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TUDLIC .LEDGER COMPANY
I , rmUS H. K. CURTIS. J'nrniorNT
,Chrle 11. Ludlnirt6ii Vice President, John C
iurtln, Secre tixy anil Tremureri t'hlllp H. Cnlllnn.
John II. Wllllumi, John J. Spur-Econ, Director.
" GDlTOHIAIa HOARD:
Cincs II. K. Crnti. Chalrmtn
DAVID B. S.1II1,1!T Editor
J011X C. MAnTl.V...,Ccuerl Business Manngr
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IMMOVABLE
A READER writes under a special de-
livery stamp to inquire whether
Mr. Mitten might not wisely put movies
in the rear of evcrv, puy-as-you-leavc
trolley car to attract the crowds that still
stand and block the entrance way and
Ignore the plaintive assurances of the
nickel harvester that there is plenty of
room within easy reach.
You never can tell how crowds will
behave. But the hardened standee in a
trolley is particularly difficult to under
stand. Long observation and experience
inspire a conviction that movies would
do no good. Thqy would attract only the
short-sighted passengers from their
places up front.
ON THE LAST LAP
QLOWtY but surely the "drive" to save
the orchestra to the city has crept up
to $800,000. Thus $200,000 remains to be
raised, and only this week in which to
raise it. The task is, therefore, still a
great one, if success is to crown the cam
paign and the orchestra is to be saved to
the city.
'Walter Damrosch was right when he
said the other day: "Maintain your or
chestra and save your -city. The entire
country is watching you." He saw
clearly. The reputation of tho city, in its
higher life, is at stake. We have what
other cities envy us for having- the finest
orchestra in the United States. Must we
haul down that flag and let the orchestra
become a second-rate band or drop it
altogether and let New York, Boston,
Detroit or Chicago pass us?
We have taken our orchestra too much
for granted. But now we are squarely
face to face with the question, Must it
stop? It is unthinkable that the people
of Philadelphia will answer this question
with anything but an emphatic "No!"
But this week the public must answer!
The orchestra is on the last leg of its
campaign.
Let us save it!
READING WILSON'S MIND
TpORMER SENATOR J. HAM LEWIS
" thinks he can beat the Germans at
reading the President's mind.
The Germans, noted before the war as
metaphysical experts, had four special
ists in psychology studying the war mes
sages and addresses of President Wilson
to discover what was in his mind. They
had to confess that they could not un
ravel his purposes.
But now comes the former senator
with the confident prediction that the
President will urge Congress in his De
cember message to take over the coal
mines and the oil wells and have them
operated by the government.
The world knows by their own confes
sion that the German psychologists
failed when they attempted to read Mr.
"Wilson's mind. We shall not know until
December whether "Jim Ham" is more
expert than they. The Germans failed,
because of their inability to understand
the psychology of anything outside of
Germany, and not because it has been
difficult to understand Mr. Wilson.
We arc inclined to the opinion that
"Jim Ham" will fail also because he does
not understand the psychology of the
tAmcrican people. The President may
not be so responsive to public opinion as
McKinley, who, Joe Cannon once said,
had his head so close to the ground that
his ear was full of grasshoppers. But
Mr. Wilton has not yet given any evi
dence of a disposition to commit himself
to a policy of state socialism so ex
tensive as that involved in government
control and operation of the mines and
oil wells.
WHY BE A JUROR?
Q1XTY persons were summoned for
' jury duty in one of the Common Pleas
courts this week. Only thirty-seven
appeared in the courtroom and two-thirds
of these asked to be excused. That i,
out of the total of sixty only twelve
were found willing to sit on a jury.
But why should any one wish to be a
juror?
A jury has to sit in the courtroom and
listen to the evidence for and against men
accused of crimes and charged with vio
lation of their agreements, and then it
has to decide who is guilty or innocent.
There was a time in a less-complicated
civilization when the common people de
manded that they be tried by a jury of
their peers in order that justice might
be done- them. They knew that unless
they brought to the adjudication of such
matters tho sense, of justice of the
average man the influences which sought
to get their own way, regardless of
qiiity, would dominate the courts of jus
tice. Indeed, such influences had dom-
Inated the courts, and decisions were
inde by favpr or were sold to the highest
J)IJder
, l,Todo,7 k'nvever, the average man
ft ... W
seems to object to serving on a jury
unless he receives as much pay as he
cams nt his regular work. His interest
in securing justice for his neighbor is so
slight that he forgets that certain duties
us well as certain privileges go along
with citizenship.
