n
oft
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THE BVEMNGnTELEGRAPH
'' PUDLIC LEDGER COMPANY
.CrntJS H K. Ct'nxia T"rriifirsT
K
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,?.Tttln, 6crlary ml Trraaureri Thlllp k Colllna.
wuuit . , KiiamRi ijpnn l npurapon iirrrinrw
IJ Clara II K Ccktu, Chairman
daviti E- SMILEY
Rlltor
JOHN G. MAUTIN rlenerat tlmlne-- Manage
JfuMlihrd dallr at I'uaiic I.tnurn HutMlnr.
. lndfptndtnc Smiare. riui-ide'liifiia
Atlantic Cut rrejj-t'itlen nuIMInc
Saw Yoaic SOU Mftmr.nlltnn Tower
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Chicago 1.1)2 jriiniHi liulldlrx
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"'Nr Tokk nunpjin The litilldlnt
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Rt itsrntrTKA Tnnvts
Tha Kvenivo Ti nt 10 Lrnorn I airce-d to
Krfberj lit Philadelphia an1 aurroiindin lonm
"at ih rate of iwiv( T(i2i i-nn it wrfit. pivnbi
tA tha currier
, By mall to point nut-Id of ridlndrlrhln In
ill Unit- State- Canada or t'nllfd Stat m
eaalena, po-tap free flft (Vol re-nta per month
8U ($n dollars pr ar paviido In qdnr
To all foreign coiiiilrle on f$ll dollar rr
tnontll
Notirp- SiiMrrlner! nlMnc nddr1. ftmriSPd
must glv old r wrll as nrw nd lr"
BfiLt, '000 TIM'T KnTOSr, MA'V tOOD
ZT jlrfrfirs nil co-nmtnurofiom tn Fi 0 r thl o
IiCtlocr indepfnrfr '' .s ;toir VI '! d-tpltfo
Member of '.he sso-lated' Press
Ttin ASSOCIATED PKKSft M rxrlv
lit'cv cntillnl to 'hi tiif fm irpvhhrnhntt
0 nU news dnpntrhci C'ii'ri1 to il nr nt
ofArrteur credited 111 fnt piper ,nd ahn
the local newt pubhihcd therein.
All riffiM 0 repiiblu ation of tpennl dis
patches herein are tho retcned.
fliiladrlpliia Moi ili June 2t, lop
THE LAST LEGISLATIVE LAP
fpHE Legislature f.ici-, fom bu-v dn-
" this week, but the stimu'e nf state
pride should be a 'ipn.licnnt eomp-n-.i
tion for the labor involved lor the
Pennslvania sembly has. n the
whole, a good iccord tin.-, juai. Iess
foolish or pernicious legislation and moie
necessary and constructive measures
have been passed than for manv ser-inn-..
Much of the sanity displayed ha- been
directly due to influrnco of an able and
clear-sighted Governor. special cere
mony has been p'anned foi hit iigiiinf of
the Philadelphia chartci bill. The oeca
Rfon warrants it. The effect of the needed
measuie is now who'd v dependent upon
the spirit in which Phil.idelph'ans. ma
chine" men or independents, interpret it
and upon such skill and honesty as they
display in its execution.
On the last-lap calendai are the suf
frage amendment, which will almo;t as
suredly be sanctioned; the toaehci..'
salary bill, for which pasfage eom-.
likely; consideration of the piohibition
regulations and the workmen's compensa
tion law changes. Considerable battling
if in ordei concerning the Idot two
themes, but it may be forecast that rnajoi
tangles will be stiaightcncd out before
adjournment.
It is to be wished that the Delawiiie
bridge bill be put in such -hape that the
needed preliminaiy work can be con
ducted without embarrassment until the
next session. It is to be deplored that
the measure forbidding theatre-ticket ex
tortion was suddenly tquclchcd. On the
Other hand, the evident doom of the hys
iterical anti-sedit-'on bil, is encoura'rinir
iand.the death of the "jail-delivery" bill
, inasiujis iiu iiuiiuil iiiiiuiniri &.
There can be no question that the com
mendable far outweighs the regiettablo
in this biennial meeting.
PERPETUAL MOTION
rpHE Patent Office seems to be pesoi-
mistic about the possibility of the in
vention of perpetual motion. It has 10
cently announced that it will consider no
application for a patent on a perpetual
motion device unless it is accompanied
by a working model.
