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PITTSBURG. SUNDAY. OCr. 6. 1S90.
THE POLITICAL, STOR3I-CENTER.
The city and surrounding country were
surcharged with political activity last night.
This is evidently regarded as the storm
center. Pattison and his compatriots had a
great reception on the streets and in Old
City Hall, while Republican fireworks
illuminated the stage of the Opera House.
Then the Americus Club with its cay red-white-and-blue
umbrellas gave picturesque
color to the Delamater Meeting at Kittan
ning. The Dispatch this morning presents a
full account of these and other affairs po
litical for the instruction and edification of
the faithful partisan, as well as for the en
tertainment of the greater public
CONSTITUTIONAL FLOUNDERINGS.
After the attempt to ignore the charge
against Mr. Delamater of his violation ot
the Constitution, in carrying State deposits
in his bank while he was a member of the
Legislature, has gone on for two weeks, the
Republican managers have evidently come
to the conclusion that evasion is likely to
hurt more than an attempt to reply to it
The Philadelphia Press makes the attempt,
which, as it is headed, "The answer to Mr.
Hcnsel," may be taken as an effort to do
better for the Republican candidate than be
was able to do for himself on the same issue.
The Press first devotes considerable space
to arguing that as "Senator Delamater has
not been convicted on this charge," the dis
qualification prescribed in the Constitu
tion docs not take etlect. No one seriously
asserts that it does; and whatever comfort
the Press can get irom the assurance that
its candidate for the Governorship is
eligible by the absence of a jury
trial or turning on facts of which there
is no dispute, may be accorded it. The
Press is intelligent enough to see as Sena
tor Delamater did not at first thai it will
not do to rest the case beiore the people on
that remarkable plea. It therefore attempts
to prove that there really was nothing wrong
in the violation of the Constitutional pro
vision referred to; and it flounders around
that subject as follows:
We do not suppose anybody not even Mr.
Hcnsel believes that the provision of the Con
stitution in question was intended to cover tbe
case of a State officer or member of the Legis
lature who might be interested in a bank where
State fnnds were deposited. If that were so it
would affect any bank a single share of whose
stock might be held by a member of either
House or a State officer. There is nowhere
any indication that such was the intention of
the provision, and to attempt to thus apply it
is ridiculous.
It is well known that up to the time the Con
stitution was framed it bad been the custom
for some years for State Treasurers to carry
large amounts of the State moneys in various
hanks, from which they secured a considerable
revenue in the thape of interest. It was to
forbid thistbattbis provision was Incorporated;
to prevent a direct speculation with the State
moneys, cither in the general or sinking fund.
In this explanation, which appears prin
cipally useful in producing as great confu
sion in the minds ot the readers of the
Press as in its own mentality, on the real
provision of the Constitution, two allega
tions are made. One is that tbe Constitu
tional prohibition was"not intended to cover
the case of a State officer who might be in
terested in a bank where State funds are de
posited." The other is that it forbids the
deposit of a considerable sum of money, so
that State Treasurers could draw a revenue
from it. The first position is supported by
the argument that if it were so it might af
fect a bank of which a single share was held
by a member of either House. This is pure
ly imaginative. There is nothing in the
provision affecting the bank; but if tbe
member concerned used the money of the
State so as to draw any appreciable profit
from the State deposits, it affects him very
seriously, unless the Constitution is nulli
fied. The fact with regard to Mr. Delamater is
that the income which, at usual rates of in
terest, he would derive from the State de
posits in his bank was double his salary as
State Senator. As to the allegation 'of the
Press that it was only intended to prevent
State Treasurers from getting a revenue out
of the State deposits, that is an ex-cathedra
assertion which suffers irreparable damage
from collision with the language of the pro
vision itself: "The making of profit out of
tbe public money, or using the same for any
purpose not authorized by law, by any offi
cer of the State, or arty memoer or ojtcer of
the General Assembly, shall be a misdemea
nor." There is no confinement of this pro
vision to the State Treasurer. It speaks tor
itself; and broadly places under the ban, as
was intended, tft? entire business of distrib
uting the State deposits as one of the meth
ods of lubricating a political machine.
"The pertinence of all this is the question
whether we shall have a man in the guber
natorial cbair who respects and obeys the
fundamental law of the Stateior who ignores
nip-!
rD ll I
it as suits the pecuniary convenience of his
friends or the corporations with whom he
may be allied. We can concede that Mr.
Delamater is not legally disqualified until
there is a Judicial finding. "We can even
accept the remarkable plea, advanced by
some of Mr. Delamater's friends, that he
never knew of the constitutional provision
until he was confronted with it in this can
vass. Some color is given to this idea by
the ignorance of the Press on the same
point, even after the provision has been
cited. But with all these points conceded,
the question remains the same. It is whether
the people of Pennsylvania want a Governor
with enough regard for the fundamental
principles of constitutionalgovernment, to
study the fundamental law of the State and
conform his official action thereto. The
answer to that issue is not noted by the
Press. It is too obvious.
MOVING OUT OF THE BIUD.
Some of tbe good seed sown by the vigor
ous discussion of country roads this year has
fallen on Allegheny county highways; and
The Dispatch is glad to observe, not in
vain. A Committee of Five has been ap
pointed to prepare for a regular delegate con
vention of the farmers of this county to ex
press their disgust with the mud-traps, mis
called roads, which now exist.
"We trust the convention will speak with
authority in demanding macadamized
thoroughfares for Allegheny county. To the
croakers and grumblers, and people who are
satisfied with the mud as it is as well as
to those who can see nothing hut woeful ex
travagance in any improvements whatsoever
no manner ot heed should be paid. The
farmers of the county would have a great
advantage in their proximity to prosperous
Pittsburg, and to a score of -other thriving
towns which should be good markets for
their garden, dairy and.field products; and
from which the market wagons conld re
turn with fertilizing manures, gathered at
small cost. The necessary improvements
must not be open to jobbery by contract or
at the publio expense. There is no reason
why the County Commissioners, who built a
two-million-dollar Court House without a
shadow of reproach, cannot, with the aid of
a commission of intelligent local farmers,
frame such measures as will get roads
which are passable all the year round, and
provide for an equitable distribution of the"
cost.
The "world does move" on the road ques
tion. "We are glad to see the movement
seems to have begun in Allegheny county.
A BAN AGAINST THE K. OF L.
The formal notice of the management of
the New York Centrail Railroad to its em
ployes, that it "objects" to having any of
them retain their membership of tbe
Knights of Labor, is an interesting though
by no means unnatural sequel to the defeat
of the Knights in their strike on that road.
The investigation of the New York Board
of Arbitration left little room for doubt that
the discharges which caused the strike were
inspired by the sentiment now openly
avowed, and the defeat of the men has so
strengthened the company that it now de
clares what it then practiced in secret.
It is noticeable that the New York Cen
tral assumes, while Mr. Depew is present
as its head, the position which he declared
four years ago to be impossible for any em
ployer to take namely, that it can dictate
to its employes as to whether they shall or
shall not belong to a labor organization.
