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THE PITTSBURG DISPATCH.
THIRD PART.
PAGES 17 TO 20
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SIAM AM) ITS PEOPLE.
The Venice of the Orient and Its
Miles of Floating Houses.
BAKGKOK AXD ITS WATERWAYS.
A Country here AU thB "ontfea Wear
Short Hair and
ILL THE BABIES SMOKE CIGARETTES
fCOEKESPOXBEKCE OT THE DISPATCH. J
BANGKOK, Siam,
February 5. Siam
is one of the out-of-the-way
countries of
the world. None of
the great steamship
lines of the Pacific or
of the Indian ocean'
stop at it Few
globe trotters visit it
and it is about 1,500
mile out of the regu
lar line of travel
around the world.
' The great Siamese
peninsnla juts down
-from the east coast of
Siamese Slave. China. It contains
half a dozen different countries, the chief of
which are Burmah, Siam and the French
States of China. Siam itself is at the lower
end of the peninsula and it bounds the
greater part of that mighty body of water
known as the Gulf of Siam. It is 1,300
miles long, and at its widest part it is 450
miles wide. It is almost as flat as your
hand, though it has here and there a few
mountain chains. It has many big rivers
and the country is as much cut uo with
canals as is Holland. During the rainy
season it becomes a mighty lake, and
the people move here 'and there from one
city to another in boats. The greatest river
is the Menam, which the Siamese know by
the same name as the Indian knew the
Mississippi. It is "the father of waters"
and it forms the great highway of the king
dom. This river flows into the Gulf of
Siam at its head and it is about 40 miles from
Siamese Women.
its mouth. tht I sit here on its banks .and
write this letter in this floating city of
Bangkok. Imagine a city as large as
Chicago, of which ninety-nine hundredths
of the people live on the water. There are
15 miles of floating houses on the two sides
of this river, and these, w ith the Kine's
palaces and a few foreign buildings on the
land, make- up the capital ot the Siamese
people.
There are 6,000,000 and more of these
Siamese, and their country covers a terri
tory of about twice the size of Colorado,
four times the size of New York, and it is
about five times as big as Ohio. It is a
tropical country, and the click of my type
writer falls upon my ears mixed with the
songs of the thousands of birds which sing
in the branches of the trees outside the
oriental hojel. The doors and the windows
are all open, and the lightest of white duck
linen is oppressive as clothing. It is Febru
ary, but I long to go as naked as the Siam
ese themselves, and it makes me perspire to
think of American overcoats and of the
clothing which you people wear as I write.
"It is too hot to go out in the middle of the
day, and we have all the surroundings of
the tropics. The cocoanut and the palm
tree line the banks of this Menam river, and
the boats flit in and out of jungles which
remind one of the swamps of Florida, save
that you may see the monkeys upon the
trees, and the plumage of the birds is more
splendid.
A Basiling Watery Hlshwny.
I wish I could give you a picture of onr
ride up the Menam to Bangkok. The sides
of the river are lined with these small float
ing houses. They are anchored to piles
and they lie half hidden by the great palm J
trees on tbe banks. Here and there a canal
juts off into the jungle and the houses on it
makes this a floating street. These houses
are made of bamboo with their sides and
their roofs thatched with palm leaves. They
are sometimes on piles high above the
water, but more often they rest on its sur
face. They are tied to poles driven into the
bed of the river and they rise and fall with
the tide. Their average height is not more
than ten feet and each looks like two large
dog kennels fastened together ana covered
with palm leaves.
Here and there is an opening in the1 palm
trees and you get a glimpse of the country;
it is flat as the waters of the river.and where
it is plowed it looks as black as your hat.
The only beasts upon it are ugly water buf
faloes. There are no fences, no barns, and
only these thatched houses on piles.
The river is winding. It is perhaps a
quarter of a mile wide and every turn
brings new surprises. As-we near Bangkok
the waters are alive with craft of all kinds.
Little, naked, brown, shock-headed young
sters paddle long canoes not over two feet
wide and so sharp that the least balance
would unseat the rower. There are haf
naked women with ereat hats of straw.
which look like inverted workbaskets, sit-'
ting bare-ieggea ana Dare-breasted in boats
which they paddle along, and boats of all
siees are worked by all ages and sexes, from
babies of six to wrinkled old men and short,
gray-daired women of 60. As you enter
Bangkok the crowd increases. Instead of
one line of floating houses along the banks
there are three and sometimes four. The
whole river is alive andyou turn your eyrs
this way and that, meeting a maze of new
objects at every turn.
The Belles of Slam.
The women are very thinly clad, and hide
none of the outlines of beauty. There is
beauty, too, in the outlines of these plump,
straight, lithe-limbed Siamese maidens. A
part of their education is bending the
joints back and forth to make them
supple and they are as straight as so
manv pine trees, and they move with the
grace orthelndia rubber man in the circus.
Their step is a light one, for they walk
without shoes and all native Siam goes
-bare-looted. Thcv are all short-haired, and
gitbese Siamese girls, haye heads which
.r, vw w cuuiuieu wiiu tt jjcijictuau vunr
l-!f.S3y" -....".
