rav
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THE PITTSBURG
DISPlfGH
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PAGES 17 TO 20.
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"V:V THIRD PART. T
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People and Scenes of the Most Beau
tiful of the West Indian Isles.
THE STATUE OP POKCB DE LEON
Around Which the Market Women Sell
Tropical Fruits.
BLACKMAILING CUSTOMS OFFICERS
,-C0EBEsr0M)Escs or im disp.ltch.1
SAN JUAN, Porto
Kico, March 14. Al
though the smallest of
the greater Antilles,
the island of Porto
Rico, is the most
densely populated
and at the same time
the most beautiful,
fertile and prosperous
of the "West Indies.
It is about one-tenth
the area of Cuba, but
has three-fourths as
nianyinhabitants,acd
there is Terr little land? except the moun
tain peaks, which is not only susceptible of
the highest degree of cultivation, but pro
ducestwo crops every year. The staples
are sugar and coffee, and most of the product
is shipped to Europe, while that of Cuba
goes in the greater part to the United States.
The coffee is of a superior quality, and com
mands the highest price paid in England
and Prance.
San Juan, the capital of Porto Rico, is
the most beautiful town in the West Indies,
but is seldom visited, and almost unknown
to tourists from the United States. Cap
tain Conroy, a bullet-nddled old seadog.
who is on the retired list of the United
States navy, represents our Government
there, but sees few Americans, and has very
little to do. There are two or three Ameri
cans engaged in trade on the island, who
. have come there for their health and to run
sugar planations, and they find it a good
place to live' as well as to make money. The
island is usually healthy, but the yellowfever
raged here last summer, and took off the
Captain General as weU as most of the gar
rison; but the epidemic was almost entirely
confined to San Juan, and those of the in
habitants who were able to get out ot town
found a safe and healthful haven in the
mountains.
A THEITTr PEOPLE.
The most of the houses are built of stone,
which is cooler than wood for the climate,
and are arranged upon the same general
plan as those of Havana and other tropical
cities, surrounding a court yard or "patio,"
in which palms and other beautiful trees
furnish shelter from the noonday sun. In
the -country the negroes live in cabins,
which are much more comfortable than
those of the rural districts of Cuba. They
are generally surrounded by beautiful
gardens, in which roses of the loveliest
tints and exquisite
fragrance continual
ly bloom, and the
gaudy tropical flow
ers show their most
gorgeous colors.
There is an air of
thrift and comfort,
with evidences of a
higher degree of civ
ilization among the
common people here
that cannot be seen
in Cuba or Mexico,
and contentment
seems to exist here,
while in those is West Indians.
only degradation, squalor and misery. The
people go half naked to be 6ure, and the
children entirely so, but they have a bright,
cheerful and more intelligent expression on
their faces, as they pass vou with their
Buenos dias," which is "the morning
salutation.
The two chief 'towns of Porto Rico are
San Jean and Ponce de Leon, which taken
together form the name of that bold fellow
who hunted so long in Florida for the foun
tain of perennial youth. It was he who ex
plored this island, and a beautiful bronze
statue to him stands in the center of the city
of San Juan representing the adventurer
standing upon a rock and pointing west
ward. The inscription reads:
El Exerao Avuntamiente
A San Juan Ponce de Leon. ,
ConqmstaderyPnmero de
estaysla.
Comp&nero de Colon en su seenndo viage
Describador y primcro Adelantando de la
Florida y yolas de Binum.
VIslte la Ysla en 150S.
Vnlno a Pouiarla en lo09,
Termino sa Conqnista en 151L
Hendo en la Florida en 1521. Mtinio de resultas
a poco de Jlegar a Cuba.
A TROPICAL MAKKET.
Around this statue every morning gather
.a multitude of hall-naked black women,
selling oranges at 50 cents a bushel, pineap
ples at a medio (six cent?) a pair, bananas
a dozen for two centavos, and cocoanuts a
medio a bunch Thev have eggs and
chickens, potatoes and all the other vegeta
bles in the market gardener's list, the
crispest lettuce, the sweetest onions,
and the most delicions fruits that
kcio ever grown, cut au are com
pelled to pav
lazes upon every
article they sell.
There are no gar
dens in the, city,
but around it is a
mighty wall
which has with
stood the assaults
of Sir Francis
Drake and multi
tudes of other
buccaneers, for
three centuries.
In this wall are
gates, and at each
gate sits a tax col
lector, demanding
tribute for the
Queen of Spain,
as the publicans
Country Woman and .Pic- demanded it for
caninny. Casar at the gates
of Jerusalem n the time of Christ Old
women, without a garment on them but a
cotton chemise carry these fruits and vege
tables on their heads 10 and 12 miles every
morning, sell them at the prices named, and
pay a tax of 10 or 20 per cent, which goes
into the pocket of the Captain General.
Teeing this plaza is a theater, where good
operas are given regularly, for the people
of Port Rico are famous for their musical
taste and accomplishments. Italian opera
companies stop here on their way to and
from Havana, and in the city of 30,000 in
habitants find a profitable season.
One night, while we were at San Juan, a
bazaar was held at the theater lor the bene
fit of a local hospital. The parquet had
been floored over and carpeted for a prom
enade. In each of the boxes which filled
what is usually known as the "orchestra
circle" sat a group of ladies, with a glass of
vater, and a tray full of what looked like
paper lamp lighters the little" rolls which
ow grandmothers used when matches
were scarce and expensive. On
tu?se was a large table upon which were
exhibited a variety of articles, one or two
rather nice bronzes, some decorated plaques,
tea sets of china and silver, sets of plated
spoons, toys boxes of stationery, fancy
wort m embroidery, and some grotesque
and comical looking dolls.
FOE SWEET CHAEITT'S SAKE.
On the floor, strolling from one box to
vuotner, flirting with the girls, and taking
EOYELY POETO EICO.
iflll
fill J f ffi)Imi?
