)
'jr.:
THE PITTSBURG- DISPATCH, SUNDAY, DECEMBER 21, 1890.
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1 18
O ' F
V
coat, white trousers, and a huge felt hat.
But Dick had tramped rnasteriully up and
down her little studio north of the cool,
green Loudon park, aud had said things ten
times worse than "continue!," before lie
snatched the brush out of her hand nud
showed her where her error lay. His last
letter, Maine remembered, contained some
trivial advice about not sketching in the
sun or drinking water at wayside farm
bouses; and he had said that not once, but
three times as if he did not know that
Maisic could take care ot herself.
But what was be dome, that he could not
trouble lo write? A murmur of voices in
the road made her lean irom the window. A
cavalryman of the little carrison iu the
town was talking to ICauii's cook. The
moonlight glittered on the scabbard of his
saber, which be was holding in his hand iest
it should clank 'inopportunely. The cook's
cap cifst deep shadows on ber face, which
was close to the conscript'. He slid his
arm round her waist, and there followed the
sound of a ks.
"Faugh!" said Maisic, stepping back.
"What's that?" said the red-haired girl,
who was tossing uneasily outside her b?d.
"Only a conscript kissing the cook," said
Maisie. "They've gone away now." She
leaned out of the window again, and put a
shawl over her night-gown to guard against
chills. Tliere was a very small night breeze
abroad, and a sun-baked rose below nodded
its bead as one who knew unutterable se
crets. "Was it possible that Dies: should
turn his thoughts from her work and his
oun and descend to the degradation of
Suzanne and the conscript? He could not!
The rose nodded its bead and one leaf there
with. It looked like a naughty little devil
scratching its ear. Dick could not, "be
cause," thought Maisic. "he is mine mine
mine. He said he was. I'm sure I don't
care what he does. It will only spoil his
work if he docs; and it will spoil mine, too."
The rose continued to nod in the futile way
peculiar to flowers. There was no earthly
reason why Dick should not disport himself
as be chose, except that he was called by
Providence, which was Maisie, to assist
Maisie in her work. And her work was
the preparation ot pictures that went some
times to Eng'ish provincial exhibitions, as
the notices in the scrap-book proved, and
that were invariably rejected by the Saloa
when Kami was plagued iuto allowing her
to send them up. Her work in the future, it
seemed, would be the preparation of pictures
on exactly similar lines which would be re
jected in exactly the same way.
The red-haired girl threshed distressfully
across the sheets. "It's to- hot to sleep," she
moaned, and the interruption jarred.
-Lxaetly the same way. JLnen she would
divide her years between the little studio in
England and Kami's big studio at Vitry-sur-Marne.
o, she would go to another
master, who should lorce her into the suc
cess that was her right, if patient toil and
desperate crdcivor gave one a right to any
thing. Dick had told her that he had
worked ten years to understand his cratt.
Bhe had worked ten years, and ten years
were nothing. Dick had said
that ten years were nothing but that
was in regard to nerselt only. He had said
this very man who could not find time to
write that he would wait ten years for her,
and that bhe was bound to come back to him
sooner or later. He had said this in the ab
surd letter about sunstroke and diphtheria;
and then he had stopped writing. He was
-wandering up and down moonlit streets,
kissing cooks. She would like to lecture
him now not in her nightgown, of course,
but properly dressed severely and lrom a
height. Vet if he was kissing other girls
be certainly would not care whether she
lectured him or not. He would laugh at
her. Verv good. She would go back to her
studio and prepare pictures that went, etc,
etc The mill wheel of thought strung
round slowly, that no section of it might be
slurred over, and the red-haired girl tossed
and turned behind her.
Maisie put her Chin in her hands and de
cided that there could be no doubt whatever
of the villany of Dick. To justify herself,
she began, unwomanly, to weigh the evi
dence. There was a boy, and he had said he
loved ber. And he kissed her kissed her
on the cheek by a yellow sea-poppy that
nodded its head exactly like the maddening
dry rose in the garden. Then there was an
interval, and men had told her that they
loved her just when she was busiest with
ber work. Then the boy came back, and at
the very second meeting had told her that
he loved he:. Then he had But there
was no end to the things he had done. He
had given her his time and his powers. He
bad spoken to ber of art, housekeeping,
technique, teacups, the abuse of pickles us a
stimulant that was rude sable hair
brushes; he had given her the best in her
stock she used tliem daily; he bad given
her advice that she profited by, and nowand
again a look. Such a look. The look o
& beaten hound waiting for the cord to
crawl to his mistress" feet. Iu return she
had given bim nothing whatever, except
here she brushed ber mouth against the
open-work sleeve of ber nightgown the
privilege of kissing her once. And on the
mouth, too. Disgraceful! Was that not
enough, and more than enough? and it it
was not, had he not cancelled the debt by
not writing and probably kissing other
girls?
"Maisie, you'll catch a chill. Do go and
lie down," said the wearied voice of her
companion. "I can't sleep a wink with
you at the window."
Maisie shrugeed ber shoulders and did
not answer. She was reflecting on the
meanness of Dick arid other meannesses with
which be had nothing to do. The remorse
less moonlight would not let her sleep. It
lay on the skyligb. of the studio across the
road in cold silver, and she stared at it in
tently and her thoughts began to slide one
into the otber. The shadow of the big bell
handle in the wali grew short, lengthened
again, and laded out as the moon went
down behind the pasture and a hare came
limping borne across the road. Then the
dawn wind washed through the upland
grasses, and brought coolness with it, and
the cattle lowed by the drought-shrunk
river. Maisie's head fell forward on the
window sill, and the ta-gle of black hair
covered the arms.
"Maisic, wake up. You'll catch a chill!"
"Yes, dear: yes-, dear." She staggered to
ber bed like a wearied child, and as she
buried her face in the pillows she muttered,
"I think I think but he ought to have
written."
Day brought the routine of the studio,
the smell of paint and turpentine, and the
monotonous wisdom of Kami, who was a
leaden artist, but a golden teacher if the
pupil were only in sympathy with him.
Maisie was not in sympathy that day, and
she waited impatiently for the end of the
work. She knew when it was coming; lor
Kami would gather his black alpaca coat
into a bunch behind him, and, with faded
blue eyes that saw neither pupils nor can
vas, look back into tbe past to recall the
history of one Binat
He went into the garden to smoke and
mourn over the lost Binat as tbe pupils dis
persed to their several cottages or loitered
in the studio to make plans for the cool of
the afternoon.
Maisie looked at her very unhappy Mel
ancnlia, restrained a desire to grimace be
fore it, and was hurrying across the road to
write a letter to Dick when she was aware
of a large man on aivhite troop-horse. How
Torpenhow had managed, in the course ot
20 hours, tn find his way to the hearts of the
cavalry officers in quarters at Vitry-sur-Marne,
to discuss with them the certainty ot
a glorious revanche for France, to reduce
tn tears of pure affability, and to borrow the
best horse in the .squadron or the journey to
Kami's studio, is a mystery that only special
correspondents can unravel.
