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EVENING PUBLIC LEDGER PHILADELPHIA, WEDNESDAY, OOTbBER 8, 1019
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i
Jltienmg public iEe&aer
K PUDLIC LEDGER COMPANY
!
MprtlniSprrptiirs' uml Tronurr; Philip S Collins,
." ".. " ""Hums. John J, Bpurgcon, Directors.
m .
M.J EDlTOIUAIj UOAIlt):
'' Crnra II. If. Cititis. Chairman
J)AVID n. SMILEY
CJltor
JOHN 0. MARTIN.
GcnfrnJ Business Manager
Rr i In'lopcnilcnco Square PhllndHnhla,
L -P1!?10 t,TV ! 'rrwlnlim llullillnc
li1. iw iobk SOU Metropolitan Touer
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.. t A UDllsnrn UA1 V nt Prnltn T.tTrmvT. 11.it1.1t...-
m Lot is . Kkis I'ulWtnn llulMlns
Chicaoo U02 Tribune ltuimine
v... NEWS DniEAUS-
vitliOTyN ntri"i
tfr vV " s-r. i-rancyn-n-ra .we. una i tin hi,
1-ojHHHt lllmuu London Tlinrs
" TJ1 E;nll IMiilio LtllEH H nerved to Mlli
'J!Tra ,n rhlladelphln nmt purrounillns tonns
fit rBt0 P' t"rlj (IS) cents p-r week, pn.nblo
. to the carrier.
.. "?.Tn.nlJ i nnlnts outsld of riiltmleltililii. In
, tho United Rtnte3, Camilla, or United Htattn po
t K""KU?' I'O'taeo free, nrtv l".ol rents per month
81k (") dollars pe-" year pivalile In ndofre.
, TSua11 forclsn countries mo (1) dollur per
Noucr Subscribers wlhlnrf rddreis eli-insM
must filve old os well ns pew nddres.
DELL. 3000 wlmjt keystom:. m uv :ooo
CT Addrcsa all oommHiifrirffon? to i: rlnp Vvhlia
Ledger, lndritcutlrncc Squrtn , Phi i tli ttl if.
Member of the Associated Press
TUV ASSOCIATED PI1VS8 U rxrlu
stvclu entitled to the i'ic fnr republication
o all hcics dtipitclic3 crrd.ted to it or vnl
othendsc ci edited In thli papa; and alio
Vie local vewt publhhcd ihncln
ill rights of lepuhllcatlon of iperlr'' rfit.
patches herein are nUo teierrcd
Fhilidelphla. Weaiifilni. Ocloliir 8. I'll
THE STRANDED CITY COMMITTEE
A LL that was political in Philadelphia
formerly revolved about the Repub
lican City Committee, in which Senator
Vai'e was czar. The committee was a
tail that wagged an elephant. Mr.
Moore's snub of yesteiday and his
apparent intention to amputate the pres
ent committee fiom a rehabilitated Ile
publican organfcation are political omens
of the first magnitude.
It is easy to imagine that the invita
tion to a committee meeting telephoned
to Congressman Moore yesteiday by
Harry C. Ransley had a plaintive if not
a despeiato note in it. The committee
men need the Mayor, and they need him
badly. Mr. Moptc's brusque refusal to
sit in at the session and his grim lefer
ence to "a new condition of affairs"
must have sounded like a knell in the
headquarters at Eleventh and Chestnut
streets. The associates of Mr. Vaie in
that vicinity need moral as well as tinan-
cial support. Without the enforced
allegiance of the police and til omen, the
city bureaus and the Mayor and the
officeholders they are facing shipwreck.
If the new Mayor determines to foun a
new committee with a different per
sonnel and a fancr comple.NJpn, the win
ter will be haid for a good many men
who never bcfoie had to woiry about
the high cost of anything.
Surely, things are looking up. They
are looking up for everybody but the
city committee itself and the business
men and bankcis who extended ctedit
to it.
WHERE THE BLAME LIES
X7HEN the millenniam arrives in
J America the utilities and public serv
ice commissions of the various stnteb will
display initiative of their own. They
will not have to be wheedled and prodded
to action by an angiy or dissatisfied pub
lic whose inteiests thev aie sunnosed to
1S guard.
A Meanwhile thcie will orobablv con-
m tinue to be boycotts and uprisings such
tar as we have been witnessing in Camden
o give politically minuuu cummissiuneis
a belated sense of their obligations to the
community. And, similarly, a great
many moie people will have to be slain
at grade crossings befoie commissions
take complete remedial action recogniz
ing the fact that in an age of motor
vehicles new precautions are necessary at
all points where highway and rail tiafiic
meet.
