The I .and of Content.
I wt out lor Uio land ol oontoot,
IJy tho uy crowded plemuro-lii^hway,
With laughter and jesting, I went
With the mirth-loving throng lor a .lay;
Then I knew I had wandered astray,
For 1 met returned pilgrims, belated,
Who said: "We are weary and sated,
But wo lound not the land ol content."
1 turned to tho steep path ol lame,
I said, " It is over yon height—
This land with tho noautitul name-
Ambition will lend mo its light."
But 1 paused in my journey 'ere night,
For the way grew so lonely and troubled;
J said—tny anxiety doubled —
" This is not tie road to content."
Then I joined the great rabble and throng
That Iroquents tho moniod world s mart;
But the greed, and the grasping ami wrong,
Lelt me only one wish—to depart.
And sickened, aud saddened at heart,
I hurried away trom the gateway,
For my soul and my spirit said straightway,
" This is not the road to content."
Then weary in body and brain.
An overgrown path I detected,
And I said I will hide with my pain
In this by-way, unused and neglected.
Lo! it led to the realm God selected
To crown with His best gifts of beauty.
And thro' the dark pathway of duty
1 came to tho land ol content.
Ella Wkttltr.
THE HIDDEN WILL.
I
When they told old Ethnn Vanwirt
thnt It is days were numbered, the first
thing he said was :
"Send for Miss Wr*k; I muat see (
Miss Wcrk before I die," I
Singular as this demand seemed, no ,
one thought of questioning it. Miss
Work was sent for. I
Laura turned quite white when the j
strange imperative summons first came ; i
and then she was told that he who sent
was dying. !
"What ran he want P Shall you go, .
Laura?" asked Pauline Ruble, who was i
visiting her.
"Oh, yes, yes, poor old man! lam
sorry for him. Certainly I will go."
Pau.ine put her arm around the slight I
figure, and drew the golden head down
upon her shoulder. i
"Little fool." she thought, as she <
carried the fair face with her slim,
white hand. "Of course it is something
about Lewis Vanwirt." i
Aloud she said, insinuatingly: "I had
better go with you, dear—don't you
think so?"
"Oh. if you only will," IAU. ried
eageriy.
Mrs. Work was quite an invalid, ami
could not accompany her daughter, so
she, also, wsut very glad to have Pauline
go with her.
As the carriage drove off with the two
girls she'sank upon her couch with a
thoughtful look.
"It muat be something about her
grandson. I hope I-aura won't be silly."
The ladies were shown at once into
Mr. Vanwlrt's apartment.
" r wish to see you alone, lAura. my
chi '."be said.
"I'll wait for you in the next room,
darling," Pauline volunteered ptomptly
and depared.
"Mr Lewis has come, sir," the ser
vant said, as he was leaving the room
in obedience to an impatient gesture
from bis master.
"Let him wait," the old man said
grimly.
It was an easy thing lor Pauline to
step out upon the veranda without at
tracting att ntion and pass along to the
wiudow of the sick room.
" I want to know what he wants of
her," she said to herself, "and Istnra is
such an obstinate iittie child sometimes,
as likely as not she would not tell me."
" l have sent for you, I .aura Work,"
the dying man was saying, " to ask you
if you love my grandson." '
" My dear," he said, " I am dying, or
I would not ask you such a question.
Lew is my only son's only child. If I
die without a will, the whole Vanwirt
property will fall to him as the natural
heir; but the boy has taken to had
courses lately, lam afraid. He gambles
I have heard. His father did before
him. The taste of it is in the Vanwirt
blood. It came near being my ruin at
his age. I'.tft 1 promised the woman I
married I would never touch a card
agnin if the would have me, and I
never did."
" I.rtur.V lips opened, hut she would
not utter a word.
" Little fool!" thought Pauline.
"Listen to me," old Kthan Vanwirt
said, lifting himself upon his elbow in
his excitement. "If you love Lewis,
promise me that before you consent to
marry him you will exact I nan him the
same pledge my wile did trom me. He
shall be my heir."
Laura burst into team.
"I do love him!" she stammered. " I
will promise anything rather than you'd
do such a dreadful thing. But—what
—if he does not care for me as you
think?"
