Pittsburg dispatch. (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, June 30, 1889, THIRD PART, Page 17, Image 17

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    C r
PAGES 17 TO 20.
An Ambassador From the Flowery
Kingdom Tells What He Thinks 6f
He TFrites to the Eegttlator of Morals,
Warninff His Countrymen
respondent of The
Dispatch hearing
of the arrival of
"Wong Hang Ho, a
special correspond
ent from the High
Mandarin of the
' -Flowery Kingdom, hnnted
him up and the interview
which iollowed is printed
below: "You appear to
take a great interest in onr
national game, Mr, Ho,"
I said, by way of putting
him at his ease.
"Ya-a-s," he replied
languidly. "Him make
intlesting chapter for read
ing. "What yon call big
game, eh, yestelday," he
added with more anima
tion. "See Duff Tie fli hign; get oau on
light field fence?"
. Hang Ho took two itr three frantic
rushes around the room, and finally leaped
upward to catch an imaginary ball near the
ceiling, holding up his hand high in the
air, as if for the approval of the pavilion.
"What yon call him? Big catch, fly
high! Whoopi Clappee hands! hullah like
"See me steal base! "Watch pitcher (why
you call him pitch who thlow allee time?)
off my base ten feetee see? Catch pitcher's
eye slip back mighty quickee see ball go
Dun lite, bully-up wagon after dolla
Hang Ho's idea of running likea "hurry-
Wong Take a Flu.
up" (L c, police patrol) wagon was not a
bad one. He seemed to go on all fours, his
long pigtail streaming behind like a pen
nant'and he finished with a slide along the
floor that wrecked the expansive portion of
els pantaloons. His long tunic prevented
the results of the accident from being seen,
but the ominous riD was plainly heard.
"Ha! Ha!" laughed Hang Ho. "Split
Tip pants allee samee Baybee An Bon! Get
the allee samee!"
He sat down in his chair once more, and
sow that the paroxysm had passed, was
again the cool, almost languid Eastern gen
"Mr. Hang Ho," I said, "will you kindly
tell the great American people, 'arougn me,
-what is the objeot of your studies of our na
tional game?"
"Tell 'em pletty klick," said Hang Ho
promptly. "Chinaman knocked offen tha
base since Baybee An Son go lound the wold
like missionally, Chinamen see game at
Bingapole; all clanks now bling back game
to China: allee game of flying kites knocked
higha than"
"A kite," I suggested, thinking to help
him out.
"Higha than big balloon," said Hang Ho.
firmly refusing mv assistance. "Hich Man
darin Kwong Wee send pless collespondent
sere to study up gome and flighten China
"Bully for the Mandarin Kwong "Wee,"
Mid X. "Wish he'd come here for a spell.
And are you going to make a report?"
"Done it." said Hang Ho. waving his
pigtail vigorously, and pointing to the
cTllnder. "Like to lead my stoly?"
"I am bound to confess that I should have
Mr. Bo Smiled JLffably.
liked it very much, but I disliked to take
advantage ot his generosity. Besides, I
didn't know Chinese and couldn't read it if
I had been ever so willing.
"Mr Hang Ho," I said at length, "it is
unbecoming an American citizen to be less
generous than a Chinese gentleman. Per
mit me, therefore, the pleasure of hearing
you read your own manuscript."
Hang Ho evidentlyappreeiated my court
esy. He winked vigorously, put his little
feet up on the table "allee samee Yankee,"
said he placed 1iis brushes aside, and, un
rolling the cylinder by the simple process of
kicking it of! the table, gathered in 10,000
yards, more or less, of manilla strips and be
gan reading or rather translating the docu
ment. He had the usual difficulty with the
ffr .ar
' II If vf ? ;
T 1 l '' I
Pf Si J)
letter r already noticed; and there were oc
casional lapses into pigeon-English, which
it is not necessary to closely follow:
"To the illustrious High Mandarin, Kwong
Wee, lord of the three peacock's leathers;
philosopher of the yellow robe, and noble
possessor of the golden button; press cen
sor and promoter of pnblic morals:
"Your slave bows three times in the dust,
and humbly begs permission to stand where
your illustrious shadow may fall upon him
on the occasion of bis return to the Flowery
Xand, of which Your Highness is so distin
guished an ornament.
"Ain't that rather cheap talk?" said L
It vexed my republican soul to hear such
"Don't cost much; payi belly well," said
Hang Ho promptly; "allee samee Congles
sional candidate to vota' at 'lection time."
"Your slave presumes to write you from
this land of darkness, relying on your in
dulgence. The people who here sit de
The Victor1 Prerogative.
prived of light, being unillumined by your
gracious countenance, have many curious
and costly customs."
"Averaging 60 per cent on all articles at
port of entrv "
"Velly tlue," Hang Ho. feelingly.
"And these customs I have endeavored,
by your instructions, to study. I have tried,
but so far in vain, to discover their manners.
"One of their most curious customs is to
hire players for their amusement, and pay
for the privilege of seeing others enjoy
"The so-called national game of baseball
is called an institution, and its invention is
ascribed to a recent date a proot of the
marvelous ignorance and conceit of these
"Draw it mild, Mr. Ho," I murmured
gentlv. "If it ain't a Yankee game, what
is it?''
"Chinese; 3,350 years eld," said Hang
Ho, curtly, disliking the interruption and
snapping out ths words. "Listen, or lead
the stoly you'self."
