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10
EVENING PUBLIC LEDGER PHILADELPHIA, SATURDAY, JANUARY 25, 1919
cnpztitx
Euentng public IGcbgcc
THE EVENINGrTELEGRAPH
, PUBLIC LEDGER COMPANY
I rrntrs 11. K. runns. runiit
Charlea It. I.udlnrton, Vice President. John O.
Jtarttn. Secretary and Treasurer. Philips t'olllrn,
John n Wllllama, John J Hpura-eon, Director".
EDITOntAL noAHD:
Cues II K t'calla. Chairman
DAVID E. SMILEY
Editor
JOHN C MAIITIN' . Ueneral Uualneia Manner
IMbllahnl iljily nt Pi sue I.khoeh tluildlns,
Inilfpeiulence Square Philadelphia
l.tpont CssTaaL Ilroad and Chiatnut Streets
AiLaMic Cltl Vral'itlou llullillnc
IX'sw York. 200 Metropolian Tower
ltrraoir u3 Kor.l lltiil.llnir
,HT. i-orn ions rullertott HulMIn
CiiiCAbo 10J Ttibut tlulldlng
NEWS Ill-riEArS:
WainiNtTo.v Iiium-.
N. K. c.'or. Prnnaylranla Ave. and lltli St
N?.w Yeas llrtitur. The .Ntet HutMlnK
London litBKtc. .London 7lmr
. sunscntnros trrmh
' The IlTEMMt Plane Liaiiirr. la eerve.I to sub
acrthera In Philadelphia and aurreundlne town
at the rate of. twelve Mi. lenta p-r week. paablo
t to the carrier.
I lly mall tn point oul'tde of Philadelphia. In
'the. I'nlted Statea. Canada, or I'nlletl States pos
ae'sion. pntnee free fifu 1.I111 -enta per month.
fcU l$tll dollara per sear, pliable In advance.
To all foreign tountrlea one tan dollar per
month.
i Nones Subserlbera w shins addM chanced
must five old n well as new addrtsa,
BUI., JMO WAtM T M.YSTOVr, MUN 3000
ttX trfdrrj.t o.j ro) . u.t.cnrioiu o Vi'mlno Public
t.tdoir. 1 irf'pepdncr Square. PhitmlrlpUn.
Member of the Associated Press
1 riiF. Assaci.rr:i nn:ss iv exclu
sively entitled to the use for republication
of all finis rtlipal'-lics credited to It or mif
ofrru-(r- oedited In this paper, and alio
the local news published therein.
All riyhts of republication of special dis
patches herein are also reserved.
rhiMrlplua, atnnli, llimi'v .'1, I'M"
thi: FMixr. mi.i.
NO (A'K outside nt Washhintoti seri
ously doubled liiut the President's
JluO.000.000 fnnilne lellef bib. approved
finally yesterday, would be passed nfler the
chronic objeotots in c,tti;ri.-s had an in
terval fur talking.
rtepre-entntlves hiuI r-'etuitorii who leuis
nlzed the Immeasurable importance of the
bill knew that it was n eu pon for the
defense of civilisation. Poll ihe other.t hud
to have time for their -peedics i,ll(1 'heir
gesture-.
I'onKreNi. l.Ue i lot of thoe nt wnoiii ll
Is forever flinclii); i.liHrv. knmi Imw in
nuiildle through.
Vo Mhii'm l.ard utll IiIikmii .-i.uii lit-lim-all
th trouble the w.ir I .a m Uruiilil uiuu
Tilll in. ttleil
TUP. WKXTHKH TRl l.K
THK Hrmlsttce veenn a No to liaf been
meteorolotiu'al. I.axt a- lieneiii!
January a fill: p.inoplieii for jr uiul
his belllaereticj provolied battle with un
avoidable dcliiHiuent ioal men. null nip
plnn and nil too p.tcer wiml and niiw
drift entannlement-. "Old I'roos" until i
pated the Hermans in his manif"statlon of
a dNtlnctly offen!ve ppirlt.
