Newspaper Page Text
Will contain the opening chapters of Maurice
Thompson's charming serial,
The Lily nf Ruction,
An Exciting Romance of Old Days in the Bay
Following are a f ew of the contributors to
the double numbor of The Dispatch to be is
OLIVE LOG AS. GAIL HAMILTON-.
Dr. Wm. a. Hammond. Feaxk G. Cakpkktze,
Lady ooldt Campbell, Claua Belle,
bniKLEY Uaee, Joel Hextox,
Rev. Geo. Hodges, 1'kof. n. S. shales,
Bill Nye, macbice thomtsox,
Edoak L. Wakejiax, Blakxlt Hall,
BlKBT HATKIE, MKS. bHEUWOOD.
ESTABLISHED FEBRUARY 8, 1848.
Vol. 44, So. 3. Entered at Pittsburg Post
office. November li, ISS7, as secqna-cas3 matter.
Business Office 97 and 09 Fifth Avenue.
News Rooms and. Publishing: House 75,
77 and 79 Diamond Street.
Average circulation of the daily edition of
The Dispatch far six months ending Febru
ary 1, 18S9,
Copies per issue.
Average circulation of the Sunday edition
of Tho Dispatch for February. 1SS9,
Copies per itsne.
TERMS OF THE DISPATCH.
rOETACE TT5EE IN THE LMXEU STATES.
DAXLT Dispatch, One Year I 800
Daily Dispatch, Per Quarter zoo
Daily Dispatch. OacSlonth
Dailt Dispatch, Including Sunday, one
Dailt Dispatch. Including Sunday, per
Dailt dispatch. Including Sunday, one
Edkdat Dispatch, oneyear. 150
Weekly Dispatch, one year IS
The Daily Dispatch Is delivered by carriers at
35 cents per veci, or lnd uding the bunday edition,
at SO cents per week.
PITTSBURG, SATURDAY, MAR. 2, 18S9.
Lord Salisbury has borne testimony to
the fact that his delay in the appointment of
a Minister to "Washington was due to resent
ment at Cleveland's administration, by the
official announcement of Sir Julian Paunce
fote's appointment just in time for the re
tiring administration to learn of it before it
goes oat of office.
This is not much above the standard
of the diplomacy manifested by Bayard
and Cleveland when they frantically
kicked poor Sackville upstairs into the
Paris mission. It is done more quietly
and -with rather more dignity; but both acts
show a prevalence of small resentments,
which would be impossible if the business
of diplomacy had any reallv broad interna
tional matters to deal with.
In the interim between Sackville's dis-.
missal and the present time Lord Salisbury
and Sir. Bayard have succeeded in showing
that the two most closely related countries
in the whole world can get along very well
without any expensive ministers. The En
glish Premier seems to recognize the fact,
by his appointment oi a Minister who will
11 the post just about as much as it is filled
PRIVATE DETECTIVES' -RESPONSLdIHTY.
The -verdict of $2,500 rendered yesterday
against a private detective agency for a
false arrest in the Murdoch bunko case will
be likely to prove a needed check on the
methods of that class of business. The pri
vate detective interest has undergone con
siderable expansion in the past few years;
tod the opinion which unprejudiced people
will be apt to take of that development can
hardly be favorable to the exercise of such
functions by private parties. It is certainly
evident, when the methods consist of arrest
ing people on such evidence as that employed
in this case, that there is need of a check;
and the check which consists of levying
damages on the purveyors of alleged detec
tion ought to be efficient. The powers and
duties of detectives should legitimately be
confined to officers paid by the public, and
responsible to the public Until we can
maintain that standard of civilization the
next best thing is to fix the responsibility of
the private agencies for the legality of their
It is far from pleasant at a time when
Pittsburg pre-eminently needs street im
provements to find a confusion of ideas and
perplexity of mind in official quarters as to
what sort of a law is wanted. This comes
to the public, too, at a time when everyone
was hoping that the street bill passed a
couple of years sgo would work. That
measure provided for assessing the cost of
work by benefits in place of by the foot
front rule; several streets were graded and
paved under it; the property abutting was
for the most part charged with the expense;
nobody appealed. Now it is intimated that
this way oi doing is not safe, and there is a
struggle going on over a couple of drafts of
new bills, as to whose meaning and provi
sions there is neither unanimity of opinion
nor in many quarters now, even, it is likely,
a clear understanding.
Pittsburg needs to get out of the mud. It
is not only public and private comfort
, which calls for this, but property owners in
the outer wards fully understand the busi
ness fact that good pavements add far more
than their cost to the value of the adjacent
property. "Where before there was oppo
sition to grading and paving there is now a
Tery general appreciation of their benefits.
It would be a good idea if in the future
all measures in regard to the city, before
being presented at Harrisburg, were care
fully canvassed and approved in Councils.
This would enable the local public to ex
amine their merits more fully, and the city
conld then present its requests with a nnited
delegation to support them, in place of
puzzling the Senators and Representatives
by conflicting demands. Such was the
custom of old times, and it might be re
vived with good results.
SPRINGER'S HIGH AMBITION.
Mr. Springer's attempts to create new
States has met with such brilliant success
in the way he did not want it, that he is dis
posed to try it once more. He would be
glad to slipinldaho, "Wyoming, Arizona and
New Mexico before the end of the Fiftieth
Congress if he could -do so. Mr. Springer
is too modest He might try to get in a few
States from Alaska, No Man's Xand and
thelndian Territory. If Mr. Springer or any
other statesman had broad enough views to
propose a bill admitting States when they
reach a prescribed standard of population
and development, all these Territories could
come in as soon as they are able to meet the
requirements. As it is, considering the
very backward development and imperfect
assimilation of these Territories, the 42
stars are likely to remain as the sum total
of adornments for the national nag during
a good many years to come.
THE APPROPRIATION" ORDINANCE.
The appropriation ordinance passed Com
mon Council last night aiter some skirm
ishes, one of which won a temporary victory
for the critics of the measure. The short
interval between the publication of the ordi
nance and its passage by the lower branch
makes thorough examination of its provisions
rather difficult. Assuming for the present
that the ordinance itself is all right the
manner of its passage calls for two com
ments. The first is the rather singular theory
propounded with regard to the duties of
Councilmen, in connection with the motion
which was passed and afterward reconsid
ered calling for a list of the salaried employes
of the city. It might be advantageous for
every Councilman to so inform himself of
the methods of transacting every department
of the city's business that he would have a
list ot all employes and their sal
aries laid away in his memory.
But if Councilmen fail to do this work
individually, that does not obviate the im
portance of having a committee do it col
lectively. "When a committee can do it for
both branches of Councils at once, it ought
to save time; and yet it was stated by the
same member who wishes each man to do it
for himself, that it would take the com
mittee, with the power to command the aid
of the departments, so mnch time as to
render it impossible to pass the ordinance
during the present month.
