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PITTSBURG, SATURDAY", I.OV. 15, 1S90.
REED'S COMMEXTAItr OX BLAINE.
Among ttie many attempts of Bepublican
leaders to explain what recently struck
them, the most characterise and at the same
time the most stunning is one which is re
ported by the correspondence of the Boston
Traveller as coming from the immediate
Tersonal circles of the Hon. Thomas B.
Beed. The Speaker has not so far fully de
clared himself in propria persona;, but to
judge from the views of the person who is
vouched for by the correspondent as being
Mr. Becd's nest friend, it seems possible
that Mr. Seed's silence is chiefly due to the
difficulty which he finds in framing lan
guage that is adequate to the occasion.
According to this exponent of the Speak
er's views, the Achan in the camp who pro
duced defeat, the Judas who betrayed his
party masters, is known to the nineteenth
century as James G. Blaine. "Blaine is
the one man in America who is most to
blame." "Dawdling in the Senate," which
body actually spent three months on the
tariff bill after the House had spent seven
months on the same measure, is, according
to the Bccd theory, the main cause of the
disaster, for which the bad man from Maine
is responsible. The temper in which Port
land Bepublicanism finds itself results in
laying a share of the blame on the unfortu
nate McKinley. Mr. Beed wanted the
tariff bill passed in February. "If Mc
Kinley had been of the Bandall stripe
rather than of the Carlisle pattern, such a
thing as the delay on the tariff bill would
never have occurred," and "the members
"nould have had ample time to look after their
fences." But Blaine is the chief villain, for
the explanation from the Speaker's circle
returns to the fact that "Blaine's attack on
the McKinley bill, was an attack on the lie
publican party in Congress, an attack on
Major McKinley and Speaker Beed," and
this indictment of the Secretary of State
winds up with a darkling hint, that a day
will come."
Of coarse this is conclusive as to the
Speaker's utter repudiation of any such idea
us that the people do not indorse the dicta
torship of a party which turns its avowed
constitutional principles upside down for
party advantage, or is dissatisfied with a
jarty policy that proposes to maintain
favor "by doing our on counting,"
or has expressed anv dissent from
the practice of deciding election contests
to as to make the seated member represent,
not the voters of liin district, but the ma
jority vote in the House. Tiiat the people
can object to such bold acts ot partisanship
5s not within the Speaker's philosophy.
That school of political ethic", can only see
that its canons are Tiolated when a member
of the Cabinet dares to have opinions of his
own, or a co-ordinate branch of the Legis
lature takes the trouble to investigate for
itself the legislative programme prepared
"by the leaders of the House, whose arbitrary
partisanship formed the most ultra feature
oi the events which led up to the recent
landslide.
All 'ins is extremely interesting, and it is
more interesting from the disclosure which
it makes that to the Speaker's circle the bit
terness of Bepublican defeat is not so great
as the bitterness of the fact tbat it puts Mr.
Blaine far in the lead of Bepublican states
manship. September seemed to put Mr.
Beed on top, but November has over
whelmed him so completely that he can
only console himself by sharpening in se
clusion the knife with which he intends to
let out the life-blood oi the elusive but far
sighted Blaine when the time shall come for
doing that act effectively. There is a prom
ise of lively times in the relations of the
'-two Maine men before they are done with
each other.
AN" EXCEPTIONAL CALAMITr.
The fatal accident on the Pennsylvania
Bailroad main line early yesterday morn
ing appears, so far as an opinion can be
based on the early reports, to have been one
of the disasters for which the blame must
be laid on unfortunate circumstances, rather
than on the errors of management or the
carelessness of subordinates. It also has a
peculiar significance in being the first case
on record in which the block system has
failed toprovidesufiicient safeguard against
collisions by trains, one of which is follow
ing the other.
The explanation given is that the fog
Mm Bigpaf nj.
which overhang the whole section yesterday
was so dense along the Valley of the Cone
maugh, tbat the engineers were unable to
see the signals of the block-tower at Nineveh
which should have arrested them. One
theory of the accident is basedjon a doubt as
to whether the right signal was displayed
there, but on the other hand there are posi
tive statements that it was displayed, but
was so obscured by fog as to be nearly invis
ible. The first engineer discovered that he
had passed the tower, went back and re
ceived orders, and proceeded slowly to New
Florence, when the second train, passing the
tower withont perceiving the signal,
crashed into the rear of the preceeding train
with terrible force. It is stated that a flag
man was sent back to warn the rear train;
but while the statements on this point are
not very clear, the understanding is that he
was not able to get back far enoueh to stop
it before it came np at full speed and
wrought its slanghter on the unfortunate
sleeping car.
"While the matter will, of course, be a
proper subject for strict investigation, its
present aspect is that of the rare cases in
which the general adeqnate precautions
against disaster were rendered insufficient
by exceptional circumstances. If any re
sponsibility appears upon investigation it
should be fixed withont fear or favor; bnt
from the facts now before the public it seems
no more than justice to recognize that the
probable cause was a condition of things
heretofore beyond railroad experience.
A CONVICTING ANALYSIS.
The Dispatch has already alluded to
the internal evidences of inadequacy in the
eleventh census, obtained by a comparison of
the rates of growth in the various States and
for the country at large. It discovered
therefrom that the ratio of increase for the
late prosperous decade is less, after allow
ance is made for the inadequacy of the ninth
census, than for the decade when growth was
arrested by a civil war of four years' dura
tion. The same conclusion is most power
fully brought out by an analysis of increase,
or the division of the gain in population
under the heads of immigration and natural
increase, or the excess of births over deaths.
The gain by immigration is fixed by the
reports of the United States customs officers,
and is therefore an absolute factor. The
gain by natural increase is obtained by sub
tracting the totals of immigration from the
total increase shown in each census. Any
insufficiency in a census is therefore made
most prominent by the comparison of this
branch of growth, Trbicli is given in connec
tion with the immigration in the following
table:
ANALYSIS OF INCREASE.
Gatn by Ualnbv
Date. lmml- Per natural Per
gratlon cent. Increase, cent.
1SX) 5.S16.613 10.46 7,078,141 14.11
l&W 2,812.191, 7.19 8,783,21 12.78
1S70 2,353.5431 7.48 4.7GI.507 15.14
It)....: 2,fiI1.940 11.39 3.M,S05 S4.1S
1850 1,51,790 9.35 4.525.633 26.51
1SW M.1.939 4.57 3,619,494 28.13
133J. 135.092 1.41 S.090.6S5 32.14
1S20. 100,000 1.3S 2.293.941 31.63
1110. IW'.OOO l.tf 1,831,398 34.50
1800. 60,000 1.27 1,329.209 33.83
This is a most significant showing. In
the past decade the attractiveness of this
country was so great that the immigration
was actually more than the total of the two
previous decades; yet according to the cen
sus the actual gain by natural growth was
only 300,000 more than the average for these
two decades, one-rifth of which was bur
doned by war. Beyond that, the percentage
of natural increase, 14.11, is represented as
being lower by one per cent than during
the decade ot the civil war. Nor is this all.
