What the Ship Brought Me.
I waitiM long by tho wide bny' Mo,
Waited until tho gun wont down,
And tho monntain peak againit tho sky
Loaned, wearing a gleaming gold crown.
Tho crickets chirped in tho waving grass,
Tlio warns made music in passing along,
Whilo many a bird just going to rest
Song its soil, melodious vesper song.
I hoard tbo bolls of tho village ring,
Kinging tbo closo of tho long day's toil,
Tho cud of tho factory's busy bum,
And tbo daily labor's brisk turmoil;
And the shadows deepened while I sat thoro
Watching, nyc, watching lor one to come,
One who had IHHJU for a wholo long your
Many and many a mile trom homo.
What was that voice that I listened to,
That sang a song ol sweetness rare?
What was tho whisper that came to me
As I sat watching tho bright waves thoro?
It was the volco of tlio heart's stiong tsith,
Of the soul's high trust it was tho song,
And I knew that 1 soon would behold the lace
Of hint who had absent boon so long.
And the moon arose with her wonted grace,
And smiled 011 a sail so purely whito
It seemed hko the wing of some spirit palo
That had come abroad in tho moonlit night-
I watched its coming with hope and fear
As I saw tho vessel more plainly grow-
To my sight, though it came on sluggish feet,
j Aye, it camo, it seemed to me, so slow!
But joy lor mo was iu that ship,
For it brought my loved ono hack to me —
Him who hud carried his mith and hope
All over the cruel, tcmpostuous scu;
And now, whenever I sit beside
That white-capped bay and a sail appears,
I think if the joy which a sail brought mo
One summer ovo in the long-gono years.
Ctiltb Dunn.
THREE BRAVE MEN.
T'ri'tty Barbara Ferron would not
marry. Her mother was in consterna
tion.
"Why are yon so stubborn, Barbara?"
slio asked. "You have plenty of
lovers ?"
"But they do not suit," said Barbara,
Coolly tying her curls l>efore the mirror.
"Why not?"
"1 want to marry a man win Is
brave, equal to any emergency. If I
give up my liberty 1 want it taken care
of."
"fjillv child! What is tbo matter
With Big Barney, the blacksmith ?"
"He is big, but I never heard that
he was brave."
"And you never heard that he was
not. What is the matter with Ernest,
the gunsmith ?'.'
"lieis as placid as goat's milk."
"That's no sign he is a coward.
There is I.ittle Frit/, the tanner : be is
quarrelsome enough for you, surely!"
"He is no bigger than a bantam
cock. It is little good he canjlo if tin
house was set ujion by rom-ors."
"It is not always strength that wins
a fight, girl. It takes brains as well as
brawn. Come now, Barbara, give thes
three voting fellows a fair trial."
Barbara turned her face licfore the
mirror, letting down one raven tn-ss
gnd looping up another.
"I will, mother." she said, at last.
That evening Ernest, tin- gunsmith
knocked at the door.
"You sent for me. Barbara?" lie
Raid, going to the girl, who st-a-d up--n
the hearth, e-iquettisldy warming one
pretty foot and then tin- ether.
"Yes, Ernest," she replied, 'l've
been thinking on what y>ai said the
Other night when you were here."
"Well, Barbara?"
Ernest spoke quietly, but bis dark
blue eyes lln-shed, and he lo ked at her
Intently.
"I want to test yon."
"How?"
"I want to see if you dare do a very
disagreeable thing."
"What is it ?"
"There is an old coffin up-stairs It
smells moldy. They say Bedmond, the
murderer, was hurled in it ; but Satan
came for his Imdy and left the eoflln
empty at the end of a week, and it was
finally taken from the tomb. It is up.
stairs in the room grandfather died in.
,and they say grandsire does not rest
easy in his grave for some rcas-.n
though that I know nothing about.
Dare you make that coffin your lied
to-night?"
Ernest laughed.
"Is that all. I will that and sleep
soundly. Why, pretty one, did you
think I had weak nerves?"
"Your nerves will have good proof
If you undertake It. Remember, no
one sleeps in that wing of the house."
"1 shall sleep the sounder."
