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'EVESftdt THtTRDAY ' .tfCrtJSO? 26,' 1&20
jy
fa ,
1 ' j;
A.
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There's No Base Like Home
v. By H. C. WITHER
tid Harmon, vino aamut no no
fiw? IH Frtend Jo about life in
JicceM wI printed clolli.
CHAPTER VI
inn rnEKnoM or the snr.s
8Uth Inning- 'Continued
On the Enroute to Lob Arneles.
Amlgo Jo Well, Joe, 'you can se
from the way I start oft this letter that
I have got nil tho languages at my
(Uifer tips. I "" that's about as far
eg I'll ever get 'em, Joe,-becauso I seem
to find It Impossibly to get 'em Into my
head. Instead of gettln' better under
the treatment of h'ls professor which took
ud the Hercules task of teachln' me,
what English I have seems to be gettln
worse and Jeanne claims If I have any
more relapses It won't be long before
I can't even understand myself 1
I am now on my way to the coast,
which Is slang for California Joe, and
th me Is Jeanne more charmln'ly than
vr my baby and our Joint maid,
Marie We are goln' out to make some
Menea for our first picture together, the
title of which la called "Heavena
Above I" and la a extremely sad tragedy,
and Joe I am a riot In It and in at the
least three places will rock the audience
lth sobs and etc I have been tipped
oil that Fairbanks, Chaplin and Hart la
wrlthin' around thelots ott there with
Jealousy and t has smashed dozens of
cameras In their p.e(.ty rage when they
ten some of the film which waB made
u-r far the first reel. Well. Joe. I will
be very cordially with them one and all.
and try ana pui mem ai inoir ease, De
cause I don't believed In beln' up the
itage with nobody and would rather die
than get a swell .head simply because
I was bom a natural actor and can't
help It If I am a little better than the
mob.
Well, you are prob'ly no doubt .think
In' never mind the hoakum, but let me
know how did you make out with
Jeanne after that lover's quarrel you
rot Into that threatened to render you
aiunder. So without no more further
ado I will take the plunge right Into
that part of It now.
When I got off the train In New York
that day determined to rush to the near
est lawyer and grab off a divorce, Joe,
the first guy I run into Is no lean than
Phil Bloom, the honest bookmaker,
which same I ain't aeen since Jeanne
hurled me bodily Into society. Well,
Joe, you know they say that misery
loves to be among company and I was
as glad to see Phil again as the brew
eries would be to see 1018. He failed
t fall on my neck and wildly embrace
me or anything liko that and for 'awhile
he was very cool, on the grounds that
I have become stuck up slnrce I made
money and havo canned all my old
friends of days and nights gone by. Well,
Joe, you know that as a convlncer I got
no equals and few peers and as far as
that roes I could convince the formerly
kaiser ha was In right at the present
time so I hod little trouble provln' .to
Fhll that I was still truo to my old pals,
but that a married man has got to
think of his wife first also, second,
third, fourth, fifth and sixth. Speakin'
of married llfb reminded me what I come
down to Now York for, so I dragged
Phil into the nearest ono of them places
which made cracx ice famous and we
had some 2.75. That Is I hod 2 and
Phil had about 75, accordln' to the box
score I was handed as a bllL
Then i asK rnu n ne Knows or a
practical lawyer and he sayR that's what
Mi cousin It and I says Is he any good
and Phils says he' got to be good, be
caue he's descended from a- family ot
lawyers and one of his ancient rela
tives handled all of King Solomon's
breach of promise suits and Is that good
enough and I saya yea.
Weil, Phil sous nrst come over to
42nd and Broadway with him because
he has succeeded In maktn' a date with
his wife and ahe will be glad to aee
me again and Is less liable to bawl him
out If he's got a spectator with him.
Well, Joe, although my heart feels like
It weighs a coupla tons at the least, I
put on a gaily air and went with him.
and Mrs. Bloom shows up promptly one
hour lae. Joe, Phil has got the pretti
est wife on Lenox avenue between 116th
and 117th street and how a dame which
iS.-W1 R knockout as sho Is ever fell for
Phil la somethln' for bigger brains than
mine to tussle with. . Sho makea a big
fUBa over me and asks how's Jeanne
ana my caby ana why do I look so wore
out and do I like Phil's new hat wh!6h
siie picxeu out for him and what do I
think nbout prohibition and etc., and
I saya yea.
