Pittsburg dispatch. (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, March 17, 1889, SECOND PART, Page 9, Image 9

Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page. It is also available as plain text as well as XML.

1 PACET9 TO fc. "H
-H : H1
He Formulates a Series of Enles for
Guests at a Model Hotel.
Some Pleasant and Peculiar Features of
the Inauguration.
lujuiTcr ron the bispatcili
Washe-gtos, D. C.f in the Midst of
Much, 1889.
HE other day I saw
the black slippers of
Lady "Washington in
the red South Church
in Boston. They are
made of -satin or silk,
to T&slq or faille francaise or
88a cheese cloth, or some of
those rich fabrics, and
have high slender heels.
.They are not -what could be called common
Isense shoes. They seem to lack that com
pound more than anything else. They are
i good style of Bhoe for a lady to extend in a
nonchalant way from the folds of her dress
while conversing with a person of keen dis
crimination, bnt they are poor things for
reanng purposes.
I could not well help contrasting the com
, fort and the cost of clothing in the old times
with the comfort and cost of snch things of
to-day. For instance, a Continental hat
cost $15, which was the salary of a pretty
hefty official in those days for a month. To
be sure, the hat would last for a year or'two
and look almost as tough at the end of that
time as it did at first, but we do not care to
wear clothes forever. If we do, they finally
obtain an individuality of their own which
renders them objectionable to people who
might be otherwise friendly.
I also had a good chance to note with
much interest the diflerence between the
elaborate costume worn by General Salli
van and that affected by the . gentle, genial
land urbane John. The General must have
looked like an inflamed and acgravated
case of crazy quilt, while the younger Sul- i
livan, as I have seen him, wore a pair of
swollen mittens and a heavy trown.
Tarther on might have been seen the
costly three-cornered hat worn by General
Stark, together with "a small quantity of
, coagulated perspiration shed by him while
fighting for freedom.
I always go and visit the old South
Church when in Boston, because I like to
sec the old aud pleasant cannon balls with
which disagreeable people were killed when
they acted improperly. I also like to at
tend a church where I can criticise things
without hurting anyone's feelings. After I
visit the old church I like to go around
over the Hub and buy things. I bate to con
trast any city with my own town, but a
'nervous person with a shrinking nature can
do better and enjoy it better while shopping
in Boston than in New York. The Boston
mer evidently bought his goods for
the purpose of selling them to the ron-
Jfje Purchasing One Pair of Socks Ho. 10.
Burner, while the 2? ew York merchant ap
pears to have purchased them more for the
wild excitement of looking at them himself.
1 always have my feelings hurt when I shop
in New York. In the first place, I am en
raged before I get to the store by 087,230
people who knock meoer and get on the
elevated trains before the passengers can get
off. Then I go to a store and wait near a
stacks wet umbrellas until several total
strangers with a haughty air jostle me
against the wall. I next speak to a floor
walker, who plays that he owns the store,
and is allowed to draw that instead of a sal
ary. He looks at me askance, as ii he feared
that I might be Nellie Bly. He goes over
to confer with a heavy-set saleslady, to in
quire of her, evidently, whether I am there
with sinister motives, and while I tremble
at the thought that I am about to be
searched for said motives, another mac, who
plays that he owns the store afternoons,
comes along and asks me what I want
I tell him that I am a simple-minded man,
more or less picked on both at home and
abroad; that I Would spend an enormous
amount of money in If ew York, if I had a
chance; that to-day I had contemplated
buying or trading for a full set of two heavy
No. 10 English hose with double soles and a
striking resemblance to each other. No
body could be any more explicit than that
without being offensive. I "just tell a man
what I want right at the start, and then if
there should be any delay it is his fault.
He looks at me sorrowfully and begins to
feel in his pocket tor something. T say,
"Put up Tour gold. Get out with your
cross. I am not poor or crazed by suffering.
I am only waiting to present a letter of in
troduction to the sock lady if I can obtain
an audience with her. I would be satisfied
with even"a very small audience with her."
He tells me where the ofHce is, and I go
there. She waits a long time before I seem
tq catch her eye. She looks through me,
and so on across the store to a given point.
She then says:
x "YesI"
"What kind, please?"
"English hose, double sole, unbleached,
No. 10, two of a kind."
"Fer yourself?"
"Yes, exclusively for myself."
"Well, the men's hose is on the sec
ond floor, facing the other street"
I then go to a hotel, register, get a room,
ring for a messenger and send him for the
It may be thesame old crazy spirit which
keeps Ni.w York stirred up all the time and
makes the average New Yorker miserable
all day if lie misses a car, even if the next
will be along in half a minute; bnt what
ever it is, it is an evil spirit and makes
money for a few people to the discomfort of
a great many.
New York shopping, especially at certain
seasons and on certain days, is. like trying
to buy things in Washington durinsthe in
auguration. You can payfor tbem.but you
are not permitted to takejthem away. They
may be needed four years from now.
The inauguration is- no longer news,, but
it may be looked back upon with great
i cnv ja
tjiii i: xir
pleasure, especially by those who remained
at home. I attended because I had to do
so. People expected it, and so I went, but
tuture Presidents will have to get along
without me, and they might as well under
stand it before they go to the expense and
annoyance of getting elected.
Probably 5500,000 worth of silk hats bit
the dust, so to speak, on the 4th of this
month at this place. Think of that alone.
