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1
EVENIW PUBLIC LEDGER- P-HirADELPJfllAV TUESDAY, jVfAr C, 1919
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L JEuentiut KJublic Ule&aer
f HP'THE EVENING TELEGRAPH
PUDLIC LEDGER COMPANY
.... .1'TP.U1J H-. CUnTIS. PrinrT
d,, .( , WliB'.ir.'.,,r' "' Trmnurfri rtilllp H Collin".
m'wrfi Jhn 11. Wllllm. .lohn J Hpurcewi Dltwlnr.
raS HDITOIUAI. IIOAni)
&' Cnn II K C'ihtu, Chairman
r' -VM. " ."""
i,"fe JOHN f MAIITIM Ootifral rin.lnrdi. .Mhiiubi-
ip
rubllhfil dally al I'ubiil Ijgou tlulldlnr.
ATt.ANTIO CUT
f
s'Rw Ynnic
i0 StolronoltUn Tower
irrM-iw inn uuiminx
JJETROIT
ClUCAUO
701 Ton! HitlMtni
toofl KulOrton lltilldlne
... l.u'i: i rtbiinc iiuiiuinc
iVAStitNaTov nimrtc.
N I:. Cop. iviinlvanl:i A. nnd 14th St.
New York TlrnnAP . .Th Shh nulldlnr
IOMK).N Uurkau Lon-Ion Tlmrt
srncniPTTn thump
Tho i;KNiNo ri in ir I,Fmrn la wnH to nnb
fltcrlbtrn In Phllftdptplila on-l siirroyn-llnR towns
t the rntc of ttirUp (12) nnt ikt wefk parable
to the rarrlT.
Tly mull to point miMlil or PhllnnVlphU In
thft 1'nltM Stntr Criim1i. or CnltM Stnti t
slon prwtRt'' rrp Oft v lni rent pr month
Btx fl) fiollir per ynr, pnviM In Arhnntr
To all for-Iff i ounlrli one (1 ilolMr pr
month
NnTirr Huh- ribort wNdfuir nMr i hanjrM
yntiHt Rle old ni f n iifiv nddrrnji.
HFU., WOO WAI M T
KFiTnNF. MUN .into
tJT Aiidrrm all rounminirnhoHv tn Krlno puhlir
I.rdfft r. hulnt, iutt up, Squat r Phtlad'lphin
Member of the Associated Tress
rim ssnri.Thw ritrss h win-
tivctfl entitle! to thr t.ic for rrpuhticatian
of nil tictt s dhpnlrhci emitted to it or not
ntlicnrtvr ctctlitrtl hi Mm ;rt)'vr, nti'l oho
the lornt nrtt v pitlihsht't thcrriti.
All unfit of ) rpubhtntmn of npreinl fi
pacArt hrmn nrr ahrt ir-rrrrrf.
!'fiilj(ltlpliln, liirxln. M-v a, pio
HOG ISLAND AND A HOLIDAY
TyrORH than 00,001) persons visited IIok
Island on a recent Sunday when the
vast shipyaul was opened to isitors.
No one vho ever saw the Rica test of
fihipbufdinff plants has Rone away with
out n new sense of amazement at a spec
tacle' that is almost indescribable, and a
new sense of pride ml of confidence in
the American spirit. The schedule of the
Jrard recently published indicates that
two vessels are to be ready for simul
taneous launching on Memorial Day. If
Mr. Brush and his associates in the di
rection of Hot: Island could find it possi
ble to open the Kates to the (reneral pub
lic on that occasion about 10D.OOO persons
would thank them for some unparalleled
thrills and an outiiiR really worth while.
Few persons in this city are yet able
to realize that Hor Island is actually
one of the wonders of the world and pei
haps the greatest single work under
taken and .successfully cat lied out under
the stimulus of the war. Uiver -teameis
could provide a magnificent grandstand
for multitudes if the yard management
would arrange its double launching as a
holiday event. The yard itself would
draw a vast crowd. The people own Hog
Island. It is their shipyard. Most of
them have no adequate notion of the
miraclo they helped to create. Once they
were permitted to see the island and its
work they could affoid to smile toler
antly at the emotional blow-ups that
occur at intervals in Congress when effei
vescent politicians find themselves in a
mood for probes and investigations.
THE WATER SHORTAGE
TF THERE is a water shoitagc in Phila-
delphia now what will the situation be
after July 1 ?