"Good night, then; 1 will send a lad
to show you the chamber. If you stay
till ijorning," said the imperious Miss
Barbara, with a nod of her pretty head,
'T will marry you."
"You vow It?"
Ernest turned strnight away, and
followed the lad in waiting, through
dim rooms and passages, up echoing
stairs, along narrow damp ways, where
rats scuttled Itefore, to a low chamlier.
The lad looked pule and seared, evident
ly wanting to hurry away, but Ernest
made him wait till he took a survey by
the aid of his lamp. It was very large,
and full of recesses, which lutd been
barred across. He remembered that
the old grandsire Ferron had been
insane for several years boforo his
death, so that this precaution had been
necessary for the safety of himself and
others. In the centro of the room
stood a coffin, besido it stood a chair-
The room was otherwise perfectly
empty.
Ernest stretched himself out In the
coffin.
"Be kind enough to tell Miss Barbara
it is it very good lit," he said.
The boy went out and shut the door
leaving the young gunsmith alone in
tho dark.
Mean whilo Barbara was talking with
the big blacksmith In the sitting room.
"Barney," said she, pulling her hand
away from his grasp when ho would
have kissed her, "I've a test to put you
to before I give you an answer. There
Is a corpse lying in tho chamber where
my grandsire died, in the untenanted
wing of the house. If you dare sit
with it all night and let nothing drive
you away from your post you will not
ask me again in vain."
"You will give me a light and a '
bottle of wine and a book to read?"
"Nothing."
"Are these all the conditions you can
ofTer me. Barbara?"
"All. And if you are frightened you
need never look me in the fa-'-- again " j
So Barney was conducted to his post
bv the lad, who had been instructed in 1
the secret, and whose involuntary start
1 at Ernest's placid fare as he lay in the
I coffin, was attributed by Barney to the
' natural awe of a corpse. He took I.is
seat an-1 the b-y 1-ft him alone with
tho darkness, the bats, ami the eoilin.
Shortly after, young Frit/, the tan
ner. arrived, flattered ami hop ful from
the fact that Barbara had sent for him.
"Have you changed yot r mind-
Barbara ?"
"No; and I shall n<>t until I kn<w
that you ran do a really brave tiling."
"What shall it be? 1 swear to sat
isfy y-iu, Barbara."
"I have a proj,. sal to make to you.
My plan requires skill as well a- c-tir
age."
"Tell me."
"Well, in this lioase there is a man
watching a <-rj■ lie has sw--rn not
t'- leave his post till morning. If you
<an 111 ike hint -1 >it 1 ball I— sat. I
that you are as smart and as brave a-
I require a husband to 1-e "
"Why, r> -thing is n - e.i-y"' • \rlaim
ed Frit/. "I can scare him away.
Furnish ine with a sheet, show me tio
r-'om and g - to your re-.t. Bar nra.
You shall find me at the p—t in tin
morning."
Barbara did as require 1 and saw the
tanner Step lightly away t-> his task
It was tlo-n nearly 1J --'< i - k and she
.sought her own chamber.
Barney was -otting at bis vigil, and
so far all had la-en well.
The night had l-e-n very long, for he
had no means of counting the tune
At times a thrill went thr -ugh him.
for it seemed as if he ■ oul-1 hear a low
suppressed l-r- ttliing not far away.
He persuaded himself that it was the
wind I-lowing through the crevici s <>f
the old bouse. ill it wus.vcry lonely
and n--t at all < hecrfuL
'I fie fac- in the 1.. fin gbani-d white
still. The rats - pii-.tkc l as if there
was a famine u|-on them and they
smelleil dea I flesh. The thought
made hint shudder. lie g t up anil
walked about, but .something male a
n -ise behin-l him. and he put his
chair with its back against the wall
ami sat down again, ilhad la-en
at worl.iall day, and at last grew
sleepy. Finally he nodded and sn -red.
> iddenly it seemed as if snmelaaly
had touched him. He awoke with a
start, ami saw nobody near, though
in the centre of the r-oiii st*id a
white figure.
"Curse you, get, out of this." he '
exclaimed, in a fright, using the first
words that came to his tongue.
The figure held out its arm and
slowly approached him. He started
to his feet. The sj-ectre came nearer,
pressing him into the corner.