"I beg your pardon," said he. "It seems
an absurd question to ask, but the fact is
that I don't know ber by any other name.
Is tliere any voung lady here that is called
Maisie?"
"I am Maisie," was the answer from the
depths o! a great sun-hat.
"I ought o introduce myself," he said,
as the horse capered in the blinding white
dust. "My name is Torpenhow. Dick
Helrisr is my best friend, and and the
fact is that he has gone blind."
"Blind!" said Maisie, stupidly. "He
ean't be blind."
"He has been stone blind for nearly two
months."
Tote Continued next Sunday.)
ONTHEKAGGEDEDGE
Threo United States Senators Who
Must Hustle for He-Election.
IKGALLS AHD HIS INTERVIEWS.
Blair Explains His Famous Bill to Make
Water Kan Dp Hill.
TELLER PROPHESIES FREE COINAGE
rconnESroxDxxcE or rni dirimtch.i
Washington, Dec. 20. Three members
of the United States Senate will have no
rest during the Christmas holidays. These
three are Senator Ingall;, of Kansas; Blair,
of New Hampshire, and Pearce, of North
Dakota. All are candidates for re-election,
and the Legislatures of these States pass
upon their return in January.
Senator Ingalls says he is confident of his
re-election, but he will give no interview
for publication concerning it The trouble
is Ingalls cannot talk without saying some
thing, and bis words are always distorted
by his enemies. He gave an interview last
spring to the New York World, in which he
said: "The purification of politics Js an
irridescent dream." He meant merely to
state a fact, but his enemies claimed that he
believed in impure politics, and that be was
brazen enough to acknowledge it. Some ol
the ministers preached from their pulpits
about this interview, and the Senator re
ceived something like 700 letters concerning
it. There is a general desire here that
Ingalls may return. The Senate has little
enough braius as it is, and when it gets a
genius like Ingalls it cannot afford to lose
him.
HAS BEEN A FIXED STAR.
Senator Sanders calls him the lurid
meteor if the Senatorial sky, but he is
more than a meteor. He has been for the
past 16 years the fixed star of the Repub
lican side of the chamber, and he has said
more good things and more sharp things
during that time than any other two men in
the bodv. lie has been one of the students
of the Senate, and be is as well equipped
for hi; duties as any other man in tbe body.
His head works like a steam engine, and it
is the best idea factorv in Washington.
Ingalls does a deal of work which never
appears over bis own signature. He gives
many a newspaper man ideas for letters and
editorials, and the gems which drop from
his vitriolic tongue are only a few of the
thousands of his expressions which find
their way into type.
Senator Blair tells me that the newspapers
cannot afford to lose him cither. "What will
the New York Times do when I am gone?
It has devoted halt of its editorial space for
years to denouncing me and to making fun
of mc "What will the Sun do? "What will all
the New York papers do, and what will the
other papers of the countrv do if I disap
pear?" MAKING -WATER FLOW UP HILL.
"By the way, Senator," I asked, "how
about your bill which was introduced when
you first came to Congress to make tbe head
waters of the Mississippi flow into Baffin's
Bay and the Gull of St. Lawrence? I mean
the bill which your enemies said was en
titled, 'A Measure to Compel Water to
Flow Up Hill?'"
"I never told the story of that bill." re
plied Senator Blair. "I have been laughed
at unmercifully in regard to it, and have
been slandered concerning it from Dan to
Beersheba. It happened at the close of my
first session in Congrets. Just at tbe last
moment for the introduction of the bill I
received a letter from a manufacturer in
New Hampshire asking mc to present
to the Senate the petition enclosed.
There was only a moment to get the
thing in. I looked at it and it seemed to be
in proper form, and without thinking I sent
it up to the Clerk's desk. Well I heard
from it all over the United States. The man
who bad sent tbe petition had acted in good
faith, and rather than denounce him, I let
the matter stand and made no explanation.
I knew that I was not a fool even if some of
the papers did call me one, and the poor
fellow who sent tbe petition lelt so hurt at
the trouble he had gotten me into that he
wrote to me again and again about it, and
offered to do anything be could lo remedy
the evil.
IT TTAS A GEEAT SCHEME.
"His petition asked for a survey of the land
between the headwaters of the Mississippi
and those of the Canadian rivers, with the
view of the construction of a canal bringing
the two together. He had also a scheme to
make Hudson's Bay a great inland thermal
sea into which the Gull Stream should flow,
and thereby, as he claimed, should equalize
the climate of the continent."
I dropped into the National Library to
day and had a chat with Mr. Spafford as to
the great American brain. We are going
through a period of wonderful literary
activity, and more literary inventions are
copyrighted every year than mechanical in
ventions are patented. During 1890 more
than 38,000 copyrights hare been issued. and
this is about 2,000 more than were taken out
during tbe same period last year. In addi
tion to this there arc a number of applica
tions for copyrights which are rejected, and
copyrights are taken ont on photographs,
engravings, drawings and paintings, as well
as upon books. The rejected articles during
the past year have been chiefly for railroad
tickets, coupons, advertising schemes and
mechanical drawings not connected with the
publication of a boot. A great number of
copyrights arc taken out for newspaper arti
cles, and the newspapers copyright their
cablegrams from Europe.
STORIES OF THE CABLES.
Speaking of cable copyrights, I heard a
curious story last night as to how Governor
Gilpin, of Colorado, had to pay about 200
for one of the first cables that went over tbe
ocean. Gilpin was a good natured sort of a
fellow, and the probability is that he came
into the telegraph office of Denver and
wrote out the cable never thinking it would
be sent. It was sent, however, and he had
to pay the bill. The story was told me by
Mr. Bosewater, the editor of the Omaha. See,
who in 1S6G was the mauagerof the Western
Union Hues at Omaha. Said he:
"The first Atlantic cable was completed
in 1S58, and it was alleged that a dispatch
was received Dy l'resiaeut xsuchanan Irom
Queen Victoria over it. This dispatch,
however, was auout an mat ever came over
it. There was skepticism throughout the
United States as to whether the dispatch
ever got through, and it was eight years
after this before any cable business was done.
The successful cable was the new line com
pleted on August 3, 1S6G. At this time no
one seemed to think tbe cable would work,
A MESSAGE TO NAPOLEON.
"The Western Union had sent a corps of
operators and explorers to Alaska to build a
line across Behring Straits to Russia, and
when it-was announced that the new cable
was done, and that anyone wishing to send
dispatches to Europe for $10 a word could
do so, the whole world laughed, and tbe
telegraph operators looked upon it as a
gigantic joke. It was at this rime that I
received a dispatch from Denver, Col.,
signed by the Governor of the Territory, to
be forwarded on to New York and ad
dressed to Paris. The dispatch had to be
sent from New York to Newfoundland by
steamer and was there cabled. This dis
patch read:
Dknveb, Aug. 4, 1S68.
