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L" THE EVENING TELEGRAPH
rUBLIC LEDGER COMPANY
CTHUS II. K. Ct'irris. rrwrT
PnarlB If. t.,i.1l,ifAn T'ln. liM.M.nl .Inhn P
trtln. Btcrttar)' and Treasurer I'hlllp P. Collin.
John II. William. Jolin J. Reurirron. Director.
EDITORIAL nOAItO:
Cues It. 1C. bcnTiB. Chtlrmin
DAVID E. SMtLBT Editor
JOHN C. MAnTIN Acntral lluMnn MminKc"
Published dally at I'L'BMO I.El(UR lIllttillnEr,
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rhiliJrlphli. Mnmlat. M.. 12. 111
THE JOB IS FINISHED
THE expected has happened. The na
tion has subscribed .1,500,000,000 for
the Victory Loan with a generous mar
'gin, just as it oversubscribed every loan
which the government has floated (lining
the war.
There was no doubt of the result from
the bcfrinning. The obligation to pay the
war bills was recognized, as every honor
able man shoulders the obligations to
pay his private debts.
Wc may now forget the relative stand
inf of the various federal reserve dis
tricts as the subscriptions en me in. Tim
thing: to note is that they have all done
their duty.
Now that this job is out of the way
the banks can turn their attention to pri
vate enterprises, and great corporations
which have waited till government finan
ciering was ended will now go into the
market for the money needed to do the
work held up by the war.
BURLESONED!
TTNQUESTIONABLY the
-' Chamber of Commerce
Camden
assumed
great risks when it pcrmittted news to
leak out about the collapse of a dinner
and mass-meeting plan that went to ruin
because five hundred invitations lay in
the postofllce for four days and were not
delivered until the morning after the
event. Camden business men are sure
to be bitterly arraigned by the post
master general and charged with "parti
san and furtive attacks upon the postal
administration."
Business men in this city arc often as
misfortunate in their experience with the
mail system as the Camden Chamber of
Commerce.
Morale is a word relatively new in
America. Mr. Burleson has helped us to
an understanding of it. It is possible to
understand the importance of morale by
observing the gradual elimination of that
intangible but indispensable clement
from the mail system of the country.
THE DAWN OF A NEW DAY
rpWO classes of persons are criticizing
- the work of the Peace Conference.
The first class is composed of those
who object to the sunrise because they
prefer to live in the darkness of the night
that is ending. They are the reaction
aries who would oppose anything new.
The second class is made up of those
who are complaining because sunrise is
not high noon.
This class is subdivided into two
groups, one composed of men who are so
shallow-patcd that they think the proc
esses of human thought as they relate to
international relations can be changed
overnight, and the other made up of men
who would object to anything which they
or their friends did not originate.
Mr. Wilson, in an admirable after
dinner speech in Paris, stated the case
for the conference with beautiful lucid
ity when he said that "You have to go
through twilight into the broadening day
before noon comes and the full sun is on
the landscape." To those who are dis
appointed, he said, the processes of slow
disentanglement from the hampering
things of the past must be shown.
In brief, the Peace Conference has
started something and headed it in the
right direction. It has laid the founda
tions for a new system of international
law based upon the relations of nations
to one another rather, than upon the
selfish development of the notions them
selves. When it faces the responsibility of
action we are, inclined to think that even
the American Senate will hesitate a long
time before it tries to turn back the
march of progress.
BUDGET SYSTEM IN SIGHT
ViHEN so practical a man as Senator
Penrose says that Congress should
arrange for the preparation by the ex
ecutive departments of an annual budget
of the expenses of the government the
adoption of a sound and businesslike sys
tem of adjusting appropriations to pros
pective expenditures is nearer than it
ever was before.
All the arguments are in favor of a
budget system not only for the national
) government, but for the state and city
'l ,,' governments. The chief obstacle in the
; 3 jjway of its adoption in Washington con
4?jf sista in the misconception of some of its
frr 'advocates of what a budget system
"! .really is.
r-'V ' I." A statement has recentfy been given
-st$ut in which it is assumed that tne sole
"' financial function of Congress is to make
?r appropriation's to meet the expenses as
'estimated by the executive departments.
