jSnunrrat. PBKLLEFONTE, PA. A Mother's Disappointment. A Detroit lawyer who had business in one of the northern counties a short time ago put in a night at a farm house. It was a log structure con taining two rooms und such furniture as pioneers get -along with. The futility consisted of an < Id man, his wife, and a girl of 20, who was slashing around barefooted und had a fist like a slug ger. After supper the old woman took a seat in front of the lawyer and suddenly asked: "Do you wear sich fine duds all the time ?" "All the tiHPS madam." "Is that a real diamond in your shirt "It is." "Ami I heard you tell the old man you had u horse and buggy tit hutue?" "Yes, ma'am." "And that watch ami chaiu are real gold. I suppose?" "Yes, the real stuff.'' "Cost as much as 8200 ?" "Yes, over $.'500 ' "My star.-.! Why, you most pet as much as 840 a mouth and board ?" she gn-|H.|. "Madam. I sometime make 8->0 |>er day." he placidly replied. "Sho! Why you are worth a thou sand dollars ?" "Yes, ten limes that." "hilars aud stars!" There was an interval of silence as she recovered front her amazement. Theu she tiptoed to the corner of the bouse to see if tbere were any eaves J droppers. Coming back she walked ! up to the lawyer and dropfted her ! voice to a whi*|ier ami said : "Say! We've been raving Sally jhese last two years for the boss of a j saw- mill four miles up ilia creek, hut ; if you are struck 00 her and she is | struck on you, I'll run thu old man six miles through the brush alter a preacher to do lite splicing." The lawyer hud to decline on the ground of having a wife- in Detroit, aud the old woman felt so bad that j the husband bad to rise at midnight, aud make her a mustard plaster. Won't Do It- The Hon. John Pearidge Wesley, Secretary of the Jones Cross roads Lyceum, Virginia, informed the Lime- ! Kiln Club, by letter, that on the tfih day of August next his society pro posed to open a debate, free to the world, 00 the query: "What am de hereu'-ter of animal creation?" It was hojicd that the Lime-Kilu Club would •end ut least four id' iis leading orators to participate in the debate. "While we am much obleeged fur de itivitusbuii," replied the i'residtul, "we shan't let de inquiry worry us a bi>. While it am a -ad tiling to part from a dog which lias stood hy us fur a duX-u y'ars, time spent in wotideriu' wliar' be will bring upum time wasted. 1 reckon dal we dai gu to dat I letter lan' Won't be lookm* around fur bosses, dogs, cows UII' # cats. We'll lie bust wid our wings an' har|s, an' 'tain t likely dat wc could whistle for a dog if we owned one. I)e hereafier ol man, au' jH-rticklerly of memliers ot dis club, AM ol lur lllU' cousaru to us." One He Hadn't Met. One day a pompous little fellow at a dinner table was toasting of the great men wiih whom he was on inti mate terms. He bud been in constant CorrnqHimlcnre with LmglVMow, had lunched with Tennyson, was in friend ly relations with the I'rince of Wales, aud in short, knew everything and every body. At leitgili a quiet indi vidual at 1 lie further end of the room broke in on the conversation with the question : "My dear sir, did \ou hap pen to know the Siamese Twins when tbev were in this country ?" Our lieio who evidently bad a talent for lying, but no real genius, at unr re ± plied: "The Siamese Twins, sir ? Yet •ir. I became very intimate with one if them, but I in ver bad the good for tune to meet the other." 0.V1.Y OJt THE tJTAOE. —"What it this?" "This, my dear, is a star actor." "Why d<-e* be throw Id* arms iu the air, mud then slap bis hi|M with bis hand and say, 'Me heart is broken'f" "Ob, that is merely the play." "Theu hi* heart is uul broken ?" "N-it qui:*." "Why d-ies he say 'me heart' io ■tead of'iny heart.'