l" -" ( Wt U I? r- THE PITTSBURG- DISPATCH, SUKDAY. " NOVEMBER 10, 1889." ft : KING'S BARBER, ERNEST H. IWltlTTEN FOR THE SIEPXTCB.3 GREAT King bad once a barber, ' of whom the Mon arch was very fond i for several reasons. The barber was a l great talker, like most barbers are ' to-day, and the King, who had nearly the whole of his day so many important matters to attend to, found it very amusing to listen, to the harmless chatter of the man with strop and soap. But the King had another cause for liking his barber. The latter was a very curious character, anxious to pry into everybody's business, and there were few things happen ing around the court that he did not know something about. Thus it was that the King used him very frequently as a spy, and it very seldom occurred that the barber did not find out the information he was after. ' However, as much as this barber was the favorite of his master, the King, there was not a courtier around the royal palate who would not have rejoiced in seeing the barber in disgrace. This can be easily accounted for, because the barber lold the King of all the pranks and ignoble actions of the cour tiers, and hence there was not one of them who had not at one time or another received a punishment because the barber had acted as the informant against him. But the cour tiers were determined to get even with their tormentor, and they laid their heads to gether to devise a scheme which would cost the barber not only his job, but also the King's iavor and even his life. So one day, while the barber was walking up the marble steps of the broad stairs which led into the magnificent castle of the King, a number of the courtiers were await ing him. "Come here, John," said one of them, "we want to have a talk with you." "All right, gentlemen," replied John, "bat please do not detain me long, because the King 's next, sirs, don't you know?" "We know all about that, but if you will listen to ns lor a few moments only, you will be glad we have detained you, because what we have to tell you concerns the King, too." Persuaded in this manner the barber was The Sorter in Disgrace. usberei into a room, where more courtiers were assembled, who, npon observing the barM ' arrival, got up and immediately Eu-muudecl him. Then they closed the door of the salon, and, while the rest were all wrant in silence, one of them addressed the barber in these words: "John, we are very proud of you for the unselfish devotion and the unwavering zeal wljlAyou liave constantly exercised in serv ing the King, our royal master, and we have all come to the conclusion that, inas much as it is chiefly your skill and un eqaled artistic superiority as a barber which has caused the King's face to be so handsome and beautiful, we ought to show yon how deeply we are gratified with your work. In short, we want to help you in vour duties, and thus have the King more pleased with you than ever. For that rea son we have procured a bottle of liquid which comes from the fountain of everlast ing vouth and beauty, and we want you to putrthat on His Majesty's face to-day after you have shaved him." The vain little barber, who during this speech had nearly exploded with his own importance, stood for a moment dumb founded nt the wonderful kindness of the courtiers. He could not for the life of him understand what they meant, because they bad hitherto been always very overbearing toward him, and none of them had ever even deigned to take the least notice of him. Bnt John was cute, and it very soon dawned upon him that there was a dark scheme at the bottom of all this unexpected and spon taneous graciousness on the part of the conrtiers. However, he thought it would be wiser for him to be quiet for once in his life and not say all he thought. So he turned toward the nobleman who had ad dressed him and replied: "Your Lordship, 1 am indeed very grate ful for the great favor you have deigned to shower nnon me, and I will at once go and tell the King of this wonderful liquid, and of course use it." '"Oh, no!" they now answered in chorus; "that is not what we want. "We don't care to have the King know that we are taking any interest in his looks. We want you to The Clever Wttch. go and tellbimthat you had obtained this from the fountain of youth and beauty your self. If you tell him that we did it, he would not thank you for it" "All right, gentlemen," John said, "I understand you now, and I appreciate the kindness of your wish. What will be the effects of this wonderful liquid?" "It will make the King more beautiful than any human beinz, and it will keep him vouthful for everl" they replied. Then the barber departed toward the King's chamber. On his way he passed through a hall, the walls of which were composed of very fine mirrors from the floor to the ceiling. As John looked into these mirrors and observed his short nose, his large mouth, his" small eyes and his sallow complexion, he suddenly thought, "why should I not use some of this wonderful liquid myself, before I take it into the King? If it is good, it will be as beneficial to me as to the King, and if it is not well, then I will be able to tell the King of the conspiracy of bis courtiers against him and thus get even with them for their trickery!" This idea had no more than entered his head when the barber at once set about its execution. Before he went into the royal chamber he slipped into a small ante-room and at once set about using the liquid from -r s,ZJes s4sC&4 fy ""--JS Vv ' 5S rVl wssJiTtras fosSsi 'SwSS'v3A ?x J tffinfy wxsshjsmm ill vwAs&as? S&S2S?0' -vji.y "" HEINRICHS. the fountain of- everlasting youth and beauty. He poured a little into the hollow of his hand and immediately rubbed it into his face. Then he looked up to have a glance in the looking glass and notice the effect. But ohl horrors! horrors! horrorsl John's face was as black as if he had painted it with ink. He nearly fell into a fit at the aspect of bis countenance. "If I did not know that lam looking at myself," he said, "I certainly would not think so by the appearance of my face. Oh, those bad courtiers, those bad, bad men. But I will ret even with them." Then he ran ont of the room and burst into the King's apartment, where he at once attempted to unfold his tale of woe. Bnt the King was so horrified at the sight of John's face that he commanded his servants to throw that black monster out of his cas tle. The soldiers, of course, obeyed. When John was taken down the steps the courtiers stood there awaiting him and when they noticed his black face they laughed and showed such signs of pleasure that John got even more mad than he had been heretofore. But he was powerless. The soldiers