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EVENING TELEGRAPH
v, PUBLIC LEDGER COMPANY
ChftrU H. t-udlnrton. vie Prttldrnt. John C
run.rrtry ana Trenurtrj j'n.upP.-oi..n,
n if, Willi ami, John J SpurKton, Director.
t
CDITORTAIi BOAjtDl
Ciius It. K. Coins, Chairman
aVTID E. Sin LET.
.Editor
C. MARTIN.... daneral Buelncti ilamttr
YuMleked, dally at Pcillo t-awure Buttdlnc.
Indeoendenca Bauare. Philadelphia.
Utio Cm Prns-Cnlan Bulldlnc
jdumi.mi ... Metropolitan lower
OIT 403 Ford HulMlnr
Loots lOOS Kullrrton nullJIni
o lzos Tritium minding-
NEWS BUnEAUSl
r-7.. ?
'; WMsmrsTow Otmi,
fly j n. jb var. ennayiTaaja at, ana ivin ai.
ftFMW Tats nritin ..The ffuiL Autldtnr
IKon Bnuu London Timet
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Br mall to point outeld of Phtladalphla. In
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snuit aire old aa well as new addreii.
MIL. IM STAfSUT KEYSTOt. MAIN 3 Mo
C7 Addrtws all communication to Evenino Puhlio
JA&otr, Independence Sguarc. rhiladtlphia.
Member of the Associated Pren
TUB ASSOCIATED PRESS is exctu
Mvtly entitled to the use for republication
THI news dispatches credited to It or not
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rhU.JrlphU. WrdndT. Fehruirr 1. 1919
THERE MUST DC A WAY OUT
IAWYERS aro busy trying to draft a con
i stltutlonal bill which -w lit put an end
to tho abuse of the fee system In tho office
of tho Register of Wills. It Is admitted by
very disinterested person that a salary
of $10,000 Is adequate for the Register, and
that tho net receipts of tho ofllce abovo
that sum should be turned Into the public
treasury.
t But tho Constitution forbid the passage
tot any special or local bill affecting
counties or cities, and the courts have held
that the act abolishing tho payment of
tho Register by fees here Is invalid.
If no way can be found to put an end
to tho present abuso under tho Constitu
tion as It stands then the Constitution
iought to be amended.
But It would be better to reviso tho
whole document and give to this city and
to other largo cities In the state such con
trol over their own affairs as will inako
It possible for them to pass on all such
matters without having to go to Harris
burg. MAIN TRAVELED ROADS
fTHE State Highway Commissioner
Is
authorized by a bill introduced in liar
risburg. to designate a continuous road
across the stato as the Roosevelt Highway.
fj t we nave a Lincoln mgnway ana a vyii-
11am Penn Highway and there has been
talk of a 'Washington Highway. But long
before there was any thought of naming
any roadway on tho surface of the earth
after these men they had built great high
ways across the face of history and had
net un milpatnnn and euldenosts 'fllon:?
ftaAthei route for the instruction of thoso who
j wished to travel that way.
XThcy are now main traveled roads
familiar to every one. And tho way which
Roosevelt surveyed and laid out is likely
to become more familiar to us as we move
on into the future, a way that leads to the
shouldering of tho responsibilities of a
treat people In the family of nations.
FLIGHT ACRObS THE OCEAN
TUB Navy Department's dirigible balloon
C-3 has broken tho world's record by
remaining in the air thirty-three hours
and J six minutes. It has a maximum speed
of seventy miles an hour. If It could main
tain this speed for the length of time that
ft has remained in tho air it could cross
tho ocean from Newfoundland to Ireland.
Th naval aviators believe that they
can cross.tho ocean. They aro hoping to
do It before any other aviators succeed.
But there stands in their way Just now tho
big if. The C-3 has remained in the air
long enough to cover the distance, but it
has not maintained its maximum speed.
.'j-'-fv Under the most favorablo conditions of
wind and weather It probably could do It.
And men can be found with confidence
enough In themselves and in their craft
to make tho attempt. But it is not likely
fiat the responsible authorities will per
jultany one to make the attempt until the
-1iargln of risk is cut down.
