Why Ho Bnthod "I understand you take a Turkish bath several times a week now ?" re marked a slender man to a friend on the cars the other morning. "Yes," replied the man addressed <*l take about three a week." "Are you sick ?" "No." "Then why do you lake them so often r "Because a dress suit costs seventy vc dollars." "Do you tueau to tell me," persisted the slender young man : "that you take a Turkish batli because a dress suit cost seventy five dollar) ?" "I do, indeed." "It seems very strange to me," said the other, as he knocked the ashes oil his cigarette: "that you should be prompted to form such a practise on account of the price of any particu lar kind of wearing apparel. I can't see, for my part, wherein the dress suit is at all rcvclant to a Turkish bath. You know that a fur-lined ov ercoat is worth several hundred dol lars, do you not?" "I do." "Ou that account do you drink shandygaff instead of claret at din ner ?" "No, sir." "Does the high price of the fur-liued overcoat cause you to sjrend three nights of the week ou the roof try to discover comets?" "No, sir." "Then how do you get over the high price of the fur-lined overcoat?' "I don't get over it all.". "What do you do ?" "I go without it." After the man who opened the conversation had leaned on his hand for a little while, watching the woods and fields the traiu was flying through, the strange and peculiar argument op bis friend puzzeled him so that he de termined to try once more to fathom it. Ho he turned and said : "Shandy-gaff and comet discovering are not more irrelevant to a fur-line I overcoat than a dress suit is to a Turk ish hath." "Who told you so?" inquired the Turkish bather. "Nobody."' "Where did you read or bear it?" "Nowhere." "Then are you sure that it is a fact ?" "No." "Then why did you make the state ment ?" The interrogator was rather non plussed at this; but, like a true soldier, returned to the attaack, de termined to get at the bottom of the argument if possible. So he -aid : "Do you go without a fur-lined ov ercoat ou account of its price?" "Yes." "I see," said the interrogator, bright ening up : "then it's all economy ?"' "Yes." "Then why don't you go without a dress-suit for economy ." "Because it i- economy to have t ne." "How so?'' inquired the other. More mystified than ever. "Why, because when you have a dress-suit you are not obliged to have anythingelsebut a cheap business-suit. You can be married in it or buried in it. You can go to parties, receptions and the opera in it; and you can don it to call on a young lady. And when you arp not using it, some tailor will take pleasure in renting it out'for you on commission." "Now Low much d<>s a Turk'sh I ath coat ?" "A dollar.'' How many do you take in it week ?" "Three." "Does the rental on your dress-suit pay for your hatha ?" "I don't rent my dreas-suit." "Then what doos the Turkish bath do for you ?" "It reduces my weight." • "How much?" "About three pound* every time." "Then you b#e about ten pounds a week ?" "About that." "How much did you weigh before you commences] taking tbcra V "One hundred and sixty pounds.'