But it need not be discouraged. Not
far from its headquarteis in Washington
there Is a machine in constant operation
impelled by power genciatcd within itself
which comes as near to perpetual motion
as anything yet devised. It is the tongue
of Congress. It clacks from dawn to
dewy eve. Then the brakes are put on.
The next morning it starts again and
turns out words by the hundred thou-
sand, littering the pages of the Congres
sional Record with its product. The
working model is working all the time.
It might be objected that this machine
has no commercial value, but the Patent
Office does not refuse exclusive rights to
an invention for that reason.
SOUTHERN EXPOSURE
INTELLIGENT advantage of the fact
..--tliat Philadelphia outgoing shipping
It'i routes point south is taken in the alloca-
. won of the freighter Nedmac launched
at Hog Island on Decoration Day to a
Buenos Aires and River Plate service.
In the lively clipper days of the early
nineteenth century geographical position
logically stimulated the port's South
AmpricAn nnd West Indian trnrp. It vuac
It obvious that while the voyage to Liver-
Ia pool or Havre necessitated a long detour
around the Delaware capes, it was a
direct run to the tropics and the Ameri-
B Vttil itutiJJVuca. a itc ap-amy ivintn suusu-
Ejr quently ensued was due to New York's
j port facilities and enterprise, without re
lation 10 locality assets.
It is to be hoped that the voyage of the
.MailmaM AtlliS'lt Sc cKor1llla-1 fnv fVin lntA
if gart of July, may be a prelude to a re
1 routing of shipping lanes based upon a
L perception of geography. Already it is
$ announced that a semimonthly service to
ht the "Far South" will bo inaugurated and
that the International Freighting Corpo-
jj ration, wnicii win tunuuti, it, win move
ttt offices from New York to this citv.
Tho narir and warmer South should
fcjL.jiftkbe forgotten. Philadelphia bhould be
fi IMncn mprcantilp touch with Barhndos.
TPHnldad, Havana and our own San Juan
fi well as with Buenos Aires and Rio.
sT'V ..! - . r oo .
flBpaKin ill icxiiia ui u i.uuiiiiuii.tj, wc
fasti their way.
THE NATION IS BEHIND IT
HE prudent senators who wish to
T'carry out the will of the nation will
teubtedly Rive serious thought to the
Brtude of the American Federation of
p on the league of nations.
k'at federation is composed of men of
PjPfdj'Ucal parties. It membership is
TjTTtvsWrliiT
W
mado up of the skilled workmen1 of tho
country, well paid and intelligent and
deeply interested in the preservation of
the peace of tho world. There nre be
tween three nnd four million men in the
organization and each one has a vote.
The delegates at the convention of the
federation voted almost unanimously in
support of the leaKUo-of-nations plan.
They represent their unions and express
the sentiment of those whom they repio
sent. So heic we hac what is as near
to a lcfcrendum on the matter as we arc
likely to p-ct, which shows that almost
one-quarter of the voting population is
in favor of the lcacue.
If this were an iro'atod case it would
not be safe to e-enein tzo fiom it, but
other pu-at oicaniz-itiuns ic-pie-sented bv
their deletratri 111 emu out -o!i have rut
,,- 1..,,. , ,.,i ;,, c,,r.n..t f (lie
themselves on lecoril in support 01 me
league plan. Theic ;s no doubt what
soever that tho nation as a whole favois
it. The collapse of the movement behini'
the Knox rcsohit'on suggests that the
knowledge of this is hec-'T-nitr to ii toi
Into the nrnds of the senators in Wash
ington A NATION CANT DISOWN
THE ACTS OF ITS AGENTS
Whatever Germm Statesmen Sign the
Treaty Will Sign It for the
German Pecple
n"M!E cnblis have bem tolling u foi
-- weeks that Geimany was likely to
create a dummy loveinment t sign the
pcaci tieat", and then wotihl et 1111 an
othei gcivernmcnt tn disc nim .he act' of
the d'.mni, .
Iniiir;l puitri! 1 mull inn- ep.i.n
the unsettled state oT affairs. The tisk
nt .signing tho t.tat, doe.s not appeal to
any Ge:man tate.-rran. Ever;, man wilh
political ambitions i nnsiou that some
one else should undertake the disagree
able duty That the tieaty v ill be signed
is now dear from the assemblj'-, ot(.
