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DISPATCH, SUNDAY;' SEPTEMBER1 15? 1889?
SHELLS AND SGULLS.
John Teemer Describes the Progress
Made in the Art of Bowing.
THE EVOLUTION OP THE OAR.
Radical Changes in the Mode of Training
SIMPLICITY OP THE PEESENT STILE
tCOIlEESPOXDKSCE OF THE DISPATCH.;
2 ew Yore, September 14.
a singular and
sad contrast be
tween the looks
of the girls who
have come back
to town, after a
summer of coun
try outing, and
S those who hare
been here contin
uously for what
f we may call a city
binning. Of course
there are plenty
have had vacation enough to give to their
faces a happy color betwixt tan and pallor.
But on the one hand I see the heiiesses ar
riving from the fashionable resorts, with
complexions browned by outdoor work at
nothing more irksome than tennis, while on
the other hand, are multitudes of factory
Cirls, bleached by heat and shade uutil they
look, by contrast, like reanimated corpses.
One of the reigning queens of comic opera
came back to a fall engagement tanned al
most to the hue of sole leather.
umbia, Harvard, Tale, Princeton, Pennsyl
vania, Cornell and Michigan have each one
of them navies of which they can be prond
and which in season and out do work of the
best class. Even the smaller and poorer in
stitutions ot learning, like Brown,Am
herst, "Williams, Dartmouth, Lehigh.TJnion
and Toronto have excellent organizations,
whose members, both as individuals and
crews, will compare favorably with those of
the larger and richer colleges. "When it is
remembered that these great schools have on
their rolls over 8,000 names and close onto
180,000 alumni, it is easily seen how large
an interest is centered in rowing events.
BOAT CLUBS EYERYTVHEEE.
Beside this, and to my mind of greater
importance, is the rapidly increasing num
ber of boat clubs in every part of the Union.
Go where you please, and in every place
you will find a club, and generally a good
one. Ercn in such a small city as Mont
pelier, Vt, there is a first-class organization
which practices every day upon that badly
named bnt beautiful river, the Onion. So
along the Long Island Sound and the Hud
son river there appears to be a clubhouse
every ten miles, and the traveler along the
Harlem river and around the beautiful
shores of Stateu Island will be amazed at
the number and at the excellent appoint
ments of the clubhouses that are to be
seen . there by the score. I have
never heard how many there are, but judg
ing from what I have seen and know I
should say that there were at least 4,000
boat clubs in the United States with a mem
bership of over 500.000 young men. These
figures mar seem large, but when you think
ot such affairs as the Xew York Athletic
Club, the Atalanta and Manhattan Athletic
Club, the New Jersey, "Wiilianiiburg,
Brooklyn and Staten Island organization
each one of which musters a lull regiment,
the numbers seem understated rather than
otherwise. "Why, there are successful clubs
on such little lakes as Greenwood asd Kon-
kon Koma, and in such little towns as
Bristol, a. i.,and bbeepshead Hay, JS. 1.
"Is there an improvement in rowing?"
Of course there is. and in every respect.
Everything connected with aquatics has
undergone the same change for the better
as has everything in all the other fields of
life. Xhe oars, or sculls, in the hrst place,
are finer and more efficient to-day than ever
before. The substitution of the spoon for
the Hat blade ot the past was a vast im
provement. Of almost equal importance
Hard at Work.
neve been the unnoticed alterations made
in the shape and finish of the handle, in the
lightening ot the oar as a whole, In the
curvature and outline of the blade, and
even in the selection and treatment of the
wood lrom which it is made.
THE JIODEES SCUM,
lighter, stronger, handsomer and more effect
ive thanany past model known. There is
the same development in boats. "Whether
made of cedar or paper, they are finer and
lighter than ever before and their lines have
less resistance and lriction. Patent bracing,
patent outriggers, patent sliding seats, pat
ent foot rests, patent metal cut-waters and
patent diagonals, tell the story ot how much
thought and inventive genius have been de
voted to the rower's art, and of how much
progress has been the result. One conse
quence has been the shortening of the time
in every event. All records when examined
turn out to be of recent date and coincide
with the introduction and use of the inven
tions mentioned. Manv of the great oars
men of 30 years ago were better men than
some ot the champions of to-day, and could
have beaten them on even terms. Bnt the
improvements I have relerred to have given
the latter a great advantage and enabled
them to eclipse the former in every featfrom
"singles" to "eights."
There has been a hngc improvement in
training methods, thanks to our doctors
and experts. It is more like some Chinese
school of medical treatment than anything
else to read how oarsmen are put into con
dition in the old days. They took salts and
senna, sulphur and magnesia, cathartic
pills and blue mass until the wonder is that
they did not die from excessive drugging.
Then there was at that time a holy horror
against fat, and the luckless oarsman had
to wear "sweaters," which are the thickest
jerseys that can be knitted out of woolen
yarn, heavy overcoats, two and three suits
nf nlnthes. thirlr clino and ert1rif.o ni1
sometimes even comforters and tippets in I
crder to produce copious perspiration and I
1 4&Am X7 J S
wjfff I lyfll lmf ItSv
if III III I fFi'illlll - 5 -Vfi
melt the fat through the pores. Beyond
this there were all sorts of
Dumbbells and Indian clubs, lifting
heavy weights and shaking unwieldy bars,
were a small part of the training which a
man in training had to undergo. Dieting
was another feature. The candidate was
not allowed to smoke or drink, and was
restricted to a bill of fare from which sugar,
fats, starch, many meats, all pastry, confec
tions and sweetmeats were rigorously ex
cluded. The result of this treatment was dis
astrous in any numberof cases. It weakened
theman at his strongest points and threwneed
lcss strains upon other parts of his body.
There is no doubt that the famous sculler
Brown came to an untimely end from the
unnecessary strain upon his heart produced
by this method of training. It had one
humorous phase, however, in prodncing
boils all over the body of the rower and es
pecially where he came in contact with the
seat. On one occasion three of the famous
Columbia College crew of 1875 were troubled
in this way and for two weeks were unable
to sit down, and in fact,to hardly move.
