Pittsburg dispatch. (Pittsburg [Pa.]) 1880-1923, January 13, 1889, SECOND PART, Page 10, Image 10

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    - 'PTFT.r yl
then he realized that he was in a sense a
wooer, because at the dinner of the previous
evading, at the Dallas cottage she had nei
ther allowed his claim of connubial rela
tionship, nor vet utterly rejected him. She
had successfully repulsed him, but without
driving him far away. No earnest talk had
occurred between them, and so Pootle, feel
ing like a snitor, sought to avoid an exhibi
tion of himself which, he was bound to real
ize, would -not be romantically winsome.
He felt, when safe in his compartment, that
lie had discreetly escaped a disaster.
The "Widow Gansett joined the two Dal
lases, and at the same moment Winston
Dallas sauntered up. "Winston was gay in
a cap and sack of widely striped blue and
white, and an embroidered shirt and white
flannel trousers as other features of an ag
gressively fashionable seaside toilet. Around
his waist was wonnd a bright scarf, and he
walked in low shoes and silken stockings.
The Colonel eyed him with hardly concealed
"Believe I'll have a go at the surf," said
the dandy.
The thoughtful father s gaze went out
again to the stalwart figure of Victor Leroyd,
who was swimming shoreward with May,
nnd a quick calculation of the chances im
plied him to say: "No, "Winnie better
'stay in your clothes as yon are. They're
Terr cocky."
Winston comprehended, and assented
with, "All right, dad," as he casually ab
stracted a cigar from that solicitous parent's
inner pocket, lit it, and gave himself leisure
ly over to an exposition of the latest graces
in smoking.
"You're impudent enough to prove a win
ner." murmured the fond father.
"You're saying it, Governor," was the re
sponse. "I'll bet you a fall overcoat, old
man, that before its time to wear one I'll
take more money out of Leroyd than you
get out of his uncle. Does it go?"
"It goes."
"They are bound for the races this after
noon," interposed Sheeba, lor fear that the
widow had" overheard their words, "and
thev can't wait to get tbere before betting."
The four talked to no consequence awhile,
and then Mr. Pootle, who had hastily put
on his ordinary attire, came among them.
He was rather a jaunty human rotundity.
in a suit of plaids, in which the crossbars of
the iabric were huge, in deciding upon
that costume he had counted the plaids
across a coat worn by his nephew, and had
then sought a pattern just sufficiently larger
to make his own girth comprise exactly the
same number of figures. That was his
system for achieving symmetry by an ad
justment of proportions, but he had at heart
no confidence in it, and as he stood in the
sand, about ankle deep by reason of his
heavy weight, he keenly regretted the ap
parent loss of height which could only make
liim look the thicker. But Mr. 'Pootle
wonld not have been depressed in spirits if
his legs had sunk knee deep into the sand,
leaving him somewhat in an attitude of
kneeling to the widow, as they moved a
little npart. Suddenly she quitted him and
rejoined Sheeba, exclaiming: "No, no; no,
sir no."
"Sow, here, Mrs. Dallas," said Mr.
Pootle, and he had a photograph in each
hand; "look on this picture, and on this."
"The counterfeit presentment of two siB
ters," said the widow.
( Tm a-gettmg the critical judgment of
this lady," and he faced one of the cards to
Sheeba. "Who is that?"
"My dear friend who stands there."
"Arid who is this?" exhibiting the other
"That seems to beportraitofthesame lady
when bonnets were fiat; and what is the
"Your unprejudiced identification ought
to settle it, I should say. Hasn't she told
tou? Well, this lady 'and I were married.
1 am seven j ears older now than then, but
she isn't a day. We could'nt get along to
gether. I was unreasonable, and she was
romantic We parted. I have been passim:
lor a widower, and she lor a widow. Now I
have discovered her. She takes the picture
that was the means of finding her, puts it
alongside of an older one, and declares one
to be my lost wife, but the other isn't the
bame wi'fe found. Isn't it absurd?"
"Why yes; I think so, said Sheeba, hesi
tating tor the instant between frankness and
duplicity; and then the Colonel interposed,
politely and affably:
"Ladies like to be coaxed. But tou
shouldn't demand too much wooing, Mrs.
Pootle, having once been won. Say you are
jeconciled," and he joined their hands,
"There. Bless you. It is settled."
The group was sufficiently by itself to not
be overheard by other people on the be3ch,
and their actions looked like nothing more
than common pleasantry.
"What are you up to, Sam," whispered
Sheeba to the Colonel. "Is it deviltry for
deviltry's own sake?"
"O, I'm doing your chum 3 good turn,"
lie replied. "What a racket it would be for
xay darling Sheeba to wort," and he contem
plated the pair.
"My congratulations," Winston was say
ing. Ihis quite rouses things, don t you
fcnow puts a bit of life into the drowse."
The flustered widow canght her breath
hysterically, and showed symptoms of
"Like a real bride," whispered the Colo
nel to Sheeba.
But the fun of that couple was instantly
lost to Colonel Sam Dallas because another
hand-in-hand pair, in whom his plot had a
genuine interest, came into the party. These
were Victor and May, dripping with the
water in which they had been disporting,
she enthusiastic over her first encounter
with the sea, and he feeling a delight that
he had never before derived from the exer
cise of swimming.
A week later, of a morning, May Morris
eat in the parlor of the Dallas honse. The
room was moderately outfitted with chairs,
settees and tables of willow; the floor was
covered with Chinese matting; the walls
had no pictures, but were decorated a little
by means of grasses; and. to atonofor the
lack of snmptnousness, the summer char
acter of the apartment's contents made it
look cooler than any truthful thermometer
wonld have corroborated. The appearance
of delightful temperature, no matter how
xne mercury mignt nave remtea it, was
heightened by the girl, whose hair was
brushed loosely back from an unflnshed
lace, and whose loose white robe gave no ex
pression of warmth. Sunshine blazed hotly
on the exterior of the building, but the
light that tell upon her was not caloric
The lower sash had been obscured temporar
ily, in order to let the light fall illummgly,
not on the artless figure, but on the bit of
art at which she was working. It was not
an employment that would bear close
criticism. The employe onlv was perfectly
admirable. Her lap was her easel, a toy
box of water paints served for a palette as
well, and other signs of makeshift showed
that the undertaking was transitory. Sev
eral sprays of fern were pinned to the back
of a chair, and the painter was imitating
them in colors on a cardboard.
"Don't dare tell me it is bad work," she
said to the Widow Gansett, who stood by.
"I'm away from school and -can sauce my
tutor. But do yon think Mrs. Dallas will
like it?"
"It doesn't need any judgment to answer
that," was the reply. '"She likes everything
you do."