If this state of affairs grows much
wore the defendants of the jury system
will have to confess that it has broken
down. Then the judges will decide both
the law and the facts in court and the
administration of justice will lose that
democratic character which has, in the
centuries since the jury system was in
troduced, rescued it front nbusc that
were provoking revolution.
SCRATCH AN AMERICAN:
YOU'LL FIND A PATRIOT ',
Election Results EncouraQC Those Who
Have Confidence In the Voters
Rather Than the Friends of
Presidential Candidates
AS .MANY tilings can happen in eight
months, it is prudent to husband
prophecy about what the Republican na
tional convention will do next summer, in
spite of the temptation to make forecasts
bn-ci on the result of Tuesday's election.
One thing, however, is certain. Gov
ernor Calvin Coolidgc, of Massachusetts,
has become a national figure. He met
the issue of radicalism and riot fairly
and squarely without flinching. What
ever the result might be, ho was deter
mined to stand for law and order and for
the supremacy of the regularly consti
tuted government over any organization,
labor or othcrw i.-.e, which sought to set
itself up as supreme, lie stood for the
American idea of demoeiacy, which is
government by the majority of all the
people and not government by a class.
Involved in this is support of tho gov
ernment which the majority has set up.
Some weak-kneed peoplo were afraid ,j
of tho outcomo because they believed
that thcro was a "labor" vote, in distinc
tion from a ote by freo American citi
zens. They knew that two-thirds of tho
population of Massachusetts is mndo up
of foreign-bom and citizens bom of foreign-born
parents, and that only one
third was born of long-standing native
stock. They knew also that Massachu
setts is a manufacturing state with tens
of thousands of members of labor unions.
The combination of labor men and the
unassimilated foreigners was supposed to
be tinctured with extreme radicalism and
in sympathy with the ideas of the men
who organized the strike of the Boston
policemen. The Democratic candidate
acted on this supposition. He appealed
with the arts of an unscrupulous dema
gogue to class hatred and race hatred.
But the result has proved that the fire
under the melting pot had been lighted
long ago and that the population had
been fused into a solid mass of Ameri
cans. The voters have rebuked demagogy
and rejected its councils so emphatically
that it will bo a long timo before any one
in Massachusetts anain makes the kind
of appeal which was nddressed to the I
voters by Mr. Long, the defeated Demo
cratic candidate
President Wilson's telegram of con
gratulation to Governor Coolidge tells
Long where he gets off. Long is repu
diated by the national head of his own
party and Coolidge is held up to view as
the champion of law and ordor, an issue
on which, as tho President well says,
"all Americans stand together."
The issue was not whether Governor
Coolidge was right, but whether Massa
chusetts had so far forgotten tho funda
mentals of Americanism that she would
reject a man who had upheld them in
spite of popular clamor. It is reassuring
to every one with confidence in the sound
ness of the thinking of the American
electorate that a state with so varied a
population, a population so typical of
what makes up America, has sustained a
man whose loyalty to the right as God
gave him to see it resembles that of Lin
coln in the grave crisis when the slave
holders sought to fasten class govern
ment upon the country.
When the issue was raised there was a
man at hand ready to face it and to do tho
right thing. This gives us confidence in
the future and leads us to hope that
what has been will be, and that neither
bolshevism nor class tyranny can ever
get a foothold here.
Whether Coolidge is seriously consid
ered for the presidency will depend on
the developments of the next few months.
If the aiTogance of tho labor leaders is
not abated and they continue to seek to
dictate to the government what it may
or may not do, then the nation is likely
to demand the nomination of some one
who has the courage to face the labor
bosses and denounce them and their
plans.
It was because Rutherford B. Hayes
fought the greenback craze in Ohio that
Vip was nominated for tho presidency in
1870. He was sound on an issue that
was deluding many flabby thinkers and
was in danger of spreading unless sum
marily checked.
History may repeat itself and the de
mand for the nomination of Coolidge may
be irresistible, but that is still on the lap
of the gods.