This city comes next to Chicago as a
consumer of Adam's ale in these days
when certain classes of the thirsty
moisten their throats with other liquids.
The daily consumption of water here is
170 gallons for each man, woman and
child, or 850 gallons for the aveiage
family. In Chicago it is 220 gallons.
New York, whither men go fioni all paits
of tho country to quench their tliiist,
uses 100 gallons. Boston gets along
'with 105, while St. Louis needs 120 and
Baltimore consumes 140 gallons.
We aic told that the enormous quan
tity used heie is due to the large number
of manufacturing plants, wheie the sur
plus not consumed in the homes of the
people is needed for the vai ions processes
and flows directly into the rivers or
reaches them through the sewers after
serving its purpose.
Perhaps this is a complete explanation.
At any rate, the water is pumped into
the mains and goes somewheie. It cer
tainly docs not reach the homes of the
people in any such quantity as the figures
would indicate, and in" some sections of
the city it is difficult in the summer to
' get any water at all, save during a
I-- rainstorm when the roof leaks.
v If the situation is so bad as tho. outgiv
ings from City Hall would indicate some
thing will have to be done before the dry
spell begins at the end of next month.
THE STRAW HAT
T3AINY days almost invaiiabiy follow
!", . upon the advent of the new stiaw
jSKat. "Unsettled weather," said the
Mpfwcathcr gentleman firmly in making his
F;HvSprognostication for the present week.
p,3Ien of fashion who put away their win-
v"xt ler neaagear on me iick or tne clock
Vw-W Itnuo Tift nnoir fimn rf if TKn.. 1
.its?' "anxious students of weather rpnmt
&5S&S . They flee from a darkening cloud.
h'a,' W lritv as a venture more and mn fini,u..
Pm?"1, 'vtiward colorful embellishments. Socks
"rti,- ot a nrignt hue are recent acquisitions
','0"" ear to the Prou1 sP'r't of man, dearer
hV even than his passionate ties of recent
Buuuiicia, uui. jl is in nis natoand that
sv" the average man is most ,lr.vi.,,r .,.i
I l.-i'yenturesome. Women, whose 'hats in
I r' lBpiro the oldest and most chei ished ioke
t,MJ'nVa lnan'ma(ic world, preserve a wise
'"BiMlld tolerant silence when the season f
'i..f-aPJoretf hatbands comes round. Straw
stts showwhich way tho wind hlnwu t
i TAWSBf? "' "' a-'c'--' " ' jne realm of
tziamA: ..t: -i i
iHuumiu paycnoiuy.
THE DYNAMITERS
imrnnh . timi. r
'ml' ' uynamncr," that de-
V v-m ncious iarce in wnicn Kobert Louis
'1venson skitied the Bolsheviks of his
aky, will remember Zero Pumpernickel
, lines, the sntimenta bomb-compiler of
;.?olden Square. This tender-hearted
., Msassln, whose hair had grown gray
; wtw me vexations 01 internal devices
SWJWi MM to explode as, planned, was on
Mnas iw if uiiiviii.iiu. ,iii.ii u inrK ni
kiMila'ln IiIm fiillhnnr tr m ..1....1 .. I l. I
( " "vwoj nnwiwcu Uferuixi3l
' l . .(5 ....
f" r,'.A..,
EhjW'.ujIi
the corner of a London newsstand and
"no adequate remains could be found."
Zero would have been a welcome addi
tion to the ranks of our local sovictecrs,
who think that to speed by a church at
dusk and toss a handful of TNT in that
direction in the vague hope of kill
ing some one, is n glorious exploit
against capitalistic civilization. He
would have justified their outrages with
a quaint fluency of philosophy, and when
netted by the secret seivioe be would
have been a picturesque figure on his
way to the chair.
Alas! it is to be feared that those who
make war on society these days are not
such engagingly absurd figuies as Ste
venson's rascal. They are maniacs who
delight in cruel outrages for their own
sake and deal horror regardles.-.. Blood
is their argument and blood their desire.
They think nothing of sttiking down
"noncombatant" in the hofe of leaching
those who they fancy hae injuied them.
They need not expect society to lie tender
with thom when it hunts them down.
GENDARMES FOR THIS CITY?
A QUERY WORTH PONDERING
Why Should Philadelphia Adopt a
Method Which Has Failed in Many
Other American Cities?