"Half a million dollars worth of sorrowing
silk hats with side whiskers on them, arose
on the 5th of March and, looking around
wildlv, exclaimed in a distraueht manner,
"Where am I?" The day was extremely
wet under foot, and the bottom just seimed
to fall out of the sky. General Greely has
hurt himself more bv this, I think, than by
any other act since lie took the isothermal
lines in his hands.
Everything was done to make people en
joy themselves, and I think that the fact
was pretty well established that neither of
the two ereat parties has a mortgage on
temperance. Temperance meets with a more
cordial reception on a Presidental platform,
I think, than anywhere else. I have never
seen so much drunkenness in my life,
though years ago I had a full entree to
some of our leading alcoholic circles, as
Doc Hayes would say.
A gentleman from a distance, who said he
was the first to think of General Harrison as
a candidate for President, and meant to have
told his wife about it at the time, but forgot
about it, had the largest compilation of
drunk that I ever saw. He was not only
drunk, but he was surprised and gratified to
know that such was the case. He bought a
seat containing a quart of plain, new laid
rain, and a teacupful of umbrella juice.
Seating himself Calmly in this, he tied a
stone to his last remaining sorrow, and
drowned it in a broad-shouldered phial
which he carried in his overcoat pocket.
The procession, however, behaved itself,
and the orgies seemed to be largely in the
hands of unidentified people, who carefully
scrutinize the papers every day in search of
excuses for getting drunk and so remaining
until there is another demonstration. They
belong to the country. They owe allegiance
to no clique. They go to Washington or
anywhere else totally unpledged. They
drank yesterday because they did not feel
well; they drink to-day because they fear
they are not going to feel well, and .drink
to-morrow because they felt so much better
the day beiore.
While waiting for the procession to pass
At the Inauguration.
by the other day I wrote out a new set of
rules to be used in hotels. When I go "to a
hotel I register, get a room, if lean, go to
it, or repair to it, rather, and if there are no
rules I go to another hotel. Hotel rules
have been a great boon to me. When not
reading the "Stranger's Guide to the City,"
or the hours for meals, or the bell-boy code,
I love to read the rules. These- are to be
added, of course, to those now in use. What
the country really needs is more rules and
less food. Give me rules enough and you
may take the fodder.
Hotel joint resolutions for use of hotel
Joint , resolution No. 1. Called up for a
first reading and referred.
Washing done in hotel room will be
charged for at regular laundry prices. This
is not done so much for the purpose of en
couraging the infant industry ol washing in
rooms, as it is to foster and encourage the
laundry at the hotel.
No. 2. People in reduced circumstances
are requested not to die in the house.
No. 3. People who unavoidably die in
the house are requested not to do so as the
result of a contagious disease.
No. -4. Guests who carry away key of
room, on going to Siberia or elsewhere, will
be chareed with rent of room until they re
turn. No. 5. Guests are requested to leave the
towels on going away, as wc can use them
later on.
Economy is Wealth.
No. 6. Guests are requested to unlock the
door before committing suicide.
Vn. 7. We will not be responsible for in
jury to baggage which may lall from back
window oi guest s room uunug mo uiguu
No. 8. Guests contemplating suicide wlU
please leave Gabriel call at office.
No. 9. Guests who do laundry work in
their rooms are requested not to take in
washing from other guests, as U paralyzes
our own laundry.
No. 10. Young husbands who contemplate
shooting their wives at this house .will do
well to inflict a fatal wound in themselves
No. 11. Horses and carriages provided at
office for use of guests, but not allowed in
No. 12. Guests will find a safe at office,
provided expressly for their use, for the
safe-keeping of valuables. They are cor
dially invited to come and store them there,
and the valuables will be returned if not
available to us.
No. 13. Dogs will be charged table board
and the owners will be required to pay dou
ble fare besides. Dogs will notbc allowed
in rooms, under beds, or under any circum
stances whatever.
No. 14. Guests are requested not to allow
the bath tubs'to overflow just to see how tiie
rugs will look floating about the room.
No. 15. Children are provided with a
separate dining-room, where they may fill
their ears full of jam and put maronaise
dressing in their hair if they are "in the
habit oi doing so at home.
No. 16, Persons who fall down the ele
vator shaft are requested to avoid pulling
off the plastering with their front teeth.
No. 17. The fire escapes of this hotel are
intended for the use of guests only. Other
outside people, in case of fire, seeking to use
these fire escapes, will be pushed back into
the building again till they are done.
No. 18. Guests from Arizona are re
quested to file'down their spurs before retiring-at
E. Fitzwtlliaji Nye.
N. B. This house has been newly fitted
up and furnished throughout aad hat been
thoroughly-fireproof so Jar. y
Gail Hamilton Dissects the "Charac
ter of Kohert Ellsmere.
Who Went at His New Belig-lonWiUi
Hysteric Tiolence.
rmmra fob the dispatch.
HE quarrel is not
so much between
Mrs. Humphrey
Ward and orthodoxy
as it is between ag
nosticism aud Mrs.
Ward, is quarrel
also, let it be tri
umphantly remarked,
is of the head and not
of the heart; is of the matter and not of the
manner. Both Mrs. Ward and the author
of "John Ward, Preacher" honorable
women have set an admirable example,
especially to theological and scientific dis
putants. They have avoided disgusting
their opponents by vulgarity of treatment
They have attributed to their .antagonists
the same refinement and elevation of char
acter that they have bestowed upon the rep
resentatives of their own views.
