r DISPATCH, SUNDAY;' SEPTEMBER1 15? 1889? 14 THE-i PITTSBTJRG- t r- h' u ft SHELLS AND SGULLS. John Teemer Describes the Progress Made in the Art of Bowing. THE EVOLUTION OP THE OAR. Radical Changes in the Mode of Training an Oarsman. SIMPLICITY OP THE PEESENT STILE tCOIlEESPOXDKSCE OF THE DISPATCH.; 2 ew Yore, September 14. TJTTJMN brings a singular and sad contrast be tween the looks of the girls who have come back to town, after a summer of coun try outing, and S those who hare been here contin uously for what f we may call a city binning. Of course there are plenty of intermediate maidens, who isi?3 have had vacation enough to give to their faces a happy color betwixt tan and pallor. But on the one hand I see the heiiesses ar riving from the fashionable resorts, with complexions browned by outdoor work at nothing more irksome than tennis, while on the other hand, are multitudes of factory Cirls, bleached by heat and shade uutil they look, by contrast, like reanimated corpses. One of the reigning queens of comic opera came back to a fall engagement tanned al most to the hue of sole leather. umbia, Harvard, Tale, Princeton, Pennsyl vania, Cornell and Michigan have each one of them navies of which they can be prond and which in season and out do work of the best class. Even the smaller and poorer in stitutions ot learning, like Brown,Am herst, "Williams, Dartmouth, Lehigh.TJnion John Tepner. and Toronto have excellent organizations, whose members, both as individuals and crews, will compare favorably with those of the larger and richer colleges. "When it is remembered that these great schools have on their rolls over 8,000 names and close onto 180,000 alumni, it is easily seen how large an interest is centered in rowing events. BOAT CLUBS EYERYTVHEEE. Beside this, and to my mind of greater importance, is the rapidly increasing num ber of boat clubs in every part of the Union. Go where you please, and in every place you will find a club, and generally a good one. Ercn in such a small city as Mont pelier, Vt, there is a first-class organization which practices every day upon that badly named bnt beautiful river, the Onion. So along the Long Island Sound and the Hud son river there appears to be a clubhouse every ten miles, and the traveler along the Harlem river and around the beautiful shores of Stateu Island will be amazed at the number and at the excellent appoint ments of the clubhouses that are to be seen . there by the score. I have never heard how many there are, but judg ing from what I have seen and know I should say that there were at least 4,000 boat clubs in the United States with a mem bership of over 500.000 young men. These figures mar seem large, but when you think ot such affairs as the Xew York Athletic Club, the Atalanta and Manhattan Athletic Club, the New Jersey, "Wiilianiiburg, Brooklyn and Staten Island organization each one of which musters a lull regiment, the numbers seem understated rather than otherwise. "Why, there are successful clubs on such little lakes as Greenwood asd Kon- kon Koma, and in such little towns as Bristol, a. i.,and bbeepshead Hay, JS. 1. "Is there an improvement in rowing?" Of course there is. and in every respect. Everything connected with aquatics has undergone the same change for the better as has everything in all the other fields of life. Xhe oars, or sculls, in the hrst place, are finer and more efficient to-day than ever before. The substitution of the spoon for the Hat blade ot the past was a vast im provement. Of almost equal importance Hard at Work. neve been the unnoticed alterations made in the shape and finish of the handle, in the lightening ot the oar as a whole, In the curvature and outline of the blade, and even in the selection and treatment of the wood lrom which it is made. THE JIODEES SCUM, lighter, stronger, handsomer and more effect ive thanany past model known. There is the same development in boats. "Whether made of cedar or paper, they are finer and lighter than ever before and their lines have less resistance and lriction. Patent bracing, patent outriggers, patent sliding seats, pat ent foot rests, patent metal cut-waters and patent diagonals, tell the story ot how much thought and inventive genius have been de voted to the rower's art, and of how much progress has been the result. One conse quence has been the shortening of the time in every event. All records when examined turn out to be of recent date and coincide with the introduction and use of the inven tions mentioned. Manv of the great oars men of 30 years ago were better men than some ot the champions of to-day, and could have beaten them on even terms. Bnt the improvements I have relerred to have given the latter a great advantage and enabled them to eclipse the former in every featfrom "singles" to "eights." There has been a hngc improvement in training methods, thanks to our doctors and experts. It is more like some Chinese school of medical treatment than anything else to read how oarsmen are put into con dition in the old days. They took salts and senna, sulphur and magnesia, cathartic pills and blue mass until the wonder is that they did not die from excessive drugging. Then there was at that time a holy horror against fat, and the luckless oarsman had to wear "sweaters," which are the thickest jerseys that can be knitted out of woolen yarn, heavy overcoats, two and three suits nf nlnthes. thirlr clino and ert1rif.o ni1 sometimes even comforters and tippets in I crder to produce copious perspiration and I 1 4&Am X7 J S ?r wjfff I lyfll lmf ItSv if III III I fFi'illlll - 5 -Vfi WMV r melt the fat through the pores. Beyond this there were all sorts of USELESS EXERCISE. Dumbbells and Indian clubs, lifting heavy weights and shaking unwieldy bars, were a small part of the training which a man in training had to undergo. Dieting was another feature. The candidate was not allowed to smoke or drink, and was restricted to a bill of fare from which sugar, fats, starch, many meats, all pastry, confec tions and sweetmeats were rigorously ex cluded. The result of this treatment was dis astrous in any numberof cases. It weakened theman at his strongest points and threwneed lcss strains upon other parts of his body. There is no doubt that the famous sculler Brown came to an untimely end from the unnecessary strain upon his heart produced by this method of training. It had one humorous phase, however, in prodncing boils all over the body of the rower and es pecially where he came in contact with the seat. On one occasion three of the famous Columbia College crew of 1875 were troubled in this way