It may bo that there aio Gcimins so
ill-infoimed as to believe that when then
government has signed the treat' the
German people can repudiate it. But if
so they aie ignorant 0! the fundamental
principles on whuh all inti 1 national
agiecmenUs let.
This question was ,a..sed tally 111 the
histoij of the United States when the
government of Louis XVI of I-'iame was
overturned. We made treaties with
him in 1778, a tieatv of alliance and a
commercial treaty. When he was oVpo-ed
and the now Flench republic sent lionet
over heie as its liist minister. President
Washington j.ked Thomas .Tf(Teisnn. his
secretary of .state, and Alexandei liann'
ton, his seeietary of the treasui,,
whether the treaties were still binding.
Hamilton, who was usually able to
think straight on big questions, fatally
misconceived the nature and functions of
tieat'.es when he advised Washington
that, as the government of Louis, with
which we had made the tieatie", was no
longer in existence, v.o vveie under no
ob.igatioi." to respect them and had a
peifect light to 1 enounce all obligations
under them.
.TefTer.son, however, sound democrat
that he was, insisted that the tieaties
weie made with the Ficnch nation and
that they vveie binding upon whatever
government the French tho.se to set up.
The principle which he laid down is now
admitted to bo one of the fundamental
principles of international law. Its peiti
nence to conterr.porarv events makes it
worth while reminding ourselves of the
reasons which he advances in support of
his position. He:e is what he wrote to
Washington:
I ronbifler Hip peoplo who constitute a
socMx or nation as the source of nil nu
thorltv In tliit nntlnn, as free tn transact
thir common concrnp b any :ip nts tlicv
think proper to change thope nge-nta indi
vidually or tho organization nf th"m in
form or funct 011 whenever the pie o--that
all the acts done hy those agents untlei
the authorltv of the nation, are the act
of the nation are obllR.itorv on them and
Inure to their use and can in nn wise he
annulled or affected by anv chance in the
form of the government or of tin persons
admlnlsterlns it ConHequentK the treaties
betwten the United States and France were
not treaties between the United States and
Ixiuls Caivt, but between the two nations
of America and France, and the nations
remaining In existence though both of them
hne since chanced their forms ol govern
ment, the treaties are not annulled bj these
changes
This is the application to international
relations of the well-established rule gov
erning the relations of principal and
agent. The principal is responsible for
the acts of his authorized agent and he
cannot escape lesponsibility by changing
agents.
The application of this principle to con
ditions in Europe will clarify the situa
tion for those who have been floundering
in confusion. Russia, for example, still
exists as 1 wion and the international
obligatior
the Russian people in-
curred by
goveinment of the deposed
czar did
ease when the revolution
began
la may be morally, and po
litically bankrupt, but her creditors have
valid claims upon her nssets and those
claims will ultimately be enfoiced.
The government of the kaisei in Ger
many yvas the agent of the Germah peo
ple and the German people were and aie
responsible for its acts. They backed
their government with their money and
their lives and they must share in what
ever penalties are to be inflicted upon
them for their crimes. They ennnot es
cape by declaring that they have set up
a new government which had nothing to
do with the old offenses. Yet they are
arguing for this. It is as if a man who
had ordered his chauffeur to murder his
enemy had pleaded when he wus detected
in the crime that he must not be pun
ished as he had discharged the chauffeur.
Yes, the German people are responsible
for the horrors of this war, for they
themselves, acting under the direction of
their agents chosen for that purpose,
have been guilty of all of them.
Their new agents, Herr Bauer and his
party, set up in charge of their new gov
ernment, will act not on their own re
sponsibility but as the men chosen to
carry out the national will. It will not
be particular German political perbon
alities who will sign the treaty. It will
be the German people acting through
V
EVENING BUBLIO LTSDaERrfHILADELlHIA,
these men Commissioned to will and to
do the pleasure of Germany.