I listened. Hang Ho continued:
"For the game, as you Highness' wisdom
will have divined, is a revival of the bar
barous Kwangtcheon Tartar dynasty when
its suppression required the execution ot
15,000 cranks daily for one year in one
province along. The alleged inventer of
the game in this country is one Nic Yung,
who buys the players at an early age, ana
only releases tbem on the payment oT large
sums to other proprietors. It is supposed to
be played on the square, but it is really
performed on a diamond; and by nine play
ers on oce'side and nine and an umpire on
the other. The umpires "are'-always on-the.
side of the winning nine, and they are
much loved by the people, who delight in
honoring them with complimentary titles."
"That's a fact," I murmured softly, and
Hang Ho seemed delighted.
"This curious people allow their players
to use a club, which, because it has no re
semblance to that instrument, is called a bat.
The ball used is of curious construction and
sometimes has 'wings' attached to it. The
bat has occasionally boles in it, and it is
Important Casts in Court
used for 'fanning the air, a necessary pre
caution for cooling down the hot balls. I
have been assured that a player who tails to
strike the ball three times is 'out on strikes,'
which be hasn't struck, with a bat that is
not a bat, but a club 'with holes in it.'
"In like contradictory manner the ball
which has 'wings' has been known to go
over the fence with all sails set, while the
players who have no wings, are often caught
out on a fly.
"I make no attempt to translate this cu
rious language, trusting to Your Highness'
wisdom to discover the hidden meaning of
this curious people's talk. In addition to
the nine players and the managers, each
team is provided with a 'hoodoo' and a
mascot.' The former is used in case of fail
ure, the latter only when victorious. They
have no salaries, but sometimes live at free
quarters with the umpires, to whom they
are greatly attached.
"Sometimes the crowd, who cheerfully
pay a sum equal to my weekly salary ior
the liberty to be roasted or frozen on the
unshaded seats around the field, while the
players are amusing themselves, take the
direction of the game into their own hands,
and will desire that a balloon be uwd in
stead ot a ball, but Kic Yung, the chief
mandarin, with assistant mandarins So Den
Ko Nant and Bil Lings, has not yet grati
fied their subjects.
"This is the reason why pople get mad
and insist on executing a player. In cases
of extremity some of these costly performers
commit hari-kari by means of sacrifice bits,
and, if especially bad playing, are forced to
'die at first
"The pitchers (who do not pitch) are very
costly, but fagile. This curious people have
a proverb which says that they olten go to
the well" y.
"More often to the bad," I ventured to re
mark, and Hong Ho smiled and said, "Velly
mucn tlue.' "
" "But are broken at last, 'Us well as at
first, second and third, and when they are
much broken, they ride the Charley horse
till they are better.
"The immorality of the game is,shown by
the tact that, as in the Kwangtcheon period.
it deVelorjs cranks.chronlo kickers knd other
forms of savagery. The catcber.idffts to be -
muzzled to prevent him from bitinghot balls
in paroxysms of madness. The second and
third bases nave to be carefully guarded so
that they may not be stolen by opposing
players. I also learned, in discussing the
probable fate of the losing players, that
they are liable to terrible penalties. A gen
tleman, to whose courtesy I am much in
debted for this reliable account, says that
they are sometimes 'jumped on with both
feet" by the victorious players, and that"
they then 'get in the soup.
"Your Highness rill not fail to note the
demoralizing nature of the same in this
country, which professes to prohibit cruel
and unusual forms ot punishment, and the
possible results of its reintroduction in our
own happy land.
"The details of the game are already in
the Imperial library, with other records of
that superstitious age, which the invention
of printing so happily dispersed 3,350 years
ago, so that it is unfitting that I should de
scribe it minutely.
"It only remains to tellof someof the evils
connected with it. It has been calculated
by eminent statisticians that a crowd of peo
ple at any ball game, say of 3,000 persons,
will show 150 lawyers who 'have been'sum
moned to court; 250 physicians and sur
geons each 'called to an important consulta
tion ;' 1,000 clerks and boys 'delayed by horse
cars on their messages or 'suffering from
excruciating billons attacks and headaches
which require medical treatment at home;'
750 married men whose 'close attention to
business prevented their earl v return home;'
500 who had been 'summoned to a friend's
sick bed,' and 150 who had been 'compelled
to asK permission to bury their erand
parents. A curious feature of the specta
tors' benches is the frequent recognition by
a lawyer who has had 'an important case in
court' ot his clerk who was 'compelled to
leave his work on account of sickness.'
"Happily, no one is really deceived. The
cranks have it all their own way. In a
month's time the whole nation will go on a
vacation, the entire time being devoted to
seeing games or discussing those already
played or to come.
"Thus, O wise Mandarin of the yellow
robe and golden button, have I placed thew
things be ore yon, that the dreadful disease
may not be again permitted to spread
among the enlightened people of the Flow
ery Kingdom, and your faithful slave
craves permission to leave this land of dark
ness and return to the delights of the region
illumined by your wisdom."
The little Gbinaman leaned back in his
chair, lit a cheroot and looked at me in a
very self-satisfied way.
"Mr. Ho," I said, "I cannot do justice to
your perspicacity and several other things.
But you have not explained why wc go to
baseball matches and spend a sum equal to
your weekly salary to do so, not including
refreshments and several other et ceteras."