The same trouble occurred to great crews of
Harvard and Yale in this country, and to
Oxford and Cambridge in England. This
style, I am glad to say, is now out of vogue
not only in aquatics but in every form of
athletic exercise. People know more about
the laws of health and strength and apply
their knowledge in a very sensible and sat
The present style of training is simplicity
itself. Its first principle is the avoidance
of any shock o the body. The smoker is
not compelled to give up tobacco, and so
suffer indescribable nervous pain, but
merely to moderate and limit his use of the
weed." The drinker is treated similarly and
is allowed his bottle of Bass, his claret or
Bhein wine with his meals. The regular
course of nature is followed as far as possi
ble. The athlete must go to bed and get up
early. He must take long walks and runs,
eat well and eat everything he desires that
is not intrinsically unwholesome. He must
bathe so as to keep the skin clean and allow
the pores and glands to do their best work.
In his exercise he must pay particular at
tention to the organs upon which his suc
cess depends. These are not so much the
great muscles as is commonly believed, but
the lunirs and heart. v hen these are in
bad form the oarsman, a minute after he has
started, is in distress. The lungs are mov
ing faster and the heart is
OVEBPOWEEED "WITH BLOOD.
The result is that the brain becomes sur
charged and the man sees indistinctly, the
breathing becomes hot, fast, irregular and
then painful and, finally, the muscles re
fuse to do their proper woik. To put these
organs into proper shape all that is neces
sary is to use those lorms of exercise which
call them most into use. Bunning, playing
football, jumping the skipping rope, row
ing, swimming, sparring, fencing and the
like are invaluable in this respect As to
reducing weight there is no need for heroic
measures. The Schweninger system of
drinking as little as possible' and the Bant
ing of confining one's self to a diet of lean
meat and acid or sub-acid vegetables, exer
cise, warm bathing and regular hours are
the chief means upon which the modern
trainer relic. But above all he endeavors
to avoid weakening the system by too much
or too intense a training. It is far better for
a man to be too "beefy" than to be over
trained. I may say in this connection that
there is a curious fact' which has long been
known to all oarsmen but is almost un
known to the general public This is that
when a man's waist hollows in, his staying
powers are nearly always poor, but when
ms waist curves out he is all right Any
training which changes a fellow's condition
from the latter to the former is therefore
This is the reason why oarsmen are so
much healthier thau they used to be. They
are also better appreciated in every respect
On the stage Georgj Hosmer has been a
drawing star for two seasons now, and prom
ises to remain so as long as he stays upon
the boards. Courtney and a dozen others
earn large money in coaching college crews
and ambitious "managers. Then here and
therein summer resorts by lake, river or
arm of the sea, are energetic hotel keepers
who employ professional oarsmen to give re
gattas and exhibition rowing, or to take
care of the boats and guests of the hotel.
This latter practice is far more common in
the West than iu the East. The salaries
paid in all cases are very handsome, and
the sculler is put on a par with the musi
cians, actors and other entertainers who
every summer visit our watering places.
A CHARMING ACCOMPLISHMENT.
There is no reason why he should not be.
Bowing is a charming accomplishment on
the one hand and a necessity on the other.
Every child should be taughthow to handle
the oars and manage a boat There is no
knowing when that knowledge will be of the
greatest value. Besides this, it is of the
highest benefit to the health. Judge Joseph
F. Barnard, of the Kew York Supreme
Court, has been upon that bench for more
than 20 years, and has probably lost less
time during that period from sickness than
any other Justice in the State. The secret
of his health lies in the fact that for at least
SO years he has used a "single" every day
when he has had the opportunity. Hi's
boat, as he makes it spin on the Hudson,
near his home at Poughkeepsie, is probably
the most familiar object upon those waters.
Americans do not appreciate the high per
fection to which oarsmanship has been
brought in this country. No other nation
can show such a roll as Hanlan, O'Connor,
Lee, Boss, Courtney, Gaudaur, Hamm,
Pilkington, Hosmer and Plaisted. They
have gone to every land to meet rivals, and
have conquered 50 times where they have
lost once. On the other hand, how many
foreign oarsmen have ever come to the
United States? Just as we have excelled
in almost every other field to which we
have given our attention so we have in
aquatics. Our yachts are the swiftest and
the safest, and our oarsmen the finest and
the best. John Teemek.
A LITTLE AT A TIME.
How a New Servnnt Ascertained
A lady who ha: a splendid great dog,
sent the animal out to the stables the other
day to be weighed. She confided him for
this purpose to the hands of a new servant,
a good natured but not whollv brilliant in
dividual, who regarded the dog with much
awe and apparently with not a little at
tention. The man was gone some time, but at
length he reappeared with the dog, and
announced that the animal weighed 120
"One hundred and twenty pounds," re-
ycaicu uu miairesa. .are you sure you
weighed him right? He must weigh more
"Oh, yes'm; sure I weighed him right
but I couldn't get him all on the scale."
His Own Line of Dullness.
. Captain (turiously to stowaway) I've a
mind to pitch you overboard to the sharks!
"Why did you sneak on board my ship ?
Sfowaway Sure, tor, I wanted to git to
London to find a job at me business.
Captain But all London 's on strike.
Stowaway Yes, sor; but that 's me own
line aT workl Puck.
BEAUTY AND WEALTH
Mrs. Frank Leslie Discusses the True
Value of Both to Women.
A SOCIETY BELLE'S CONQUESTS.
Some flints to Parents Who Are Blessed
With Pretty Children.
THE WORLD'S DEFERENCE TO WEALTH
I WRITTEN FOB THE DISPATCH.!
HE girl or woman who
, beauty is sure of atten-
tion wherever she goes.
