A HUMORIST'S CAREER. Story of Ihr F.rcntfti! I.lfr of "XI. Quail." Charles B. Lewis, hotter known an " M. Quad" of tlx* Detroit Free I Ye**, lias written a comedy, and Mr. ami Mrs. Alf' Wcynian. the celebrated aetor anil ac tress, will soon put it on the stage in that city. Lewis is truly a remarkable man. lie fw-gnn life a poor printer—so poor, in faet, that his proofs, after lieing read by the editor, looked like a map of L'pper Cana da. When the war broke out lie enlisted j in the Sixth Michigan cavalry, and served gallantly until its close —and for nearly a year afterward, as the regiment, after "the" surrender of 1-ee, was sent to Fort Bridget. Utah, and was not mus tered out until February, IHWfI. On the Yellowstone, in May. the command fought one of the bloodiest Indian hat ties in history, in which the gallant Col. Kid. while riding at the head of his command in the same heroic manner as • Custer, fell pierced with twenty-seven arrows. After the war j-ewis returned to Michigan almost penniless. and again took up the stick and rule. Through the assistance of (Jeorge Peek (who was once a congressman from Michigan), editor of the State ,Journal, to which paper he had ! occasionally contributed, he secured a situation as local editor on the Maysvillc (Kv.) Haiti tin. While en route to Mays villc, to enterupon the duties of the only lucrative offer lie had ever received, the steamer upon which lie took passage on tlie Mississippi river, blew up, killing and wounding some forty persons and more or less injuring all the others. ! Lawis, horribly scalded and disfigured. ' was blown some tlfteen yards, landing I on the hank of the river. When picked | up, life appeared to he extinct, and his appearance was such that lie was mis- I taken for a negro, loaded into a cart and . was driven to the dead-house. On ex hibiting signs of life lie was removed to a hospital, and. after weeks of intense suffering, began to mend. When at gist ahli* to leave that institution, lie found . his Maysvillc position had long lieen ' filled, and he returned blemished and j bankrupt, to Michigan. While in search j of employment he happened into the of- ! lice of the Pontine Jaek-*onian, and, with* ! out copy, set from the ease an article headed, " llow it Feels to Is 1 Blown l*p." 1 The article was humorous and graphic ' to a remarkable degree, and there are ; few publications in America in which it has not appeared. It may he said of j Lewis that "he went to bed one night. ' and awoke in the morning and found ; himself famous." He sued the steam- ! boat company, and recovered' $lO,OOO. This sum lie invested in Free Press stock. 1 and has ever since been an attache of that paper, though for years lie has con- I tribute-! to the columns of Kastern lite- j rary periodicals. In 1*74 lie published a hook of selections, entitled " Quail's ! Odtls," which ran through several edi tions, and a half interest in which he sold for $12,000. In a recent letter to the writer, Mr. Lewi* states that his weekly income is now $2lO. making a munificent annuity of some $lO,OOO. (jnml has hut one eccentricity, or " weakness,as it is called, and tliat is peanuts, of which he is very fond. It is doubtful if there has boon a moment during the past ten years when his coat tail pockets did not contain peanuts, lie never passes a huckster's stand on the street without pausing to reach around i to see if his stock of this peculiar vege table needs replenishing. If he meets a child crying on the street, lie never in quires the cause, hut stops, reaches into his coattail pocket, loads tlie tearful youngster up with a double-handful of peanuts, and hurries on his way. Sight ing a newslsiy or lioothlack ahead, whose j • countenance indicate* cold weather or depressed business, lie gets ready a hand- ; fui of peanuts, calls " Here, boy." and j the transfer is made without once break ing his pace. Is 1 wis claims that two i cents'worth of peanuts, judiciously bo- Stowed, will carry more satisfaction to a j human heart—while the action encour- ( age* it to brace up against the world— ; than a $5OO gift to pay off a church debt.