. iM MIT h - 1 1-.i"-..f - m .
lick and their short wirey hair, black
and oily, stands vd like a shoebrush
all over their heads. Here one turns
her face. She has a dark brown com
plexion. Her forehead is square, her cheek
bones are high, her nose is half flat and it
turns slightly upward over a pair of ripe,
luscious black lips. She opens her mouth
and the black of her lips is equaled only by
the jet of her teeth. The sight is disgust
ing. This maiden, like all the men, women
and children in Bangkok,is a chewer of the,
betel nut, which turns the teeth black, puffs
out the lips and makes them crack. The
betel nut is a native of Siam, and immense
quantities of them are exDorted to India and
other countries where the chewing of it
prevails. It has a green skin and is of the
size of a black walnut It is sold in pieces
the size of- a hickory nut and it is of a soft
spongy nature, having a bitter astringent
taste. Tne Siamese mix it with lime
colored red, and a bit of tobacco. The red
lime is wraDDed ud in ereen leaves, and
everyone in the country has a betel box
near him. He chews and spits and spits
and chews all day long and it is said that
this habit costs the people fully as much as
tneir looa. it nas much tne same enect as
tobacco in that it takes away hunger and
produces a stimulating and soothing sensa
tion. It is used everywhere and the bride
groom gives a present of betel nuts to his
oriae. Jjabies are given it sometimesoeiore
they are weaned, and I saw a young Siamese
boy yesterday, of 10, as naked as was Adam
before the fall, squirting betel juice be
tween his teeth and aiming at a mark. It
is a vile, filthy habit, and it turns the
Siamese from a moderately handsome na
tion into a most ugly one.
Floating- Emporiums.
The Siamese girls have beautiful eyes and
the plump, olive cheeks of maidens ot 15
would be very attractive were it not for the
beteL Their eyes are black, lustrous and
full of soul. They area friendly set, too,
and they do not shrug their rosy uncovered
shoulders and attempt to pull down their
ballet girl costume in the presence of the
men. Many of them are peddlers in this
city of Canas, and they sit in these long,
narrow canoe-like boats and paddle along
their wares from house to bouse. They
seem to be the managers of the stores and
these river shops of Bangkok are out on the
water, and the maiden storekeeper squats
down on the floor with her goods all around
her and with her betel box and tobacco be
side her. Her husband'is usually lying In
a back room or loafing. Her stock is very
small, and there is nothing for the foreigner
to buy. The wants of the people are few.
Siamese washing takes neither soap nor
starch, and vegetables and rice constitute
the most of the food of the people. "When
they want a dainty they take a little raw,
rotten fish and mix it with their curry and
the majority of them do not know what
meat is.
An Aqnatlc Race.
The Siamese wash their clothes and their
bodies at the same time, and this river He
nam is always "full of bathers. The girls
step down into the water with this yard
wide strip around their waists and roll about
like mermaids. Tne men bathe in the same
way,and they delight in taking a vessel and
fillinc it with water and standing or sitting
on the wharves of their honses and raising
it high above their heads and letting the
cool stream pour over their warm persons.
After they have had a bath they stand a
minute to let themselves dry, then slipping
another cloth loosely about the waist, over
their wet garment, they let the other fall to
the floor, wring it out and dry it for second
wearing. In the evening you see this bath
ing going on everywhere, and the play
ground ot the children of Bangkok is in the
river.
A Sinmeic Home.
These floating homes are more like cot
tages or huts than houses, the average size
of them is three rooms, and you could set
one roof all down within a good sized
American parlor. First there is an outer
ledge covered with a roof and open to the
river. Inside there is a kitchen and bed
room. They have no windows, and in
Bangkok I don't suppose there are a hun
dred panes of window glass. The climate is
so warm that the people want every breath
of air they can get, and when you pack the
survivors'of two or three generations of one
family into one of these huts you have no
need of either windows or doors. There
are no chairs in these floating houses. The
people sleep upon mats, or straw, or skins,
and their pillows are stuffed with cotton, or
are mere pieces of wood. The beds of the
ordinary famtly are filled with bugs aod of
all the numerous species of the reptile crea
tion, Siam seems to have its share. There are
ants, mosquitoes and lizards, everywhere,
and the bodies of these naked children are
rubbed with a yellow powder which keeps
the mosquitoes away. A Siamese kitchen
has no chimney and the people never need
a base burner. The cooking is all done
over coals in. a box filled with earth or
ashes, and the chief culinary articles are a
rice pot, a kettle and a frying pan. Many
of the eatables are bought cooked, and the
rice is first boiled and then set to steam in
an earthen pot. Bice forms' the bread of
the country, and the Siamese knows noth
ing of the alter jovs of the underdone Amer
ican pie or the oily Boston baked beans.
These Siamese girls never learn how to
make cake or pudding; they have no roasts
and no soups. They squat on the floor,
around a little table not more than a foot
high, when they eat and each puts her own
hands into the common dish and picks out
the morsel which pleases here. In eating
rice they put the whole hand into the steam
ing kettle, and rolling the mass into a hard
ball between their fingers, they crowd it
into their betel-stained mouths. The men,
as lords of the family, get the first bite and
the women take what is left. There is how
ever, no fixed dinner hour, and gastronomy
has a long ways to go before it will become
a science in Siam.
A Nation of Smoker.
Everyone in Siam smokes men, women
and children. The people have no pockets
and their favorite nlace for carrying cigars
and cigarettes is behind the ear, just as our
American clerks carry their pens and pen
cils. I saw a naked boy of 4 yesterday
standing in a crowd smoking a cigarette.
He was nuffin? awav Itrslilv at the -rl
in his mouth, and he had two others yet un
litone behind each ear. He apparently
enjoved his tobacco and smoked and spit
iwv
A Man of Siam,
and spit and smoked as thongh it was an
every day matter, as I doubt not- it was.
His brown-skinned father in a waist cloth
stood beside him and when he started away
he picked up the still smoking, youngster
and set him astride of his hip and thus
walked off. Babies are always carried on
the hip here and not upon the back as in
China, Korea and Japan. This carrying is
done by the men as well as the women and
only the fewest of the men do any work.
Owned br tho King.
The King of Siam is supposed to own the
people and each 'man in the realm has to
serve for three, six or nine months as a ser
vant of the Government. At a certain.time
of the year the entire population is marked
off to particular noblemen or Government
masters. These masters, whenever the Gov
ernment demands anything of them can
compel the men marked off to serve. All
kinds of work are demande'd and the various
marks put upon the men indicate their trades
or profession. Some men are required to
give all their time to the Government, and
in this case they get nominal salaries.