Mrs. Ward has even gone further than
this, with perhaps unconscious generosity
a generosity not less magnanimous because
instinctive she has pictured the orthodox
as far superior to the agnostic Agnosti
cism has far more reason to complain than
orthodoxy. Indeed, her statement cannot
be accepted as a presentation of agnosticism
in its present stage unless we qualify it by
remembering always that what it presents is
the present popular stage; the conclusions
and condition of the intelligent receptive,
agnostic lay mind, not of the original ag
nostic student, scholar, thinker.
Mrs. Ward loves her agnostic hero just as
many a woman loves her husband for what
she thinks he is, not for what he is. She
fancies him a man of thought and he is bnt
a man of straw. He has as little apprecia
tion of the vital point of agnosticism as he
has of orthodoxy. In fact, he has far less.
His orthodox wife, in the silent nobleness
of her chara'cter, in the force and fact of her
love, self-sustaining but never self-asserting,
grandly docile, renewedly battling and
repeatedly overcoming the narrowness of
her inherited and taught belief, represents
practical if old-fashioned Calvanism far bet
ter than her "liberal" husband, groaning,
dependent, timorous, accepting without dis
crimination and bowled over without re
sistance, represents the glory and the joy of
agnosticism. He thinks that he is ham
pered bv his wife's "intellectual limita
tions;" but he himself has no intellect Prom
beginning to end, so far as theology is con
cerned, there is not one single convolution
under his skulk
He is a fineJad; he makes love charming
ly; he falls into the wiles of the adventuress
as a high-minded male idiot may; hebreaks
away from her with simple and direct hor
ror as the high-minded man, though an id
iot, must But w hen it comes to theology he
has not a word io say for himself. He is
pushed into agnosticism by one man, he is
pushed into his witc's confidence by anoth
er;he is pushed into his city work by a third;
he'ls-puretthd'sweet and unselfish, but as
an advocate and recommender of agnosti
cism he is incarnated weakness.
Nor can one too emphatically repel and
resent the inference nay, even practically,
the assertion of Mrs. Ward that the way of
truth is dismal, desperate, destructive of
happiness. Her reverend investigator
revels in misery. The reading of his first
book of critical exegesis he ever afterward
remembered with such a tightening of the
heart, associated with such a night of misery,
that we almost forget to -ask bow it happens
that an Oxford student should have taken
holy orders, and be in active and regular
service in the Established Church without
having read a single book of critical exe
gesis! It would seem as if the church in
stalled over her flocks not strong-limbed
shepherds, but bleating and defenceless
So it is perhaps less to be wondered that
with the first breath of critical exegesis there
swept over the soul of this little lamb a dry
destroying whirlwind of thought. Elements,
gathered Irom all sources, entered his soul,
and as it passed seemed to scorch his heart
He groaned indefatigably, sometimes with
only a half-groan, occasionally with almost
a groan, but everywhere was the element of
groan. He claimed to be an object of pity
till his will refused, as it were, to carry on
the struggle any longer at such a life-destroying
pitch of intensity. The intellec
tual oppression of itself brought about wild
reaction and recoil till some chord even of
physicial endurance gave way and some
thing seemed to snap within him. This is
not thought, it is hysteria. It came, not
because the young man was a conscientious
high thinker, but because he had never re
ceived a proper theological training, and
had not sufficient intellectual impulse to
train himself. It reminds one of nothing
so much as ot the emotion and the commo
tion which pervade the household of the
Be v. Horace Crewler, when Tommy Traddles
annonnoed his engagement to Sophy, where
upon says simple Tommy in awe-stricken
tones to gaping David Copperfield:
Mrs. Crewler gave a scream and became
insensible. Sarah clinched both her hands,
shut her eyes, turned lead color and became
perfectly stiff) with various effects upon the
other eight of a most pathetic nature as it
was broken to them, while the marriage
mounted from her legs into her chest and
then to her head, and then pervaded the
whole system in a most alarming mannerl
It is not simply that Mrs. Ward's hero
suffered all this, but that she thinks it
ought to be suffered. She thinks it is the
normal way of thought She fancies that it
is moral and intellectual superiority instead
of pure intellectual inferiority or lack of in
tellectual training. She asserts that his re
ligious dread aud shame and terror are such
as every good man feels in a like strait; but
it is only the good weakling who feels it; the
good athlete, feels nothing of the sort. The
Oxford tutor was struck with the simplicity
and fullness of his former pupil's avowal,
and reflected that a lesser man would hard
ly have made it in the same way. It would
have been more to the purpose to reflect that
a great man would not have made it at all.
There would haveTieen no avowal to make.
There is a suggestion somewhat timid,
indeed that the young man belongs to the
minority of natures that are at the merer of
thought, at the mercy of truth the minority
from whom, in fact, all human advance
conies; but all that is sensible in the sug
gestion is its timidity. Gripped, rigid, re
sisting, anguished, bound to the chariot
wheels of truth, perhaps he des .rightly
represent the manner in which the great
mass of humanity advances; but he in no
way1 represents the leader and charioteer of
thought, panoplied and upright, guiding
his course with keen eye and strong hand,
rejoicing la the contest aud sure of victory.
He has little perception of the nature of
truth who does not. know that the world
offers no greater joy than its discovery
whether that unfolding come slowly like
the rapturous -dawn, or suddenly dazzling
forth from clouds and thick darkness.