— Peek'* Milwaukee Hun. Remedies Worth Trying. The Paris correspondent of the Boston Fourier, referring to hi* recovery from a dangerous illness, says: I mention this illncss that I may tell you how easily I was cured. I was bent double. I could not breathe. My piivsicinn ordered un to take a flat-iron and heat it as hot as I could liear; hut a double fold of flannel! on the painful part and move the iron to and fro on the flannel. I wascured ashy ] enchantment. My doctor told roe that j some time since a professor in one of our colleges, after suffering some days with ' neuralgia in the head, which In- himself tried U> cure, sent for the former, who preserilied a hot flat-iron. The next , time the doctor saw the professor the ! latter exclaimed with mock anger: "I - really shall not pay you any fee! I had no sooner applied tie- heated iron than all pain vanish**!! That is as simple as good day; surely you eiuinot expect a fee for it? My physician was summoned recently to the bedside of a woman who had neuralgia in fxtth sides and so violent- I ly she alarmed the whole neighliorhood ' by the screams which her intolerable anguish wrung fsnm low. She was taken from her bed and borne near the Are. In such severe cases a heated iron Is not energetic enough. He lias an iron rod fastened in an ivory handle. He heats this rod to white heat (which causes less pain than red heat) and applies it very slightly to tlx* seat of pain, first in longi tudinal, tlu-n in latitudinal line*.. The application is so light that no trace i* left hut red lines on tin- epidermis, which are soon effaced. In twenty minutes the woman walked back to ls-d and the third day nfterward quitl-sl it entirely freed > from neuralgia. This instrument is not to la- entrusted to awkward hands. Three weeks ago one of our brilliant ar tists was invited to shoot by the owner of a chateau in whose grounds tlu-re are wild fowl in abundance. He woke, the morning after arrival at this gentleman's house, with sciatica in his right thigh. He could not leave his bed. Tnancarcst doctor wll* sent for. " I can do nothing which will give you immediate relief. Tin-artist is a patient of my physician. He tohl the doctor what to do. 'Hie lat ter declined taking the responsibility of any such violent treatment. "But I assume all responsibility." The doctor applied an iron rod heated to white heat, hut so awkwardly tliat the artist has sears tin- size of a Ilve-lhmc piece on Ids thigh. Hp was ne vert In-less cured, and et\)oyed a week's sport without one other twitch of pain. "m The electric light on thnCtinard wharf ■ is working well, and it is now i-ropuard F to light the harbor with these machines. ) One placed on Fort Independence nnd another oa fhinard wharf would enable a vessel to enter the linrbor In the dark est night or denwwt fog - -Ho+jmA\ s. and they could not help thinking, too. that tie had In < n a great fiol to cxjiiie on l-oard in -ucli a position. But they -lid not tell him so. for that would have helped no one. and might have spoiled a very good ship's IHV. Tom wrote home wln-n- v-r he had a chance, and In had some long letters from his family, which were forwarded to him witli tin- other ieit>-r* for the ship. But after lie had been on l-oard the Hector alioitt six months, lie got a short letter, which pleased him nmv-- than any thing ill the letter line lie had ever n ccjved. This t-d-l liiui tliat a* hi- friends had la-eome convinced tliat he was really very inu-'h attached ton life on the sen. ami that as his oflh-eg-s lnul reported Well of him. they had obtained for him an nj>* pointmr-nt as midshipman. Now Tom was liappv. Now he would r--ally learn mat hematic* and navigation, and now he hail a eluuice to w->rk him self up into a g-x>l jM-sition. it would seem as if this tliot!gnt|e-s fx-y had i-een rewarded f--r running away from school, and giving his family no much anxiety and trouble. But things sometimes hap pen that way, though it does not do to trust to any sti- h good fortune. In after years, Tom often r--gr--tt-e entire ly neglected on U-ar-l ship. Ami he also had some immediate cause for r--jent oro-e, for lie found that some of Id* com panion* were very willing to joke nlx-tit the shjp'-i>oy who hail route among them, although tln-y knew that In- was just as much of a gentleman as any of them. In alout a year after Tom'* npp-rfnt ment, war broke out w itli Spain, ami tlm Hector was ordered to tie- Spanish roast. After cruising about for a month or two. she joined with two oilier Briti-h vessel* in an attack on a fortress on tin- short- of the Mediterranean s- a, which viu at tin same time besieged by a buid force. Early in the morning the three Ye*sal* opened fire on tin- fort, which