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Pock's Bad B
THE QUTSTTON or WSIMrUKI: \ l>' '
FRRKNCK IV REMUI it's OPIStU.V-t
OUGHT TO SEPARATE TWO
I .OVERS WORKING IN THE
HEAR OF TIIB INGEN
"T.ikeoitre lloro, vil will run right
over the stove," aid the grocerytnan
to the bad b<*y, as lie cumo along ihi
floor, hi* eyes fixed a* though ho "
looking into the future about two
years, and his luiml so occupied lliut
lie did not seeoi to see the stove.
"What yoh/thinking about? Lately
you have got a i you think too niiieli,
and hv oo<l by vou will he one of the.e
vacancies, that don't know benn*. I*.--
pie are gnttiuan they think ion nitieh.
ami especially Inn*. Nothing hurts h
hoy so tnnch * to get ill the habit ol
thinking. What did you Imve on
your mind vvhe.i you came in ? '
"Oh, I W;s thinking of Ili at feller
down in tint Third ward lliut killed
his girl and then killed himself, all on
account of ilnor religion being u dif
ferent brand, so they couldn't marry
each other. t-mh, it don t seem a
though religion ought to bar a I'vlb-r
out of the heaven of his girl's love
does if?" said the hoy,
"Well," said the grmerynian, as be
wiped soma syrup oti° bis hands on a
coffee sack. "Vou eau't drive two
kinds of religion to the pole, in a
family, with auyitind of success. Vou
tuay drive two kinds of religion single
or tandetu, hut when you hiteh'ton up
together ami they try to travel along
at a good road gate, one will go off it*
feet and gallop while the other trots,
ami then the galloping religion will
catch and enmo down to a trot nod
the other will break tip, and therefhey
are, see-sawing, aud the air full of
creeds, and tbcrine-, and there is
danger they will run away and siua-h
something. No, it is better for the
people who are goiug to marry, to
have their measures taken for the
same kind of religion, and then each
can wear the other's religion, and all
will be lovely."
' I don't know," says the had boy,
takiug an apple, "about this thing of
waiting till yon find out about a girl's
religion before you love her. Some
times you can't do it. If a girl has
aot got any sign out warning a fellow
what kind of rcligiou she ha.- got con
cealed about her parson how is he
goiog to know until it is everlasting
too late. When a young feller falls
in love with a girl, it is like falling
down on skates. Everything seem* to
give way at onre. It strikes bim like
a sand bag, aod there he is, asphyxia
ted the first thing. He knows that
she ia perfect, aud he taken her right
into his heart and wraps his heart
around her, and puts rubber weather
atrips on all the cracks so she can't
get out, and her religion is the last
thing he thinks of. If her religioo
pulls her ooe way, and bis heart pulls
her 'tother way, something has got to
bust, sometimes it's the religion that
busts, and sometimes it's the heart. I
think there ought to be a convention
composed of delegates from all kiods
of religion, and let them make a law
that any religion shall be legal tender
anywhere, like a gold dollar. Iteli- I
((ton ought to be pure gold, good any- 1
where. If a man come* in here to
buy soap, and give* vou a gold dollar, i
coined in Rome,or .Veronalem,or Cali- 1
fornia, or China, or Russia, or the
Feej e Islands, he gets his soap. Rut j
if your son is io lvc with a Hebrew
girl, her religion says your son's reli 1
gion is counterfeit, ami she gore to her
grave with your son's love in her J
heart, and he goes to the devil with (
her image in his heart, ami both are
ruined for life 'cause they couldu'i
match their religions. A Baptist girl
falls in lore with a young fellow that
ia a perfect specimen of manhood,
brave, noble, intelligent, tender to her
and as kind lAmu can be, and they
begin to the day when he can
take her to. a home and be all the
world aad a small section of beaven
to her, when some day a friend says tn
her, "your lower ia ona of the noblest
, men l ever taw, but it is a pity be ia a
Catholic.'' Then tbe trouble cots
cacaoes. He believe* hi* religion is
the grandest in the world, aod she be
1 teres here ia no slouch, each tries to
induce the other to adopt another re
ligion, but it is a failure and they
drift apart in all except the buried
love that can never be quenched on
earth, or in beaven. I tell you it is
pretty tough to have ao many different
kinds of religion that can't be mad?
to jibe, don't you think so?"