Properly, there should have been gates
and a watchman at the ciossing near
Oreland where Miss Lear and Miss Lock
yrood lost their lives. Warning signals
oftqn get qut of order. Ordinary piecau
tiart would not have been adequate to
uravent the fatality. The bell ranc and
1 'one train passed, and the two women in
uie anotorcar nau no means 01 Knowing
that another was approaching in an
opposite direction. There should have
been awatchman and safety gates.
A HOME FOR THE LEGION
THE probability that the Philadelphia
posts of the American Legion will
accept theoffer of tho picturesque Jayne
mansion asi a clubhouse has two attrac
tive aspects.
Available Vspacious headquaiters for
' rin lecion hjAve an exceDtional value in
A ' these days oO habitation shortage. To
??, A'nuHueipiiiuiis utuuu ujiuii uuiiry uu
.Barre Jayne's generous invitation is ap
pealing in the safeguarding of a land-
mafl' Tim Frf nl1 mnrlllo rncMnnno nrfl.
RiA serves a local atnVsphero that is becom-
pvj'fag very rarified as, structures which for
1 j,"ieriy used to givethe town its distinc-
. uviurrifirncLcr are nmssmcr awav.
J- . ..in.- ..-.,.,.. nnn..tfn , iu r....
sllniust eventually be sold. But the
tecion members, shouldf, thev be installed
'thcre, would at ledst for 'a while enjoy
quarters of a peculiar dignity and charm,
! while tne public in general would assur-
edly be pleased to see rb.at corner at
i Nineteenth and Chestnut streets, once
r ope of the city's show place, quickened
with nevy life and at no sacrifice of sen
timental susceptibilities.
A NEW KIND OF JUBILEE '.
fTIHE chief reason why the elaborate
and expensive victory jubilc orig
inally suggested for this autumn willnot
tke place is that the public really didn't
wb! it. The Twenty-eighth Division pa-1
nute served its thrillinc mimosa and n'rn-
" elnnnM. nnJ fiHinn fnHn.nl m.ilnl
I'fSIMa oiawwo im uvuii- .vijiiui uuuui.
aSar tke patriotic emotions marking fhe
vclbe of. the great war. In its simplicity
and', heroic dignity it was an ideal
tiaflMMinf- . I
Tlie celebration planned by the fra- j
tarnal societies is, however, appropriate
in ita sphere, and a laudable undertaking
la which tho city will take genuine pleas
ure on next Saturday. It is in no sense
in competition with the earlier function.
iUtjjweiUy praiseworthy feature is
' i
the invitation to tho legion men to be
spectators In the Pnrkway grand stands,
while the fraternal organizations fur
nish tho spectacle.
The municipality is not officially con
cerned in the affair, but the municipality,
all members of it, may be expected to
have a very good time, when picturesque
pagcanty in honor of victory is unfolded
at tho end of the current week.
GUIDING THE CITY'S GROWTH
MAYOR SMITH'S disinclination to
speed the city planning, the ma
chinery for which is authorized by the
now charter, relegates a municipal topic
of prime impoitance to the incoming ad
ministintion. Mr. Mooie, theiefoic, will
enjoy exceptional opportunities in the
matter of fitting tho physical form of
Philadelphia to the new necessities
created by its lecent prodigious giowth
and diversified development.
Tho charter provides for tho appoint
ment of a commission to consider the
plan of the town scientifically and with
a view to lcmedying, if possible, the han
dicaps of its narrow streets and con
gested traffic. Mayor Reybuin's com
prehensive plans were the cause of much
ignoiant banter some yeais ago. It is
now evident that he was nuiely looking
forward and that some of his contompo
larics were unable to attain the same
range of vision.
Beautifying the city nnd piojeeting
boulnvaids will not, however, be the ex-
elusive objects of the commission. For-
midable piactical pioblems aie to be
solved. What the public has a right to
hope for is a combined application of
taste and common sense in answer to f
piessing needs.
It is, of course, quite impossible to
make over completely the layout' of n
city which has outgiovvn the original
limitations of the Penii plan. Tho engi
neers, architects, topogiaphcrs and finan
cial expel ts will have some tough nuts
to ciack. Giadual improvement is a rea
sonable ideal. If tho commission gets
under way, as it should, it will insure
intelligent direction of a huge task and
will safeguard the interests of the com
munity. As a factoi in a municipal government
a city planning body has now an essential
place. Boston and otlici towns have
made excellent use of such machine! y.