and for two weeks were unable to sit down, and in fact,to hardly move. The same trouble occurred to great crews of Harvard and Yale in this country, and to Oxford and Cambridge in England. This style, I am glad to say, is now out of vogue not only in aquatics but in every form of athletic exercise. People know more about the laws of health and strength and apply their knowledge in a very sensible and sat isfactory manner. The present style of training is simplicity itself. Its first principle is the avoidance of any shock o the body. The smoker is not compelled to give up tobacco, and so suffer indescribable nervous pain, but merely to moderate and limit his use of the weed." The drinker is treated similarly and is allowed his bottle of Bass, his claret or Bhein wine with his meals. The regular course of nature is followed as far as possi ble. The athlete must go to bed and get up early. He must take long walks and runs, eat well and eat everything he desires that is not intrinsically unwholesome. He must bathe so as to keep the skin clean and allow the pores and glands to do their best work. In his exercise he must pay particular at tention to the organs upon which his suc cess depends. These are not so much the great muscles as is commonly believed, but the lunirs and heart. v hen these are in bad form the oarsman, a minute after he has started, is in distress. The lungs are mov ing faster and the heart is OVEBPOWEEED "WITH BLOOD. The result is that the brain becomes sur charged and the man sees indistinctly, the breathing becomes hot, fast, irregular and then painful and, finally, the muscles re fuse to do their proper woik. To put these organs into proper shape all that is neces sary is to use those lorms of exercise which call them most into use. Bunning, playing football, jumping the skipping rope, row ing, swimming, sparring, fencing and the like are invaluable in this respect As to reducing weight there is no need for heroic measures. The Schweninger system of drinking as little as possible' and the Bant ing of confining one's self to a diet of lean meat and acid or sub-acid vegetables, exer cise, warm bathing and regular hours are the chief means upon which the modern trainer relic. But above all he endeavors to avoid weakening the system by too much or too intense a training. It is far better for a man to be too "beefy" than to be over trained. I may say in this connection that there is a curious fact' which has long been known to all oarsmen but is almost un known to the general public This is that when a man's waist hollows in, his staying powers are nearly always poor, but when ms waist curves out he is all right Any training which changes a fellow's condition from the latter to the former is therefore very objectionable. This is the reason why oarsmen are so much healthier thau they used to be. They are also better appreciated in every respect On the stage Georgj Hosmer has been a drawing star for two seasons now, and prom ises to remain so as long as he stays upon the boards. Courtney and a dozen others earn large money in coaching college crews and ambitious "managers. Then here and therein summer resorts by lake, river or arm of the sea, are energetic hotel keepers who employ professional oarsmen to give re gattas and exhibition rowing, or to take care of the boats and guests of the hotel. This latter practice is far more common in the West than iu the East. The salaries paid in all cases are very handsome, and the sculler is put on a par with the musi cians, actors and other entertainers who every summer visit our watering places. A CHARMING ACCOMPLISHMENT. There is no reason why he should not be. Bowing is a charming accomplishment on the one hand and a necessity on the other. Every child should be taughthow to handle the oars and manage a boat There is no knowing when that knowledge will be of the greatest value. Besides this, it is of the highest benefit to the health. Judge Joseph F. Barnard, of the Kew York Supreme Court, has been upon that bench for more than 20 years, and has probably lost less time during that period from sickness than any other Justice in the State. The secret of his health lies in the fact that for at least SO years he has used a "single" every day when he has had the opportunity. Hi's boat, as he makes it spin on the Hudson, near his home at Poughkeepsie, is probably the most familiar object upon those waters. Americans do not appreciate the high per fection to which oarsmanship has been brought in this country. No other nation can show such a roll as Hanlan, O'Connor, Lee, Boss, Courtney, Gaudaur, Hamm, Pilkington, Hosmer and Plaisted. They have gone to every land to meet rivals, and have conquered 50 times where they have lost once. On the other hand, how many foreign oarsmen have ever come to the United States? Just as we have excelled in almost every other field to which we have given our attention so we have in aquatics. Our yachts are the swiftest and the safest, and our oarsmen the finest and the best. John Teemek. A LITTLE AT A TIME. How a New Servnnt Ascertained Exact Weight. Doc's Boston Courier.! A lady who ha: a splendid great dog, sent the animal out to the stables the other day to be weighed. She confided him for this purpose to the hands of a new servant, a good natured but not whollv brilliant in dividual, who regarded the dog with much awe and apparently with not a little at tention. The man was gone some time, but at length he reappeared with the dog, and announced that the animal weighed 120 pounds. "One hundred and twenty pounds," re- ycaicu uu miairesa. .are you sure you weighed him right? He must weigh more than tnat" "Oh, yes'm; sure I weighed him right but I couldn't get him all on the scale." His Own Line of Dullness. . Captain (turiously to stowaway) I've a mind to pitch you overboard to the sharks! "Why did you sneak on board my ship ? Sfowaway Sure, tor, I wanted to git to London to find a job at me business. Captain But all London 's on strike. Stowaway Yes, sor; but that 's me own line aT workl Puck. BEAUTY AND WEALTH Mrs. Frank Leslie Discusses the True Value of Both to Women. A SOCIETY BELLE'S CONQUESTS. Some flints to Parents Who Are Blessed With Pretty Children. THE WORLD'S DEFERENCE TO WEALTH I WRITTEN FOB THE DISPATCH.! HE girl or woman who possesses undoubted , beauty is sure of atten- tion wherever she goes. Her mother, as well as her grandmother and aunts (generally not her sisters and cousins), pet and spoil and pamper her from the cradle to maturity; her teachers of the male persuasion can not be too severe with the lovely eyes that