Vow., as a matter of fact, it is the busi
ness of Congress to tell the executive
dejrtMnU what to do. A budget is
tMi est mate orpine, money neeueu
which Congress has already ordered so
that it. may know the nmounl of money
to be raised for fixed charges.
If any one thinks that Congress will
consent to an arrangement which limits
its power to cut off appropriations for
work which it disapproves or to make ap
propriations for new work which it
chooses to authorize he has a wrong eon
ception of the duties and functions of the
national legislature.
DAREDEVIL CANDIDATES AWAY
IN THE PRESIDENTIAL FLIGHT
Tos6ed to the Storms, of Course, by
Wiser Men Who Wish to Test
the Air Currents Aloft
BRITISH and American airmen who
tuned up for the lunge to Europe are
not alone in keeping wise eyes on the
sky and feet solidly on the safe old earth
while storms abate and weather clears.
Presidential candidates who may be
called expei t or experienced are follow
ing a precisely similar course for pre
cisely similar reasons. They value their
political lives.
Only a daredevil candidate will take
chances in the present atmospheric
tumult. Aviator Harding got his boom
a few feet off the earth in Ohio weeks
ago and had a tail spin. He is no more.
General Wood has just been hustled into
the air by Senator Moses, of New Hamp
shire, against appalling head winds. His
friends should be anxious for him. Avia
tor Bryan is understood to be tuning up
his lS9(i model flivver. That sounds like
Mr. Bryan.
But no course has yet been charted for
the nonstop (light to the White House.
Guide signs have not been established.
The roaring currents of the hour cannot
be charted or measured. Aloft eveiy
thing ih confusion and fog.
So the wiser men are patient. Aviator
Lodge, Aviator Knox, Aviator Hughes and
Aiator Hi Johnson remain below, test
ing their machines in secret and waiting
to sec how .the winds may blow. When
they hop off they will have the skies to
themselves. The amateurs who took
foolishly to the air befoie general con
ditions we're favorable will have been
down in side slips or nose dives perhaps
down and forgotten.
General Wood's position has an ele
ment of tragedy. It is rumored in the
high places that he has been tossed de
liberately to the storm and sent out as a
feeler in order that men more astute than
he may know how the treacherous cur
rents are tending. A good soldier is
being wasted in the mad enterprise. It
is because General Wood is a good soldier
that ho is a poor politician. The rule
never varies. If the men who urged him
skyward wanted knowledge of the cur
rents in which presidential candidates
must fare they have had opportunity to
complete satisfactory observations.
General Wood is steering badly. This
is not only because he revised a familiar
phrase and made a try for the presidency
with the s'.ogan "He kept me out of war!"
General Wood seems not to realize or
recognize the march of opinion against
militarism1.
No one who gets close to returning
soldiers retains the delusion that they
have any enthusiasm for militarism or
militaristic policies. They are not senti
mental about the war or their part in it.
Their task was too grim. They want to
forget it.
The nations that know most of jingoes
are utterly sick of them. We have seen
what they did to the world.
In England no politician in his senses
would think of saying again that war is
inevitable. On Zeppelin nights, when
the whole earth trembled from the Eng
lish coast to the German lines and when
the sky looked like the day of judgment,
they knew that war had to end. They
may not know how to end it, hut they are
not going to quit till they find a way.
It might have been well for the coun
try if General Wood had got to Europe.
In that case he would not be running for
the presidency of the United States on a
platform of militarism.
The rest of the political birdmen can
study him now with interest and benefit.
There is Beveridge in the Republican
camp, who is uevermge : mere are
Borah, of Idaho; Cummins, of Iowa; Kel
logg, of Minnesota; Watson, of Indiana,
and Allen, of Illinois. Dr. Nicholas Mur
ray Butler has a flying machine for the
great jump. Will any of these men ever
rise even a foot?