Once a en In hN iittlttule i in Keeping
with the ttriie". The wor'.d and it weathei
grow milder iiiiulmnemi-; . StatlMas
may prove tliot the iinent henlsnlt i
abnormal, but H will be iiard to deition
Htrate that lat winter- I'hill horror-, were
not even tnoie etraordltinrj Xltho.mh
foretaste of piinB's rising tempera'. ire
and spring's overinilu.se ulv ieu-ed
ilampneis Im been protracted this vear
it w in a vvov consistent with ihe incon-aidtetn-y
of I'hiladelplila vventlier. 1 1 una
the renior-eie-f suiTwIon of zero hours
Which were the true nion.trosltles - !ile
the war which save i iirrenc.v to Hint
phrase The return to the norma' of ea
prii'ioiisiies.s is In keepni't with 1'hiiudeN
phia weather iradiilon.
Willi thN In tinnrl, it ! beBi to oe pre
pared for the srroiindhoc'n possib e fore,
can of si rveeka' exteiiMOn of winter
when he cor.ult the aucirie" ne:.i riuu
dav. rt'il vliatever he does he cannot
make the record of the peaie winter one
of unremittlns fiiKiditv' Thut offense,
which intensified our vvou" while l!n wur
was on. wan the real fical.
lrt fl'lior -proiil .-l of '' M' n t'l liM'
tall- isn i iti. ''m ii wlii ii - ,i .1.- t.fd
from a teii-phoiie boo. h
Rlt;HIU) WU.NT.R HKINsTVTKU
THR I'hilnde'.phm Orchestra plu.veil an
excerpt frr.m Wncrer's 'T istan and
Kolde" at tue Xcadem.v of Misic esterda
afternoon, and ihu Nnv Voik Ssmpliony
dusted off oevirol scores b the same com
poser for its '.at U'ednclav nieht cot. cert
Iieie. The ee eot.oiis evoked upplou", the
-index of grateful pleasure. Evidently tho
works of this Cermnn cniiponer are In for
a revival as uin-ensu'ionul in o-.tward dis
pla us was t'leir dele'lon from tin- inusn
proBtams
Tlurt vvaa of .-ocrae. a tj p. of trunk
who mveiKhet itKainat Otrtntiii musk
durinc the darkest du of th war. but it
was not o in n h h. diatribes is the re
luotance to rmigmfv the foolish disputes
lietwtcn alleged painotism and art which
led to the bun Thut musica. blockade wan
never fortxa'U airiounced in this city .
It Is Jut as informally lifted.
The logic of the situation, even upart
fiom tho luiih artlsti.- 'aims to reeogiii
t.on. was till -n the aide of the VVasnerHes.
for it was not easy f Justif) the ptitinR
of Mozart, ever deeply respectful of auo
crats, with the snpb to Richard Wnguer.
for mini) years an exile from the futhei
land on the charKo of being a. llhert.v -loving
revolutionist, tlv not preanlnu thair
xalld nrgumentH. however, thev ha pet
haps more easli.v won their taso than bv
rolng pugnacious
If the liussian niess wou.d on y i'.a hi. 1
lonR enouith to :ll. ouisidrrs nueiit have a
chance t.i discover what snapi i is m
NATIM. M KHIi: A.N I.AIULI..-
TH1-3 general public's imprfei t aciualnt
ance with the special i-lix unistiinces gov
etiiing the government's administration of
Indian u flairs inev Ituh.v diminishes the
practical value of the recuitins (suggestion
to accord citizenship to the redskins of the
1 inted States. Sentimentally, tho Idea is
anractive ami hurmouUes with American
Idculs of fair pl.iv .
t the present moment its appeal is in
tensified by the line record of those aho
iialncs who participated In the world war.
anil this week ll was given definite exires
eloti In the session of the Friend of the
lied Men held in this cits.
The proposal, forwarded to the ('.aiiinis
Nloner on Indian Affairs, suggested ful.
civic rights for those redskins who receive
mi honorable discharge from the army,
nnd ftovernineiunl Hupervisloti tor tha rest
until they demonstrate Illness for citizen
ship. Valid prnctlcal considerations mav
interfere Willi the execution of this plan,
but if it serves merely to foous attention
on the admirable achievements of the bona
tide American natives who foiiRhl so valor
ously in the cause of fieedom It will have
lieeu worth while.
I'miilcstlonablv the Indian, especiah.v In
tho i-nnecnliil iierforniance of scout duties. .
