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;HE' PIlTTSBtLRGr" ODISPATOH, THURSDAY. OCTOBER "9, 1890.
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ESTABLISHED TEBRUARY 8. IMS.
Vol. 45, ,o. ill. Entered at Pittsburg Postoflice,
oveniberH ls7. as second-class matter.
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nnci scant! can obtain it.
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riTTSBURG. THURSDAY, OCX. 9, lS9a
coairETiriox checks extortion.
An attempt is made to prejudice the pub
lic in advance against the McKinlcy tariff
bill by the assertion that it will raise the
price of necessities as well as of luxuries.
This impression is brought about by the
rapacity of some merchants and Importers in
seizing upon the bill, before the public are
fully acquainted with its provisions, as a
pretext of extorting higher prices from
buyers.
That sort of sharp practice is by no means
uncommon. The tacts are that we will have
to wait a few weeks, perhaps a few months,
before the markets can rightly adjust them
selves to tbe conditions imposed by the new
law. But it is well to note that there has
been absolutely no pressure or necessity
brought to bear on importers thus far for in
creasing prices at all. There has not been
enough time for any foreign goods
worth mentioning to get into the
country since Monday, when the
new schedule of customs became
operative. The goods upon which prices
are now being advanced are, for the most
part, goods which came in under tbe old
tarifi and which could be sold at the old
prices if the importers and merchants did
not wish to take the advantage.of the extra
dollar which isto be made by talking up the
increased tariff. Eggs in the Pittsbuig and
Allegheny markets were advanced several
cents per dozen the morning the tariff law
went into effect. Of course they were not
Canadian eggs cither; nor did they pay
duty.
This is just mentioned to indicate that
there is room for a good deal of clap-trap
about the threatened increase of prices. That
prices will be changed on a number of com
modities is quite likely; but the
forces of competition must be
got in play before the general
results can be estimated. The very purpose
of the tariff is to stimulate home industries.
"Whether it he in eggs, or carpets, or dry
goods, if sharp and big profits are shown to
arise from the new state of things, it will
not be long before more people and more
capital engage in the business which is pro
ducing these large profits. Nothing indeed,1
but the formation ot new trusts in a whole
sale way.can prevent this competition which
is the check to extortion. As The Dis
patch has said frequently in the considera
tion of the McKin ij bil", some months will
be required to est'm its effects. But in
the meantime it is not in the least strange
thatthe temporary unsettlement caused by the
increased duties on foreign goods is taken ad
vantage of by parties with large stocks of low
tariff goods on hand to sell them for as much
as possible, on a high tariff basis. Nor is it
surprising that Democratic papers or politi
cians make a great ado at the start over the
new market quotations.
The public will not expect wonders in a
week, nor will they be alarmed by advances
that are so manifestly fictitious as some that
have been announced in the past (evr days.
The only sort of judgment that can be worth
anything about the operation of the tarifi
must wait until the market steadies and the
forces of competition at home, inspired by
the increased profits and inducements for
home production, come into play.
EVILS OF THE STAGE.
The Actors' Order of Friendship has pro
tested against the use of indecent pictorial
posters to advertise a certain class of theat
rical entertainments. Such reputable ac
tors as Mr. Stuart llohson .and his associates
in the Order believe that it is against the
interesr of the theater to fill store
windows and fences with pictures of
extra decollete females, and every
sensible man will agree with them. But the
protest might be made broader. It might,
with advantage, take in the performances on
the stage, which sometimes more than rival
the lithographs in suggestivencss and
downricht indecency. The New York
btage recently gave a glaring example of the
lengths to which these exploiters of the in
decent will go. The pictures are bad
enough, but the reality upon the boards is
worse. The managers who are responsible
for both should be outlawed by respectable
actors.
XOT LIKELY TO WOBK.
A rather novel plan of settling a Con
gressional deadlock is that adopted by the
conferees of the Twenty-first Congressional
district in submitting it to tbe State chair
man. It authorizes him to pick out three
men from outside the district who shall
name tbe Congressional nominee. As this
practically places the nomination of Con
gressmen directly in the hands of the State
chairman, it is not strange that it evokes the
comment from the Philadelphia Press that
it "provides something a little worse than
the conferee system at a time when such a
.thing was regarded as impossible."
The possibilities of nomination by this
method are so clear they hardly need be en
larged upon. The conferees who toot this
action might have referred the matter back
to the voters of the district with a statement
that the plan of nomination under which
they were working rendered it impos
sible to make a nomination, and
advising the people to adopt some
better plan. Instead of that, at a time when
there are decided intimations of a revolt be
cause the State managers hold the naming
of Governors, the action adds to their func
tions the nomination of Congressmen. The
conditions of this transfer specifically con
vey the practical declaration that the politi
cal system ot the Twenty-first district is
such that the people are unable to nominate
their own candidates.
There is an additional feature to this gift
o! a Congressional nomination which bids
fair to convert it into a bone of contention,
like that fabled apple at te feast of Olym
pus. It is just announced that the (an
guine Cooper, after being firmly ejected
irom the State Chairmanship last year, is
now to take charge of the campaign work,
"in conjunction," as the organs put it, with
Chairman Andrews. This entente cordiale
between the fiery-locked Field Marshal of
other days, and the man for whose advance
ment he was turned down, is a beautiful
thing to contemplate; but does any
one imagine that it will sur
vive the chucking of a bone
of contention like this in its midst? 'Will
cot the hopeful disposition of Cooper clearly
recognize that when it comes to making a
Congressional nomination, the man who
bears the heat and burden of fray is en
titled to that choice bit of patronage. On
the other hand is Mr. Andrews likely to let
a morsel like naming a Congressman slip
between his fingers?
Decidedly, the new plan will not do.
Even if the conferees thought it worth while
to make the experiment, they should have
had discretion enough to wait until some
year when it was necessary for the Bepubli
can cause to have two State chairmen.
IT MEANS "WHAT IT SATS.
The esteemed Philadelphia Press accuses
The Dispatch of misrepresenting it by
attributing to it the argument with regard
to Senator Delamater's violation of the Con
stitution, that as "Senator Delamater has
not been convicted on this charge" he is not
disqualified by the constitutional provision.
There was no intention to misrepresent
our cotemporary. The words quoted were
transcribed direct from its editorial columns
where they were used in connection with a
denial of the disqualification; and it is
somewhat difficult to perceive their appo
siteness in any other sense than by the ap
plication which we gave to them. It is,
however, more creditable to the Press to re
pudiate having resorted to any such humili
ating though technically truthful plea; and
we are glad to credit it with having used
tbe words merely as a multiplication of
verbiage, in the line adopted by the Repub
licans in this campaign, of general denial
and nothing more.