"The mischief take you!" cried
Barney, in his extremity.
Involuntarily he stepped hark;
1 still the figure advanced, coming
nearer and nearer, as if to take him
lin a ghostly embrace. The hair start
-1 od up on Barney's head; he grew
desperate, and just as the gleaming
! arm would have touched him he fell
1 on the ghost like a whirlwind, tear
| Ing the sheet, thumping, pounding,
| heating, and kicking, more and more
enraged at the resistance he met with,
which told him the truth.
As the rentier knows, he was big,
and Fritz was little, and while he was
pounding the little fellow terribly,
and Fritz was trying to get a lunge
at Barney's stomach, to take the
wind out of him, both kicking and
plunging like horses, they were petri
fied Ity hearing a voice cry:
"Take one of your size, Big Barney."
1 Looking around they saw the corpse
t sitting up In his coffin. This was too
much. They released each other and
sprung for the door. They never
knew how they got out; but they
ran home in hot haste, panting like
stags.
It was Barbara herself who came
and opened the door tho next morn
ing.
"It's very early; one more little
nap," said he, "one more little nap,"
turning over iu his coffin.
-So she married him; though alio
sent Fritz and Barney Invitations to
the wedding, they did not a]-pear.
If they discovered the trick they kept
the knowledge to themselves and
never willingly faced Barbara's laugh
ing eyes again.
TIIE SHETLAND PONY.
tlmriM lr rial Ira of tlx l.lftlr .tnlmnl-
I nllarl) llrvohl of \lt luuaiirsß.
The native live st-a-k of .Shetland
cannot generally be commended, hut
the well known pony of that part of
| the world is perfect of its kind. As
j carts would he out of place on tlio
1 steep sides of the hills, ponies arc kept
by every family for the purpose of car
rying peat for the winter. The fuel,
after being dried, is pi acts 1 in baskets
culled "cassies," one of which hangs on
! each side of the animal's hack, a strong,
1-roa-l hack, admirably adapted for the
' purpose of hearing heavy burdens,
j The "Sfieltie" is an animal which for
many generations has been 'bred and
train-si under special and peculiar cir
cumstances. and hence his physique
and general rhani t- r, his hereditary
, instincts and Intelligence, his small
si/e and his purity and fixity of tyj-o.
A pony In-longing to a breed which
has had to pick its zigzag way down a
stc-p declivity tltiring many genera,
tions, must la- sure footed. By the
ante rule, a j ny, wh- e gr- • ins and
playmates include a-I t/en juveniles
th- children of the in ighl-orhood, who
r- II ah--ut underne ith him, or ujan his
back niu-i b gentle, and the same
I--ny, living on the - ithol l -11 air
- metiiiie-, rather than -n herbage,
uiii-t la- fi.tr ly. The ja-ny of the ."Shet
land I :-s 1- in t i t th ■■ ••t;sj-ring <-f
< ;r- 1 tances. lb- is the j•t of the
family, gentle a tfi- Aral- -t.-. .1 un-lcr
similar trainaig He will follow his
'ri< nds 111 -1 - 1 - lik-- a -log. and lick the
platters- r the children's faces. He
, li.is no in-re ki• k in ban than a cat
.in-l no m- r- 1 itc in him than a puppy.
