! l?.. fTmmjY' ' r i;r- . -T "A"' --K r Hje Bi$p$ eg. ESTABLISHED FEBRUARY 5, 1S18. "Vol. 44, No.. 3. Entered at Pittsburg Post. office, XovembcrM, uft; as second-class matter. Business Office 97 and99 Fifth Avenue. News Booms and Publishing House 75, 77 and 79 Diamond Street. ' Average circulation of the dally edition of The Dispatch for lx months ending March 1.1SS9, 27,988 Copies per Issue. Averago, circulation of the Sunday edition ' of The Dispatch for February, 1SS9, 45,144 Copies per Issue. TERMS OF THE DISPATCH. rOSTAGE TJtXX IN THE L'MltU STATES. JUII.T Itl8rATCn, OueYear. I 8 00 lUILT Dispatch, Per Quarter ........ SCO lUn,T Dispatch,- One Month " DAH.Y Dispatch, including Sunday, one rear MM Daily IHSfatch, Including Sunday, per quarter "M Dahy Dispatch, Including (Sunday, ona month. - M . ECXOATDisrATCH, oneycar. SSI Weekly Dispatch, one year J25 The Daily DisrATCU U delivered by carriers at IS cents per week, orlncludlnc the Sunday edition, at SO cents per week. PITTSBURG, TUESDAY, MAR. 5, 16S3. a Busmrss-nsE addbess. The inaugural of President Harrison yes terday well becomes the average public esti mate of the man. It is clear and strong. The new President has not sought to cover the earth, or the whole scope of the uni verse, in the preliminary observations which custom dictates a President should address to the people before settling down to the everyday work of the position. His lan guage is that of a man who knows perfectly what he wants to say, and who stops talking when he has made himself vigorously intel ligible to all parties in interest Passing over the brief exordium, dignified and graceful, in which, in short space, is compassed a comprehensive statement of the national progress, President Harrison comes quickly to business. He loses no time in affirming the protective tariff doctrine to which he owes his election. His appeal to the people South to consider their material interests, is strongly put. Down in Dixie there will be some to whom slavery days is yet a sore subject, and who may not like the new rubbing of salt on old wounds; but it is not as an enemy General Harrison talks. "When he points out the prosperity of manufactures in the free States of the 27 orth, and hopes for an instructive illumination of economic ques tions through the whole South by every new mill-fire that in these later days is started in Alabama, Tennessee and Georgia, he speaks not as a sectionalism but as a friend, who sees with confidence the end of sectionalism in the beginning of a close community and clear understanding of business interests. The personal pronoun occurs often enough in the inaugural to refute any as sumption which might at any time have oc cupied anybody's mind that Mr. Harrison's administration is going to be other than his own. It occurs, however,- without ego tism in the narrow sense; but its frequent presence conveys the strong implication, throughout, that President Harrison has been doing his own thinking and means to continue on that line. One of the most pertinent suggestions of the address is that to the corporations, com binations and the moneyed classes. These he recommends tersely to live within their legal limitations, so that others less favored may not be taught to lose respect for laws unequally observed. As to foreign matters the new President desires friendly relations with the older powers, coupled with "confi dence" that these powers will not infringe either the dignity or rights of the United States. The source of this confidence is the right one, which, further on, the President expresses very clearly when he states that any such infringement, if attempted, will not be permitted. In respect to the civil service he excludes the idea of partisan work operating as a disqualification, but dashes the hopes of mere spoilsmen by dis tinctly declaring that the "civil service law must be carried out fully in all the depart ments, without evasion." Forthereduction of the surplus, reduction of the in ternal revenue is prescribed, the build ing of warships, and, TnE Dispatch is particularly glad to note, the establish ment of steamship lines with South Amer ica, to extend our trade in that quarter. It is not creditable, but it is a fact, that com munication between the' great cities of New Xork and Buenos Ayres can only be had to day via London or Liverpool, or some other European port. The inaugural urges further safeguards for the ballot, and less bitterness in party strife. It concludes with an eloquent peroration paying as compact and sensible a tribute to the institutions ot the country and lo the temper of the people as has ever been penned. On the whole, whatever differ ences honestly exist in any quarter as to this or that question of fiscal policy, there is no right-minded citizen of any party who will not indorse the inaugural tone and wish abundant success to nn administration that lives up to its principles. President Harrison makes a beginning which augurs well. AN TTKFOETUNATE CLOSE. AVith due credit to Mr. Cleveland for what he has done that is honest and fair, it must be said that the two important docu ments with which he closed his term, put his administration in an nnfortunate atti tude. The direct tax bill veto was eminently a ij-cuonai document, it lorbade the restora tion from an overflowing treasury, of the amount obtained from a tax that was col lected from one section of the country and not from another. The opposition to it was wholly due to the determination of the part of the country whence the retiring President drew "his chief support, that the other section should not be placed upon an equal footinjr as regards the payment of this tax. The DesMoines river lands veto takes a more nnfortunate attitude. This is a case where a land-grabbing corporation is evict ing the actual settlers and improvers of the land, and has notoriously failed to perform its part of the agreement by which the land was granted to it many years ago. The bill was an endeavor to check the legal jugglery by which corporations are enabled to get hold of the public domain without any con sideration; and the President's veto was a practical declaration that the effort should not be made. These vetoes have been loudly praised . by the interested parties, but it is neverthe less unfortunate for a President to go out of J office, ranked by himself as on the side of sectionalism in the disposition of public funds, and of the land-grabbers as against the actual settlers. TEE EXPIRED C0NGEES8. .The Congress' which brought its labors to a close yesterday, by a very undignified squabble over the respective positions of the two branches at the inaugural ceremonies, will take place in political history rather by what it failed to do than by what it did. Hardly any Congress has go through its two sessions with a shorter record of really broad national legislation than the Fiftieth. Its sole work has been the struggle with a question which was either too great for its powers or for which the body itself was too unwieldy. The Fiftieth Congress commenced its career with an avowed determination to deal with the subject of revenue reduction. "While there were the most radical antagon isms as to the methods by which this reduc tion was to to be affected, there was a prac tical agreement as to the necessity of cut ting off surplus revenue somewhere. On that state of the case, it would seem as if some ground of agreement might have been reached, by which to stop the collection of unnecessary taxes. Yet delay and dawdlin.tr, principally in committees, has resulted in the present situation, that