"I wonder why?" and the brush was
stayed. "She puzzles me. Whenever she
speaks to me, or so much as looks at me, she
is gentle, amiable, loveable; and she leaves
nothing undone to make my visit pleasant,
althongh I was a total stranger before you
brought me here. But there is at time a
coarseness in her that shocks me. That is
when she doesn't know, or has for an instant
forgotten, that I am present. Her tender
ness to me seems spontaneous, and yet it
comes from a nature which, I tear, is hard
and rough." The chin was lifted from the
hand into which it had meditatively settled,
as she raised an inquiring face to the widow
before resuming with the brush. "She per
plexes me."
Ten minutes afterward, it was Sheeba
Dallas who stood behind May unperceived,
and gazed fondly upon her, belore disclos
ing herself with a soft kiss on the brown
hair of the girl, who started with a slight
"Did I frighten yon?" and there was a
caress in the voice as well as in the hands
that stroked the hair.
"0, no; only I didn't know you withont
seeing." in a gentle but careless tone. "Do
you like this daub?"
"It shall be a treasure to me."
"It is a sad libel on the original here, but
if you will accept it as a poor expression of
my gratitude "
"Only gratitude?" Sheeba thought as
she sighed and withdrew her hands.
"What have I said to hurt you?"
"Nothing, my child. I am ridiculously
nervous to-day. To tell the truth, Colonel
asanas return nas orougm sometning 10
sadden me."
"Can I sympathize with you?" and May
stood up, with an honest look of her eyes
into those tiiat were instinctively averted.
Sheeba moved away, as though to save her
daughter iroin contamination; out when the
girl followed her across the room, took a
seat by her, and comfortingly stroked her
hands, she accepted the demonstration of re
gard, slight and inconsiderate as it was, with
manifest joy.
"Talk to me about yourself," she said;
"of your life at school."
"There is hardly anything that I have not
already told you," May quietly replied.
"Then of what you recollect earlier."
"That is little indeed. I was only 10
when my father died; and for as long as I
can remember before that I had been in
charge of a governess, seeing him occasion
ally. The governess told me that he had
brought me from England, and that she
knew nothing of our history. Once I asked
father it was his last visit before the news
came that he was dead about my mother.
He made a reply that I did not compre
hend, further than that something paintul
was associated with the subject."
"Has a recollection of that suggested to
Tou a possibility that your mother was not
"O, how could that havebeen? If a
mother were alive could anything keep her
from her daughter?"
"An estrangement between your parents
might have separated her from you. Have
you no memory of her at all?"
"So; and yet in fancy I have created a
mother who, in dreams and reveries, seems
almost real."
"What is this imaginary mother like?"
"O, the gentlest, purest, loveliest of
beings. This is an ideal mother, you
If May had then looked up into the face
that was bent over her she wonld have seen
the agitation of the woman who drew her
fondly into an embrace; but the voice was
calm and steady. "Suppose imagine if
you can that your real mother some day
came alive to you, and, in all save her
maternal love, proved as wicked as your
ideal is good."
"What makes you indulge in such a
horrible freak of fancy?" And was it her
shudderof abhorrence,or Sheeba's tremulous
alarm, that shook them both, and made them
release each other. "Iflknewmy mother
was a wicked woman I should never be
lieve that I myself could be good."
"Could yqu not love her because she was
your mother, and because she loved you?"
"You are not right to suggest such a
dreadful possibility."
"Forgive me. It was a whim of my low
spirits. The only mother for you is the
good woman of your fancy the mother who
died when you were a little child."
Sheeba kissed May on the forehead, and
it had the manner o'f a farewell, althongh
the girl did not perceive it; and as May
crossed the room to resume the painting, the
mother's eyes were sadly wistful, as though
watching the departure ot a daughter into a
hopeless separation.
Colonel Dallas entered by one door, just
as a servant girl came in by another, bring
ing the cards of Victor Leroyd and Jonas
Pootle. The Colonel took the bits of paste
board, and held them, while reading the
names, like the remnant of a hand of play
ing cards. He told the maid to show tfie
gentlemen in, and they were in the room
the next minute, to be joined there almost
instantly by Winston Dallas. The ex
change of greetings had real and simulated
cordiality. There was a jumble ot pur
poses. Victor and May had during the
week become good friends. They had done
some horseback riding in company; they
had gone together in a yachting party on
the Shrewsbury; they had disported daily in
the surf; and their acquaintance had pro
gressed with summer rapidity into
good fellowship. Mr. Pootle and
the Widow Gansett had played at
pursuit and elusion, for she seemed to im
bibe from the Dallasses a spirit of fraud
which incited her to let the old chap fool
himself, and yet she was restrained by what
the Colonel contemptuously regarded as
very senseless honesty. The Colonel had
not been deeply interested in the matter,"
nor engrossed in the merely casual winning
ot small sums 01 money trom JUr. .Footle at
cards, for that was in the nature of ordinary
business. His mind was on the heiress,
and he watched the doings of May, Victor
and Winston as closely and impertnrbably
as though dealing faro. In his frank com
munings with himself, he had said that the
cards seemed to be running his war, and
that the last turn wonld leave the prize on
his side of the layout; and in outspoken
words of instruction, reproof aud encourage
ment to Winston he had called him a stool
pigeon for thegame;buttotheothers,includ
ing Sheeba, he was seemingly unintentional.
Never had he been more mannerly than to
Victor, May and Pootle, and they accepted
him as an uncommonly impressive gentle
man. To Sheeba he was alarming, because
for the first time he was notconfidentialwith
her. Winston Dallas had been much with
May, and even familiarly, as members of
the'same household. He was a good ex
ample of the trivial beau of a summer re
sort, and therefore diverting, if not cap
tivating, to a school girl unacquainted with
such products of civilization.
Colonel Dallas decided that the morning
should be devoted to immediate results,
however moderate, and he soon had Mr.
Pootle and Victor placed with himself and
Winston at a mild game of euchre on the
shaded rear verandah, leaving the ladies in
side the parlor, but within conversational
distance through the widely opened doors.
The stakes were only a dollar a corner, sed
ulously concealed from the feminine eyes.
The Colonel was no idler in his profession,
and while engaged on masterpieces of nred-
atory art he was willing to fill the odd times
with potboilers.
"Really, I am so bungling at cards," he
lemarked, as he shuffled the pack and dealt
clumsily, "that I almost envy the handi
ness of a professional gambler."
Then there was "Ioass" from Winston,
"I'll assist" from Victor, "I'll play it
alone" from his partner, the Colonel, and
that left Victor out of the game longenongh
to slip into the parlor where May was still
"That is as pretty a leaf as natnre ever
made," Sheeba was saying in praise of
May's work.
"Your are an amiable critic," May re
sponded. "The beauty of the plant is there, cer
tainly," said Victor, with maladroit sin
cerity, "althongh a botanist might regard
the leaf as rather unique."
''You've made your four," was heard from
Winston, at the game, and the then, too,
joined the group inside.
"You are less blind to my bad art," re
marked May archly to Victor.