It is time for the physical destinies of
Philadelphia to be similaily guided. The
chances for Mr. Moore to levcal himself
as a public-spirited, constiuctivo Mayor
multiply daily.
MR. WILSON IMPROVES
TTAPPILY foi himself and for the
-LJ- country, Vice President MaishalPs
long peiiod of rest is rtot likely to be
Intel tupted by any seiious consequences
of Mr. Wilson's breakdown. Dr. Fiancis
X. Dercum's statement of yesteiday was
of a soit that must have a leassunng
effect thioughout the whole countiv.
The President appears to have buffeted
a collapse no moie .serious than that
which might afflict any other man of a
highly sensitive nervous organization
after jrars of strain and oveiwork. The
usual wild rumors were afloat, of course,
and they weio helped by the detestable
'clique of political opportunists who un
consciously expressed their dislike, for
the Piesident in the premature intima
tions of a need for Marshall's succession.
THE OTHER SIDE
I fNE automobile owner who insists that
I he drives with a due legaid for the
rules of decency and good manneis laises
a plaintive voice in a letter to this news
paper and insists that, while every one
talks of the lights of pedestrians, no one
ever utters even a whisper about the
rights of the man who has to steer a
motor thiough traffic.
"What aie you going to say," cries he,
"of the individual who believes that the
divine right of American citizenship en
titles him to step off the cuib in the
middle of a block and saunter in loisuiely
hauteur across the stiect nnd jam traffic
and frighten automobile diivers out of
their wits? And what aie you going to
say to this same citizen when he re
peats that perfoimanro on a lainy day,
when the streets aie slippery and when
you can't stop a moving automobile
quickly if you want to?"
We'd nay of that citizen that what he
lacks in wisdom he makes up in hardi
hood. WHEN LAWYERS DISAGREE
FORMER Justice Hughes says that
- Congicss hits no constitutional power
to take the earnings of a railroad com
pany in excess of a leasonable return on
the investment and give them to rail
roads which have not eained a reasonable
sum.
Forney Johnston, counsel for the Na
tional Association of Railroad Security
Owners, backed by the agreement of
Elihu Root, says that it is constitutional
to do just this thing.
These contending views are expressed
regarding the provisions of the Cummins
railroad bill. They indicate that unless
there is some change in it before it is
passed the courts will have to be asked
to decide upon its validity. It would
seem to be prudent, however, when able
lawyers disagree so "radically on the con
stitutionality of its provisions, to rewrite
it in such a way that there shall be prob
ability at least that it will not be upset
by the courts before it has been in opera
tion six months.
MORE SECRET DIPLOMACY?
UNDER the rule of procedure adopted
with the consent of labor leaders and
industrial leaders on the first day o'f the
industrial conference, all questions of im
portance will be discussed in nrivate bv
the interested groups before a vote is
taken in public. Objection to this mode
iof action was raised by the third group,
representing the public interest.
Reasons for such objection are plain.
The first purpose of the conference was
z.o Dnn jiiuuicu jsouca uui juiu me iay
nht, where the country at large could
scrutinize them in detail. To debato in
secyecy the questions which the confer
ence; is expected to settle is like trying
a case while the jury is locked out of the
courtroom.
It is still possible, however, for, at
tentive observers to inform themselves
of major ti ends in the world of labor and
tho world of capital. Tho Department of
Labor has suggested that the conference
sustain its recommendation for a govern
mental boaid, established upon a basis
similar to that! of the war labor board,
for tho discussion and settlement of the
disputes which ordinal ily lead to strikes
and lockouts. Tho wnr labor board made
a lecord for progressive action. When
the various groups at tho confeience vote
on tho suggestion of tho Dopaitmcnt of
Labor we shall have an opportunity to
know how the wind blows in tho various
camps. Radicals on the side of labor or
capital will not favor the plan.
' ITALY HAS FAITH
rpHE repoit that Italy by loyal deeiee
has ratified the ticaty with Germany
is not surprising. The news, however, is
accompanied with the statement that
Victor Emmanuel also affixed his signa
ture to the Austrian pact, so many fea
tures of which concern terntoiial settle
ments in which his kingdom is deeply
inteiostcd.