Tho German stntesmen know this and
the stntesmen of the other nations are not
unaware of it. And it will dawn upon
the con.-ciousneas of the German people
before they nre through with the busl-
YELLOW TO THE END
fTMIE German navy completes its rec
x ord of ignominy and infnmy in the
scuttling of the interned fleet in Scnpn
Flow. As the lules of civilized war weie
lopeatedly flouted 111 the submarine mur
ders, fo now the rule of a peace agree
ment that is to say. the armistice is
treacherously violated in this " act of
dosp, cable melodinma.
The stipulation to which assent was
foimnlly given on Novembei 11, 1918, is
explicit. It loads: "Only care takers
being left on boaid. No destruction of
ships ihonld be pel nutted bcfoie evacua
tion siiucnder or lestoration." Final
siineiider had not actually been made,
nee the German crews wio intiusted
with the maintenance of the fleet pending
its disposition by the Allr- after the
treaty signing.
Thai the act was suicidal and frenzied
docs not modify in any degree its utter
ignobiliiv. To the last the Get mans aie
rev ouli d a- chatncteiist'ealh devoid of
the instincts of honor. A mi.nly oppoi
tunity to sacrifice, their squadions 111
accordance with inspiring sea traditions
of the Ceiveia type was lost when no
fuithei challenge to the Grand Fleet was
sent after Jutland
That the Mhos are nd of some enibai
rncnunt oncoming the Hun ships is
true But tho icbtike to war lust which
was to have been :l.lminitercd should
have been ma '0 as a result of free and
lofty decision hy nil the victorious pow
ers. Unqu'.stionnbly the Bntish navv,
glial dian of the disgiaced Heel, is partly
lesponsible fen tho fact that this solemn
gestuie can nevi r be made. Bntish sea
manship could not im-fginc such shame
ful peifidv To be ktughtlv and trusting
in this instance vvns to be lax. Both
Butain and del main have ben con
sistent. PATRIOTIC REPUBLICANISM
rpiIAT the peace tieaty, in till its pio-
visions, is not a partisan question is
the direct and foiceful appeal for rati
fication which a gmup of eminent New
York Republicans made to the senators
fiom their state
The influential standing of these sig
natories, their acknowledged keen mental
caliber and their long association with
the best phases of patnotic Republican
ism contribute to then petition a striking
and valid potency .
Among the twenty eight subscribers
aie former Attorney General Wiclvcr
sham, Henry W. Taft, piesident of the
New Yoik State Bar Association and
brother of the ex-President; Charles D.
Hilles, piesident of the New York Repub
lican Club and chairman of the Republi
can national committee during the Taft
campaign; Herbert Parsons, foimer Re
publican congressman, and Oscar S.
Straus, foimer ambassador to Turkey
and a member of Roosevelt's cabinet.
Hesitancy need not handicap compari
son of these names with those attache 1
to the leckless senatorial "round robin"
or those associated with Mr. Knox's le
cent ill-considered maneuvering.
The quiet interment that is now fore
cast foi the Pennsylvania senator's ob
structionary resolution is by no means a
tnumph for partisan democracy. It is
c!eai -headed, common-sense American
ism which is prevailing, a quality in
which the Republican party has long
been conspicuously strong.
Manifestation of this virtue in New
York has undoubtedly been effective in
swinging that state definitely into the
Republican column, a position which it
maintained even in 1910. Something
more, however, than skillful paity tactics
was visible in the impressive plea for
fair play to the treaty and the league-of
nations covenant. Firm and intelligent
regard for fateful obligations both to the
nation and to civilization was apparent.
The efTcct of this step cannot fail to be
profound. Best of all was its heartening
implication that narrow and spiteful par
tisanship is doomed when it conflicts
with patriotic responsibilities of the
highest moment. It is the knowledge
that such leavening is bound to ensue
that inspires confidence in our system of
party government, despite much stage
red-fire and the rattling of the thunder
machine. Pacifists and spnti
Victims of mentahsts might have
Hun Cruelty a little of their fool
ishness knocked out of
them if they were permitted to visit the
Y. W ('. A. camp at lioulugne. France,
where French girls, returned from captivity
in ficrmunj, are being hom-ed
The Itibiilous One looks
WMi Father
to Thought
with modified hope ou
the recent publication of
th fact that Philadel
phia Is threatened with a water famine. He
thiults it inn mean a sta in proceedings
in the matter of that other famine scheduled
for July 1.