plead, the charming lips that tremble, the sweet rose- tint that pales and flushes upon the rounded cheek. Out of school the pretty girl has her little beaux long before her skirts reach the tops ot her boots, and at all the juvenile parties and other devices for teaching children the lollies of their elders, the beauty carries off the desirable partners and the prettiest favors, learns to distribute her smiles as carefully as ber elder sisters, &nd enjoys the triumph of filling the hearts of all the plainer girls with jealousy and miserable envy. Older grown, the girl or woman of un doubted beauty cannot walk the streets, or go to a theater, or even to church, without hearing and seeing at every step the admi ration she evokes. From the laborer, who rivals in feeling, if not in wit, him who begged the beautiful Countess to pause a moment that he might light his pipe at her eyes, to the kindly old gentleman who looks upon her with a benignant smile, every man pays her homage yes, and very many women do so, too. A CHARMING OBJECT. For my own part, I know no more charm ing object in all this charming world than a beautiful girl, radiant with the dewy fresh ness of her youth, and glorious in the pan oply of her loveliness. When she appears in s"ociety, the spoiling process of the nur sery is intensified and amplified. Partners politely elbow each other to reach her card before it is. filled, the nicest men in the room are at once presented, the hostess beams a gracions welcome upon so decided an at traction, and the host exhausts himself in grateful panegyric Artists beg the privilege of reproducing" that charming face and form, in marble, in clay, in paint, in crayon, upon the photographic plate; poets write verses whole volumes of them and stately essay ists beg permission to dedicate to her. works that they know she will never read. She may marry everv week in the year if she has not already bound herself, and the most lirutus-like ot senators will undertake any thing she wishes if she will only do her own lobbying. Is all this success? A hasty assent rises from the serried ranks of the great sister hood of unattractive womeu they who have worn out their youth in humiliating loneli ness and neglect, who have tried to satisfy a craving appetite with the crumbs that fell from an overloaded table of the beauty, and who have cried their poor, pale little eyes red and ugly at seeing Adonis turn from them with a hasty bow to run after Aurelia, already surrounded with admirers. LOOKING AHEAD. But stop a minute. Look forward, my child, some 20 or 30 years, when Aurelia and you shall be climbing together the steep path of middle life. Listen to the voice of the world abont you then; listen to Adonis, himself a middle-aged man with waistcoats, gloves and shoes a good deal roomier than he wears to-day. "That the former Hiss Blank! Why, she is hardly more than good-looking. How she must have gone off!" "They say she has de veloped a temper since she is not so much surrounded as she used to be." "Poor thingl I am glad she has developed some thing, for I always found her a nonentitv." "Yes, a perfect fool, and now she has be come a spiteful fool," etc., etc. Poor Aurelia, spoiled in the nursery, never learned to put aside ber own whims or plans, or to listen to those of others. Never reproved for selfishness and passion, those ill weeds grew apace in her nature; and, unlike virtues, these vices grow stronger in the weakness of our failing strength of bod v and mind. Indulged at school, Aurelia never studied more than she felt like doing, and as her mind was full of last night's conquests and to-day's amusement, she felt like studying very little, and consequently graduated from school in a ravishinglv beautiful gown and flowers, and was therein photographed as the beauty of her class, but with a vague idea that Athens is the capital of Italy, and that Burgoyne was a French admiral. A TASTE FOB BEADING is not to be cultivated in the life a beauty lives, even if the root is in her nature; and the consequence is that at 40 years old Aurelia has neither exact information nor brilliant gleanings to make her conversa tion interesting, and the chance is that she talks mostly of herself and nextly of her neighbors, treating these topics in a manner neither interesting nor amiable. And now comes in the question of wealth; and with the faded beauty this is a very im portant question, for if beauty in its bloom is sure ot admiration, wealth at every stage of life is sure of attention and deference. Aurelia, however "gone off," however stupid, however spiteful, is sure of a place in society if she is only rich enough to pay for it, and will find her little platitudes listened to with smiling deferense by Adonis, Jr. if he wants an invitation to her receptions, and an opportunity to meet his Aurifera at her villa in Newport. Mounted upon her golden chariot, Au relia drives gayly on through life, and no body but her maid hears the moans or sees the bitter tears of impotent jage with which she bewails her lost youth and beauty, and marks the progress of some fresh young Bonnibel who pays to her all innocently the respect due to her years instead ot the hom age all used.to pay to her charms. For time is no respecter either of beauty or of wealth, and has with a grim smile robbed Aurelia of ber hair, her teeth, her complexion, the light of her eyes, and the arch of their lids; he has spoiled her figure, the clastic grace of her movements, the flash of her smile, and her unwearied capacity for amusement and interest One by one he takes them all, and the wealth ot For tunatus can only very lamely repair or hide his ravages. Better, perhaps, if the wealth is not there, and Aurelia is forced to stand confessed a beauty who has lost her beautv and her charm, and who is forced in self defense to cultivate some other mode of at traction. For wealth, although it will buy attention and deference and many other pleasant things, will not buy love or sym pathy. And, worst of all, as age creeps on, there comes creeping with it the suspicion which is in itself a confession of defeat the dread lest those who appear most desirous of pleas ing or serving the rich woman do it for their own advantage. While she was young and fair, Aurelia never dreamed that money could be more of an attraction than her own bright self; and when she begins to suspect that this may be the fact, she ceases to be lieve in herself, and this is the most miser able loss the heart of man or woman can en counter. BOTH ABE GOOD THINGS. Do I, then, mean to say that beauty and wealth are not good