To Louis Napoleon lioneoarte. Emperor, Tullle
rlcs l'arls, France:
Please leave Bohemia alone. No Interference
will be tolerated by this Territory.
John Gilpin, Governor.
"When I received the message," con
tinned Mr. Bosewater, "I looked upon it as
an expensive joke of Mr. Gilpin's, and I
forwarded it on to New York. The message
came to me about 2 o'clock, and about 4. I
received a message from New York stating
that tbe price of the cable was $147 in gold.
TROUBLE -ABOUT THE BILK
"I sent this message on to Denver, but the
operator there refused to believe that the
message had been sent, and upon my telling
bim that he had better stop it, he said I
couldu't scare him, and let it go. The re
sult was that it was sent to Newfoundland
and telegraphed, and, though I never heard
that Napoleon III. answered it, I have no
doubt he received it. About six months
later the treasurer of the company, Mr. O.
H. Palmer, wrote me, telling me be thought
I ought to divide the expense of the message
witll B. F. Woodward, tho manager of the
Denver office, and, inasmuch as each of us
had had onr little joke, we should each pay
our little bills.
"1 stated the ca6a as I have given it to
you, and the Denver -office bad to pay the
whole. Whether Governor Gilpin paid it
or not, I do not know. I asked him about
it one time, but he seemed bored, and was
very reticent. My idea is that he came into
the office, and being told there thatthe cable
was completed, had dashed off this message
and handed it over, never supposing that it
would be sent. Theprobability is that when
he found it was sent he paid the bill."
AN OLD-TIME TELEGRAPHER.
Editor Bosewater was one of the most re
markable telegraph operators in the country.
He was iu the South at the time the war
broke out, and was aiterward employed here
at the War Department uuder General Tom
Eckert. While in the South he reported
one ot Jefferson Davis' speeches which he
delivered at Stephenson, Ala., while he was
on his way to be inaugurated as President ot
the bouthern Confederacy. In this speech
Davis set the country on fire by saying that
he intended to carry the war iuto the North.
Davis afterward accused Bosewater of being
a Northern spy in reierring to it.
He also reported a speech of Howell Cobb's
which was made the night after President
Lincoln was inaugurated, in which Cobb
said: "If our wives and daughters cannot
whip the Yankees with broomsticks, I want
this generation discontinued." At the time
tbat the war was over Mr. Bosewater made
an offer to the Brazilian Government
to erect telegraph lines and a system of ca
bles for their empire. Baron Lisboa, who
was then the Minister of Brazil at Washing
ton, submitted his proposition, but the reply
was tbat there were only five miles of rail
way in Brazil, and these ran from the city
of Bio Janeiro to Dom Peiro's palace, and
tbe country had no use lor telegraphs.
POLVGAMT IS VERT DEAD.
1 met John T. Caine, the Mormon dele
gate to Congress, and Mr. S. F. Bichards,
who is the principal lawyer of the Mormon
Church, last night. Mr. Bichards has just
made an argument before tbe Supreme
Court, in which he told the Judges that
polygamy was so dead that it could never
be resuscitated, and both Caine and Bich
ards said the same thing to me.
"The people are thoroughly in earnest
about the matter," said Mr. Bichards, "and
there has not een a polygamous marriage
in Utah for more than two years. It is
contrary to the rule of the church from now
on, and the people are well satisfied with the
change. Formyself I think it has improved
the condition ot tbe Territory, and I think
it will be to our interest in business and
other ways. It will make the Territory
more desirable to immigrants, and it cer
tainly ought to remove all objections that
the people ot the United States have to the
Mormon Church."
"Will Utah apply again for Statehood?"
I asked.
"No, it will not," emphatically answered
the Hon. John T. Caine, Utah will never
ask lor Sa'tehood again without the United
States gives a decided intimation that they
desire to receive it into the Union. We are
the onlv part of the United States which
bears it fair share of the taxes and gets only
kicks and culls fur its pains."
THE TOGA TROII -WASHINGTON.
The Washington Senatorial race is be
tween Senator Squire and ex-Congressman
Calkins, who cut such a prominent figure
some years ago as one of the members Irom
Indiana. Calkins lives at Tacoma and
Squire is one of the big men of Seattle.
Both are strong men and both are much
alike in physical respects. Both arc tall,
big-boned and strong-limbed and the com
plexion of each is as rosy as that of a 10-year-old
Irish maiden.
Both men are pugnacious and was Cal
kins' natural pugnacity that brought him
into public life. Sixteen years ago he was
making about $20,000 a year ns no Indiana
lawyer. He was satisfied with the law and
he did not want to go into politics. But
one dav he picked up a county paper in
which "he was boomed for the nomination on
tbe ground that he vas the only-man who
could carry the district. The compliment
tickled him and be wrote to the editor and
thanked him but said he could not think of
being a candidate. He had sealed the en
velope an 1 was patting himself on the back
for being a great man as he glanced over
another paper The editor ot this paper
stated that "Calkins was a very good young
man and with a little patience and consider
able study, he might sometime be fit for a
Congressional candidate. At present, how
ever, he was
ENTIRELY TOO FRESH
in his effurts to get the nomination and that
he could not be elected if he was nomi
nated." "This notice," said Governor
Calkins in telling the above story, "made
me as angry as the otber notice had made
me pleased, and I decided to show that ed
itor that I could get the nomination if I
wanted it I wrote a different letter to my
editorial Iriend and went into the carapaen.
I was nominated and defeated, but I got an
other nomination later on, and this time I
was elected."
I found Senator Teller at home last night.
He is not a whit grayer than when he was
in the Interior Department under President
Arthur. He has been re-elected to the Sen
ate aud he has come back with the de
termination to pass a free coinage silver bill.
Said he: "I have no doubt but that such a
bill will pass this session or next, and it
would put silver up to 129."
Frank G. Carpenter.
THE FASHION INJJOLLS.
They Are loosing the Old Tamlly Ukeness
and Taking on New Form.
Dolls are certainly vastly more intelli
gent than they used to be, says Miss Man
tilini in tbe
rail Mall Bud
get, and better
looking too.
One is pleased
to remark the
absence of the
family likeness.
At one time
dolls were all
made on the
3 same rnodel,and
they all had va
cant, staring
eyes, chubby
cheeks, and
golden hair.
The other day
for the first
time I saw a
doll with the
lace of an old
woman. She was dressed to represent some
historical person, I forget who. Inlantdolls
can now stand on their own account, close
their eyes, aud say "Ma" in the most nat
ural fashion possible.
In This Age of Science.
New York Herald.
Patient (through telephone) Are you
there?
Doctor (ten miles off) Well, what is it?
Patient Beastly cough.