II- is a nol-l--examj'l- --f the • mpleto
- ippr- ."ii of th'--e vi n-na pr- p< n i
tu ■ that v no- --f h:> kn.-l exhibit w hen
tfi- ;. ar-- ill-treated. an-1 . I the int- ili
g'-ne- itnd good t-:nj < r that may la
d-v-l -p- 1 in Ic-rs-s 1-y
I tteri is no pr< - e-h nt f r his running
away, n- r f--r tns l-c<--ming frightened
--r tir<-i, <%-n when he ha <arri--l
- in- -t -at la.nl tr . Lorwb k t - his
house, many > - t-h miles across tho
hilh. IB- un-xc- down the rugged
t-.H-ides with admirable cireumsper
tion, h-a-1- ! j tnnter fashion with two
l.c.tvy "ca •.- of j-eat. p.-king his way
step by step, sometime-* sideways. In
< r- -sing boggy spot -, where th-- water
is rctaim-d an<l 11 (jr-sn rarj-et of aqua
ti- grass might de. eh-• * nil'
an 1 bring tin tn headlong to gr.-f in
the sja-ngy traji. h-- carefully smells
th-- surface, atid is th-is etiahleil tocir
■ invent tl-- "langcr. In th<- winter
the >h"-tland p- ny wears a coat made
' <■( h-lt-d ti.iir. an-1 sja- tally suitisl f -r
the or< asion. Hi* thick w inter gar
! inent is well adapted f.-r protecting
him against, the fogs and damps of the
chinute. It is exceedingly warm and
- 'mfi-itaMe.litsi-lose 1-> the wearer's
-laj-per form, and is n--t had looking 1
when new. But when the coat grows
--111 toward spring at the season when
the new one should appear It becomes
the shabbiest garment of the kind that
I you often see. its very amplitude
and the abundance of the mats-rial,
render it c nspinous when it |eels
| and hangs for aw hile ragged an-1 worn
out, and then falls hit by hit, till tho
whole of it disappears. The number j
of ponies bre-1 in different districts do- !
pends upon circumstances. A good
breeding district must possess a good
i hill that is, a hill lying well for shel
ter, and well clothed with native vege
tation, such as heather. — b'urmtry.
Rnles for Entertaining Burst*.
Don't invite them if you don't want
them.
Don't run in debt to entertain them
in style.
Don't turn your house upside down
for them.
Don't wear your Sunday dross
when you arc cooking the dinner.
Don't show them off too publicly If
i they happen to be distinguished indi
viduals, and don't hide them If they
\ are poor relatives.
t Don't change the complexion of
1 your family prayers to match the rclig
■ lon they happen to beldng to.
Don't tell them every minute to
' make then-Delves at home, but make
s your bouse so home-like that they can't
> help feeling at home.
CONCEAL HI) WEALTH.
Tba Cnrtou. I'larra tth're Hoary llaa
lirei> Found When Hidden or lyoal.
"1 have beeu Kent for very often In
ify time,'" tell * I and elderly New York
detective, to a Sun rejairter, "to search
for money concealed by eccentric poo
ple. There wan more of tldn hiding of
cosh forty years ago, than there is now,
owing probably, to the doubtful char
acter of Home of the old savings banks.
"Some fifteen years ago, I went up
to a farm house in Orange county, at
the request of the heirs, to look for
money. The deceased had no striking
characteristics for my purpose, and
after trying several lines of search for
three days, 1 grew doubtful. His riding
H.'eldio had been ripped open, his boot
heeia Knocked ofT for diamonds, his
shoes split up and his upholstery pull
ed to pieces. I .ricks had been taken
out, the hearth torn up. and the wain
wot ingH pulled down. Kven the back
boards of picture frames lutl been
taken out, and the boys hud dug around
the roots of every tree in the orchard,
but still no money had been found.
The reward was too large to l;o lost,
but 1 was nearly at my wits' end.
Finally the thought came like a flash:
'Where was the old gentleman in the
hat.lt of mttlng V I asked. '<)h, he ul.
most always sat by that window,' said
the brother; 'but we've pulled every
thing to pieces around there.' 'Sit
down just as he did.' The man sat
down. 'ln which direction was he
most apt to look ?' 'Nowhere in par
ticular; out of the window, generally.'
"Toward the barn '?' "No, this way.' I
followed the look; it was in the line of
an olif used-up pump. 'Which way
did he walk when he went out to the
field'?' *<i\cr to the pump, and then
made ab. e brie Pa tl ) lei.' Tin
answers had a certain igoilicaic <-.
M< n lik'- to haw the ] l.e <• of cone, ul
inent m sight, and it ; well known
that they will often walk over money
they have 1 uri-d, to sc.- that the S'*l .s
undisturb.-I. I had the pump taken
up and c\< u\ute ris ma le no mom-v.