-m MHqm an. Minn n , M ....-.
; WISE WUMfclN AT int, f fcAUfci lAULb
' - t ' T'EBN realization of the vastness of tho
' 'A problems confronting them has moved
- ttiB fmn f (ha T)fitla tiffi . a tf
'; call in the wise women. The decision re-
meets xne nignesi crcuu un me smceruy 01
::.4'-, the sessions and should bo productive of
'..'.interesting and stimulating consequences.
' tJ4r the new arrangement women will
ft" j represented on all conference commit-
-keea dealing with feminine and children's
X interests. An International women's com-
v, Sftlttee will also be consulted before final
. .action Is taken on certain relevant ques
' "'tions.
Some interesting reactions may be ex
'jMoted. Pestiferous suffragist plcketcrs
' ' KU be embarrassed, for to the fanatic a
muse without a grievance must Inevitably
.Mlc charm. Tho cheap Tory fling about a
"flewWhJg circle in Paris" will probably be
tted by purblind Jokesmlths, and
sn's dictum that "the woman who
ites is lost" may be dusted off for
the significance of the new proce-
ean easily combat such shallow
rtes. It Is most heartening that
n, whose part in the struggle for
freedom was of such high spiritual
ar, will be officially enabled to con-
ftrHMite her valuable quota to reconstruc-
, And that she will be the recipient of
Jy.
t
, OaHPETITION FOR CERMAN GUNS
tK than two pages of the last num-
t-Wr of the Congressional Record Index
with a list of bills donating cap.
Oennan oannon to American corn-
Nearly forty towna and cities
WJast state ate asking for the trophies,
i total for the whoio country asked
yjH Jj' two weeks oavered by tho n-
2
and Honcsdale and Lancaster and Scran
ton and Nazareth are among tho com
munities eager to gloat over tho guns with
which tho Germans hoped to conquer tho
world. And Glrard College, in this city,
also asks for a gun that Its students may
seo what kind of weapons aro impotent
when aimed ngalnst tho moral stnso of
civilization, armed to defend Itself.
We can think of no better use to which
these weapons can bo put. Tho supply is
largo enough to meet the present demand,
but If every American community shows a
tlcslro for a captured cannon competition
is likely to become moro ncuto than that
which now makes tho framing of a public
bulldlngi bill test tho diplomatic abilities
of tho Congressmen in charge.
BORAH, AS STORMY PETREL,
HAS ASSUMED A HARD ROLE
Can the Freedom of Speech Retained by s
Wireless Snub to the President Be
Constructively Used?
NLT thoso who do not rightly appre--'
elate daredevil courage will blamo
Senator Borah for his flat refusal to dine
with the President and g)vo ear to direct
Information relative to tho Lea am o of Na
tions covenant and the conditions that in
spired it.
If the man from Idaho feels a sense of
exultant prldo today ho Is entitled to It.
In a flash he achieved a truly magnificent
Isolation. He Is a m.m against tho sky.
But that sort of eminence entails responsi
bilities really enormous. It Isn't every
man who can wnub a. President of tho
United States by wireless. And when that
feat has been accomplished It Invites for
the man who performed It tho awed jot
piercing scrutiny of tho whole country.
It Is up, as they say, to Borah.
Ho ha3 created a situation nnd ho must
Justify It, Ho has reserved his precious
right of freo speech and In doing so ho Im
plied that all the other members of tho
Foreign Relations Commlttco were either
cowardly or Inept when they accepted Mr.
Wilson's Invitation to dinner. This is
deep water even for a man who is used
to fighting strong currents. There was
nothing in tho President's cabled Invita
tion to suggest that ho wished to gag tho
members of the committee or any one else
in Congress. A fair reading of his mes
t.ago makes It appear that ho wished
merely to give them Information not al
ready In their possession.
Since Mr. Wilson has been at tho very
heart and center of tho diplomatic melee
In Paris It is logical to suppose that ho
knows much that Isn't known In Washing
ton, and it Is natural, too, to suppose that
If tho country Is to bo treated to a storm
of oratory from Washington that oratory
should reflect truth rather than emotion.