Doctor Let's hear.
Patient Hum, bum, hnml
Doctor Oh, all right. Take ten chlorate
lozenges and you'll soon get well.
Great Horseshoeing.
Portsmouth Timet.
A remarkable horseshoeing record ii re
ported to the Time from the establishment
of Leach & Lydston, on Fleet street, in
this city. Between Thursday morning and
Satnrday night of last week two men,
Messrs. Lydston and McGra'tb, shod 200
horses, all round.
. . -KS&'vT
m -r,w
THE SECRET SERVICE.
It is Not tbe Gigantic Organization it
Is Supposed to Be.
0KLY TWENTY-EIGHT MEN Iff IT.
Tho Work Confined Wholly to Suppressing
Counterfeiting.
DISCLOSURES FfiOM EX-CHIEF BELL
iWEITTEN FOB THE DISPATCH.1
It is an unwritten law'of the United States
Secret Service that nothing whatever con
cerning the business of the department shall
be revealed by the employes of that depart
ment, and it is very rarely that any of the
facts relativcjto that department are given to
the public through the press. It is my in
tention, owing to the fact that I am no longer
connected with the Secret Service, to reveal
a few facts which will in some measure give
the public an idea of the wordings of the
Secret Service.
The reasons why the business of the de
partment is not revealed to the public arc
manifest, but I think there are many things
which might well be revealed, and which,
if known to the general public, would save
the chief of the Secret Service and his aids
much bother; for it is a well-known laet
that the ignorance of people concerning the
workings of the department is tiniply
astounding. It is the common imprcssiou
that the United States Secret Servicers in
existence lor the purpose of ferreting out all
crimes against the Government. If a petty
mail robbery occurs in Alabama, or opium
smuggling is being practiced on the Cana
dian lrontier, people of this country imagine
that the secret service officials to tbe number
of several hundred are at work upon the
cases.
FOR COUNTERFEITERS ALONE.
This is indeed far from the truth. The
Secret Service of the United Stales is for the
solo purpose of ferreting out counterfeits
and counterfeiters, destroying said counter
feits and securing, if possible, the convic
tion of counterfeiters. The work done by
this department is simply marvelous, in the
face of the fact that tbe number of men em
ployed on such work by the Government is
but 28. Just think of itl Twenty-eight
men cover this entire country hunting out
counterfeits and counterfeiters, devising in
tricate schemes to catch the coniacker red
handed in his infamous work, planning
deep-laid schemes lor securing the "green
goods" and hunting up evidence against
men well known to be engaged in making
or selling counterfeit money.
It is not the general public alone which is
ignoraut of the fact, but even Senators, Con
gressmen and the higher class of politicians
generally. These men who spend many
years at the Capitol have simply amazed
me many a time by their rank ignorance ot
the workings and character of the Secret
Service. Just let me give you a sample
illustration ol this ignorance, in a talk
which actually occurred between a well
known Southern Senator and myself last
January.
WHAT A SENATOR DIDN'T KNOW".
The Senator had previouslyapplied to the
President asking for the appointment of a
constituent as a detective in the Secret Serv
ice. The President of course referred the
Senator to the Secretary of the Treasury,
ana the Secretary in turn referred him to
me. He said :
"1 have a brainy young man in my State
who has shown a great deal of detective
ability, and I desire his appointment as a
detective in the Secret Service. He is a
hard worker, intelligent, faithful, shrewd
and in every manner capable of performing
any of the duties which may devolve upon
an employe of the Secret Service."
"My dear Senator," I replied, "do you
realize that I can do nothing for you? Do
you not know that there is but one man
who works in your State for the service, acd
he has been there for the past 15 years?
Don't you know, too, that he is a good Re
publican and as faithful and honest a man
as one could possibly wish to have on this
earth. Now, in the lacs of this, do you de
sire his removal for the sole purpose of
securing a place for another friend who
probably is not as good a Bepublican, and
more than that, has not had the vast experi
ence of the man who now hoId3 the posi
tion?" QUITE A SURPRISE.
"The deuce you say," replied the Senator
in amazement; "why, I thought we had
about 20 men working in our State."
"Why, Senator," I said, "instead of hav
ing 20 men in your State, the one man that
is there at present covers two other States
beside."
"Well," replied the Senator with a sigh,
as he arose to leave my room, "I guess my
man don't want the place."
Then I sat down and wrote a letter to this
Senator, referring to our conversation of tbat
day and assuring him of my sympathy, but
at the same time informing him of the fact
that there were no vacancies at the present
time in my department. Then I made a hit
for the Senator by saying at the close of my
letter that bis earnest work in behalf of his
constituent would not go for naught, for I
would certainly notify him should there be
a vacancy in my department. The Senator
then inclosed this letter with one of pro
lound regret written by himself or his secre
tary to the disappointed constituent. These
letters acted as a sort of healing balm to the
wounded ambition of tbe seeker after a do-
sition. I feel certain that I do not exagger
ate a particle when I say that there are at
least 1,000 applicants in every ten States in
the Union for the positions now occupied by
the 28 meu in the service.
CLEVELAND -WORRIED BY IT.
President Cleveland told me that tbe
Secret Service worried him to death, in view
ot the lactthat so few persons knew anything
concerning its workings. Secretary Dan
Mauning, the late lamented Secretary of the
Treasury, was wont to remark to his personal
friends that he sincerely wished the Secret
Service was in some other department than
his. Morning, noon and night he was
bothered by Senators aud Congressmen for
positions lor constituents in the service, and
of course he had to refuse them all, for it
would never do to replace a man who had
been 15 years in the service by a man who
has had no experience. The men now in the
service are all old employes who have done
yeoman service in hunting out countcrleits
and convicting counterfeiters. A few of ihe
28 men have been in the service for 20 years.
Considering their work they are indeed
poorly paid men. Some of them receive but
S3 a day except when traveling, when they
are allowed $3 per day lor board besides
their traveling expenses. This brings mt
down to the subject of the appropriation lor
the service, which has for the last three
years been but 500,000 per year. This
amount of money is certainly inadequate to
meet the needs of the department. When
you come to consider that nearly $35,000 of
this amount is spent for salaries alone, leav
ing bul $25,000 for the running expenses of
the service, you will realize as lully as I do
how inadequate the sum really is.
NEED TWICE THE MONEY.
There are hotel expenses, railroad fares
and a thousand and one other expenses inci
dental to carrying on the great work of the
department. In ray opinion there should
not be Ics thau $100,000 appropriated yearly
for the Secret Service. Even this amount
would be small la proportion tn tbe splendid
work accomplished by this most important
branch of the Government.