Mr. Porter has himself declared the inade
quacy of the census of 187-J. But whatever
percentage is to be added to the gain for
that decade to make up for its deficiency,
must be added to the gain by natural in
crease, as the immigration was fixed as abso
lutely then as now by the reports of the im
migration officers. Take two per cent as
the least that can be added to in view of
Mr. Porter's declaration that that census
was so inadequate as render comparisons
useless, and then we have tbe remarkable
contrast presented of a gain by natural in
crease during the war decade of 17.14 per
cent, and a gain during the past decade of
peace and growth of but 14.11 per cent!
This result disproves itself. It is a re
duction of the census to absurdity, and it
places upon either Congress or the President
the duty of deciding whether some steps
shall not be taken for giving tbe country a
census that will be worth something.
A HAKDENED TYPE.
The hanging of Birchall at "Woodstock,
Canada, yesterday, closed the career of a
criminal whose movements and autobio
graphy have had very much more bpace in
the newspapers than they deserve. Though
he protested to the last innocence of the
shooting of his dupe, Benwell, the evidence
itself raised no glimmer of doubt, "What
Birchall did admit of his transactions, and
his cynical review of his own life, showed
him to be different from the usual run of
cold-blooded offenders only ip that he had
better opportunities to turn out differently.
Fairly well educated, and bright enough
mentally to have lived honestly, he deliber
ately preferred other courses, which led to a
tragic end. Men of this type who play
with human life as a stake against dollars
do not get even the maudlin sympathy
which is sometimes extended by foolish
people to that class of murderers whose cases
are made celebrated in the press.
BRAZIL AS A REPUBLIC.
Brazil to-day celebrates the anniversary
ofthefallof her monarchy by the formal
adoption of a constitution in which the re
publican form of government is adopted.
This progress in establishing constitutional
and representative institutions has been ac
companied by some very peculiar features;
but we will be glad to credit that ration
with what it has accomplished and to make
allowance for what seem to Anglo-Saxon
Bepublicans very singular methods of reach
ing its present position.
When the revolntion overthrew Dom
Pedro a year ago, the universal expectation
and hope was tbat the Provisional Govern
ment which succeeded to power by the rule
of might, would take the shortest course to
representative and popular institutions.
That a constitution has been adopted in a
year indicates good progress, but the course
taken to reach tbat result shows how differ
ently different races may treat the same sub
ject. The natural presumption would be
that, at the earliest possible moment after
the revolution, a representative consti
tutional convention would be called
which would frame a constitution
and provide for submitting it to
the people and for the election of a govern
ment under it. So far from calling any rep
resentative body together, the Fonseca Mili
tary Government dispersed the represent
ative bodies that existed under the mon
archy, delayed the popular elections for
nearly a year, and instead of intrusting the
work of drawing up the constitution to a
deliberative body, prescribed one for the
acceptance of the representative body which
meets to-day. In the interim the remarkable
t ifr - .lkt3eMiiii!&L: idti eiJflrak iiiriSjMofiSwfe1 ' WsfJlrt-fsiiiksTiVainnff ' 4 -&fc' -a.Tfe
interferences with the right of free speech,
the establishment of trials by military tri
bunals, and the other features of an arbitrary
rule, show what widely different views of the
steps by which free government can be
reached are entertained by the Anglo-Saxon
and Latin races onthe same hemisphere.
Some talk is heard, now as heretofore,
about the delay of the United States In rec
ognizing the Bepublioof Brazil. The fact has
been that while the recognition of the Fon
seca Government as the de facto government
was imperative, Brazil could not be recog
nized as a republican government before to
day, because her government was not repub
lican, but a military government. It may
be hoped that the form of government
now adopted will be maintained in good
faith, and that the peculiar method taken to
establish it will be shown to have been only
due to peculiarities of race and social organ
ization. At all events the United States can
now congratulate Brazil on being a republic
in form as well as profession.
BLAINE AND RECIPROCITY.
Secretary Blaine is not wasting his time
in lamentation over the results of the recent
elections. He is working hard to carry out
the reciprocity policy which he advocated
last sprint:, and prospects of success are
very flattering, according to The Dis
patch's Washington advices this day.
The negotiations with South American
countries with a view to reciprocal trade
concessions are proceeding with unusual
speed under pressure of Secretary Blaine,
and the practical outcome promises to startle
this country very agreeably before long.
Keciprocity will be a word to conjure with
if Blaine's efforts are successful. He will
not fail if any man can succeed.
KOCn'S GREAT DISCOVERY.
Prof. Koch's article on his discoveries in
regard to the cure of tuberculosis in various
forms, which the cable brings to The Dis
patch to-day, is the first authoritative
statement that has issued from the great
German doctor's lips. A very fair idea
of the nature of the lymph, and of the
method of inoculation is given by Prof.
Koch, although he does not reveal the pre
cise constituents of the magical remedy.
His reason for withholding the formula for
the lymph are sound, for, as he says, there
has not yet been sufficient experi
ment made of its powers to make the
common handling of the lymph safe.
But it must be admitted that with the ex
hibition of the results of one thousand cases
in which the lymph has been used, the effi
cacy of the treatment is established under
certain limitations, which Dr. Koch freely
admits. How great a blessing to afflicted
humanity the new remedy will be no man
can say, but that it is a great step forward
in the right direction no layman, after
perusing the article elsewhere, will be in
clined to doubt. It is good news, moreover,
that a Philadelphia physician is equipped
to make trial of Dr. Koch's remedy in this
country at once.
CONVICTING TIIE REAR GUARD.
The evidence of friends and relatives is
completing the conviction of the members of
Stanley's rear guard on the gravest charges.
After denying in one way and another that
her husband did buy an African girl and
give her to cannibals in order to gratify a
morbid taste for the horrible, Mrs. Jameson
in her latest statement, which we print to
day, gives a circumstantial account of the
purchase and its frightful sequel. Mrs
Jameson's last version of the affair does not
materially detract from the criminality of
the white nun's share in this hideous orgy.
In noticing the fact that Delamater suc
ceeded in carrying the town of Meadville by 71
majority the Philadelphia Inquirer adds the fol
lowing explanation: "The Third ward, in which
Senator Delamater lives, is a strongDemocratic
ward.'1 We are sorry to detract from any of
the crumbs of comfort which the esteemed In
quirer is able to discover; but it is necessary to
remark that if this is true the Inquirer should
correct the reckless statement of SmulVt
Handbook tbat the Third ward of Meadville in
ISfeS gave Harrison 33 votes and Cleveland
only 221.