" Yea, it ia rough,"' said the grocery
... mau, "but a little difference like that
. hadn't ought to make a fellow kill the
girl be loved."
"Courae not," said the boy. "Thia
Seller surely didn't love the girl, else
he wouldn t shoot. Bar, s'pose you
loved a girl, regular old spontaneous
• kiad ! Could Von pull oat s revolver
aod send two bullets into her pretty
cheek, and cord bar up against the
. fence dead ? Npw, you couldn't. Nor
anybody else. He didn't love that
girl, fie thought he did, but It was
, something else. You ana, if be had
M loved her, not having any particular
religioo himelf, ha would bare let ber
take him by the baad and led bim to
bar church like a child, and be would
I have got down on his knees and prayed
with her, and become her brother in
,'„the church, and then married ber.
But whan he found that sbe loved ber
church he got jealous of her religion,
that was alt, and as long as he couldn't
kill her religion, tn kiU.J In-r Il>
•link*, if it was *•• fellows, they
j would join any chin el thst ever wits
for the girl they |.v- <l. Pa says'h
-1 knew ii niuit vluti g"i m lovo wiili n
Jvwcs, and her lolks tried to staid
liim . ft* but lie joint <Til>- ir church nml
opened u pawn nn-l got n Unhid
to mnrrv them on the -Iv, hii'l when
1 her folk" came blowing around he put
" iup Ins hand uml shook it uml unid,
' j'liaal ihigiaJii n. Vol you going to do
• - about it?' Mil -uys she miul pa hud ti
" ! good th ai of trouble shunt their reli
-1 | gimi Gel-ire lhey were married. She
was a I'iiptist and pa was a Democrat,
v lull pn kicked when they limtiinattd
'• .tiicetev, ami goes In her church now.
'' Well, i must go down to tlie morgue
'* and see ttic lovers lliut couldn't agree
• ■ about going lo heaven," aud the boy
j. | -kipped.— l'tt'L'* Sllll.
' She Got It.
r "There!" culled out ii woman who
1 wa- u pu.—eiigei on a Hay City trntu
i ' h-iiviiig Detroit a day or two ago.
'■("l've went mi I gone ami left iiiv
• isnUshel in the depot. S.ucltody cull
- 1 the conductor."
r A benevolent man with a bald head
? ami n double chin Volunteered hi- *< r
vices, and after a time the conductor
' was brought in.
i "Can't vou stop ami run bwk
i 1 asked the woman.
i "No. ma'am; hut I'll telegraph to
i have your baggage sent on What is
• ' it ?'
: ' Very well," he -aid, a- he began to
■ write, "it i- an old satchel with one
, handle off aud the lock broken of
I ' course."
I "Y -yes. sir : but it's none of your
' biisines? if it is. Yon don't buy my
- "No, ma'am —of course not. I>-t'*
i see! I'll telegraph them to o|k.'|i it.
• The first thing on lop is a night-cap "
>' "S'pusin' 'tis," she blustered up. "I
• guess there is no law agin wearing
t 1 night caps.''
I ' "No, ma'am, and the next thing is
a pair of black woolen stocking* which
.' have Wen darned in the heel*. What
I i nex - . ?"'
• 1 "The next thing Is that if any man
j in this 'ere State of Michigan dares to
i open that satchel and goto pawing
' over the contents, I'll make a corpse
• uf him!'' she exclaimed, as hc untied
t her bonnet.
[ | "I must telegraph."
' J "Then you call it a black .itche|
kinder busted in one sidi aud kinder
'' busted all to fioshen by you railroad
' I wretches on both end*, and let it go at
that. I won't have it pawed over."