?" " Pecans- be doesn't know any better, child. Lieuta* hot suntied English sufficiently, tti.disiniguish lietweeu the objective ajpt t> >ceaive cases." "8 *ll i .svry'rue heart.''me .hoes,' 'me gluveb?*< v J- ••/' "If yiHntjK my dear, I shall have to dog ynu.' , L T~t ♦— A oIWTLF.MAX met an uncertain arquwii N'uc.-, who esid : "I'm a little ■ should like to ask you a conundrum to mental arithmetic.*' B9 "Proceed," replied Ihe gentleman. "Well," said the short man, "suppose you bad $lO. in your pocket, ami 1 slut. hi ak you for Id. How much W'rttbl r-iosiit.?" ' Ten dollars,'' was (be prompt reply. p • Felt the Situation. A German farmer was on (rial in one of the juatico court a the othtr day for assault and buttery, and hail pleaded not guilty. When the cross examination came the of/posiug coun sel asked: "Now, Jacob, there vu trouble be- I ween you and the plaiuliff, wasu't there?" "I expect dcre vhas." "Ho said something about your dog being a sheep-killer, and you resented it, eh?" "Vhell, I calls him a liar." "Exactly. Then he called you some hard names ?" "He calls ine a sauer kraut Dutch mans." "Just so. That made you mad." "Oof course.' I vhas so madt I shake all oafer." "1 thought so. Now, Jacob, you are a man who speaks the truth. I don't Itclieve you could be hired to tell a lie." "Veil, I plief I vhas pooty honest." 'Of course you are—of course. Now, Jacob, vou must have struck the first blow. You see " The other lawyer objected, and after a wrangle the defendant turned to the court and sailiticai meetings, show ) onrself, make speeches, aud work up what the |>a|MTß call a 'lasini ?'" Mr. II.—"It would not do, my dear. 'Booms' are played out now. I have a better plan than that." Mrs. ll.—''Great plans you have! All you do is to loaf around the house all ihe time, ami you * on't even stick your nose out of tin door without waiehing 10 see if anyone is looking. I up|wvu you will lie sneaking in aud out the i>gg." "Oh. there isn't much to tell,' replied Fogg; 'you know hint well." "I know him! the villain!"shrieked the landlady. "Don't say that, ma'am," said Fogg, soothing ly ; "don't say that. It was the Rev. Sir. Textual, vour beloved pastor, ami he wouldu't like to hear you talk so about him. And by the by, he mar ried the women to as two likely young lei low* as there are in town.*' The landlady says she never could bear that Fogg. A FARMER went to hear the great Wewicy preach upon the subject of riiouev. "Get all you ran," said Wes ley. 'The farmer was delighted. "Bave all you can." The farmer was still more delighted, and thought Wesley the most practical preacher he hud ever listened to. "Give all you mil." At this the farmer exclaimed: "Pshaw! He has gooe and s|*oilt it allI" Witt LEI he arrangements were being made for a party a few evenings ago, a young lady present innocently in quired, "Is the iovitat on to embrace the young Isdie* ?" "Oh, tm," replied a young man, "the gentlemen will at tend to that." Anil the young lady wonders what the young mao meant. A HEALTH journal says: "Too thick underclothing causes unnatural red ness iu the face and nose." We never heard it called that name before. Per haps if the editor of tbe he there in a minute." "Come now." "I'm not dressed." "You can't wait, it# a gentleman ami he's in a hurrv." "A gentleman? Good heaven#, then I won't move a rftep till I get on my clothes. Do you think I'd go down to that telephone and talk ton man with out a dress ou ? I don't know what your eity #tyle may he, hut I do know what is proper iu the country, and that man can wait till i'tu ready or uot see me, that's all. How He Courted Her. The following is Artemus Ward' description of why he courted Betsy •lane: "There were many affii-titi' liis which made me hanker atter Betsy Jane. Her father's farm jined ourn ; their cow* and ourn squelched