- St. Talent lie's Moraine.
With a mule eaow the morning ol Vol an Hue'
day.
And ilaaaUngly white grew the snow 'neeth
the son.
And the ioiclee gleamed in • wonderful way,
i\e though a young rainbow were troao In
eaoh one.
When Net lie Lee drew her red hood o'er her
head,
And wrapped np the baby In warm woolen
cloak
( The mietreee was (till sound asleep in her
bed).
' And alipped out, never dreaming of Barney
O'lioke.
Ol courec not! Why ahould ehe? She'd not
known him long.
And' when round the corner a-amiling ho
came,
Dinner pail in his hand, on his lipe an old
eong,
Hor heart gave a leap as he called 00l hor
name.
' ' Oh, well, snre it's lock to be meetin'you
here,
The first girl I've seen on St. Valentine's
day.
Did yon meet e'er e boy 'lore you met me, my
dear?'
"An' what U I did !" was all Nellie would
eay.
Ask the wise little birds;" and he laughed in
her eyee,
Then bent o'er the baby and gave it a kiss.
A kin ?—three or tour, till in baby surprise
It gased at him, thinking, " What uncle is
this?"
Then away sent my lad, and my laesio flew
home
In a moment to take otT her hood and her
shawl;
And the mistress not yet to her breakfast had
come,
And so never knew Nell had been out at all.
Aud though not once that day rang the post
man the bell
With a lew tender linca cr a bit ola verse.
" What matter? I know that the kisses,'
Mid Nell,
" Barney gave to the baby were meant tor
the nurse."
Harper'l H ttkly.
A PYRAMID OF CABBAGES.
" Why, where nre yon going, Isabe'
RaatmnnP Not into the farm-yard,
amelyf"
" Yes, Miss Lottie Mayell, I am going
into the farm-yard, surely," replied
Isabel, with a mischievous light in her
big gray eyes, and a charming smile on
her prettily curved lips, as she opened
the gate leading to that place. "No
where else can we be confidential with
out running the risk of being overheard.
The farmer's family are in the orchard;
Charley and a half-dozen of his play
mates are playing in the flower garden;
there's a young couple in the parlor at
the piano, he making love, and she not
making music, and a still younger
couple whispering and giggling in the
bay-window; anntie is in my room en
joying 'Splendid Misery;'and grandma
is in auntie's room dsraing stockings.
And so, if you really want to hear
"tight away' why I am here instead of
at one of my nsnal summer haunts, you
must e'en follow me to the farm-yard.
Besides which "-speaking %rith in
creased animation —"I have lately,
strange as it may seem to yen, devel
oped quite a passion for farm-yards."
"It doesn't seem at all strange to me,
my dear, for during our ten years'
friendship you've always been develop
ing some odd passion or other. Bui
I've never lost faith in you. Lead on;
I'll follow."
And stepping daintily and gracefully,
unimpeded by trains or demi-tralns, the
young girls threaded their way through
the crowd of hens and chickens holding
a loud and lively conversation prepara
tory to going to roost; past the cows
waiting to he milked, and turning their
beads to look after the intruders with
great solemn brown eyes; and old Low
bead, the white horse, sinking his thirst
at the water trough—to the extremcend
ok' the yard, where a pile of cabbages,
neatly arranged in the form of a pyra
mid, confronted them.
" Behold," said Isabel, stopping be
fore it " how nature lends herself to
art! (That sounds well, though I don't
know now as it means anything.) This
mighty structure, formed of the green
and succulent cabbage, is no donbt the
work of some hnmble field-laborer,
who, having read of the pyramids of
fCgypt—incited thereto, no doubt by
the newspaper paragraphs about our
own dear obelisk—has sought to vary
the monotony of cabbage life by build
ing as cione an imitation as bis material
would allow. Let ua hope that
this flight of imagination may
lead to a higher one, and
thmt the cabbage man, like the batter
woman, may meet with public recogni
tion, and at last I* crowned with a
wreath of laurel. Often from the hum
bleat sources sprins the .greatest works
of genius. Burns— Lottie." breaking off
suddenly, and assuming a cheerful tone
—"why do 70U break in upon my elo
quence with rude and unseemly laugh
ter? 1 was about to repeat to you Long
fellow's last poem; now I won't. See
what you frivolity has lost you! And
take a scat on tbe extnoe base of the
pyramid (I prefer the mound of sods in
this secluded corner, sacred to some
tbody's rake and hoe), while I go back
to the commonplace.'*
" Thank you, Bell dear, I'll share the
soda with 70a, if you please. I have an
idea that a oabbage would prove a very
uncomfortable seat under any circum
stance*. And do go back to the com
monplace, that's a darling, for I'm dying
to know what happened since wo parted
an age ago."
