Wo IjOTO tho Absent Best.
/Hi, h* almoin aro the iloarost
To a mother'* loving heart;
And tho depth of onr affection
la not known until wo part.
Wo may view onr sleeping darling*
With a watchful pride ami care;
Awl may breathe an oarnoat blowing
O'er each ilitaky head and fair.
Rut if there remain* a pillow
Too tinemmplisl, ami too white;
And the ehair a-nnar the liedsido
Mold no garmentx for the night
If we mi*) the *h**m ami stocking*.
A torn jacket, or a dri**
If we mi** a " Oo)*l-night, mother!'
And a dear one'* warm can**
Ilion our tieart* yearn with affection
for the rover from onr met,
Ami we feel of all onr darling*
That we love th" alwent l* *t.
Ah, the aIDM iit aro Vim dearest
Metho* hi'art* will anewror ye*'
The dear lip* by far the weet>*t
An> the lip* we cannot ki*'
THE ECCENTRIC BACHELOR.
I' wa> a living *peeimeii of tho
typical ol<l bachelor, it |iersonage more
often mot with in the |iitgo* of tictiori
than in real life; lean ami sharp-visaged
of a.*q>eot, crusty ami cynical of tcmjior.
Ho was, moreover, an avowe)l ndility;
otn- of the privileged claim who, by vir
tue of this reputation, can do what oth
ers daro not without exciting surprise or
giving offense; whoso eccentricities are
met with a shrug of the shoulder ami
the remark, " What else could you ex
pect of an oddity like him ?"
He was an un|K>puhtr man, receiving
scant sympathy; vet ca)>able, neverthe
less, of kimland generous acts, jsrformed
on the condition that they were to In
ke|d strictly secret and that he was never
to he thanked for them. Woe lictidc
the recipient of a favor to whom it was
brought home that he had mentioned
the same to any one, or extolled the
kindness of his benefactor! The un
lucky wight once detected in thus giving
• vent to his gratitude had taken the stir
est method of cutting himself off from
further help. He never got another
chance.
Our old bachelor enjoying, as we have
*ai>l, the privileges of eccentricity, it
excited no surprise when on one occa
sion, after an absence from home, he
wrote to inform his servants- an old
couple who hud lived with him for years
that on his return he would be ac
companied by a widow lady who was
likeJy to make a long stay in his house, i
ami for whom ivjxirt ments were to lie got
ready.
" And a pretty npset she'll make!" ex
claimed the dismayed old housekeeper.
" A fussy, middle-aged |rty, no
doubt; ordering and interfering ami
wanting to have everything her own
way; which she won't get, John, as long
s von and I can prevent her. She'll l>e
a clever madam if she gets her foot in
side mv storeroom while there's lock* '
and liolt* to keep her nut, I can tell
her!"
" Don t you make too sure," said
John. The old man could not resist
now ami then teasing hiH helpmate, oh a
little set-off against sundry naggings on
the part of that good old lady. " May- j
le it's a mistri** of the house ami of
yourself that's coming to it. Them '
widders are great at wheedling. It'*
time, if the muster is ever to marrv,
that "
" Ah, stop your croaking now !" cried
Mrs. John This dire suggestion was
too overpowering for her feelings
The apjsjinted day arrived; and w hen
the cab drove to the door, the two o|l
domestics, with very sour faces ami their
Iwcks very much up, went to receive
their master and his unwelcome guest.
Their first glimpse of the latter showed
thern they might have -paid their fears '
ami hostile intentions. Out from the
cab, lie fore their astonished eyes, sprang
* girlish figure, whose bright, happy
faeecontrast<•! > irbinsly with her mourn
ing garment).
"Miml the step, uncle!" ("Oh, his
niece, she is!") she criisl,tripping up to
the hall dour "Don't trouble, please," I
with a to the old housekeeper;
" that bag is too heavv for you; I'll
<*rry it."
And when the stranger came down to
breakfast next morning with a morsel of
a cap perched on the top of her golden
braids of hair (not my idea of a widow's
sap." said the dame to her hnslsuid ;
" anil would yon believe it, John, sing
ing aw'av like a bird while she was dress
ing ! ") she looked mora ah*nrdly yonng ;
more like a girl in her teens than an ex
periencod, "settled matron."