Tho President obviously doesn't wish to
havo his road made harder at the Pcaco
Conference by obstacles which tho re
actionary diplomatists exo waiting to
create out of hasty objections raised in
Washington.
In running counter to this general pur
pose, in refusing to listen to the facts in
tho case, Mr. Borah gives tho world to un
derstand that he has stupendous things to
say. Ho will bo listened to eagerly and ho
Is likely to bo Judged from this on with a
pitiless concentration of critical interest.
Tho Senator from Idaho has a right to
his opinions. Now, however, ho must ex
hibit them In a light so white and merciless
that men more ablo and even more as
sured would flinch from it. Tho rebel voice
that cries out at tho edgo of tho crowd
Is ever to be welcomed and esteemed. Now
and then It adds something of moment to
tho discussion. If Mr. Borah has found
In his inner consciousness something mo
mentous and convincing and great and
Inspiring to utter to tho country; If lie ran
speak as a man devoted to truth and to
the American people as a whole; if he can
show that he knows more about Europe
and the perilous complications now exist
ing there tlian the man who has just
emerged from the midst of-the battle, then
he will not hare to apologizo for his de
cision to remain away from tho White
House. If the Senator merely effervesces
and gives himself over to an orgy of verbal
flag-waving In tho Interest of his party or
ganization, he V.IU very properly be the
subject of limitless dislike and derision.
Ho will add strength to Mr. Wilson's
cause. The white light that he has Invited
will shrivel him. The country is in no
mood to tolerate sordid partisanship In a
crisis like this.
Aimless criticism 'Is tho fashion of the
hour In America. It falls as widely on the
President's critics as on tho President him
self. Ours Is a representative government.
Mr. Borah has as much right as any ono
to break precedents. He was sent to Wash
ington to express his opinions. And he
represents a sldo of American life and a
sort of thinking which is dismissed too
idly by those who do not understand it.
Borah has the old-fashioned point of
view. Tho America that he talks for is
the America that produced Bryan and
Uncle Joe Cannon. It is the middle western
America of old home weeks and content
ment, of hard work and happiness, of
simple living and simple philosophies. It
is tho America that distrusts frills and
Innovations.
If, flvo years ago, you had told them
In Idaho or Nebraska or Illinois that wo
should have a vast army In Europe in
1919 they would have sent you to one of
the county hospitals as a lunatic. The an
cient distrust of Europe, tho old contented
belief that we are safely aloof and that we
should mind our own business, still moves
vast forces of middle western opinion.
The people out tliat way are slow to realize
that the world Is actually crowding in
upon us. It Is evolution evolution In
science, in war machinery, in methods of
transportation, tliat we are up against.
It seemed a few years ago that Europe
might have burned to ashes without any
possible danger to America. Yet war was
forced upon us and it will be forced upon
us again if it is to continue. Life Is nar
rowing down and the Interests of all the
pepples of the world are being Intermingled
against their will.
America can stand alone that appar
ently is what Senator Borah feels. It can
stand alono It It is' left in peace. But no
one who reads between the lines of the
news dispatches from Europe can retain
any hope that It will be left in peace. New
and Incredible ambitions of empire are
smoldering battlefields. If some arrange
ment cannot bo devised to tamo the war
makers, or at least to limit tho scope of
their activities, wo must prepare for end
less confusion and strife and loss.
1 a
It Is plain that Mr. Wilson, much us ho
depends upon mass judgment, cannot tell
tho country frankly what he knows about
the new subterranean currents In world
affairs. Apparently It Is his intention to
describe for tho Foreign Relations Com
mltteo tho exact nature of tho forces which
may again threaten the pcaco of the world.
If America is to contlnuo as a dominant
force for tho preservation of a civilization
now threatened from overhead and from
below It Is, of course, essential that tho
nation bo Intelligently guided by Its repre
sentatives from Washington.
Personal dislikes, blgotry( partisan inter
ests must bo set asldo for this present at
least, because the League of Nations is
not Mr. Wilson's personal cause. It is the
can io of nil people and of all parties that
detest wars of nggresslnu.