"An age ago I Ono year and a half
exactly. I was then engaged to Claude
Venner. Pretty name, isn't itP And he
was a pretty little fellow, with nice
curly hair, and lovely blue eyes, with
lashes long enough for a bang, small
dimpled hands, and not an idea in his
little round head. My mother—with all
due deference I say it—and his mother
to whom I accord much less deiercnco
—made the match when I was eighteen,
and 1 unmade it at twenty. I never
loved Claude. How could IP And he
never loved me. How could hoP We
were the victims of circumstances and
match-making mammns, and two mor
tals more unlike it would be hard to
find. He was the most conventional of
men, and would have nearly died if at
one of those dreary dinner parties in
which his soul delighted someb dy had
whispered to him that his back hair
wasn't parted straight, while I have
often been strongly tempted to shock
the full-dressed guests, at the very start,
by asking for more soup.
"Well, last June, at Newport, my
diminutive friend Eda Smythe, with a
head the exact counterpart of Claude's,
appeared upon the scene, and she and
my betrothed fell in love with each
other at first sight. Mtimnia fretted
and fumed and scolded, and asked me,
with tragic emphasis, how I could look
calmly on and see so many thousands
of dollars being lost to the family, for
she was sure that nrtful mink would
persuade poor deai Claude to elope or
something; but I continued to look
calmly on, until one evening Claude,
with a deep sigh, kissed Etta's hand as
he bade her' good-night,' when I turned
suddenly upon them and hade them fol
low mo to my room. There I forgave—
quite in the manner of a stage parent—
the infatuated midgets their base du
plicity, gave them my blessing, kissed
them both; and as soon as they, beam
ing with joy, had departed, I, aiso beam
ing with joy, and not quite in the man
ner of a stage parent, except perhaps a
Pinafore one, executed a pirouette—a
mad, revolving pirouette—in honor
of my newly acquired freedom.
Mamma was awfully angry,
but they're' awfully happy, and
they've named the baby after me.
My chains (they were never very heavy.
I must confess) broken beyond repair,
I flirted more than ever, ail the time
growing as weary as could he of hear
ing the same compliments and making
the same replica, and doing this thing
in the morning.nnd that in the afternoon,
and the other in the evening, and at last
I fled from the old familiar throng
precipitant.y one rainy day, leaving my
maid to pack my wardrobe and follow.
And I determined that this summer I
would try pastures entirety new. Auntie
had often tcld me of the pleasant, oid
fasbi nod farmhouse which she dis
covered years ago, and I coaxed mamma
—promising to take Charley, our young
est, who is the 'worrit* of her life,
with mc—to let me spend three of my j
four out-of-thc-city months here. And, j
Lottie, I have never been so happy be- j
fore, and 1 am firmiy convinced that
here 1 have found the kind of life that
would suit me best. I was bom to love
cows and chickens, to make butter, to
build pyramids of cabbages."
" You!" laughed her friend. " I
think I see you in the dairy, in neat
cambric dress, witli sleeves rolled to
the elbow, stamping the pats of butler
with your monogram—for that's as near
as you'd ever come to churning; and in
the hennery, scattering ccrn to the
chickens from a dainty white apron, a
curiously shaped rustic hat meanwhile
shading your rose-and-crcam com
plexion from the sun. You bora to love
cows and chiekenst—you who have
reigned a city belle for four long years!"
