THE CBIIM£EEI'£R'S WIFE.
llow Slip Nnrrri ller llulntitl* Wlfi-A
Ntorr ol itir Water Work*.
A writer in tlm Chicago Tribune
says:—l wonder how many of the hun
dreds who hsik out at the lake every
day and see tlio crib-tower rising up
against a blue or a gray sky, as the case
may be, know <>f a scene that took place
there nearly three years ago'{
At the time of .which 1 speak tho
orilekeepcr was a Fien named Kalstrotn,
a gigantic man and heavy in proportion
to his size. He was known about tho
wharves as 'Big Charlie,' and his claim
to distinction was that lie had, as he
said, 'gommanded a bark of a ilousand
duns,'in which be had sailed the North
Seas, and in which. Vikinglike, he had
carried off his with, a bright faced Irish
girl, from Drogheda, one of the east
ports of Ireland.
Tho was a small woman, with gray
eyes and long black lashes. Sho had
strongly marked eyebrows and a mass
of waving black hair that crept in lit
tle curls around her temples and the
nape of her neck. She had the piquant
nose of her race and a generous mouth
tilled with strong white teeth. It was
in March, and the day was one of those
soft, treacherous ones that lare unwary
flowers to their destruction, and sow
pneumonia and bronchitis broadcast.
The sun shone warmly, and the great
lake seemed todream of springtime.
Thecrilelarder was like Mother lluli
bark's cupboard, and llalstroiu took
his small boat and rowed ashore. In
tho few hours he spent among the
shops and in taking a glass of beer
witn his friends, the wind changed, and
when he reached the shore with his
stores, ho found the lake churned up
to the furv peculiar to inland seas.
Ho was worried, but had such con
fidence in his little Irish girl, as lie
called her, that he spent the night
quietly. The next day found the storm
as wild as ever, and he spent the hours
of daylight striding up and down the
shore, for by this time lie knew the few
provisions had given out, and that his
wife was actually suffering for fi>od.
Twice lie launched his boat, and twin
it swamped.
At dark the light gleamed out from
the criletop, but to Kalstrotn's eye it
bad a palefnl glare, and morning found
him determined 'To goev 1 ln-v to svim
vor it," as he swore with some round
Seandinvian paths. Fortunately the
wind was more quiet, and. after hard
work he came under the lee of the ■ ril>-
walls. His wife had spied him, and
she east him a noosed rope from the
top story of the crib; tor the waves
rolled so high that all the storm doors
and shutters were bat tern! d>wn and
the white caps spit at the lantern as
they drove before the wind.
lie caught the rope, and passed up
his bundle of supplies. She dropped
it a second time; and, just as she got
it under his arms, a gr-at wave
swamped the boat, leaving him cling
ing to the wall; blinded and bruised,
and depending on the little woman up
aloft for his life.
She hegrn hauling on the rope, and
had drawn him as high as the sill-frame
—he thrusting fingers and toes into
whatever crevices offered. As he
reached his right hand up, the wind
came round the corner with a yell and
♦ore him loose, dropping him Into the
lake; but the faithful Iridi girl paid
out the line as fast as she could, and he
found himself with a chance for life
still in his reach.
Up he came, hand over hand, and as
he entered the window he saw her fall,
and in the dim light he noticed nstrangi
discoloration of her face, a black stain
on the bright rag carpet. and the fact I
that her dress was torn to rags in
front-
Well. to make a long story short,
when he picked her up he found the
wedding-finger of her left hand entirely
gone, and the tendon ripped out up to
the eiliow. It hail been caught between
the rope and the stone casing when he
fell, and his great weight, playing
against the wedding-ring, had done the
mischief. But, as she said, "It weren't
a time for faintin*. mi-s." And -To hafl
hauled him up with the right hand and
those strong, white teeth.
The rugging of the hemp had cut
her mouth cruelly, and she had ground
her knees against the wall so desper
ately 'hat tli" thick stuff-gown she
wore was frayed through and through.