Justified his traditional reputation as a
warrior. The government of white men
has it rlear rlRht to lie proud of havlni;
insplted vivid patriotic di-votlon amotiB
those- of Its untaxed "wards" etiRiiRetl In
lebuliltiR n sublimation of barbarism un
known to their iiin-estors In their wildest
Uuv. i
ITISTI.MKTO IMiMM-ITlIK
MliTROPOUTW COMMISSION
Credt Plans Uepun n I'en V-ars (.o fur the
llcnelit of the Citv' Miliurlian
rt-a Mav ct He Itrnlieil
fNK of the reactions of the war for
which Philadelphia is unprepared will
be felt immediately after pence is agreed
upon in a geneial urce toward recon
struction. Everywhere there will be a sudden
eaRernes.s to catch up with public works.
Industry will have a new outlook and
new ambition?. The next decade will be
creative. It will be a time of expansion.
The intimate acquaintance .with Euro
pean thought and manners that the vv'ar
has brought to America should be a
great help at the beginning of a period
of building. In thr next few years we
shall he able to perceive how large and
beneficent a part science and imagina
tion are made to play in all constructive
enterprises, abroad.
Harbor works, industrial communities,
"towns and shipping systems arc not now
permitted to develop accidentally in
England or on the Continent. Such de
velopment is scientifically planned. The
result is greater efficiency and economy
ami a happier environment and greater
picturesqucness and utility than may ho
found in the average American indus
trial community, where prjvately organ
ized schemes and plans jostle and crowd
to make building areas hideous, costly,
insanitary and, on the whole, incredibly
wasteful.
When Governor Sproul spoke in his
inaugural uddless of the Delaware River
bridge he called general attention, per
haps unconsciously, to the somewhat un
comfortable fact that New Jersey is far
nearer than Pennsylvania to the state of
mind that is necessary for those who
wisli to keep in step with these new
times. New Jersey long ago prepared
to pay half the cost of the new Delaware
bridge and is now pieparing to help
finance a vast new vehicular tunnel
untler the Hudson River from Jeisey
City to Manhattan, tlovernnr Edge has
managed to keep hi people acutely
aware of the immense importance of all
now methods of communication and of
the immeasurable benefits of eay ap
proach from the outside.
A Delaware bridge for geneial traffic
between this city and Camden has been
an obvious need of this part of the State
for many year, yet the Pennsylvania
Legislature has continued to regard it as
a questionable luxury or n merely local
improvement.
The vast gap where that bridge should
be is in a way useful. It is n constant
reminder of the shift!esness and the
blundering that frequently have charac
terized the attitude of Pennsylvania in
relation to matters of public policy not
glaringly obvious. Ceitainly if thie had
been at Harrisburg any of the imagina
tion and initiative that seems plentiful
at Trenton, the Canuien-Philadolphiti
bridge would be at least under way by
now. Vet the lesson of that omission,
if it could he applied not only to the
obstacle of the Delawaie but to the
problems now rising in the whole metro
politan area of tho city, might yet be
made profitable.
This city needs to have a constructive
motive in dealing with the whole gen
eral question of the metropolitan area.
The Delaware budge should properly be
nne of the incidents in a general scheme
of intelligent approach to hotter commu
nity organization within u radius of
iwenty-five miles. It was by lines of
communication that Now Yoik linked up
it? magnificent metropolitan area. It is
only necossarv, to look at the swift de
velopment of the '-egions about New
York to perceive the need of better syj
terns of communication and better roads
and scientific organization in the vastly
more inviting areas close to Philadel
phia. The greater need for a now point of
view exists in those smaller communities
1 themselves. Life in any of the outlying
districts would he n good deal htippior
if there were hotter roads and transpor
tation facilities leading to Philadelphia.
But any scheme of ordered construction
would be concerned chiefly with the
smaller communities now coming into
existence.
Within the next few years thoie will
bo h tremendous and steady expansion in
all the suburban communities. New
towns and settlements will be created
automatically tn tho vicinities of the new
industties along the line of the Delaware
from Bristol southward to tho State lino.
It is in the vicinity of Chostei and in the
regions between Chester and Philadel
phia that most of the new building will
be done.