"Who says it is bad?" Winston inter
posed; "it 'is altogether and superlative
ly good. See that bee. It is gone. But
it was abont to alight on the painted leaf."
"O, thank you."
"Young gentlemen," the Colonel called,
"come back to yourgame."
"Obedience was yielded a little reluctant
ly. Shortly afterward the voice of Mr.
Pootle was raised.
"Amelia," he said, in his boisterous tone
of heartiness; "I bay, Amelia!"
"Yes, Mr. Pootle," responded the Widow
Gansett, with a nervous start, "if you mean
me. But my name is Gertrude.''
"Amelia Gertrude you remember what a
fine hand you used to play at whist?"
"Ye ye yes."
"Then yon have lost your skill," May re
marked, "for I can beat you half trying."
"And how I used to vow that the mole on
your left wrist " Mr. Pootle shouted:
"Why, I never observed it," commented
May. , '
"Mr. Pootle you misremember," thewidow
called back.
"No mole on your left wrist? Well, if
I'm mistaken about that little mole, I'll be
bound that I'm right about a big one on
your right shoulder."
"Ye ye yes," and the widow wickedly
wondered if she could paint a mole with her
left hand.
"Will anybody order me up ?" said Win
ston, bringing the attention of the players
back to the game.
"I'll take your best, Mr. Leroyd," said
the Colonel.
"You are welcome to it," and Victor,
dropping the rest of his cards, sauntered in
to the ladies again.
"There's my four points," said Winston,
and he followed his rival.
"That is better than the other, Miss Mor
ris," was Victor's matter-of-fact remark
upon May's latest fern.
"Impossible impossible; the first was
perfect," Winston vivaciously exclaimed.
0 -ti oia fnn inmcni'iminoto in vahi
VS jsju. n iivv iuuiwiiuiiunvw vvi,
praise," said May. "There is no such thing
as a perfect counterfeit of anything."
"Ah me!" sighed the widow to herself, "I
fear there isn't;" and then her sense of
rascality threatened to bring on hvsteria.
''Are you ill?" Sheeba asked; "Will you
take a glass of port?"
"Sherry, if you please," Pootle suggested.
"She dislikes port."
"0. I prefer port," said the widow,
"Bless me, how our tastes change. Seven
years ago port nauseated yon, and you were
especially fond of sherry.'
"So I was that is I forget." rising
nervously; "I mean that I can't bear
"There, there, Amelia you are nervous.
Let us take a turn on the bluff."
"Thank you," and she went with him
across the lawn to the summer house over
looking the beach.
She made a vigorous attempt to smile.
whereat the attentive Pootle exclaimed:
"You've had it fixed."
"Had what fixed?"
"Why, the eye tooth that was gone out of
your mouth. You've got a false one?"
"Yes," in desperate resignation.
"Very deceptive."
"Yes, a wicked fraud."
"Not in the least wicked."
Would she have to lose a sound tooth to
make her a counterfeit Amelia? The widow
will never feel sure whether it was con
science or the call for a dental sacrifice that
caused a moral revolt
"Now, Amelia," said Mr. Pootle, when
they were comfortably seated, "shan't we
we be reconciled. I've got to sail for Europe
by the Saturday steamer, and to-dav's
Thursday. Go with me, and we'll make a
Eort of second honeymoon of it."
"A honeymoon without a wedding?" with
a sudden 'inspiration. "Now, don't you
think it would be nicer for us to go to a
minister and have a marriage ceremony per
formed?" "Wouldn't that be bigamy getting mar
ried twice?"
"It wouldn't be twice only once," the
widow broke forth; "I'm not Amelia I
haven't a mole on my shoulder I haven't
an eye-tooth out it was my twin sister you
married. I've been half a swindler all the
week, and I don't like it."
Mr. Pootle was agitated. The mental
disturbance put his fat face through
grimaces of astonishment, perplexity, un
certainty and finally resolution, after which
his countenance settled into bland calm, and
he said : "Will you marry me?"
"Uive me a month to answer.
"Just now you were in for a visit to a
minister right off."
"That was when I was tricky. I have re
formed." "Say yes, and we're off across the Atlan
tic A quiet call at a clergyman's house on
the way through the city, and we'll buy a
trousseau when we get to London. Stay
we'll go to Paris for it."
The widow said "Yes."
When Mr. Pootle's withdrawal broke up
the game of euchre, the partnership of the
Colonel and Victor had won a dozen dollars
from the opposing firm of Pootle and
"Shall you and I cut cards for the money,
Mr. Leroyd?" the Colonel asked, indiffer
ently. "As yon please," Victor assented.
The Colonel never permitted himself to
waste skill or take unnecessary risks. The
play had been perfectly fair. Pootle and
Winston might have" won if luck had
favored them; but in that case Winston
would have cut the pack at a jack, instead
of the Colonel having to perform that small
feat in sleight-of-hacd. He clinked the
silver dollars, rolled them up in the paper
uues, beeoieu ui&iiiciineu to iae me win
nings, but overcame his scruples and pock
eted the handful with a polite degree of dis
dain. That trifle being disposed of, he de
voted some attention to May Morris, the
more important stake. Victor and Winston
were by her side. It seemed worth while to
send Victor away and leave Winston with
her, and so he said:
"Sheeba, oughtn't yon to look after Mrs.
Gansett? She may be ill. Mr. Lerovd
may like to go over to the bluff with you."
That left no option, and Sheeba and Vic
tor went to the summer house on the bluff,
where they found Pootle and the widow,
and were told at once of the betrothal.
"And what will they say at the sem
inary?" the widow objected, when the sud
den marriage and departure forEuropewere
mentioned. "It will look awfully like an
"You won't have to return there to hear
it," Pootle urged.
"0, bnt there is May Morris. She was en
trusted to my charge during vacation. Her
chaperon can't leave her."
"Not with Mrs. Dallas?"
Sheeba conceived in a flash a project of
sending her daughter away from all peril
into safety.
"No, no," she said; "don't leave May
with me. That would be a desertion of
your charge. But you can very properly
take her along. She will be glad to go. and
she will be safe with you but not with me
not with me. And it is essential I can
not tell you why that Colonel Dallas shall
not know of her going. The reason is good
it is for her happiness it is to save her
from misery. Will you take my word for
"Of course we will," Pootle responded,
and the widow echoed him.
Pootle was in a state of flaming enthusi
asm, the widow was marveling at the sud
denness of her betrothal to riches, and
neither was in a condition of mind to refuse
anything to anybody. They were duly con-
graimaieu Dy victor, who said to the
"My uncle is happy that is evident; and
you will be, if being the wife of as good
hearted a man as ever lived will make yon
At which she responded half quizzically.
"Thank you. Your aunty will strive to
deserve him indeed she will."