Mr. Ho smiled affably. "Ask me bigger
conundlum next time. Because Melican
man heap big fool."
This wasn't very flattering, but Hang Ho
evidently intended it as a pleasant form of
adieu. I felt that there was more truth
than poetry in the remark, and my skill at
repartee failed me utterly. I reached, the
laundry, gathered up my property and re
tired in the best order possible.
It Tamed Oat to be a. Wild Girl of 23,
Dresaed In SUlca.
Chicago Herald.l
In the summer of 1882 W. C. Hart, the
geologist, and two other enthusiastic col
lectors of specimens were encamped near
the lava beds between the head waters of
the Cache de la Poudre river and North
Bark. It was a rough, broken region, and
the desolation was heightened by the prox
imity of the crater of an extinct
volcano, while bare rocks And dead
timber were everywhere. The hope of
securing Tare formations for their cabinets
attracted the gentleman to the uncanny
spot, for everyone averred that Cameron
Pass was haunted by the spirit of an emi
grant's daughter. Joe Shepler, a well
known mountaineer, who was piloting the
party through the hills, had often seen the
ghost, and promised his companions that
they should view the strange apparition be
fore returning to their homes. He said the
spirit was a thief, and frequently stole food
and furniture trou the camps of hunt
ers who ventured within her uninviting do
main. At dinner August 12, 1882, Shepler calm
st announced that the spirit of Cameron
Pass was approaching, and pointed to a
strange being which was swiftly moving
toward the camp. The marauder came to
within 600 yards of the men, and seizing a
haunch of venison which had been placed
on a stone ran off with it. Hart picked up
his rifle, and, calling on his comrades to fol
low, started in pursuit of the thief. She
tbey were sure it 'was a woman led them
a lively race directly toward the lava
beds. Being close pressed the hunted crea
ture dropped the meat and sped onward to
the opening' of a cave. The pursuers en
tered the cavern on tne heels of the strange
robber and found the warm body of a dead
woman. The fright and exertion had killed
her. The corpse was that of a woman about
25 years old. Her only clothing was a rude
gown, fashioned of skins. Her hair was
very long, and she was sunburned and bare
footed. The remains were buried decently.
An exploration of the cave disclosed the
fact that it had for some time been used as
a habitation by the alleged spirit. The
? round was covered with bones, and, al
hough there were cooking utensils about, it
was evident that they had never been used.
The unfortunate girl had subsisted on
stolen meats, roots and leaves. She had
dried meat for winter use. For several
years she was thought to be a spirit.
Drawing Original Dealgna stt Homo for
Coma Farnltare.
From the London Figaro. 1
Do you know any melanoholy maiden
with a ready pencil who has had a "disap
pointment in love," and would like to In
dulge in an occupation suited to a lugubri
ous mind? If you do, ask her if sbe saw
the following in one of the dailies last
week: "A lady wanted to draw, at home,
original designs for coffin furniture. " The
unkindest sfut of all is in suggesting that
the work should be done- at home. Such
nice, cheerful drawings for a tired husband
to see on the table upon bis return', and
enough to make a father regret that his
daughter had ever learned'to sketch at all.
A Lady's Novel Experience While
Traveling on a Railroad Car
Miraculous Stories of Passengers Over
taken by a Blizzard.
' icosKisrosmEnci of XBxnisrATCB.1
Ne"w Yoke, June 29. Ladies on the
railroad cars are just now complaining of
heat and'are impatient to reach the seashore
or mountain coolness toward which they are
journeying. It may 'make feminine trav
elers more patient if I assure them that, noU
withstanding the dust and heat ol summer
railroading, winter is a worse time to travel.
The one mad idea of the train men is to keep
the car hot There is an awful stove at each
end, and it is kept door high with coal all
the time. A variation on the stove idea is
steam pipes, rnnning under the seats and
along the floor. The only way to escape
cooking is to hang by the straps along the
center of the aisle. Every crevice through
which the fresh air of heaven might enter is
corked up. There should be a law about it.
Here is a story on the other side of the
question, however.
I got into a car once for a short ride from
Chicago to a suburban station. It was bit-,
ter cold outside. I was glad enough of the
little grated shelf over the steam pipe along
the side of the car toward the floor, and T
crowded both feet on it. If there is a love
ly sensation, it- is that of gentle warmth
stealing through a cold, benumbed member.
The glow crept through the thick soles of
my heavy shoes and soothed the aching cold
that made each partieular toe an infliction.
"When one foot got too warm, I took it off
the grating to give the other foot a chance.
Just then a gentleman seated himself
across the aisle. He seemed dissatisfied
about the grating on his side and kicked
and twisted, and I think he swore under his
breath, that it was a shame
in such cold weather. A guilty suspicion
crept through me. It was odd that one side
of the car should be heated and the other
not. I bent 'down stealthily and touched
with my hand the grating upon which my
foot rested. It was oold, stone oold. I just
sat and thought about it all the way to my
town. I never had believed much in imagi
nation anyhow, but I had sort of put my
foot in my theories that time, hadn't I?