The advent of his pretty nice made
some change in the habits of the old
gentleman. He hail friends at dinner
more frequently than of yore ; and in j
addition to the elderly fogies that formed
his nsnal society, younger gnests were
invited, snited to the years of his visitor.
With great amusement, her uncle ob
served the attraction her comeliness and
winning ways were for these. " .Swarm
ing round— like flics aliout a honey-|ot!
Scenting,l dare say, a fat jointure. All
widows arc snpiioscd to Ik> rich ; and
just Imcause she is a widow, and for no
ether reason, making up to her, the
fools! " This to himself with a cynical
chuckle. Aloud: "Nice little woman,
that niece of mine. Plenty of good
j looks ; but hasn't a sixpence not a six-
I pence to bless herself with.
It was wonderful how the old house
| was brightened up liy the presence of
I its blithe yonng inmate. Hut by none
was its pleasant influence more felt thiiu
by the domestics, who hail vowed such
' hostility before her arrival. The old
woman especially was devoted to her;
loving her for her own sake as well as
for the kindly help and good offices she
was always receiving from the deft and
willing hands of the young girl. lii (lie
storeroom thai sacred retreat which
her foot was never to invade the latter
was to lie found on " company-days,"
busy am! happy as a lice; with sleeves
tucked half way up her plump arms,
her heavy crape skirts stowed away
under one of the old lady's capacious
Holland aprons, and laph'ts pinned high
over her head, while, laughing merrily
at thi> queer figure she had mode of her
self, she worked away at cakes ami
sweets, taking a world of trouble off the
housekeeper's hands.
" Ami so thoughtful she is, ami gay ,
bless her!" his wife would tell old
John. "Hhe'll come tripping up to
me, aud 'Now, do as you're bid,' she'll
say, playfully, forcing me down into my
big ehair. ' Sit you down anil rest,
tlicrc'ii an old dear, and take your tin.
I'm not u going to let you do a turn
more.' Ami then she'll work away, her
tongue going all the time as fast as her
fingers; running on about her mother
ami her home, her flowers ami pets,
dogs ami birds, ami what not, hut never
a word about husband or married day*.
And if I totieh npon them or ask a que*
tion, she'll get quite silent ami strange
like in a minute, ami turn off the sub
i jei-t a* if it burned her. IVrluqi* for
all she's so merry outside she's fretting
in her In-art for him that's gone, and
can't a-bear to talk of him."
" Nothing of the sort !" ernsl old
John. "Don't you go think sueh stuff.
She'd take a husband to-morrow; mark
!my words. Ami it's my opinion there's
a young gentleman comes to this house
that has a fairish chance. He's des|wr
ate sweet u|>on her. I haven't eye* in
: my head for nothing, ami I see plain she
i doesn't dislike him, or hold herself up
' distant from him, as sin- does from
\ others." ,
Old John was right. Matters were in
due time so far satisfactorily settled Im
tween the young couple that an appeal
to the uncle was deemed expedient.
: The old gentleman received the an
j nouncement with a half-pleasant, half-
I satirical grimmace.
" Ha. I thought so," he muttered.
! " Hut are yon aware, my friend, that
there is no money in the ease ? The lady
hasn't sixpence, anil
" F know it," indignantly interrupted
the suitor. " You have made that re
mark iM-fiire. I want no fortune with
my wife, my ow-n Wing ample; and iny
: love
"Oh, sjsire your raptures, voting sir.
Not so fast. Don't W too sure of the
• prize; for when yon hear what I have to
tell you there inay Is-, |ierhap*, a change
.in your views. I have no time to go
into the matter now ; hut come to-mor
row, and W pre]*ircd to hear what will
surprise yon;" and the old gentleman
j went off. nodding liack malevolently,
I the lover thought-—over his shoulder,
leaving the tmor fellow in a state of
; most uneomfortable suH|H'ns4'ami uncer
tainty-.
What could this dark hint mean ?
and why was lie not to make sure ?
t'ould it be ]MMsihle there was any
doubt, any mystery as to the demise of
the loved one's husband ? He could not
help calling to mind her con fused ami
singular manner at times; a certain
( want of frankness; an evident embar
rassment at any allusion to the ]>a*t.
The possibility of an obstacle made the
I yonng man realize as he had not Wfnrc
' done how deeply his affections were en
gaged. He s|ient a miserable night,
1 awaiting in vain conjecture and *lco|-
less anxiety the tidings which the mor
row might bring forth.