took him outside and told him not to show his painted visage around the King's palace any more. So poor John, the barber, had to go and there never was a more disheartened man in the world than he was. He resolved to go away and drown himself, because his life was a failure, he thought When he came outside of the city gates he met a very old and ugly looting woman, and as John no ticed her, he said: "Well, that woman is even uglier than I am!" So he spoke to her and after a while he had told her all his troubles. When the old crone heard his story as to what the courtiers had done to him, she said: "Now, is that all true what you tell me?" "I swear," solemnly replied John. "Well, then, come with me and I will help yon," cried the old woman; "for know these courtiers came to me, and they asked me for a liquid that would change white into black, and I gave it to them. Had they asked me for the liquid from the fountain of everlasting youth and beauty I could have given them that too, bnt now I will give it to you without asking me for it" Then the woman took a small phial from her pocket and sprinkled some of the liquid it contained into John's face, and although he could not see the transforma tion his face was undergoing, he knew that it was a change for the better. "Kow go back to the court," said the old woman, alter she had sprinkled the liquid into the barber's face, "and tell the King that you have seen 'the witch from the en chanted wells,' who sends him this phial with liqnid. Tell him also how your face got black and who was the canse of it!" With these words the witch wished John good-by, and he ran quickly back to the castle. This time nobody intercepted his progress, because his face was as beautiful as the countenance of Apollo. Arrived in the King's presence he told exactly what had happened, and he also handed him the pbial the witch had sent him. When the King heard the story his barber told him he became very ansry, "because he at once realized that he had a very narrow escape of having his face painted black. In the ante-rooin he found the bottle which John had received lrom the courtiers, so he immediately commanded them all to come into his room. When all were there the King told John, the barber, to go around and put some ot the liquid into everybody's face. The barber did as he was bid. and in a short while there was not a courtier in that room whose face was not coal black. "Now go all out of my sight, and let me never hear of you again!" thundered the King, "but remember lor the future, that it is a bad thing to try and harm anybody, be cause you may harm yourselves worse." A PEENCH PICrUEE OP W1LHELH. The Tonne German Emperor Is Not a Hand some Sinn. New York Herald.! "A friend of mine who has just returned from a visit.to his native town in Alsace," said Mr. A. C. Gunter yesterday, "met the young German Emperor face to face some weeks since in the streets of Strasburg. My friend is a French man, not 'that Frenchman,' but another one, and that may account for some slight bias in his views of the Kaiser. Bnt he says he had heard of the Emperor as a tall, straight, soldierly-looking sovereign, of fair, broad brow, and 'dauntless eye. What he did see, as he describes it, when he met Wilhelm, was a lowering brow, shoulders almost as ill matched as Richard's, a face deeply pitted by what seemed to be the traces of dissipation, and a sullen per sonality back of it all, rendered all themore sullen by the uselessness of the withered arm by'his side 1 That is a Gallic view, but my friend believes it a true one. He also told me that he saw an inoffensive Al satian yanked brutally from his feet by a guard and dragged onto prison because the poor fellow, in an absent-minded way, for got where he was one day and whistled the 'Marseillaise' softly to himself!" An Ordinary Transaction. Lawyer McCutcheon (of Helena, Mont ) Well? Bung Weep We velly much likte you punish Hong Wah. He killy Chinaman. Lawyer McCutcheon But the District Attorney has charee of that case. Bung Weep Dlistick Tolly no makee charge. He too slow. S'poie you punish him ? How muchee cost you hangee him 1 How muchee cost you plison him for lifee ? Puck. Watch That Chloken. Kansas City BUT.: " C. C. Horr, of Eureka, had a pullet with four-well formed legs. Just wait till Mr. Horr's neighbors begin to make gardens. M jut lUwSiiK The Barber's Triumph. VJ J r-l THE WOELD MOVES. Bessie Bramble Discusses the Grow ing Popularity of Card Playing. AN INNOCENT GAME OF EUCHRE Is So Longer Looked Upon With Horror by Good People. HOW TO MAKE ODE CHUECHE8 POFULAB rWBtTTIN TOE THI PISFATCH.1 While Rev. Sam Jones, Brother Moody, and other famous evangelists are preaching against progressive euchre with a thunder of eloquence and a cyclone of denunciation that makes the hair of many rise with hor ror, the old doctrine of total depravity is re ceiving fresh and forcible illustration in the fact that the game is becoming even more popular and fascinating than ever. Good church members have taken to playing euchre, who had never before touched a card in their lives. It has been introduced into the homes of people who had been brought up to look upon a pack of cards as the "devil's prayer book." It has become an absorbing amusement to thousands who in their yonth would hardly have picked up a card with a pair of tongs. It is taught to children by mothers who, in years agone, had been faithfully instructed that cards meant gambling and all manner of abominations, and no one could have any thing to do with them without committing a grievous sin. Church members whojonce would not allow a deck of cards within their walls, now play euchre with as much inter est and enthusiasm as anyone. Women who were strictly brought up" within the pale of orthodoxy now see no harm in cards what ever, and, in short, enchre, whether plain or progressive, and whist, whether straight or drive, are the most popular social amuse ments going in both religious and secular circles and among all sorts and conditions of men. It will doubtless be claimed that the sermons against euchre did not boom the game, but while the clergy have not per haps advertised it as largely and extensively as they did "Robert Elsmere" by preaching against it, still they have set people to thinking as to whether there was really any sin or harm in cards, and the general ver dict has been given practically in the negative. CBUSABES AGAIXST CARDS. That the old order changes is in nothing more plainly shown than in this apparent determination of most people to think for themselves on such points. A few centuries ago St Bernardme preached so eloquently and convincingly against the evils