after 13 months of sessions the Fiftieth Congress leaves the subject of revenue exactly where it found it; and an extra session will be necessary if the collection of surplus revenue is not to go on for another year. "Whether it is due to the character of our politics or to the unwieldy size and meth ods of the lower branch, it seems to be the fact that the one class of legislation which the late body could handle was that com posed of private jobs and petty special pen sion bills. KOBE VIGILANT CONSTABLES. The returns to the March term of the Quarter Sessions, show that while the vend ors of alcoholic beverages may not be cured of their proneness to illicit liquor selling, there has certainly been a decided improve ment in the bad habit on the part of con stables of not reporting violations of the. law. The increased list of violations re ported may be taken to indicate, in varying degrees, increased vigilance on the part of the constables rather than increased de fiance of the law on the part of unlicensed liquor sellers. It is not likely, for instance, that the list of violations from Braddock, though larger than the whole list from the down-town wards of Pittsburg, means that the Braddock liquor-sellers are more defiant of the law, but that the Braddock officer has been more especially active in the discharge of his business. If all of the officers ot the peace in this county were of his sort the illegal liquor trade would get a very em phatic set-back. AN AFRICAN BUMOB. The report of a great battle on the "White Nile, in which Emin Pasha inflicted a dis astrous defeat on Khalifa Abdellah, one of the Madist chiefs, has little more claim upon the public belief than the average African rumor, about one in five of which ob tains verification. It wouldbe very-grateful news to the civilized world if the persistence with which that leader has upheld civiliza tion at the equator should lead to such a victory. It would also afford a commentary upon the reliability of African news if, after the world had heard of the capture of Emin and Stanley, the latter should first disprove it by appearing on the Congo, and the other give a very practical demon stration of its falsity, by beating his foes. This report differs from its predecessors in that they were news of disaster; but that is hardly so tangible as to warrant the plac ing of great reliance on it Christendom will await with great interest the verifica tion or contradiction of this rumor. A CHEAP TIP TO OBATOES. It has been left to James P. Foster, the re tired, but not retiring, President of the He publican League, to point out to the ambitious orator a royal road to fame. He has been pretty successful in keeping him self before the public His political op ponents have helped him nobly with their pleasant repetitions of his famous phrase about "frying the fat" out of Republican manufacturers. But Mr. Foster has gen erously given the secret of his success. Ac cording to the Baltimore Herald Mr. Foster handed nice type-written copies of his speech to the reporters at the recent league meeting in Baltimore. To one yonng news paper reporter he said, as he gave him a copy of the speech: "Be sure and put the 'noise in." The reporter obligingly in serted laughter, applause, tremendous cheering, and other parenthetical remarks into the report, thus leading the public to believe that Mr. Foster's wit and eloquence had been highly appreciated - by the au dience. Mr. Foster's method is simple and direct All you have to do is to catch nn innocent young reporter after you have made your oratorical effort It is like that famous recipe in the cook book: "First catch your hare." "We cannot guarantee that orators will always have Mr. Foster's luck in this essential preliminary. AN ORACLE FOB CASE. One of the great national opportunities is presented to the United States through the medium of that originator of striking novel ties, Colonel Elliott F. Shepard. That gentleman tells the public that the privi lege of digging np the site of the Delphio oracle can be obtained for the sum of 580, 000; and the gallant Colonel thinks it would be a splendid investment for the public funds. The Delphic oracles were famous in their day for turning out prophecies which some times seemed a little incomprehensible, bnt which possessed an elasticity with reference to the latter event only surpassed in these latter days by a weather prophecy of "Wig gins. "We think that the chance of ob taining such an oracle by digging over the site where its mysteries were once prac ticed is hardly worth $80,000. The nation has plenty of incomprehensible deliverance's at present But this need not prevent pri vate enterprise from taking hold of the con tract If the esteemed Colonel Shepard should secure a Delphic oracle for $80,000, it might prove worth several times the sum to him. Even a Delphic oracle might lend directness and lucidity to the editorial col umns of his organ, in comparison to their present contents; and as in the ancient times, these .prophecies were much con sulted, to learn whether to enter upon wars or not, so the warlike and evangelic editor might find it useful for consultation before indulging in his favorite occupation of de claring war upon the South. Let the esteemed Shepard put his $80, 000 into the Delphic oracle. It may save that amount of money from more foolish ex penditure in the line of offering it up ox the false shrines of New York politics. The New York man who challenged ex Confederate General Bosser to a fight will, of course, get no reply. If he had chal- lenged Hosier toarace he might be expect ed to be called upon' to put up his money. The learned argument of our esteemed co- 'temporary, the Chicago Times, on learning that "Count Tolstoi has succeeded in per suading the Emperor to abolish the rural elective councils and to substitute for their authority that of sub-prefects appointed by the Imperial Government," to the effect that this shows the folly of intrusting ideal ists with the conduct of practical affairs, has one weak point. The Times fails to al- ) low for the fact that the Count Tolstoi who is one of Alexander's most arbitrary Min isters and the Count Tolstoi who advocates the ideal theory that the teachings of Christ mean what they say, and puts that theory into actual practice, are two entirely sepa rate and different persons. The students who caused the dynamite explosion at "Wesleyan University have been suspended. The same treatment was meted out to the Chicago dynamiters. But it was a different kind of suspension. CfcwcEEiax Q the retiring administration it is nothing more than fair to say that Secre tary "Whitney has set up aliigh standard for his successor, in the management of the Navy Department The influences which gave the Secretary his position were not of the most auspicious character, but there is no disputing the fact that his four years' administration of tne navy has done much toward rehabilitating that somewhat demor alized arm of the public defense. If Secre tary Tracy improves the navy as much as Secretary "Whitney has, he can leave office with the United States holding the position of a first-class naval power. The damp crowds of inauguration sight seers are now able to rest in the confidence that they have given vent to their patriot ism, if they have not yet got the offices they were after. The anthracite coal companies' have an nounced that a reduction in the price of coal is to be made on the 12th of March. This is a notice to the people that when they do not wish coal the anthracite compa nies will let them have it cheap. Political