She ©fntre flemonnrt.
BELLEFONTE, PA.
Trying his Father.
WHY TIIE OI.I> GENTLEMAN lIATII EL>
AT NIGHT.
'Wish you a happy New Year, and
I will take it in oranges," said the bad
boy as be smiled on the groceryman.
and began filling his pockets with the
luscious tropical fruit.
"Just you hold on," said the gro
ceryman, as he stopjied the boy from
taking any more. "Here's a herring.
When anybody wishes another a happy
New Year he should allow the victim
the privilege of selecting the weapons,
as they do In a duel. Now, oranges
are liable to give you the winter
cholera, aud if they did, I would be
liable for damages, but you take this
smoked herriug and eat it, aud I will
tako the chances," and the grocery
man unloaded the boy's pockets and
handed him the herring.
"Dear me, what a free hearted old
fellow you are," said the boy, as he
took off his mitten and hegau peeling
the herring. "Here, you'd better take
back the head and skin of this herring
and give me a cracker, and then I
will tell you what a brave man pa is."
"Tell me about your pa. I haven't
heard anythiug from him for a long
time," said the gmccrymau as be
handed the boy the cracker, aud sat
down on a half bushel measure by the
stove.
"Well, you see, last night we got to
talking about haunted houses, and pa
said there was no such a thing as a
haunted house. He said whenever
any unusual noise was heard iu a
house, instead of ivestigating it, peo'
pie got scared and went around talk
ing about the hou-e being haunted,
and before long everybody believed it*
the reputation of the bouse was ruined'
and everybody was nervous. Pa said
(hat haunted houses wa on a par with
spiritualism, and people of sense never
took any stock in either. He said if I
ever heard of a haunted house, to let
him know and he would go through i'
and investigate it in the dark. 1
thought to myself, 'boas, you ean't
fool Hennery,' and i laid for pa. That
evening ray chum's cat came over to
visit our cat, and when it was time to
go to bed the two cats were sleeping
by the stove, and pa told me I better
put the rats out of doors and go to !
bed. 8u 1 took the cats tip carefully
and raised up the cover to the piano, >
and laid the cats down in the hack
side of the instrument, among the
strings, and pctUd them, and they
went to sleep, and I shut down the I
cover, aad wc all went to lad. Pa
and ma sleep right over the parlor,
and I sleep at the back of the house.
Along about three o'clock in tbe
morning, about tbe time the cats usu- j
ally get woke up and begin to prowl
around, there was a faint scratching of
toenails on the strings, arid a yowl,
that sounded a- though it came from
the sewer. It was evidently music, (
such as you get at boarding houws
where a iKiardcr practices on the piano ,
for ber board. I listened and pretty '
aoon there was two 'roeous' and a 'spit,' i
and the string* acted as though they 1
were being walked on tbe way a cat
does when *he puts her paws up in (
your lap and lets her toe nails go
through your pants. I got up and
went to pa's room, aud ma sitting
up in bed with her nightcap off, her !
hair standing right up straight, and ,
she was trying to get pa to rise up and
listen, but it wasn't night to listen, j
•nd be put MB trend under the l>ed j
clothes and tried to snore, but I knew
PA WAS scared. I told pa that I wasn't [
afraid but I wished he would let mo
sleep on tbe lounge in his room, and
I* raised UP and wanted to know what
the row wa*, and just then the cats in
the piano seemed to have come to
gether for their regular evening fight
and of all the music you ever heard,
that boat everything. Pa listened and
said it was somebody next door trying
to play opera, but ma said something
was in the bouse, and I told pa the
house was haunted, aud for him to get
up and investigate. Pa was kind of
'shamed to be afraid,so be got up, and
all was still, and he got his pants on
and weutout in the hall, and just then
the cata got to fighting another roond,
and pa roshed into the bathroom and
closed the door, and yelled for m* to
'open the window and holler for the
police. I got tip and aked pa.lhroug' l
the door, if he wan afraid, and lie said
no, he wasn't afraid, but he thought,
seeing he wn in the bath'room ho
would take a )>ath, and I told him if
ho was afraid I would go down and
investigate, because there was no
hauuted house that had any terror for
Heuutry, and 1 went down aud let the
cata out, and they got on the back
fence and had a real nociahle time, and
after it was all still pa came out with
a towel in his hund and tried to make
us believe he had tukrn a hath at two
o'clock in the inoruing with cold
water. 1 don't think it is right for n
father to try to deceive his little loy
that way. Pa must have washed him
self real hard, for he wa pale as a
ghost when he came out of the bath
room, but he was palor still in tin*
morning when he found the piano full
of eat hair. lie thiuks the air from
the register blow into the piano. But
I am sorry for pa, as he has had trou
ble enough tryiug to keep front failing
j but be bad to go to the wall."