HIGH BROWS AND LOW
Etritopr.
havo tl
U, Asia, Africa nnd Polynesia
their marvels, but America Is tho
country In which an eighth wonder of tho
world turns up at least onco a month.
Ours is not only a country In which .any
thing may happen. It Is a land In which
everything can happen and docs. When
the doctors went on strike In Germany and
when the Russian grand dukes began form
ing a trade union we supposed that nothing
stranger could develop In the way of col
lective bargaining. Now New Tork comes
Jubilantly to tho fore with a strike of debu
tantes. Tho newspapers aro speaking In
hushed tones of a "revolt In society." High
brow Is, as you might say, ranged against
highbrow I
Now, In this giddy world there arc two
sorts of highbrows. Thero l thp brow
that providence decreed to bo elevated re
lentlessly on occisions when tho possessor
felt tho necessity of reminding inferiors
of their placo In the scheme ot life, Tho
other Is the highbrow who acquires tho com
pound designation In tho pursuit of what
ho supposes Js knowledge. Between these
two groups a bottomless abyss yawns The
attempt to bridge It, the open endeavor of
mm supposedly wise to Inflict their Vi Isdom
upon the debutantes In tho New York
Junior League, is leading to verbal blood
shed. Thorsteln Veblen, Prof. Charles A. Beard
and Dr. James H. Robinson and a lot of
others who believe that everything isn't
as it should bo in tho general social struc
ture of tho country were commissioned to
deliver addresses to tho debutantes and
their friends In order that they might know
how the other half lives. Tho Junior
Leaguo was Instantly split in two. More
than half tho members revolted and
charged that the gentlemen mentioned
aren't good Americans and refused, there
fore, to listen to them. Thorsteln Veblen
is advanced, as they say. Professor Beard
is advanced. They are of tho class of econ
omists who are forev cr attacking tho foun
dations of the American social order with
bursts of polite- speech.
A debutante who now and then docs
serious thinking for recreation recalled that
Mr. Veblen Joined In an appeal for funds
to help defend tho I. W. W. In tho Chicago
rrosecutlons. Another remembeicd having
read in the New Republic picked up in
tho home of a friend? an unutterably hor
rible thing that Mr. Veblen said of vested
Interests. He said a vested lnteiest was "a
legltlmato right to get something for noth
ing." The Junior League raised its eye
brows at this highbrow and deemed him
a low one. Petitions were circulated.
Speeches were made. The strike was on.
At this distance it seems Justirlod. Yes-
I tcrday JCr. Veblen and his associates
seemed estimable as secke.rs after knowl
edge. Today they must appear to any
rational minds as proof that all knowledge
Is a delusion. For If they wert wise men
they would not wish to mako speeches to
debutantes. They would lot them go Inno
cently to tholr matinees and round up their
papas for the locture.
Paris, Copenhagen, Pctrograd, London,
Berlin, Constantinople and the cities of tho
Yalu can reveal many new and Interesting
Bides of life. But It Is only in America that
a debutante with eyes of defiant innocence
can snub a doctor of philosophy and find
herself applauded by discriminating minds.
It is difficult to be
They Neeer lievo all you read
Coma Down thoso das. The
Navy Department, for
example, now claims that Us nonrlsld diri
gible balloon C-3 broke all records for timo
aloft In the air by going up from Cape May
and remaining off the earth - -i little more
than thlrty-threo hours. Without wishing to
lessen tho glory of the C-3, wo have to re
mind a world in danger of being misled that
all nonrigid members of Congress can re
main In tho air, onco they go up, for moro
than thlrty-threo hours.
omclals of the New
Tea? Jersey Highway De-
. partment comp lain
bitterly that arrests and revoked licenses do
not lessen the number of persons who violate
the law and Imperil tratric by driving ma
chines while they aro Intoxicated, This re
minds us that the motorcars that huddle in
the cafe section of Philadelphia after the
theatre each evening are owned by folk who
are off somewhere drinking tea.
