m 'jc, -r 1 v - k' 'EVESftdt THtTRDAY ' .tfCrtJSO? 26,' 1&20 jy fa , 1 ' j; A. J There's No Base Like Home v. By H. C. WITHER tid Harmon, vino aamut no no fiw? IH Frtend Jo about life in JicceM wI printed clolli. CHAPTER VI inn rnEKnoM or the snr.s 8Uth Inning- 'Continued On the Enroute to Lob Arneles. Amlgo Jo Well, Joe, 'you can se from the way I start oft this letter that I have got nil tho languages at my (Uifer tips. I "" that's about as far eg I'll ever get 'em, Joe,-becauso I seem to find It Impossibly to get 'em Into my head. Instead of gettln' better under the treatment of h'ls professor which took ud the Hercules task of teachln' me, what English I have seems to be gettln worse and Jeanne claims If I have any more relapses It won't be long before I can't even understand myself 1 I am now on my way to the coast, which Is slang for California Joe, and th me Is Jeanne more charmln'ly than vr my baby and our Joint maid, Marie We are goln' out to make some Menea for our first picture together, the title of which la called "Heavena Above I" and la a extremely sad tragedy, and Joe I am a riot In It and in at the least three places will rock the audience lth sobs and etc I have been tipped oil that Fairbanks, Chaplin and Hart la wrlthin' around thelots ott there with Jealousy and t has smashed dozens of cameras In their p.e(.ty rage when they ten some of the film which waB made u-r far the first reel. Well. Joe. I will be very cordially with them one and all. and try ana pui mem ai inoir ease, De cause I don't believed In beln' up the itage with nobody and would rather die than get a swell .head simply because I was bom a natural actor and can't help It If I am a little better than the mob. Well, you are prob'ly no doubt .think In' never mind the hoakum, but let me know how did you make out with Jeanne after that lover's quarrel you rot Into that threatened to render you aiunder. So without no more further ado I will take the plunge right Into that part of It now. When I got off the train In New York that day determined to rush to the near est lawyer and grab off a divorce, Joe, the first guy I run into Is no lean than Phil Bloom, the honest bookmaker, which same I ain't aeen since Jeanne hurled me bodily Into society. Well, Joe, you know they say that misery loves to be among company and I was as glad to see Phil again as the brew eries would be to see 1018. He failed t fall on my neck and wildly embrace me or anything liko that and for 'awhile he was very cool, on the grounds that I have become stuck up slnrce I made money and havo canned all my old friends of days and nights gone by. Well, Joe, you know that as a convlncer I got no equals and few peers and as far as that roes I could convince the formerly kaiser ha was In right at the present time so I hod little trouble provln' .to Fhll that I was still truo to my old pals, but that a married man has got to think of his wife first also, second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth. Speakin' of married llfb reminded me what I come down to Now York for, so I dragged Phil into the nearest ono of them places which made cracx ice famous and we had some 2.75. That Is I hod 2 and Phil had about 75, accordln' to the box score I was handed as a bllL Then i asK rnu n ne Knows or a practical lawyer and he sayR that's what Mi cousin It and I says Is he any good and Phils says he' got to be good, be caue he's descended from a- family ot lawyers and one of his ancient rela tives handled all of King Solomon's breach of promise suits and Is that good enough and I saya yea. Weil, Phil sous nrst come over to 42nd and Broadway with him because he has succeeded In maktn' a date with his wife and ahe will be glad to aee me again and Is less liable to bawl him out If he's got a spectator with him. Well, Joe, although my heart feels like It weighs a coupla tons at the least, I put on a gaily air and went with him. and Mrs. Bloom shows up promptly one hour lae. Joe, Phil has got the pretti est wife on Lenox avenue between 116th and 117th street and how a dame which iS.