FOR TilE FAIR SEX.
Winter Honiirli,
Gold enters largely into the materials
of millinery thin winter. It is seen in
the ciselc velvets as a background for
black, red, or olive raised figures; in
cloth of gold for crowns; in gold ribbon
for strings; threads of gold are wrought
on satin in rich brocades; a great deal
of gold galloon is used again; and there
are gold bends on all parts of the bon
net, the small ones being wrought in net
on the crown, while large faceted gold
beads edge the front of the brim. Gold
lace is also used, but less than the
other gilt garnitures. There are
few gold brooches or similar
ornaments, except the long nail or
other ,iong pin used as a bonnet rest.
Dark velvet, plush, and brocaded
bonnets worn in the daytime for visit
ing, at church, or at afternoon recop
ti ons, are most often trimmed witli gold.
Silver trimmings, and the darker steel
bead ornaments, are most effective on
pale blue nnd black bonnets, and are
seldom combined with other colors.
For full-dress white bonnets the beads
most used are opal tinted—not pure
white pearl, but iridescent—and these
are on wide laces for strings and for
covering brims, while the crown is
wrought in set figures with these beads,
and even the marabout pom
pons stuck low on the left side are
tipped with iridescent bits of pearl. The
small close shapes that do not conceal
the hair are preferred for dress bonnets,
while a poke front, especially the new
shape that pokes down rather than up
ward, is chosen for general wear in the
long fur beavers or plush fabrics. Opal
tinted and white plush bonnets arc
chosen for full dress receptions, the
opera, etc. A new fancy for colored
dress bonnets of light blue, pink, or
cream-color is to almost cover the bon -
net with the smallest ostrich tips, hav
ing a row pointing forward on the brim
and a similar row turned down
ward on the crown ; then, to
keep these in place, the whole is
veiled with tulle, either pink, blue, or
cream, whatever color prevails in the
bonnet, and this tulle extends down
each side to form strings. There is also
an effort to revive the flowers that have
been banished for awhile. These are
finer than usual this season, and are
principally made of plush foliage and
flowers that have silken petals. The
silken roses in variegated wreaths, or
in different shades of red, are very hand
some when covering the brim of the
bonnet that is finished on the opposite
side by a long plume. For instance, the
brilliant new red tint, which is bright
cardinal, is chosen for the plush
crown, large red roses cover the right
side otthe brim, and ademi-long plume,
shaded from cardinal to pale pink, trims
the left side. For more quiet colors
young ladies choose black beaver or
plush bonnets, edged on [the brim with
large faceted jet beads, and the entire
trimming is a wreath of crushed roses
without foliage, varied through red,
yellow and pink; this passes across the
top from ear to ear. Smooth broad
crowns prevail, but there is also a fancy
for shirred crowns of light materials,
such as Surah satin, and there are other
full crowns that are broadened to foim
the scarf which trims the brim;
this scarf is sometimes fasten
ed by a gilt hook and eye, or
else it is shaped into a very iong and flat
Alsaeian bow. Strings of ribbon are
very much enriched by being bound
with plush on one side only. The
youngest ladies now wear bonnets, na
they are quite as youtuful-looking as
round hats; indeed, the only round hats
that receive much favor are the beavers
with long nap and flaring brim sur
rounded with iong piumes, or
else trimmed with several short nodding
feathers. Importers of Ivondon hats
for ladies show many fur bonnets in
small sizes, with gay plaid satin or vel
vet crowns, while the brims are of seai
or other fur. There are also many large
pokes and Gainsborough hats of seal
■kin that arc found to be very becoming
to young ladies. The novelty of the
season, however, is the leopard skin
bonnet, made close-fitting, and for its
only ornament a leopard's paw with
gold claws. The most popular seal
turbans have dented crowns and rolling
brims, and arc nc/iriy as large as those
worn by gentlemen.— Uarptr't Btuar.
Kcwianil IVaIM fot Women.
Queen Victoria danced several reels
at a recent ball at Balmoral.
The husband of the loveiy .Jersey
Lily, Mr. Edward Langtry, is now in
this country on business.
In the sums which she receives from
her books Miss Hraddon ranks among
the half-dozen best-paid writers of fic
tion.