of card playing that the people carried all their cards to the public square and made a huge bonfire ot them a markedly different resnlt from that which follows sermons against card playing in tnese days. Men now are more given to settling such matters by conscience and common sense, rather than by the dogmatic utterances of the pulpit. It is a somewhat interesting fact to learn that when cards were first introduced into France that the clergy became so infatuated with, and addicted to them that the high authorities in Council assembled felt called upon to sternly forbid their indulging in such amusement, since it interfered with their clerical duties. Still with all the power of the churcb against them cards have ever since their first invention constituted a favorite form of amusement, and now the clergy of the Roman and Anglican churches both indulge in a quiet game of whist or euchre and no harm done. But while the Presbyterian and Meth odist and other straighter sects hold out against them as far as the pulpit is con cerned, the people in tne pews have dis posed of all scruples, and progressive euchre and drive whist are as common among pro fessors ot religion as witn tne outside world lings. The minister's soul may be grieved and his heart harrowed by the sight of the slim attendance at prayer meeting, but the iron goes deeper when he knows that a euchre party presents superior attractions, and that some of the pillars of his church are shuffling and dealing the decks ot cards, discoursing upon "trumps" and "lone hands" and "bowers," and counting "tricks" and "points" and "games" as leading to the prizes, without a thought of the empty benches, the lifeless songs, the tedious prayers in rae chapel or lecture room. THE MARCH OF PEOGEES3. Now it may be very sad, it may conflict with the old 'standards, and fail to agree with the old Fnritan precedents, but it seems evident that the church must come up to the times, or be left behind as a decaying institution. Year by year the old iron-bound discipline relaxes old prejudices give way, old-time laws are repealed, and ancient usages go down before modern innovations. The stiff, square, severe, ugly Presbyterian and Methodist meeting houses have given place to beautiful churches of brick orstoue, built and decorated in accordance with modern art and architecture. Instead of the great, staring plain glass windows which alone could satisfy the severity and simplicity of the straight up-and-down forefathers, there are now to be lound beautiful stained glass and jeweled windows that would raise the hair ol Calvin, John Knox and Wesley. So op posed were these plain folks to the organ or instrumental music that the mobs in Crom well's time destroyed some of the grandest churches and finest organs in England in their zeal of intolerance, and yet now the sect which held out most determinedly against church organs has at last given way, and the "kist of whistles" that was so ob noxious to the Puritan forefathers has now an honored place in the church services of almost all denominations. Asa further sign of progress may be mentioned the efforts of many Presbyterians to have the Westminster confession revised and amended to the intent that the most offensive articles of the old time creed and belief may be withdrawn or modified, inas much as "no one in accord with nineteenth century civilization can accept them fully as they stand. Tne orthodoxy of this age is also far, very far, away from the old rules and church standards with regard to dress and the observances of social life. In these days the church has no rigid lawa against bangs, against putting starch in ruffles, against walking abroad on Sunday. It is not now considered a sin by even the strictest and straightest to play the organ, to use the book of common prayer, to take pleasure in works of art and literature. The old Presbyterians destroyed every picture of the Madonna they could find. They delivered the noblest works of sculpture to the stone masons to be made decent" They pro scribed all amusements. They passed a law making the festival of Christmas a last day to be passed by the people in bemoaning the sins of those who had heretofore cele brated it as a joyous holiday for feasting, and good cheer and merry making XTlfDEE THE MISTLETOE. But their descendants have nearly all out grown this Puritanic severity, this gloomy austerity, this proscription ot amusements, this setness against all that makes life pleasant and joyons, just as they have given up the long faces, the nasal whine, the funeral cant and the other absurdities of the forefathers in Cromwell's days, when the "Barebones Parliament" solemnly de creed that the road to power and place should be held sacred to those of real godli ness, but as events a proved, rather to-its af fectation by ambitious and unscrupulous men. There are yet a few of the old sort left, a few who still would like to enforce the strict observance of Sunday after the old Puri tanic pattern, who still object to the celebra tion of Christmas, who still would put all amusements under the ban. who still stand by Rouse's version of the Psalms, and hold outagainst an organ as a profane and un godly thing, but they constitute a most mel ancholy minority in these days. A few Methodists there may be who sigh for Wes- leyan simplicity, and who deplore the ab sence of plain clothes, and denounce the frivolous ruffles, and worldly folderols, and Easter bonnets with which the sisters now adorn themselves, and fall with equal sever ity upon the brethren who find worldly matters vastly more interesting than spirit ual things. But when all is said, it cannot be denied that a vast change or shaH it be called evolution has taken place in the churches in the last two-hundred years. The Conferences and General Assemblies may refuse to revise or to alter the Con fession of Faith and the creeds to accord with the intelligence of the age, yet still the plain fact remains that the views of the people have changed. Some of the old blue laws still remain upon the statute books, bnt they are, nevertheless, almost a dead letter. And so it is with some ot the articles of belief once firmly held by good Christian people. Nobody nowadays be lieves that infants who have died without baptism are condemned to everlasting flames, nor will anybody be found to accept the old Puritanic notion that the saints in glory have their joys enhanced by gazing over the battlements of heaven and seeing their earthly friends and neighbors suffer ing the torments of the lost in the seething fires poked up by Satan and his hosts. Bnt perhaps nothing shows more the great revolution in sentiment and opinion