their thirst at the same spring; our nmre# both had star# on their fore head ; the measles broke out in hoih families at nearly the same time ; our parent# ( Betsy Jane'a ami mine) slept regularly every Sunday in the same meet in' house, and the neighlaira used to observe: 'How thick the Wards and the iVaslev# air.' It wa# a sub lime sight iu the spring of the vear to see our several mothers < Betsy'# and mine) with their gown# pinned up. so thai they couldn't sile 'em, alfecktion ately liiiin' soap top iher and aboosin' their neighbors." SoMrriftffo More Usefwu— "l say, Matilda," snarled Mr. i'omgraiiale, 'can't you do something more useful I than to study the fashion journal ?" "Well, yes." answered Mr#. Pom granaiCj"! was just thinking that I could do something el#e." "And w hat is it. pray ?" i "I will dress according to it, if you will allow me the mom-v." "I have already ma .e enough allow ance* for your vanity and frivolity," wa* the brutal reply of the Austin husbaud. TIIE BALL* HE WILL (JO TO.— "Hello, 1 i--ok _v !" mini young Yeal to Ilia friend Criiiiiiilienk, meeting at the club the other i vetting. "Are you pn iii); to any ol the hal a tlii* winter?'' "Oh, ye*. I expect to,'' an-wercd Crimson beak, taking hi* friend by the hand. "Whieh ones are you going to ?'' continue*! Yenat. "Well, if the present atate of my exchequer continue*,'' replied C'rim sonbenk, noticing the dilapidate*! con dition of hi* clothe*, "I exjieot to go to the three gilt ball*," A* ANCIENT ANIMAL. —New Yorker—"Talking about old hnrae # iheoldeat one iu America live* iu toy atate." Philad* Iphian—"What ia his age?" N-w Yorker—"lt ran be reliably placed at forty-three year*; an ex* treasurer of Richmond county aava he tielieve* the aiiitual'* age ia not uuder forty five year*.'' Philadelphia!!—" You don't sav ao? I hould like to aee that horse. What street car line ia he on ?" Two young married French ladica were talking al*uit their husband*. Said one of them, 'Do you rrally think yotir Julea went aluMiting yesterday ?'' "Well, I don't think he tried to tie reive me yeaterday ; I am inc lined tn think he went." "licit lie d dn't bring liack any game?" "Thai'* what make* me feel aure he did go !" waa the wife'* reply. Tttorui! an bnbitual valetudinarian, Moliere (dramatist nnd |met) relied alimwl entirely on the teni|>cranre of Ida diet for the re estahlinhmenl of hia health. "What u*e do you make of our phyaician?'' aaid the King to him one day, "We chat togeiher t aiie,'' aaid the poet ; "|,e give* me the prescrip tion*; I never fullow them; aud ao I get well.'' THE new 4 cent atampa, which will he convenient for u* on letter* re quiring double rate |Mwtage, have been •cut out to the |Mwto|ticea. The stamp i* of the same color a* the old Scent •tamp, ami of the name rite. The figure "4" ia cmiaptcunus at the two lower rornei*, and it Iwars a fiue me dallion of Jackm n'a head. If ymj wish 10 make a man per fectly miserable send him ail im|mriatil message by telephone. Tell him to be sure to mtet you at a hotel at a cer tain hour, say. Hut when he a*k* you who you are, don't Htiderataml him, and don't give him your name. He'll fret off a |mund of fl>*h an hour try iug tn make out whu it ia that haa telephoned him. "WiiRRR are vou taking me tof' asked a criminal, addressing the de tective, who had ju*t arrested him. "I am taking you to the office," was the reply. "I wish to oheerve in thia case, then," aaid the culprit, "that it ia the office seek* the man, and uot the man the office.'* Ml ch of a young man'u success 'a life depend* ou bit aelectioa of a father WE ,|x IB.H* .O Mis. ... B. 1.. ..1.8.,1 08. " -TOOTH BRUSHES !