things and not tobej W desired, and are not advantages in a society career? By no means. They are tremendous weapons, and if rightly appreciated and skillfully used, are almost irresistible. Bnt this I say to her who possesses one or both of them: "They are two-edged weapons, they are boomerangs, which, however deadly to the opponent it wisclv launched, are, in un skillml hands, only deadly to the launcher. It is a truism that wealth has its responsibilities, and a good share of that re sponsibility is to one's self; one is bound to get all the good out of the good things in trusted to him that he can, or he proves himself unworthy of the gift; and what is true of wealth is also true of beauty. It is a means to an end, but not itself an end; the possessor has to look to it that while it is her own she invests it in such manner that when the capital is "called in" there shall be a goodly sum of "accrued interest" to take its place. But the investment must begin with the parents and guardians, who so often dis count the future of their beautiful neophyte. Don't spoil your Beauty, good mother! Train her to just the same unselfishness, pa tience, silence under injustice or rebuke, that yon da her homely sister; never give her the slightest advantage on account of her beauty, and as she grows older see that she studies, and rests, and lives THE SIMPLE, NATUBAL LIFE that a school girl should. Do not deny that she is beautiful, for she will know you are not honest in doing so; but take pains to point out some of the beauties of your own or your mother's day, and let her see what they have come to." Encourage your chil dren in games requiring some mental effort, and if beauty is stupid or pettish at them, poiut out the fact to her, and advise her to try to equal her unattractive companions. Wake her feel from the cradle to her matur ity that beauty is a transitory gift, not under her own control in its coming or in its going, and urge her to supplement it by more en during charms. And you, Aurelia, my dear, do you share in following these counsels to your mamma. Store your memory and your understanding with what you have time to learn before you are in society, that when you are there, you may have something to talk about, and need not'look like a lovely French doll if some intelligent man tries to converse with you after his own fashion. Bemember, too, that a sweet temper and quick sympathies impress themselves upon the face far more distinctly than "prunes, prisms and propriety" do upon the lips, and that when old Time steals all those charms at present so predominant, he will have no power to touch these others, which then may take their place and give a charm more winning and more loveablethan evtn the bright beauty of sweet-and-20. BUT AN ADDED FORCE. And if wealth be added to beauty, it should become but added force in the same direction. The beautiful woman whom wealth has sheltered all her life from the grinding cares and the bitter humiliations of poverty should develop into the sweetest and most gracious form of womanhood. Her radiant eyes should be quick to see, her shell-like'ears to hear, and her unburdened heart to understand, the great, the complex cry of suffering humanity which fills the very air we breathe; and she should be as quick to relieve as to listen. Money will do much, very much, but a true and tender heart, quick sympathies, and an earnest de sire to use well the gifts so lavishly bestowed upon her, will do more; and whether in so ciety or in the world at large, the noble and true woman may, with or without beauty and wcalth.mak'e herself loved and admired, almost worshiped, by all who come within her influence. Frank Leslie. A NEW ENGLAND TRAIT. A Story Illustrating: the Proverbial Close ness of the Yankee Farmer. Boston Times 1 The grasping though not miserly nature of the native New England farmers is somewhat proverbial. It is hard to get the better of him in a "dicker," and he very seldom gives anything for nothing. His keenness in this respect was well illustrated by an experience of a young Boston man who recently spent a week in New Hamp shire. The young man wanted to hire a boat for the day, and the farmer owned one which was moored to the bank of the river. "Can you let me have your boat to-day?" he asked of the owner. "Wall, let me see," was the cautious reply. "I don't know's as I can. Yon see tbar's a man over here, Mr. So-and-So, that other feller, yer know. He said t'other day he wanted my boat, and he may be 'raound this morning." "Well, I'm sorry, as I should like it to day very much. You don't think you can let me have it?" "No; (fum ter think of it, I feel purty sar tin the other feller'll be 'raound arter it to-dav. And if he wants it, he orter have it." " "That settles it. then, I suppose," said the young man. "But can you tell me any place near here where you think I can hire a boat?" "Oh, vou want ter hire a boat, do yer?" "Yes!" "Wall, naow, seein' yer want to hire a boat so bad Come ter think on it, it's git tin' kinder late, and I don't believe that other teller will be 'raound this morning it's mos' 9 o'clock. You want to hire it, yer say?" "Yes. How much will you charge me for it for the day?" "The last time I let her out I charged 30 cents for her; but I kinder think that's a leetle mite high. I guess I'll let you have it fer 25 cents." The boat was taken. A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY LOST. A. Jersey Native Regrets That He Didn't Buy the Atlantic Ocean. Detroit Free Press. I There are a great many people coming down to the seashore this summer for the first time in their lives, and it is always in teresting to be around when they catch their first view of old ocean. The favorite ex pression of the female sex is: "Well, now, did you ever!" The men are, as a rule, less given to en thusiasm. They stand and stare and seem to figure on length, breadth and depth, and finally slap their leg and mutter: "Well, by thunder!" We had an old man down here the other day lrom the larther side of New Jersey. He'd been intending to come for the last 20 years, but something had always happened to prevent. He took a long look ocean ward, nodded his head as if satisfied, and then turned to a neighbor with: "Say, Jim, why in blazes didn't we scrape together and buy the whole business 40 or 0 years ago? Lock how the blamed thing has improved right along since the war!" Open on Sunday. Not a speak-easy, ho wever. ZiV, SINGULAR AND SAD. The Contrasts Between the Girls Now Coming Back to Town and THOSE WHO DIDN'T LEAVE HOME. One of Talmage's Whims Which Proved Quite a