To him who had once Been a Ohristian of.
the old sort, says the great Oxford tutor,
comforting his pupil in epileptic agonies,
face "deadly pale, quivering painfully,
the "parting with the Christian mythology
is the rending asunder of bones and mar
row." Never. There is no marrow in such
bones. A Christian of the old sort, who has
not simply felt its spirit in his life, but has
given direct and candid thought to its doc
trines, feels, in parting with its myth, that
he has come to the fulness of time when the
clumsy centuries-gathered conglomeration
is to clear away and the simple direct re
ligion of Christ is to shine forth in Its
pristine purity. It is the sublime and
crowning moment of his life, the revelation
.of.God and from God in his own -rapt and
worshiping soul. That a man should
need to be dragged to it by cart ropes , as
Mrs. Ward's young rector was dragged
through five definite months of anguish and
pallor and convulsion, is not because he is
a great man, but because he is a weak man.
He displayed his weakness in many ways
He went at his new religion and his loving
wife with the same hysteric violence which
is as far removed from strength as spasm is
from health. He grappled for the first time
with his, borrowed book of exegesis after he
had'eome home late from his nightschool,
with no one up in the house; and he had not
even the sense to sit dawn. He read stand
ing! Outside, the tossing, moaning Decem
ber night; inside, the faintly crackling fire,
the standing figure. Naturally he was in a
state of nervous excitement. Anv person
up alone in a house at midnight is liable to
feel a "cruel, torturing band laid upon his
inmost being." If, when Ihe rector came
home late and tired, he had arranged him
self for the night, with nothing to do when
he should have ceased reading hut to blow
out his lamp and sink to sleep, the "deso
late, intolerable moment" would have been
changed into a buoyant, budding promise
'and prophecy under whose benign overpow
ering spell the only self-repressibn needed
would have been not to waken his wife out
of her beauty sleep to talk it over. Instead
of which the result of his childish vigils
was to frizhten her out of all happiness and
light-heartedness by stalking around like a
maniac concealing or meditating a murder,
and then because she cannot bow down and
worship his maniawe are to lay it to her
intellectual limitations."
And what did it all amount to? What
truth did this advanced thinker strike out
with his wrestlings and struggles and
anguish and quiverings and sharpeststing
and desperate catechisms the delirium
tremens of a "constantly increasing sense of
oppression, of closing avenues and narrow
ing alternatives which for weeks together
seemed to hold the mind in a grip whence
there was no escape;" five months of "living
intellectually at a speed no 'man maiatains'
with impunity;" walking through the
woods with hands locked and face like the
face of a blind man, getting paler and paler,
his eyes growing duller, mere instinct with
a slowly dawning despair?
Simplv this: In the shelter of the wooded
lane with the birds in the branches and the
gusts of air rustling through thegorse, wait
ing, conscious that it was the crisis of his
history, there rose in him, as though articu
lated one by one-by an audible voice, words
of irrevocable meaning:
"Every human soul iu which the voice
of God makes itself felt, enjoys, equally
with Jesus of Nazareth, the, divine souship,
and 'miracles do not happen.' "
It was done.
But it was better done 1800 years ago,
when Jesus Christ himself declared the
same truth, of human and divine kinship;
came on earth expresslj to declare it; when
he stretched forth his band toward his dis
ciples and said: "Behold my mother and
my brethren ! For whosoever shall do the
will of my Father which is iu heaven the
same is my brother, and sister, and mother.
As Thou, Father, art in me, and I in Thee,
that they also maybe one in us."
better said" by Paul: "The Spirit itself
beareth Witness with- our spirit that we are
the children of God, end if children then
heirs; heirs of God and joint heirs with
Christ" Infinitely better said when Paul
not only asserted our sonship, but cried
out, "Because ye are sons, God hath sent
forth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts,
crying Abba Father."
Better said by the beloved and loving dis
ciple, "Beloved now are we the sons of God
and it doth not yet appear what we shall
Old orthodoxy has befogged many truths,
but it has kept itself alive because it has
kept alive in its rugged bosom the vital
truth that we are the children of God. It is
a great truth, but it was not left for a nine
teenth century agnostic to discover, and
there was no more intellectual advance in
his lying awake nights over it than there
was in the sailor's rushing out of church and
knocking down the first Jew in the streets
for crucifying our Lord on the plea that,
though it was done 1,800 years ago, he had
just heard of it Gail Hamilton.
A Nnmerons Tribe of Folks Who Want
Something for Nothing-.
Hotel News Agent in Globe-Democrat, 1
From my position behind the news stand
here I see every day and night many strange
characters in the dead-beat line. There are
20 men at least who drop in each evening
for a supply of toothpicks and matches. A
loose sheet of paper or an envelope left in
the writing room disappears within a few
minutes. Some years ago there was an old
man who went from hotel to hotel and rifled
the racks of railroad folders, which he sold
for old paper, but he was finally arrested.
Paper snatchers are another set A guest
reads his paper through and1 laving no
further use for it lays it upon the chair.
No one would have the least objection in
the world to' anyone picking it up, but the
hotel lounger, aware of his own meanness,
goes to work to secure it in the stealth
iest manner. He will first sit down on the
paper, and then slowly and gradually he
will pull it out and stow it in his pocket
Another class, and they are regulars, the
boys all know them, are the "snipe
A snipe hunter is a person who is in
search of cigar stumps thrown on the
floor. There Is one old man reputed to be
worth 8100,000 who is chronic. X have
often watched him maneuver to secure a
"grass-hopper." He will pass the half
burnt roll of tobacco several times, and then
stop nearitin a meditative mood.He will then
pull out a grimy handkerchief and abstract
edly mop his face, and then let the rag fall
to the floor in a careless, mass, but with
such precision that it covers the "snipe,"
and both are picked up together. "The boys
at the bar have loaded several of the stumps,
and I saw the old man I spoke of somewhat
startled by a sudden explosion one night, as
he lit his latest find at tne cigar counter;
but it did not keep him away. Another
man, a well-dressed young fellow, I often
see picking ud hall-consumed cigarettes.