Her mother, as well as
her grandmother and
aunts (generally not her
sisters and cousins), pet
and spoil and pamper
her from the cradle to
maturity; her teachers of
the male persuasion can
not be too severe with the
lovely eyes that plead,
the charming lips that
tremble, the sweet rose-
tint that pales and flushes upon the rounded
Out of school the pretty girl has her little
beaux long before her skirts reach the tops
ot her boots, and at all the juvenile parties
and other devices for teaching children the
lollies of their elders, the beauty carries off
the desirable partners and the prettiest
favors, learns to distribute her smiles as
carefully as ber elder sisters, &nd enjoys the
triumph of filling the hearts of all the
plainer girls with jealousy and miserable
Older grown, the girl or woman of un
doubted beauty cannot walk the streets, or
go to a theater, or even to church, without
hearing and seeing at every step the admi
ration she evokes. From the laborer, who
rivals in feeling, if not in wit, him who
begged the beautiful Countess to pause a
moment that he might light his pipe at her
eyes, to the kindly old gentleman who looks
upon her with a benignant smile, every man
pays her homage yes, and very many
women do so, too.
A CHARMING OBJECT.
For my own part, I know no more charm
ing object in all this charming world than a
beautiful girl, radiant with the dewy fresh
ness of her youth, and glorious in the pan
oply of her loveliness. When she appears
in s"ociety, the spoiling process of the nur
sery is intensified and amplified. Partners
politely elbow each other to reach her card
before it is. filled, the nicest men in the room
are at once presented, the hostess beams a
gracions welcome upon so decided an at
traction, and the host exhausts himself in
grateful panegyric Artists beg the privilege
of reproducing" that charming face and form,
in marble, in clay, in paint, in crayon, upon
the photographic plate; poets write verses
whole volumes of them and stately essay
ists beg permission to dedicate to her. works
that they know she will never read. She
may marry everv week in the year if she
has not already bound herself, and the most
lirutus-like ot senators will undertake any
thing she wishes if she will only do her own
Is all this success? A hasty assent rises
from the serried ranks of the great sister
hood of unattractive womeu they who have
worn out their youth in humiliating loneli
ness and neglect, who have tried to satisfy
a craving appetite with the crumbs that fell
from an overloaded table of the beauty, and
who have cried their poor, pale little eyes
red and ugly at seeing Adonis turn from
them with a hasty bow to run after Aurelia,
already surrounded with admirers.
But stop a minute. Look forward, my
child, some 20 or 30 years, when Aurelia
and you shall be climbing together the
steep path of middle life. Listen to the
voice of the world abont you then; listen to
Adonis, himself a middle-aged man with
waistcoats, gloves and shoes a good deal
roomier than he wears to-day. "That the
former Hiss Blank! Why, she is hardly
more than good-looking. How she must
have gone off!" "They say she has de
veloped a temper since she is not so much
surrounded as she used to be." "Poor
thingl I am glad she has developed some
thing, for I always found her a nonentitv."
"Yes, a perfect fool, and now she has be
come a spiteful fool," etc., etc.
Poor Aurelia, spoiled in the nursery,
never learned to put aside ber own whims
or plans, or to listen to those of others.
Never reproved for selfishness and passion,
those ill weeds grew apace in her nature;
and, unlike virtues, these vices grow
stronger in the weakness of our failing
strength of bod v and mind.
Indulged at school, Aurelia never studied
more than she felt like doing, and as her
mind was full of last night's conquests and
to-day's amusement, she felt like studying
very little, and consequently graduated
from school in a ravishinglv beautiful gown
and flowers, and was therein photographed
as the beauty of her class, but with a vague
idea that Athens is the capital of Italy, and
that Burgoyne was a French admiral.
A TASTE FOB BEADING
is not to be cultivated in the life a beauty
lives, even if the root is in her nature; and
the consequence is that at 40 years old
Aurelia has neither exact information nor
brilliant gleanings to make her conversa
tion interesting, and the chance is that she
talks mostly of herself and nextly
of her neighbors, treating these topics
in a manner neither interesting nor
And now comes in the question of wealth;
and with the faded beauty this is a very im
portant question, for if beauty in its bloom
is sure ot admiration, wealth at every stage
of life is sure of attention and deference.
Aurelia, however "gone off," however
stupid, however spiteful, is sure of a place
in society if she is only rich enough to pay
for it, and will find her little platitudes
listened to with smiling deferense by
Adonis, Jr. if he wants an invitation to her
receptions, and an opportunity to meet his
Aurifera at her villa in Newport.
Mounted upon her golden chariot, Au
relia drives gayly on through life, and no
body but her maid hears the moans or sees
the bitter tears of impotent jage with which
she bewails her lost youth and beauty, and
marks the progress of some fresh young
Bonnibel who pays to her all innocently the
respect due to her years instead ot the hom
age all used.to pay to her charms.
For time is no respecter either of beauty
or of wealth, and has with a grim smile
robbed Aurelia of ber hair, her teeth, her
complexion, the light of her eyes, and the
arch of their lids; he has spoiled her figure,
the clastic grace of her movements, the flash
of her smile, and her unwearied capacity
for amusement and interest One by one
he takes them all, and the wealth ot For
tunatus can only very lamely repair or hide
his ravages. Better, perhaps, if the wealth
is not there, and Aurelia is forced to stand
confessed a beauty who has lost her beautv
and her charm, and who is forced in self
defense to cultivate some other mode of at
traction. For wealth, although it will buy
attention and deference and many other
pleasant things, will not buy love or sym
pathy. And, worst of all, as age creeps on, there
comes creeping with it the suspicion which
is in itself a confession of defeat the dread
lest those who appear most desirous of pleas
ing or serving the rich woman do it for
their own advantage. While she was young
and fair, Aurelia never dreamed that money
could be more of an attraction than her own
bright self; and when she begins to suspect
that this may be the fact, she ceases to be
lieve in herself, and this is the most miser
able loss the heart of man or woman can en
counter. BOTH ABE GOOD THINGS.