The strike has given an excuse for this po
sition; but the manifestation of the same
spirit which caused the strike justifies the
belief that it was the opportunity to take
that position which was wanted, rather
han the cause of this reversal of -former pro
fessions. There is a two-fold lesson in this for labor
leaders. First is the injury inflicted on
themselves by an unsuccessful strike. By
resorting to that method, without assnrance
of success, they not only failed to sustain
the men who were first discharged, but gave
the company the ability and excuse to
altogether root out the order from the em
ploy of the New York Central. Next, it is
more than probable that such a declaration
would never have been made if tbe corpora
tion managers did not take the conflicts be
tween rival labor organizations to mean that
they can stamp out one without uniting the
others in defense of the riehts of all work
ingmen. It is true that Mr. Gompers' sharp
criticism of the action of the Central man
agers tends to contradict that estimate of
his rivalry to the Hnights of Labor; but it
is not less the fact that such rivalry between
labor organizations as has appeared in some
cases is a direct invitation to inimical em
ployers to attack them in detail.
The New York Central has shown itself
in this affair to be beyond reason; but labor
organizations should learn from it that
strikes which fail are an offense against
labor, and that quarrels between labor or
ganizations aie its most certain ruin.
A METAL OF THE FUTURE.
The possibilities connected with the
cheapening of aluminum, in which the
stride was recently made of reducing the
price from $2 50 to Sl'pcr pound, are, as all
must recognize, of the greatest moment to
humanity. The magnitude of the work
which that metal might do, if brought down
to a level with iron and steel, appears in the
fact that it has, weight for weight, 'one
third more tenacity than steel, or, iu other
words, that to give the same strength that is
attained by steel structures one-third less
weight of aluminum would be required.
The importance of that fact, considered in
thTlight of a possible cheapening of alum
inum, can be seen at a moment's considera
tion. In tbe building of steamships, for
instance, the alnminum required to give the
vessel the same weight as is now attained
by the steel would lessen the displacement
one-third, and increase the carrying ca
pacity of the ship in the same proportion.
For bridges the same advantage would be
gained, and throughout the vast range of
industrial uses where the tensile strength of
iron or steel ' are now employed
aluminnm, at anything approaching the
same level of cost, would be immensely pref
erable. In some respects the desire to gain
the increased strength will not await the
cheapening of prices. It is asserted that a
new gun metal which the English Govern
ment is testing with great expectation, is
nothing more than &n alloy of alnminum
and nickel.
The revolutiorf'in science and manufact
ure, which the cheapening of this metal
would work is, of course, a matter of the
future, but it is no less a part of prudence
for communities dependent for their activi
ties on tbe iron and steel industries, to con
template what can be done if such a revolu
tion should take place. "When we see that
if a radical change should bring the new
metal down within the level of a price one
third greater than steel, it will begin to dis
place steel, we must consider what shall
come next. Pittsbnrg has established her
leadership in the steel "trade; and while the
disuse of that metal may be a long way off,
it will be a safeguard against disaster and' a'
bond to the better fate, if she takes carelo
IF
F
.- vj-.
'"TTTB
maintain a similarly prominent position in
the manufacture of the new metal which has
such a possibility in its future.
It is not necessary to take any alarmist
new of this matter. The person may not
yet be born who will live to see aluminum
so, cheap as to force steel into the back,
ground; but In view of the progress of past
decades-it might be hazardous to rest on that
assurance. It is no more than sound sense
to recognize among the powerful influences
that will retard the cheapening of the
metal, that, as" it cheapens, the demand for
it will Infinitely increase. At the present
price it is said, that the demand far alum
inum for electrical purposes is greater than
tbe output, and tbe latter must grow before
prices are likely to be reduced. Then if the
metal is available for gunnery, that demand
will absorb an immense output before
aluminum is cheap enough to displace steel,
in the peaceful and more economical arts.
Suppose that a hundred ton gun has one
third greater range if made of aluminum than
if made of ste'el. The raw material alone
would cost $200,000, and would make such
an engine ot war very costly; but if the
cheapening process were brought down to
thirty or forty cents per.pound, all the mili
tary powers would make Tiaste to arm them
selves with new metal. If the reduction of
cost looked forward to, should take place,
every step that makes the metal available
for a new field of use, will bring but a fresh
demand apd hold the price steady until in
creased Supplies or still newer processes
should force it again lower.
If the expected reduction of the cost of
aluminum should take place, whether in
the early or latterpartof the next century, it
would be a change surpassing even that
wrought by Bessemer steel. It might solve
the problem of aerial navigation, and in
connection with the possible development
of new and unknown motors, opens up a
range of industrial progress which would
defy the powers of human imagination to
foretell, because they are beyond the range
of human experience.
LONDON'S LATEST FRIGHT.
At this time of the year London is ac
customed to n good deal of extra darkness.
The famous curtain of fog is lowered early
in the autumn. It was not fogs, however,
that Londoners feared, but the paralysis of
the illuminating system of a large
part of the great city. A strike of the
men employed by one fit tbe gas
companies threatened to leave three-fourths
of London without light at night. The men
have not struck, because the Government
promised to send troops to take the strikers'
places. This offer ot military assistance is
likely to prove a hard matter for the Tory
Ministry to explain. Democracy is too
strong in in England to brook such high
handed interference with popular rights.
At the same time it is fortunate that the ex
treme measure of depriving a metropolis of
light has not been carried out. Such an act
would injure the cause of labor.
A CANAL PRESERVED.
It is gratifying to note that the efforts of
the bondboldersof the Chesapeake and Ohio
canal to preserve the canal for its original
function as a waterway, have been success
ful. As The Dispatch said, the bond
holders presented the case fn such a way
that the court conld not well refuse to ac
cept their pledges that they would restore tbe
canal to operation. Judge Alvey, who had
previously given a decision in favor of or
dering a sale, now issues a decree suspend
ing tbe order on condition that the trustees
of the bondholders straighten up the in
volved affairs of the canal and restore the
waterway to" operation! by the 1st of May
next
Tbe latter' provision seems like a some
what sharp one; but as it is what counsel
for the bondholders offered to undertake, it
is no more than reasonable, and its fulfill
ment may be confidently expected. The
hope it thus revived that the efforts of the
railroads to close up that canal will be folly
defeated. "its life as a cheap transportation
route for the coal of the Cumberland region
is thus indefinitely prolonged. It now may
be maintained till the day when the public
is aroused to tbe importance of inland water
transportation sufficiently to make it tbe
connecting link of a trans-Allegheny water
way from the head waters of the Ohio to the
seacoast
It is in connection with this possibility
that the rescue of the canal from tbe rail
ways is of especial interest to "Western Penn
sylvania. Now that the attempt to close up
that outlet has been defeated, Pittsburg
should make the most of its opportunities
by pushing both the Lake Erie and trans
Allegheny canal projects until they are
realized. Beyond the national benefit of
those projects they would enhance several
fold tbe importance of our city as a manu
facturing center, and would make a popula
tion of a million for this city when the
canals were in operation, no more remote
than a population of half a million is under
the railroad regime.
