Peck's Bad Boy and His Pa
THE lIOY HAS (JOT A JOLL KEEPING UIB
PA OUT OP POLITICS.
"Get out of here now, pretty lively,"
said the groceryman to the bad boy,
as he came in rubbing his hands aud
trying to be pleasant. "A boy that
will loaf nnuud here and eat things,
and kick when I ask him to help me
sort over potatoes, can't stay in my
store. Git 1" and the grocerymnn
picked up a link of sausage aud look
ed mad.
"O, go hato yourself," said the boy
as he drew a knife and cut a slice off
the grocerynian's weapon, and began
eating it, as unconcerned as possible.
"When yon want work done, say so
and I will help you, but when you sav
'let's go and have some fun' sprouting
potatoes or carrying in coal, that is
too thin. When you say that, you are
a gay deceiver, and you are guilty of
false pretenses. Hut quit lying and
call it by its right name, work, and
you catch Hennery, but not with fun
ny chaff. But I have got nil the work
I want on inv bands now. I have
been appointed pa's guardian, by ma,
and I am straining every nerve to
keep pa out of politic*."
"Good gracious," said the grocery
man in alarm, "I am sorry for your
pa, if he has got his head set on going
into politics. I was in politics one
year myself, and it has taken me five
years to get out and pay my debts,
and now every ward politician owes
me fur groceries. You see they came
to me and wanted me to run for super
visor. They said I was just the man
they wunted.a man with a large head,
one who was a business man, and who
would not kick at the expenditure of
a few dollars when he could make a
barrel of money. They said if I was
ou the board of supervisors I could be
placed on a committee that handled
the funds, and I could make the pur
chases of groceries and provisions for
all the county institutions, the poor
house, bouse of correction, insane
asylum, hospitals, and everything, and
I could buy them at my own store at
uiy own price, and in two yeari I could
be rich as any man in (own. Well, I
never had a proposition strike me so
favorably, and I went in bead over
appetite. Fur a month I went around
our ward night and day, spending
money, and the politicians came to the
store and traded when I was out, aod |
had it charged, and when the caucus ;
was held I only got one vote fur super
visor, and I voted that myself. Well, j
the politicians tries! to explain to me,
but I bought n revolver, and they kept j
uway. Do you know, the next day
after the caucus I didn't have twenty 1
dollars worth of groceries in the store, |
and the clerk was dying of lonesome i
ness ? Whatever your pa does, don't
let him go ioto politics, for be will ,
bring up in an inebriate asylum.aure." j
"Well, pa has got it bad, but be is j
too numerous. He lias b?on yearning ,
for two years for a political campaign
to open. I don't suppose there is a
citizen who enjoys politics as much as
pa. He stays out nights till the last j
place is closed, and is the first man on
deck in the morning. He has drank
with more candidates, more different ,
limes, than anybody, and when lie is ,
so full that he csn't drink he takes a
cigar, and brings it home. His guests
have been smoking up old election
cigars ever since the Hancock cam- I
paign, and some of them are awful.
But this time they are going to run pa
for alderman, and be has opened the j
campaign with a cork-screw. Pa
thinks that the position of alderman is
greater than governor, because alder- .
men wear a badge, and have influence. |
But pa is overdoing the thing. He
wants to please everybody, and he has
promised to put ninety-seven men on
the police force, has promised forty
four men the po-ition of bridge tender,
and there is only one bridge in his
ward. He promises the saloon keep
ers to reduce the price of licensee, and
allow them to kc-popen all night, and
be has promised the prohibition tem
perance people to raise saloon licenses
to a thousand dollars and close every
saloon in town. The result is going
to be if pa is not elected he will kill
himself, and if he is elected the people
will kill him, so somebody has got to
save pa."
"You can't do it as long as the
fever is on," said the groceryman.
"Y'ou have got to watch him, and
when he meets with defeat or reverses
in politics, then Are some sense into
him. But as long as he is red hot in
a campaign, nothing will stop him.