Do I, then, mean to say that beauty and
wealth are not good things and not tobej
desired, and are not advantages in a society
career? By no means. They are tremendous
weapons, and if rightly appreciated and
skillfully used, are almost irresistible. Bnt
this I say to her who possesses one or both
of them: "They are two-edged weapons, they
are boomerangs, which, however deadly to
the opponent it wisclv launched, are, in un
skillml hands, only deadly to the launcher.
It is a truism that wealth has its
responsibilities, and a good share of that re
sponsibility is to one's self; one is bound to
get all the good out of the good things in
trusted to him that he can, or he proves
himself unworthy of the gift; and what is
true of wealth is also true of beauty. It is
a means to an end, but not itself an end; the
possessor has to look to it that while it is
her own she invests it in such manner that
when the capital is "called in" there shall
be a goodly sum of "accrued interest" to take
But the investment must begin with the
parents and guardians, who so often dis
count the future of their beautiful neophyte.
Don't spoil your Beauty, good mother!
Train her to just the same unselfishness, pa
tience, silence under injustice or rebuke,
that yon da her homely sister; never give
her the slightest advantage on account of
her beauty, and as she grows older see that
she studies, and rests, and lives
THE SIMPLE, NATUBAL LIFE
that a school girl should. Do not deny that
she is beautiful, for she will know you are
not honest in doing so; but take pains to
point out some of the beauties of your own
or your mother's day, and let her see what
they have come to." Encourage your chil
dren in games requiring some mental effort,
and if beauty is stupid or pettish at them,
poiut out the fact to her, and advise her to
try to equal her unattractive companions.
Wake her feel from the cradle to her matur
ity that beauty is a transitory gift, not under
her own control in its coming or in its going,
and urge her to supplement it by more en
And you, Aurelia, my dear, do you share
in following these counsels to your mamma.
Store your memory and your understanding
with what you have time to learn before you
are in society, that when you are there, you
may have something to talk about, and need
not'look like a lovely French doll if some
intelligent man tries to converse with you
after his own fashion. Bemember, too, that
a sweet temper and quick sympathies impress
themselves upon the face far more distinctly
than "prunes, prisms and propriety" do
upon the lips, and that when old Time steals
all those charms at present so predominant,
he will have no power to touch these others,
which then may take their place and give a
charm more winning and more loveablethan
evtn the bright beauty of sweet-and-20.
BUT AN ADDED FORCE.
And if wealth be added to beauty, it
should become but added force in the same
direction. The beautiful woman whom
wealth has sheltered all her life from the
grinding cares and the bitter humiliations
of poverty should develop into the sweetest
and most gracious form of womanhood. Her
radiant eyes should be quick to see, her
shell-like'ears to hear, and her unburdened
heart to understand, the great, the complex
cry of suffering humanity which fills the
very air we breathe; and she should be as
quick to relieve as to listen. Money will
do much, very much, but a true and tender
heart, quick sympathies, and an earnest de
sire to use well the gifts so lavishly bestowed
upon her, will do more; and whether in so
ciety or in the world at large, the noble and
true woman may, with or without beauty
and wcalth.mak'e herself loved and admired,
almost worshiped, by all who come within
her influence. Frank Leslie.
A NEW ENGLAND TRAIT.
A Story Illustrating: the Proverbial Close
ness of the Yankee Farmer.
Boston Times 1
The grasping though not miserly
nature of the native New England farmers
is somewhat proverbial. It is hard to get
the better of him in a "dicker," and he very
seldom gives anything for nothing. His
keenness in this respect was well illustrated
by an experience of a young Boston man
who recently spent a week in New Hamp
shire. The young man wanted to hire a boat for
the day, and the farmer owned one which
was moored to the bank of the river.
"Can you let me have your boat to-day?"
he asked of the owner.
"Wall, let me see," was the cautious
reply. "I don't know's as I can. Yon see
tbar's a man over here, Mr. So-and-So, that
other feller, yer know. He said t'other day
he wanted my boat, and he may be 'raound
"Well, I'm sorry, as I should like it to
day very much. You don't think you can
let me have it?"
"No; (fum ter think of it, I feel purty sar
tin the other feller'll be 'raound arter it
to-dav. And if he wants it, he orter have
"That settles it. then, I suppose," said
the young man. "But can you tell me any
place near here where you think I can hire
"Oh, vou want ter hire a boat, do yer?"
"Wall, naow, seein' yer want to hire a
boat so bad Come ter think on it, it's git
tin' kinder late, and I don't believe that
other teller will be 'raound this morning
it's mos' 9 o'clock. You want to hire it, yer
"Yes. How much will you charge me for
it for the day?"
"The last time I let her out I charged 30
cents for her; but I kinder think that's a
leetle mite high. I guess I'll let you have
it fer 25 cents."
The boat was taken.
A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY LOST.
A. Jersey Native Regrets That He Didn't
Buy the Atlantic Ocean.
Detroit Free Press. I
There are a great many people coming
down to the seashore this summer for the
first time in their lives, and it is always in
teresting to be around when they catch their
first view of old ocean. The favorite ex
pression of the female sex is:
"Well, now, did you ever!"
The men are, as a rule, less given to en
thusiasm. They stand and stare and seem
to figure on length, breadth and depth, and
finally slap their leg and mutter:
"Well, by thunder!"
We had an old man down here the other
day lrom the larther side of New Jersey.
He'd been intending to come for the last 20
years, but something had always happened
to prevent. He took a long look ocean
ward, nodded his head as if satisfied, and
then turned to a neighbor with:
"Say, Jim, why in blazes didn't we scrape
together and buy the whole business 40 or 0
years ago? Lock how the blamed thing has
improved right along since the war!"
Open on Sunday.
Not a speak-easy, ho wever. ZiV,
SINGULAR AND SAD.