The queen of Italy is much more pop
ular than the king, and the people have
made the marguerite the national flower
n deference to her name.
Miss Kellogg was called before the cur
tain at the Imperial Opera house, in St.
Petersburg, one evening, twenty times,
and in order to empty the house it was
found necessary to turn out the lights.
In the reopening of a church in Mans
field, England, which had been closed
for repairs, twenty-four women, who
were unable to give money, contributed
thirty-five days of bard labor in cleans
ing the church.
A favorite paragraph with Lucretla
Molt, when her£autograpb was asked
for albums, was: " in true marriage re
lation the independence of the husband
and wife is equal, their dependence mu
tual and their obligations reciprocal."
The law of California provides that the
same pa} shall be given for similar work
whether done by men or women; and.
as a consequence, the women vice-prin
cipals in the Bun Frnneisco schools re
ceive as much pay ns the male vicc
principals.
A large gray wolf made a raid on the
chickens at Captain Sim Green's, near
Greenland, Col., and the captain's
daughter, Miss Jessie, went to tiie res
cue of the poultry, revolver in hand,
and put live bullets through the wolf in
quick succession.
Three ladies in France wear the rib
bon of the legion of Honor —Mile.
Dodes, who cut the telegraph wire in
1870; Mmc. Abioot, wife of the mayor
of Uson, who defended her house against
the Prussians, and Rosa Bonheur, the
artist. live other ladies, all of them
Sisters ol Charity, possess the decora
tion.
Miss Jennie Hogan is creating some
what of a sensation in Washington as an
inspiratior.al poet. She hails from Ver
mont, is a brunette oi ordinary height,
small feuturcs and a face with a bright
expression, though she is not prett.,.
She gives exhibitions of her talent ai 1
rhyme on the slightest pretext.
Anger.
The Emperor Nerva died of a violent
excess of anger against a senator who
had offended him. Valcntinian, the first
Roman emperor of that time, while
reproaching with great passion the
deputies from the Quadi, a people uf
Germany, hurst a blood vessel, and
suddenly fell lifeless to tbe ground.
" I have seen," said Tourtello, a
French medical writer, "two women
perish, the one in convulsions, at the
end of six hours, and tiie other suflo
c .ed in two ays, from giving them
selves up to the tran -oris of lury."
The celebrated John Hunter fell a
sudden victim to a paroxysm of this
passion. Mr Hunter, as is familiar
to medical readers, was a man of ex
traordinary genius, but the subject of
violent anger, which, from the defect
of early moral culture, he had not
learned to control. Suffering during
his latter years under a complaint of
the heart, his existence w:is in con
stant jeopardy from his ungovernable
temper; and he had been heard to re
mark that " his life was in the hands of
any rascal who chose to annoy him."
Engaged one day in an unpleasant alter
cation with his colleagues in the board
room at St. George's hospital, London,
he was peremptorily contradicted; he
immediately ceased speaking, hurried
into an adjoining apartment, and in
stantly fell dead.
When the fit of anger is of long con
tinuance, or frequent recurrence, it fre
quently lays the foundation of some
most serious and lasting afflictions;
thus many cases of palsy, of cpiicpiy, of
convulsions and of madness may be
traced to violent anger And ungovern
able temper. I)r. (Hood cites tbe
case cf Charles VI., of France,
" who being violently incensed
against tbe 1 >uke of Brotagne, and burn
ing with a spirit of malice and revenge,
could neither eat, drink nor sleep for
many days together, and at length be
came furiously mad as he was riding on
horseback, drawing his sword and
striking promiscuously every one who
approached him. The disease fixed
upon his intellect, nnd accompanied him
to his death."
Creeping Things.
Tlte sight of certain creatures is
enough to give us a "crawling" sensa
tion. Bare memory of them must be
enough to any person who lias traveled
in Australia. Jesse Young, the explorer,
talks very coolly, however, about tbe
bug and snnkc creation in that queer
clime. He says:
The reptiles are realiy very beautiful;
crocodiles in the North, and snakes, liz
ards, scorpions and centipedes in the
South. I shall not readily forget the
sensation I experienced when one night
a huge black centipede, eight inches
long, crawled upon my neck with his
horrible sixty-four legs, and made his
way to my feet leisurely, much to my
disgust, and though he was probably
only a few seconds, I thought him slow.