TI' IT were pioposed to take the Buieau
1 of Health or the Unreal! of Water out
of the contiol of the municipal iintliiii i
tles because eeitain inspectoi- 01 eleiUs
had been engaged in pernicious political
activity, the cry would immediate arise
that good local government i m.ule of
other stuff and that the Legislalme
should give the city the niaehineiy to
woik out Us own salvation, but not de
prive it of the light' to conduct its ptncly
boiiie alia 1 1.
When the cliiuge is i.nsed that the
polite have engaged m political aitivitv
many earnest lefoimei.- and good citi
zens seem to lose sight of their belief in
democracy wot king out its pioblems and
seek for lelief in that paternalism which
they ale usually pione to condemn.
We have to lecognize that then1 i a
tundament.il lpttl diireience between
policimen and othei municipal emplo.ves,
for mitnoious courts have held that the
po ice officer, while employed and paid
by a municipality, is primarily the agent
of the state in his law-enfoicing dutie-,
nnd with thee derisions we have no quai
lel. But as a unit of local administra
tion and a- a human proposition, the
police dcpai tmeut is no diffeient fiom
any other group of municipal emplove.s.
It is aigued that, although home rule is
desiiable in thorny and in praclice, an
exception should be made in the case of
the police because they repiescnt such
enoimous power and because their evil
use may perpetuate an iniquitous admm
istiation of its friends m the contiol of
local affairs. Like many similar dangers,
this has been one of the pioblems that do
not seem to disturb autocracies, but
which do piosont themselves to self
govcining communities. And yet. bn't
it better for us to work out the pioblems
under a dempetacy than to choose the
seemingly easier way of an autociacj ?
Those who favor a police force under
state contiol for Philadelphia, and who
thereby oppose the expicss ievr s of
Governor Sproul on the matter, often
point to the state constabulary as an
illustration of the efficient local police
that we could secure under state contiol.
They forget that the constabulary is not
a local police.
Do those who use this argument ac
tually favor a militaiy or semimilitaiy
police for Philadelphia ? Do they realize
that a military police foice for cities is
violently in conflict with American tiadi
tions and that Amencan urban popula
tions would find it difficult to reconcile
themselves to such a pioposal'.'
American working people, and citizens
generally, have long thought of the
Prussian centrally controlled gendaim
erie as the epitome of the oppiessive
Euiopean system, and have contrasted
our own civilian police as America's con
tribution to the maintenance of law and
older by nonmilitariatic means. Per
haps the time has come frankly to exam
ine the question of whether we should
change our practice in this lespect and
copy Piussia.
We believe that suih a leveisal of
policy would be a mistake. We have ex
amined the histoi) of pievious move
ments in this country to correct the evils
that attended local contiol of police by
turning them over to the state and the
summary of our findings is somewhat as
follows:
Fiml. That, (wide fioiu "tlicaiettrul"
eonmdcialwtiH of home rule, the politi
cal morals o) the iioliee Joiee are im
plored bi such a ;iep only when tin
politics of the state is on n tliitinrtly
higher plane than the politics of the
city.
Second. That the principle o)
"died;" icorkx nut onli when the poli
tics of the state is under different on
trol from the politics of the cdy (e. 17.,
tchcie one pcti ty is dominant in the city
as wjainst the opposite party in the
state or where different factions or
br(inch"s of the same party are yen
1 tally in control of the city and state,
1 espectivcly) .
Third. That n number of cities have
worked out under local control us liiyh
standards ot efjicienc-i and political
morality as have any cilies under slate
control.
Fourth. Thai in only one rily of
metropolitan mule lias thr slate control
of local police been universally satis
factory. In six of the nine largest
American cities the plan was aban
doned after a trial. The one city that
heartily approves state control is Bos
ton, which 10 the state capital and the
only large city in Massachusetts, thus
making the problem in no way com
parable to that of Philadelphia and
Pennsylvania.
Fifth. That in those European cities
where the state exercises control of the
local police a share of the expense is
borne by the central government. This
is not tru-i in America, where the local
government bears the expense whether
the state exerciser the control or not.
Sixth. The lack 0 control over local
affairs is detrimental to good govern
ment because it lessens the interest of
the citizens; tn the last analysis the
active intirrst of the ci'Krus ts thr sole
earnest of an efficient democracy.