The pump was r.-pla. <-d. 1 entered
the room one more, and sto-.i l y tie
window. suddenly I aw a faint but
J* - uliar 1- -king mark on tie- sill, it
was a uirv.yor** j- at I 'lire-d' it nj.
to the pump, nic.isurisl out to the c*a t
centre of the line, and th digging In
gan. A tw.sjncli team pip- wa
struck at a depth of four feet. The
end wax plugged; I t k houieafVfi
bill that night"
"i had a curious ca.se two years ago. .
A wi .ilthy man had la-en attacked
with partial parol}■-is, and hia spi-c h
and tin greater ) art of his innn- n
had 1> ft him. He wr--t<- -- it tin- qtu v
tmn: 'Where did 1 put my money
Ihe amount wa- large, pi
b mds. which he had Is-ctt als.ut to
take to a safe deposit buii-ling. The
heirs were wild. I st. j j..-.1 all th<
tearing uj. and eudn.-n pri< king hi ,-
in •■. f- r the man wa- u--t a *c rjce.iler."
tlioiigb it was snppo .-1 by the d - t'-rs
that he had felt the alta k coming on.
nnd had juit the inoncv in v-me out-of
th-wa}-plae.-. Just how, or in what
sj "t in Ids library J. had fallen, could
not be made • -tit. After a day's rcib
tion, lii\ | art tier and I had coin b:-i<
tliat he had I< - n roblied. iw-> e -urs. -
were open to us we . uld maki sud
den arr.sts without any real evidence.
al\v:t}s a hateful course f r a good de
tective to take, or we uiust find the ex
act spot where the man fell, and 'line"
up fr in that. The d>>- t-.rs helped us
here: 'You had Is-lter < vanillic the
gentleman's lidy,' they - ml. \N •• did
i so. and found a long horizontal mark
on the hip. atul blue mark <>n tin- knc.
and cllntw. lie had fallen sidewise
over an objo-t not over sixteen inches
high, and having a narrow, rnumhxt
edge of metal, for an iron mark was
found on the clothing. Every piece
of furniture in the house was inspect
ed, but to no purjioso. The heirs nj>-
| parent were in despair. We took all
j night to think the matter over. Then
J my partner said; 'llow about the cel
i lar ? That's where the household metal
| is.' They all laughed. 'He hasn't
lecn there in a year,' they said. We
went down. My partner glanced
quickly around, and then gave me a
look that 1 ran almost feel running
through my nerves to this day. lie
ha<l discovered some common house
hold articles which had not been used
since the family hail Iss-n searching
the fireplaces. Ho was, in fact, look
ing over a lot of coal hods. 'There is
our metalic edge," he said. He turned
the hoda over carefully, and from
out a mass of waste pajter, there roll*
ed at last the $3*2,000 worth of ttonds.
The paralytic had fallen over the hod,
and the money had dropped Into it
among his waste papers. llefore the
general search was made, all 'rubbish'
hail been taken to the eellar. Our
friends had sought too deeply for w hat
they hail SUpjioaed to be concealed
money, and hail grossly neglected the
science of the obvious. Home detec
tives do precisely the same thing. My
partner and I divided ss,ouu between
us that night."
Invention of the Telephone.
This is Professor Hell's account of
the way in which the telephone came
to lie invented. A reporter ask<-d him:
"Was the invention of the telephone
the ri-Hult of a deliberate research and
experiment for that purpose, or was it
a discovery rather than a creation V"
"It was the result of long and pa
tient study of two distinct lines of
thought which finally blended In one,
producing the telephone. I had for a
long time studied the subject of Hpeoch
and the organs by which it is produced,
as had my father before me, and in
doing so conceived the idea < f producing
artificial sounds by a certain system,
j I came to Canada fur iny health, I am
a native of Scotland, you know, and
! while studying electricity in the woods
j there, and on regaining my lo>t health,
j 1 was called by the officials of the llos
! ton schools to Introduce a new system
;of teaching the deaf. It was nothing
less than teaching them t speak. I
l had long believed it possible to teach j
the deaf the use of the mouth and or. 1
gans '1 speech and had demonstrate!
- it in some degree, and gladly accepted
i the opportunity of putting the system
int > practical ojs-ration. I undertook
j the work, keeping up, however, my
study of ebs tri' itv and its application
to sound production, working late at
night after Other people Were at rest.