"What! You don't tell me your
father has failed?" said the grocery,
man, as he took down the ledger.
"Great heavens, he owes mc seven dol
lars," and the man groaned.
"Yes, pa says that is the only way
he can make a dollar. I don't know
anything about the busims* of failing
I but as near as I can get at it, by hear
ing pa and his attorney talk about it*
! there is money in it if it is woiked
right, ami if I was in your place 1
would work an annual failure depart
ment iuto my business. The way to
fall is to get credit for all you can,
and sell for cash, and when you setl
the best things, have somebody that
you owe, a relative, or a fellow that
| you got confidence in, get on his ear
and get out an attachment and close
you up, or else make an assignment
! to a fellow who stands iu with you,
| and let him offer the creditors ten
j cents on a dollar in notes, payable in
six, twelve and eighteen months. By
i the time six months are up, you ran
buy the first note fifty cents on a dol
lar, and you can fail again before the !
other note comes due. I'a says there
is more money in it than running a
bank, and he is awful auxious to hav<
the thing fixed up in time for him to
go to Florida for the winter, so they
cau get hack in Mme to go to Saratoga
next summer. I asked pa if it was
honest to fail, when ma bad property
enough in her name to pay all debts
and have plenty left, and pa said be
and ma were two different jiersoiis.
Gosh, I thought a man and wife were
one. Well, a fellow learn" something
every day, don't he? Say, you would
be a total failure on general principles,
and if I was in your nlac* I would
have some style about me and bust-
You <an never amount to anything
going ahead auv. I>et nie till pa
lawyer that I can get him a j<-b put
ting you through bankrupt* y, on
share*.
"No, sir, never,'' -aid the grocery
man. "I have always paid a hundred
cent- on the dollar, ami I alwny- will.
It is true I cannot put on much -y 1*
not a* much as some 1 know who have
failed, hut I - - an look everybody in
itc face and but, ay, Hennery, you
might tell your pa's lawyer to come
to her" this afternoon,. od I wi!| have
a talk with hi ni. It failing is going 1
to be the style, and a man isn't going
to am >unf to anything unless he La'
failed, and there is money in it, and
your pa is b meet and all right, I
might conclude to fail once for luck,
bat keep it dark," and the grocery- |
man began to look about the store at
the old bach number washboards, and
wormy drier] prachm, and things that
were not salable, and wondered if it
wouldn't be a good idea to fail and get
rid of the old stock and buy a new ,
one on trust, while Hennery went out
to break the news to his pa's lawyer
that he had got another job for him.
"Pa," said a little boy, "a hone is '
worth a good deal more, isn't it, after 1
it's broke?" "Yes, my son. Why do
you ask such a question T" "Because
I broke the new rocking hone you
gave me this, morning,"
THE great trouble in investigating I
the affair* of the Btaudard Oil Com
pany arises from the fact that it owns
some of the citizens of the state as
well as pipes, wells and other fixture.
A TOUHU woman called ber beau
"Honeysuckle," because be ia always
hanging over the front railings.
The Printer. •
Texan Si/tiny H tell* about him in it*
funny way, a* follow*: Wo will at
tempt to describe tbe printer without
making any pun* on the word* and
phrase* "lake," "quoiu*,'' "proof,"
"out of sort*," etc., ami if wc succeed
we will be tbe first who have written
about the printer without distorting
several languages to make putt* on the
technical terms of hi* trade. We
would rather write of the modesty,
diffidence and sobriety of the printer,
and of his unobtrusive piety and his
unostentatious domestic habits, but for
the fact that the printer has none of
these vices. We would prefer describ
ing him iu the quiet retirement of the
family circle iu his cozy parlor on a
, winter night—the revered father of a
numerous offspring—teaching his little
ones their catechism ; or as he sit* in
the mellow twilight of a summer's
evening, on the honeysuckle-covered
porch of hi# modest cottage, earnestly
reading, In the fading light of day,
comforting precepts from the inspired
page. We repeat, (hat is how wc
would love to write of him, but alas!