-W1 R knockout as sho Is ever fell for Phil la somethln' for bigger brains than mine to tussle with. . Sho makea a big fUBa over me and asks how's Jeanne ana my caby ana why do I look so wore out and do I like Phil's new hat wh!6h siie picxeu out for him and what do I think nbout prohibition and etc., and I saya yea. Well, before .1 can tnll her what la on my mind she makes tho claim that she Is goln' to a employment agency for the purposes of gettln' a maid and she won't have It no other way but that I got to go with 'cm. Joe, as I have reached the stages whero I care not what happens, I call a taxi and we all roll off together to this place, in spite of tho fact that Phil says me nnd hlm's got rt Important engagement at the Ho tel Alitor. Mrs. Bloom killed that oft by sayln they Is no use for Phil to keep the engagement because only last night her brother told her that the Astor was one ot the latest places to take prohibi tion seriously anil Phil' might as well start In snubbln' the saloons now before tho do.ors was locked In his face, which Is what's gonna happen. Well, Joe, I must tell you what came to the pass In tho employment agency, because I got moro laughs there than Chaplin over handed me, and If Keith would send a scout around to them places he'd find enough promtsln' vnude- tlrt vllle material to give him the Writ' cramps rroirt signing' contracts. The first npplicant for the portfolio of maid which Mrs. Bloom begin to In terview, give ua all a earcastlcal up anaaown and Mrs. Bloom saya: "lam looking for a girl who will do ,. "What's the population of your fam Hyheyr butts In the maid. Phil starts to glgglo, but the Mr, shuts him oft. "There aro three of us," she eays, with a pleasantly smile. ''Myself, my husband, and the. baby. He's four yearn old.!' "Humph I" snorta the maid. "I gotta urn in unto care or, neyz wnat are you wlllln' to pay?" "Well," stalla Mrs. Bloom. "Of course you will havo your room and board and " "And laundry I" puta in the maid. "Why don't you wasnT" aska Mra. Bloom In surprise. "What's the matter, ain't my face clean 7" snaps the mala. Me and Phil give ourselves up to the hyaterlcals. Oh why excuse me I" stammers Mrs. Bloom, "I meant, don't you do wnsningT" "You can say I don't," saya the maid, with a aneer. "Them days is over I 1 gotta have two days oft the week and I want ISO a month. Is the kid much trouble 7'' "That will do I" sayn Mrs. Bloom, rlsln' and gettln' sore. "You may go. I'm sure you would not be satisfactory." "Hen, I should worry I" saya the rrmld, arittin' away with her beak turned up in wnai waa proh'iy disgust. Electric Iron Special d1 with order gives you immediate P 1 delivery of a "Simplex" electric iron. The "Simplex" iron is unexcelled. Many Philadelphia housewives tell ua they have used their "Simplex" for eight years and over without any repairs being required. The balance of purchase price is payable in seven monthly amounts of $1, or you can obtain 50 cents discpunt for cash. Library Lamp Special d O ttf w'k order brings P U U you this beautiful metal Library Lamp. It is 22 inches high, finished in a rich antique gold with amber glass pan els, equipped with two light sockets and six-foot silk cord. A new light will