In inv efliorts to demonstrate to the
deaf how the sound waves affect the
hearing car I made use of a little in
strument with a membranous dia
phragm which r< spunded to the sound !
waves. I eofi cjvcd the idea of writ,
ing these - pond waves - -asmoke ! glass
Ho that they could be read. Continuing
the experiment till further, I <■ tam
ed a human ear, and found that bv
speaking int--it I r-.uhl produce simi
lar but more satisf.iet ry results, a little
I Him- in the • ir le-ing move 1 by the vl
-1 rati- ii of the ear drum and writing
:nd wa •- <:i tie- gl.i--. All
this time 1 wa eoiitiniiirig my exjs-r-
In.en's with m l and the applieation
of electrieit} to it •pr•! , ti u. 1 had
sueeceilol in a considerable degree
w hen elder,ly the idea - f connecting
the two sue- e -fill evperillieriLS iH- fijr
rol t-i me, and I did s- , attaching the
■ ir to the it.-truineiit bv which the
>und- w eft-j r<lu< ed, an I I hail the
telephone. lb- remainder was only a
matter • ; Ji-taiL The two lines of
. thought and investigation which I had
follow. 1 so long and patiently blend.-d
there, and 'he r<---It was the tele
phone."
Carious Parts tboiit Insane People.
The condition "* idiots can vune
times Is- mend<-I 1} pr-p'-r training.
There is an in-tir iti -n for tb.s pur
jH.-e to ir M'-na. l a It sometimes
b.ij-js • it,,; tie in:'.;, tion of a-( ab ntal
violence ujsin the In .el of idiots is fol
lowed bv the return of the mind. 1 his
.- a v ry singular but well authentieat
- I f.i-1. It is Mated by competent
authorities t ,at the bon-s of in>ane
persons le eome unnaturally brittle.
'I here is little doubt f the c.rro tne-s
of this statement. and this fact at
Uim-s doiibtb - uiakes it appear as
though great violence bad Is en in.
111-tod upon the insane; that is. very
slight injuries will in these jw-r-v-n
-produce wound- which would r
<juir- extraordinary violence for their
production in health} jar-sons. A
curious fact < n < rning melancholy is
"that great a< t TH, public orators, and j
others who undergo gr< at fatigue to
amuse the pubic are subject to this
very form of derangement." The poet
Cowper was said to lie suffering from
it at the time he w rote "John Gilpin."
It is duo insane |s>rsons that they le
provided with the necessaries of life,
and that they !• protected from their
own violence and from the violence of
others as far as possible. It is also
due society that the sane people in the
world le protected from the violence
of the insane. In no way can this le
accomplished as effectually as by the
hospitals for the Insane. Notwith
standing all the furore which Is at
times raised against these institutions
it is probable that most of them are
managed inthetw-st jiossiblc manner.—
j Philadelphia 77no*.
Selfishness.
Poor human nature, which views
the universe from the stand-point of its
i own intercuts, is illustrated in this an
j ecdote:
A Scotch farmer was greatly exer
clsed regarding the safety of his hay
crop. The weather, though often
i threatening, favored his efforts till he
hal succeeded in getting it safely
1 gathered in. being In this respect more
fortunate than several of hi* neigbors.
i After seeing the last wisp of straw
tied round hi* stacks, he exclaimed,
with a self satisfied air:
"Xoo, sin' I hac gotten my hay a'
safely in. 1 think the warld would '
greatly the better o' a guid shower."
Court ship.
ft chanced, fbey any, upon * 'lay,
A (nrloujj from lh town,
Unit hlitr wai *uollii>(c uj< tho way
Aa h wna (trolling ilown;
Kb* liumtninii low, aa niijjht )<e *O,
A <litty iwl an'l (mall;
li<- wl.uthtiK loml a tnm-, yon know,
'J lint lia'l no tuna at all.
It ha|i|iena<l o, prcciady an,
A* all tlinir friend* ari'l neighbors know.
An I and you |a;r)iap might do,
'J'liay (jnrwl upon the ground;
IJut when they'd gone a yard or two,
Of oourM; they l>otii looked rouud
They Ixjtli ware pained, they lartb explained
What caun-l their eyen t/i roam;
And nothing after that remainol
But he ahoul'l her home.