One of the most impprtant branches of
the service is the employment of spies to
assist the tegular men In working up highly
important cases. I have heard much specu
lation as to the rewards received by spiel
for work done for the department, and I
hare been simply amazed at the expectations
of many of these spies themselves. It is a
common impression that these spies are ex
ceedingly well paid for the work which they
perform and in some instances receive small
fortunes. This is not true. The spy who
receives $50 for hii work on an extraordi
narily hard case, may consider himself ex
tremely well paid according to tho schedule
set down by tbe Secret Service Department.
The informer, valuable as he is to tbe Secret
Service, is another very poorly paid indi
vidual. Barely if ever does be receive
more than $20 for his work. Generally
spies are paid $3 a day and tbeir hotel ex
penses until they have finished the, work on
the case.
FEW LIARS SHOW UP.
These spies are as a rule untrustworthy,
and I always told them to be truthful with
us at any cost. I used to say: "I would
rather pay you $20 for telling the trnth than
$1 for lying to me." The Secret Service de
tective 'is neressarily a bird ot passage. He
may be in Washington this week and next
week you arc liable to find him on the Pa
cific co.ist He is forever hurrying and
scurrying through the country in search of
the wily coniacker, penetrating his lair and
dealing with him in the character of a pro
fessional counterfeiter; and, by the way,
this game is rarely successful, because ot
the fact that counterfeiters generally know
each other, either personally or by reputa
tion. They gain the necessary information con
cerning each other while sojourning perforce
in tbe various penitentiaries of the country,
and, as I have said, one must be a profes
sional to get iuto the secrets of these gentle
men mouey-makers. In the Driggs case,
lately concluded in Cincinnati, I did man
age, through the aid of a confederate, to
play successfully the part of a
DEALER IN COUNTERFEIT MONEY.
I would have failed were it not for the
fact that my informer "stood solid" with
the coniackers aud vouched for me in ex
travagant terms, praising my ability as a
money dealer and elaborating upon my
ability to keep my mouth shut. This was
one of the few cases in which tbe game
would have worked.
In conclusion let me say that the Secret
Service is badly in need of more men and a
much larger appropriation annually. I am
simply astounded when I consider the few
cases of counterfeiting which escape the
eagle eyes of the men in the service, owing
to tbe vast districts which each man is com
pelled to cover. Were it not for the police
forces of the great cities of the country we
would be flooded with spurious coins and
counterfeit currency. On the whole, I
think we have one of the best systems that
can be found in the world, considering the
small force and the smaller appropriation
annually. In my next letter I will tell the
trne story ot the Driggs case, to which 1
have briefly alluded here.
John S. Bell.
TWO BUTTONS OH 0UB COATS.
A Detailed Explanation of How and Why
They Came to be There.
For many years the two buttons have
figured at the waist line of the back of tbe
man's skirt or frock coat. Now, why are
they there? asks the Lewiston, Me., Jour
nal. For ornament and effect? Not so
originally, lor these two buttons were, at
their beginning, for service and not for deco
ration. If you put their inception back into the
time when the big, square art embroidered
and gorgeously lined coats were worn two
centuries ago, and when the gallants of the
time were wont to go forth on dres. parade
with the sword at the side and ready to re
sent any informality of etiquette, you will
find that in order to reach the side arm more
readily the skirts of the coat were turned
back in a revers-- 'iaped way and buttoned
or looped upon it.u buttons at the back,
placed as these are at the present day.
In this way they secured an immunity
from drapery when the command came,
"Draw and defend thyself," and at tbe
same time exploited a segment of the rich
inside ot the skirt of the coat in a very
effective way. The tinsel, the side arm, the
court etiquette, tbe duello and the gorgeous
flowered texture of the coat have gone be
fore, bnt those two buttons remain on the
tail-coats of to-day, a suggestion of that
period of laces, brocades and romance.
FOOD DUEIKa SLEEP.
A, Physician Maintains That Nourishment
Should bo Continuous.
Many persons, though not actually sick,
keep below par in strength and general
tone, and I am of the opinion that fasting
during the long intervals between supper
and breakfast, aud especially the complete
emptiness of the stomach during sleep, adds
greatly to the amonnt of emaciation, sleep
lessness and general weakness we so often
meet, writes Dr. William T. Cathell, of
Baltimore. Physiology teaches that in the
body there is a perpetual disintegration of
tissue, sleeping or waking; it is therefore
logical to believe that the supply of nour
ishment should be somewhat continuous,
especially in those who are below par, if we
would counteract their emaciation and
lowered degree of vitality, and as bodily
exercise is suspended during sleep, with
wear and tear correspondingly diminished,
while digestion, assimilation and nutritive
activity continues as usual, the food fur
nished during this period adds more than is
destroyed, aud increased weight and im
proved general vigor is the result.
I am fully satisfied that were the weakly,
the emaciated and the sleepless, to rightly
take a light lunch or meal of simple,
nutritious food before going to bed for a pro
longed period, nine in ten of them would be
thereby lilted into a better standard of
health.
THE TWO CHESS PLAYEB8.
Looks and Ways of the Famous Champions
of the World,
New fork Snn.
Steinitz is a broad, thick-set man, much
below the middle height, with a full beard
of a tawny color, and,
owing to a lameness
from which he suffersi
his constant companion
is a stont cane, which
3?L frc- y be uses to assist him in
"UW-V 1.1. -...k.,i
U 1, B uuuuiwuiuuuuo,
Gunsberg is about the
middle height, with a
r77Tl:
Steinitz. ciomi,-w..i.c.u ",
and time has begun to make early ravages
on his crop of hair, which is fast receding
and leaving him bald.
After some little progress is made in the
games both players settle down into a con
dition of apparent composure. During the
intervals in which bis opponent studies tbe
moves each player will get up and take a
lew turns around the room by way of exer
cise and relief. Gunsberg, a more active
man than the older player, is the one who
most frequently tabes this form of relaxa
tion, aud more than once alter making a
move he will jump up and leave the room.
Sleinitz's favorite attitude over tbe board
is to lean forward
with both arms upon
the table supporting
him; in fact, this may
be said to be his al
most invariable posi
tion when at play, al
though occasionally
he will rise and stand
in a side attitude,
again leaning slightly
pvertheboard. Guns-. Qunxberg.
berg, on the contrary, appears to preie'r lean
ing back in his chair, but when he seems lo
be at a critical point he will draw forward
and also earnestly bend over the board, rest
ing one elbow on the table and supporting
his head, very often covering his chin and
mouth with the supporting hand. He wears
spectacles when playing, and his head is
sometimes turned so that it appears to be
looking altogether away from the board,'
whereas in reality he if closely studying the
position. On the table is a tray for the re
ception of the ashes of the ever-constant
Steinitz cigar.
Furniture packed, hauled, and stored.
Hauoh & Keen an, 33 Water street
a
xuj?', n
&&y
I f
r"?
MAKING SHOW BILLS.
Something About the Posters Which
Delight Stage People.
THEY COST MLLI0XS EACH TEAB.
Bow the Artist's Dream of a Tragic Situa
tion is Kealized.