He must be a cigarette "fiend" sure enough.
At the Old Bed Schoolbonsc.
Teacher sharply'Who's" tk toasting
apples?" Judge,
MAEOH IT, 1889.
A Yonng Clergyman's Barrow Escape
From Arrest on a Charge of
Tales Told by Idle Tongues Cause a Most
Unusual Commotion
Of pervaded the
hearts of the gossips
of Melnocket For
once in their lives
they had something
to talk about beside
the shortcomings of
one another and the
second-hand scan
dals that were al
ways current con
cerning certain per
sons living at Eaw
son's Ferry, a rival
village two miles
below on the Arragumpus creek. Mel
nocket now had two sensations all to itself.
First, Beulah Church, to which nearly all
the religions people of the town
and the neighborhood belonged, had a
new pastor, for the first time in. 30
years. Second, it had been declared
by no less an authority than a United
States detective that Melnocket was the
headquarters and abiding-place of the
largest and shrewdest band of counterfeit
ers in the entire State. Now either of these
events, coming singly, would have been
sufficient to tet all the tongues in the vil
lage wagging most industriously, but com
ing simultaneously, as they did, the an
nouncements caused such a flutter of excite
ment that all the traditional "nine days'
wonders" of the place were as nothing in
comparison. Melnocket was a sleepy old
village, yet it was easily aroused, and the
extraordinary occurrences just mentioned
had stirred it from center to circumference.
The new pastor, Bev. Milton Morgan, a
wide-awake, business-like young theologian,
had scarcely had time to get settled and be
gin his labors in Melnocket as the successor
of Elder Joseph Maxwell, now a dyspeptic,
decrepit and leeble old man, when the news
of the counterfeiters having been traced
thither came like a thunder-clap to the ears
ot the villagers. It was not strange that
such a secret as the Government detective
was in possession of should lck out, before
he had time to make arrests, in a place like
MelnockeC If anv person ever succeeded
in keeping a secret there it must have been
long ago, and the art of refraining Stota
gossip doubtless died with him. In this
instance the officer, on whom much pressure
was brought to bear to disclose the nature
of his business, indiscreetly confided his
suspicions to 'Squire Henderson, and the
'Squire, in .his usual cairulous way, told
the whole town whaf he'had heard.
"Bill Bennett, you are a fool!"
"Mebbel am, mebbe I am, 'Square," re
plied Bill, addressing the first speaker.
The JParson't invention Exhibited.
"Your say-so doan't make it so by a long
shot, though. 'Twouldn't be so terrible
strange, even if I was a leetle weak in the
upper story, seein as I'm own cousin to
"Haw, haw!" chuckled. Dave Williams,
Constable of Melnocket and Deputy Sheriff
of Arragumpus county. "Bill hez ye there,
'Square. Ye cahn't deny yer relations, an'
ef it comes to twittin' on facts I'll resk Bill
agin any man in the caountry. His tongue
is a match for your'n, 'Square, even ef yeou
hev studied law."
"Shut up, Sheriff," said the 'Squire stern
ly. "Wo are here to talk business instead of
nonsense. Now, Bill, will you state the
grounds for the preposterous statement you
have just made?
"I jest said I believed the new parson
was one o' them counterfeiters. My sus
picion is that he's the head man o' the
gang. Mebbe I can prove it, an' mebbe I
cahn't, but a man hez a right to his opinion.
Ef yeou 'n' the Sheriff had "a seen what I
hev p'raps yer wouldn't be quite so forrard
about cailin' me a fool fer speaking my
"What have you seen?" demanded the
'Squire and Dave together.
"Wall, yer know the minister moved into
the old Dr. Frost hause, when he came here,
sayin' he preferred to pay rent fer the prop
erty rather than take the parsonage an'
drive old Elder Maxwell from the only
home he ever bad, or is likely to have in
this world. That sounded very nice of the
parson, an' mebbe it was nice I ain't a
sayin. We understand the reason the new
preacher give3 for livm' half a mile out o'
the village an' no neighbors near him. We
know why he occupies the old house, but
I'm puzzled ter know why he needs ter use
the doctor's old 'potecary shop too, ef
makin' sermons is the only trade he
The shop to which Bill alluded was a
small building, situated several rods from
the honse now tenanted by the Bev. Mr.
Morgan and his family. It had been
erected by the former owner of the place as
an office and a storeroom for the medicines
he found it necessary to keep on hand. Dr.
Frost like most country physicians, had
kept his own stock of drugs, there being no
apothecary in the village, and filled his own
"If that is the basis of your mysterious
allegations," said the Squire, assuming an
air of importance and adopting his court
room manners and style of speech, "the
matter is easily explained. The pastor told
me he had converted the office info a study.
The house is small, yon know, and he has
several young children who make a deal of
"Well,'. continued Bill, "it may be the
parson makes his sermons with a hammer
and anvil, at midnight, with the door of his
study looked. Ef he does, he's got a differ
ent way df doing things from what Elder
Maxwell had, that's all!"
"Bill, what are yon talking about?"
thundered the 'Sauire.