"I shall be something of an intruder upon
your wedding journey for I am to go on the
trip with Uncle Jonas unless under the
circumstances I wonldn't be wanted," said
Victor. ,
"O, your attention may be diverted from
us if Miss Morris goes along."
"May must go," Sheeba interposed, "be
cause, although she is very dear to us here,
Mrs. Gansett is responsible for her during
her absence from school: and it is especially
agreed that Colonel Dallas is not to "
It was the Colonel himself who caused
Sheeba . to stop short. He detected at a
glance the deep interest of the group in
whatever was under discussion. Victorwas
was not less selfishly engrossed than the
others, for he was impulsive beyond his
habit with a sudden resolution. That was
why he forgot Sheeba's injunction that the
Colonel was not to know of the plan to let
May go across the occanv with the bridal
"Miss Morris is without blood relations,
I believe," he said.
"But not without guardianship," the
Colonel exclaimed, at a safe venture. "My
wife and I feel as near to her as though she
were our daughter do we not?"
"Yes," Sheeba replied with difficult calm
ness. " '
"Then I shall say to you what I would
sav to her parents," the young man went on.
"I have been in her society only a week. I
have found her so captivating that my
prophecy of the next two or three weeks
may easily come true. I shall be with her
across the ocean and back, unless she denies
her society to me. She will escape all senti
mental impression, very likely, but it will
not be so with me. I asfc you, her guardian,
as I would of her parents, it I may try to
win her love." '
"Mr. Leroyd " Sheeba began, but her
eyes were covertly on her husband, to watch
the effect of the untimely revelation.
His face was a mask of stolidity, and his
tone was but mildly expressive of astonish
ment and interrogation. "May is going to
make a voyage with Mr. Pootle and his
bride? A sudden nroiect."
"You will let her go," Sheeba pleaded
"My dear," and his blandness was very
genial, "had I not better explain exactly
the relations we bear to onr darling May,
so that Mr. Leroyd will understand our au
thority over the girl our almost parental
authority?" Sheeba made a crouching
movet which would not have had more
meaning to him if she had grovelled at his
feet, although the others did not observe it.
He went on as suavely as before, but with
slow, deep emphasis, as he addressed Vic
tor: "Then I will only say to you, sir, that
you must do no wooing of May from the
time she leaves us until she returns. You
must refrain, positively, from the faintest
npproach to her heart during this voyage.
If you make this promise, on your honor,
which, like my own, I believe to be unim
peachable, she may go. Otherwise, she
shall not."
"Promise promise," Sheeba murmured.
"It is only for a little while that the
promise binds," the widow suggested.
"And the young lady might stop you her
self if you tried to make love to her," said
Victor gave his hand to the Colonel with,
"I promise."
Winston Dallas had not been able to keep
May long to himself in the house, and to
gether they joined the party on the bluff,
where they quickly became acquainted with
the project of the journey to Europe.
"May, will you make the trip with Mr.
Pootle and me?" the widow blithely asked.
J: "I should be delighted," was the girlish
"We start Saturday; and now for a pack
ing of trunks."
Sheeba dared not believe that the Colonel
would abandon a game in which he saw a
rich stake to win. He was not the gambler
to throw down unplayed cards. She waited
apprehensively for his next move.
'"And Winnie, mjr son," and there was
positive benignity in the Colonel's smile,
"you may pack your trunk, too. I have a
London errand for you, end you may as well
improve the opportunity of pleasant com
pany." "Fiend I" Sheeba muttered into the
handkerchief, behind which she sought to
conceal her anger.
"All right, Governor," cried Winston;
"I'm nothing if not obedient."
"Why not come along yourself," and
Pootle's never-duleet voice became a roar of
jollity, "you and Mrs. Dallas and make a
bang-up party?"
Sheeba eagerly said: "Colonel, what do
yon say to that?" and was the most nleadintr
of suppliants.
"I should like it above all things, but
circumstances will not permit. We will
await their return, and get onr pleasure from
Winnie's account." Then he turned aside
with Sheeba, without altering the cordial
good temper of his face, but whispering with
the hiss of a serpent: "And I'm gambling
that he'll be glib enough, while I've tongue
tied his rival, to win the heiress."
( To be continued next Sunday!)
The Severe and Exhaustive Prelimi
nary Physical Examination.
Eider at Home on Horseback Without
Saddle or Bridle.
more to the opinion
of Mr. Theodore
1 Roosevelt, to whom
I allusion was. made in
f the previous paper, a
) friend and a good
) horseman, pondered
'.over it a few minutes
Copyright, 1SS9, by Franklin File,
Trouble Our Forefathers Had to
Through to Mnkc a Fire.
New Tork Graphic
In the days before the invention of fric
tion matches the difficulty of procuring fire
was so great .that all pains were taken to
prevent the fire on thehearthfromgoingout.
All winter long it was kept by covering the
coal and brands with ashes at night. This
was one of the domestic cares of our fore
fathers, and Homer alludes to the practice
as common in his day 3,000 years ago.
I5ut nre could not be kept with comfort
in the summer, and there would be times
in the winter when the hearth would be
come cold. Then some coals must be brought
from a neighbor's, or a new fire must be
kindled in the house.
This lntter process was usually accom
plished by means of flint and steel. Most
readers have no doubt seen a spark of fire
struck out from a horse's shoe hitting a
stone in the road, or from the shoe of a
sleigh-runner grinding over rocks.
To obtain fire by this method a piece of
steel, such as a file or rasp, was struck with
a flint or a bit of white quartz from a
granite ledge, and the spark was canght in
tinder charred cotton rags. The old-flint
lock mnsket, with a few grains of powder
and some tinder in the pan, was looked upon
by our grandmothers as a domestic utensil.
Sometimes, on a clear day, a burning glass
a lens for collecting at one point the rays
of the sun was used.
The method Of producing fire by rubbing
together two dry sticks is known to most
boys, but it has not been often adopted by
civmzeu people, 11 ueiongs 10 me ruder con
ditions of life.
In Thibet Captain William Gill found
practiced a more scientific method than
any of these. The natives strike a light by
compressed air. The apparatus used con
sists ot a wooden cylinder, two and a half
inches long by three-quarters of an inch in
This is closed at one end, the base being
about the size of a quill pen; an airtight
piston fits into this with a large, flat knob
at the top. The other end of the piston is
slightly hollowed out and a very small
piece of timber is placed in the cup thus
To use this the cylinder is held in one
hand, the piston, inserted ann pushed about
half way down. A very sharp blow is then
given with the palm of the hand on the top
of the knob. The hand must at the same
time close on the knob and instantly with
draw the piston, when the tinder will be
found alight. It requires skill to use the
apparatus as well as science to invent it.
Barbarous Surgery.
New Tork Graphic
Do you know what a close shave means?
I never did until I looked at a face the
other day through a microscope which had
been treated to this luxurious process.