The Contrasts Between the Girls Now
Coming Back to Town and
THOSE WHO DIDN'T LEAVE HOME.
One of Talmage's Whims Which Proved
Quite a Puzzle for Him.
Wni MILLIE-CHRISTINE CAN'T MARET
fWBITTEX TOE, THS DISPATCH.".
OWING has its
ups and downs like
sport in society
fashion. The men
who know this
best are the pro
who one season are
they go and make
money hand over
fist, and another are scarcely recognized
putside of aquatic circles and earn only
enough cash to keep body and soul together.
At present it is in high feather. All over
the country boat clubs and college navies
are practicing, competing and exhibiting,
and in every case draw great crowds and
elicit any amount of enthusiasm. The
interelt is on the increase on ac
count of the fierce rivalry
twecn our leading universities.
A NIGHT WITHOUT PAINT.
"I don't think I'll paint my face at all for
to-night's performance," she said to the
stage manager. "It will be a novelty to
show a sunburned face, and it will remind
the audience that I have been off for the
She was permitted to make the experi
ment. Her countenance certainly was an
oddity in the collection of powdered and
rouged faces, but it was not deomed a suc
cess. The actress looked like nothing else
so much as a negress, the glaring light of
the stage, and the comparison with pink and
white complexions, in effect deepening the
tan. For that evening she artificially colored
her arms and neck to make them match her
face, but for the ensuing performance she
reversed that process,and painted her face
to make it harmonize with the rest of her
ONE OP TALMAGE'S "WHIMS.
The Bev. Dr. Talmage is one of the many
men wno oeiieve mat tney can read the
character of a womag'in herface. He goes
still further, and declares his ability to
discern the general sort of experience you
have had. Every crow's foot or dimple,
hollow or protuberance means that yon
have had joys or sorrows of some particular
nature. The Tabernacle had its first
autumn reception this week, and among the
guests were the Bice twin sisters, whose exact
resemblance to each other is a standing
marvel at Westboro, Mass. They are in
deed wondrous counterparts, and many are
thn anecdotes in which confusion of their
identities figures. You may study them for
an hour without discovering the faintest
difference. One is still Miss Bice, while
the other- became Mrs. Kelley by marriage
about ten years ago. Well, they were pre
sented to Talmage, and he conversed awhile
with them interestedly, for they are ladies
of literary attainment and more than the
average of attractive sociability. An hour
later, a niischevious member of Talmage's
flock asked him how he had liked the
twins. He didn't recall their names, bnt
he had been very favorably impressed by
A PACT TO ACCOUNT FOE.
"You were telling me the other dav." the
H plotting sister continued, "that every im
portant experience ot me leit its impression
visible upon the sensitive face ot a woman.
Now, how do you account for the fact that
these ladies have remained so precisely
alike, down to the minutest detail of their
"Easily enough," the preacher confidently
replied. "They were reared together, they
have lived always under the sJme family
conditions, their emotions have been alike
and so they remain as you see them as
perfect likenesses as they were when they
lay together in a cradle."
"And you are sure that any difference in
their manner of living would have pro
duced more or less difference in their faces?"
"I am sure of it."
"Well, I only wanted to let you commit
yourself fully to your theory, because the
tacts as to these twins knocks it completely
out One has been a wife for ten years,
while the other remains unmarried, and
what becomes of yourtheory of physiognomy
as applied to these facts?"
At that point Talmage found that polite
ness required him to pay attention to an
other group of parishioners.
QUEER POSSIBLE BIGAMY.
In the way of twins, you have probably
seen the so-called two-headed girl, Millie
Christine, consisting of two negresses joined
together by nature much more compactly
than were the famons Siamese twins. Millie
and Christine have been shown by Barnum
and other exhibitors for many years, and
are now aged about 40. The Siamese broth
ers married two wives, as you will remem
ber, and lived in South Carolina, after re
tiring from the museums until the death of
one from disease was immediately followed
bv that of the other from fright. A post
mortem examination proved that physicians
had been right in saying that a surgical
separation would have been fatal. In the
case of Millie and Christine, even the sug
gestion ot parting them cannot be consid
ered, because they are joined from their hips
nearly up to their shoulders. But it was
not a question ot freakish anatomy which
led me to write of these women. Ex-Judge
Dittenhoefer is a New York lawyer to whom
show people go with many of their knotty
"But no case was ever presented to me
that was easier to decide, and yet more
curiously novel," the lawyer recently said
tome, "than that of Millie-Christinel The
death of Dick Fitzgerald, through whose
show agency much of the Dusiness of the
museums was done, recalls this matter,
which came to me about a year ago, bnt has
never been published. Fitzgerald called at
my office with a letter from Millie-Christine,
requesting him to find out whether, if they
were to marry
ONE AND THE SAME MAN,
it would constitute bigamy in the eye of the
law. It was evident enough, although they
did not say so explicitly, that an offer of
joint marriage had been made to them, and
that they contemplated an acceptance, in
case the tripartite'union would be lawful.
They urged that they had always been ad
vertised as 'a two-headed girl,' the claim
being made on their behalf that they were
one individual with two heads, four arms
and four legs. If that view of them conld
be accepted in law, then a single husband
would be quite proper. But they were pious
Methodists, and had no notion ot doing any
thing wrong, legally or religiously. Fitz
gerald wished my prolessional opinion for
the guidance of the twins. Of course, the
theory that they were one person was en
tirely untenable, and I had no difficulty in
forming an opinion that their joint mar
riage to one man would be bigamy for him.
It would entail no criminal punishment
upon the wives, nor was it likely that pro
ceedings would ever be had against him,
under the peculiar circumstances. But I
had to tell them that if the question ever
came before a court, they would surely be
decided to be twins, and only the one mar
riage ceremony wnicn preceueu me omer
' ?u u. ..nj i.ii.. .1 - a i
T, "i. : ITJfcl u' " r.ii.7ii
t later, would be invalid, and would dos-
siblv subject the husband to prosecution.