- j "Not another word,"she said, a* her
spectacles danced on Iter nn-*. "Do
as I tell you, and if they can't find 4 it
I'll conie back and tir thing* up aod
J bounce folk" around till they'll think
| it's a had year for hurricanes. Just
• say a busted black satchel, and add
. that if it come* along with the other |
handle pulled off I'll a lwuit j
' to make this railroad flicker
The busted black satchel h ft on die
next train. — D'troit trr Pre**
She wan Not to be Beaten
Mrs. Percy erger i* one of those
i ambitious w >men who never allows <
I herself to he surpassed by aoyltodv in j
| anything. She actually crowed vr!
I the neighbor*, le-cnuse one of ber
!children *n wire broken out with J
j the measles tjian all the us ..1 th> j
[children in that part if Austin put !
Not long since he made an after
' noon call on Mr*. Watermelon, a near
I neighbor. Mrs Watermelon brought*
' nut some ta and cakasand deprecated *
j th* tea being so weak, and the cake*
not having the right tlnmr
"What! do you call thi* tea weak." !
said Mr*. Yerger turning np her nose, j
and then smiling a nv*t contempt mm.
"Yes. I am nfraid the water wa-p't j
boiling," replied Mrs. Watermelon
t lem u re I v.
Mra. Yerger snid-d tle air scorn- :
"I don't think the tea i* poor at all,
Mrw. Watermelon, compared with
mine. I hone ynu will return my call
at an early day, and then it will be a
pleasure tn me to prove lo you that I
ran make tea, one cop of which will
be weaker than a whole pot full of thi*
stuff that vmi are boasting shout. Ak '
my husband, a*k the I'niversity *tu• '
dents who are boarding with us. if
they ever tasted such lea as I give !
, them. When it comes tn real thin tea
I'll carry off the riblmn from any
other woman in Austin, Mrs: Water
melon, and I want you tn know it."
"Yea," responded Mra. Watermelon,
"I •expect your'a is the worst. You
, know vou are so much older and more
, experienced than I im."
| Mra. Yerger gathered herself tip,
, and with n glance that might do credit
r tn a member of the Texas Legislature
, *bo has been caught in a lie, indig
, nantly left the bonM.— Sifting*.
Hla View" of It
' "What are those men doing up
I there?" said a gentleman to an Irish
f hod carrier as he looked up at two
r men wildly prancing around on a liar-
row scaffolding on the third atory of
I the Texas University building. "1 be
I think in' thsl they're figbtin, sor', and
i as a disinterested spictator, it seems to
. roe that a* aythur ar tbiro sblipw or
r lose* his howlt, they'll wish to beaven
. they bed enjoyed their divarshun
t efoatef to the ground."
He Knew How
' i "Di )••!' want any hrakcmcn*" in
quired H seedy li>ok'iig CIIHJ> OF M*
I Master,at the general superiiiienduuiV
' i olfire, yesterday.
Mac ■aid they did; road rushed with
. i business mill men nil overworked.
1 j "(j'leri I'll try it it spell," said the
1 j stranger.
1 "A II right, fir," r**|>l i tl Mat:. "Kver
'• on any braking ?"
' H-H * "
1 "What road*"
" I'he Sltoivdi'gan Turnpike ; broke
'' on lumber truck* down ,fohn*on lull
• i lir two year*. ThatV no nwluJ hill.
| *ir royo f-—two tnih* long and kiti pert,
I that root' there, and you Imt it took a
i |Ntwer ot mua'la to hold her. It a
1 , wheel a i|t|a*i she mm- gone. I reckon
' i I'm the man yon want."
lie wa- taken on probation, end in
I aide ot an hour returned, saying that
| the conductor of the crew to which he
t I had been n—igned wanted a gallon of
( • red oil lor the danger -igunl lantern*
on the rear of the train.
I j Honeymoon Hint*
"A rolling atone gs'bera no inoaa,"
' but a rolling pill frequently gatliera in
j the hu'bai d a hair.
r A NeW Jt racy man hud been put in
, .jail lor having fourteen wiv... That
l mu-t Ite a great relief to him.
i "1 am ijoKu to lied rock," auid a
' hen-pecked Pittsburgh liuaband, na he
* -waved :he cradle containing hi- howl
ing .-'ot and heir.
A good wife ia lievond price, and
1 yet tone out of fvcqy ten hti-buic'r
will growl lor a year Info it paying for
' a teu dollar bonnet.