THE statement that Mayor Grant's ex
penses in tbe recent city campaign were S72.2S9
and Francis M. Scott's J20 85. indicates that
New York city is one of those undesirable spots
in the nation where boodle can be dumped into
politics with a profit to tho boodler.
Uncle Jekemiah Busk is about to
take charge of the weather, and will hence
forth be kept busy in demonstrating that the
weather which bis department turns out for
the farmers is just what they really need
whether they like it or not. But the farmers
may show tbe same disposition to dissent from
his instructions on this point that they have
manifested in other respects.
The New York Trt'otme nominates Kil
gore, of Texas, as the next Democratic Speak
er. The esteemed Tiibune seems to be im
pressed with Kilgore's ability to make the
doorkeepers respect his orders.
The assertion of an Eastern cotemporary
that "the attempt to cover the face of the
earth is excessive" may, like Capt. Bnnsbj's
oracular deliverances, be found to have its
meaning "in the application on it." Had tbe
assertion been tbat tho attempt of trust mag
nates and money kings to own the earth is ex
cessive, there could be no doubt either as to its
meaning or its accuracy.
Senatob Johs Shebman's theory that
the Wall street fuss is the result of tbe Be
publican defeat does not do justice to the abil
ities of kite-flying speculator&and money-king
squeezers.
Thebe are intimations that it is about
time for Jay Gould to open his little tin box,
and let people know what securities he has
inside of it. The publio would like to have
authentic information as to whether he has
locked up the Union Paciflo Bailroad in
that receptacle as his usufruct out of the late
squeeze.
The Weather Bureau has been charged
with being rather wild in its guesses; but that
was before the Census Bureau had made its
record in that line. .
Notwithstanding Bepublican re
verses in Kansas, one standard the Kansas
people seem inclined to maintain is prohibi
tion. Tbe resubmissionists got about 68,000
votes out of a total of 2S5,000. Whether Penn
sylvania will remain as faithful to the high
licenso standard remains to be seen.
CABLE LETTERS covering tho European
Capitals are exclusive features of the Sunday
Issue of TIIE DISPATCH. Twenty-four
Pages. It coors the News and Literary
World.
DEATHS OP A DAY.
Mrs. Mary M. White.
Mrs. Mary M. White, a very well-known lady
of l'lttsbursr, died yesterday at the age or 72
yean. Her fnneral will take place from her late
residence on Seventh street, to-morrow, at 2 p. at.
Mrs. Kate Mohler. '
Mrs. Kate Mohler, widow ofthe late W. Mohler,
died yesterday afternoon, aged 73 years. The
funeral will take place from the late residence or
the deceased, on bar.ih street, Bouthslde, to-morrow,
at 1 o'clock.
Son. John J. Landraro
CixrajrwATi, November 14. Hon. John J.
Landrum, Internal Uevenne Collector for the
Blxtu district of Kentuckr, died at Covington
last night night after a brief illness.
.-
THE PITTSBTmG DISPATCH, SATURDAY. NOVEMBER
' SNAP SHOTS IN SEASON.
A boss is only worth a scent, and tbe florist
nose it.
You" don't dodge tbe sunbeam now, do you?
Hardly. They're scarce at this season, and ars
cultivated. How we do peer through the
morning mists hanging between heaven and
earth to see if tbey are struggling for an open
ing. It's nip and tuck between tbe vapor and
tho ray, with the chances In favor of the for
mer nowadays. But when the sun wins wo
cheer the victory. And then we hunt the
sunny sides of the black-shadowed ways and
leisurely walk in tbe mild warmth. The step
is firmer, thee;ebrighUer, the strain slacker,
the muscles loosen under the influence of the
winter warder-off. From the damp mists to
the dry brightness is bnt a step, bnt It's a magic
one out of tbo fog into the azure-tinted
light, out of the clonal into the shine, out of
the gloom into the glamour. In the summer,
when the rays neither ulant nor stint we hunt
the shade, of course. Bnt the mists of
summer are silky nets while those bugging
the dying antumn are heavy veiling de
pressing, dark, dolorous. The summer snn
and the ante-winter sun are very different, you
know. Hence we dode one and catch the
other, ana both tasks aio helpful and refresh
ing. And so it is all through life. Borrows are
the fall mists which hide the joy rays. We
dodge the first, bnt should mot shut out tbe
other. No matter how heavy the fog,
tbe snn will break through it some
day. Not to-day, maybe, but to
morrow, perhaps. Whin it does shine, if even
faintly, get all you can of it It will do you
good. It will lift you out of and above tbe
cloud bank, absorb it, chase it away. It you
cannot see your way in the darkness close your
eyes and feel for it. The chances are you will
open your eyes in the sunshine. There is death
in the fog, birth in the Hue.
Tuerk are some people in tbe world who do
not Understand etiquette well enough to know
when they are insulted.
You cannot deceive a friend more than once
unless be wants to use you for something he is
ashamed to perform himself.
People who decide a dispute by tossing up a
penny have more money than brains.
A great many men staggering nnder life's
load are carrying heavy cargoes of liquor.
Clocks and watches are tho only things suc
cessfully running on ticlr.
Some gamblers buildl strong and stylish
houses with cards.
The bill board war may saddle some board
bills on tho county.
The talkers havo nubslded
Since the tickets have decided
Who won the heated biittlo in which voters
took a hand.
Some are after a position,
A fow havo gone a flshln'.
And some aro cogitating how to save the scat
tered band.
Borne are quietly arranging
And persistently exchanging
Views about the proper persons for the
Gov'nor's Cabinet
When tbey take a quiet tumble
We will know the dreary rumble
Of tbe battle has subsided, and wo may be
happy yet.
A poor farm operated by poor farmers
would not be a paying investment.
TnE Law and Order folk should tackls one
country at a time, using the material tbat
country can supply. Outsiders have ro busi
ness to interfere in the making of the laws of
any nation. Such international arrangements
wllltnot be tolerated. The land belongs to the
people, and the people mono have a right to
govern it.
Roses figure in the marriage ceremony. The
thorns come in due time.
The people are silent partners in all political
undertakings. They can dissolve the partner
ship and continue business at tbe old stand,
too.
Bankers do a safe business, e,ven if they
are unsafe. ,
The Starch Trust is stiffening prices. Com
petition would tako tbe starch out of the com
bine. There's luck in odd numbers, and the much
talked about 13 is not a hoodoo. The Old
Roman was born on the 13th day of the month,
TnE new tariff should not be declared a mis
fit before we try it on.
Frauds masquerade in tho mantle of char
ity as well as the cloak of religion. They are
sooner or later forced to unmask, however.
When a small boy saves up his cents until he
accumulates a hundred he is privileged to cele
brate a centennial.
People who hire workers only own their
time. Labor is bought, not the laborer.