At the same time. I reminded Fitzcerald of
I - - . . . . m
the late Charles O'Connors remanc when j
he was asked if it was, legal to shoot a bur
glar to death on sight 'The law would say
hang yon for it,' he exclaimed, 'bnt no pub
lie prosecutor or Judge or jury would pun
ish you for it So shoot your burglar.'
After the same fashion I advised Fitzgerald
that Millie-Christine's prospective husband
might be sent to State's prison for bigamy,
bnt that nobody would undertake to do it
However, the two-headed girl conclnded to
A MAN'S IDEA OF DRESS.
When I asked Emmon3 Blaine to describe
to me what his bride was to wear at the
wedding, he looked at me quizzically and
replied: "Something white. It is glossy,
and I guess it is satin, but mind you I don't
say that I know. It was merely by chance
thatl had a glimpse of a sample of the
fabric, anyhow, and I won't warrant yon
that there hasn't been an entire change of
plan. No; I can't direct yon where to make
inquiries with better result I haven't any
notion where the dressmaker's establish
ment is. But I can tell you what I am go
ing to wear myself." I took him at bis
word, to his astonishment, and insisted that
he had promised to describe his costnme.
"Well, if you must know," he plaintively
proceeded, "a Fifth avenue tailor of high
authority assured me that for a day-time
wedding" I must have a black coat of fine
diagonal cloth, but that he conld give me
leeway between very light drab and dark
brown trousers, and that in the matter of a
vest he said waistcoat I might indulge
my fancy. He also gave me entire freedom
as to a necktie. So there you are."
"But you haven't told me what your
choices were," I insisted.
"Well, the trousers are middling drab,
the vest is the same cloth as the coat, and
the necktie is a shade or two lighter than
the trousers and there yon really are, aren't
you?" Claea Belle.
HOW A DRUNKARD WAS CORED.
It Cost Him S5 00 to Learn That It Doesn't
Par to Drink.
Chicago Tribune. J
A Market street merchant said: "I had
a man come to me once for employment I
had heard, before he made the application,
that his weakness was drink. I told him
frankly that I had been told this. I said to
him: 'Now, Joe, I don't care how much
you drink. It is none of my business. But
if I were you I wouldn't do it. I am no
moralist, but if you want to succeed take
my advice and let the stuff alone.' He went
to work and in a few weeks he was on abender.
He had an unpleasant way of abusing his
family when he got in that condition. When
he sobered up he came back to his business
and began where he had left off. I said nothing
to him. At the end of six months be went
on another bender, abnsed his family, and
didn't come back to his post for six weeks.
Then he worked on until within three
months of the expiration of his year. He
was working for us on a contract. I don't
remember how long he stayed away the last
time, bnt it wasn t long. At the end of the
year he went to the cashier for a settlement.
I had instructed the cashier to keep tab on
him, and we figured it up that the time
which he had put in drinking, at the con
tract rate, came to (00, and had that de
ducted from his pay.
"Of course he came to see me and wanted
to know why I had done it I told him I
was glad he had asked the question as I
wanted to explain it I told him he had
used my time for his own business. I didn't
refer to his drinking. It wouldn't have
made any difference to me if he hadn't
drank anything. The point I made was that
he had used my time, for which X had hired
him, for his own benefit. I put it to him in
that way. Then I told him if he wanted-to
re-engage at the old contract term he conld
do so, and that if he worked for me every
day in the year I would at the end of the
year pay him the $500 which I had held
back. That man has been in my employ
ment for 12 years,and he hasn't tasted liquor
since the first year."
DRIT1NG A BEAR HOME.
Alabama Hunter Discovers
Method of Capturing Brain.
Forest and Stream.!
You wants a b'ar story, does yon? Well,
'spose I kin give you one. It was a good
while back, afore this country got settled up
so. Some of my cows got strayed off, down
thar in the bottoms somewhars; so I jest
ketched my old sorrel horse, Pete, and put
the saddle on, and got my cow whip furl
had a powerful good un in those days; it
had a lash nigh 30 feet long, and, lors, how
that whip would crack? You might a hearn
it a mile off. I didn't carry no gun kase
that would be unhandy while I had the
whip. I mounted old Pete and took the
path down thar by the branch, what you
see over yonder. I rid about half a mile. I
reckon, when all of a suddent I seed a b'ar
about half way up a good size tree, and not
more 'n 30 yards off. Says I, "I'm gwin
to see what my whip will do for you."
Then I rod up a little closter and swung the
whip around my head once or twice and
fetched that b'ar a carwhallaper right over
his rump. ....
Lors! you ortohave seed tbatb ar squirm.
It hurt him so bad he couldn'tholler. Then
I swung the whip around again, and give
him a wipe right-over his snout that fotch
him down a bit Then I gin him another
on the rump and driv bim up a piece. Then
on the snout and fotch him down a piece. I
kep' on licking that b'ar, first on one eend
and then on t'other till I got him cowed.
Then I whipped him over the snout till he
comes down the tree and got in the cow
path. When I had him thar, I drive him
toward home, and whenever that b'ar tried
to leave the path I jest whipped him on that
side and driv him back. He was a little
onruly at first, but after a little I jest driv
him same as if he'd been a cow. And I
kep' on a drivin' him ontil I come in sight
ot my brother. I hollered to him to fetch a
gun and shoot my b'ar what I had driven
home. So he fotch the gun and killed the
b'ar in his tracks.
Since I found out this way to kill b ars I
never have no trouble to carry my b'ar meat
A Burglar's Motlres Misunderstood.
While a Kalamazoo lady was feeding a
hungry tramp the other day, she discovered
that he was pocketing her silverware. Seiz
ing a revolver, she exclaimed: "Drop
those spoons, you scoundrel, and leave the
house; leave it instantly!" "But, madam 1
"Leave the house, I say, leave the house,
screamed the infuriated woman. I go,
madam," said the tramp, "never to return,
but before I do 1 would like to say that I
did not intend to take your house.