Those who give half their time work for the
King15 days and then have 15 days off The
three months subjects get no pay and during
the time they are in Bangkok they have to
find themselves in food and lodging. This
work practically enslaves the whole popu
lation of males, and slavery is common in
Siam. Criminals convicted often become
slaves, and they are sometimes marked or
branded on the forehead. I have seen
many men in chains during my stay here,
and just outside the walls of the palace
thorn DM nf laoef fA ennrA f .Mat. V.lrtnt.
reyed, good-looking, lusty fellows who have
great iron collars about their necks ana
chains about their legs and arms, who were
making basket work, and who offered to sell
me their wares as I passed. The debtor who
does not pay in Siam must become the slave
of his creditor, who charges him from 15 to
30 per cent a year, puts him in chains and
takes his work as the interest on the debt.
There are hundreds of such slaves in
Bangkok, and many of the men become
slaves by gambling away their living.
Thoroughbred Gamblers.
There are gambling houses everywhere,
and men and women, old and young, are
addicted to gambling. One of the great
games seems to be fantan, and there are big
sheds scattered along the main streets of the
city in which these half-naked, brown
skinned, blood-spitting Siamese collect in
groups about mats, where Chinamen act as
the bankers and conduct this game. Little
shells are used instead of cash, and the game
is substantially the same as the fantan of
China. Gambling also goes on upon the
river and it takes place among the ladies of
the harem, 1 am told, in the very palace
itself. The nation all told seems addicted to
vice rather than to virtue, and it is nearer
akin to pure heathenism than any other I
have yet seen. Still it claims to be progress
ive, ana its .rung has made some steps to the
front The whole, however, compares more
to the colored Bepublic of Hayti or to the
blacks of San Domingo than to any other
civilization. The people are devoted to
Buddhism and the priests are numbered by
thousands. I will visit the palace and the
gorgeous temples to-morrow, and in my next
letter can give you a taste of high life and
culture as gathered under the very feet of
the sacred white elephants and 'in the
shadows of the harem itself.
PBAKK G. CARPENIEE.
HAY FEYEE.
Something of Interest to Those Who Are
Troubled With This Disease.
Youth's Companion.
"What are the causes, nature, prevention
and cure of hay fever? What places are
exempt from it? What are the latest opin
ions of the medical profession respecting
this disease?5'
The most recent opinion is that it is a
neurosis, or an affection of the nerves-, a pe
culiar susceptibility of certain nerves, ter
minating in the mucous membrane, to irri
tation from the pollen of various plants.
It is only about 70 years since it was first
described under the name of summer ca
tarrh. It prevails much more extensively
in some countries than in others, being
twice as common in England as elsewhere,
and much less common at the South and
in Canada than in our Northern States. It
is a rare disease west of the Mississippi.
Its seat is in the mucous membrane of the
nostrils, eyes, pharynx, larynx and bron
chial tubes. It sometimes assumes an asth
matic form, and hence has been called hay
asthma. The susceptibility to it is often
inherited.
Although it is caused by-pollen, yet the
inhabitants of rural districts are less liable
to it than visitors from the city. In this
respect it is like other diseases. Yellow
fever, for instance, is most likely to attack
those who come from abroad into the in
fected locality.
It is called hay fever, bnt the pollen of
many different plants may give rise to it
It prevails from May to August. All
patients are not susceptible to the pollen of
the same plant That of the grasses is per
haps the most potent. June is most prolific
of pollen-grains." Eight hundred a day
have been collected on a glass less than half
an inch square. Bains often wash the at
mosphere nearly clear of them.
To be sure of escaping the annual attack,
one must remove to a region a,t a distance
from the offending vegetation, say to the
White Mountains in New Hampshire, Mt
Mansfield in Vermont, the Adirondacks
in NewYork,to extended grazing regions, to
the seaside "here the prevailing wind is
from the ocean, or to densely inhabited
cities, with few parks and open spaces.
Respirators are a help.
The general system needs to be fortified,
say by shower-baths and tonic medicines,
and the local irritation should be allayed
under the advice of a physician. Each at
tack increases the susceptibility, and fre
quently recurring attacks may lead to deaf
nesses the Eustachian tube generally Shares
in the irritation.
BELATI0I" OP KIC0TI2VE TO YEETIG0.
The Results of Various Investigations Laid
Before the French Academy.
H ew York Tribune. J N ,
M. Decaisne has laid before the French
Academy of Medicine the results of various
investigations relating to the vertigo pecu
liar to smokers. From this it appears that
the numerous experiments made in this
line have proved that nicotine contracts the
muscular coat of the vessels, and that verti
go is due to the exaggerated contraction of
the arteries of the brain the patient ex
periences, a'feeling of emptiness in the
head, so much so that he seems as- if -about
to faint, everything turning around and his
ideas becoming confused.
M. Decaisne has further ascertained that
these phenomena are chiefly found in smok
ers above 50 years of age,, and especially in
those habitually accustomed to smoking be
fore meals: he has also known several nf
these persons to be treated for cerebral con-
gestion, ana even ior aisease ot the heart,
with the result, as might be supposed, of in
creasing the symptoms, the proper treat
ment consisting in absolute abstention from
the weed, and some slight laxative with
bitters.
Always-Safe and Sure.
It Is safe to take Brandreth's Fills at any
time, bat to get tbe best results they should bo
taken on an empty stomach before going to
bed. For constipation or dyspepsia, one or
two taken every night will in a short time per
form an absolute cure. It Is well to take a
purcattve at least once or twice a month as a
preventive of disease. Brandreth's Pills are
entirely vegetable, and tbe safest and most
effective purgative ever Introduced to tbe pub
lic They have been used in this country for
over 0 years.
FITTSBTJRG, SUNDAY, APML 1889.
AMANOFMANYWILES
The Florida Land Agent and His
Pecnliar Characteristics.
YELLOW TEVER B0T AlPINCIDENT
ToaEealdenceintiie.Iapd of Flowers and
f Alligators.