Puzzle for Him. Wni MILLIE-CHRISTINE CAN'T MARET fWBITTEX TOE, THS DISPATCH.". OWING has its ups and downs like everyotherathletio sport in society fashion. The men who know this best are the pro fessional oarsmen who one season are heroes wherever they go and make money hand over fist, and another are scarcely recognized putside of aquatic circles and earn only enough cash to keep body and soul together. At present it is in high feather. All over the country boat clubs and college navies are practicing, competing and exhibiting, and in every case draw great crowds and elicit any amount of enthusiasm. The interelt is on the increase on ac count of the fierce rivalry twecn our leading universities. be-Col- A NIGHT WITHOUT PAINT. "I don't think I'll paint my face at all for to-night's performance," she said to the stage manager. "It will be a novelty to show a sunburned face, and it will remind the audience that I have been off for the summer." She was permitted to make the experi ment. Her countenance certainly was an oddity in the collection of powdered and rouged faces, but it was not deomed a suc cess. The actress looked like nothing else so much as a negress, the glaring light of the stage, and the comparison with pink and white complexions, in effect deepening the tan. For that evening she artificially colored her arms and neck to make them match her face, but for the ensuing performance she reversed that process,and painted her face to make it harmonize with the rest of her visible anatomy. ONE OP TALMAGE'S "WHIMS. The Bev. Dr. Talmage is one of the many men wno oeiieve mat tney can read the character of a womag'in herface. He goes still further, and declares his ability to discern the general sort of experience you have had. Every crow's foot or dimple, hollow or protuberance means that yon have had joys or sorrows of some particular nature. The Tabernacle had its first autumn reception this week, and among the guests were the Bice twin sisters, whose exact resemblance to each other is a standing marvel at Westboro, Mass. They are in deed wondrous counterparts, and many are thn anecdotes in which confusion of their identities figures. You may study them for an hour without discovering the faintest difference. One is still Miss Bice, while the other- became Mrs. Kelley by marriage about ten years ago. Well, they were pre sented to Talmage, and he conversed awhile with them interestedly, for they are ladies of literary attainment and more than the average of attractive sociability. An hour later, a niischevious member of Talmage's flock asked him how he had liked the twins. He didn't recall their names, bnt he had been very favorably impressed by them. A PACT TO ACCOUNT FOE. "You were telling me the other dav." the H plotting sister continued, "that every im portant experience ot me leit its impression visible upon the sensitive face ot a woman. Now, how do you account for the fact that these ladies have remained so precisely alike, down to the minutest detail of their faces?" "Easily enough," the preacher confidently replied. "They were reared together, they have lived always under the sJme family conditions, their emotions have been alike and so they remain as you see them as perfect likenesses as they were when they lay together in a cradle." "And you are sure that any difference in their manner of living would have pro duced more or less difference in their faces?" "I am sure of it." "Well, I only wanted to let you commit yourself fully to your theory, because the tacts as to these twins knocks it completely out One has been a wife for ten years, while the other remains unmarried, and what becomes of yourtheory of physiognomy as applied to these facts?" At that point Talmage found that polite ness required him to pay attention to an other group of parishioners. QUEER POSSIBLE BIGAMY. In the way of twins, you have probably seen the so-called two-headed girl, Millie Christine, consisting of two negresses joined together by nature much more compactly than were the famons Siamese twins. Millie and Christine have been shown by Barnum and other exhibitors for many years, and are now aged about 40. The Siamese broth ers married two wives, as you will remem ber, and lived in South Carolina, after re tiring from the museums until the death of one from disease was immediately followed bv that of the other from fright. A post mortem examination proved that physicians had been right in saying that a surgical separation would have been fatal. In the case of Millie and Christine, even the sug gestion ot parting them cannot be consid ered, because they are joined from their hips nearly up to their shoulders. But it was not a question ot freakish anatomy which led me to write of these women. Ex-Judge Dittenhoefer is a New York lawyer to whom show people go with many of their knotty legal questions. "But no case was ever presented to me that was easier to decide, and yet more curiously novel," the lawyer recently said tome, "than that of Millie-Christinel The death of Dick Fitzgerald, through whose show agency much of the Dusiness of the museums was done, recalls this matter, which came to me about a year ago, bnt has never been published. Fitzgerald called at my office with a letter from Millie-Christine, requesting him to find out whether, if they were to marry ONE AND THE SAME MAN, it would constitute bigamy in the eye of the law. It was evident enough, although they did not say so explicitly, that an offer of joint marriage had been made to them, and that they contemplated an acceptance, in case the tripartite'union would be lawful. They urged that they had always been ad vertised as 'a two-headed girl,' the claim being made on their behalf that they were one individual with two heads, four arms and four legs. If that view of them conld be accepted in law, then a single husband would be quite proper. But they were pious Methodists, and had no notion ot doing any thing wrong, legally or religiously. Fitz gerald wished my prolessional opinion for the guidance of the twins. Of course, the theory that they were one person was en tirely untenable, and I had no difficulty in forming an opinion that their joint mar riage to one man would be bigamy for him. It would entail no criminal punishment upon the wives, nor was it likely that pro ceedings would ever be had against him, under the peculiar circumstances. But I had to tell them that if the question ever came before a court, they would surely be decided to be twins, and only the one mar riage ceremony wnicn preceueu me omer ' ?u u. ..nj i.ii.. .1 - a i T, "i. : ITJfcl u' " r.ii.7ii