The endles3 applause
TJaqonllonabljr with which come of
tho southern states
re welcoming the militant suffragists'
"prUon special" would be a bit inore con
vincing of chivalry If there wero" better laws
for tho protection of woman and child labor
In that part of the country.
The Hague of nations,
'ot In Frlnt said Senator Varda
man in the address
that started the nntl-Wllson movement yes
terday, is unconstitutional. Ope might say
something worse than that of Vardaman.
It beglni. to look as If Jimmy Sheehan
might be called a profiteer.
The reallf big- American Issue will come
in April w-itn the Victory Loan.
' Our "open" winter seems to have taken
a tip from the latest styles In diplomacy.
There la always the consolation that
even it the Prlnkipo meet had been held it
might, not have made the Russian problem
CONGRESSMAN MOORPS
LETTER
Pennsylvania and the Speakership.
Fame of Bryn fttawr; Good
Work Done by Army
Chaplains
Washington, I). C, Feb. 19.
TIG events are crowding upon Washing--
lngton, and tho Senator or Represen
tative who makes any engagements carry
ing him nway from tho capital between
this and March 4 will bo taking grave
chances. President Wilson Is coming
home. That's good news, but quite mo
mentous. No ono can tell Just what tho
result of this coming Is going to be. Ho
Is bringing the biggest message tho Ameri
can people have ever received so far as
their futuro Is concerned. The big appro
priation bills are being rushed, nt least In
the House, In anticipation of March 4, when
all congressional business censes. It will
bo up to the President to deliver and ex
plain his world messago, but that is not
all. He will have to determine tho problem
of un extra besslon of Congress. The two
bodies aro not unanimous In their desire
for an extra session, although It Is said
that some of the Senators would rather re
main In Washington than go home. This
question, nowever, is noi nseiy to bo set
tled to suit the personal convenience of
members. Our financial problems are so '
vast and menacing that Congress may bo
forced to come back nt a very early date,
here Is some politics In tho situation, too.
Tho President may not want to bo at the
mercy of a Republican Congress. Tho In
coming legislators already huvo knives out,
nnd It Is a fair prediction that the Presi
dent cunnot havo such smooth sailing after
March -1 as he has had with a submissive
Democratic organization In control. At
tho samo time, It must be, conceded that
tho Republicans havo not now and are not
likely to have a bed of roses whllo Wilson
1s In the White House. Thoy can Interfere
with his plans, but ho will still havo tho
veto power ns a club over, what they may
attempt to do. Because of this 'condition
Republicans are doing their best to keep
from quarreling over the speakership. At
the present writing they are squarely di
vided on this question. Tho Mann and
Glllett forces have been nlmost at a stand
still since tho Pennsylvania delegation de
cided to keep out of the right. So much
depends upon the Pennsylvania vote that
the action of tho State Representatives,
when they finally get together, Is a subject
of great concern.
rpHC good deeds of Congressmen seem to
- Hvo after them, as In tho caso of Reu
ben O. Moon, of Philadelphia, and Hiram
R. Burton, of Lewes, Del. Their service
seemingly does not end with the close of
their terms in the House. Tho old con
stituents come forward with requests of
one kind or another, and theso they aro
not always disposed to turn down. Henco
we hear occasionally from Judge Moon
and from the Delawaro doctor, whoso sym
pathies are touched by the appeals of old
tlmo friends. During tho war more than
ever they havo been obliged to take up
these personal requests.
T)RYN MAWR is gradually attaining na--
tlonal distinction. Not only do wo
learn officially of the forthcoming dinner
of the Bryn Mawr Fire Association, In
which Alba B. Johnson and Samuel M.
Vauclaln figure, but the Bryn Mawr Busi
ness Association, headed by C, E. Wilson,
Is coming to tho fore. The fire company
Is known here as an organization In which
the millionaires don their oilskins ant hel
mets along with the professional fire fight
ers, a mighty useful sort of organization.
The Bryn Mawr business men, headed by
Mr. Wilson, advised Congress that govern
ment control and operation of tho great
wire systems Bhould continue until Con
gress shall have studied the question and
determined upon a safe procedure to be
followed. There is a big difference of
opinion here on the latter proposition.