- We bave juat receive! Direct From the Importer, And which we are offering VERY LOW. Our aim i# to keep the BEST GOODS bdJ sell them at CLOSE PRICES FOIt CASH, AT GREEN'S PHARMACY, Bush House Block, We have Telephone Connection, I). (Jartnnt> if Sim's A'rw Store. Gar man & L A II I EM, do Dot think, because the cuts re pre aent only gentlemen's wear, that we have not been particularly careful to select au elegant line of goods especi ally suited to you. You will find it to your advantage to call and if we are not able to supply you from our choice and varied stock, it will be a a small matter for u to order what you may need. We think we are better able to meet jour want# than any store in Bellefonte. I.yon C Co., Merchants. Alleyhctty-Stßellefonte, fa. SWAPS FOR YOU ! OCR WAY of Selling off A LARGE WINTER STOCK AT SHORT NOT.CE. $40,000 "Worth of Dry Goods Clothing, Boots and Shoes, Hats and Caps' A\ ut almost half price Head ibis through to the end: there is something that will strike you. Then oome with your sbeckcl*. Come eoon because we wiil offer something at less than we can replace them foe after they are all aold. We can't pick U| such bargain*every day. Just mas chance*. Wnet trnnM Flw Una t oo4a IV s T.r*. .lamkara *V- An.41.-v I • Vajar*. OaoMof atibaM. ■ 7ra .4 On* 10l nf l-nt (llubasa. . fc • jar* W|,||* R*4 Sprnwt* .. 44c i*n.'l>>f. r.M.i>*i ..... Va jar*. S.*l Cm tv _ fniirt a*M Sklrtlnsa . S and c a jard. et*H rt.onals ........ Wv a tar*. I*4 Tal S l.laatt .............. ISra ;,|4. IVaMandtti Oaakra-raa.... IVanM. tll-wnl Ml*rt ant I'nlvwS i'mSmw*. #7,a a tar*. a*4 SlaM naaa.la IV a rani. labw' Ibn in —..... . ..... .™... aac . All nunl Ca*hm*'*a. Black 4 rnlm .4 at Ivnat t 1 I Wan Mb*n *la*. Pl.t* OV**b < feast* • an* Kir a ,ar*. Are I etna A Maalla - T l-a far*. K-* all-wnol Ptattonl. ftvs i Itf >s * Oa Kt'ta QnaWj Htark 411k at loan* 745. S.l* ltec It no a*4 t JS, IS tun Qullt| Mack Mtt It W Blaanhat* II Ona lot E*lr. Sop-rt. Quality B'ark Sift - I tt. " tan On* lot nirv H**f p*t. U,.*l|l| IMb.* etlk Its. " IMtlm r..1..1.1 .Ilka Vtstfa ll*vj, TV.Ia all Ik* nw *b*d* C..lovml Silk, torn ...... ... Mr a >sr* ep A tan aatl sop Har q >alWa allstlk ■"* si.icin* ..74c t'l% p. to* | Mt Tk in*-1 q alitf I l-l jit wbltk all * Itet CS..th ami SUoi.-l I (si p-4 -it Saot* w* Ir a pair /Shoes at One Half Price. a La4t**' Ska M.cowl k "alf —. ... 1 00 r* pair " • Call Skin IJK |-r fair rfclMr*' Stwna V> M imi Pk a pair In-ll**' Hntton Mum 1ama....... 1 <*i par pair ap l*. A Wrtaki a laat llochsnter staka. M*e'a Haavj WI star Baals IV, II Oa. I x!< aa* I 4u par |olr. CkiUran's #tt|tt ftosa I SU np #..*'• Oranroata Wnjft Orrtmals Maa'a Ov. rrvmtaS (ft. * OS * IS. KO# II Waa's Alt-wool Snlta Pom r, (in tip Mao's flu* 11-Ma T On< pair. Mat 71 A Itaaaj a W*l Mapair aoj's Want* I yW SEND FOR BAMPLEB. Call os s* an* #•• V sa iM-ll ll kind* hml •tyie*ul ilit lie-i Furniture at an (UVAXCS nf a •mall per cent which juat give* the firm a u ffi c i c n t ainuunt ofuion ey to pay wai-li hill* and board and cloth ing, not one cent beyond thi*. Now *me fool will *ay that'* a lie. But we refer to our Itoarding liouw and wa*h woman. We hav no family and could not keep any if we bad. We aril ao ctIRAP and Clf+T. that we never expert to n ake any more than wbat we have at pieaent 0 0 . * : We Sell a Walnut Suit for : I S3B and up to Sl5O. • • • We sell an all ASH Suit for 529 50. We sell solid Walnut Book Case with plate glass for $32. * We sell LOUNGES from $5 to S2O. • ... * • : We sell Side Boards I ; from $9 to 40. We sell Chairs from $4 | er half doien to SlO * I * We sell Cain Chairs from $5 to s2l. ..* ?We sell Parlor Suits from; S4O up to $l5O. i Call to m* ut at our F rniture Ware Room op|xiu? thc-Buth lloure, Brllefonte, and if you ain't pleated be will pie et t you witb a Paklob hi: it. Bi n. fcrANOLKR, of | R. B. SPANGLER & CO. -vj .i. . -A, [J • •'' 'Mi , - %