t later, would be invalid, and would dos- siblv subject the husband to prosecution. At the same time. I reminded Fitzcerald of I - - . . . . m the late Charles O'Connors remanc when j he was asked if it was, legal to shoot a bur glar to death on sight 'The law would say hang yon for it,' he exclaimed, 'bnt no pub lie prosecutor or Judge or jury would pun ish you for it So shoot your burglar.' After the same fashion I advised Fitzgerald that Millie-Christine's prospective husband might be sent to State's prison for bigamy, bnt that nobody would undertake to do it However, the two-headed girl conclnded to live unmarried." A MAN'S IDEA OF DRESS. When I asked Emmon3 Blaine to describe to me what his bride was to wear at the wedding, he looked at me quizzically and replied: "Something white. It is glossy, and I guess it is satin, but mind you I don't say that I know. It was merely by chance thatl had a glimpse of a sample of the fabric, anyhow, and I won't warrant yon that there hasn't been an entire change of plan. No; I can't direct yon where to make inquiries with better result I haven't any notion where the dressmaker's establish ment is. But I can tell you what I am go ing to wear myself." I took him at bis word, to his astonishment, and insisted that he had promised to describe his costnme. "Well, if you must know," he plaintively proceeded, "a Fifth avenue tailor of high authority assured me that for a day-time wedding" I must have a black coat of fine diagonal cloth, but that he conld give me leeway between very light drab and dark brown trousers, and that in the matter of a vest he said waistcoat I might indulge my fancy. He also gave me entire freedom as to a necktie. So there you are." "But you haven't told me what your choices were," I insisted. "Well, the trousers are middling drab, the vest is the same cloth as the coat, and the necktie is a shade or two lighter than the trousers and there yon really are, aren't you?" Claea Belle. HOW A DRUNKARD WAS CORED. It Cost Him S5 00 to Learn That It Doesn't Par to Drink. Chicago Tribune. J A Market street merchant said: "I had a man come to me once for employment I had heard, before he made the application, that his weakness was drink. I told him frankly that I had been told this. I said to him: 'Now, Joe, I don't care how much you drink. It is none of my business. But if I were you I wouldn't do it. I am no moralist, but if you want to succeed take my advice and let the stuff alone.' He went to work and in a few weeks he was on abender. He had an unpleasant way of abusing his family when he got in that condition. When he sobered up he came back to his business and began where he had left off. I said nothing to him. At the end of six months be went on another bender, abnsed his family, and didn't come back to his post for six weeks. Then he worked on until within three months of the expiration of his year. He was working for us on a contract. I don't remember how long he stayed away the last time, bnt it wasn t long. At the end of the year he went to the cashier for a settlement. I had instructed the cashier to keep tab on him, and we figured it up that the time which he had put in drinking, at the con tract rate, came to (00, and had that de ducted from his pay. "Of course he came to see me and wanted to know why I had done it I told him I was glad he had asked the question as I wanted to explain it I told him he had used my time for his own business. I didn't refer to his drinking. It wouldn't have made any difference to me if he hadn't drank anything. The point I made was that he had used my time, for which X had hired him, for his own benefit. I put it to him in that way. Then I told him if he wanted-to re-engage at the old contract term he conld do so, and that if he worked for me every day in the year I would at the end of the year pay him the $500 which I had held back. That man has been in my employ ment for 12 years,and he hasn't tasted liquor since the first year." DRIT1NG A BEAR HOME. An Alabama Hunter Discovers New Method of Capturing Brain. Forest and Stream.! You wants a b'ar story, does yon? Well, 'spose I kin give you one. It was a good while back, afore this country got settled up so. Some of my cows got strayed off, down thar in the bottoms somewhars; so I jest ketched my old sorrel horse, Pete, and put the saddle on, and got my cow whip furl had a powerful good un in those days; it had a lash nigh 30 feet long, and, lors, how that whip would crack? You might a hearn it a mile off. I didn't carry no gun kase that would be unhandy while I had the whip. I mounted old Pete and took the path down thar by the branch, what you see over yonder. I rid about half a mile. I reckon, when all of a suddent I seed a b'ar about half way up a good size tree, and not more 'n 30 yards off. Says I, "I'm gwin to see what my whip will do for you." Then I rod up a little closter and swung the whip around my head once or twice and fetched that b'ar a carwhallaper right over his rump. .... Lors! you ortohave seed tbatb ar squirm. It hurt him so bad he couldn'tholler. Then I swung the whip around again, and give him a wipe right-over his snout that fotch him down a bit Then I gin him another on the rump and driv bim up a piece. Then on the snout and fotch him down a piece. I kep' on licking that b'ar, first on one eend and then on t'other till I got him cowed. Then I whipped him over the snout till he comes down the tree and got in the cow path. When I had him thar, I drive him toward home, and whenever that b'ar tried to leave the path I jest whipped him on that side and driv him back. He was a little onruly at first, but after a little I jest driv him same as if he'd been a cow. And I kep' on a drivin' him ontil I come in sight ot my brother. I hollered to him to fetch a gun and shoot my b'ar what I had driven home. So he fotch the gun and killed the b'ar in his tracks. Since I found out this way to kill b ars I never have no trouble to carry my b'ar meat home. A Burglar's Motlres Misunderstood. Detroit News.: While a Kalamazoo lady was feeding a hungry tramp the other day, she discovered that he was pocketing her silverware. Seiz ing a revolver, she exclaimed: "Drop those spoons, you scoundrel, and leave the house; leave it instantly!" "But, madam 1 "Leave the house, I say, leave the house, screamed the infuriated woman. I go, madam," said the tramp, "never to return, but before I do 1 would like to say that I did not intend to take your house. Oat of Practice. -j. . 