The construction of a complete system of
water transportation is the most thorough
solution of the transportation problem that
the country can make. Pittsburg should
take lead wherever there is an opportunity
to do successful work.
POLITICS AND THE WORLD'S FAIR.
It is asserted that Mr. George R. Davis,
the Director General of the Chicago Expo
sition, is so scrupulous about keeping that
enterprise separate from politics that he has
resigned his position on the Republican
National Committee. It" is satisfactory to
learn that the scrapie exists; for nothing
conld be more destructive of the usefulness
of the Exposition than to turn it into a
machine for one party .or the other. It is to
be hoped that the scruple will be effective
in more material respects than the holding
of two positions by Mr. Davis. He could
be Director General and a Republican com
mitteeman without much danger, but he
cannot do what is more imminent let
politics sway bis appointment of subordi
nates in the work of the Exposition with
out greatly periling the success of that
project ,
A FLURRT AMONG IMPORTERS.
The importers in New York and Boston
were in a high state of excitement yester
day.
The new tariff law went into effect at4
noon yesterday, and tbe Custom Mouse
was overwhelmed by the flood' of merchan
dise which importers wished to enter under
the old duties. Secretary "Windom treated
the importers very fairly, and obtained per
mission from the President to allow
the old tariff law to remain in
effect till midnight In consequence1
the brokers at both ports strained
every nerve to hurry goods through theCus
torn House, and at Boston tugs were even
sent out to sea to bring in over-due vessels.
If the dramatic incidents described in our
news columns carry any moral, it is that
changes in our tariff should be made as in
frequently at possible, so demoralizing to com
merce are their effect. The country is for
tunate now in the possession of a tariff which
"PTTTSBTJRG - 'DISPATOHr
is generally satisfactory, and which is'not
likely to do altered for some time to come.
"With the purpose of contrasting the
relative degrees of harmony in the two parties,
of this State, the Rochester, N. Y., Democrat
asserts that the friends of Pattison "forged an
interview with Wallace in which that gentle
man was made to indorse the candidacy of
Pattison." This leads to tbe expectation that
the esteemed Delamater organs will assert that
the Democratic managers got up a bogus B. F.
Meyers to appear at that Harrlsburg meeting,
and announce that Wallace will soon return
from Europe and take part in the campaign.
The significance of Wallace.'s attitude is that
his Nontenants have been watching the cam
paign closely and have discovered that ft is
time for them to get on board the train.
I
The question of prosecuting Boulanger's
supporters has been raised anew in tbe French
Chamber of Deputies. Such a proceeding ap
pears equally uncalled for and indiscreet
Humanity and Rood policy require that the
graves of the politically dead shall be left un
disturbed. The decrease of the bonded debt of the
United States by $42,000,000 during last month
was tbe largest for any month since the refund
ing operations began; but the decrease of debt
less cash in tbe Treasury was only about S5,(xK),
000. Tbe latter represents tbe operation of
accruiue money in tbe Treasury for tbe reduc
tion of debt; the former tbe actual Retirement
of bonds. It is pleasant to know that tbe
bonds are actually canceled, even it a large
premium is paid for them, and the greatest re
duction appears in its most striking form tbe
month before election.
The Republican success in Idaho calls
renewed attention to tbe Republican purpose
of giving that State three votes in Congress
and tbe Electoral College on a population of
less than half that of a Congressional district
in Pennsylvania.
Mb. Hewitt is now widely quoted as
declaring that "trusts are dangerous only when
they attempt to create a monopoly and destroy
competition." No one ever claimed that they
are dancerons under other circumstances. But
the trouble is that all the trusts under discus
sion at the present time do make that very at
tempt Mr. Hewitt might also bave remarked
that tyrants are only dangerous when they try
to exercise arbitrary power and suppress the
liberties of tbe people.
The House did not thank Speaker Reed;
but the country may express its gratitude to
him for adjourning the House. It is better
late than never.
That unreported, because unnttered,
reply of Major McKinley to the inquiry of the
President whether be wanted tbe pen that
signed the tariff, is arousing the curiosity of
the opposition. Ferbaps Mr. McKinley in
dulged in a little remark all to himself, tbat
the pen which drew up tbe tariff bill was a
good deal harder worked, and seemed likely to
get little fame for its worn out condition.
THEIR NAMES IN PRINT.
Hon. C. P. Kixbali late United States
Consul at Stuttgart will spend the winter with
his family at tbe Brevoort House, New York.
Fbof. Metschikkow, an eminent zoologist
of Odessa, has cone to Paris to take charge of
tbe Pasteur Institute there, under tbe di
rection of its founder.
A football came between Yale and Wes
leyan on Wednesday was umpired by a son of
ex-Secretary Bayard and refereed by a son of
Secretary of State Blaine.
Mayor Chapin, of 'Brooklyn, having pre
vented tbe Socialists from holding, a public
meeting ten days ago, is threatened by them
with a law snlt for having ordered the closing
of the hall.
Major von Wissmah's largo book on his
second African expedition is to be published at
Frankfort-on-the-Oder in November. F.
Klein-Chevalier, tbe Dusseldorf artist has
drawn tbe illustrations for it
Major H. H. Rockwell, of jSImtra, Demo
cratic candidate for Congress iu the Twenty
eighth New York district, is tbe law partner of
Mr. Collins, Governor Hill's legal adviser. He
is also a Grand Army man and an ex-Assembly-man.
Sir Charles Hall, who has become en
gaged to Miss Letter, of Chicago, Is possessed
of a large income of bis own. He is not only a
rich man, but a member of Parliament, a Con
servative, a Q. C, and one of tbe best whist
players in England likewise fiddler.
General Roger a. Pryor, whom Gover
nor Hill bas appointed Judge of the Conrt of
Common Pleas of New York, in place of Judge
Larremore, resigned, is 62 years of age and a
native of Petersburg, Va. He has been prac
ticing law in New York since the close of tho
war.
The French traveler, M. Crampcl. who ac
quired a reputation by bis expedition into tbe
French Congo, has planned a new journey
through undiscovered Africa. He Intends to
go from Ubangi across tbe country to Upper
Schari and Lake Tchad, and thence across Sa
hara to Algiers, or, it tbat is impossible, to tbe
lower Bennwe river.
Apropos of Mr. Bancroft's ninetieth birth
day, which was celebrated Friday, the
Washington Post says: "But for a "muscular
weakness, a gradual inevitable loss of muscular
strength, and a very gradual fading of his pow
ers of memory, Mr. Bancroft might seem a
score or more years younger tban be is. He
still is an untiring reader, and keeps remarka
bly well up with the advances of thought of the
times.
A BENIL FROM MRS. PATTL
She Says Iler Dmichtrr Is Living at Home
la a Pleasant and Comfortable Manner.