Thisis less grave than the repetition of the
practice of shoving the most important ordi
nance of the year through one branch of
Councils in a single special session. Here
is a measure taking $3,500,000 of the earn
ings of the people for the next year. It is
recognized by charter enactments and the
rules of parliamentary practice, that
such a measure cannot receive the careful
examination and thorough discussion that it
requires, if the three readings and final vote
are crowded into a single session. The
growth of this practice is certainly incom
patible with the carelul guardianship of the
TEE GERMAN GAME.
The Berlin correspondent of the London
Standard and the Cologne Gazette agree in
asserting that the ordering of the German
fleet to Samoa is for the purpose of inflict
ing "signal chastisement" on the Samoans
who have dared to oppose the gobbling of
the islands by Germany.
It seems to be the stereotyped German
policy to make some decided act of aggres
sion while fooling the other Powers with a
pretense oi joint conference on the subject
It was this policy of annexing the United
States with a conference and at the same
time taking Malietoa a prisoner which
commenced the Samoan difficulty; and if the
official organs of Bismarck are to be trust
ed, it is to be repeated if the United States
joins in the Berlin conference while the
Germin fleet is completing the conquest of
It may not be policy to fight on that issue;
but it is certainly worth remembering that
the Government which allows itself to be
twice fooled with a conference of this sort,
can blame itself only.
CONGRESS' MODEST NEEDS.
Poor Mr. Perkins of EZansasI His benev
olent scheme to give himself and every
other member of Congress a $1,200 private
secretary at the pnblic expense has again
been balked. The present Congress is
doomed to worry along without private
secretaries, and a little matter of three
quarters of a million of dollars will conse
quently stay in the Treasury. ft
Probably there is no more earnest foe of
the surplus than the philanthropic Perkins,
and statesmen of his class. Their aims are
high, and if attained they would 'come high
to the nation. But who could doubt that
Congressmen would be greatly improved by
such luxuries as private secretaries and the
like, provided at the public expense? "What
we do not understand is the moderation of
the persevering Perkins. "Why does he
stop at private secretaries? There are lots of
other things that Congressmen need in the
discharge of their arduous duties; cigars for
instance. The nation provides cuspidors for
the halls of Congress, why not the things
which make the cuspidors a necessity, to
wit, tobacco for chewing and smoking?
Pianos for Congressmen might be super
fluous in a general way, but their wives de
serve compensation for the loss of the delect
able society of their lords, and what a grace
ful thing it would be to provide each mar
ried Congressman with .a piano not a
grand perhaps, but a cottage upright from a
first-class maker. Indeed when we come to
think npon the matter the conclusion is
forced upon us that to save such patriots as
the pertinacious Perkins from frittering
away their energies in banging annually
against the Treasury doors it might be well
for the nation to provide for all our Con
gressmen need here below. Board, lodge,
wash, titivate and generally provide for
Congress at the public cost The surplus
would soon cease to worry the nation.
The verdict in the Penney suit yesterday
is likely to take the shine off the private de
tective business to a very considerable de
gree. The New Tort Superintendent of the
"Western Union Telegraph Company, when
asked if he will comply with the order to
remove his wires within thirty days, re
plied, "I cant" As the order only applies
to streets on which the subways are standing
ready for the wires, this reply is correctly
interpreted to mean, "I won't" To that is
opposed the rejoinder made by the Mayor
that if the electric officials will not do as
they are required by the law, some one will
be found who will do it for them.
If the testimony of the other fellows about
the various men talked of for Secretary of
the Treasury can be taken as worth any
thing, the distinguishing characteristic of
the whole lot must be their extreme ille
gibility. The land grabbers should be kept out of
lands not legally opened for settlement, but
the news that the cowboys are evicting
settlers in No Man's Land inspires the wish
that some one would display energy enough
to evict a few of the cattle companies from
that section and Oklahoma, so that they will
The New York Assembly, after trying
all sorts of experiments with its ceiling is
gradually drifting into the conviction that
the best that can be done is to strengthen it
with a coat of whitewash.
If Senator Cameron cannot go down into
his pocket and pay the few hundred dollars
necessary to giye the Ion Cameron Colored
Republican Club a free trip to "Washington,
what is the usufruct for the rank and file of
that practically political organization? Is
not the laborer worthy o'f his hire?
General Geeelky Is doubtful, but he
thinks there will be a storm at "Washington
next Monday. This gives the paraders
ground for hope that they will have nice,
The report that Plumb, of Kansas, has
been snubbed by General Harrison is good
reason for expressing the hope that Plumb
will not find it out. If anyone should tell
him of it there is danger that he might
smash the new administration before it gets
The intimation that little Vermont may
have a Cabinet place and New York be left
out in the cold creates the belief in the New
York political mind that civilization is an
The New York report that Mr. Piatt is
to be the Secretary of the Navy is happily
contradicted. The spectacle of Mr. Piatt
expanding the new navy by the methods
prevalent in the New York quarantine bu
reau is too stunning for the American people
The Thunderer has finally demonstrated
that its shafts are fatal. It presents the
case of its own rain from being struck by
its own lightning.
As only two days more are left in which
the journalistic Cabinet constructors may
exert their talents, they will make the most
of their opportunity. Three a day has been
the late output; but for the next two days
half a dozen Cabinets daily may be ex
pected. The more that street bill is discussed, the
deeper becomes the doubt whether the
trouble is with the present law or the city
Common people can solace themselves
with long standing authority, that it is al
most as difficult for a rich man to get into
the Kingdom of Heaven as for a poor man
to get a good seat in the fashionable
churches of New York.
The Prince of Wales goes to Germany in the
spring on a formal visit to the German Em
peror, before whom he will appear in his
capacity of Colonel of the Blucher Hussars.
Me. Pigott being in Paris, says thePhila
delphia Ledger, the British Government noti
fies him that in its deliberato way it is taking
measures to have him arrested and extradited.
If he will kindly remain in view long enough
this may be his fate, but if ho shonld take the
hint and again disappear well and good. The
Government officers have no doubt been in
structed by a modern Dogberry: "Von are to
bid any man stand, in the Prince's name."
"How If he will not stand?" "Why, then, take
no note of him, bnt let him go, and presently
call the rest of the watch together and thank
God you are rid of a knave."