If this development i.s left to accident
and chance, if it is not ordered and co
ordinated, there will be waste, loss und
confusion. I'nregulutcd real estate en
terprises will jostle each other and there
is sure to be a duplication of unkempt,
shambling slum areas. There will be
shabby settlements, nurrow streets,
crowded tenements and unhygienic living
C9flditr7w ID I?nny 1uarters erq fore
... - g
sight and' intelligent planning might es
tablish modem towns,, parks, wide
streets and an atmosphere likely to in
sure happiness und contentment to the
future population.
It i.s impossible to overestimate the
service that might be done in this in
stance. by a State commission with au
thority to survey nnd advise und plan in
regions where new communities are ex
panding or just coming into being. The
question Is whether there is to be order
or chnos in the greater industrial com
munities, 'Die need for such service was recog
nized in 1011, when the Metropolitan
Plnnning Commission was appointed by,
the Governor and later declared uncon
stitutional nnd disbanded because such
small expenditures as it would have to
make were to be provided for by a spe
cial tax. Ptoperly, Governor Sprout
might rcorgutiize that commission and
use his power to obtain an appropria
tion for its support. If such a commis
sion were to do no more than spread
educationul propaganda it would be more
than worth while.
It could begin by demonstrating how
inexorably the values of teal estate de
pend upon environment. Land in uttiac
tive communities, houses in regions that
are well kept and beautiful grow more
valuable daily. It is in the mean and ill
kept regions that real estate values
decline.
Those who are concerned with the
future of tho extended subufban area
might bo made to see the waste that
comes with constant tearing down and
building up in communities that grew
by accident. They might be helped to a
realization of the value of good streets
and attractive building. More particu
larly, it would be possible to preserve
large sections of the riverfront from the
sort of exploitation that disfigures the
landscape and sends land values down
and creates congested and sordid resi
dential arras.
The first work of a metropolitan plan
ning commission would be to make sur
veys for future water and sewer sys
tems, for lighting and park systems and,
above all, for wide and well-kept roads
so planned as to link up with our own
suburban boulevards and the main ways
to New Jersey.
in certain Unit the work of miclt a
coniHiii'xioit icoidd ttltiiiinlely return a
dollar in improved real estate vuhtex for
cvcri ('nt expended t' f7ie imtnet front
the $tate TrcnHnry.
'I'l.e ii'tiniaii Asspinlil; i-t pmbablv ,oli
glHUllallllg itself hei.-lUse nobnd.v expiels It
to ratif.v a prohibition atnemhiif-nt
thi: woml.n or vp.im r
Till-: "hausfr.iii." obedient, thoioushly
domesticated and iltvonerj fnom polities,
seem- to hive departed with the Herman
innnarchv. on the Ii.ims our informa
tion, u veai ago the Teutonic Slate would
have appeared the least likely m all the
world to present the -pertm-le of women
as lawgiver-. Toda.v "feminism" in legis
lation has iis most .striking exemplar In
the election of thirty -four women to the
national assembly which will meet in
I Weimnr.
' Itero is a I evolution indeed, and not only
for Corinanj . bat. it- its implications and
! possible ttTeets, for the world in general.
.leannette l.nnkln m ttw American Con-
gres. even hail her ab,iitlc been pru
i found, iv as too Isolated to be effective, r.ut
I thoe i- teal potentiality in the extranrdl-
nanly :nre feminine representation wlutli
I will share in ihe formation of a republican
! ijermau.v .
The test of woman's cupncit m politic-
pas never been so unfettered. Fioin tiio
f w.i m which these unusual opportunities
.l'e i npltnllreil the world should be enabled
to ii ru vv some significant les-ons.
liern nn- i th.- sitsind
Tn l.nhor .urges: .-on and Meel
i l in I'ni.i" producer m the world.
! sa.v H i ' h a r I e s M,
Schwab "Ii j" Herman has rever discovered
I a i.i-w- proi .' The Alhe-. therefore, will
ailim Hermuli to resume He process old as
, dani o work haul to nay hei, ileitis. That
v.l' he revenge enoug aid punishment
1 en'.-igli. The Potsdam -!ni-an of "lllood and
' l-iii w.l he revised in -end Blood lion
and Sural
I Till- fill Unit the to .