We have lined up a few major points.
Them ate other aiguments equally
weighty, and a pioper discussion of this
vitally important topic might well fill a
book. The issue is so acutely before us,
however, that we do not feel that lengthy
arguments are in order.
This newspaper has consistently in
dorsed the program of the charter revi
sionists, which calls for home rule and
good government in Philadelphia, and we
cannot, without a sense of stultification,
bring ourselves mound to favor an emas
culation of the chatter piogram by con
senting to lopping oil" from local control
the city's largest, most impoitant and
costliest singlo governmental unit
After all, we believe in the American
tiadition that the pioscculiou must piove
its case, and a wise corollaiy of that doc
tnne would be that when a fundamental
change in government is pioposed the
burden of proof must lie with the advo
cates of the change. This newspaper be
'levcs that the advocates of chaitor icvi
sion have adequately proved then' case
and that the decent elements of the community-
legardless of politics, legaid-le.-s
even of factional piefeiences-ure
! solidly behind the veiv elemental v
changes they propose.
With regard to the lai "police meas
111 e. we believe that many of the propo
nents aie acting in entne good faith.
But we are solidlj with Governor Spioul
111 what we believe to be bis liim v lew
that democratic local government is not
iiiln it Hi corrupt nor nece-. ni ilv ineffi
cient and we admiie the stan 1 he1 has
taken for home rule as a fundamental
prmcip'e not lightly to be tin own into
the discaid.
I'nlesw the advocates of the state con
tiol of police make a better cae than
the.v haw yet been able to do, Ave aie con
vinced that the.v have failed to justify
tile 'li.istie change they piopose.
MAKE A THOROUGH JOB OF IT
rpill
nly eiitic.sm that c.111 lie made
rnn-up week i.s that its piogiam
1- not ( ompiebcnsive enough.
llouseholdcis aie asked to gather all
th" old and wornuut stuff 11 their houses
and all the uibbish that lm- accumulated
duiiiig the year, both inside ami oul-ide,
and put it in covered receptacle-, on the
sidewalk on a stated day, mp that the
teams of the cleaning contiactois may
ait it away.
This plan clears the houses of much
stuff. But there is much moio that
might with piofit be disposed of. The
closets 111 some houses are filled with
women's gal meats no longer in fashion
or with suits of men's clothing which
have been kept on the chance that they
might be worn again some time. They
are not worn. They accumulate f 10111
year to joar and gather dust and attiact
moths. What has not been given away
1 this winter to be disposed of at rummage
sales for chai ity might well be sent to the
emergency lelief committee for the
benefit of war suffciers is Europe or for
the better clothing of needy families in
our own city, the identity of which can
be learned fiom any of the chaiitable 01
ganiations. But what i-- of gieatest importance is
that we should clean our mind;; of the
uibbish we have allowed to accumulate 111
them and mak- loom for the laiger
thinking in which we must indulge if
Phi'adelphia is to face the futuic pie
paieil for the inevitable pioblems which
it will unfold. We had a population of
only 817.000 foity yeais ago. Today we
have 1,81)0,00(1. If plans for a city of
2,000,(100 had been made in 1880 tiaffic
would not be suffering from the conges
tion thtit is its bane today.
We know as surely ,as we know any
thing that within the next forty yeais
the cit will have a population of :S,,"00,
000, that the small buildings 111 the busi
ness cento 1 will be displaced by ten and
twenty stoiy stiuctures and that the men
and women vv 01 king in them will find it
difficult to move along the stieets or be
accommodated in the tiolley cars or tub
wajs unless something is done in time to
widen the stieets or to increase the num
ber of subways or to build gieat trans
vcise boulevauls leading fiom tho con
gested center to the outlying distucts.
The growth of the business of the lapid
transit company ought to convince us of
the ceitainty of expansion. In 1010 only
14,",000,00() passengers weie canied by
the stieet cars. This number had in
creased to 7()T,000,000 last year, 01 a gain
of neatly 7.1 per cent in eight years. It
is not sut prising, therefore, that we have
to hang on to a strap 01 that at night it
frequently takes fifteen minutes for a
tiolley car to move fiom Sixth stieet to
Bioad.