* "How long have you bean taking them "Just one year." "This seems stranger ami more mys terious than ever. You have been losing tell pound* a week for year; then you have lout ju* five hundred iiiul twenty pound* since you eoinriieii eed taking Turkish bath*. You weighed one hundred and sixty when you began, and after you loat nil your weight, you still keep on until you weighed three hundred and sixty pounds leaathan nothing. After you took your fifty-firm hnth, and were re dueed to seven pounds, you must have fell sort of ipieer. And yet you weigh at least one hundred and fifty now.' ! "I do." "When do you do your gaining?" "Between hatha.'" "If you had no dress-suit, would you take these hatha "No." 1 "Then you tuke tlieru hi cause you haven drcas-suit?" "Yea." "But why do you tuke them ?'" "To get the suit on." "Couldn't you get it on without tak ing a Turkish hath?" "No." "Why not ?" "Because niv brother weigh tweuty pounds less than I do." "I aee," "Ahd we own one dr< sa-suit between Us." "What has thai to do with it ?" "This is what it bus to do with it: That suit fits him; hut it is too tight for me, nud I am obliged to go into training every time I am invited out and reduce myself to get into it." "How do you do when you arehoth invited out to the same party ?'* ! "< hie of us sends regrets, and that one stuter- he has another engagement." This satisfied the questioner that the light man had the better of it, he cause the other paid one hundred nnd fifty-six dollars a year to own a hal ! interest in a dress suit. He also thought it would he a sounder finan cial scheme to have the suit fit the heavier man, and let the light-weight stuff himself to fit the suit. But he asked no more questions.— li. K. Mun kitlrick, in I'uck, I __ luk other morning, when it was raining pretty hard, and everything was very dark and gloomy, a diner at a boarding house table, -aid to the waiter : "Will you just open that shutter, The waiter opened the shutter. "Will you now light the gas?" "It ha been turned off." "Have you an electric light < >n nected with the place that you could lire up?" a*ked the boarder. "No, sir." "Could you run acrww the street and borrow from I>r. Smith that mag nifying machine that he b-ok- into |>eople with ?" "I ran't leave the table." "Have you a single-barred •yc glass ?" "No, sir." "Opera g!a— . ?" "No." "Telescope ?" "No," replied the waiter. "W 11, you ought to bave ail tlnse things, nnd lots of light, to enable boarders to see the food on the pint'* ; • r else you ought to give them enough to he detected with the nude eye." And the waiter sneaked away; am] the boarder went on eating his food, which he got hold of by feeling fur it with his fingers.— I'urk. It is said that the fashionable woman of New York have tnk-n to , poker playing. Now this is perfectly horrible. Next they'll want toboimi. ' tating that noble Creature, man, by -pending half their evening- around a j billiard table.- Er, A I)Atii/iA Inwyer was recently ar rested for stealing wood, but such was the power of his eloquence that he ( made the jury lielieve that he was only walking in his sleep, and thought he was placing (lowers on the grave of | his first wife.— hlr. Ani> now they accuse Chicago of being invested by female footpads. A good deal lias been said relative to the foot of the Chicago female; but whnt shall be snid of the pad which shall cover the foot ? £r. I.h < hina it taken three days to per torin the marriage cereruouy. If a man survives this test of his power of endurance he is regarded m being fully able to cope with a mother-in law and hold his own tolerably well, ~Kr. A I I I low KICK —Th" iintlf-r*igto-(l. th* IhMkhl ami bert •glrgmifti In (Vnlral I'mii • V ivantn, having Iti" fthan twenty yte/r* h< par lane* In M-lllrig Karma, Kami Hlocli, M rfrliti(t i, ati , offer t lit* aefVli-o* to the oitlrant ol (!enlra and lit>lfilng cc untie* a a Kirrl-i'laaa Salevmen. I liareaa rc-atoti aide Ad'lraaa Jrmgrit 1.. N*v, Roland, 4-Bm. Centre county, I'e lI vviMi (ri.NKl> t NKW COACH KKI'AIKSIKH'. ON LOOANSTKKKT, We would reepectftilly invito tin public to give u '"hII when in wntit of any work ill our line. W*• are pre pared to do A I I. kind- ol TMMMiStI, RF.t'Ainixa *v RFMtiDF/.IMi. Wo nlwo mnko n apocliilty of Uj'iioL&rmtixa IS AI.L IT* IIR WC'HKH. All work will recicve prompt itUen, lion. Our TKKMH arc reasonable, ami nil work guaranteed. vtjuUy, llll> II I I I. .1 .Ifr.Sf '/. 