Weil, some time after I boarded an ex
press train for a two hours' run. I had a
seat at the end. Passengers were complain
ing of cold. The bench on which I sat had
seemed to me pretty warm, but I made up
my mind it wasn't, and went right on sit
ting there. The hotter it got tEe more I re
membered that cold grating, and though the
drops of half-cooked torture stood out on
my brow, I would not move. I knew that
the seat was cold, and I wasn't going to
have my imagination play any more mon
key shines with me. when I got out ot the
car, I found a hole, burned in iny fur cloak
just where I had sat on it. Said I to myself
that If ever I went to the hot place I won
dered if I would have sense enough to
know, I didn't need a chest protector or fur
"We all remember last year's blizzard,
don't4K?Sfc, Wellplwason he .rail during
the picnic. There was a party of us. We
were coming from the "West into Philadel
phia. We had started from Chicago in
great style. There were three or four swell
luncheons among us, and I had a gorgeous
basket of fruit, which an admirer had sent
to the train at the last moment. We clubbed
together and had a fine supper on the train,
feasted splendidly the next day, gave all the
debris to the porter, and retired to be called
at 6 the next morning, tne train being due
at 7. When we were awakened I objected
to rising. I always "do object to rising be
fore 10.
The snow was driving fast outside and
there seemed to be some wind. Toward 7
o'clock we slowed up, and the men who had
business appointments in Philadelphia be
gan to growl against the railroad company.
At 7 we stopped entirely and one of the men
declared that -he intended to sue the com
pany. About 730, fearing to try my luck
further, I arose and dressed, and, being hun
gry, got some coffee forthelot of us from the
buffet. I only obtained it by base wheed
ling and lucre, for since the 'Philadelphia
.stop was expected the buffet had no pro
visions in stock.
The train stood on a little hill. The wind
blew so bard that the cars were urged a lit
tle off the brow or the elevation. Then the
wheels froze promptly to the rails, and the
snow began to pile up on one side of us,
while it was swept clean at the other side.
We went right on growling at the company.
To the left of us was a ditch and a small de
cline, from the foot of which stretched a
dreary field all white with unbroken snow.
At the farther side of the field was a slight
rise, and a lonely farm bouse with shrouded
windows. To the right, over the fast-rising
bank of snow, a strip of level white and
then a bleak bit of woods. The car still
rocked a little with the wind, but we didn't
think mnch of it, being so taken up with
abusing the conductor every time he came
About 12 o'clock I felt that even the
proper regard fate had always had for me
required no further delay, and I expressed
my dissatisfaction loud and deep, and
brought down upon my head the responsi
bility for the entire happening. Then we
began to get hungry. We didn't like to ask
the porter lor a return of the debris. At
this crisis a rather modest member of odr
party confessed to anunpretentions package
of sandwiches, which, in face of all the
swell baskets, he had concealed the night
we left Chicago. This was hailed with
rapture, and the modest member advanced
to a position of howling popularity.
Theie were four ordinary sandwiches.
Each was cut across twice, like a hot cross
bun, and we made 16 portions. There were
15 in the 'party. I did the cutting and got
the extra piece. Everybody told everybody
else that we would be in Philadelphia in an
hour or so, and everybody told everybody
else how mnch better it would be to save our
appetite (or a good dinner there than to
spoil it by gorging on the car.
Three o'clock, and with one accord we
lifted up our voices and yelled that we must
have something to eat, or eat the porter.
We demanded from him the expensive and
extensive debris donated the night before.
But the porter, foreseeing the catastrophe,
had swallowed everything except a pot of
blackberry jam, which he was saving to put
on his Hair. Two half-lull flasks of whisky
were found among the men. We all ate
blackberry jam and whisky and prayed.
Pour o clock", while I was doing the
"Mabel, little Mabel, with her face against
the pane'Vact on thejelt side of the oar, and
thinkinghow I would have roast beef,
chicken, pork and beans, lobster salad,
sweetbreads and, and heavens! the door or
the deserted farmhouse openedand two men,
bearing something between tbem, came out.
My breath stopped. Ididn't like to be sure
what they were carrying, but it did look,
like it They struggled through the shot,
entered the fielianu seemed to be making
ior us, along the fence. Brave boys! Doubt
less tbey knew we were caged in that car,
popr fellow human beings, hungry, very
hungry, almost starving, and they were
struggling to us with that precious burden,
through the treacherous snow, and with the
-Wind's wolfish teeth at their throats. Brave
boys! How I prayed they wouldn'tput a
foot In a hole and spill anything. When I
was perfectly sure what it was they tyre be
tween tbem, I said in a weak voice, quiver
ing, however, with emotion:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I believe I say
I belieye two men are' now fighting toward
us through that field, and moreover that
they bear between them a be calni a milk
There was a wild whoop, and everyone
tore over to my side and did the "little
Mabel" act The car lurched yiolently,and1
the weaker ones of the party were dragged
back to the other side and left there formal
last The rest of us, with straining eyes,
watched the progress of the two men with
the precious milk can. They were almost
at the fence when they struck into the field,
and -wading breast high to a little hillock,
there began to dig. Ah, agony! It was
the roof of a well. They dug it free, forced,
it oil, let down the can, filled it wjth water,
covered the well and painfully plodded
The entire party fell upon me tooth and
nail. Just then, luckily tor me, some one
rushed wild-eyed into our car from the one
"There's a milk car stuck a few yards
above us, and anyone who can get there can
have all the .milk he wants," the lovely
wild-eyed apparition cried.
There was a bolt for the door. We could
have milk after all! Flasks, soap dishes,
cups were pressed into service. I stood on
tbe'platform and took the vessels from the
men as they returned from the milk car.