Such an act is of exliemely vital bear
ing on the Finnic, pioblem. The treaty
did not unreseivrdly hand over the Dal
matian seapoit to Unly. Is it possible
that the land of Gnbnelr D'Annunzio is
I actually confiding its destinies to Paris
i commissions and to the league of na-
tions ?
WHO GOT GENERAL WOOD?
"NE cannot look tovvaid Gary, Ind.,
today without realizing that the
Fates or the half-gods of politics or the J
instruments of destiny who assist Mr.
Baker in the War Department have deftly
put a sudden end to General Wood's
presidential boom, it wasn't much of
a boom as booms go. But it had the
advantage of picturesquencss. Now it
is little moie than a sigh upon the
autumnal winds.
General Wood as commander of the
contingent of regulais at Gary is pro
viding a sane, efficient and fair-minded
administration. The soldiers under him
have acted with rcstiamt. There is no
martial law at Gaiy and nothing of the
oppiessive atmospheic that foimeily at
tended stiiko activities of less experi
enced commandeis summoned to main
tain law and older after the civil au
thorities were ovciwhelmed. The strik
ers are getting a faiter deal than they
have had in other days fiom excitable
police. Yet the psychology of the sit
uation is the saint as it would have been
were Geneial Wood to behave like a
legendaiy tyrant. No politician of ex
pel iciice would dare to suggest for the
office of Piesident a soldier who com
manded other soldiers assigned to keep
hot-headed trades unionists in order dur
ing a bitter stiike. Was it chance that
got Geneial Wood? Who or what is
at the other end of the long aim that
set him down in Gary?
Menibiis of the Auto
Wheie 'I lure's mobile Club of I'hiln
hmolie There delphia appiove of the
Miotilil l!e Kite i it) onlinance to cuib
errssie smoking on
the pint of aiilomobiles. It is lenlized that
the habit is not onh a disgusting one on
tlfc pnit of the car, but bad for its consti
tution. And bei ause (lie offender is n public
meniire it should be tired fiom the city
sheets.
A Now " 1 1 k jikIkc
tiring of li a v i n g
women nppi'ni' in i ouit
Anil All of TIicim
Original
to liine tin ii IiiitbiiniW
vvciiM'd fiom jiuj diit.v. fiiM tin in that t lie
mil) lenifd) was to have tlm uomi'ii tlicm-si-los
eligible'; and to Hint I'licI lie will ask
tlie l.cgislntiiH' to eiini t the iim".ni) on -iibling
legislation In the il.ns to tome we
nut) look for an enliieh new et of exeiiM's.
Oft agin on agin
rrisi'toi.iine gone agin rinnegan
Deseives Itewaid has nothing on Mike
(illliunlcy, 15 el si a a
stow a vv it), who has jnst .nuteil in this
coiiutr) for the sith time, stmng m (he
hope that lit last he will lie pomiittetl to
stay. 1'erhnps King Albeit will inteieeile for
him in Washington.
Sailois deelare that
As to Pci.k Mini; the finlf Stream is al
most hot enough this
)ear to poaeh eggs, and tlie gouinment is
going to send out a destiovcr to investigate
the report. The fait is inteiesting lint not
iinpreedente. There aie currents in the
gieat lakes that enable men to poaih fisli.
Riuic Julv 1 the House
The Tight 111 Ig.uln of Co 1 1 ee t i o u, at
llolmeslinig, has lost
popularity as a ietie.it. The number of
inmates lias diopped fiom I!ll0 to lS'J. Half
a league, half a league, half a league on
wnnl! That's what piohibitlou has done to
a thiisty G00
(ieneial von der Ooltz. In eoniuuind of
the (ieiiunti forces in the Baltic piovlnces,
is lepoited to have gone over to the Bustian
Itolsheviki. Cin nmstance has stripped him
of disguise nnd lie has gone where lie be
longs. Women in uniform nie i riming in for
eiiticism in Kngland, the opinion being that
while it was noble of her to get into It she
ought to get out nt once. r Hut witli tlie
high cost of clothes before her, it may be
something more than vault) that keeps her
from "civvies."
Kepresetitativo Johnson'b measuic to
ic&trlet tlie intlyx of undesirable aliens is
worthy of serious consideration at this time;
nnd lie deserves thnnks for the distinction
drawn between n peaceful melting pot nnd
a hell's caldron.
Recent shooting sr rapes give point to
tlie decimation of the local captain of de
tectives that it Is altogether too easy for
people to purchase revolvers and other
weapons ill this city.
If Caulinal Mercier stays here long
enough he'll he mnrked with as inauy dejrees
ns a theniiometei and none high enough to
measure the esteem in which he is held.