A GEATBIABD OP COLD, COLD BT0NES
rcOBRMPOXDCKCX OT TUB DISPATCH.!
New York, Dec. 20. "Show 'printing
grows more artistic and more expensive ev
ery year," remarked Mr. W. J. Tilton, of
the Central Lilho-Engraving Company.
"And the more showy and expensive the
more of it is used. It now costs every
theatrical company on the road from (ISO to
200 per week for printing alone. A glance
at the magnificent stands of bills and at tbe
window lithographs will explain where the
money goes.
"Yes, this printing in many cases, as you
say, is the most successful part of the dra
matic production. But, anyhow, no man
ager can hope to succeed these days withont
thorough bill work along with the other
means of advertising. So far from attempt
ing it they vie with each other in getting up
the best printing that can be had lor money
and in the most profuse use of the material.
The expenditure per week mentioned runs
throughout the dramatio season about 30
weeks. As will be at once seen, it forms in
tbe aggregate one of tbe principal items of
expense in bringing out a new play, or even
running an old one.
OVER A MILLION IN BILLS.
"Now, let us assume that there are some
300 companies playing through the season
merely a rough estimate and, taking the
lowest weekly expenditure for printing as a
basis, we have irom the $4,500 each for the
30 weeks the grand total of $1,350,000. That
looks like a big pile of money to put out in
paper and ink in a single line of advertis
ing, doesn't it?" And, mind you, it is only
for paper and ink it does not express the
rental of billboards, of windows and fences,
and the paste and the labor of bill posters.
"This stvle of lithographic work in the
theatrical business has really come in with
in the last 15 years, though color printing
was used in a small way somewhat earlier.
It is a part of the combination system and
has grown up with it. First came the small
black portraits for window work, which
were used some 35 years ago. These were
printed from stone by means of band
presses. They were followed later by tint
ing the black, and were soon enlarged to the
22x28 size still for windows, and for com
paratively limited use.
steam and stone combined.
'No: the hiphlv-eolored circus nosters
were from wood. With the application of
steam power to stone wort tbe litnograpn ot
to-day was made possible. JL tbicK it was
about 18 years ago. Then colors began to
stare amusement goers in the face. The
paper then assumed the standaid size of
28x42. This paper had to be made expressly
for lithographic work and of highly calen
dared surface. This printing was still con
fined to window work, but it wasn't long
before the three-sheet poster made its ap
pearance. "The extent to which this condition flour
ished may be gathered from the construc
tion oi -billboards, which for a longtime
provided only for the standard tbrec-shcet.
Tbe 'stands' began to come in about eight
years ago, and ran almost immediately from
9 to 32 sheets. Nearly all prominent com
panies now use stands. .New lore com
panies usually put out locally from 30 to 40
stands per week. Many of these stands are
billed over and over again, so as to preserve
their attractive freshness.
good execution- required.
"This enormous expenditure ot money
for show printing brought with it the de
mand for a higher class of work. Look at
the splendid stands on upper Broadway and
in every direction. Not only noveltr of de
sign is striven for in every case by the
managers, but artistic execution is required.
A more or less accurate portrait of the star
is usually attained and the most striking
scenes of the particular play are brought
out with quite as masterly a touch ns i3
ordinarily exhibited in the leading illus
trated periodicals of tbe day. The very col
ors and particularities of costumes must be
caught. It takes an artist of more than
ordinary talent to lay off the original
sketches and dozens of other lithgraphic
artists to enlarge and perfect the work on
stone. Tbe work must be done rapidly, for
these bills are furnished at 8 cents a sheet"
"Could you give an estimate of the super
ficial area covered by this printing?"
"Well, on the basis of total expenditure
yon can figure from 8 cents a sheet about
16.000,000'sheets. If they were all used they
would cover, at the rate of 28x42 inches
each, in round numbers, about 130,000,000
square feet. Of course they are not all
used.
STONE FOR LITHOGRAPIIINO.
"The stone from which this work if pro
duced is all imported. It comes Irom
Bavaria, Germany, and costs from 11 to 25
cents a pound, according to tbe market
The stones are 29x43 and weigh from 400 to
COO pounds each, averaging about $50. Now,
as each sheet requires a stone and another
stone for each color a 32-sheet stand must
have 128 stones. There is $G40 locked up in
that job alone in stone. Nor can they be
'distributed' like the type in a job office, but
they must be set aside for future work. All
show lithographic houses carry from $75,
000 to $150,000 worth of stone thus locked
up and temporarily, at least, out of use.
"These stones are used over and over
again, however, until worn too thin to risk
a job. Thev break very easily. To break
one with a $00 drawing on it would add that
much to tbe loss of the stone. Tbe drawings
are removed by grinding in a machine with
fine peculiar sand found only in France.
The standard colors are red, yellow and
blue, and from these we produce, with
black, 20 or more different tints."
A GLIMPSE OF THE FROCES3.
While the process of lithography is now
pretty familiar to most people, a hasty look
in upon this particular line of work amply
rewards the curious. Upon the top floor ol
a big building in Duane street is a small
room cut out by a rough, unpainted board
partition. Not wholly unpainted, either,
for tbe boards are ornamented here and
there with half executed designs, grotesque
figures, etc. as if tbe artist had been turn
ing an idea over in his mind and had me
chanically daubed it on the first thing he
met to see whether it uas genuine or not,
and having pursued it to the point of dem
onstration had gone his way, leaving tbe
black fragment of bis hrain to stare the
world out ol countenance.
Inside of this partition is the artist him
selfa blonde young man, with large, soft
eyes and Boulanger whiskers brush and
palette in band, before a smudgy, every-day-in-the-week
business easel. On this
easel is a small picture, about half the size
of this newspaper page. It is a picture and
yet not a pictnre for the spectacular stage
scene it is going to represent shows a foot
light beanty with but one leg, and a whole
row of ballet girls with no legs at all,
whereas the public at large entertain a prej
udice iu favor of two.
VERT CLEVER ARTISTIC WORK.
Tbe nlonde gentleman with a brush has
not yet painted these necessary articles In.
When it becomesiotbisrespectand in other
respects a picture, this will form tbe original
of a 32-sheet poster that will make the
Broadway car horses blush as they amble
along toward Central Park. Around tbe
walls are tbe original sketches of familiar
billboard scenes. The pose, tbe costumes,
the colors, the dramatic action, are all there
in these little water colors just as tbey ap
pear in the completed work. Some of these
sketches show s strength of touch and a
fidelity of itage detail tbat would do any
niHa.UCUII, XUCrC ItiC )JUlbtdliault, wv,
that can be recognized at a glance as small
(. ...Jll f1l.M. i.a -.JhiI. T.a A 4w.
as they are. If is an entertaining and
motley array comedy,. melodrama, tragedy,
variety trains, tights, wings an assem
blage of scenes, people and properties that
embraces tbe entire stage world.