The Democrats have McAdoo, but
McAdoo appears to have quit the flying
game. He crashed in the movies. Un
derwood, Champ Clark and Newton D.
Baker are also on the off side. So is
Burleson. Mr. Baker ought to be too
wise a man to toy with disaster. The
others fly only in circles
The next session of Congress will he
the crucible in which great political
issues will be tested. Any man who an
nounces himself for the presidency and
assumes the responsibility of a declara
tion of principles before that session ends
may be regarded only as a vernal ama
teur doomed to failure.
Dominant issues may spring from the
peace treaty. The new economic legisla
tion that certainly will be proposed and
warred over is likely to provide a fine new
battlecry for presidential candidates and
their parties.
We are as yet unprepared in this ccun
try for the difficult mental readjust
ments that will be necessary within the
next few years. And the sort of ad
vanced thought that Europe has accepted
for its peace and ealvation and for the
solution of questions that have tormented
civilization for generations may easily
be made to appear shocking to a con
siderable body of American voters. For
the moment all qualified politicians are
more willing to wait and save their gas.
Two factors already clearly discernible
will profoundly affect the next national
election and the men who may be in
volved in it. One is the soldiers' legion
that has been developed, with the youth
ful Colonel Roosevelt as its figurehead.
Hands more expert than Lieutenant
Colonel Roosevelt's direct this organiza
tion of service men, Plainly their aim
! 'te.L A ..uAl.hU ,- all.-.' -,-i 11
W tifFW MMTHJV WalgaMiiMiMMnw
EVENING PUBLIC LEDGER PHILADELPHIA,
of army men, but to the 13,000,000
women voters who had sons or brothers
In the Service and the brothers and
fathers of these men. The men who
formed the legion may he depended upon
to unearth an issue likely to interest its
members.
The other factor is President Wilson.
We do not believe Mr. Wilson will try
lor a third tctm. But ho will return
from Europe with a clear consciousness
of the tremendous and exacting duties
that his successor nnd the nation at
large will have to inherit from the war
period.
There are sign's already to indicate that
the President may make n deliberate at
tempt to rally the progressive and en
lightened elements of both old parties
into a new bloc or into a now party for
the support of a presidential candidate
qualified in other ways than by political
association or the claims of sentiment.
In such ,t crisis as the next election will
present Mr. Wilson is not likely to re
spect party lines or party associations.
It is doubtful whether he would hesitate
to wreck his own party completely if he
believed that by such a method he could
serve the country best in n time of great
need. In his own party there is no one
fitted to succeed him. The Republicans
are somewhat better off than the Demo
crats in this lespect.
Mr. Taft remains the one logical can
didate for the Republicans. The West is
still somewhat prejudiced against him.
It is said that the old ring that fought
Roosevelt and Wilson might not support
Tuft. That contention might be debated.
The old ring has been learning. It is
chastened. The West might easily be
converted. It might be converted by a
man in whom it believes infinitely.
Not long ago in this column it was sug
gested that the country might yet sec
President Wilson on the stump for Mr.
Taft. That prediction may be safely re
peated now. Mr. Taft is wise and gen
erous hearted and practiced in the liberal
beliefs which have been gaining ground
since the war began. He has come mag
nificently through a great test. By his
experience on the war labor board he has
been enabled to know how the "other
half" lives. That is more than may be
said of any other candidate so far named.
And it is one of the chief reasons why
Mr. Taft should be elected.
THE RAIN HELPED
rpllE clean-up last week was materially
-1- one of the most successful .since the
annual campaign was started. About
three thousand loads of rubbish were
carted away from the houses to the
salvage dumps, where what has any
worth will be utilized. The storerooms
and the attics are empty and the habit
of getting rid of useless things which the
people are acquiring will gradually re
duce the amount to be disposed of in the
week set apart for the work.
Then on Friday evening the rain came
down and continued to fall all day Satur
day, washing the dirt from the streets
into the Fewcrs, so that Sunday dawned
.upon ;i c.eaner city than the sun has
shone upon for many a year.