Well, before .1 can tnll her what la on
my mind she makes tho claim that she
Is goln' to a employment agency for
the purposes of gettln' a maid and she
won't have It no other way but that I
got to go with 'cm. Joe, as I have
reached the stages whero I care not
what happens, I call a taxi and we all
roll off together to this place, in spite
of tho fact that Phil says me nnd hlm's
got rt Important engagement at the Ho
tel Alitor. Mrs. Bloom killed that oft by
sayln they Is no use for Phil to keep
the engagement because only last night
her brother told her that the Astor was
one ot the latest places to take prohibi
tion seriously anil Phil' might as well
start In snubbln' the saloons now before
tho do.ors was locked In his face, which
Is what's gonna happen.
Well, Joe, I must tell you what came
to the pass In tho employment agency,
because I got moro laughs there than
Chaplin over handed me, and If Keith
would send a scout around to them
places he'd find enough promtsln' vnude-
tlrt
vllle material to give him the Writ'
cramps rroirt signing' contracts.
The first npplicant for the portfolio
of maid which Mrs. Bloom begin to In
terview, give ua all a earcastlcal up
anaaown and Mrs. Bloom saya:
"lam looking for a girl who will do
,. "What's the population of your fam
Hyheyr butts In the maid.
Phil starts to glgglo, but the Mr,
shuts him oft.
"There aro three of us," she eays,
with a pleasantly smile. ''Myself, my
husband, and the. baby. He's four yearn
old.!'
"Humph I" snorta the maid. "I gotta
urn in unto care or, neyz wnat are you
wlllln' to pay?"
"Well," stalla Mrs. Bloom. "Of course
you will havo your room and board
and "
"And laundry I" puta in the maid.
"Why don't you wasnT" aska Mra.
Bloom In surprise.
"What's the matter, ain't my face
clean 7" snaps the mala.
Me and Phil give ourselves up to the
hyaterlcals.
Oh why excuse me I" stammers
Mrs. Bloom, "I meant, don't you do
wnsningT"
"You can say I don't," saya the maid,
with a aneer. "Them days is over I 1
gotta have two days oft the week and
I want ISO a month. Is the kid much
trouble 7''
"That will do I" sayn Mrs. Bloom,
rlsln' and gettln' sore. "You may go.
I'm sure you would not be satisfactory."
"Hen, I should worry I" saya the
rrmld, arittin' away with her beak turned
up in wnai waa proh'iy disgust.
Electric Iron Special
d1 with order gives you immediate
P 1 delivery of a "Simplex" electric
iron. The "Simplex" iron is unexcelled.
Many Philadelphia housewives tell ua
they have used their "Simplex" for eight
years and over without any repairs being
required. The balance of purchase price
is payable in seven monthly amounts of $1, or you can obtain 50
cents discpunt for cash.
Library Lamp Special
d O ttf w'k order brings
P U U you this beautiful
metal Library Lamp. It is 22
inches high, finished in a rich
antique gold with amber glass pan
els, equipped with two light sockets
and six-foot silk cord. A new light
will freshen the appearance of your
furnishings. Here is your oppor
tunity to refurnish your living room
with light. The balance of price
means but three monthly payments
of $4 or you can purchase this lamp
for cash, $13.00.
This week ends these Summer Sales.
Order now!
The PHILADELPHIA ELECTRIC COMPANY
TENTH AND CHESTNUT STREET
South 40th Street
3100 Kanslngton Av.nue
Cth and Diamond Street.
ISth St. and Columbia Ava.
4600 Frankford Avenue
7 and 9 Wast Chaltan Avanu
Today atid
Tomorrow
1632 All-Wool Quality Suits
Reduced to Two Prices
$29.50
For all suits selling heretofore for $40, $45, $47.50 & $50
$42.50
For all suits selling heretofore for $55, $60, $65, $70,
$75, $80 & $85
THESE two figures give men and young
men full and unrestricted selection from
all of the fine quality suits on the first floor of
the William H. Wanamaker Store.
Novelty cloths, heather mixtures, plain
colors, stripes, checks, worsteds and silk
mixtures, flannels and fine cassimeres.
It is to be noted that all alterations on these suits will be
charged for.