among the church people than their disregard of the old rules as to amusements. Card play ing, novel reading, dramatic entertain ments and dancing all once so strictly for bidden, are now almost as common among church members as among those who make no profession of faith. Not long ago a minister felt impelled to preach A SEBMON AGAINST DANCING. His remarks were received with smiles, and the little winks went round from pew to pew. The cause of this amusing by-play was that the children of nearly all of the prominent members went to dancing school. The scruples of most people as to this amuse ment for young folks seem to have disap peared, and judging by the crowds that now attend dancing schools it would almost ap pear that society had a law like unto that of the Spartans, which obliged parents to ex ercise their children in dancing from the age of 5 up to maturity. Novels, once so strictly prohibited and de cried, now constitute the bulk of the Sun day school libraries. Theatrical entertain ments, once so roundly denounced, are now largely patronized by the truly good people. Dancing was never more largely indulged in than at present, despite the countless sermons preached against it and the an athemas pronounced upon those who take part in it, while card playing is the com mon amnsement of all classes of the laity, old and young, rich and poor, church mem bers and outsiders. It behooves the reverend brethren to make a note of these things, and consider whether it is well for them to waste time and breath and energy in endeavoring to put down pri vate judgment People think for them selves in these matters. They have got be yond the stage when the dogmatic utter ances of even their spiritual teachers carry weight, unless supported by their own conscience and common sense. When a reverend brother denounces card playing from the pulpit as an evil or a sin, the ma jority of his people know by their own ex perience that a game of cards is no more wrong than a game of croquet or tennis. They take no stock in the idea that painted pasteboard is anymore sinlul to handle than balls, or mallets, or rackets, or jack straws. If there is any truth in Brother Moody's idea that everybody who plays "progressive euchre" will be sent to'dwell with Satan and his angels some of the very best people in the world will be shut out of heaven people who fulfill the law ot charity, who are full of good works and whose names are written as those who love their lellowmen. John Wesley, when found fault with for adapting holy hymns to earthly music, said he did not believe in allowing the devil to have all the good mnsic. Perhaps if the reverend brethren in the pulpits and the stiff old deacons wonld take thought and consider they would decide that the devil should not be allowed to have ALL THE GOOD FUN. The Xoung Men's Christian Associations now find their greatest attraction and strong est power for good in their gymnasium, their field sports, baseball and reading room pleasures, rather than in prayer meetings and tracts. It would seem as if the pastors and church authorities might profit to some extent by their experience and make the churches minister, not only to the spiritual needs of its members, but their temporal en joyments as well. The grand temples that cost so much money and are only used one day in the week, or perhaps twicej mighe be utilized for the social pleasures of the con gregation. The young folks love com pany, and for that matter so do their elders, when it is congenial. What valid objection can there be to the parlors and lecture rooms of the churches being utilized for the social enjoyment ot all. Young men and even young girls, whose homes are unhappy and whose sur roundings are unpleasant, spend their evenings on tne street to enjoy company and to get out of the close and dirty quarters in which they live. What would it not be to them to have a church reading room, a room where they might find pleasure and recreation in games, a lecture room where they might hold meetings, engage in dis cussions, join in literary exercises, or listen to good music? The church buildings are not used enough. They are as a usual thing full of stale air and the chill of vacancy. Through the week the lecture room is opened for a sparse and melancholy prayer meeting, or perhaps the ladies have a good old-fashioned gossiping sewing society, or occasionally a church supper to make money lor the heathens, but these give no adequate returns for the capi tal invested, cither spiritually or socially. Said a lady from Oakland, or thereabouts, one day: "We had to organize a club house out here in order to keep our boys from go ing downtown to spend their evenings. At first," she said, "I zealously opposed it; I thought it was dreadful to have them eo where they could play cards and billiards, and all that sort ot thing; bnt after I had been induced to visit it my objections all went by the board. I saw it was a good thing, and a means of keeping the boys from the temptations of the saloons and resorts, where they were liable to fall into the wiles of wickedness. This work might have been done, and per haps better done, by the churches, and at less expense. It would not be surprising if some day the progressive people of the churches should see the vast amount of good they might do in this line. As the world moves the churches must move, or get left Considering the vast advances in the last half-century it would not be surprising to find before long the first story of the sanctuaries given over to free reading rooms, parlors for card playing, chess, and other games, billiard rooms, bowling alleys, lecture rooms for literary exercises and discussions on "Looking Backward," and the living questions of the day by the talented members of the congregation, both men and women, who would give scope to their powers and instruction to their hearers. This may be set down by manv as a ridicu lous fancy, but as the old order changes it may become a practical reality. .Bessie Bramble. HOW TO MAKE A HYPOCRITE. Give Him a Government Poiltlon and the Thins 1 Done. Washington Post.J "There are so many funny things taking place now about the headquarters of the various political organizations," observed a clerk in one of the uptown departments. "Some ot the chaps who conld not have been dragged to their home with an ox team last year are now fairly falling over each other to get their names on the list of those who are going out to the States to vote. On the other hand the Democratlo clerks who made so much inort of their Republican friends last year are as quiet as a funeral procession about these times. "Their excuses for not taking