GERMANY'S BLUSTER,
TN 1871 the cry rang through prostrate
- France that not one inch of her soil
must be surrendered to the victorious
enemy. Yet in due course the treaty of
Erankfoit authorized the cession of
Alt ace-Lorraine to Gcimany. Thiers,
Gambctta and Kavre were in tho.-e days
just as tearful as Brockdorff-Rantzau,
Schcidcmann and Mathias Erzbcrgcr are
now.
Moreover, the patriotic founders of the
third and the only stable French republic
were in a much better position to make
protest effective than are the unconvinc
ingly theatrical Teutons who resent the
second Ticaty of Versailles. France was
by no means friendless after the fall of
Paris. Throughout the Franco-Prussian
War she was the recipient of much sin
ceie English sympathy, and it is quite
conceivable that had Von Moltke com
mitted the colossal error of invading
Belgium Great Britain would have taken
the field against his armies and the Hun
madness might have been crushed at
birth.
But Germany today is an outlaw na
tion and she knows it. Caterwauling
about the terms of the treaty will, of
course, be kept up until the time limit
expires. That is the Teuton method
bluster and molodramatics before inevit
able submission. It is a waste of emo
tiona'. reserves to he excited over the
"torrents of protests" now pouring out of
Germany. In the end she will do pre
cisely what Marshal Foch nnd the com
bined armies of civilization have made a
necessity.
Mr. Stotc'lmr.v, more
A Word About in sorrow tiian in
Trolley Fares nnj;'r. nmfpsorx that
lie cannot understand
why people chcerfiillj Rive up two or three
rents extra for liioviiiK-picture heats nnd
ico-ireain mmIii and still Muiul like iron
HKiiiiist any proposal to put an extra cent
or two on the 'price of a trolley ride. Here
i an old query in a new nnd novel form.
We confess, more in anger tliuii in sorrow,
that we do not know the answer. One
might buggest, however, that jou don't have
to btand in the movies.
The official week of
No Hope mourning ordered by
the German Govern
ment for all the people will be watelied with
iutercxt by the rest of tint world. Certainly
the Hun Is touching bottom He knows the
limits of woe. And since all the subma
rines have been taken by the Allies no ud
ventttriug German can even sink a passen
ger ship to cheer Ms people up.
A British dirigible,
built on a huge scale
after the Zeppelin
models, is said to be
When I.atenest Is
Desirable
due nt Atlantic City lu June. In .lune,
therefore, wc in America will have one more
good reason to umlerutnud why an end had
to be put to I'otsdamnatiou.
New euliistineuts ac-
Two Great Sights tually outnumber the
discharges nt Camp
Dix. The Inds who couldn't see action nr
eager to bee the next best thing, They will
see the world.
t I tup flrat wllallu of Shantung which;
ANGLO-AMERICAN FRIENDSHIP
An Englishman's Exposition of the
English View of Other Nations,
Especially America
By WILLIAM McFEE
KiiRlnrrr Lieutenant. Hrltfsli Niny
William JcVr. Ihe author of "Casuals of
Ihe Kea" and other notable novels, has ten1
ten to his American publishers a long letter,
in irhieh he discusses Ihe ignorance vf Ihe
average Kuglishman of rverithing American,
due lo his education, a siitcm tchich, like
Hint in vogue in America, lags slicss nn
Ihe piculinrlg local subjects, ignoring the
teorld at large. Mr, Mcl're pleads for a
better understanding of America bg Eng
land. The Idler is a valuable contribution
lo the discussion of Anglo-American friend
ship. Mr. Mcl'cc's father iras an English
sea captain, his mother is a Canadian,
yKAltS ngo when 1 was a little boy I
lirst liecnme nwnre of n peculiar inflec
tion In a neighbor's oicc when he or she
(nnd il was generally n she) spoke of some
thing hk so distinctly American! Boys at
school ihibbed everything from ncross the
water as Yankee. At home I had big fat
volumes of Present t. Washington Irving nnd
Itrnwnell. I not only knew the exact rela
tion between Ilalboa nnd Pedrnrins nnd the
details of Cortcs's tights on the eausewHy for
Mexico City, but I luid ideas upon Sam
Houston, .lolitt Smith of Virginia, Dan
Boone and Cotton Mather.