considerations appear to jus tify giving Brooklyn a place in the Cabinet. Itwas the slump in Kings county that gave Harrison nearly all his majority in New York. . "West Vikoin ia is rich in the possession of three Governors. If these officials suc ceed proportionately as well in doing noth ing as her one Legislature has, the State can only straighten out its political fortunes by going through bankruptcy. The new President does not seem to re gard it as a diplomatic essential either to bluster or to adopt the tactics of the craw fish in dealing with the military powers. Pekhaps it will not be unwise for Alder men to learn, together with other practical instruction, that the habit of issuing re ceipts, representing that fines have been paid which were really remitted, may lead to un pleasant complications. The news that gold has been found near Irkutsk, in Siberia, will turn that place of dreaded exile into the goal of thousands of adventurous seekers after wealth. Colonel E. "W. Halfobd's reputation as a whistler seems to be justified by recent events. It was all in preparation for what he would have to do, on learning that Colo nel Dan Lamont had refused $6,000 of back pay- PUBLIC PEOPLE PARAGRAPHED. A sew operatic star, In the person of Fran leln Irene Abendroth, a young Polish lady of 1", has just mado a highly successful appear ance in the Austrian capital in Bellini's "Som nambula." The silver pen with which Senator Ingalls as President pro tern, of the Senate has been affixing his name to bills and resolutions has been stolen from his room at the Capitol. The Serjeant-at-Arms will have to buy a new one for Mr. Morton. The wedding of His Grace ot Newcastle will leave the Bakes of Portland and Somerset the only bachelor Bakes in the peerage. His Grace of Somerset, however, is 79 years of ace, so he is not likely to get married now' There are five wearers of the strawberry leaves who are widowers the Bake of Devonshire, the Bake of Grafton, the Bake of Norfolk, tho Duke of Richmond, and the Boko of Sutherland, and their ages are respectively til, 68, 42, 71, 6L There is a young woman now in Washing ton named JIcMlllen who possesses a startling facial resemblance to Mrs. Cleveland. A few days ago she was walking down Pennsylvania avenue when a real estate agent of that city accosted her and insisted upon a few moments' conversation. MissMcMillen horned on and paid no attention to him, but he, thinking he would never again have so good a chance at the President's wife, insisted upon forcing an advertising card into her band. Even then an approaching policeman was required to drive himavsay. Mb. Ablo Bates, in the Booh Buyer, quotes the following dialogue as having taken place between Wendell Phillips and Thomas G. Ap pleton when they were young and briefless law yers, rich, and too aristocratic to attract busi ness. One day Appleton asked Phillips If he had any .clients yet. "Not a client," was the reply. "How long," Appleton asked, "are you going to hold onT I'm getting pretty tired of it myself." "I think I'll try it six months longer," Phillips is said to have answered, "and if I don't get a start by that time I shall tako up a cause." As a matter of fact Mr. Phillips did take up a cause, as all the world knows, while Mr. Appleton became the most charming ot dilettanti. Mr, Houston, the young gentleman who acted as the go-between for Mr. Pigott and Mr. MacBonald in the matter of the Times' letters, was some years ago a reporter. During that period of his life he had some peculiar ex periences of the methods of "law and order." Burlng the strike of the Dublin police, the task ot keeping the streets was entrusted to the military, who frequently charged the pec-' pic. On one occasion a regiment charged straight down on a street where Mr. Houston, note-book in hand, was making bis impressions of the situation. Mr. Houston waved his note book frantically and shouted "press," but the soldiers charged on, and one of them made a pass at Mr. Houston's flying form. The bayonet went to its mark, and Mr. Houston bears the scar to this day. A DUDE POSTAL CLEBK. He Parts Ills Hair in the middle and Is Short About SGOO. Met NEAPOLis, Misn., March 4. Arthur H. Walker, a clerk in tho registered letter division of tho Minneapolis Postofflco, was arrested this morning on the charge of robbing the mails, and was taken before United States Commissioner Odell and held to the grand jury in. $2,000' bonds. The amount of Walker's peculations approximate 7600. The robberies date back to October 17. "Walker is a young man about 23years old and has been' employed in the postoffice since Sep tem bcr. He parts his hair in the middle, wears striped trousers and a broad expanse of shirt front. He did not appear at all concerned when arraigned this morning, and refused to say any thing about the matter. A Frank Expression of Opinion. From the Parkersburg Sentinel. 1 The circulation of the Sunday edition of The' PrxTSBtrae Dispatcu exceeds 45,000. Bat this figure is way below what it deserves for its many excellent features,. Each Issue is a, com plete magazine, which sells for a nickel. THE. TOPICAL TALKER. Some Scraps of Gossip Pertinent to the Events of Yesterday. It not only rained here yesterday as it did in Washington, but judging from a general ob servation of the streets down town from dawn to dark not a few patriots carried their sympa thy with the inaugurators to the point ot ex cessive consumption of alcoholic liquors. At the usually temperate hour of U A. it. yester day in two short blocks I counted seven hope lessly befuddled human beings. Most of these foolish creatures had lost the cower of speech, but two, who bad linked arms and were teetering on the curb near the City Hall, occa sionally exclaimed in accents faint and falterj ing: "'RanforHar'son! 'Naugratlonl" . A telegram received in this city from a Pittsburger in Washington on Saturday night read: "If you come, bring a boat and a demi john!" . Beeyitt Is a first-class quality in telegrams. But it can be carried to excess. A young woman, I remember, was terribly shocked when, in answer to a letter she'd addressed to her husband asking him if she should take the baby with her, when the should join him, there came this telegram: "Bring baby and a boot jack." The unfortunate man explained afterward that some new shoes he was wearing drove him to link the bootjack with his son and heir. . A young woman brought a ring to a jeweler the other day and requested him to reset the stone, which she said was loose. She spoke of it as a diamond solitaire. The jeweler took the ring and said he would- attend to it As the customer was leaving thestore the jeweler called her back and said: "This stone is glass, ma'am I want you to understand that." The young woman colored up and exclaimed with wrath In her voice: "It's no such thing it's a real diamond. Glass, indeed?" "Excuse me, ma'am," politely rejoined the jeweler, "it is nothing more than a piece ot common crystal or glass. There is no doubt whatever about it" "But it was a present given to me last Christ mas by a very dear fiiend who wouldn't think of giving me a sham diamond," the young woman persisted. "I'm sorry, ma'am," replied the jeweler, "somebody's been deceived very likely,bnt this stone is absolutely worthless; a chip of glass." Well, the young woman argued still further about the ring and insisted, it was very valua ble, and at last took it away with her, saying .that she would take it somewhere else to be re. paired. She was nearly in tears when she left the store. V After she had gone the jeweler said to