That night the wind shrieked and
roared till tho lake went mail with
noise, and the waves threw their spray
among the pigeons under the eve of the
lantern-roof, and the injured woman
moaned through the house for the re
lief tha* could not come. Kabttrom
signalled and signalled for help, and
four days after the accident a lat got
out, and Mrs. Kalstrom was taken to
tho hospital, where the wound was
dressed, and where she lay for many a
weary day.
When I saw her first, I noticed with
great satisfaction that a fall of pretty
lace covered her maimed hand, and that
'Big Charlie' iimkrhiarough husk held
| a real reverence and affection for her.
I These feelings ho bore to witness every
j where, anil when his friends would (day
upon him and say half in jest, and half
in earnest: "Ah, Charlie, you're a lino
| fellow, ain't you V" ho would answer
wit>i naive eoneeit and eonlideneo:
"Vase, 1 am ; for I lief gominanded
a hark of a dousand duns ; hut dere's a
better dan mo at home. Andev any
body Bays'Kalstrnm's a vine vellow,'
j you gan dell hiiu.'Yase, but Kalstruin's
vifo is a vlnor." "
A Lamprey's Nest.
One day late in spring, writes John
Burroughs in the t'liitury, as I was
passing over a bridge I ehaneed to see
two lampreys, or "lamper-eels," as they
are usually railed, engaged in building
their nest in the ereek below me. It
was one of the most eurious speetaeles
I ever saw in ourstream. They were
a few yards below the bridge, just
where the water breaks from the still
pool beneath it, and Hows with a rapid
current over its roughly-paved bottom.
They were distinguishable from the
yellowish-brown and bl.u k stones and
pebbles amid which they were working
only by their motions. They were tug
ging away at tin- small movable stones
with great persistence. I went down
to the water's i-dge where they were
within reach of my stair, the better to
observe them. They would runup to
the edge of the still-water and seize
upon the stones with their suction
mouth and drag them hack with the
current and drop them upon their nest.
I understood at once why their nests,
W hiell 1 had often ob-orv ed before, Were
alw ays at the beginning of a rift ; it i
that the fish may avail themselves of
the current in building them. The
water sweeps them bu k with the peb
ble In stemming the current to seize it.
They are thus emfbled to move stones |
which they could not tir in still water.
The stone. \ ariisl in si/e from aw .d
--nut to a goose egg. \Vh i one of them
was tugging ;t>vay at a stone t<to heavy
for it. I would lend a helping hand
with my staff ; 1 would move the stone
along gently, and the lamprey seemed
entirely unconscious of the fact that it
was being helped ; it would drop the
burden at the proper p int. and runup
for another. Indeed my aid and pp-s
--cnee did n-d disturhthem at all. From
time to time, the larger of the two,
which was the female, would thru t
her tail with great violence down
among the p.-bbb - at the 1 ottolii of the
creek and loosen thein up, and set free
the mud which the current quickly
carried away. The new material thus
plow id up was earrii-d to the n-st.
Twice in the • ur-- of the half-hour
that I olwerved them, the ait of spawn
ing fis'k place.
Besides helping move the larger
stones with my staff, 1 several times
plowed Up the 1 mittoiu with its jMimt,
thus relieving the female of that duty.
The lish took it all as a matter of
course, and seiztsl U[Min the pebbles I
had hHisenidwithgre.it alaeri'y. When
I thrust my cane beneath them and
triisl to lift them out of the water, they
would suck fast to the stones and pre
vent me ; hut they did not manifest
any alarm. The lampreys became mm h
exhausted with the spawning and nest
building, and large numbers of them
die when it was over. In June it is
riot unusual to And their dead Indies in
the streams they inhabit.
The Karth Miff a* Steel.
O. 11. Darwin has just publi-hed an
important paper upon the rigidity of
the earth. The data upon which his
work is based are the tidal observa
tions made under the direction of the j
Indian government during the past
few years, combined with others in
Kngland and France in all, thirty
three years' observation at fourteen
different ports. The w hole tide at any
place may he regarded as made up of a
great nufiiher of smaller tides, of vary
ing periid. Among these subordinate
tides two were selected for the discus
sion - one with a Jieriid of two weeks,
depending upon the distance of the
moon north or south of the celestial
equator, the other period of a
month, depending ii|mirih varying
distance of the moon from the earth..