To the Editor of The Dispatch:
My attention was called by one of tbe staff of
tbe Times-Democrat, of this city, to an article
published in your journal which read as fol
lows: "Carlotta Pattl, the young daughter of
Adellna Patti's dead brother Carlo, is living In
squalor and wretchedness on Canal street New
Orleans. During one of Mme. Patti's visits
South she bunted up this child and took her
withber to her Welsh castle. Some months
after this the little girl mysteriously reap
peared at her old borne in New Orleans, and
has since lived tbere, apparently cut off from
all communication with her rich and famous
aunt."
Now, sir, I wish sou to refute this article, as
every world of it is false from beginning to
end. My daughter is living wit me, not in
luxury, it is true, but in a pleasant and com
fortable manner, as my sister-in-law, Adellna,
has always been kind to us 'in allowing me to
draw every month an income.
Widow carlo Pattl,
81 Dnmalne street, New Orleans, La.
The article referred to was taken from an
exchange.
A Relief That Does Not Relieve.
From the Philadelphia Inquirer.
After all the outcry ot last spring about
turning out honest men and wholesale chop
ping off of heads, it is a relief to learn tbat
President Harrison sent to the Senate only
about 4,500 nominations. These are not a largo
proportion of tbe 100,000 officeholders.
Money Works Miracles,
Prom the St. Paul Pioneer Press. J ,
The first known successful fusion of oil and
water is that obtained in the case ot Chicago's
-am Tt.nHet TTnf vornltv Tfc Trad fnnnriad l.
- ,onn Rockefeller.
Dont Feel Tlint Way.
From the rhlladclphta. Times.
Delamater would like to be elected Governor
if only to be able to pardon Emery. To save
his life be can't feel like doing it now.
Convenient to Have In tbe Family.
From tbe Boston Journal, j .
Not the least Important feature of the Idaho
election is the fact that the Legislature will
elect two United States Senators.
DEATHS OF A DAY.
E. 8. Golden. '
E. b. Golden, one of the oldest and nut promi
nent lawyers of tbe Kittannlng bar, died -IS
o'clock r. M. yesterday. He was a brother of J,
C. Uoldcn,- of the Allegheny County Bar,
STJNDXT;' OCTOEB?6
THEv TOPICAL TALKER.
WHAT SHE FEARED.
npni! car was tilled, with excursionists retnm
ing from tho Exposition. Every seat con
tained a pair of "Buckeyelovers. The last bear
died in Ohio some time ago, but tbe art of
hugging has survived. It was tbe midnight ex
press and tbe Ir was right chilly, but not a
soul noticed that except a poor little married
man wbo sat alone in tbe halt seat by tbe un
listed stove. He looked down the car and
noticed that apparently all tbe young men
weri one-armed; at least but one arm of each
male was visible. Tbe light in tbe car was
very low, however, and tbat may account for
the phenomenon.
Lovers like twilight; if Adam and Eve did
not sing "In thn Gloaming" Jt was because they
knew a fresher song. And 'it was twilight in
that car, for all three double lamps were turned
down very low, and before tbe train was out of
the Allegheny yards the flame in one of them
had sputtered, flared a moment and expired.
Of course every girl in the car was alarmed
when tbe gloom deepened. Every girl got a
little closer to her protector, and a few minutes
later when the second lamp began to show signs
of collapse the flame leaping up frantically as
if afraid to die about a dozen pianissimo
screams came from as many feminine throats.
Tbe conductor opened tbe door a few min
utes later and the draught finished lamp num
ber two. This left one lamp alight at the rear
end of tbe car. How anxiously it was observedl
Would it go out? It looked consumptive, but
there was no draught to expedite its decease.
At last the train whistled for its first stop and
the little marrloiTman came out of bis corner
by the stove to alight He bad been a bachelor
once, and he remembered It as he laid bis band
on the door knob. The train bad not stopped
but be opened tbe door, and immediately a
gust of wind mnrderedtbe last lamp. As ho
stood in the doorway inhaling cinders and
river fog-he bad the satisfaction of hearing a
sweet low volco murmur behind him: "OI
George, I was so afraidl"
"Of what, my darling?"
"That tbat lamp would never go out!"
THE TWO EM DASH.
pRE valne of this sign is snch
It can't be told In cash;
- It looks so mild, and means so much
The
Two
Em
Dash!
For wicked words It's Jnst as well,
And won't the good abash;
It's useful when you mention h
The
Two
. Em
Dash!
T'would be a blessing ir wo conld
The swearing habit smash.
And always use It's Just as good
The
Two
Em
Dashl
A NEW HABEAS CORPUS.
Qne of the youneer lights of the Pittsbnrg
bar was sitting in bis office one day last
when a countryman who was enjoying with a
client's freedom the best easy Chair and dolne
absolutely nothing, as only a farmer can In
urban circumstance?, broke the silence with:
"Say, mister, been to cort muchT"
The young attorney looked over tbe top of
the newspaper and answered ironically: "Once
or twice. In the Orphans' Conrt last week."
That suggested somehow or otber divorces in
the rural mind, and he said meditatively: ''I
don't like it No o o It hain't good so many
marrld folks playln' quits tbat er way. Toby
sure, some wimmln haint content withont ever
lastin' dressin' an' dressin' then, again, men
can't sometimes arn 'nough wagis to keep
ther wives right A fellow haint no biz marry
in' without three thousand er so laid by an'
makln' 0 er month."
"Just what I think myself," said tbe attor
ney. "Yes," concluded tbe farmer, slapping a big
palm on the blotter, "there's too many o' them
ar habls corpses granted nowdays that's er
fact!"
Cy-SAR'S PREROGATIVE.
hah, what glorious days they were when
stock campanles held the fortl" sighed
tbe old tragedian.
"Some funny things happened In those days,"
remarked the stage manager. yMy father, wbo
lived and died a member of the Boston Museum
Stock Company, used to tell a story ot the
elder Booth that illustrates one of the beauties
of tho system. Tbe elder Booth was the star
to come,-and previous to his arrfval a number
of tbe members of the company fell sick, and
for this reason tbe low comedian bad to be
pressed into-a role for which be was in no wise
fitted, namely, tbat of Julius Catsar. He was
a round-bodied, merry-souled little fellow, and
notoriously fond of what we nowadays call
"guying," on and off thelstage. My father
who was to play Afaie Anthony, cau
tioned tbe comedian not; to play any
jokes upon Booth, who did not like
trifling of any sort They rehearsed "Julius
Cassar," and everything went well till Booth,
as Brutus, In the assassination scene, struck
Cojjarwith his dagger. Cassar, according to
custom, ought to have fallen dead at the base
of Fompey's statne, and the comedian had been
particularly cautioned to respect the tradition.
But be chose, out of pure contrariness, prob
ably, to die further up the stage. Booth gave
the prostrate Caesar a gentle kick, and bade
him angrily roll over to the right place. To the
wbole company's horror, instead of obeying, tbe
comedian sat up and said: "Look here, Mr.