When tbe blonde youn,z man is satisfied
with his picture and the latter has been ap
proved by the- theatrical manager or his
representative, it is carried back to the big
north room and handed over to, another
blonde yonng man who hasn't any whiskers
because he is too young to grow 'em.
TO "THE BOSS ARTIST.
This is the boss artist of the graveyard
for tbe array of stones strikes you a good
deal like Gray's Elegy and 15 or 20 other
artists are making marks orweepiog over ns
many tombs you don't at first know which.
A closer inspection shows a considerably
more jagged state of artistic affairs here than
would seem to be justifiable in a well-regulated
graveyard.
Mrs. Leslie Carter is the "subject" A
small water-color sketch on a high easel in
the middle of the cemetery.attracts general
attention. It represents Mrs. Carter at the
piano as the "Ugly Duckline" in the act or
refusipg an offer ol marriage from a young
dude in a red coat The young man seems
o oe somewhat cnt up. bo does Mrs. Uar
ter. For one artist is doing her Chicago
feet over here in the corner, while another
is pntting her clothes on a rock across the
way, and three or four other fellows are
playiully black-chalking various sections of
her anatomy on other slabs. The young
lover in the red coat is scattered around
here and there with fragments of the piano.
Thtse are being drawn for colors, every
color having its own set of tombstones.
GETTING THE FEATURES.
One artist has Mrs. Carter's head, and,
photograph in one hand and slate pencil in
the other, is having considerable iun with
it If at the crcat day, when all of these
bodily fragments are assembled together and
the leet of Mrs. Carter shall have been
hitched on where thev belong, and her love
ly hair, that here seems to be sprouting out
of the piano cover, gets into position, and
the dude lover and the piano are brought
out ol their present distressful condition,
and the whole black ousiness comes out in
red, blue, yellow, green, etc. if that head
should get lost the very jdea is horrible !
For matter of that so is the thought that
Mrs. Carter's dismembered person is this
moment lying around loose there nights
among those gravestones of more or less
reputable stage people without even a Coro
ner's certificate. It must be comforting to
think tbat some of these people have their
noses down to the grindstone, and are being
effaced by a workman in chin whiskers and
red hair to make room for somebody else.
ON 1IIE BIO PRESSES.
Downstairs in the big pressroom a dozen
large cylinder presses are running colors on
a melodramatic scene, representing the vil
lain bending over the prostrate iorm of a
heroine, while another and assistant heavy
or middle-weight villain suggests that it is
60 feet from the moonlighted window to the
ground. The shocking inference is that
they are going to throw her out where a po
liceman will probably stumble over her
about 3 o'clock in the morning, and, after
vainly whacking heron the feet with his
stick to restore her to consciousness, have
her carted off to the nearest station as a com
mon drunk.
It will cost a good many people $1 50 to
see whether this purpose is accomplished.
There's where the reward for all this busi
ness comes in. The first impression of this
scene is the murky outline or three ghosts in
a fog of pale and silfcy yellow, but the next
press brings a fen points out in
SUCH A GHASTLY WAT,
with splotches of red, that if vou were in
authority here you wonld be tempted to
stop the press, have tbe pressman thrown
out of the window and break up the stones.
Then another press throws in a blue, and
the whole situation is changed for the
worse.
It is not till you come across the same
sheet treated with black that the paper
seems wunu picking up ai e cents a sheet
Then the heavy and middle welzht villians
burst upon you with full force, and the
prostrate heroine becomes for the first time
an object of sympathy. And here, at last,
is the completed idea of the blonde young
artist upstairs with the Boulanger whiskers.
When that bill is displayed in the window
of a Bowery saloon it will draw money into
the theater with a gentle but steady suction.
Charles T. Murray.
WHEK IHTEEEST FATLS.
A Prediction That 3Ioney 3Iay be Without
Profit Soon.
Oath, in Cincinnati Enquirer.
I was not surprised to find the census two
or three millions short of Mr. Porter's prog
nostications, and we shall see other things,
or those who come after us will do so, fre
quently disturbing to the late serene no
tions of a forever peaceable Union.
For instance, what will the people do
when there is more money in the de
positories than will earn living interest?
That has been the case for some time in the
East, through the general diffusion of sav
ings banks, tbe general employment of tbe
poor, and the steady thrift of American
society since slavery ceased and whisky and
gambling were exposed.
"What can we do with this monev?" savs
the country banker. "We might pnt up
yonder old broken toll bridge or lend some
of tbe money to build a summer resort, but
where can we find security in a borrower
who will mortgage himself lor either enter
prise? Tbe large banks will not take our
money and give other than speculative se
curity for it."
The failure of lending is sure to require
labor as the replacement of savings. Where
tbere arc no servants to hire within reasona
ble rates, where deposits cease to draw fair
interest without extra risk, tbere is already
a premium upon tbe savage, personal exer
tions ot a rich man. When a French cook
can earn $3,000 a year, and $3,000 can only
earn 2 per cent, tbe retnrn of the polite
classes to the field of labor is not far off.
The thrifty lessons of Benjamin Franklin,
that a penny saved is three pence maae,
have only required 120 years to become ob
solete. A peuny earned and saved is still
the evidence of the highest happiness,
which is in occupation.
THE DIFFERENCE.
Crackers Fresh From the Oven Are the
Only Kind to Fat
Did you ever think what a difference there
is in crackers? A stale cracker is just as
much of an abomination as stale bread.
Pittsburg people are great lovers of crackers,
principally because they can get the best
tbat are made in the country fresh from the
ovens every day.
Pittsburg is one of the greatest cracker
baking towns in the world. The mammoth
Marvin establishment alone turns out al
most enough to keep the entire population
of a half dozen States eating 24 hours a day.
And there is this about the Marvin goods,
they can" always be relied upon as being
thorougbly pure and fresh. The great ovens
are going constantly, and a score or more of
wagons are busy from morning till night de
livering the crackers to grocers in the two
cities. Of coarse Pittsburg can consume
only a small portion of the product of the
factory. The rest is shipped to almost every
State in the Union, for the fame of Marvin's
crackers is not merely local. Everybody
from Maine to California has beard ol them,
and everybody who knows a good cracker
when he sees it wants to get tbem. If vou
don't already use Marvin's crackers, order
some from your grocer. If you try them
once you will never want any others.
Then thero's bread. Palace bread. Have
you tried it? If yoa haven't, you ought to.
It' jnst about the finest thing in this line in
the market Marvin's breads are baked
fresh everyday. An army of wagons de
liver them to the city trade and express
trains carry them to towns within reacb all
over the western part of the State.
Ask your grocer for Marvin's Palace
bread, and see if it isn't-just about the
nicest thing yoa erer tasted. Than
A TURN IN LONDON.
Knox Goes the Bounds of the Hnslo
Halls Following McCarty.