He is in tbe museum at Adelaide, with
all the whisky be can drink.
Insects are wonderfully prolific
mosquitoes nnd flics being particularly
abundant. The native children ar
sometimes hardly recognizable, so com
pletely are they covered with flies, filling
their eyes, noses and mouth.
When eating it requires a dcxterou
maneuvering to get a piece of meat into
one's mouth without its complement of
flies
Spiders are very common, as also are
ants, the tarantula being tbe moat for
midable of the former, and the bulldog
ant the worst species of the latter. These
ants are an inch or more in height, and
about two inches long. They all fight
fiercely, and their sting is not at ail M
be desired. They catch hold of your
skin with their nippers, bend the body
under like a scorpion, and put the sting
gently in, leaving tbe venom, and some
times the sting itself. When camping
near a nest of them, we generally thrust
a fire-stick in the hole, which has the
effect ol keeping them st home.
A Yonthful Warrlsr.
The youngest soldier in the Union
service during the war was doubtless the
only son of Jacob W. Messick, now
member of the legislature of Indiana.
He enlisted as sergeant in Company A.
Forty-seoond Indiana, and took with hit;
his son Johnnie, then but nine years ol
age, as drummer boy. The lad va
present at every action in which the
regiment was engaged, and was at tiie
last duly mustered out at the mature
age of twelve yean.
The Keren Chum* Who Beraine Senators
Seven young men, early in the war,
says a Washington letter, were board
era at the Rurnhani house in Omnha.
Tlioy were all pushing, driving men.
Six of them were inseparable compan
ies. The entire company separated in
the early days of the war, only to meet
afterward as members of the United
States Bcnate. The six companion i were
William Pitt Kellogg, Spencer, ex-Sen
ator from Alabama, Saunders and Pad
dock, prominent Senators from Ne
braska, and Hilcbcnck and Merrill, ex-
Senators from Nebraska. The odd man.
who was also a boarder at the same
house, was Tipton, also ex-Senator from
Nebraska.
At the time of the breaking out of the
war, Saunders was governor of the Ter
litory, Kellogg was chief justice, Pad
dock was secretary of the Territory,
while the others were interested in
various ways in the development of the
Territory. Nebraska raised a regiment
at the outbreak of the war, and Merrill
was its colonel. There was great trouble
about appointing a chaplain. Tipton,
who was afterward Senator, was a can
didate warmly pressed by a band
of devoted friends. A "light-of-hand
performer, a local i. \urer. was
also a hot contestant for the place.
Saunders, the governor, who hail the
power of appointment, finally, to avoid
embarrassment, left the decision to the
Federal officials. They assembled with
Pitt Kellogg at their head. These lively
young men decided to have the two can
didates preach sermons in a competitive
examination. This was done in the
presence of a large crowd. Tipton
preached half an hour against an equal !
time by his opponent. There was no
ieal contest. Tipton was really a pious
man, while the other was a charlatan.
Tipton secured the award. Through
his services during the war, and his
earetul nursing of sick and wounded
soldiers, he so endeared himself to the
people of Nebraska tbat they made liiin
United States Senator nfter the war
closed.
A Volcano by Might.
A correspondent of the New York
Tr-itmne gives an account of the erup
tion of Mauna I*>a, the only active vol
cano of the Sandwich islands: Describ
ing the striking scene by night, he
rays: A great smoke, highiy illumina
ted, was ascending over the southern
slope of Mauna i/, in the direction of
Kilauea. The clouds to the west of the
mountain were almost aflame with light
reflected from the Kau flow, which
could not be seen from this point. Right
in our faces, with not a cloud to ob
struct our view, was the burning moun
tain side. In the luaimij cra
ter the dense smoke, glowing
with the light of the mol
ten material, was surging back and
forth like billows of fire, while now and
then a small fountain of lava wouid be
thrown above the IcYei of the brink,
showing what a boiling, seething mass
was below. liowerdown were immense
pits and openings, in which the liquid
ava itself rou'.d b seen moving, a
though endeavoring to break down the
wails between, anil rather its forces for
more destructive work ; while in various
| directions deep fissures could lie marked
■ by the spots of light that were probably
! openings in tbeciust above the fissure
j One of these was particularly striking, it
being n long line of faint lights from
! the summit, terminating in n great bail
: of burning lava, as though an evil eye
j from the infernal regions were glaring
at us across the black distance. Still
lower down and moving along the flank
of the mountain, at a very slight angle
of declination, was a moderateiy-sised
iavn flow that has since attained con
siderable proportions. It was without
doubt five miles in Irngth, and as the
lava seemed to accumulate in a small
lake, I watched it all night, Uiinking it
might burst out in a large stream di-
I rectly down the mountain side. But
i my vigils were futile, and the day came,
and with it a hard tramp across the o;d
lavas to the new flow.