The results in other parts nf the coun
try are only less significant than in Mas
sachusetts. They indicate that bossism
and demagogy cannot triumph when the
voters are aroused. In New York, where
Tammany gave a judgeship nomination
to a young and inexperienced lawyer as
n rebuke to a faithful judge whose term
had expired, the voters have re-elected
the faithful judge and rebuked the boss.
The judge was a Democrat, but he was
indorsed by the Republicans and sup
ported by the leading men of the bar,
regardless of party.
The great city, with its large foreign
born population, will not tolerate the in
jection of politics into the courts, prov
ing, as in Massachusetts, that the fire has
been burning under the melting pot and
fusing all elements ii)to a solid Amertf
can mass.
A Republican will succeed a Democrat
as governor of Kentucky and a Democrat
will succeed a Republican ns governor of
New, Jersey, In Kentucky the unpopu
larity of the Democratic candidate
brought about hisidefeat.
j.n Nisw Jnrsev .jiomuiiiHtion oi causei
is responsible for the result. Bugbce,
the defeated Republican candidate, was a
part of the slate political machine. He
had been chairman of the stale commit
tee and had worked with the state bosses.
The independents who had tried to wrest
control of the party machinery from tho
old hands had given up the fight this
year. The fact that Bugbce did not poll
the normal party vote indicates that
many of these independents stayed away
from the polls.
Edwards, tho successful Democratic
candidate, was pledged to a lax enforce
ment of the prohibition laws, and ho
attacked tho Public Servico Corporation,
which controls most of the electric rail
roads in the state. New Jersey is one of
the three states which has not ratified.the
prohibition amendment. Newark and
Jersey City are strongly in favor of thk
open saloon. It was the vote of Jersey
City that elected Edwards and put the
state in opposition to prohibition.
Yet the vote in Ohio, where state "dry"
laws were ratified, nullifies the "wet"
vote of New Jersey and apparently leaves
prohibition as a dead issue in national
politics, unless something shall happen to
revive it.
Tlie result as a whole justifies the be
lief that next year the voters will not be
bound by party tics, but will consider the
issues on their merits and cast their bal
lots accordingly. New Jersey and Ken
tucky voted for what they wanted, even
to the extent of overturning the party
which had been in power. And in Massa
chusetts the Democrats lo-enforced the
Republicans in supporting a governor
who stood for the things in which they
believed.
A COMMON-SENSE COUNCIL?
YC7HEN the new City Council assembles
' ' in January it ought to burn most of
its bridges. It ought to turn over not
one new leaf, but two or three for
safety's sake.
The opportunities for reform with
which the new members will be con
fronted are endless. An excellent begin
ning might be made if the twenty-one
members decided unanimously to dis
pense forever with the maudlin imita
tions of state procedure that grew up in
both chambers during the long and weary
and wasteful and wonderful years when
tho representatives from city wards felt
that they had to behave with tho dignity
and formality of Congress or the House
of Lords.
The pomp and circumstances of Coun
cil session.-, nuver served any purpose
beyond the diversion of occasional visi
tors, who were dazed to hear woeful
grammar in an endless cadence amid
scenes of stateliness and almost Oriental
splendor.
The duties of the new Council of
twenty-one will be much, like those of a
managing committee or a board of direc
tors. It need w ste no time upon the
rumble and jumble of parliamentary tac
tics. The stago business can be dis
pensed with.
If the new Council fulfills its function
properly the members will sit down
around a table and talk like human be
ings. The Mayor ought to be invited to
such meetings, and if he isn't invited by
the Council he ought to invite himself.
An ideal session would be one at which
Mr. Moore and his department heads
would participate informally in confer
ences with the elected representatives of
the various city districts. Under such
circumstances the people would feel that
their business is being looked after as
efficiently as the business of any other
corporation.
There will be a great opportunity at
the first session in January for any
original-minded man or group who,
sharing the general distaste for shabby
precedent and useless pretense, may en
deavor to dctcrmino whether sessions of
tho municipal Council can bo made to
seem less like a b. of elaborate mum
mery and a little more like a meeting of
business men.
ADickerion Run
safe Bind, (Pa.) grocer has' pur-
Safe Find chased a safe in which
to keep his sugar, his
last consignme-at having beu stolen by
burglars. Sugar Is beginning to be valued
at its true worth.