part in the campaigns in the different States are as funny as they are numerous. I tell you, the way to make a hypocrite of a man is to give him a Government position." FAIR TYPEWRITERS. How They Have Become Recognized Factors in Business Life. PLENTY OP BOOM FOB EXPERTS. Incompetent, Ignorant and Giddy Goshen Not in Demand. A BRIGHT WOMAN'S OPPORTUNITY IW KITTEN FOB THI PlgrATCB.l Within the past ten years the typewriter has become a recognized factor in the busi ness life ot the metropolis. It is not so very long since the sight of a well-dressed, good looking young woman in the lower part of the city was one of sufficient rarity to attract general attention, while a lady employed in an office was an almost unheard-of thing. But now all this has changed, and the great buildings in the lower part of the city fairly teem with young women, most of whom are employed as stenographers and typewriters, while all are known under the generic term of "typewriter." It is during the summer months that they shine to the best advantage, for at that time, while the wives and families of the lawyers and business men are in the country, the typewriters assume and greatly enjoy a prominence in the restaurants and places of amusement at Coney Island and on the great thoroughfares of the city which does not belong to them at any other time of the year. The typewriter figures in the ephe meral humorous literature otthe day, where she takes the place occupied for so many years by the goat, the mother-in-law and the banana peel. Much has been written ot the typewriters, and yet very little is known of a profession which is growing every day in dignity, usefulness and profit, and which has already given to thousands of intelligent and daserving young women a means of livelihood. The profession of typewriting is as yet in its infancy; .or, at best, hardly out of swad dling clothes. Just no w it is going through the same unpleasant experiences which have been the lot of many another excellent thing during its beginning. It has been made the subject for the shafts of ridicule, and justly so, because the advantages which it offers for an extended acquaintance have drawn into its ranks a large number of young women unfitted by education and training to do competent work, and caring only for a chance to flirt with or, to quote "lrom their own expressive vernacular, "mash" the gentlemen, both old and young, with whom they are brought in contact BOOM ON TOP. But it is a great injustice to a large and re spected class of young women to take these others whom I have named as a fair type of their profession. My purpose is to deal not with the "mashers," but with those who have gone into their profession seriously, who have found in it an excellent living, and are anxious above all things to excel in the calling which they have chosen. Almost every young girl in this country who finds herself confronted with the problem ot exist ence, and is compelled to support herself and perhaps others in her family, turns her eyes longingly and hopefully on New York, and wishes that she could find some employment there. Some kind friends are sure to tell her that in the metropolis every calling is overcrowded, and none more so than type writing, t To these I should say that the profession is overcrowded by incompetents; and that there is more room at the top of it for ladies of education and refinement than there is in heaven for true believers. In other words, there is a growing demand among lawyers, journalists and merchants for expert and in telligent stenographers and typewriters. The business man who 20 years ago labori ously wrote his own letters or turned them over to a clerk, now simply summons his stenographer by the tap ot a bell, dictates a dozen letters to her in as many minutes, and then turns to his desk secure in the knowl edge that each one of these letters will be neatly and correctly printed on a ma chine and mailed within an hour and with out giving him anv further trouble. The lawyer who formerly had his briefs, agree ments, etc., copied in a long hand which was often illegible, now employs a type writer, for there are many judges who ab solutely refuse to read any matter which is not neatly typewritten. sThe journalist, to whom 4,000 words is a good day's work, can dictate that amount ot matter wkhin an hour to an expert typewriter and wfth but little fatigue. All this requires a high class of talent, and, therefore, the demand for ex perts in this profession, as in others, grows day by day. ONE WOMAN'S SUCCESS. There is one thing which I desire particu larly to impress upon the minds of all those who may read this paper, "and that is, there is no room in New York for ignorant and incompetent typewriters, as the demand is more than supplied by our home market As a journalist, I have had a long experi ence with typewriters, and I wonld consider it criminal to write anything calculated to draw into the ranks ot the profession any more young women who are unworthy to be in it But I can in perfectly good faith give every reasonable encouragement to young ladies who see the necessity for work and can bring to it the advantages of a well trained mind and a good general education. I known a young lady who is entitled by virtue of breeding, natural refinement and mental attainments to fill any position so cially that may fall to an American woman. She l" not only a graduate of a college, but also took high rank as a private teacher of Latin and Greek, a profession which she abandoned in order to open a stenographic and typewriting office in New York. She came here absolutely unknown, and had, moreover, never seen a typewriting machine until she had occasion to purchase half a dozen for her own use. She called herself the Axios Company "axios" is the Greek for "worthy" and since then has en deavored to live np to her name. That was two years ago. Now she has not only her original office on Broadway, bnt has also se cured the monopoly of the Times Build ing, and is in negotiation for another office in a great business block at present in course of erection. The rent of her two offices is abont 81,600 a year, and she gives steady employment to half a dozen assist ants, who receive from 15 to $18 a week apiece, and makes a very good living her self. Her business is chiefly with the legal profession, and includes also a number of well-known journalists. She tells me that she finds it very difficult to obtain assist ants of sufficient education and technical skill to do the work required, and fully ' coincided with what I have already said about the opportunities which the profes sion oners to women oi tne oest class. TWO KINDS OF