In order to explain matters it ai|| be
necessary to go back for some month*
previous to Hie arrival of the young lady
I at her uncle's house; a* well as to change
the scene from it to a country cottage in
1 a remote jart of Kngland the home of
! the widowed sister of the eccentric
bachelor. In it we find him |sming
lup and down the small drawing
room and listening to the querulous
complaints that its oeciqiant, a confirmed
invalid, is uttering from the sofa
on which she lies. " I think but little
of my bodily sufferings," she is saying;
" they cannot now last long. Every day
I feel more plainly that the end is not
far, and my doctor tells me the same.
The distress of mind that torments me
is what is so hard to hear."
"And what may that l*> alont, if I
j might ask V
" The future of my child when I am
j gone. All I have, as you know, dies with
me. 81ic will be jcnmle**, and the
thought of what is to liecome of her,
cast on the world without a home,
liaunts me night and day. It is too
dreadful I"
" A girl -and young - and not Imd
looking. Where's the fear ? Home
Imdy'll marry her. Men are such
i fools!"
. IKL
The sick woman could not forebear a
I smile. " All, but there are no men, no
' fools hero! In this remote comer we
j see no one, and the |sor child, taken
up with tiursiug me and tied to a sick
; room, has made no acquaintances. It
is killing ine to see her young life nocri-
Heed and to think of the future."
The mother's teurs began to flow.
, Her hearer, never very amiably inclined
toward the weaker sex, or, at least in
its company, increased his quarter-deck
pacings in milch discomfiture as those
symptoms of " water works turned on"
heenuie apparent. His hurried stejis
soon subsided, however, to a steady
march up and down the little drawing
room. while with frowning hrow and
occasional chuckles, lie seemed to be
concocting some scheme. After a few
minutes lie came to a sudden halt Ihi
fore the invalid's sofa. "Gen the girl
act ?" he asked, abruptly.
" Act! How do you mean ? I "
"Oh, you needn't look frightened;
" I'm not going to propose sending her
to the Gaiety or the Criterion."
'• Well, except ill the little lliaki lie
lieve plays ami dressings-tip that chil
dren delight in all children are, I think,
actors horn" |" Ay. ami men and women
too," growled the cynic) "except that
sort of thing slu- never has ms-u or had
any opportunity of acting Why do you
ask ?
And in reply her brother unfolded the
plan he had lieen concocting namely,
that his niece, laying aside her " frip
pery and her trinkets and other girl's
nonsense," was to p'lt on the mourning
garb and act tho pari of u widow, in
which assumed character she was to
come to stay with him in hi* Iswdon
home.
" But 1 don't understand
" And you're not wanted to under
stand," he snarled " It's my whim;
arid it may Ik- for the girl's advantage.
If she's willing, ami can hold her tongue,
I'll eomi back for Iter when die's read v.
And I'll |>ay for her outfit Crajs- and
woepera. Ho, ho, ho!"
When the tint surprise at her uncle's
Htrangr- proposition w.is over, the voting
girl jiimjs-d eagerly at the prospect of a
change from the dull hotnc sin- never
yet had left. She wa* young and
spirited; at an age when love of va
riety and a longing to s-o the world and
plunge into its unknown delights are
natural. The playing the widow she
thought would Ik- excellent fun. Then
was a spire of advent tin- in it, and it
would Ik; like the private theatricals
ami acting charade* she had ri-ad of ami
imagined so pleasant. The old gentle
man's reasons for wishing her to do so
was a puzzle; but then who could won
der at anything lie did ? absurd oddity
that he was! Perhaps it wa* to avoid
having to |no vide a rha|K-ron for her ;
111' liatrd ladies so, ehlerlv one* es
|ie<ially.
The result of the scheme xc have
seen; ami the scheme itself wa* what it.s
originator proceeded to divulge to the
would-be hud-and when that individual
presented himself with considerable
misgiving and agitation on the ap|Niinb*l
morning.
" As the lady ha* not turned out to Im
what yon took her for, is not in fart, a
widow, )K-rhaps the whole matter may
l>c off. A disappointment, no doubt,"
wound tip tie- ancle with one of hi*
griin chuckles; "but 'twas only right
to tell you in time. Young man, if yon
can punlon the deceit, take her."