In the same connection the Press finally
works out a definite statement of its con
struction of the language of the Constitu
tion so as to accord with its assertion that
the constitutional provision does not apply
to Senator Delamater's case. After quoting
the language of the Constitution, it develops
its idea of the meaning of the law as fol
lows: This is plain enough. Tbe law authorizes the
deposit of the public moneys with bankers, and
tbe deposits of certain amounts with a bank in
which Senator Delamater happened to have an
interest was entirely witbin tbe law. No use of
the funds was made not authorized by law.
We have only to quote a few simple
words of the Constitution which could never
be misunderstood unless by a political organ
in a desperate strait and compelled to create
confusion in the minds of its readers. The
Constitution says just this: "The making of
profit out of public moneys by any officer of
the State, or member or officer of the Gen
eral Assembly, shall be a misdemeanor and
shall be punished as may be provided by
law; but part ot such punishment shall be
disqualification to hold office for a period of
not less than five years.'
Above is the language and such is the
meaning of section 14. Section 14 also pro
vides if any of the State officials or members
of the General Assembly use the public
moneys "for any purpose whatsoever not
"authorized by law they shall be similarly
disqualified." The latter provision was
never intended to nullify the,, former, and it
is stupid to hold that because Senator Dela
mater did not violate both provisions of
section 14 he must be acquitted in respect
to the one which he did violate.
MR. WATKES PREMONITION.
We are informed that the audience laughed
and his associates on tbe stage were amazed
when Senator Watres, candidate for Lieu
tenant Governor, began his speech at Wash
ington on Tuesday night with this: "Fellow
Republicans: We are on the eve of another
great contest like the contest of 1882 I
mean '88; I mean '88." The audience
should not have laughed. It was unkind.
The eminently respectable candidate occupy
ing the second place on the Republican
ticket seems to have nearly hit the truth.
Nobody has had better opportunity to
realize the similaritv of the campaigns of
1882 and 1890 than Mr. Watres. He has
accompanied Mr. Delamater on his tour
through the State, and his observation crys
talized in the remarkable .confession to the
Washington Republicans. The latter
should have refrained from mirth, for there
was something sad in the incident, although
the rest of the candidates behind Mr. Watres,
in their amazement probably failed to note
it. The shadowofNoveinberappearstobave
fallen upon Mr. Watres already, and the dis
piriting likeness of the cresent to the fall of
1882 is likely to become more apparent to
him as the final hour approaches.
"WELCOMES TO rnrSBDRG!
The distinguished representatives of the
iron and steel industries of Europe arrived
safely in Pittsburg last night. They are
now our guests and are cognizant already of
the warm welcome which Pittsburg offers
them. The journey across the mountains,
broken by short stays at Altoona, Johns
town and Jeannette, has served to
gradually introduce tbem to the resources
of this city, with which they are now to be
come more intimately acquainted. The
Pennsylvania Bailroad with its triumphs of
engineering and mechanical monuments, the
resurrection of Johnstown, and the rapid de
velopment of a new town in Jeannette, form
a fitting overture, as it were, to an extended
view of Pittsburg. We hope that our visit
ors will enjoy to the utmost the sight-seeing
and social entertainments that are before
them, and we venture to assure them once
more that Pittsburg appreciates the honor of
their presence and welcomes them in the
heartiest spirit.
EMBEmSHTNG THE STREETS.
A plan for beautifying city streets is
receiving considerable attention in Phila
delphia, as suggested by Mr. G. Ralston
Ayres, of that city. It is the simple and
inexpensive one of leaving on the residence
streets a wide margin of turf, between side
walk and curbstone, and planting in each
strip a row of shade trees. This involves
no more cost than any other plan which in
cludes sidewalks and curbs, and in a very
few years makes the street on which it is
carried out more attractive than any other
improvement could.
Tbe plan suggested is an old one for many
parts ot the country, and its results in
beautifying certain places are so famous
that it is somewhat singular to find it strik
ing our Philadelphia friends as a novelty.
It is practically the plan which made Hartford
famousastheCityofElmsanddeterminedthe
character of Euclid avenue, in Cleveland,
as one of the finest avenues in the country
before any remarkable private palaces were
built on that magnificent boulevard. Many
of the smaller towns in Northern Ohio have
established a character for beauty "simply
by this means, while the buildings along
their attractive streets are modest and inex
pensive. In the few cases where any ap
proximation has been made to it in Pitts
burg it created the beauty spots of the city.
The universal testimony of experience is
that no adornment of streets is more lasting
or effective in the creation of beauty than
this ohe of planting shade trees between
sidewalk and roadway.
Certainly cities which have neglected that
work of embellishment will do well to take
it up. The fact that it is agitated in Phila
delphia as a new idea shows how that city
during its long life has neglected a cheap
but effective mode of embellishment, and
proposes to make up for the neglect, Pitts
burg should join in the movement, and an
excellent opportunity is at present afforded
to do it There are now 'probably a dozen
miles of street in process of improvement,
along which a strip of turf and shade trees
could be placed between the curbs and side
walks without appreciably increasing ex
pense. The gain in beauty will be beyond
calculation; while the actual 'enhancement
ot rental value by the superior beauty of
the streets will constitute a rich return for
the slight cost of improvement.
CANAL, ROUTES SURVEYED.
The surveys for the Pennsylvania ship
canal are now complete, thanks to the skill
and energy of the Commission. A report
favorable to the project may be looked for
all in due season. The commissioners are in
clined to prefer the Beaver Valley route,
and some of their reasons for so doing may
be found in another column. A notice
able feature in the Beaver Valley
canal's favor is that it can
be completed with only forty-nine
locks, a third of the number required in the
case of the old Erie canal. The appropria
tion for the Ohio river dam at Beaver under
the river and harbors act will have a
tendency to promote the construction oi the
connecting canal with Lake Erie. Those
who favor the French creek route will find
comfort in Colonel Roberts' prediction that
the building of the Beaver Valley canal
will be attended by such immense benefits
to commerce that the French creek water
way will be imperatively demanded by the
people.
The charge that the so-called "land for
feiture bill" passed at the recent session of
Congress was not a land forfeiture bill at all,
was maae on tbe floor of tbe House, when the
bill was on its passage. It is now corroborated
by President Oakes, of the Northern Pacific,
who says the bill establishes the title of his
company to nearly fifty million acres of land,
and that the land forfeited between Wallnla
Junction and Portland is no less, because bis
company never expected to acquire it. Even
taking the charitable view that there was no
bad faith In tbe passage of the bill, it is a re
markable commentary on the present Congress
tbat when it tries to pass a land forfeiture bill,
it really passes a land grab bill.
Senator Watres joins the Philadelphia
Inquirer in recognizing the similarity of the
present campaign to tbat of 18S2. Every one is
beginnln g to see it; but tbe perception will not
be complete until it is discovered tbat it is like
the campaign of 1S82, except tbat it is more so.
Is- connection with the rejection of a de
mand of the miners of Ishpeming, Mich . for a
reduction of tbe hours of work, the New York
World solemnly points out tbe fact tbat "tbe
duty on soft coal was left at 75 cents per ton
for the ostensible purpose of increasing the de
mand for and the wages of labor." The es
teemed World is evidently in need of the in
formation that there is no soft coal mined
within some hundreds of miles ot Isbpeming.