The ltu-a-l.it lialln si.e-. ,k Mi-iisu-r of War
s rue i 'tig ituny from
I -ii- Rstlioiii.iiis (r.i an t pi i. - i inn he ii
litl.fd I' n a.-' be n er.- .i si'-.i i-gtcul re-
treut -kind 'f Foxy Trots..
Trier at it dh-atton- --e anil there
1 'ha. Trotsky . fall.og tnti, ualkskv.
i
I - - -
Vow tha' tr.e fii-nna-i t Jr. .eminent semis,
. disposed lo play ball, on wondera how many
l strikes will be. called I fur- tho baiters are
out.
I
Kiln.e th rVaeo Conference ,a taiing
ti-e biggest job n the world, t ,s n little
i unfair to expect things lo met - 'tke a well
oiled machine.
To ctl down to the men- of the ina'.icr.
haven't some of our uell-l.ro.iti congress
men dons enriuerh heeling aboi.t Herbert
Hoover und ti packets'.'
How th- cos he war ,s '.. lie .i,pui.
tior.eti . timing the .illetl nat'ons is otil; of
itripoitan-e if Herman is to be given a
chance to avoid paving the lu.K
The world's Ki-onraph clae, u ussion
fur lour years, has for some tape past been
stud -no nternatlonal morality as a side
i-si.e Tha H'inr,4ul teacher In both branches
is the newspaper.
1' might be well for Congress, too. to
reuhisti thnt tho war is not over until Hut
pcacn pnet is signed, und that our ii-jirescn-alivi4
in the peace table have himpl taken
the plaie of our roldlers.
Wc.l. niiyhow, Hum rnur Sptoul must be
grateful to Mr. Brumbaugh for having had
the white walnut beams in the executive
mansion stained mahogan). Tim I stalu, of
course, does not have to be removed,
CONGRESSMAN MOORE'S
LETTER
Philadelphia Harbor Improvement
Virtually Assured Tourists in
the Capital Again Revenue
Bill Personalities
Washington, I). C. Jan; 25.
AFTKIt hanging rtre for two weeks, the
rh-ers and harbors bill passed Hie Houio
with the biggest appropriations for Phila
delphia and vicinity that have been se
cured for many jears. Western members
fought the bill and held 11 up until a Sat
urday night, which is always dangerous
because of the disposition of eastern mem
bers to go home for Sunday, Along about
S o'clock, after two days' strenuous de
batiiiK. Willi the vole in sight, tha-re were
three Philadelphia members remaining,
and of these Darrow and McLaughlin de
parted to keep Sunday engagements In
Philadelphia, but only after assurance was
given that no vote would be taken until
Monday morning. The House opened at 11
o'clock on the following Monday, when the
members named returned lo cast their
votes and help the: bill on to Its final pas
sage. In udditlou to the Delaware and
Schuylkill items running up to $3.&71,000.
the Chesapeake and Delaware Cannl was
cariied in the bill for $3,000,000, und tribu
taries of the Delaware were provided for
from Trenton to below Wilmington. Tom
Mutler got the Chester Ttlver In for $3800,
nnd nil! Brow:nlng. who was afraid to go
home Sunday with the New Jersey items
pending, had the satisfaction of seeing the
cro-s-rlver tributaries run in for about
$4u.000 and tm long-contemplated Improve
ments in fionl of Camden recognized for
$71,080. This meat's carrying the thirty-five-foot
channel over along the Camden
wharves up lo Cooper street. Congress
man t'rear. of Wisconsin, who led the
opposition to the bill, churged that Phila
delphia and vicinity were getting $6,500,000
of the $27,000,000 carried by the measure,
although he udmltted the merit of the
Delaware Illver improvement. The Atlan
tic deeper waterways boomer.-) were jubi
lant over the result, because the Delaware
Illver Improvement, the Kast River Im
provement through Hell Hate, for which
$4,000,000 was appropriated, nml the Chesa
peake and Delaware Canal are all a part
of the intracoasta! waterway. There is
eome ground to fear that the b(ll may
meet with opposition In the Senate, but
how serious this will be remains to be been.