I frequent glances at the images they cast in
-- ..v.a nuu nuiuu lue Bluea ui me
theater are lined, were a lot of swell young
men, undoubtedly the dudes of Porto Rico,
with uncommonly tight pantaloons, shoes
that were too small for them, gay neckties
and a perceptible amount of perfumed po
matum on their hair. Sharing with them
the favor of the ladies were a number of
military men dressed to an inch of their
lives in the peculiar uniform worn in the
tropics linen suits of the blue'and white
bed ticking pattern, trimmed with red
stripes, conspicuous collars and cuffs, and
liberally laden with golden lace. Thev
wore their swords and revolvers, and posed
for the delectation of the audience in the
most obliging way.
The ladies never left the boxes, but sat in
groups of four, generally two old ones and
two young ones, made eyes at the officers
and tha dudes, and coaxed them to buy the
little rolls of colored paper, which were lot
tery tickets and called for the prizes exhib
ited upon the stage. One could not select
bis choice, and pay double its value, as is
the case at .these sort of entertainments in
the temperate zonebut had to buv a ticket
and take his chance of getting a bronze Mer
cury, a paper doll, or nothing at all. Every
thing was on the lottery plan. The little
rolls of colored paper having been selected
after much chattering ana gesticulation,
senor the captain begging the beautiful
senorita to select one for him while he
invoked the god of fortune to guide her
hand, it was plunged into the goblet of
water upon which the sealing wax was dis
solved, the cylinder unrolled and the ticket
found to be a blank. Then there was more
chattering, much uplifting of the hands on
the part of the senorita, who implored the
senor's pardon for not bringing him better
luck; much pressing of the heart and many
impressive gestures by senor the captain,
who protested that had she been drawing
for herself she must have been successful,
for the god of fortune was beauty's slave.
If the senorita was a prize in the lottery he
assured her that he would buy all the tick
ets, even if they cosl him the treasures of
the world. Then senor la captain went to
the next box, bonght another ticket and said
the same things to the next girl.
WEST INDIAN BELLES.
At first, to the inexperienced traveler, the
tropical belle appears verv attractive.
'When her plaster-ol-paris complexion is not
io mien iu De repulsive, ana permits tne
transparent puritv of her olive skin to be
seen, sheis very certain of leaving a very
pieasant impression upon the mind ot a sus
ceptible man. Her eyes are wondrously
effective, and to use them is a matter of edu
cation. A tropical girl can throw more
meaning jnto a single glance than ner
Yankee sister can convey in an hour's con
versation; and her gestures and
motions are captivating in their
intelligence and grace. She may
not be able to write a sentence correctly
for the education of woman has not been
considered essential to their happiness
and have as vague a conception of where an
American comes from as she has of the com
position of the stars. She can, however,
conceal her intellectual defects and exhibit
her attractions with more than an abund
ance of those coquettish graces with which
budding womanhood has been endowed in
all ages and latitudes. She is amiable,
gentle and generous; she never loses her
sell-possession, and is never at the loss for
the proper word or movement She does not
know how to be rude, and is gifted with rare
natural powers of sympathy and diplo
macy. Her perceptions are keen and un
erring. She does not need a diagram to
find the point of a witticism, and reads
one's thoughts with clairvoyant power. But
she never reasons; it is not necessary for her
to do so. She follows instinct, and the
faculty is strongly developed. In your con
versation she is always interested, anjd
brightens it with flashes of wit and sympa
thetic interpolation. You feel that she is
Entertained and are gratified at her atten
tion and appreciation, but when you attempt
to search her mind for knowledge the illu
sion vanishes, and you see only the play
thing that she is.
There are many vexations and exactions
to be suffered by travelers in these parts,
more especially at the Spanish-American
ports. No one should come to the West
Indies without a passport endorsed by the
Spanish Consul at New York.
OFFICIAL BLACKMAILERS.
After the police authorities have had
time to examine this record, and ascertain
whether you are not a political refugee in
tending mischief, you are permitted to pay
the cashier of the most illustrious Captain
General 54 for his trouble, and receive your
passport with his august indorsement. Un
til you, have this yon cannot leave the
island. No steamship company dare sell a
ticket until a passport thus indorsed is
shown, and they keep the document for
their protection as long as you are on board
their vessel. But belore you sail vou are
permitted to make another contribution
toward the royal revenues in the form of a
fee, generally 53 50, which is the tax
assessed upon the steamship company for
each passenger it carries. This corresponds
to the "head money" which was formerly
collected on emigrants at New York.
Steamship companies and importers are
also subjected to many annoying embar
rassments by the officials, who are usually
expected to subsist off the fines and penal
ties they find an excuse for imposing. They
receive very small, if anv. salaries from
their Government, but get rich off the pub
lic They expect every steamship company
to divide its earnings with them, and all
foreign travelers to contribute liberally to
their incomes. The importers are fined for
a word misspelled in their, invoices; for
every error in mathematical calculations:
for failing to describe merchandize to suit
the critical taste of the custom officers, and
lor all mistakes, erasures, or interlineations
in manifests or invoices, whether an intent
to defraud the customs is disclosed or not.
A number of copies of each paper are re
quired, and if they do nqt exactly corre
spond a penalty is exacted.
The captain of the vessel we were on was
fined $100 because in one paper the name of
the consignee of some merchandise was given
in fnll, while only the initials of his first
name was used in the duplicate. And these
rules are changed often enough to keep the
vessel owners and importers busy paying
fines. It is simply a system of blackmail,
which those who do business with the Spanish-American
colonies are compelled to sub
mit to. Beverly Ceuhp.
QUAKER CDST0MS AT THEATERS.
A Buffalo Man's Scheme for Abolishing the
High Hat Nuisance.
Buffalo Express.
"I have got a plan that beats Colonel
Hamilton's all hollow," said a dreamy
looking youth. "To harness the wild Ni
agara waves?" ''Naw; my plan is to abate
the high hat nuisance in theaters. I at
tended a Quaker meeting not long since,
and I noticed that the women with poke
bonnets occupied one side of the meeting
loom and the men were at peace on the
other side of the bouse. Now, I propose to
utilize that plan in theaters to compel the
'unbonnetea women to sit in the balcony
or left side of the parquette.
"The bareheaded women and men will be
privileged to sit in comfort far from the
nodding crowd of high hats. I think every
theater manager, as' well as all sufferers
from the high-hat nuisance, will cordially
approve my plan and rise up (and go out
between the acts) to call me blessed and
ask me to take something. Oh, I'll be as
big a man as Bill Shakespeare."
Part Accepted.