This story is told of the Emperor of Austria:
A criminal had been sentenced to death. The
death warrant was placed before the Emperor
to sign. Convincing proofs of the man's guilt
had been produced, and yet a shadow of doubt
hovered in the Emperor's mind. He was just
about to sign the warrant, when he put his pen
down and sat for three hours immovable as a
statue and blunged in deep thought At last
he began to write his namebut hardly had ho
completed the first letters when a tear rolled
down his face and fell on the fresh ink. Turn
ing to the Minister in attendance, he said:
"See, my tears obliterate my name. I cannot
sign this deed," and he tore up the death war
The Crown Prince Rndolf, shortly before his
death, gave sittings to J alius Benczarfor two
portraits. One was a whole-length figure in
uniform, destined as a present to the Buda
PesthAdelskasino, in whose great hall it was
to be hungup as a companion picture to
Angeh's picture ot the Prince of Wales. The
other was a balf-length, in hunting costume,
intended as a present to the Prince's companion
in sport Count Stephen Karoly. The Crown
Prince also, a few days before his death, gave
two commissions to the painter Ajdakiewlcz.
One was a portrait of himself, which he intend
ed as a present to his father, the Emperor, the
other was for a representation upon a largo
scale of the Galiclan maneuvers.
Her Senate Passes a Very Jnst and Reason
able Libel Law.
Little Rock, March L There was a spirited
debate in the Stato Senate this morning when
the bill introduced by Senator John N. Tillman
modifying the libel law of the State came up
for final action. Following is the measure:
Section 1 In actions for libel, if the Court
or jury shall find that there is no malice, no
exemplary or punitory damages shall be
Sec 2. In all actions for libel if the de
fendant has published a retraction of the al
leged libel at as early a period as practicable af
ter hearing of its alleged falsity such fact shall
be admitted in evidence in mitigation of dam
ages and rebuttal of the presumption of
Senator Tillman, who is the yonngest mem
ber in the body, being only 28, made a speech
In advocacy of the bill, in which he said,
among other things:
"There is no law for the recovery of 'smart
money,' but juries will, under the instructions
of the courts, as the law now is, sometimes
award punitory damages. This bill simply
states in so many words that no punitory dam
ages shall be awarded. Itfurtbcrprovides tbat
the defendant fn a libel suit may publish a re
traction of the alleged libel at as early a period
as practicable after learning of its alleged
falsity, and such fact shall be admitted in evi
dence in mitigation of damages and rebuttal
of the presumption of malice. As a matter of
course, the papers are most interested in this
kind of legislation. They are often harassed
with vexatious libel suits, brought by somo
irresponsible vagabond with neither character
nor credit and mulcted in heavy damages
and costs for doing their duty in exposing a
"It the editor of a paper published a false
statement and if he discovers his mistako and
corrects it, he has done about all a reasonable
man can ask him to do, and he ought not to be
compelled to pay more than the actual dam
ages resulting to the party complaining. It is
a great hardship to subject him to the expense
attendant upon a trial In the courts and heap
upon him in addition a heavy judgment
when the real element of tho offense to-wit,
malice, is entirely wanting."
The bill passed by a vote of 15 to 12. It is re
garded as the first move toward regulating the
libel law in this State.
HARBINGERS OP SPRING.
Rainbows, Bluebirds, Blossom and Maple
Sugar in Connecticut.
New Haveh, March L A rainbow in win
ter, said to be a rare and snre harbinger of
spring, was seen by a party of pilgrims from the
summit of. East Rock yesterday. It was bril
Two bluebirds were discovered laying the
foundations of a nest in Hemlock Grove at the
Trailing arbutus has begun to blossom in
In Windham county the sngar maple sap
hunters have begun to tap their trees.
Pussy willows, nyaemths and "daffy down dll
lies" are reported in bloom from Durham, Mld
dletown ana various quarters of the center of
MUST SPEAK SPANISH.
Pullman Conductor on Florida Trains Have
to be Linguists.
On the Pullman drawing room, sleeping car
line, which is in service between New York
and Port Tampa, Fla, by tho Pennsylvania
Railroad Atlantic Coast line, and the Plant
system of railroads connecting at Port Tampa
with the Plant Steamship line for Havana,
the conductors are not only required to speak
English, but to be able to converse in Spanish.
These conductors are a necessity and are ot
great convenience, to the foreign element,
which is naturally drawn to this line.
THE TOPICAL TALKER. '
She Eejoyed tho Funeral Idleness Defined
Escaping the Blizzard Bad for a
Bore A Great Issue,
Women are not so given to saying things
they, afterward wish unsaid as men are. Now
and then, however, oven a woman trlpsjover
Some weeks ago a very large and fashionable
throng gathered at a funeral in this city. The
services were held at tho house, and were very
long, owing mainly to the desire of the minis
ter in attendance to make a telling sermon oat
of the obituary address. At the end of the
service tho visitors slowly dispersed, and one of
them, a young lady very handsomely attired in
mourning, approached.the lady of tho house,
who as the one most bereaved was naturally
dangerously near the tear line, and said:
"Good-bye, dear Mrs. Blank, I have had a de
lightful time; never enjoyed myself so much,"
and murmuring more words to this effect, she
ambled away, leaving the woman she had ad
dressed in a state of awful astonishment
"What would you like to be when you grow
up, my son?" a Pittsburg man asked his 9-year-old
boy, who has already shown remarkable
promise of escaping death from overwork.
"Well, papa," replied the youngster, "I
should like to be something where I'll have
nothing to do all the time, and I think when
rm a man I'll join the Pittsburg Club."
That boy evidently has a clear idea of what
he wants and where to get it
Tiiey were telling a nice old Philadelphia
about the way they had fought the recent cold
snap, when the gas supply fell with the mercury
to zero, and one of the ladies said: "There was
no other way open to us we all went to bed."
"Do you mean to say you undressed and went
to bed?" said the Philadelphian, raising his
eyebrows till they ornamented the edge of his
"Oh no, Uncle George we put on all the
clothes we had before we retired," responded
And if you keep an eye on the Philadelphia
papers you will surely find in tho near future
an interesting disquisition npon the barbaric
customs of Pittsburg society.
A lawyer, who is noted for his eloquence
and the sharpness of his tongue, was talking to
an old friend at the corner of Grant and Dia
mond streets the other day, when a noted Bore
came up and interrupted the conversation, or
rather tried to, for the lawyer quietly went on
But the Bore was used to such repulses, and
he addressed the lawyer again and again by
name, asking how his health was, compliment
ing him on the beauty of the bouquet in his
lapel, and suggesting topic after topic Still
the lawyer ignored the Bore's presence. At
last the Bore grew desperate and took hold of
the lawyer's arm, seeking to draw him away
from the man to whom he was talking. Then
the lawyer wheeled round, and examining the
Bore' coolly and completely from head to toe,
asked slowly: "Who are you anyway?"
The Bore gave his name.
"Well," continued the lawyer deliberately,
"I do not know you, Mr. What-ever-yonr-name-is,andl
do not want to. I have studied the
ology, sir, philology, toxicology, the botanical
branch of biology and some other ologies, but
I have not studied zoology, and I'll be hanged
if I can place you!"
'It is a great issue that lies before us," said
the Prohibition evangelist to the managing
"Yes, indeed," replied the editor cheerfully,
"we're whooping herupllvelynow; to-morrow's
issue will be read by a quarter of a million
people! Nows the time to advertiser
HO NEED FOR ANT CHANGE.