Now, the point is that in school I not
only found boys as innocent of nil these
things as though Columbus hnd turned back
and given the thing up us n bad job. but I
gradually discovered that the te.-.cl.ers were
in precisely similar case. They knew when
Clinucer died ami the date of the French
Revolution, lmt they had never heard of
Harper's Kerry or the Louisiana Purchase.
I am spcnKinj; of the eighties and early
nineties.
Then I went to another school and en
countered a fresh phase of the English alti
tude toward America. This school had Ox
ford and Cambridge graduates for masters,
nnd so ignorance of the existence of the
I'nileil States wns nn impossibility. Ig
norance was replaced by n patronizing pleas
antry which regarded nil things transatlantic
ns so amusing! I can remember going into
master's common room with nn "impot"
it couple of hundred lines or twenty and
hearing one of the masters raising roars of
laughter from the others with his witty per
sillnge on the subject of bimetallism, which
I'.ryttn was ngitntitig just then. The fifth
form master said as he checked my "impot" :
".McKce here is n Yankee, let him decide,
lln j on helievc in free silver, MrFeeV"
I fin-got what I said in reply. It must
have licen cxcniciatingly funny, because they
all shrieked with laughter. I was patted on
the head and asked it 1 remembered Bunker
Mill. America was a great joke.
IT WAS the same when I liegan my appren
ticeship as nn engineer. One could sense
in the very ntinosphere a subtle but im
movable antagonism toward anything which
bnie sign nf coming from America. We
were carefully coached tn regard American
tools as shoddy. American boots as rubbish,
American books ns 'unreliable," American
idens as unsound.1"
The newspapers featured only the occa
sional disorders nf New York nnd San Fran
cisco, and we were left tn imagine Americnn
citizens enduring a lifelong fusillade nf re-
nlver shots and ending their days on the
end of a rope hauled up by their frenzied
fellow townsmen.
We were informed by telegraph how many
Americans had been killed on Independence
Day by fireworks and so forth, but nobody
thought it worth while to tell us why the
Fourth nf .Inly wns celebrated.
America continued tn he a great joke.
THI!N I went into business and encoun
tered jet another phase nf the Kngllsh
antagonism toward America. I found every
where that American machinery, profiting by
free trade, was cutting out my own firm's
specialties. There was nn comparison be
tween the two commodities, just ns there was
nn comparison between the. prices. Our
goods were made nf solid mill steel holler
plates, riveted up. bronze castings carefully
hand-polished, with interiors of heavy drilled
brass mid giiiimetnl housings. A good solid
article, costing n fortune to ship and guar
anteed for n thousand years. The American
firms were countering these with light welded
gahanizeil iron cniitraptions with malleable
castii'on gadgets and self-centering wood
pulleys, delivered free on rails, Liverpool or
London, nt n price some -10 per cent below
ours. The American importers did not claim
immortality for their goods. They claimed
that the machine would last long enough to
become obsolete and no longer, when the pur
chaser could scrap it and buy a new model.
The purchaser did.
lie voted Liberal nr Conservative nt the
diction. lie nrgued for protection or free
trade. He waxed indignant at Germany and
America sending machinery into L'nglnnd
free; but he continued tn buy that ma
chinery, and my firm hnd to depend upon
admiralty nnd other government contracts
where quality was the sole desideratum and
price of very little moment. At that time
(in 11MI0 tn IIIOS) a New York merchant
could ship machinery across to Liverpool at
a Hat rate of .fL'.nll a ton. Sly firm hnd to
pay railroad freight from Yorkshire to Lon
don, a matter nf "00 miles, at the rate of
.S10 a ton.