" And for three been most ready to
abdicate. By-the-bye"—with assumed
carelessness—" have you s<rn the young
farmer, the only child of our host and
i hostess P"
"Certainly not;" and Minn Mayell
glanced at ber watcli. " I only arrived
two bonrs ago, ar,d have seen no one
hnt yon end yonr aunt, but I can see
bim in ' luy mind's eye '—tall, nngainly,
and spenks through bis nose; eats witb
bis knife; says ' HowP' and stares at
you as though you were a being from
another sphere."
"Your mind's eye needs an eyeglass,
Hiss May ell. Its vision is weak. Tall,
hroad'shouldered, and gainly, if I may
use the word as I mean it. I saw him
tossing hay to day. and he looked like
an Apollo who had exchanged big lyre
for a pitchfork, and profited by the
change. And bis table manners are as
exquisite as your own, Miss Mayell;
and be has a deep, full voice, and does
not say ' How P' and has scarcely
looked, let alone 'stared' at me. 1
have an idea that he regards girls of our
ilk witb a quiet scorn, and thinks of us,
if he thinks of us at ail, as het-house
dowers not to be oompared witb the
daisies growing wild in the meadows."
" How long have you been here,
Isabel P"
"Six weeks."
"Quite long enough, I think. You'd
better go away. You are regarding
this young farmer, who never looks at
you—l don't believe that, however—too
sentimentally. Von might oome to be
lieve that you bad fallen in love with
him."
" And if 1 did, what barm could re
sult from that P 'Hell sever come to
believe be hae fallen In love with me.
He is so different from the soft-voiced,
perfumed darlings by whom I have been
surrounded all my life that, to use your
own words, with a different application,
I stare at him as though lie were a being
from another sphere. The young
farmer reads, Lottie, and reads books
which, though printed in our native
language, would tie Greek to you and
me; and be numbers the poets among
his friends. I peeped into his room one
day, and saw them all. In blue and gold,
on his book-shelf. He is an honest,
manly follow, with no falso pride about
him. I was idiot enough to fancy that
ho might be the least bit confused when
I first saw him at work in his red shirt
and coarse very broad-brimnuil straw
hnt, hut he saluted me as calmly a3
though he had been arrayed in the finest
garments. And his name is Nathaniel
—not as pretty as Claude, but it means
i 'the giftoi God.' The gift, of God, in
deed, his old mother says lie lias been
to her, and so will he be to the woman
■he marries. And that womi n must be
a bee, not a butterfly. Ixittio"—with
sudden fierceness—" if ever jou tell, I'll
kill you."
" Sly dear, when I do, you may.
Isabel, I liegin to suspect that you are
really in love with Nathaniel—another
of your old passions—and that beneath
your butterfly wings lurks the spirit of
the bee. And I may live to see you
helping the pitchfork Apollo toss the
hay, build obelisks and pyramids of
cabbages, copy celebrated sculptures in
beets, and heap turnips in imitation of
classic old ruins."
"I fear mc not. Miss Mayell. For
though I would be proud to share in
each and every one of those occupations
as soon wouid I expect that compact
mass of greens to suddenly tremble to
its b.i.sc and then topple over, separat
ing one huge body into a hundred or
more heads, as dream that Nathaniel
Laugh would ever care for me."
The pyramid trembled to its hase.and
its apex tumbled to the ground. The
girls rose quickly from their throne of
sod*, and with little shrieks fled to a
safe distance, then turned to look again.
It toppled over, its many heads rolling
in every direction, and in the place it
had occupied stood the young farmer.
" I bless your brother for building a
pyramid to-day. Miss Eastman," he said,
" though he did unload one of the
wagons all ready for market for the
purpose. And I bless the happy chanoc
that kept me from the orchard, and sent
me here to fall asleep behind it. to waken
at the sound of your voice. Spellbound
I remained concealed, hall believing
that I was still dreaming, to prove the
falsity of the old proverb, ' Listeners
never hear any good of themselves.'
But ran I—dare I hope that grains of
earnest mingled with your jest, and that
the pats oi butler in our dairy may
some day be stamped with our mono
gram? Stand my friend. Miss Mayell,
and you shall not be forgotten when we
make the beet statues and the turnip
ruins."