Perhaps it was the dryness of the coun
try that prevented the Heimte from sanc
tioning the ptoposnl to make Sims a full
admiral.
When the Liberty Loan workers are
organized ttiey inlght form an aimex tp the
American Legion.
CONGRESSMAN MOORE'S
LETTER
British Censorship Comes In for as
Much Criticism as the Burleson
Administration In the Matter
of Holding Up-Mail .
Washington, Oct. 8.
TyrUCII complaint reaches Washington
''' with rcgnrd to delayed malls. The
Burleson ndmlnlKtratlon hns come in for
intich criticism, but recently many specific
giievnnces linve been filed with respect to.
l!ritih censoiship. A number of Philadel
phia firms hnve forwarded letters written in
neutral countries ns far hack as two .venrs"
ago, some of them Inclosing commercial or
ders which, of course, were never fulfilled
from this side of the water. As delivered,
they bear the mark of the British censor.
A peculiar instance In this kind of delay
develops in letters dated April and July last
but jiiNt received from Brussels on behalf of
the Permanent International Association of
Navigation Congresses, whose twelfth mi
imnl convention was held In Philadelphia in
11111!. Tlie (leimans seized the property of the
navigation coiigt esses In Itrussels, but it was
subsequcntl) restored, und nfter the officers
were nble to sbe tip fotcign conditions they
began to circitlaiize with regard to the con
vention booked for Kvvrdeu In 1014, but
which was postponed by -the war. The
American members of the executive com
mittee are (Jcncial William II, Bixby, for
merl) chief of engineers; Colonel Ilany V.
Hodges, one of the Panama Canal builders;
Colonel John Iiogart, ofNew York; Con
gressman Mooie, of Philadelphia, and Colo
nel J. C. Sanford, who was foimcrly engi
neer In chin gc of Delaware river improve
ments. These gentlemen were asked, in
Jul) , to a committee meeting in Brussels,
and are natiiiall) up in flip nlr because let
ters addressed to them have just readied
this counti) .
rTUIi; funniest thing about the bill to put
-1- the duty on graphite was that it was
introduced by Mr. Hcflln, of Alabama, one
of the Piesident's most vociferous support
ers. Hellin introduced tho bill "by re
quest" nnd did not appear before the wnys
nnd means committee to support it, al
though his Alabama ft lends were there and
said they would be put out of business if
they did not hnve n piotectivc tariff against
foreign imports. Kvcrjbody in the House
who had beard Tom Ilcfliu speak about the
Piesident's policies, and particularly about
tlie "mbber barons of New I.nglnnd" and
the "steel baions of Pennsylvania," are
wondciing when "Tom" is going to swing
into line against the "graphite barons of
Alabama " Truth is, tlie southern states
nre looking up in industrial mnttersand be
ginning tn lotnto crops and encourage large
enterpiiM's, with the lesult that protection
is n live issue in the South.
rnllH Philadelphia Navy Taul workers
- will recall Admiral Pendleton, who was
laid nwa) in Ailington Nutionn1 Cemeteiy
u few dii.vs ago. The nrlmiral died in Phila
delphia and man) of his family were thcie
nbouts. although Richmond, Vn., was his
hiithphice The passing of tlie admiral re
calls man) distinguished naval men who have
at one time or another been in command of
the Philadelphia yard. One of these was
.Admiral Giant, who figured largely in our
submarine warfiuc, and another was Ad-
. mil a Benson, who lecently retired from
tlip navy on age limit. Admiral. Benson,
after he came to Washington ns the right
bower of Secretnry Daniels during the war,
was alwn.vs outspoken in his devotion to the
Philadelphia .vard, over which he presided
for many .vcurs. lie knew the strategic ad
vantages of the Philadelphia naval base in
tho matter of fresh water, protection from
coast bombai'dmcntravailability of men nnd
material and protimitv to fuel supply, hike
Bear Admiral Hughes, he also preached
deeper channels nnd suitable Inside op
pioachcs for vessels.
"p.YlLROAD men, like newspaper men,
-'' have a habit of" tinning up In strange
places. George J. Lincoln, prior to the
I'nited States railroad administration, was
pretty well known olong Chestnut street nnd
nrouml the clubs. He turns up now ns city
freight agent of the Chicago, Milwaukee and
St. Paul Railroad in Seattle, Wash George
has been watching the mayoralty fight and
sends regaids to his ft lends.