" I will risk that; I think he does.
All I ask of you is to promise not to
marry him till he has solemnly sworn
he will never touch a card again. Oive
me your hand, child, and say the words
over alter me."
I.aura obeyed him, mors calmly than
might have been expected under the
circumstances.
"God bless you!" be saM, as he Wt
her hand go. "You have made my
dying moments almost happy.'
As I .aunt quitted the room, sobbing,
Pauline was about to join her, when she
heard the sick man mutter: "1 am not
ure, after all, that a will would make
vcrything safer."
Then ho ordered the attendant who
had just come in to go and bring Mr.
Scribe.
" Can ho be going to make a will after
11 P" wondered Pauline. " I'll wait and
sec."
To her amnzement she heard the sick
man dietnting a will to his lawyer,in
which he I'ft everything he possessed to
Laura Work, absolutely.
Mr. Scribe ventured to remonstrate,
but it was of no use.
" I know what I am about," the ini
crious old man said, and would hear
nothing.
The wid duly signed, witnessed and
scaled he told the lawyer where to put
It in his desk, which stood within his
view.
"Is it safe here?" Mr. Scribe asked.
" I see no key."
" Who would touch itP" the sick mnn
asked, irritably. "It would benefit no
one hut Lewis, and the Vanwirts arc not
thieves, whatever else they may be.
(o, now, plr:isc, and toll tome one to
send my grandson to me."
Pauline wouirt like to have stayed and
witnessed litis interview also, hut she
did not dare. Laura must tie wonder
ing greatly now where she was.
She found that Laura had come out of
the sick room so agitated that Mrs.
Hecket, the housekeeper, had made iter
tie down, and was now sitting with
her.
Pauline took the house keeper's place
beside iter friend, and in a short time
Laura was asleep. As Pauline sat there
watching the white childish face of the
girl she pretended to love, her brain was
full of wiektd and envious thoughts.
I-aura was already rich, she was poor,
and yet to her who had already so much,
the great Vanwirt property had just been
given. She envied her the handsome
lover, with whom she was herself more
than half in love, and whom, hitherto,
she had not been without hope of win
ning away from I-aura.
Suddenly, as site sat there, the deep
silence was broken by the sound of some
commotion in the house —sue heard
steps and excited voice*.
" What can it be," she wondered.
" Mr. Vanwirt must be worse."
She sat listening for some moments,
then rose softly. Laura was still sleep
ing. Pauline succeeded in opening the
door without disturbing her, and stole
out into the hall.
From the Innding site could sec the
servants below hurrying about with
awe-struck looks.
An impulse of ungovernable curiosity
seized Iter. She watched her chance,
and, gliding down the stairs, skipped
through the open door without being
seen, and passtd swiitly along thr ver
anda till she come to the window
where she had already spmt so much
time. One glance at the bed told her
what bad happened. F.than Vanwirt
was dead! A sudden awe and horror
seiz.d her. Site was about to flee the
spot, wh* n her eyes fell upon the* desk
in which she had seen the will placed.
"I wonder if it is there yet?* she
thought.
" I am sure I can reach it from here.
I should know it atagiance,"shc mused.
She put her hand in and raised the lid.
Thcte It was.
A wicked thought crossed iter. What
if she took it P"
At that thought she snntchod the will,
and hiding it in the folds of her dress,
she hurried IT retraced her steps.
• • i • •
Ethan Vanwirt had been dead about
a month, ilis grandson had entered
into possession of his estate without an;
hindrance. There were rumors about a
will; but when it eould not be found
Mr. Seribe roneiuded that the old man
had destroyed it. and refused, when
questioned, to tell who was named
in it.
Pauline Ruble wns still visiting I.AUrn
Work, although, tru'. i to tell, her wel
come had grown somewhat cold both on
Laura's part and Mrs. Work's.
Laura wns very unhappy. Lewi*
Vanwirt scarcely ever spoke to her es
cept in the moat formal manner, though
he rntnc to the house as often as former
ly. Apiarcntly it was to see Pauline
now; and though the gentle girl strove
to feel the same toward her false friend,
she eould not quite'.do so.