Words of Wisdom.
A man of courage never larks
weapons.
Half the ills we hoard in oar heart*
are ills because we board them.
Without the company of fools a man
of wit would often be embarrassed.
A man who cannot mind his own
business is not fit to be trusted with the
king's.
It is as easy to draw back a stone
thrown with force from the band as to
recall a word once spoken.
No man is born wise; but wisdom
and virtue require a tutor; though we
can easily learn to be vicious without a
master.
No man possesses a genius so com
manding that be can attain eminence,
unless a subject suited to his talents
should present itself, and an opportunity
occur for their development.
Turn the point ol thy curiosity upon
thyself and thine own affairs, and tbon
shalt within doors find matter enough
for the most laborious inquiries
The cause of virtue and liberty is con
fined to no continent or climate. It
comprehends, within ite capacious
limits, the wise and good, however dis
persed and separated in space and dis
tance. _______
"Doctor, my daughter seems to be
going blind, and she's just getting ready
for her wedding, tool Ob, dear met
what is to be done f" " Let her go right
on with the wedding, madam, by all
means. If anything can open her cyss,
marriage will."
Sunlight.
The sun, II you will only open your
house to him, is it faithful physician,
who will Im pretty constant in attend
ance. and who will s nd in no hills.
Many years ago glass was something of
a luxury, hut now we can all have good
sized windows, and plenty of them, at
moderate cost, and there is no excuse for
making ineic loopholes, through which
the sun can cast but half an eye, and
from which one can gain only narrow
glimpses of the beautiful outer world.
1 am sufficiently acquainted with tliu
conservative charact r of many country
people to expressions of dis
dain will come from some quarters
when I mention bay windows. Never
theless bay windows are a good thing.
Their effect is very much like letting
heaven into one's house, at least ought
to be like that, for it is nothing hut
absurdity and wickedness to darken
such windows witli shutters or heavy
curtains until only a straggling ray of
sunlight can be seen.
If bay windows are too expensive a
very desirable substitute can be had by
placing two ordinary-sized windows
side by side, witli a wide, capacious
ledge ak the bottom for seats or for
plants. A room with a window like
this can but be cheery, and its effect in
a simple cottage house is quite sump
tuous. There is likewise in its favor the
fact that it is less exposed than the deep
bay window to outer heat and cold.
In a kiteh) n, or a child's bedroom, or
in an attic where the walls are low, two
half-windows set side by side, and made
to slide or to open on hinges, admit a
broad, generous light, and give an
apartment a pretty and pleasing rustic
air.
I-et the builder endeavor to have all
rooms in daily use, especially bedrooms
and sitting-rooms, well-lighted by the
sun. "To sltep in unsunned rooms is
the unn pmUd sin of half the nation,'
vigorously aflirms a prominent wiiter.
But tliis should to', lie said of that part
of the nation living in the country, far
from those towering brick walls whose
steps take hold on basement kitchens
and in whose depressing shadows many
lives must necessarily be spent. In the
country, with a whole sky to draw from,
let there lie light ! If any rooms in the
house must look solely to the north for
illuminntlon, let them l>c the parlor and
spare chamber. I'eoplo who come and
go can be cheerful for awhile in a north
windowed apartment, but the constant
dweilem in a house need its sunniest
rooms. /arm Hoitu.%.