I have seen a fsiliticiati who was full
of enthusiasm and heer, fall into the
river and drown, and the police pulled
him out and then rolled him on a bar
rel, and pretty soon he came to and
the first thing he said was 'Rah for
Tilden. Set Vm up again!' Y'ou
would have thought that man would
quit politics, and try and lead a differ
ent life, but the next day he was going
whooping around, electioneering in the
saloons and on street corners, with a
cork life preserver strapped around
him. He is alive yet. and is an alder
man. When a man gets into politics
it takes possession of him, and where
ever he is he is getting in his work for
bis party. There was a ward jiolili
cian that I knew once that used to
make a specialty of laltoring with the
working men. One day he wm on
top of a building that was being erec
tsd, arguing with a brick layer, when
his foot slipped and he fell off. A" he
wa going down he passed a hod
carrier going up with a load of mortar.
You would think that man would for
fet politics, as he was falling, aod say
is prayers, or pick out a soft place
to strike on the side walk, but he
didn't. As he passed the hod carrier
he yelled to him, 'Don't forget the
caucus to-night in your ward and get
out all the boys.' He struck in a bed
of soft mortar, which saved his life,
aod as they took a hoe and pulled
him to the surface he scraped the mor
tar out of his eyes, and as a doctor
came up to set bis bones he asked the
doctor if he had made up his mind
how to vote this year. No, sir, there
is no room in a politician for any
thing except politics. I was never so
annoyed in my life as I was once in
church when they put a politician in
my pew, and when we got up to sing
and opened the hymn book, the politi
cian had a Republican presidential
ballot under his thumb, and 1 bad to
read it all through. Dear me, if you
can get your pa out of politics, do it,
if you have to scare the life out of
him.''
"Let ma and roe alone for that, 1 '
said the boy. "We are experimenting
with phosphorous, and some night
when the campaign is fairly opened,
and pa comes home late at night art
iug crooked, he will see the hand
writing on the wall of a dark room,
and the skeletons and snakes and ani
mals aud things that will visit him
will break him up. If every politi
cian had a good little l>oy to look after
him he might be saved or killed, which
would be lietter than lingering in poli
tics to be cut down like a flower after
he had gone through his property ami
lost his health," aud the boy went out
to learn how to draw a skeleton on the
wall with phosphorous, and the gro
cerymau sat and thought of his own
experieuceas a politician. —I'tck'sSun,
Taking All tha Christmas Fun Out
of His Wife.
It was coolly planned and deliber
ately executed in cold blocd. They
sat by the fire, and as he perused his
paper she was busy with thoughts of
Christmas. By aud by he walked up
and asked :
"Did any parcels for mc coma up
to-day r
"No, dear," she replied, as her face
grew white as snow. "Have you been
buying anything ?"
"No, notfiing much. I happened in
at Blank's this afternoon, and, as he
was selling out his slippers at cost, I
bought me three pairs. Guess I'll be
fixed for the next ten years to come."
"Y'ou—bought—slippers ?"she gasp
cd as she pressed her hands upon her
heart.
"Yes, and Dash came to the door as
I was going past, and asked me in tj
look at his stock of dressing gowus."
"And—and—"
"And I bought me a couple. Rather
haixly garments you kuow, aud these
are something extra nice."
"Do vou mean to tell me that you
went and —"
"Why dear, how you tremble," he
interrupted. "Y'e*, 1 bought two of
'em and whett Dash liapjiennl to men
tion that I ought to have a smoking
cap. some new shirts and n smoking
set and a cane, I toM him to go ahead
and send "em up. I'll order a new
silk ha', writlcts. gloves, sleeve but
tons and necktie- to-morrow, and 'hen
I gties I'll be provided for. Come
and kiss your dear old htihbv.'
But she didn't. She rose up and
clawed and gasped and rushed out ot
the room with tearful eye* and clench
ed teeth. All her Christmas surprise
was handicapped.
A LAWYER was summoned as a wit
ness in a certain case. The judge
finding that the witness wa lying bad
ly, interrupted him. saying : I beg of
you to forget your profession for a
moment and tell lis the truth.