9 Hall Boy Y-Y-You rang, sir Arizona HankYes. I did: an' when I fust banged. I wanted some rye tangle-foot But considerin' that I didn't hit th' button till th' last shot. X mnst be gittin' snafey, so ..... . . "- ' you'd better make it a lemonade. rue, AiLfeTarf' ' "S -ON- AND BY A CLERGYMAN. iwnrrrzN ron mi dispatch.1 The increase of wealth in this country since 1850 is strikingly shown in the sub joined table: j 1850 ,., $7,000.0X1.000 1M i8.ooo,ooaoco 1870 ..., 30,000.000,000 1680 43.000,000,000 1830 (estimated) ...". 55,000,000.000 A clergyman read these figures to his wife; whereupon she exclaimed: "Only think of it and we haven't got any of it!" Her re mark might almost be echoed by the great benevolent interests of America. Thev have some of it, but nothing like their pro portion. If we adopt the statistics of the Rev'. Dr. Dorchester (the great authority in this department) and place the numberof Evangelical Church members in the United States at one-fifth of the total population, it would be fair to assign to them one-fifth part of the total wealth, viz: f 11,000,000,000. At 3 per cent interest this sum would yield an annual income of $330,000,000; all in the hands of Christian people. Now, the amount contributed last year for foreign missions was 54,000,000. "Add to that sum the amounts contributed for home and city evangelization and we get a total of $10,000,000. The aggregate looks formidable. A little ciphering, however, shows that it is only one-thirty-third of the Income of the com municants. In order to get at the entire snm given for re ligidus uses we should add to the 10,000,000 above set down the amounts expended for church support and work. Unfortunately, at this point, reliable figures are lacking. But whatever the Tacts, the expenditure would still be ridiculously out of proportion to the total income of Christian men and women. Yet the religious benevolence of the United States Is (with the possible exception ol England the largest in Christendom. How far it falls below the level of opportunity and necessity! Why, away back in the morning of the, world, when the purchasing power of money was enormously greater than it is to-day, the ancient Jews gave a tenth part of their income to religion. This would 'equal a fifth now. But a nil U ol S330L 000,000 would be SU)00,000. It is mortifying to reflect that in this aiternoon of the nineteenth century, in the noon of the gospel, we are so far short of the old- Mosaic tithe system. Our churches need a conversion that shall reach the pocket Methods Not to be Approved. In Boston the-eadquarters of isms, a' paper has just been started in the interest of Chris tian Socialism, 'it is called the Dawn. Its motive we esteem. 'Its method we discoun tenance. For the Dawn seeks to break up the existing social organization, and to replace it with chaos. To this chaos it gives the name of "some system which shall hold land and all resources of the earth as the equal gift of God to all; and which shall put under the control of the community capital and all means of In dustry." The fatal defect of this, as of all communal plans, is that it leaves out of the ac count individual differences, rooting tbemselres in varying capacity, education, habits, appli cation. It resurrects the bed of Procrustes, and, with that famons robber of Attica, tics upon it all human kind, catting off the tall and stretching out the short. Thns individualism U murdered. Mankind are deprived of the master incentives of life. Variety is reduced to one dead level of dull, effortless inanity, A bet ter, a more practicable undertaking wonld be to go to work on individual human nature, and reconstruct that. Get the man right, and all the man is and does will ba right. This is the Christian way. It seeks to renovate In dividual character. This done the world will be renovated. That serious evils exist in the Commonwealth goes without raying. These it concerns us all to remedy. Discussion mnst precede the cure. Hence we welcome the ad veut ot the Dawii. and reioice in anvandall tnonghtful investigation. It has been well said that "the whole of truth can never do harm to the whole of virtue." And In order to get the whole of truth we sbonld encourage every man, right or wrong, to freely utter his conscience. Nevertheless, we are free to say that we believe more in social Christianity than in Christian Socialism. The Lesson It Teaches. The recent social scandal in New York; fa connection with Robert Kay Hamilton, is per plexing to moralists. Here is a man nearly iO. college Dred, a lawyer, wealthy, with a historic name, clrded wltix'tbe' largest, opportunities.. Yet this man, thus exceptionally well placed falls an easy victim to as shallow and wild a conspiracy as Zola or Oaboreau ever put into the nastiest novel. A woman of the town, aided by a couple of equally abandoned confed erates, beguiles this man into marriace, foists upon bim a supposititious child, bleeds him for months, and holds the victim in quiet and con tented captivity; until an attempted murder calls in the police and reveals the plot. Of what use is education, of. what advantage is a splendid enviromeut, when these lead ont and down into hell? Are we not forced to con clude that after all said ard done, the gospel is the best, the Only safeguard? Had Hamil ton been a good man be wonld never have met the adventuress in tbat house. He would not have poached in the devil's domain. A Chris tian conscience would have kept his feet ont of the path that leads to death. There are already sad memories enongb surrounding; the name of Hamilton. The wretched plicht of this scapegrace, nreat grandson inevitably re calls the brilliant career of the secretary of Washington, and his dismal end in the duel with Aaron Burr. Remembering that and con templating this,, the two pictures suggest the saying of Rocbefaucauld: "Great names de base, instead of elevating, those who cannot sustain them." The Way of the World. Here is a verse on curiosity which carries its own philosophy: "There was a sign upon a fence; The sign was Pamt,' And everybody tbat went by, Sinner and saint. Put ont a finger and touched the fence. Ana onward speu. And as they wiped their finger-tips, 'It is,' they said." Some Snndnr Selections. Who reasons wisely Is not therefore wise; His pride in reasoning, not in acting lies. Pope. Seif-iove is the love of one's self, and of everything on account of one's self: It makes men idolize themselves, and wonld make them tyrants over others if fortune were to give them the means. It never reposes ont of itself, and only settles on strange objects, as bees do on flowers, to extract what is useful to it Rochefaucauld. ' PniLOSOPUY triumphs