An Artist's Drath-llrd
John Pope, the artist, died in New
York a short ti me ago. His desth-b< d
some was remarkable. His wife was
watching by bis side when suddenly lie
said: "Quirk! give-rue my palette and
■ brush. I must paint. Don't attempt to
stop me now, for I have just discovered
the art through the influence of visions
of exquisitely graduated music. It is
1 plain as day at last!" His wife,
1 vinrmed at his excitement, made a
I weak attempt to dissuade him, but as
i opposition only increased bis cxiite
ment, and it was evident that death
1 was very near, she humored him. His
1 paints, brushes and canvas were brought
to him. and his tearful relatives nr
ianged the coverings of the lied so that
they would look mr>re like the drapery
of his studio. He began his work with
a haste amounting almost to frenzy.
"At last, at last,' he cried, " I have
found the beauty which all my iife and
over ail the world I have been struggling
for." He painted faster and faster, evi
cently believing that the canvas would
show the beauty that he conceived, al
though it was in truth a sad realization
of the conception. It was late in the
day when he begat, his death-bed pic
ture. It grew darker and darker as he
went on, and his sorrowing family sat
around him powerless to ease his last
moments. At last it grew so dark that
even he in his excitement noticed it.
" us go to the studio," he cried, sud
denly. "No, no; not to-night. Wait
until to-morrow." "We must go to the
studio," he exclaimed, making an effort
to rise to his feet. The tax upon his
strength was too great; without another
word he fell hack on his pillow, dead.
Please Slap My-What t
" Times are hard, money is scarce,
business is dull, retrenchment is a duty
—please slop my"—whisky P "Oh, np;
times are not hard enough for that yet.
Rut there is something else that costs
me a large amount of money every year,
which I wish to save. Please stop tny"—
tobacco, cigars and snuff P " No, no, not
these; but I must retrench somewhere;
please stop my"—ribbons, jewels, orna
ments and tginketaP Not at all; pride
must be fostered, if times are ever so
hard, but I believe 1 can see away to
effect quite a saving in another direction
—please stop my"—tea, coffee and need
leu and unhealthy luxuries? " No, no,
no; not these, I cannot think of inch a
sacrifice; but I must think of some
thing All I I have it now. My
paper costs a few cents a week; I must
save that. Please stop my paper. That
will carry me through the panic easily I
I believe in retrenchment and economy,
especially in brains."
"What is mother doing to-night t"
is the Utleof a new song that will soon
be popular wherever there is a girl and
a piano. While a fair flower was sing
ing it tor her Adolpbus.tbs other night,
the old lady walked into the parlor and
remarked. " Woll, if you must know,
I'm a darnin' your stookin's."— MiddU
t, ;u N 7VlUUiWlnl
The fieorgla "(,'rackers."
A letter to the Atlanta (Ga.) (km
ttvlution ssys: In several issues of
your paper of late you have had occasion
to use the word "Cracker"— "Georgia !
Cracker." It would IK; interesting to
some of your readers to know the origin
or derivation of this epithet as applic-d to
native "indigenous" Georgians. It cer
tainly belongs to the country in contra
distinction to town folks, and is of
ancient origin, coming down from the
first or earliest history of our State. It
e-ertainly began in the city of Savannah
immediately alUr the war of 1770
and was used, if not in
ridicule, for some distinguishing
habit or feature of our ancestry who
traded in that city—as it is now, "the
crackers have come to town." The
children even recognized anil used
the word when, wishing to bandy an
epithet of ridicule, or to call attention
to their own importance over the coun
try boy or girl: " You are a Cracker."