Why, the entire skin resembles a piece of
raw" beef. To make the face perfectly
smooth requires not only the removal of the
hair, but also a portion of the cuticle and a
close shave means the removal of a layer of
skin all around. The blood vessels thus
exposed are not visible to the eye,but under
the microscope each little quivering mouth
holding a minute blood drop protests against
such cruel treatment. The nerve tips are
also uncovered and the pores are left un
protected, which makes the skin tender and
unhealthy. This sudden exposure of the
inner layer of skin renders a person liable
to have colds, hoarseness and sore throat.
before giving utterance to his own senti
ments. "Well," said he at last, "I presume Mr.
Eoosevelt is right. He has had ample op
portunities for observation, and, althongh
it had not occurred to me before, I do not
know why, with his advantages, the West
Pointer should not be the best 'all round'
Now what are his advantages?
To begin with no young man ever enters
the Military Academy as a full fledged
cadet until he has been stripped to the
skin and most searchingly examined by
three experienced surgeons. Every test
that science has devised every expedient
their professional knowledge can suggest
is resorted to in order to detect any possible
flaw in the physical condition of the can
didate. If accepted, it is prima facie evi
dence that the young fellow is sound in
every bodily point and can Btand no end of
knocking about.
Then follows a year of incessant routine,
a year in which admirable gymnastic and
calisthenic training is combined with sold
iery drill. Of course he has his studies, his
regular hours for sleep, recreation, recita
tion,, reflection, etc., but he cannot shirk his
physical training. It goes on day by day
under men who know their business, and at
the end of his first year at the Point the
young man is erect as flagstaff, but springy,
nctive and sinewy as a cat Then he is in
condition to learn how to ride, and until
then he may never, have bestridden a
The instruction begins in the gymnasium
in the autumn of his second year. He is
placed alongside a big wooden horse; he is
taught how to mount without the aid of
stirrups; he is made to vault on and off from
either side, from the rear (over the croup)
and every way. excent nrnhahlv nwr thft
head, which is an abnormal and involun
tary method of dismounting that, in the
case of an officer i'A a live horse, never in
old cavalry days tost the rider less than a
basket of champagne. When he has learned
to vault on, off and completely over his
wooden steed with perfect ease, then the
cadet is marched to the riding hall and in
troduced to his mount. There in rank
aligned are some 30 cavalry horses equipped
with "watering bridles," blankets and
surcingles. The class silently take the
positions taught them in the gymnasium,
and at the command of the in
structor mount as prescribed and in
another movement in "column of files" the
young fellows are noiselessly pacing around
on the tanbark track. In few words the in
structor explains how the simple snaffle
rein should be held and how the legs and
feet should be allowed to fall at the different
turns or at the change ot gait. Then after
a tew minutes quiet walking, to enable each
neophyte to gain a little confidence in his
new position, and to enable the instructor to
correct any errors in seat or style or position
of hand or elbow the backs and shoulders
give him no trouble as they do our riding
masters in the big cities; that is all attended
to beforehand then comes the command.
trqt, and the youngster who has never before
bestridden a horse, or has done so only on
the English saddle with the aid of stirrups
and the "rise," has no adequate conception
of the sensations awaiting him.
The system must have changed in some
respects, but the basis of West Point in
struction in equitation has always been
to make the rider at home on horseback,
without saddle or stirrups, at any and
every gait; and to this end nothing was
surer to settle the cadet down into a "seat;"
nothing better calculated to develop the
muscles of the thigh the riding muscles
than the devotion of some 40 minutes of
each lesson for the first eight or ten weeks
to the remorseless and uncompromising trot.
Civilians simply wouldn't stand it. Cadets
have to and I bethink me at this moment
of more than one now fast grizzling Captain
of cavalry whom I have seen jogging around
that quadrilateral of reddish brown with
the tanbark dust on his boyish face fur
rowed by tears he could neither repress
nor wipe away wrung from his eyes by
the pain and soreness of the third or fourth
lesson yetdoggedlyandpluckily sticking to
it, sure to triumph in the end. Indeed, was
it not for years a tradition at the Point that
one chubby young Easterner, who never un
til that memorable November had straddled
so much as a pony, actually broke down in
his suffering and begged the instructor to
"Take me off this horse?" Bnt these were
rare and exceptional instances. For the
first three weeks after riding begins for the
1 'roarlinff" i.lisa tho.a ... nlnr.-. .Iavah
ry evolutions than to individual teaching.
Nevertheless, there are long wintry months
when drills cannot be conducted on "the
plain," and then it is the cadet is taught
the use of the saber and revolver mounted,
and the riding hall is the scene for two
hours a day, when the different classes ex
ercise,.of a good deal of dashing horseman
ship." Bunning at the heads" is capital
training and develops the nerve and skill of
the young troopers to a high degree. Leap
ing the hurdles while cutting at leather
heads on short posts or the gronnd tests
their "seat" and agility to an. extent few
pupils of the city schools would care to
adventure without all the previous instruc-
But almost every day, for a fer moments,
saddles are stripped off and then the cadet,
firt with saber and revolver perhaps, goes
ack to first principles and bareback. Then
it is that one sees the strong points of our
school of riding, for the cadet is expected
and required to accomplish, without the
aid of saddle or stirrup, everything he can
do with them.
Indeed, it used to he the practice at the
Academy in the old days to compel the
students, even after saddles were issued, to
"cross the stirrups," i. e. throw them over
the horse's neck in front of the pommel and
ride without their use for several months. It
is probably still in vogue as a regular and
necessary part of the teaching, but, perhaps,
not for so long a time.
Now any man who has ridden very much
or given much thought to the subject, will
be apt to admit that under such a course of
training the average youth ought to become
a pretty fair horseman. It is not a perfect
system no doubt improvements could be
suggested but taking it by and large, as
the sailors say, there is a good deal of
pun in it.
There are men, however, who never on
earth can be taught to ride either gracefully
or well. There are graduates of the Military
Academy who were the despair of the writer
of this paper in old days when he was
charged with the duty of putting them,
through their paces; men naturally built
"the other way" and incapable of acquiring
either an easy or a secure seat.
On the other hand, there came every year
from the West and Southwest perhaps a
bakers dozen of "born horsemen" boys
who had broken and tamed Texan bronchos
or Kentucky scions of Lexington. The very
best riders are almost always from those re
gions; the very worst from the New En
gland States. These are averages, mind you,
and occasionally the rule finds a startling
exception either way.
But, having gone through three years of
this sort ot training, ninety out of every
hundred graduates ought to be able to
mount any horse they may encounter and
they are compelled to ride pretty much every
itina wnue caaets ana they should be able
at once to adapt themselves to any kind of
saddle. There, however, is one failing point.