freshen the appearance of your furnishings. Here is your oppor tunity to refurnish your living room with light. The balance of price means but three monthly payments of $4 or you can purchase this lamp for cash, $13.00. This week ends these Summer Sales. Order now! The PHILADELPHIA ELECTRIC COMPANY TENTH AND CHESTNUT STREET South 40th Street 3100 Kanslngton Av.nue Cth and Diamond Street. ISth St. and Columbia Ava. 4600 Frankford Avenue 7 and 9 Wast Chaltan Avanu Today atid Tomorrow 1632 All-Wool Quality Suits Reduced to Two Prices $29.50 For all suits selling heretofore for $40, $45, $47.50 & $50 $42.50 For all suits selling heretofore for $55, $60, $65, $70, $75, $80 & $85 THESE two figures give men and young men full and unrestricted selection from all of the fine quality suits on the first floor of the William H. Wanamaker Store. Novelty cloths, heather mixtures, plain colors, stripes, checks, worsteds and silk mixtures, flannels and fine cassimeres. It is to be noted that all alterations on these suits will be charged for. Stocks are being arranged for quick selling so that when the demand comes and it' will come instantly we will be ready to fit any man or young man and send him out of the store with the best bargain Chestnut Street has seen since 1915. (Store Closed All Dau Saturday) William H. Wanamaker 1217-19 Chestnut Street , vfc,l(J,',p5. 'T,he next candidate la shooed o.ver, out not before tho first one haa stopped "rn wniflpcrea a row tipa in ner car. "I nra looking for a girl who" be tfna Mra. Bloom. Teh I" Interrupts the newcomer with yawn. "How far la the ncareat movie tneatro from whero you Hve7" -,"Whyr about four blocka," saya Mra. Bloom. "Kin 1 1 have callera7" la the- next question. .i."WeL,"1 aupoae ao, when you are through your work." saya Mra. Bloom. The applicant glvo forth a anlft .,... ""PPOae you got a talkln' machine, hcJJi "no "aka. ,;e;" eaya Mra. Bloom, klnda daied. ni.. .',,J?RVe. you. Kot the 'Coffee Pol ?'" 'nataln' tho Jan' and The Hashish Shimmy'?" saya tho maid. Haw .haw tie that I" hollera Phil. i ain't In the habit of beln' laughed y; ""P" mo maia. witn a giarcr at ua. airs. Bloom seems to Do In trance. "I don't know." ahe aaya In a weak voice. "1 suppose ao. We have all the latest records. If we naven't the ones you mention I'll I'll get them and "Do you do a lotta entertalnln' and havo what la knowed aa week-end guests, which makea a lotta extry dishes and the llko to washr" demanda the maid. "I do not care to dlscusa my guests with you." sayn Mra. Bloom, comln' to life and them lovely eyes of her aparklln 'til any pawnbroker which wouldn't loan you 11000 the each on 'em would be silly. "I'm afraid you won't do I" "Did I claim I craved tho Job?" aneera tho maid, frlskln' away. Mra. Bloom throwa up her handa. "Did you over aee anything to equal this?" sho saya. "Of all tho Impudence! Why, I'vo never been so Insulted "I wish them maldn waa men I" saya Phil, bangln' hla frata together and at 'cm all. i coum turnisn you a little cntortainment anywayar- Phil, b glarln' J with a Over cornea another orfe, Joe. Thla here cearlna of the kitchen wao big enough to make Dempsey jump outa the ring and mo and Phil moved to one Bide. Mra. Bloom atarta right off, very deter-, mined. ... M "Look here, my girl,' ahe aaya. 1 will pay you $60 a month, give you a nice room, your board and every other Sunday off. You do not navo ro do washing. There are only thre of ua In tho family, and we havo a aeven-room apartment How doca that strike you?" "No aplka da Engleeshl" aaya the maid. . , "You're hired I" hollera Mrs. Bloom. "Oct your thlnga and come with me now I" And that's what