me; "I did not want to hurt that girl's feelings, but when a ring of that kind is given to me to be repaired I always make a practice of having it clearly understood that the stone is valueless. It I did not I should run the risk of having that yonng woman come back after she had discovered that the stone was not a diamond, and accuse me of changing it In the resetting. Such a charge was once made against me un der circumstances of this kind, and since then I have followed a cautions policy for my own protection. That girl was honest Pvo no doubt but I cannot afford to take any chances." THE IRISH TO BLAME. Germany's Official Organ Talks Qucerly of tho Samoa Trouble. Berlin, March 4. The North German Ga zette, referring to what it calls a remarkable contrast between the utterances of the Ameri can newspapers published in English and those of the German-American papers, charges tho former with bringing groundless accusations against Germany and placing events in Samoa in such a light as to make Klein's "crimin ality" appear as heroism, while the German American press points out the moderation of Germany. After quoting the opinion of the, latter to the effect that the hostility to tho Germans is due to the hatred and envy of a section of the American population, and es pecially the Irish portion, the North German Gazette says: "These Irish-Americans are doubtless ani mated by envy and hatred at seeing how well the Germans can earn their bread. The' Ger man is more industrious ana more contented than the Irishman, and this is the reason for hiB unpopularity in America. To the aversion felt by a section of the American people toward modest and Industrious competitors is due their dislike of Germans and. their prose cution of the Chinese. The Germans in America might gain their good will if they cared to be less Industrious and less contented; but this they consider too dear a price to pay for the good will of the Irish." ALGER BEATEN IN COURT. A Lawsuit Decided Against tho Wealthy Michigan Politician. Beteoit, March 1 In the Circuit Court to day a decision .was rendered in the suit brought by B. M. Richardson against B. A. Alger and C. H. Buhl, to restrain them from selling cer tain stocks in the Diamond Match Company. Richardson transferred to them this stock as security for indorsements, on commercial paper, with the understanding that they were to receive one-half the dividends during term of indorsement They were indorsers for $85,000 and received in all $68,400 on the invest ment. They now claim that they were not only en titled to this, but to their prooortion of the profit making it in all about $127,000. Bnt the court finds that their compensation should be $07,033, which is one-half of the net proceeds during the time of indorsement, ft also ordors that the stock be transferred back, and also the excoss of money received with interest at six per cent. A TICTIM OP HIDE0PH0BIA. Three Months With Rabies and Showing No Symptoms of It. Special Telegram to The Dispatch. New York, March 4 Ten-year-old Eva Bliss Carhart was carried to the Flatbush Hos pital on Saturday evening, in tho arms of Ser geant Waters, her stepfather, who is attached to the garrison at Fort Hamilton. For three or four days she has shown symptoms of hydro phobia. Hot water was applied to her feet, her extremities were rubbed, and whisky was hypo'dermically administered, but she died within a half an hour. On Thanksgiving Bay she had been sent to a grocery. On her way home she was bitten on the upper lip by a small mongrel dog belonging to Edward Wat son. DrusgistW. H. Blankley cauterized the wound. The dog was shot. It was not until Thursday that there were fears that any dangerous result would follow the bite. On that day the girl called for water, and when It was brought she rejected it with signs of distress. On tho following day Dr. Thome pronounced the case one of hydropho bia, and the Coroner's jury which investigated it to-day brought in a verdict to the same ef fect. V. THE SAME OLD ST0RT. He Speculated in Grain nnd His Creditors nro Mourning. Minneapolis, March 4. M. W. Terra, a grain commission man, who has an office in the Chamber of Commerce, made an assignment this morning In favor otiis creditors to George W. Shepard, of the firm of Watson & Shepard. The amount of his liabilities are not definitely known, bnt they are estimated all the way from $12,000 to $25,000. It is said that most of the money is owed to brokers who bad done business on 'Change for Chicago parties, but almost every broker deal ing in options is caught for a greater or less amount. It was said on the floor that Mr. Yerxa had offered a compromise for 60 cents on tho dollar and the creditors would receive that amount. Some of .those interested, however, think the assets will not pay more than 25 cents on tho dollar. Not a Sinn to Fool With. From the New York Sun.: Sir Julian Pauncefote, the new British Min ister, to" this country, is said to stand 76 inches high, and the noble Order of Titans will prob ably seek to add him to its collection of giants. The wily-minded Osgoodby, of Pomona, must be careful about writing letters to Sir Julian, A Nejv Cure for Insomnia. Dr. Talcottis quoted as asserting that the reading of 100 lines of Homer is tho best thing in the world to go to sleep on. Thus does the doctor furnish anew cure for insomnia, which is also a powerful argument in favor of the classical course. .How to Secure Attention. From the Atlanta Constitution.! Advice to callers at the White" House afte the 1th of March: Ask after Baby McKee. " J v AT THE THEATERS. ' ' Joseph Mnrphy, The Fugitive and Other Plays and Flayers. The proprietors of "The Fugitive," the melo. drama at the Bijou Theater this week, might with entire safety offer a large reward to any one who would point out a single thing in "The Fugitive" which the public has not been asked to accept in some other drama. Passion is torn to tatters, there Is villainy by the carload, a shipwreck which will be realistic per haps when you can. see it last night tho lights misbehaved them selvesa woman miraculously weak and "larvelously strong by turns,a hero with a brown Scrcoat and other' virtuous attributes, a villain with a black overcoat who is murdered, we forget how many times, and several persons whom it would be hard to describe, and whoso connection with tho plot of "The Fugitive" is very slight these and an executive stall of managers as large as the cast are guilty of as sisting "The Fugitive" on to the Bijou stage. But the audience dealt very charitably with "The Fugitive," last night. The gallery pods howled and whistled at all the thrilling situa tions, and even the dilatory and dark behavior of the incidental shipwreck seemed a source ot comfort to them. Under the circumstances Mr. Mason Mitchell did well to maintain his excellent reputation as the hero. W. C. Couper was a conventional vil Jaln, and Miss Lisle Leigh was really very charming and touching at times as the tearful heroine. Miss "Dot" Long makes hardly a typical Eton boy. Miss Ella Kidzer dances extremely well. Would It not be possible for "Tho Fugitive" to get along without so muoh profanity and tho jests which are broader than common decency dicta test Some of the scenerv is good, and one de cided blessing is that "The Fugitive" has no tank. Harris Theater. "Rain or anything else cannot keep the people away from this popular house. Yesterday afternoon and evening every bit of standing room was occupied. The attraction was Palmer's company in '"49," a drama full of in teresting situations and a rather deep plot. Miss Agnes