These are free from all systematic
meteorological or seasonal Influence.
Now. if the earth is not rigid, but
1 yields at all to the tide-raising force,
the time and height of high water will
he affected. It appears from the inves
tigation that each of these tides is only
a little more than two-thirds what it
should be if the earth were absolutely
rigid, and from this Mr. Darwin shows
, that the amount of yielding is about
I that of steel, a conclusion agreeing
| very well with that deduced by tir
William Thomson, some fifteen years
| ago, from rather scanty data. Ev
idently this result does not favor the
idea that the earth's interior is a molten
mass.
The annual cheese prodnct of the
I'nited .States, for an averagtKgMsl
season, is now estimated at 40),8<j5w)0
pounds, and the butter product at
11,200,000,000 iMiumls.
A Mormon itoinunre.
When tho overland train reaches
I Ogdcn, tlic agitation of the fcmaln
mind about visiting Salt Lake t'ity
becomes evident. There are always
some ladies going there for the hem-fit
jof their health, and many more to
gratify their curiosity ; for, strange .as
it may seem, the Mormon stronghold is
| the great business, social and oduc.'k
! tionalccn-.re between Omaha aiulS.au
Francisco. Tho conductor told us that
thero were always ladies bound for
Bait Lake, particularly during tho
winter, vvhenthe climatei* salubrious;
yet even in a large party the members
of the f'lir sex felt uluilf-aiiiused trepi
dation in preparing to inspect a society
I so entirely at variance with their prin
! eiples and notions of propriety.
What, then, was our.surprise to meet
on the very day of our arrival a Phila
delphia lady, a niece of an eminent
Presbyterian divine, who had been re
siding in the capital of Mormondoin
1 b>r five \ i ars! >hc \s r.- av\ idovv, vv ho- j
cxtensiv e landeil interests lay in blah i,
and who had found line islueational
advantages for In r • hildrea, and a
pleasant si" ial circle for herself beneath
tin* peerless blue >ky ami within the
circling snow-capped mountains that
bound Zion. She lived in a double
house with long French window s, sur
rounded by a blooming garden. The
furni'iire vv a. clcgan' and convenient.
Church privileges were ample, and she
had snide friends among the M >riuo is.
Her'"t. ii'iin was her landlord, whose
particular (iffeiiee was his t"o great dc
sirct<) make improve iin-uts and repairs
upon her residence, lit- manners vv cro
very mild and pleasant ; but he at la-t
justified Icr antipathy by sending bis
first wife t.i ask her t i In- Ids fourth
spiiiise. J',, FREE herself F r >III associa
tion with him after this, shi Isiught
the house, when he cisdly told her that
what she regarded a- audacity had
l,een prospered by the Lord, and ena
bled him to M || at a profit.
The romance iif >ait Lake City Is
the story of Libbie Young, and visitors
are sure to hear it as an illustration "f
how love rub i the vv>>rld. Libbie
V'liing resided in Philadi-lj-hia. (bi<>
of her relatlv es was the sis-oml wife of
Hrigham V oung, dr.,and while v isjting
her husband f-l 1 in love with Libbie,
and Libbie became infatuated with
him. she refusisl to marry him, how
ever, unless hedisi-.irdisl his wive
an agreement whi> h, s!rauge to say,
was agreed to. Hrigham, dr.. then
made a •• ttb im-nt on each of them
and he and Libbie .re married. 'I bev
livel happily until the death of old
Hrigham inducisl his s..n to look t>>the
sin ' ''ssioti to the pp-sidem y, vv hi *i. to
strengthen his intlaenee with the
church, he took to himself two nf-w
wives, (in this Libbie left him, and
••ver since both of them have broken
hearts, She still maintains intimate
relations wih his former wives, and
frequently visits them ; and when sh
goew to Salt Lake, Hrigham hovers
around her residence to get a glimpsr
•>f her, but she will not see him. And
yet everylK*iy says she loves hi at and
he still loves her, though ainhitiot
proves the stronger passion.—J.ijqiii
'S/fCn ilaju:ine.