SELLING SEAL ESTATE BY THE GALLON
tCOBBESFOXDKNCE OTTIIB BISri.TCB.1
SOUTH FLOB
JDA, April i. In
Florida, from the
North to the South,
and from the At
lantic to the Gulf,
the broad, bland
smile of a well
known character
meets every tourist.
He is the real es
tate agent of the
A JTative.
I talyof America! "Thehumble well-wisher of
the stranger and a martyr to the cause of the
much abused "land of alligators, sand and
tin cans." In the church, the hotel, on
steamboat or train, he makes life interesting
to the traveler. In glibness of tongue this
irrepressible rivals the Pennsylvania book
ageni. In almost every instance, this de
fender the State's a native of Yankee
dom, and when Yankee meets Yankee it is
worse than Greek meeting Greek. The regular
"down Easter" who can see nothing from a
pumpkin to a pine tree outside of Yankee
dom, without exclaiming, ""Maine kin beat
it every time," meets his counterpart in the
Florida agent, aihe fights the battle, "or
anges versus nutmegs."
BEAL ESTATE BT THE GAIXON.
This friend of the Flower Land deals in
futures, and faith and hope in the specu
lator are his guarding spirits. As "doctors
seldom take their own medicine, and divines
do not always practice what they preach,"
so the agent is shy of meddling with the
A TEOTICAIi
land of oranges and balmy sunshine on his
own account He is, in the main, a hard
working, faithful fellow; but, ofmrse,
frequently obliged to get into scrapes, as in
the.caseof the agent who sold a "beautiful
fragrant elysium, with a lake Jront, and as
a bonus, climate thrown in during the dry
season; but when the buyer attempted
location, nothing but the climate re
mained; so with the heroic spirit
of a Trogan our vanquished victor
threw the deed to the largest frog
in the swamp with the generous reminder,
"Possession is nine points in law," and as
he waded away from the watery vastness of
tbe stretching marsh, tbe realization of the
"chestnut," "land bought and sold by the
gallon," settled upon him.
The land agent is a man of varied moods
and tenses and quickly accommodates him
self to his victim. One person finds in him
a disciple of the teaching, "be 'umble
Uriah, and you'll git on." To, another he
has all the wild-eyed enthusiasm of a Col
onel Sellers. He is a "defender of the
faith." Every objection filed is met with
and fought with outright The objections,
sand, moccasins and malaria, fade away
like dew before a Florida sunshine when
A Land Agent Meditating
this modern Demostehnes takes up the de
fense. In war and in peace, the Yankee
real estate agent is equal to every emer
gency, and it does not require a Methuselah
to note that the energy and versatility that
are so invaluable in soldiers, and so char
acteristic of the American, are the gifts
genius, wit and power otthe agent,
MERELY A VISITATION.
IT truth is stranger than fiction, then
might every modern Annanias in this pro
fession wish he had been born a G. Wash
ington. What bad effects has yellow fever
left on speculation, Mr. Land Agent? This
bitter question is put to him every day dur
ing this season, but the Spartan will die
game rather than show the white feather,
and as to Yellow Jack answers, like Mr.
Squeers, "It's a wisitation, sir, is the lot o'
mortality. The world, sir, is chock full of
wisitations," and goes on to prove, with
soulful arguments, that now is the time to
invest; to-morrow the opportunity will be
forever lost The agent rubs his Aladdin's
lamp, produces his usual accessory, a little
'paper town," and before the speculator,
spectral scenes rise up. The desolate
pine barrens become the seat
of a magical city. In the rank
jungles of the hammocks, magnolia ave
nues, orange boulevards, architectural cot
tages, etc, etc, spring up before his imagi
nation. j.c is toia
hat a brave, bold
Northerner, eager for
adventure, wagered
he would make a tour
of theState, eat, drink
and be merry with
every agent he met,
and return sound in
mind and bodv, as
well as free of the re
sponsibility of Flor- a Paper City.
ida real estate. Result before he had
half finished the journey, physician
consulted, diagnosis case, brain fever.
In his delirium, mutterings of Florida
IPiflit
u 111 -a
3S
' "agHgM ' lWr"tTs"feBBgeas"B"a"B"s"sstBM
land of sunshine homes for the homeless,
health, wealth, happiness, etc., etc. Cause,
a la Chinese, "Too muchea talkee, allee
samee kind."
Wisdom and experience teach that the
man who wants to enjoy a tour of the sunny
peninsula must label himself "sold" to
agent No. 1; a combat with
this -"Florida Bhark" - would re
quire a resurrection of Heracles,
for like 'the- nine-headed hydra, as often as
one is slain, two rise in his stead. The
same "cuteness" or originality which char
acterizes the Yankee all over the world, in
spiring iim to meet the latest wants in
patent medicine, "probihition editions"
with the sold rye" where the pages ought
to be enables him also to put his knowl
edge of Florida into a flowery poem that is
"easy to take."
The real estate agent is like an encyclo
pedia on an electric current. He is bur
dened with a knowledge of "smallpox in
California," destructive blizzards of the
Talked to t)eath Agent and Victim.
great Northwest, and pictures graphically
the horrors of Northern bank capital sup
porting the great trust company of cash
iers in Canada. Florida, too, is a land of
royalty, if we may judge from the
titled inhabitants. General, captain,
colonel, etc, are common appella
tions all through tbe South, but here
we find kings and queens plentiful from
the king of the crackers, cattle king, orange
king, etc, etc., to
THE KING OP LAND AGENTS.
Whether th'is royal agent of Florida pos
sesses the combined strength, courage, phil-
FLOBIDA HOME.
osophy, versatility and persuasiveness of
all the "mighty host" remains to be proven,
but with 7.000.000 aires of land nirhfs llt
I theking of Florida land agents will need
me sireiigm oi oia Alias, ana it will re
quire more strategy than the mvthological
giant possessed if he shifts this little world
of real estate on to the shoulders of a mod
ern Hercules.