happened. Well, Joe, when we got up to Phil's apartment, Mra. Bloom, which alwaja liked me, aenda Phil out to ace what a few dollara can lo In a delicatessen atore and calla mo Into tho llvln" room. Sho makea me alt down nnd then ahe pulla up n chair, pats' me on -the shoulder and aaka me what's on my mind, Joe, ahe waa ao sympathetic and la auch a good looker and etc, that she just hit me right and what do I do but pour out the whole business to her nbout me nnd Jeanne and tho strange guy which waa havln' the pleasure of tea with her and then I wound up by sayln I waa In New York for the pur pose of gettln' a divorce. Well, Joe, for a minute she don't aay nothln' but Instead walks around the room and then ahe cornea over and slta down again nnd tells mo I am all wrong. She nays I am the luckiest guy on earth to havo a wife like Jeanne, nnd a baby like I got, and also to ot been auch a startlln' auccesa nnd If I bunt It all up now I rm n. bigger boob than she thought I was. Sho claims that every married couple devotes somo time each year to legitimate quarrclln' nnd when they don't they la aomethln' wrong and If I LMtElf o W l' would get rid of aome of tho c got and remember that the po of the world run A Into- bllllona are not nit named Kd. Harmon I wt be all right, becntise I have gotai rei Oi Trillin lor wiiiuii duo wi. ni.p llkln' me. but I am rhy own worst eMtMry'. nntl vnrv trvln' at times. She also' 1 ... ... ...5 .(- .1... ...... t4B.U ran me iniormauon wit ucnuno nw j got a right to be sore, because It fmWrt at hen verv humlllatln' for me to dra -i In that butler and Introduco him to tltfwV1 rlgh aoclety leader at Jeanne'a costwwf' ball. Well, Joe, all this beln' haul over the coal and etc. commencea to t mo nervous and I aaya I have cometUf, her for advice and not to be bawled emv' because If I wish to be bawled ottttjl could of Htayed homo and got bettajf st service without epcndln' the carfare) Now YorK. x rjfl (CONTINUED TOMonnowjtMj'J Copyright, lito, Doublcilav, rago 4 evj. , a f 8TOnn OFKNS DAILY 0 A. M. AND 0IO8E8 S T. M.: MAIIi ft PHONE OltDRIlS FIt.I.KD m $2.75 to U Seamless )$ SHEETS One thousand of them purchased1 for the August Sale and delayed en route havo just reached our tables. Medium to very beet makea. Some homnttched In lot Sizes 72x99, 81x90, 90x90, also flomo extra long lengtha. Limited lota. No mall or phone orders niled. Lit Brothers First Floor, North Mail Order. Pilled HATS TRIMMED FREE OF CHARGE PhoaeOrdm Fffled MtBOTtSt Market Eighth ONE YELLOW TRADING STAMP WITH EVERY 10c PURCHASE ALL DAY Filbert Seventh AN APOPBT CLOSX-OUTl 4 Satin Striped, Silks,$1.98' Direct from Japan eleaed to aa at 50e on the dollar, because they arrived, late. Exceptionally fine all silk quality. Iteaatlfiil, artistic colored satin .atrlpta on white grounds. Suitable far men's shirts and womena wear. 32 Inches wide. IAI DroUur First Floor, South 25 Women's & Misses') $ Stuninng Fall Frocks You will admire every line and fold. The materials offer choice of Serge. Tricotine, Satin and Taffeta Some have panel front and back with accor. dion plaiting at sides, narrow string belt, square neck and rich embroidering of contrasting wool. Tricotine )$ Frocks 3750 They are cut rfn striking long lines, have V shape neck, chic collar, silk cord at waist, smart pockets and blue-and-white check braid. Tailored Suits, $25 Marvels of worth. Thoy are developed from trico tine and come in navy blue and black. The jaunty jack ets are mannish in style, featuring notch collars and re vers, set-in pockets. Figured silk lining and string belt. Lit Brother. SKCOND FLOOR. $5S A Velour for Your First Fall Hat Helen Draper