L "1 know, ef yeou doan't. T'other night I
was comin idown tne road past the parsons
between 11 Bud 12 o'clock "
"Ho! hoi Up courtin' tha widder till
pooty late.i wa'n't ye, Bill?" exclaimed
Dave Williams, chuckling 'loudly once
S)ore. I
"I der'uoez its anybody's business what
Vwl j&C sXlJ
I'd been doin', 'n"ef yeou want my story
yeou'd better keep yer head shet As I
passed the doctor s old shop Isee a light in
the winder, but the curtain was daown 'n I
couldn't see inside. But I listened.
Even? now an' then I could hear
a steady clink, clink, clink that
sounded like a blacksmith hammering
somethin' kind o gently on en anvil. I
was a leetle mystified, but I walked right
up an' tried the door. It was locked!
'Jerusalem,' sez I, 'here's queer doings on
the parson's premises. An' I jest made up
my mind ter find but what was up. So I
went across the road an' hid in a clump o'
trees an' waited an' waited. Byrne by; much
as an haour afterward, somebddy unlocked
the shop door an' come lout 'Iwas the
parson himself 1 He locked the shop an'
went inter the hause, an I got noma on got
to bed at a qnahter to 1 o'clock."
"Bather mysterious," murmured the
'Squire. As for Dave Williams, he was too
much surprised to offer a word or even to
After a long pause the 'Squire asked Bill
ii that was all he knew about the matter.
"Not quite. My brother Sam, who keeps
the store, says the parson tried to pass a
bogus half dollar on him only yesterday,
an' got as red as a lobster when Sam
told him the money was no good."
"Nothing surprising in that. There is
so much of the counterfeit coin in circula
tion it wouldn't be at all strange if some of
it got into the contribution box, and thence
into the minister's bands."
"Wall, by gosh, this thing has got to be
investigated," said the Deputy Sheriff.
"There's a reward of $5,000 offered for the
arrest of that gang o' counterfeiters, an' I
aiu't the man to let any part of the money
slip through my fingers ef r can get. hold
of a man that makes them pewter pieces,
whether he's a parson, or not."
The result of the conference was the de
cision on the port of the trio to surprise the
clergyman at his mysterious work on that
very night. It he was making counterfeit
coin Deputy Sheriff Williams would arrest
him, taking him in the act, and he and Bill
Bennett would share the reward between
them. Williams was as confident as Bill
that the Bev. Milton Morgan was an im
postor, doomed to speedy disgrace. 'Squire
Henderson expressed no opinion, but his
curiosity was sufficient to take him with the
others on their midnight expedition.
There was a light in Mr. Morgan's study,
and the clergyman was busy in the rear
room of the little building, when there
came a loud knock at the front door.
"Who is there?"
"No matter who it is," said the Deputy
Sheriff, acting as spokesman forthe party.
"We have business of importance with
"Oh! in that ca,se you can come in," re
plied a cheery voice. "But it strikes me
this is a most unusual hour for the tran
saction of business. Wait an instant I'll
open the door," said Mr. Morgan, as the
impatient Williams began knocking again.
"Well, neighbors, this is indeed a sur
prise," exclaimed Mr. Morgan as the party
entered. "Glad to see you, though. Take
seats and make yourselt comfortable," said
he, noting the fact that his visitors were
glancing uneasily and sheepishly artund,
appirently at a loss what to do or say.
"Working on your sermon at this honr?"
asked the 'Squire.
"Well, hardly. I don't work all the
time on sermons. But there is a- bit of
work, rather out of the line of clerical duty,
that I am anxious to finish, and that is why
you find me up so late. What can I do for
yon, gentlemen?"
"What have you got in the back room?"
demanded the Deputy Sheriff, bluntly.
''Oh, ho I So my little secret is not quite
a secret I've got something there, Mr.
Williams, that no one save myself and my
wife has ever seen. I hardly ieel like ex
hibiting it just yet."
"Nothing you're ashamed of, is it, par
son?" ventured Bill.
"Ashamed of? Well, I Bbonld say not
I'm prouder of it than anything I ever ac
complished before. You shall see it I
know of no good reasons for trving to con
ceal it, though I had thought I would say
nothing about it But you have surprised
me at my work, so I might as well tell you
all. Step into the back room," said the
clergyman, leading the way. "There, what
do you think of that?" he asked, pointing
to an objectin the corner. ,
"As ponty a piece of machinery as I ever
see, by gosh!" exclaimed the Deputy
Sheriff. "What's it fur?"
"It's an invention of my own, designed
for use in a portion of a cotton mill. I
have a brother interested in the manufacture
of cloth, and I've been in his factory a good
deal. This is only a model, but it works
perfectly. I made it ail myself it's nearly
complete, and after I've made a few unim
portant changesI shall get the invention
patented. I believe it will make my own
and my brother's fortune," said Mr.
Morgan, eying his work with honest pride.
-"You perhaps wonder how I learned to use
tools. My father was a machinist, and I
served a regular apprenticeship at the
trade. He wanted me to be a minister, and
I am one, but my fondness, for mechanical
work is as strong as ever. I've fitted
this room up as a shop, as you
see, and I think I have every
thing quite complete. Oh! you needn't
thine a minister can't invent anything
but sermons," he exclaimed, laughingly.
"See here!" and throwing off the dressing
gown which he had donned to receive his
visitors he fastened a leather apron around
his waist and stood up, looking more like a
healthy young blacksmith than a clergy
man. He knelt by his machine, pointed out the
different parts and explained their uses, but
it is doubtful if his visitors heard a word
he was saying. A more humbled and shame
faced group than the trio beforehim it would
be hard to picturer Mumbling some unin
telligible apolocies for having disturbed
him, the magistrate, the deputy and. Bill
Bennett-departed with as much haste as they
could and made their way back to Mel
nocket t
If the Bev, Milton Morgan ever knew how
near he tame to being arrested as a counter
feiter he wisely kept that knowledge to-hira
self. Eliakim Eastman.