We cannot make thei necessaiy plans
nor can we eatry them out unless we
clear our minds of old-fashioned ideas
and begin to harbor those visions with
out which no man or city ever grew
great. We must stop congratulating
ouiselves on our late of progicss and
begin t'o ask ourselves why we do not
move forwaid with gicater speed. If
we gained 50,000 in population last year
let us make the city so attractive that we
shall gain 75,000 this year and 100,000
next year.
We can do it if we choose to engage
whole-heartedly in the business of a
mental clean-up.
In view of (lie rn-piit
violent criticism tilmoil
at .Mr. Wilson ,y' j,..
'Dip Itnnt of
All Evil
n'spoiiMuic P w s.
papers in Europe und cabled to America
to indicate "pnpulnr opinion" on the other
side1 it ii intiMcstiiiK to lend the current
report of the Mexican division ot the Amori
,hii icmimittce on public iifformulion. Most
ot the antagonism created in Mexico for
the Allies was inspired, it appears, by low
grade' newspapers, wbic-b Tegulnrly drew as
much as $1000 a week In mibsidicH from
(Jennun agents.
Even the red Finns in Pctrojjrnd are
unlikely to keep l.eniiie in the swim much
longer.
Now that the circus has come to town
Philadelphia has lca cause to be jealous
of Paris,
ut
LUSITANIA DAY AND
GERMANY'S HUMILIATION
j Tomorrow Will Mark the Fourth An
I nlversary of the Crime So Largely
j Responsible for Her
1 j Doom I
I
TT IS denied Mint the iniirines fought their
-1- wnj through Bcllcim woods, crying "lie
member tho Liisilanhi '." According to (Sen
'Till I'ntlln, what they did .veil was "Come
along, joii 'llliiiiketv-lllmiks (fill In here
with appropriate epithet). Do ou want
to live fin ever?" Nevertheless It was often
In the spirit of ilghteoiis vvralh eiigendeied
b.v the iiuiiileroiis deed committed four j ears
ago lomnrinw that the American armies
hewed their wnj to victor). The Luitnnlu
was iiiiforgotlen, even though the invocation
of its inline seemed u trille too "stngej" for
a ha tile er.v
It is doubtful, loo, if "Remember (he
Maine '" spuing fnim the throat of Shnf
tei's Utile aim us il lushed up Sail .limn
Mill. It wis 11 si liologiiiil 1 ii Hut limit a
vocal slogan. Actual expression was super
fluous. It was the passionate foice of the
sentiment whhh stirinl the heart of the
Ameiliiiii paliiol
The si'ienlilie hixliiii.iu has of 1 nurse as
signed a iniiltiplicit.v of muses for the two
wars waged liv Anieiim within the Inst
quarter of a cenliii.v. It mn he proved, for
inMat that if (he aide King Kerdinand
and Ihe good (.liieen ls.ihella of Spniu had
begotten a sane heir instead of the mad
PiiiiioNS .liinmt the histor.v of a gieat nation
might not have heeu debased bv so 111111I1
peivcrsitv nnd, fiirlheimoie. that if "Crazy
Juno," as the llngli-h culled her. had not
wedded a n ion of the loyal house of Austria
(he lung annuls of llapshnrg intoleniin e
might never have heen locnrdcil in Mndnil.
I lie iisi notion of Spanish onnression
Coh. I In lhee inllueuies is Ihe next step
I'ul thai whole chain of reasoning was
far too lomplev for the nvoinge defender of
Anient an honor and American ideals in
IVIs. e iciucmhcicd tin1 Maine, blow 11 ili
while on a pi'.iicfiil mission to Unvnpa
liaibor on I'lbiiiai.v 1.1 of Hint jenr. Had
the tiilnsiioplic not ociuiiecl it is evliemel.v
likelv that ihcic vvoiild have heeu no win.
rpill; Liisltiini'i 1, -iso is not pieoNely par
- nllel, vel llicii -lie 111:111 analogies. 'I'll
.-.minis 111:1) 1 en sou Hull sime Ihe great
Ciinnid giov hound was sunk on May 7. IfH.T,
and we did not go to war until nearlv two
.vens aftervviiiil, the Muck hanner (linilixof
tierman sea outiage was not the pmlii ular
caii-e for our c nliam e into the frn) . It then
b s pi rl incut to Inquire what i( was
thai icall) ilid hieak our patience. If it
vv.isn'l the Mitir mommy of (lie Liisitnni.i,
added, of muse, fo (iermnn.v's wholesale
offenses 10 liheilv anil civilialion, vvluil was
it Hint plunged H,e nation into Armageddon'.'