A NW|Y.ok pajter a-k*: "Who
are the fools 7" and ii ha* received let
tera front over one thousand marred
J men. wanting to know if it meant to
' he personal.
; "Tbe sweetest music in the world,"
-ay* a writer, "i* the human voire.'*
1 Voting parent- will do well to pate
! ihtaaetitltnoot at the bead ot their first
' Nero is crrdilal with bring the
' crudest person that ever lived, and
! yet there i* no record that lie promoted
his wife a seal-ekin Barque and then
1 refuse to get it for her.
' "You say the prisoner i* insane;
'< what makes you think so?" ' Because
! be has been married four time*, nod
' . two of bin wives are ctoar eyed,' wa
j the reply, slowly made.
I! A humorist uesfritx • a liaby a* ' a
bald head and a pair of lung*." This
i not quite a* entirnental a- aomr
i |>oero- we have seen hut will be more
likely to lie pa-ted inside the bat* of
father* of families*.
So Very Becoming
| One day last week old Mrs. N*w
; year*, one of the wealthiest old ladie*
'in Austin, made an official call on
i Mr*. Finletop. Mr*. Ncwycar* wa*
Idresee*! ID au elegant silk dre->* made
in the very highest style of art. It
attiarted the at'entioo of Johnny,
who could not hrlp admiring it, and
finally the imp aid :
' Mi, don't you think that drew i*
very becoming to Mr*. Newycar**"
"Yna, my s<>n, keep quiet now," re
-p'Onlef Mr*. Firth-lop, who wa* afraid
Johnny would make some impr>per
"Ho vou like my dre**, do you
' Johnny *" a-ked Mr*. Ncwycar*. kind 1
| "Yea, mum, it* very becoming; it* j
just like your tar*, ftill of wrinkles i
*iul folds, ami i rea*e like."
Didn't Keep Them
"Give yo" ordah yet, ah V -aid a ,
. waiter in a restaurant to a hungry ru- ,
"No. (iiinme js.rk and potatoes."
"Iloan keep ctn. ah."
"Ye* you do, bill of fare *ay wo."
j " 'House me -ah, but we ain't got no
i rich 'tator* in de house, sab."
i "What do you mean, you black
i ra*cal. Don't you think I can read 7"
"Think* you is mistaken, sab. Die
am a fust class rcsterang, -ah, doao
keen no pnah things."
"Why look here: 'p-or k and p-o
-t-a-t-o-c a,' couldn't be plainer."
'Oh. 'scuse me, sah Beg pahdoo,
•ah. I thought you said 'pnah canned
'lalera,' an' wa dnan' keep no canned
one*, 'specially poah ones, sah. Coffee,
And then he sailed down the room
, -hooting :
"One poke au' "tateis," and the echo
came back from the cook :
A Slight** Is take
"Hello, Brown," exclaimed Smith
kins, M he punched the individual
addressed sharply in the rib*.
"Hello yourself," retorted tbe other
as he wheeled quickly around and
' dealt Hmithkina a staggering Wow
which landed that worthy on the "de
"Oh ! abf beg pnhdon,' said Smith
kins as be regained bis pcrnendicu
lar; "thought it was my frienn Brown,
you know. *
i "Did, did you. Well, I didn't"
i "Keailr I didn't mean to bnrt you ;
i H was only a little pleasantry intend
■ ed for Brown," said Hmitbkio*, brush
f ing the mad ofT his clothes.
"Ho Brown liken to be made an um-
I brellaholder of, doe* be? Well, he
i can if be wants to, but as a friend I
> would advise you to be more carefiil
i whom yon poke in future, because yon
i might punch some ill-natured fellow
who would resent it"
Horr lIU.II* Yeamr's Opiat on of
"Well, Wr. YcHgcr. what i'• you
r . ili ink of matrimony ?
( "Vut v<>- <|,H>C '! .