B 12 Full 12 the war American manufac
turers were largely at the mercy of
tho Hermans for the dye-stuffs which ate
so essential to the fashions and a hundred
other purposes apart from war. That we
ate now hi bettor position to meet foreign
competition developed from a visit by our
Philadelphia friends, Jesse W. Starr and
William W. llanna. of the National Aniline
and Chemical Company, which Is an out
growth of the Schoelkopf a-oncern at Buf
falo. In order to better Inform the con
suming puollc especially the ladies who
are interested' in dress goods, hosiery and
i like products- the American company has
been making an exhibit of colors In Wash
ington department stores, a scheme which
it intends to carry into cities across the
country to the Pacific slope. "Judge"
Hanna, as he Is familiarly caked atound
the League, has been coming to Washing
ton for o number of years to secure ade
quate protection for the American tlv-e
industry. Dm c he figured a little in Fif
teenth Ward politics, but that was to help
the late Ziha T. Moore when he was blos
soming oat as u refoim leader. Mr. Starr
will be remembered as in the lino of de
scent from the the famous Camden family
of iron foiindei-.
I "pvlNNKP..-'. dance- at.il -ptots are coming
-' m with a slam, although there nra
I many people too much interested in the
I settlement of war problems, including the
discharge of soldiers and sailors and the
welfare of their dependent", to resume the.
i sitter pre-war activities. The sense of
relief and jubilation is uppermost in school
circles, und tours to the capital are In
creasing In number. The (iirard College
boys came down recently and were shown
the sights by Congressman Kdnionds, who
piesented them to Speaker Clark and
t'ncle Joe Cannon. New- York and Phila
delphia trade alio: social organizations have
also made many requests for speakers.
T. .lames Fertile, of the National Hard
ware Association, tho headquarters of
which are In Philadelphia; Thomas T.
Nelson, of the Fire Insurance Society;
Chevalier C. C. A. Raldl, of the ItaJlan
Federation, and William ,1. Conlen, the
new president of the Lincoln Club, have
been on the Job. According to Charley
Hamilton, who .stopped ovee .' U to the
War Department, and Jirl 'ey, who
continues to prospect for . lewlicre
along the Potomac," the U lub will
have a trlstate affair. overnor
Sprmil, who is n member, center,
and f!o err.or I'dgo, of Ne, ,.'rsey, and
Ciovernor Townsend, of Delaware, on the
right and left,
KrrCHI.V, of North Carolina, is the sur
debater of tho conferees on the ble
revenue hill. Fordney, of Michigan, Is the
best story teller, and Senator Penrose the
wit. "I wouldn't have your suspicious
nature for any thing." observes the Senator
dryly when Kltchln starts to "buck" a
Senate amendment, und I.od6e, the scholar
of tho committee, smiles along wltlt the
rest. ,
a
CAItl'KNTKH'S IIA1.1.. v.heie the first
Continental Congress ussembled, has
Its war representative in Howard M. Hill,
grandson of Thomas H. Marshall, of the
Carpenter Company, whose homo and shop
still stand in sight of the Wlstar house at
Fourth and Locust streets. Young Hill is
connected with the Forty-sixth Aero Squad
ron, Roosevelt Field, Mlneolu, Lontr Island,
havlni; cnflsted In October, 1917. Ho be
Jongs to that enthusiastic young group of
wireless experts who object to legislailon
giving the (Jovernment or corporations the
exclusive use of wireless operations m
times of peace. Congress finds there ate
a good many of these young fellows,
"amateurs" they call themselves, who con
tend that "tho air should bo free."
Jf .at'""
,,.-
THE CHAFFING DISH
Hut How Does He Know'.'
Some timo ago we wondeied. In a musing
kind of way, what all the barroom bra
rails will lie used for.
Ben .cen calls up to say they tnako
excellent condenser tubes for illicit stills.
This Applies Also to ThirV
They are not skillful considered of
human things who imagine to remove sin
by removing the matter of sin. Though
je take from h covetous man all his treas
"ute, he has yel one Jewel left, ye cannot
bereave him of his vovctouMies. John
Milton.
Our Friends .
Number I
We'liave a friend, an aitist. to whom
we. sometimes show any pictures that come
to us, as we would not dare to assert that
anything in the way of ait Is comely with
out first getting his verdict.