liven .ifiei nnh two )ouis reenllei tinui
of Hun piovoiation between IVhi 11111-y and
Apt II. 10I7. have hoi 01110 inllier ham Wo
tan 1 is all some insane imperial older ie.
stiioting Ameiiiau I ntn-iit Imit if coinniMte
lo one ship a wick between Now Yolk and
rnlinniith. Shin 1 1) aftoivvniil three or four
Ameiicau steam-lu),., uni, torpedoed. What
' "f our doiighhovs who fought so supeihl.v
in the Aigoiiuo 1 an renumber their names?
Hut the Liisitiiiiiu dwells in his tonseioiis
ness. lie knows and the nation knows that
111 so far as :ui)tliiiig so evcoruhlo as that
hideous slaughter otT the Old Head of Kiu
sale inn he avenged, atonement for it has
hi 011 made.
The lomitiv was niiivim oil Hint it could
he imide when it look up arms. It was the
loss of the gieat l.usiluniii vvhiih still
f.iiuud the Humes of our anger when the
little A.tee uenl down. The hitler vessel
happens to have heen the American iraft
suhiiiiiiinctl the ihi) hofoie President Wil
son l-i .ni his will 1111 ssage lo Congress.
I )nl the most siipeiliel.il t ominentator
would d.ue lo lite that incident 11s the rea
son why wo omLaiked upon our monumental
enlerpiise. Chioniclers of the exhaustive
Mpo delve far hack in the past. Altihi is
blamed. I'iederic-k- the (iieat and Itismuick.
Thov have hid lecoids undouhtedl) . Tor all
tin 11- iiiuIchIoioiis celehiitv. however, it was
il'iil ln-ivable that the- performances of
thisc "woiHiics" were unknown to mail) 1111
irii sMihle ankce knight in the trenches,
lie was mil to "get" the kaiser, to lescue
Plain e ami Illinium, lestoie lihert) to the
vvni Id and. vetv tonseiously indeed, to avenge
the l.usitania.
"TMtO.M (he siandpoint of policy alone the
- Hun alloc ilv of four .veins ago tomorrow
was ihe Might of fniul stupidity. When
1 ivilmitniii once heard of it propaganda on
behnlf of the Allies became a feeble super
II111M .
All the spu-ioiis Herman aigiinionls vveie
pinmptlv millet ni valueless. A defonsoless
nieichanl sldj, had been sunk in utlor viola
lion of all Hie lilies of war. Nearly twelve
bundled passengers 1 Mis;, 1() ,0 exact luul
bet 11 nun del cd. No other word was do
st 1 iptivo of Ihe ilifillll).
The ill .limit if liiinor of tho 1 i mi' seined
the soul of liuiiuinit). Its appeal lo the
emolions was elemental. Neutrality of
thought, urged h tin1 I'lositlent in 1011,
became an impossibility. All of the pui
longed negotiations between America and
Cornianv weio ineiel) an outgrowth fiom
the I.usilaniii inilrago, leading ultimately to
the inevitable climax, the aibitrameut of
arms. Ceiuiaii) sealed her 1I00111 on .May 7
I'.IM.
With insolent presumption she hijil sought
to escape her fate in a proclamation warn
ing piospootivo passengers on the Jiner that
the) weie sailing at their own risk. The
warning was laigelv unheeded, and when
the I.usitnnm left New Yolk- on May 1 she
not mil) was well idled. But she eariiecl
Diaii) eminent personages in' various walks
of Amoiiian life. A number of these weio
among the losi Among thorn wore Chailos
rrohman. Illbeit Hubbard, Justus Miles
rormau. the novelist; Charles Klein, the
diiimatist. and Alfred C. Vunderhilt.
Some Hurt) pioimiiciit Philadolpliinus vvoici
drowuocl
It is a miracle Inched' that many moio
lues weio not lost, since the1 ship sank within
twenty minutes after the attack. Two tor
pedoes were discharged nt 2:1.1 o'clock in the
afternoon as the Iaisitanin was approaching
the Old Head of Kiiisnle, on the Irish coast.
Tho submarine is snid to have been l.ving
about .100 .vards awn) from the steamship.