Models ' A Very Modest Price, Indeed Nothing more serviceable and nothing more stylish. Just the hats for the links, courts, motor ; for sports, bus iness and week-end trips. Smart for wear with, fall suits, effective with summer frocks, and jaunty with sports cos tumes. They ,are soft with a fur like finish and of quality un surpassed. Black, brown, navy, taupe, beaver, green, purple, jade, peacock, orchid, rose. No Mail or Phone Orders HSKWaWm WaaafcOv" 1 ''ifA l 5& $3.98 Ready-to- Wear Hats ! Fine velvet in chic small! effects trimmed with rib-1 bon. Lit Brothers First Floor, Nortn Plumage Hats, $3.98 to $8.98 Hackle or coquc trimmed with ostrich and wings. Black, navy, beaver, chow, copper and taupe. The Climax to a Series of Wonderful Close-Out Groups Women's & Misses' $12.50 Summer Dresses .75 $ O you can get a great deal of service from them be tween now and chilly days and you will find them practical for indoor wear at all times. Taffeta in light color ings, voiles, linens, tis sues, charming plain & figured fabrics. The trimmings are de lightful, featuring collars of lace, batiste or or gandie also soft girdles or wide sashes; frills, plaitings, ruffles. The Clearance Price Is Barely More Than Half Their Actual Worth! Mt Brothers SECOND FLOOR J Nearlnq the Close Hurry to Sliare! Women's W10$ .85 Low Shoes Our Annual Clotrance Sale now in progress offers these bargains on a half-price basis. Oxfords in gunmetal and calfskin, with walking heels, also block suede with full Louis heels. Pumps In dull kidskin, gun metal and tan, with walking heels and patent coltskin with Louis heels. Women's $5 to $6 Oxfords & U1.85 Pumps . .. ' White linen and can vas, black kidskin and patent coltskin. Men's $12.50 Oxfords, $7.85 Made by T. D. Barry Co., Brockton, Mass. Shell cordovan and Russia calfskin. in ii n hi ii Hi m i if ia Extra Special! Children's $3.50 ) $ A -Q Smart Button Shoes f l9J Patent coltskin with black or white tops, also tan kid skin. Double tips. Natural shape. Sizes 3 to 8. I.tt Hrnthrr. FIRST FLOOR, NORTH Friday Bargains $2 Elite Style Leather Bags . a- ..- a.t-ir VI $1.59 ti Mtn .mt hiifT icailm. Black, brown. ktt and nary. Mirror and arcurltr top atrap. aaftU I 'phraa erdari. M Jlrtrtr FIEBT FZ.OOB, 8TII STREET 48 90c to $1 Canvas &. Khaki, yard. . 12-ouhc khaki and lO-oupce white canvMS. $1 Cretonne, yard 63c Stripe, floral one1 conventional de dens. ' $1 Window Shades, 84c Opajnr. Wanted color. GuaraDtrvd prlnK roller.. Fix ture.. No 4 mall or 'phona order.. Kaua MQt O. O. D. $2 Dutch Curtains, Pair $1.48 Wfalte aerlm. Box hem. Balance and curtain trimmed ulth Quaker edge. THIRD FLOOR ila..H 1111 II 1 ii l.ilaiiH - ,IBaSwaw4tS7sVaBIJBaj $40 Refrigerators, $29.95f White enamel Used. Tare door trie. 85c Preserving Kettles, 69c Oraj- enameled. S-quart. $1.25 Ice Cream QCc Freezers ' Acme. 2 quart rite. $6 Electric Irons, $4.95 Complete rrlth cord and pluf. $7.50 Polar Chrb $.95 Electric Fans . . . ' $2 Screen Doors, 85c No hardware. Shopworn. No mall or .'phone order. Oiled. 75c Table OH Cloth, 49c 1V4 yard. wide. No mall or 'phone orders. 75c Nickel Towel Bars, 48c 18 Inches long. Lit JSrothtrt THIUD FLOOIt Our August Furniture Sale Offers New and Remarkable Economies Daily L A deal just consummated brings a splendid new stock of fine furniture into the August Sale, and the concession which we obtained in buying it justifies higW claims for the value. THE CLUB PLAN IS OPEN TO YOU This $40 Couch, $29.95 tafWiX'Mtolar Heavy oak frame, browjv Spanish leatherette upholstery. u This $30 Wood Crib 19.75 Square posts, Hi-inch fillcra. Decorated panels, patent safety sliding sides, link fab ric spring. $55 570 Day Bed Mahoeany frame: shaped head and foot Complete with fabric spring and heavy crotonnc covorcd mattress nnd bolster. $24.98 $35 Reed-Fiber Rocker Extra high back, spring seat, fancy cretonne upholstery. Royal blue finish. Arm chair to match. 