Booth, I'm Julius Ca:sar, and I'll die where I
d pleasel
"Another actor played Cteiar during Booth's
engagement"
ALWAYS ROOM AT THE TOP.
tie bad been given a room at the top of the
hotel, often a bachelor's fate when he is a
stranger in a strange land. The clerk also in
formed him tbat be would have to walk up six
flights of stairs, as the elevator ceased running
at midnight. As be took his key he said to the
clerk: "Excuse my mentioning it but do you
know you remind me of my mother."
The clerk stared icily in response.
"Yes, you do," continued the traveler, "she
was always wont to Impress upon me that tbere
was always room at the top for me and
now "
'What time will you be called?" was the
crushing response, and tbe interview ended.
N Hepburn Johns.
Tlio Wcddlnc nt Alliance.
Friday nlgut marked a notable event In
G. A. R. affairs at Alliance, Ohio. For years
thero have been two factions, and in tbe case
of George Harlan Post their charter was with
drawn, at' tbe instigation of the Department
Commander. Lately, however, a better feeling
has prevailed, and a few weeks ago George
Harlan Post was reinstated, with the under
standlnc'that it and tbe Alliance Post should
at once take measures looking toward consoli
dation. Friday nlghc this was satisfactorily
accomplished at tbe Opera House, where the
public installation of officers took place. Tbe
place was crowded and Department Com
mander Dowllng officiated at the "wedding."
The new post was christened the John Fre
mont Port No. 729, and starts off with 186 char
ter members, tbe largest list of charter mem
bers ot any post in Ohio.
THE LITTLE.RED-APPLE TREE.
The Little-Ked-Apple Tree!
On, the Llttle-lied-Apple Tree!
"When I was the Httle-est bit or a boy,
And you were a boy with me !
Tbe bluebird's fllxnt from tbe topmost boughs,
And the boys np there so high
-That we rocked over the roornrtbe house,
And whooped as the winds went by I
Eo!"theLlttIe-Rd-Apple Treel
With tbe garden beds below.
And the old grape arbor so welcomcly-
Hldlng the rake and hoe
Hiding, too, as tho sun dripped through
In scatters of wasted gold,
Frank and Amy away from you
And me, iu tbe days of old.
Ahl the Llttle-Ked-Apple 'neet
In the edge'of the garden spot
Where the apples fell so lavishly
Into the neighbor's lot
Bo do I think or you,
Brother mine, as the tree
Giving the ripest wealth of your love
To the world as well as me.
Oh, tbe Llttle-Ked-Apple Treel
Sweet as Its Juiciest fruit
Spanned on the palate spicily,
And rolled o'er the tongue to boot
Is the memory still and the Joy
Of the Llttle-lted-Apple Tree,
When I was the llttle-estblt ofa boy,
And you were a boy with met
-James WMtcomb Biley, in St. NiehoUui ,
1890. "
HOW DO YOU VOTE?
Somo.DIoro Popular Topics, for Exposition
'Visitors to Ballot On.
This is the sixth week of tbe Exposition.
Tbe topical voting pastime inaugurated by
The Dispatch will bexontlnued till the close
at it headquarters, in the commodious space
occupied by the Brnnswlck-Balk-Coliender Bill
Iad Company. This week some vital topics
have been seleotcd, and all are requested to
vote yes or no in The Dispatch Foil Book,
which opens and closes with tbe Exposition
every day and night.
.MONDAY'S VOTING TOPIC.
Should Pittsburg Erect a Memorial to Stephen
C. Foster!1 Open to lady and gentlemen
voters.
TUESDAY'S VOTING TOPIC.
Should the Courts bo Believed by a Law Plac
ing Petty Cases into tbe Hands of Police
Justices? Open to gentlemen voters only.
-WEDNESDAY'S VOTING TOPIC.
Should Brick Pavements be Prohibited in All
Sections of tho City? Open to lady and
gentlemen voters. " (
Souvenirs for Lady Voters.
DON'T BELIEVE SHE FASTS.
Editor! of Sledlcnl Rlasnzlnes Believe
Sirs. Wuchter'a Case Impossible.
Drs. Dulles, John V. Shoemaker and Hobart
A. Hare, reputable doctors and writers for
medical magazines, are of tbe opinion tbat no
person can fast 180 days, and are of the opinion
thatMrs. Wuchter, the White HaH, Pa., faster.
Is not fasting at alL One day this week a Dr.
Sieger, who is attending tbe sick woman, made
the statement tbat the fast was an absolute one,
whereupon Dr. Dulles says: I do not know Dr.
Sieger. He may be a perfectly honorable man,
but if he Is. he is belnir duped. It makes no
difference whether Dr. Sieger or anybody else-
aenies my statements or not, tney nevertneiess
remain a fact, Tbe test that be applied to tbe
woman, by holding a peanut kernel in his band
and holdinc it within a inch of ber mouth,
which produced an attempt to vomit, and
which was followed by violent convulsions, was
no test at all. It was only evidence that the
woman was hysterical, but not evidence tbat
she could not receive food. Any medical man
will tell you tbat it is Impossible for a person to
live 180 days without taking food. This woman
perspired freely, and starving people have a
dry skin. She has regular, tbougb not frequent
motions of tbe bowels, which would be im
possible in tbe case of a person who bad taken
no food for so long, and she basn't lost much
flesh.
Dr. J. J. Taylor. In speaking of the case, says
that he knows Dr. Dulles and always found
him to be conservative and accurate. "If I was
asked for my personal opinion as to whether a
person could fast ltO days, I should say no,
unless tbere be a suspension of vital functions.
While such facts are not on record, yet almost
every day we find occasion to alter previous
records of scientific observations. While I
wonld not want to sav that such a case Is Im
possible. I will say that I tbink it is highly
improbable."
Dr. Hobart A, Hare, editor of the Medical
Hews, said tbat In his opinion tbe claim tbat
Mrs. Wuchter had taken no nourishment for
ISO days was a ridiculous one. "For a person
to live 180 days without food Is an impossibility
tbat does not admit of discussion. Mrs.
Wuchter bas some way of getting nonrisbment
tbat those around her have no knowledge of,
or she has a confederate."
HARRISON IN 1893.
A Former La ' Partner of tbe Opinion Tbat
He Will Not Ran Asaln.
St. Path,, October a John Elam, of Idian
apolls. Is now at Tacoma, "Wash. Mr. Elam
was President Harrison's law partner from
18S3 to 1883, when tbe firm's name was Har
rison, Miller & Elam, the second member being
the present Attornoy General. Mr. Elam said
be thought the Republicans would elect the
next President, though tbe parties, he admit
ted, are very evenly balanced.
"Will President Harrison be a candidate for
renomination?" was asked.