Accident Ncws.l
.Poet I called in, sir, to see about that
little poem I sent you same time ago.
Editor The poem has not been published
yet, sir.
Poet And the stamps I enclosed with it?
Editor The stamps were published long
ago. . .
MISTAKEN FOE HEE M0THEE.
The Fate of a Woman Who Wanted a Bon
net to last Forever.
JSoston Gazette. 1
A handsome Boston woman, whose man
ner of dress is more or less criticized as being
"too joung," makes out a good case for her
self with an apt little story. It is worthy
the attention of women who compute the
age and make an inventory of the costumes
of their sisters who, being neither girls
nor brides, insist upon wearing hats and
bright colors when their advisers
would have them affect black ana seal
brown and invisible green. Mrs. Tailor
made bad been prevailed upon by a conven
tional sister and numerous advisers to buy
what one of the dear 500 friends called a
"chaste bonnet," a flat arrangement with
wide strings, which tied in a large bow
under her dimpled chin. Its color was a
sad brown, and an innocuous ornament of
dull jet was its only garniture.
She declared that that bonnet should last
her a lifetime, and carefully preserved it in
a bandbox. One rainy day, when she was
obliged to go down town, she saw a happy
opportunity to make a concession to preju
dice, and preserved the curl in her hat
feathers by wearing the bonnet. She put it
on with a demure veil and a- waterproof
cloak, and stopped at a dressmaker to leave
an order for some buttonholes. The next
day dawned bright and clear. She donned
her dark red tailor-made gown, her direc
toire hat and Hading veil, and calling at
the dressmaker's was greeted with, "Ah,
here is the garment. I hope your mother
will like the buttonholes."
AN OFFICE FOE PA. PLEASE.
A Llttle.GJrl Tells the President Her Father
Desires a Place.
Washington Post. 3
. The oddest office seeker who called at the
White House yesterday was a little girl
about 12 years old, wearing short dresses
and long yellow hair with bangs that
fell almost to her eyes. She has been
at the White House receptions several
times, but yesterday was the first time
that "it transpired that she had busi
ness with the President. Her name is
Elizabeth Morrell and she lives at a little
village near Suspension Bridge, N. Y.
She has frequently visited in Washington
an4 used often to go and see "Mrs. Cleve
land, the introduction being through her
French teacher, who not many years ago
taught Miss Frances Folsom the correct
Parisian accent. ,
It occurred to "Elizabeth that it would be
an excellent thing for her father to be col
lector of the port at Suspension Bridtje, and
it seemed to her the most natural thing in
the world for the President to give him the
office. So yesterday she went up to ask him
lor it. She gave her card to Doorkeeper
Iroeffler, who declined to take the responsi
bility ot introducing her, and turned her over
to Private Secretary Halford. and to him Miss
Elizabeth told her story. It was not much
different from that of the callers in the other
room. Her father had worked hard for
General Harrison in the last campaign, and
in fact had nearly worn himself out in his
efforts for the success of the Republican
party. That is about what they all say. The
young lady's application is stored away in
Private Secretary Halford's memory and
will receive proper attention.
THE GRUMBLING GRANGER.
Tne Hard Lot of a Man Whine Prosperity
Depend on the Weather.
San Francisco Chronicle.:
The granger can' get out and bear the
weather or bull it. He has got to take it
just as it comes, and there has never been a
season in the world where it came just to
suit. "It ThV"m"arketJii going- a'Owh'a'mer
chant may go in and help to raise it; if it is
going up he can go in an'd jump on it and
keep it down. But even when the Signal
Service tells the farmer it is going to be fine
weather, it doesn't do him any good unless
he wants rain, because the weather takes a
perpetual delight in contradicting the
Signal Service. If he does not want rain, it
does not benefit him to know that it is com
ing to-morrow. He can t stop it. I knew
an old Scotchman who resigned his pew in
kirk and would not acknowledge the minis
ter because he prayed for four Sundays for
fine weather, and didn't get it. A friend of
mine has just come up from the South,
where he has been for some weeks. When
he went down first he met a farmer friend
of his.
"Well, how are things looking?" he
asked.
"The country's going to the devil,"
said the grander. "It's dryin' up an'
we'll be ruined if we don't have some rain."
When he was coming back dnring the
rainy spell he met the granger.
"Well, how are things now?"
"If the rain don't stop, we're going to
have nothing but ruin all over this coun
try." '
The granger always believes in the per
versity of Providence. He does not trust
that beneficent power even for a day.
THE AMEEICAN CHATTERBOX.
A Woman Talks About Girl and Their
Dlany Shortcomings.
Bab In New York Word.'!
I utterly deny the claim of the American
young man, that his American girl is the
very ideal of perfection. His foreign neigh
bor has the advantage of him, as he can
compare. Well, his foreign neighbor,
after a 16 years close study of the Ameri
can girl, believes her to be a veritable sham,
and he begs humbly to append a few of the
reasons:
Your American girl is not lovable, and
no man ever, I believe, loves her sincerely.
She loves no one. She would consider it a
weakness. She has a flimsy regard for the
object changeable at a day's notice which
is her guiding star in matters of the heart
She, however, instantly becomes enamored
of him that hath a purse and the where
withal. She dresseth, not to be beloved
therefor, but to show lorth her giddy versa
bility. She readeth not, thinketh not, and all in
tellectual effort is an abomination unto her.
She hath no music in her soul she singeth
not and when she playeth it is the air of
some snub-nosed composer of Germany, such
a jargon.of odiously discordant sounds as
saaden and distress the soul. She excelleth.
as a chatterbox, 1 grant ye, rivaling all
creation in shallow nonsense. She is ut
terly Godless, and it is questionable if she
says a prayer between youth and old age."
She is a decidedly dangerous article for a
wife, and great is his risk who trusteth her.
Animal Clairvoyance. '
NewYorltPreM.3 "
When my sister lay upon her deathbed
there came a large bulldog of vicious habits
and seated himself nightly at the door with
his back toward the door and howled most
piteonsly the night long if not driven away.
This dog belonged onf square away, was a
home watch dog and was not familiar with
strangers. There were laree porches at his
home", a 'full square back of the house and
numerous more convenient than ours. Why
did he select our doorstep at the time of the
sickness of sister?