PRIVATE ROYAL Y. GRAHAM, 3D, ot
-- the United States mnrlno corps, a stu
dent for holy orders in the Episcopal
Church, has come back to tho United
States and gone td Quantlco, Just outside
of Washington, until ho may be discharged
to follow his chosen calling. Young Gra
ham Is a grandson of the Rev. Dr. Loyal
Y. Graham, a prominent Philadelphia cler
gyman who died some years ago, and Is
a son of Matilda E, Graham, an officer In
tho Juvenile Court In Philadelphia. He
was on the Verdun front two months In
1918 and wa3 wounded In the Chateau
Thierry fight June 7. For three months
he was In the Neurological Hospital under
going treatment for his injuries. His
brother, Ralph Macdonald Graham, is a
midshipman at Annapolis. A pretty good
record for the Graham family,
. . '
1HAPLAIN WILLIAM REESE SCOTT,
of tho United States army, now located
at Camp Meade, Maryland, Is a Phlladel
phian whom Justice J. Henry Williams and
Judgo FInletter will readily recall. Ho la
one of those devoted, painstaking men who
sticks to his Job no 'matter where he Is
sent. A few months before the war ho
was located In Honolulu, where he watched
the processes of army organization for war.
He has seen service In tho coast artillery
and In the Infantry. None know better
than the men In the service the value of
the encouragement and assistance which
chaplains who have the jinlUc of human
kindness In tholr make-uo afford. Ami
'yet 'the army chaplains seldom figure In
the honors or tho emoluments of war.
WILLIAM A. LAW, president of the
First National Bank, writes about the
desirability of having public men with In
ternational vision! Charles S. Calwell, pres
ident of the Corn Exchange National Bank,
puts a spoke In the wheel for the develop,
ment of foreign trade; M. N. Wlllltts, Jr.,
vice president of the Corn, has an eye on
the army of occupation In Germany, for
personal reasons. The bankers have a
wide vision, but even they sometimes com
plain of taxation which Is essential to the.
maintenance of tho "big- things" la coa-
-iv-.i. ?? iii i w in i i i ii m ' i wii is in in ii iiw n mii i mi i lain is hi 'in i
. . . -. " j ii I i iii i"ahj ewui1 jf nil ;" maiM lal u hi ib MP wi a w af jm r. ' ' ' '. .
Ui m hi" -- r. lallBWl I M I lliaalW Ii " 'I '" i 'in' i'i WT'laSW M ll'f 'Wl i"'aw 'PI"' W M Jt--?-Jr
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RUBBER
The Return of the Colors
(rtro colored regiments that distinguished
themsches on the field of honor have just
returned to this country.)
DEE dem bay nets flash and flfckor!
Boy! dat Jazz hits mo like liokerl
Hear 'cm whale dem kettle drums
Wheol dat cullud reg'ment comes!
Clash! Thud! Bang"! Zing!
Babe, ma heart does surely sing!
HONEY Boy I dcro's Henery Johnson
Watch yo step, girls, he's a bear!
Dat's de kid killed, fo'teen Bushes:
Zlngo, zlngo, dat. Jazz air! ,
Honey, honey, dis Jazz stuff'll
8horely make ma feet go shullle
Clash! Thud! Bang! Zing!
Watch me pull dis buck-an'-wlng!
Wickedest babes I evah saw:
Slashed dem Bushes an' ate 'em raw!
Dey ate dem Bushes fer a picnic lunch
An' foun' no white meat in de bunch.
HALLELUJAHI See dem knives!
Carve me a bit o' Kaiser's gizzard
Say, I'm sorry for dem Bushes' wives
Dere's Jim Europe, he's de wizard:
See Jim Europe lead dat band!
O de wall of dem trombones!
Kid, I'd eat right outa his hand
Click, clack, rattle do bones!
Hear de squeal o' dat crazy flute,
Watch dat Gov'nah man salute!
Ain't dat roaring Jazz a daisy?
Ev'ry cullud heart is crazy!