"I hardly think so," he said. "In fact, in con
versation with the President, he stated that he
would not run again. It is a trying office, one
of great responsibilities, and re-elections
are hardly the thing in tbe
present time, and for tbe last 40 or 60
years have rarely occurred. Lincoln and
Grant were exceptional men, and those were
exceptional times. It was tbe renomination ot
Cleveland that defeated his party in 1888. A
President no matter bow jnst he may be. Is
pretty'Bure to make political enemies. It will
hurt' the party If be is renominated, and so,
thongh Mr. Harrison bas made one of the most
conscientious Presidents, be is not likely to be
renominated. It's too soon to tell who will be
tbe nominee."
ERESBxTEBIAN COLONY.
Adherents of Thnt Faltb to Secure a Settle
ment for tho Cherokee Ontlet.
A colony of Presbyterians and adherents of
tbat faith bas been organized whoae object is
to secure a settlement within the Indian Terri
tory as near together as possible, tbat in their
new home they may be enabled speedily to en
joy the benefit ot churches, schools and cult
ured society. All Presbyterians and moral ad
herents of tbat faith are eligible to member
ship in this organization.
- If there be no preventing Providence. Re v.R.
W. Hill, D.D., of Muskogee, Ind. T., Superin
tendent of Home Missions for the Indian Ter.
ritory, will lead tbe colony into tbe tract se
lected on the day it is opened for settlement
All who are capable of taking claims mnst be
present at place ot rendezvous at least one
week before tbe day set for entering their
homesteads. Of tbe time and place due notice
will be given. Tho Cherokee Strip or Outlet
in tbe bounds of which we hope to locate, will
not be open for settlement till about the middle
ot October.
LABGE FOB HIS SIZE.
Six Feet Five, Six Hundred Pounds and
Eight Feet Around (he Hips.
Martinsville, Ind., October 4. John Han
son Crate, of Danville, Ind., one of the larcest
men in the world, was in tbis city to-day. Mr.
Craic stands 6 feet 5 Inches in his stocklncs and
weighs over COO pounds. He measures S feet
about tho hips and wears No. 10 shoes, hat
and 7J glove.
His father and mother were of medium size.
He Is a great-great-grandson of Governor
Chittenden, first governor of Vermont. He is
also a first cousin of William P. Hepburn, at
present Solicitor for tbe United States Treas
ury. Mr. Craig is connected with no show.
Illualcnl and Literary Entertainment.
Tbe yonng people of St. Paul's Lutheran
Church, of Allegheny, are conducting a series
of lectures this season. One of these will be
delivered on Wcdneday evening at 8 o'olock in
the Fourth ward school hall. Liberty street
near tbe park. Tbe lecturer is Rev. S. P. Long;
of Massilion, O., wbo has acquired quite a repu
tation as a lecturer, although yet a young man.
His subject is "Uncle Sam," and his talk will be
interspersed with humor.' Tbe music of the
evening will be under the direction of Mr. H.
P. Eoker and Mr. F. A. Ammon. The admis
sion has been placed at 23 cents.
FIGS AND THISTLES.
The devil's mud won't stick to a Christian.
A white soul is something God and angels
love to look at
THE bite of a little snake will kill as quick as
that of abig one.
Butterflies make a great show, but they
don't make any honey.
The best time to keep away from some peo
ple is when yon are in trouble.
People wbo want to help God never onght
to take back seats in prayer meeting.
The moment God pronounces a man all right
the devil begins to throw mud at him.
If there is any sight on th'ls earth the devil
likes to look at it is a drunkard's borne.
Unless a man is religions In his business he
won't weigh very much in class meeting.
THE easiest way to get along In this world Is
to forget yourself in helping other people.
THE man who thinks he knows tbe most
about training up children is tbe man who has
none.
Getting tedious people to make long ex
hortations, Is one way tbe devil has of killing
prayer meetings.
IF it wasn't for the help he gets from weak
kneed professors of religion, tbe devil would,
get discouraged.
The devil chuckles when a preacher begins
to complain tbat he is overworked and don't
get near pay enougb-
Taee the money out ot the whisky business,
and tbe devil can't make men mean enough to
keep tbem in it.
If the devil couldn't make a good many re
ligious people look gloomy, be would have to
manage some how or other to sell more whisky ,
MURRAY'S MUSINGS. '
Two Dives Tbat Aro Alike iaNothlnjrbat
Tbelr Wickedness An Oversapply
Doesn't Affect Kstaarnnt Prices A
Cousin of Boulangcr Sailing; Cigars.
trSOU A STATF COIULESPOSDrtT.l
CrrrcE the destruction of tbe notorious dive
called tbe Haymarket, which flourished on
Sixth avenue for so many years, tbe places
known as Clark's and Tom Gould's, re
spectively, on tbe same street have achieved
the proud distinction of tbe tougbest in tbe
metropolis. Gould's dive is below the level of
the street at Twenty-third. It is a big place,
with restaurant bar, dining room and private
snuggeries. Tbe latter run along under the
sidewalk on Sixth avenue, where tbey are
lighted by day through rough and heavy glass
like so many coal holes, are f urufshed with a
table and half a dozen chairs each, and are se
cluded from the large, common rooms by
swinging doors of lattice work. Gould's, like
Clark's, is never closed, day or night, Snnday
or no Sunday, law or no law. For Tom Gould
is, as are the keepers of all of these resorts, a
man with a "pull." He is now to be a candi
date for-ajderrnan ot his ward on the municipal
reform 'ticket
His place at night say 12 o'clock and after1
would be a circus to the uninitiated reformers
of any out-of-town municipality. There are
possibly 20,000 people wbo trip daily over these
glass sky-lights wbo do not dream tbat just be
neath them are tbe httlo dens. Otherwise
they would probably shudder and step a little
quicker, if, indeed, they ever came that way
again. Not tbat Tom Gould is personally su ch
a terror, or that plenty of respectable men do
no t go there at all timss of the day and night,
but because the idea of these unconvicted
thieves congregating below conveys a moral
shock to the innocent mind.
Now, tbe place called Clark's Is open and
above ground, and at night its double front
ablaze with gas, exhibits the crowded intorior
to tbe unrestricted gaze ot tbe passing world.
Tbere is notblng mysterious about it nothing
hidden. Looking in casually late at night you
see a couple of score or more ladles and geotle
jnen sitting at small tables, eating
and drinking and smoking. That is,
the alleged gentlemen are smoking,
perhaps, the alleged ladies being satisfied
to get a square meal and plenty of drink at the
a. g.'s expense. The latter usually retain their
bats and overcoats, rather as a matter of pre
caution, let ns hope, tban through want of
politeness. Tbere are always a number of men-about-town.
college young men and out-of-town
people lingering about, sipping beer and look
ing around tbem curiously, under the satlsfao)
tory impression that they are "seeing New
York life." VTbis style of cafe Is a Parisian Im
portation, only tbe 1-o'clock-in-tbe-morning
rule of closing continental places is rigidly en
forced, whereas in New York the all-night
house rnles tbe roost. To the casual ltmorant
observer everything at Clark's is all respect
able enough. Whenever a customer gets too
much aboard to keep up appearances tbere is
an able-bodied corps of waiters to gently throw
him into tbo street and the proprieties are of
ficially observed.