Bird of a Feather.'
Portland Oregonian.
I saw a curious business combination in
Tacoma the other day on Pacifio avenue.
It was a drugstore next door to an under-
taker'svestablishment Up stairs directly'
over tne arngstore is a doctor g omce ana
across the street they are about to start a
marble yard for the sale of monuments. It
made me forcibly think of that familiar
3 notation, "In the. midst of life, we are in
eath." .
PITTSBXTBG, SUNDAY, APEIL 14, 1889.
A TIME OF TEOUBLK
The
Discomforts and Annoyances
Caused by the Arrival of
THE HOUSE-CLEANING DEMON.
Some Reasons Why Bachelors Are Now the
Happiest of Mortals,
WHILE MARRIED MEN ARE MISERABLE
tWBITTEN FOB THB DISPATCH.l
HEN spring-time ver
dure makes its appear
ance and the young
man's fancy lightly turns
to thoughts of love, the
married man's mind re
verts to the days when
he was single. While
the little birds are select
ing their mates and
working amicably to
gether, constructing a
nest for a bAod that
does not yet exist, the
man of familv stiends as
If4f1a lima at linm. 99
possible, and his thoughts by day and his
dreams by pight are haunted by a specter
whose name is house, cleaning, and whose
sole earthly mission is to make mankind
miserable. This demon of the vernal season
is making his rounds, throwing thousands
or orderly households into confusion, and
bringing cares and troubles innumerable in
his train.
The bachelor, seeing evidence of this bale
ful presence in the house where his lodgings
are, chuckles to himself, and, feeling thank
ful that he is not as other men are, resolves
to remain a bachelor forever. For, though
his apartments are invaded and the contents
of dressing cases and closets arranged with
such nicety and order that it takes the occu
pant an hour to find a collar button or a
necktie, the intrusion is made in the bach
elor's absence, and only a lingering smell of
soapsuds and a hitch in the curtain springs
that were wont to work smoothly remain to
attest the fact that the rooms have been
turned topsy-turvey and cleaned."
Happy the man whose possessions are
little, for through his poverty he shall
escape great tribulations! That is, if he be
single; for if he be a husband the smaller his
stock of goods and chattels the greater his
annoyances and woes.
For if he betakes him
self to a hotel or lin
gers at the club, wait
ing until the cyclone
that rages in his dwell
ing has been succeeded
by a calm, he is ac
cused of being unfeel
ing and attempting to
shirk his task; while if
he remains at home,
trying to be helpful. nv , ShJUPi
his loving spouse Will - -
prove to him that he is
awkwaid and has not - Man in Misery.
the remotest idea of the proper wayJBf per
forming even the simplest task.
A MOST, JJISEdkBLE MAN.
If I were an artist and wanted to depict
upon canvas a scene representing a man in
absolute miserv. I think I should select a
,yn.unjj -husband, engasedin trying, to rhelpi
niswue at nouse-eicauiug, mr o suuject,
Divested of coat and vest, his shirt-front
streaked with dirt and his. face besmeared
with dust as black as if it came from a coal
mine; perspiring and worrying, and yet
trying to keep his temper, while his angelic
be'tter-half sweetly or sharply exclaims,
"Why. John, that isn't the way at all!"
Toiling like a freight engine on an up-grade,
and yet accompnsning noinmg; conscions
that despite his most strenuous efforts he is
retarding the work rather-than helping it
forward; feeling utterly.useless, melancholy
and discouraged he is an object to excite
the laughter of the thoughtless and the pity
of the tender-hearted.
Why housekeepers should persist in the
barbarous custom of putting the whole in
terior of their homes into disorder as regu
larly as spring comes I never could under
stand, unless their purpose be to humiliate
the male portion of the household and teach
them how insignificant they are. Any good
honsewife would become indignant at any
time of the year if told that her house was
dirty, because scrubbing and cleaning are
so frequent that dirt has no chance to settle;
and yet,as regularly as April comes around,
she will have the carpets taken up, the pic
tures taken down, the bedsteads taken apart
and every article of furniture moved from
its proper place and wiped with a wet rag.
No matter if every room in the house iin
apple-pie order, she must follow the pre
vailing fashion and "clean house." The
neighbors are all doing it, and that is reason1
enough for a woman.
The periodical "red
ding up" spells are
times when the hus
band sighs for a lodge
in some vast wilder
. ness, a cave on Cru
soe's island, a home
on the bounding deep,
or any sort of a habi
tation anywhere in the
wide, wide world that
shall be so obscure
that the demon whose
weapons are the mop
and duster may never
finuit.
. As for tne wives they
jnst revel in house
73x
A Sard Job.
.41.UUU vv- wiau,ij. O.UCJ, in
cleaning. They may
say tney oont, nut tneir actions belle their
words. They talk to each other, and Mrs.
Hankson says to Mrs. Hickson :
HCW HOME IS MADE TJNHAPPT.
"Oh 1 I just dread to think, of the w.ork
that must be done. I don't think our house
was ever so dirty before, and I'm sure I
don't know how in the world I'm ever go
ing to get through with it all, and yet I
mustj and I'll be so truly glad when it's
over." " "
Maybe she does dread it before she begins,
but when she gets on her worst dress and
her'raggedest apron and gets her sleeves
rolled up to her elbows and her hands par
boiled with soap suds and begins bossing
the "help" and slopping water over herself
and everything around her, just let me tell
you she's as happy as she would be if she
were a fish and water her natural element
She'll work herself sick 10 chances to 1,
but she glories in doing it. She'd rather
have a lame back for a month than not have
a had in the annual cleaning. If her hus
band protests and advises ner to make at
tacks on only one room at a time rather
than attempt to disarrange everv aimrtmenf
simultaneously; if he says there is no
necessity lor try
ing to accomplish
two weeks' work
in one, she cuts
his remarks short
with
"That'sjustlike
J'ou men! Well,
et me tell you,
Mr. H., that while
I'm mistress of
this house things
have got to be Best for the Weary.
done as I "want them, even if 1 have all
the work to do myself. If yotl had your
way you'd have me cleaning house the year
around, I suppose."