we cannot do such injustice to our repu
tation for veracity as to describe him
thus, &* he is -uot.
j The printer begins life as a devil,
and remains iu that chrysalis condi
tion for a period of several years, dur
ing which time his duties consist of
distributing type in wrong cases,
harassing the editor for ropy, falling
down gtairs with a galley full of typo,
and consuming early and uuripc ap-
I pie*, mammoth watermelon, botlk-s of
home-made wiue, aud such paattul
compliments that are present**! to the
editor, aod which, not appn-ciating
himself, be scud* to the devil. When
he crane* to be a devil he becomes a
compositor, ami assumes all the rights
and privileges of the craft, especially
that of raising the devil every Satur.
•lay night when ho get* paid off.
The printer is gregarious ami coo
vivial in his habits, but that is no ex- :
cu*c for people who continually libel
him by representing him to he in a
condition of ioebrety from one year's
cud to the other. These people are
prejudiced, aud they allow their pre
judice to overshadow tlx-ir SCII-W of
justice. We know the priuti r bellci
than they do, ami although be ha*
'reali-d us shamefully at time* in the
matter of insisting on having his
wage* paid more frequently than <n-o
in a while, ami in declining to take
out due hills in lieu of cash, yet we
propose to fairly represent him, aud
wc cheerfully bear testimony to the
fact that we know more than cue
printer who ha* le-cu sober for one
consccutivi week at a time. We would
point to one who, wc are satisfied, ha* |
not hcn intoxicated at any time dur
ing the lut two years, and we will an.
swer for his sobriety for the next two j
year- to come, if Governor Roberta,
doe- not pardon him out before that
time. The printer i migratory and :
impecunious a- a rule, but he i* usually I
honest, and par* as he gov-. He has
been -laml. red by writers in all ng. *,
hut no one ha* ever accused him of
building him*<lf a 110,000 boniest.a.l
and then compromising with his credi
tors and paying 10 cents on the dollar.
It ha- been the habit of writer* to rep- (
.estnt the printer as making extraor
dinary blunders in composition, sub
stituting one tor another, ami
thus altering the sen*, of A whole arti
cle. To those who are familiar With
tbe sort of manuscript received in
newspaper office*, the wonder is that
the printer makes so few mitiakt*. If
he had not more than average intelli
gence and paticnc-c, be would probably
make as many mistakes as ho gets
credit for He does occasionally try
to improve mi what tbe editor ho* i
written. He thinks that the editor '
certainly could not have meant it that 1
way, so he dropa in a word of his own
selection "to make #ehee," as he ex-:
presses it, which subsequently causes '
the editor to use harsh and unfeeling
language. Home-times tho printer really
docs improve on the editor's copy.
Not long since we bad occasion to
wiitc of the old Texas veterans, and
wc allude to them a* "battle scarred
heroes." It wa* printed "badly-scared
heroes," aod when we said that "Gov
ernor Roberts wa* above being influ
enced by a bribe," the printer got, it
that he wa< "above being influence*!
by the EHble," which would go to
prove that occasionally the printer is
inspired.
The printer 1a one of the iudispenr*.
ble adjuncts of civilization and pro
gress, anil iu the United Hlat#*, from
the ranks of the army of printer*,
have risen more brilliant men in litera
ture, and a greater number of statet
men, whose name* will he *ct up in
largo type in history's page*, than
have risen from the ranks of any other
trade, calling or profession
They Kick Him Out.
Mob Murphy, the three-card monti
man who vu convicted in Washing,
ton, wa* interviewed in jail. "Wash
ington," laid he, "is the only place
where they make moutelarceny. Why.
do you know how they do in New
York ? If a man loaes his money in
a inoulf or bunco joint there aud
inuke- a kick they fire him out on the
street, and then if he make* a rew
they I urn him ov-r to the police for
creating a disturbance."
"Then they must have the protection
of the detective* and jwdir. ?" inter
jected the n porter.
"Oh, yes. They do business with
them, aud they come round every
week and g.-t their whack."
"Suppose the man who is fleeced
I complains to tba police, after being ar
rested, that he La* been twin-lied out
i of his money, what thenf
"He don't pet any sympathy for
being a tucker ; that's all.''
■ ♦
You can tell the exact age of a tree
jby it* rings, hut this is not the case
with a society belle.