Tue first thing he does is to hold the
picture upside down, before even attempt
ing to examine tho subject of the sketch,
lie says that if it is a good picture, if it
is "well composed.'1 if, the "masses" are
delicately nrranned, are gracefully disposed,
it will bo pleasing to contemplate without
any reference to the message the artist
conveys. After scrutinizing It upside down
he tells us. nt oiite whether it Is a "good"
picture. rauUlly he forgets to look at it
ughl side up-,
Now In't that just like an ariisf.'
Number 2
have, a frield, a motorist,
w
who is
passionately interes'lcrt "in vehicular tramo.
Tolhlm another yam: i wnu.un t umu
ire
to drive ii car nowadays; the streets are
too crowded; 1 might run over some one
and be sued for about sixteen thousand
dollars."
"Oh. nonsense!" cried our friend. "Why.
the insurance company pays that for you."
Now isn't thut just like n niotoiIstV
Number J
We have a friend, an agreeable content
plator of the human farce, who very often
tin fact, almost always! agrees with us.
We are convinced that he Is a very deep
thlnktr.
Now isn't that Just like us?
Caution!
I .state it now
lii manner solemn,
This winter has
No spluitl column.
--Fdgar (Juest. in Detroit Frte 1'iess.
Go slow theie, Kd.
With gleeful mrummliis:
The season still
Has some kick coming.
The former years
Have often shown
Our climate litis
A funny bone.
Yer. Vt'e Have Been Plundering the Lucvilo.
pedia
Undoubtedly the Bolshevik! will hasten
hopefully to thut proposed conference on
Princes Islands when they learn thut tile
Turkish name for them Is the Bed Islands.
And perhaps the lack of enthusiasm on
the part of other rtussluns is due to the
fact that the ancient Cireeks culled these
islands Demonesl, which probably means
"home of the demons."
These islands are within pleasant com
muting distance of Constantinople, contain
a school of theology, beautiful scenery and
an agreeable climate.
We have an ldeu thnt the weather man
is tlilnklng about calling i.p his Land
sturm. Keeping Lp With Local tevv
Forty years ago today Mrs. Jolia GUasev,
SALVE.
215 Heed street, fell on the Ice nml frac
tured her right arm. - Reading Telegram.
Birthday
And wluie we arelooking back waul, it
may not be amiss to note that 1i!0 years
ago today some such notice as this may
huve been sent to a Scotch country paper:
Bi:rtNESS.-To Mr. and Mrs. William
HuiTit-ss, of Ayr. Kinciullneshlie, a, son.
This, us you will rapidly surmise, was
P.obert Burns.
A Hardened Offender
The federated Soviet of Landladies and
Lodging House Keepers was assembled in
trlbunul to sentence the Fourth Floor Back
for his numerous crimes.
"What am the charges ngainst this
wretch'.'" said the presiding oflker.
"He asked for extra blankets," said one
landlady.
"He burned the i;us heater lifter 10
p. in ." said niiother.
"He reads in lied." toaietl a thiid, "and
falls asleep without turning eff the light."
"He drops lather on the floor ,when he
shaves."
"He loses the latchkey "
"He takes a hath vvcr day and u-es
hot water."
"He does not wipe out the tub after
bathing."
At this sc steat a shriek of horror aiose
among the landladies thut the court de
ferred sentence no loViger. "To the filing
squad!" shouted one member of tho soviet.
"Worse than that," said tho court. "We
sentence htm to life service In the prune
orchards of California, where he may :nedl
tato upon his misdeeds."
, The largest hotel In the world, with liL'OO
guest rooms, opens in New York today.
Kuch room has circulating ice-water.
A year lienre. when wo leach the Oieal
Divide, ono of the most magnificent rooms,
where very little ice-water now circulates,
will bo remodeled and thtio will be "20
I giie-t looms.
And no jest loom.
The operator of Hie hotel, the justly le
! now ned Mr. Stutler. Is said to have thought
of everything, even down lo having a
morning paper deliveied free or cliinge at
every room.
How about evening papers?
I Insist on the Chatting Dlsli when you
i travel. (Advt. i
Won't somo modern Touny-on write us
poem ubout Double-Crossing the Bar?