''Heaven forbid!' exclaims pater iamilias
as he dons his overcoat and rushes out into
laosnu JH V"
11
1
.m'Sf
the rain to avoid a fiercer storm that is surely
brewing inside the four walls of his domicile.
He goes to town, walks all day and at night
wearily wends his way to his home.
Home ! What mockery in " the word!
Is a place where a man has
nothing on which to rest his tired
body, save a parlor sofa in the middle of
the dining; room, worthy to be designated
by a name to which so manv pleasant asso
ciations cling?
NOT ATLEASUTG PBOSPECT.
Well, its hardly an ideal home, with the
piano in the hall, covered by tablecloths
and a bedroom carpet; the kitchen chairs
piled up in a corner of the fitting room;
the center table loaded with dishes, with a
bouquet of feather dusters in the center; a
pile of bureau 'drawers in the corner" of the
parlor, and not a chair, a carpet or a table,
or anyother piece of furniture in the room
where its proper place is. The curtains are
down; the walls are bare of pictures and the
floors destitute of covering. And the trou
ble is only begun. Several rooms must be
papered; there is no end to whitewashing
to be done, and the sitting room carpet,
which looked as good as new while it was
on the floor, is nearly worn out and can
never be put down again. Wife says so.
ana argument wonld be useless. Her word
is law at houscleaningtime, and John pulls
out his pocketbook and hands over the
money which he has been keeping to buy a
spring suit.
I would like to see a woman who could
get through with her spring work without
becoming cross and fretful. .I've seen manv
a man who would even eat his dinner cold,
or even go without, at such a time, and
never murmur.
HE MIGHT HAVE OEUMBLED
if he had dared, but he didn't dare, and that
is to his credit. He knew that until his
house was put in order for the summer he
had no rights there which his wife was
bonnd to respect, and therefore accepted
cold victuals, sneers and-scoldmgs as meek
ly as if he deserved nothing better.
iVb Place Like Home.
I'm aware that women have manv annoy
ances and a deal of hard work when they
insist upon doing or directing their own
spring cleaning, but for all that I don't
think it gives them a right to treat 40-year-old
baldheaded husbands as if they were
freckle-faced boys of 10. It's mighty
galling to a sensitive man, the father of a
promising family, to be told that he's an
idiot. That's what I was called last year
when I attempted to beat the carpets and
help Miranda tack them down again. This
year I have engaged two stout laboring men
to attend to the carpets and a German girl
weighing 200 to helpny wife and Jane, the
domestic, clean house. As my presence
there is entirely unnecessary I'm going to
take a week off and go trouting up in Som
erset county. Miranda will call me a
"mean thing" I expect that but that
isn't as bad as being laughed at and in
formed in, a voice pitched in a key two or
three octaves above "middle C" that I
hareaT'sense enough to drive a Tforscto
water. . E. W. Babtlett.
ANGRI AT HIMSELF.
An Oil .City Landlord's Dream, Causes an
Unainal Disturbance.
Oil City Blizzard.:
A number of guests at one of the city
hotels were awakened from their slumbers
by the landlord who was walking up and
down the hallway giving some imaginary
marauder a terrible turning over for dis
turbing his peaceful sleep. .-
"Get out 6f my house," said he, "you
scalawag. I want you to understand that
I am running a respectable house and my
rules are that all shall keep quiet during
the late hours of the night. Any man who
yells like you did a moment ago should be
kicked out of a five-story-window or torn to
pieces by a bull dog."
He stormed in the same strain for an
hour or more and finally crept into his
little bed again. The boarders had their
inn over it to-day. The landlord's dream
made him commander of a raft, and while
giving orders his voice roared like a lion's,
which woke him and he was on his feet in
an jnstant. Imagining.that some of the
guests made the unearthly noise he trotted
along the hall and indulged in the lonely
turn-over phrases mentioned above. Up to
the hour of going to press he has not kicked
himself out of the house.
MEN ARE MONSTERS.
Why the Typwrltcr Girl Dislikes tho'Aver-
nee Masculine mortal. '
Indianapolis Journal. 1
The dignified girl was on the street car
the other evening, and her lower lip pouted
out as if she were at odds with things gener
ally. ''You seem out of sorts," said her com
panion stenographer, "what is the matter?"
"Oh," replied the dignified girl. "I get
sick of men and their ways. They are
messy; they sling paper ail over the office,
and loll about on the desks and chairs in
such undignified attitudes. They smoke
and chew; we have 14 drummers who come
into our office, and only one of the 14 has
ever had the courtesy to ask me if cigar
smoke is offensive to me. Then they are
silly; they talk such nonsense as 16-year-old
girls wouldn't be guilty of. It is all about
neckties, new hats, ballets, good dinners
and so on. If you think man is the super
ior animal you just spend some time in a
business office with assorted sizes of him,
and you will see. I am beginning to believe
that a trashy dime novel is better society
than the average man, and equally improv-inB-"
I ...
A Serious Oversight.
Korrlstown Uerald.j
"Stop the press!" howled the Democratic
editor-in-chief, rushing into the composing
room with a freshly printed copy of the
paper.
"What's wrong?" queried the foreman.
"Wrong?" thundered the editor. "Why,
we have actually gone to press without an
editorial informing our readers that 'Blaine
is running this administration.' "
The Way of the World.
New York Press. 3
The early worm struggles through the
earth that he may reach the surface and find
a crumb of comfort. The early bird swal
lows the worm and hies him to the limb of a
neighboring tree, caroling forth glad recog
nition of the bounteous Providence which
doeth all things well, until the sharp crack,
of asportsman'srifle sends him fluttering to
the ground.
Jnst After the Honeymoon ,
Is a very critical period in married life. A
devoted wife cannot afford to wreck her fut
ure happiness by wearing herself out over a
bake-oven. If she has tact she will1 buy
Marvin's new milk bread and live -happy
ever afterward. xursa
WOMAN'S INFLUENCE.
Mrs. Frank Leslie Discnsses Han as
a Tyrant and a Slave.
HOW WOMAN USES HER POWER.
A Sweetheart's Influence Begins Where the
Mother's Ends. ,
SOME ADTICE TO SCOLDING W1TES
iWBrrTEH tor thx pispatch.J
Botanists, geologists, scientists, in gen
eral, are -fond of pointing out the admirable
harmonies of nature, the adjustment of part
to part, the compensations, the interdepend
ence, the one motive of various movements.