"The married lire, vti know
"Ugb ! You bet incin schwosd life
I know. |).>i pceu h Itumbuggin'
I pi*im-(**. I) it |c-en a e<-hut uml II
! pit*l ilrap to catch fellers mil. 1V
. lore 1 goi me married 1 think- I pcen
'• j -o hiihtiy like a angel pird, uml Imriy
' —Mm i tliil ii way. (pin k derralic. I find*
', ME m MI iniiwiakcund."
, ; 'Vbe ii you uioii'l marry happily?"
i ' "Ob, ye* ;to peon scliuic I inairn-d
1 j me dot vat. Dot'* voider uadder
i vu* iiiit dot pistil***. 1 >-u honey nmon
t ' -elie-c week* 1 vu* moiC liiihliy in n*
1 u buiidret uml feiinfiy year <h i< nMer.
f out I tif me dot long."
"Y *. bill inurrieil lift-, t*k- it a'l in
i all, is the hapideat, i* ii oof ?
"I dink* ii va* poller out' * noin*
, him got married to figlill •!• r ring
, (I rough; alter ouf hi in ami tl g">l mar
I rcd it VH* (M-tier lor *ebi|lneii \ai I
i doii'd va* goi poriii'd yil to *chtop
' luidout marry. Dot *afe dmuble* in
( dot vorhl iind all der odder vorlds,
• uud doii <1 it forgot vou ?"
A Good Snleaman
' "Tlieui |mnls i* too short,' *aid a
r ' huckster who u* bargaining for u
pair of Irouscr* in f'anal *trt-et.
' "But dcy vill stretch, my frcnl, di-y
I vill stretch. Vu*t bang weights on
, de leg* uml stretch detn efery night,
(lot keep* tbe pag* oud ol de kne.
"They arc ton tlark," conlitiued lh<; j
, "Daik," -aid tbe dealer, "vat mat
' ter ish (bK ; de color i*h m>t fa*t, und
idcyvil! fade dree "hades in taodaya.'* j
I \ "Tiny arc too widi in the leg*," '
' objected tbe huckster; and tbe ac
commodating dealer in accommodating j
| garment* *iid :
•, "Veil, ven yuu stretch dem dc long ;
vav tnn't ley get schmaller sidevaya ? |
Dc more vou real* dem de r>etter dev
' s m
, ( rite you.
"Isw>k at that big grea-c said j
the particular buyer.
"Oh, dot's nothing," said the di aler. '
"Yon vill haf dem all over vaggin
' crca*c in lc** a* von vrek. I draw off
den cent* for dot spot. You dake
dem for a lallar vorty."
Tie took them.
The MMMIDC Haw- Mill.
The good old stories of by-gone dava
arc often tbe Inst. Dick Steele is just
; reviving thi* about our fellow towns
Mr. Denniau met au o]>] friend the !
1 other day who was formerly a prosper- j
ou< young lumberman up North, but i
whose babil* of drinking resulted as i
• they often do. though he ha* since re- 1
I formed, and is trving to do better
"How are you?" said Denman.
•'Pretty well, thank you ; but I've
j just been to a doctor to have him look
at my throat."
"What's tbe matter?"
, "Well tbe doctor couldn't give me
(any eomuragemeut. At leant be
couldn't find what I wanted him to
"What did you evpect him to find T"
"I asked him to look down my
throat for the taw-mill and farm that
had gone down tberv."
"And did be aee nothing of it?"
"No, but he advised mo if I evar
got another to run it by water.''
"You look sad, Birdie—what's tbe
matter?'' were the worda addreased to
Birdie Mcllenipin, by ber friend,
Mollie Kquocr*, as they met on Austin
"I'm not feeling well."
"Are you sick?'
"No, I'm not precisely tick; but I
feel tired, overworked,"
"Do tell me all about it f*
"Well, you sea our colored cook ia
tick, and now poor mother has to do
all the cooking, and acrubbing, and
washing and ironing, and H makea ma
feel so tired to aefe the old creature
work. Hbe ia to *!ow."—hs/>i*y.
He Did Something.