Afler all, there is a peculiarity about
Florida. Its witching, stimulating climate
acts like an elixir, and silver promises
to blend with golden realities, and the
land agent is the maeician who
has forced this beautiful, trackless,
tropical wilderness into the ranks
of a vigorous, public-spirited, enterprising
country. There is a fascination in the
romantic legends of this elysian land. So
the agent who has discovered the original
Garden of Eden, in Florida, finds many
ready to believe in him, and when he pro
duces the petrified core of the apple, and
the identical fig tree from which Eve made
her trousseau, until the world disproves his
assertions he will continue to sell town lots
in tbe original Paradise, and, when the
prospective city appears, nojdoubt do honor
to the apple core by departing from all
formulas and erecting a monument to Evel
The Fountain of Youth is a real Florida
chestnut, and about as profitable in Dixie
as the wooden nutmeg in Yankeedom. Old
de Leon's failure to find the spring has
proved a benefactor to the school of land
agents, for each one has accepted the privi
lege of locating the Perpetual Spring, and
the Yankee medicine man is securing
nectarine trusts and bottling these health
giving and rejuvenating waters for the ben
efit of humanity, and youth, health and
happiness are within reach of all those who
will put trust and faith in the self-sacrificing
reformers of the Land of Flowers, sunshine,
oranges and wealth. M. M.
A LANGDID LIFE.
The Tropics Compel Forclsners to Slake
Life Tery Easy.
Europeans in the tropics do nothing for
themselves which they are not compelled to
do, and at last almost lose the power of ex
erting themselves at all. A writer thus
describes life atone of the large hotels of
Calcutta:
"Every guest must have a man of his
own to perform the most trifling service;
then two men have to be engaged to work
the bedroom punkah, one by day, the other
by night In the wide passage of the hotel,
you find some of these men sitting or lying
asleep till they are wanted.
"A sportsman hardly goes out without
five attendants one to carry his gun until
it is wanted, another the ammunition, and
a third the dead game. Number four would
be responsible for refreshments, while the
fifth man would lead a pbny to carry the
sportsman from cover to cover.
"It is impossible to conceive a more un
healthy life .than -that of many European
ladies in India, who lie on their couches all
day and do absolutely nothing but think
how hot it is and how ill they are." .
The Burglar's Sllstnke.
Chicago Tribune.
Masked Burglar (surprising railroad of
ficial alone in office) I'll trouble you, my
friend, to open that 'ere safe and hand me
out the stuff that's inside.
Official (trembling) Don't point that
revolver at me, please don'tl I'll do it
Here it is.
Burglar (pocketing the spoil) Thank
you, my friend. Now I'll trouble you to
give me a pass to Omaha, properly signed,
and with the place for the name left blank.
Official (coldly) I can't give you a pass,
sir.
Burglar I must have" it. my friend, v
. Official (impatiently) You are not en
titled to a pass, I tell you.
Burglar (cocking revolver) Come, be
quickl
Official (in a violent rage) You infernal
scoundrel, take thatl (knocks burglar down,
ties his hands and feet, and telephones for
police.) ....
CRAMS AT HOTELS.
Sketches of Eccentric Characters
Whtf Have Been Patrons
OP SOME P1TTSBUBG HOSTELEIES.
Grumbling Guests, Satisfied Boarders, and
Strangers Who Betray
ASTONISHING LACK OP INP0EMAT10N
rwElTTKN FOB THI MSrATCp.J
One of the peculiar features of America,
which has been commented upon by Max
O'Keli and dther foreigners, is its hotel
population. I do not mean travelers and
transient guests, but another class whose
only home is within a hotel. ..
Whoe'er has travel'd life's dull round",
Where'er his stages may have been,
May sigh to think he still has found
His warmest welcome at an inn.
So says Shenstone, and "the average man
who is blest with a happy home will be in
clined to agree with him. ,But there are
hundreds who think otherwise; men and
women, both married and single, possessed
of abundant means, who prefer hotel life to
the petty annoyances of housekeeping.
There is" scarcely a city or village in the
country which does not number among its
population many persons who reside at
hotels from choice. Indeed, it would
seem as if no one could adopt that
mode of living from necessity, or
from motives of economy, as the rates, even
of the cheaper hostelries,are considerably in
excess of the cost of housekeeping. One
can readily understand why bachelors and
single ladies prefer to pay liberally for
their board, rather than provide their own
food and lodging, but why married people,
and even families, should follow their ex
ample is not so apparent But every per
son who can will follow his or her inclina
tions, and it is a fact beyond dispute that
the number inclined hotel-ward is already
large and steadily increasing. The
HOTEL POPULATION OP PITTSBUEG,
if reckoned up, would probably run into
the thousands, and it embraces wealthy
business men, clerks, and even laborers.
Only men of good income can afford to live
at first-class hotels, but there are second,
third, fourth and even fifth rate establish
ments, so that a person can board at a hotel
for almost any price, from 550 a week down
to $5, andeven less. Talking with an old
hotel clerk of this city, the other day, I
picked up some information that rather
surprised me.
"Why," he said, "I know men that pay.
$150 a month for board and only $15 or $16
for office rent There are others, who have
neither offices nor business, but ample in
comes, who live in single rooms in small
hotels and are astonishingly economical.