A MOB MOW missionary in Georgia
was pelted with eggs, and drireu out
of town hy blood-bound-.
l'u>ii mantel lambrequin- with.em
broidered figure* of bird* continue to
take well in New York and likely to
be so for many year-, as tbey arc so
becoming and help to drew* off parlor
drawing and dining room* to great ad
vantage.
- ■ ■
Tat nc*<papr foreman got a mar
riage notice among a lot of items head
ed "Horrors of JHB"," and wheo tbe
editor learned that tin proem'# income
was only seven dollar* a week he -aid
it Lad better r< main under that head.
♦
A CXH'NTKY clergyman who recently
prea< bed in an Austin church is an
admirer of tba writing# of Charle*!
Dicken*. and quote* from his novel*
aim'*! as often as h* doe* from tm-
Riblr. 1L surpriac#! his congregation
hy winding up a gcorgeou* peroration
with: "It i* thus you oe, my breth
ren a# the fHtripturc# -ay, 'Harkis is I
williiT, but the flesh is weak.' "
Two gentlemen were walking along 1
the street. Meeting a colored woman,
one of the gentlemen *aiod his hat
and bowed.
"\\ hv do you bow so politely to
that woman T" askel the courteous
gentleman'* companion.
"|{#-caue she eok* at my bone."
C'HAW I.EY, where did you get that
diamond < lumah and what did it coat
you ?"
"Suffic* it to say 1 got it bonawhly,
Fwanklia, and it only cost m-- one
dollah
"Honaw bwight, (liawley!"
' Most trooly so. What did you's
eoet you ?"
"The same a* you's but 1 owe op it
• half dollah vet"
f
Go>t) morning \ ft Mr. Black itl# '
"No, sah ; he's gone to business, i
sab."
"Well, ia Mrs. Black in?" "L>at
depends, *•!;. What doea ye want
with her?" "\Vby here's a milk bill
of •32 I'd like her to settle." "She
am not in.'' "But I know she is in."
"Can't help it, sab. l)e orders am
da! she am never in fur milk bills rod
meat bills, aud aich. Good mornin' >
I has to go; she am a callin' me."
I.M A CIUCIKMATt Bot Dotit. — Clara
is coming next week."
"Clara who f
"Clara Morris."
"Who is she?"
"A great artiste, the paper say."
"Oh, that's nice. We most sec her.
Docs she play tbe piffno or aing?"
"Neither. She appears in regular
dramas like' Man and Wife,' 'Article
47,' etc.
"I there no muii in the perform-1
ance ?"
."No." ■
"And no beer?"
"Not a
"tlqw stnpid!"
WE
laths fo* o, rw and lb. ti.Ubdld flu* ol
--TOOTH BRUSHES!--'
We have just received
Direct From the Importer,
| And which wc are offering VERY LOW. Our aim i* to "keep the BEST
GOODS ami ti ll ihem at CLOSE I'KICEB KOIi CASH
I
AT
GREEN'S PHARMACY,
Bush House Block,
I , w
We have Telephone Connection.
It. Harm n ,f tton'a Aw Starr.
; j
i^i
<£;<Stoa.lbsh
i. A i> ■ §: N,
do not think, because the cuts repre
sent only gentlemen'- wear, that wc
have Dot Uvn particularly careful to
select lUJ elegant line of goods especi
*ally suited to you. You will find if
\to your advantage to call and if w*
arc not able to supply you frrnn our
choice and varied stock, it will be a
a -mall matl. r for us to urd.-r what y yrr
may need. Wc think we are better able
to meet your want* than any store- in &
Itellofontc. LA
/. ff"n .f fa., Mrrrhant*. AUryhrny-St., ttrUrfoutr, Pa.
SWAPS FOR YOI !
(M R\V\Y of Selling off A LARGE WINTER STOCK $
AT SHORT NOTICE. f
—(o) m
$40,000 Worth of Dry Goods '
Clothing, Boots and Shoes, Hats and Caps#
Ac, si almost half pric.- R.-ad this through to the end: (here is aomsthiDg
that will strike you.
1 hen com-- wi'l. your litvk I*. t oinc ■ brixuse #.- will offer sonx-thing
at less than we can replace them for after they are all sold. We can't pick up
uch hargain* every day. -lust some chances.