A street car eondnc
Watch Tour Step tor ha been elected
Maybe, mayor of Port Huron,
Mich. The town slo
gan will doubtless either be "Move up
front!" or "Step lirely!"
Moore the Victor, Vare
The Harmony Trio tho Philosopher and
Weeott the Optimist
smiled in the one newspaper bor yesterday
and cheerfully cried, "Here's how'. '
Bcthmann-Hollweg as u witness un
acquainted with farts presumably in his
keeping will not have to stand alone in
history. Since the saint may claim kinship
with the sinner, Secretary Lansing doubt
less knows a fellow feeling.
A feature of the Episcopal campaign is
to be the oratory of the rive-Minute Men.
Simply as a mathematical proposition, they
will talk for hours by the dozens.
Advices from Rome say that Italy is
now celebrating victory. Probably heard of
fja Ouardia's election in New York.
.Mayor J. H. Moore was defeated at the
poll, in Muskegon, Mich. Perhaps the
Vaies would like to emigrate there.
Advu es from the North Pole set forth
that Santa Claus's sleigh is equipped with
It. C. of L. brakes.
It muit bo admitted that lyre and there
are policemen who will feel kind of lone
some when taken out of politics.
Yesterday was the day of ''I told you
so." Today is the day of "Well, there's
work to be done." I
Money in the savings bank,talks elo
quently in rebuttal of statements made con
cerning the scant earnings of soft-coal
miners
The fadinc of opposition to sitting
judges was not wholly unconnected with
what may be termed a Sproul bench warrant.
There appears to be a crooked traile on
the face of the Tammany Tiger.
Would that there wsstlll virtue (rt the
p1raf. ' Buck to the mlu.,,'t
4 .-. ..
THE GOWNSMAN
The Unlvenal Tool
T!Ii:iin is one thltig about the English
which we speak in which it differs from
everything else. The native language of a
people is the means by which all other things
arc rcnclicd. Such a language is what
Ilncnn would have called in leamaJ Latin
which we will otter translated the ladder
of .the mind, what we may call more prac
tically the universal tool.
TIT I NIC of a tool which, in the matter of
wood working alone, will chop and saw
and plane, cut down a tree or sharpen a
lead pencil, hew out the stem of a giant
ship or'cnrve tho delicate ornamentation of
n jewel-case or a portrait in statuary. If
Rny one possessed so universal n tool for
wood working, how carefully he would prize
it and keep it sharp ami bright, how anxious
he would be not to blunt it by misuse or
let it rest in neglect And how eager he
might be to learu how properly to use it.
Now such a tool precisely is our English
tongue; for none ran deny its power anil
versatility, its delicacy nnd expressiveness"
on the lips of those who have made it
famous and in thcwritlngs of such as have
thought the highest thoughts and expressed
the most significant ideas by this roost
lithe, "Jdaptable nnd competent menns.
TO RETURN to our universal tool, obvi
ously he who would use It must be taught
how and preferably a thing not always
observed by bomebod.v who knows how to
use it himself. An office boy may pick
his teeth with a doctor's lancet that is not
the purpose of lancets. Or a soldier may
toast his bread on the point of his bayonet
that is not the accepted use, however we
may prefer it. of bajonets. And our uni
versal tool of language, from the possession
of it more or less imperfectly by each and
nil of ur and the extraordinary as well as
the ordinary uses to which it can be put.
is commonly neglected and outrageously
misused. Language was not given to man
kind to swear in; the Gownsman, has seen
a monkey swear at the "Zoo" to accept
our American clipping of two long words
swear, however inarticulately, with the ad
vantage that he took no name of heathen
god or heathen man in vain. Nor was
language given us merely to chatter in. The
Gownsman to return to tho "Zoo" has
found in the animated interchange of
screeches between cockatoos and macaws
and in the cackle of water fowl quite as
much significance as an afternoon tea is
likely to afford bim.