AS ell," exclaimed the young man to
his fiancee, when, all things cleared up
ami satisfactorily arranged, the engaged
l>air were talking over the queer cir
cumstance that ha<l brought them to
gether, " I always knew your uncle wa*
eccentric, but this nur)*ks*c* anvthing
I could have imagined even of him."
The < hampion ( at Storj.
It is about time to ring down the cur
tain on cat stories, but Imfore the bell
sounds there is just time for a good one.
A man now living in Kingston emigra
ted to the West inany years ago and
lmuglit a house which hail sHhml unoc
cupied for a considerable time. The
first night he heard sounds which con
vinced him that there were rats in the
cellar, and on investigation lie found
that hundreds of the creatures Were dis
porting themselves there. Having eaten
a quarter of beef down to the Ihiiic,
they were playing tag among shelves
and lioxes. He offered to intr-mlnec the
family eat lint she declined to Ik> pre
sented. The next day she was missing
and the family supposed they hail lost
her; lint on the fourth day a familiar
" meow" was heard, and there was tabby
at the head of a column of three dozen
eats in light marching order, their back*
up and their tails ranqmnt. The front
door was opened and the detachment
moved down the cellar stairs in good
order. The next morning a flour Imrrel
full of dead rat* was buried liehind the
house and the cats returned to their
home*. —AW } arte Tribute.
When the Isthmus shall have its two
canals and it* ship railway, it will lie
alsmt as difficult to make up one's mind
which route to take a* it was for the
man to come to a decision who sat up
all night deliberating whether to first
take off his shirt or his ]>antaloons.
The mistake* of women result almost
always from her faith in the good and
her confidence in the truth.
MKHMKKIHM IK COURT.
Rrmarktblii Mpwtarlr la Carta— Haw a
I'rlwarr was Arallt<-4.
The court of ap|H-nls in Fans has
been I lio scene of a most curious and
remarkable spoclarlc. A young man
named Didior was lately arrested for
an offense in the Champs Elyseos and
sentenced to thrt>o months' imprison
meiit. In prison ho was examined by
l)rs. Mottet and Mcsnct, two well
known H|M-eialistH in mental diseases,
wbo reported that he Jived in a state of
constant somnambulism, the attacks of
which can bo provoked at will. The
case was heard on appeal, and the
judges were aliout to withdraw to con
sider their verdict when the doctors
offered to confirm the statements made
in their riqsirt by practical experiments
on the spot. The bench con
sented, ami then occurred the follow
ing painful scene, described by the
Paris correspondent of the London
Stunihtrd: l)r Mottet, followed by tin
magistrates and the prisoner, retired
into a side room. Here, tiy the usual
mode of rapid passes of the hands be
fore his eyes and a strong, fixed gaze,
the unhappy " subject" was mesmerized.
Diilicr was then left in charge of two of
the municipal guards on service, the
doctors and the judges returned to tin
court, ami the door of the riHiin was
shut Dr Mottet now called the pris
oner by his name Tln> next second a
fearful noise was heard. It came from
tho sick young man. A few minutes
before a touch of the finger would have
almost knoi-kisl him over, mi feeble and
emaciated was be. Now, under the in
tlnence of magnetism, he was like a
raging lion. Upsetting tin- guards who
held him bv the wrists, he rushed at the
door, broke it open, and, knocking down
everylssly in his way. ran up
to Dr. Mottet Here he smlili-nlv
stop|M*l, arid fixing his eyes on his
mesmcrizer trembled from head to foot
in a manner terrible to see. (Shrieks of
horror then ran through the court. The
ibs-tor then set to work. "Undress
yourself," said be to the prisoner In a
hi -ootid 1 tidier stripjssl himself of
nearly all his garment*. " Dress your
self again." -aid the doctor, and again
the prisoner obeyed with the aamo
lightning rapidity The experiment
ap|s-ared conclusive. Dr. Mottet then
awoke his "subject" by blowing on his
face. Didit-r fell to the ground as if
shot. The ills-tor. however, soon
brought him round again. " Why did
you undress yourself ts-fore these
gentlemen?" a*ked Dr. Mottet. "tliat
wa* very improper." Duller, gazing
w it h vacant astonishment,replied "11 hat'
I iindn-ased myself? Impossible." And
the young man elnng to the doctor
for protection like a child. Tin- bench,
however, was not convinced, and ap
|K-ared to bsik on the whole affair a* a
comedy. Dr. Mi-suet, in hia turn, now
O|M-mted on the prisoner. Haxing rns
nii-ri/s-il liim In- ordered him to write
from memory a letter adilrcMM-d to him
wlnb- in |>riMin. Dblier replied: "Can
not, Imswiisi- I am in prison." The
doctor insiMrd, whcrcn]Min the prisoner
sat down to a table and wrote, word for
Word, the letter ill question, without a
single mistake. While he was writing
it Dr. Mottet took a long needle out of
hi* instrument-ra*<- and plunged it into
the young man's neck, but he felt noth
ing. By this time, however, the ls-neh
had seen enough of these painful cx
prrinirnt*, and some of the audience
crying out " Ahm-z ! m.s-i !" the sitting
came to an end. The court, consider
ing the prisoner was not rcsjsuisihlc for
his arts, quashis] the verdict of the
lower court, and the unhappy man was
discharged
Training Circus Horse*.