There was another rejected suitor of
Laura's** named Robert Lester, who
about this time took advantage of the
situation to renew his devotion to her.
Laura had never liked him, and liked
him less than ever now.
"I must bring masters to a crisis
soon," thought Pauline one night, as
she wreathed her brilliant face with
smiles, ana pretended not to have seen
Mrs. Work's cold manner to her.
Presently, when Ix;wis Vanwirt
called, she was watching for him, and
drew him at once into the garden. " I
want to tell you something." she said,
in her soft voice; "and beside* Isuira
and her lover are so happy in there by
themselves it would be a pity to disturb
I hem."
" Has she consented to marry bim at
last P" he asked bitterly,
" Oh, of course; I told you she would.
He is such a very moral young man. and
denr I,aura is so very strict in her ideas.
" Mr. Vanwirt," Pauline said, sud
denly f "do you know to whom your
grandfather left his money, in that will
that has never been found P"
"I do not know."
"I can tell you,"
"YouP" He stared at her.
"Itgaye everything to Laura Workj"
"Impossible! How do you know?"
"Never mind. I do know," Pauline
said, lilting her beautiful blHck eyes to
his in the moonlight. " Moreover, that
will is in existence."
He stared at her harder than before.
" I know where it is."
" You do?"
" Would you like to see UP" slipping
her hand into Iter pocket.
" I certainly should."
" How would you like to see l,nura and
Robert taster lording it at the Vanwirt
house?"
Lewis ground his teeth with involun
tary rage. This decided the false, bold
girl beside him.
" tawis Vanwirt," she said, " if that
will could be put into vour possession
to do what you like with it, would you
marry a woman who loves you better
thnn Laura Work ever could P"
" I would."
Trembling with joy she drew out the
folded paper, and put it into his hand.
He held it up in the moonlight a mo
ment and then thrusting it inside of his
breast turned suddenly and began to go
swiftly toward the house. Paulinecouid
scarcely keep up with him. An awful
misgiving seized her.
" What arc you going to doP"
" You shall see," he answered nUntij,
and she read his determination in hi*
eyes.
" What a foal I was." she muttered,
but made one effort more.
"tauraand taster won't i.. ink you
for interrupting them."
No answer as he strode on and
entered the drawing-room through
one of the open French windows.
Laura sal there, witli her mother. She
hod been crying. No one else was in
the room, lie laid the will upon hrr
lap.
" I find," he said hurriedly, and in a
shaking voice, "that my grandfather
left hi* monc-y to you. There is the
will that has been mising so ,ong. I
hope. Laura, that you will be a great
ileal happier with Mr. taster than you
would have been with me. But lie will
never love you any better than I do."
" Laura detests Robe rt taster," cried
Mrs. Work, taking in the situation at
once "She. has never cared for any
one but you I* wis Vanwirt, and you
ought to know it."
"Oh! my darling!" ejaculated tawis,
wildly, extending his arms, "isittrue* 1 "
In another instant Laura was sobbing
on his shoulder.
Pauline went quietly to her own room,
and spent the night in pa king. When,
the next morning, she announced hrr ap
proaching departure, no one objected.
The Cotton king.
Mr. Richardson, of Crrsson, Miss., is
the largest cotton planter in tbe wind,
and is the cotton king'of America. He
ha* worked hard ail his life, nnd is still
working. He is popular with the
masses, and especially so witli his
colored laborers. He is generally lie
lie ved to hnvc accumulated from $15,-
000,000 to ft 0.000.000, all made in the
South, the poor South- Kiglit hundred
ban is are employed in the factories,
three-fourt lis of whom are women
gathered from the surrounding country,
good, faithful, industrious and intelli
gent. The remaining fourth are men
nnd boys, gathered from various places,
a few from the Nortli and n few from
England and Scotland, who work 400
looms and I*,(100 spindles.
In cotton these mills consume daily
from eighteen to twenty bales, besides
an enormous quantity of wool obtained
mostly from the Fiorida parishes of
Louisiana on take Pontcbartrain - The
prices ol the products ol these mills are
kept down to rock bottom, and these
mills being situated in the southern cot
ton belt and in the wool producing dis
tricts, and no freights to pay on cotton,
their far ilitie* lor buying tUo raw mate
rial sre without doubt unsurpassed and
they can thus undersell all others
Their savings in freight, having to pay
none at all, amounts to seven or right
dollars per bale. These goods find a
ready sale in all the large cities.