When the Salvation
Foot Hest Army takes over as
as i'pllfter many of the city sn-
loona as it is able to
purchase it proposes to preserve in them not
only the mirrors and the polished brasses
but the armralls and footrcsts. This shows
comnundnblo appreciation of kinks in human
nature. Firfct thing we know some of our
best-known bar-flics will nci-uire a taste for
the new-fangled drinks bcrved and will never
miss the "kick."
It is a healthy sign of the times, that
labor in London nnd labor in Atlantic City
both registered disapproval of boUhcv Ism.
When ,pur wandering President returns
v,e can at leut promise him that he will nut
suffer frum ennui.
The Austrian reply to the peace terms
is expected to be an evasive one. The one
thing sure is that it will not be cast In the
same mold as that of a certain note to
Serbia.
It is happily the fact that the men
mentally defective enough to wish to use
bombs are also Inefficient enough to make
lizzie 01 tneni. lnnri-mst, Drains and
bomb" alike are duds.
SUNDAY IN THE PARK
Family Picnic Parties on Strawberry
Hill and Young People on the
Tennis Courts
pr.KK'AltP UKiinllv Ktnjn prett.v eloselv
J- nt home, where he busies himself with
his Investigations Into cntci tabling but not
alwnys important matters. 1 was surprised,
therefore, when I discovered liim seated ou
n bench near the tennis courts hi Knlrniomit
Park KutNlny afternoon. The miii was shin
ing upon 11 score or more of voiitiK men ami
women In white costumes pin iui; the Riiine
with evident enjoyment. The womnn 111
chnrge of the locl-erhousc wan toikltiR her
self ipiietlv in the porch behind the Rteenerv
nml MniliiiK lienlgunnth upon the iuiiorcn'
spectacle Indeed, it was jiif,t sueh a spee
tacle as I have seen on main a Sunday aft
ernoon on mj neighbor's Inwu, unit theie
was more of it. The jotiiiR people in inv
neleliboi "s fninilv play tennis on a sincle
court with-their ftlends ever.v pleasant Sun
elm nfferiioou, when thej do mil p!a 111 the
morning
AS I appro ic lied him. Pericarp made roo 1
foi me on the bench lie olTernl me a
liftfir as semii as I was seated, an iinuiinl
act, foi lie is oidinailly so nbsnihrd In Ins
own meditations that he forgets the duties
of n host eteii in his own house Itefore I
got the 11J.MI llgliteil he began In 1 hivkle
I looked nt him in astonishment
"Don t stare nt me thnt wav," he vnul.
still iliuikling '-If j on ,M.rr. ln nn plnoe
Jim would be laughing aloud "
Then with tm nppnicnt le'evanee he re
lll.'llkld
' hnie 111st been reailins the pieface
to a hook of ii-r-iietti' papn-. and a sen
tenee or two fiom it has bee 11 running in
m mind ever sinee I left home It popped
up again with peculiar fore e iut as jou
aimed The authoi saj that lie never"
smoked 1 ignre tti-s, luit when he gets to be
nn uigel lie evpeets to be dculish now nnd
then And 1 1ns lemaik piovokes him to sav
that lie wishes some erne would develop the
idea of hell as a place of reward for Pun
tuns I 1011I1I not help thinking of this de
lightful Mig'islion as I sat heie watching
these j nuns people enjoviiig themselves in
spite of the mgent protests of some good
people who -.aj that it is wicked The
protesters aie not all like some Puritan I
i.ne known, who have denied themselves the
plfiisini's of life, vet longing foi them with
a mislitv longing Nothing would please them
hitler lli-iii the oppoitunitj to have a devil
'sh good time aftei death Oh' elon't look
so shocked I nni onh plnjing with the
thought
TWll 1 inldi en passed befote Us, hopping
.11l skipping over the shoit grass, and
1 ailing ginh to each other
' I lame lure bj way of the Dauphin street
eiitianei I'enearp continued "Crowds
were getting off the enis; some of them had
baskets, which thej either earned into the
Pink or took with them to the trollev line
that runs to oodside Park and the Ilelmont
.Mansion -ind mines back here again. I fol
lowed those who kept on walking nnd found
a lot of picnic parties around the Straw
berr.v Mansion Tables were set under the
trees or hidden among the shrubbery. 11am
meii ks weie swung up. ltabies were asleep
on the bene lies Fathers and inotheis were
eating happllv the things thej had brought
with them. Children were (.limbing over the
tables or pumping nssiduouslj for water nt