Tho survivors, among whom was the gallant
Captain Turner, rescued two and a half
bonis after the fiist torpedo struck, were
In ought to Qiiccnstovvu. Captain Lieuten
ant Schwoiger, of the Herman H-bout,
escaped to win florid InurolH, including the
applause of the school children, in th
-fiithprlnnd and In continue fo'r n your UHl)
a half his career of crime. 'i'hat waH eMlj0(
in the Iliglit of Helgoland .in .September
1017, when bis submarine encountered u
nia.e ot British mines uud never reap
peared. TWO months after the Liisitnnia Irngpcly
Loid Mersey, in his official rpport to the
board of incpiiry, described the Herman at
tack as "murderous," and declared that it
bud been mode "with the deliberate and
wholly unjustifiable intention ot killing the
people, on board." The "Vprdlct of history
is identical. The punishment of history will
bo announced at the Peace Conference, tliis
week. In Hie fifteen du)s given to the Ger
mans for deliberation they will be enabled
to reflect upon how much the crime of the
Lusltanhi vta,s responsible for their condign
upmlllaUon.i
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ELBOW
JEST because his nunie is Wood that
doesn't puive that he's presidputinl tim
ber. V V V
This is t lean-up week in Versailles also.
V V V
This is the time when ninny a would-be
presidential iniididiite. hunting for no "is
sue," finds 011I nn exit.
V V V
We received a birthday unci .vesterday
nwd weio much touched by the sentimental
message on it. "Now," thought we, much
moved, "who can that bo from nnd how did
bo know it was our birthday? It ceitninly
is delightful to receive those disinterested
tributes of fi iendship."
We looked again into the envelope and
found the card of our insiiiance ngciit.
V V V
If one of those transatlantic fljprs doesn't
make a stmt pretty soon we won't he able
to drink bis health when ho takes the nir.
In other words, what w aie laboriously
leading up to is this: We'll be off hops when
he hops off.
V V V
Nations Nut Vet Haling Hern Iteporled as
Causing a "Deadlock" at the Peace Con
ference Liberia.
Cuba.
San .Marino.
V V V
Those desiiing to predict the complete
breakdown of the Peace Conference and who
have not ot done so had better hasten.
V V V
Ilv on in his own estimation Hie crown
pi iiu 0 is no longer n perfect thirty-six.
He's thirty-seven today.
Last jeur we wrote him a birthday poem,
but this .vour lie hardly seems worth the
uetessur) expense of eulories.
V V V
Seven doesn't seem like a lucky number in
Camden. At any rate, when applied to trol
ley fares.
V V V
The I'rehiu, 'aged two and a half years,
after observing some small girls in the scpiare
where ho takes his exercise, is very eager
to have u doll baby carriuge. Hven so early
is the masculine heart perturbed by the
goings-on of the other sex.
V V V
Another prophecy: The favorite amuse
inent in rcitaln quarters In November, lill'O,
will be wondering what happened to "the
soldier vote."
V V V
The most transparent poll lien I maneuver
is retiiiiig into "seclusion" in the hope of
being summoned therefrom.
s V V
Femaledlctlons!
We'10 supposed to be nngels of sunlight,
Smiling, ilieerful nnd gn.v
But why is it always our best beloved
Cruel Pate takes away?
Oh, why is the Lot of Woman to hard?
Why are we so nccurst?
I hear now that bar pins must be de-barred
After July the first. HUB ItOA,
V V V
An eminent Caliph writes us:
Some time when you pasa the Bell Tele
phone Building on the Parkway, look at
the flags. The American nag and British
Jack are flying backwards. I suppose Ilr.
Burleson has a reason for so flying them.
V V V
We pipcllct n decline fit bolslievlsm. At
any rnte, until the next equinox. Bolshevism
M cold-weather, ?tuft,
,.
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,WE HAVE WITH US AGAIN-
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ROOM
Our Own Circus Parade
(The (liciilist tilioiidaivn on IU11II1)
Senator Slioriiinii
vviiiiging Ids bauds over the
league1 of nations
Stieot-cleaning Depaitment
lending "Billies of the Dust"
J)elogntion of fish
fiom the aciiiiiriiiiu
demanding 100,000 gullous
more water per day
President in I impossibilities,
led by (louornl Leonard Wood,
vvitli their ears to the ground
Mrs. i:ia Wheeler Wilcox
vaulting from tho sublime
to the ridiculous
The ghost ot AVnlt Whitman
smiling to itself
Bear Admiral Grayson
in full uniform
wondering
what to do next
s.