Oat of Practice.
-j. . 9
Hall Boy Y-Y-You rang, sir
Arizona HankYes. I did: an' when I
fust banged. I wanted some rye tangle-foot
But considerin' that I didn't hit th' button
till th' last shot. X mnst be gittin' snafey, so
..... . . "- '
you'd better make it a lemonade. rue,
iwnrrrzN ron mi dispatch.1
The increase of wealth in this country
since 1850 is strikingly shown in the sub
joined table: j
1850 ,., $7,000.0X1.000
1870 ..., 30,000.000,000
1830 (estimated) ...". 55,000,000.000
A clergyman read these figures to his wife;
whereupon she exclaimed: "Only think of
it and we haven't got any of it!" Her re
mark might almost be echoed by the great
benevolent interests of America. Thev
have some of it, but nothing like their pro
portion. If we adopt the statistics of the
Rev'. Dr. Dorchester (the great authority in
this department) and place the numberof
Evangelical Church members in the United
States at one-fifth of the total population, it
would be fair to assign to them one-fifth
part of the total wealth, viz: f 11,000,000,000.
At 3 per cent interest this sum would yield an
annual income of $330,000,000; all in the
hands of Christian people.
Now, the amount contributed last year for
foreign missions was 54,000,000. "Add to
that sum the amounts contributed for home
and city evangelization and we get a total
of $10,000,000. The aggregate looks formidable.
A little ciphering, however, shows that it is
only one-thirty-third of the Income of the com
municants. In order to get at the entire snm given for re
ligidus uses we should add to the 10,000,000
above set down the amounts expended for
church support and work. Unfortunately, at
this point, reliable figures are lacking. But
whatever the Tacts, the expenditure would still
be ridiculously out of proportion to the total
income of Christian men and women. Yet the
religious benevolence of the United States Is
(with the possible exception ol England the
largest in Christendom. How far it falls below
the level of opportunity and necessity! Why,
away back in the morning of the, world, when
the purchasing power of money was enormously
greater than it is to-day, the ancient Jews gave
a tenth part of their income to religion. This
would 'equal a fifth now. But a nil U ol S330L
000,000 would be SU)00,000. It is mortifying to
reflect that in this aiternoon of the nineteenth
century, in the noon of the gospel, we are so
far short of the old- Mosaic tithe system. Our
churches need a conversion that shall reach
Methods Not to be Approved.
In Boston the-eadquarters of isms, a' paper
has just been started in the interest of Chris
tian Socialism, 'it is called the Dawn. Its
motive we esteem. 'Its method we discoun
tenance. For the Dawn seeks to break up the
existing social organization, and to replace it
with chaos. To this chaos it gives the name
of "some system which shall hold land and all
resources of the earth as the equal gift of God
to all; and which shall put under the control of
the community capital and all means of In
dustry." The fatal defect of this, as of all
communal plans, is that it leaves out of the ac
count individual differences, rooting tbemselres
in varying capacity, education, habits, appli
cation. It resurrects the bed of Procrustes,
and, with that famons robber of Attica, tics
upon it all human kind, catting off the tall and
stretching out the short. Thns individualism U
murdered. Mankind are deprived of the master
incentives of life. Variety is reduced to one
dead level of dull, effortless inanity, A bet
ter, a more practicable undertaking wonld be
to go to work on individual human nature, and
reconstruct that. Get the man right, and all
the man is and does will ba right. This is
the Christian way. It seeks to renovate In
dividual character. This done the world will
be renovated. That serious evils exist in the
Commonwealth goes without raying. These it
concerns us all to remedy. Discussion mnst
precede the cure. Hence we welcome the ad
veut ot the Dawii. and reioice in anvandall
tnonghtful investigation. It has been well
said that "the whole of truth can never do
harm to the whole of virtue." And In order to
get the whole of truth we sbonld encourage
every man, right or wrong, to freely utter his
conscience. Nevertheless, we are free to say
that we believe more in social Christianity
than in Christian Socialism.
The Lesson It Teaches.
The recent social scandal in New York; fa
connection with Robert Kay Hamilton, is per
plexing to moralists. Here is a man nearly iO.
college Dred, a lawyer, wealthy, with a historic
name, clrded wltix'tbe' largest, opportunities..
Yet this man, thus exceptionally well placed
falls an easy victim to as shallow and wild a
conspiracy as Zola or Oaboreau ever put into
the nastiest novel. A woman of the town,
aided by a couple of equally abandoned confed
erates, beguiles this man into marriace, foists
upon bim a supposititious child, bleeds him for
months, and holds the victim in quiet and con
tented captivity; until an attempted murder
calls in the police and reveals the plot. Of
what use is education, of. what advantage is a
splendid enviromeut, when these lead ont and
down into hell? Are we not forced to con
clude that after all said ard done, the gospel
is the best, the Only safeguard? Had Hamil
ton been a good man be wonld never have met
the adventuress in tbat house. He would not
have poached in the devil's domain. A Chris
tian conscience would have kept his feet ont
of the path that leads to death. There are
already sad memories enongb surrounding; the
name of Hamilton. The wretched plicht of
this scapegrace, nreat grandson inevitably re
calls the brilliant career of the secretary of
Washington, and his dismal end in the duel
with Aaron Burr. Remembering that and con
templating this,, the two pictures suggest the
saying of Rocbefaucauld: "Great names de
base, instead of elevating, those who cannot
The Way of the World.
Here is a verse on curiosity which carries its
"There was a sign upon a fence;
The sign was Pamt,'
And everybody tbat went by,
Sinner and saint.
Put ont a finger and touched the fence.
Ana onward speu.
And as they wiped their finger-tips,
'It is,' they said."
Some Snndnr Selections.
Who reasons wisely Is not therefore wise;
His pride in reasoning, not in acting lies.