WATCH dat big buddy ovah dere,
Dat's a boy wld a Craw do Garc
Zing! Zing! dem flags do flutter,
Babe, dis tastes as sweet as butter
Hear dem drummers boom an' thunder:
Boys dat plowed de Bushes under!
Clash! Thud! Bang! Zing!
Watch 'cm swing, girls, watch 'em swlngl
SEE dat cunnel wld a proud, proud walk!
Dem boys makes him look whlto as
chalk!
Dem big officers is mostly white,
But black's de color fo" love an' fight!
Babe, I'd like to hug dat dandy
Must hug some one dat you, Mandy?
Yo' black face como Hlnda Handy!
See dem baynets flash on' flicker,
See dem ribbons on de flag!
Never was no doughboys slicker
Put old Kaiser In de bag!
THUD! Bang! Boom! Clash!
See dem chicken-carvers flash!
Hear dat Jazz, as strong as whisky
Lord, my heart Is debll-f risky;
Watch dem he-boys marchln' back
Praise de Lord dat made 'em black!
"The Fiehcr Poet"
"I sailed In a ship of fancy
On the grim gray billows of time.
And I caught a netful of silver Joy
In cunning meshes of rhyme."
CHARLES WUAUJua oiuiuv.
I sat me down In the bow o me boat,
With me soul softly singing a lav,
An' I patted mcsclf on' the 'urfh o' mo bad:
'Cause I'dmcndcd me meshes that day.
While I held them there in ecstacy
The drips splashed me over vrtth brine,
Then I gathered them in with the Up o'
vxe fin,
And sold them at five cents a line.
ALEXANDRA.
--
Aniwers to Correipondents
NED MUSCHAMP As yet, nothing.
Return that book and all will be forgiven.
AN ANONYMOUS LADY Much grat
ified. ALBERT J. R. SCHUMAKER Hearty
congratulations!
ELMER P. BLENKINSOP Please In
form us whether a cinder from George
Glbbs's pipe really burnt a hole In your
trousers. We dare not print your contri
bution until reassured on that topic. The
libel laws are veiV strtet. , v ,
4 stAsarin tiL ' "-- -i-i
FIXING HIS FEET
tPMIiiJii i Piil i il &&&.
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HEELS
dieted that the world would bo saved by a
journalist, but wo aro not tho one. Try
George Creel.
GENEVIEVE It Is a matter that should
bo entered upon reverently, discreetly, ad
visedly, soberly. Wo havo this on tho high
est authority.
BENTINCK Try corrosive, sublimate.
Any druggist will supply If you state the
purpose for which It Is required. , -
DISGUSTED READER You aro' wrong
in averring that "our intellect Is Improperly
exposed." Wo take great precautions with
our intellect, as it is tho only ono we have.
It Is only exercised on very rare occasions.
We havo nlluded recently 'to quaint epi
taphs. A correspondent sends us the fol
lowing from a gravejard In Birmingham,
England:
Here lies tho mother of children seven,
Four on earlli and three in heaven;
Hie three In heaven preferring rather
To die with mother than livo with father.
If these transatlantic voyages continue.
Rear Admiral Gravson will positively know
port from starboard.
When a Man's Fifty
When a man's twenty, he's troubles
aplenty,
Looking around for a wife,
Saving his pennies, week after week,
Caught by the bloom of a peach-blossom
cheek.
And spending It all for a taxlcab tariff.
Buzzing 'round Bess till she leaves In a tiff.
When a man's thirty, the honeymoon's
past,
And ho struggles along on a song,
Buying fur coats nnd a flno velvet hat,
Whllo the edge of his collar Is worn as a
mat,
With his mother-in-law and her sisters
aghast
At extravagant ways which they say can
not last. ,
When a man's forty, his children havo
measles,
They whoop nnd havo mumps on each side;
They break every pane, drive tho neigh
bors Insane,
And boro him each night, asking ques
tions inane
Of larkspur and teasels, of chickens and
weasels,
Whllo the baby shrieks loud for a piggy
back ride.