T WAS a drummer in those days. I had to
go through all the sleepy little towns in
the south nf Knglaud nnd sell machinery,
nnd nue of the principal emotions which the
memory of those dajs evokes is a feeling of
amazement nt the lack of curiosity in the
people I met in busiucss. 1 used to try to
out n little interest into my expositions by
explaining how we made our machines, but "
they didn't want to know.
I used to go into the question of using
products in the American way. They were
not interested. They lived from hand to
mouth. They had rarely been to London,
nnd they suspected me because I came from
London. They had never been to France or
Belgium or Germany, and never expected to
go. They not only had never been to Amer
ica, but they never wanted to go, Kven
while they bought cheap American machin
ery, they had n sneaking contempt for It be
cause it was cheap. They bought nnd used
it nnd made money on it, and kept quiet
about it. They had no curiosity itbout the
place it came from.
It used to make a tremendous impression
on me iu those days. I used to try to put
myself lu that man or woman's place, to get
their viewpoint, which, so I am told nowa
days, Is sound commercial psychology. And
I figured It out that the educational system
was to blame. If you could by chance stray
into a typical Kngllsh schoolroom lu the
eighties and purlolu a few history aud
geography books you would understand what
I mean, Kngllsh education may not have
actively inculcated n hatred of America. It
was much more subtle than that. It simply
distorted or deleted the facta and left'the
pupil to draw conclusions.
tfVJt&K'ctiuj aud' LonchdWif fiislaUmeiit'.of'
15,".'W. r? .m
MONDAY, MAY "12, 1919
ON THE
-.
'Ar&
Al'MAWMs w3c
Y "iitfysfci
.o.w&
$&
THE CHAFFING DISH
T
T IS with profound hiiinilintioti that we
print the following document, by order
of the court referred to therein :
PETITION IN BANKRUPTCY
Case of SOCRATES vs. Epistolary Cred
itors The following, having been appointed a
Court of High Commission to sit upon the
affairs of SOCKATKS, do the public to wit
ns follows:
Said SOCRATES, having personally ap
peared before us, does depose nnd tesUfy to
a stnte of epistolary bankruptcy, claiming
himself to be totally nnd abjectly unable to
answer his correspondence. His liabilities,
upon examination of his effects, we find to
be :14U unanswered letters. His assets, he
claims, are the hours between 10 p. m. and
midnight, but deponent maintains that these
nre the only hours nllotted him by destiny
for private meditation, nnd he begs the
clemency of the court nut to insist upon his
writing letters in this sacred time.
NOW THEREFORE, after having thor
oughly nud with utmost severity interro
gated said SOCRATES upon the grievous
state of his nffairs, nnd finding him to be of
good will and intention, though perhaps
somewhat feeble in diligence, we do nequit
him of nny malicious or underhand motive in
persistently neglecting his correspondence,
and bespeak for him the leniency of his
creditors.
It would be impossible for said SOCRA
TES to make 100 per cent repayment of nil
the epistolary debts he has incurred. His
wanton custom of ,(nB he puts it) letting
letters sink into his mind before attempting
to reply to them hns been prolonged over
so long n period thnt his obligations have
accumulated beyond the power of mortal
man to dissolve. Therefore, in the interests
nf equity and justice, we do HEREBY pro
claim u' moratorium upon all of said SOC
RATES' correspondence, by which no letter
written to him shall become due to be nn
swered until six months nftcr its reception,
dates to be determined by the postmarks.
If, by reason of any failure of Sir. Burleson
to deliver said letters to addressee until mo
ratorium has expired, au added period of
grace of additional six mouths shnll be
granted,
AND ALSO, the court of its own good
will does undertake henceforward nud from
now on personally to supervise the corre
spondence of said SOCRATES, visiting his
' .... '., tn !!.. I !.. m(i
office, Tlie UllUUlUg uiwii "" wuuu, i-vci-jr
morning to examine his mail. Such letters
as nre of Immediate import will be tnkeu in
clutrge by the court, with full power of
nttorncy from said SOCRATES to answer
them ns seems most fitting. The deponent
will employ the period of his Insolvency,
which it Is estimated will endure for tho next
six months, in a persevering and honest ef
fort to write off, his obligations.