Tbe miners there mine iron ore.
The fusion movement in the New York
City tickets is referred to by the New York
Sun as "tbe combination of parsons and Re
publicans." This looks like a certificate of
good character for tbe Republicans who are
joining tbe fusion movement.
The police count in the city of New York
indicates a population 200,000 greater than tbat
shown by the United States census. If Pitts
burg should arouse itself to call for a similar
improvement of the showing of popnlation.
the same ratio would give it a population of
270,000, and would show an aggregate for tbe
two cities of 885,001
The London Times continues to vilify
the United States for proposing to send relief
to Ireland, but as tbe words of the Times do not
satisfy the hunger of the Irish, America will
continue to send the relief, just the same.
The theory of the Philadelphia Press
that when tbe Constitution says one thing it
means another, would be convenient as ex
plaining tbe fact that the Pennsylvania Rail
road now controls tbe South Penn. But un
fortunately tbe Supreme Court holds that the
Constitution means what it says.
The river and harbor bill did not con
tribute a cent to tbe improvement of Salt
river. Evidently the Congressmen have their
own interests in view and do not desire to make
tbat stream navigable.
ALL SORTS OF PEOPLE.
Mrs. Langtry is resting In Paris.
Sam Joues will lecture in Florida this win
ter. '
Queen Victoria is passionately fond of
babies.
Gladstone says that an Irish eviction is
equivalent tc a death sentence.
Eh-Govern on Aloee is negotiating for the
purchase of 500,000 worth of timber.
John Buius,tbe rising English labor leader,
is a man of striking individuality. He is a
candidate for Parliament.
Prizefighter Dempsey says that tbe ring
affords tbe best and the most delightful exer
cl se of any athletic sport.
The Czar of Russia is the largest of all living
landed proprietors, owning an estate whicbis
nearly equal in area to the whole of France.
Secretary Blaine may visit Atlanta and
other Southern points. Tbe people there are
anxious to hear him on the reciprocity ques
tion. Jean IngelowIs a sweet-faced lady with
snow whito bair and indomitable industry. She
sends prose composition -to several English
magazines.
Says Mr. Stanley: "Assuredly I shall not
soon return to Africa. First of all, I have to
give lectures in the United States. Then I am
entitled to a little rest"
The leading social event in London the com
ing year is the proposed marriage of Princess
Maud, yonngest daughter of tbe Prince of
Wales, to Ferdinand de Rothschild.
Little Alpbonso XHL, of Spain, Is ) years
old. He has a prodigious appetitef and if Is
necessary to watch him carefully at table to
prevent him from cormandizing. He is put to
bea promptly at 8 every night, and is waked
up at 7 for his cold bath, which he takes as
readily as if he were a hardy young English
boy.
Michigan's newest millionaire, James M.
Ashley, started out 12 years ago without a dollar
and In tbat time has built and equipped 400
miles of railroad, and, without freezing out a
stockholder or cheating anyone out of a penny,
now controls it and is worth 2,000,000 if he's
worth a nickel. How did he do itf He cannot
speak without stuttering.
Now You Hush.
From the Youngstown Telegram, j
There is some talk in Pittsburg of having a
celebration July 1, 1900, on the completion of
the Government .building, but It is onlyjaUv
as there is no assurance that it will be finished.
until a decade later.
UUR SHORT STORIES.
NEVER SET BY, ER STRANGE WHITE MAN.
Adst Lutdt returned from a visit to her son
with deep marks of trouble on her ebony
face. Pressed for tbe cause of ber distress she
said: "Honey, yer ain't nuver gwine to git dis
chlle-ter set side er strange white man ergin.
Ef I gits on de train atj Hopes station fur ter
come bomefumgwinetersee merson whut'sde
cook at de hotel dar.I goes in de cheer car ca'se
dat's wbar er fady lack me belongs. Car wuzn'
but de one empty cheer. I look at de man whut
wuz in de nex' cheer, an' I ses ter mer set,
'Lindy, yer don' wanter set by dat man fur he's
fat an' pussy an' mos' bal an' de little har he's
got's red.' Des den de drummer whut wuz set
tin1 bin' him say, 'Set down, aunty, set down.
Dat man's mer frien'.' I nuver lack It 'bout
him callin' me aunty, but I 'spect be nuver
knowed no better. I sot down an' tuck mer
carpet bag in mer lap. Den de drummer call
de fat man an' he wake up. 1 nuver
look at him, ca'se er lady haster be
mighty 'tickler 'bout er strange man. I 'nz er
settin' dar wid mer cawpet bag In mer lap, des
lack I'm er tellin' yer, honey, an' Ifeelsumpin'
drap inter mer lap. I look down, an' it wuz er
snaUo. I des fetch one yell, an' fell outen de
cheer back'ards, and breck it all ter pieces. De
cawpet flew up an' come down an' bus', an' all
mer clo'es an' de bam an' de bread an' vittels
whut mer son gimme f urn do hotel fly out all
ober de car an' de folkses. All ub 'em laff, an'
datfatmanlaff doloudes'. Den I know dat it
wuz bim whut had de snake. Er man say.
'Aunty, dat wuz erinja rubber snake.' Den 1
gits mad, honey. De conductor meek er big
fuss 'bout me breckin' de cheer, but I nuver say
nuthin' 'tall ter bim. I des pick up all de t'ings
on en de flo', an' I tell dat fat man my 'pinion ub
er man wbut's so low-down an' mean an nasty
as to skeer er lady jistco'se she won't pay no
'tention ter him. Dat's de las' time, honey, dat
I goes er trablin' lessen I got er geman wid me
furter'tectme."
NO COFFEE LIKE MOTHER'S.
'The day after she went away for a week's
real rest withont the children the nsual
complaints arose at tbe table. All the children
declared that there was something wrong with
the coffee it wasn't like the coffee that
mother made. They asserted this at breakfast
and reiterated it at supper, and Miss Ethel,
who was playing matron, in vain tried to
smother the rebellion. Thore was grumbling
at other things, bnt nothing so energetic as the
kick at the coffee. And tbe outcry continued
all tho week the mistress of the house was ab
sent. When she got back one of tbe first things she
heard of was tbe dally coffeo riot. You can
imagine how grateful it was to her maternal
ears to hear her eldest buy say emphatically:
"We've not bad a decent cup of coifeo since
you've been gone, mamma!" A mother never
outgrows susceptibility to such flattery, and
when this one hurried downstairs to oversee
tbe preparation of breakfast tbe next morning
she was intent upon out-doing herself as a con
cocter of delicious coftee.
Tbe children straggled in, paterfamilias last
as usual, and tbe coffee pot emitted a wreath
of steam from its spout Mater-familias put
cream aBd sugar in her eldest boy's cup first
he had burned more incense than the rest in
ber honor. As she lifted the coffee pot the
hired girl spoke to her, and she filled the cup
beforo her and passed it mechanically down
tbe table with eyes averted. Then came a roar
of laughter, and tho favored son exclaimed:
"Why, mamma, you have forgotten tbecoffeel"
8(5 sbe had. The coffee-pot contained hot
water straight.