Truth compels me to confess that I took ad
vantage of the time they spent floundering
up the steps, and made inroads on the price
less fluid. To this day milk gives me a
pain and reminds meot the blizzard.
We had at 5 o'clock a supper of orange
peel, milk and the scrapings of-the jam.
About this time we realized that probably
the weather had something to do with our
waiting. We were only a few miles out of
Philadelphia, however, and it seemed to all
of us that had we been running the car our
selves we would have been in the city long
ago. At 5:30 we started and after nearly an
hour's labored struggle we got to the sta
tion. Our Iriendi had been waiting all
day. They screamed at us that we had been
out in the awfullest blizzard ever beard of,
and that we were the only -traiu from the
West in at all. We all braced up and be
gan telling the wonderful things we had
done and the be-oio things we had all been
ready to do. But the tact is we hadn't
known anything about the awfulness of our
position. Philadelphia looked a good deal
more like a blizzard than our wind-swept
hill; and the more uprooted telegraph poles
we saw, the more wrecked boardings and
sprangling wire's, the more we felt we had
lost the chance of our life to be really inter
esting and dramatic.
Heavens, what stories we tell about it!
My pet one is that X wrapped myself in a
berth blanket, slipped out of the car,
waited three miles on the top of a snow
oovered fence, picked a frozen chipmunk off
a post and only just gotback in time to save
the entire tribe of us from starvation. An
other story is that we made chicken soup
from the feathers in the pillows, and had
maron glace for dessert of broken window
pane and snow.
Writing of cold weather in a time of hot
weather reminds me of fashions that come
into vogue in New York which are beyond
all explanation or reason. During the
evenings of all the recent hot spell I ob
served that it was actually the custom for
the most elegant young ladies to wear their
fur capes. At sight of the first lew of these
I was astonished that there should be girls
in the world capable of going out at all
whose blood was so thin that they -required
furs to- keep it in circulation' whilo
the mercury waa at 70. But when
I saw that many of the healthiest
girls that one met arrayed themselves in
these fur capes I made inquiries about it,
and I am assured that it is a thorough fash
ion at this moment. It Is very difficult to
say how a fashion such as this is introduced
and bow it grows. I remember meeting a
solitary girl on a warm day about a month
ago wearing her cape, and I pitied her. I
did not see another for several days and
then I noticed a steady appearance of them
on the streets.
Last Sunday was a delightful day, not
hot, but no man found it necessary to wear
an overcoat even while driving. -But I took
the trouble to observe while going through
the park how man girls wore fur capes, and
I saw a full dozen, all girls of the utmost
fashionableness. I asked one ot them tha
other day why she wore lur in warm weath
er, and she could not possibly give aay rea
son for doing so.
"I only know," she said, "that it is the
very latest thing going, so I'm taking ad
vantage of it."
These are the same girls who will sit
about in cold rooms throughout the winter
with their arms and necks as bare as when
they first came into the world.
Claba Belle.
A Story Hard to Believe, bat It Was Toldby
n TrutMal Citizen.
"I went out to the mountains to fish for
trout last week, said a well-known and thor
oughly reliable citizen of this place yester
day, "and the rain drove me to an old
shanty, which I found to be inhabited by a
solitary old man. After talking to him a
little about the continued wet weather the
conversation turned to snakes. 'Yes,' said
the old hermit, "rattlesnakes is mighty thick
this year. 1 guess the rain has soaked them
all out' If you wouldn't mind walkin' up
there on the side of that mountain where
you see that big pile of rocks, I kin show
you more snakes 'n you've seen for some
time.' "
"The rocky promontory referred to was per
haps half a mile distant and I willingly con
sented to accompany him. When we got
within perhaps 300 feet orthe place I stopped
and the old man said: 'Do yon notice that
gray rock there shaped like a hay stack?'
I admitted that I did. 'Well,' he con
tinued, 'that is no rock that is anile o
rattlesnakes. Come along an' I'll show
you.' ,
"We approaohed 200 feet nearer,and there
sure enough, I could see that what the old
man said was true a pyramid-shaped pile
of rocks, fully as tares as an ordinary sized
hay stack, was so literally covered with
snakes as to appear like a seething mass of
squirming reptiles. It was horrible beyond
expression. "Now watch,' said the old
man, and he picked up a large stone and
hurled it right into the midst of the pile.
Immediately the heretofore sluggish mass
became a hideous bell of activity. They
coiled and hissed and struck viciously, sink
ing their poisonous fangs into each other's
flesh, and kept up a rattling that was al
most deafening.
"The old man hurled stone after stone
among them and they continued to grow
more furious until it seemed that every ser
pent was in a death struggle with another.
The stench arising from the poison which
they emitted became so sickening that I
feared we would be overcome by it, and we
hastened away. A more frightful, awful
spectacle than this battle of the rattlesnakes
could not possibly be imagined. The old
man said that this was a regular nesting
groudd for tbeTattleis, and that of the thou
sands engaged in the deadly combat, several
hundred at least would die."
A Mean Trick,
Omaha. -World.
Mrs. Figg John, there's a long red hair
on your shoulder. And your sleeve" is ripped,
too. v
Mr. rigg Yes. I put the hair on there,
myself so you'd notice the ripped place.
OUCHY pounded on
n y dressing-room
door and shouted:
"Are you ready?"
"So, X'm not,"
said I.
I knew I had been
long getting my
make-up off, but a
rough soubrette part
takes so much paint
"Holong do you think-
I'm going to wait for you?"