The Court of High Commission:
DUNRAVKN BLEAK,
DOVE DULCET. .
CALVERT CRAVAT,
ANN DANTE.
1, ,s. All correspondence with ladles will
be confidentially undertaken by SIlss Dante,
who has been attached to this commission for
that purpose. Correspondents may feel as
sured of her discretion.
H II II II
Desk Mottoes
The most resolute idealist or assassin had
better write his poems or plan his atrocities
before the evening meal. After the narcosis
of that repast the spirit falls into a softer
mood, eager only to be amused. Even Milton
would hardly have had tho inhuman forti
tude to sit down to the manuscript of Para
dise Lost right after supper. JOHN MIS
TLETOKi in "Tho Book of Deplorable
Facts."
, ii ii fi
To our way of thinking, the greatest com
pliment we have ever hod paid us was an
Invitation to go to Boston today to act as
pallbearer for poor Jim Europe. We wish
could have gone, to tthow our respect, for
one of the whitest men we have evy r met.
'-- .......4 ".L,ttMAl'Sitt
tV&SSS
I i. .n 'TIT.1i:iL',-..aLI.llEuAtMUslMai H U 1
' i
LAST LAP OF OUR WAR
X;l '- .V-
ns Friday the l.'tth, even the humblest as
trologer niny know that something is going
to happen. The fact thnt the date of the
full moon in .lune falls nn Friday the jRlth
seems to imply severe drouth in the later
part of the summer.
i ii ii ii
And yet we notice thnt the moon will be
full ngnin on July l.'J. Surely that must be
nn nlmnnachronismV
ii ,. ii i
Young men hnve a pioneering imagina
tion: it is doubtful whether any young
Orlando ever found himself side by side with
Rosalind without dreaming himself wedded
to her. If men die a thousand deaths before
this mortal coil is shullled, even so surely
do youths contract a thousand mnrriuges
before they go to the City Hall for a license.
ii ii if i.
Neighbors of the Caledonian Club in New
York are protesting ngniust the use of noc
turnal bagpipes by the members nf that high
spirited institution. They say that "Bonny
Dundee" as rendered on the wailiug pipes is
a notable dissuader of slumber.
Of course we don't piny the elvish pipes,
but we have found the air of "Bonny Dun
dee" nn excellent lullaby for a robust urchin.
You all know it, it goes like this: Tralala,
tralala, tralaLAlnhtht. But the discovery
of which we are proud is that this martial
ditty fits very well with the tefrain of the
old nursery tale about the three little pigs
who were harried by the wolf, the stnry,
you remember, tells of the three young pigs
who set out to seek their fortttpe. The first
built his house of straw, nud tho wolf
"huffed nnd puffed and blew his house in,"
nnd devoured the luckless porker. The same
thing happened to the second pig; but the
third, a prudent nnimnl, built his house of
brick, not huffnble nor pulfnble. Thus the
wolf was frustrated.
We have found thnt our I'tcliin rejoices
greatly in the following version of the end
of the tale. Sing it to the music of "Bonny
Dundee," and j-oti will find it quite satisfy
ing to the juvenile intellect; unless, of
course, you happen to be a UnitcC States
senator:
To the third Little Pig it was Lupus who
said,
"If you'll only come out, I will snap off
your head :
1 will huff and I'll puff ,
And I'll blow your house in,
And convert you to bacon like two of your
kin." .
Chorus
"'( huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your
house in,
I'll cat you for breakfast like ttoo of your
kin"
"You can huff, you can puff all you want,"
said the pceg,
"But my home is secure, I belong lo the
League!"
i ii ii ii
Irresolutions
(After reading Jlcrrick)
Proud muu may vows be making ntill,
Resolving nought shall shake, 'em, '
Hut let him try whate'er he will,
At Beauty's glance ho'H break 'em.