IHsrrhea In ('aires.
In the treatment of diarrhea in young
calves it is best always to liegin with a
laxative, (live, according to age, from
two to three ounces of castor oil. Af
ter four to six hours give a mixture of
two drams of compound chalk jsiwder
with optuty, one dram of powdered
gentian, one ounce of peppermint water
and three ounces of starch emulsion.
This dose may be given twice or thrice
daily, according to the severity of the
case. It is bi\st to let such a calf suck
the mother; if this, for any reason can
not I"* done, then the rations of the
calf should be small, but frequent; and
instead of milk alone it is liest to give
equal parts of fresh milk and flaxseed
tea, in a blood w arm, never in a cold
state. The admixture of flaxseed tea
will prevent the milk from curdling in
theca'f's stomach ujKin which depends
thn scouring.— Hreederx'* ilnsrtte.
Oil upon Troubled Waters.
Captain Hrice, one of the inspectors
of the Hoard of Trade, was in Aberdeen
Scotland, the other day, watching ex
periments for the purp-ise of rendering
the passage of vessels over the bar safe
in stormy weather by pumping nil upon
the water. A heavy southwesterly
gale was blowing. Seal oil was used.
After tho pnmps had been at work
twenty minutes the crested waves
which were dashing with great fury
against the piers, became greatly as
suaged. and the entrance was rendered
safe. The experiments were considered
successful.
Since Wolsey, 1583, the following
British and Irish cardinals have lieen
created: Fisher, 1585; Beaton, 1540;
Pole, 1558; Allen, 1504; Howard, 1004;
Norrls, 1704; York, 1807; Erskine, 1811;
Weld, 1837; Acton, 1847; Wiseman,
1805.
Sharp ITaclloc.
A certain Miehigamler who had long
suirecilixl in dodging a curtain creditor,
iutn few witkfl ago cornered in the
nltlcc of a mutual friend, and tlio credi
tor begun:
"Sir! you have owed mo $.15 for a
year past, and now I want to know
what you are going to do ahout it?"
"Well, I'll think it over."
"There will he no thinking it over,
my friend. If you don't pay me I'll sue
you."
"You will?"
"I will, sir!"
"Then you'll herertain to get a judge
ment. 'I he party which brings the
suit always gets the verdict before a
justice. Know ing this, you will take
advantageof me?"
"I wfl ."
j "Very well. Now,then, I deny that
I owe you a dollar."
"You do?"
"I do, sir, but in case yon w ant to
borrow SJ" of me for a week here it is."
"1 don't care whether you call it
pay ig or lending, so long as I get niv
money," replied the creditor, and lie
made out a receipt in lull and took tin
money
At the end of the week he was asked
to n turn the loan, but laughed at the
| absurdity of the request, Suit was bi
gun to recover it. the mutual friend
; nnsl asa witness, and the plaintiff re
ceived judgment in his favor and had a
clean receipt to show for the debt.—
!>• '/■ i' T'n• l'ri*s.
The True Standard of Value.'
V.dues are relative, due person puts
i high estimate on w ha* ar. dherde m*
worthless. A .a\agc covets a diowv
feather or a gamly trinket, Civil;/ I
ladns so me t i 111 ** s h.lVe a :in:lar t.Uiey.
. but, again, an an* jiiariaa a -uld p: . ■
an old I 'Nik above a bale of 1 • .it}:• r
Mid a barrel of trinkets. V\ ic> shall
say what is the real test of value m
material j -ssions? A bttlc -liill [
was recently startbd by what -he had
heard s.uil at the family table al>ut a
robliery in the neigh! :h I. A -In
1" amid the possibility of In r own h MM
being cut'red by robW'-s she trembhsl
for her choice j"■ *— i*in s. "Mama."
she w hlspe-i-d, "do r bin rs tak' dolls?"
Jl<-r d**lLs vvt re her< tn-a-ure. If tln-y
' vere iii darig-r, life had new perils b r
t.er. "No, III} dear," "aid In r lll.lloli i.