Some Reasons Why the Present Naturaliza
tion Laws Are Good Enough.
Washington, March L Representative
Seney. on behalf of himself and Messrs. Col
lins, of Massachusetts, and Backalew, to-day
submitted from tho Committee on tho Judi
ciary a minority report on the naturalization
bill introduced last month by Representative
Oates. The report cites the provislans of the
present laws on the subject, and says there is
no necessity for making any change The re
port proceeds to discuss the bill, and says that
obviously its intent is to discourage the Immi
gration of aliens into this country, and the
minority thinks there can be no ooubtthatlt
the bill is enacted into a law it will operate In
many cases as a denial of citizenship to aliens.
The report argues that no part of our adnlt
ma e population onght to owe allegiance to any
The report, in conclnsion, says: "Believing
as we do, that the highest and best interests of
oar country Willie subserved if the existing
law respecting the naturalization of aliens is
not disturbed, we are unwilling to co-operate
with the majority of the committee in their ef
forts to change its provisions."
A MINER'S MONET.
Identification of Squires Received by the
Superintendent of tho Mint.
Philadelphia, March 1. A. Squires, the
old miner and claimant to $2,000 in gold, which
he deposited in the United States Mint, in this
city, 84 years ago, has succeeded in establishing
his identity. One of the photographs of the old
man has been returned to Superintendent Fox
from Wheeling, W. Va., accompanied by affi
davits of Identification, both of Squires and his
handwriting. Another photograph, with vouch
ers of identity, has been returned from Cali
fornia, where Squires was a miner.
-Two letters w ere also received from alleged
members of Squires' family, claiming that he
was dead. The claim, together with the papers
bearing on the case, will be forwarded to the
Treasury Department in Washington.
The Benefits of Advertising.
From the St. Louis Tost Dispatch. 1
Liberal advertising made Wanamaker's for
tune, and Wanamaker' fortune has made him
first choice for Postmaster General under Gen
eral Harrison. Everything comes to the man
Tho Country U Safe.
From the Chicago News. J
This nation is delighted to learn from the
lips of the Hon. Russell Harrison, oi Montana,
that he has arrived in Washington in excellent
health and spirits.
Forged Thunderbolts Too.
From the New York Telegram.
For sale At a bargain, a lot of unused thun
der. Reason for selling Owner will not be
able to use it Address, in confidence, Times,
CAUGHT ON THE GRIP LINE,
Mamma Edith, dear, where is your little
doggie; I haven't seen him for hours?
Little Edith Dog gone mamma.
It is said when Mr. Harrison was informed
that it was young Beaver who took his picture at
Harrisburg, he remarked that it would Beaver(y)
Spobtt I'll bet you J500 that Quay is in the
Bportynot I am not a betting man, but I would
like to know your reasons for thinking so.
Bporty I have Uvea for a gooa many years, but
in all my time 1 never saw a cablnctwithout a key.
Sportynot Chestnuts, that Quay has whiskers
Sporty J know it, sohavemon(kcys).
Topebton This prohibition movement is a
Hoberton It amuses me 40 hear an old sot like
you talk In that manner.
Toperton-WelL if that amuses yon, how will
you feel when I tell you I accepted a position
with that party this morning.
Soberton That Is positively funny. "What are
your duties to be?
Toperton My duty is to nil up dally, parade the
streets, and when 1 attract a big crowd I am to be
arrested, thereby showing where drink will put a
Soberton But suppose you do your work so well
that when It comes to a vote the people will decide
for prohibition. Your occupation will be gone.
Toperton Don't worry, there Is no danger.
They advertised all through the State for a man to
take the position, and more than half the regis
tered vote made application,
MAKE YOUB MAKE.
Why do you paint, my darling ?
Don't you know it Isn't right,
For every time I kiss yon
It makes a spot quite white.
Ehe answered thus most coyly.
As we sat there. In the park;
I paint, my dearest lover.
So yon can make your mark.
'ANEYENING OF MUSIC.
Tho Second Musicals of the Philharmonic
Society a Success.
The Philharmonic Society, of the East End,
gave their second muslcale of this season at
Liberty Hall last evening. A large audience
was present Mr. Thomas F. Kirk was di
rector, and Mr. Carl Retter pianist The pro
gramme was attractive. The singing of Miss
Agnes Vogel and Mr. W. H. Stephens deserves
especial mention. The lady has already an
enviable reputation in this city and elsewhere.
The entertainment was opened with an over
ture"by the Philharmonic Society. Miss Grace
Miller sang a soprano solo, and was liberally
applauded. Master Bartlctt Briggs played two
violin solos during the evening, and was re
called by the audience. Messrs. Theodore
Hoffman and Louis R. Schmertz played the
cornet duo from "Norma." A duet was ren
dered by Miss Grace Miller and Mr. Stephens.
An instrumental serenade was playea by
Messrs. Ewart, Van Osten and Hoffman. The
programme was concluded with a selection by
AT THE EAST END HOTEIi.
The Smlthnold Club Holds Its First An
The annual reception of the Smithfleld Club
at the East End Hotel last evening was very
successful. The club has been in existence but
a year, bat judging from last evening's pleas
ures, it will be in existence for many years to
The large dining and reception rooms of the
hotel had been prepared for dancing. Gernert
and Guenther's orchestra furnished the music.
This popular amusement was indulged in until
2 o'clock this morning. Progressive euchre
was one of tho amusements arranged for those
who did not dance The prizes awarded were
both handsome and unique.
Proprietor Van Buren. of the hotel, served a
delightful supper at midnight to the club's
guests. About 75 couples were in attendance.
Tho Hancock and Grant Schools Had En
The children of the Hancock school gave a
repetition of their Washington's Birthday cele
bration yesterday afternoon, for the benefit of
the school directors and the families of the
pupils. Prof. Lackey ahd Dr. Wood were also
resent There were 38 children who took part
1 the entertainment
The children at the Grant school gave a
Washington and Longfellow entertainment in
their schoolhouse. A large number ot vistors
were there, who listened to the recitations of a
number ot Longfellow's poems.
A SHADTSIDE RECEPTION.
Mrs. Reuben Miller Receives Her Guests at
ner Fifth Avenue Home.
Mrs. Reuben Miller, of Fifth avenue. Shady
side, gave-a delightful reception yesterday
afternoon, from 3 to 6 o'clock. The attendance
was very large. Gernert and Guenther's Orches
tra furnished the musical programme. The
floral decorations were superb, consisting of
Prince tulips, Bermuda lilies. La France and
Bennett roses, arranged in the most attractive
of the florist's styles. Mrs. Miller was assisted
in receiving by a number of her friends.
THE SECOND NIGHT.
The Shady Avenue Church Bnzaar At
tended by Many People.