A CROSS-EXAMINATION.
TXr P. Hacks et, a lawyer of Winfleld, Kan.,
was defending a man on tbe charge of
murder some time ago. There was no doubt
but his client had killed tbe man, and tbe plea
of self-defense bad been set up.
Tho principal witness for the prosecution was
an old fellow whose appearance was decidedly
against him. He was over six feet tall, very
slim, and the continual use of tobacco had
turned him the color of chocolate, while tbe
shirt that he was wearing was of the color of
an old and mucb-used meerschaum pipe. He
talked deliberately, and his story made a
strong case against the prisoner.
During tbe examination Hackney had come
tbe old dodge of being apparently very busy
and paying no attention to the examination.
He bad sized tbe man up, however, and knew
tbat any attempt at bulldozing him into a
passion so that be would impeach himself
would be fruitless. He therefore reSolved on
a different plan.
When tbe witness was turned over for cross
examination, Hackney scowled at him a min
ute fiercely.
"Stand up," ho commanded.
Tho witness slowly stretched out his six feet
of masculinity.
"Turn around and let the jury look at you,"
was tbe next order.
Tbe witness turned bis face to the jury, a
face, covered with hair till It resembled a door
mat. His comical appearance and slow move
ments were too much for the jury, and tbey
all tittered. As the witness turned to sit down,
Hackney, wbo had again resumed his writing,
said: "That is all. You may step down."
That was all tbe examination given, bnt it was
enough to impeach the witness, and the pris
oner was acquitted. ,
HE DRANK WATER.
'There is a stout jolly-looking writer on a
Pittsburg paper who never drinks anything
stronger than water. Affidavits covering this
statement are extant. Tbe other night being
thirsty, he went into a beer saloon and bought
a lemonade. A man may order a lemonade
even in a Oerman beer saloon without incurring
tho proprietor's dislike. Wben he had swal
lowed tbe acidulated draught be resolved to
provide against tbe return of thirst by taking
up to bis office some ice water. He said to tbe
bartender: "Prythee give me a pail of water?"
"What!" politely queried the artist at the
tap.
"(Jive me a growler full of water and a
chunk of ice."
"What fort" asked the bartender with his
eyebrows in his bang.
"To drink. Want to take it with me see?"
"I don't know," said tbe bartender, and ho
went and fetched the proprietor.
"What for you want der water?" asked the
saloon keeper, and it was noteworthy that he
gripped tbe beer mallet tightly as if be ex
pected tbe lunatic to be violent.
"To drink, of course," was the reply.
"Want to drink water!! What for? Want to
drink water!!!" and repeating this over and
over again tbe proprietor and bartender went
to the rear of the saloon, where they held a
conference as to the unparalleled demand.
They decided in the petitioner's favor, but bo
knew from their looks that they thought ho
had water on the brain.
THEATRICAL NOTES.
1 1
Both performances of opera at the Bijou
yesterday attracted great crowds, and in tho
evening "II Trovatore" sent standing room to a
premium. "The Bohemian Girl" and "11 Trov
atore" gave general satisfaction, and the latter
performance showed a marked Improvement in
chores and orchestra.
Those very popular comedians, Monroe and
Rice, make their second appearance before a
Bijou audience next Monday evening: The
piece, "My Annt Bridget" is one of those
merry, peculiar plays, written for laughing pur
poses only, with very little plot, as usual, with
all, musical farce, comedies. The play Itself
creates unlimited laughter, and the singing
was last year meritorious, while the dancing of
Messrs. Bice and Mack and the Misses Rose
bud andMcDonald was above; tho average. Mr.
George Monroe sings his new song, ':Tbe Irish
Jubilee," and Catharine LinyarcTslngs, "Steady,
Boys, Steady."
The first appearance here of the Panline Hall
Opera Company is looked forward to with In
terest, as tbe charming Pauline is undoubtedly
a great favorite in this city. The company
comes to the Grand Opera House next week
and will produce the operas "Amorita" and
"Ermlnie," tbe former for the first four nights
and Wednesday matinee, and the latter on
Friday and Saturday matinee and night.
"Amorita" Is new to Pittsburg, never having
been heard outside of New York until Miss
Hall produced it last week in Philadelphia.
The costumes and scenery are,-sald to be very
costly and beautiful, and fn Philadelphia,
where tbe company opened its season, tbe cress
was unanimous In praise of the beauty of tho
production. Charles H. Drew is tbe comedian
of the company, and Homle Weldon, who
scored such a success In "Amorita " last sea
son, la the prima donna,
A PRECIOUS GIFT.
Miss Elizabeth S. Dickson's Birthday Hand
somely Itemembered by Her Nephews
and Nieces Tho Craze for Scarlet Sev
eral Weddings Social Gossip.
A handsome diamond ring, gayety and joy,
such was tbe happy combination that made
Tuesday, the 50th birthday anniversary of Miss
Elizabeth S. Dickson, of Edgewortb, a memor
able day. The sparkling solitaire was pre
sented by her nephews and nieces, who united
in the gift to "Aunt Lib" as an evidence of
their appreciation of the many kindnesses
shown them all by her since first began the In
vasion of tbe old Dickson homestead by those
tyrants of all fortunate families, known as
grandchildren. It was In the evening by the
fireside in the cosy sitting room of tbe ancient
mansion, just when Miss Dickson was conclud
ing tbat her anniversary had been forgotten
that theinvasion and presentation was effected
Those who united in this token of their regard
were John D., Bobert W., William A. Mary
D., Margaret W., Kathenne Q-, and Laurie,
children of Mr. and Mrs. Alexander M. Wat
son; John D Henry L., Bennett, Paul H.,
lboma, Joseph, Matthew and Agnes, children
of Mr. and Mrs. Thomas J. Graff; Joseph D.,
Benjamin, John D., James, Frank, Louise and
Marion, children of Mr. and Mrs. B. L. H.
Dabbs; Robert W.. son of Dr. and Mrs. Joseph
N. Dickson; Agnes, danghter of .Dr. and Mrs.
John S. Dickson, and J. Dickson Godfrey, son
of Mr. and Mrs. Ed. C. Godfrey, many of whom
are well known in business and professional
walks in this vicinity.
Miss Dickson Is a daughter of Dr. John Dick
son, deceased, still remembered as the most
celebrated physician and snrgeon of Pittsburg,
and also as a man of vast and profound learn
ing in the natural sciences. Her mother, also
deceased, was Mary Ann Way, ot the well
known Quaker Ways, who settled in the
Semckley valley a century ago. having pur
chased their lands, still in the family, from the
original Penns. Sbe is a nleco of Dr. H. Dick
son, and of Dr. Thomas Dickson, who died in
consequence of camp fever contracted at
Gettysburg during the war, and is a sister ot
Dr. Joseph N. Dickson and Dr. John S. Dick
son, who are too well known to require any
further identification with the life and achiev
ments of this city.