"lloblHTs don't w ant d'dls. Why -lcwld
tiny take them?" "I didn't kin w but
they would want them f>.r their little
i girls," was the answer, showing the
child-belief that r-bbers were human,
and th;it their children had • hild-l' iig
ings ami child l.iiii i. With the a--
suranre that her dolls were safe, that
"Mlc girl had l--s i|r> .el of robbers.
What was the loss of family silver or
of clothing and jewels, of l~ ks and
; pictures, if the dolls Were to is- left
I nharmeil? After all, was that child's
j estimate of values wrong or unn al, or
is the trouble with the rest of us?
Sunday School Tim•*.
Sarrwd Animals In India.
In every larger city there are walled
tanks where .-.tared crorudiles aw ait the
•"attribution*of the pious. In Benares
thev subsist upon the rent of a r<al
estate legacy and occasional donations
of the wealthy produce-merchants. Hut
even the jxs.rnst of the poor contribute
to the support of the sacred bain ion*.
The bhun<ler-balMNin and the Ifaniinian
have every reason to regard themselves
as the primates of tho animal kingdom,
and man as a humble relative, giftisl
with certain horticultural talents for
the purpose of ministering to the wants
of Hs four-handed superiors. Northern
In<lia is dotted with "mahakhiinds," or
monkeyfarms. where thousands of long,
tailed saints are provided witfi shelter,
respectful attendants, ami three stile
stantial meals a day, on the sole condi
tion that thev shall renounce their
sylvan haunts and bless the neighbor
hood with the influence of their holy
presence. Sick monkeys arc sent to the
next hhunder-hospital, generally a wo)L
endowed and well-managed institution
with a special dhcratlar or responsible
major-domo. The little town of ('awn
pore has eight such Infirmaries, Hen arcs
twenty or twenty-five, some of thein '
with a sutidivision for incurables and
chronic dyspeptics J— Papular Bcirn<*
M >nfhly.
Asbestos
Asliestos is not a rare mineral, as it
Is found in most of the middle and
northern States in this country and in
Europe, in all mountainous sections.
In New York there is a diqstsit in
Itichniond County which affords fibres
two feet long. In Hrtinswirk, N.
there is a fine deposit of the interlaced
variety, the mountain leather, so-called.
In Maryland, asbestos of good quality
is found in several localities. In Mas
sachusetts it occurs at Brighton, Hhef- j
field, I'el ham, Windsor, and several
other towns. The mineral Is plentiful
enough for all our wants, even If. some
day, it is used in house construction,
an event not improbable.— liotlon
Jvurnai qf Commerce.
'The Kiiicdun Colony In Alts California.
Fully a century ago the pleasant
vales leading up into tho Coast moun
tains had been penetrated by tho fron
tiersmen of Mexico, of whb'h country
this whole great region was an ill-de
tincd province under the name of Alta
California. These men were herds
, men or farmers. Early in the present
century a colony of ltussians and In
dians from Alaska, under the leader
ship of Ah xander Koskoff, lamb-da.
Itodcg., Hay, and began fanning where
now is the village of Hodega. Not .-nt
isfled with this place alone, however,
they travelled northward some forty
miles, ami establishi-d a permanent tra
ding post and agricultural station ncai
Salt Point, the site and many of the
buildings of which are now occupied
| as the village of Fort Boss—an angli
ci/i'd abbreviation of I'm rh <L lux
| ll a. lu.i, as tlie jxcit was called by the
' Spaniards.
The occupancy of this strip of c.at
for their hold extended all the vvav
bet w i i n Point Arena-< n the north and
Point Hugos ori the south by the Mus
covites from 1-11 until Iwhen tiey
abaudom-d ! heir stat inn, left it - impress
upon the namesof the region, and e-pe
' dally i lings to the principal stream
watering this portion of the redwi**'
belt the Kus aw river,— llarjtr'i
Mn'/aciin.
A Itcinnrkahlr Fv perl merit.