The man wbo holds a mortgage against your
property has more Interest in it than you have.
The highest art is to bide art.
Worry kills about as many as consumption
or fever. You are your own doctor, too.
Caeltle said of one of the French Revolu
tionary characters, "He did not have enough
truth in him to make a good liar." Such peo
ple are still in the land of the living.
Dr. Koch has taken some of his own medi
cine. He i quite ill.
The word "Gumption" is a Western Penn
sylvania provincialism. It is decidedly ex
pressive. On tho eve of the French Revolution the
rioters poured the blood red wine into tbe gut
ters and daubed it on the walls. The prohibi
tion fanatics in Kansas aro doing tbe same
thine. Will history repeat itself in this in
stance. Jameson, of the rear guard, seems to have
got a head of tbe other fellows. The ghastly
proof is now in evidence.
The sounder the sleepers the safer the rail,
ways.
Cleveland has thrown an anchor to wind
ward. The public men who went to tbe Thnrman
banquet didn't go there to eat, merely to speak.
A carrier pigeon has more sense than a
good many people. It knows when to go home.
Weak men can nse strong language.
According to Inspector Byrnes, some of
Porter's enumerators have figured in the
criminal census of Now York.
Darkest Africa's first introduction to the
ways of civilization is liable to make troublefor
tbe missionaries who ars heading for Stanley
land. If the tariff bill could speak, it would cry:
"Save me from my friends."
The Sncll and Cronln murder mysteries may
be cleared up now that both families are turn
ing on the light.
Will Captain Wishart arrest Mother Earth
if she breathes-through an oil well on Sunday?
THE West is wilder than the Indians now.
The tin plate men are not alarmed, A few
million is to be placed in an Illinois plant. The
enemies of protection are only blowing their
horns now. They will soon have them in.
Readers of The Dispatch are not missing
any of the rear guard's narrative, are they?'
The rear guard's log book is making Darkest
Africa decidedly darker than before it saw the
light of day.
' The "wait" bills figuring In the local thVatnr
war famish weighty evidence for the proseon
Hon.
The sign "Shut the Door" is never found on
banks in good condition.
One gas company has 27 wells drilling in a
field nearby. This should stop tbe gassing
about the gas going.
Monet is just as safe in a river bank as in
watered stock. Willie Winkle.
OUR MAIL POUCH.
A Soldier's Interesting Letter,
To tbe Editor of The Dispatch:
A year has rolled around since I became an
inmate of this clemosynary institution, and 27
times tbe flag has hnng at half-mast, each time
indicating that one more old veteran had been
"mustered out." The death rate has been
heavy, about 20 per cent of the old men here,
at which rate the "Home" can be closed in
about six years. The average here is nearly
ten years greater than at any other "Home" in
the nation. There are now about 120 old men
at present, about IK of whom are in the hospital,
some of thein totally helpless, the others can
moro around a little.
Tbe prevailing diseases are chronic rheuma
tism, chronic diarrhoea, and paralysis, every
case unmistakably harlng originated in the
service. Several of the inmates are quite
strong and hardy and could maintain them
selves by their labor If it was not for that curse
of the human family whisky to which they
have become absolute slaves. Tbe ground is
covered, and the snow is falling so thickly as
to entirely hide all objects only a few rods off,
making everything look dreary and having a
depressingeffect. An Inmate.
Soldiers' Home, Minnesota, November
10, 1830.
Perspire and Transpire.
To the Editor or The Dlsoatch:
A bets B that when a man from exertion
simply sweats or "perspires" tbat it is proper
to say he "transpires." C. E. S.
Homestead, November 11
A loses because he bets that the man trans
pires. The Imperial Dictionary defines the in
transitive verb "to transpire" as follows; "To
be emitted through the excretories of tbe skin;
to pass off in insensible perspiration, as fluids
transpire through the human body." Accord
ing to this definition if A bad bet tbat the
sweat transpired he would have won. The dis
tinction is that tho being perspires, while the
fluid transpires.
A Better Compass Flan.
To tho Editor oflhe Dispatch:
I notice a story going tbe rounds of how an
American gentleman showed an Englishman
the way to use a watch as a compass. Permit
me to explain an old and. I think, much more
simple plan to do this: Instead of pointing tho
hour band of tbe watch to tbe sun. a difficult
thing to do, let tho shadow of tbe sun fall on
the correct time which is easily done by hold
ing tho blade of a penknife edgewise to tbe sun
and perpendicular to tbe center' of tbo dial,
then 12 o'clock on the watch will point to the
north. H. O. Hanlon.
Pittsburg, November H, 1830.
About Erastus Wlnans.
To the Editor oi The Dispatch:
Will you please answer through your paper
the following :
Who is Erastus Wlnans T
Is the motive which prompts Mr. Wlnans In
urging the annexation of Canada a selfish oneT
if not, what is his object T W. T. M.
YoUNGSTOWN, O., November 1L 1890.
Mr. Wlnans is a Canadian by birth, and is
the head of the firm of R. G. Dun & Co. He is
a man who usually looks after his own inter
ests vory closely. J
Not Ban, but Noah.
To tbe Editor of The Dispatch:
Please answer the following question to de
cide a bet: A bets B that Daniel Webster is
author of Webster's Unabridged Dictionary.
B bets that Noab is the author. Please answer
to decide tbe bet. A CONSTANT READER.
PITTSBURG. November 10. 1830.
A Quartet of Candidates.
To tho Editor of T bo Dispatch:
Reader would like to know bow many candi
dates run for President in 1860 and who were
tbey t Reader.
Pittsburg. November 13.1890.
Lincoln, Douglass, Bell and Breckinridge.
Only One Public Cooking School.
To the Editor or The Dispatch:
Is there any cooking school, or teacher in
cookery, excepting the one on Grant street?
Please answer through "Mail Pouch" column.
M. E. R.
HultoN. Pa.. November 12,-1890.
Only a Holiday In a Few States.
To tho Editor of The Dispatch:
Will you please tell me whether Good Friday
is a legal holiday throughout the United States,
or only a State holiday.
A Constant Reader.
McKeeSPORT, November 12. 1830.
PERSONAL MENTION.
Cornelius Vandebbilt has purchased
two of Tnrner's famous pictures in London for
J80.000.
Abeam S. Hewitt, with tho Duke and
Duchess of Marlborough, is going to spend
next week visiting Middlesborougb, Ky.
Edward Everett Hale has offered
Father Ignatius, Inhibited by tho Bishop of
Massachusetts, the use of bis church to preach
In. He will appear there next Monday even
ing. A Dresden paper states that Mr. Edison
recently sent a check for 51,000 to the authori
ties of tho hospital in tbat city where his
daughter was taken caro of last summer during
her illness.