1 . l-.tm. Hrl/ef'on fa, I'a STUDIO, 2nd floor Bush Arcade, ill in "pp. I* H Ihr -k • fh i.tn! <.fT. /am now ready to do.alt kind* of PAINTING, '.SWA at POUTIIA ITS i am/. /IA /> .St 'l/'/'.S, M'/.V m l (MtSA MFS T. I/.. FAS't'Y DFrORA JJ.\a and tilt AIM.MI .h/'F( 'JA I.I'VY. Satisfaction guaranteed in all rn*f,. I would be pleased to have you rail, and examine sjrecimeit* of work. In -tructiona given in Tainting. VEI'.A Roi MTH I I.V, r. J'. Hileler. HOMES FOR SALE! ('nine mid Huy. 21 A< RF< ON FIFTH AVKNI'K, In whole or lota. A TWOSIOKY HKICK on Alleghanv Street. A TWO STORY BRICK t'n High tren Thoma- street. A TWO-STORY FRAMF. On Willow Bank street, 11*00 A TWO STORY FRAMF < >n Willow Bank *tr<*t, A TWO STORY FRAME Oil Biahop atriet, All in the Borough of Ik-llcfonle. Ry" Term* Mad/ /iiry, ROM* VALENTINE, 6 5 dm. Real F'.Uto Agent. BUTTS & POWERS, rRACTtraL HARNESS MAKERS, VP STAIRS AIUWF. rOTt iFFK'E, Allegheny Street, ll'tlefemte. I'a Are prepare.) to do all kinda of l'.r.cy and Heavy Harnc Making at llc.iHonultlc Prices stiitl -t* Tttr Most Skillful Manner. S?jiir!sj i:*e with tcatscn izi iiipauh. We rliallenge competition in price, ami workmaoahip. fiive ua a trial arid he convinced. All work guaranteed tefore leaving the bop. 1 tm. t)ul< U Railway lime. R.-klrf, 111., Jan. IWO. Th: i* to r.rtl/y th it i rt h.n raj /minted F- r k I'. /L'-ttr, "de agent/or th tile nf ovr i/y.i rlc Tram It-it. > -i/ H '.il-h.M in the town 7 MlefouU. Roraroati W*T< B Cn*r*-T Ml I I VMM MLHINt>w llMf-E IS Hill I.POSTE. o♦ J 0 In rd. rt . ihak< r .in for our Spring , Sto< k w<- nr. ofT- ring IM.MKXSK HA R(rA I XS in' DRV (iddOS Rtiols ami Shoes And Notions, W.- have no ikoddy or auction g-tod*, hut atraight and honcrt good*. We haw constantly on hand a full Mipply of PURE GROCERIES, PROVISIONS, QUEENSWARE, ETC. o J-JO Country Produce Con*laotly on han-l *nd Solicited. c. r. HOFFEU iV CO. Allcßlitiny Hlroct, ludicfontt't !*. "I \ O I 1 (i>OWI\U To the OoMUotljr focn i ioc * cumahii ron ' 'X Rrcens Coiidilinii I'owdcr V 5 i nr. BOW putting I ~, f,,;| poor. Ip* g * '£ ■ • <> i i to mit fi gular •/■ t 15 . t, An t rrriiond -t n< puMtah Korrrio'a " • d fectiona 00 ever- pt'kag. and flairaol. ' / If you have not 1) I(♦ e aolicit a trial order, fr-< , g confideni yr,, |i .Iterward* o no other GREEN'S PHARMACY, ' Bush House Block, BelU'frmte, Hd. Tn We have Tclothcii; C:nn:'Ct::n. Jt m ST'.CII I.IIIC .1 / 0,, Hrare r*, Itamh Ileum/ Uteef k, HeII,, l et, NEW (JOODS t FOR THK SI'UIXii iiml St .11)1 Eli TU villi!! W I.avr u, i ,iv.,r.-d to g.t th. very but - f rv-rv ti.h.g b v Bee f | b ,. 9 bare- imp n al! v (7/0//'/." (100/ iS FIXE . which cannot fail to pla*c. SKCHLKK .t CO. S: yirt- it pslitiss, tir ir.y rtrt it rt'.ifits 1 itKi.Re VT.*T xt>T!r. rr--i THE I Vl!'- r l*.t F.LI VIK! v M CLIO lot * .M. cut LAI. MM VOKK OBSEHVEH IS2.T ,•. t- ntrj Ur* m "lint t • '* - K " • If IRVFTFU TTLBO etJAf. IAAR Ibhsbl f th' euilt net fN<*niitf an 4 t. A ttera *©.l •alit. •ab etill nr k IK* OfiHU £ it* i4ltan M tt.. r • ~urir. • muii f f lkr acwk Tt 1 t ' ih' Ofecrtv r* %r !t'em ' •ltd* %n.