I
Fuel
Sawing wood continues to be the chief
occupation of the former Kaiser. j-op
several weeks nothing has born heard fioin
tile former Crown Prince, who remains vir
tually alone on the Island of Wtcilrireii.
News dispatch
Kaiser's sawing
Lots and lots-
Hopo his fuggot's
Full of knots.
Prince is tinduig
llovv time lags:
, Naught to do but "
Smoking fags,
I'urmtr Kaiser,
Crown Prince totiner,
Soon will help make
Hudes warmer.
Fugs and faggots-
Omen cruel!
'fhey themselves aio
Satan's fuel.
SOCltATj;.S.
A dispatch i urn Berlin slates that the
Herman Foreign HltUv Is preparing to pub.
lish decuineiits showing thut utiocitleu com
mitted hy the Herman armies In occupied
territory Wire even worn than previously
reported. If the new Herman Hovernuieiii
does this and proceeds to punish the Individ
ual criminals it will go far to prove to the
world that U Is sincere In Its reformation.
ON A FLY-LEAF OF BLRNS'S
SONGS
(Today Is the 160th birthday of Kobert
Burns)
rnilHSK are the best of him.
-- Pathoi and jest of him;
Kurth holds the rest of him.
Passions were strong In him,
Pardon the wrong in him:
Hark to ti. song in him!
Kach little lyrical
Hrave or satirical
-Musical mlraole!
- Fiederlck L. Kuowies Hsti9-jau5).
The Bear tb.it Walks Like a Man hi
luck on all fours.
When om. door opens another shuts. Th
ultimate consumer figures on beer money
s-aved, whereupon suburban water rates go
up.
Iicbatis hi tint I'nlted States Senate on
the League of Nations' seni to show that
some of our Solons do not read their news
papers with understanding.
When we begin to olioofe a May-or for
his business qualifications rather than for
his political affiliations municipal irregulari
ties will automatically disappear.
Ii Is understood that If Henv.anv suc
ceeds in building a stable government II shall
provide no mount far' another Kaiser to ride
to the devil.
Tho Peace Conference will doubtless be
as full of disappointments and worries, as
the war It follows; but, like the war, it will
have a glorious end, with righteousness tri
umphant. Among the punishments1 suggested for
the Kaiser Is thai ho should be forced to read
the complete file of the Congressional
Ilecoid. -Cruel and unusual" as this may
be. It hardly flts the crime. Moreover. It
would Induce sleep when wakefulness should
be the Kai-er's portion.
What Do You Know?
QUI
What part of the t'nlletl Stales Is some
times called tho Old Dominion'.'
Who ranks the higher In tho Kngllsh
nohlllty. an earl or a marquis?
What Is ullage?
Who was the first Pieinler of Ilussla
following tha overthrow- of tho Czar"
What American President was known
as "The Last Cocked Hat"?
What is the eastern terminus of the
tians-Sibeiian railway?
How- many Federal reserve banks are
there in the United States?
'When was the Austrian Archduke Ferdi
nand nssasslnated at Sarajevo?'
What Is the fastest mile ever made by
a trotting horse?
What Is tho meaning of the Latin phrase'
"slnu qua non"?
Answer to Yesterdu' Quit
The superstition connected with St,
Swlthln's Day. which occurs on July
13, is that rain on that date means
forty continuous days of wet weather.
, The Princes Jttlaitds ate in the Sea of
Mai mora, Turkey, near tho mainland
of Asia Minor and lying 'about fifteen
miles southeast of Constantlnonle.
10.
Napoleon III was the son of Louis Bon-
aparte. btother of the gieat Napoleon,
A pasticcio Is a medley, especially a
musical composition or picture made
up from various sources.
Stephen A. Douglas, the .noted political
rival of Abraham Lincoln, was known
as the "Little Olant."
Paterson, N. .1., because of Us silk 'in-
uusirii-s. is unown as tho "Lyons of
America. '
An annulet is a small ring m u niiet
encircling u column.
Asslgnats was the name given to the
paper money Issued by the French
revolutionary government
The clavichord, the predecessor of the
plan... vviiB ihe first musica) liistnl-
tnent with a kevboam
JO,
The clerestory Is the part or a cathedril
wall w ll, a series of window? abbvW
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