Touchy shouted again.
I answered shortly: "You
needn't another minute. No
one asked youy anyhow."
.-l-!1 Foil 'T .
St .T.-rinn. it was late and
raining on the ioy walks. As
soon as I got my dress on I bpened the doort
Touchy stood digging a hole in a post that
supported the stage. I saidmeekly:
"You'll have the stage down on us.
He was in a furious temper and turned
round with a jersr. ,
"Don't be lunny," said he. "I only
waited becausal have something serious to
say.J' '
''For heaven's sakel" aid I. .
"What would vou have done had I gone
and left yon?" Touchy asked severely,
I heard Nibbs, our 7-rrops.
and I nromDtlv returned,
"Asked Nlbbs
to take me, or or gone alone.
Touchy brought his fist down on my
table. '"That's jnstit If you thlnfc In
standing around to do things for you be
cause others are not there, yon are mistaken.
What you want done in this company I II
do. The sooner you understand it the
better. That or nothing."
Did ever one hear such impudences X
stamped my foot, and made more noUethan
his fist had, and said emphatically: "Then,
Mr. Gerald Touch, its nothingl Imnt
have yon, or any one, taking upon himself
to do 'everything' for me. You haven't
done very much, goodness knows, and you
were not asked to do that; and it gives you
no right to bully me. lean take care of
myself." . . , ,,
"All right," said Touchy, with a lordly
sweep of his hand, and he put on his hat
and strode toward the back door.
"Gerald Touch 1" I cried, "are you delib
erately going to leave me when it so so
slippery?" . , ,
"Miss Katie Tempest has refused ray as
sistance and is, 'mocking me, at liberty to
take care of herself."
"You're a brute," said I stormily.
Touchy considered a moment and then
said: "I won't be mean. Come along.
But after this " He made a gesture that
was a cross between washing his hands of
me and expressing utter contempt for me.
Only the thought of a slippery pave pre-
vernea my orueuus
home, when a
: ".uon't
of you."
Tanchv Jammed his hat over his eyes and
slammed himself out-
I sat down on a barrel of nails and waited
for Mr. Straight, or, Mr. Ned, as I always
called him. Mr. Straight was so formal,
yet being older than the boys and married,
it didn't eem just right to say Ned.
If there is a theater in the country that is
aJinldot nlaea it is this one in Cincis.
natj. Tne dressing rooms are down cellar.
nat). aub wfws"' "' ,'"t
?w?iLff",iSSrWMfce...Itirii not cheerful. Square,
xiere was.i, uo cujp ij, -. Uwv.w..v
with a good part in a first-class company,
sitting on a keg of nails, down cellar, at
11:30 at night, having had my head bullied
off by one man and now relying on the good
nature of another to get me home through the
puddles and 'over wet Ice to the hotel.
Home? TJghl And all the lights going
out, too.
Just then1 Mr. Ned's door opened, the
streak of yellow light was thrown across
the floor, scattering the cockroaches.
"What's the matter with Touchy?" Mr.
Ned asked, still shaking himself into his
After I had helped him, and been hauled
up the Icy steps, and well started homeward
through the puddles, I began a plaintive
explanation: "Touoby is so exacting. I
can't agree to let just him do everything
forme, can I? And he bullies me so. Id
ra'ther take care of myself than be ordered
and dumped around. I-Lwon't have it" I
began to sputter again.
"Many girls wfculd be proud to have so
handsome a fellow as Touchy anxious to
take care pf them," Mr. Ned. remarked,
laughing shortly. n
'They would mase a great buiwwt,i j.
'protested. "It is supposed
when a man is anxious to do things for one.
Instead it is only wearing to death. Touchy
was much nicer when he let me more
"But,he cares more for you nowj"
"Of course. OhI love stories are frauds.
Now that be caresfor me I must do as he
says or be bullied. I'm dragged out for
long walks when I'm tired. He takes mv
money and sends It to the bank, when I
don't want to save it at all, He make me
eat bread and cheese alone in my room,
after the theater, because he says I can't
afford a restaurant, and that it's improper
lor people to come so late to my room. I
might stand it if I cared for Touchy, but I
don'f. Ob! a man who likes you better
than you like him is very wearing. No
body knows but one who goes through it"
"So' yon have been through it?" Mr. Ned
questioned dryly.
I hastened to explain: "Not very mnch.
No one has cared really for me. They have
just thought they did enough to bother me.
Bennie Shine last year, for instance. He
was funny enough to tell of, and it will show
vou what I mean.
"He played my lover. Suddenly he took
to staring at me fixedly. Then he began do
ing things ior me rushed for my mail,
fought Tor my bag, buttoned my overshoes,
took roe to the theater and back till I pro
tested that I did not want to bother him.