George M. Pullman, the palace-car multi
millionaire, made his first money in Chicago by
lifting old houses with jackscrews. He would
take contracts for this sort of work, and was
not above handling the bars himself.
Locke Richardson, who is now in this
country for a short time after a four years'
tour around tho world, will soon revisit England.
He has engaged to give a course of his wonder
ful Shakespearean readings in the University
of Oxford.
C P. Huntington is building a grand rcsl
donco at the corner of Fifty-seventh street and
Fifth avenue. New York, for his daughter and
son-in-law, tbe Prince and Princess Hatzfeldt.
The Hatzfeldt arms are prominently portrayed
in tbe carving of the new building.
Ossip Bchubin, whose clever novels are
having such a vo;ue in Austria, is not a man,
as generally supposed, but a young woman,
who writes under that name. Her realname Li
Lola Kirscbner. and she leads a retired life in
a Bohemian village. Her first book, entitled
"Ehre," was written when Miss Kirschner was
barely 20, and for some time was attributed to
an Austrian Minister, because of the familiar
ity with diplomatic life shown by its author.
Leonidas M. Miller, the Democratic Con
gressman from Osbkosb, is a full-blooded
Greek, the first man of that race who ever held
a seat in tho Congress of the United States.
Miller is not an Hellenic name, and Mr. Miller
does not know bis patronymic, neither does he
speak tho language of his ancestors. He was a
waif picked up upon the battlefield of Misso-
longhl in 1824, and takes his name from his pre-
rr and benefactor. Colonel J.P.Mlllr of
server and benefactor. Colonel J. P. Miller, of
Vermont.
Edward Patson Weston is a name that
still lingers in the memory of many who re
member tbe walking contests of ten years or
more ago. Weston is 61 years of age, but he
regards a 50-mile walk of little importance, and
he is at present thinking ot organizing a walk
across the continent which will take in all the
big towns and stretch over a track that is
roughly estimated at 4000 miles. It will not be
done for tbe love of sport alone, but for the
purpose ot booming a Western town.
A monument will be erected on Helvellyn
to the memory of Charles Gougb, who, in the
year 1805, was killed while mountaineering, and
of the faithful dog who for tbreo months
watched over his master's remains. Sir Walter
Scott describes the event lu tho poem "1
Climbed the Dark Brow of the Mighty Hel
vellyn," and Wadsworth records it in his lines
on "Fidelity." The cost of the monument has
been born by Miss Frances Power Cobbe and
the Rev. H. D. Rawnsley, .Vicar of Cros
thwaite. IJStanlet's first visit to the Fellowcraf t Clnb
since his election as a member was a feature of
the most memorable dinner tbe club has ever
given. There were present Channcey M. De
pew, Senator HawIeyGeneralGreelyWayne
McVeagh, Talcott Williams' Major Pond,
Murat Halsrcad, H. C. DuVal, W. M. FJiess,
George M. Wricht. Mr. Mountenoy-Jeshson,
and a score of famous fellows besides. Every
man said whatever came into-his bead to say,
and though it is a club mainly made up of jour
nalists, not a word of what was said wis re
ported. ,
15, 1890.
THE TOPICAL TALKER,
Red Stands for Danger.
uJ-JAS it ever struck you," sajd a Pittsbnrger,
who paints not signs, but pictures, yes
terday, "that red is a very dangerous color, that
It stands for danger in all tortsof ways! On tbe
railroads, of course, you know, red Is tho danger
signal in flags by day, in lamps by night. Every
body is accustomed to tbe Idea of red
as a warning on the railroads,
and at sea the red light serves
the same purpose. Then red stands for an.
archy. The Anarchists are often called tbo
Reds, and the flag which has waved over some
of the bloodiest scenes In the world's history IS
a sanguinary red. To wave a red rag before a
bull is about as dangerons a thing as you can
do. Tho uniform of the foreman has beon
red since time immemorial, although
since organized Are departments have
been organized the color has beon
sensibly changed, for the element tho firemen
fight is red, anil the danger of the confusion of
men and flames Is apparent. The hue of the
poppy in the fields suggests the dangerous
side ot tho narcotic it harbors. Some one
aware of tho danger of debauches has coined
the phrase we know so well, -Painting the town
red. Red In art is a rLiky color to use unless
the painter knows thoroughly how
to US8 it, as Sir Edwin Landieer did
in his pictures, which invariably contained a
touch of red somenhere. Turner employed
red lavishly, and.altbnugli he succeeded In pro
ducing marvelous effects, his followers hive
made countless millions mourn over fiery
coruscations on canvas. Wherever you turn
we find red as a mark of peril."
"In literature Is it soi"
"Yes, even in literature; for are not bad
books most harmful when they are read?"
A New Bank.
"pnE members of Pittsburg's "Finest" who
stand at the street corners downtown have
to answer odd conundrums.
Yesterday an old woman asked a policeman
to direct her to the Jeromiah Savings Bank.. )
"What bank, ma'am?" he asked.
"The Jeremiah Savings Bank, sir," said the
old lady, who was very nicely dressed, and
amiable of looks.
"I don't know any such bank, ma'am," said
the officer.
"I have the namo written down," replied the
old lady taking a paper and a pair of spectacles
from her pocket Tbe policeman took tho
paper and found tbat the "Jeremiah," was the
Germanla Savings Bank.
A Big Gun of Small Weight,
i I'J'nAT man's the biggest walking anomaly I
know," said a broker yesterday, indi
cating a pretty wealthy gentleman crossing
Fourth avenue in front of the Exchange.
"How so?" asked a brother boar.
"He is the biggest bore and has the smallest
calibre of any man I know."
The Fogs' Cause.
i'7HATdoyou suppose is tho cause of the
extraordinary fogs we've been having
lately?"
"Political, without a doubt. The Democrats
have been blowing and the Republican weep
ing so much tbat what with wind and water the
atmosphere is demoralized."
THE THTJBMAN BANQUET.
Wheeling Register (Dem.): Ho is -"a man
among men," and we of this generation shall
not look upon his like attain.
Philadelphia Times (Dem.): Thnrman's
bandanna yesterday made a bright red back
ground for the scene that set forth the glory of
Ohio's favorite son.
New York Star (Dem.): Allen G. Thnrman
has been called "The Gladstone of American
Democracy." The comparison is not inappro
priate, but it is inadequate.
Philadelphia -Pre(Rep.): The old ban
danna did not carry Indiana in 1883, but the
Old Roman deserved all the congratulations he
received yesterday in celebrating his 77th birth
day. Philadelphia Public Ledaer fRen.l:
There are but few men of any party perhaps
no intelligent man with fair knowledge of the
governmental history of his country, that does
not feel for Senator Thurman an admiration
and respect ofthe sincerest character.
Cleveland Plaindealer (Dem.): It has
been the pride of Judge Thurman throughout
his lite that ho is "one of tho plain people."