" How long," asked the re|sirter,
" does it take to break a horse in?"
" From eighteen months to two years
for good and sun- (milridmg. Care has
to Ik> taken that he does not sliy or
break his gait, but goes round the eir
cus-ring at an even jiace, so that the |kt
fi inner can do whatever he wants, by
time. If this is not secured the per
former <-an never tell where he is going
to jump. Much, however, diqs-nds
lijsin what the horse is lieing
trained for, all the liest horses Is-ing
used for a Hjsi ial )erformanee. In
most rose* the riders, if they an- ex
perieneed, train their own animals,
and thus, when they an- ridden, tliey
uinli-rHtaiiil much ls-tter what is re
quired of them. Ducrow, Mme. Dock
rill, Melville, Hcliastian, Stick ney,
Cooke, Heed and the like, all train
their own horses, and own them. This
system of private training ha* only
Iw-en in practice a few years. Mana
gers of a cirena, under tho old custom,
were always exacted to furnish pad
horses, anil Ihost) required for two and
four-act )H-rfortnanees, so that a |cr
former, going fnttn one company to
another, would always Hud a horse
reaily for him to mount, and in a short
time horse and rider would lie able to
understand each other. Nowadays,
some of the crack stars have as mam
as eight or ten horses of their own, most
of them trained for a special )ierform
ance. They an- vary valuable, most of
them lieing full-blooded and inqmrtcd
from England and France. Great care
has to lie taken of them, as they are ex
tremely liable to take oold after a ring
performance."
HIM language.
In the course of h very able \m\n-r on
lliih subject the Bishop of (ktrlisic says;
A dog sometimes Ir><lkH as though he
wu thinking a thing out, and dog
stories are very wonderful; hut after
all, the cleverest dog that ever lived yet
has not Inmi. able to get Is-yond 'bow
wow,' and we may safely predict that no
dog will ever acquire even the simplest
element* of human knowledge.
" Hut what, let us ask, in the real har
rier between the dog's mind (if the term
may IK- used) and the simplest element*
of human knowledge? It consists in
this fart that the vis-al organs of the
dog are so constructed that it is impo*
sihle for him to artirnlato a
word. His vocabulary. however,
already extends a long way Isiyond
'bow-wow,' To begin with, there are
its many different im-aiiings to • liow-
Wow, or to the ' wow ' (short and sharp)
alone, as some one said a* lady could
give to the wonl ' dear,' aeeording to its
(sisition in a sentence ami the emphasis
with which it was pronounced. Hut )*•-
sides saying ' bow wow,'the dog whinea.
And there are many different meanings
(whieh, however, we are sometimes too
stupid to undestand) in the whining of
a dog. \\o have rio fear that dogs or
any other of the brute sjiecies will fur
nish competitors for the prizes to (■ at
tained by liiimaii knowledge; for we ols
aerve a barrier between man and brute,
fixed, and intentionally fixed, by cr ative
jsiwer When we find in the lower
creations, as among birds, the power of
articulation, there the intelligence
is absent which could employ that
|siwi-r for its own development; arid
where, as in dogs, we find conspicuous
tokens of intelligence, there tin- |s>wer
of articulation is totally absent. Parrots
can Is- taught to n |K-at any words, but
tbey never can make up for themselves
any new phrase out of the materials iri
tiii liajs of words 111ist they ma have or
quins] Hie natural utterance of many
birds, though conveying no meaning to
themselves, is distinctly articulate, and
sometimes is identical in sound with
words that have a meaning to us. Hut
it is the nightingnlc that j*is<-K*es the
|siwer of articulation to the fullest ex
tent among tin sjss'ie* ls-low tjs Tliere
are races of men whose languages do
not employ so many sounds as there are
m the nightingale's song Vowels, con
sonants of various kimls, sibilants in
cluded. even double consonants, as X,
7., art ris-ogTiized in it by th- human
•ar "
Taicrn Sign*.