DM Ho Love Her Enough for Thntf
She I like you George, but
He But whaUove?
She Why, all the girls know I 'never had
a beau beiore. and'thev would tease me to
.death if I accepted my first offer.
TuoFarsnit of Perfection.
New lor It San.:
Sckuylkill We ore becoming quite
prominent in literary matters. Don't you
think so.
Miss Waldd There :wos a time when a
.Philadelphia magaztneLwasu'tworth read
ing; now it is no( fit to read.
The Conference at the 'Squires'.
A Legend of
Synapsis of Preceding: Chapters.
The story opens early to the pres
ent century, on a bright morning' in
Marcnr Wendell Orton, artist and dreamer, is
landed from a little schooner in the Bay St
Louis, by the Creole owner ot the vessel,
Victor, who is to return for him April 10.
Orton's host is Edouard Garcrn, whose family
consists of himself, wife and pretty daughter,
Lalie. A mystery surrounds a lovely villa in
the neighborhood, whose owner is Mo'sieu
Bochon.and who has a lovely danzhter known as
tho "Lily ot Kochon," of whom Wendell Orton
dreams daring his first night at the Utile inn.
Orton overhears a conversation which leads
him to believe that his host is engaged m un
lawful pursuits. He meets the LUy of Bochon,
and is struck with admiration of he! beauty.
Gaspard Bochon prepares to attack Goran
and his free boaters, and Orton volunteers in
his host's defense,
The firing down the bayou was drawing
nearer and nearer. The enemy was ap
proaching iu rowboats, as could be told by
the splash of oars and the rattle of thole
pins, while a small party of picked, men
from Garcin's party was harrassing them
from the tall grass of the bordering marsh.
It was evident that Bochon meant to force
a landing at some point nearby and take
Garcin's place by storm. Orton walked
swiftly over the ground to be defended by
his little party and found that in the midst
of the slough there was a deep ditch-like"
creek, or miniature bayou, up which row
boats could easily come. Near the point
in the large bayou where this small
one entered, a little sloop lay
ready manned for action and pretty
soon she opened fire with a swivel or a small
carronade by the blaze 6f which Orton saw
plainly the fleet of advancing rowboats
behind which and towed by them came a
small schooner. "The shot from the sloop
was answered by a booming discharge fired
from a pieceat the bow of thelarger vessel and
the shot went singing overhead, striking far
back in the still, dusky woods with a heavy
crunching sound. After this was a short
lull and then the musketrv becran to rattle
in a lively, sputtering way on both sides of
the bayou, as Garcin s advanced pickets
fell back under cover of the sloop and were
supported by a body of twenty resolute
fellows behind a low fence of heavy oak
posU driven close together in the sand.
Bochon's flotilla came right on, firing
furiously, the rowboats, after giving the
schooner sufficient momentum to bear her
forward to a favorable positidn, parting and
dropping back a little to be out of the way
of her shivels which were now belching a
level shower of missiles that raked the
Garcin house and garden and tore through
the light defenses at the water's edge. The
sloop answered sturdily, but she was too
small and pretty soon Orton saw her men
jumpingoverher sides and swimming ashore,
while the bayou's water was beaten into
foam by the balls and bullets striking
around th'em.
Suddenly, as if at a signal, a group of
the enemy's boats swung out toward the
shore and Orton saw five of the number en
ter the little bayou that he and his men
were guarding. Each boat carried seven
"Lie down, quickly!" ordered Orton, in
a low voice, and as his. men obeyed, he
stooped to get a better view of the advancing
flotilla. Then, for the first time, he was
aware of sf line of men just beyond the
slough, and at the same moment came a
heavy volley crashing lrom that quarter.
Orton and his men returned the fire with
promptness and effect, but this exposed
them to the boats that at once began to en-
.filade them with murderous precision.
There was nothing to do but to fall back
in the direction of the garden and permit
the boats to land. The schooner was doing
deadly work now, as she slowly drifted
toward Garcin's little dock, firing her
swivels rapidly and pouring from her deck
a succession of musketry broadsides. A
voice, like the trumpeting 'of a mad bull,
roared orders from the little vessel's bows;
each word could be heard distinctly above
all the other noises of the conflict xt was
old Bochon, who, with a cutlass in one
hand and a heavy pistol in the other, stood
impatiently waitiag lor his vessel to touch
the dock so that he might leap ashore and
bear down upon his victims ii person.
Orton and the survivors of his party,
availing themselves of every cover that of
fered, slowly retreated toward the garden,
firing rapidly as they went Meantime
Garcin .had been driven from the fence be
low the dock and had kept his men together
ouly by the most desperate efforts and the
uost reckless personal courage.
The struggle lasted much longer than
might have been expected reasonably, but
it coutohave no end save in the" utter defeat
of Garcin's baud and the destruction, of the
Garcin place. No sooner had old Bochon
reached the dock than her sprang ashore,
followed by a score or more of his most ef
ficient men, and rushed upon the house with
yells that lairly shook the forests around.
The building was in flames very soon and
Garcin and his men, routed and badly cut
up, fled in every direction, pursued by their
enraged and bloodthirsty enemies.
When Orton saw Bochon's men landing
and making ready to assault the house, be
suddenly bethought him of his pictures and
sketches Without further reflection be
ran in; aad, snatching them up, fled with,
them by way of the garden. He had nearly
escaped in the woods beyond when the
party coming up irom tne bayou raet-aiHi,
Bay St. Louis.
and to avoid them he bad to tarn bacC.