Cody is Carrots, a waif who. after numerous trials and a couple of hairbreadth escapes in her Infancy, turns out to bo a long lost heiress. Gus Homer, as Arthur Denison, looks better than he acts, and the same might be said of several others of the cast. The hit of the performance is the negro impersona tions of C. Lw McElroy, as Uncle Ned, with very good songs. The same play to-day and to-morrow. Beginning-Thursday, "The Ban ites" will be given by the same company. Tho Grnnd Opera House. In ys field Mr. Joseph Murphy has no su perior in harness, to-day, and his presentation of the familiar character of the good-natured, naturally humorous, yet noble Irishman was as agreeable as usnal last night in the play of "The Kerry Gow" at tho Grand Opera House. The play and the character . have both been seen here before, and In neither is there anything novel to he noted. Mr. Murphy kept the audience in continual merriment, and the play kept them interested. Miss Belle Melville was a very charmlntr heroine, and the company very nicely adjusted to the work required of them. The picturesque scenery of the piece added to its enjoyable qualities, "The Kerry Gow" will bo repeated to-night Academy of Music. Whether it be in the specialties in which so many of the artists are very clover, or in the laughable and picturesque burlesque, "Robin son Crusoe," with which the performance ends, Lily Clay's company is always amusing and graceful. There are lots of good looks and physical shapeliness in the ranks at the Academy this week, and large audiences are likely to be the rule. Notes. TnE sale of seats for the engagement of Robson and Crane in "Tho Henrietta" begins on Thursday next The variety performance at the Casino Mu seum is a very big one this week. The curiosi ties include some novelties. "The Twelve Temptations," a spectacular piece of the "Black Crook" order, comes to the Bijou next week with all its original splen dor. BILL NIE WAS THERE. The Original Harrison Man Inaugurated a New Custom nt Washington. Bill Nye in N. V. World.l SUNDAY WlLLAED'S HOTEL, COT N0.3",TN THE Elevator, March 3. We American people,- accompanied by ID bands, are here. We are here partly, on account of loyalty and partly to press on General Harrison the fact that we were the first to montion bis name as a candi date. "We are hero, to say mean things about the President1 who goes out to-morrow, and who, therefore, cannot help us any more. Also to say good things of the new one who will kiss the Bible to-morrow and open a carload of pa tronage for the patriotic American citizens, who are here not because they want anything at all, bnt just because they want to show the new President that they are going to stand by him even when he could get along very well by himself and would rather do so. Everythinc is "inauguration" here. I inaug urated last night the custom of sleeplne in the hotel elevator. It is a new thing with me. I have slept before all tho crowned heads of Europe. Also In the park, but it is different from any ot those. 1 have also slept in a folding-bed, in the gloaming and in a railroad ac cident but the hotel elevator Ismore surprising than any of these. This mornlngmy wish-bone stuck out through the back of my overcoat. A fat man, who first thought ot General Harrison as a candidate and who never said anything else all his life, sat down on me and, drawing a deep sigh, re mained sitting on me' till I woke up. Washington is a big amphitheater of wet plank scats, which you can occupy to-morrow atfromSopents to $5 per squat. If I could bave such an audience Tight along I would like to go into tho President business for 75 per cent of the gate receipts and pay the advertising ex penses myself. Indiana is all here with the exception of the postmaster at Indianapolis. John C. New is entirely happy and well-pleased to sta7 at his handsome Hoosler home while General Harri son has to earn his salary hero. Mr. Now has tasted tho sweets of public life under General Grant and is honest in tho statement that ho would a good deal rather let "Lige" represent the Journal than to leave 'his comfortable borne and become the servant of the United States at the salary of a Cabinet officer. As I seem to be swallowed up entirely in the crowd here, having registered in the elevator only, will the World kindly say to-morrow that I am here and that I am thoroughly beloved by all who know mof AN ABNORMAL APPETITE. A Child Swallows Pins, Needles, Money and a Ball of Thread. Special Telegram to The Dispatch. Beaveb Falls, March 1 Little Lizzie Boggs, the -year-old daughter of Mrs. Samuel Boggs, a dressmaker, the other day swallowed a penny, a row of pin?, 20 in all, three carpet tacks and a small ball of basting thread. A paper ot needles is missing, and it is thought she swallowed them also. It is feared the child will die. A Huge Belt ot Woven Wire. Special Telegram to The Dispatch. Beavee FALLS,March 4. At the Patent Wire Belt Works in this place, they are now manufacturing a wire belt to run the ma chinery for the American Exhibit at the Paris Exposition, next summer. The belt will be 60 feet long and 20 inches wide, woven entirely from wire. DEATHS OP A DAY. Moses H. Kirby. TIFFIX, O., March 4. Moses H. Kirby died at Upper Sandusky last night, aged 01 years, lie was the father of General M. Kirby, and was a man of prominence all over the State, lie served two terms in tho State Senate after he was 80 years old.; Hnrry F. Wlllard. ST. LOUIS, March 4,-Harry r. Wlllard, the well-known and popular chief clerk of the South ern Hotel, dropped dead of apoplexy at an early hour this morning. Mr, Wlllard went off duty at 6 o'clock last night, apparently in the best of health and in nerfecttv cood snlrlts. Tie w.i roDaoiy me Dest known uotei cicrK in tne couu- - .., .,..---. - t .. .-.. .- Daniel Richard. Daniel Illcbsrd, of Webster, departed this life on Saturday. He had been afflicted for some time with cancer of the month. Wo was one of Web ster's enterprising citizens, and had been In the mercantile Business for Z7 years. He was a sub scriber for the Dispatch for 3S years. The com munity has lost a good citizen. He will be in-, terred InunloidalB. Cemetery this morning on .arrlral of the .Brownsville train. - . SIGHTS AT THE CAPITAL." ' Jnmes'W. Breen'a Impressions of Washing ton The President Can't Plense New Tork Speculation In Capital CltyE"' Estates-Bits of Georgetown History. tCORHI8FOXDENCK or THE DISPATCH.! Washington, March & In regard to the Cabinet imbroglio it looks as if the President elect will find himself very much In the position of the Irishman who asked the advice of the London Punch as to whether or not be should get married, and received the cabalistic reply: "Whatever you do you'll' regret It" The Piatt-Miller fight promises to make a world of troufle for Harrison, no matter what he does. Miller is the man who "fell outside the breast works," and it fs rather distressing, politically speaking, to know that he is to be permitted to Us all forlorn "outside" the aforesaid "breastworks." Still this is politics. Piatt Is a spoilsman, pure and simple; is a chum of Quay's, and represents simply the power of money in politics. Quay Is anything hut happy over Piatt's discomfiture. No Mixed Drinks. The President-elect it is given out made the trip from Indianapolis to Washington without once mixing bis drinks; and while he is not a Prohibitionist or indeed a fanatic, of any kind, there will be no smell of alcohol daring his ad ministration. It is difficult to keep things on this rigid line with such genial gentlemen as Blaine and Windom in the Cabinet and the customs of Washington society tolerably pro nounced thcotber way. And such a backwoods statesman as the genial Lincoln was very prop erly shocked on learning, after leaving Albany en route to bis inauguration, that a wine and "broken chair" bill of this size had been con tracted on his behalf in that city: DXLAVAN HOUSE, ALBANT, Februarys 1S61. f The State of New York, to T. Kosselle & Son: One day's board of Hon. A. Llccoln and suite t S7SB0 Wines and liquors.. ... 