Stocks are being arranged for quick
selling so that when the demand comes and
it' will come instantly we will be ready to fit
any man or young man and send him out of
the store with the best bargain Chestnut
Street has seen since 1915.
(Store Closed All Dau Saturday)
William H. Wanamaker
1217-19 Chestnut Street
, vfc,l(J,',p5.
'T,he next candidate la shooed o.ver,
out not before tho first one haa stopped
"rn wniflpcrea a row tipa in ner car.
"I nra looking for a girl who" be
tfna Mra. Bloom.
Teh I" Interrupts the newcomer with
yawn. "How far la the ncareat movie
tneatro from whero you Hve7"
-,"Whyr about four blocka," saya
Mra. Bloom.
"Kin 1 1 have callera7" la the- next
question.
.i."WeL,"1 aupoae ao, when you are
through your work." saya Mra. Bloom.
The applicant glvo forth a anlft
.,... ""PPOae you got a talkln' machine,
hcJJi "no "aka.
,;e;" eaya Mra. Bloom, klnda daied.
ni.. .',,J?RVe. you. Kot the 'Coffee Pol
?'" 'nataln' tho Jan' and The
Hashish Shimmy'?" saya tho maid.
Haw .haw tie that I" hollera Phil.
i ain't In the habit of beln' laughed
y; ""P" mo maia. witn a giarcr at ua.
airs. Bloom seems to Do In trance.
"I don't know." ahe aaya In a weak
voice. "1 suppose ao. We have all the
latest records. If we naven't the ones
you mention I'll I'll get them and
"Do you do a lotta entertalnln' and
havo what la knowed aa week-end
guests, which makea a lotta extry dishes
and the llko to washr" demanda the
maid.
"I do not care to dlscusa my guests
with you." sayn Mra. Bloom, comln' to
life and them lovely eyes of her aparklln
'til any pawnbroker which wouldn't
loan you 11000 the each on 'em would
be silly. "I'm afraid you won't do I"
"Did I claim I craved tho Job?" aneera
tho maid, frlskln' away.
Mra. Bloom throwa up her handa.
"Did you over aee anything to equal
this?" sho saya. "Of all tho Impudence!
Why, I'vo never been so Insulted
"I wish them maldn waa men I" saya
Phil, bangln' hla frata together and
at 'cm all. i coum turnisn you
a little cntortainment anywayar-
Phil, b
glarln'
J with a
Over cornea another orfe, Joe. Thla
here cearlna of the kitchen wao big
enough to make Dempsey jump outa the
ring and mo and Phil moved to one Bide.
Mra. Bloom atarta right off, very deter-,
mined. ... M
"Look here, my girl,' ahe aaya. 1
will pay you $60 a month, give you a
nice room, your board and every other
Sunday off. You do not navo ro do
washing. There are only thre of ua
In tho family, and we havo a aeven-room
apartment How doca that strike you?"
"No aplka da Engleeshl" aaya the
maid. . ,
"You're hired I" hollera Mrs. Bloom.
"Oct your thlnga and come with me
now I"
And that's what happened.
Well, Joe, when we got up to Phil's
apartment, Mra. Bloom, which alwaja
liked me, aenda Phil out to ace what a
few dollara can lo In a delicatessen
atore and calla mo Into tho llvln" room.
Sho makea me alt down nnd then ahe
pulla up n chair, pats' me on -the
shoulder and aaka me what's on my
mind, Joe, ahe waa ao sympathetic and
la auch a good looker and etc, that she
just hit me right and what do I do but
pour out the whole business to her
nbout me nnd Jeanne and tho strange
guy which waa havln' the pleasure of
tea with her and then I wound up by
sayln I waa In New York for the pur
pose of gettln' a divorce.
Well, Joe, for a minute she don't aay
nothln' but Instead walks around the
room and then ahe cornea over and slta
down again nnd tells mo I am all wrong.