The second evening's bazaar given by the
Shady Avenue Baptist Church was as well
patronized as on that ot the opening night
The amusement hall and the various booths
were well patronized. A concert was given
last evening by a brass band.
A large sum will be realized from the affair,,
and the ladies in charge may feel proud of
They Had n Select Cotillion.
The members of the Alumni Association of
the Holy Ghost College gave a select cotillion
last night at Central Turner Hall. About 150
couples took part In the grand march. Gernert
and Guenther furnished the mnslc About 11
o'clock the party adjourned the dancing
amusement to partake of the delicacies of a
A Church Entertainment.
The young ladies of the First M. P. Church
on Fifth avenue gave a musical and literary
entertainment last" night Prof. G. M. Sleeth,
E. H. Dermltt Miss M. Henkler and John
Strauss were among the performers.
For tho Cadets' Benefit.
- A nice musical and literary entertainment for
the benefit of the Hamilton Cadets was given
in the Eleventh ward school hall last evening.
It was a success in every particular.
Another Poverty German.
Tho Hisses Oxnard, ot Sheffield street, Alle
gheny, entertained a very largo number of
friends at a poverty german last night at their
AS MR. FAIRCHILD SEES IT.
He Calls the Present Customs Tax Policy a
j PIcco of Barbarism.
Washington, March 1. Secretary Fair
child has sent a letter to Chairman Mills, in
answer to his request for further information
as to the general effect the Senate substitute
for the House tariff bill would have upon the
customs revenue. After charging that in spite
of its declarations in favor of specific rates, the
Senate bill has in many instances increased
high ad valorem rates, the Secretary says:
'If, therefore, it shall be the policy of the
Government to continue and to aggravate, as Is
proposed, this merciless system of customs tax
ation, it would be better. I think, that the bar
barism be completed by tho.adoption of specific
rates than that the present carnival of fraud
and deceit shall continue. If the people are to
be forever tortured by taxatioh, then 'Call the
Cossacks, lay on the knout.' put on the mana
cles, and apply the thumbscrews in an earnest,
orderly and straightforward way."
We Forgot Carter Harrison.
From the Chicago Herald.
The Pittsbubo Dispatch says: "If Mr.
Gladstone shonld be induced to visit this coun
try by the invitation of Chicago, it would have
the drawback of making that city more insuf
ferably conceited than ever?" Chicago, the
home of Carter Harri'on, conceited over the
visit ot Mr. Gladstono is good.
She'll Be Wearing of the Green,
From the Detroit Free I'ress.
A pair of garter clasps are now in process of
mounting that are intended for a fortunate
young lady whose birthday comes on the 17th
of March. A shamrock in green enamel with
diamond dew on the leaves is the design, with
the wearer's monogram on the under side.
FACTS AND FIGURES.
The city of New York employs 21 lawyers in
its law department at an annual expense of
$232,400 in salaries.
The total production Of coffeo in the world
for the season 1SSS-9 is 11,156.500 bags, as
against 6,782,696 bags In 1887-8. The annnal
consumption of the world Is estimated at II,
000,000 bags. " .
THE gold coin and bullion in the United
States Treasury foot up $323,353,001; silver
dollars and bullion, S276,000,524f legal tenders,
44,869,128; gold certificates in circulation,
$131,909,210; silver certificates in circulation,
$245,856,922; currency certificates, $15,390,000.
A Worcester. Mass., firm is making a
patent wire hoop to take the place of tho ordi
nary wooden hoop for barrels, kegs, palls, etc
In the place of ten hoops for the ordinary size
barrel, six wire hoops answer the same purpose
and are said to make a tighter joint. They are
fastened by the Thomson-Houston electric
welding machine, which will weld U0,O0Q hoops
per day. .
The American is the typical riser on rail
roads, and the New Yorker is the riler among
riders. Last year the elevated 1 lilroads of
New York City, comprising 32milcc of track,
carried more than 170,000,000 passenga-s, which
was only 1,500,000 less than the entire! traffic of
the German Empire, with its 18,00p miles of
track: only about 15 per cent less th(n the en
tire traffic of France, with Its 20,141 miles of
track, and is 40 per cent of the entile traffic
of the roads of this, country which carrled
428,225,513 passengers over 149,912 miles of
The manufacture of what are termed ven
eered diamonds is a notable industry in Paris.
Tho body of the gem is of quartz or crystal.
After being cut into a proper shape, it fa put
into a galvanic battery, which coats it with
a liquid, the latter being made of diamonds
which are too small to be cut, and of the clip
pings taken from diamonds daring the process
of shaping them. In this way all the Ismail
particles of diamonds that heretofore bate
been regarded as comparatively worthless.
by means' of this ingenious process, be made 0
service to the jeweler.
1 ' . ,s w
Beyer's Candidacy for State Treasurer
Rey burn's Chance for the Governorship
Will Mageo or Quay Dictate Patch.
Ing Up a Cabinet.
rPBOM A STACT COBmSPONDENT,;
Habbisbubo. March-1. "It may have been
a mistake," said a gentleman prominent in
State politics, "for Speaker Boyer to announce
himself so early as a candidate for State
Treasurer. The prohibition election is yet to
occur, and should the amendment be carried,
asmanythjnk it will be, there is no doubt
many persons who are prominent in the move
ment will aspire to the honor, in which case it
will be the field against Boyer, with many com
binations probable to knock him out"
"How does Mr. Magee regard Boyer'a candi
dacy?" "I can haidly answer that Personally he Is
very friendly to him. But Boyer is especially
Quay's candidate, and it is not safe to say
Mageo would be for him if some other strong
candidate should take the field. My own idea
is thatMagee will not go into the fight at all."
"I hear that Senator Reyburn Is Magee's
choice fur the Governorship."
"They are warm friends, but I think Magee
will be for Cooper, if Cooper will be a candi
date. One thing, though, is certain: Reyburn
and Cooper will not enter tho field against each
other. The contest Is far off yet though, and
one can't tell what may happen between now
Events move fast in politics and some people
are looking beyond the nearer contests to the
Gubernatorial contest of 1894. An ex-member
of the Legislature, who resides in Harrisburg,
says: "If Boyer is elected State Treasurer, he
will succeed Delamater as Governor, He's got
the stuff in him to make a good and popular
Treasurer, and that will giro him a grip that
will only become firmer between the expiration
of his term as Treasurer and the Gubernatorial
"What are Boyer's relations to MageeT" was
a question put to a gentleman who keeps an
eye on State politics, and is on intimate terms
with the one and friendly terms with the other.
"He is on a very friendly footing with Mages
sufficiently friendly, Ithink, to be justified in
expecting aid from him .in the campaign, or at
least friendly neutrality. Of course if the mo
mentous question came to Boyer, 'under which
king?' he would answer 'Quay.' He couldn't
very well do anything else"
"How about Reyburn for Governor as a
'Reyburn would be strong if he could get
the nomination, bat as a Magee man he
couldn't ca'rry Philadelphia, and a man ought
at least to have the support of his own locality
to make much of a fight."