It happened ao, preciwly ao,
Ana!) their frurnda and neighbors know.
Next day to that 'twin common chat.
Admitting no debate,
A bonnet clone heaide a hat
Wiu sitting on a gate,
A month, not more, had buttled o'er,
When, braving nod and smile.
One Mushing soul came through the door
W here two when up the aiale.
It hap|K:iie.l *o, precisely ao,
As all their friends and neighbors know
ITSIiKNT I'ARAGIt Al'llH.
A young man biting bis mustache
is : case of "down in tin mouth."
An improbable story is properly
a canard, because intelligent ]>eople
canardly (relieve it.
The average girl with a big hat
1 arh 1 with ih.wers and leathers seems
ail head till you talk to her.
"How to Attain the Life ]Jeyond,"is
the title of a .Vt-i.nt Inn!:. We will
tell you for a cent. Kat :i cucutnlrer.
It is a < hicago vientist's prediction
that if j.'i.nted shoes remain in use
human toes will eventually l obliter
at' 1 among eivili/ed js-ople.
The waitress inferred that the gue*t
ha! taken a little something before
aupjier fr in the mere fact of his order
ing "t.i- l (rati rt and ehork j- ps."
Mrs. fill lolly sat- -he doesn't see
what they want t . nd way over to
1-gypt to get r a gs f,, r . -i„. i, a l.een
fully snj ] lii 1 sir Jt ,. -he married
ill- lly.
A? Niagara Tails a \ ung 1 ri<l was
very much embarrass' 1 when a hie k
loan ]• inted to h<-r h .-band and s.i. !:
"I. y. u want a -arriage f.,r y tir
father, miss?"
Artomus Ward once indignantly
remark- 1 t.. a ra Iro.el pr< -ident who
refused him a favor: 'Vmi w..n't pass
nm. because y. rr ad is s •-1 wit w • -n't
pass anybody."
Musi tea her tn scholar: "Yuii W"
that noti with an ojwn sjia' < ? 'That s
a whole n'di an y u remember
that'" Scholar: "Ve-'in -a whole
note a note with a hole it."
A Kansas woman was upbraiding
h'-r hus and wlen a ryd no hive in
s.ght. and. with a sigli .f relnf. the
tinlia|>|iy man ran out into its p.ith.
ami wa- -afcly bl-wn into tin- next
; county.
The Man With n Boil.
A broad-shoulder' 1 man was walk
ing along Chatham street on Friday.
Ii- h*.kit! as if he wa- in gn at pain.
"What's the matter?" naked a frit-ml
"Hi. I'in in terrible agony! Lot a
fsdl a- big as a watermelon on my calf,
fan hardly walk. Si lung!" and tho
proprietor of .lob's comforter move!
of!. As he did so another gentb man
came along and shook hands with his
friend.
i "I've got the biggest, joke of the sea
son on . There he goes up the
street. lie was tilling me how he was
frightened by a dog this morning.
Let's have some fun."
Th" new arrival was "in for it."
"You walk upliehind hum grab him
jby the leg and bark like a ihg. His
nerves are all unstrung, and we'll have
a big joke on liini to sit- him jump."
"I'll do it," said the other, "and you
walk on the other side and see me
scare him to death."
The two parted to carry out the pro
gramme. The latest arrival proceeded
, after their mutual friend, dust as he
| got close up la-hind him he gratified
him by the boil and playfully barked;
■•How. wow. wow," just as naturally
as a dog show.
The broad-shouldered man went up
in the air, while his face looked as If
he had suddenly swallowed a tree full
of persimmons. When ho came down
he recited the alphalict backwards and
then pointed his toe thirteen different
times at his playful friend, slamined
him up against a telegraph pole, mash
ed his hat over his eyes, and then
walked away looking as if he would
like to put the leg with the watermelon
l*oil on it over his shoulder and carry it
homo.
Alter the "dog" had pulled himself
out of his hat he hunted up and down
Chatham street for the man who had
put the job up on him, hut he couldn't
find him, for he was looking over the
cornice of a neighboring house and
bursting with grins.—Anr York World.