A MEDICAL writer says that girls
are so constructed that they cannot
jump. If he is a respectable young
man, let him propose matrimony to
one of the girl# and he'll soon see her
jump—at the offer.
"WAS Early Man a Savage!" asks
a magazine writer. That depends. If
the early man was dressing to catch
the 4 p. M. train, and his collar button
fell behind the bureau, the probabili
ties are that he was about as savage
as they make 'em.
A WOMAN in Georgia wants a di
vorce because her husband refused to
let her know the combination of his
safe. Eor sake of keeping peace iu
the family a man should fet his wife
know the combination of his safe—
and keep all hi# money in hank.
WHILE a Chicago girl was tiending
over a washtnh a man slip|ied up be
hind her and kissed her. She had
him arrested and a jury has just de
cided that be is not guilty and that
she must pay the costs. The majority
of the jurors had monkeyed around
wadituhs themselves.
A UHEFUI. voice: "I'd give $">00
for a voice like yours," plennnlly re
marked a Chicago man to a middle
aged Boston woman with a keen eye,
a sallow visage, and a long jaw. A
smile of grateful vanity illuminated
her face at the implied compliment as
she coquettisbly asked : "And what
would you do with it?" "I'd ue it to
frighten niv wife's mn'ber away from
the house," answered the praire-red
1 brute.
The Hunterß from New York
HOW TUEY WERE TAKEN IN HY OSH
KOBH ni-ooiw.
The ignorance of foreigner*, find
even people of the emit, about the west,
ie lamentable, but it ha* to lie put up
with. There are people in New York
who think tlißt went of Buffalo it i* a*
unbroken wihlerne** a* far a* Chicago,
except a few settlemeut* like Detroit
and Toledo. They think that Chicago
in like Paughkeejisie, and Milwaukee
aomething like Orange, N. J. Tell
auch a New York man that Chicago
I haa more and lietter hotel* than New
York, and he would not recognize you
on the atreet after that. The moat
that people out went can do, ia to
make the lieat of it, and when they
find auch an ignoramua, have all the
fun possible out of him. There i* a
atory being told, privately, aliout a
joke played on aome New York linn
tera recently, that ia important, if true.
■lu*t before the great Aator hall in
New York, it waa announced in the
eaateru paper* that Aator hail rent a
party of huntera to Wiaconain to pro
cure game for the grand cupper, and
j it waa said that every variety of game,
I deer, antelope, mooae, buffalo, etc.,
would be on the table, killed by Aa
tor'* apecial artist on the spot. The
men came to Chicago anil took an
atternooo train north, and it w&* not
I long before they attracted attention by
I the gun* and equipment* tbey had,
and a* they told the conductor the
| object of the expedition, it wa* not
long before everybody on the train
knew them. There waa a party of
Oshkoeh lawyers and busiuess men on
the train, and they are the word men
in the world, the very worst. They
are hold and bad, and they glory in
it. Theae wicked Oshkosh men de
cided to get acquainted with the
mighty hunter*, which wa* an
job, and by a few well directed inqui
ries they found out that the hunting
party actually expected to fiodnll the
kind* of game mentioned, within a
hundred mile* of Chicago. One law
yer waa so astonished at the ignorance
of the ea*tern men, that for some time
he couid not believe but they were
joking. The Osbkosb citizen* held a
consultation in the smoking car, and
decided to play it on the hunters, ao
one of them sat down by them and
confidentially told them that their
party was too small to cover all the
different kind* of game, a- a place
where buffalo abound would he no
place to find m<wse, nnil tlio same
alx>ut antelope and deer. Me mid
there KM only one place in the elate
whete it was |eie.ihle to find all kind*
of game, and that was H point about
five miles above Oshkosh that pule out
into I/ake Itulilr* Hr* Me atd
there win something ale nit the water
there that canned all llic animal* to
come there to drink, from mile# around,
hut lie said the Indian* were vry
jealous and would he apt to make
trouble utiles* the hunter* would c<*ik
a dog and keep the no at on hand to
treat the Indiau* to a free lunch when
they visited the camp. The hunters
were greatly taken with tlm scheme
and arranged to go there, The Osh
kosh men otfered t> procure n <)og for
the sacrifice, and also agreerl to lend
the hunters dog* for each kind of
hunting,claiming that they must have
a amail dog for moose. to worry the
atiiuinis after they were wounded, a
loug dog for buiralo, and a setter <i"g
for deer and antelope The men con
cluded to stop at O-nkosh and g i to
the place suggested. The* put up at
a hotel and the next morning ihe < >*h
kosh men were on hand with the dog".