He has unswervingly and unflinchingly cham
pioned the cause of "the plain people" and
they have repaid him with love ana confidence.
Philadelphia Eveninq Bulletin (Rep.):
Allen G. Thurman is 77 years old to-day. He
has been placed on the shelf because be is too
old for public service. If he were a European
politician he would still be in the prime of life.
The Democratic party now honors him as a
relic of the past.
New York World (Dem.): He has been and
is a patriot without guile. He is a friend of his
fellow-men. He is a kindly gentleman. His
is the simplicity of greatness. No more rugged
honesty than his was ever known at any capi
tal. In his noble old age he is an American
product of which all Americans may well bs
proud.
Baltihore American (Rep.): The occasion
of the Thnrman banquet last night at Colum
bus, 0.,was nsed more by the speakers to praise
Democratic principles and to predict their tri
umph at some time in tbo future than to say
good things of tbo Old Roman, wbo has lived
long enough to know that nothing is so difficult
to prophesy about with certainty as politics.
Cincinnati Commercial-Gazette (Rep.):
The poople at large of Ohio long ago respected
Judge Thurman, and he has been a man of
national repute and consideration for a gener
ation. He did not show the fervor of
the true national spirit during the war, and
never was able to favor the measures necessary
to preserve tbe Government, but when tbe war
was a success he had fewer rash utterances to
repent and explain than tbe average Demo
crat in a position to make his utterances con
spicuous. A Thanksgiving Privilege.
From the New York World.)
Prayer, says tho Koran, takes a man half way
to heaven, but almsgiving sets him inside the
gate. Tbe best sauce for a Thanksgiving din
ner is the knowledge that you have given a less
fortunate fellow-being occasion for thankful
ness. DH. KOCH'S CUBE.
New York World: The value of Dr. Koch's
discovery can bardly be overestimated, and
Germany will reap great glory from this reve
lation of science.
PHDiADELPHIA Telegram: The Emperor
of Germany is evidently a convert to the Koch
theory, as, according to current report. His
Majesty has given practical evidences of bis
esteem for the discoverer by a personal gift of
250.000. and practical evidence of his confi
dence in tbe discovery by another gift of like
amunt to enuow an insHmuon ior extending
Its beneficent ministry to the people of Ger-
many.
Boston Herald! Dr. Koch's wonderful
discovery of a lymph for the certain cure of
consumption Is creating more Intense interest
in Germany, from the Emperor down, than
would the conquest of a small empire. For
onco at least In Germany the discoverer of a
means of saving human life is honored by
majesty above the invention of deadly contriv
ances for destroying it. This has the flavor of
progress.
New York Tribune: The discovery of
Prof. Kocb, whatever Its value may be in cases
of consumption, is not to remain a secret
Physicians are almost the only members of tbe
community who do not make money out of
their important discoveries. It is a point of
honor among tbem to allow the whole world to
profit by their researches when they find a new
remedy for wide-spread disease. Their reward
is in tbe benefit which the sijk and helpless re
ceive, and in tbe gratitude, which should not
be stinted, of the community at large.
Philadelphia Multelin: It consumption
and kindred diseases are caused by living or
ganisms, and bis Injections kill the organisms,
then the cause ot the trouble Is removed at
once, and tbe patient has nothing to do but get
well by a process analogous to recovery from a
slight wound, which may be accomplished in a
short time. In this view of the case, the very
rapidity of recovery is proof of tho extreme
value of the treatment. It is to be noted, too,
tbat the German authorities seem fully con
vinced of the genuineness of Dr. Koch's pro
cess, since they are erecting hospitals in which
to apply it.
mrx
&
THE BRAVEAND FAIR.
A Day's Doings Among Society Teople En
chanting and Appropriate Music Wel
comes Rev. Dr. Mllllgan and Ills Wire
Numerous Brides Some Coming Events.
It was a very appropriate selection, "Thou
Wilt Keep Him," that tho choir ol the Re
formed Presbyterian Church, corner of San
duty and North Diamond streets, Allegheny,
sang last evening as a welcome to their pastor,
Rev. J. R. J. Mllllgan, and his charming bride,
formerly Mls Annie Mahaffey, whose fond
glances at her newly-made husband were proof
thatslie would do as tbe quartet admonished
Rev. Dr. Milligan and Mr. Milligan returned
Thursday evening from their wedding trip, and
were siven a hearty and cordial welcome at tbe
church last evening br the entire enncregation,
even to the tiny tnts that persisted, in snite of
remonstrance, in running around tbe room and
kicking up a dreadfni dust to settle on the tea
tables. But some of tbe wiser heads, familiar
with child nature, quieted tbem as soon as
EosibIe after tbo advent of the minister and
is bride and tho singing ot the welcoming
song by supplying them with immense dishes
of ice cream and generons slices of cake that in
the absorption absorbed their attention. Then
tbe older members of the congregation present
could hear themselves think and hear their
pastor talk.
Tho church parlors were very prettily
decorated for the event with lovely palms,
flowering plants and a profusion of cut flowers.
In the arrancement of the table great skill
and wonderful taste bad been exsrclsed and
tbe delicious looking cakes that ladened them
were not at all deceptive in appearance. The
large wedding cake occupying the center of
tbe main table wa sliced by the fair bride her
self and distributed alike to the sentimental,
who would take their share home to dream
over.and to the prosaic, whose enjoyment ot Its
deliciousnest might Invoke dreams
of a different nature. Altogether the
atralr was one of great pleasure,
and the minister and bis flock, with the min
ister's wife included, were at peace with all the
world, and especially so with each other, as
they said goodnight and left the warmly-tinted,
cozy church parlors. Rev. Mr. Milligan and
his new wife will go to housekeeping the 1st of
December in a handsome new home on Irwin
avenue.
THEm CBYSTAL WEDDING
Appropriately Remembered by Mr. and
Mrs. Charles Cochran.
Mr. and Mrs. Charles Cochran's crystal anni
versary happened to fall upon that presumably
unlucky day, Friday, but they did not allow
superstition to prevent celebrating the event,
and accordingly, last evening, their charming
home on Sheffield street as aglow with mirth
and music A large number of friends had
been invited to assist in the celebration, and to
meet Mr. and Mrs. Richie, nee Miss Etta Coch
ran, who were the honored guests of
the occasion. The home was beau
titully decorated with tropical plants
and fragrant cut flowers, and soft
low music formed a pretty accompaniment to
the "I pass." "I order It up," "Turn it down,"
and "I'll play it alone" that comprised the
principal part of the conversation during the
early evoninc.
But the soft, low music swelled Into very de
cided and inspiriting strain as the evening
wore on, and the tripping of the light fantastic
was indulged in until tbe fuegestive aroma of
delicious coffee Invited tho merrymaker to the
rtlninc room, where Luther served in bis usual
excellent manner a tempting repast. The
presents received bv Mr. and Mrs. Cochran
were numerous and or tbe order best described
as sparkling and brilliant, many of them being
of exquisite cut glass.