Probably a little sting of this kind
(whenquitea child) best indelibly im
pressed upon my mind, led me often to
inquire the derivation of the word. One
wcuid say it was because the country
piople, in coming to town with their
wagons and teams, used long whips
which they crack to the disturbance of
the city people. But this was not the
origin of it, and I have found no'elew to
the word save in Ifo-v. W. B. Stevens'
history of Georgia. And I think
it is explained in that work, though
he does not refer to it or
use the word. In describing the ex
treme destitution of the few " whjgs"
who field out in that struggle, how
alxiut 350 men in Burke and Wiikes
counties were kept from their homes,
scouting nb,,ut to avoid the tories (for
Savannali and Augusta were in the
hands of tories and British, and the
whole State was overrun) the women
and children remained in the seclud'd
forest, at their little huts, and culti
vated with much difficulty small
patches of Indian oorn, their only
rnrans of food. There were no mills to
grind tiieir corn, and they parched and
cracked it best they could, and ate it
"They ate parched corn," and were em
phatically "corn crackers." An old
citizen of Revolutionary fame here lias
been heard to relate the description his
mother gave him of dividing a crop of
corn among some sisters who mad it,
she covering her pile with a cowhide
until she could get some place to slon
it ; the m n not being able to bui.d pen*
or barns. When the war cloed and
the singular people visited the "celestial
city" of Savaunali to trade, they must
have presented s striking contrast to the
more fortunate colonists, who were wei,
fed and clothed with British golo, and
it was a good appropriate epithet to call
them "crackers.'- If this le the origin
of the word, it points a period of scif
sacrilioe and suffering, of heroic en
durance and devotion to principle,
evinced by n people, and parents of
whom Georgians need not b< ashamed.
Itnm Made from Bid Shoes,
Speaking of the industry statistics,
says a New York letter to the Spring
field (Mass.) Uttim. reminds me that
several curious business* have been
discovered by the census deputies, of
which so for no newspaper has given an
vccount. The superintendent of the
Brooklyn census was much puzzled
some we< ks ago upon discovering that
there was some use made of old shoes,
which was not known to any of the
deputies in iiis employ, and couid not
be discovered. It was found that old
shoes were collected in large
quantities by ragpickers and
junkmen, and sold to certain
mysterious persons, for what purpose no
one could divine. It was well knowp
that Prussian blue is made of old
leather, but the persons engaged in that
business were perfectly willing to have
their works inspected. Alter rnueh in
quiry and investigation It was found
that the old shoes were mode into
Jamaica rum. When they came from
the ragpickers the good pieces were cut
out and sold to small cobblers for patch
ing purposes. The rest was distilled
with spirits, colored with burnt sugar,
and sold as Jamaica rum, and tb>- most
singular tact about the business is that
It is bought, not by saloon keepers, but
by druggists, who pride themselves
on the purity of their articles.
Many industries were found in which,
though the value of the product was
considerable, no value was attributed to
the raw material. One man who made
tomato catsup acknowledged to making
SIB,OOO worth of catsup every year, but
aaid that bis raw material cost nothing.
When pruascd for an explanation he sent
to the factorh-s where tomatoes are
canned big tubs into which the peelings
and trimmings of the tomatoes were
thrown by the men who prepared them
for canning. This material he got for
the trouble of carrying it away. He
ground it up, flavored it. and sold it as
catsup to the extent of tlfi.OOO a year.
Associated Press.
" The Associated Press is a great boon,
is it not P" said a young man to a
beautiful Boston giri. full of sentiment
and oysters, as they were returning from
the theater.
"It Is, Indeed," the replied, in soft
times; "Georgeand I had one ail last
winter, but papa came in one night be
fore George could take his arm away
and acted dreadfully. Do they have
them in New York P*
"I should blush to murmur," re
sponded the untutored Gothamite, as he
measured bar surcingle belt with bis
strong right arm.
Wot Vanquished.
In 'UrkiiMw und in etotm my apirlt stand*.
Am! doubt and desolation round it lie,
And somber cloud* have hid the diirtant sky
And coM, blank hill* girt all the diurnal landa,
I lo'l th '-Intelof ruthlosa hand*,
And hiuir the surging win i knon drawing
nigh,
While down their ruahing fury sound* the
cry
Ol souls tliat sink todualhsrnid drijar aand*.
1 *-t thi-ro are *tar*, and *uri*, and Iragnsnt
bloom*,
And day* of rial, and atiil *ea* bright and
vast,
And grand u jj ( orolU tuii oi wind'tnade
song,
I on lily ojain* in night'* deeped glooms.
The flen-e storm |<a*ion will not aiwayi
hurt,
Arid triumph comet to those whoe hearts
are strong.
Thomn H. Collier.
HLMOKOIM.
Alwuys in working order—Yeast.
A good prophet -One hundred per
cent.
A calico wrapper—The dry goods
clerk.