Sweet woman too may pledges give,
Determln'd to maintain 'em,
But while the charms of woman lire
The brave are sure to gala 'em.
- SIE.
"What will the llenubllcnn party wage
the lOIiOO fight on?" Sir. Taft was asked
as he finished his breakfast coffee. A
Saturday paper.
Our guess would be, the rejection of the
league of planets.
ii ii ii ii
Perhaps you're wouderiujr about these
quotation marks between the paragraphs. If
seems fairly obvious. They're In hbnor of
Philadelphia having gone over the top not
having shunned her quota.
SOCRATES.
lie Mud of , .xtttta police wj need Is
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I
RECORD
.-vaniT,
'"t
,
Welcome to Our Soldiers
ON St'NNY days
When earth is t
s, in lilac time, ,
green nnd skies nre blue,
When church bells ring their'swcelcst chime,
Aqd blood runs high and hearts beat true,
llrave soldiers all, we welcome you I
Back home again! What mngie words!
Dear mother's love nnd sweetheart true,
Aud little hands, aud songs of birds,
And npple blossoms peeping through
Brave soldiers all, we welcome you!
O God of Fat"! Those left behind,
In Flanders Fields and Argonnc Wood, l
And Chateau -Thierry, too, the blind.
The lame (those steeped in richest blood),
Lo! let us not forget this day !
Let's bare our heads and kneel and pray!
Henry I'olk Lowenstein, iu the Kansas
City Times.
The observnnce nt Slother's Day will be
impressively repented on Thursday of this
week.
Never before could it ho so authorita
-nil
tively predicated that n dry summer wlU I
follow a wet spring.
What Do You Know?
QUIZ
1. Who is American ambassador to Japan?
!!. What is the meaning of the verb "to
burke" as used, for instance, in the
sentence "Tho Senate may burke the
treaty"?
.1. What is the name of the Greek parlhi
inentV
1. NC-4 is the name of one of the trans
atlantic nirplanes. What dp the
initials stand for?
C. What other city besides Rome was ever
the scat of the Papacy?
It. IV lUlt IS IllCiliUUlUU iiuui-.- j-i
7. In what year was juhus cacsar assas
sinated?
8. Who wrote "Tlie Sentimental Journey"?
!). AVhnt is simony? L
10. How ninny Presidents of the United
States came from Tennessee and who ?
were they? ,
Answers to Saturday's Quiz
1. The pope is elected by "scrutiny," each '
cardinal depositing his sealed vote In a"tf
chalice from which the tickets arel3
drawn by "scrutators." The cardinal JS,
receiving two-thirds of the votes b'
comes pope. (
2.' Three German cities which, although4
subject to the impcrinl crown, were v
republics prior to tho fall of the.Ger-
mnn empire last autumn, were 'Ham -;
burg, Luebcck und Bremen. .
3. The lougest leg of the American avln- i
tlbu route across the Atlantic is from A
Trepusscy; N, F., to llorta, Azores, ajt
distance of about 1250 miles. -
4. The word ragout which describes a kind .
of stew, literally means "taste reffl
vlver." jS
5. Algernon Charles Swinburne wrote;
"Songs Before Sunrise." 3
C, Tne ireniy finuwuti in jom.'
'ofileially ended the t rnuco-l'russian
war
7, Hellebore is the ancient name of varl
ous plants supposed to cure niadneig
8 Benjamin Franklin iu a letter to Joslah':
v.. .1 .iii BA..iAr.,i,a -ii i"y
yUiaUJI, ""s utjiiouuii. 1.x, il(U,
wrote, "mere, never was a goou wn
or a bad peace,"
n. The word ovatioa essentially meana'in
lessertriumph, and although it is contfe
mnnlv used'iti the sense of an exltf
trcinely enthusiastic reception, tbiii
significance Is not etymologlcally crS
..i.K
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to. The America" Union ,3ack Ji .,)
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