LOVEBS ON THE STAGE.
A TJrtlo Spat Between Singers at tho Re
hearsal of an Opera.
One wouldn't think to see tbe various love
scenes in "Bohemian Girl" between Arline
(Myra Mirella) and Thaddeus (F. Miohelena)
that they could ever be cranky with each
other, liko ordinary mortals. But they can,
and they are, quite frequently, which fact only
proves more conclusively that their acting yes
terday afternoon, as well as their singing, was
very artistic
Miss Mirella is a natural beanty, either on
the stage or off, and just a weo bit spoiled by
over-indulgence and petting. An incident at
rehearsal the other day evidenced thi9, and
caused poor Mlcnelena to gnaw his black
mustache in silent rage. The director, who is
to tbe ordinary observer slightly dictatorial
beyond tbe requirements of his position, ven
tured to suggest in an abrupt tone and man
ner that Miss Mirella did not render her part
with the desired degree of excellence.
The little beauty, with flashing eyes and a
defiant air, qulcjtly responded, "Well, I can do
no better as long as he does so poorly."
Tbe "he" referred to was Michelena, and the
director's criticisms following the tart remark
of Miss Mirella were sufficient to call forth a
bit of natural acting on his part tbat was far
ahead ot anything attempted by him in the
opera. The way he folded his arms and gazed
with superiority npon thoso around him and
everything in general, at the same time biting
furiously at tbe long silken hairs of his mus
tache, was the perfection of art. But what
ever their differences behind the scenes tbey
are in perfect harmony before the audience, if
such is necessary, and certainly make the most
irresistible lovers. Quite a large house wit
nessed the "Bohemian GlrL"
AN INDIANA WEBBING.
George B. Stewart United to Miss Ella M.
Wilson.
Mr. George R. Stewart was married last
evening to Miss Ella M. Wilson, daughter of A.
W. Wilson, a prominent merchant of Indiana,
Fa. Tbe ceremony took place at the residence
of the bride's parents, being conducted by Prof.
Wilson, of the Western Theological Seminary,
a brother of the bride, assisted by Rev. J. H.
Stewart a brother of the groom. AmoDg those
cresent were Judge Clark and Miss Annie
Clark, of Indiana; Prof. Fair and wife, of Kis
kimlnetas;S. F. Stewart f Des Moines; Robert
Smitb, President of the Union National Bank
of Pittsburg, and wife; Mrs. J. H. Stewart; J.
W. Stuart; D. B. Stuart and wife, of Edge ortb;
Miss Shaw, of Allegheny; Mrs. Stewart, of
Irwin, and John Quay, and wife, of East Liver
pool. Thaoresents were numerous and costly.
The voung couple will make a bridal tour of
the West.
Golden Circle's Good Work.
An organization called the Golden Circle,
composed of members of King's Daughters,
have undertaken a work of evangelization
among the patients at the West Penn Hospital.
An appeal is made for capers, books, and in
fact any reading matter tbat would tend to
make the long bours of the sufferer pass more
quickly. Last Sunday ten Bibles were given
out and the circle alsd distributed 200 papers
and a quantity of fruit. Donations will be ac
knowledged if sent to Mrs. Morrow, at No. 93
Buena Vista street or Mrs. J. M. Porter. No.
184 Northavenuc.
Bayley-Sponsler Nuptials.
Howard Bayley, a well-known young Smith
field street business man, was married last
evening at Trinity Episcopal Church to Miss
Cora Sponsler, of Church avenue, Allegheny
City. After tho ceremony, which was attended
by only a few intimate friends and relatives,
tbe party repaired to tbe Hotel Duquesne,
where the wedding dinner was enjoyed. The
bride and groom left on the limited at i) o'clock
for Chicaeo and tbe West, where they will re
main for two or three weeks.
The Count Will Not be Here.
The Corate de Paris will not be present at tbe
banquet to be given by tho Loyal Legion in this
city tbe 12th of next month, but elaborate
preparations are in order for the event and a
royal good time is anticipated nevertheless.
Social Chatter.
Colonel asd Mrs. W. W. Scott, of Se
wickley, give a reception this evening to pre
sent their two daughters, Misses Gertrude and
Winifred Scott charming yonng girls who
graduated last June at Hollidaysburg.
The tenth anniversary of the Woman's
Indian Association of Pittsburg and Alleeheny
will be celebrated to-day in the parlors of the
Young Women's Boarding Home, Stockton
avenue, Allegheny.
A reception will be given In Cyclorama
Hall Friday eveningj October 21. of which
Messrs. W. G. Herr, W. C. Gray, T. A. Dunn,
H. E. Hill and T. Harry Dolan will be the Be
ccption Committee.
The Pittsburg Amatenr Photographers' As
sociation has returned from a delightful ex
cursion to Cuyahoga Falls, bringing with them
many proofs of tbe beauties of tho place.
Musio and flowers, grace and beanty, and
English and American nobility will meet and
mlnglo at tbe grand reception at tbe Duquesne
Club this evoning.
Mrs. Blair, of Sewickley, gives a progressive
euchre party this afternoon for Mrs. B, J. Cun
ningham, the Edith Gilmore of old.
The McKnight-Semnle nnptlals at Christ's
Church on Union avenue this evening.
The Murpby-Holmes wedding at Calvary
Episcopal Church to-night.
The Robinson-Fleming wedding this even
ing, ,
Rough on Congress.
From the SavannahNewg.
Congress has stopped wrangling and left the
Capitol. And that's about all it did leave.
DEATHS OF A DAY.
William B, Davis.
William P. Davis, brother of Thomas H. Davis,
Ksq., died yesterday at his residence In the Twenty-seventh
ward after an illness of roar years of
Buffering, which he boro with patient fortitude,
departing with a smile on Ills face at bis release.
Mr. Davis' was a nailer, well known and highly
regarded In the UDpcr Southslde, an evidence of
tbli being t(jAt though a strong Republican in
sentiment and practice, his standing was snch
that he was elected a member of the school board,
though the district Is strongly Democratic, and
when it was St. Clair borough, years ago, Mr. Da-
vis was the choice of both parties in the Boron th
Council- He bequeaths to his children an honor-
able record aa husband, rather, pnbllc spirited
cltlien and soldier, having been in service-daring
ine iseoeuiuu.
Michael Davln.
"Michael Davin, one or tbe oldest residents of
Woods' Kan, died yesterday morning at his resl-
dence,JSo. CS3 Treble fcyenue. He was la hls7xd
Tearandwasreinecteabrhls neighbors and ac-
imuiuiances, i
SNAP SHOTS IN SEASON.
While wrestling with tho world you must
expect to lose some of the falls.
Of course you have lost something at tome
time or other. If not a dog, perhaps a dollar,
eh? Well, did yon ever lose an idea?