Man has taken the hint in his own inven
tions, and the next time you are shown over
a manufactory just notice how, from the
steam engine to the machine for sticking
pins on paper, the big, pretentious wheels
and beams, and the hideous,- buzzing round
saws that seem as it they would fly out of
their gear and cpt yon into mincemeat, are
all at the mercy of some little insignificant
wheel or bit of steel flying smoothly back
and forward, making no fuss, but always
just there at the right time, and doing the
right thing to hold the big wheel steadily
and truly in its place. There is great food
for thought in a steam engine, and the
next time you are by way of seeing one,
I advise you, if the engineer is neither too
agreeable nor too stupid, to examine it.
Working back through machines to na
ture and upward we come to humanity, and,
studying it with this idea in mind, you dis
cover the same law in active operation.
Every impulse, every motor of human na
ture hinges upon some other, the life of
every man and every woman modifies and is
modified by some one or several others.
Man is not only a nomad or individual
atom, he is part of the great cosmos or mod
ulated whole, and rising once more in the
scale of humanity to women, we contemplate
in astonishment her place in the economy
of this great, complex, wonderful whole.
One of those little unobtrusive parts of the
steam engine is, they told me, called the
governor, and in the grander machine of
human nature the unobtrusive governor is
woman.
GUIDED BY.-WOMAH-.
Watch the course of any man who
amounts to anything, and you find at all
stages of his career that some woman, some
quiet, gentle governor has regulated the
action of the mechanism, has softly laid a
finger upon every movement.
It is a truism to say that the boy relies
more upon his mother than upon his father,
comes to her with the griefs or mortifications
he would die rather than betray to one of his
own sex and allows her tender hands to
plant seeds in his boyish nature that' for
good or evil will by .and by spring up
and bear fruit. And I "must confess to a
great deal of astonishment as I watch my
triends and their sons to see how many
mothers fail to recognize their own power in
this way. They plant the seeds all the
same, for nature forces the boy to love and
believe in, his mother, but they do not know
what they are doing, and the seeds spring
up and bear worldlfness, revenge, selfish
ness, deceit and vanity.
Before the mother's reign is over that of
the sweetheart begins, and from then to the
end of his life the boy and man is under the
influence of some woman, who as lover, wife
or friend places her signature UDon everv
-act of -his life. , Sometimes the man knows
it, more oueu ne aoes not, out an tne same
it is there, and if the life is noteworthy
enough to find a biographer, he generally
recognizes and admits the influence.
In reading these lives it a curious study
to trace the thread of woman's influence "as
it passes from one hand to another, whether
the hero be Louis Quatorze or George Wash
ington or some venerable sage or theologian.
If he was a man, his life was influenced by
a woman, or, more probably, various women,
as the phases of life changed and the need
varied. For here is another curious fact
in human nature people outgrow each
other and cease to be useful to each other
even without ceasing to love each other.
MOLDING A MAN'S LIFE.
I once knew a man of splendid intellect
and powers of growth who from various
causes had not received the education or the
social Btanding he deserved and was obliged
to capture them for himself. In his early
years he met a sweet, gentle, innocent girl
of about his own position in life and fell in
love with her. She had a great and beauti
ful influence over him in toning the rugged
outlines, the combativeness and the harsh
ness of his self-made manners; she refined
him. Then he outgrew her, and both felt
the trouble, and at last she spoke it out and
told him so, and with the courage and hero
ism of such gentle souls she made him go
and seek the friendship of a girl he had
never met, bnt whom his betrothed knew
and loved, and who was more nearly his in
tellectual equal. The man went, as most
men would have gone, and the intellec
tual friendship was formed, and in
tnrn did its work upon the character, and
then in turn it palled, for no man ever died
for love of Minerva. At last he married a
good, true, domestic woman, who made a
nappy home for him and listened when he
talked of what she did not pretend to un
derstand. You may be sure, however, that
it was she who molded and played the "gov
ernor" to the domestic machine, although
neither she nor her husband suspected it.
Then for be was a many-sided man he
formed friendships more or less per
manent with many women, and each in
mm poiicu uci aiicu. atuujjj ujjuu jus me,
and at last he died, leaving works the world
admires and values, bu; to whose formation
went the unseen, untold, perhaps unknown
influence of more than one woman.
Arsene Houssaye makes Louis XIV, say,
"I learned to govern men in letting myself
be governed by women." And, again,
"God created man in bis own image, bnt
woman molds him in her image; by woman
and in woman we sound the abysses of sin,
or find once more the lost road of salvation;
we who rise, we who eagerly seek the fruits
of the tree of knowledge we are the sons of
Eve, and we leave behind us the sons of
Adam, the poor of spirit, the base, the lag
gards who are content to'lie and sleep while
the serpent coils around them " There is
a great deal more which I should like to
transcribe were ir not or limited space,
but you will find it in the "History of
the Fourth Armchair of the French Acad
emy," WOMAN'S METHODS.
We need not go to France, or to the pages
of poet or historian, however,to discover the
trnth underlying Houssaye's glowing lines,
for one of the advantages of the study of hu
man nature is, that its books, its pictures, its
drama, lie open to the public, Sundays in
cluded, and not even a free ticket is de
Vnanded for the exhibition. Just open your
eyes and look, or if you are a woman look
in, and stndy and understand your own life,
or if you are a man and do not already
grant my theory, consider your own life
from a new departure, and see if I have not
thrown a flood of light upon it
.To be sure, the methods are often very
quiet, very hidden, almost imperceptible in
their course, but those who have eyes to see
will find them. Often the man's pride
takes alarm and suspecting that he is being
led pulls back, much after the fashion of a
certain animal noted for its perversity. But
ir you notice,the' animal always gets therein
the end and so generally does the man, al
though the turnip dangling before his nose
is a much more powertul weapon than the
cudgel behind. Indeed, that woman is but
a poor specimen of her kind who seeks to in
fluence a man by scolding or angry demon
stration of any kind; in that way she meets
him upon his orn ground of aggressive vio
lence and she is beaten. When the shep
herd lad was about to fight Goliath they of
fered him ponderous armor and a big sword,
but having tried them on he declined the
loan with thanks, and with a pretty little
sling, very possibly embroidered by his sis
ters, and five dear little white pebbles out
of the brook he killed the monster and when
he was down cutoff his head. I am afraid
that last performance was a little womanish
as well as the first.