55 Library U A K Table ; u William and Mary design in English brown mahogany. Book rnck ends and large cen ter drawer. $50 .Pilgrim $QQ 7C Arm Chair. ; 7.iJ Heavy mahogany turned posts, covered with an attractive combination of tapestry nod velour. Rocker to match. I 4 " " " " " "" ii $42.50 $60 Living Room Suite Three pieces. Jacobean oak, heavy construction, uphol stered in brown Spanish leather. Automobile seats. $29 Bed....UOO 7C Two-inch con- -' tinuous post with six 2-inch flllors in head nnd Ivory finish. Snme in American Walnut nt $24.98 $30 Bed Two-inch continuous posts with eight 1-16-inch flllors in foot. I head and foot, steel cane panel effect, finish. Same in American Walnut, $26.50 32.50 $24. 98 Is15 Brass Bed- iuiuniiti uesign, 2-inch post with six 2-inch fillers In head nnd foot, heavy end rods with omnmentcd husks on top. SPECIALS IN SANITARY BEDDING $20 All-Cotton UIO QE Mattress A Soft, roll edge. Covered with fancy ticking. $22 Felt Mattress, $14.85 , Roll edge. Fancy ticking. $9.45 $13 Pine-Fiber Mattress Soft top nnd bottom. $35 Hair Mattress, $24.98 Eight-ounce ticking. Lit nrolher. FOUnTH FLOOR $10 Pine-Fiber Mattress, felt top 7.50 $30 Silk Floss $1 Q en MnffrPRA . . XUmUM Mattress Roll edge. Fancy ticking. Women's $3 ) $" EQ Union Suite ( A tJOf XATBKR BRAND I NO MAIL OB THONr OBDEUS. IHch-grade mercerl.-.rj cotton. Low neclc, .lveveless Band top, aome bodlcr .bape. Cloat-flttlng- knre. rt DntlMf FIU8T FLOOK, SOUTH 65c Ribbons, yard 39c Satin stripe and Dresden. 6U and C locb.s wide. LUOtt, HI Dnthtrt FIRST FLC NORTH XL. vbBt m Q $10 Bungalow SeU, $4.95 43 pieces. Gold lace border. $1.50 Cut Glass Spoon Tray Combination de.lRD. Tblrd Floor 59c -.. ,....,. t ..,, 60c Daggett & Rarradell Cold Cream, 42c Se Bland'. Iron rill., 100 for ..le Dab White Paper, 7 rolls 3S Black Rubber Hbeeta, 3 vlQ T .4Ki72 ttifhoa . U.i7 1 35o Toeth Brn.lie. 2Ge Oo Ab.orbrnt Cotton, lb BOe Faontain Hjtlnfe D8o SOAO Agate By rinse. tl.M SSo Maria TaJonra lBo lOe fatmoIlTe Bonp, cake . , . No mall or 'pbone ordrra. .Ta .1.00 norllrV. Malted Milk ...SXT1 78e Wlloh Hntrl as, JOc Brltf. roirdered Ammonia. 10c Me White Bar Ca.tlle Heap , . .67. Lit BrotSrrt Flrat IHoor, South $12 Electric Shower, $6.95 Tbrae llcbts. Wired and complete with shade. Wl Mrantrt THIRD FLOOR Women's 15c & 18c Handkerchiefs Lawn with colored borders. 10 Flrat Floor. South IVt tV n'rl $2&; $2.50 House Dresses, $.47 Percale or ging hnm, Tvo pret ty styles. One pictured. Lit Hrotner. SECOND FLOOR ROOM-SIZE RUGS 970 fleaml.. Velret Itac., tArjJi 0x12 feet ... ... (SO firamle.. Velret Uil, 'Q1 s 8x12 feet ui B0 Axmlaater Raf., 0x12 ft., S.T7JW 30 Axmluter Rom, 0x12 ft., S33J50 IS Ora. Ru(, 0x12 ft SI9 14 flra. linen. 8x10 f t. . . . .S7.S0 SS.7S Crex Do I.uae, HxO ft. ,,U) Limited lot In o pretty roue col.r Inf. Ne Mall or Thone Order., $1.35 Coric Linoleum Two yard, wide, .ej. yd OTH I.o njc lenrth.. I'lea.n brine aixea. It. mail or 'pbona order., CARPET SPECIALS M.75 Wilton Telvet, S2H tnrh 91.0S brrdrr, yard IKte Taiie.try BraeaeU, 27lneh, (tO jrard " J Lit DrotfFoiirth Floor VI 4 $15 Belber Tnmks,(13 CaBTai carer. ahet Iran blndtnp end battom. 8S Inch. InltUla put eat free. ' 8SCOND FLOOK 50i3SSl 3VI.lt Our HI Ke.tnurant Be.t of KTerytlilmr at Twe.t 1'rlre. He renth Floor of Our New 'UuUdlua-, 7tU tt Market dta, l K!8QaZSM n S i i tv H. .. tuA-- iaV ,i tjt.1a wr W '