Not many ars ago a r--tnarkable<
j.'-riineiit was tmd at the lb jitalL
I.azaros, Sao Cliri-tovao, m ar Ifio du
.lane.ro. A Brazilian phvsieian pr<•-
!• tided to liave (b-eoverisl that "lieri
i ■ the mysterious arid deadly mili
ary of that nritry, half drop-v. half
.' i ro-y.w as i<li lit aa! with th< /:/< jdian
tin:oN lii'uciruin, vvhi'h the at. ient
• jmni-iits of the lualing art n-i-d to
cure by inoculation "f snal.e venom.
A a inmate ~f the (,■ pital know ing h.s
-tate to IK' h"Jiel"-s as it stood, con
. si nt' il to allow the tr.al to is- made on
hi I-sly. So a vigorous rattlesnake
w as a ■ ordingly 1 r< night to his liedsidc
and luadi to I .'e his sw"lien and by
pi rtrophi' I band, in the presence of a
large number of doctors, both native
and (■ ri gn. It wa- noted at the time
tat tie reptiP u -p'uyeil griat appa
rent relm tam ' to ue g . fang-, and it
v. a ic t until after mm h irritation that
it ■" ild l- indin i 1 to sink". The
punctures were intlietisl n<ar the base
of the I !!< finger,but the patent was
i. t aware that he had lieen bitten till
t)• bystander- told him, -lifeh- s was
tic part. For sojn • hours no r> -tilts
wer> apparent. The i-ha: c -teristb evi
dent • s of bl'Hsi-]Hiisoning nevertheless
set in. and f" fere night the man wa- a
corpse.
What the drain
It is a well-known fa t that people
w hose limbs have Iss-n amputatisl tell
}■ a that Uiry can fi • 1 their fingers and
toes for a long time afterward foi
year*, sometimes and will even d<>-
scribe pains and ibTmite sensation,
afTistmg certain joints of individual
digits. This is readily understood
when we remember that the brain is
the only jiart of'he lody that fis-ls, all
sensations and Impulsi s In ing conveveil
to it from different parts by nervr
tibres. Fis lings of pain, heat, cold,
touch, and the functions of the special
si revs arc telegraphed to it; and when
the connecting m rve i- divided it may
Is- -' inc time before it learns to local
ize truly the seat of the sensat en it ap
pns lates. When we knonck our
"funny lMini-s" we experience a thrill in
the little linger and in er lmrder of the
hand; the fait lieingthat we have stim
ulated the bundle of telegraph wires—
known as the ulnar nerve—which
transmits sensations from that finger
and part of the next, in the middle of
its course, as it xvinds round the joint
of the elbow, star.
The Age of Steel.
Even if there w as once a time wnen
the state of industrial civilization
could fittingly be described as the age
of iron, says the Philadelphia Inquirer,
that time is past ami gone. We are
rapidly approaching the age of steel,
i Iron is being superseded in many direc
tions by Its more popular rival, (treat
transportation lines prefer steel rails to
iron ones or. account of their superior
wearing qualities. True, there arc many
iron tracks still in existence; but there
are also wooden tracks on some old
fashioned railways. "Wire rods will
henceforth In* made of steel rather than
of iron. Already the production of
steel in the t'nited States is reported
to exceed the production °f i r,, n 'n mag
nitude. For many purposes iron is so
admirably designatist that it will re
main. certainly for many years, and
probably forever, in common use ; but,
1 the number of instances in which it
has lcen or is Wing superseded by
steel Is much greater than would havs
lieen lxdicved a decade ago.
The Lancet says that women often
wear a w-i ight of clothes such as few
men would care io curry.
Dreamland.
'inly in vision* <!•* the future wait
To tell nn of Uie tnyti-ne to be :
Yet even thus we linu'-r at tbc gate
That ope* eternity.
Kicept In dream*, tlie I'at come* not again
WiUt nil ita vanialied weight of Joy and
fear* ;
But blindly we ret rare, in grief nnd pain,
The Meidened byg'jno year* !
The present live* ; to bane n* or to hie**
Wulurj it ■ giiKlfiWA doe* the Future hide J
The J'u*t hold* over it with tenderuu* —
All good i* at it* ride.