Senator Quay is yet in Washington, and, it is
reported, will remain there until after tho
inauguration. He had intended to go direct to
his borne in Beaver after his return from
Florida to tho national capital, bnt circum
stances interfered. Those circumstances are
believed here to mainly grow out of the arrival
of General Harrison in Washington with a
Cabinet slate that has been badly fractured
several times, and is jnst now greatly in need
of some skillful hand and brain to restore Its
parts or find substitutes for them, so that they
will look as good as now. Simpson.
A Warning From Bishop Huntingdon Against
the Dangers of the Times.
From the NewTork Sun.
At the conference of Episcopalian clergymen
and laymen that has been held in this city dur
ing the past two days, a letter Was read from
Bishop Huntingdon in which he gave warning
against the dangers of the times. Here is a
passage from it:
"Intense political and commercial forces are
ready to push their way Into the church, to mag
nify its material aspects In commercial and
political centers, and to match the wealth, official
pageantry and corporate power of the world with
hlcrarclilal and other like distinctions of the
Kingdom of God."
These are remarkable words of the distin
guished Bishop of tho Episcopal faith, and t bey
will doubtless be pondered by his brethren to
whom they are addressed.
HARRISON'S FIRST APPOINTMENT.
Ho Selects General Hawkins as Coachman
A Good Selection.
From the "Washington Critic
Colonel Roessle, of the Arlington, has scored
the first appointment by the President-elect
which -will go through with eclat Yesterday,
before Mr. Harrison had time to crack a whip,
the Colonel put in an application for the re
tention of General Hawkins as coachman to
the President, and Mr. Harrison, without con
sulting his Cabinet or anybody else, indorsed
the Colonel's request, and extended his assur
ances that General Hawkins should succeed
himself on the box. The General (we call him
General by reason of valuable services) has
been on deck since President Grant's time, and
he is a first-class man in every respect, and If
Mr. Harrison' appointments are all as good
the perpetuity of the Republic (for four years)
Do Not Misjudge Them.
From the Chicago New3.J
There has been an earthquake in Indiana.
Citizens of that State who are about to depart
for Washington should not be suspected of
harboring plans to capture federal offices.
They are only trying to get out of range of that
Plgott and n Journalist Bigot.
From the Chicago News.l
There once was a party named Plgott
Who prevailed on a journalist bigot
By the lies of bis tongue
To waste at the bung
What through years had been saved at tho
Chewing Gum Lockjnwed Her.
Mobeistown, Ind., March 1. Mrs. Isaac
Kaufman chewed so much gum yesterday that
the muscles of her face became paralyzed, and
she was compelled to send for a physician be
fore she could open her mouth.
The sort of verso that makes
The Spellln' Bee wuz over. I stood close by the
My face ez red ez Are, my toes all In a chill.
Till Susan got her things on,, an' came up to the
An' then I crooked my elber-Jolnt an' held it out
But Hezekiah Brlndle sez: "Permit me. erye
A-shovin' in between us, with most amazln' ease.
Then Susie's head went backward, Jestez a robin's
Said she: 'Thanks! Sl'll take mel" her eyes
Bo Hezekiah stood quite still, ezmeek ez any lamb,
An soon he softly slid away without a
' Thank-ye-Ma'am I"
I stowed her Jneath the buflalers an' wrapped her
warm an' tight,
Old Dobbin's bells went jlnglin'away Inter the
I sot ez close 'z 1 dared tcr-an' wished 't was
An' whether 'r not we made remarns, I d'clar' 1
Fer I sot tbar contrlvin' what words I ought ter
Ter win that gal fer my ownest own never ter go
At last 1 scared up spunk enough an' cleared my
throat an' tried:
"I never seen a prettier night fer takln' a slclgh-
OSue! let's ride tergether"-Iwaz solemn ez a
But ez I spoke the sleigh rlz up on an awfal
She toppled, with a leelle screech, an' so I put
Tight round her waist ter hold her safe, fer
fear she'd come ter harm.
Sothen-wat then I kissed her. But Susie didn't
An' home we went a-zlppln' through snow an'
Old Dobbin's bells were ringing' now a sort o'
With both the runners J'inin' in, ez we jest flew
The old horse showed more speed that night than
I'd 'a' thought be bad;
He seemed ter go like ligntnln'-but I wasn't very
Soon Sue got down an' kissed her ma; we parted
very calm, '
But goln' home my heart jest Jumped, ez I crossed
Tudor jenitttatM vtniury
GOSSIP OF GREAT-GOTHAM.
Dan Lnmont Buys a Farm.
IXEW TOEK BCEIAU SrSCIAM.)
NEW Yobk. March L Daniel Lamont Pres
ident Cleveland's Private Secretary, is an
nouncedas the pnrchasor of the Abendroth
estate on Grace Church street Port Chester.
Many Port Chester people think that it has
been bought for President Cleveland. Orders
have been given to put the place in shape for
immediate occupancy. The Ablendroth place
is one of the most charming sites on the
Sound. It comprises 40 acres of land, and the
house is as large as an ordinary hotel. The
sale has caused a great stlrin Port Chester.
Inventor Edison Nearly Blinded.
While making an experiment at his residence
in Orange, N. J., on Saturday list, Thomas A.
Edison, the Inventor, nearly lost his eyesight.
A pot of chemicals which was boiling on a stove
ran over, and a portion flew up Into his eyes.
His eyes are badly injnred.
A Search for a Sawbones.
Napoleon B. Mechloss, 27 years old. of Deeth,
Elko connty.Nevada, qalled at Bellevue to-day,
and inquired for the best "sawbones" on the
ranch. Napoleon is a typical cowboy, and is
troubled with hip disease, the result of long
rides In the saddle He will remain for re
pairs. The Pennsy Has to Pay.
In the Supreme Court before Jadge
Ingraham, to-day, Harshaw Scott recoyered a
verdict of $14,000 against the Pennsylvania
Railroad for personal injuries. A number of
years ago Scott was crossing the defendant's
track, when an express struck him. He was
wedged in the cowcatcher of the engine, and
had to be pulled out One leg and one arm
were broken, and he received other injuries.
nigh Jumps Caused by Rom.
Some very high jumps were reported by the
police this mornine, the motive power being
usually rum. John E. Rhodes, 43 years old,
jumped from the second story fire-escape at 12
Horatio street last night, in a fit of delirium
tremens. He is in St. Vincent's Hospital.
Terence Leonard, 32 years old, afflicted in like
manner, jumped the third story of the tene
ment at 328 Delancey street and broke a leg.