The mills are now running day and
night, using the Brush electric lights,
making the buildings as bright a* day.
The night hands are separate and distinct
from those that work in the day. A ll
hands work harmoniously together.
There has never been a strike or any
threats of auch a thing. There is no
colored labor employed, except five men
as firemen. This labor cannot be util
ised to manage the looms and spindles.
The monotonous humming and droning
ol the [machinery, it is claimed, would
invariably soothe the negro to sleep and
let the looms run wild and the spindles
foul. Hence he is not considered avail
able as a laborer in cotton factories.
Cresson is a very thriving town, and it*
population orderly and temperate. There
is not a grog shop in the town.—Aouts
ville Courier Journal.
Dog, Kee and i'lteher.
A bee flew into a pitcher that stood
on a doorstep of a house in Boston. A
dog, coming along, saw the bee, and bis
head went down into the pitcher after
the insect. The bee made it lively for
the dog, and lie could not now withdraw
liis bead, and the circus began in earnest.
The dog howled fearfully and began to
plunge wildly about, and then started
on a mad run down the street. The dog.
being completely blindfolded by the
pitcher, could not guide himself, but got
under the feet of a stout man, and both
took a roll In the gutter, and the shouts
of the roan, who did not attempt to die
guise his annoyance, were se loud as tbe
yella ol the dog. A policeman, coming
up, broke up the pitcher and the show
at the same time.
A KAIIY WITH TWO UK A I)M.
A tlruii. Crulian In Ilia Hinllh.oal.il
Institute—Sfj slery to It* Origin
A recent ictu-r irom Washington to
the Philadelphia 'A'rocs says: One of the
ofllocmof the Smithsonian Institute sent
me 11 note it day or two ago asking me
to come over ami sc.s the strangest thing
Unit hail ever been in the institution. I
went, an a matter of course, and won
surely shown a very amazing thing. It
wits a two-headed baby, nicely dried and
preserved. It won nliout a foot long.
The he.ids, about the size of a base ball,
were perfect, and so were the
two trunks, which came together at the
waist. The shoulders seemed to be per-'
feet, the four arms were perfect, and the
two chests were, so far as I could sec,
natural and normal. The hipß ap
peared about the proper size for an in
fant of that age, and the legs and feet
were natural. Every part of the boys
to the hips seemed natural. Here the
ril>s seemed to grow together. The right
arm of the left boy was over the head of
the other boy, while the left arm of the
right lioy was around the neck of the
other. The other arms were stretched
along the sides. The child or children
were larger than usual at birth, and it
is a conjecture whether it or they may
not have been born alive. The scientists
have not examined it critically; but so
far there does not seem to be any nat
ural reason why the children should not
have lived. It is certainly a more
curious freak of nature than the Sia
mese twins, except in the matter of
living. The remains arrived a day
or two ago from a Southern State.
The case is enshrouded in a good
deal of mystery and still more secrecy.
The authorities pretend that they have
not a full history of the singular thing,
and whether they have or not it is
doubtful that it will ever be given tothe
public, bvcti the " specimen " itself is
kept locked up in a room with a lot of
rattlesnakes, and the people are not al
lowed to see it, and this Is the first pub
lication altout it that has ever been
made. The probability is that the ex
istence of such a child was concealed
hy the parents, nnd that the remains
were found hy accident, the parent* be
ing ignorant rf the finding. One thing
I noticed particular.y about these baby,
or that babies, and that was the shape
of the beads. They were as well de
veloped heads as I ever saw. They
were large at the top and the foreheads
were fu.i and it did not slope back like
the Siamese twins. What is to become
witti him is a question no one con an
swer at the Smithsonian.
The Mahogany Tree.
Full-grown, the mahogany tree is one
of the monarch.* of tropical A men ca
lls vast trunk and massive arms, rising
to a lofty height nnd spreading with
graceful sweep over immense spaces,
covered with beautiful foliage, bright,
glossy, light and airy, clinging so long
to the spray as to make it almost an rv
ergrern. present a rare combination of
loveliness and grandeur. The leaves
are very small, deiiiate and polished,
like those of the laurel. The flowers
sre small and white, or greenish yellow.