To live within the J'rwnt— yet to take
From out the Future and the darkenwl
I'aat
All hope* and h **on* that for goodness
make—
May tbi* In; our* at last!
—WAI.TKU L Hiwirn in I WA'i Com/>an
ton,
IM MiKM IWKAbKAI'HS.
A title of the sea A w-a-erjwnt's
tail.
The latest thing in cradles—The new
Liihy.
Years are like tigers. They always
eotne with a spring.
Definition ~fa *olli rof fortune—A
soldier who has none.
When a man wants to step on the
*< ah-* lie gets aweigh.
We admire spirited anitrthls, hut de
liver us from a wildly enthusiastic
mule.
The rising young man of the future
J- one Who V. ill he w illing to jump up
and huild the morning Irrc*.
Ther- are a g l many d< •late and
unroiufoftahle thing in thi- world, hut
•] lig hat in a -now torin strike* us
•i- alxillt the climax.
'I he < J* rator* in niythi< al mines are
alw ays willing to let y, in : hut there
i* quite a difTerejp eh-1 < n letting
>ou in and letting y-.u win.
"What Ls the difference between a
glass half full of water and a hroken
< rigagi'llient ?" Ope 3* let filled full,
and the other !- not fulfilled.
With exceptional truthfulness a
<pia< k ilr* tor h. gins his ad\ertisement:
"I offer my valnahh -er\i< •'■* toall who
are s • unfortunate as to r'"juir<- them."
I.ife must l<e a JK'rfis t desert to the
w m< n of 5,,0 J,,ike. What ean they
talk anout ? I here'* a! solutely nothuig
a man of that c ity <an d > that is scan
dalous.
-a.d a farmer, x*h< was given to long
drinks, to a brother agriculturist:
"What l-r<-<*l of rattle would Vou advise
im t<> adopt f "Short horns," was the
signili-ant reply.
I'oiir daughters of a Kentucky farm
er e]oj,*i jn one night, each couplo
I.tking a different road, and it drove
the old man al*ut crazy to decide
winch party to pursue.
D>ng Tong is the name ctf a very
successful Chinese artist at Chicago,
lie has paint'*! the picture of a man
and a dog. and you can tell which is
the man and which is the dog almost al
a gluacv.
"Julia, my little cherub, when does
your sister Kmma return?" "I don't
know." "Didn't she say anything l>e
fore she went away?" "She said, if
you came to sex-her, she'd be gone till
doomsday."
One gacat unpleasantness attending
a man's getting tnarri*l is his utter
insignificance on the occasion. The
bride is the object of attention as the
star performer of the show, and he is
rcgar<l'*l merely as a necessary pro
perty.
An exchange aks in bold head lines;
"Why do woman work?" Well, some
women w ork Isrause they enjoy it, and
others because their husbands are busy
in politics and the woman of the house
is obliged to hustle around and earn
their daily bread.
They had only l>een married a short
time. The other day she slung her
arm around him. and warbled, in a low,
remulotts voice: Do you realize,
\dolphus, that now we are married*
we are only one?" "No," replied the
brute. "I can't realize it. 1 have just
paid a #7.' milinerv bill, and a lot mors
of your b Ms, with several outside pre
cincts t<> hear front, so 1 am Wginning
to realize that, as fur as expense gtes,
instead of being one, we are aWnf half
a dozen. I can't take in that idea of
our Wing one just yet, not by a large
majority.
"I tell yon what it is, fellahs,"
yawned Adolphtta. "I'm making an
awful commotion among the girls
Only w anted a little fun, ver know, but
deuced if they arn't all falling in love
writh me. honor, I believe I'm
getting into hot water,yer know." "l)o
you?" said one of tho girls whs
chanced to
will have the same effect Upon you as it
does upon the lobster." "I say, Mar
tha," exclaimed Adotphus, turning
aWut, "you're deuced ly sharp, yer
know, but blamed if 1 know what
you're driving al now." "Oh, nothing,"
replied Martha; "only lobsters, you
know, are green till they get into hot
water."