He is in the Gouvernenr Hospital. Minnie
Webb, 27 years old, jumped for the same
reason from the second story at 56 Catharine
street and broke her left ankle. The police
have her in the Chambers Street Hospital.
Cool ns a Cucumber.
A horse owned by John P. Burns, of Tenth
avenue and One Hnndred and Fifty-sixth
street, last evening broke away from the wagon
in front of the house and made straight for
the Hudson river at One Hnndred and Sixtieth
street It jumped in and swam to Manhattan
ville, where it walked ashore, shook itself, was
hitched np by a rescuing party, and went home
as if nothing had happened.
Investigators Successfully Defied.
Reporters who have gone to Mr. Edward D.
Morgan's stock farm at Hempstead, to gather
facts about the docking of 30 horses, have been
very tffectually repelled by 30 stablemen and
half a hundred dogs. Officers of the Society
for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals have
had to keep a respectful distance, and there
fore have been unable to learn anything that
would justify asklngfor a warrant against Mr.
Morgan or any of his employes. It is of
course denied that any docking was done, and
Mr. Morgan offers a reward for the person who
started the story.
Waiting and Watching for Georgle.
George L Plaisted, the speculator and com
mission merchant, who disappeared from the
swamp on February 13. owing bills to skin and
leather dealers, turned np day before yester
day. He showed himself to one person only.so
far as is known, and disappeared again. That
person was James Frazer, of Cliff street to
whom he owed nothing. Mr. Frazer, in report
ing the conversation to others in the trade.sald
that Mr. Plaisted was non-committal. He re
fused to say where he was living or what be
had done with the goods, other than that he
bad shipped part of them to Holland. He
said he would return yesterday and make ex
planations. He did not appear, but the leather
men expect him to appear in a few days.
3 DEATH IS A TICT0RT.
A Salvation Army Oration on the Death of a
New Yobk, March L At the Salvation Army
meeting yesterday In Reade street Mrs. Balling
ton Booth thus referred to the death of Captain
Moore, a young Cadadian Salvation lass, in the
railroad accident in Ontario:
She was a faithful officer of the army, and was
probably better prepared to go than others who
were In that disaster. As wc look npon It, she has
been promoted to glory. We do not wear funereal
black when one of oar members die. We wear
white badges on our bosoms, white ribbons on oar
arms, and display tbe colors of the army yellow,
red and bine at the head of tbe procession, which
moves to the notes of Jubilant music.
From the Chicago News.
Said Grover to Benny:
"Your cares will be many."
Said Benny to Grover:
"I wish they were over."
"Oh, Washington," said Grover, "is a bad place
And the co9t of swell receptions is really very
You're sure to get in trouble if you're handy
with your vetoes,
And office-seekers area bore it pains me to
So you'd better let me stay
And cooper at your job."
"No, thank you, not to-day,"
Said Benny with a sob.
A Recent Inveation.
From the New York Sun.
A burglar alarm has lately been devised
which secretly registers the burglar's weight as
soon as he enters the house, turns on electric
lights and takes an instantaneous photograph
of him, throws indelible ink in his face, seizes
him by the coat collar and leads him into the
kitchen, whero it administers a kick that sends
him through the window into a back alley. It
is said to be an effective alarm.
From the Chicago Times.
X will soon represent many unknown quanti
ties in and about Washington.
OF INTEREST TO WOMEN.
CHICAGO ladles who are fond of the chase as
it is conducted in Hyde Park will be glad to
know that they may wear crimson jackets on
their next hunt The custom of appearing In
scarlet coats is growing in England. Lady
Hesketh and Mrs. Garnett have hunted in Ire
land in scarlet for the last two seasons.
The athletic-culture fad, which originated in
Boston, and has been steadily spreading, has
now reached Milwaukee, where yofing women
are evincing a lively interest in it A new
feature of the fad is tbe craze for fencing and
boxing two mascnline accomplishments,
which, for some reason, are very dear to the
A Fkench savant has recently announced
bis belief that women are increasing in size.
Certain it is that the hands of tbe average
woman are much larger now than formerly.
The happy change in public opinion which en
ables women of all ranks to work with their
hands, and take pride in doing so, may not be
without effect in enlarging those members.
The lady , students of the St John Ambu
lance Association at Birkenhead, England, out
number tho gentlemen in the proportion of 163
to 144. These pupils are not mere students of
physiology and hygienic rules, but aro prac
ticed In the art of bandaging, removal of in
jured on stretchers, and arrest of bleeding.
Most of the lady students have joined the asso
ciation from choice Some of them are wealthy
and independent and a few, like the Duchess
of Westminster, are titled;
Like many other good housewives. Queen
Victoria has a great fondness for china, and
buys a new selection every year. Some of
these are of course purchased for presentation,
but the majority goes to Her Majesty's table.
She Is said to show excellent taste, and gen
erally buys broad cups in ivory and gold or
ivory and blue. So keen Li tho desire in Lon
don nowadays, however, to have something
different from other; people that customers are
not influenced inlhe least by tho Information
that tbe Queen has bought such andsacha
pattern. Indeed, it acts as a deterrent agateat
their buying the same thing.
f UUK1UUS MiNUKNHATIDlrra
The Empress of China has just ennobled
three generations of Sir Robert Hart's ances
tors, although they are alt dead.
Samuel Kaufielt, though 80 years old,
enjoyed a skate last week on the river near his
home, in York county, this State.
Adelborontiphoscophorniostikos is the
classical name of a locomotive owned by the
Lackawanna Iron and Coal Company at Scran
ton. Lizzie O'Donohue, aged 10, who was
buried yesterday in Jersey City, died from in
juries received while rollerskatlng three weeks
ago. She was unconscious for 12 days.
A farmer in York county, Me., recently
shipped twenty barrels of apples to Liverpool.
After freight charges and other expenses were
deducted he found his fruit had netted him
8 cents a barrel.
Por a long time the fox hunters of
Montgomery, N. Y., have been annoyed'J.by
farmers who shoot foxes fiom in front of (the
hounds, and make away with them. It is .very
demoralizing on the dogs and exasperating ta
the hunter. a?
The other day a teacher in a Bostoa
school showed a little girl a picture of a?faa
and asked her what It was. The little girl
didn't appear to know. "What does yoa
mother do to keep cool in hot weather?" askedf
the teacher. "Drink beer," was the prom? if
reply of the little girt "4 rt
Two 6-year-old negro hoys nearDaw:$
son, Ga., playing with the 18-months-old brother A
01 one 01 tnem, shot the little fellow and buried
juuiau kun u.uo muxuerers.