They had stolen a fat yellow <log and
put a card on him labeled, "For the
sacrifice," they had a smatl rat dog
with a card on his neck labeled "To
be u*ed only for moose," and a long
hound thai nobody claimed, for buffa
lo, and they promise) to send up n
setter the next day. Well, the hun
ters hire! a sleigh of a man who had
l>een told the joke, atul they were
taken to a lumber-shanty on the (mint
and lefL The d river told them the
game would not he apt to run much
before afternoon, ami mavbe not till
next day. a- a tribe of Winneconne
Indian* had been tliere the day before.
Impressing upon them the itn|>ortance
of cooking the dog the first thing, in
order to he prepared to pacify the In
dian* the driver left. Well, it snow
ed and blew great guns for three days,
and nothing was heard from the hun
ter*. till one day n man came down
from Winneconne with s I-><! of wood,
and when he got to oiku-h he told a
policeman that some lunatics had es
caped from the asylum and had gone
into a shanty up on the lake. On be
ing ak<*d what made him think they
were lunatics, he said s he was passing
by the |oint he saw a fellow holding
up a piece of white shirt, and he stop
ped his tenrn and went to the point,
when three men turned pale and said,
" Please, Mr. Winneconne Indian,
don't hurt us. ('> me in and cat some
dog." The man said lie thought they
were lunatics at once, hut when he
began to hack away and they asked
him if he hail scam any moose or buffa
lo that day he knew tliey wen* <rar,y.
Two of the dogs got loose and followed
his sleigh to towu. lie said the police
had better notify Dr. Kempster where
he could find his luuatics. Two days
fiftnrwwrrl* a couple of Oahkoah fel
lows thought they would go np and
see bow the hunters got along, but
ihey found the shanty deserted, only
a keitleof boiled dog remaining. They
made inquiries of a farmer, as to when
the inen left, and he said he went
over to the shanty the day before, to
see who wa* burning hi* wood, und
found the men discouraged. They
offered him some dog, hut it wasn't hi*
dog day, ao be refused. They a*k<-d
him about moose and buffalo, and ho
thought they were making fun of him,
and wa* going to whip the whole party,
when they told him what they were
alter. lie said he thought he would
split with laughter, hut he filially told
them what cussed fool* they were, and
that there wasn't a moose or buffalo
within two thousand mile* of ihem,
and only a few deer np in the north
ern rnrtof the state, and it wa* against
the law to shoot them. The men held
a consultation, and hired the farmer
to take them to Winncconne, where
they embarked for New York. Tin
farmer said, when they showed him
their "mooae dog," a litllo black and
tan, that would have difficulty killing
' n rat, he almost died laughing. The
I Othknah men have kept this matter
very quiet for fear of being arrested
for stealing dogs, but this story ac
count* for the fact that Mr*. Astor
didn't serve any mooae or Imflalo from
; Wisconsin, at her banquet. It seems
singular that men will be deceived a*
theae men were, but on Oshkosh man
would deceive anybody.— l'fk'i Sun.
A Dark Cloud on the Face of a
Young Monoymoon
"No, George, I'm not going to take
my shoes off.'
"You'd la-tter, dearest.•'
"No, I shan't, -fust like a* not the
train will run otT the track. What a
place this is for a lady to sleep in.
Catch me taking off my shoe*, nor
anything else this night. Why, any
body ran come along here and pull
these curtain* right bark,' 1
"Why, clear, it is just a* private
here a* in your own room. No one
disturbs any one else on a sleeper
You know t traveled a great deal be
fore we were married. Now come,
pet, let me untie your shoe* for you."