TYPEWBITEBS. "How long does it take to become an ex pert stenographer and typewriter?" I asked her. "Some will tell you six months, but those are generally the people who teach it. I say that it takes two years to become an ex pert," was her reply. This young lady attributes her success to the fact that she has always sought to in crease the quality of the work and seenre the most competent assistants rather than cut down prices. She tells me that experts readily command $15 a week, and that some who have desk room or an office of their own earn twice or three times that amount I had a fortnight's experience with a type writer of the ignorant class which I am not likely to forget She came to me with a recommendation of some "Business College" from which she graduated, and in which I am inclined to fancy there must be a Chair of Imbecility. She was fairly presentable in appearance, which may have had some thing to do with herobtaining the situation, but she was about as Ignorant a young woman as I have ever encountered. She cherished a deep attachment for a young man named Joe, who was, as nearly as I could ascertain, a dashing young pork packer's assistant, who dwelt "around the corner" lrom her father's house, As. attractive young- man, doubtless, and one gifted with many rare personal charms, but I could not help thinking that my type writer devoted altogether too much time to him. Once I heard her sniveling over her work, because Joe had gone to the masque rade ball of the "Butchers' Own" with an other girl. At other times she had to go away at 3 o'clock to meet Joe, who was coming with one of his friends, a "perfectly elegant gentleman" and his "lady friend" to accompany her to Coney Island. When she wasn't thinking of Joe or making hor rible mistakes with my copy, she was read ing the Fireside Companion or what she called a "libry." It was thus that she de scribed a greasy paper-covered volume from a circulating library bearing some title like Stainless, yet Free; or Wedded to a Per fect Gentleman." SOME KNOWLEDGE NECESSAET. The girl was absolutely unfitted for the calling in which she had embarked. She could not spell Bismarck correctly. The fact accidently developed in one ot my ar ticles that the great Napoleon was a native ot Corsica, came upon her in the light of a revelation, which was rendered more inter esting by the subsequent discover that the island was not spelled with a K. She could not spell any proper names whatever, and her knowledge of ordinary words of three syllables was extremely limited. "Withal, she was so unreasonable that when I sug gested to her the propriety of taking a course of night school during the winter, she got angry and left, declaring that she was not obliged to work anyway. I believe she has since found herproper level at the notion counter at Macy's. I quote from one of the most expert stenog raphers in New York when I say that there are not more than 50 thoroughly competent women in the profession in New York, while the demand for them is practically unlim ited. To young ladies who are considering the advisability of becoming typewriters here, I would offer a few suggestions, and confine myself entirely to the requirements oi men of my own prolession, journalism. To begin with, if you are going to work for journalists or literary men, you will find that any knowledge that you may happen to possess will come in handy. So don't leave any of it behind you when you pack your trunks to start for "the city. You will find Latin extremely useful and French even more so. A general knowledge of history, especially cotemporaneous, is ab solutely essential. You shonld know the names of people who are prominently before the public, and be able to spell their names correctly. Head the newspapers carefully and familiarize yourselves with the names and exploits of the great politicians, actors, singers and writers of the present day. Re member that Columbus discovered America, and that Bismarck is spelled with a k. That there are two a's in separate and two p'sia opposite. That the names of the singers at the Metropolitan Opera House are in constant use and require a course of study. That Russia is rnled by a Czar, and America, with somewhat less justice and discretion, by the corporations and poli ticians. Remember, I say, all these and other facts of kindred interest and the crown of glory may yet be yours. J. L. FOBD. SHERIDAN AT WEST POINT. A Disobedient Student Who Was Given One More Chance. Youth's Companion. It is good to give the bad boys another chance. General Sheridan, when he was a West Point cadet, committed an offense so flagrant against the discipline of the school that he afterward thought himself that it ought not to have been forgiven. On parade one day his sergeant, who was also a cadet, ordered him to "dress," that is, to stand in line with the rest of the company. It was a proper order ; but young Sheri dan, who had a very fiery Irish temper, took exception to the tone in which it was given, and, in fact, was so incensed at it that he rushed toward the sergeant with his bayonet in his hand, intending to assault him. For tunately, before he could accomplish his purpose, his reason regained the upper hand, and he returned to his place. The sergeant reported the offense, a pro ceeding which inflamed Sheridan's wrath anew, and the next time he met the ser geant he flew 'at him with his fists. They fought uutil they were separated by an officer. Here was a fearful breach of military dis cipline, one which at most military acade mies would have been punished by dis missal. But the officers, lenient toward the earnest student of 20 years "too lenient," he thought instead of expelling him gave him another chance by rusticating him for a year. But for this the services of Sheri dan would have been lost to the country during the late war, when his peculiar and very great talents were of inestimable value. His experience at West Point did not lessen his sense of the necessity of disci pline. He knew when to forgive offenders. and when to enforce military law. In his "Memoirs" he tells us what he did with four officers who displayed criminal cowardice at the battle of Stone's river. "When their guilt was clearly established, and as soon as an opportunity occurred, I caused the whole division to be formed in a hollow square, closed in mass, and had the four officers marched to the center, where, telling them that I would not humiliate any army officer or soldier by requiring him to touch their disgraced swords, I compelled them to deliver theirs up to my colored servant, who also cut from their coats every insignia of rank. "Then, alter there had been read