Seif-iove is the love of one's self, and of
everything on account of one's self: It makes
men idolize themselves, and wonld make them
tyrants over others if fortune were to give
them the means. It never reposes ont of itself,
and only settles on strange objects, as bees do
on flowers, to extract what is useful to it
PniLOSOPUY triumphs easily over past, and
over future evils, but present evils triumph
over philosophy. -Jo.
We take cunnlrtg for a sinister or a crooked
wisdom, and certainly there is a great differ
ence between a cunning man and a wise man.
not only in point of honesty, but in point of
ability. Lord Bacoru,
Wnffl men grow virtuous in their old age,
they are merely making a sacrifice to God of
the devil's leavings. Dean Swift.
It a man were brave he wonld be uniformly
so. If bravery were a habit and not a sally it
wonld render a man equally resolote in all cir
cumstances, tbo same alone as in company, the
same in lists as in battles, for let people say
what they will, there is not one valor for the
street and another for the field. He wonld
bear a sickness in bis bed as bravely as a
wound in the trenches, and no more fear death
in his own house than at an assault. When be
ing a coward in arms he is firm under poverty,
or when he starts at sight of a barber's razor,
but rushes fearless among the swords of the
enemy, the action is commendable, but not the
Have the courage to listen to your wife when
yon should do so, and not listen when you
should not. Traits of Moral Courage.
Have the courage to obey your Maker at the
risk of being ridiculed by man. lb.
Have the conrage to admit that you have
been in the wrong, and you will remove the
fact from the mind- of others, putting a de
sirable impression in the place of an unfavor
able one. lb.
Exertion Thnt Is Avoided.
A New Jersey young man has been
killed by overexertion in playing ball.
No New Jersey young man has yet been
cut off by over-exertion while working
in the back; yard "at home, and, doubtless,
great care;will be exercised to preventit.
An Apparent Inconsistency.
Justice Lamar, of the United States
Supreme Court, is one of the Yice Presi
dent of the United States Hay Fever Asso
ciation. And yet it is said that his opin
ions from the beach ar not to be sneezed at,
The Girl's Behtme Hr IWakhrc a BhU
Lover f&ealc J
"Jack," said a pretty girl to her small
brother, the other day, "I want yoa w do
something for mej-that's a good fellow."
"Well, what isit,"grewlei Jack, who U
the brother of the period.
"Why, you know the whig and mustache
yon use in the theatricals?"
"Well, won't yon just put theMoafand .
go to the concert to-night? Angnstia and I
will be there, and, Jack, I want yoa to stare
at me the whole evening throQgbyoor
"Whatl You want me to do thatf",' Si
"Yes; and as we come out you mnst'ste&dH
lnr-the door and try to slip me a note; take ;'
care that Gus sees you too." fyf t
"Well, I declare." ' -
"Because, you see, Jack, Gus hikes bI '
know, bnt then heisawiul slow, 'and ""heV
well of, and lots of other girls arefafteto
him, and he's"got to be hurried up a'littlej
as it were.1' ,
Some of 'Em Walk Around.'
There are oyer 100 different kindsfof
clams, bnt only two are served on the table!1
IS a blood disease. Until tne poison la '
expelled from the system, there cam tlKV
be no cure for thla lnntmu on sf' '
, dangerous malady. Therefore, the onlyIir
effective treatment is a thorough conrsa? .
of Ayer's Sarsaparllla th-best of all
blood purifiers. The sooner yoa begin '
the better ; delay is dangerous. f
" I Tvai troubled with catarrh for over
two years. I tried various remedies,
and was treated by a nnmber cf physi
cians, bnt received no benefit until I
began to take Ayer's SarsapariUa. A -few
bottles of this medicine cured me ot
tnis troublesome complaint and com
pletely restored my health." Jesse H.
Boggs, Holman's Mills, Nj C.
"When Ayer's SarsapariUa was rec
ommended to me for catarrh, I was in
clined to doubt its efficacy. Having;
tried so many remedies, with little ben
efit, I had no faith that anything wonld
cure me. I became emaciated from joes
of appetite and impaired digestion. I
bad nearly lost the sense of smell? and',
my system was badly- deranged. I wasty1
about discouraged, when a friend urged 5fc'
me to try Ayer's SarsapariUa, and re- 4s
f erred me to persons whom it had cured "A?f '
of catarrh. After taking half a dozens. .i
bcttles of this medicine, Lam convinced;
that the only sure way of treating thia .
obstinate disease is through the blood." n
Charles H. Moloney , 113 River sty
Lowell, Mass. .
PEIPAESD BT ' L
Or. J. C. Ayer & Co.r Lowell, Mass.
Price $1; six bottles, $5. Worth $S a bottW
A purely Vegetable
tComponnd that expels
all bad "humors from tha
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makes pure, rich blood.
814 PENIt AVENUE, PITTSBURG. FAtV-
As old residents know and back files of Pitts
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and most prominent physician in the city, de
voting special attention to all chronic diseases.
5iff 5KSN0 FEEUNTILCURED
MCDXfil ICand mental diseases, physical
IN t n V UUOdecay, nervous debility, lack of
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poverished blood, failing powers, organic weak
ness, dyspepsia, constipation, consumption, un-
fitting the person for business, society and mar
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BLOOD AND SKIN.ferup1!
blotches, falling hair, bones pains, glandular
swellings, ulcerations of tongue, mouth, throat,
ulcers, old sores, are cured for life, and blood
poisons thoroughly eradicated from the system.
IIRIMARV kidney and bladder derange
Unllinn I jments. weak back, gravel, ca
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Dr. Whlttler's life-Ions:, extensive experi
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on common-sense principles. Consultation
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as if here. Office hours 9 a. M. to 8 P. K. Sun
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814 Penn avenue, Pittsburg, Pa.
LR 23 FlfX Z
How Lost !
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A Scientific and Standard Popular Medical Treatise on
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