"You shan't, George. I tell you I
won't take my shoe* off and I won't,
ao there. lam going to sit up here
and lean against this pillow and look
out of the window all uight, and I'll
IK- ready dressed for breakfast in the
morning. You can sleep down there
if you want to."
jfe argued, reasoned. entreated and
commanded, but the six-hour bride re
mained firm, and it was evident that
a dark cloud was on the face of the
young honeymoon. The last thing w*
heard before going to sleep was the
beginning of what he said wa* his !at
appeal.
We didn't hear the end of if, but
awoke next morning and found a!!
quiet in the next berth. All the other
passengers were soon up. and the por
ter had their bed* metamorphosed into
sints, hut still the bridal couple slept.
Finally ther were roused by the con
ductor, and after forty minutes of
floundering in the lower hunk, at <•
frequent whispered inquiries for sun
dry missing article*, conspicuous
among which sa- "my other shoe,"
there appeared a plump little woman
with frow-v 1 air and a pair of pretty
lilu>hf~, wh'ch deep' to d and widened
surprisingly a *he met the gaze of b< r
f.How-pacngers. T' sa< apparent
that she had at !at relented,
I.ET not your field* nor your minds
lie tsllow too long; they will produce
a crop of weed*, and weed" arc mtir 1
readier to take root than to leave"
A CHICAMI girl aid she couldn't
retiumtier the lumber of her shoes,
and then got mad te-cause somehodv
sai-l it wa* a g-xwl dewi to tax one's
ntiud with.
—m♦— ~ - -
A WOMAN applied for a place as n
street car driver. "Can you manage
mule*?" asked an employer. "I should
smile," she said. "I've ha<l two hut- j
llHllds."
WHEN a Chicago girl goes into a
shoe store with a sweetheart she wiuks
at the clerk and asks for "Langtry
two. " Then they take her into the
hack yard and try them on.
Ir Tour wife begins to wheedle
around you about tbis time and give
you considerable taffy, don't regard it
as an increase of affection. It is raerc
ly preliminary to a request for a new
bonnet.
A WII.KESRARRF. man took bit scat
in the barber's chair; he asked the
barber if he had the same razor be
had used two days before. Being ar
swercd affirmatively, the patient man
said, "Then give me chloroform."
A BROOKLYN girl who was engaged
to a Chicago man ha* mysteriously
disappeared. It is supposed that some
of his other wives called on her and
they told her all about him. Home
wotnen are mean enough to do any
thing.
WHEN she called to consult the di
voroc lawyer she was in a terrible rage.
"What charge do you prefer against
your husband ?" asked the hymenial
bond breaker.
"Why," exclaimed the woman, bund
ing into tears, "I had two teeth pulled
the other day, and caught a cold,
which awellcd my jaw ao that the base
mfecreant told me to my face that he
was going on an all-night racket be
cause I wasn't in a condition to scold
him when he cane home. A man who
will do that ia actually too mean to
Jivo with ; ao there!"
IB
WITH
C © 11 s
UMirnl ttlthvut plito or il*i'Jli*eLlrhf +
for tii- atuall aum of
15 Fifteen Cents 15
BV UMBO TUB.
EUREKA Com CURE
•OLD OBLT AT
GREEN'S PHARMACY,
lIIIHII lloiiHe Block,
IiKLLEFoNTE, J'A.
Liberal DIMOIUII to lleri hunt*.
!
IK (Jartnnn t- fxnt't i New store.
Gar man &
LADIEN,
do not think, the cut* repre
sent only gentlemen'a wear, that we
have not been particularly careful to
select an elegant line of gw>ds e*peci
ally suited to you. You will find it
to your advantage to call and if we
are not able to supply you from our
choice and varied stock, it will be a
a small matter for us to order what you
may need. We think we are belter able
to meet your wants than any store in
Bc-llefonte.
KKCHt.KR if ro., (i mrrrn, Hunh Uonne Itlorl, Jlr-Hefonte, I'ft.
NEW GOODS
FO R THE
SI'KING and SUMMER TRADE!!