Every hotel almost has its set of old board
ers who have been regular fixtures for 10,
15 or 20 years, and some very peculiar
people there are among them, too. One
man I could' mentiop, only it wouldn't do,.
nas occupied tne same suit oi rooms ior a
dozen years, and has never permitted the
walls to be repapered, or the woodwork
painted, or. new carpets putdown in all
that time. The only fixing or cleaning he
will permit is sweeping, and that has to be
done carelully or he, raises a row. It would
go hard with a servant who so much as
moved a book or paper from its place while
dusting.' ;PHe- has-a-big closet in one
of his room which is filled from top to
bottom with an accumulation of old clothes,
old papers, account books, newspapers,
hats, cast off shoes and other stuff that has
been there for years. The closet has never
been cleaned out since he began piling stuff
in there. All the material in it must be
well nigh worthless, ye he values it. as
highlv as if it were worth its weight
in gold. ,
"We have another guest who has sat at
the same table with other boarders for five
years, and never yet addressed a word to
them. He's quite sociable with strangers,
but he never opens his mouth to the hotel
people unless to give an order to some of the
servants.
SEVEBAL LITTLE ECCENTEICITIES.
"Another old boarder wasn't suited with
his room after the house had been renovated
a year ago, and so he got it frescoed, papered
and fixed up to suit his own taste. As he
was a good customer the landlord allowed
him to have his own way. I suppose he
went to an expense of several hundred dol
lars in fitting up the room, getting new
carpets, new curtains, and some new furni
ture. Why he did it I can't imagine; must
be 'twas a whim, for he never spends any
time in his room except at night,and as long
as I've been here I've never known him to
invite anybody into it
"Another old fellow is .known to the
hotel employes as 'The Kicker.' Nothing
ever suits him; at least he was never heard
to express satisfaction at anything done for
him. He has a new complaint to make to
the landlord every day, and has been in
formed more than a thousand times that he
might leave if not suited, vet he couldn't
be hired to move. He enjoys his fussing,
and as we've got used to it. verj; little at
tention is paid to any of his grumbling.
Boarders in general don't require half as
much waiting on as transients, but there are
some I have known that I wouldn't have
about a hotel at any price, if I was manag
ing it
''Drummers are our most appreciative and
agreeable patrons. They , always make
themselves at home, get acquainted without
an effort and treat the hotel folks like old
friends after they've been here a day. " The
man who travels least is likely to be most
exacting and cause most bother. A hotel is
the best place in the world in which to
study human nature. If a man is cranky
in any way his peculiarities are pretty sure
to crop out here. If he is inexperienced
and comes from a back town, we know it,
no matter how much style he may try to put
on.
STEANOE INFOBMATION "WANTED;
"Not long ago a well dressed man who
was stopping here asked me where the post
office was. I gave the directions as well as
I could,, after which he thanked me and re
marked that he wanted to mail a letter. I
didnt inform him that there was a letter
box right here in the office, forldidn't want
him to think I was aware of the fact that he
was a 'hayseed' from 'way back.
"Another,man who asked me whether I
knew a certain person was completely mys
tified when I began looking over the city
directory to find the name he mentioned.
Evidently he had never seen such a publi
cation before,
" 'What?' said he, 'do you have a book
that tells where everybody lives?'
" 'It is supposed to contain the name of
every resident of Pittsburg and Allegheny,'
I replied.
" 'Might convenient scheme for you,' he
rejoined, and from further remarks I in
ferred that he was under the impresssion
that the book had been compiled and
printed solely for the use of our hotel.
"Then we have to give people advice as
to what merchants, tailors, etc.',to patronize.
We are supposed also to know which thea
ter is giving the best show and to be able to
tell our guests at which of the churches they
are iiKeiy to near tne hnest sermon. A hotel
clerk needs to be a walking encyclopedia of
general information, and he must be if he
"is successful in his business." Bakt.
The newest rehabilitation is tha victory
of the White Bose through its latest cham
pion, Atkinson. - Bu
AN EDEN IN
One Sea-Washed "Spot Where Flowers Bloom and Birds
Sing Through the Livelong Year. .
rwBTrrzx tos tux dispItch.i
Safely in harbour
Is tbe King's ship; in the deep nook, where
once '
Thou call'dst me up at midnight to fetch dew
From the still-vex'd Bermoothes, there she's
hid.
Shakespeare? Tempest, Act 2., Scene IT.
When tbe last piece of Baggage had been
stowed in the hold of the steamship Oronoco
sounds of a kissing kind were heard on her
not overly clean decks, and then the ship's
bell warned the farewell and ta-ta delega
tion to seek the seclusion that an oderifer
ous North river pier grants on a premature
spring day.
The., commotion was caused by a large
delegation of New York males and females
who had been scared away from Florida by
Yellow Jack germs, and "were seeking a sun
bath and swellish pleasures at a resort but
recently boomed in press and pamphlet at
the metropolis. The lines were cast off, the
engines lazily labored with shaft and screw
and gradually pushed the narrow iron
wave-jumper upon the bosom of New York
bay destination, Bermuda; latitude, un
known to nearly all on board; longitude,
ditto; distance, mere conjecture; course, by
the compass; direction and force of wind,
immaterial; object, pleasure and the sweets
of .fashionable hotel life in a sub-tropical
isle; prospect, delightful; spirits, buoyant;
barometer, falling.
As the Oronoco slowly swung out of her
slip a goodly company gathered on the sea
ward end of Pier 47 and bade the voyagers
a handkerchief bon voyage. The floral of
ferings to the tourists who seemed to belong
to the gold-belted band of MacAllisterites
please pronounce MacOllester were pro
fuse; but alas! the posies were destined to
waste their sweetness on plebeian nostrils.
Variegated silk and linen fluttered in a re
sponsive farewell, and the ship slowly
moved upon the garbage-tainted waters of
the bay, whose effluvia may yet cage Bar
tholdi's bronze giantess to drop her, illy
lighted torch and hold her nostrils. Mean
while The merry March wind piped a lively lay
That rattled the ratlines and chains;
And the steamship bounded on over the Bay,
And soon reached the watery plains.
The First Dinner Bell.