During this'short time the building bad
been fired, and the flames were glaring
thrpugh the windows and doors. The
musketry had nearly eeased, but mad shouts
were ringing away in the direction of the
flying and the pursuers, Orton hurried
through a side gate of the garden and was
making his way toward an opposite angle
of the fence, knowing that a small wicket
was there, when old Bochon, uttering
lion-like roar, rushed upon him with
brandished cutlass. There was no time for
hesitation. The young man. let fall hisr
bundle of sketches and drew the heavy
rapier that hung at his side.
When a man is in sudden and imminent
peril his thoughts are quicker than IigUV
ning and oftentimes flash over the whole of
his past life, setting his personal nistory be
fore him like a drawing in bird's-eye?
perspective. As for Orton, however, is
this instance, the apparition of old Bochoa
(tearing down upon him with murder in his
face and swordflashing sharply in the light
of the burning house) made him think of
hut one slight incident of all his past ex
perience, and this now leaped clear cut and
vivid into the very foreground of his mem
ory. It .was the meeting of Mile. Felieie
Bochon in the moss-veiled woodpaththa
other day. Strange what two or three terri
ble moments could do in the way of laying
bare to him his own heart? Like a sweet,
swift light Hashed into him the conscious
ness of a consuming love for that tall,
lovely girL Bomantic and improbable
enough all this may seem to the casual
reader; but to him who has met danger in
every form and escaped death through every
narrow crevice of chance it will be but a
glimpse of real life under the pressure of
most terrible exigency. As concentrated
weather sometimes develops a plant in a
single day so all toe power of a lifetime
compressed into a moment may perfect in
stantaneously an inspiration, a hate or a
When Orton's sword crossed with that of
Bochon and the fire leaped from the clang
ing steel, the young man was thinking of
the girl to w.hom Victor had given the the
name of the Lily ot Bochon, and Victor's
idle stories about how many men had fallen
,in love with her all in vain, were running
through his mind. He recalled every time
be had see her, remembered just how she
wasdressed, just how she looked and every
motion niade by her. Butthi3 cerebral re
troversion had no effect whatever upon the
strength and supple adroitness with which
he met the furious fencing of Bochon. The
old man was still extremely active and his
Jionderons frame had muscles and sinews
ike steeL Possibly Be was a trifle blown
with having raged so much, but he handled
his cutlass with both steady power and'
skill. It was well for Orton that
the rapier given him by Garcin
proved to be of exquisite temper and
strength; for Bochon's blows would have
broken a less faithful blade. From the
start Orton felt that he faadno light struggle
before him, for although in the beginnine
Bochon sought to bear him down by sheer
weight and fury, there was that in the old
man's wrist movements which told of a
swordsman perfect in his art The cutlass
was shorter than the rapier, but its supe
rior weight, when wielded by such muscles
as Bochon's, gave it a dangerous advantage.
Cut, thrust, feint, parry, clash, clink, round
and round they fought in the fast increas
ing clare of the conflagration, their eyes
fixed in that .steady, vigilant stare, one
waver from which meant death, and that
intense, burning concentration of look
which means absolute purpose to
slar even in death's last trrip. Thev
heard each other's breathingkeenand (Juice
above the roar of the fire and the still noisy,
though scattered spray, of the running
skirmishers. The moon was just beginning
to gleam above the woods to the eastward
through a light log blown in from the Gulf.
Overhead a flock of bewildered water flowls
were wheeling about the sky and' clamoring
in their far-reaching metallic voices.. A
man hard-pressed and panting heavily
broke through the frail paling ot thev gar
den, and snatching up a short hoe brained
Rhis pursuer, who was coming through after
yiim. vjnon, oy an indirect sense oi vision.
was aware that the man who had thus saved
himself was Garcin, but he really did not
see him. On went the poor, worried fel
low, passing out at the rear gate and at last
gainlug the woods.
Kochon quickly discovered that for once
in his life he had his match. The young
rnau gave not an inch to him, but after a
few moments began to press the fighting
with rapidl v accelerated energy . and bold
ness. Twice the doughty old man felt a
mere touch of the keen rapier pointy each,
time right over his heart, but this did not
daunt him-, it but made bim the more com
bative, courageous and dangerous. With
the quickness of a swordsman whose prac
tice had been lifelong he noted Orton's fav
orite, guard and foresaw the purpose of his
play. "He thinks that I am old," ho said
to himself, "aud that I shall be blown pretty
soon. He'll seel" And new Bocnon'a
sword began to leap about in a way that
would have bewildered a less ready fencer
than Orton, who instantly took the
de'ensive, parrying the rapid cuts
and thrusts and warilv watchintr for
an unguarded point He leaped
about trying to lorce- tne oia
man into as violent action as possible, hopp
ing thus to ontwind him. But who could
outwind that grizzled, iron-framed giant?
The longer they fought the- iresncr ana tne
snnnler ha anneared. The names were
breaking through the roof of the burning;
bouse and streaming in lianng not tongues
out over tho water. They soon would en
danger Bochon's flotilla if his men did not .
return from their wild chase and more the
schooner and boats. Bochon thought oi
this, and suddenly, without iff the least'
clieeklntr his onslaurfit, thundered forth sa
orderthat went bounding and booming off tZ
through; tne nignt use tucvoiee or an oi,5
auigator ouu.
"Man the boats t Man the bcaU I aad. -