"Well, 'pon my word! exclaimed
Miss Maywell, with a frank glance of
ail mi rat ion at the handsome young fel
low. and a smile that threatened to be
come a laugh in another moment.
And " Of all things!" said Miss East
man, a lovely blush mantling her fare;
and then youth and lun conquered ail
three, and they laughed until the farm
yard r< sounded, and Lion, the watch
dog, came bounding toward them, ask
ing with loud bow-wows what was the
matter.
A lew weeks alter Miss Isabel East
man became Mrs. Nathaniel i<eigh, her
husband, lying at her feet in the
orchard, nnd looking up into her face
with adoring eyes, said: "I never
would have gained courage to have told
you of my love, though I loved you
from the very first, had I not heard from ,
your own sweet lips that you cared a
little for me. What good spirit, my
blessed, sent you of ali places to the
fnrm-ynrd that afternoon?"
" It was an imp sent me there," she
answered, demurely. "Mother's
youngest, who whispered to me, as I
left the house with I/ottie, 'There's
something awlul joily 'way back In the
arm-yard—a pyramid ol cabbages—and
Nat Leigh's fast nsleep behind it.'
Harper'i Weekly.
A Western Humorist,
Mr. Murnt Ha',stead, of the Cincinnati
Commercial, is well known as an origi
nal and versatile journalist, nnd a poli
tician of great independence and some
eccentricities; hut it ia not generally
known that he is the ;iiumorist par ex
cellence of the West. Recently a fellow
applied to Mr. Halstead for either work
or a temporary loan of money. His ap
plication Being declined, he undertook
to enforce it by threatening suicide. He
said he would walk out to the center of
the Covington bridge, jump off, and
drown himself.
" Weil, now, that's a good thought,'*
said Halstead. " I'd go right down and
do that; it wiil relieve yon and me ot
a great responsibility for yonr future
support. Go right off and do it while
yon are in the notion."
The fellow struck out in the direction
of the bridge. Presently Mr. Halstead
rushed after him. and cahsd him to
stop. The fellow evidently th ought be
bad won his point. " Atop I stop now!
don't do that I" continued Mr. H. "It
won't be safe; try some other plan.
Come to think of it, the last two fellows
who tried that were both got ont
alive."— Editor's Prateer, in Harper.
Fair, the new Nevnda is nator, is as
sessed OB 948,000,000 in Nevada alone.
A New Mazeppa.
Lamar boys are nothing if not imita
tive. If they were to hear a man being
ground up in a threshing machine, they
would at once run one of their number
through a fanning mill to "see haw the
old thing worked."
One of the boys had been reading
Byron's Mazeppa nnd he got three or
four of the boys In a barn down in the
southwest part of the town and they
concluded to play Mazeppa. From what
we can learn—not having been provided
with a complimentary—the play was
rather more startling than Instructive.
They got a eow and about forty feet
of ciothei line nnd a number seven boy
with red hair and a freckled nose to do
the Muxeppa part, while a gentle youth
of twelve or thereabout wrapped a sad
dle-blanket round hie head and, as the
jealous sheik, sf-outed:
"Bring forth tlio hoss." They
"fotched" her. In truth, she was a
noble steed. A l. i/crofthe muly breed,
and wild—wi'd as seventeen kinds oi
Kocky Mountain William H goats.
They got her on the barn floor and tied
the boy on with the rope and turned
her loose. She took in the situation
and seemed to realize that her credit as
an actress was at stake. Her acting was
splendid, and brought down the house
—by sections. Whenever she run over
one of the boys you roula hear the ap
plause lor four blocks.
Although the audience ail had par
quotte and pit tickets, they thought they
could look at the pl7 better from the
gallery, and so they slid up into the hay
mow nnd tried to crawl out through the
roof while the old cow was churning
nbout fourteen years growth out of Mn
zeppa and bawling like a steam calliope,
while Mazeppa passed most of the time
yelling like a pig fast in a fence.
The play nould probably have been
in progress yet but for the fact that the
neighborhood thought a cyclone was
wrestling with the barn, end rushed in
and got the mW up in a corner and am
putated the boy.