It was breezy, but there was no dust;
hence it was refreshing. Before the Hook
was reached many aristocratically-delicate
and plebeian stomachs craved sustenance,
and when the steward's bell finally piped all
hands to the saloon there was a struggle for
choice seats at the high-racked, crib-like
board. Many had picked out places, having
liberally tipped the autocrat of the dining
hall for the privilege of placing their cards
in choice locations, thereby securing seats
at the first table. Thus the dear chappies
and tightly-laced ladies managed to be first
in the full-stomached sacrifice that was to
be offered up to Old Nep.
They started, at the thick soup and
finally landed fh the ices. They chatted
about the delights and pleasures Of the sea,
and wondered where the ship was going.
They held the .board until some of their
companions suddenly wearied of the feast
and the gossip and silently stole away, with
whitened lip, unsteady tread and a ship
dinner that had asserted itself. Then eti
quette was cast aside, and it was a go-as-you-please
skirmish for state rooms, where
contribution boxes had been pla&ed to re
ceive the offering which would soon be
offered up to .the gulls, those tireless
winged beggars of the sea, and the big and
little fishes down below.
The patient plebeians who went aboard
unencumbered by steamer chairs, floral
monuments, babies, old ladies, sisters,
sweethearts or aunts the real men who
were out for all there was in it, who neither
feared mal de mer,nor the blank stare of
the uppish portion of tbe company made
themselves solid with Mle Steward from
the start by meekly giving way to the hun
gry selects and waiting for the second table.
Meanwhile
Tbe first-seated ate and inhaled the ship's
odor,
While grabbing for dishes that slid to the
floor;
Then they staggered away in most horrid dis
order, And, few, very few, ot them ate any more!
' Hott Some Ships Save Money.
The voyage from Sandy Hook to the coral
reefs of Bermuda is undoubtedly the rough
est on the Atlantic It is the dreadful
Channel trip long drawn out The course
lies southeast by east, and when the breeze
blows from almost any quarter the vessel
pitches, rolls to the 25 angle and ships big
season her weather side with suddenness
and frequency. The Oronoco had a nor-
wesfer all the way down. The wind did
not shift a point from start to finish, and
while it helped her along, the pace was
a killing one. Out of the 110 souls aboard,
about 20 to 25 kept some of the provisions
from spoiling. The ship is a staucoh one,
and, as the Captain smilingly remarked,
"An easy roller." To .the landsman the
rolling was rather tiresome. And thus it
came to pass that the first hungry ones fed
were knocked out in the opening round.
The return trip was made on the Trini
dad, a sister ship, a few feet longer than
the Oronoco. The course lay northwest by
west, and the gale came howling from the
northeast Out of a passenger list of 130,
about 25 weathered the storm after the first
dinner. For 48 hours all were forced be
low by the heavy seas and the lurching,
rolling, seasickening motion. The condi
tion of the company was truly pitiful, par
ticularly that of the female portion and the
few children aboard.
All who contemplate a trip to Bermuda
next winter should" be prepared for a tough
tussle with the sea. Only one lady was
able to appear at table during the major
portion of the trip down, and three or four
one the daughter of a New York pilot, who
was used to the sea ate sparingly at every
meal on the return voyage until the west
ern side of the Gulf Stream was reached,
the wind ceased to blow, and the sea set
tled down a bit. The remainder of the
trip was pleasant, and the ghastly sick soon
got their land legs and control of their
sorely-trird stomachs. .
So you see how a- ship in the Bermuda
trade saves money in the food line.
They cross the Gulf Stream diagonally at
its supposably widest part It takes' from
12 to 11 houra to pass over this mysterious
river of the ocean on this route. No matter
how calm it may be on either side, you will
get a shaking up here. Old sailors backed
up this statement, and it is made on their
authority. When the writer crossed it was
nasty weather, and it was undoubtedly.
In tbe year 1609 a fleet sent ont by the Virginia
Company, Sir George Sommers being Admiral.
was encountered by storms, and the Admiral's
ship was driven to tha Bermudas. "Sir Georie
Sommers, sitting at the stearne, seeing the ship
desperate of rellefe, looking every minute when
tbe ship would ilnke, bee espied land, which, ac
cording to his, and Captain Newport's opinion,
they Jndged it should be that dreadrall roast of the
Bermudes, which llandts: were of all Nations.
said and supposed to bee lnchanted and Inhabited
with witches and devllls. which srew br reason ot
cnccasiomea monstrous innnaer, Bionue, ana
tempest nerre unto those llands, also for that the
who
ue co
coast is so wonderons dangerous, of Kockcs,
weanaDDroach them, but with nnsneske-
that few can a
can apt
able hazard or ship wrack. "Stov,s Annali. vat.
The heart of Sir ueorge Sommers is burled In
beautiful public garden, fall of troptesl growths,
at St. George's,
j&,'a.IJwjLv, i V- lit-?' --W-riliff Hfe vf f "iif Ats-B
m- I IH.IMIII mjj JBg.TW-TTS - L -----g-'.'-JSSSSSSSSS--SSSfWSS
THE OCEAN.
rougher in the stream than outside of it, for
We rocked and we rolled on tha top of the"
wave
While sailing o'er the river of the ocean;
Many pale-faced creatures longed for tha
grave.
While well ones .cursed the beastly motion!
Now would I eive a thousand furlongs of sea
for, an acre of barren ground; long heath,
brown furze, anything: The wills above be
donel but I would fain dlo a dry death. t
Shakespeare, The Tempest.
A Feep at Paradise.
Eaelt on . June morning it was
March in America, but the dudines aboard
declared it was June, and as this term saves
a description of the weather it is utilized
here the Oronoco dropped anchor in Five
Fathom Hole, just off England's big dry
dock, and the snug harbor occupied by sev
eral of H. M.'s warships. "VYhen the sua
rose over oleander and cedar-clad hills it
shed a light that enabled the early risers on,
board to catch a first glimpse of the Ber
mudas. Spread before their delighted gaze was a
panorama of hill and ocean. Snow-white-villas
of quaint but unimposing design ex-'
posed side and roof from behind a screen of
blooming foliage. Far a3 the eye could
reach these pretty houses, perched on hill
side and nestling in flowery, palm-decked
dells, held up their snowy roofs for the first
kiss of the summer-like sun, while a flower
scented zephyr helped the god of day to sip
the dew that shone like diamonds on the
tiles and hung pearl-like on the cool-looking,
deep-green leafy veils that half hid them
Ironi view. Through long lines of tropical
growth a cream-like roadway wound round
hill and disappeared down valley.likeawhite
serpent, with skin immaculate, hunting a
bower of roses in which to lazily coil and
sleep oS a feast spread by the god of warm
wind and life-giving ray frostless ever,
failing never!