the old-fashioned pump near one of the
paths There was the sound of laughter nnd
the r.gret'able e hatter of friendlv voices
And the heavens bent low ovei the hill as in
blessing
HI" WAR silent for a minute or two. I
bine learneil to wait for the spirit to
move him and did not break into his medita
tion ' Ovei bet nnd the Woodford Mansion," he
went on, "I found two small bojs plaving
'one old eat' I think that is what they
called it when 1 was n boj At any rate,
thev were plating a game with 11 tennis
iceket nnd a rubber ball One of them
pitched nnd the other batted and then ran
to a baFe and back to the home plate. They
weie both less than ten years old The
smaller one was at the bat He made a good
hit and then inn with all his might to a tree
about twentj feet nwaj and back again
Hut he was not so absoibed 111 what he was
doing that he could not look nt me with ,a
knowing smile 11s he rushed pnst me towarel
the tree He had to slide to get back ahead
of the pitcher, and ns his foot touched the
home plate which, hy the wav, was an
orange peel, he shouted tiiuniphiiiitlv, 'SafP;
And the game went on. This was the same
kind of a game, differing ouh 111 elegree. as
the game that a lot of joung men were plnv -ing
further away, surrounded bv a crow el
which if not occupied in watching them
would have been less innocentlj emplojed.
etCpL'T it is the tennist which pleases mc
-D most in my revolt from Puritanism.
I have been heie for an hour or two. and I
have been interested in noting the gracious
gentlemnnliness nf the players I have not
heard a harsh word, nor have I seen nn tin
plensnnt act There seems to be an etiquette
of the game which forbids the players in one
court from entering another court after one
of their balls has gone nstraj . When the ball
flies on to another court the plnjer looks
after it nnd shouts, 'Thank jou! Then n
player on the other court bats it back where
it belongs There seems to be n spirit of live
and let live which appeals to me. I should
like to see more of it in other human rela
tions Do jou know theie nre not manv
things that make me nngrj, but nothing will
arouse mv ire so qukklj as the sight of some
one butting in and trjiug to interfere with
the innocent enjojment of other people, even
though thej mn be etijonng themselves 111
a way that would bore mc "
((TS IT not written that there is n time for
-L enjojmentV" 1 asked wllli a malicious
grin.
"Certninlv," lie admitted, "but it is not
written that you should tell me when the
time has eome for me to enjoy mjself. These
joung people have decided that this nfter
iioon is the time for their healthful recrea
tion, and I defy any one to deny them that
right!"
Pericarp was beginning to get excited.
One never can tell what he will say in that
inooel, so T quietly withdrew while his atten
tion for the moment was attracted toward a
particularly charming young woman who
had placed the ball over the net w ith a cutting
serve so skillfully managed that her onnonent
bcooped for it in vain. G. W. D.
w the municipal game-bag "passing the
buck" may prove dear.
The "yellow peril" Mr. l'helnn intro
duced to Congress may be stuffed vv ith saw -dust.
The Irrepressible One declares that
while mayoralty candidates are being groomed
all over the city Shank's Marc will win in
a walk.
A clergyman of Brighton, England, pre
dicts that the world will come to an end
December 31 of this year. As hf Is eighty
two years old, it may well be the truth so
fax as he U concerned.
m&w; wm: wrT
, i K.BZLWMtV y T -jr
.; .r .IM:ft-KrnP-Efliyc3r "3?
THE CHAFFING DISH
Thoughts on Setting an Alarm Clock
TVTAHK the monitory dial,
-'J- Set the gong for six a. in,
'then, until the hour of tiial.
Clock a little sleep, pro tcni.
As I crnnlc the dread alarum
Stein 1 e solve I trj to fix :
My ideals, shall I mar 'em
When the awful moment ticks?
Heaven strengthen mj intention,
(Jrant me grace mj vow to keep:
Would tho law enforced Prevention
Of such Ci uelt j to Sleep !
A Dispatch From Our
Mediterranean Correspondent
II. M. S. Kharlil, Smyrna,
.May UO. Ittltt.
I HAVE been intending tn write for some
time I elon't wnit fo'r people to vviite to
me. for which gieat v utile I shall wear a
brighter ciown in Paindise.