A Snrplus of Crabs.
QEABs!cr-a-a-bs!10 cents a dozen!" It Is
not an nncommon cry of the huckster in
the residence part of the city just now. His
wagon will probably contain three or four bar
rels of these succulent creatures, or tbey lie in
a great scrambling, writhing, crawling heap in
the open bed of tbe vehicle, to the delight of
the street urchins and tbe cynosure of house
keeping eyes. Driving from bouse to house
and filling the air with his resonant cries, the
crab man rapidly disposes of his stock. Cheap?
Well. I should tbink so! One would think that
for less tban 1 cent apiece it would scarcely
pay to haul crabs out of the water. What is
still more confusing to a stranger, however, Is
to find tbat indulgence in a brace of crabs for
lunch at your downtown restaurant costs you
almost invariably the round sum of 50 cent?.
The New Yorker has already found that the
most abundant supply of any particular food
product does not cbange the retail price,
served. When blueflsh are cast back into tbe
sea by tons, as unsaleable, be- must pay SO to SO
cents for a bit of broiled blueflsh at tbe res
taurant, just the same as at any otber season.
And this may be for bluefish caught last year.
When the huckster comes aronnd you .know
tbe market is glutted and tbat this is tbe es
cape valve. So that tbe man who sells crabs
at 10 cents a aozen to-day probably paid but 10
or 15 cents a barrel for them. Within ten days
they may be SI or $2 a barrel. Just at present
and fora week past the Harlem river is full of
crabs, and the noble Hudson and East rivers
swarm with tbem, Tbey are the forerunners
of cold weather. The 'longshoremen say they
bring the winter. The logic of tbe 'longshore
men is unanswerable.
Argument Koi to be Refuted.
fNE day I was riding along West street
along the wharves In company with a phil
osophical friend wbo was commenting on the
grand mystery of the tides. Pretty soon a
nautical looking gentleman in a somewhat bat
tered uniform came into the street car and
dropped into the opposite seat. He was not
more tban half full and apparently took much
Interest it what wo were saying. My friend
had just remarked the extraordinary Influence
of the moon on the ocean currents.
"I bave often marveled," said be, "while
fishing on a river folly two hundred miles from
tbe sea, to note tbe rise of tbe tide at my feet
And all this time the current of the river so
swift tbat I could scarcely pull a boat against
it!"
"It don't do it no, sir!" exclaimed the sailor
man, suddenly breaking in. "'You're all guff !
I say you don't know notbln' about ftt I've
been listening to your guff about as lone as I
can stand It! I've been on tho sea pretty near
all my life and I say you fellows don't know
notbin' about it. You haven't been here long
enough to get naturalized yet Talk about the
sea and tbe tldesf contemptuously. "And
moonshiner' He spat on tbe floor of tbe car.
"I bet you don't know where Hoboken is!"
Of course we laughed, but my companion
mildly suggested that even a sailor might be'
mistaken, since we were both home-made
Americans and conld pass tbe crucial test of a
knowledge ot tbe whereabouts of Hoboken.
To which be retorted that be could take us
both out on tbe nearest pier and lick us with
one band. That logic was irrefragable. We
gracefully acknowledged tbe corn and present
ly steppea on into tne giau sunsmue; leaving
the tides to take Care of themselves.
s
v A Cousin of Donlancer.
QN Eighth avenue,near Twenty-eighth street
is a small cigar store kept by a Frenchman,
M. Bonlanger. Ho Is a cousin of the famous
French General of that name. The portrait of
General Bonlanger in full uniform is promi
nently displayed in the show window. Inside
aro a.number ofFrench battle scenes and the
walls are covered with celebrities of the conrt
and stage. M. Bonlaneor is rather taller and
thinner than his distinguished cousin, but there
is much resemblance of feature. When the
General was in this country he frequently
visited the Httlo cigar store on Eighth avenue,
and sat in the little back room discussing
French politics to the delieht of a favorite
coterie of Frenchmen. He had not then
achieved the notoriety which has since made
the name of Boulaneer a household word
thoughout the world. Bonlanger, the cigar
man," doesn't seem to feel "stuck up" about bis
cousin, the General, recently.
Machine Talk's Fraud.
A new nickel-in-the-slot machine has made
its appearance, tbis time the Edison pho
nozraph. It is an expensive affair, apparently,
and attracts but little attention from hotel
loungers.- Greenhorns are afraid of it, having
a vague Idea tbat it is going to shock some
body, while those wbo know anything decline
to invest a nickel in "Annie Rooney" and other
songs, delivered in a wbeezymonotone scarcely
distinguishable. This talking by machinery ts
a treat fraud, anyhow, and when you can get
all the talk you want for notblng by being late
to dinner or by coming In at 2 o'clock In the
morning, you don't feel exactly like paying a
nickel for some. They are selling Edison talk
lug dolls down on Fourteenth street for J10O,
and yet peoplo say talk is cheap.
Chas. T. Murray.
New York, October 4.
DEATH 0M HYDB0PH0BIA,
A Lad Bitten Two months Ao Succumbs to
tbeDiioase.
Indianapolis, October 1 Michael Moriar
ity. a lad of 8 yeats, died here last night of
hydrophobia. He was bitten two months ago
by a dog, but tbe wound healed, and nothing
moro was tbougbt of It. Three days aeo be
complained of pains In his throat and stomach,
and it was noticed that be was seized with vio
lent tremblings whenever fluids were offered
him.
These symptoms Increased to spasms, and
violent convulsions were frequent. These In
creased in frequency and violence till death
ensued,
CUEIOUS CONDENSATIONS., V x
A seven-pound silver trout has been
captured in El Dorado county. CaL
Of the 76 marriages in Vineland, N. J.,
the past year the grooms of only 33 were Vine
landmen. Monroe, 31ich., has a cucumber Zi feet
lone, which weighs eight pounds, and it is to be
pickled in paregoric
Of the 26 braves who signed 3Iagna
Chsrta all but three bad to "make their mark,''
being unable to write.
A colored woman has sued a Texas
newspaper for JluO damgeas for having spoken
ot ber as a white woman.
It is said there are only two red slate)
quarries In the United States one in Vermont
and tbe other In Virginia.
An Oil City milliner has a very unique
novelty in the shape of a broom made from tha
wings of tbe English sparrow.
The latest thing 4 pen-wipers, accord
ing to an acknowledged authority, is a silver
Elg whose back Is thickly covered with natnra
ristles. I
The schools in the raisin districts of
San Diego county have been closed for six
weeks, so as to permit the children to pick tho
grape crops.
A great deal of the human hair of com
merce in England comes from Canton, China,
and is taken from the heads of beggars, crim
inals and corpses.
Captain Meade, who has charge of tha
naval exhibits for the Columbian Exposition,
proposes erecting a structure representing a
modern battle ship.