soon replied in vigorous fashion, send ing homlwhell* and eannon-fmlls all nr-uind tln-in. n-l sometime* knocking tiff a spar or crashing through some tim ber*. But the Hector fared very well. She was mor-- advantngi-ousl v placed than the other shins, and while sin- eould readily m-ur in her lire on tin fort. sin- received fewer shots in return than her consort*. But, after a time, the enemy Ix-gnn to think tliat the "Hector" nceiled rather more attention, ami additional guns were brought to fx-ar upon her. Now there were lively times on the Heetor's deck, and Tom found out what it wn* to is- in a hot fight on board of a shin. I But the boy Was not frigllt-n- rf. Tliat was not Ids nature. He rushed around, carrying orders ami attending to iiis du ties, very much n* if In- was engaged in j a rousing good game of ericket. While lie was thus employed, jihitup on Ixianl earn* a l-oinhshcll. and mil ai moot at the f(*t of the mainmast. The fuse In it was smoking nnd fizzing. In an instant more it would explode and t--ar everything nround it to atoms! Several men were at a gun nenr-by, hut they did not see the ttnmh. Their lives were almost as good n* gone. The captain stood just book of the gun. He saw the smoking homh, and sprang back. Before he had time fo even shout " I-ook out?" along came T-m. He was almost on the Ix-nih Ix-fbre he *nw it. It never took Tom long to make up his mind. We finve seen that. His second thoughts always came up n long way after the first one*. He gave a glance at the smfcking fuse; he knew that it was lust about to explode, and that it Would kill everybody round about It, and he picked it up and hurled it into the When the captain sow Tom stoop, nnd grasp that hot, heavy homh In lit* two hands; when lie saw him rata it tin with the fuse spluttering and fizzing close to his ear—where. If it hn-l ex ploded. It Would have blown hi* head into pieee* no bigger tlwn a pen—nnd then dash it over tlie ship's aid-, ?•< that the fttsc was, of course, extinguished tlie instant It touched tin* water, li<* won ho astonished ill,'it ho could not speak. lie niiule one step, a warning ery wan on Ills lijis, |>ul before lie could say a word it wan all over. When Tom turned, and was about to hurry away on an errand that hod been HO strangely interrupted, the captain took him by the arm. "My giwid fellow," said he, and al though he had seen much Hervice and had been in many a tight, the captain could not help bis voice shaking a little; " niv good fellow, do you know what you have done?" " Yes,air,"said Tom. with a smile, " I .lav spoiled a bombshell." And every r inan in this part of the ship owes you his life, I 'added the enp ain. • If vou should ever meet Captain Tom Black of her majesty's shin "Stinger," you might ask him about tills incident, and he would probably tell you that he has heard nbnul it a great ileal himself, and that he believes, from what happened afterward, that the nfliiir of the Isilnb sliell was a very good thing for him, but that it was all over so quickly that he has really (forgotten almost all about it.— John l.ih cr*, in St. yicJiohw. The Cliff* Dweller*. tang liefore ('oluillhirs' diseoverv, probably early in ihet bristinnern, eivfl i/.ation Is-gaii in Ainerien. l-'ive distinct native civilisations arc known to have exist**!: one in I'cru, one in Yucatan, one in Mexico, one in New Mexico, Ari zona and Colorado, and one in the val leys of the Mississippi nnd Ohio river-. The latter were mound builders, who worked the copper mines of lake Superi or ami worshfiied the American eagle. The New Mexican race we call the l'tlch los, or town builders, ami toward the dose of their career the Cliff-dwellers. When the whites came to this conti nent the Peruvians and the civilizations of Yucatan and Mexico > nourish ing: the Cliff-dwellers I .early di.nap js-ared, and the Mound-builders bad Ihsu >wcpt away nnd rep|n<-cd by Imrbar ous northern liordcs. I,iving in a moist land rich in wood, they built of tliis material, nnd most of their works |H rished with them; but tbe New Mexi can people occupied a dry, elevated and barren country abounding in platraus and cliffs, where agriculture, requiring irrigation, could lH*rniTi<*l on only along the I/orders of tile few and widaly-scpn latcd streams, or where water could Is* Htor.nl in reservoirs. The region was and is a desert, in which settlement* mark oases. Wherever the Pueblo* could cultivate tile ground thev built towns of stone or sun-burnt brick, the only mate rial at hand in this rx-nrlv woodles* land. They raised cotton, corn, pumpkin*, can- and other vege table*, lino domestic animals, and w. re quite advan. isi in weaving, |Mitterv mak ing. and otler primitive art-. At one time they occupied ev. ry available spot in eastern ArlJtonn, New Mexico and touthirn < oiorado; Init tic natural con ditions of climate and topography f..r bnde tliat nnv great accumulations of wealth should repay the cn.lle-* patience of their toil. A liar.