The cadet is taught only the military seat
when in saddle, and has only the McClellan
tree in which to practice. He would be far
more at home, therefore, in tho bare back of
a horse than on an English made hunting
saddle, and it is to be hoped that in the near
future an oppbitunity will be given the
graduating class of each year to take
a turn or perhaps three or four lessons
with the English saddle and bridle that
they may learn the entire difference of
seat and style required when they are com
pelled by lorce of circumstances " to adopt
that equipment. For all material and pro
fessional purposes the army saddle is very
well, bnt our people are taking up horse
manship. Every day finds scores of ad
mirably a pointed steeds and riders in the
park and on the Boulevard, and, just as he
drops hi3 uniform when he leaves the gar
rison, so should our young officers be ready
10 iorgei tne army saddle and to swing his
leg as nimbly over the pig-skin and ride it
as it was made to be ridden. The West
Pointer, if he choose, can far more easily
do this; or ride the Texan, the California,
the French, or the racing especially the
racing saddle, than can the graduate of any
other school of horsemanship step from the
saddle ot his boyhood and ride cross conn-
try" in the McClellan without losidg his
stirrups. Charles Kino, U. S. A.
flow Two Howling Swells Sell Purely
Confidential Information.
President Cleveland Not Acknowledged hj
the Foar Hundred.
EEN as I consider
myself, I was rath
er startled the
other day to learn
in a purely acci
dental way, that
two of the most ex
clusive and correct
people i n New
York society are
regularly in the
payof apaper there
which has made a
point of printing
the portraits of
prominent debut
antes together with
a lot of personal
news about society people. The contribu
tors in qnestion are a man and woman.
They pose as terrific swells and yet both are
paid by a newspaper for selling purely con
fidential information. The man receives
$1,200 and the woman $1,500 a year.
Some time since Ward McAllister, who
is more or less the arbiter of New York so
ciety, announced that there were only 400
people who could properly be designated as
in society in New York. The statement
raised a howl, of course, for there are a mil
lion or two people in this town, and at least
several hundred thousand of them are well
bred, well-born, well-to-do aud thoroughly
above criticism in every way. To assert
calmly that all these people were out of the
ring and only fonr hnndred were within the
charmed circle was a wonderfnllyaudacious
thing to do, bnt Ward McAllister had the
courage of his convictions. Pour hundred
it was and four hundred H remains. He
will not admit that the numberis any larger.
I discovered the fact that the people who
are exploiting the household affairs "of our
best people" are regularly in the pay of a
newspaper by a damaged package. The
whom I chanced to know, came to me and
said that in. carrying a package of manu
script downtown in one of their small de
livery wagons the contents of a marking
pot had been spilled over it and the address
was obscured. He had torn the parcel open
to see if he could get a clew, had discovered
the name of an editor, and then had called
to me to see if I knew what paper the editor
was connected with. I told him that the
man was coming to eat luncheon with me
within a half hour, and that he could wait
and see him personally.
The package was delivered when my
friend called. He showed it to me. It was
a list of the names of the four hundred so
ciety people of New Vork. There was also
a letter signed by the two Jenkinses who
lurmshed the society gossip for his caper.
"The fact is." the editor said, "the list
may almost be said to have been revised by
y..j ir.Aii.'.i.. i.:.ir t i .1 .;
on to Washington. When they came acta ,
ally into the presence of the President and"
he stepped amiably among them, they fell
into a condition which a gambler indicates
by the word "rattled." But they were
American girls and did not promise to be
conquered by embarassment. They all be
gan to talk with the utmost excitement,
though heaven only knows what they were
talking about, and they shook hands with
the President in rapid succession with
Their embarrassment grew every minute
and they began to reach out and clutch for
each other's hands nervously. After
awhile they made a connection in this man
nerand the mutual support succeeded in re
storing their self-control to a small degree.
One girl, in reaching out to find another
one's hand, clutched a fold of the President's
ample frock coat in her little fist and
gripped it with the clutch of despair. She
fancied she had hold of the gown of tne girl
who was standing nearest to her. She was
an exceedingly pretty girl, and all the time
that she had been reaching around for
something to cling to she was talking in the
most rapid and "brilliant" fashion. Proba
bly the President felt a little tug at his '
coat, for he half unconsciously glanced
down and caught a glimpse of the hand
there. He instantly averted his eyes. Only
those who were watching the little panto
mime were aware that he had seen the girl'a
There was a terrific babel of subdued
chatfer from the young women. The Con
gressman evidently thought that he had
done the proper thing in giving them a
good introduction, and he washed his hands
of the whole affair thereafter. The Presi
dent stood with a pleasant smile on his face
half a minute and then began to talk
quietly about Washington, its social
advantages and the many ladies he had met
there from the State which the Congressman
represented. His voice was well modulated,
dignified and eminently comforting. The
girls stopped their wild chatter, and while
they listened to him, gradually became
composed until they felt safe to let go of one
another. I wondered at the President talk
ing so long to them, until I again canght s
side glance of his eye toward his coat, and
then I saw that he was talking to give the
girl on his left a chance to release him trom
the nervous grip of her small and black
gloved hand. Eventually she let go of his
coat and a moment later, with a sigh ot re
lief, he shook hands with them all and they
left the room. The girl did not know how
firmly she had held Mr. Cleveland to her
It is authentic
Finally She Got the Ebb.
New York Snn.3
The ways of the hen are as inscrutable as
those of the woman. In a Mexican mining
town the superintendent noticed the wife of
the owner making repeated visits to the hen
house, after each visit her face wearing a
deeper look of despair and anger.
"What's the matter, Mrs. Clumber?" he
finally asked, when he saw that she looked
almost desperate.
"Matter?" she cried. "I promised the
Major an omelette for supper, and I've got
all the eggs I need but one, and that mean
old hen is sitting there and won't lay it.
I daren't touch her, and she knows it, and
is just taking her time abqpt it, too. I'm
so indignant at her, mean old thing."
But the egg was laid in time.
'yearling" class there are always a dozen
young fellows so sore and lame that they
cannot attend drills. But they have to go
on with the riding. It is the hair of the.
do? that cures the bite; and after the first
month the flesh of the inner thighs, hitherto
soft, becomes tough and firm, and in three
months of this sort of work "sole leather
wouldn't be a circumstance," was the way
one of them expressed it.
Day after day in the big, gloomy old
riding hall, the lessons go on, and gradually,
as elasticity and confidence are gained, the
gymnastics begin that add to the grace and
rise of the rider. First while at the walk,
then at the trot, the instructor requires his
pupils to practice snch movements as the
following: Raise both feet until at height
of the knees, bending leg to rear. Throw
right leg over horse's neck, and sit side
ways. Throw left leg over horse's neck, etc.
Sitting in the natural position bend back
ward until the head and shoulders rest on
the horse. Of course the natural position is
resumed after riding a few minutes in each
position, but only at the command of the in
There can be no individual volition in the
matter. Unless excused by the surgeon on
acconnt of some temporarily severe disabil
ity every member ot the class must do his
level best to accomplish every one of the
prescribed exercises. Then follow others:
Leap from the horse on the left side and
vault on again without checking him: Do
the same on right side. Leap to the ground
on either side and then vault completely
over him to the other. Vault again into
seat. In all these exercises the reins must
never be lost, and, if the instructor be very
watchful, never unduly lightened. That is
a matter wherein many riders, in and out of
West Point, require constant coaching.