She nays I am the luckiest guy on earth
to havo a wife like Jeanne, nnd a baby
like I got, and also to ot been auch a
startlln' auccesa nnd If I bunt It all up
now I rm n. bigger boob than she thought
I was. Sho claims that every married
couple devotes somo time each year to
legitimate quarrclln' nnd when they
don't they la aomethln' wrong and If I
LMtElf o
W
l'
would get rid of aome of tho c
got and remember that the po
of the world run A Into- bllllona
are not nit named Kd. Harmon I wt
be all right, becntise I have gotai
rei Oi Trillin lor wiiiuii duo wi. ni.p
llkln' me. but I am rhy own worst eMtMry'.
nntl vnrv trvln' at times. She also' 1
... ... ...5 .(- .1... ...... t4B.U
ran me iniormauon wit ucnuno nw j
got a right to be sore, because It fmWrt
at hen verv humlllatln' for me to dra -i
In that butler and Introduco him to tltfwV1
rlgh aoclety leader at Jeanne'a costwwf'
ball. Well, Joe, all this beln' haul
over the coal and etc. commencea to t
mo nervous and I aaya I have cometUf,
her for advice and not to be bawled emv'
because If I wish to be bawled ottttjl
could of Htayed homo and got bettajf st
service without epcndln' the carfare)
Now YorK. x rjfl
(CONTINUED TOMonnowjtMj'J
Copyright, lito, Doublcilav, rago 4 evj. , a
f
8TOnn OFKNS DAILY 0 A. M. AND 0IO8E8 S T. M.:
MAIIi ft PHONE OltDRIlS FIt.I.KD
m
$2.75 to U
Seamless )$
SHEETS
One thousand of them purchased1 for
the August Sale and delayed en route
havo just reached our tables.
Medium to very beet makea. Some
homnttched In lot Sizes 72x99, 81x90,
90x90, also flomo extra long lengtha.
Limited lota. No mall or phone orders
niled. Lit Brothers First Floor, North
Mail Order. Pilled HATS TRIMMED FREE OF CHARGE PhoaeOrdm Fffled
MtBOTtSt
Market
Eighth
ONE YELLOW TRADING STAMP WITH
EVERY 10c PURCHASE ALL DAY
Filbert
Seventh
AN APOPBT CLOSX-OUTl
4 Satin Striped,
Silks,$1.98'
Direct from Japan eleaed to aa at
50e on the dollar, because they arrived,
late.
Exceptionally fine all silk quality.
Iteaatlfiil, artistic colored satin .atrlpta
on white grounds.
Suitable far men's shirts and womena
wear. 32 Inches wide.
IAI DroUur First Floor, South
25
Women's & Misses') $
Stuninng Fall Frocks
You will admire every line and fold. The
materials offer choice of
Serge. Tricotine, Satin and Taffeta
Some have panel front and back with accor.
dion plaiting at sides, narrow string belt, square
neck and rich embroidering of contrasting wool.
Tricotine )$
Frocks
3750
They are cut rfn striking long lines, have V
shape neck, chic collar, silk cord at waist,
smart pockets and blue-and-white check braid.
Tailored Suits, $25
Marvels of worth. Thoy are developed from trico
tine and come in navy blue and black. The jaunty jack
ets are mannish in style, featuring notch collars and re
vers, set-in pockets. Figured silk lining and string belt.
Lit Brother. SKCOND FLOOR.
$5S
A Velour for Your
First Fall Hat
Helen Draper Models '
A Very Modest Price, Indeed
Nothing more serviceable and nothing more stylish.
Just the hats for the links,
courts, motor ; for sports, bus
iness and week-end trips.
Smart for wear with, fall suits,
effective with summer frocks,
and jaunty with sports cos
tumes. They ,are soft with a fur
like finish and of quality un
surpassed. Black, brown, navy, taupe,
beaver, green, purple, jade,
peacock, orchid, rose.
No Mail or Phone Orders
HSKWaWm
WaaafcOv" 1
''ifA l
5&
$3.98
Ready-to-
Wear Hats
! Fine velvet in chic small!
effects trimmed with rib-1
bon.
Lit Brothers First Floor, Nortn
Plumage Hats,
$3.98 to $8.98
Hackle or coquc trimmed
with ostrich and wings.
Black, navy, beaver, chow,
copper and taupe.
The Climax to a Series of Wonderful
Close-Out Groups
Women's & Misses' $12.50
Summer Dresses
.75
$
O
you can get a great deal
of service from them be
tween now and chilly
days and you will find
them practical for indoor
wear at all times.
Taffeta in light color
ings, voiles, linens, tis
sues, charming plain &
figured fabrics.