The mahogany lumbermen, having
selected a tree, surround it with a piat
fotrn about twelve feet above the
ground, and cut it above the platform.
Home dozen or fifteen feet of the largest
part of the trunk art thus lost; yet a
single log not infrequently weighs from
six or seven to fifteen tons, and some
times measure* a* much as seventeen
feet in length and four and a half and
five fret in diameter, one tree furnishing
two, three or four such log*. Some
tree* have yielded 12.000 superficial
feet.
A ranastlc Pair.
The F\gam states that two ph nom
enal specimens of humanity are now
in Paris; one is a giant and the other a
dwsrf. The giant named Nirolai Simon
off, seven feet five inehe* high, I* a
young Russian of twenty-four, who
served in the body-guard of the em
peror of Russia during the Turkish
campaign. He is one of the one hun
dred and seventy men who forced a
passage across the Danube near Hem
nilza on the Istb of June. |k77. and wo*
rewarded with the Saint-George medal
for liis bravery. During thp war many
of his companions fell around him while
he (scaped unhurt, and a* some people
expressed their astonishment at the
fact, "It is very simple, n he said; "All
the shot* passed between my legs.*'
Nicoiai SlmonofT began to grow so enor
mously only when he was about twenty;
until eighteen he was of ordinary sut
ure. He boo married before joining the
military service, and on hi* r.'turn bis
wife, much astonished to see a giant
enter her house a* her husband, refused
to recognise' him.
Princess Paulina, the dwarf, is Dutch;
•he measures only one foot two inches.
The giant holds her on bis stretched-out
palm.
A Wise PrecMtlsn.
When diphthiria is prevailing, no
child should be permitted to kiss strange
children nor those suffering from sore
throat (the disgusting custom of com
pelling children to kiss every visitor is
s well-contrived method of propogating
other grsve diseases than diphtheria);
nor shouid it sleep with nor be con fined
to rooms occupied by or use articles, as
toys, taken in the mouth, handkerchief,
etc.. belonging to children having sore
throat, croup, or oatarrh. If the weather
is cold, tie child should be warmly clad
with flai iets.
An insane physician poisoned two
men to death at Lyon, Minn., before bis
malady was discovered.
MiMK ODD IIAPI'KJHMJF.
Ry a change of channel the Missouri
river cut off one thousand Acres from
Kansas and added it to Missouri.
A carpenter while repniring a house
in Bt. John's, discovered beneath a par
tially decayed window-sili $5,000 in
banknotes.
The original seckel pear tree, 150 years
old, still stands on the shore of the Dela
ware. This tree was produced from a
seed that was washed on shore.
While the residence of Irving Clay,
of Grand River, Mo., was burning, a
loaded musket lying upon a gun rack
was discharged, and the con tents, con
consisting of turkey shot, wounded two
of the children.
When Miss Minnie Gorges, of Staun
ton, Va,. heard L. P. Benjamin, the solo
cornetit of a visiting minstrel troupe
perform, she fell madly in love with him.
Opposition was useless, and after a be
trothal of two hours they were married.
A Madeira county Texan gathered
over 1,000 bushels of pecan nuts from
his farm and sold them in San Antonio
lor $3.40 per bushel. His net profit
was $3,400 on the crop, the entire cost
of gathering and marketing being
just $25.
Ella Dorsey, the aflianecd wife of
Conrad Seitz, of Monroe, Ala., jwhen
notified*)! his death sent back this tele
gram: "Delay funeral two days. I
will IK* ready for burial with him." She
was; she committed suicide immedi
ately afterward.
A diamond ring lay on a marble slab
in Cambridge, Mass., where a lady had
placed it before washing her hands. An
hour afterward a mouse was sun to run
across the room with the ring round
his body, having crawled into it as it
was standing on it* edge. The mouse:
was afterward caught and the ring rc
j covered.
A Son's Alleged Sscriflce.