Many tavern sign* exhibit touehr* of
quaint satire. The Woman and
the Hilent Woman, with pictures of a
headless woman; the Honest
with his head under his arm, the I>nul
of M ischief and the Man leaden with
Mischief, • ach depicting a man dunned
to a woman, with the wonl "wedlock"
on the imillock of the chain. The Green
Mar ami Still ha* long I teen a puzzle;
sometimes a man dre*Md in a sort of
Itoluu il'ssl gris-n garb, but leaving the
still unexplained. A French writer wish
ing to enable other French men to under
stand* this sign, translates! it into
" L'hommc e*t vert it tranqtiille.*" Other
attempt* to explain it have not met with
much success. One of the World's
End tavern Is-ar* a pictorial represents
tion of a horseman in the equestrian
cost nine of Ocorgc II brought t<> a dead
Mop by a precipice, all lieyond Is-ing a
chaos of sky and cloud. Many tavern
signs are lirlicvcd to Ik- traceable to the
conception of names which originally
had widely diflcn-iit meaning*, snch a*
Boulogne Mouth into Hull ami Mouth.
Ibmlogiie Gate into Bull and Gate.
CVeur I fori- ("Golden Heart") into
Qiii-er l>oor, Basshanals into Bag of
Xaibi, Peg and Wassail (connected with
an old wassail-bow I diatom) into Pig
and Whistle, George Canning into
George Cannon, and jK-rhajw the
most extraordinary of all. God
Kneom)>assed Us into Goat and
CVinq -asses. Gaming houses in the
last two eenturies occasionally exhibit
signs denoting the kind of play mostly
earrii-d on there. In one ease the owner
(a Frenchman) adapted the French
natne* for some of the suits at cards;
his successor jn the same house, an
Englishman, not understanding the
names employed, transformed tbein into
Pig anil Carrot* and Pig and Checquors.
The Swan with Two Necks, having its
origin in two necks or marks cut on the
Is-ak or mandibil of swans, as a means
of identifying the birds tielonging to
different owners, Ix-canu- the symbol or
sign of the Vintner's Company, and is
now adopted an an inn or tavern sign.—
AU the Year Round.
He Concluded to o.
It was getting well along Into the
night. Bbo yawned, and then asked
him if be ever saw a snapping turtle.
"One," he replied, "in a show.''
Said she;
•'lt'avery funny; but do von know,
you sort of remind me of that bird."
" Whf r he asked.
"Oh, you hang on so."
He looked out of the window into the
darkness said it looked like rain, and
he hail better lie going.
A household with a lwby is founded
upon a rock.- AW I htm Regular.
Blackbird.
Hinging |<mkl uvl Hinging gar
Mid the <l*wy dawning,
lilu'khini welcomes in the <l4/
Under hi green awning;
VY I IIDIIH* iii Mm- rising ill/
While the ahi/low* haete mii
Hinging loinl *n<l Hinging g47
Mid tin- dew/ dawning.
Hinging eweet 4iel Hinging clear
While the rlay 14 wHinng,
Ilia/ khiltl H[<f< 4/I<■ 4 JH-imive < he.H
Through the light mntining;
Mjiread* 4 calm and pensive eh<-er
Through tlw Mtillniwi far 4n<! near,
Hinging nweet and Hinging e|*sr
While tin da/ u waning. ®
.1 <me AT'nn#
III'MOKOIN.
A gnat ink-convenience The print
ing pros*.
Ihe Home Sentinel .-all* a jsister a
stuck up thing.
" What <io you take n,e for?" said the
iirri-Ht-<l IIIHII (<< ;i detective. /baton
I'imt
The man who ha* hut sister* arid hut
cousins cannot la- too careful of hia
haunts
A man never look* *0 much hkeared
handed villain aa when lie 1* told by the
photogftpher to " look pleasant."
