The Lights o' London. The way was long au I weary, But gallantly they strode, A country lad and lassie. Along tho heavy road. The night was dark and stormy, But blithe of heart wero tliey. For shining in tho distance The lights of Loudon lay! Oh gleaming lamps of London, that gem the city's crown. What fortunes lie within you, oh lights of London town. With faces worn and weary, That told of sorrow's load. One day a man and woman Crept down a country road. They sought their native village, Heart-broken from the fray ; Yet shining still beyond them The lights of London lay. Oh cruel lamp* of Loudon, if tears your light could drown. Your victim's eyes would weep then, oh lights of London town. —Otorgt m*. PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS. When is a girl like a music book ? When she is full of airs. Follow the example of trees—keep some things in the thade. Tho physician's motto: " Have pa tients, and yon will succeed." The paper men are now running their business into tho ground by manufac - turing paper coffins. The farmer that " ran rapidly through his property " wore a red shirt and had his brindte bull behind him. A Syracuse maiden has promised to marry five different men. The papers refer to her as "a promising society belle." " Six Girls " is the title of the latest novel. It is expected that a sequel entitled " Our Broken Gate " will bo issued soon. They asked him if he was the best man at the wedding. "No," he said; " I don't know as I was the best, but, I was as good as any of 'em!" A Philadelphia man, who bad been jilted by a wide mouthed girl, had a ter rible revenge. He sent her a scrub bing brush for a tooth bmsb. "Isn't your husband a little bald?" asked oue lady of another in a store, recently. "There isn't a bahl hair iu his head," was the hasty reply of the wife. "The mill will never grind with the water that is past," maybe, but the hand-organ grinds right along with the airs that are past a couple of hundred years. A Chinaman named On Tick is about to start a laundry in Detroit. Thiswill leave no reasonable excuse for any one to fail to appear in a clean shirt on Sundays. On account of the dry, hot summer, the frilure of the American corn crop is going to have a destructive effect upon tho vintage of heavy wines in the south of France. " Do not marry a widower," said the old lady. " A ready-made family is like a plate of cold potatoes." " Oh, I'll aoon warm tbom over," replied the damsel, and she did. When a woman sees a new fall stylo bonnet on another woman's hesd, she declares it to be hideous. Tho next day, when sho gets one also, she sud denly discovers it to lie as pretty as it can be. ThefatbeTof a St. Louis bride pre sented his son-in-law with HO,OOO head of cattle. "Papa, dear," exclaimed'his (laughter, when she heard of it, "that was so kind of you; Charley's awfnlly fond of ox-tail sonp." "Whodid the churning last week?" asked Farmer Fonroclock. " I did," said Bill. " Then yon do it again this week," said the old man; "one good churn deserves another." Covert ex pression* of joy by all Bill's brothers and sisters. "Fellow-citizens," said the street corner orator, standing on a dry goods box amid the glare and smoke of many torches, "my position upon this ques tion is a peculiar one." - And just then when the box caved in and let trim down in the shape of a letter V, gripped by the neck and heels, the crowd rather thought it was. She (bewitchingly)—" Ob, I am so glad you're going to see me to my car riage, Mr. Browne!" He (flattered) " Indeed, and may I ask why? " She— "Oh, because the girls are so jealous, and I want to provo that I do not monopolize all the good-looking men.*' Browne satisfied, but not so happy as he expected to be. The most comprehensive measures have been taken for the safety of tho Annitchkoff palace.the favorite residence of the czar st St P. tor*burg. All round the palace a subterranean passage has been constructed which can be patrolled by sentinels, sod be immediately placed under water from a neighboring stream; while negotiations are in progress for the purchase of the dwellings which snr round and command the residence. In China there are 2,000,00) opinm smokers, who annually spend 812.1,000,- 000 ou the druj. LAIIIKM' DEPARTMENT. Adtli-r la Youni W There is nothing like their own homo for married people, and especially for young married people, even if tho wife shall have to cook and sweep the floor and clean tho windows. If alio bo a healthy girl tho oxerciso will do lier good—and no young man who has to labor for liis living