* subHistence was all tliat could In wrung from the desert land. WRen, therefore, the nortliTn trite* Is gali to crowd down upon the scatter.si settlements, the*.- wild ne n of the chase. who. having neither property nnr fixed hom.s, bad everything to gain and nothing to lose in tie struggle, aiowiv wore out th' -ir.ngtli of the morecivif. iz.sl race. While the services of every man. woman and child mut have been needed in agriculture to accurc a living a large proportion of the male popula tion Were in arms r<-sisting the increas ing incursion* of nomads. Weak' nrd by battle nnd famine, the gentler mee. who had treasured and developed the saerel germ of human progre-s, aban doned their i t•* in the valleys and took reftjgv in ledge* of almost inae. .-siti| cliffs. Hwtney built tbtnnlni st..n houses, not to Is 1 approach'*) ex.vpt by ladder*, and support.-d theme!vi on what could In' raise.) along streams at the foot of the ro< ks. All of this trans pired tiefbre the flfto'nlli century. When the Spaniard* tirst js-netrated int.. New Mexico, they heard falniioits tab's of seven inhabit"*! cities, full o gold and silver, perched on the summit of a high rock. They vainly endeavororl to cross the deserts separating them from tins... o-ealie.i eiti.-i of Citeila. Almost nothing was known of them until a I'nited Stnt'-s government expedition, overcoming great olwtneli*. encamped finally at tliefoot of the escarp**! plateau, on w bos.' top stand the seven Moqni tow ns. They found a civilized agricul tural people. clad In cotton and woolen garments of their own weaving, en gaged in cultivating maize, vegetable* and fruit, l.ut also men of the chase, and thoroughly warlike, Tlii* i toe only surviving remnant of of that once-powerful people, who. driven from the valleys to the cliff-, perished at last by the bands of the wild trihes we am now exterminating —Al bany Journal, talent Force*. A Kansas mule, of the brindle denom ination. was standing in a pasture held, backed Up uneotnfortablv close to a mild-eyed Texas steer. The mule was not feeling in a very good humor. lie had lost his railroad ticket, or had a note to lift, or somebody had kicked his dog or something. Anyhow, lie was cross, nnd feeling Just ready to do some thing mean the tirst chance" he. got. By. and-by a rnH*l* sw i-li of the Texan's tale ntveliiin the longed-for lirovoent x>n, and Is-fore the mule got his heels hack to the ground, the Texan thought some* body lin.l shot him with a double-bar relled cannon. And then the steer aiowiv turned hi* head, and opened wide his clear, pensive eyes,and without swearing or catching his breath or say ing a word, he just lifted one of his hind legs about eight feet from the ground and tapped the astonished mule with his cloven lioof, right where he lived. And the mule curled up in n knot and gospel. "Oh, bleeding heart!" And then lie leaned tip against a tree to cateli bis breath, nnd sat down.on the ground and opened bis mouth to t air, and finally lie lain down and held his leg* up jn the air and *ald. In a htiskv whisper, that If he could only die and IK- over with It, he would Iw glad. But he got over it a little after a while, and as lie was limp ing sadly toward the fcn<*\ trying to think just how it!happcncd. and wonder ing Just where lie was hit. he met his mother, who noticed Ids rueftil counte nance and Iti* painful locomotion. "Well," she said, "and what 1 * the matter with you?" ".Nothing, tlie mule said faintly. "Ob, nothing. I have just kicked n hook agent." "Heaven save us," said Ids mother with derisive accent, "I thought you bad more sense."