Well, then, the woman who scolds, the
womad who argues each point to the bitter
end, the woman who always will have the
last word, the woman who tries in any fash
ion to meet man on his own ground, stands
to lose in the fight, and is a very foolish
woman.
HINTS FOE 'WIVES.
Not that a good, honest fit of anger on
righteous occasion, outspoken, genuine,
brave, and free from all taunting or mean
ness, is not effective and useful, but it must
be very rare, very well controlled, and must
clear-off when its object is attained, into
genuine sunshine, never dwindling and
muttering-off in sulky resentment.
A brave and manly man is at once ap
palled, shocked and piqued by a woman's
anger of the right sort. He feels that it is
something serious to encounter, and he
doesn't want to see it again; he feels that his
offense must have been really very bad to
arouse such a tempest in those ordinarily
sunny skies; he is a good deal ashamed of
himself to have wrought such havoc in the
gentle natnre he feels himself bound to shel
ter and protect. But here is a peculiar dan
ger of verifying the homely proverb about
familiarity. It is a kind of weapon to use
not more than two or three times in the
whole story of that woman's influence upon
that man, be it the story of a lifetime or the
story of a year. And what is said of anger
may be said of tears; once in a great while,
if they are .honest and genuine, if the occa
sion warrants and.is properly used, a good
shower of tears may do the work of a del
uge, but again, they must have an ending
as well as a beginning, and they must be
effaced both literally and metaphorically as
soon as possible. No man will stand either
anger or tears for long or for often, and
quickly asserts some of his own worst quali
ties against either if frequently repeated.
No, the woman works like the artist, more
especially the sculptor, by faint, light
touches, by delicate tools, and with an in
stinct of tact that tells her just when to stop,
just how to offset one touch by another;
with a constant "feeling," as the artists say,
for the "values" of her tints, with a subtle
eve for the effect of each little tap of the
chisel; and when, life over, the man ap
pears before his Maker, it is woman who
has completed the work of that great Arti
ficer. Burns says of Bame Nature:
"Her 'prentice nan' she tried on dan
And then she made the lasses Or
Mbs. Fbank Leslie.
GIRLS' CLUBS IN LONDON.
Benevolent Institution for Young- Women
Engaged la Shop Work.
Newcastle Chronicle. 1
There are many girls' clubs in London,
and more are neede'd. The members are from
shops, offices, workshops, in the busy center
of London shop life, and many of them
have no place to go after business hours
where they can find innocent sources of
enjoyment, and where they can meet their
friends. One such club for working girls is
shortly to be opened in Fitzroy Square
mainly through the energies of the Bev.
Stopford Brooke. Mr. Brooke does not
believe that any cheap sort ot place is good
enough for working girls. He believes in
reasonable comfort and refinement; and,
therefore, has taken a fine large house in a
good square on the very best site that could
have been chosen.
A large and pleasant room will be pro
vided, warm and well-lighted, containing a
small library and a newspaper and maga
zine table. There will be appliances for
instruction and needlework, and for games.
Dancing will be encouraged, and musical
drill and singing classes will be among
the attractions, and there will also be occa
sional recitations and entertainments.
Bookkeeping, cooking, washing, and the
cutting out and making up of clothes will
be among the more serious forms of ener
gy. A lady superintendent will live on the
premises, where she will help the girls "by
sympathy and loving kindness and become
their personal friend."
THE WR0SG 1IAU tfAS SHOT,
Bat the Last Wishes of the Deceased Were
Faltbfallr Carried Oat.
Washington Post.
Brander Matthews tells a good story of
the ethical influence of the East on the wild
and woolly West. A young Bostoman,
reared beneath the brow of Beacon Hill and
educated at Harvard, wen to Texas and
turned cowboy. He Tapidly canght the
spiiit of the country and as rapidly shook
off the outward semblances of tenderfooted
Eastern habit. Bough-bearded, leather
clad, sombrero as wide as the widest, 42
caliber Colts on his hips, he was wild as the
wildest. Yet within his bosom still burned
the flame of Boston culture and refinement.
One day he was riding with a stranger
across the prairie. Turning his head sud
denly (he was slightly ahead) he saw his
companion make a snspicious motion to
ward his hip pocket. Without hesitation
he drew his revolver and shot him. The
stranger dropped like a log. The cowboy
dismounted and looked at the body of his
victim.
"I wonder if he was really going to shoot
me?" he soliloquized. "I'll see."
Turning the body over, he discovered a
flask of whisky protruding from the pocket.
"Poor fellow!" said he in a tone of regret.
"I've made a mistake. I've killed an inno
cent man, and a gentleman at that He
wasn (going to shoot me; be was going to
invite me to have a drink. Well," he
signed, drawing nis sieeve across nis month,
"the last wishes of the deceased shall be re
spected." SEWING MACHINE TEACHERS.
A Business for Women and Some of Its
Novel Features.
New York Sun.S
A bnsiness which has given women a
good income for several years, and which
is growing in proportions, is that of in
structing beginners in the use of the sewing
machine. The "teachers" are employed by
the sewing machine companies at regular
salaries. Many of them canvass for custo
mers on commission at the same time.
When a woman thinks she wants a machine
and has it sent to her home on probation,
the teacher comes around and shows off its
good qualities.
At the same time, if she is up to the
mark, she will run down every competitor
and tell wonderful stories about the way all
machines hut her own break down. Some
times a customer tries the machine of sever
al makes at the some time and the competi
tion then becomes severe. If she believes
what the different teachers tell her then she
won't buy any machine.
Women Iiore White.
Atlanta. Constitution.!
Upon entering the world it is her first
robe. In a white gown she is brought for
baptism. She says her prayers in white,
and kneels for confirmation in spotless
white. She is married in white, and after
that she lives over the white garment days
of her youth in the robes she makes for her
children, and when her task is ended she
folds her white hands and lies down to sleep
in a shroud as white as her souL
WATCH MAGNETISM.
What Causes the Trouble and How it
Can Be Easily Remedied.