He began to cry ha was very young and
said nothing done for me was a bother. I
thought him homesick, and J, patted his
shoulder and said it would be all right
Then and there he grabbed my hand, shout
ing. 'Oh! would it?' 'Oh! would what?'
said ,1,, -At that he talked a hundred words, -sf
minute. My' hair stood straight no one
had ever been in lota with me before, and L
thought-it awful I tried to talk as fast ai
At Last I Wat Blood on a Chair.
he I kept saying that, dear me, Tdidn't
love, I couldn't, and never would, and that
he must get up off the floor: Then he got
up, slapped his hat on the back of his head
and started for the door, saying he would
drown himself, I clung to his coat-tails,
weeping and saying, 'No, no.' When, he
broke away I flew to Mrs. Barker, our old
lady. She laughed tilL she cried. I
thought her unfeeling. Sure enough, how
ever, Bennie turned up safe at supper. He
told me in an awful whisper, while X was
eating my cakes, that he could not find tha
Mr. Ned laughed so that I went on : "I
had an awful time with bim. He wasn't
naturally truthful and honest, and since he
was ready to die for me if he could find the
river I felt I ought to reform him.. I ex
erted ail my influence and went through a
great deal. He used to sit glaring at me till
my blood ran backward. He let his hair
grow long, that he might pull it in his eyes
and look worse."
"Did he reform?" asked Ned, cynically.
"Not much," I confessed, "but he tried.
When I caught him in stories he would
threaten to-cut his throat Naturally it
kept me nervous. Besides, I was ajways
alraid we would get into a town with a river.
He left the company before the season closed.
He went down on' his knees and called me
his good angel, adding that he waa going to
be an honorable man, and that the day
would cpme when, with a spotless career to
point to, he would return and claim me for
Lis bride. I explained thatl woeldn'thave
it but at the last moment he waved a lock
of mv hair out of the car window and said,
'The day will come.' Won't it be awful if
it ever does?"
"Didn't you encouraee him, Katie?"
asked Mr. Ned, in his usual mentor fashion.
"What for?" I inquired; "was it any fun
for me? I tried to be kind to him, and pull
him through. For myself, it only kept me
in a state of jumpitivenesa and scare."
We were at the hotel. After waiting at
the ladies' entrance for the sleepy porter to
unlock the door, I gave up and went with
Mr. Ned through the office, to be stared at,
of course, like a wild animal.
"Good night," said Mr. Ned at my door;
"tro in and eat vour cheese." and he made a
grimace and went up the hall to his room,
" I dosed the door after me and looked at
Row - celled' roc
room: worn carpet oilcloth in
front of the bed and bare boards under, and
one niece of furniture to do duty as bureau
and washatand; yellow shades, one hanging
limply, half torn from the rod. and the other
twisted and stuffed in above the lower sash;
a long-legged bed, topped with so thin a
layer of mattress that I felt I was going to
sleep on a cold waffle; one gas jet away in a
corner and high, the flame shooting up a
long blue finger and whistling dismally.
On a small uncertain table some odd ends
of bread and bits of scaly cheese and a glass
of pale milk. I banged my Tam o' Sbanter
to the floor, and said aloud, with a gusty
sigh, "Jolly fun being a promising young
actress, isn't it?"
A thump at the door behind me nearly
fractured my shoulder. Touchy was there.
He beamed udou me treniallv and said:
"Supper in Ned's room. You may came if
TUU Rill W3 mo vawom.
"Oh! Touchy, may I?" I cried.
"Don't gush come along," said Touchy.
I whimpered that if he knew how lonely
I was he would not call it gush, and linking
mv arm in his we cantered down the hall
way to the end room. Touchy kicked
against the door and in we felL
The room was thick with smoke but it
looked beautifully cheerful. A bright,
open fire burned at one end, a table stood in
.the center, chairs were crowded about in
sociable fashion, the bed was strewn with
knives, forks, brown paper and crackers.
"How lovely," said L
Mr. Ned, in a smoking jacket, stood fuss
ing ovor an alcohol lamp. Harry Diggers,
our stage manager, a stumpy little man
with cheery blue eyes and a dry manner,
was unwinding packages and spreading
string and paper about Both nodded as
we came in, and Harry passed me a slice of
"Sit down, Miss Katie, and cut that up.
Bemember we want to hear very little of
you till after the cooking. Eh, Touchy?"
"And very little then," Touchy added,
rubbing my bang in my eyes.
"I thought I was to toast bread," I pro
tested, weak-mindedly taking the cheese.
"Don't find fault" said Touchy; "can't
vou Bee Diggers is hunting everywhere for
the loaf? Bight ia the wash bowl, old
man," he went on to Dlgjers. ,
"Wetl" shouted Mr. Ned.
"Don't do thatl" Diggers objected, start
ing violently; "I wouldn't put a loaf of
bread in a basin of water, you know.
Wearing my bair parted in the middle
makes me look more of a fool than X am
don't forget that"
Touchy said there was no telling, and
began to show me how to eutcheese. There
was nothing about which he didn't know
more than anyone else.
We were to have a rarebit Ned cooked
rarebits to perfection. Being the only girl,
I should have done all the work; but, be
tween being o pleased at a chance to assist
at the supper at all and being shown how to
do everything by Touohy, I kept getting
into trouble. At last I waa stood on a chair
to see that the pan of water, balanced on a
patent affair above the gas, did not boil
The table was "set" by this time, and
drawn under the gas. Three plates. Touchy
and I had to share a plate. Some salt on a
piece of programme, and, in the centre of
the table, the soap dish filled with jam
bought especially for me, they said, and
which, on pain of death, I was to eat Since
I disliked strawberryjam, it wasn't a cheer
ful prospect In the midst of much excite
ment over the discovery that I had cut the
cheese too large, and so retarded the melt
ing, the water becan to sizz. I didn't like
to say anything, so I waited. When Touchy
and Diggers were quarreling among them
selves, I shouted cautiously: "I think its
going to boil."