DAVID
Unite
AVID BA1BD, who held down the
ed States senatoiship from New
Jersey until Governor Bilge nriived; Mavm
Charles II. Kllis. of Camden, and Sergeant
I'pton If. .Tcffcr.vs have been too busv with
political affairs recently to note all the
doings of Admiriil Henry II. Wilson, I'. S.
N.C the distinguished Cnmdenite with whom
they recently marched in parade. The nd
miral is in command of the Atlantic fleet,
and his flngship. the Pennsylvania, is some
where nbout New York baibor. Joining
the other admirals and rear admirals, Harry
Wilson is backing Secretary Daniels's re
cruiting service, whiih is now receiving
impetus through an official newspaper got
out by tho Navy Department in conjunction
with the advertising bureaus. The secre
tary and all of the admirals nre urging
young men who desire to see the world nnd
hnve n useful occupation to join the navy
"The next few years," says Admiral Wil
son, "will see our naval strength augmented
by numerous nnd superb vessels of nil t.vpes.
Our 'post-war demobilization is now vir
tually complete, nnd the men who so loy
ally served during the war must be lephic'ed
by new men, and these must be trained to
the high state of efficiency thnt the nnvy de
mnnrls and the country expects."
THI3 great war seems to have brought
physicians nnd prenchers closer to
gether thnn ever befoie. We hear through
the nrmv nnd navy of a good deal of frater
nizing that has helped materially to dispel
prejudices nnd make men of vorious religions
better understand each other. Now comes
Dr. Clarence Bartlett. professor in medicine
in tho Hahnemann Medical College, with a
suggestion that the schism between the old
and new' schools of medicine is gradually
closing, and that largely in "consequence of
the war a new spirit of liberality and pro
fessional fellowship is beginning to prevail.
Not so many generations have passed sinco
the allopaths and homeopaths would almost
let n patient pass out rather than agree to
consult about a cure. Doctor Bartlett
thinks It Is time to forget the old troubles
and 'become constructive in hospitals, col
leges and literature.
rrMIB marine corps and independent busi-J-
ness men In Philadelphia have been
hoping the big army piers nt Oregon avenue
might not be wholly taken up by the army.
Director "Webster had this matter under con
siderntion for a time, nnd it is believed that
Brigadier General Cyrus S. Radford, II. S.
N., depot quartermaster, could have used
some 300,000 or 400,000 square feet of
space, concentrating stores at a reduced cost
totho government, but Secretary Baker,
haying had the matter under consideration,
Is of the opinion that tho War Department
will use the new army supply base at Phila
delphia to its fullest capacity for months to
come. All live, storngo space, it appears, Is
nfeeded for returning supplies and equipment
from tho American expeditionary forces In
Europe, nnd notwithstanding its great plant
the War Department appears to have no
available! dead storage space la Fklladel
hpMa.W ,
f t"- .-r ...ir" -'-Jl ..- -, . -." ..-. j:ji "-. JV- ;,.-. jr'-.r .J
m
THE CHAFFING DISH
"The Balsam Groves of Grandfather
Mountain"
VNH never knows when something delight-'"-'
fill is going to happen. Wo came back
from lunch in a mood of indigo depression,
pei haps due to the shrimp salad, oi eke the
jelly roll and tutti-frutti ice cieum. These
viands aie both fuvoritc delicacies of our un
assuming life, but they should not be so
piodigally intei twined. Wc stood on Chest
nut street and contemplated the spectacle
of doughnuts being fried in a shop window,
and the theolog) of Cotton Mather iccurred
to us. In that amiable theology, we iccall,
the futine life was a place of endless frying.
However that may be, wc letinned to the
lolltop with a feeling thnt we had over
staved pur welcome on this in ( lcsting planet
and regretfully adjusted nm I e'lect to the
task of winding up our nffuiis.
As we were bequeathing to our trusty and
wcll-bclovcd comrade the Qiii.cditor the duty
of returning, with n polite note of simulated
regict, one hundred or so unpiintcd contri
butions to the Dish, in came a culler whom
we welcomed with jojntis delight. Thoughts
of anguish and bodily peril Hew away from
our skull. '
Bear with us n moment while we explain
the ground of our delight in wcleoniiug this
caller.