The trimmings are de
lightful, featuring collars
of lace, batiste or or
gandie also soft girdles
or wide sashes; frills,
plaitings, ruffles.
The Clearance Price Is Barely More Than
Half Their Actual Worth!
Mt Brothers SECOND FLOOR
J
Nearlnq the Close Hurry to Sliare!
Women's W10$ .85
Low Shoes
Our Annual Clotrance Sale
now in progress offers these
bargains on a half-price basis.
Oxfords in gunmetal and
calfskin, with walking heels,
also block suede with full
Louis heels.
Pumps In dull kidskin, gun
metal and tan, with walking
heels and patent coltskin with
Louis heels.
Women's $5 to $6
Oxfords & U1.85
Pumps . .. '
White linen and can
vas, black kidskin and
patent coltskin.
Men's $12.50
Oxfords, $7.85
Made by T. D. Barry
Co., Brockton, Mass.
Shell cordovan and
Russia calfskin.
in ii n hi ii Hi m i if ia
Extra Special!
Children's $3.50 ) $ A -Q
Smart Button Shoes f l9J
Patent coltskin with black or white tops, also tan kid
skin. Double tips. Natural shape. Sizes 3 to 8.
I.tt Hrnthrr. FIRST FLOOR, NORTH
Friday Bargains
$2 Elite Style
Leather Bags
. a- ..- a.t-ir VI
$1.59
ti Mtn .mt hiifT icailm. Black, brown. ktt and nary.
Mirror and arcurltr top atrap. aaftU I 'phraa erdari.
M Jlrtrtr FIEBT FZ.OOB, 8TII STREET
48
90c to $1 Canvas
&. Khaki, yard. .
12-ouhc khaki and lO-oupce white
canvMS.
$1 Cretonne, yard 63c
Stripe, floral one1 conventional de
dens. '
$1 Window
Shades, 84c
Opajnr. Wanted
color. GuaraDtrvd
prlnK roller.. Fix
ture.. No 4 mall or
'phona order.. Kaua
MQt O. O. D.
$2 Dutch
Curtains,
Pair $1.48
Wfalte aerlm. Box
hem. Balance and curtain trimmed
ulth Quaker edge. THIRD FLOOR
ila..H 1111 II 1 ii l.ilaiiH
-
,IBaSwaw4tS7sVaBIJBaj
$40 Refrigerators, $29.95f
White enamel Used. Tare door
trie.
85c Preserving Kettles, 69c
Oraj- enameled. S-quart.
$1.25 Ice Cream QCc
Freezers '
Acme. 2 quart rite.
$6 Electric Irons, $4.95
Complete rrlth cord and pluf.
$7.50 Polar Chrb $.95
Electric Fans . . . '
$2 Screen Doors, 85c
No hardware. Shopworn. No mall
or .'phone order. Oiled.
75c Table OH Cloth, 49c
1V4 yard. wide. No mall or 'phone
orders.
75c Nickel Towel Bars, 48c
18 Inches long.
Lit JSrothtrt THIUD FLOOIt
Our August Furniture Sale
Offers New and Remarkable Economies Daily
L A deal just consummated brings a splendid new stock of fine furniture into the August
Sale, and the concession which we obtained in buying it justifies higW claims for the value.
THE CLUB PLAN IS OPEN TO YOU
This $40 Couch, $29.95
tafWiX'Mtolar
Heavy oak frame, browjv Spanish leatherette
upholstery.
u
This $30 Wood Crib
19.75
Square posts, Hi-inch fillcra.
Decorated panels, patent
safety sliding sides, link fab
ric spring.
$55
570 Day Bed
Mahoeany frame: shaped head and foot
Complete with fabric spring and heavy crotonnc
covorcd mattress nnd bolster.
$24.98
$35 Reed-Fiber Rocker
Extra high back, spring seat, fancy
cretonne upholstery. Royal blue finish. Arm chair to
match.
55 Library U A K
Table ; u
William and Mary design in
English brown mahogany.
Book rnck ends and large cen
ter drawer.
$50 .Pilgrim $QQ 7C
Arm Chair. ; 7.iJ
Heavy mahogany turned posts,
covered with an attractive
combination of tapestry nod
velour. Rocker to match.