to the command an order from army headquarters dismissing the four from the service, the scene was brought to.a close by drumming the cowards out of camp. It was a mortify ing spectacle, bnt from that day no officer in that division ever abandoned his colors." In the case of Cadet Sheridan, the authori ties at West Point were themore inclined to leniency because they saw in him the stuff out of which a good soldier is made love of his calling, and great energy in preparing himself for it. Not a few of the "bad boys" at school are bad from having a little too much of the vivacity and resolution that conquer the world, which only need to be rightly guided to bring them fame. In One Eye Onlr. Bad Boy De old blind chump won't 'no de diffrence If I help meself to some of his nickels. Blind Beggar I reckon I got aa eye to business yet, sonny. Judge. Frettr Good for a. Gsess. Cbieazo Advance. "Who was the first man Tommy?" asked the Sunday school teacher, after explaining that our first parents were made from the dust of -the wrth, "Senry Ciy, sW" THE FIRESIDE SPHINX A Collection of Siatjcal Its for Homo CracHE Address communications for this department to E.R. Chadbourn. Lewiston, Maine. 805 WHAT MAEINE ANIMAL ft THIS? D. M. HAYWAED. 806 DEATH AOT) THE BOBBER, Death wa-i distant one night from luV bonnle. abode. When he happened to meet with a knight ol the road: "Tour name and your purse, or my pistol's con tents;"' No time was allowed for regrets or comments. Death flans bim his card, and the villain looked vexed: "On the back I have scribbled from numbers a text; Facsimile. Each character there can a character spare; If yon make the selection with caution and care, Nor the symmetry mar of the word that re mains. The result I commend to yourself for your pains.: - T If Shakespeare had met with a robber the same. He'd have answered his query of "What's in on aimf" W. WttSOS. 807 CUETAU.ED DECAPITATION. A small inlet or bay Or cove, we will say. Beheaded with vapors emit. It we also curtail. We shall have, without fail, A Portuguese coin, a small bib Bitteb Sweet. 808 a phonetic puzzle. A foreigner who did not know a word of En glish, bat who was an expert stenographer, took down in shorthand the sounds uttered by a public reader. At the close of the entertain ment he translated his notes phonetically, as best he could, and presented the following lines to an American friend, who recognized In. them a quotation from a familiar poem: "Falmen neeage em uvpewress stracerreen thlddar knnlath hemmed kave zuvotion bare fui menneeaff louriz bawntoob lushionseen andway stits weet nesson thiddez urttare." J. H. Fezakoie, 809 NEW-TOEK TO CHICAGO. Suggesting a dale for the Fair. Dear Maaam: Should you get the Fair (The proverb says, '-first catch the hare") A brief suggestion I've to state. And that's with reference to the date On which you hope to have unfurled Its wonders to a gaping world. Apart lrom advertising fame The mightv dollar is your aim; Now there's a day in every month Between the tliirty-flrst and 'onetb?' If you this lucky date select. The fortunes in it tor a fact. But don't you think when all is o'er . You'll want a new Divorce Court more; Go get yourself one while you can, Built on the "Can't 1 leave her" plan; For f airs I'm better suited, for My motto is XLOB. W. WlLSOK. 810 TEIPiE 1ETTEB ENIGHA. In "matrimonial;" , In "begemonic3lj" In "energetical.' Did yon ever see the great complete, 'With its animals fierce and wild r If not. you've missed a splendid treat, Liked both by man and child. C. A.PSICZ, 811 DOUBLE ACEOSTIC. Word of eight Utters. L One who occupies or has possession. 2. To steep almost to eolation. &. A mode of ex- Sression peculiar to a language, i. (Mas.) lackening. 5. Formed of pure tire or light. 6. (Hindu myth.) The trinity of the Yedas. 7. Inference. 8. An alloy of gold, silver and copper. 9. A recluse. 10. Vegetable caseine. iVimob-Gilted in conversation. Finals A. mineral, usually of a bright green color. iss L. 813 A MUTILATION. In Ethiopia's depths profound 'Tls said the whole in herds abonna; Though very active, strons and free, Its hold on life is strange, yon. see. For if by chance it lose its head. Not death, bnt endless life instead. But if perchance it lose its tail, Then life itself will snrelv fail; And naught remains bnt a cloth oblonz: Well known in manyan ancient sons. A robe is left the Pope may wear; Now, U this scarf yon dare profane. Such vandal act perform again, A partner you will surely find. -An accomplice suited to your mind. Had you bat rent the other end. Then Fortune wonld your steps attend; Ho dire result on you could fall, No harm is done you're lelt it all. ' M. O. WOODTOEB. HEADERS' ANSWTEBS. Thomas Harry finds that the answer to No. 773 shonld have been "nine o'clock, 90 days afterward." at which time the first clock will have lost 3 hoars, the second will have gained 9 honrs,and the third will, have gained 21 hoars. The zailroad problem (No. 7S0) was worked out by Will Hughes, J. O'Brien. Laif, John S. Hogan, Arthur, Switchman. W. N. Herrold, J. C. fi, Wm. Mains, Jasper, Amos Knlgnts. Doc. Parker, F. D. C, B.40.R.II, Give Us Another, M. A. C Henry A. Clougn, S. T. P., Hugh Powers. Henry Reil. Daniel Harmon. B. TV n .nil TrfwffTnnB flnrnnfAp A .. v. answers given is this: "I would set 4 and 3 from B to A, and pull7and8on table. Run engine off and get her on other end, and shore 7 and 8 on track B. Then catch 6 and Sand poll on table. Ban engine on? tarn-table, get to other end and shove on track B; and do the same with the two other cuts. Then pull across table." ANSrWEES. 798 Divide the year 1883 in equal parts' by a horizontal line and get 1,000 in each, the cube root of which is 10. 7871. Whiskey. 1 Turnkey. 3. Donkey, i. Monkey. 6. Turkey. & Darkey. 798 Congratulate. - 799- 39 13 78 89 468 800 Postofflce. 801 HOB8EWHIP APOCBYPHA Y E8TEBDAY D ISBTRDBN NOVITIAXE 803 Particular, articular. 803 L Lord Alfred Tennyson. 2. Thomas Alva Edison, a General Boulanger. 4. Cor- Soral JTanner. 5. Father Damien. 6. Qrover iereland. 7. Benjamin Harrison. 8. John Boyle O'Reilly. 