— HurluujUm flawkcye. A Serond-hund .Suit. A big one hundred nnd eighty pounder, whose long legs and bulky body were jammed into a second-hand suit of clot lies two sizes too small, entered the <'entral sttation yesterday with Ids ear bleeding and a hunch on Ills jaw. As soon a- encouraged to speak he iiegari: " Well, to begin on, i in a miss, and to end, I'm a fool r' I've got that down,"said lhe<:iptaifi, us he made notes on a sheet of paper. "You see," continued Bulky, "I wanted to get hiv tin-type taken, and I wanted it took with a red necktie on. Bed just shows off gorgeous on at in-type, and this one o' mine was going clear to liijiutiy." "That's clown." ".Well, I went to a clothing store down here, and the fellow lie bowed and shook hands, and his wife she bowed unci shook hands, and lie hud red neckties ranging all the way froth fifteen cents to three million dollars apiece. I got one— here'shc is. ] don't claim to know any tliing about carpets, hut I do believe I kin pick out the best reel necktie of any ejiap of my inches in North America. That's all right, I'm satisfied with the tie; but ju-t put your eyes on this suit of clot lies! "I've seen better (its and more har mony in colors," observed the captain. "fits! Why, these clothes were built for a yearling calf, while I'm a tliroc-year old elephant; Harmony! Why, here's brown, blick, red, green and saddle color, all in bean!" " Well, why did you get Vmf" " Ye*, why did I get 'em," rcqs-atcsi the man as lie fell into a chair. " Write me down as another fool, ami draw a line under the fool! The-i- ere clothes hung there in that store, and when that 'ere man smiled and bowed and offered 'em to me for lifti-en dollars I bad no more jd< a of takin' Vin than you have of eat ing alligator-steak for dium r. Then bis wife bowisl and sniiledaml offered 'eln to Vnc fur tlllrtcs-n. and said I bad the purti est pair of shoulders she ever miw. Thc-n tie old man knocked off another dollar and said the clothes once- belonged to a millionaire here, and that w hen I got into 'em and walked up the street every hat would come off to glorify me," " And you believes! it ?" " Believed 1t! Write me down a-an idiot—a tins* —a fil who don't know 'nuff to chaw slipis-ry-c'lui! Ofcour-e. I believed it' One of '< m was praisin' my leg*, nnd the other my shoulders, and both smiling and Im>w ing. and I tcM>k these dud* at 'lev® dollar* 1 aiioot me. it I didn't!" " And pedestrian* took off tlxir hat- to you. did they ?" "Hidthey! That's tlx-nx-mx-st thing of all! I bought tie -• '-re t lungs Vino in' they belonged to a millionaire, but I hadn't gct| a lilndi from tie- store when a big-necked nift" danc-s up to me, call* inc .Ijiii tie' Kicker, and-ays lie's going to li. k me for giving him away to tlx* police. Tti'-'' '• re duds *o,d lie- right out 1n a 111 ill it. and J got a couple* of '*t ?" " Am t be bang'si"' -bout'sl Bulky a h jumped up. "l>o voti *'jM.-> I'm a qU'-ll r:' l>o I cry wfic-n I get bitten? N' 1 er' I can i" rjsb, but I ' aiiliot jural' Fan W' "I!" He started for the live r, at- offieer fol lowing at a distance, hut be changed hi* mind alsiut suiciding, ami vv.l* last seen sitting "ii a barrel <•( Akron "tieni pes ling a herring w itli one band and pull ing down In* \ .*st with tiie otler, while an old apple woman w.i- saying: " I s'po*e ye was driven into them elotle-s by mix hiix iv: hut what -ort of tnae-hincrv it i* tliatil elrive ye out of'em \ is more than a poor old woman lik-- tlx lias business to know."— Jktroit /We PrtM. , A Fterlslein on I'oiitene**, C'-rtain jN-rson*. who think it an evi elence .f being a giMid fellow to call g< n ll'iisn with whom they have only a slight acquaintance by their ir*t name*, may Is* edified U]N>n reading that a de cision en politeness was res c'litly giren iiy tiie supreme court at -Itostem. A liotel rlerk sit'sl lii- employers, wlio luwl elisohargexl liim liefore- Itis time was tin. tliey alleging that lie bail injureei their business by lieing tia familiar with gri'-sts in addressing them bv tiu-ir Chris tian name* or surnames only. The alle gation wa aeimitted, and the eenirt saiel: "To as a person iiv lii* t bristian name, unliws the parti"-* have lie* n inli- 1 niateive-onnevtcd, *Ol iallv an'!otherwise, is unralleel-for f.-uuilian'tv, and. there- 1 i>re'insulting to the party *0 aeidreaocel. To neblre** a party by lii surname only show s aw ant of respect, anei would im ply* tliat tiie party sei aiieln-ssesl was lie- 1 m*ath the party addreming: therefore it is elise'ourte'oiis, and would lie considered insulting. To speak of employer* by their surname only show* a great w ant of respect on the part of the employe*- towar