LANGUAGE is veritably the universal
tool, for without it we can acquire noth
ing else Language is the beginning of
education ; without it there is difficulty in
making known our creature wants; with
it and in proportion to our command of it,
wc can rank with those who lead, those
who know and those who nchieve. In a
small way, your tongue will inevitably place
you or betray you; for dialect, in intona
tion if not always in word and phrase, is
more persistent than the superficialities of
social disguise; and he who knows can tell
whether you are of the south or of New
England, of London town, where the aitches
halt, or of the banks of Bonnie Doon;
whether you came of those whose speech is
gentle or if you learned to scream and
shout your opinions under the disadvan
tages or a bringing tip in the purlieus.
ARGUMENTS about the relative mrits
of this language or that are generally
idle, as they lead nowhere. Italian is beau
tifully musical. Trench marvelouBlj- clear
and simple, "every lesson in Latin is a
lesson in logic," and forcible as well as
guttural, are several of the languages of tho
north. But what matters it unless each
be fully significant and capable, above all
other considerations, of conveying adequate
Tt the thouchts". the civilization, the arts
and letters of the peoplo who speak it. Our
English is not without its shortcomings,
chief among tbcm the wido divergence be
tween our actual speech and the Bigns
which represent it in writing. We need
more pronouns and we- arc sorry to have
lost that primitive power of linking word
with word, although in the loss we have
escaped much of the ponderosity of modern
Germany, especially as scientifically com
pounded. But when nil has been said, in
English, the tool well employed, we have
a vigorous, supple medium of expression,
open to the acceptance ot new forms of'
speech, easily adjustable through that
safety -valvo, slang, to extension and sim
plification, while yet tenacious of the tra
ditions of a distinguished and honorable
past.
A S TO this universal tool, then, onr Eng-
" lish, the Gownsman holds a very simple
creed, He believes in tho king's English,
coming up through the ages from wells, not
always undefiled, but running clear and free
with many a tributary as it has broadened
down to us. This is the wngltsn or unauccr,
our Chaucer, our Shakespeare, our Dryden
and Wordsworth, who is equally ours. The
Gownsman VJclieves also in the Presidents'
English, the English of Washington, of
Lincoln, the contemporary English of our
Roosevelt, our Taft, the admirable English
of our Tresldent Wilson. Tor that Eng
lish, borne on the great contributory flood
of the language as wc speak it in America,
Js of as unquestioned a pedigree and pos
sessed of as inherent an hereditary right
as the speech of the Englishman of today.
Here in America wc do not speak the Eng
lish language with an intonation, phrase
ology and vocabulary precisely that of the
Londoner of today. We speak it better than
the cockney, and in many respects we do not
depart from the norm if there is any such
thing as widely as do the people of Edin
burgh, Dublin or Sydney.
GOOD English is not English tied to the
rules which supposedly governed Addi
son la the writing of tie Spectator. Good
English is that speech which is in general
acceptance among cultivated people to -the
English manner horn, whether in London,
New York or Calcutta, the speech which
represents our civilization, our ideas and
our aspirations whether P.ritish or Amer
ican, the speech in which is written our
precious literature of the English tongue.
The Gownsman knows that it is the lack of
communication which induces major differ
ences in speech and that minor differences
do not develop into new languages. Where
fore least of all does he admit that there
is any split in the English tongue or that
we are progiessing outward on one of the
prongs of a bifurcation which will lead us
to a thing called "the American language."
After a day's deliberation over the fig
ures, one inclines to the wish that there
could be another election so as to make -It
unanimous for Moore.
The yapping of the wongiel Reds ,is
drowned in the deep bay of the faithful
watcnaog oi me vjiu uuy mate.
The message of President Wilson to
Governor Coolidge was in effect: "Shake I
What's politics among patriots?"
Neither Ohio nor Kentucky is dismayed
by aridity. They've ordered another of the
same.
As a, bit of news, the fact that Vir
ginia has gone Democratic, is 3 startling as1
that tie Dutch have taken Holland.
... .. i-V r-. '
It take R iMIf key tft.dpn a dadlk.
ANOTHER "SHOT" HEARD 'ROUND THE WORLD"
rip SQfc'Pifi
tu'tl wSJ-er--'-iKjWiC VPfw.H i v
rfi0tt 5? '-'&& $$ ;S&t'':r" " '
THE SAUCEPAN
, OLD DOC BILL
"William II, Taft was summoned ftir
riedly to ifassachusetts to deliver a series
of addresses in, behalf of Governor Coolidge
ichen it appeared that the Democrats and
radicals were gaining tcith the public.''