should marry a girl that is not healthy, strong and willing to do her own work while they arc too poor to hire a Hervant. This thing of marrying a girl that you have to hire another girl to take caro of is not a wise thing for a poor young man to do. no should look out for a girl that is brood shouldered, strong in mus cle, having of course other virtues. Tlio ideal girl, the consumptive, tight-laced, party-going, piano-playing, French-talk ing, fashionable girl, can be no proper wife for him. This language the girls may think unkind, but it is not. It is better for girls that are not fitted to be a poor man's wifo to remain with their parents than to become snch. It will be better for their lovers, too, and bet ter for society. A girl then that does not know how to cook fairly, or who would not when necessary cheerfully cook for her hus band, ought not to marry any but a rich man—and no poor man should marry her. If, then, girls without a dowry are content to marry yoting men who have only their fond hearts, their good name, their strong arms, their ambition to make their wives happy, and their hope to work up to a competence through frugality and industry, those girls should know how to cook—and they ought to bo ashamed to marry any such man until they have learned the art of cooking. For such a girl to marry such a man would be neither more nor less than a social fraud, unless she shall Itefore en gagement inform him fully of her ig norance on this subject. It is well, then, to have theso schools of cookery to which girls whose mothers Lavo not taught them the art can go and learn and wc hope the day is near at hand when girls that are candidates for mat rimony will pride themselves more on their ability to cook a good dinner than on their ability to dance, sing, play, or fool away precious time on Ices nsefnl things. Then the world will be lietter and the people in it will be happier than they are now, and the youth that shall be born in the land will lie of greater bone, tougher sinew, and of purer blood. A |arrr .Vfaart narrlatr. A New Zealand letter to the I/ondon JVetr* says : A go xl clergyman who was working amongst the native population WM anxious to establish the sanctity of marriage among them. Among others who were candidates for the rite was a much married aboriginal named Ngata parspara. On arriving at that clause of the formula where candidates for mat rimony are directed to join hands, a strange scene occurred. No sooner had the direction been given than a whole bevy of inamoratas sprang forward, two or threo hanging on by the hands and arms of tho wonld-be Benedick, with an eqnal number clinging to his legs. Ho was completely besieged, pinned hand and foot, and confasitn was made worse confonnded by a hogging and tagging by which the nnfortnnate fol low was in imminent danger of din membermont. Seeing the torn things had taken the priest naturally enough pansed and looked on in dismay. "Go on," cried the hapless hridogroom, "or can't yon see for yourself those abom inable wretches will have me dragged limb from limb T' Still the reverend gent emsn hesitated, seemingly at a loss what todonnderthe circumstances "If yon don't get along," cried the man, " and bring this kind of thing to a finish, tbom'il be another dozen of them here in IMS than no time, aid when they find I haven't got a flopper left to hang on by they'll drag off the last shred of blsnketing 1 have over mo." Tho situation was now perplexing in the extreme, and there was nothing for it bnt to bnrry over tho service, and bring the comedy to an end. The sequel to the atory is worth adding, lu coarse of time this tnaoh-mtrriel man died, as did the seven times married woman of the Gospels. Tho question then arose as to who was his lawfdily mtrrind wife. Some Ave and-twenty claimants appeared before the judge of the native law conrt, and the question to be determined wee—had the woman who got hold of deceased's hand pre cadence over her who merely lagged at his legs. As there was considerable property left behind oonnsel were em ployed by the respective claimant#, and it is said that their learned die pntations on the r.er< dwell; Moat wed hia flock, their young baptize, And aay nome nice thinga when one die* ; A man in win me unwilling ear Are |H>ured all scandals, far and near ; To whom all come with cark and oaro; Who ninat hia people'* btmlena hoar ; A man whom men folk patronize And whom tho women idolize; A man we laugh at when wc can Hncb, reader, ia the clergyman. Krtlsloaa Itraa and Nolo*. Thirty-four missionary