We 1 jave end avored to get the very best of every thing in our line, and now
have some really CHOICE GOODS.
FIXE CREAM CHEESE. Extra Iarcr FRENCH PRUNES,
SELECT OYSTERS, I SWEET POTATOES,
LARGE RIPE CRANBERRIES, PRCNELLES. IMPERIAL FIGS,
RRIGIIT NEW LEMONS, FLORIDA ORANGES,
Prince Paper-Shell Almonds Evaporated DRIED PEACHES
A FULL LINE OF CHOICE CANNED FRUITS.
PRESERVED PEARS, PEACHES, PLC MS and PRI'NELLES.
PLAIN CANDIES, FINE CONFECTIONERY,
—AND—
GOODIES of all Sorts and Kinds
invite the people of Centre county to call and inspect our NICE
GOODS, which cannot fail to pleaae.
ttf BECHLKR <fc CO.
i'c p*rty Ja politic*, aor *ay et !a r'sfica
TIIR IiREATEXT ANDTIIK REFT,
THE I.AROK IkOHRMC WKKKI.T,
RKMOIOt'R ND RKXLAR
NEW YOROBSERVER
EatablUkod 1823.)
Kn papar In the errantry baa* roor* Hlfwtilgrgs *
>l • mn IKRIU t>f lrr nanr Trim. eland* >1
the bee 4 >4 the e4llortnl fraternity an 4 hir letter* ah 4
edltml*)* Mill enm h tk Onmi Other among Ita
editor* hare had the training at a quarter nf * neat ury
(of ttrain work
Tm Oo**r*raTh*Te of lh OMtttn rt trrna *ll
• ml . and ttm new*. rarefally prepared from latter*
and Integrum*. fnmi*htng * nam pi eta Tie* of the ren
dition of tk* work *#< k week.
Ttte Tnp*rttn*t of Aritmtntl, Rnn**, ftap.T
Arwont rn eirt 4 kneitn* *o* *ra mndartrd hy
etpert*. *hn writeclearly *l>4 to tk* paint. Tk* On
• rttc *n lino* nt fill It* mlnmnt with lon| "Mara n4
old eerntan*. I nit da* to tie
A LIVE NEWSPAPER.
girlng erety week * Rrtmrrvn ttntit fall of laMrnc-
Untv. nodhnragrmcnt and truth. .*4 * fntUl An.gr
Containing *ll thn*w, *lgor.m comment, npo* cnr
retrte ewenta, r4 * great Tartety of rkotoe reading
The prv* la IS.Ik * year Fur .* nt* rIT *ra
e-tlifu We fiT* *• dollar nwalol m or a copy Ike
-l*ta*riktraai, 'aa elegantly boand eolnaeof aoo
yngre, ontttalnlng a portrait of tk* aatkar. hunpie
rapine at the ttaiaai aa artll keeoat o any aikdraee Ike*.
Aadrree,
Naw York Obrorvrr.
31 d 32 Park How, JT r.
kikSL •
"T/Otro.l ppjcpg, Everything nt> nH
frpali. t Ottrmnn'r.
FORKSHOUSE
Coburn, Centre Co., Pa.
OOOD MEALS,
CLEAN BEDS.
PRICES MODERATE.
•0-HOTEL WITHIN TWO MIN
UTES' WAIJv TO STATION.
Gooti Stabli A ream nidation*.
Excellent Hunting ami Kiahing ground*
quite near thi* Hotel.
JOS. KLECKNER - Prop'r.
MRS. A. E. SEIBERTT
VraU ML to lh* IMIIM of a. 11, font. uJ Hrlalty
that fc to tie
DRESS MAKING *
In the very Lateet Oily Style*, and with
.VMJVM end htipotch.
EEALEB la SmK HAIB QOOSS.
Combing* made to order.
ricking done on abort noUoe.
Stamping in French Oil a Specialty.
1 am AUo Agent for the Celebrated
Dree* Maker* MAGIC SCALE.
Mr*. A. E. SETBKRT,
So. 11 Allegheny St., t
Vklm. Refiefonte. Pa.