| IB ta f fr (-TIT 'J I'.TIAU- U BI *t N fc * .i ti ■ K*• •*' IRu ? • t er* 11-41 f *l|a*rt eh -■ '. rleeilt eM t • l|v p-eyji T"h Dg • iMI 1 •r • * 1 it* >t . 1 ■; w*a * • id (4vit*l >lit *3l n • 'IA* r j* t rtsr renti tot*.* ia g d nti'D t rfcukt* r>4ibg Tk prv i* $ - I.', a tear In i * a *1 lit •' a - i. ,i t,ia. r. r%ri| t U * 'lilt- . • ' I * W. 4 lUMT'"*. ' tC '■£ • !• *•'/. f li e NaV>] * - [lie f: # ' It'll. It % IV. *• * r A44rmm, Now N U * lltdcrA (M . .7/ A :t\! Park //ow . V. 1. in PAINTING and PAPER HANGING. W'LBKVIVN-Hir Till WK.*T ran - TII i.o rT i-K'iwi'TMc** van merATCii. WILLIAMS & BRO., Drvum ix WALL PAPER PAINTS A€ . HIGH St bet Spring k Water, Beilefonte W. Uk. IM. mIM l lal*a *r MWJWJ IH TVt • ha*, la Ho.* lb. Urr*l iH I—l .Wli-a of Wall Car*. i ntaM. ■•( I'Ltl. t-li+iia or VFT Tor*. t VIMFT-lA, VAVWII I LMN, Mlraa, Hat. *allaa. BIA. *• A4 Br.-. A. BraaUfal B-I ILIN IA final V irW, M TT.al a. Bar. jwl nnitrJ frta X™ Tor* *nVV *IVi Dotting I*IIH,a. a. raa VaraWh aa4 |ot a* a* ia* an 4 .laborat* CMUag Brr r>tl HI .. at. FIT n[ uyallM. M. Tbal mt Inrii. all * taint n|wiM In rail •ml ... oar tie. ol r—l* Infer, orgntai ta..Wr Ith W ha*, la oar eortp*. ) (rHrian r|o) Bee* ra an* pain tor. ar>l nr. to UV> Joka of PiUNTIXO. aRAIXIXO. *IOX WMITIXQ. an* rvrrn lIVM.IXU. ■ era, * .etall, aa* cn.vl.tf llw .* ell* Matron •a* Baaitli. trxrH- fine lie ooealry *rtto4 ifeii WILLUW* A *nnn AD VIC® TO MOTHKBB At* jma Atatarboi at Big*l uIMm • )n fa* KG a He* HUM HI Hag and frying A IT* gel, ef ret ting l-et V If a*, eal al dm ae4 r-1 a Mlta <4 MM. Wmnioa'a *o*raa *rir roa Cgtr . aia TUT are* letttaf to imnelrelaM*. Il *IH t-Hof tW aoor Htlt. niari 'ae.lal.ij. Da*.l agae M reoieaoa, tfef. In aa alitalf afe-rt it. ft rem Aye ratnry an* Atarrfeoa. ranlatHi l*t Hmnir* an* In •la. rare, aia* ralfe. aal*e Ufa geua. raUaru la AanataU.ai.aa* glrra kataaf arfgy I. ItaaeMr, ■Tfi-m Ma*. fKiu-TV *aevua *r*r VM Call*- aw Tvriniee w pliaaanl a> Uf laatn. aa* ia h* gr< —HyUan • t an* a U>r 11* Hi i M fcwal# y*yH , mat Ml Miff. In * raHfH Mat—, an* to fer tafe fcy all (ragfttta 9lffi IW' IMmvt't MnSiMtl akaflta. felly. FORKS IIOI'SE Coburn. Centre Co., |\. (J0OI) MEALS. < LEAS BEDS. ■'KICKS MODERATE. ■or HOTEL WITHIN* TWO MIX VTES' WALK T<> STATION. V ,Ur An' Excellent Hunting and F bing ground* quit* neartbi* Hotel. „ •los. Kl.k' KNKII • ProD'r. 2£F.S. A. E. SEIBERT W dli t*lHr SidiMi f !<(# k§4 Tiriliij • at n*e * 4 % Ao DRESS MA KIM. In the ton l.tw| Cite s t)o. and aitli A' ifvu on { /ntpa'.- izalzi is mci.:: eas y.izi. <'otn! injr* re* I* lo rrdor. I'inkmg don* on bort notice *-'*tn| itig in French ".I a S,*ci*lty. I m A too Agon I for tb* Celebrated l*r*o- Maker*' MAGIC .M ALE. M A. K SEIBERT. No. II Allegheny ML, SO Am. {kllcfant*. T* THE REASON 1 W ran frli Laugh * $23 Phosphate I oo cheap i *mply thia: After 2-' i year* we har* di*coveted tb* Clirprt I'roceo* of making an Ammo mated Boor Super I'hophate; and having apecial adtinttp-i in tbe -ut 3C year* trial. > The fit Thophate ia coming inl° 1 general ue, and ita rep tat ion, "The ' Chcapeet and !W*t Crop I'rrdacer"—t* extending rapidly throughout I'ennvyl vania, **hio. New York, New Jenny, Maryland, Delaware, and other State*. , Manufactured only by ; BAI'GH k SON, IHILA-. YX. qatraurv *tno.-b*Mtwte. OniluOfltlLA fce mrxtintOniaaui i Mot. A eMM Uao of • tymUU* M *|* , *M .tolj Wfhjw.ot fir** t* rrttaM* .aWfoUi M. Wnww mi a. It I iKtittM a O*. ; OH Hew* Laaa Smaaaia*. (Mat**, *. Tj|| ; . price*. Everything new and | fre*h, at Oarman'p.