But when a man's fifty, he's Just at his
prime,
With his good wife handsome and thrifty:
With nothing to worry, where no ono con
tends, He sits leather-chaired, and draws dlvi-
. dends,
By a typewriting maid who is winsome,
sublime;
Lord! How I'd like to bo fifty!
J. M. BEATTY, JR.
Mr. Garvin, the famous editor of the
London Observer, says that tho league of
nations Is "only halt a league." At any
rate, In Tennyson's words, It's "half a
league onward." SOCRATES.
Herbert Q. Tully favors skip-stops. Of
courso he does. He Is vice president of the
Rapid Transit Company.
Governor Allen thinks that too many sol
diers were killed In the last three days of
the war. Why does he not make It the last
three J ears? ,
Isn't it Just a trifle Inconsistent for the
men who drew up the Income tax bill to com
plain of complexities In the league of nations
covenant? .
Bernstorff, who was active In brlnglnr
America Into the war, la not to be allowed to
participate in the peace negotiations. The
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A YOVNG GOD
T SAW a young god, In a crowded corner
-- of tho heaven,
Carrying under his arm a graceful world,
As one might carry a cherished pet
To tho merciful chloroforming.
Ho was a kindly god, klndly and efficient.
And his soul ached at what ho was about
to do.
For he had poured his spirit into hi
world
Love, and a craving for liberty,
And throat tightening beauty, and many
good gifts -,'
Along with many that were evil. ' ,",
But tho timo had come.
His world strayed bloodily too far; t t
It demanded too much' of his spirit:
Thero was a bleak economy In heaven, ,
Lovingly and tenderly, ho gavo It all,
Babylon and Bethlehem, Aetna and polar
sea, J
Nero and Joan of Arc, Helen, Judas and
Jesus,
To merciful death.
A chilling cinder of a world ,
Scatters, eyeless and tongucless, ,
Through the field of dead stars. ' s
Clement Wood In The Lyric. ',
When one looks at Washington It it
necessary to admit that Mr. ..Wilson Is not '
tho only member of tho government who Is
now- at sea.
The Salvation Army Is going to find
Jobs for barkeepers and distillery workers J,
when the dry days arrive. This reminds us
that a lot of the liquor men are already t
doing missionary work In Mexico,- ,
Marshal Foch seems to have conducted ',
the anntstlce renewal on the lines laid down ',
by Theodore fftoosevolt when ho declared that-'J
Germany's part In peace negotiations should
be confined to saying "Yes, Blr," I.
What Do You Know?
QUIZ
1, What Is the size of the Island ot Helgo
land In the North Sea? , ,
I, What Is a litany?
3, What noted English artist was the'
original of Du Mburler's character of
Taffy, In "Trilby"? '
4, What city Is known as the "Athens of
South America"?
E. Who Is surgeon general of the United
States?
G. Who first discovered ,the presence of the
Spanish fleet In the harbor of Santiago "'
de Cuba, In 1808? ( ' ,
7. What Is the real name of tho author of
"Mr, Dooloy"7
8. What Is the meaning of "Effendl" often
affixed to names of Turks?
9. What Is thaumaturgy? ,
10. Hour many, articles composed the Con-
stltutlon of the United States before,
any of the amendments were adopted? '
i i
. v . .1 , .' J'v'
niiawcrs tu icsiciuovo viul
1, The date originally set for the meeting'
of the Russian factions at Prlnkipo
was February IS.
S. James K. Paulding was an American
novelist, poeti historian and politician.
His dates aro 1779-1860.
3. Teleology is the doctrine of final causes.
4. "Paul Pry" is a name sometimes applied
to an Impudent, meddlesome person.'
He appears as a character In a comedy
ot the tame name, attributed to Doug.
las Jerrold and produced In London In
1863.
5. Bemadln de St. Pierre, a French author,
wrote the romance "Paul and Vlr-,
glnla." His datca are 1737-1814,
(. Batavta is the capital of Java, (
7, The Initials P. Q. stand for QuebM
Trovlnce, Canada.
8. Blr Wilfrid Laurler, ex-Premler of Canada,
la the noted statesman who died Mob
day.
9. "Tlou-plou" In French alang means lak ,,!
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