DO buildings and $299,890 in value as compared with the previous year. This beats the record. A woman at Bennington, Mich.," two years ago, gave birth to twins, a year ago paralyzed the record with triplets, and now twins again seven children in two years. There is news or a serious Anarchist plot at Leghorn, where, on Saturday, several dynamite cartridges were exploded simul taneously in tbe Immediate vicinity of a number of wealthy residents. The authorities of the British Museum have discovered among a collection ot papyrus rolls the text of Aristotle's treatise on the Constitution ot Athens, which has hitherto only been known in detached fragments. Two French doctors, acting on the fact that the goat is not subject to consumption, recently injected tbe blood ot one of those animals into tbe veins of two consumptive patients, it is said, with the most satisfactory results. Martin Grinning, of Surprise, Neb., chonped a red elm tree down for Mr. Ezra Paisley tbe other day that measured 13X feet in circumference at the base. Martin claims the tree is over 100 years old and badly scarred by Indians with their tomahawks. Oneida township in Kearney county, says the Omaha Berald, lndulzed in a grand wolf bunt recently. An army of men and boys witb guns and pitchforks marched halt a day, uttering unearthly yells; they finally me: in Ball's pasture and surrounded two jack rab bits. Ten years ago a Detroit man was killed in Rio de Janeiro. His body was embalmed and placed in a vault. Two years afterward tbe remains were sbipped to Gowanus, Long Island, and buried in a cemetery. In 188S they wero taken up and expressed to Santa Barbara, Cah. and last week the body was sent thence to Quebec. Eugene Davis, of East Saginaw, Mich., has arrived at Butte, Mon. He claims to be tbe only legitimate son of the late A. J. Davis, wbo died bere a year ago, worth $15,000,000. Mrs. A. J. Davis, Eugene's mother, keeps a saloon at East Saginaw. She claims she was married to tbe Montana millionaire half a century ago in Maine. About 1830 they moved to Iowa, and a few years after Davis deserted her. JUST FOR FUN. A French physician has declared in favor ora "good cry." He says that groaning and cry ing during a surgical operation brings down the pulseaad benefits the patient. When man has refused his wife r orS30 for shopping, a "good cry1 bas Drought down her husband. If not bar pulse, and she is correspondingly benefited. Horristouin. Herald. It's a very cold day when the most of men And the quicker the older they get Who think for a while what chumps they've been. Can't soon get into a sweat. Oil City Slissard. Heeler Don't you think I deserve a Gov ernment job? Statesman Yes, I do. You ought to be making stoves at Sing Slng.-itf. "It seems," said an old-fashioned lady to the very modern girt "that there are a good many bluffs Id the part of the country where the Indian light took place?" "Yes." replied tbe m. g., eonndently, "but our soldiers called them right along." Washing ton Post. Kid March and J. J. Fanning have signed with the Tacomas for next season. We have had a remarkably fine winter. XesUrdsy was winter's half-way house, and hers 1 a con tract signed to have March and Fanning at the same time. Spokane Spokesman. Mr. Guzzleton Ton seemed to be much moved by the performance. Mrs. Guzzleton-Notsomuehasyouwere. Ion moved out at the end of every xctl-Judgt. "I wonder why a blind snake was selected to bite Sara Bernhard when sheplays Cleopatra," remarked Mrs. Bansom. 'Because no one would expect a snake with eyesight to bite a bone," replied Ransom Cat capo Inter-Oeean. The ghost shirt is all right as a relic, but there is no denying that war paint u the most popular Sioux veneer. -Omaha VfoTld-UtraUt. Tommy Did you do much fighting dur ing the war, pa? Fa I did mr share of It Tommy. Tommy Did you make tbeenemy run? pa You're right I did, Tommy. Tommy Did they ketch you, pa? Bosto Courier. If our old friend "Constant Reader," who who so often bobs In sight. Should live np to his nom de plnme, be'd have bo time to write. Indianapolis Journal. Fair shopper "What is tbe difference be tween these two pieces of goods? Clerk-One Is marked higher tban the other. "Yes: but what U the real difference between them?" , "iej. "liust toldyou-a marked difference." Sutaw Jpru,. .v. K$ ' i&.'L i&pfcW.VtiSii