The show wound up with that thrill
ing piece of music entitled "Sounds
from Home," which was well played by
an improvised hand of several parents,
several boys and several leather straps.
The boys say that the music made by
the straps was thrilling in the extreme.
Lamar (Mo.) Advocate.
The Singing Valley.
In an essay on " The Singing Valley
ol rhroneckcn," Htrr H. Relaux has
drseribed an enduring sound like the
ringing of bells, which he heard while
engaged in a deer-hunt in an elevated
wooded valley in the Hhinc province.
He had before heard sounds in the val
ley resembling those which might come
from a church in some town hidden in
its recesses; but was no such
town in the neighborhood. On the oc
casion which he especially describes he
took his place as one of the hunters in
a wood of large beech trees lying
against the slope oi the mountain, and
waa treated all the time he stood there
to a succession of peals as of behs.
coming upon one another, swelling up
and dying away, and sounding together
in many varieties of modulation and in
all the different stages ol progress. At
times the impression of the music was
so strong as to hold him almost breath
less ; then a new wave would sweep
up. beginning like the soft breathing
of an organ pipe, rising to the swell ol
a harp, and closing with the overture
of the octave, as if it were drawn out
by some master ol the violin. When
the hunter returned to the same pi* c
toward cvcnjng lie heard the same
sounds. One other of the hunters re
marked them, but the rest were ab
sorbed in their sport. A forester blew
the tune of Con his horn, and it was
repeated in the bell-peeis. The tones
evidently originated in the mouth of the
valley and died away in iLs upp< r part.
They were produced by the passage of
the wind through the valley, and mod
ified by its configuration, the character
of the rocks, and. probably, by the
wood.— Popular Science Monthly.
lb derated Apples.
The new method of rapid desiccation
of fruit which is now followed on a large
scale in many parts of the country, has
led to a great improvement in the quality
of dried finits. and particularly of dried
apples. By selecting the apples the pro
duct is exceedingly white in appearance,
and while the flavor is not quite equal
to that ol the fresh fruit, it ia fsr superior
to that of the dried app es as usually
prepared. It is said that when dried by
the rapid process the apples may be ex
posed to the sun for hours without
becoming discolored. The process
of desiccslion is very simple. The
apples are peeled, cored and prop
erly sliced by a machine, after which
they are placed upon trays in the dis
locating room. Here, by means of a
mechanical arrangement, they are car
ried up on one aide and descend upon
tie other, when they ar taken out
ready for packing. As soon as one trav
is removed another lakes lbs place, so
that the operation is continuous. During
the process the fames of sulphur are
used to bleach the fruit, but these are
so perfectly absorbed by the apples that
no odor of sulphur can be d tecled in
the drying-room. The dried fruit can
be uacked in boxes, nnd it will keep for
a long time, preserving nil lis excellent
qualities. In water It swells up and
forms a icily in the course of a few
honrs. The rapidity and cheapness of
the process, and the character of the
product, insures for it n still wider ap
plication than It has yet received.
The Care ef the llair.
Some forty years ato there waa intro
duced a prepsaatlon called "Balm of
Columbia," which, when used accord
ing to the directions, prod joed remark
able results in preventing the hair from
falling off, and even in causing a new
crop to grow. Certificates might have
been obtained from several excellent and
eminent persons who, within the writer's
knowledge, uw<l this "Balm" with
good results, had not the maker lived in
England. The directions were essentially
these. Before going to bed, rub the scalp
with a stiff brush for (wc think it was)
ten minutes and go to bed. The whole
efficacy of the "Baim" was due to the
ten minutes scrubbing of the scalp
before it war. applied. If the stuff had
been water, though it was no doubt
some soothing application, it would,
with all this rubbing, have done some
good . It will be found that most of the
applications for preventing baldness
and encouraging the growth of the hair
depend upon either a vigorous rubbing
of the scalp, or they arc preparations
which are to be first rubbed well into
the hair and then washed out, thus
scouring the cleanliness so et'ential to a
healthy condition. Let any one with
naturally dry hair try a persistent brush
ing with a still brush, or the use of a
fine-toothed comb for some minutes,
and unless there is some disease oi the
scalp the hair will become surprisingly
moist. Of course those who curl and
crimp their hair by the use oi heated
irons must expect it to become in
jured, and no help can be looked for
so long as the practice is followed.