Mr. Joseph IVnnell
commending something
Profiteering landlords
oversubscribing the Hvictoi) Loan
. Premier Orlando
explaining that he went back lo Home
merely to buy a straw lint
Platoon of second lieutenants
severely wounded
by not having been saluted
Colonel House
I in the aet.of beiiig deeojed
iuto public utterance
Parents of joiing children
demanding 1111 eight-hour night
Obliviou
rapidly pursuing
a minor poet
Agents ofke Bevcmie Dcpiutmcut
looking for more luxuries
to tax
Convincing exhibition of
low visibility
on I he part of
average Incomes
Manufacturers of 110,000 new soft drinks
trying to think of catchy names
for their concoctions
Carter Glass'
wondering what McAdoo does
to earn that $1:00,000
from the movies
Trench proofreaders
, struggling with Hi" phrase
1 "May 1 not?"
Phalanx ot freaks,
I, e., husbands who never forgot to
mail a letter
Cohort ot super-freuks,
1. e., men who never spilled soup
on n brand-new necktie
SOCrtATES
The rrturn of Orlando to Paris will
emphasize the "Sig." in the signature.
Sign at the Hotel des Itescrvolrs, Ver
sailles : Wipe your feet ou the diplomat.
The truly patriotic score is written with
victory notes,
The impression is still hard to dissipate
that tho examination o( Wood as nvesiden.
tial timber is'soiug to reyeal too many fcnotu.
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SATISFIED
"IT7I1EX the Good Lord fixed the
' And arranged the spring nnd i
lie seasons
fall.
Anil the siiinmeilinie nnd winter,
And the rain and snow nnd nil;
When he made the storms that bluster
And the little winds that blow.
And the frost thai kills the flowers
And the crocuses that grow.
Oil. I don't mean nn irrov'renoe
When I state this ni)ster.v ;
When the (;0od Lord fixed the seasons
He must hav.e thought of me.
When r got (hod of summer
And I see the blinding heat
Come rippling up and sizzling
1'inin out the blitzing street;
When tho long hot mouths have worn me
To a frazzle thickness, then
Things change about, und autumn
Comes Haunting in again 1
And I dream of Indian summer
And the fine cool days to be ....
When the Good Lord fixed the seasons
He must have thought of me.
And then, when I get restless
And the winter nights are long,
t I sit there by the fireside
And hoar the chimney's song.
It somehow don't seem tirusonic
Because I know the jear.
Is moving round, and springtime
Will piotty soon be here.
Oh, it's line, Old Niiturc's ehaugei,
And they suit me to n T !
When the Good Lord fixed the seatons
He must have thought of me.
Garnett Laidlaw Eskew, in the New York
Herald.
IP hat Do You Know?
QUIZ
I. Who is noting secretary of stute in the
absence of Mr. Luusing?
II. Where and what is Quidi Vidi?
' IS. Who is premier of'Belgium?
1. When and where did the Kearsargo sink
the Alabama?
.1. What is the origin of the word sil
houette? . .
ti. Whut is indicated by a halo around the
' moon?
7. What is the meaning of "fore-and-aft?"
S. What is a "Portunatus purse"?
!). Why is the bumble bee so called?
10. What was the nationality ot the artht
Vandyke?
Answers to Yesterday's QUIz
1. Ferdinand is king of Itumanla.
2. Maui, after which the largo army trnns-'
port is mimed, is one of the principal
islands of the Hawaiian group in the
Pacific. .
3. The Is'obpl prize are derived from a
fund of ?1 0,000,000 left by the Swedish
engineer.
4. Cnmnradcrif : intimacy, mutual trust
and sociability ot comrades.
d. The nmnranth is an imaginary unfading
flower.
0. Tho 'cardinal signs. of the Zodiac are'
the two equinoctial nnd the two solsti
tial signs, Aries and Libra, Cancer and
Capricornus.
7. Eugene V. Debs was Socialist candidate
for President in 1010.
8. Exegesis: exposition, especially of tn
Scriptures.
0. Stormy petrols arc called Mother Carey's
C'llickCDH.
10. Tho Prince Do Llgim declared, "Tbs , '(J
Congress of Vienna docs not walk, bir-'j?!
it dances." -Uh l
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