Gncthe said we had better watch out what
we desire 111 jouth, for in our old age we get
it good and plenty. Well, in my youth I
wanted to see the Isles of Orcasc and Asia
.Minor. In my old age I get it, anjyimount
of (irease. and Asia Minors by the ton. So
it goes So it will continue to go until some
one slips the Peace Congress a few deptli
charges and gets them moving. Of course,
pence nn have come, but we can't get any
thing here, our wireless is continually
jammed bv th big new- warship., at Constan
tinople The message reads like this :
sulci Wils zz:::::: mall
nations zzzzz:::: Datmalia zzzzzzz: at tha
same time zzzz autonomy :z Orlando ZZ3
fin tow zzzzzzzz ends zzzzzzzzzzz pt. fffff
Verj informing, but tending to monotouy if
continued seven days n week. Our Sparks
has got tired of it and has taken to fishing.
WILLIAM McFKH.
This Disli is deeply moved to learn that it
lias a reader in Knoxville. Tenn., und ac
knowledges with much gratitude a dollar for
the Child Federation from joung Klbabcth
Castle Coe of that generous citj. lllUabetli
also writes her own poem, thus:
Southern r.lbabeth Castle Coe
Sends a dollar, and well jou know
The dollars tome and dollars go.
And Sou tlirtu Illizabetli hopes to grow.
1
'Twas Ever Thus
Oh ever thus Fate deals her knocks,
At her Exchange my w ires are crossed :
I never loved a pair of socks
lint 'twas the one the laundry lost.
I never hurried for a car '
And neared the spot with hopeful eye, e
But when I was still just too far
To catch the thing, it rumbled by.
The Poetical Painter
.Inn Shields, the well-known bibliophag
lor shall we say librovore), tells us that at
1?()3 North Second street ho has seeii the
following sign, vvell-niaelo nml neatly
pninted :
When Alliterations Are Completed, etc.
A Wolff In Cheap. Clothing
Herr Wolff, of the famous German press
bureau, is reported to have said that he had
got so accustomed to paper cIothe?s that he
prefers them to regular cloth. This is a
Hpecies of loyalty to the newspaper business
that we feel we must commend.
A friend of ours said that John Barley
torn will meet his Waterloo on the First,
and hardly realized the literal truth of the
statement.
The trance mediums who advertise them
selves as being able to get ln touch with do
parted spirits ought to reap a brisk traffic
after Tuesday week.
Prince Joachim Buys Villa, says a head
line. Can't some one put a stop to that
German propaganda in Mexico?
J At any rate, the new president of Brazil
T" m ffHHiKWWI
BLOWING UP A NEW ONE
got to this country in time to have his health
eh link nt a few- ceremonial dinners. We
wouldn't want him to have thought we were
deficient In the customary couitesy of these
nflairs.
The "Stars nnd Stripes." the A. 1'. F.
newspaper, e.-iund S700.000 in its sixteen
months' career, in spite of the fact that it
was eeliteel largely bj professional humor
ists. Perhaps one reason for the success of
the paper was that it was so fur removed
from thoe ancient tribulations, Pro Bono
Publico and Constant Render.
Merrily We Droll Along!
The Ameiican Press Humorists, whose
annual convention begnn with a careful rati
fication of credentials at a well-known hotel
this morning, will bo cariied through, we
ti 11st, w ith the scintillation nnd general raroo
thnt is expected of these merryandrews. An
upioarmg time is to be had by all: luncheon,
today nt the lirejer ice-cream factory; the
traditional planting of a chestnut tree what,
by the waj , has become of the weeping willow
or whatever it was that they planted here
thiiteen jeais ago? anil we hope that no
blight will be cast over the spirits of the
occasion bj the rumor thnt bolshevlsm lias
1 bomb ready f'r each and every humorist.
Theie seem t be six luncheons plnnneel for
the six ilaj-s of ihe festa ; to lunch heaitily
for six dajs in succession is something rare
in the lives of newspaper humorists. A trip
to the mint is on the program for Friday ;
trips to the mint julep nre not specified anil
we shall say nothing of that aspect of the
matter. There w ill bo dining and anodj nlng ;
and among other ventures n tour of the Hog
Island jnrds, which the humorists will have
to admit is the gieatcst practical joke ever
put over 011 the kaiser.