Then in course of the spring months comes
the leaping of the bar and the hurdle, all
taught with the snaffle bit and withont the
saddle. Also a few lessons in wrestling on
horseback, picking up caps and handker
chiefs from the ground, and finally before
the cadet goes on his long-anticipated fur
lough when half through the course, a les
son or two with the saddle and "curb"
bridle, so as to enable the young gentleman
to know something of those items in case he
should be invited to ride.
Two more years of drill and instruction
follow, but these are more devested to caval-
The Congress of Americanists, composed of
some of the most distinguished scientists of
Europe engaged in the stndj of the prehistoric
nations of America, which recently completed
a very important and successful session in Ber
lin, voted to meet in Washington In 1800.
In several cities in Germany, notably Berlin
and Hamburg, the experiment Is being mado
Of a compound for paving purposes, the princi
pal Ingredient of which is India rubber. As
far as heard from, this paving is very satisfac
tory, althongh no facts are given as to cost.
The India rnbber combines some elasticity
with durability, is not aifected by heat or cold,
and in particular dues not become slippery
when wet, as does asphalt. The roadway over
the Goethe bridge in Hanover is also said to
have been paved with this compound, and to
havo been found very satisfactory.
The Export Society of Germany has decided
to build the "Floating Exhibition Palace of
Germany," having raised 6,C00,O0O marks for
the purpose. It proposes to build a ship to be
called the Kaiser Wilhelm, which will be tho
work of German shipyards. According to
plans, the ship will be 661 feet long, 65 feet
wide and 46 feet deep. It will have four en
gines propelling as many screws. The material
will be principally German steel. Tho cost of
a two ears' tour Is estimated at 3,150,000 marks.
The income from the rented space 1,000 to
1,200 marks for each booth and from sales will
be, it is thought, at least 7,200,800 marks, leav
ing a balance of illO.SOO, or over 2,000,C0n
marks annually a prettv sum on the page of
the ledger. Emperor 'William, it is said, has
promised his aid to the enterprise, and it is
hoped that the vessel will sail from Hamburg
on her first voyage in the spring of 1890.
Scientific American.
Hypnotism thrives in Washington. Two
gentlemen interested in psychological studies,
Mr. W. A. Croffnt, executive, officer of the
Geological Survey, and Governor N.J. Cole
man, Commissioner of Agriculture, give oc
casional soirees hypnotiqucs. at which they
hypnotize numbers ot "sensitives." During
some recent experiments by Mr. Croffnt, two
yonng ladies, temporary victims of the hypnotic
hallucination, were taken into an imaginary
picture gallery and tbere left, while the
operator turned his attention to a yonng man
who was engaged in the dangerous pastime of
catching crocodiles. On returning to the
ladies, Mr. C'roffut found that he could not
make them cognizant of his presence. They
aia noi appear 10 see mm, or near nn voice,
and when he stood directly in front of them
they took no notice of him whatever. It was a
new and somewhat alarming experience, and a
quarter of an hour passed before the hypnotizer
re-established his domination and brought
them back from the land of dreams. Science.
Dr. C. YAnosnrvSKi contributes to the
Russkaya Mcdilsina a long article on the state
of tho medical profession in Russia. He points
out that there are only 18,000 doctors for a pop
ulation of 100,000,000, or one medical man to
every 6,500 persons. This number of doctors in
proportion to the population is very much less
than in other European countries, yet the des
titution among members of the profession is
alarming. Of late tbere have been numbers of
suicides of medical men who were without the
bare necessaries of life. The fees for medical
attendance are very low. Still, In Odessa, 40
per cent of the whole population and 94 per
cent of the very poor died withont having had
medical attendance. A similar state of affairs
exists at Kostrome. Dr. Yaroshevski attributes
this deplorable condition of things to the ignor
ance 01 me itussian people, wno preier 10 con
sult soothsayers and magicians ratber than
educated medical men. to the monopoly en
joyed bv the pharmacists, and to the large num
ber of Feldsbers who are allowed to practice.
Tho Feldihers are men who have some rough
knowledge of snrgery and the use of a few
drugs. They are generally men who have
served in the ambulance corps or have been
hospital attendants, and on the strength of this
slight knowledge they are licensed to practice.
Ward McAllister himself.
to the last degree."
It struck me as being a triumph of snob
bery and I said as much.
"Possibly it is," said the editor carelessly,
"but this is what people want, and as long
as they want it we are willing to dish it out
to them, since it puts money in our pockets.
The list would be worth 51,000 or more to
any dflilv naner."
Then we went to luncheon and X heard so
ciety discussed frontward, backward and in
every possible direction for nearly two
hours. The old position of amiable indiffer
ence which the press formerly maintained
toward society people and social events has
given way almost entirely to a slavish and
eulogistic attitude that is similar to the at
titude of the minor English papers toward
royalty. The effeot of all this adulation and
attention is easily seen in the growing ex
clusiveness of the four hundred. Once the
revised and carefully selected list of names
is published it will be on file in every news
paper office in the country, and the four
hundred will have an additional glamour
thrown over their names. They are the
names, by the way, that were worn in most
instances a few generations ago by black
guards, pork butchers, grocers, ragmen, hat
ters and outcasts, but to-day they are the
little tin idols of the town.
Mr. Cleveland, 1 was informed by a so
ciety man a short time ago, was never recog
nized by the four hundred. And yet he
had an admirable manner at times in the
White Honse. 1 remember the first day I
went in to see him, he succeeded in calming
the excitement of five young women from
the West by the exercise of tact and thought
fulness. Meeting the President is frauzht
with so much ceremony that the most indif
ferent of visitors is apt to be impressed be
fore he actually gets into the presence of the
President himself. On this particular oc
casion I had been in Colonel Lamont's
inner office for an hour when the President
sent word that he was ready to receive the
callers of the day. The Secretary notified
one of his assistants and then turned to me
and asked me if I would not like to go in
with the crowd and see how it was done.