No? That's odd. Never lost one of those
little things that bob up unexpectedly waifs
which give a moment's pleasure, and, proVoI
flyaway before yon have time to fix them
firmly In your mind. Now think a bit Haven't
you a memory of a something that came and
went before you could catch it. and after It
left you felt as if you mitsed it? The chances
are you have. And did you ever try to hunt up
this lost idea? It you did you gave Thought a
hard task. When yon lose la dog you can ad
vertise or engage a detective you can de
scribe it. if not found you can get another
dog. If yon lose a dollar you can replace It
with another dollar. But if you lose an idea
well you just lose it that's all. Concentrate all
your brain force on tbe stray, bend your whole
mind and search every thought tbat comes
along, still there's no cine. It's gone, at least
for the present beyond recovery. But the
thought of it lingers a puzzle, a ghost of the
memory, a flash from tbe brain, a thing that
wasbutisnottbongh ever present. And how
bard it is to forget, too. It keeps bobbtng,np,
crossing andrecrossing the thought line, playing
hide-and-seek with the imagination. So we
chase it and chase it, until at last we give up in
despair and bide our time. Doubtless it will
come again come when we least expect it, and
comotostay. Then we greet it like an old
friend whose features arenot quite familiar and
do our best to entertain it If I hadn't lost an
idea during the daily grind, this idea would
would never have occurred to me.
The old maid Is a living monument of a Miss
spent life.
The fellow who forges a check Is very apt to
wear a check suit
Allegheny will have a glad Stone If the
ballots fall that way next month.
Stomach trouble has forced the Prohibition
candidate for Governor in Delaware to with
draw. He should follow Bible advice and take
a little something for his stomach's sake.
It's strange how events never lot the world
lag.
And keep oily tongues on an eternal wag;
Just as soon as one thing takes tbe place of an
other Then it seems to annoy us farvorse than the
other.
When Congress was clashing and in an uproar
Reed smashing old rules and cranks breaking
the door
People patiently listened, and longed tor the
day
When the tap of the gavel would send them
away.
Wben the fellows who live by pounding the
ball
Kept up a great racket till late in the fall,
Tbe pnbllc, though tired, simply wore a broad
smile.
Assured that the thing couldn't last all the
while.
Now these rude disturbers of life's sweet re
pose Have ceased, but are followed by far greater
woes.
Since the fellows who hunger for honor ana
pap
Are abroad in the land. Politics are on tap,
The red-headed and hopeful Cooper has
been called upon to manage the fag end ot
Delamater's campaign. Coopers and barrels
go together. Now tbey will whoop it up.
The tramp works harder doing nothing than
the fellow who performs an honest day's work.
Imitation Is not difficult.
Imitate.
The monkey can
The Force bill is not dead, but sleeping. It
will force Congress to reassemble as soon as
the Congressmen" who have little disagreements
on hand are returned or retired.
If we were compelled to count the clock ticks,
slower time would be made In the race for
riches.
Some girls who horseback: riding go are a
little loose in their habits. It's the dressmak
er's fault however.
The chimney sweep is easily sooted,
If President Harrison didn't shift about oc
casionally the people wouldn't know what he is
there for. ,
Storms usually die on the day they are born.
A whiter in a wet goods journal says liquor
strengthens the voice. Ho does an onion.
When you critlclso the mistakes and misses
in a newspaper remember that it was made in a
day.
About tbe only thing that can be left lying
around loose nowadays is a toothbrush.
A Delaware State Senator has achieved
notoriety by kicking a woman. Kilgore's stylo
of statesmanship is catching on.
The watch on tbo Rhine does not furnish
Germany with standard time.
When the mlsmated coo until Cupid lets fly
The arrow tbat follows lore's course.
Then the pair should endeavor to put a sum by
To purchase a legal divorce.
The people will soon grow accustomed to the
new customs bill.
The chief officer of the Chicago Health
Board has ordered that young ladies hereafter
must be vaccinated on tbe arms. There's
plenty of room on a Chicago girl's foot and we
don't blame them for kicking against the edict
It is to be hoped tbe baseball managers will
shuffle off before making any deal.
Sweet were those days of childish plays
WbfAj we roamed and romped together,
And 'twas not amiss to steal a kiss
As we scurried o'er the heather. r
Bat these are past they could not last
You're now a Mias in dresses;
Tbe band whose stroke boy-love awoke
Some other chap caresses.
The Government will locate the fifth dam in
tho Ohio at Beaver.. It's bard to tell where or
how tbe river men will place their damns.
A river Is never hungry, because its month
is always full.
The error In the tariff bill which lets choco
at in for two instead of five cents, was dis
covered too late to rectify. Chocolate chewers
will not object.
The girl who powders ber face foolishly Im
agines she can throw dust into the eyes of her
beau.
President Harrison can make mora noise
on a locomotive than anywhere else, it sftms.
Politicai. organs are played by manipulat
ing tbe keys of the treasury.
Willie Winkle.
Politics of the W. 6, T. U.
Miss YTUlard in ChicagoT'lmes.
There is not the slightest organic connection
between the Woman's Christian Temperance
Union and any other organization or any po
litical party. As far as the third party is con
cerned all we do is simply to pass resolutions
indorsing it. Wben either the Republican or
Democratic party shall espouse our cause we
will as heartily pa?s resolutions in its favor. Wo
shall not thank tbo Supreme Court for its de
cision in the original package case, but we will
thank Congress for tbe passage of the act over
turning that decision. In short we are around
watching for good deeds of men in order that
we may say something good about them.
The Goddess of liberty Most Go.
from the Koton Ulobe.
Am'mg tho laws passed by the lateCongrets
was the one which says in effect thatthe God
dess of Liberty must go from the silver half
dollars, quarters and, dimes.. Liberty's cap on
the end of a pole Is a hateful emblem' to those
HOW DO YOU VOTE?
Some More Popular Topics for Exposition
Visitors to Ballot On.
This is the sixth week of the Exposition.
Tbe topical voting pastime Inaugurated by
The Dispatch will be continued till the close
at its headquarters, in the commodious space
occupied by the Brnnswlck-Balk-Coliender Bill
lard Company. This week some vital topics
have been selected, and all are requested to
vote yes or no n The Dispatch Poll Book,
which opens and closes with the Exposition
evefy day and night.
THUESDAY'S VOTING TOPIC.
Should Cobble Stone Pavements be Prohibited
In All Sections of the City? Open to lady
and gentlemen voters.
FBIDAT'S VOTINO TOPIC.
Should the Exposition be Kept Open for a
Longer Period Next Year ? Open to lady
and gentlemen voters.
KNOWN IK ENGLAND.
A Member of the British Party After Infor
. matlou About Our Schools.
"English, quite English, you know," was a
letter received yesterday at the rooms of the
Central Board of Education from the "Luckey.