The Chaffing Dish will spare no expense
to cover this gieat seiies of events in a
manner worth pf its tiaditious. Even if we
have to go the limit and meet some of tho
wits personally, we are willing to do so. The
public at large will be able to recognize them
without tl!fucult) : tall, lean, cadaverous
looking gentlemen, with deeply carved frat
uies nnd somber ejes, wearing badges of
blue and yellow ribbon
Lines for the Children's Washstand
Itefore jou sit 'at table
To ask Cod's grace,
Wash clean as jou are able
Your bands and face.
And every son or daughter
Who's good like jou,
Will use warm suelsy water
And wnshrag, too.
Iloll up your sleeves securely.
Near elbow high,
So you can keep, most surely,
Your blouse cuffs dry.
Don't splash the water madly
Take time to rinse
Don't smudge the towel sadly
With linger prints.
As sure ns heaven's above you,
And grass is green,
If jou want (5od to love you,
You must keep clean 1
JOHN A. CLUAItr.
Twenty-sixers
When I was just a little child
Upon my Mother's knees,
I loved to watch her shining curls .
Float In' the Bait sea breeze.
Never did breeze more sweetly blow
Nor sun more brightly smile,
Never were thero such golden days
As blessed Nantucket's isle !
1 Now I'm so far from dear Down East,
Think what it means to me
To see upon a khaki sleeve
A friendly blue YD.
8UI1 ItOSA.
After all, there's no drink Ilka water. Try
it some tlmo. SOCRATES.
v : vn ? ?.
5. wjr,7flrwT sry
, it
American Press Humorists
THE paiagiaph builder; the wiz. of the
wheeze ;
The bard of the everyelay dope;
The artist whose comics jour risihles tease;
The booster of ethics and soap ;
They're with us today
And our homage we pay
To the fellows whose work has a punch.
'Tis their earnest intention
To hold a convention
That's the only joke left in The Bunch !
They will bury their chestnuts in Tenn
Treaty Park
With those of dear Ilrother Cattell.
Thej will solemuly promise to keep the thing
dark
And that promise they'll keep for a spell.
Hut some time next week
They will dig, so to speak
Hcstirre'ct 'em and serve 'em for lunch.
They'll dress 'em and doll 'em
To mai eh in a column ,
The Chestnuts beloved by The Buuch.
They will ne'er crack a smile; they will ne'er
make a joke-
They are on their vacation, my dears 1
At "slow Philadelphia" ne'er will they poks
Scorn's insolent finger! (Loud cheers!)
liy and by they'll opine
That we'ie liking them fine
And I know thej '11 be right in their
hunch ;
For how e'er jou may take 'em
They're good as they make 'em!
The bojs and the girls in The Bunch !
OIHF ALEXANDEU.
1
What Do You Know?
QUIZ
When does the prohibition constitu
tional amendment go Into effect?
Who composed the "Unfinished Sym
phony"? What kind of appniel is a soutane?
Where are the Jura mouutains?
For what was John Fitch, noted?
In what novel by Charles Dickens does
tho grotesque character of Quilp occur?
Who was Albert Cuyp? y
How much money floes the treaty now
in tho Senate provide shall be paid to
Colombia ln settlement of the Panama
dispute? ' y
What are tho six classifications of coal?
AVhat is the most active volcano in
United States territory?
Answers to Saturday's Quiz
The South is the part of the United
States which, in general, is most op
posed to woman suffrage.
Premier Orlando, of Italy, has been de
nied a vote of confidence.
Four bushels make a coomb.
Of the three coasts of tho United States
Atlantic, Gulf and Pacific the last
named is the shortest. This ranking
docs not consider Alaska,
The French Itevolutionary calendar's
month consisted of thirty elnysi The
five extra days were added at the end
of September.
The quotation from Gray's "Elegy"
should reud, "The paths of glory lead
but to tho grave,"
James Monroe was President of the
United States 100 years ago,
1
Impiuge means to strike on or upon, or
to drive at a thing.
Epictctus was a celebrated Stoic Greek
philosopher of the first century A. Vj
John Dewey, professor of philosophy
of Columbia University, is now. -in
Pekln planning a system of national
is.
Ao.
10.
.education lor China.
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