I 4 " " " " " "" ii
$42.50
$60 Living
Room Suite
Three pieces. Jacobean oak,
heavy construction, uphol
stered in brown Spanish
leather. Automobile seats.
$29 Bed....UOO 7C
Two-inch con- -'
tinuous post with six 2-inch
flllors in head nnd
Ivory finish.
Snme in American Walnut
nt $24.98
$30 Bed
Two-inch continuous
posts with eight 1-16-inch flllors in
foot. I head and foot, steel cane panel effect,
finish.
Same in American Walnut, $26.50
32.50
$24. 98 Is15 Brass Bed-
iuiuniiti uesign,
2-inch post with six 2-inch fillers
In head nnd foot, heavy end rods
with omnmentcd husks on top.
SPECIALS IN SANITARY BEDDING
$20 All-Cotton UIO QE
Mattress A
Soft, roll edge. Covered with
fancy ticking.
$22 Felt Mattress, $14.85 ,
Roll edge. Fancy ticking.
$9.45
$13 Pine-Fiber
Mattress
Soft top nnd bottom.
$35 Hair Mattress, $24.98
Eight-ounce ticking.
Lit nrolher. FOUnTH FLOOR
$10 Pine-Fiber
Mattress, felt top
7.50
$30 Silk Floss $1 Q en
MnffrPRA . . XUmUM
Mattress
Roll edge. Fancy ticking.
Women's $3 ) $" EQ
Union Suite ( A tJOf
XATBKR BRAND I NO MAIL OB THONr OBDEUS.
IHch-grade mercerl.-.rj cotton. Low neclc, .lveveless
Band top, aome bodlcr .bape. Cloat-flttlng- knre.
rt DntlMf FIU8T FLOOK, SOUTH
65c Ribbons, yard 39c
Satin stripe and Dresden. 6U and C locb.s wide.
LUOtt,
HI Dnthtrt FIRST FLC
NORTH
XL. vbBt
m
Q
$10
Bungalow
SeU,
$4.95
43 pieces. Gold
lace border.
$1.50 Cut Glass
Spoon Tray
Combination
de.lRD.
Tblrd Floor
59c
-.. ,....,. t ..,,
60c Daggett & Rarradell
Cold Cream, 42c
Se Bland'. Iron rill., 100 for ..le
Dab White Paper, 7 rolls 3S
Black Rubber Hbeeta, 3 vlQ T
.4Ki72 ttifhoa . U.i7 1
35o Toeth Brn.lie. 2Ge
Oo Ab.orbrnt Cotton, lb BOe
Faontain Hjtlnfe D8o
SOAO Agate By rinse. tl.M
SSo Maria TaJonra lBo
lOe fatmoIlTe Bonp, cake . , .
No mall or 'pbone ordrra.
.Ta
.1.00 norllrV. Malted Milk ...SXT1
78e Wlloh Hntrl as,
JOc Brltf. roirdered Ammonia. 10c
Me White Bar Ca.tlle Heap , . .67.
Lit BrotSrrt Flrat IHoor, South
$12 Electric Shower, $6.95
Tbrae llcbts. Wired and complete with shade.
Wl Mrantrt THIRD FLOOR
Women's 15c & 18c
Handkerchiefs
Lawn with colored borders.
10
Flrat Floor. South
IVt tV n'rl
$2&;
$2.50
House
Dresses,
$.47
Percale or ging
hnm, Tvo pret
ty styles. One
pictured.
Lit Hrotner.
SECOND FLOOR
ROOM-SIZE RUGS
970 fleaml.. Velret Itac., tArjJi
0x12 feet ... ...
(SO firamle.. Velret Uil, 'Q1 s
8x12 feet ui
B0 Axmlaater Raf., 0x12 ft., S.T7JW
30 Axmluter Rom, 0x12 ft., S33J50
IS Ora. Ru(, 0x12 ft SI9
14 flra. linen. 8x10 f t. . . . .S7.S0
SS.7S Crex Do I.uae, HxO ft. ,,U)
Limited lot In o pretty roue col.r
Inf. Ne Mall or Thone Order.,
$1.35 Coric Linoleum
Two yard, wide, .ej. yd OTH
I.o njc lenrth.. I'lea.n brine aixea.
It. mail or 'pbona order.,
CARPET SPECIALS
M.75 Wilton Telvet, S2H tnrh 91.0S
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