"Hello, Bulger, you teem to be aa
smiling and good humored aa nepah
thi* morning. !>o you aver lore yoor
"Well, yea; total! tbe truth, Jiaka, l
I do sometimes. It was only last
night that I got ia an awful big Maw." i
"Is that ao? HowwaaUr
"Why it was down at Oarver'a res- <
tauraot. I wa* terribly hungry and
managed to get in the biggest ataw
I've had for an age. Oyster* Mew,
•link* muttered something about
"more of your blamed nonsense," and
rushed off to catch a car.
1 ' !do you suffebl
V o u 'is s
l • off t.* r fgcawl • <.* C , rt*~4t ,-u...
I . sfintt v..i si
15 Fifteen Cents 15
M i-i.yi ini.
EUREKA Com CURE
: ' GREEN'S PHARMACY,
HIIMII lIOIINC illnek.
HEi.l.n N"fl . I' t
l.ilN'rai Disi oil f Ui jberdmnla,
, " ' " ■
It. fmrm- H .1* SOH'M .Veto Sfttrr.
i. a■> 11: v
do not think, liecause the ruts repre
sent r>nlv gentlemen'* wear, that w
bsve n'K le-en [larticnlarly careful to
select an elegant line of goods rejieci
ally suited td you. You will find it
to your advantage to call and if we
are cot able to *upp!y you from our
choice and varied Atock, it will be a
a "mall matter for us to order what you
may need. We think we are better able
to meet your wants than any store in
l.f/nn <f fit., Merchant*. Alleghcmtf-HI., tlcUcfante, Ph.
SWAPS FOR YOl !
(M R WAY of Selling off A LARGE WINTER STOCK
AT SHORT NOTIC
$40,000 Worth of Dry Goods
Clothing, Boots and Shoes, Hats and Caps
Ac, at almost half price Itead thi* through to the end: there ia something
that will strike you.
Then corns wiib your sheckels. Come soon because ws will otter something
at leas than w# can replace them for after they are all sold. We can't pick up
such bargains every day. Just some chance*.
Waal WraraS** ne-DrwM, ~ IV s )wt •*•••%••* Mr
A: -il.lol St rd.
On* Maf sen* (Hashaat* 7t a vat 4
CNsMSM Bitflius Sasrsr*.
Wblt# IVa SpraSi._.„ v
csssns WseesU.—. r s jwr*
B*W OsHeo* —..._— at s rar*
• • tanMrnp ■ a aa* Sr a r*r*
PtaM Vlsas-U...- —— Ms arse*.
■sevsaa* u*a la* a rat*
P*M(|tt CaiSaim — a., irssrsp*
* aaoosl atom ass ostaM* (asSoMvw jn a *e
AU waal CV***, K>U>r4 •< 1-aM KI CV.af.r (W>'ur<Vn U>.
neU Dow OssSs. _ lor a |td
AMM** * Vl-Srsjsrt.
R*4 all *a*l *•>,*• Ova, ISt ap
Os* KilisUaaltU "** >'„* TV. Ktarabar* II OS a*4 11.
AwMMniaWUIM OS Ela*eS*i*9l M>
OasM KSMs **|*fVUaallU Stark B()a————. | a.•• ] sr
Oa. kx a*tr* Hsy SS|wa QnW|tr Watk SOS. j w , - t**l UO
OaMsS - ■ TV. IS .11 th, s-w *S*4f.
tIMH'MWIVtVMi. ksssssveeitm*. I II r i ...u. ptfcc | Vgffi m
MtoasrasuMia. ss jsrss. _ sswsiAS. ktas— , .■•
>J: |sStirA-T~"r--.-:rrrrT:== S
Mes'i V**f flss Sssaslwa all soul Uas* |*r a pair
Shoe* at One-Half Price,
Ls4is'Sb***.(*> A rWT. ...—A _. t 00 at salt
- OkM 81Ue...._ I 1 ppt rist
CMMrss* So*e.—- *v. aaJr a rel.
tfc.iP.wmSi SO.S SOL* aq-tssse. MmtanWfSa/i. s<
M—' 11_9> s rajt, n*\a SaulwdlS. eaV. Sorllnk 1 SSsa7l U per Mir
uawr'searenhesv to Utpama. mea as par met. aw
* .vw <\ . BEKD FOB SAMPLES.?"
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