Down deep through the clear salted wa
ters they gazed into fantastic beds of
coral and forests of sea fans through which
the beautiful angel fish, the striped hamlet,
the monster rock fish, the frisky red snap
per and the playfnl porgie gamboled, un
mindful of the presence of astonished stran
gers on the sky-bine and wonderfully opaque
waters above them.
The delightful feast spread by Nature on
the earth above and in the waters" beneath
soothed the nausea-ridden victims of the
Gulf Stream, and all miseries were forgot
ten in the pretty marine picture, which held
all spellbound, until
The smoke from a lighter darkened sunbeam,
And the bustle for landing began:
While the yell of the porter disturbed a.day
. dream.
And they turned to face custom and medical
man!
, Where It Tires Some to Rest.
Thanks to the free trade proclivities of
Mother England, her customs officers
chalked the stateroom baggage politely and
without ruffling a nightshirt Unbroken
boxes of Yankee cigars were quickly vised,
the owners merrily tripped down the
ship ladder, and all were soon steaming '
through tortuous coral canals,, amid pictur
esque miniatnre headlands, through white
breasted islets into Hamilton harbor. No
clatter of- wheel, screech of locomotive,
tinkle of horse car bell, shout of
runner or hand of hackman was heard or
seen. It was Sabbath repose of the high
est order, in spite of the fact that the three
lone barbers on the island lathered and
shayed.and the genial mixers of brandy
splits dished out hot doses to all comers.
The shop keeper toiled not, and the fizz of
the soda fountain jarred not on the Wis-
hartian ear. li. is O. folk would find a
barren vineyard in Bermuda. It was a 'i
peace that caused boisterous talkers to lower
their tones, and exorcised loud laughers as'
to cause them to suppress their guffaws into
satisfied smiles. Out on the white roads' I
M...V amu uuuci hue uuuujug uieauuexs itwas
the peace of Paradise. Only the whistle
of the red bird and the chirrupof the spar-
row broke the rural silence of that sweet'
summer-like Sabbath morn in climate
favored Bermuda. In the coral caves on
her shores the waves rolled in rythmic
numbers, and in receding left behind no
debris of the sea to hide the scale lines of
their mighty song.
Such is Bermuda on Sunday bevond tha
narrow confines of hotel and rambling vil
lage. It is a peace that to the busy man of
business seems oppressive. It makes him
tired to rest But those who seek refuge
from the whirl of living, who have gone
wrong in nerve center and tissue, who
chase the god of sleep in wakeful dreams
only to see the vision-veil lifted and the
shadows grow brighter instead of darker,
Bermuda is a sea-girt heaven. Frost is un
known. Her pure coral-washing waves and
picturesque bays breed no malaria. Her
thermometer in winter ranges from 65 to
75. During the writer's stay it did not
fluctuate five points, never dropping below
65 or jumping over the 70 line. No Irogs
croak in her handsome, sweet-smellinsr man
grove marshes, no snakes crawl through her
coral caverns. Nothing in earth or air with
poisoned sting or venomous tooth and tongue
scares loungers in field or on shore. They
say that centipedes have been imported
from the West Indies, and are sometimes'
found on the southern coast. A few mos
quitoes buzz in summer time.and the frisky
flea makes it interesting for those who linger
about the docks in hot weather. These are
trifles, however, as one apparently must
hunt for before finding them in springtime. '
Certain
Tis a brieht little isle laved by bluestof waves,
That are warmed in the wash of the stream
of the sea;
That roll over reefs into quaint coral caves,
And shako their white manes on a flowery
lea!
A Fevr-Pecullar Features.
Beemxtda onions and potatoes'are house- ,
hold words in northeastern America. The
first crop of potatoes has nearly been de- J
VUU1CU. CbllU, uc BKUUUHUp IS COaUHg OU fl
jiiucjv liiw. .no viuuua uuve uceu retaxuet.
by a wet winter, but a few boxes have been
shipped to New York. The potatoes and
onions look just like the Yankee article, ex
cept the tops are greener and more
showy. An onion and a murphy are the
same the world over, barring flavor and
strength. The Bermuda lily is now in full
bloom. Acres of this waxy white beauty;
scent the air and nod in fields hedged by
oleanders. A held of lilies nestling .in a
secluded but fertile little valley is a feast
for eye and nostril, and a money-making
concern lor the owner.
Scientists say Bermuda is a heaved-up'
coral reef. As Science says this, it would!
be useless to go behind the returns. '
TWmmlsv'ji hills are nnita loftv. and mncbJ
cutting has been resorted to in building herj
beautilul roads. While wanting one morn-i
ins the sound of a saw discordantly marred
the whistling of the red bird. Tuming!,as
Dcnu in me roaa jl caoio upuu a uus,y;
native lazily pulling a saw of the cross-cut"
pattern through a hillside. He said he was'
making a road. In other words he was
sawing a pathway throngh a miniatuiS
mountain. The stone offered no more re-1
sistance to his rude implement than wouldi
a piece of ice. After sawing out a hugaj
block he commenced cutting it into Smaller;
squares. These will be exposed to the airj
and hardened, when they will be used forTB
uauuiux fiuiiwKs. uiuc jiaza sua sto cm
cutters would hunger in Bermuda.
This stone is porous, of, a creaza-whito