A ind in the Kansas penitentiary, who
confessed n lew years ago to having
inurdcrt-d n man named Farris, now
j poes before the public as a devoted son.
He s ys he became convinced at once
that hi* father had committed the
murder, but at the coroner's inquest
shielded hi .a and oonvicUd himself.
The fatlxr then got out on bail, and tbe
| boy remained in jail five months.
During his confinement the father visited
the son frequently. On one of these
visit* the boy was told that there was a
bog containing a pair of boots on top of
a cupboard in the jailer's office, and the
father wanted them secured and burned.
There were two doors between the
prison and theofice. but to the surprise
of the boy the iai,er strangely left these
two doors unlocked and the bag was
very eosiiy got, and in the presence of
other prisoners, burned in tbe stove.
Two of those witnesses ore now in the
; penitentiary- These boots, it seems,
were the father's, and bore marks that
pointed to iii* guilt. After that the boy
was persuaded to sacrifice himseif to
pave Lis father, upon the promise that a
pardon would be procured in a few
years on the ground of his youthfulneas.
Afterward the mother visited tbt
prisoner, and he thereupon confessed
to her that he bad killed F'arris
in a quarrel. \S hen the case came up
; for trial the young man pi coded guity
i to the charge, and wholly exonerated
his father from all complicity in the
bloody deed. After the prisoner had
been in the penitentiary a year, his
fsther and mother went to California
Alter five years the mot her returned and
endeavored to procure a pardon for her
boy, but tailed. This [intelligence wa
conveyed by letter to the father, and he
killed himseif. The Knowledge of the
suicide, however, did not reach the boy
until some] time last September. This
is one of tbe most remarkable state
ment* in criminal annals. That a boy
of sixteen should hsve the nerve to
consign himself to disgraceful imprison
ment to shield a cowardly lather seems
j incredible.— Nets York Jribmnc.
* Ddd People."
Undoubtedly odd people have their
consolations. In the first place, they
are quite sure not to be weak people
Every one with a marked individuality
ha* always this one great blessing—he
can stand alone. In his pleasures and
his pains he is sufficient to himself, and
if he does not get sympathy he can gen
erally do without it. Also " peculiar"
people, though not attractive to the
many, by the lew who do love them are
sure to be loved very deeply; as we are
apt to love those who have strong sal
ient points, and in whom there is a good
deal to get over. And, even if un'oved,
they have generally great capacity ol
loving—a higher, and, it may he, a safer
tiling. For affection that rest* on an -
other's love often leans on a broken reed;
love which rest* on itself is founded on
a rock and cannot move. The waves
may lash, the winds may rave around
it; but there It is. and there it will
abide. _____
Professor Watson, tbe astonomer. had
a remarkable memory. When an un
dergraduate he used to memorise long
passages of tbe Greek and Latin authors,
which he sometimes in after years re
peated to his friends with complete ac
curacy. |
There are in the city of New York
about twenty charitable hospitals for
the oars of the sick. In addition to
those of thfir patients who wholly
or In part pay the cost of their own
treatment, they provide tor ten thousand
sick parsons annually without charge.
ffo Such Kib.
JTiO minister hit 'tn every UI/i,
And when h *;*ilii> of laehion,
And riggiii' ""t in hows and thing*,
A* woman'* rutin' ; en* ion,
A nd ooiniu' to churcii to Mm the styles,
I couldn't help a wmkin'
And midgin' wy wile, and nay* I, " J bat'*
you,"
And I gtie** It (to !/r to thinkin'.
Jost then the rrt in inter amy t, nay* he,
" And now I've ootn- to tiie leilem,
Who've lout thin nbower by oain' their rien'la {
An a nort o' rn'tral urnbreUem. •
Go borne," aaid he, "and find your taulta,
Inntcnd of buntin' your brothel'*;
Go borne," aaid he, " and wntr the coata
You triwl to fit lor other*."
My wile *he nmlgiyl, arid Brown he winked.
And there was lota o' *rnil : n'
And lota o' lookin' at our pew;
It *ot wy Mood a hilin'
Hey* 1 to iny*e!l, our minister
I* gettin' a little bilterj
I'll teil him, when meetin'a out that
Ain't at all that kind ola critter.