Athens has a paper called in Greek tho
Woman's Journal. It Is edited by Mme. Callir
hoe Parren, a Greek woman, who says that 'la
Greece the rights ot a woman are almost nil,
lor secondary instruction has not yet been de
creed, and .we can only ask and work for tho
moral and intellectual enfranchisement of
The records of the Association of CoI
legiate Alumna) show of the 524 members' 11
physicians. 9 journalists, 8 authors, 8 librarians,
5 lawyers, 3 artists, 3 printers, 2 each of school
principals, musicians, elocutionists, and privata
secretaries, and one each of lecturer, chemist,
typewriter. Government clerk and merchant
Others are engaged in bookkeeping, dairy
farming, stock raising, Insurance, biology, the
drama, and one is the editor of an agricultural
George Story, of San Francisco, is 89
years old, and attracts attention on account ot
his remarkable growth ot hair. In 1849 he left
Nantucket for California, expecting to return
in a year or so. Before leaving be told his
friends that he would not cut his hair or shave
until he returned. He kept his word, and as he
has not been home since his hair now repre
sents a growth of 40 years. Notwithstanding
his great age, his hair and beard are coal
An 18-year-old girl, in New York, was
greatly frightened the other night by loud
snoring in her chamber, and looking under the
bed discovered a young man, sound asleep.
She summoned her brother, and the stranger,
being aroused, said he found the basement
door open, walked np to what he took to be a.
spare bedroom on the top floor, and went to
sieep. He was handed over to a policeman, to
whom he explained that he was 18 years old and
without a home
An outbreak of yellow fever is reported,
from Versailles, France. The. infection Is said
to have been brought in the feathers of certain
parrots imported from South America. This is"
bad news indeed. The world has lately heard,
on high authority that the familiar, domestic,'?"
diphtheria is often doe to poor pussy and her
inquisitive investigations into neigeboring
premises: bat it is much more startling to hear
that such a far-off foe as Yellrfw Jack may be
lurking in the plumage of pretty PoU.
Joseph G. Parkinson, of Chicago, is
said to be tbe only deaf and dumb lawyer in tha
country. He is associated with his twin
brother, who does not share his disabilities.
Wben Mr. Parkinson was 23 years old he was
chief examiner in thePatent Office at Washing
ton, a place he held for six years. In 1879 he re
signed and. soon afterward was admitted to
practice before the United States Supreme
Court. He now ranss as one of the most suc
cessful patent lawyers in the country.
When Terence Loughlin was arraigned
on Tuesday in Justice Naeher's Court in
Brooklyn, and sentence was suspended, a local
account states, he leaned over to the Judge
and whispered, "I signed that check last .
night." An explanation was at once demand-
ed.and Longnlin said he was visited in bis cell
Monday night by his brother-in-law, Bernard
Callahan; who said that unless he signed a
check for $500 he would be sent to tho Inebri
ates' Home Callahan said that Justice Naeher
had told him to compel Loughlin to sign it
Callahan is a bartender at the Astor House
He says Loughlin is well-to-do, but does not'
Srovide for his family. On tbat account Calla
an tried to get $500 out of him for the use of
The jail in Morris county, New Jersey
Doasts of a dwarf less than four feet high, who
probably drinks more water than any other .
man in the State. Formerly he was the cham
pion whisky drinker of his district and foi
habitual drunkenness and disorderly conduct?
he was committed to the jail some weeks agoiw.
At first the sadden catting off of bis customary .
allowance of strong liquor almost prostratedC
him. Recently, however, he has developed ar .
Eassion for water that is more pronounced than' J.
is old craving for whisky. He drinks, it Is 1
said, a gallon every night and accosts the first ST
keeper he sees in the morning with.a.demand'A
for more. Daring tbe hours of daylight he re- v
quires from eight to ten quarts to assuage his '
thirst, and still complains of a dryness of tha Jf
tonsils. He says he never felt In better health v
In his life -v
FUNNY MES'S FANCIES. '
Those Narrow Streets. Since I visited
Philadelphia, says PUlklns, I nnderstandwhy
they cross the streets at right angles. They don't
gain anything by cutting across. Sea Tor
Jay Gould Style Mamma (to Flossie,
who has been lunching with a little friend) I
hope you were very polite Flossie at the table
and said, "Yes, please" and "No, thaniyou!"
Flossie Welt I didn't say. "No, thank you,"
because you see I tk everything. Epocn.
In a Divorce Court Defendant's lawyer
If Your Honor please I would like to ask a re
cess for ten minutes. A maiden aunt to the de
fendant has died and left him 300,000. 1 wish to
consult with my client for a moment. Plaintiff's
attorney (hurriedly) The lady whom I have the
honor to represent Instruct me to withdraw this
complaint. If the Court, please I move that the
case.be dismissed. Chicago Herald.
A Connoisseur. Dawdie Where does
this man Alkali come from that desires to Join
our art club?
Bangle-He's from Arizona.
Dawdle Arizona? What does he know about
Bmzle Whv. my dear boy, he told me himself
he was chairman of the hanging committee sev ,.
eral times In Cayote Gulch. Loteell CUlxen.
The Only Objection. A certain politician 1
holding office now in Washington cones from
Ullead, . and he is proud of his native town.
It is told of him tbat on one occasions visiting
clergyman preached In the village church, and
daring the course of his remarks he exclaimed:
' 'Is there no balm In GUead?" Mr. Blank Jumped,
te his feet at once -Of course there U, " he sung
out, totbehorfor of the congregation, "out you
can't get it on Suuday." Washington. Critte. - . fc
LifeinPizen Creek. Colonel Whipsaw
(of the Rattlesnake Ranch, being shown to hit
room in the Bad Lands House) Wh what does It
say on that air sign up there? t S,
Landlord it says, "Guests win please remove
their spurs before retiring."
"Bvthe North Fork of the Great Crooked Bit-5 1
terroot: uo out to tne corral an' gii mi u
I'll mosey! If the sffete ways of the wornout East J
are sneakln' in here like this I shall siarwunasy
West to-night. "-ai Stftlngs.
"Only think of it George I thaNiagariJ
Falls are fast wearing away."
"George Isn't it at Niagara jraiu waere prop
generally go on their wedding tour?" . flf
'1 believe so." ' M
"George wouldn't it be awfal If the rails
should disappear before somebody who is dying to
go there should-should-be able to go there
George.'" .. .-
A fond embrace whispered words and the cus
tomary impedimenta all of which tend to show
that she and George will get there long before tha
Falls take their anal departure Boston 2Ve
"Papa," says the funny man's boy7
"What did Mr. Smith mean when he said he ilept
llkea top last night?" " ' '
Funny Man-"Why. I suppose he slept a tfns
was to hum.' "-Aine Tor Jrtentng Sun. : 5
PATTSSCE gets these. g
She was but seven, I was nine. ., C ;
1 loved her madly and she knew lt;.V
1 knelt and begged her to be mlne-r
She said she really couldn't do lt;
At thirty-eight her hair U gray. V
Her roses brighter bloom than ev;
To-morrow la our wedding dsytjjjf
TIs late but better late than never...-,
" .. . ,T