With others, and in msny cases,
baldness in comparative youth is heredi
tary, and in such cases it is doubtful if
any treatment can be of use. Where the
hair has iailen on account of severe ill
ness or from other temporary cause,
some gentle stimulant to the scalp may
promote or hasten the growth. One of
the most useful preparations of thiskind
is hall an ounce of the tincture oi Can
tharides (kept by the "druggists) to a
quart bottle of bay rum, using this upon
the scalp with gentle rubbing on going
to bed. When the barber kindly in
forms his patient that his hair is very
badiy filled with dandruff, and proposes
to shampoo it as a remedy, it is safe to
say " No" most positively; the majority
of barbers use as a shampooing
liquid, either a so.ution of "Salts of
Tariar," a.one, or mixed with borax.
They are probably not aware that
" Salts of Tartar " is but a name for
purified potash. When a solution oi
this is put upon the head it combines
with the natural oil of the Lair and
tca.p, and forms a soap which makes a
dense lather in the hair; this is washed
out and while it cfbctuaiiy removes the
dandruff and dust, it has also re moved
the oil which is needed t J keep the hair
in a healthy condition. Avoid all such
shampooing. A tcaspoonlul oi pow
dered borax in a quart of water form a
safe shampooing liquid, but still better
is the yolk of an egg. worked thorough ly
into the hair.applying a iittie at a lime,
and then washing it out The egg wiil
have the hair surprisingly clean and the
scalp soft and free from dandruff.—
American Agrirullurut.
A Base for Ike Bart sr.
Dr. X. is an eminent physician oi
Philadelphia, and, as is often the case
with eminent physicians, is brusque and
overbearing in manner. Among his
office patients one morning was a gen
tleman who, alter occupying exactly five
minutes of the great man's Lime, took a
ten-dollar note from his poekct, and in
quired the amount oi the foe.
' Fifty dollars," said the impatient
medical man.
The patient demurred a little, where
Upon the physician nidoiy remarked :
" Well, what do you expect to pay?
Give me what you have got," and on
receiving the ten-dollar bill, turned
scornfully to his colored servant, and
handing him the money, remarked:
" That is for you, Jim;" but lost hi*
Pmper stiil more when his patient
coolly said:
" I did not know before that you had
a partner. Good-morning, doctor."
Bees In • Naval light.
"The little busy bee" was on or used
in a naval fight in the Mediterranean.
A gentleman recently wrote to the San
Francisco Social Science association,
giving the story as be beard it from an
eye-witness. It seems Iba.asmaii vessel
which was suspected of belonging to
pirates, was chased by a Turkish man
of-war, on board of which was five bun
dn d seamen and soldiers. As soon as the
man-of-war came up to the privateer,
several bund ed men were rent in small
boats to take possession of ber. When
the email boats got alongside the pri
vateer the latter** crew mounted the
rigging, taking with them a dozen hives
of bees, which they bad stolen to sell on
the Italian coast. At ths word of com
mand the bees were thrown into the
boats among the Turks. The terrible
time that followed was beyond descrip
tion. Some of the soldiers jumped
overboard to escape the furious insects,
and in the excitement the privateer
escaped The so ne was witneased from
the deck of an approaching English
ship, which picked up two of the Turk
ish boats.
Ttie governor oi Idaho urges on the
legislature of that Territory the advisa
bility of passing a law to prevent the
spread of polygamy within their bor
ders, as the Mormons are emigrating
therifh great numbers.
IKetary Rhymes.
A Uui* lor*,
A little KIOTS,
A little roeebod lor Utkn n ;
A little sigh
For days gone by—
A little girl boarUtiroken.
Hoeton Courier.
Another men
Wo< Iknh Ann,
With bank-book well extended,
A social crown,
A bonne in town,
And Berah's heart ia mended.
— Ana York t'ommerciad.