Haid a liacheior philosopher: "M
friend conducted hi* future wife to the
altar anil here hi* leadcrkhip came to
an end."
Liven there a man with soul *0 dead
who never to hi* neighbor said. "Well,
is tin* cold enough for yon*" Ponler*
fhurtle
"What, a*kill the teaeher, " wa* lha
greatest obstacle Washington en
countered in crossing the Delaware?"
And the Mtuart, bail lioy thought for a
minute and then made answer "The
toll-man."
It ha* lawn discovered that the skin of
a rat prevents neuralgia. It is also a*
wrted that throwing iMsdjack* at the
feline* tend.* to develop and strengthen
the museli-s of tie* arm f hitmtrlphui
('hrmmU
" W hat 1* the tirst thing to Is- done in
laM of fin- f' a*kisl Professor btearn*.
" Hue the insurance ooni jwny," promptly
answered the 1 x>y at the foot of the
class, whose father had lii-n burned out
once or twice. Hnrhmrton
In review of the |o-t lesson at a Sun
day-school the question was askisl:
"What did (iwl do on the seventh
day?" Answer: "He rested." "What
else did do?" Promptly a little
eight-year-old Iwy, " He reail Hi* news
l|s-r."
" Why, I'm so glad you've come. Did
you know that I've Iss-n worrying alsitit
you, John, all the evening?" ' That's
just what I jmarrii-il you for. It is
pleasant to think that there is some ons
home worrying al*>ut you." Somehow
this vu-w of the matter didn't exactly
coincide with her idea* of marital
amenities. ,\<**r //</r<-n /IW/I*/<T.
While a Chicago girl was leaning over
the railing of the u-randa one night,
singing " I in Waiting. My Darling, for
Dies.' her long-legged lover sneakcsl
out of the shrublsiry. " Birdie !'•
"Aniamla?" They embraced. "Hava
'you nnss.il me?" she murmured.
" MISM-II yoii, my angel? diss the lone
Iv dove miss " But there came a dull,
hollow thud, as if si>me one hail hit an
old stump with a maul, and he shot
out in the darkness, while a voice as
deep a* a l.a*s horn said: " Birdie has
gone, Amanda, and you can turn the gas
out in the fiarlor and go to ls-d."
* WMJNR STORY.
\ major lv*l 4 rnsi-I.LI HI.
Hi* warlike tii-sn was *<>o a* /<■•
lie oft would Inn 1 to hi r aril -.-<-
" Tlreu art of life tnjr only Hr.
" Ah ! if but kinder thou would'st I*.
An<l -.inn time* *wwtly *mil<- on M>
" Thou art tny life, my guiding *tar,
I love the* tnwr, I lev.- U. f„
My passion I r snoot mntrol,
Tbi srt the iilol of my /kit."
The maiden said : Oh, fie ! ask pa
How can you RO on tliue ? Oh, /HI .'"
The " major " mac from t*-nihsl knee.
And went her fktber for to A
The father thought no tnsteh wae finer.
This " major " omv bad been a " mi tun "
TTtcy niamrsl wsm, and after that
I'welt in ton mom* all on "one flat."
Ho happy ends the little tale,
K.r they lived on the gramh-st " scale,"
Then and A'ow.
Fifty-three years ago a I'hilailclphui
|aj>or recorded a wonderful change in
the amount of coal bmttght to that city
from the mines, as follows: " About 00,-
000 tons of ooal have leeii brought to
l'ltiladelphia this season from tin Schuyl
kill mines, of which nearly otic-half was
ship|M>tl to Boston, Providence and New
York. The above amount i an increase
tf one quarter over last year. Light
years ago only .150 tons wen- brought to
market. It is now passing into general
use." The pn-acnt annual product of
the Pennsylvania mines exceed* JO,OOO, -
000 huts. More than fifty years ago d
Morris and William W'nitr, who were
euter))rising merchants, went t< the
wililemeas of Lnsorne county, IV, and
lwmglit a tract of coal land low price.
They funned the Delaware and Hudson
Ooal i-ompany, to which they sold their
land for fl 10,000. This oom|tany now
delivers 2,000,000 tons per annum for
several millions of dnIMK according to
the market price of coal
. Ai? ....