Esq., Superintendent of Pnbllc Schools," that
appeared upon the envelope to the inscription,
and the signature contained within. Tbe in
scription was to tho effect thatthe writer would
be at the Monongahela House for several days
with the British party, of which he was a mem
ber, and that it was his desire to learn all he
conldof Pittsbnrg public schools, wnose fame
had reached old England, while he was in the
city, and th-it he would have to depend npon
Superintendent Luckey for the Information or
directions how to obtain it.
The signature was that of a very prominent
English gentleman, whose interest in our pub
lic schools is a well deserved compliment to
them.
TO PLASH LIGHT ON THEM.
How the Atlantic City Officials Will be
Entertained Here.
The party of Atlantic City officials who are
coming to Pittsbnrg to inspect the Gamewell
police patrol system will arrive in town this
morning. They will be taken in charge by
Coroner McDowell and Superintendent Morris
Mead, of tbe Burean of Electricity, wbo will do
tbe honors for tbe city
The party will be taken to tho different
patrol stations, and tbe details of the system
will be explained. About tho most interesting
appliance to bo shown them will be the flasb
igbt apparatus, by which all the police down
lown can be called together at a minute's noticev
TVe Legislate for Our Own Country.
From tbe Chattanooga rress.l
The Democratic newspapers have been re
duced In their attempt to find fault with the
McKinley tariff law to quoting the grumblings
and complaints of foreign countries at tbe
passage of that measure. The kicks of the
German, English and French manufacturers
arethonght to.be entitled to great weight in
the disensiion of tbe measure by the howling
free traders of America. Tho Republicans
submit the law to tbe consideration of tbe
people of tbe United States, and rest satisfied
in the assurance tbat it is to foster the interests
of our own country however it may affect the
trade of others.
How Judge Wilson Was Amazed.
From tho Tioga Agitator.;
The Hon. S. F. Wilson, ot this place, was
thrown into a state of great mental excitement
Saturday by the following message: "Em and
the ten-pound girl all right." The telegram
was handed to his Honor, who Is a confirmed
old bachelor, in the postoffice, and he ejacu
lated, "By heavens, another county heard
from." He immediately hied himself to the
telegraph office to find out who "Em" was and
where she lived, and it was there discovered
that the message was for Mr. R. F. Wilson, the
well-known blacksmith. Mrs. Wilson is at the
home of her parents in Bradford.
THE STATE CAMPAIGN.
WlLLlAMSPORTcTun(Dem.): Put your vote
in tbe Blot (for Pattison) and see honest gov
ernment bob up serenely.
Harrisbubq Call (Rep.): "Boss Bill Scott
has the boodle, and Boss Quay has tbe brains,"
is theway tho boys size up the political situa
tion. Harrisburq Patriot (Dem.): The people of
Pittsbnrg gave Pattison a reception on Satur
day night which plainly indicates tbe feeling in
that city regarding tbe pending contest. Alle
gheny wanted Montooth for Governor and not
the great constitution breaker from Crawford
county.
Philadelphia News (Ind.): Mr. Lea con
demns Delamater, because Delamater deserves
condemnation. And what bones: Republican
can help echoing Mr. Lea's closing words, ad
dressed to Delamater: "It is difficult to con
jecture the mental processes by which any self-
respecting citizen can justify to himself a vote
in your favor."
Altoona Times (Dem.): The present con
ditionof the campaign is such as to assure a
Democratic victory at tba polls In November
This is a fact tbat is patent to the leaders of
both parties, and whenever the masses of the
people have become acquainted with the true
situation of affairs the same opinion is also be
ginning to prevail.
Nobristown Herald (Rep,): If tbe Demo
cratic canvass does not show something better
for appeals to voters in the next four weeks
than anonymous slanders against Delamater,
the managers might as well abandon the con
test at once. To persist in tbe course followed
hitherto is an insult to the Intelligence of the
people of the State.
Lancaster Examiner (Rep.): So the cam
paign is iu good shape for tbe Republicans and
will grow better as it progresses. Earnest,
active and united effort will do It But let Re
publicans continue to arouse the masses to the
importance of the interests at stake and work
as though they feared defeat and the victory
will be greater than ever before.
Erie Herald (Dem.): It was a Democratic
Governor who first attempted to relieve the
farmer from the burdens caused by the ine
quality of tbo different taxes, and the Demo
cratic party stands pledged to remove these in
equalities as far as possible. Tbe farmers have
tbe matter in their own hands. Let them elect
a Democratic administration with a Demo
cratic Legislature lack of It and they will se
cure relief from their burdens.
Altoona Times (Dem.): Tho Republican
rorolt iu Pennsylvania is increasing, and it is
impossible to estimate to what extent it may
reach before tbe close of the polls on election
day. It is not an ordinary movement on the
part of a few dissatisfied kickers, but a revolu
tion both in name and reality. Delamater's
prospects were unfavorable wben he was nom
inated as the candidate of a corporate boss,
but now, when ex-Senator Emery has shown
that ho ia not a whit better than his master,
the floodgates of popular Indignation have
broken loose.
WHY ROSY UPS WERE MADE.
As Bessie, Washing, raised herhead.
The handsome fellow archly said,
Stroking his chin.
Pray tell why rosy lips were made?
Baid she They are the sweet blockade
Against young lovers who Invade
Yxhe heart wltnln.
If I the sweet blockade should run
Might I not hold the heart I'd won
By such adventure?
Not every one can take wbo tries!
Hut should tou tate me by surprise
And close the lips. I'd still have eye
Would speak In censure!
Could eyes like those be so unkind?
Then close them uo, lor ''Love Is blind I"
Nay, that's not true, sir!
Can Love bo blind, I'd like to know?
And shoot the unerring arrow so?
He sees more iu some one, I trow.
Than others do, sir.
And why do cheeks get rosy red?
I'll tell you why, sweet Bessie said.
With some emotion
There nature, with consummate art
Paints every passion of the heart
That burning secret to Impart
A maid's devotion!
He stole one kiss! Then two, three, fourl
And would gladly have stolen more
Without repenting.
You've taken oyicart, it must be true
Those rosy lips were made for youl
You'd better take the residue
While I'm consenting.
Frti Smerion Brookl in Ssto Tore Eera-tdt.
' CURIOUS CONDENSATIONS.
The little town of Albion, Mich., claims
250 widows.
The Michigan University has 25 Jap
anese students this year.
A Wisconsin packing company has paid
out SZ&b00 for encumbers this fall.
Over 6,000 men in the United States
struck during tbe month of September.
There are 31 millionaires in Denver, and
3i men worth, on the average. $500,000 each.
The submarine telegraph system of the
world consists of 120,070 nautical miles of cable.
A "Western cowboy committed suicide
because a 13-year-old girl refused to marry
A Georgia man has raised a Mexican
cucumber weighing 33 pounds. It resembled a
green citron.
The name or "Wayne is the title or part
of the title of more places In the Unltod States
than any other.
A Da Bois man has in his yard a palm
tree In blossom, and a plum tree on which
plums are now growing as large as nuts.