s
OMK time ago moie than two years we
came across in the office of a magazine
where we were thou working a record of n
story which hod been submitted to thnt
magazine over twenty )eors befoie, and
which was still remembered by the editor
with shouts of mirthful outcry ns tlie (heat
Masterpiece of Unconscious Humor. Dig
ging through the files industi iously, we came
upon some extracts from this manusciipt,
and copied them out witli a heart twittering
for joy. Here is one of those extracts, de
scribing the heroine of the tale :
She was a beautiful young lady. She
was a medium-sized, elegant ttRine, wear
ing a neatly-flttcd travelling- dress of black
alpaca. Her raven-black hair, copious both
In length and volume nnd nsnrcd llko a
deep river, rippled by the wind, wan parted
In the center und combed smoothly down,
ornamenting her pink temples with n Mow
ing traoery that passed round to Its mo
dllllon windings on a graceful crown Her
mouth was set wlth pearls adorned with
elastic rubles and tuned with minstrel
luys, while her nOBO gracefully concealed
Its own umbrage, and her eyes Imparted a
radinnt glow to tho nzure of tho Bky.
Jewels of plain gold were about her eats
and her tapering strawberry hands, and
a golden fchnln, attached to a timekeeper of
the same material, sparkled on an elegamly
rounded bosom that was destined to bo
pushed forwaid by sighs.
' .
OUIt clients will understand that, having
read the 'above, wo could not rest until
we had striven to find the whole story. Long
and patiently we pursued various trails, but
unavailirgly. Then, yesterday, on the heels
of the shrimp salad and tutti-frutti, we
were privileged to meet n gentleman who has
the complete story In his possession, and has
promised to lend it to us.
We wish we could give the name of this
delightful person, but we feel it advisablo
to preserve a meed of discretion, for this
reason. The gentleman ve refer to, well
known In this city, discovered tha story
during, a journey to the mountains of North
Carolina in 180.1. It had been written by a
Carolina mountulneer, nnd Its title was "The
Balsam Groves of Grandfather Mountain."
The manuscript was put in a book by a
Philadelphia publisher, and its eccentricity
brought it, for some time, a considerable
sale. Tho author was overjoyed, but finally
ho learned tho reason for the enthusiasm of
readers. He was, as we say, a mountaineer
of hot blood and with a clear eye along the
barrel of a rifle. When the truth broke
upon him he recalled all copies of the volume J
vnuv u vwum my m w
nlnffn tnpltiwl Anil aurnrA fo fcllOOt nt. Rlcht
utiy one who should rfw lo tho' book in iii
1 reMt. Our cal)w, k Wd Wy.iiktiJg fyw
"GIMME TIME!"
of the volume in the author's home district,
told us that he was greatly disappointed not
to have seen the author, though he visited
the mountain village where ho lived. He
just missed him. "Pcihaps it was as well,"
we said. "He might not have missed you."
QJO WITHIN a few days we hope to lay
eyes upon this great woik, which we
have followed for so long. It is a long way
fiom hero to Noith Carolina, and if .we can
get permission from the lender vve shall hope
to pass on to our clients n few refreshing
whiffs fiom "The Balsam Groves of Grand
father Mountain." And even if the nuthor
should eventually track us down with his
gun and wo polish hi the shadow of our Hill
top, our fato will at least be no more painful
than we exptcted when we came back after
a lousing onset witli that shrimp salad.
On Waiting for the Curtain to Go Up
WK OFTEN wonder whether people are
really as human as they appear, or Is
It only our Imagination'' Hverybody, wo
Jsuggest, thinks of others us being excessively
namnii, with nil tho fralltlea und crotchet's
apjieit, lining tt that cuiious condition. But
each of us also (we arc not dogmatic on this
matter) seems to legaid himself as existing
on a detached plane of obscivallon, exempt
(savo in moments of vivid crisis) from tho
strange whims of humanity en mr.Bse ,
Km example, consider tho dunennor of
peoplo ut a theatre while waiting for tho
euit.iln to go up. To noto the censorlousness
with which they study each other, one con
iliules that each deems himself (herself)
Klngijlarly blessed as tho repository of human
coiirctness.
Incidentally, why is it thnt one gets so
thiisty at the theatre? Wc nover got thirsty
at the movies, or not nearly bo thirsty The
other evening we.drank seven paper cups full
of water, in tho Intcirmlsslojis of a four-act
plav
Tho presence of people sitting behind one Is
the l eason (wo fancy) for a great deal of the
1 queer antics that take place while one is
waiting tor me curiam 10 rise, paitlcularly
when If Is twenty minutes lafo In going up us
it was at a ceitaln theatre the other eve
ning People behind one havo a horrible
advantage, Ono knows that they can hear
everything you say, unless )ou whisper It
In n. furtive manner that makea them sus
pect things far worse than any one would
bo likely to say In 'a Philadelphia theatre,
except, of course, on the stage. Tho fact that
you know they can overhear you, and intend
to do" so, leads one on to make tho most
outiageous cynical and scofllsh remarks, par
ticularly to denounce with fury a play thai
jOU may bo enjoying quite passably well.