I nodded, and he opened a side door
which admitted me into a large reception
room. I had got through by a short cut,
but there was a small crowd ahead of
me. Among others were several Congress
men, an ex-general of the; army, and a lot
of ladies very showily dressed and chatter
ing in excited whispers. One of the secre
taries was wandering around the room shak
ing hands with the Congressmen he hap
pened to know, and he was 'just about to
usher a section of visitors into the Presi
dent's private room when Postmaster Gen
eral Dickinson came in, bowed to the two or
three people and swaggered into the Presi
dent's room. This was a bitter disappoint
ment to us all, for it meant a long delay,but
after all a Cabinet Minister has the call over
outsiders. Meanwhile the whispers resolved
themselves into an everyday tone of voice,
and the excitement dropped into a subdued
melancholy. After a long wait the Post
master General left the President, and then
eight or ten of us moved into the President's
room, and arranged ourselves more or les3
in the order of precedence in chairs that
were in an irregular semi-circle. Ail we
needed was an end man to make the illusion
The ceremony of seeing the President
nowadays recalls an old-time President's
fashion of receiving guests who called at the
White House. When George Jones, who
had just started the New York Times, called
at the White House he was informed that
President Jackson was at home. Thereupon
he went upstairs to the big room on the
second floor, and there obtained a magnifi
cent view of the back of the President's
head. The Executive was sitting in front
of a grate fire, with his heels on the mantel
piece and his hat balanced over his eyes.
He had slid down on the chair until his head
was almost out of sight and be was smoking
a long clay pipe. The Secretary and tha
caller approached him from behind, and tho
Secretary said:
"Mr. President, this is Mr. George Jones
of New York."
Without turning his head or turning1
around the President put hi3 hand over his
right shoulder and Mr. Jones laid his own
palm in it confidingly. The President gave
his hand a hearty shake and said in a cor
dial voice:
"How d' do son? Pull up a cheer."
Society is filled with delight at the pros
pect of a brilliant season in Washington, as
the resnlt of the incoming administration.
Mrs. Morton's position among the 400 is as
sured. She will be a very important factor
in the social life at the National capital,
and, while Mrs. Cleveland's beauty will be
missed, her place will soon be filled'. Society
continues to grow and wax big in its own
estimation as the criticisms become more
and more severe. Perhaps the most bitter
of all complaints are those that are made
against New York society men. They are
stigmatized as the most snobbish, ill-bred
and thoroughly disagreeable men in New
York. It is an unquestioned fact that snob
bery is rampant in New York among the
who pose as the younger element of the 400.
A society man of London, Paris, Vienna or
any other great city of the world, is above
all a man of good breeding and good man
ners. A society man in New York is dis
tinguished solely by his lack of these very
qualities. I have tnought of the qnestion a
good deal during the past week because it
has fallen in my way to read a lot of I"tters
written by a distinguished Austrian colonel
who has been visiting this countryfor thepast
sic months. His letters on New York so
ciety are to be published in Paris and prob
ably by "Figaro." He sent the first of his
letters to that journal two months ago, and
immediately received a letter asking for a
series of six or eight "studies."
He began at once and his impressions are
now finished. He asked me to read them
because he was afraid that he must have
made some misstatements, and, unlike most
foreigners, he wanted to be accurate. The
letters were sharp, caustic and incisive.
They formed the bitterest arraignment of
New York society that I have ever read, but
thev do not underestimate the case, as far as
my own experience goes. One may expect
courtesy in an Irish cabin, in a London draw
ingroom or taphouse, anywhere within tha
broad domain of France or Germany, and in
all sections of America except where civili
zation is supposed to be at its highest point
at the very apex of New York society. It
i s there that the snobs congregate and reach,
their highest development.
Blakely Hat.t
Some Ludicrous Mistaken Made by Agitated
and Absent Minded Pairs.
Chamber Journal.!
Timothy Duggan was a stevedore, per-.
hap3 6 feet 2 inches in height and propor-j
tionately broad. He appeared as a bride
groom; the bride was a charming young;
person offender years. All went well until
the moment came Tor Timothy and his
bride to give their troth to each other in the
prescribed manner. "Say after me," said I
to Timothy, " 'I, Timothy' " There was
no response. "Say after me," repeated the
parson, '"I TJmothy-
Timothy was
Chronic Plenrisr Cured.
L. E. Callen, Garfield, Pawnee county, Kas.,
"I have been for some years troubled with
pleuretic pains in my left side, which come on
in the beginning ot winter, and are so severe
that I am confined to the house. During the
past winter I used two Allcock's Plasters on
mv left side, and after the first week all pain
left me and I was perfectly able to attend to
my business. After wearing them two weeks I
would wash them off with a little alcohol and
then go two or three weeks perfectly welL I
have only bad to put tbem on three times dar
ing the past winter, and must say Allcock's
Plasters are all that tbey are represented to
be." au
The President was standing at the win
dow as we entered, intently reading a letter.
He paid no attention whatever to the crowd
until everybody was seated, and then look
ing up he dropped the letter on a deslCand
stepped forward toward the right end of the
horseshoe. His manner was dignified and
solemn. The General, who was one of the
first to rise, stepped forward and the Presi-
dent took his hand warmly and talked abont
the weather, the adjournment of Congress
and the condition of the roads about Wash
ington. Then he put oat his hand again
just as the General had started in on a long
story, shook it warmly und passed the old
soldier cheerfully out into the ante-room.
The Western Congressman came forward at
this moment with the five young ladies clus
tering around bim.
"Mr. President," he said in an oracular
tone, "these ladies are from mv State. This
is my niece. This is my daughter, and
these," he added, pointing them out with
hi. long forefinger, "are personal friends of
the girls,"
The young women had been waiting for
nearly an hour and a halt.and they had high
appreciation of the importance of the Presi
dent of the United States; they had proba
bly looked forward to the event all the way
still silent, a puzzled look creeping over his
board face. "Say after me," said I for tho
third time, with, perhaps a shade of annoy
ance. "After you, sir," responded Timothy,
with the politest possible duck of his bul
let head.
I remember one bridegroom who had
brought a very charming bride to church,
and perhaps regarded her as a thing of
beauty to be in his home a joy forever,
rendering "to have and to hold" as "to
have and behold." Another, who possibly
had some cause to dread the fate of Mr.
Caudle, struck out an entirely new version,
and faithfully promised "to have and be
told." "To love and to cherish" is another
stumbling block. "To love and be cherries"
was the nearest to the original of many varia
tions popular among the males of that
parish. The brides were happy with the
familiar rendering, "to love cherries and to
bay." "God's holy ordinance" tripped up
many. "Holy orders" was convenient, and
perhaps conveyed the most meaning.
'Plight thee my troth" and "give thee my
troth" were, I imagine, words of foreign
sound, and I well remember one young
person, who was wedding a most villainous
looking fellow, changing her sentiment into
"thereto I give thee my throat." There
was, perhaps, an unconscions prophecy
wrapped up in that promise.
If Gnilty of Asinnlt and Battery
Upon your stomach with blue pill, podyphyllln
or other rasping purgatives positively despair
of helping your liver. Violence committed
upon your inner man will do no good. Real
help, prompt and thorough, is to be found In
the wholesome anti-bilious medicine, Hos tes
ter's Stomach Bitters, which Is, moreover, pro-,""
ductive ot happy results in malarial disease.'i
rheumatism, dyspepsia, nervousness and kidney - -troubles.
- -
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