Epitaph lor a cannibal—" Oae who
loved his feilow men."
Bid for authors—Only m"n who can't
write rnakc their mark.
Ten cents in the pocket is worth a
doilar paid lor beer.— Derrick.
Firemen as weii a* other people, like
to talk of their old flames.— Picayune.
"Come! come! rest in this bosom,'*
as the shirt said to the flati'on.— Boston
Bulletin.
Bluebeard managed women so well
because he always got ahead of them!
Philade Iphi/i Item.
A man advertises for a competent per
son to undertake the sale of a new medi
cine, and a/Ids that " it will be highly
lucrative to the undertaker."
Eighty million doiiars'worth of live
and dressed hogs have been sold to Eu
rope in the last year. Uncle Sam is
putting on iardiy airs.— Ftu. Press
She.—" How do you like my new
belt? ' It was ol shining ye.iow metal.
He.—" Well, I approve o( a little music
at an evening party, but isn't a bras.
J band rather too loud?"
Benronsfield ascribes ail his greatness
to woman. A darn laid all his trouble to
the same source. Adaru, we are ashamed
of you! Bearonsfi'-ld, you area gentle
man.—BosC<m Tranteript.
" I'll take a roil," said the saw-log to
the biker as it wnt down the hill.—
Slcubrnvt'Je Herald. "And I'll take a
loaf" the saw said, while they were
robing it back. Breakfast Table.
A young man may look very nice'
But il hi- hap|*n* to la.) on tht ice,
He drop" all hi* aits, curses and swear*.
And if any one .aught, oh, how be giants?
Sptmgfutd (O.) .S'ust/izy .\rwt.
" Good morning. Smith," safA a man
in n shoe store the other day; "what's
this pair of boots sold I r?" "What
are they soled for! why to keep the "now
out and the feet in."— Marathon Inde
pendent .
Matilda: Wr have your poem, " Give
me back my ice-cream f.-ceaer," sailed
down. It will appear at the proper
| season. "Give me hack my old co&l
--■ burner," would be more appropriate
j just now.— Keonuk (talc (\ty.
"Old Woman, tiow do you tell beets?"
a*kcd a iotfer of an old vegetable
woman in the market, and she replied.
"I just tell 'em I'll trust 'em. and then
give 'em stuff that look* all right and ain't
good (or nothing. Tu y don't like the
sell either.
One evening at a Paris cale a group
of idlers were discussing politics and
people who change their opinions.
"Wili," sain one, "I've never cried,
' long live anybody.'" " Quite so," re
marked one; " but then you're a doc
tor."
"You are in time," said theped .cogue
to one of his pupils, who entered as the
last stroke of the bell was dying away.
" Bad grammar," said the lad, " and bad
spelling, also; for there is no 'u' in
time." And now, that boy is having a
bad spell also—but not likewise.— M en -
den Recorder.
The husband of a soo'ding wife on
Vermont street stood gating long and
earnestly upon her photograph in a
frame upon the wall. W hen she sharply
asked him why he stood staring at it
like an idiot, he replied that it seemed
so strange to see her in a pot ition where
her cuin wnt in calm n-pose.— Modern
Aryo.
"rsi IDOL or ins son.."
Now the huahand, Mill a lover.
And his wU, so true sod tried.
O'er the dying fir* borers.
Listening to the wind outside.
And with smile sod cheering laugh, b
Oslia her "idol ol his *001,"
Till he make* her, through his " taffy."
Bring another bod <d onl.
BJoomtnpkm Kft.
It there is anything that will makes
man rip starin', roarin', bilin' mad. it it
to have the nook appear before him at
breakfast with lit announcement that
the two pound* of lamb chops purchased
by him the rr- rß |Qg previous during
the wve aiuall hours disappeared down
the capacious maw of the family
Thomas Q. eat Lockport Onion.
• now rr woaaau.
There wee a man in our town.
He was *o wood me* wis*.
He thought his boatnesa would run iteeU
And he didn't edrertiee.
Well, bußuasa was dull at OnM,
But better tiaras came and It's queer.
One dag with a rash ha sold all hit staff.
But the sheriff was a action ear.
—Ofmates* /beta Denier.
ji ■- .-v :y