Wal Brs4.<J n> l>r*% (load# U>t^rl,fiantmUc
taoil .. U-t - *f a jani
i>w M"t (*>t Ira,aid
On. lot of f-aU Otrgtuuß* ...... Be > ford
W hit'- H-.t Sf—<t- . t&r
CwU* rtuwl. - Or* yard
lb.t Oaikaa flf • ,-ofd
Hi Sbtro - iMtfctJMS
ri.M ruaorH iMr * j td
B—t Tsl-I. llaaa ISca.rard
noolt. atdUi Oa*tirr t#ca>inC
*tl n-o-.t BUc.lt and Od.-r-d t nboi-tn ... Sic a j-ard
*~t eiatd rtannfte - 10c a yard.
UdlnaU.mafm. .- ...... . *r,
at) wont Cadhmof—. W,'k aai mlorad n loaal 1-* Cboajwr (ban aOT*hcr fix _
t'lajd Pr-W# Oood- - - —....... S. • aod l<tc • yard. *■
ApnM o A Wn*tti> —™. - t-8r a yard.
god all -o-l S lann lf fro* 14. ap.
_ _ _ „ - Black All* (..—....... ..*.'a4 Tte at—stat-f] auasd I V V
Oisc KUri Qaaltu ■ Biark Silk ... , It 00 n—ka*n m
on. m U-M> * Wut mx *"*—l M
l - 2 vu t-oo
Oolmwl silkf. bin ttna y, bl'l* ***
idth 'saua - IU. \ *>,
Tb flaaa* snai.iy 1 i I yd width all wool |nw O-da MkJ >USM. ft OU yw, ,d Fan.- -fai oisaWDara 1
Stlk t*ln-bw f*M ... ..w~ at>
Silt tdriu Iran IbOnodlX aa,
VnUHonn ftntn..*,.......~ . ... . ...T .^-.w.-w- -■ r
(lu'.oird 8-ask-U from. „ .w pair r
WbH* BtankfU t*-m . 16-i • pair f>
Dnd-r.hlrtf and Itrawnrc r-om.. ... SP
I*.tt~' II# patf t-r. k
* blMcaa# ll'—a # pair for.. ........... . a ...... Bbr
. r. #*.k-4 tlf Ibr ... .... Ike
##' Wool Hoac ISc. Rl—aHeft 4*V
MW Vary rw *fl i ait-wnnt Wo— 110 I pWr
Shoes at One-Half Price.
ladlfO'Sfcona.fHSl A Ctt ... - t On My nali
M ' Oslt Skin . IX* prr naif
CTitMrea'f *b<wa .. 8S , asd dfe s pan
tod*-#' Itntb-s SbociTrew t m |w nali an
laadlna'Botioa *b<M. dtsnn# —.— .. ... I sc a pair
lya-'ira Button Shona, IbW <>oaHli. w.rrantwl ... .... ... t Si. and y 00 *
lodl-n' lUtlwi Sbora, Vrnorb Kid .. .... I 4<i to .1 . Wriebl • lw4 Boobarur nuka.
Mfh'f tic*' # Winiff rati!# "V. |1 ok>, I fiaadl pair.
Chlldrnu'f Smt froKn ISO p. fk>w "• C*-rw->st*. IbykOwcMh.
Mra'f OyrnoataA 00, 4 On, 4 10,4Odse Wm'a All-wnd hut 'i. a, *- tip
Uoa'a Via' B--W lOi-a |Jr, Una a A Itnavyßaatl fifinpatr. hit'afcoou i ddaad llktwr pair
Ladlm' Caator aad Kid (IV-tea ?.U a pair *-, CaMor Black ul< * i trim -On
Mm'a Nnaair tta k <ll—era fr-m ikay
ladiaa' and CblMrrh'i t**twaa, t lnr, axniUra. tba Imr—- Slack, nad Markad *-r* k par -♦til. fraaa
laat anatli'a frtraa. "
Wa bar* ao aoao> to rr*!lo-l at! tba harmiat wc laaaa bat wa bar* Fort Til vwAww4 lUltar'f
w nrth Hock atllch ahalljo .a tba ri- Thirty Day. at alntaat Can pr;ra
SKXD FOB SAM I'LBS.
Call OB af aad Sa— Moray Ih-way Batarwad If parchaaa anl aaliafbctwry I)
LYON dk C&l j
Bellefonto, 1*.