157 00 Sundry broken articles, stoves, chairs, etc, etc 150 00 Congress water zso Sundries 34 CO i 11.12)00 While making no hypocritical "unco good pretentions," Benny will bave none of this sort of things. Tho Bacchanalian Senator, I visited the Senate yesterday for a few moments, and to use a much hackneyed phrase, I found Senator Blddleberger "the cynosure of all eyes," or, in the expressive vernacular of Pittsburg, as "full as a goose" hardly able to stand up while making a motion, which the vitriolic Ingalls disposed of in the cutest man ner possible. The big Virginian evidently wanted to have an inauguration all to himself. Ileal Estate Speculation. Washington is becoming more and more dally a speculative real estate center, and roil estate in the northeast and northwest portions of the city is rapidly enhancing. Taxes are much lower than in Pittsburg, and water rent, which for twenty years has been a robber tax in Pittsburg, is here merely nominal, on an eight room house in a centrat spot the charge being but 40 to 60 cents a month. Non-paying tenants bave very little chance here to practice their specialty, as the rent is payable in advance, and seven days' default finds the tenant's chat tels ou the sidewalk. Land next to Blaine's house, in a central and aristocratic neighbor hoodnearly opposite Dupont Circle is offered at a less price than is asked for lots on Hiland avenue, Pittsburg, or along the parks on North avenue, Allegheny. A Boss as a Benefactor. Mostofthebuildlngs'erectedsincethowararo architecturally beautiful. The terrace and the bay window are the most attractive features of the modern Washington dwelling. Aside from picturesqueness the terrace has sanitary rea sons in its favor. The manner in which Boss Shepherd reclaimed the marshes and waste places and cat into the unsightly ochre-colored sandbanks in every direction in order to make the future Washington a pleasant and healthy place ot abode, is calculated to somewhat tem per our judgment of what are popularly called ringsters, and the fact tnat the same Boss Shepherd, who but a few years ago had to leave Washington in the night to escape arrest or popular fury illustrates both the fickleness of public opinion and the ingratitude or injustice toward public-spirited citizens who are popu larly supposed to be public-spirited "for rev enue only." A Eamble In Georgetown. I rambled out to Georgetown and Arlington Heights to-day and found both places rich in war incidents and the "folk lore" of ante bellum days. Georgetown is no longer a dis tinct town, but a suburb of Washington, reacbedby a six mile, 4H cent street car rida from the Capitol in 40 minutes. The old gable-end houses, built of brick, brought over here from England in tho col onial days, long before George" Wash ington went into the hatchet business, are rapidly giving away to the march of improve ment; out then there is still enough about the town, in the way of old-time citizens and dwell ings, to suggest to us Rip Van Winkle and the village of Falling Waters, and its "ale" fellows well met The modern Georgetown College is the most pretentious structure in the town, and under its shadow is pointed out to me, on Pros pect avenue, the rude and rustic one-story domicile where Mrs. Southworth wrote the "Hidden Hand." Historic Spots. A-fewfoet below is pointed out the lamp post corner Bridge and Prospect streets, un der which Gen. Lee, after playing cards at Br. Miller's till nearly midnight, shook hands with his Washington friends before crossing tho aque duct bridge and casting his fortunes with the wayward sisters. The same bridge, which spans the Potomac at this point shortly after ward witnessed straggling and struggling thou sands "hurrying in hot haste" from Bull Bun towards the capital; and under the same iamp- ?ost General Thomas FranclsMeagher alighted rom a Government train, after losing two horses in the fray, and, as an eye-witness de scribes, "almost black with dirt and the smoko of battle," and worn ont and exhausted, asked Br. K. for a glass of brandy as a restorative. Stretching away on the Virginia side is Alex andria, whence George B. McClellan led the finest organized army that the country ever bad, to those down in front of Richmond. Washington is in its holiday attire and is dis posed to be hospitable at card rates, and tho "natives" all seem to say "if you don't see what you want ask for it" J. W. Bbeen. "A TRAIN ONA TEAR. It Smashes Up Buildings oa a Town's Prin. clpal Street. Marquette, Mictl, March 4. A remarka ble railroad accident occurred here this morn ing. A South Shore heavy freight train, loaded with mine machinery, was pulled out of a spur track with two engines. The track is on Front street and four cars were left on the spur,wben tho train got part way up the hill and broke in two one car from tho engine. The train flew back, the brakemen being un able to stop it. It crashed into the cars on the spur and drove them into a big bnlkbead clean across the street into Frazer's block, knocking the whole front of Steels & Lobdell's grocery in. tearing out the corner of Pickands Co.'s coal office, damaging Bothschild & Benfarn's front and completely blockading the street No lives were lost He Strengthened His Confession.. From the New York World. , A great advocate once declared "Suicide is confession." Pigott confessed and then com mitted suicide In order to strengthen the con fession. He did well. CADGHT ON THE GRIP LINE. If Mr. Wanamaker is Postmaster General, we may expect to see the Dead Letter office moved to Philadelphia. Vandt I tell you Mr. Bepew is the slickest after-dinner speaker In the country. Sandy 1 am not so sure of that. - Vandy Who's better? Sandy 1 th)nt J could surpass him, if 1 could only get the dinners. Ministke What did you think of my ser mon on procrastination)1 Elder-It was very good, indeed, but I think yon made one mistake. ' Minister What was it? Elder-Delaying the benediction. Mamma Agnes," Just, before Archy Klssme left last night, 1 heard yon cry, "Now Archy quit." What did yon mean? Agnes I meant, Mamma-I meant-Oh, you know It was gcttinr late, and I meant dear mamma, for him to quit the premises. Now that the Cabinet contains a Miller, we may expect some Tery flowery legal opinions. Mb. Cleveland, you have quit us, But the parting gives no pain, For the loss ismore than made np ' By the greatness of the gals, c. b. a - ;1IPE m THE HETB0P0L1S, MJss Booth Bnpldly Sinking, pnsw Toas: BUBiitr srzciixs. New Yobk, March .