AN ABTISTIC SUCCESS.
The Third Organ Recital at the Masonic
Preceptory.
There were fully 900 people present at the
third organ recital given in Masonic Pre
ceptory last evening, and tho programme
presented was one of exceeding excellence.
Prof. Joseph Glttlngs presided at tbe organ,
and rendered a number of selections by well
known composers. Dr. William T. English
sang a now song, "1 Love Thee So." with words
by himself and music by Gilden R. Broadberry.
Miss Margaret P. Fraser, who sings at the Cal
vary Episcopal Church of the East End, ad
mirably rendered "What the Chimney Sang."
Miss Mary Arne Benham, a sister of Rev.
Dr. Benham, of tho tho Point Breeze Prosbv
terian Church, sang with good effect Tolstoi's
"Goodby."
Miss Marie Lonise Noble was an acceptable
Eianlst, and Mr. James Bebout rendered "The
lighty Deep." A quartet, "Good Night," con
cluded the programme.
THE GRADUATING COOES
W1U Give Their Friends a Sample of Their
Abilities To-Day.
A great deal of interest is centered in the
cooking school, which willlhave its first gradu
atinc exercises ot the year this afternoon. Tho
ladies interested in the Domestic Training
School of the East End will be in attendance
for the event and the visiting normal school
principals, also Prof. Snyder, of the Indiana
State Normal School, will present the di
plomas. Miss Ballon, tho very popular teacher, will
make arrangements for tbe sampling of tbe
delicious proofs of good cookery, by the visi
tors and tho school kitchen or the Grant street
school house will be a tempting place between
the hours of 3 and 4 p. M.
AN AFTEBNOON EECEPXION
Given In Honor of Mrs. Wortz and Mrs.
Fitzliugh.
Chrysanthemums greeted one at every turn
in the elegant home of Miss Louise Speer, on
Praft avenue, yesterday afternoon. Their
beauty was a tribute to Mrs. Alexander Wurtz
and Mrs. Harry Fitzhugh. two brides whom
Miss Speer honored with an afternoon tea
from 3 to 6 o'clock.
About 300 ladies embraced the opportunity
of meeting the charming additions to Pitts
burg society circles, and many were tho com.
phmentarr remarks made abont the youthful
brides. Gernert's Orchestra was in attend
ance, and the refreshments were served by
Kuhn.
First of the Star Course.
"Ben Hur" was made more realistic than
ever at Old City Hall last evening. Mr. L. O.
Armstrong, of Montreal, told the story with
the assistance of perfect lantern slides. An
audience of unusual size greeted the lecturer,
and tbe interest in tho storv was absornln". It
was the first entertainment of the Pittsburg
Star Course, and tha result cannot fall to be
especially pleasing to the managers. The
Oride Musin Concert Company is next on the
list and is booked for Novemaor 21.
Bordette at Wllkinsbitrg.
Bob Burdette gave one of his characteristic
lectures In the Wilkinsbnrg Presbyterian
Church last evening under the auspices of the
Y. M. C. A, There was a very large audience,
and every point made by tho humorist was
keenly enjoyed and loudlr applauded. A neat
sura was netted for the.Y. M. C. A. building
fund. .
Earth Views of the Moon.
Carnegie Hall was crowded last night when
Prof. John Brashear gave bis lecture, "Earth
Views of the Moon." The lecture was illus
trated with stereopticon views of that body.
Tbe main point brought out by Prof. Brashear
was that the moon was unfit for human habi
tation. Social Chatter.
The Royal Edinburgh Concert Company will
be greeted by an overflowing bouse, Monday
night, at Carnegie Hall. The programme-is
certainly adapted to tbe popular taste. Mr.
McLennan, tbe organizer of the company, is
one of Scotland's most accomplished dancers.
The Misses Cbalfant, daughters of Mr. John
W. Cbalfant, will make their bebut at a bril
liant reception to be given at the Duquesns
Club House, New Year's Eve.
A necktie social was given last evening by
tbe young gentlemen of tbe Fourth U. P.
Church at tbe residence of the pastor, Rev. J.
D. Turner.
An enjoyable entertainment was given last
evening in the Hazelwood Christian Church by
tbe Young People's Association, of that place.
A pretty lawn tennis drill was givxn last
evening by tbe young ladies ot theFirst United
Presbyterian Church on Seventh avenue.
Mrs. Alex L. McKaig was tbe guest ot
honor at an afternoon tea given by Mrs. T. A.
Gillespie, of Homewood. last evening.
Mb. and Mrs. A. E. W. PAiNTra will give
an elaborate dinner party this evening in honor
of Mr. and Mrs. Harry Fitzhugb.
TO-MORROWS DISPATCn will hold 103
Columns, made up Into 24 Pages and Three
Parts. It Is a big magazine for the home
circle as well as a Chronicle of all the News
ofthe World.
Railroad Accidents.
Vrom the New York Ledger.)
In former days, when railroad accidents ware
not matters of dally occurrence, it nsed to be
said that the difference between a schoolmaster
and a railroad conductor was that one trained
the mind and the other minded the train.
CURIOUS CONDENSATIONS.
One of the finest peach nurseries in the
West is located at LewMon, Idaho.
There are 07,087 pensioners in the 88
counties of Ohio. Jefferson's quota Is 46S.
The number of exiles to Siberia this
year, up to October 1, amounts to 16,000 souls.
To Chinamen is attributed the saying
that all the sustenance tho hnmansystem re
quires is rice, vinegar and oiL
Chancellor Snow, of the Kansas State
University, is figuring on a new bacillus which
ill exterminate the Hessian fly.
There is a tremendous activity in the
toy division of the Patent Office, especially in
automatic toys that can talk and walk.
The story of influence of women upon
the tate of men is as old as tha Sipge of Troy.
and Anthon aS0 0l conrse tDlt of COP3'1
The early people of the Carolines were
builders of Cyclopean towers and pyramids: in
waMrude stonl."7 8kiUf Ul ,U
The number of school children in Ohio
between the ages of Band 21 years is L121.7U.
of these 57G,oT6 are boys and 513.222 girls beim
an increase over last year of 4,211. ;
The year 1740 was remarkable for at
mospheric disturbances. It came in with a
frost, the like ot which bad not been known ia
England for 31 years; a frost of such great
strength that tbe Thames was frozen over.
Massachusetts contains about 1,000,000
acres less agricultural area than Palestine; but
as she only contains 450.0UO families to the
CO0.0CO families who went in with Joshua, each
Massachusetts family, lise each family in
Israel, could receive a plot of SJf acres.