A little boot,
A little foot,
A little hugging cloaor;
A little tap,
A thundering nip—
iMmn the ataira be goes, air,
HraHing Aa*
HLMOKuU*.
lx>ve is blind, yet the average young
American doesn't object to that kind oI
blindness.
Young ladles who have a great num
ber of beaux complain of having chaps
on their hands.
It is astonishing how tall men sud
denly become short when the January
bills lock in on them.
There is a woman in Philadelphia
wlio thinks so much of her husband
that the commences warming him th
moment he comes in th house.
A crusty old bachelor says the reason
the female face is devoid of hair is be
cause woman couldn't keep her tongue
long enough for a barb-r to shave per.
The Philadelphia Herald announces
that the fashionable spring bonnet will
bo composed of fifteen cents' worth of
bonnet, and fifty dollars' worth of trim
mings.
A young lady who lately gave a mil
liner an order for a bonnet, said:"" You
must make it plain, but still attractive
and smart, as I sit in a conspicuous
place in churcb."
An inquiring man thrust his fingers
into a horse's mouth to see how many
teeth it had, and the horse closed its
mouth to see how many fingers the man
had. The curiosity of each was fully
satisfied.
" That's a steal engraving, isn't it ?"
Mali is tick s id to his neighbor Burin,
suddenly coming out and catching him
going off with the artist's ax. "0h.n0."
Burin said, a little confused, "it's only
a wood- cut."— Hut dtMc.
A new style of wall paper is made
without eitheT figure or tint, so that it
gives the walls of the room that vacant
expression of subdued intellectuality
that is so marked in the features of a
man pianist.—//atcicye.
Jose hSDow, of Indians, told bis
wife to shut her head. That was twen
ty-one years ago, and she has not
spoken since, though constantly living
together as man and wife. Joseph it
o 1 course fat and contented.
A Cincinnati man found a rougb
iooking individual in bis cellar. " Who
arc you P" he demanded. "The gas
man come to taxe t he meter," was the
reply. "Great heavens!" cried the
household, "I hoped you were oniy a
burgiar."
A Chicago paper tells of a man who
was comp<aining that he had invested a
lather IST ge sum of money in Wall street
and lost it all. A sympathizing friend
asked him whether he had been a bull
or a bear. He replied: "Neither; I
was a jackass."
Tbw is a man in onr town,
And ha is wondrous wise;
Whenever be haa grata to sail
He nought doth advertise;
And when be And* hia goods are gone.
Ha bun iea in another lot
To advertise again.
After all the evidence was in, a Gal
veston judge asked the arruwd, wbo
was charged with stealing a watch, if
be had anything more to offer. " I did
have an old silver watch to offer you
judge, but my lawyer borrowed it and
hasn't brought it back yet."— Galves
ton Newt.
A woman will,work a month to fab
ricate a delicate protection for a rhair,
and then when it is in place an edict ia
promptly issued forbidding any man
aitling in that chair, through fear of
spoiling the tidy. It's the beat chair
protector that could be desired.—Rock
land Courier.
" Bay, hoy—say, exclaimed a hot
looking man with a valise, "what is the
quickest way to get to the cars P"
" Run," yelled the boy, and the hot
looking man was so pleased with tbe
information that if be could have got
near enough to the boy he would have
given him something. Something that
he would have remembered.— AvAhmd
Courier.
A Western town has a female sheriff.
Recently she arrested a man, and be,
hoping to flatter her into letting him
escape, told her she was the handsomest
woman he ever saw. And did she let
him escapeP Not She wouldn't lei
that man out of her sight, anyway, but
wanted him around ail the time. Trick
ery Is sure to fall in the end.- Boston
Aid.
"Dearest Harold. I love you with all
the deep devotion of my sei. Your
image is ineffaceably engraven on the
lab eta of my memory, and In my heart
the love 1 bear for you can never, never
die. But lam extravagant, wildly am
bitions to shine in society, to sit beside
the jeweled queens of fashion, to daaaie
ail eyes with prioslees genu, and so,
dear, dear Harold. I most marry the
plumber.— Omtrml Oti* Asm.