-MIss Mary L. Booth, editor of Harper1 Bazar, is dangerously ilk She has been confined to her bed for about a month, and is now reported to be rapidly sink ing. A Boodler's Gift to the Church. Ex-Alderman and Boodler Thomas SheHs, of the famous "combine" of 1884, has presented two exquisitely-carved marble statues to St. Teresa's Church. One represents St Gabriel, with hand outstretched, announcing to the blind Virgin the tidings of the redemption. The other represents St Michael, with shield and sword, preparing to slaughter the dragon. The statues were carved in Italy, and cost $750. The statues were put in place on Friday, and were formally accepted and blessed last night wi th appropriate ceremonies. Belles In .Great Demand. Tho Committee on Literary Exercises of the Centennial of Washington's Inauguration have made arrangements to bave the chair that was used at the first inauguration in 1789 brought down to the snb-Treasury building on April 30 for General Harrison to sit in while Mr. Depew is delivering the oration. Arrangements have also been made for the use of the Bible from which Chancellor Livingstone delivered the oath to George Washington. Grease for a Good Canse. John D. Rockefeller has given $100,000 to the American Baptist Education Society, payable at the rate ot $10,000 a month, and subject to the condition that the giver be advised in ad vance as to the use to be made of his money, and indorses such use. Payment begins with the present month. The Executive Board of the society has accepted Mr. Rockefeller's gift under the condition named. Mr. Rockefeller said to-day that the reports" of his having given a mnch larger sum toward the foundation of a Baptist university were entirely without foun dation. Determined to Die. While Albert Weltzer, alias Albert Nichols, who is serving a four years and six months' term in the Kings County Penitentiary for robbery, was returning to his cell after at tending services in the Chanel on Sunday morn ing, he jumped from the third tier to the floor, 20 feet His left arm was broken and he sus tained painful internal injuries. Weitzer is a bunko steerer and bank sneak thief. He is said to have respectable relatives in Chicago. He was arrested in Brooklyn, July 7, for pick ing the pocket of James G.Bankln as be was leaving the Commercial Bank. He was sent to the penitentiary early In October, and a few weeks afterward, while he was at work in the shoesbop, he attempted suicide by cutting his throat with a knife which he took from a fel low convict He has been out of the hospital a couple of weeks only. Will Not Embarrass Harrison. Collector Magoae succeeded to Mr. Hedden's duties on September 1, 1886, but he did not take the oath of office until several months later. The term is four years, dating from the time the oath is taken,-and he cannot be removed without cause, hut he will put himself at Presi dent Harrison's disposal. "I shall not do any thing to embarrass the President" said Mr. Magone, to-day; "and I am sure that no good Democrat will." Mr. Magone has not yet de cided whether he will make this city his home or return to Ogdensburg, in case his place is filled. A DAI'S EVENTS IN SOCIETY. The Tea Given by the Ladles of St. Augus tine's Church Last Night. The new parochial school building of St Au gustine's Church, Thirty-seventh street Law renceville, presented a gay appearance last night The vestibule and all the rooms of the three stories were fairly cacked with a host of friends of the school and the ladies of the church, under whose direction 'the tea and re ception was given. Ludwig & Bichter. the florists, had festooned vines and placed potted plants and flowers in the vestibule and all the rooms, varying the decorations in the dining rooms by set pieces of cot flowers and pyramids on the tables. The long tables,, laden with dainties, fruits and flowers, and the fair waiters flitting to and fro, presented a gay scene. The tickets for tea were divided into hours, from 7 until 12 o'clock, tbus preventing confusion and a rush. In the floral booth room Miss Rose Frauen helm and her aids were ensconced behind a gaily festooned counter, filled with fruits, flowers, candy, etc.. enticing the young men, tbe seniors and all to buy of their wares. The third story was used as a promenade and an oijtlet for the crowds below. .Altogether tbe Bcene presented a thoroughly enjoyable oc casion and the guests a representative gather ing that the church may well feel proud of. A WHITE DINNER PARTT. Mr. nod Mrs. John M. King Entertained Their Friends Last Night. Mr. and Mrs. John M. Kintr, of this city, gave a "white" dinner party to 27 guests, members of the Monongahela Cotillon Club, at the Mo nongahela House last evening. Owing to his departure for Jersey City to take charge of the Jersey Central Restaurant and Cafe there, Stewart Wallace took especial pains with the banquet It was without doubt one of the fin est spreads that has lately been given in this city, and as usual was up to the high standard ot the Monongahela House. Everything was white, the candelabra, dinner service, flowers, etc, and the waiters wore white aprons, vests, gloves, tis, etc Tbe flowers on tbe table were white lilacs and roses and they loaded the air with tbeir fragrance. The names of the guests were stamped m white on white satin ribbons. A PLEASANT AT HOME Given by Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell, of Stock ton Avenue, Allegheny. ! Mr. and Mrs. C. S. Mitchell, of Stockton ave nue, Allegheny, gave a very pleasant "at home" last night from 8 until 1 o'clock. Cards and dancing were included in 'the programme. The following named ladles assisted the hostess in receiving: Miss Florence K. Tildesley. Miss Marguerite Grier and Miss Marguerite W. Moody. Between 60 and 70 guests were pres ent THE BRADDOCK CLUB. Its Members Arrange a Musical and Llter nry Entertainment. The Braddock Club, an organization of the most prominent young people of that town, gave a musical and literary entertainment last night in the Braddock Hall. The place was crowded, and the programme of the evening was unusually attractive and interesting. Gernert & Guenther's orchestra were engaged. At Sbadyslde. An elegant reception was tendered yesterday by Mr. W. W. Wattles at his residence. Center avenue ShadySlde. Over 100 guests were in vited to attend, and Gernert & Guenther's orchestra famished the music THANKS TO MR. CLETELAND. The Associated Press Says Ho Treated Them Very Nicely. General Office ) of the Associated Pbzss, NEwYoBK,March4. ) Tho retirement of Mr. Cleveland from the Presidency affords a fitting opportunity for the Associated Press to make some recognition of the uniform courtesy with which its representatives have been re ceived at tho Whito House, and the intelligent interest that has been exhibited in placing at its service promptly and withont the annoy ance, that too often accompanies official acts, everything that might properly bo given to the public While the Associated Press has always been on pleasant terms with the occupants of the White House, the fact that the press was a servant of the people and the proper medium through which to reach them was never so clearly understood before thr administration of President Cleveland. The experience of Colonel Lamont as a jour nalist was undoubtedly useful in establishing such sensible and practicable relations with the Associated Press at the very beginning of that administration. Stevenson Is Beady to Quit. Washington, March 4. General Steven. son. First Assistant Postmaster General, has tendered his resignation' to take effect upon the appointment of his successor. . - , ' CUBIOUaCOSDEHSATIOBS. Eobert Winter, a young artist of Baa Francisco, lost his eyesight by Iookina; with nil naked eye at the eclipse oaNew Year's Bay. Fourteen hundred emigrants wera landed in Castle Garden on Friday from three steamers, the largest number ever landed in one day. In 1$88, 124,603,939 were spent for !u toxlcating drinks in England against 124,347,. 