At Holly Springs, Ga., a dog fell into
a well and staid there 14 days before his owner
found him. He was taken out and is doln"
well.
A Michigan county farm, which ex
ported 20,000 barrels of apoles last year, did not
produce enough for home consumption this
season.
The sixteenth child of a "Wisconsin
couple arrived the other day and preparations
were immediately begun for the reception of
the seventeenth.
The principal of the New York State
Normal School has forbidden young lady
students from wearing garters. He says gar
ters cause varicose veins.
A Michigan hunter attempted to use
his gun for a cane. He will neither hunt nor
walk for some time to come, although the doc.
tors expect to save his life.
This season's sensation at Cadillac,
Micb., is a 73-pound squash. Last year it had!
a horse which climbed npstairs each morning
and kissed the chambermaid.
Two centennarians have died in Barry
connty, Mich., since the census man started on
his rounds, but Miss Anna Demnnd. 102 years
old, and the oldest of the lot still lives.
One of the sights near Nebraska City is
a massive stone temple built by tbe Mormons
in bonor of Joseph Smith after their expulsion
from Nanvoo. It was also used as a fore
A drove of hogs in Hudson, Mich., be
came intoxicated by drinking the scum from a
-sorghum factory, and in the orgies which fol
toweu one nog was urownea oy tne gay de
bauches. The building of a Free Methodist
Church in Chicago, is causing no end of trouble
In tbe neighborhood in which it is located.
For shouting and noise it beats the Salvation
Army out of sight.
A lewd woman at Butte, Mont, was so
affected oy seeing Clara Morris in tbe role of
Camille that she reformed, married a younjt
man wbo had previously tried in vain to win
her over in the paths of rectitude, and is now a
happy, virtuous wife.
A Maine girl, finding it inconvenient to
carry chewing gum with her. established sta
tions in various parts of tbe town, where she
sticks her quids. One is in a drygoods store,
one in the church choir, one in her own dining
room, one at school, and so on.
A Cincinnati man traveling out "West,
fell from the platform of a train on which ho
was riding, and his coat caught in a rod con
nected with tbe coupling. Thas suspended,
head downward, he was dragged for a number
of miles, finally escaping with only a broken
leg.
The common phrase, ""When Greek
meets Greek, then comes tbe tug of war," Is
the most common misquotation in tho lan
guage. Correctly it should read, "When
Greeks joined Greeks, then was tbe tug of
war." It was first written by Nathaniel Lee in
1700.
Great disappointment is expressed in
naval circles at the remarkable los3 of speed
exhibited by our ocean cruisers. The Baltimoro
averaged only seven knots an hour on her visit
to Swedon. and on a run from Hawaii to the
Pacific coast the Charleston barely made eizht
knots.
A Kansas paper says a leading ques
tion asked a young lady, who was making final
proof on a quarter section, by one of the clerks
in the Lamed United States land office was:
"Which is tbe most direct road leading from
Larned to vour piece of land, and will you bo
at borne if I should call?"
At the public land sale at the State
House in Augusta, Me., on Wednesday, not a
single person appeared to bid. Bv telegraph
and letter, however, five bids were received
and 20 lots were sold. This absence of bid
ders in person rendered tbe sale tbe mo3t
novel in tbe annals of tbe State.
An aged blacksmith of Roxburg, has a
young wile, who seeing sometime ago that her
husband was becoming too feeble to keep up
with his work, volunteered to help him at the
forge. From tbat day onward she has worked
in the shop, and has become a first-class black
smith, both in strength and skill.
Policeman Patrick Stark, of the Third
precinct New York City, fonnd the champion
scrupulous man tbe other day while acting as a
census enumerator. He was J. Gnnker, of No.
78 East Broadway, who refuted to give any in
formation, as in his opinion "It was a reflection
npon tbe United States Government."
Not many years ago the abandoned
timber lands in Aroostook county. Me., away
up near the Brtish Province, were almost
worth less for agricultural purposes. Later on
Swedes and other Industrious foreigners
moved in, and now Aroostook county is tho
greatest potato growing county in New En
gland. Emll Delwich, of Bagley, Mich., in
vited two friends to take a drink with bim, tell
ing them that it was tbe last time they would
drink at his expense, as he was going to die
tbat night They laughed at him and one of
tbem. H. N. Snow, accompanied him home.
Delwich invited 8now to go in and see him die,
and Snow accepted, thinking tbat Delwich
meant suicide and he would be on band to stop
it. Imagine Snow's surprise wben Delwich
calmly sat down in a chair and in less than ten
minutes was dead.
An eccentric farmer near Salamanca.N.
Y" notorious for his needless sloucUufess of
attire, determined to surprise his wlfsby buy
ing a new suit of clothes. While returning
home in the night, bis bundle safely stowed
away In tbe wagon, be thought it would be a
good idea to make his wife's surprise more
complete by greeting her in bis new apparel.
He baited and quickly disrobed, throwing each
of the abandoned earments into tbe river.
Then ho felt in tbe wagon for the new duds,
but failed to find them, and he was obliged to
drive home minus onter clothing: Needless to
say, bis wife's surprise was complete. Next
morning, however, he found the bnndle safely
attached to tbe vehicle by iu own string.
RELAXATION FOR READERS.
Motto of the campaign orators We push
the button, tbe people do the rest. Minneapolis
Journal.
"So the Fair will be held in Cbicago?"
remarked an Eastern visitor.
"Oh. yes," replied a subscriber, monrniully,
"there seems to be no possibility or Its getting
away." Life.
Simpson Where are yon living now?
Skunpson On Portland avenue. Just above Dal
street.
Simpson How convenient! You are within two
blocks or the electric cars.
Sklmpson Ties; but the electric cars are never
within two blocks or me. St. Paul Pioneer-Press.
"Say, Bloxsby," said Bingston, "did yon
see tbat Virginia Knox, that pretty Pittsburg
girl wno married a bogus count. Is to act upon the
sun!" "" '
'ol You don't say? It's funny how these
things work. Wben little Minnie Apolls .got tied
up with a bogus count It wasn't sbe. but St. Paul
who acted acted like sin, too," Chicago Times,
Friend (to Bowery dime museum proprie
tor)Have you been to see the Llllputlans that are
performlns at Mblo's?
Dime Musenm Proprietor (contemptuously)
Yaas.
"What do you think of them?'.
"Think of tbem: Why, I've got dwarfs per
forming at my museum that are twice as bit as
tbem Ldllputlans. "Texas Sifting i.
Smart Yankee. Speaker Heed, I have
called to show you someofmy bite inventions. I
have here a new set of reflex, patent adjustable
rules.
Czar Heed NO use for 'em. I manufacture my
own. Soclc-tront!
"And here I have an appliance by which I can
apply the storage svstem to Congressional quo
rums." "What! Come to my arms! Ob, 'this is the
way 1 long have sought and mourned becans X
found It not ' "-OMcago Hail,