Xetcs dispatch.
When bolsheviks are roaring
And it'B stylish to bo daft,
Worry not, good people:
Send for Taft!
Old Doc Bill
lie cures 'cm when they're ill
Of greed and .pride and foolishness,
Of ultra-modern schoolishness,
Of inexplicable mulishness
And bolshcvism's chill.
Hustling 'ronnd the country,
Helping out at Mass. ;
Bawling out whoevcr's
Rooting for a class.
Rich and poor and radical.
Polished and uncouth,
Get their thumping doses
Of the blessed truth !
Others snatch the glory,
The offices and pay,
Bill? He goes contented
On his way!
Always comes in smiling :
Never makes a fuss.
Knows there nothing ei
Wrong with us.
Friend of everybody
Is this Old Doc ;
Likes to see them happy
AU around the clock.
But he's after every
Selfish bund and clan ;
They know him for n gentle
And a wise, wise man !
On a hill
When the hearts of are ill
Yith the tale of our inanities
A nd teasted xcork and vanities,
There'll be a statue with a frieze
7o Old Doo Bill!
D. McGlnnls Gives Up
"I believe I will," I said.
"That's nice," said she, and flashed me a
smile that warmed the heart that prompted
the dollar.
"I wibtr I could see some boys from over
there," she went on, scanning the crowd as
I wrote my name and address. "They'd be
glad to subscribe, I know."
"I think they would," T said.
"I know it," said she. "I was over
-there just back two months and I know
what they're like."
She was pretty as a picture, cultured and
vivacious. If she had not spoken I would
not have seen her. It is bad the number ot
things an absent-minded man will miss in
a short walk. I am really very grateful to
the Red Cross for starting its drive.
Cleaning a Pipe
Our favorite pipe has been stopped "op
for weeks and we mentioned it to a spe
cialist (an organ builder and player). Ho
took it to New York with him. This morn
ing we received the following letter :
Dear Sir All well-made pipes consist of
two parts, 1. e., the bowl, which contains
the tobacco, and the stem, which is held in
the teeth. The advantage ot two pieces is
that they may be cleaned separately.
Directions for cleaning a pipe:
When the air passago becomes clogged,
first remffVe the stem, by means of a gentle
twist, holding the bowl firmly with one hand
and the stem with the other, Take a pipe
rlenner and push it gently through the bowl,
from which the stem has been, removed. If
Successful in pulling the cleaner through, it
may safsly be assumed that the, air passage
i clear and'thait will ba poMible to draw
sjwkd thrHjOf)iI 'part ef the pipe. At
Wis point ..'uowjrw, tb M. 1 6ljr,Slf du,
' v Ty'V ' 'ftr ,
It is now necessary to pursue a similar
course with regard to the stem. Take nn
other cleaner and insert it into the small bole
in tbo end of tlie stem which is held in the
mouth. Care must be taken in this opera
tion not to bend tho cleaner. After the
cleaner bus been drawn through the stem it
may bo similarly assumed that the air pas
sage in the stem is clear nnd that smoke may
bo drawn through it.
After these two operations have been suc
cessfully performed, it is necessary to re
place the stem in the bowl, which is done in
tho bamt way that the stem was removed
from the bowl, though inversely.
Both caro and patience nre required to
produce satisfactory results, but a few con
scientious trials will surely lead to victory,
Yours siuccrely, P, V. II.
Which is. nil very well as far ns it goes
but when is ho going to scud back the pipe?
Assonanza
I mind a tale from half forgotten reading,
Of how an idle," discontented child
Aloncono day came innocent, unheeding,
Into a grim apothecary's shop.
Among the flagons ranged about he seized
One of them glancing with a mordant stuff,
Whereof upon the skin a single drop
Will blto through sinew, flesh or bone,
And cannot bo appeased.
The llqnid danced and be was ignorant;
Setting the vial to his lips in bliss
He drank that tcrriblentoxicant.
So, in a tremulous, awkward, boylike fashion,
I, in my little life unknowing passion,
Took your wise kiss.
EDGAR ATHELING.'