AN OYEEDOSB OP 05B B0H5.
The Secret of Second-Class Theatrical
Uanajen in London.
SKETCH BI TAB POPULAR BUH0BI87
IWIUTTXN TOB THB DISPATCH.!
Our party consisted of the Major from
Philadelphia, the theatrical manager from
Boston and myself. We were in London,
and the next, day were to sail from Liver
pool for New York.
"We have seen," said the manager, "all
the theaters that we care to see in London,
and we have visited some of the swell musie
balls the Alhambra, tbe Empire and other
of that class. Now I think we should see
some of the music halls of the second ot
third class before we leave. I have been
offered, by a theatrical friend, a card th
will admit us to any of them and secure for
u, as he expressed it, 'the best in tbe house.'
Shall we go? Ti it agreed?"
"Agreed.".
We procured a carriage, and at about 9
o'clock arrived at the "Savoy Muslo Hall
and Temple of Mirth, Music and Momus."
The complimentary card procured lor us a
cordial welcome from a hoarse-voiced man,
who, beside other loud apparel, wore v red
necktie adorned with a cnt glass kohinoor.
He gave us Beats in a box close to the stage.
how the audience behaved.
Tbe audience smoked and seemed to be
more partial to pipes and strong tobacco
than to cigars. It also drank numeron
pots of porter, glasses of bitter and
pen'orths of gin, and joined vocrerousIj
if not musically in the chorus of every
comic song. There were no programmes.
A chairman announced the performers as
they came on. An acrobat was going off
as we took our seats. The chairman rapped
with his pewter mug on the table, and said:
"I will now interduce t' you, ladies and
gents, the celebrated and only; I needn't
say that I refer to the great serio-comio
hartist and vocalisr, Mr. McCarty."
The "celebrated aud only" seemed to be
a favorite, judging from the applause that
greeted him. He wore a comic costume and
carried an opera hat that he opened and
shut, and put on and took off, a score of
times after the manner of his kind, while
be sang an idiotic song that told the story
of a barmaid who received attentions, with
a view to matrimony, Irom (Chorus):
"All join in, gents."
Tbe butcher and tbe baker
And tho quiet looking qaaker
And tbe chap tbat used to talk
About his pa and bis ma,
Tbo soldirr and the sailor
The teacher and the tailor
Who courted pretty Jessie
At tbe railway bar.
HAD A GREAT PLENTT.
Eisrht or ten Terses of this tired us, and,
on our managerial friend's suggestion, we
started for the Essex. The Esex differed
little from the first place, except that tbe
decorations were a little more passe, and
that the barmaids were a little more Mase
and said "Yes, my dear," to strangers, in
stead of tbe "Yes, sir," tbat is the orthodox
thing in music balls of higher grade.
Again we got a seat of honor close to the
stage.
The first artist that came within the range
of our vision was a dauseuse who was dis
porting herself in a giddy pirouette. As
she tripped off the stage with that rapid
twidle-twinkle gait that is only successfully
duplicated by a scared ostrich making for
cover with hobbles on bis legs, tbe chair
man rapped for order and announced the
next nnmber "A comic song, gents, by the
celebrated and only McCarty."
THE SA3IE ON SAME.
Yes, it was the same McCarty, with tbe
same crush hat, the same comic dress, the
same property smile, and shades of Orpheus
the same dreadful song regarding the con
tinned devotion of
Tbo soldier and the sailor.
The teacher and tbe tailor.
Who courted pretty Jessie
At tbe railway bar.
I caught the villain's eye and tried to
give him a nial-de-nier look that would ex
press ennui, disgust and a desire for a
change of song. I probably tried to crowd
too many expressions into one glance, for he
certainly misunderstood it He possibly
thought it expressed approval and interest,
for on the second verse he tightened np his
vocal chords, pulled out some extra stops,
and so filled the room with his cacophonous
voice that it made great jagged rifts in the
clouds of tobacco smoke. We tied the
scene.
TRIED IT ONCE MORE.
We drove to a restaurant where we braced
up on oysters and other stimnlants, alter
which we proceeded through many narrow
alleys and winding ways to the Clarendon
Music Hall. Tbe appearance of this place
was much the same as that of the others, but,
thank goodness, we would not find the
"celebrated and only" there for we were
miles from where we left bim telling the
story of pretty Jessie's multitudinous ad
mirers. The propnetorot tbe Clarendon ex
pressed regret that we were so late. There
was only one more "turn," he said, and the
performer had just gone on tbe stage. He
escorted us to seats bard by the bass drum.
A Chinaman was on tne stage chewing
fire. He had a Ion' soaker mustache, a
robe of flowered silk reached from his
shoulders to the floor and on nis head he
wore a Mandarin's cap. He took cabbage,
flowers, live pigeons and other things out of
a hat, made a plate run round the edge of
an open umbrella and did several other
ordinary conjuring tricks.
AND FARED JUST THE SAME.
While the audience was wildly applaud
ing bis feat of cooking an omelet in a hat he
suddenly pulled off his mustache, threw his
cap into a corner, threw thesilkes robe from
his shoulders, and in one oo'.icn lilted from
under his arm and placed on bis head a
crush hat, and tbere stood before us the gift
ed, serio-comic McCarty. As we rushed
for the door we were overtaken by the call io
pean voice of the "celebrated and only"
making the now familiar statement regarding-
Tbe teacher and the baker
And the quiet-looking Quaker.
The proprietor stopped us, and asked us if
we would step into his private room and
honor him by "imbibin of a 'ot Hirish."
We needed something to calm and sooth us
after what ue had suffered, so we stepped in,
and we also "imbibed." Soon there was a
noise of slamming doors and tramping feet
The show was over, and the audience wis
goiug out Presently some one at the door
said to a waiter:
THE STRAW THAT KILLED THE CA3IEL,
"Charley, did you see three bloomin Yan
kees pass? I'm bloody sure they're Ameri
can' theater managers, and they're bevideot
ly stuck on me, for they've been a fojlowia'
of me around hall night"
"They're hinside tbere with the Gnv'nor
now, Mr. McCarty," said the waiter.
"Then take bin this 'ere card to them. I'll
wait 'ere."
The card was of generous size and on it
was printed: "Mr. McCarty, the celebrated
and only serio-comic vocal artiste.prtstidigi
tateur, ventriloquist, conjurer, etc., etc.,
etc Three times a night: 9 o'clock at tbe
Savoy, 9:10 o'clock at tbe Essex, 11 o'clock
at the Clarendon."
We were escaping by a side door as the
waiter handed me the card, and we did not
wait to see the "celebrated and only," nor
have any of us seen him since.
J. Asmot Knox. I
The Homeliest Mas ur Pittsbubo
buu uuen are invited to call on any arog
gist for a free sample bottle of Kemp's, j..
ixnaauj, we pest congn COTf. XTDSB
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