804 Fraud, f ran, F. R. A. GETTING MARRIED AT SEA, How California Couple Avoid Trouble and Pave License Fees, Los Angeles Tribune. Getting married at sea is now the "proppah eapah" for eloping couples, par ticularly if the bride be under age. By this system so license is required aad bo perjnry need be committed. All that is necessary is to get a tug or yacht sad pass oat the six marine miles from land, and then the cap tain of the ship can perform the ceremony under the lav regulating marriage upon the high seas. Xt is a great scheme, and is kls wat3s4 : 8 4 o : i 7 a : : io : TheGlrlofTo-Day. ,'.i Detroit Advertiser.! fS Impassioned , Youth Arabel, Hove ypfl! Will yon be mine? Girl of To-Day Come, come now; Illi marry you, if yon like, but I'm not going'toj be yours; you've got to be mine, and do as'I" toy, or you can get a divorce for incompati- : uiuiy. IsHtIPtHPiuS'SI A PEHFEC1 il.iSii'lH;fli Blood Mm A. purelr Veeetabla Compound that expels all bid humors from tho; H mh Hifis& riSMI i system. Removes blotch es and Dim Dies, and rai1iT'TfiPia makes pure, rich blood.' ap2-S8 FACIAL BLEMSMES. . TH largest BfttMUhment in tfca World ifcr tne treauoflit or tuir sa eevp I Eczema, Males, 'Warts, Saperflocntf Hair Birtttmarts. Moth, FneUes, Wrtnlles, Red Nom. Bed Teins. OUt 8Mn. Aene. PtmnlM- BlklMdi- Barber's ItehJkan. Flttlnc. Ptnrder Xarts Bleaehia. FadaX Deralanmrat. ete. Bend lO etc. orll8.na took oa til sUn Imperfections aad Utelf treatment. JQITX n. WOODKUKY, Irmfttolrft, 125 West48rfStrt,HW TOM CXZTJLT. r.S. tbe irso&wry'sraelalSayfwtteaafatta swift for sal by U 4nfslsta.r by nail, fO easts OC27-83-SU MEDICAL. DOCTOR WHITTIER S14 PESN AVENCE,PITTSBDE!,PA. ! As old residents know and back flies of Pitts. j burrr papers prove, is the oldest established H and most prominent physician In the city, de votine SDecia1 attention to all chronic diseases. SrNOFFFUNTILCURED 5 tirrtlf ni In&nd mental dlseaea physical & liLn VUUO decay, nervous debUlty,lack of ; energy, ambition and hope, impaired memory, , disordered sight, self distrust, baahiulnesa, dizziness, sleeplessness, pimpIes,ernptions, im poverished blood, failing powers.organic weak ness, dyspepsia, constipation, consumption, uo- nttfncr tha neriutn for hnsicfrss aocietv a.nrf nar. riage, permanently, safely and privately enrea. ".: rii rfr k nn of iai Hauca in ii DLUUU ANU dM,,stagesrera7tlo5; blotches, falling hair, bones, pains, glandular swellings, ulcerations of tongne,moath, throat; ' j ulcers, old sores, are enred for life, and blood-; -a poisons thoroughly eraaicatea rromtne system. IIPIMARV kidney and bladder derange U n 1 1 1 n II I j menu, weak back, gravel, ca tarrhal discharges, inflammation and other nrnmntrallnf anil rHlmifAl Cv Dr. Whittier's life-long, extensive expert- mifA tmnrai f.'ant'Hf. 9nH Tllihlatfft9hnanfe on common-sense principles; Consultation f ree.&J f aiiAfiTK 91 & nMtanpft as rarpimiT irRarpn a lr -u here. Office hours 9 a m. to 8 p. sl Sunday, 10 a K. to 1 p. m. only. Da WHITTIER, S&1 : renn avenue, .nttsDurg, ra. ocS-DSu-wk HUM i Mum' i How Lost! How Regained. MOW THYSELF ''-i .i Borsmi (Lfci o"" ASdentiflcandBtaniird Popular IfedicalTrsstissoa -' theErroraof Yonth, PrematnreDecline.S'eiTOUS, M WUU .UJ.IV-4 WVMMj,M.WMHV "WU fnrf MhvilAq lAhlttv. mnnmiM AT 1 ha HIM.1 Resulting from Folly. Vice, lgnorsnce Ex- i cesses or Overtaxation. Enerratln'r and ttnflt- JEB ting the victim for Work, Business, the lUr-;i" riage or aociai neiauons. m Avoid unskillful pretenders. Possess this -,; great work. It contains 300 uaees, royal 8tod - Beautiful biudlng, embossed, tnll gilt. Price,, , .". omy 91 uy man. pos.Kuu, coaceaiea la maia wrapper. Illustrative Prospectus Free, It yon -. ; apply now. The distinguished author. Wm. H. - . TT--1.A. t Ti ..i..i .k. nni n mitn irui . ELED MEDAL from the National Medical As.7; C4 sociafion, for this PRIZE ESSAY onNERVOUSJ and PHYSICAL DEBILITY. Dr. Parker and a? corps of Assistant Physicians may be cjd- ; salted, confidentially, by mall or in person; atj the office of THE PEABODY MEDICAL IN.? STITUTE, No. 4-Bulfioch St., Boston. Mj,,W 1 wnom ail orders ior noons or letters tor advic should be directed as above. auIa-Cj-TaPSuT Health is Wealtl De. E. a West's Nebvx and UkaoC Kvi. BUIAUtV lr:l SNBB'bI sBsLsVsVsll - XREATMErr.acnaranteea spec nc lor hysteria,', jm dizziness, convulsions, nts. nervous neuralgia headache, nervous prostration caused by tha .j use of alcohol or tobacco, wakefulness, mental.-; aepression, softening ot tne oram resulting la -Insanity and leadin!r to misery, decay and' death, premature old age. barrenness. Ion of power in either sex. Involuntary losses and . spermatorrhea-, caused by overexertion ot thai brain, self-abuse or over-indulgence. Ecal box contains one month's treatment. SI a box.? or six boxes for Sj, sent by mail prepaid oa re-t WE GUARANTEE SIX BOXES To enre any case. With each order received by i for six boxes, accompanied with to CO, we will? send the purchaser our written guarantee toj refund the money If the treatment does not ef-J fectacure. uuarantces Issued onlybrEmuu,! Stucky, Druggist, Solo Agent, 1701 and501Peans are. ana cor. wyue aye. ana xmum si. i'ltll burg; Fa. se27-10Gf-TTSSu.o teKMtoFaii Tarrant's Extract of j Cubebs and Copaiba, thai best remedy for and!a-jj eases of the urinary lOrj zans. lis ponanie iorsv freedom from taste stM speedy action (frequently curine in three or foar aays ana always in less time than anv other pre paration), make "Tar rant's Extract" the mot desirable remedy erscS manufactured. AUcena-ll lne has red strip acrossiface of label, with tied nature oi Tarrant to, .New xorx. npon iu rnce. u. "sola Dy au arnggists. ocuwi-su- GRAY'S SPECIFIC MED1GIMEI CURES NERVOUS DEBILIT1 LOST VIGOR. LOSS OF MEMORY. full particulars In pimpaM sent free. The genuine tirsysf (Specific sold by drn-EKlsts only In j yeUow wrapper, frlce. Si peel ks, Tir on receipt of price, bv addrew-i nr THE GEAT ilEOlClNE CO, BaSalo, Xi&i nacicare. or six ror ss. or ot huuu avm mtuuuurg uj a.s. a.JUUAiLf. curuos Djuiinnriasnaxaoenysu. xprc-ai ,a ooitojo. Sootfl COMPOUND posed of Cotton Boot. TsnsT tail Pennyroyal a recent discovery by as old ohvsician. Is suctasfuttv usti sealed. Ladles, ask your drojrzist for Cook's! Cotton Boot Compound and take no substttata,-f or Inclose 2 stamps for sealed particulars. Ad-J dress POND lily coMPAiiT, No. 3 FUms-1 numuan sale. KnectnaL nce xi. or man s Block, 131 woodward ave Detroit, Jdlcfi. WSoId in Pittsburg. Pa, by Joseph Llea? iuk oon, jjuoooa ana jaarsei ra. sexs-JBii Manhood RESTORED.- Bmr-JT raze A victte j of vaaUlfal hBSrndence.-3 auubur Prcmatm-e Dccmr. Nerrona Pebuttr. tjomA Kanhocwl, Ac.. liaTlsg tried In Ymla vrttrj known reme-S dy. has dfaoorereil a. rfmrtfe mews of Kit cure, whlelkl ce win ena (smiwti fkee to nu inmw-tnatnn. $ Address, J.H. BZZVIS, P.O. Box MO.Sew yorkCJsfij OClf-53-TTSa HARE'S REMEDY 1 For men! Checks the worst cases la tfc days, and cures in fire days. Price (1 OS. at JsJ-aB-rrssn U31tekrt street.- flUUI f.t I recta youthm! er-f rors. earlr deemr. last manhood eto. I wilt lead a Talnabte truttoa (newel eontalalacr rou porucoar tor hobs can, Iri lfrTvrrwuM, SaPX BSrBflBBBflV ii3 IbbBb aS ! m j Z& . L J&&22J CV M o.rtf-AJ&StMljjBS&fc FT