How to Avoid 'Em
There's a hptel in Chestnut street which
has conic across with a new idea. It tells itfl
guests how to avoid their friends, a kindly
hint which at times any ot us might find
useful. On tho placard which bears the
house rules there nppears this sentence :
"Leaving your key at the office when not in
your rpom will indicate your presence or
nbsenco, and thereby avoid much inconveni
ence or jour friends,"
PANGS IN A BOOK STORE
The Disease
"I'd like the latest, if you please,
By this Belasco Ibanecze."
"Have you the newest work todav
By Signor V. B. Ibanay?"
"Be good enough to show to me
A book by Vincent Ibanee."
"Can you inform me, sir, what is
The masterpiece of Ibaniz?" -
"I'd like to purchuse, if I can,
The tales of Glascow Tbazan."
"Our reading club would court fla-ro
Unless it studied Ibanasco." ,
"And one more thing before I go,
A novel by Zlbascano."
The Cure
And first "Vee-then-tay." Easv when -
You don't Insert the missing "n,"
And Blasco has no "e" to blur
The fame of drama's manager.
Above the "n" a curleycuc
(Which our compositors eschew)
Denotes an open sound of "y,"
A boob could make it. Have a trr.
And does the final "tr." -give "etb''7
It does. The product's "Ee-ban-yeth !"
II. T. C.
A defeated candidate watched tKe manipu
lation of an adding machine in a newspaper
office, "Now JJsbow," lie s5k"jut wht
Jg meant bj the, phrase? U "fjw'tb like aii,
..1
POLITENESS
TO BE polite, and 'to adore
Civility in all who bcie
Themselves correctly,, as esteemed
A virtue that forever gleamed,
By those who lived in days of yore.
At least, it has been heretofore
Thought just and proper to deplore
Deportment that in no wise seemed
To be polite. V
i
But why should modern mortals pore
Over tho aims of ancient lore;
Or pay to etiquotte, long deemed
A curse, an honor now blasphemed?
It's not the fashion any more
To be polite.
Ralph M. Thomson, in1 Life.
"You all" will be profoundly interested
to learn that Mississippi rolled up a big
Democratic majority; that is, of course, if
you are not overcome with wonder Uiat the
Democratic candidates had any opposition.
The most optimistic "wet" must feel
his spirits sag as he notes that Washlng
ton goes right ahead framing prohibition
enforcement regulations.
The injunction that would end the coal
strike is a scriptural one;. Love one an
other. It wasn't exactly a delnge forth wet
in New Jersey; it was just a hint of
moisture.
What Do You Know?
QUIZ rf
1. Who said, "No question is ever settled
until it is settled 'right"?
2. What was the first American ship to
circumnavigate the globe?
5. What was the date of its cruise?
4. What is the highest mountain in
Switzerland and how does it get its
name?
B. AVho is John Lewis?
6. To what political office has Lieutenant
Colonel Theodore Roosevelt been
elected?
7 What state manufactures large quanti
ties of corncob pipes,?'
8. When was Von Spce's flee't destroyed
off the Falkland Islands?
0. Who were the governors of Belgium
during the German occupation?
10. How old is Cardinal Mercler?
Antwere to Yesterday's .Quiz
1 . The Senate defeated two ' separate
amendments to the Shantung clauses
of the peace treaty.
2. Harry A. Garfield is the federal fuel
administrator.
3. Sterne wrote "A SentimentaL Journey"
4. John Churchill, Duke of Marlborough,
the British general, especially r
nowncd for his victories of Blenheim
and Ramillies, lived in the seven
teenth and eighteenth centuries. His
dates are 1CS0-1722.
5. Ancient Babylon was rslfuated "on the
Euphrates river (n Mesopotamia at
about 32 degrees north latitude and ,
It degrees east 'longitude, .
0. 1'ivc states, New Jersey, Massachu
setts, Maryland, Kentucky and Mis
sissippi have elected new governors.
7. A nodule is a small rounded lump
of anything, It is also a small sob
on a plant, a small knotty tumor or
a ganglion, u
8. Absinthe was prohibited lit Frimc'c eoou
after tho war began.
0, "Sine qua non" ; indispensable condl
tiotjor qualification, Literally th'
phrase means, "without jvbtchJnqt,
10, Washington, Jefterson AJiWUtj, WP-
roe, JaeKwu, iiioj IWlfTK
' iano, eiuai$rc.l
. : CrV"T r?
4at.
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