1 wasn't heard. The position was an
awful one. They hadn't told me what to do
beside to tell them, and it certainly was go
ing to boll.
?,Mr.Ned! oh,j?lease,"I cried; "it's go
ing to bolL"
"That's what we put it up there for,"
Touchy answered.
Ha always heard when one spoke to any
i neelse.
"But it is boiling," I wailed in anguish,
as the water sizzled over and streamed down
into the strawberryjam. Everyone rushed
for me, but not before a rash endeavor of
mine to remove the . pan had imperiled its
equilibrium and scalded my hand.
Twas dragged from the chair, the table
hauled from under the hot waterfall, and a
bucket substituted, while Mr. Ned put out
the gas oVer which the pah stood. Then in
an awful, voice Touchy said: "I ask the
gentlemen present if they ever heard of a
woman deliberately allowing a pan of water
to boil over into a dish of strawberryjam?"
No one could recall a circumstance so
"You only told me to say when it boiled,
and so I 'did," I whimpered; "beside,.!
hate strawberryjam, anyhow."
Then it transpired to the indignation of
the men, thit Touchy had bought the jaa
because he liked it, and that his inform tioa
as to my taste in that direction iad been,
less certain than he had pretended. This
diverted wrath from me. When it got
around again I said forlornly:
"I scalded my hand anyhow."
Whereat Tonchy became enraged and un
complimentary. While he gently tied up
mr hand in an unnecessary wet towel, he
bade Diggers witness that I had been sent
for at Ned's suggestion, and that it would
have been much better bad I never come.
At this I began to err, but had only
dropped ode tear when Mr. Ned said, ia,
quick command:
"Cheese Is ready!"
We all flew around, hustled the toast
which I had burnt a little under Tauehy'f
instructions, on the plates and held our
breath. Ned with the handle of the sauce
pan wrapped in a towel and held in one
hand, while he stirred the creamy melted
cheese with the shoe horn we kept for a
spoon, sidled to the table and poured tha
concoction over the toast A delicious
aroma filled the air. The cheese was just
at that point of molten excellence that
makes a rarebit deserve its name.
Diggers produced from the window sill a
bottle of beer. Touchy would have none
and scolded me so for taking half a glass
that I took a whole one.
"You will come to a drunkard's grave,"
he prophesied, gloomily, making tea for
himself with the water I had let boil over,
and adopting a manner, which I found so
unbearable that to conciliate him I asked
for some of it It was very had. Touchy
thought he made lovely tea.
"Good ?" he-asked, beaming.
"I never before tasted anything like it,"
said I, with hsstv enthusiasm.
Diggers was the sort of fellow who never
J notices a thing at the time. Long after.
wnen gayety was at its Height, he leaned
over-and said in a loud stage whisper:
"That was an awful good thing you said
about Touchy's tea." Diggers was always
getting me into trouble that way.
We made lots ot noise and ate enough
cheese to kill a regiment Then Diggers
began telling stories in his dry fashion, and
we laughed till we could eat no more. One
story Mr. Ned stopped in the middle of,
glancing at me. "Quite right," said
Touchy, testily; "put her in the closet"
So into the closet I went till the story
closed with shouts of laughter.
Ah ! it was all so pleasant I When I re-
Katie, Do You Love Mt Some t
memberedhow awlul the lonely evening
might have been, I blessed Diggers ana
Mr. Ned and Touohy for the three nicest
men in the world.
Eating over, we piled the dishes In tha
hallway, as the waiter girl who had
"sneaked" things for us had directed; and I
cleared the table of the crumbs for poker.
Touohy never let me play. It angered him
if I lost and it angered him if I won, but
he didn't mind my holding the bank, so, I
sat by Mr. Ned with the box of chips in my
lap. Touchy, on the other-side of me, kept
winning. I was very happy. It waa all
so cheerful; and, since I Was rather useful
lighting matches for cigars, picking up
stray chips and so on, and since I kept
very quiet, they were all more than usually
gentle to me. Presently Touchy declared
he lost whenever T arose, so I had to sit
quite -still- Then the interest of the game
grew and they forgot all about me. Smoko
thickened. There was no sound but the
click of ohips and mattered words of tha
game. I got more and more tired, but I
dared not move because of Touchy's luck.
Presently I got so stupid I couldn't tell a
white chip from a blue one. Touchy
shouted at me, but Mr. Ned said, shortly:
"Shut up, Gerald; she's tired." I looked
thanks and stood dizzily. It was very late.
"If you don't mind,'4' said I, "I'll say
good night"
I shook hands with Mr. Ned, but didn't
bother Diggers, since he had not looked up.
Touchy hauled me down by my wrist, and
kissed the top of my head, at the same time
blaming me for having dropped some chips.
At the door I turned and said:
"Thank you for such a pleasant evening."
They were at the game again, and no ona
noticed but Mr. Ned, who looked up and
nodded. As I started down the dark hall
way, Touchy tore after me.
'How's your hand?" he said gruffly.
"It wasn't scalded much," I re'turned
"You made such a fuss I" and
Touchy jerked my head back by a sudden
lift ot my chin, and beaming as only
Touchy could, said irrelevantly: "Katie,
you're a nice girl I"
Tha sudden jerk made me blta the inside
of my cheek. I stood rubbing my face aad
said mournfully: "Nobody would suspeet
you thoua-ht so, Touchy."
. "Well," returned he, airily, "It woa't eV
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