societies oc cupy India. Tho city of fit. Fan), Minn., in build ing ItH ninth Catholic church. Tho Episcopalian churches of Penn sylvania have 87,183 communing mem born. Mix women missionaries nailed for India by tho atcamcr Persian Monarch for London recently. In Cloveland 22,745 children attend Protectant Sunday-schools, and 7,468 attend Roman Catholic. K ing Kalakaua has subscribed (2,000 to the Episcopalcathedtal now in course of orection at Ilonolnln. One hundred years ago the Methodist persuasion numbered 55,000 members. To-day it aggregates nearly 6,000,000. What is known in Methodist circles as Antioch circuit in Middle Tennessee, covering an area of ahont fifteen square miles, contains nearly 700 Methodists, no other denomination being repre sented in the district. Tho report of the American hoard will show an increase of seventeen mis sionaries, 100 preaching places, 2.500 common school and 300 high school scholars, and more than 2,000 additions to the mission churches. It ia not only among the natives of the Hindwich Islands that the revival of religion is in progress, but also among the Chinese. The Rev. Sit Moon, who is pastor of the Chinese fhurch in Honolulu, reports that about 250 of his countrymen are Christians, and that the number is continually on the increase. Tho British "Salvation Army" re centlv held a "council of war," when " General" Booth said tbst the organi sation now had 245 stations, with 470 officers, 7,000 soldiers, 46,000 people attending its meetings every week, and an income of 8250,000 a year. A great "salvation" >mpie is talked of, to v>t $500,000 and hold 10,000 people. Unclaimed Money Order*. "Is it true," inquired a New Ynrk reporter of Postmaster Pearson, " that there are nearly $2,000,000 in the United i Mutes *nh-!rcxury, representing accu mulations from unpaid money-order* for several year* back V " Ye*,™ replied the postmaster. "I suppose that in round number* they kohl abont that aim unt belonging to careless persons whom it is impossible fot ns to find." " What do yon propose to do with this money, Mr. Pearson?" "C&ngrest will probably bo asked at its next session to make some disposition of it." " Why wa* not this done heretofore?" "Well, there is no legal limitation to the time when funds of this character may be accounted f.r. The postmaster cannot tell when the parties to a money- ! order may correct fatal mistake* in the order and demand their money. You know wo must always bo prepared to (iay on legal demand." " Can yon give mo a general idea of the way in which anch a large, un claimed accumulation of money comes about?" " Primarily 11 is due to a lack of knowledge concerning the operations of the law under which the money order system is organised. Then a great many people who nuderstand the pro visions of this law are babitnally care leea and overlook soma of the necessary ; details in making out the order. For instance, they may get the name of the payee wrong, or they may neglect to notify him by mail. Then, again, the person to vhom the money is sent may be a traveling man, who has left the town where the order is payable, and may never return there again. No legal provision has been made for ad vertising for these people. The indi vidual amounts which go to mako up the large anm of unpaid money-orders ia thia office are, generally speaking, small, and have no doubt long been for gotten by the persons who sent them, as well as by the person* who were to tec ivo them. All podoffice* which do a reasonably fair share of money-order business have the same trouble to eon tend with, but some day or other Con gress may definitely settle josUl re sponsibility in the muter," CUPPINUN FOR THE CURIOUS. Infants while very young do not shed tears. Only one hog in 10,000 js alllicted with trichina;. A Paris clothing house is rnnning its sewing machines by electricity. The ides of the kaleidoscope first ooenrred to David Brewster in 1814. In hats the heart is aided by rhythmic contraction of the veins in the wings. The people daro not even move their lips when the Japanese emperor passes by. The production of opium has greatly increased in Persia within tho last two years. Tho arrival of foreigners in the United States daring the last decade is counted at 2,813,000. Four barrels of the water of the Great Malt lake will loave, after evaporation, nearly a barrel of salt. At a temperature of fifty-six degrees Fahrenheit Dr. Kane kept his men in good health by devoting a part of the long night of the Arctic regions to bur lesque and pantomime. A process has been