easily over past, and over future evils, but present evils triumph over philosophy. -Jo. We take cunnlrtg for a sinister or a crooked wisdom, and certainly there is a great differ ence between a cunning man and a wise man. not only in point of honesty, but in point of ability. Lord Bacoru, Wnffl men grow virtuous in their old age, they are merely making a sacrifice to God of the devil's leavings. Dean Swift. It a man were brave he wonld be uniformly so. If bravery were a habit and not a sally it wonld render a man equally resolote in all cir cumstances, tbo same alone as in company, the same in lists as in battles, for let people say what they will, there is not one valor for the street and another for the field. He wonld bear a sickness in bis bed as bravely as a wound in the trenches, and no more fear death in his own house than at an assault. When be ing a coward in arms he is firm under poverty, or when he starts at sight of a barber's razor, but rushes fearless among the swords of the enemy, the action is commendable, but not the man. Montaigne. Have the courage to listen to your wife when yon should do so, and not listen when you should not. Traits of Moral Courage. Have the courage to obey your Maker at the risk of being ridiculed by man. lb. Have the conrage to admit that you have been in the wrong, and you will remove the fact from the mind- of others, putting a de sirable impression in the place of an unfavor able one. lb. Exertion Thnt Is Avoided. Louisville Conrier-Journal.3 A New Jersey young man has been killed by overexertion in playing ball. No New Jersey young man has yet been cut off by over-exertion while working in the back; yard "at home, and, doubtless, great care;will be exercised to preventit. An Apparent Inconsistency. Minneapolis Trlbunt.l Justice Lamar, of the United States Supreme Court, is one of the Yice Presi dent of the United States Hay Fever Asso ciation. And yet it is said that his opin ions from the beach ar not to be sneezed at, SUNDAY -THOUGHTS' JTORRYlSG MlM'BPl The Girl's Behtme Hr IWakhrc a BhU Lover f&ealc J xexas siiunu.1 "Jack," said a pretty girl to her small brother, the other day, "I want yoa w do something for mej-that's a good fellow." "Well, what isit,"grewlei Jack, who U the brother of the period. "Why, you know the whig and mustache yon use in the theatricals?" "Well?" "Well, won't yon just put theMoafand . go to the concert to-night? Angnstia and I will be there, and, Jack, I want yoa to stare at me the whole evening throQgbyoor glasses. ,''.'"" "Whatl You want me to do thatf",' Si "Yes; and as we come out you mnst'ste&dH lnr-the door and try to slip me a note; take ;' care that Gus sees you too." fyf t "Well, I declare." ' - "Because, you see, Jack, Gus hikes bI ' know, bnt then heisawiul slow, 'and ""heV well of, and lots of other girls arefafteto him, and he's"got to be hurried up a'littlej as it were.1' , Some of 'Em Walk Around.' Philadelphia Eecord.l There are oyer 100 different kindsfof clams, bnt only two are served on the table!1 Oatarrh IS a blood disease. Until tne poison la ' expelled from the system, there cam tlKV be no cure for thla lnntmu on sf' ' , dangerous malady. Therefore, the onlyIir effective treatment is a thorough conrsa? . of Ayer's Sarsaparllla th-best of all blood purifiers. The sooner yoa begin ' the better ; delay is dangerous. f " I Tvai troubled with catarrh for over two years. I tried various remedies, and was treated by a nnmber cf physi cians, bnt received no benefit until I began to take Ayer's SarsapariUa. A -few bottles of this medicine cured me ot tnis troublesome complaint and com pletely restored my health." Jesse H. Boggs, Holman's Mills, Nj C. "When Ayer's SarsapariUa was rec ommended to me for catarrh, I was in clined to doubt its efficacy. Having; tried so many remedies, with little ben efit, I had no faith that anything wonld cure me. I became emaciated from joes of appetite and impaired digestion. I bad nearly lost the sense of smell? and', my system was badly- deranged. I wasty1 about discouraged, when a friend urged 5fc' me to try Ayer's SarsapariUa, and re- 4s f erred me to persons whom it had cured "A?f ' of catarrh. After taking half a dozens. .i bcttles of this medicine, Lam convinced; that the only sure way of treating thia . obstinate disease is through the blood." n Charles H. Moloney , 113 River sty Lowell, Mass. . Ayer's SarsapariUa, PEIPAESD BT ' L Jr Or. J. C. Ayer & Co.r Lowell, Mass. Price $1; six bottles, $5. Worth $S a bottW i-iAW.&mn A PEBFECl .iH'3MMi ixn imx.i A purely Vegetable tComponnd that expels all bad "humors from tha I system. Removes blotch es and pimples, and makes pure, rich blood. ap2-5S MEDICAL. DOCTOR WHITTJJER 814 PENIt AVENUE, PITTSBURG. FAtV- As old residents know and back files of Pitts burg papers prove, is the oldest established and most prominent physician in the city, de voting special attention to all chronic diseases. 5iff 5KSN0 FEEUNTILCURED MCDXfil ICand mental diseases, physical IN t n V UUOdecay, nervous debility, lack of energy, ambition and hope, impaired mem ory, disordered stent, self distrust, bashfulness, dizziness, sleeplessness, pimples, eruption", Im poverished blood, failing powers, organic weak ness, dyspepsia, constipation, consumption, un- fitting the person for business, society and mar riage, permanently, safely and privately cured. BLOOD AND SKIN.ferup1! blotches, falling hair, bones pains, glandular swellings, ulcerations of tongue, mouth, throat, ulcers, old sores, are cured for life, and blood poisons thoroughly eradicated from the system. IIRIMARV kidney and bladder derange Unllinn I jments. weak back, gravel, ca tarrhal discharges. Inflammation and other painful symptoms receive searching treatment, prompt relief and real cures. Dr. Whlttler's life-Ions:, extensive experi ence, insures scientific and reliable treatment on common-sense principles. Consultation free. Patients at a distance as carefully treated as if here. Office hours 9 a. M. to 8 P. K. Sun day, 10 A. M. to 1 P. St. only. DR. WH1TTIEB, 814 Penn avenue, Pittsburg, Pa. sel040S-DSuwk hlki IXV&ZlMfjZ&'Hi LR 23 FlfX Z How Lost ! How Regained, KHQW THYSELF, a.'n ii; scieldice ox zxra A Scientific and Standard Popular Medical Treatise on ineiirroraoi xouin, iTeTnainre.uecime.xiervoas and i'nyjlcal .Debility, Impurities ot the Blood, Resqjtins from Folly. Vice, Ismorence, Ex cesses or Overtaxation. Enervating and unfit tins the victim for Work, Business, the Mar riage or Social Relations. Avoid unskillful pretenders. Possess this great work. 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