ELECTRICITY VERSUS MA6SETISM.
False Notions About the Influences Exerted
by Dynamos.
HOW A WATCH CAN BE DEMAGNETIZED
rwErrrKsr ron thz dispatcij.2
Watch your watches t is generally the in
struction imparted to sightseers on entering
the dynamo room of an electrical establish
ment while dynamos are in operation. Now
the natural tendency of the minds in these
sightseers is to ask, why? If they do not
do it audibly, it is there all the
same, and keeps turning itself over
and over until the owner is tempted
to do jnst what he or she is told toj
but not intended should be done, take it
out of the pocket and look at it. My ad
vice would be "leave it at home" or with
your "uncle" while on a tour of investiga
tion of this sort, for just so sure as you enter
that room your watch will be magnetized
and then you will have the confidence in
your watchmaker shattered if not entirely
destroyed, by finding that since he last re
paired it, it does not keep time. Yon go to
him again and he looks at it, them examines
and pronounces the awful sentence, "Mag
netized." You look at him with contempt
and say you know better; if it was magnet
ized it would stop like our grandpa's clock,
never to go again.
Now there is no greater mistake, yet so
generally believed, as this. A watch when
magnetized stops only from this cause while
in a very strong "magnetic field," and will
start off again on being removed from that
"field" ii given a slight jar.
WHAT CAUSES THE TBOUBLE.
Then comes the query: What does it'do,
then? What effect does it exert over it?
Now this is the point which I wish you to
note. "It loses time." Bnt how much? you
asfc. This is very hard to answer, as a great
deal depends upon the construction of the
movement, the style of case hunting or
open face whether you work around or come
in contact with iron or steel ob
jects, such as safes, engines, iron
pillars, girders or even smaller objects, 'as
these will change the directions of the lines
of "force." I have found from observation
that the variations range from (1) one min
ute to 20 in 24 hours, according to condi
tions, the general average being irom 3J to
7 minutes per day.
Many persons suppose that electricity is
magnetism, and vice versa. Electricity is
no more magnetism than steam is water, or
apples are appletrees, but the one is the
production of the other. Electricity is gen
erated from magnetism by permanent or
electro-magnets under certain conditions and
operations known by electricians and soma
others, and is of itself perfectly harmless to
watches even were they to be put in circuit
with electric lights, as Iiiastweek placedsa
fine movement in a circuit of 1,000 volts for
10 minutes, and on removing conld not find
the slightest trace of magnetism in it.
SOME $ALSE IDEAS.
Another very false idea is the finer the
watch the less liability to magnetic action,
when the trnth is the finer it is the mora
magnetism it will retain on being "charged,"
i. e. magnetized, and in consequence the
more time, it will loose, for the finer the
watch the finer the adjustment and in con
sequence the closer contact of the parts
affected- Some-say, "Oh, X never was in a
dynamo room and my watch could not ba
magnetized.
It is not in the electric light plants that
all the magnetism exists, for since electrici
ty has been used as a motor force it exists
around every motor, whether under a
street car, in an office rnnning a fan or
printing press, or exciting a plafing battery.
Yet who ever suspected the relay or sounder
on a telegraph operator's desk, the wonder
ful telephone and many other appliances too
numerous to mention with which you coma
in contact every day.
Another new invention has just made its
appearance in Cleveland, by which a crane
is fitted with a large magnet and used to
load cars with steel rails and large pieces of
iron, imparting its influence to all steel ob
jects within its range, thus practically
bringing the laboring men in daily contact
with this unsuspected trouble to watches.
Some say when a watch is magnetized it
is destroyed. This is again false, for by
demagnetizing it can be made to operate as
well as ever. Do not trade them off as
worthless, but take and have them demag
netized, and all will be delighted at horns
to see the head oi the house on time for
dinner. J. H. Stephenson.
WHICH IS THE LD5ATIC?
An Exchange of Compliments by Editors of
of the Arizona Kicker Stripe.
Nebraska State Jonrnal.
The decomposed corpse, which, being
illuminated by a rush light, imagines that
it is a whole electric light system, and
which continues to edit the Nebraska
Laborer for reasons still unknown, devotes
the greater part of its space to a roast of the
Topics Department this week. It is a re
frigerator roast. The corpse in question
goes on to show that the grammar used in
this home department is faulty, proclaim
ing that the expression "or anybody else's
sunlight" is incorrect It should have been
"or anybody's else sunlight."
How beautiful upon the mountain are the
footsteps of the raving maniac who prefers
ironclad rules to custom I Custom is re
sponsible for most of the' things we do and
most of the things we write. Custom en
dorses "anybody else's" where it would r
frown nnon "anvbodv's else." Were it noi
for the custom that permits men of unbal
anced mind to roam at large, the Laborer
would no longer haye an imbecile for an
editor.
BACTERIA ON BEACH'S LIPS.
Doctors Claim That Tonsllltis Is Contagions
and Contracted by Kissing.
New York Jlornlne Journal.
There is at present almost an epidemic of.
tonsilitis in New York CHy, but it is not , 1
generally Known mat tne disease is a con
tagious one.
The reporter learned from a prominent
physician that the prevalence of this disease
is a potent argument against kissing. The
doctor saidi
"Ifayotfng lady with a sweet rosebud''
mouth and a voice upon which phlegmonis ,
nan lasteneu itseir De Kissed, pnlegmonis
will be the price paid by the one who shares
with her the dual bliss. There is contagion '
in ner sweet oreatn and microDes ot won-,,
drous form ride to new fields of conquest on '-
her silver voice and soft whispers. Host of- -
subtle but riotous bacteria sit and wait upon?: -
1 I ,, "1 i L ' 1 it x i. . v
iicr cura ups, quics w ooaru tne musiacuea
one that recklessly approaches. '
'It is thus nlain that greater nrecantions..
should hedge osculation about and that no
kissing should be done until both parties -
wiTo icofueu wuciucrunuub puiegmoms nas '
clutched the throat of the other."
One Difficulty Past.
Ne-w Tork TrlhniK- 1
A sleepy little soul at bedtime found it
hard work to keep awake when she knelt d
down to say herprayer. Half-way through.
she stopped and sighed: "Well, I've got?
uuu u&b nu v ihj, mamma.
t
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