Deprive the Siamese ot his boat, and he
will bo like a bird docked of its wings, helpless,
shiftless and purposeless. Roads and railways
may in time brine Into existence a race of
purely terrestrial Siamese. But forthepresent
the population is, with few exceptions, ampbib-
The New York Society to Befriend
Domestic Animals announces that "starrine or
homeless dogs or cats will be called for. aud as
soon as the cats and dogs now at the home are
in good enough condition to be given away they
will be exchanged for animals in poor condi
tion." Compare the accounts ofthe Mexican
sacrifices at the time of the conquest, and tha
reported present practice of tbe Apaches,
Savajoes and Gautusos with what is known of
the Tabitian -acrlScial procedure, and the
agreement in many important particulars Is
very remarkable.
The work done by tha heart is equiva
lent to 122 foot-tons of energy. No one should
do moro than twice that amount of work. But
in some work: this amount Is Increased over a
third. In the work of the dock laborer it runs
np to 31j toot-tons; in the pile driver and
pavior to 350, and in a few others to 37a
One of the most valuable cargoes ever
shipped from the Columbia river was dis
patched from Astoria in a German vessel last
week. It comprised over 20.000 cases of salmon,
2G.0O0 sacks ot flour and 22.000 sacks of wheat,
reprcsentine- a value of 8227.000. To transport
this cargo by rail would require 310 cars, each
carrying ten tons.
The most exalted Order of the Star of
India was instituted in 1S0L and consists of the
sovereign, tbe Viceroy of India. 30 knights
grand commanders, 72 knights commanders
and 114 companions, with extra and honorary
members. Tbe badge contains Queen Victo
ria's likeness cnt in cameo, and the ribbon of
the order is pale blue with a white edge.
A company has been formed, under tha
supervision of tbe Government, for the irriga
tion of the steppes in Southern Russia. It pro
poses to dig canals and to lead water to lands
belonging to tbe Government, to various rurall
constituencies and to private persons. Severar
Government engineers have been detailed fo
the service of the company, which will begin
work in the Crimea.
Menam, great central river of Siam, tha
"mother of waters," which drains tbo vast ter
ritory of western Laos, and runs through the
most fertile valley of Indo-China, forms tbe
main artery of Slam's trade. Probably no river
in the world but certainly no river of equal
size carries on its surface within a space of
about four miles so large a number of boats of
all descriptions.
Just behind, perhaps, will come a whole
crew of Siamese maidens, their close-cropped
hair sticking up like black clothesbrnshes on
their heads, white linen jackets with loag sleeves
covering their bodlos. and showing off the light
pink: and green scarfs deftly thrown over their
shoulders, while a more inquisitive glance wilt
discover their well-shaped feer. ana legs bare
to the knee, curled up Turkish-wise on tha
floor.
A ditch 27 miles in length is under con
struction from tbe East Umpqua river to tha
gold mines on Jlyrtle creek, in Douglas county.
Southern Oregon, of which ten miles ars
already completed. Tho ditch will bs 5 feet
wide at the top. 3 at the bottom and 2 feet deep,
and will supply an abundance of water for
working. It is expected the ditch will be com-
pietea Dy v;nnsimas, wnen mining operations
will begin.
The Order ol the Bath was instituted in
the thirteenth century, and seems at times to
have fallen into disuse; but there are many rec
ords of quaint ceremonies attached to its re
ception at tbe time of the restoration of
Charles II. Tbe knights-elect slept in '.a
Painted Chamber or the House of Lords aa
pallets: at tbe foot of each concb stood a. bath
ing tub. and tbe installation took place in the
aujuiiiiugauuey oi Westminster.
The boat life of Siam includes almost all
life. Business and pleasure, health and happi
ness, all center in the river or its branches. A
boat and a paddle are almost as natural and in
dispensable possessions to a Siamese as his arms
or legs. He has no notion of traveling any dis
tance except by boat: and tbe idea ot iivlnsr In
a place inaccessible by water generally strikes
blm as absurd. Three weeks to come down
stream with a full carzo; a week to dispose of
it and indulge in the gaieties of the capital:
four or five months to set back with the
emptied boar, and tbe rest of tho yearforfarm
workatbome such is tbeprogramme for many
a Siamese family which lives as contentedly
and placidly as the proroundest philosopher.
MERRY TWINKLERS.
Never stroke a boy's beard when it il
down. Aeio Orleans Picayune.
She "Is there any humor in Ward Mc
Allister's book?
He Not that he knows of."-Judge.
"Where are you going, my pretty maid?"
'I'm itolng to.sneczc, kind sir, " she said,
"And at whom will you sneeze, my pretty
maid?"
'Atchoo! atchoo! kind sir," she said.
Binghamton Leader,
Sniggins (angrily) "Do yon know tbat
your chickens come over in my yard?"
bnookg "I supposed that tbey did for they
never come back again." SewXork Herald,
Portland Police Judge Come, you'd
better plead guilty. You'll get off easier,
ratty the Tramp Aw, I'm dead onto yer. Yr
wants to go to dinner, don't yer? Westtnore.
Clatterton "They say that professional
baseball is taken from the old game of rounders."
Hardknock "Yes: and now there area lot of
professional rounders that ought to be taken from
thegameofbastball." The Heck's Sport. tsjg
It is claimed that a Georgia man has a
dog that counts. He bought that dog in Minne
apolis. St. Paut Pionetr Press.
Uncle Gaston (at "The battle of Gettvs
burf.") '"Tain't kerrect, Ashbel. 'tala't ker
rect."
His Nephew "What iswrontrwlth It, ancle?"
Uncle Oaiton "See that fir-tree down ner
th' stun-wall? Well, Iwuz behind It durin' th'
hnll flc.ht, an' (convincingly) where be lln th'
plctur'?"-JuS,e.
She (to colored gentleman who has sur
rendered his seat) It Is too bad to deprive you of
your scat
He (gallantly) No depravity, ralu. West
shore. "That Court House of yours is a credit
to the town," remarkea the stranger In Boom
opolls. Hnmphl" returned the Man-who-couldn't-eel-away;
"lr you was paylu' taxes hens ye'd
think It was a consarned sight more or debltl"
Puck.
"Please gie me some mair cheese," said
little Willie Dunlop to his mother the other even
log as tbe family were seated at supper.
"No, Willie," she answered, "you hv had
too much already. When I was wee like yon I
had to eat my bread and smell my cheese."
A rlcht, mlther." relolned tne urchin, non
chalantly, "please gie me a bit to smell. "Scot-tish-American.
"Why is a feller in pnrsuit of a young
lady like an exclimition point? "
"Because he follows a lass (alas!)" Few Xort
Ueratd.
"Have yon bad much experience in "Wall
street?"
"Tremendous."
"How long were you there?"
"Twenty minutes." Ktro lor Sun.
Pf
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