369 in 1887. The largest amount of money was spent for beer. Lucie Xefrance lived tea years next door to her sister In Montreal without knowing it and then the pair became known to each other through their grocer. An Irishman named Casey died re. cently in Albuquerque very wealthy. By his will he left to General J. A. Williamson, of Iowa, nearly $300,000 for a favor to Casey long ago forgotten. In an Iowa murder casa two witnesses swore to seeing the defendant 40 rods oft draw his revolver, when it was proven that they were so near-sighted that they could not tell a pistol from a bull pup 15 yards away. A lady who lives near Lagrange, Ga., ordered her servant girl to fire np tbe stove preparatory to baking some potatoes. She did as she was directed, but when tbe stove door was opened tbe house cat was found baked to a turn. A camping p"arty near Paxton, Jhd., were alarmed by a dark object that struck their flre with a force that threw the embers in all directions. It was an immense wild goose, which they killed before It could re cover itself. J. T. Fletcher, of Jenkins Bridge, Va., was in his grave and men were bricking it np, when they beard a groan. Tbey opened tho coffin and found Fletcher's heart beating. Ha was taken home, but died two days afterward without regaining consciousness. Three German children, aged 8, 9 and 10 years, landed in Castle Garden on Friday with tags on their clothing stating that they were to travel to Flatonia, Tex where they will meet their parents. The authorities put them in the cars and forwarded them to the destination indicated.by the tags. An Italian ragpicker in Springfield, Mais-, saw a little girl with her clothing in flames, vainly trying to get out of a room. With one spring he jumped through the win dow, seized the child, bore her outside, and rolled her in tbe snow. She was so badly .burned that she died within a few hours. A freight brakeman on the Lake Shore road, the other day, stood on a platform as a train of cars went by at a moderate rate of speed and remembered the number of each car without writing them down. When he re ported them to the conductor an investiga tion was made, and it was found that he was correct A New Jersey bird dog went into n room where a parrot was at liberty, when ha stopped and pointed. The bird approached, looked the dog square in tbe eye, and said, "You're a rascal!'1 The dog was so surprised at hearing a bird speak that he dropped his tail, wheeled, and ran away, and from that day to this be has never been known to point a bird. The boys in Atlanta, Ga,, gave Gover nor Gordon a severe snow-balling as he was going to tbe capitol last Thursday morning; Tbe Governor begged hard to be let off. but tho boys said no. One boy said to him: "We can's let you off. Governor. As you haven't dona any running since '64, you will have to hustle." And tbe General hustled, while dozens ot bails) took him in the back ot the neck. Benjamin Johnson owns a firm in Knsh Valley, Utah, upon which he has just discov ered a mine of natural shoeblacking. An an. alysis of this peculiar material shows that it contains 16 per cent carbon, 34 per cens aluminum and the remainder clay. When taken out the material is moist and soft and when used as a shoeblacking produces a fine polish which Is not easily destroyed. Eastern capitalists have been sounding Mr. Johnson re garding bis price for the mine. A larger quantity of strong drink per head is consumed in New South Wales than in any of the other Australasian colonies. Whilo last year the revenue fromsplritsin that colony increased by JE46.723.and wine and beer by 7,000, there was a decrease on tea of 5,960. A correspondent of a Melbourne paper, in de scribing tbe murder of an English family by a native, says the Maoris are terrible gamblers, gambling and intoxication being two of the worst vices tbey have derived from civilization. The washerwomen ofParis, to the num ber of 10,000; "fully qualified and duly accred ited." have agreed to form themselves into a syndicate far tbe purpose of looking after their interests in au official manner. Tbey resolve to bave a market of their own, where tbey can go in order to be hired for work, and to make their own terms. The meetingof washerwomen at which the resolution relative to the syndi cate was carried was addressed by a female president who spoke like a practical debater, and fixed the wages to be demanded by her coworkers at 3f. 76c. a day, or about 75 cents. Martin Palmer, of Windsor, Conn., is a fox hunter who had followed one of the ani mals a long distance last week. He came out the woods onto the-track of the Connecticut Western Railroad and found his dog excitedly sniffing at the rails. He tried to call him off, but the dog kept following the rail for a rod or more, and then stopped and barked vigorously. Mr. Palmet was puzzled and at first indignant that his dog did not answer bis summons. Fin ally be yielded to curiosity and examined tha point where the dog kept bis nose, and discov ered that the fox bad been walking on the rail, I and one foot bad slipped off, leavingits imprint in tbe snow. Mr. Palmer determined to find out how far this had gone op, and the dog was allowed to follow the weak scent on tbe rail. For over two miles tbey kept on the track and found n& place where the fox had slipped again. At last, a little further on, they found i where tho cunning animal had gathered him- ' self together and made a side jump from tha rail a distance of over Ave feet and bad mada off. i CUPPED BITS OF WIT. Claud Howard da Vere (to fellow tragedian) St. Clair, allow me to Introduce to you my brother, Pat Brady. Sew York Sun. Big-footed party (in crowd) Here, just get off my foot, please. The Offender Incuse me, sir, I thought It was the curbstone. Seio York Sun. Visitor (at the museum) Where is tha Tasting Man," boss? Keeper (absentmiudedly)-IIe's Just gone out for supper: he will be back In a minute. Una ' York Sun. I cannot sing the old songs, As 1 have been requested; When last I tried to warble them The Mayor had me arrested. Setmkia State Journal. The Razor Removed Them Quicker. Barber Lot of pimples, sir. Better try our salve, remove them all In a week. Customer (who feelsblosd running down his facc)-Vonr confounded razor seems to be remov ing them faster than that. ..Vets York Sun. "Sir," said the suitor, "I wish to make your daughter my wife. I will be model husband-" "Why, yon haven't a dollar In the world." 'I know It; but she is the idol of my lire." "Yes, and yoa would be the idle of mine. Z don't want yon In the family." Kern York Matt and Express. Tenderfoot (in new Kansas town), "Where Is the postofflce? " Ecsident-"Over there." "Where?" "D'ye see that man sawing wood? He's the post master." 'Yes, bnt I don't seo the postofflco." "Of coarse yoa don't. It's in hishat. iVna Tort Weekly. Figures Will Not Lie. At the publics school: . Teacher Now, Bobby, how mnch do six andrf four make? . r , Bobby (eagerly)-Eleven, sir. T ; Teacher Now, guess again. X" Bobby (doubtfully) Twelve nlne-thlrteen. - Teacher-How about ten? Ji? Bobby (exultlngly) Ob. yoa can't fool me that way. Five and five make ten. Sew York Tru W TKTAWABES. We were sitting, after waltzing, jH On the stairs. J. V He, before 1 could forbid It ' ,Jf Stole a rose, ere yet I missed It, jfc""v And, as tenderly be kissed it, Swiftly la his pocket hid it j Unawares. -4t5 We were talking, after waltzing,' On the stairs. - , 1 had said that he should rne It, And a lecture I Intended, Which' 1 think he apprehended,- I was kissed before 1 knew It Unaware3. We were silent, after waltzing. On the stairs. 1 had stormed with angry reeling. But he spoke lore, never heedlnir. s And my eyes fell 'neath his pleading. All my depth of love revealing, '' Cuawares.. . t.7 , i SottonCeiirUiV- w.k mj.z :&&&&i , gffg-fsK