discovered for making flour from the seed of the broom corn, to the extent of one-half its weight, leaving the other half a valu able food for the cattle Plating irons, or poking sticks, as they were then called, made of steel, in order to he used when hot, were first used in Queen Elisabeth's time. Be fore then, setting sticks of wood or bone were used for stiffening ruffs, etc. A Merahen carpet, ordinary size, say twelve by fifteen feet, oonlains nearly 4,500,000 stitches. The weaver sits with the reverse side of tho csrpet to ward* him and weaves entirely from memory. This fact will account for tho irregularity so often found in Persian carpets. The latest invention reported by a Japanese journal is that of Olstika Min sk ichi, who, after extensive experi ments, is sai l to have succeeded in making rifles of silk. They are de scribed "as rigid as iron guns, while they are easy of carriage and ha ve a very long range." There is now s dog infirmary at the Went End of London, controlled by a mem't of the Royal College of Veter inary Burgeons. The wards are com plete with every modern convenience for the health and comfort of patients. A sanitarium has been arranged for the reception of healthy animals, when owners have no convenience for them. Mpecial wards are also provided for cats and birds. Annual snlMcribers of $5 have all the privileges of the infirmary. The Place Where C il Can't IJrr. Jim Townscnd, of Lnndy, hM been making nome experiments with an ordinary cat It ba* boon repeatedly stated that a cat oonld not live at an altitude of 13,000 feet above the eeo. Mr. Townsend baa demon* * (rated that anch ia the fact. On Mon day laat he and another gentleman made the aacent of Caatle Teak, which ia a little orer 13,000 feet high. They took with them a eat—Thomas —that was a year old, and had lived at an altitude of 6,000 feet with no symptom* of dis ease. Mr. Townaend liad the cat in a box, and a* they went tip he took ob eenrationa and noted very carefully ita every movement. When the aumruit wa* reached they pitched their tent. Thia waa about 2 o'clock in the after noon. Th cat partook of aotne food, and, after playing an hour or ao, fell aaleep and did not wake np until near midnight. When it did recover eon aciouaneaa it aet up a howling and ap prared much distressei. Townaend pitied it and endeavored to make it feel at home, bat of no aae. It kept npita constant moaning* and diaplayed aymptoma of having fits. When morn ing came the oat waa offered food, bnt it reftued to eat and acted even more strangely than daring the night. Town send eaya it wonld open ita month aa if gasping for breath; wonld jimp abont, and then go to ah ep and wake np with a start All thia while close watch waa kept and every movement noted. At & o'clock in the afternoon the cat died of exhaustion. Tin (Ana. Who can assign bound* to the demand for tinned or canned o/atera from Bal timore, lobatera from Maine, salmon from Alaska, peachae from Florida aid Maryland? One petroleum Arm in the city of New fork ia said to cut np 6'H> boxes (thirty ton*) of tin plate daily. No leas than 1,600,000 boxes are already absorbed yearly by the United States, more than threefold the consumption of the continent of Ettrope, of which quantity a fall tenth goes to pack sat dini a at Nan tea. Australian moat craven an aver-incraaa ng supply, while British biscuits, mustard and gunpowdar range in bright eat.istar* all over the world. The home consumption ia variously esti mated at tcfwt en WW,OOO and 750,000 boxes per annum; hut the returns to the government have not bean ample and nnreserved enooth for accurate fig ures to be laid dow .i S'tfmniap Kmimr. I'KiKLS Of THOUGHT. True greatnoes cannot exist apart from high moral excellence. He who waits to do a great deal of gooa a fire beetle, a single specimen giving oat light enough in e dark room to en able one to read a newspaper. They are capable of living without food for a great length of time. There ia one ia j the city which ia not known to have eaten anything in two years. The lieeUe at Tiffany's probably died of | overfeeding. Its appetite was tempted With sweetened water and rotten wised, j but the creature pid no attention to the food. A piece of banana was placed in the box which served for its cage, and it eagerly began eating it end clang to it for three days, when it was found dead, It should be mentioned in con nection with the use of the living beetle as an ornament to the ear or dress that they have powerful j *w, a >d gaaw their way through anything except metal lis few hour*.