All over the house you will hear (nfter tho
first act) men saying to their accompanying
damse's, "How outrageously clumsy that act
was I can't conceive how tho stago manager
let it get by." Now they only say this bo
causo they think It will make the peoplo
behind feel humble and ashamed for having
enjoyod such a botch. But does It? Tho
peoplo In tho row behind Immediately begin
to praise the play vigorously, for tho benefit
of the peoplo behind tlieim nnd In a minute
you see tho amusing spectaclo of the theatre
cheering und damning by ultcrnato rows.
Hero und there you will see a lady whis
pering something to her escort, ana will
notice how ladles always look backward over
n lily shoulder while whispering. They want
to Bee what effect this whispering will" havo
on tho peoplo behind. There Is a deep-rooted
feud between every two rows In an audience.
The front row, having nobody to hate (except
possibly the actors) take'lt out In speculat
ing why on earth anybody can want to sb
In tho boxes, where they can Bee nothing,
What the boxes think about vva are not
sure. We never fat In a box except at a
burlicue. ' t
And then a complete essay might be written
on the a In the theatre program wnat
hlgh-splrlreft adB they arel How full of the
savor and luxurious tang of the heuu mondat
How they Insist on saying peclallte Instead
of specialty I
Well, all we meant to say when we began
was, the heroine was Only Fair by which
we mean to say she was beautiful and noth
ing else.
Apres la Gary.
Lv tienera) WflttJ
I "jpuww we guerre Initio
If .1'
y . .1
j"
y
rS-
JAPAN
T AM. the newer man.
-- Aside are thrown the kimono and fan ;
The nrts I learned from China (ere the seas
Of other words brought Western strength
That beat me to my knees) q
Are laid aside.
The power that bent me underneath Its
weight,
And left me gasping, "Walt ah,
wait!"
Is scattered wide.
But yesterday one whispered me alone:
"Speak, and I share with thee the throne
'Neath Eastern skies."
And, bolng wise,,
I took his hnnd in mine
Quickened in mo my blood,
For then I know the flood
Of this man's veins would sweep mc past
myself,
And throw me high
To look this savior in the eye
And chulleuge him!
Ha! I have sunk a white man's straggled
fleet
Before me seen his broken army run !
Athwnit my shores the stricken people
blent
I am the West, I nm tho East in oue!
I nm the newer man.
Let all thn West beware,
Thi) South my purpose scan;
For this I swear
Swear by my Itisen Sun
Die I be done,
Whcro prideful nations fall,
Over their funeral pall
I will be there!
Sydney Bulletin.
-
There Is hopefulness In the Industrial
conference. The finger of the Lord will
point the way when men get together to
seek the light.
What Do You Know?
QUIZ
1. Of what stnte Is Gcncrnl Wood a native?
2. By what procedure did Italy ratify the
peace treaty?
3. Who is assigned to deliver the death
blow to the bull hi a Spanish bull
fight? 4. Who invented the sewing machine?
5. What Is tho meaning of the French
phrase "beaux: arts"?
0. What is an ohni7
7. What were samplers?
8. What Is a toccata?
0. Who was the Great Elector?
10. For how many days did tho battle of
Gettysburg continue?
Anawers to Yesterday's Quiz
1. "Nothing will everbe attempted if alP
possible objections must first be
overcome," is a quotation from Dr.
Samuel Johnson's "Kassolas."
2. Cavour was a celebrated Italian states-
man,' particularly known for the dom
inant rolo ho played in tho unification
of modern Italy. His dates are 1810
1801. 3. A sengreen Is a kind of leek,
4. Atlanta is the largest city in Georgia.
5. Neurology Is the branch of science that
treats of the nervous system.
s.fl. Isothermal lines are imaelnnrv lln.
necting places having tho same mean
annual temperature.
J. A male Iamb aa distinguished from a
' ewe lamb Is called a tup Iamb. i
8. Gibraltar is known as the key of the
Mediterranean.
Q. Frederic Cuvier was a distinguished
French zoologist, Ills dates are 1773.
' 1838.
j
10, Vswoonwa the fourtwu'
te.In th '
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