Some miners near Yakima, "Wash.,
threw a lot of dynamite Into a field near their
cabin recently. Some cows browsed in the same
place, and 15 died suddenly.
An Alliance girl who was having a
holiday with her best fellow was pnt off a street
car in Canton became she persisted in smoking;
a cigar in violation of the rules.
Wardens and keepers say that, as a
rule, 20-year prisoners don't survive their
terms, and that as a rule, also, they are tho
best behaved men in their charge.
A Missouri family left the cars at Sa
Una to take in tbe town and tbe train went on
having the sleeping baby on board. Tbere was
squally time until the family got together as
thenextstation.
Ben Cook, one of the oldest printers in
Georgia, died at his home in Baldwin county,
last week, at an advanced age. He was one of
tbe men wbo helped to print "Joe Brown'a
Georgia money" in ante-bellum days.
In Bloom&eld, N. J., a few days ago,
was buried Adam Metz, a well-known citizen.
In accordance with bis dying wish bis funeral
procession was beaded by a brass band and U
societies and about lOu coaches followed.
Dnring the six years comprised in the
period '18S3 to 1383 no less than ZS9 pupils of tbe
public schools in Prussia hive committed
suicide. A large number of these suicides was
inspired by the fear of not passing examina
tions. A flock of quail flew into TTniontown
and attempted to roost on the slate roof of the
now jail, but could not stick and slid in a
floundering way to the eaves, where tbe spout
ing caught tbem and where they rested until
frightened away by a workman.
Br. John C. Berry, who is in Asia on a
vacation, mailed a letter and a postal card to
Br. R. D. Bibber, or Bath. Me., on the same
dav, sending one westward via St. Petersburg
anil tbe otber east via San Francisco. The let
ters reached Bath in the same mail.
One of the oldest houses in New En
gland, the Low mansion, at Essex, Mass.,
which has sheltered six generations ot tbat
family. Is being torn down. It Is one of tha
colonial lean-to roof stylo of bouses. Its yawn
ing fireplaces occupied a space 11 by 20feet
Nearly every farmer in the eastern part
of Mt Pleasant township, Westmoreland
county, and in tbe northern end of Buliskin
township. Fayette county, has gone into an
agreement to prevent tbe killing of all game
for the next five years. The signers will prose
cute all trespassers.
A boy named Brown climbed on top of
a passenger coach at Creston. la., to steal a
ride west In passing under a bridge Brown's
bead struck a rafter and he was instantly
killed. A young companion of be dead boy
held on to the body for several miles before
the train stopped and was almost dead from
fright and exhaustion when found.
A Philadelphian jnst from Asbury Park
tells tbe latest anti-prohibition dodge. An in
dividual entered a drug store and presented an
order for a pint of whisky, signed with his own
name and the letters M. D. "You're no
doctor," said the drug clerk. "No. I didn't
say I was." "Well, what does M. D. mean?"
asked tbe clerk, to whom replied the Indi
vidual briskly: "It means mighty dryl"
A St. Louis genius, says Police Captain
Boyd, of that city, has invented a rubber billy
for policemen and watchmen. It is made of
heavy rubber, such as is used in hose, is flexi
ble, yet very solid, and bas tbe merit of stun
ning a person without breaking the scalp and
Cansing the flow of blood. It Is also guaranteed
not to fractnre tbe sknll. Anything to amelio
rate the suffertnes of policemen's victims and
protect society from tbe brutality so often
shown should be bailed with joy.
A unique feast is to take place in Brook
lyn soon. A member of the Limerick Men's
Society of tbat city, now in Ireland, writes tbat
he will bring to Brooklyn a Limerick bonham
a young pig called in this country a "roaster."
and some Limerick pipes and tobacco. The
Limerick men have decided to bave a great
time with these things. They are going to In
vite Irishmen from other conntles to help them
Sat away tbe bonham. smoke tbe Limerick to
acco, sinf , dance, play, and do lots ot otber en
joyable things.
On a train from Aurora to Chicago, the
other day, a strange incident occurred. A poor
man, accompanied by three children, was
brinzms the corpse of bis wffe to tbe city. He
was provided with a ten-trip ticket and said be
had been told by the station authorities at
Aurora tbat the faro for himself and children
and tbe body of the wife could be punched
from the trip ticket The conductor insisted
npon full fare for tbe corpse, "and intimated
that If he did not get it be would have to put
the body off." A dUinterested passenger
thought the man had sufflciant sorrow without
being compelled to argue wltb tbe conductor,
and paid tbe fare.
FDNSY 3IEN'S FANCIES.
"Watts Now, I never fudge a man's la
come by his clothes. Do yon?
I'otts-N'o, not until I bave seen his wife's
clothes, also. Indianapolis Ktvit.
Hnbly This crying youngster is enough
to drive me distracted.
Wire Wjit a mo'ncnt and I'll sing it to sleep.
llubly-un second thouebt you'd better let It
cry. Tuwn Topics.
Can Such Things Be? Husband Is this
canned chicken or canned lobster, Ethel?
Wife I don't know. Jobn. The label had been
torn off tbe can before I opened It. Sao XotH
Tribune.
The "Wicked. Little Boy Papa, when
the preacher talked about wicked people hedldn't
look st the congregation, he looked up In tbe air.
"Why wss that?
Papa He was probably looking at tbe choir.
Ktw Xork Wiekly.
Envy. "Weary "Wiggins I see a picture
t'other day of a bnll wld two mouths he eats wld
one and drinks wld de other.
Hnngry Hi wins If a man wuz on'y built thst
way what a star he'd be at a free lunch! Indian
apolls Journal. ,
City Swell I fain wonld have thee !for
my very own.
Country Maiden Welt youeanjustiret. You're
not the first by everal that's feigned the same
thlng.and I'm still doing tbe housework forma.
JiintfAamfon Leader.
She "Why do yon wish that you were
poor, Mr. Hiftler?
He W by, see bow much money I could save If
I was too poor to keep a yacht. JIuntev's Weekly.
"General Binks has retired, bas he not?" ,
"Yes., He's devoting himself now to his
hobby."
"What'sthat?" y
'He is collecting himself. He lost a leg at Get
tysburg, an arm at Bull Kan. and eight teeth la
lionzrcis." -Veto Xorle Sun. ,
Old and New Schools. Small Boy I'm ,
too sick to go to school to-day. , , ,
Mamma, Then lie down and I'll send for a doc
tor. Dr. Pellet?" '
"No. He's a homeopath. I shall send for Dr.
Castor, the allopath."
"Never mind, mamma: I feel better. Where's '
my books?" Street Smith's Good Seas.
Miss Summit I had a long conversation
about art with Atlas Dinwiddle tbe other evening-,
and found her so thoroughly stupid.
Mr. Clevcrton You surprise me. We talked.
the other evening: for an iiour, and I thought she
wss remarkably Intel llKefu.
Miss Summit Wha J did you talk about?
Mr. Clererton-Baseball. A Epoch,
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