!ILMOKOl T S.
Best pincc for the blind—The sea
eide.
The longest shoe is under a foot, when
worn.
In h war of words the di< tionsry gets
the best of it.
It is natural to avoid a clock when it
! is about to strike one.
The beehive is the poorest thing in
the world to fail back on.
No matter how old a crowbar may l*e,
! it remains as pry as ever.
At this season the most popular letter
flan I..— Hyraauc Times.
The New Orleans I'tx/tyune thinks
I that a man, like a ranor, is made keen
| hy being frequently strapped.
"Do fish sine?" asks an exchange.
Certainly, and many of them have been
known to reach the high "a.
"Tiers, idle tiers," as the actor said
when be saw the row of impty benches
before him. — HarcUhe/n Independent.
it isn't neccusary u. sftrrh the rock*
for the antediluvian man; lie is here,
and can be found in the store that don't
advertise — lxickpori Union.
What wend* ar<-Jtiri<Ji-r in their live*
Than even Jonah'* gourd?
•' Tb- w*l* put on by widowed wire*;
That wan the answer heard.
.Vru York .Matl.
A man's jaws wou.d make a small
farm, as each one contains sixteen
acbers.— Waterloo (Jbterver.
The average man in an u .ster should
adopt the hoop-skirt, in order to give
his hells full play.— Oirtgv liluh.
The book den-nnting on the memories
of Olc Bull is bound in calf, witti the
head and tail inside.— BloomingVjn Bye.
Fill her bustle full ol sponge*.
.Sister'* going out Vi skate;
She will need their yieMmg nottnoan
When *be trie* the flguri H.
It is a fortunate thine for Shakespeare
that be establish? i a solid reputation iie
hire the newspaper critics of America
I had a chance to cut him up.
The St. Ixmis , s |ptrU chronicles the re
| markablc fact that an auctioneer re-
I centiy put up a stove in that town. But,
didn't he finally knock it down?
The donkey keeps his tongue still and
| his ears in motion. Coiseqnmtiy. his
j cars are nevrr frown. There is a mora]
j here, if you win search for it.
Of course, stcires that have nothing in
particular to sell have nothing in par
ticular to advertise, and must neces
sarily preserve silence.— Kltnira Free
Prttt.
" Tom. where can I get a good two
foot rule?" " I can give you one on the
p t. John." "Well, let's have it."
'Don't wear tight shoes! That rule
I applies to both f< ct."
Two new Atlantic cables will soon
he laid from the American coast and
fastened to France. Then, if the latter
eountiy makes any trouble, we can pull
her over here by those cables and spank
her.— OtlfSty DerrifJc.
Angry Debtor—" Here is your money
boy. Now tell me why your matr
| wrote eighteen letters about that paltry
sum." Sbopboy—" Iro sure I can't t'll,
sir; if you'll excuse mc. sir. I think it
was because seventeen letters did not - •
fetch it.'"
" What I want to get is the animus of
the transaction," said the judge. " But
your honor,'* said the complainant,
"there wasn't any at ail. He came up
quiet like. .nd grabbed the coat, and
was off before I could c what be was
at. No, sir, there wasn't any muss."
t b*te the winter with its snow—
It i* the blame ol wedded hie—
I've drank the very drag* of wee.
For Mary Awn i* now tny wile;
And he it e'er so oold and drear,
KM h morn, at 6 o'clock or prior.
My darling whisper* in my ear:
" It'* time, my love, to light the Ore'"
It was in a San Francisco restaurant
the other night that a waiter was apol
ogising for the dilapidated state ol bis
napkin. "lfon't mention it."msponded
the customer, sadly. "1 don't mind the
holes in the least. That part of your
napkin is ai ways sure to be clean." And
for the next Un minutes nothing ocuid
be heard but the butter combing It*
hair out In the pantry.
L ord Duffrrin is said to have re sted
with great gusto, to a friend, that when
be came borne from India to be married
be found no carriage awaiting him at
the little Irish railway station, and had
to hire a common jaunting car. (roing
along be asked the driver it there was
any news. " Nothing." said be, "ex
cept that pretty Kate Hamilton is to be
married to that one-eyed Duflerin."